I want to spend my life
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mending broken people
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I want to spend my life
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removing pain
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Lord, let my words
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heal a heart that hurts
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I want to spend my life
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mending broken people
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I want to spend my life
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mending broken people
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Hello and welcome to
3ABN Today. I'm CA Murray, and
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thank you once again
for sharing your day with
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us. This is a very
special program-a very
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special day. We are
happy to have Steve Wohlberg
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with us who is the
speaker director for White Horse
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Media, a ministry that
does print work, it does
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television work, it does
radio work... He's a very
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busy man, and perhaps
that is one of the reasons
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why he's here today-
to give us a very special
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testimony. So, let me
encourage you even now.
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Here's- this is a
program you want to listen to
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very carefully. You
may want to take notes, but
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you do want to listen
very carefully, particularly
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if you've ever suffered
from depression, a mental
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attack of the
enemy, or someone you may
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know that falls
into that category. Steve
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is going to talk about
a time in his life, in the
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not-too-distant past
where-and we can call
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it assailed by the
enemy- but he was taken to a
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very dark place and
considered doing some
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very drastic things.
He's going to tell us
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some things today
that may shock you
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unless you know the
story. This is a man-a fairly
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accomplished person for
the Lord; has written, has
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held seminars, has
done evangelistic work, but
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that did not immunize
him against an attack of the
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enemy. He's got some
things to say that may
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be considered rather
jaw-dropping, and yet
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they are part of his
experience; hopefully,
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as he unfolds and
unpackages his experience,
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it will help those
of you who may be going
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through something
similar or something
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parallel to know that
there is hope and light
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on the other side.
So, we thank you for being
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with us today.
Again, let me encourage you-
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give ear, because
much is going to be said
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that will be of
encouragement to you,
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I dare suspect.
So, Steve, good to have
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you here, man. -
Yeah. Thank you, CA. It's
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always good to be
your guest. [CA laughs]
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- Good to have you. We
began a conversation last
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year when you were
here for our camp meeting,
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and you were telling
me about some things that
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were beginning to
disturb you-but of course, I did
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not know that you were
at the entrance to this
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dark tunnel and things
got a lot worse for you.
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Two things I want us to
come out of this program
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with before I turn it
over, Steve: 1) is the
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idea that when you come
to the Lord, you are not
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free from attack or
trouble from the enemy.
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In fact, it almost guarantees
that you're going to get
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some pushback from
Satan, 'cause he doesn't want to
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let anybody go; 2)
that having mental issues-
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when the devil sort
of gets in your head-it's
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nothing to be ashamed
of. It is something to get
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help for. And 3) that
because you're suffering
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or going through
trials, it is no commentary,
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necessarily, on your
relationship with God
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or His love for you.
So if you come out with
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those three understandings
in listening to his
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testimony, we will
have accomplished what
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I think we both
want to accomplish today-
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the fact that
though you're going through
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stuff does not mean
God doesn't love you;
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doesn't necessarily
mean you're in a bad
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place with Him.
It's something that means
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you're under attack,
and the Lord can take care
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of that if you
don't give up on Him and
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don't give up
on yourself. Now, I
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want to talk about
this book right away. This
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is Help for the
Hopeless, and the subtitle is-
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I gotta put on my
glasses and yield to
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the vicissitudes of
age here because the print
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is a little small.
"My escape from insomnia,
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mind-altering
medication, dark depression, and
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mental torture." So,
this is kind of- that
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subtitle kind of gives
us a little view of the
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things that you
had to wade through and
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work through and
fight through with the help
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of God. Insomnia-
we're REALLY going to talk
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about that.
Mind-altering medication,
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dark depression and
what that means, and then
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mental torture.
Handful, man. - It is. It was.
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- Yes. [laughter] -
Praise God it is over.
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- Praise the
Lord. Praise- yeah. We
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gotta go straight
to the punchline-it IS
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over. - That's right.
- The Lord brought you
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through. Wanna go to
our music really quickly,
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and then we'll just
use the rest of the time
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to try to sort of
unpackage your story.
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Yvonne Lewis-Shelton.
Great friend; someone that
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I had the great privilege
of baptizing many, many
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years ago. Now, Dare
to Dream general manager
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is going to sing
"Wonders Never Cease."
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Ooh...
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I've heard You walked on water
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and opened blinded eyes
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The deaf were made to hear again
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and the dead will called to rise
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Oh, when I gave
Him all my heart,
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a greater thing took place
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The Lord of every miracle
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redeemed me by His grace
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Wonders never cease
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as long as I believe
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and place my life
within the nail-scarred
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hands that bled for me
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and when I think
I've seen is best
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I stand amazed to see
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His glory never ends
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and wonders never cease
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Ooh...
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He still walks on water
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to calm my troubled seas
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and in the midst
of thunder, I can hear
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Him speaking peace
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And though some
believe His miracles
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are just part of yesterday
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I'm living proof
His changing power
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will never pass away
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And wonders never
cease as long as I believe
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and I place my life
within the nail-scarred
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hands that bled for me
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And when I think I've
seen His best, I stand
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amazed to see
His glory never ends
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Ohh
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Wonders never cease
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as long as I believe
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and I place my life
within the nail-scarred
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hands that bled for me
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And when I think I've
seen His best, I stand
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amazed to see
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His glory never ends
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and wonders never cease
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Oh, His glory never ends
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and wonders never cease
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Ooh...
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Thank you, Yvonne. Well
done. Wonders never cease.
00:10:04.50\00:10:07.00
Steve Wohlberg, speaker
director-White Horse Media-
00:10:07.07\00:10:10.07
is with me in the
studio. Steve, I want to
00:10:10.21\00:10:11.74
kind of lose you
and let you go, man,
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and try to redeem
as much time as we can.
00:10:14.28\00:10:16.95
This was a
horrible spiritual crisis in
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your life with
physical ramification, mental
00:10:20.78\00:10:23.55
ramifications-as
much as a person can go
00:10:23.62\00:10:28.46
through and still
keep their sanity. You
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were just under
attack. So, walk me through
00:10:31.33\00:10:33.76
the experience. -
Sure. It was darkness and
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light. Before I
get into the darkness,
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I'd like to kinda go
to the back of the book
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as they say. It's in
the book of Psalms, as
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far as the end of the
story. I read this first
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this morning, CA,
and it just really spoke
00:10:48.18\00:10:50.65
to me. Psalm 40,
verse 1 and a few verses
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after that. "I waited
patiently for the Lord
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and He inclined to
me and heard my cry. He
00:10:55.92\00:10:59.12
also brought me up
out of a horrible pit and
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out of the miry clay,
and He set my feet upon
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a rock and
established my steps. He has put
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a new song in my
mouth. Praise to our God. Many
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will see it and fear
and trust in the Lord."
00:11:14.44\00:11:18.51
That's where I am
today by the grace of God. He
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brought me out of a
horrible pit-out of the
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miry clay. My hope
is that the Lord will
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be glorified and use
this testimony as David
00:11:29.28\00:11:33.96
said, "so that many
will learn to trust in
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the Lord." What happened
in the last summer... It
00:11:37.86\00:11:42.20
was the summer of
2017. It was the worst
00:11:42.23\00:11:45.33
nightmare of my
life. It came- it seemed
00:11:45.43\00:11:51.14
like it just hit out
of the blue, although
00:11:51.24\00:11:54.94
I'm sure that there
were steps that led up to
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it. It happened in
2017. I'm sure that
00:11:56.88\00:12:01.45
there were steps that
led up to this crisis,
00:12:01.55\00:12:04.65
but it seemed to me
that it came quickly
00:12:04.75\00:12:08.72
and in a very
short time. I was in the
00:12:08.82\00:12:11.96
darkest pit that
I had ever been in
00:12:12.09\00:12:14.76
in my life. It was
an awful nightmare. As
00:12:14.86\00:12:18.77
you remember, I
was here speaking at
00:12:18.83\00:12:20.87
camp meeting. Then
right after camp meeting- I
00:12:20.94\00:12:23.74
was sleep deprived;
one of my flights was
00:12:23.84\00:12:26.64
delayed and I got
into my hotel at about 2
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o'clock in the
morning. It was a very intense
00:12:29.11\00:12:31.91
time of being here.
As soon as camp meeting
00:12:32.01\00:12:34.58
was over, I went back
to my hotel, packed up,
00:12:34.68\00:12:37.39
went to sleep, got
up, went to the airport,
00:12:37.49\00:12:40.69
flew to
Pennsylvania, picked up a rental
00:12:40.76\00:12:44.89
car, drove to another
hotel, changed my shirt,
00:12:44.99\00:12:49.86
put my tie on, and
raced to camp meeting at the
00:12:49.96\00:12:53.44
Pennsylvania camp
meeting-their conference
00:12:53.54\00:12:55.90
camp meeting-and I was
supposed to speak every
00:12:56.00\00:12:57.67
night there for a
week. It was just push,
00:12:57.74\00:13:01.54
push, push, and
then after about- I think
00:13:01.61\00:13:04.18
it was 5 days? 4
days? It was on a Wednesday
00:13:04.25\00:13:07.38
night. I woke up at
about 2 o'clock in the
00:13:07.45\00:13:09.98
morning and I
couldn't go back to sleep. I
00:13:10.09\00:13:13.29
remember lying in bed
just thinking to myself,
00:13:13.42\00:13:17.83
"Why can I not go
back to sleep?" Now, I know
00:13:17.93\00:13:20.93
people wake up in
the middle of the night a
00:13:21.00\00:13:22.33
lot and I do that
too, still to this day to
00:13:22.36\00:13:25.53
use the restroom.
