Participants:
Series Code: TDY
Program Code: TDY018041A
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00:01 I want to spend my life
00:07 Mending broken people 00:12 I want to spend my life 00:18 Removing pain 00:23 Lord, let my words 00:29 Heal a heart that hurts 00:34 I want to spend my life 00:40 Mending broken people 00:45 I want to spend my life 00:51 Mending broken people 01:09 Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn 01:11 and we welcome you once again to 3ABN Today, 01:14 we're so glad that you've tuned in. 01:16 And I do want to say upfront, 01:19 today we will be introducing a new program 01:23 and we will be talking about purity, 01:26 sexual purity, if you will. 01:29 One thing that we know is that God's standard 01:33 is celibacy before marriage and monogamy after marriage. 01:37 If you feel your child may be a little too young 01:40 for this discussion 01:41 then, we believe 01:43 it's going to be tame and biblical, 01:46 but if you do not want your younger children to hear this, 01:50 you may want to take them out of the room. 01:53 Today, I have to go ahead before I do anything else 01:57 and introduce our guests. 01:59 And our guests are, 02:00 we have Jennifer Jill Schwirzer, 02:02 excuse me. 02:04 Jen, you are an author. 02:07 I think God has given you an amazing gift, 02:11 in the way, in which you express yourself. 02:14 Thank you. 02:15 You are beautiful soul and a strong Christian 02:18 and I love, every time you post or write anything, 02:23 I love to read what you've written. 02:25 God's given you great insight. 02:26 But you're also a musician, you have some CDs out. 02:31 But you are a licensed professional counselor. 02:35 And I think most people are, one of our, 02:38 the favorite programs on 3ABN is a Multitude of Counselors 02:42 which you have been hosting for couple of seasons. 02:44 We just want to thank you for all you do for the Lord. 02:47 Praise God. 02:49 It's great to be here and I enjoy my time at 3ABN. 02:51 So I'm glad to be here. Yeah. Thank you so much... 02:53 for everything you do. 02:54 Then we also have with us, Jason Bradley, 02:57 and he is Dare to Dream's assistant to the president. 03:03 Is that correct? To the general manager. 03:05 To the general manager. 03:06 Well, okay, we'll make her pres. 03:09 But... It sounds good. 03:10 Tell us who the general manager is. 03:12 That is a woman that I have known 03:15 for roughly 32 years now. 03:17 Coming up on 32 years, my mom. 03:20 And Dr. Yvonne Lewis-Shelton, I believe, 03:24 it is so amazing to see how God took a little seed 03:29 and when, boy, when your mom arrived, 03:32 that thing, the trajectory of Dare to Dream 03:34 has been incredible. 03:36 If you haven't watched it, you want to see Dare to Dream. 03:39 I want to read a scripture to you, 03:41 then we're going to go to a song 03:43 because once, I don't want to get started 03:44 and then break this up. 03:46 But let me read to you, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. 03:51 Paul is writing to the Corinthian church, 03:54 where there was quiet a bit, 03:58 it was a very problematic church, 04:00 they were coming out of a pagan background 04:03 where they had temple prostitution, 04:05 there were some bad things going on in Corinth. 04:08 So he is writing to this church, 04:11 and here's what his advice is in his instructions. 04:15 In 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. 04:18 "Flee sexual immorality. 04:22 Every sin that a man does is outside the body, 04:25 but he who commits sexual immorality 04:28 sins against his own body. 04:31 Or do you not know 04:32 that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit 04:35 who is in you, 04:36 whom you have from God, 04:39 and you are not your own? 04:41 For you were bought at a price. 04:45 Therefore glorify God in your body 04:48 and in your spirit, which are God's." 04:51 If you are not a Christian and you're tuning in, 04:54 the price that we were purchased with 04:58 is the precious life blood of Jesus Christ, 05:02 the son of God. 05:03 And that gives you great value. 05:05 You're worth nothing less than the price that He paid. 05:09 So we want you to stay tuned to hear 05:12 about this exciting new program. 05:14 It's gonna be groundbreaking really. 05:16 But stay tuned to hear about Intimate Clarity 05:20 and we will also be talking about God's ideal standard 05:24 and it is to give us the greatest pleasure. 05:28 It is what God designed for us. 05:31 But first, we've got our own president 05:34 and founder of 3ABN who will be singing for us, 05:38 this is Danny Shelton 05:40 and this is the song that he wrote, 05:43 and it's called "All my praise". 05:58 All my praise 06:03 I give you all my praise 06:11 That's all I have 06:15 To offer you 06:21 I now build a sanctuary 06:27 Deep within my heart 06:33 And all my praise 06:37 I offer up to you 06:45 I love you Lord 06:49 O, how I love you Lord 06:57 I bear my heart 07:01 And soul to you 07:08 I am an empty broken vessel 07:13 Filled with hurt and pain inside 07:18 Still I offer up 07:22 All my praise to you 07:31 Fill me, Lord 07:35 O, please fill me Lord 07:43 With your Holy Spirit 07:48 Fill me now 07:54 Before I long for your anointing 08:00 That I may work for you 08:06 Fill me Lord 08:09 Touch me Lord just now 08:17 All my praise 08:22 I give you all my praise 08:30 That's all I have 08:34 To offer you 08:40 I now build a sanctuary 08:46 So deep within my heart 08:52 All my praise 08:56 I offer up to you 09:02 All and all my praise 09:07 I offer up to you 09:22 Oh, thank you, Danny. 09:24 I love to hear Danny sing because he's a music minister. 09:30 He always ministers to me in a song. 09:33 Well, if you are just joining us, 09:35 our special guests today are Jennifer Jill Schwirzer 09:38 and Jason Bradley and we're very excited. 09:41 These two are co-host for a new program 09:44 that will be launching in July, 09:47 and that program is called Intimate Clarity. 09:52 Now, let me say this, Intimate Clarity 09:55 as I mentioned earlier, is a ground breaking series. 09:58 We will be touching on some topics, 10:00 we really not, Bible topics, 10:03 but we'll be touching on topics 10:06 that we have not discussed before 10:08 and let me tell you why. 10:11 If we don't understand the biblical perspective, 10:17 if we don't teach our children 10:20 the biblical perspective on sexuality, 10:24 the world will. 10:25 In fact, they have stolen the narrative because 10:29 there has been many generations that had been long silent 10:33 and children are growing up, they're curious, 10:36 they're confused about sex, 10:39 but what happens is in the vacuum, 10:43 the world comes in with its deviant behavior. 