So, people would think,
00:13:25.63\00:13:28.47
"Well, what's the
big deal?" But, at that
00:13:28.54\00:13:31.97
moment, something was
different. I couldn't go
00:13:32.07\00:13:34.41
back to sleep, I had
this sense of tension
00:13:34.48\00:13:38.15
and fear-it just
rippled through my
00:13:38.21\00:13:40.58
body-and I thought
to myself, "What if I
00:13:40.65\00:13:42.92
can't get back
into a normal sleeping
00:13:43.02\00:13:44.69
pattern? Will I be
able to handle all my
00:13:44.75\00:13:47.99
many, many responsibilities?"
I'm just going to make
00:13:48.06\00:13:50.96
a long story short.
Finally, when I got to
00:13:51.03\00:13:54.53
the end of that
week, I just wasn't doing
00:13:54.56\00:13:57.83
well. I hadn't
been sleeping very well,
00:13:57.93\00:14:01.17
I was feeling
pressure in my chest-sort of a
00:14:01.27\00:14:03.77
tightness. Somebody
found a physician for me,
00:14:03.87\00:14:08.48
a Seventh-Day Adventist
physician who came to my
00:14:08.58\00:14:10.85
hotel, looked me
over, had me come to his
00:14:10.91\00:14:13.95
office, they ran
a bunch of tests,
00:14:14.05\00:14:15.55
everything seemed to be
okay, he recommended that
00:14:15.62\00:14:19.35
I start taking some
Tylenol PM to get some
00:14:19.42\00:14:23.46
sleep. So, that was
really, as I look back,
00:14:23.53\00:14:28.26
how the whole
thing started. I started
00:14:28.33\00:14:31.10
taking Tylenol PM,
finally went back home
00:14:31.20\00:14:34.17
after camp meeting,
actually had to cancel
00:14:34.27\00:14:37.01
my last two speaking
appointments that night-
00:14:37.11\00:14:39.91
those last two nights-
because I just didn't feel
00:14:40.04\00:14:42.28
up to it. - I just
remembered- and not
00:14:42.34\00:14:44.31
to cut you off-
'cause we were talking when
00:14:44.41\00:14:46.51
you were here and you
were aware of something
00:14:46.61\00:14:50.35
wrong but it was
kinda undefined. You've just
00:14:50.45\00:14:53.86
felt in your
spirit that something was
00:14:53.96\00:14:55.56
not right. And, of
course, you dashed-
00:14:55.62\00:14:57.59
we're two hours
from St. Louis. You gotta
00:14:57.69\00:14:59.13
turn in the car, get
into another car, get
00:14:59.19\00:15:01.56
on the plane, go to
Pennsylvania, run, and
00:15:01.66\00:15:03.20
then you're speaking
right away. And I heard that
00:15:03.26\00:15:05.37
you had to cut that
meeting short. So, we
00:15:05.47\00:15:07.87
were praying because
you had given indication
00:15:07.97\00:15:10.27
that something- I
didn't know if you were at
00:15:10.37\00:15:12.17
the end of something or
the beginning of something,
00:15:12.27\00:15:14.68
and it turns out it was
the beginning of something
00:15:14.78\00:15:16.58
and things got a lot
worse. - That's right.
00:15:16.68\00:15:18.38
I had no idea how bad
things were going to get.
00:15:18.45\00:15:20.48
And like I said, it all
just happened so quickly,
00:15:20.55\00:15:22.98
so unexpectedly. I
started taking the Tylenol
00:15:23.08\00:15:25.59
PM. It helped for a
little bit, I slept a
00:15:25.69\00:15:28.26
little bit better,
but then I still was
00:15:28.36\00:15:29.92
having difficulty
sleeping at night.
00:15:30.03\00:15:31.56
Eventually, I met a
woman on a plane and
00:15:32.36\00:15:34.20
she recommended
Ambien. She said,
00:15:34.30\00:15:37.67
"When I'm stressed
out, I take Ambien and I
00:15:37.80\00:15:39.80
sleep fine." So I
decided, "Well, I'll
00:15:39.90\00:15:41.64
try the Ambien."
So I took that and it
00:15:41.74\00:15:44.51
helped me for a
few days, but it didn't
00:15:44.57\00:15:48.81
solve my problem.
And then I talked to a
00:15:48.88\00:15:51.18
couple of
physician friends of mine in
00:15:51.25\00:15:53.45
the area where I
live and eventually it was
00:15:53.55\00:15:55.98
recommended on a
temporary basis that
00:15:56.08\00:15:58.35
I start taking, I
believe it was Trazodone
00:15:58.42\00:16:00.92
and then Seroquel,
and then things really
00:16:01.02\00:16:04.16
intensified when we
were getting closer to
00:16:04.26\00:16:10.50
the day of my son's
baptism. My son Seth was
00:16:10.67\00:16:14.40
turning 13 and the day
of his birthday was also
00:16:14.50\00:16:17.94
a Sabbath and
we were planning on
00:16:18.01\00:16:19.34
having a baptism
and I was going to
00:16:19.37\00:16:20.71
baptize him. As we
were getting closer to
00:16:20.74\00:16:23.04
his big day, I was
just really having a
00:16:23.14\00:16:29.05
hard time going to
sleep at night. One
00:16:29.15\00:16:30.99
night, I lay in bed
and I was awake the entire
00:16:31.05\00:16:33.15
night. I had never
had that before. Never
00:16:33.29\00:16:35.72
been awake at night
all night. And so, I
00:16:35.82\00:16:39.33
kept envisioning
myself. You know, if I can't
00:16:39.43\00:16:41.30
sleep, I'm in
trouble. I could feel the- you
00:16:41.36\00:16:45.33
know, see the
bags deepening under my
00:16:45.37\00:16:47.50
eyes. So, I
talked to my physician
00:16:47.57\00:16:49.30
friends again and
they recommended, on a
00:16:49.40\00:16:51.34
temporary basis, that
I take something called-
00:16:51.44\00:16:53.07
I think it's
called Lorazepam, which is
00:16:53.14\00:16:58.75
a benzo. It was
much more powerful. It
00:16:58.81\00:17:02.12
knocked me out, but
it began to mess with
00:17:02.22\00:17:06.19
my head. I tell
you, CA, the saddest-
00:17:06.29\00:17:10.83
one of the
saddest moments of my life
00:17:10.89\00:17:13.23
was probably about 4
days prior to my son's
00:17:13.36\00:17:17.10
baptism. I
gathered my family together.
00:17:17.17\00:17:19.17
My wife and my
9-year-old girl and my- at that
00:17:19.23\00:17:24.91
point, he was 12
heading toward 13-
00:17:24.97\00:17:28.44
my son. We all got
together- and they knew
00:17:28.54\00:17:30.85
that Dad was
having sleeping problems
00:17:31.01\00:17:33.25
and that Dad was
going through a crisis. By
00:17:33.42\00:17:35.48
that time, I had
lost my appetite, I had no
00:17:35.58\00:17:38.05
interest in food, I
was getting thinner, I'd
00:17:38.12\00:17:41.12
been up a couple of
nights in a row, and
00:17:41.22\00:17:45.66
so I gathered my
kids together and I said
00:17:45.73\00:17:49.86
to them, I said,
"You really need to pray
00:17:49.96\00:17:52.20
for Dad. Dad is going
through a real crisis.
00:17:52.27\00:17:55.94
I can't sleep at
night. I'm struggling."
00:17:56.10\00:18:01.84
I said, "Seth, I
don't know if I'm going to
00:18:01.94\00:18:04.25
have the energy to
even be at your baptism."
00:18:04.31\00:18:06.35
And he looked at me
and I said, "If I can't
00:18:06.45\00:18:08.22
do it, Pastor Jim
will have to baptize
00:18:08.28\00:18:11.09
you," and Seth just
looked at me. And then
00:18:11.19\00:18:13.59
I said, "If I don't
get out of this, you
00:18:13.66\00:18:18.46
really need to pray
for me because if Dad
00:18:18.56\00:18:19.89
doesn't get out of
this, if I don't get back to
00:18:19.93\00:18:21.90
regular pattern
of sleeping at night,
00:18:22.00\00:18:23.77
I'm in real
trouble." - Now, see- just to
00:18:25.53\00:18:28.14
tap the brake a little
bit because, along with
00:18:28.24\00:18:30.61
a lack of sleep,
some other mental stuff is
00:18:30.71\00:18:32.84
going on as far as
depression, so walk
00:18:32.91\00:18:34.64
us through some of-
it's not just lack of
00:18:34.71\00:18:36.11
sleep; it's everything
that builds OUT of that
00:18:36.21\00:18:38.68
lack of sleep. -
That's right. You know, some
00:18:38.75\00:18:40.68
people do well
sleep-deprived, or
00:18:40.75\00:18:42.48
at least, better than
I did when I went through
00:18:42.55\00:18:45.85
a whole night without
sleep, and I could feel
00:18:45.95\00:18:47.82
the battle inside my
head. I'm lying in bed
00:18:47.99\00:18:50.26
at night, quoting
scripture, sensing
00:18:50.36\00:18:53.80
dark forces trying
to get into my mind. I
00:18:53.90\00:18:57.97
was having trouble
concentrating during
00:18:58.10\00:19:00.57
the day. There was
just a whole host of
00:19:00.67\00:19:02.77
things-strange things
that were going on-and
00:19:02.84\00:19:04.81
so I gathered my
family together and I said,
00:19:04.91\00:19:06.57
"If I don't get over
this, I don't know what's
00:19:06.68\00:19:09.64
going to happen." My
daughter Abby-she looked
00:19:09.71\00:19:13.75
at me. She said, "Dad,
Daddy, do you mean that you
00:19:13.82\00:19:16.62
might die?" and I
looked at her and I didn't know
00:19:16.69\00:19:22.06
what to say. I
finally said- I just nodded my
00:19:22.12\00:19:24.76
head. Yeah. I
mean, I was just feeling
00:19:24.86\00:19:28.16
really down. And then
at that point, she just-
00:19:28.26\00:19:32.40
my little girl- she
just ran over, grabbed
00:19:32.53\00:19:36.44
me, started crying
uncontrollably. She
00:19:36.54\00:19:41.14
was just- she was in
my arms just crying and
00:19:41.24\00:19:44.55
crying and crying
and crying and crying and
00:19:44.61\00:19:46.55
she wouldn't stop crying!
I was just- I didn't know
00:19:46.61\00:19:50.75
what to say to
her. I just held her and
00:19:50.82\00:19:52.69
just kept praying,
"Please, God, help me."
00:19:54.12\00:19:56.19
So anyway, because I
shifted onto the Lorazepam,
00:19:56.29\00:20:00.23
it knocked me out; I
did sleep. I was able,
00:20:00.30\00:20:04.10
all things
considering, to have a wonderful
00:20:04.20\00:20:06.74
day baptizing my
son, but in the next month
00:20:06.80\00:20:11.81
or so, things
continued to deteriorate. I lost
00:20:11.87\00:20:16.24
my ability to take a
nap during the day. I was
00:20:16.31\00:20:19.58
exhausted and I
would lay on the couch or
00:20:19.65\00:20:22.28
in my bed trying to
go to sleep. Couldn't go
00:20:22.38\00:20:25.12
to sleep. And I didn't
know why. The medications
00:20:25.19\00:20:29.22
that I was on were
just- you know, like I said;
00:20:29.29\00:20:32.83
my mental state was
deteriorating. A lot
00:20:32.93\00:20:37.10
of different things
happened. It's quite
00:20:37.20\00:20:38.80
of a long story
that's inside Help for the
00:20:38.87\00:20:41.30
Hopeless. The
turning point came when I
00:20:41.37\00:20:45.21
remembered the conference
president in Pennsylvania,
00:20:45.31\00:20:49.74
Gary Gibbs, who knew
that I was going through
00:20:49.84\00:20:52.51
this crisis in Pennsylvania.
He said, "You really need
00:20:52.61\00:20:55.28
to go talk to Dr.
Neil Nedley. He's an expert
00:20:55.38\00:20:59.35
on the brain and he
can help you." So, that was
00:20:59.45\00:21:03.39
in the back of my
mind. During that period
00:21:03.49\00:21:07.50
after Seth's
baptism and as things were
00:21:07.60\00:21:10.07
deepening, I decided
I'm going to call him.
00:21:10.17\00:21:13.23
So, I looked into my
phone and thankfully,
00:21:13.30\00:21:16.47
I found his number in
my contacts. I texted him.
00:21:16.54\00:21:19.94
He texted me back
and then I called him. He
00:21:20.04\00:21:22.88
answered,
thankfully, in the midst of his
00:21:22.98\00:21:24.91
busy schedule. Dr. Neil
Nedley is the president of
00:21:24.98\00:21:28.15
Weimar Institute and
he runs what's called a
00:21:28.22\00:21:31.62
depression and
recovery program - DPR - and
00:21:31.69\00:21:36.02
anxiety recovery
program. So I called him, told
00:21:36.12\00:21:39.59
him about what I was
going through, and then
00:21:39.63\00:21:42.30
I told him that I
was taking Lorazepam.
00:21:42.40\00:21:44.77
When he heard that,
he said to me on the
00:21:44.80\00:21:47.94
phone- it was a game-changer.
It was a life-changer.
00:21:48.00\00:21:50.14
He said, "Steve, you've got
00:21:50.24\00:21:52.04
to get down here
right away. Our next program
00:21:52.11\00:21:54.88
starts- I think it's
in 3 days. You've got to
00:21:54.98\00:22:00.02
get here and I think
I can squeeze you in."
00:22:00.12\00:22:01.98
So, I was supposed
to go to ASI with my
00:22:02.08\00:22:05.02
family for the big
convention. We were
00:22:05.12\00:22:07.56
having our
annual White Horse Media
00:22:07.62\00:22:09.39
board meeting, and I
told my wife Kristin-I said,
00:22:09.49\00:22:11.89
"I need to go to
Weimar. I can't go to ASI.
00:22:11.96\00:22:14.50
I don't even know if
I can function at ASI,
00:22:14.60\00:22:16.70
much less be part
of a board meeting."
00:22:16.80\00:22:18.60
Now Steve, let me
ask you something,
00:22:18.77\00:22:20.10
because we had
talked about- had the
00:22:20.14\00:22:22.14
hallucinations and
the suicide thoughts and
00:22:22.24\00:22:25.64
the sense of the
presence of Satan
00:22:25.74\00:22:28.88
laughing at you-had
that begun yet or was
00:22:28.98\00:22:31.58
that still to come?
- Not really. And let
00:22:31.65\00:22:34.25
me clarify-I've never
been prone to depression.
00:22:34.38\00:22:37.79
I mean, I get discouraged
like other people do.
00:22:37.89\00:22:40.32
But as far as
depression, suicidal thoughts,
00:22:40.42\00:22:43.56
feeling like there's
no hope for me, that was
00:22:43.69\00:22:46.29
not something that
is normal for me. - We
00:22:46.39\00:22:50.27
don't see you that
way. That's not something
00:22:50.37\00:22:51.87
that- - And it hasn't been
00:22:51.97\00:22:53.44
that way. I mean,
I have problems like
00:22:53.57\00:22:54.90
everybody else,
but when I was having
00:22:54.94\00:22:57.64
trouble sleeping and
then I started taking
00:22:57.74\00:23:00.11
the medications
and my mental states
00:23:00.18\00:23:03.01
continued to deteriorate,
and sleep deprivation,
00:23:03.08\00:23:06.61
things just snowballed.
All of a sudden, CA, I
00:23:06.72\00:23:09.88
found myself in the
middle of this crisis.
00:23:09.98\00:23:13.59
I had never dealt
with anything like this
00:23:13.72\00:23:18.09
before. So, Dr.
Nedley said, "You've gotta
00:23:18.19\00:23:23.06
get down here right
away." And so I told
00:23:23.13\00:23:25.80
my wife and she was
so supportive. I just
00:23:25.87\00:23:28.77
praise God for a
loving, supportive wife. She
00:23:28.87\00:23:32.17
helped me pack, she
drove the car to the
00:23:32.27\00:23:35.34
airport... I don't
even know how I got to
00:23:35.44\00:23:38.18
Weimar. I mean, I
was just- I was really
00:23:38.28\00:23:41.62
messed up by that
time. I made my connections,
00:23:41.68\00:23:44.55
got to the airport,
I was picked up by a
00:23:44.65\00:23:46.52
young man named
Nathan who was one
00:23:46.65\00:23:48.66
of Dr. Nedley's
assistants. He drove me up to
00:23:48.76\00:23:52.03
Weimar Institute
where the program was, and
00:23:52.09\00:23:55.66
during the drive,
he shared with me that
00:23:55.76\00:23:58.20
prior to that moment
in the past there was
00:23:58.30\00:24:02.40
a 7-year period
where he was on heavy
00:24:02.50\00:24:04.71
medication, he had
all kinds of problems, he
00:24:04.77\00:24:07.48
couldn't sleep at
night, night after night,
00:24:07.58\00:24:09.14
and he could
totally relate. As he was
00:24:09.24\00:24:11.58
driving, he's telling
me, "But God changed all
00:24:11.68\00:24:14.35
that and I'm back
to normal!" And I just
00:24:14.42\00:24:18.15
thought, "Praise the
Lord... Is there hope
00:24:18.25\00:24:20.96
for me?" I guess we'll
have to make a long story
00:24:21.06\00:24:24.26
short, but I went
to Weimar- and it's Dr.
00:24:24.33\00:24:27.20
Nedley's program- and
it's a little bit like a
00:24:27.30\00:24:28.80
health boot camp
because it's very intense. He
00:24:28.90\00:24:34.44
takes 20 people. To
me, it was miraculous that
00:24:34.57\00:24:37.57
he was able to
squeeze me in. I think he had
00:24:37.64\00:24:39.17
19 already
registered so there was one more
00:24:39.27\00:24:41.08
slot. He got me
in. And not only that,
00:24:41.14\00:24:44.15
but there was a friend
of mine that I knew from
00:24:44.21\00:24:46.41
years ago named Andrew
Jasper who just happened
00:24:46.51\00:24:49.48
to show up that very
session to assist Dr.