10:46 I want to share a story with you 10:48 and I wanted to share this directly 10:50 with the people at home because this is something 10:52 that really made an impact on me. 10:55 When we were in Houston, we were at a church, 10:59 this was before I became an Adventist 11:02 and it was a nondenominational church, 11:04 and I went to the pastor and said, 11:06 "We really need to do a program to teach 11:09 the benefits of virginity. 11:11 Why does God even ask us to remain chaste, 11:15 and teach this to our youth?" 11:17 He said, "Go for it." 11:18 So we began this program and I'll never forget, 11:22 as I am instructing and I got to Malachi 2:15, 11:26 that I was talking, which says that 11:28 one of the reasons God made us, one man or one, 11:33 the male and female as one, 11:35 is because He wanted godly offspring. 11:38 And as I was explaining that, 11:41 there was a little 12 year old girl, 11:43 who just broke down sobbing 11:46 and she started toward the back of the room, 11:49 then she began running and I ran out after her. 11:52 And I was talking with her, 11:54 her parents were regular members, 11:57 strong Christian family, sweet little child. 12:01 And you know what? 12:02 As I began to calm her down and talk to her, 12:05 what she said to me, 12:07 "I didn't know, I didn't know it, 12:11 I've already become sexually active 12:13 and I didn't know that I was supposed to be a virgin." 12:18 Wow! And you are saying, 12:20 child of God. 12:22 Is that not powerful? 12:24 And so I prayed with her, I explained, 12:27 God, we can confess this, 12:28 He will cleanse you of all unrighteous, 12:30 He can make you a spiritual virgin once again. 12:34 But once you had that experience, 12:37 there is a certain... 12:39 I mean, you can't go back physically, can you? 12:42 So let's just explain 12:46 a little about Intimate Clarity. 12:48 Now this is a program, we have a tagline for it. 12:50 Intimate Clarity will be a program that we say, 12:55 it's a tough topic, 12:56 but it's a conversation we need to have. 12:59 Absolutely! 13:01 And it is not age appropriate for younger children, 13:04 so we do have a disclaimer on this program, 13:07 but it is something that even I know 13:10 that I learned some things 13:12 as we've been going through this from you. 13:14 Me too. Me too. 13:16 So tell us first, let's just kind of set up the program, 13:20 what the format is 13:24 and let's talk about the content, just a little. 13:27 Can I start with the thought 13:29 that follows the thought that you just... 13:30 Oh, absolutely. 13:32 So I just want to say that there is kind of two extremes, 13:33 one extreme is too much information for kids too young. 13:37 And I think a lot of conservative Christians 13:39 are coming from that place. 13:40 They see how the world just over exposes kids. 13:42 I, as a counselor, 13:44 if I hear that a parent is letting a child view 13:47 R rated content, I will call that parent out 13:49 and say, "You know, that's a form of abuse 13:52 to put that in front of your child." 13:54 So too much information is an issue, 13:57 but there is another extreme 13:59 and that's not enough information 14:00 and we're because for mostly ministering 14:03 to a conservative Christian audience, 14:05 we affirm that the too much information 14:06 approach is a problem, but we also want to say, 14:10 not enough information is a problem as well. 14:12 And we want to equip parents 14:14 to be able to instruct their children. 14:16 So I just want to make that point. 14:17 Absolutely. And let's talk about... 14:20 I want to show you a picture of the set 14:22 because we're really excited about this new set. 14:24 It is bright and it's airy and we did this on purpose 14:27 because with a lot of light 14:29 because God created us 14:35 in such a way that He created us, 14:37 He is the author of marriage and He created us with, 14:41 we'll talk about brain chemistry 14:42 in just a moment. 14:44 But He created us to enjoy a intimate physical bonding, 14:50 a sexual intimacy in the context of marriage. 14:54 Of a relationship, bonded, lasting relationship. 14:56 Of this bonded relationship that would bring us much joy. 15:00 As a matter of fact, you know, that the word Eden, 15:02 Garden of Eden actually in the Hebrew means pleasure, 15:05 the garden of pleasure. 15:07 Wow! No, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. 15:08 That's pretty radical right there. 15:09 It is when you think about it. 15:11 And He created marriage there. Yeah. 15:14 But so we don't want to you know, 15:16 sometimes I was talking with a lot of younger people 15:19 and I say, younger in 25 to 35 year range, 15:22 and I was shocked when they were up, 15:25 when I ask, "How did your parents 15:27 discuss this with you?" 15:28 They never told me anything. 15:30 And a lot of people said, 15:31 they've learned everything that they knew 15:33 from the world's deviant 15:37 twisted distorted picture of it. 15:39 Some came away with the idea... 15:41 Tragic, yeah. It's a dirty act. 15:43 And that's tragic as well. 15:45 You know, I solve that problem 15:47 in a really straight forward way. 15:49 I learned sex education in the wrong way. 15:51 Well, not totally the wrong way, 15:53 but through public school and I remember sitting there, 15:56 listening and getting overwhelmed with the content 15:59 'cause it wasn't put in any kind of 16:01 moral or spiritual context. 16:02 I remember they started talking about abortion 16:04 and I got so overwhelmed and viscerally I got sick, 16:08 basically I was 16 years old, 16:10 I ended up with my head on my mom's lap. 16:13 So I went through that and then as a Christian parent now, 16:15 Bible believing, a follower of Jesus, 16:17 thought about raising my own kids and I thought, 16:19 well, I don't know quite how to do this, 16:21 but I am just gonna read them the Bible stories 16:23 or tell them every single Bible story 16:25 all the way through the Bible. 16:26 So I started with Genesis 16:27 and went straight through the Bible 16:29 and just kind of read the stories myself 16:31 and then paraphrase them for my kids. 16:33 But isn't the Bible a Victorian, doctor? 