00:24:49.58\00:24:54.76
Nedley, and he was a
very close friend of mine.
00:24:54.86\00:24:57.23
I saw my encounter
with Nathan and meeting
00:24:57.33\00:25:00.96
Andrew at Weimar and
having him as my personal buddy,
00:25:01.06\00:25:04.87
I saw all of this as
evidence that the Lord
00:25:04.97\00:25:07.97
was doing a rescue
operation to get me out
00:25:08.07\00:25:11.94
of my crisis. -
Because prior to Weimar, you
00:25:12.01\00:25:15.74
were really
laboring under this kind of
00:25:15.84\00:25:18.15
illusion, delusion,
call it what you will-that
00:25:18.21\00:25:20.28
you weren't going to get
out, that there was no exit
00:25:20.35\00:25:22.92
to this thing. -
Well, yeah, and like I said,
00:25:23.02\00:25:26.25
it deepened. I think
it was the combination
00:25:26.32\00:25:29.79
of not being able
to sleep and then the
00:25:29.89\00:25:33.56
medications that
resulted in my becoming
00:25:33.63\00:25:37.30
depressed. I just
felt very, very down and
00:25:37.40\00:25:40.94
very discouraged
because I didn't see how I
00:25:41.00\00:25:43.81
was going to get out
of this. I thought, "My
00:25:43.91\00:25:46.84
life with my family,
my kids, our ministry,
00:25:46.94\00:25:50.55
White Horse Media, that
God has done so much for,
00:25:50.65\00:25:53.55
I'd walk around in
the office before I left,
00:25:53.68\00:25:55.75
look at our television
studio, look at my office
00:25:55.82\00:25:59.15
where I've got all
my kids' pictures on the
00:25:59.25\00:26:01.56
wall-you know; their
little drawings for Dad-
00:26:01.69\00:26:03.29
and I just
thought, "Am I ever going to
00:26:03.43\00:26:06.33
get back to normal?"
I just got so down and
00:26:06.39\00:26:10.60
so discouraged, and
when I got to Dr. Nedley's
00:26:10.70\00:26:12.43
program, they had
us go through a series
00:26:12.53\00:26:14.84
of tests and I scored
very high on a depression
00:26:14.90\00:26:18.81
test showing that I
was then classified as
00:26:18.91\00:26:22.24
clinically
depressed. - Oh, wow. - That
00:26:22.34\00:26:24.98
was just amazing to
me. I think it was on the
00:26:25.08\00:26:28.62
second day of the
program that they did bloodwork.
00:26:28.68\00:26:32.05
They had- one of his
assistants did 9 blood
00:26:32.15\00:26:35.86
draws and sent the
blood to the lab, and
00:26:36.02\00:26:38.89
when that finally came
back, it was very, very
00:26:38.96\00:26:40.66
revealing. Dr. Nedley
had a personal appointment
00:26:40.76\00:26:44.30
with him. He sat
down, looked at my chart,
00:26:44.40\00:26:46.77
looked at me, and
he said, "Steve, what
00:26:46.87\00:26:48.67
you're going through
right now is completely
00:26:48.74\00:26:50.81
understandable based
on your brain chemistry."
00:26:50.91\00:26:54.51
He saw that my brain
chemistry was all out
00:26:54.61\00:26:56.78
of whack, and I
should also say that I was
00:26:56.85\00:26:58.75
having anxiety attacks
at that point where, out
00:26:58.85\00:27:02.55
of nowhere, I would
feel this anxiety, this
00:27:02.65\00:27:05.35
tension. The day of
the blood draw, they
00:27:05.45\00:27:07.56
took my blood
pressure and it was 196, I
00:27:07.66\00:27:12.43
believe, over 114,
if you can imagine.
00:27:12.53\00:27:15.86
- Wow. Wow. - And so,
I was really in a mess.
00:27:15.96\00:27:18.47
The whole purpose of
the 10-day program is to
00:27:18.57\00:27:23.30
just reset your
life. It's a combination of
00:27:23.41\00:27:28.48
a natural diet, of
a lot of exercise, of
00:27:28.64\00:27:31.51
what they call light
therapy... In the morning,
00:27:31.61\00:27:35.22
they had light boxes that
00:27:35.35\00:27:36.69
we would sit in front
of, and classical music,
00:27:36.72\00:27:39.69
and hydrotherapy
where we would plunge
00:27:39.79\00:27:42.89
into a hot tub that
was very hot and then into
00:27:42.99\00:27:46.29
a bucket of cold
icy water, and then back
00:27:46.36\00:27:48.83
into the hot tub,
back in the cold, back in
00:27:48.90\00:27:50.23
the hot, back in
the cold, 3 to 5 times
00:27:50.27\00:27:52.53
2 or 3 times a
day. We'd go down into
00:27:52.70\00:27:57.31
that cold water and
come out. One guy, as he
00:27:57.41\00:27:59.57
was going through
this with me, one of the
00:27:59.71\00:28:01.11
men, when he came out
of the cold water, he just
00:28:01.18\00:28:03.31
said, "Praise God!" I
mean, he was just ahh!
00:28:03.38\00:28:07.25
And we were- you know,
Dr. Nedley stresses and
00:28:07.38\00:28:10.12
Don Mackintosh, the
importance of gratitude
00:28:10.19\00:28:12.95
and thankfulness and
praise, and it was just
00:28:13.09\00:28:15.29
a whole intense
program. One of the things that
00:28:15.39\00:28:18.93
Dr. Nedley did
right away was get me off
00:28:18.99\00:28:20.86
the Lorazepam. He
said, "You've got to get off
00:28:20.96\00:28:22.70
that," because he
knew, from his experience,
00:28:22.76\00:28:25.30
that those who were on
these type of medications,
00:28:25.40\00:28:27.80
they're very
difficult to get off, they mess
00:28:27.90\00:28:30.77
with your frontal
lobe, and the devil can get
00:28:30.87\00:28:35.14
into the mix and
all kinds of things can
00:28:35.24\00:28:37.25
happen. He told me once,
"Steve, I knew that if you
00:28:37.35\00:28:41.48
didn't get over
here, this was not going to
00:28:41.62\00:28:43.69
end well," and he
didn't elaborate, but I knew
00:28:43.79\00:28:45.85
what he meant. So,
he took me off that and
00:28:45.99\00:28:48.96
then he warned me,
"You're going to go
00:28:49.02\00:28:52.19
through about a
two-week period of intense
00:28:52.23\00:28:54.70
withdrawals, so expect
side effects." That's when
00:28:54.80\00:28:58.83
the deepest darkness
hit. During those two
00:28:58.93\00:29:02.67
weeks- and Dr.
Nedley actually kept me for
00:29:02.74\00:29:04.71
another 10 days
after the program was over
00:29:04.84\00:29:06.78
because I wasn't
ready to go home. So during
00:29:06.84\00:29:09.98
that 3-week period
that I was at Weimar,
00:29:10.05\00:29:11.65
getting off that
medication, the worst part of
00:29:11.68\00:29:15.02
everything was I
went through- one time, I
00:29:15.08\00:29:18.25
went 4 nights in
a row without sleep.
00:29:18.32\00:29:20.89
- Wow. - No sleep.
And 5:30 in the morning,
00:29:20.96\00:29:23.83
knock on the door,
time for exercise. I didn't
00:29:23.89\00:29:26.86
want to exercise when
I just hadn't slept, and
00:29:26.93\00:29:29.96
their philosophy is
exercise you hard so
00:29:30.07\00:29:32.37
you'll sleep at
night. But I still wasn't
00:29:32.47\00:29:35.47
sleeping and I went
four nights in a row
00:29:35.60\00:29:37.81
with no sleep. When
I was getting off the
00:29:37.91\00:29:40.38
medication Lorazepam,
that's when the darkest
00:29:40.48\00:29:44.25
thoughts just came
into my mind. I mean, I had
00:29:44.35\00:29:46.48
already lost my
appetite, I couldn't take a nap,
00:29:46.58\00:29:48.95
I couldn't sleep at
night, I was very discouraged,
00:29:48.98\00:29:51.45
very depressed. I had
a picture of my kids on
00:29:51.59\00:29:54.62
my dresser in my room
at Weimar, and I looked
00:29:54.72\00:29:59.06
at them and I
thought, "Will I ever see them
00:29:59.16\00:30:00.66
again?" I felt like
I was dying. I didn't
00:30:00.76\00:30:03.33
think I was going
to get out of this. As
00:30:03.43\00:30:05.63
I'm lying awake at
night... You know, it
00:30:05.77\00:30:10.31
wasn't like I was
actually hearing a
00:30:10.37\00:30:12.34
physical voice,
but there were thoughts
00:30:12.41\00:30:15.48
in my head.
Laughter. Laughing thoughts.
00:30:15.58\00:30:19.85
Like the devil,
demons, whispering to me and
00:30:19.95\00:30:22.62
saying, "Hah hah
hah! I've got you now,
00:30:22.72\00:30:25.49
Steve Wohlberg."