16:35 No, the Bible is not Victorian at all. 16:38 It gives you stories in the Bible. 16:40 But the difference between those things 16:44 put in the context of the biblical narrative 16:46 and what we see in the world is that the world glorifies sin. 16:50 It says, look at this wonderful thing 16:52 and there is no consequences, it basically lies to children 16:55 and to adults about 16:56 whether these things have consequences or not. 16:59 And in the biblical narrative, 17:00 you see the consequences right there. 17:02 Amen. 17:03 And you see the sadness and the tragedy that accompany 17:06 going outside of God's plan. 17:08 So I would just read the stories to my kids, 17:10 tell the stories to my kids and they would ask me questions 17:12 like, "Mom, what's a harlot?" 17:15 And I give them an age appropriate answer, 17:17 not too much information, 17:19 but enough to where they understood 17:21 essentially what that was, that's how I taught them 17:24 about sexuality in the context of biblical narrative. 17:28 You know what, as a person without kids, 17:29 I don't have kids, but and I'm not married, 17:32 but, you know, when I do get married 17:35 and if God does bless me with children, 17:37 I am gonna have that talk with them 17:39 because as a parent, you know, 17:41 you have that responsibility. 17:43 You know, the Bible says, "Train up a child 17:44 the way he should go, and when he grows old 17:46 he won't depart from it." 17:47 Train up a child... 17:49 That includes teaching them about sex 17:50 and sexual immortality and God's plan for sex 17:56 within the confines of marriage between a man and a woman. 18:00 And so that, you have that responsibility 18:02 placed on you to educate your child 18:04 and with the world being as vocal as the world is, 18:08 you know, they're distorting the image, 18:10 perverting the image of sex and glorifying, 18:15 like you said, sexual immortality. 18:17 And also, you know, 18:18 on this different television shows 18:20 and stuff like that, they're giving false, 18:26 if you were like building, 18:28 predicating your marriage on false pretenses. 18:30 Yes. That's right. 18:31 And what I mean by that is straight physical 18:34 or sexual in nature, 18:36 when there has to be more to a marriage 18:39 for it to be sustainable, you know. 18:43 You guys need to be looking towards Christ, 18:46 growing towards Christ, it's like a triangle, you know, 18:49 you both grow closer to Christ and then you end up 18:52 closer together as a result of it. 18:54 You know, the message the world put across, 18:57 it's very most tame is follow your heart 19:00 as regards romantic relationships. 19:03 It gets worst than that, but that's, it's most tame. 19:06 And really, the biblical message 19:08 is follow God's heart. 19:09 Amen. 19:10 Because we follow our own hearts, 19:12 they're gonna lead us astray 19:13 'cause the heart is deceitful above all things, 19:14 desperately wicked, who can know it. 19:16 But if you follow the heart of God, 19:18 He will meet our emotional needs 19:20 and that's the thing is that biblical approach 19:23 to morality is often been conveyed as restrictive 19:26 and narrow and God is really a pleasure, 19:30 you know, against pleasure in some strange way. 19:32 Really what God wants us is, add His right hand or pleasures 19:36 for ever more. 19:38 In other words, lasting pleasure, 19:39 God wants you not to have less pleasure, 19:41 but more pleasure. 19:42 So often, Christians are at fault 19:43 for presenting sexuality in such a way 19:45 that it's so restrictive, 19:47 rather than opening up the beauty of God's plan. 19:50 You know, and I want to get into the brain chemistry here, 19:52 but I have to say because 19:54 I so appreciate the way in which 19:57 my mother reared me similar to 19:59 what yours was or what your approach was. 20:02 But, what she told me from the time 20:04 as a little-bitty girl was, if you hear anything in school, 20:09 if the kids are talking about sex, which they do... 20:13 That's right. Even in Christian schools. 20:14 Oh, yeah. That's right. 20:16 Don't think that they don't. They talk to me about it. 20:17 That she would say, "Honey, kids, 20:20 a lot of times get things wrong, 20:22 so you come and ask me, and mama will explain it to you 20:26 and tell you what's right." 20:27 She never made me feel bad about any question 20:31 that I asked her. 20:32 That's great. 20:33 You know, it's interesting because sometimes 20:35 I'll ask her a question which you would think 20:37 would lead to the next one, she would, 20:39 and she told me later, she said, "Your Dad says, 20:41 not be prepared for ups what's following." 20:43 But it was like, "Oh, okay." 20:45 She satisfied my curiosity, now I understand what, 20:48 you know, these kids had it wrong. 20:50 Kids are naturally curious and confused. 20:52 I have never really understood why parents feel so awkward 20:57 when their kids ask those questions. 20:59 It sounds like your mom was just like ready 21:01 for whatever came, that's kind of how I was. 21:03 This is not something to be ashamed of, it's not dirty, 21:07 it's not unmentionable 21:08 or the Bible wouldn't mention it. 21:09 As much as it does. Exactly. 21:12 So I just figured God doesn't want me 21:15 to be embarrassed or ashamed of this thing 21:16 and He doesn't want me to be afraid to talk to those 21:19 that need my guidance 21:20 and influence about it, my children. 21:23 Okay, so let's just jump to this one point first. 21:26 I want to establish this as the beginning. 21:29 When God created man, male and female, 21:33 He created them and He saw that it was good, very good. 21:36 He instituted marriage in the Garden of pleasure, 21:39 the Garden of Eden. 21:40 Amen. He instituted marriage. 21:43 And he obviously created in such a way 21:47 that there would be some great bonding enjoyment. 21:51 That's right. 21:52 Explain to us how God created our brain chemistry, 21:55 why would He say be celibate before marriage and monogamous 22:01 after marriage and you'll find the greatest pleasure. 22:04 I mean, I could share a few things, 22:06 but let me just share one. 22:07 As I've studied neuroscience, I've just seen God's plan jump 22:10 out at me again and again and again, 22:12 not just in the positive but in the negative, 22:14 when things go wrong, 22:16 when you go outside of God's plan, 22:17 that's really a testimony of His plan. 22:20 And so I've seen it over and over again 22:21 as I've studied what happens 22:23 neurologically in sexual intimacy. 22:27 This is really your, you know, primary place that 22:30 that all takes place, it's in the brain. 22:32 So there's a neurotransmitter called dopamine, 22:37 if you know that heroin is an opiate drug, right? 22:41 So we talk about heroin addiction 22:43 and there's like a pandemic heroin addiction 22:45 going on in our country right now, 22:46 it's a terrible thing. 22:48 So these are highly addictive substances, 22:50 but the reality is that your brain 22:53 makes those substances and it's possible 22:56 to become addicted to naturally occurring opiates, 23:00 II dopamine, notice the opa in both of those things. 23:04 So you have an inner heroin basically. 23:07 And that inner heroin comes out 23:10 in a sexual encounter. 23:12 And I want to be careful how I word this, 23:14 but there's another chemical that the body produces 23:18 called oxytocin, and oxytocin is a bonding hormone 23:23 and there are also large amounts of that, 23:25 that come, you know, 23:26 into the body in a sexual encounter. 23:29 But there's going to be more of that oxytocin 23:32 in an actual committed bonded relationship 23:36 than there is going to be in a casual encounter 23:41 with a virtual stranger, such as we see in the world. 23:43 So you're going to have that pleasure neurotransmitter 23:46 in your brain because sex is pleasurable 23:48 that's why it's so addictive, that's why we talk about it 23:52 and obsess over like we do in the world 23:54 but also you're going to have in a bonded relationship 23:57 high levels of oxytocin. 23:59 Well, guess what happens, you experience that pleasure 24:02 in a bonded relationship but because 24:04 you have the oxytocin present, 24:06 you experience the pleasure for longer periods of time 24:09 and this is scientific data. 24:11 You get more out of that dopamine 24:13 when you have oxytocin present. 24:16 And then doesn't something happen that kind of imprints, 24:18 I mean, I've always said that anytime you have 24:22 that kind of encounter with any person, 24:24 even in a casual way, it's almost like 24:26 there's becomes a soul bond, 24:29 there's an imprint that you need to even 24:31 if you've been promiscuous, you need to pray about that 24:35 even before you marry. 24:36 But what happens between a husband and a wife? 24:40 Well, ideally in God's plan, 24:42 that first sexual encounter happens 24:44 within marriage to the person you are committed to 24:47 and because of that flood of oxytocin 24:49 and other brain chemicals, 24:51 there's this imprinting process. 24:53 Our first sexual encounter is very powerful to form at us 24:58 and create in us appetites 25:00 or attractions to certain things. 25:02 So that works against us 25:03 if our first encounter is something immoral. 25:07 You know, we will have an inclination toward that 25:10 even in the future and it's a temptation 25:12 will have to overcome as we try to straighten that out 25:15 and follow Jesus. 25:16 But according to God's plan, 25:18 the formatting experience happens with your first 25:22 sexual encounter within marriage, 25:24 and one of the beautiful byproducts of that 25:26 is the husband, 25:29 the attractiveness of the wife is increased 25:32 because of the high levels of oxytocin. 25:35 And effectively what happens is she imprints on him 25:38 and she becomes his standard of beauty. 25:40 And he sees all beauty, you know, face it, you know, 25:43 not every woman is as beautiful as every other woman. 25:46 There are some women that fit that ideal of beauty better 25:48 in the technical sense, but in the subjective sense 25:52 that man will see his wife, if he follows God's plan, 25:55 will often see his wife as the most beautiful creature 25:58 in all the world. 26:00 That's precious. And that's awesome. 26:01 You mentioned the word temptation 26:04 and I just thought about how good God 26:06 is if you look at 1 Corinthians 10:13, 26:12 it says, "No temptation has overtaken you except 26:15 such as is common to men but God is faithful, 26:18 who will not allow you to be tempted 26:20 beyond what you are able, but with the temptation 26:24 will also make the way of escape, 26:26 that you may be able to bear it." 26:28 God will always provide a way of escape in the event 26:32 that you are tempted, that you face temptation, 26:35 there is a way of escape. 26:37 In other words, God's plan is attainable. 26:40 It's not that He's put something in front of us, 26:43 that is so difficult that only the toughest 26:46 in the strongest of us can possibly, 26:49 you know, grit our teeth and achieve it. 26:51 He said to Saul before he became Paul, 26:54 it's hard for you, this is hard for you, 26:56 as you know Saul pursued his rebellious course, 26:58 this is hard for you. 27:00 The world's way is hard, 27:01 there are warnings not to go on, 27:03 there are consequences that make life painful. 27:05 Talk about some of those dire consequences. 27:08 Okay, I'll give you another example 27:09 and this ties in with what we're saying 27:10 about brain chemistry. 27:13 What they've done is they've measured 27:14 the amount of something called prolactin 27:17 in the brains of individuals who have one of two kinds 27:21 of sexual experiences, 27:22 one is bonded sexual experience, 27:25 and the other is what they call self sex. 27:28 I'm not going to use the proper term 27:29 for that given our, potentially our audience, 27:31 but let's say solo sex, sex that happens alone. 27:35 Okay. Okay. 27:37 Obviously it's God's plan that sex is designed to bond 27:41 two people together in lifelong love and commitment, 27:44 that's what it's for, it's not designed by God 27:47 to happen on a solo level. 27:48 We end up bonding with ourselves in a way 27:50 that is unhealthy, 27:51 so a lot of shame involved in that, 27:53 and that is not God's plan. 27:55 So they've measured the prolactin levels. 27:57 So what's prolactin? 27:58 Prolactin is that hormone in your brain that gives you 28:01 that sense of satisfaction, nursing, sexual encounter 28:07 that sense of satisfaction, I don't need anything else 28:10 in the whole world, I'm so satisfied right now 28:12 here with the one that I love, 28:13 that's what God designed that for. 28:15 They've measured the levels of it 28:17 within a bonded relationship and they've compared 28:20 that with the levels in solo sex, 28:24 and it's 400% higher in the bond relationships. 