I would be awake all
00:30:25.55\00:30:28.22
night, and then
in the morning, this
00:30:28.29\00:30:30.56
thought would come
to me, "I'll see it
00:30:30.66\00:30:32.29
tonight. On the
bed. 'Cause you're not
00:30:32.39\00:30:35.60
going to sleep. I've
got you. You're done."
00:30:35.66\00:30:38.33
I was just so discouraged.
During that whole time,
00:30:38.40\00:30:46.04
there were other
th- I felt my fingers
00:30:46.14\00:30:48.01
were starting to curl
up when I would eat my
00:30:48.04\00:30:51.05
food, I grabbed my
spoon in the cafe and
00:30:51.15\00:30:53.88
my fingers were
curling in, I'd look at myself
00:30:54.02\00:30:56.38
in the mirror.
Light was not in my eyes.
00:30:56.48\00:30:59.69
I just thought,
"RIP. I'm headin' for the
00:30:59.79\00:31:04.53
grave. I'm never
going to get out of this.
00:31:04.63\00:31:06.80
I'm just- I'm done."
- And this was on the
00:31:06.90\00:31:09.80
detox. This was
trying to come off of this
00:31:09.86\00:31:12.57
stuff. - That's
right. This was on the detox
00:31:12.67\00:31:14.04
side. And I'll tell
you, to make long story
00:31:14.10\00:31:17.04
short, I did not lose
my faith. One morning,
00:31:17.14\00:31:22.48
when I had been awake
all night and then got
00:31:22.61\00:31:25.78
up out of bed to go
exercise, this thought
00:31:25.85\00:31:30.25
came to me one
morning at Weimar that said,
00:31:30.35\00:31:34.32
"Don't lose your
faith." And then within just
00:31:34.42\00:31:39.33
seconds after that,
it was like this sledge
00:31:39.39\00:31:43.10
hammer came down on
me-this sledge hammer
00:31:43.23\00:31:46.84
of darkness that
just enveloped me. I know
00:31:46.90\00:31:50.51
it was- I believe it
was the devil. The Bible
00:31:50.61\00:31:53.21
says, "We wrestle not
against flesh and blood
00:31:53.31\00:31:55.54
but against principalities
and powers." So, this
00:31:55.61\00:31:58.35
thought came to me
in the midst of this
00:31:58.41\00:32:01.12
darkness, "Don't lose
your faith." During that
00:32:01.18\00:32:04.35
entire period,
what kept me going was
00:32:04.42\00:32:07.12
scripture. There
were promises such as
00:32:07.19\00:32:10.43
Hebrews 13. It
says, "I will never leave
00:32:10.53\00:32:13.13
you. I will never
forsake you." Matthew
00:32:13.19\00:32:15.63
11:28, where Jesus
said, "Come to Me and
00:32:15.73\00:32:18.80
I will give you rest."
Isaiah 41:10 that says,
00:32:18.90\00:32:22.60
"Fear not for I am
with you. Be not dismayed
00:32:22.70\00:32:25.24
for I am your God."
Jeremiah. "I have loved
00:32:25.34\00:32:28.11
you with an everlasting
love." During my darkest
00:32:28.21\00:32:31.11
times, I felt like God
didn't love me anymore,
00:32:31.21\00:32:34.38
I felt like I had
no hope, I felt like
00:32:34.48\00:32:36.48
the future was over,
maybe I've got a year
00:32:36.58\00:32:38.89
to live, or less.
Who knows? I might die in
00:32:38.99\00:32:41.82
my bed at Weimar. But
I just kept on thinking,
00:32:41.89\00:32:47.30
"God, You gotta get
me through this." It was
00:32:47.40\00:32:50.43
the promises of the
Word of God. Psalm 107:20
00:32:50.53\00:32:56.77
says, "He sent His
Word and He healed them
00:32:56.87\00:32:59.74
and He delivered them
from their destructions."
00:32:59.87\00:33:01.54
Another verse in
Jeremiah-I believe it's
00:33:01.64\00:33:04.61
chapter 30:17-said,
"'I will restore health
00:33:04.71\00:33:07.45
to you and I will
heal you of your wounds,'
00:33:07.55\00:33:09.98
says the Lord." And I
just milked that text.
00:33:10.05\00:33:13.56
"I WILL restore
health to you." "God, You've
00:33:13.62\00:33:16.96
gotta do that." And
one verse that really
00:33:17.06\00:33:19.16
spoke to me was in
Jeremiah chapter 17-
00:33:19.29\00:33:22.86
I believe it's
17-says, "The heart is deceitful
00:33:22.90\00:33:25.47
above all things
and desperately wicked.
00:33:25.57\00:33:27.57
Who can know it?"
And at one point when my
00:33:27.60\00:33:30.21
mind and my heart
were telling me that I was
00:33:30.27\00:33:34.54
lost, I was never
going to recover... I
00:33:34.64\00:33:37.58
even had in my imagination-I saw
00:33:37.65\00:33:40.95
myself rising up at
the end of the thousand
00:33:41.05\00:33:44.09
years in the second
resurrection, I saw the
00:33:44.19\00:33:46.76
New Jerusalem and I
was on the outside and
00:33:46.86\00:33:50.29
I just felt like I was
lost. I felt like I was
00:33:50.39\00:33:52.73
a lost soul. And in
the midst of this, the
00:33:52.79\00:33:55.73
scripture came to
my mind, "The heart is
00:33:55.83\00:33:58.50
deceitful above all
things and desperately
00:33:58.57\00:34:00.60
wicked. Who could
know it?" I thought
00:34:00.67\00:34:02.00
to myself, "If my
heart is deceitful and
00:34:02.04\00:34:03.81
desperately wicked,
then all these things
00:34:03.91\00:34:06.51
that my heart is telling
me..." My heart is telling
00:34:06.61\00:34:09.68
me, "You're lost,
God doesn't love you,
00:34:09.78\00:34:11.48
there's no hope,
you'll never get out
00:34:11.55\00:34:12.88
of this, you're
done," that I can't rely on
00:34:12.91\00:34:15.75
my own heart because
my heart is deceitful.
00:34:15.88\00:34:19.52
And the devil,
working through a fallen
00:34:19.59\00:34:22.69
human heart, this
combination-I just-
00:34:22.76\00:34:25.76
I can't rely on
this. I've got to rely on
00:34:25.86\00:34:28.20
the Word of the
Lord. That's what kept me
00:34:28.30\00:34:33.84
during those long
nights. Those sleepless
00:34:33.94\00:34:37.97
nights. Again, to
make kind of a long story
00:34:38.07\00:34:41.34
short- I know we
only have so much time...
00:34:41.44\00:34:43.48
After three weeks,
I eventually went back
00:34:43.55\00:34:47.12
home. Flew back. I
don't know how I made it
00:34:47.18\00:34:49.78
on that plane. I
had this anxiety that if
00:34:49.85\00:34:52.39
I get on a plane,
"What if the plane crashes?
00:34:52.45\00:34:54.79
Am I ready for
heaven?" It was just all these
00:34:54.89\00:34:57.13
irrational fears.
When I got back home, a
00:34:57.23\00:35:01.53
lot of different things
happened, but Dr. Nedley
00:35:01.63\00:35:05.33
worked with me to
get me off the remaining
00:35:05.47\00:35:10.01
medications that I
was still on. Step by step
00:35:10.11\00:35:12.87
by step, little bit
little bit little bit,
00:35:12.97\00:35:15.44
but finally, I got
off the la... which was
00:35:15.54\00:35:17.88
Trazodone. I got off
the last sleep medication.
00:35:17.98\00:35:21.48
I don't know if it's
an anti- I don't remember
00:35:21.58\00:35:23.08
if it's an antidepressant
or if it's anti-anxiety
00:35:23.15\00:35:25.55
or whatever it was,
but it helped me to sleep.
00:35:25.62\00:35:28.42
So I got off of
that and then two weeks
00:35:28.52\00:35:31.89
later... During
those two weeks, there were
00:35:31.99\00:35:36.10
withdrawal effects.
Various things: I was
00:35:36.20\00:35:39.30
having blurry vision,
my throat was sore, I'd
00:35:39.43\00:35:42.60
still have pressure in
my chest... But one day-
00:35:42.70\00:35:46.14
actually, prior to
that, I was able to take a
00:35:47.64\00:35:50.41
nap. And that told
me- and during this whole-
00:35:50.48\00:35:55.85
it was about a 3-month
ordeal, I cancelled all my
00:35:55.95\00:35:58.69
speaking appointments.
I was just in recovery
00:35:58.75\00:36:02.72
mode. And then,
one day, I was able to
00:36:02.79\00:36:05.26
take a nap. I
thought, "Praise God. Something
00:36:05.33\00:36:09.30
is happening."
And then I was able to
00:36:09.43\00:36:11.07
cry! 'Cause I hadn't
been able to cry, and I
00:36:11.13\00:36:13.64
thought, "Something's
happening. God is working
00:36:13.74\00:36:17.54
with me." My
appetite came back! I started
00:36:17.64\00:36:19.97
getting hungry for food!
You can tell, you know; I
00:36:20.08\00:36:23.41
need food. I actually-
I was down to about 140
00:36:23.48\00:36:26.11
pounds, or 142...
I've since regained quite
00:36:26.21\00:36:30.39
a bit even though I'm
still thin, I regained
00:36:30.59\00:36:33.09
quite a bit. So my
appetite came back.