28:28 So the point is, that when it happens 28:30 outside of God's plan, 28:31 there's not as much satisfaction 28:33 and, you know, what does that mean, 28:35 you end up craving more 28:37 and try to get that satisfaction 28:39 from more of the same and you end up 28:40 on a path to addiction. 28:42 Not to mention, STD's that can take... 28:46 that you can get pregnancy out of wedlock, 28:52 you know, all those things. 28:55 I forget what the statistics are but, you know, 28:57 if somebody in high school or something gets pregnant 29:00 out of wedlock, chances are they're going to be, 29:04 like in poverty because they're not going to be able 29:08 to sustain themselves and the baby 29:12 and go off to college 29:14 and do what they need to do to make it. 29:16 But isn't there like an emotional... 29:17 I was going to say the same thing. 29:19 It's like there we, you know, we talk about 29:21 the financial consequences, the physical consequences, 29:24 sexually transmitted diseases and so forth, 29:26 but there are emotional and psychological. 29:29 There was one study that showed that even a crush, 29:32 I don't want to do many one here 29:34 because we've all had crushes, 29:36 but even a high school crush 29:38 can lead to a longstanding depression. 29:41 So think about how high school relationships, 29:44 sexual relationships could set a person up 29:46 for a long standing, you know, any of us are cautionary tales. 29:49 And then even when you get married, I mean, 29:51 let's say that, J, let's say that you married a woman, 29:56 who you knew had been around the block a number of times. 30:02 Yes. 30:03 Would you ever feel in your mind, 30:06 whether it is the husband or the wife that 30:09 maybe you're being compared to something else 30:13 that are you as satisfactory a partner as others. 30:19 And there's all of these things that creates 30:21 jealousy, suspicion, I mean, 30:24 there are long lasting emotional impacts... 30:28 That's right. From those kind of acts. 30:32 We have to kind of strike a balance 30:33 because we want to put, we've run up against this 30:36 over and over in our program. 30:37 So we wanna put the ideal where it belongs. 30:40 You know, God designed us a certain way 30:43 and He created certain specifications 30:45 for how sexuality plays out in human experience. 30:49 When we go outside of those boundaries, 30:51 we reap the consequences and it's very unfortunate. 30:55 We believe in the God is the Creator, 30:57 we also believe He's the Redeemer. 30:59 Amen. 31:00 And we have biblical examples of individuals 31:02 who are way outside of God's boundaries 31:05 that recovered from it. 31:07 And I wrestle with this with young people, 31:09 sometimes I have couples, 31:10 one is a little more experienced 31:12 and has made more mistakes than the other, 31:14 and I try to introduce them, I try to gauge 31:17 the level of repentance and how clean 31:19 or break that individual has made 31:22 with their old life, so to speak. 31:24 And, you know, the Bible says repentance is a gift, 31:26 so we can generate it within ourselves. 31:27 But I ask myself, "Have they received 31:30 that gift of repentance?" 31:31 And repentance, you know, John the Baptist said, 31:33 "Lay the axe to the root of the tree," 31:35 he was the one calling the people to repentance 31:37 in preparation for them. 31:38 So repentance has the effect of cutting the tithes, 31:42 cutting our tithes with the world 31:43 and we develop a negative association with sin, 31:46 that's a miracle of God. 31:48 Amen. 31:49 So when that's severing takes place, 31:50 I try to gauge that, 31:52 and if that is taken place in that person, 31:53 I encourage the one that has a better track record 31:57 so to speak, you know what, 31:59 we believe in radical grace here. 32:01 Amen. 32:02 This person has made a clean break 32:03 and they potentially because now 32:05 they're partaking of the grace of God, 32:07 they've cut the tithes with the old world, 32:09 they could become a more faithful partner 32:11 through the Holy Spirit and through the grace of God 32:13 then even someone who wasn't as experienced as they were. 32:16 You know, it's just like we began talking about 32:18 this from 12 year old girl, whose parents had no idea 32:21 and they not trained her up. 32:22 It's, 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, 32:26 He is faithful and just give us our sins," not only that, 32:30 "to cleanse us of all unrighteousness." 32:32 So please, I'm not setting myself up as a saint here 32:36 and I don't think any of us are, 32:38 we all make mistakes and we don't mean to do this 32:43 in any condemnatory fashion 32:46 because God is the great redeemer. 32:48 Well, let's talk a little bit more about Intimate Clarity. 32:52 You did not use the word for self sex, 32:57 but on Intimate Clarity we do. 32:58 We do. 32:59 We use some medical terms, 33:02 we're talking about some tough topics. 33:04 We are. 33:06 And you can't really address the tough topics adequately 33:09 if you don't use some medical terminology as you say, 33:13 so we really had to walk a fine line. 33:15 It was challenging, I'll be honest, 33:17 it was challenging for me 'cause, you know, 33:18 I'm a social scientist and I read studies 33:21 and I just choose the medical terminology, 33:23 this is this, this is this, this is this, 33:25 just is, you know. 33:26 But I realize that there's a viewing audience 33:29 and they have certain parameters and needs, 33:32 and so I'm trying to be sensitive to that 33:34 because it's so important that we communicate 33:36 the essence of what we're trying to say. 33:39 So I'm trying to package in a way that they... 33:40 So we did it in such a way that it would be current 33:45 so that people would understand what we're talking about, 33:48 instead of saying self sex or self-abuse, 33:51 we use the medical term. 33:52 But tell us about... 33:55 J, let me just touch on you, 33:58 tell us about some of the topics 34:00 in were you comfortable or uncomfortable 34:03 as you were discussing these? 34:05 I was comfortable to be honest I mean... 34:08 You weren't always comfortable most of the time. 34:09 I was comfortable with it, I mean... 34:11 But there was a couple things. 34:12 There was a time when I left the church 34:14 from age 14 to about 28, so there was like 14 years 34:19 where I was outside of the church, 34:21 and with the way that the topics were discussed, 34:24 the way it was done in a very tasteful manner, 34:27 it was a done in a very educational 34:29 and informative way. 34:31 Now some of the statistics, 34:34 now, that's when I was shocked by with some of the statistics. 34:36 It wasn't the way I said it, it was what I said. 34:38 Not the material necessarily that was covered, 34:41 but some of the statistics 34:42 that you shared were I mean, amazing. 34:44 Okay. Shocking. 34:46 Let me ask you something, if you were out 14 to 28, 34:49 obviously a lot of your sex education 34:51 came from the world. 34:53 Yes. 34:54 God has done, you know, once again we're talking 34:56 about trajectories here. 34:58 We watch this young man 35:00 who just came here on fire for God 35:03 but fair to say, you were still a babe in Christ. 35:06 And we've just watched you just... 35:09 Because you study in the Word of God constantly, 35:13 you are, I believe God's 35:15 got an anointing on you to preach 35:17 because sometimes when God touches him, 35:20 what comes out of his mouth is incredible. 35:23 But how, as God has reprogrammed you 35:28 'cause I know right now, 35:29 you're dating with hopes of marriage 35:33 and you were very specific 35:35 in wanting God's ideal plan in your life, 35:38 talk to us about that? 35:40 Well, you know, it comes from experience too, 35:43 you know, I realized that what God has for us 35:47 is way better than anything 35:49 that we could have for ourselves. 35:51 And so, I've seen how things go, 35:54 when I take matters into my own hands 35:56 and I do my own thing, it's a failure. 36:00 Heartache and disappointment. 36:01 Heartache, disappointment leads to problems, 36:04 and trials, and tribulations, and all that stuff, 36:06 but God's plan is, it's perfect. 36:10 And so I truly want His will for my life. 36:14 And what I found is that, 36:16 God wants to give you the victory over things 36:19 that you're struggling with, 36:20 anything that you're struggling with you can take it to God, 36:23 you can pray and say, "God, look, 36:25 you know, I don't even want to change, 36:27 I need You to input that desire into my heart 36:31 to make me want to change and help. 36:36 Please relieve me of this bondage 36:39 of this captivity." 36:40 Whatever it may be, it could be substance abuse, 36:42 it could be sexual immorality, 36:44 it could be a number of things, whatever it is, 36:47 God will help you get over that. 36:50 And I've seen Him work in my own life 36:53 over these 14 years coming back to Him, 36:56 you know, being raised in the church, 36:57 my mom raised me in the church 36:59 and so I knew what I was missing, 37:03 I had a sense of emptiness 37:05 and I knew that the only one 37:07 that could fill that void was Jesus. 37:09 And so coming back to Him and it wasn't like, 37:13 I didn't feel like giving stuff up was a burden, 37:18 you know, it was about my love for Christ 37:21 and when you love somebody, 37:25 you don't want to hurt that person. 37:26 His commands are not grievous. 37:27 No, no. 37:29 And, you know, what you just said earlier 37:31 'cause some people will say, 37:33 "What do you mean, repentance is a gift." 37:35 What you're saying, I tell people, 37:36 you know, Jesus said 37:37 "Blessed are if you hunger and thirst for righteousness." 37:40 We don't always hunger and thirst for righteousness, 37:42 but you did it right. 37:43 You go to Him and say, "Lord, cause me to hunger 37:46 and thirst for righteousness." 37:48 And suddenly, He makes you 37:50 start hating the things you once loved, 37:52 and loving the things you once hated, 37:54 and He puts that hunger and thirst in righteousness. 37:57 And I always... 37:58 Please, listen to me, 38:00 confession is the clearinghouse of the conscience. 38:02 So when we go before the Lord and confess our sins, 38:06 also pray, Acts 5:32, I believe it is, 38:09 says that, He is the one who gives us repentance. 38:15 So pray and say, "Lord, give me repentance," 38:19 and that just means, turn me around, Father, 38:22 it's more than just confessing our sins, 38:24 turn me away from this to you," and God will. 38:29 Yeah. It's amazing. 38:31 That's beautiful. That's beautiful. 38:32 So what are some of the topics... 38:35 Go ahead. I don't... 38:36 Twenty-six programs and we're gonna, 38:40 we're addressing everything across the spectrum, 38:43 we're not only talking about purity before marriage, 38:47 married love, we're talking about, 38:50 we're taking on homosexuality, transgenderism, 38:52 we're taking on pornography, everything. 38:56 Sexual abuse. Yup. 38:57 Abuse, how to recover from abuse, 38:59 we're talking of, you know... 39:01 Adultery, how to recover from adultery. 39:02 Yeah, we've got one on that. 39:04 We got just about everything I could possibly think of. 39:06 And I know what'll happen is we'll do all 26 of these, 39:09 they'll get out there and then people be, 39:11 "What about this?" 39:12 and we'll probably have to come back and do more, 39:14 but I tried to hit everything. 39:15 And, you know what, it's done in love to... 39:18 Amen. It's done in love. 39:19 It's not, yeah, 39:21 we're not condemning anybody or anything like that. 39:22 Hitting people over the head 39:24 because they've already been hit over the head 39:25 by the consequences, 39:27 and they've already been hit over the head 39:28 by their own conscience, 39:30 and sometimes by church members that are well meaning 39:32 but don't deliver it in love 39:34 and so we're trying to put everything 39:35 in a very grace centered way, 39:37 including some of these politicized issues, 39:40 which are very difficult to address, 39:42 but we lose something 39:43 when we become overly political about them 39:45 because there are actual people involved 39:48 in these things 39:49 that people that Jesus died for. 39:51 And that we, as followers of Jesus 39:53 are called to minister to, 39:54 so we try to bring that out 39:56 with each one of these programs. 