00:36:33.19\00:36:35.49
I was able to sleep,
take a nap... Little by
00:36:35.56\00:36:38.66
little by little by
little, my mood also
00:36:38.73\00:36:43.47
improved. Then one
day, I woke up and it
00:36:43.60\00:36:48.30
was like the whole
thing lifted. It was
00:36:48.37\00:36:50.67
gone. Now the next
day, it came back. The
00:36:50.77\00:36:52.57
depression came
back. The sense of the
00:36:52.64\00:36:54.61
heaviness. But I
thought, "Alright, well,
00:36:54.71\00:36:58.51
I'll just endure
this because I've endured
00:36:58.61\00:37:01.05
so much already.
If this is going to go
00:37:01.12\00:37:03.99
away..." And then
the next day, it went
00:37:04.09\00:37:05.59
up again, it
lifted, and it hasn't come
00:37:05.65\00:37:08.06
back. So there was...
I think- I don't remember
00:37:08.12\00:37:10.53
the exact day; I
think September went boom.
00:37:10.63\00:37:14.43
It hit. I mean, as
far as the- it didn't hit,
00:37:14.53\00:37:18.57
but it lifted. The
cloud lifted and it was over.
00:37:18.67\00:37:22.30
- What did it feel
like for you to take a nap
00:37:22.37\00:37:26.54
for the first
time? Because you had not
00:37:26.61\00:37:28.11
been able to even
catch a few winks for months
00:37:28.18\00:37:31.35
or for quite a
while! - It was wonderful.
00:37:31.45\00:37:33.58
On the way here
to 3ABN, I was in the
00:37:33.65\00:37:37.19
airplane from
Spokane to Seattle, and then
00:37:37.29\00:37:41.86
from Seattle to St.
Louis. I slept and it
00:37:41.96\00:37:47.40
was so good to
sleep. And then I got to my
00:37:47.50\00:37:50.13
room on Angel 1-
you know, my little
00:37:50.20\00:37:52.17
Angel 1 room-and last
night I slept. - Praise
00:37:52.23\00:37:56.20
the Lord. - You
know, CA, I can relate now.
00:37:56.30\00:38:00.38
I can relate now
to what other people
00:38:00.48\00:38:03.24
go through. At
first, I was going to keep
00:38:03.38\00:38:06.11
a lot of this
private. I wasn't going to
00:38:06.21\00:38:08.38
share all this.
During the time at Weimar,
00:38:08.45\00:38:10.62
I had suicidal
thoughts that I've never had
00:38:10.69\00:38:13.25
before. The thought
came to me, "Just take your
00:38:13.32\00:38:15.59
life. Kill
yourself." And I look at the
00:38:15.69\00:38:17.66
picture of my kids
on my dresser and I
00:38:17.76\00:38:20.96
thought to myself,
"I can't- I can't kill
00:38:21.06\00:38:23.06
myself. If I were
to take my life, what
00:38:23.13\00:38:25.27
would that do to
Seth? What would that do to
00:38:25.37\00:38:28.64
Abby? What would
that do to my wife? What
00:38:28.74\00:38:30.74
would it do to my
dad? My dad is 89 years
00:38:30.84\00:38:33.84
old right now, and
he would be so- he would
00:38:33.91\00:38:36.68
just- if he knew that
his son killed himself,
00:38:36.78\00:38:40.08
it would bring him
down to the grave. I thought
00:38:40.18\00:38:43.28
to myself, "I can't
do this. No, no, no, no,
00:38:43.42\00:38:47.82
no. I won't do
it. I'm going to rely
00:38:47.89\00:38:49.96
on the Bible. God,
you've got to help me.
00:38:50.06\00:38:52.39
You've got to get
me through this crisis.
00:38:52.49\00:38:55.13
I love my family.
I want to love You."
00:38:55.20\00:38:58.40
Little by little by little,
the crisis lifted and when
00:39:03.41\00:39:07.64
it finally did and I
was starting to feel normal
00:39:07.74\00:39:10.58
again, all of a
sudden, a speaker-a friend of
00:39:10.65\00:39:14.55
mine-had to cancel
a talk in our church,
00:39:14.62\00:39:16.62
our Newport church
in Washington- Newport,
00:39:16.72\00:39:19.42
Washington where my
family goes. And he said,
00:39:19.49\00:39:21.89
"Steve, I need you
to fill my slot or find
00:39:21.96\00:39:25.26
someone." So, I
thought to myself,
00:39:25.33\00:39:28.30
"Lord, do You want
me to share my story
00:39:28.40\00:39:31.70
publicly?" So, I
did. I preached that
00:39:31.80\00:39:36.47
Sabbath. I called my
talk, "I Can't Sleep. My
00:39:36.54\00:39:40.81
Crisis - God's
Victory!" I showed Bible verses.
00:39:40.91\00:39:45.35
There are so many
verses-Psalm 107 is
00:39:45.41\00:39:48.78
another very,
very powerful section
00:39:48.92\00:39:51.59
that really, really
helped me through this
00:39:51.65\00:39:55.92
crisis. Psalm 107
says, "Oh, that men would
00:39:55.99\00:40:00.80
give thanks to the
Lord for His goodness,
00:40:00.90\00:40:03.00
for His wonderful
work to the children of
00:40:03.10\00:40:04.53
men. He has broken
the gates of bronze; He
00:40:04.63\00:40:06.94
has cut the bars of
iron in two. Their soul
00:40:07.04\00:40:10.67
abhorred all manner
of food"-that was me-
00:40:10.74\00:40:13.58
"and they drew near
to the gates of death."
00:40:13.64\00:40:16.31
That's the way I felt.
"Then they cried out to
00:40:16.41\00:40:18.75
the Lord in their
trouble and He saved
00:40:18.88\00:40:20.62
them out of their
distresses." I circled
00:40:20.68\00:40:23.32
"out"- all these underlying
words, "God, You gotta
00:40:23.42\00:40:28.12
do this for me!" And
so, when He did, and I
00:40:28.19\00:40:32.19
read that verse in
my sermon on Sabbath,
00:40:32.29\00:40:34.76
I shared the story.
CA, the response from
00:40:34.86\00:40:39.27
the church members
was phenomenal. I never
00:40:39.33\00:40:42.74
expected this but
people came up to me and said,
00:40:42.80\00:40:44.91
"I could SO much
relate to your struggles." We
00:40:44.97\00:40:47.31
recorded that talk
and put it on audio
00:40:47.38\00:40:49.24
verse. It's now on
audioverse.org. People
00:40:49.34\00:40:52.55
can search for it -
"I Can't Sleep - Steve
00:40:52.61\00:40:54.18
Wohlberg." We put
it on audio verse and
00:40:54.28\00:40:56.65
the response was so
phenomenal from people
00:40:56.75\00:41:00.79
that heard that talk,
they were so encouraged
00:41:00.89\00:41:04.33
by it that God
can help people in the
00:41:04.43\00:41:06.93
midst of discouragement,
darkness, medication,
00:41:07.00\00:41:09.10
struggle, depression,
anxiety, etc., and that's
00:41:09.20\00:41:13.17
what motivated me to
put the book together
00:41:13.27\00:41:17.27
because I thought,
"Lord, You brought me
00:41:17.37\00:41:19.54
out of this." Psalm
40 says, "Many will see
00:41:19.64\00:41:23.01
in fear and trust the
Lord." If you can use-
00:41:23.14\00:41:25.38
when I was at
Weimar, one of my counselors-
00:41:25.48\00:41:27.95
she looked at me
and she was so excited.
00:41:28.05\00:41:30.15
Her eyes were
just glowing. She said,
00:41:30.29\00:41:33.96
"I'm so excited
that when God gets you
00:41:34.06\00:41:35.72
through this, He's
going to use you to
00:41:35.82\00:41:38.03
help other people."
I looked at her, and in
00:41:38.09\00:41:41.40
that moment, in the
state that I was in,
00:41:41.50\00:41:45.23
I just looked at her and
I just thought to myself,
00:41:45.33\00:41:47.44
"What planet are you
from?" - Yeah. - "I'm
00:41:47.47\00:41:49.60
not even thinking...
I don't know if I can
00:41:49.67\00:41:53.01
get out of this.
How can you be happy for
00:41:53.07\00:41:55.81
me?" But she was
right! She knew, and the Lord
00:41:55.91\00:41:58.91
has just been so good
to me. As I look at my
00:41:59.01\00:42:01.98
whole life, I'm now
59 pushing 60 and I've
00:42:02.08\00:42:06.22
been through a
crisis in a teenage years,
00:42:06.29\00:42:08.46
at the end of my
teens; I was in a crisis in my
00:42:08.52\00:42:10.83
20s, and I've been
through different crisis's,
00:42:10.93\00:42:14.00
but this was the
biggest. But Jesus Christ is
00:42:14.06\00:42:17.47
faithful. The Lord is
faithful. He held my hand,
00:42:17.57\00:42:21.77
He didn't let go in
the midst of all these
00:42:21.87\00:42:24.61
dark thoughts, these
evil thoughts. There was
00:42:24.67\00:42:27.74
a temptation at times,
like I said, to take my
00:42:27.81\00:42:31.11
life and there
were temptations to just
00:42:31.18\00:42:33.48
curse God. Like Job's
wife said to him, "Just curse
00:42:33.55\00:42:38.25
God and die!" You know?