39:57 You know, something that's important for me 39:58 to explain to our audience is this, 40:01 I remember when we first started airing 40:02 Cheri Peters program, 40:04 "Celebrating Life to Recovery," 40:06 had a precious little lady called me from California, 40:09 and she said, "Honey, why would you 40:12 put this kind of stuff on 3ABN?" 40:16 And I told her, "We're not just preaching to the choir here, 40:19 we're trying to reach those who are wounded, 40:23 the brokenhearted people of the world, 40:25 the people who are trapped in this." 40:27 And then she made the cutest comment to me, 40:29 she said, "Well, honey, 40:31 couldn't you do it instead of Cheri, 40:34 'cause she was having trouble 40:35 with some of Cheri's terminology. 40:37 She is, yeah. 40:38 And, you know what I said, 40:39 I said, "You know what, I could do it. 40:42 Yes indeed I could." 40:43 And I said, "You and your little prayer group," 40:46 'cause she was calling on behalf of her prayer group 40:48 and they were all in their late 70s, early 80s, 40:51 and I said, "Y'all might like it better." 40:53 But guess what? 40:54 Nobody we're trying to reach would it touch, 40:58 some of the street language that Cheri uses 41:03 is what attracts people to watch it, 41:05 they identify with that. 41:07 So let me say this before you call me 41:09 because people are, I know that. 41:12 I know I'm going to get some phone calls. 41:14 People will say, "Why as program developer, 41:17 why as the producer, 41:19 why would you put such things on the air? 41:22 As I said, number one, 41:24 this is not an age appropriate for young children, 41:28 we'll let you watch decide what age, but... 41:32 And also some of the programs are a little more... 41:35 Mild. Than others. 41:36 Yes. So. 41:38 And they will be available on YouTube 41:41 and we're trying to reach some people. 41:43 But here's what I'm saying, even within the church, 41:47 why do the church members need to see this? 41:49 Because as I said, we've been long silent 41:51 we're letting the world educate our children, 41:55 but the other is that we sometimes argue a point, 42:00 let's say about homosexuality, from a couple of few scriptures 42:04 and we don't have the science that backs it up. 42:08 In our own Adventists Universities, 42:12 acceptance of gay lifestyle, 42:14 gay marriage has gone in the last 60 years 42:19 from something in the high 20s, low 30% 42:23 to getting up there to where majority of people think... 42:27 Student body. 42:29 Of student body, think it is an acceptable lifestyle. 42:33 See, what we need to do 42:36 is show what even the world 42:39 knows about the pain of this lifestyle, the damage of. 42:42 I'll tell you something, it's challenging to do that 42:45 because there's a lot of controversy 42:48 even in the scientific realm. 42:50 Someone will produce a study 42:52 for instance on same sex parents 42:54 and the children of same sex parents 42:56 that says, everything is hunky dory, 42:57 everything's fine. 42:59 Another study will come out 43:00 and say, no there's problems here. 43:02 Overall, you know, same sex parenting, 43:03 there are problems in the children, 43:05 so and I'm not saying, 43:06 you know, which one I agree with, 43:07 I'm just saying that there's a war 43:09 even in the scientific realm. 43:11 It's difficult to find research that reveals, 43:14 you know, biblical facts. 43:16 And so, you know, 43:17 then it coincides with the scripture, 43:20 that's mostly funded by the Catholic Church by the way, 43:22 and also on bringing young university, 43:25 the Mormon University in out west. 43:27 So it's difficult to find that research, 43:31 it exists, it's there, 43:33 but what will happen is, as soon as it comes out, 43:35 it's tagged by the media as right wing 43:40 and extreme and, you know, fake news kind of stuff. 43:44 And so it can be really challenging in that world 43:47 to even substantiate things, 43:49 but the data is there, and it's very interesting, 43:51 I don't know how much time I have to talk. 43:52 Okay, so for instance, 43:55 gay population really wants to appear to be fine 44:00 because they want to sell the idea 44:02 of same sex marriage to the public. 44:06 So they have an incentive not to reveal 44:08 what's really going on, but then what happens is, 44:12 they can't get the insurance coverage, 44:15 they can't get the social programs, 44:17 they don't get the help that heterosexual people give, 44:20 and I'll give you an example, as same sex couple, 44:23 there's a lot of violence, 44:25 particularly in male same sex couples, 44:26 a lot of domestic violence 44:28 because you got two men in the same relationship 44:30 and 95% of domestic violence in a heterosexual relationship 44:33 is perpetrated by the male, 44:34 so just men have more testosterone, 44:36 they tend to be more physically aggressive. 44:38 So you have a lot of that issue in same sex male couples, 44:42 and those people need help, I'm not saying they don't. 44:44 But what happens is they try to go to a shelter, 44:46 and shelters don't allow men. 44:48 So now they're having to have a whole separate shelter 44:51 for gay individuals that are being perpetrated 44:53 on domestic violence. 44:55 So in order to get that, 44:57 they have to reveal what's going on in their community 45:00 and they're starting to come out now 45:01 because there's an environment of acceptance in our society, 45:04 they're starting to admit 45:05 what's really going on behind the scenes 45:08 and some of the strongest evidence 45:10 is coming from the community itself. 45:12 And, you know, there was a time 45:14 when the American Psychological Association, 45:17 this was or not maybe it's not the MBA, 45:20 but in the medical books, 45:22 it was considered a disorder or... 45:25 1973, it was 45:26 in the American Psychiatric Association's diagnostic manual 45:30 until 1973, it was taken out. 45:32 And then gender, it was called Gender Identity Disorder 45:37 was just revised and I think it was 2013... 45:40 That would be transgender. 45:41 Well, what we call transgender, someone who is a man, 45:43 and thinks he's a woman or as a woman 45:45 and thinks she's a man, 45:46 it was called Gender Identity Disorder. 45:48 And they believe they revised in 2013, 45:51 it might even 2015, anyway they came out with the DSM 5, 45:55 and the DSM 5 had changed it to Gender Dysphoria 45:59 or Gender Dysphoric disorder. 46:02 Okay, what they were trying to do 46:03 was keep it in the diagnostic manual 46:05 'cause without a diagnosis, 46:07 you can't get the hormone treatment, 46:08 you can't get insurance coverage 46:09 for the hormone treatments 46:11 and potentially for surgery if that's what you want to do. 46:14 So in order to keep it in the manual, 46:16 they had to reframe it 46:18 and so they call it Gender Dysphoria, 46:20 meaning that the thing that's pathological about it 46:23 is the dysphoria you feel. 46:26 You should feel okay 46:28 about being a man and wanting to be a woman, 46:30 that should be, that's healthy. 46:31 I see what you're saying. 46:33 But it's unhealthy to feel you're disturbed, it distracts. 46:35 That's what they're saying, we're not saying. 46:36 No, we're not saying, I'm trying to put across. 46:39 Right. Exactly. 46:41 And I just, I want to put this out here, 46:42 just because it hit me. 46:44 I was... 46:46 I like to read medical journals, 46:48 I don't always hang on to everything that I read, 46:50 but I do recall about a year ago, 46:54 I read an article that was being 46:56 put forth by the American Psychiatric Association 47:00 saying that there are many 47:01 who are beginning to think that pedophilia is normal, 47:05 you know, the young and the old together. 47:08 Also, that more recently six to eight months ago, 47:13 I read something that was in attempt to say, 47:18 maybe incestral relations were normal. 47:21 Do we see what's coming? 47:23 What's coming? Well, in 2007... It's scary. 47:26 It's been done in Europe for years, 47:27 but in 2007 when a child identified as the opposite sex, 47:32 we started to allow them, the Boston Children's hospitals 47:35 began to give them puberty suppressing hormones, 47:37 so they would have a window of time 47:39 where they could decide which sex they wanted to be, 47:41 that started 2007. 47:43 So I don't see how, 47:44 we've always said, no, we can't, 47:46 you know, the man-boy love, that's wrong, 47:48 we know that's wrong because that child isn't of age, 47:50 they can't make a responsible decision being that young. 47:53 But you're letting children now decide 47:56 which sex they're gonna be, 47:57 I don't know why it wouldn't follow 47:58 that you would let children decide 48:00 which sex partner they want to have, see. 48:02 Yeah, it's scary. It is scary. 48:04 Scary and we're not again, 48:05 we're not promulgating this idea. 48:07 Not at all, we're concerned about it, 48:09 and that's why I'm expressing it. 48:10 I feel that sometimes people in a Christian community 48:13 don't really realize what's going on out there 48:15 and we're dealing with a major moral crisis 48:18 in our society today 48:20 and it's become a political crisis, 48:22 we're so fractioned, 48:24 and we're so polemic and polarized, 48:27 but we need to approach this thing in love. 48:29 And I think approaching it in love is key 48:31 because if we approach it in an equally politicized fashion, 48:34 we're just going to drive the opposition further away. 48:36 And you can't, you know, I always tell somebody, 48:38 you cannot beat somebody over the head with a violin 48:41 to convince them how beautiful the music is. 48:44 So you can't just take the Bible 48:46 or our quotes out of Ellen White writings 48:49 and beat people over the head 48:51 to convince them, it's beautiful. 48:52 It's got to be in the love of the Lord. 48:54 I will say one quick thing 48:56 because I know you've been to Israel. 48:58 No, I haven't. Yeah. Oh, you haven't. 49:00 That's the trip you've got to make. 49:01 Oh, take me, Shelley. Oh, let's go. 49:03 We've been there five times 49:05 and one thing that really astonished me 49:09 is they celebrate chastity, 49:15 they celebrate virginity, 49:17 this is a culture that holds the virgin up, 49:23 holds the virtuous woman up in an incredible manner. 49:27 We used to do that, look how far, 49:30 we have gone off the edge of a slippery slope. 49:35 Part of the reason though as we had a double standard, 49:37 the men wasn't so important, you know, 49:39 and so then there were these men and they were, 49:40 you know, seeking women 49:42 and eventually the women caved in, so it's really... 49:44 I mean, we want to make, that's a great point. 49:46 We want to fix that. 49:48 Because we believe that it is important, 49:49 equally important for a young man 49:51 to be a virgin as well. 49:53 All right, we are... 49:55 I just want to share one more time, 49:57 I don't think I ever finished describing it, 49:59 but this is the Intimate Clarity set 50:02 and there were reasons behind designing it this way. 50:06 We wanted it to be bright and airy to say, 50:09 this is not a topic that's to boot, 50:11 it is a conversation we need to have. 50:13 We need to have! Absolutely. 50:16 And also one thing that we thought was important 50:22 was that we have a middle aged married woman 50:25 with a young single man 50:27 to show you that it is something 50:32 that this is a conversation 50:33 that shouldn't be considered dirty, 50:37 it shouldn't be considered evil. 50:39 Everybody, no matter what demographic 50:41 needs to have this conversation. 50:43 That's a universal need. Absolutely. 50:45 But there will be a strong disclaimer on this program 50:48 saying that parents are cautioned, 50:51 you will not want your younger children 50:52 to watch it. 50:54 And, oh, I know what I wanted to tell you, we're pairing it. 50:57 It's a 15 minute program. 50:59 Unless, you're sitting there with the younger children 51:01 and you're explaining things, 51:02 so it's like, it may be appropriate 51:04 depending on the child, depending on the age. 51:06 And you probably want to watch it first 51:08 to make sure, you know. 51:09 You can find it on YouTube. 51:11 Yeah, but what we're going to do, 51:13 this is exciting 51:14 is we are pairing this in a half hour slot. 51:17 It's a 15 minute program 51:19 and we've got another new program coming up for youth, 51:23 I would say probably 15 to 25 is the main target group 51:28 and this is going to be called Raw Questions Relevant Answers. 51:33 So I'm not going to go into the detail, 51:35 perhaps that you are doing a new program. 51:37 Oh, sounds like they are. 51:39 I don't think they will. Okay. 51:40 They said, "We'll toss the tough ones to Jennifer." 51:43 Oh, thanks, guys. I appreciate that. 51:44 But anyway what we want to do 51:46 is we're going to come back in just a moment, 51:48 have a closing thought, 51:49 but we've got a news break 51:51 that we wanted to share with you 51:52 and we will be right back. |
Revised 2018-05-23