And Job said, "You speak
00:42:38.35\00:42:41.56
like one of the
foolish women speak."
00:42:41.62\00:42:43.12
I just thought, "I
can't do that! I can't do
00:42:45.03\00:42:47.20
that! No, no, no!"
I don't think I got
00:42:47.33\00:42:51.03
myself through this
by my bootstraps. It was
00:42:51.13\00:42:55.07
God and His grace and
His mercy holding onto me.
00:42:55.17\00:42:59.21
- There was enough
of the Lord in you from
00:42:59.27\00:43:00.78
your years with Him
that there was still
00:43:00.88\00:43:02.54
something to grab
onto, and I gotta ask you
00:43:02.64\00:43:05.55
this because what is
still etched in my brain
00:43:05.61\00:43:09.75
is your daughter
crying, thinking she's going to
00:43:09.85\00:43:11.85
lose her dad. When
you finally got back from
00:43:11.92\00:43:16.16
Weimar and they
saw, maybe not the whole
00:43:16.26\00:43:20.26
old Steve but
certainly a lot better than when
00:43:20.33\00:43:22.20
you left, what was the
response of your children
00:43:22.23\00:43:24.30
and your family?
I know you love your
00:43:24.37\00:43:26.33
family. - Of
course, they were very, very
00:43:26.43\00:43:29.00
happy to see me,
but when I got back from
00:43:29.04\00:43:30.91
Weimar, I was still
not out of the woods.
00:43:31.01\00:43:32.74
It took another-
probably another month in
00:43:32.81\00:43:36.14
order to get off the
medication, and it was
00:43:36.24\00:43:40.52
finally thi- it's
like pushing the reset
00:43:40.62\00:43:43.35
button, you know,
like when your phone-
00:43:43.42\00:43:44.79
sometimes you just push
reset to set some things,
00:43:44.85\00:43:48.46
and it was like
finally, God pushed the reset
00:43:48.52\00:43:52.13
button and
everything just, like I said,
00:43:52.23\00:43:57.17
the cloud lifted, but
that took time. It was
00:43:57.27\00:44:01.50
after the cloud
lifted- that's when my kids
00:44:01.60\00:44:05.21
knew and my wife
knew that Steve really is-
00:44:05.27\00:44:08.78
he's coming back to
normal. And of course, they were
00:44:08.88\00:44:11.91
thrilled. Let me
share something that I don't
00:44:11.98\00:44:14.48
think we've gotten
into. When the blood results
00:44:14.55\00:44:17.82
came back from the
lab, as I mentioned, Dr.
00:44:17.92\00:44:20.79
Nedley looked at
my chart and he said,
00:44:20.86\00:44:23.96
"What you're going through
is totally understandable.
00:44:24.03\00:44:26.13
Your brain chemistry is
off, your dopamine levels
00:44:26.23\00:44:30.37
or activity is way
down, your serotonin
00:44:30.43\00:44:33.74
activity
would-these are good hormones
00:44:33.80\00:44:35.27
in the brain-was way down,
00:44:35.34\00:44:38.47
norepinephrine, which
is, I believe, another
00:44:38.57\00:44:41.61
hormone or brain chemical-
I'm not a brain expert-
00:44:41.71\00:44:47.05
but he said that
that was 10 times higher
00:44:47.15\00:44:50.09
than normal and he
recommended- he said,
00:44:50.19\00:44:52.29
"It's totally understandable
what you're going through,"
00:44:52.35\00:44:53.69
and he looked at me
and said, "Steve, we
00:44:53.79\00:44:55.12
can fix this." He
smiled and I looked at him
00:44:55.16\00:44:57.96
like, "Are you sure?
Can you really do this?"
00:44:58.06\00:45:00.36
He said, "We can
fix this!" He said, "I
00:45:00.46\00:45:02.36
have seen this so many
times." One of the things
00:45:02.46\00:45:05.20
that I do in Help
for the Hopeless is,
00:45:05.23\00:45:06.84
at the end, I give
the resources where people
00:45:06.90\00:45:09.37
can go to his website,
they can call his clinic,
00:45:09.44\00:45:11.27
they can get advice,
they can get counseling,
00:45:11.37\00:45:13.81
they can go through
the program; if they can't
00:45:13.88\00:45:15.84
go through the
program, they can get the DVD,
00:45:15.94\00:45:17.45
they can get the
workbook... The resources-
00:45:17.51\00:45:19.38
I attribute the restoration
of my sanity and of my
00:45:19.48\00:45:23.82
life to God, to His
mercy, to His grace,
00:45:23.89\00:45:28.02
to His word, to His
providence, to natural
00:45:28.06\00:45:30.79
remedies, and to
the help that I got from
00:45:30.86\00:45:34.26
Dr. Nedley. When he
saw my brain chemistry
00:45:34.33\00:45:37.50
was off, he recommended
certain supplements. He
00:45:37.63\00:45:40.64
said, "You need
more zinc, you need more
00:45:40.74\00:45:42.17
B6, you need-..."
He looked at genetic
00:45:42.24\00:45:45.21
issues and he
said, "You undermethylate
00:45:45.34\00:45:47.98
and you need more
B12," and various things. So,
00:45:48.08\00:45:51.95
finally, when I got
back from Weimar, I think
00:45:52.01\00:45:53.95
the combination of
the health principles
00:45:54.02\00:45:56.42
that Dr. Nedley
recommended and getting off the
00:45:56.48\00:45:59.05
medication plus the
supplements that began
00:45:59.12\00:46:01.89
to re-balance my
brain chemistry, it was
00:46:01.96\00:46:04.59
a combination of
all these things that
00:46:04.69\00:46:06.76
eventually resulted
in the cloud lifting
00:46:06.86\00:46:09.76
off of me. So, I
have a lot of respect for
00:46:09.83\00:46:12.33
brain chemistry
these days. And Dr. Nedley-
00:46:12.40\00:46:15.40
God used this man to
save my life, and his
00:46:15.47\00:46:19.61
staff and his
program and Nathan and Andrew
00:46:19.67\00:46:22.28
Jasper and the whole
team-it's a wonderful
00:46:22.34\00:46:24.48
program. I can't
recommend it highly
00:46:24.58\00:46:26.31
enough. I don't
know where I'd be-I don't
00:46:26.35\00:46:28.58
think I'd be here if
God didn't route me to
00:46:28.65\00:46:31.75
Weimar to help me
to get the professional
00:46:31.82\00:46:34.22
assistance that I needed.
It was His providence and
00:46:34.32\00:46:38.39
like I said, I'm so grateful.
Now I'm traveling again,
00:46:38.49\00:46:41.30
I'm holding meetings
again, I'm writing books again,
00:46:41.36\00:46:44.40
I'm with my family.
God has- He saved my
00:46:44.47\00:46:49.04
life. He saved my life.
I don't fully understand
00:46:49.14\00:46:52.27
all the reasons why
this crisis happened-I think
00:46:52.37\00:46:56.01
Satan was very much
involved with it. Dr.
00:46:56.08\00:46:58.71
Nedley believes that
there's a possibility that
00:46:58.81\00:47:02.28
the amount of time
that I've spent in front
00:47:02.35\00:47:05.99
of a computer screen
and multitasking that
00:47:06.05\00:47:08.66
that could have contributed
to the upset of my brain
00:47:08.72\00:47:13.80
chemistry, I think genetics
were probably part of it,
00:47:13.83\00:47:16.60
I don't handle stress
well I've learned; my body just
00:47:16.70\00:47:19.20
has inherent
weaknesses and I'm a type A
00:47:19.23\00:47:23.24
personality and the
push, push, push. There was
00:47:23.30\00:47:26.24
no real deep
skeleton in my closet that I'm
00:47:26.31\00:47:30.41
aware of that resulted
in this. It's just this
00:47:30.45\00:47:35.62
mysterious combination.
Whatever it was brought
00:47:35.68\00:47:39.89
me into a tailspin
and God was faithful
00:47:39.99\00:47:42.99
to me and He got me
out. - Amen. Amen and amen.
00:47:43.06\00:47:46.03
A couple things:
one, it occurs to me there
00:47:46.09\00:47:48.60
were some actual physical
things-physiological things-
00:47:48.66\00:47:51.93
happening in your
body that was throwing you
00:47:52.03\00:47:54.04
out of whack. And of
course, that gave occasion
00:47:54.14\00:47:56.91
for demonic
attack- because you're not
00:47:56.94\00:47:59.31
in your right mind.
Course, once you begin
00:47:59.37\00:48:01.44
losing sleep,
you're opening yourself up
00:48:01.54\00:48:04.15
for all kinds of
mental gyrations and things
00:48:04.21\00:48:07.32
going on. So,
it's physical, plus the
00:48:07.38\00:48:10.72
constant spiritual battle
that is swirling around you
00:48:10.79\00:48:13.39
even to this day...
Put that all together
00:48:13.46\00:48:16.56
and put that in a
cup and drink it, you got
00:48:16.62\00:48:20.30
a mess on your
hands. But certainly, we are
00:48:20.40\00:48:23.16
thankful that the
Lord says, Greater is he
00:48:23.26\00:48:24.77
that is in you than he that...
The text you quoted-Hebrews 13,
00:48:24.83\00:48:28.60
"I will never leave
nor forsake you-" I think
00:48:30.11\00:48:31.44
it's in 5 and 6- I
think it's in 6. Right
00:48:31.47\00:48:34.91
behind that, it
says, "We can boldly say
00:48:34.94\00:48:36.88
the Lord is our
helper." So, you can- sometimes,
00:48:36.91\00:48:40.22
that's all you can
hold onto-that "God is my
00:48:40.28\00:48:42.12
helper because
He's promised to be my
00:48:42.18\00:48:43.89
helper." - That's
right. And I've learned
00:48:43.99\00:48:45.65
to rely not on me
at all and not on my
00:48:45.75\00:48:48.69
mind, my thoughts, my
head, my heart, but on
00:48:48.76\00:48:51.96
the Word of the Lord. -
Praise God. - And I've also
00:48:52.03\00:48:55.00
learned- I know that
during the future days,
00:48:55.06\00:48:56.56
it's going to get
real dark for all of us.
00:48:56.60\00:48:58.00
The time of trouble such
as never was, we're going
00:48:58.07\00:49:00.57
to go through terrible
struggles, but I think that
00:49:00.64\00:49:03.34
what I've been through
has helped me to become
00:49:03.44\00:49:06.34
stronger. I want
God to use my experience
00:49:06.41\00:49:09.68
to benefit others
to help other people to
00:49:09.74\00:49:12.48
get out of pits
that they're in. I'm just
00:49:12.55\00:49:15.78
very grateful. It's
like a dream. Now, I can
00:49:15.88\00:49:18.29
work in my garden.
During this time, I had no
00:49:18.39\00:49:20.52
interest in my
garden. I loathed picking
00:49:20.59\00:49:22.86
weeds, I loathed
just mowing my lawn, being
00:49:22.92\00:49:25.39
out there, but now
that's all changed. It's like
00:49:25.46\00:49:27.76
I've been- it's
like a rebirth. It's like
00:49:27.83\00:49:31.33
I'm back and I'm
so grateful and I'm so
00:49:31.40\00:49:34.14
thankful I have the
hope of heaven again;
00:49:34.24\00:49:35.97
I trust Jesus as
my Savior. I'm not
00:49:36.04\00:49:38.34
going to be in that
second resurrection.
00:49:38.44\00:49:40.04
Maybe in the
first resurrection-I'm
00:49:40.11\00:49:41.71
gonna be inside the
city, not outside the city!
00:49:41.74\00:49:43.41
I want God to use
me while I have any
00:49:43.48\00:49:45.51
strength left in
this life. I'm just very
00:49:45.61\00:49:48.88
grateful. - Tell me
before our times gets
00:49:48.95\00:49:52.32
away-we go to our
contact information
00:49:52.42\00:49:54.16
for you-about those
things, those mechanisms
00:49:54.29\00:49:56.86
you're putting in
place now to try to make
00:49:56.93\00:49:58.86
sure as far as you
can physiologically not
00:49:58.93\00:50:02.23
to have a repeat.
You can't take every
00:50:02.26\00:50:05.00
invitation. I know
there's a lot for you
00:50:05.07\00:50:07.40
because you are
White Horse Media, you're
00:50:07.47\00:50:09.34
trying to write,
you're trying to do some
00:50:09.44\00:50:10.77
things you're
trying to maintain so that
00:50:10.81\00:50:12.64
you don't slide
back into that. - Well,
00:50:12.71\00:50:15.24
I'm learned even more
if my type A push, push,
00:50:15.28\00:50:19.41
push personality
contributed to this
00:50:19.48\00:50:22.25
crisis that I cannot
afford to repeat that.
00:50:22.35\00:50:25.95
I've learned
I've got to slow down.
00:50:26.05\00:50:28.86
I'm not immortal.
I'm pushin' 60, and so I
00:50:28.92\00:50:32.49
have to be careful,
I have to pace myself,
00:50:32.56\00:50:35.06
I can't overdo it,
I need to make sure
00:50:35.13\00:50:37.40
that I spend time
exercising, I need
00:50:37.47\00:50:39.47
to drink water, eat a
good diet, get my sleep
00:50:39.50\00:50:42.17
at night, and just
not feel the sense that I
00:50:42.24\00:50:45.51
have to be going,
pushing, doing all the
00:50:45.57\00:50:48.51
time. You know?
We're not saved by
00:50:48.58\00:50:50.58
works; we're saved
by grace. And God knows
00:50:50.65\00:50:54.35
that we're mortal
and that we need to
00:50:54.42\00:50:56.69
pace ourselves and
cooperate with the laws
00:50:56.82\00:50:59.85
that he has built into our
being. So, I've just learned,
00:50:59.92\00:51:03.76
slow down, be careful, be happy,
00:51:03.83\00:51:06.63
trust the Lord, and
don't give the devil
00:51:06.70\00:51:12.90
a foothold. Somebody
once said, "If you give
00:51:12.97\00:51:16.07
him a toehold, he'll
take a foothold, then
00:51:16.14\00:51:19.37
he'll have a
stronghold." And I have learned
00:51:19.47\00:51:21.14
like never before
that the enemy is very
00:51:21.21\00:51:24.21
real and Jesus
Christ is greater than
00:51:24.28\00:51:27.05
Satan and we've got
to rely on the Word of
00:51:27.18\00:51:29.15
God above everything
else. - You know, I was
00:51:29.22\00:51:32.19
reading- my wife and I
were reading for a devotion
00:51:32.25\00:51:33.92
or something this
morning- JUST this morning of
00:51:33.99\00:51:36.52
Oswald Chambers
talking about being
00:51:36.59\00:51:39.83
in love with the work
and making a god of the
00:51:39.93\00:51:42.13
work and
forgetting about making a god
00:51:42.23\00:51:45.60
of your work instead
of the Lord-how the work
00:51:45.70\00:51:49.00
can become its own
god. Of course, at that
00:51:49.10\00:51:52.07
point, you've
gone over the edge and
00:51:52.17\00:51:53.64
you're deifying the
work and not the God
00:51:53.68\00:51:55.91
of the work. Someone
who is so involved in
00:51:55.98\00:51:58.38
the work of the Lord
and whose life it is,
00:51:58.45\00:52:01.38
there is a
danger sometimes of even
00:52:01.45\00:52:03.12
pushing the gas pedal
a little too hard even
00:52:03.15\00:52:05.95
for the Lord. So,
we're glad you're back, man.
00:52:06.02\00:52:08.92
And you look good.
You're putting on a
00:52:09.02\00:52:10.36
little weight;
you look a lot better.
00:52:10.39\00:52:11.73
The smile is
back. - Yeah. Well, I've
00:52:11.76\00:52:13.19
always been thin, but
the light is back in my
00:52:13.29\00:52:14.63
eyes. - Praise the
Lord. - Praise the Lord
00:52:14.66\00:52:16.00
Jesus Christ. I
want Him to be glorified
00:52:16.06\00:52:18.03
in all of this. -
All right. We want to go
00:52:18.10\00:52:20.34
to the contact information
for White Horse Media.
00:52:20.37\00:52:22.44
You may want to get
this book, Help for the
00:52:22.50\00:52:26.44
Hopeless. This is
powerful. If you have
00:52:26.51\00:52:28.98
someone who may be
going through some stuff,
00:52:29.04\00:52:31.31
I think this will
help. This is a good book
00:52:31.38\00:52:34.38
just to read even if
you're not in a particularly
00:52:34.45\00:52:37.42
depressive state. This
will give you some tools
00:52:37.49\00:52:39.69
to maybe help some
people and to encourage
00:52:39.75\00:52:42.66
your own walk.
Should you like to get this
00:52:42.76\00:52:45.09
book or talk with
Steve or to get him
00:52:45.16\00:52:48.76
to come to your
church or your group to talk
00:52:48.80\00:52:52.43
about some of these
things, he'd be happy
00:52:52.47\00:52:53.80
to do so-work
you into schedule. We
00:52:53.84\00:52:55.64
can't work him too
hard but he's still
00:52:55.67\00:52:57.01
working for the
Lord. Here is the contact
00:52:57.04\00:52:58.77
information for
White Horse Media
00:52:58.84\00:53:00.58
should you want to
make contact or support
00:53:00.71\00:53:02.91
financially this
very, very fine ministry.
00:53:02.98\00:53:05.18
If you would like
to obtain your copy of
00:53:10.12\00:53:12.05
Steve Wohlberg's
testimony called "Help
00:53:12.09\00:53:14.32
for the Hopeless,"
or if you would like to
00:53:14.39\00:53:16.59
support White Horse
Media's work, reaching
00:53:16.66\00:53:18.89
out to the world
with the gospel, please
00:53:18.96\00:53:21.10
visit whitehorsemedia.com.
There, you'll find a
00:53:21.16\00:53:24.73
huge selection of
DVDs, books, CDs, Bible
00:53:24.80\00:53:28.40
study resources, and
ministry information.
00:53:28.44\00:53:31.07
That web address again
is whitehorsemedia.com.
00:53:31.17\00:53:34.94
You may also call
them at (800) 782-4253
00:53:35.04\00:53:40.02
or write to White
Horse Media Post Office Box
00:53:40.08\00:53:43.42
130 Priest River, Idaho 83856.
00:53:43.52\00:53:49.02