Participants:
Series Code: TDY
Program Code: TDY017108A
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00:01 I want to spend my life
00:07 Mending broken people 00:12 I want to spend my life 00:18 Removing pain 00:23 Lord, let my words 00:29 Heal a heart that hurts 00:34 I want to spend my life 00:39 Mending broken people 00:45 I want to spend my life 00:50 Mending broken people 01:10 Well, hello and we welcome you to another 3ABN Today. 01:14 Shelley, it's always a joy... Yes, it is. 01:16 To be able to bring our guest into your living room. 01:18 And, Shelley, we have got an amazing guest with us today. 01:21 We're gonna have fun today. 01:22 We are. 01:24 I've just got to tell you right out the gate 01:26 that we've got Kay Kuzma with us 01:28 and she hadn't written a book. 01:30 Kay, how long has it been since you've written a book? 01:32 Probably five years. 01:33 And she has written another book and it's for... 01:36 Ladies, it's for us. 01:38 Yes, most of the time it's parenting 01:41 or something that we have been done in the past. 01:45 This is present. 01:47 This is present. 01:48 For all of us who are getting older. 01:53 In our golden years. 01:54 That's the name of the book, by the way, 01:57 "Gold for My Girlfriends." 01:59 And you know what, Kay? 02:00 We're all just so excited to read the book. 02:04 And I want you to know we've got the book here, 02:06 it's in our call center, 02:08 and we are gonna give you an opportunity 02:10 to get this book. 02:11 You will be so blessed. 02:13 And I have to say, even though it was written for women, 02:15 the information in the book 02:17 and the counsel in the book for dealing with aging, 02:21 for dealing with loss, 02:23 for having a fulfilling life, 02:26 men will want to read this. 02:28 So, ladies, once you finish reading it, 02:30 let your husband read it. 02:31 You know, I was thinking about that how it's, you know, 02:34 it's for we ladies. 02:36 But, you know, 02:37 it doesn't matter what your age is, ladies. 02:39 One day you'll be a golden girl, too. 02:42 And we've got so far ahead of ourselves, 02:45 but I am so excited to have Kay here 02:48 and to talk about this book. 02:50 But before we really let Kay tell us 02:56 about the writing of the book 02:57 and all that she has in store for us, 03:00 I want to share some scriptures with you 03:03 and I want to share Titus 2:1 through 5. 03:08 And those scriptures say, "But as for you, 03:12 speak the things which are proper 03:14 for sound doctrine, 03:15 that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, 03:19 sound in faith, in love, in patience, 03:22 the older women likewise, 03:25 that they be reverent in behavior, 03:27 not slanderers, not given to much wine, 03:31 teachers of good things 03:33 that they admonish the young women 03:35 to love their husbands, to love their children, 03:38 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, 03:41 good, obedient to our own husbands, 03:44 that the Word of God may not be blasphemed." 03:47 And I just kind of wanted to lay that little foundation 03:50 because, Kay, as you are writing a book, 03:56 giving us all these... 03:58 Oh, the pearls of your wisdom and these golden nuggets 04:03 that you've dug up from God's Word, 04:07 it's so that we all will be godly women 04:11 and that God may not be blasphemed, so... 04:14 And that is so true. 04:15 I find, as I'm talking to women, my age or... 04:20 In the golden age, 04:22 they find that God's Word is one of the things 04:27 that have helped them most 04:29 getting through the difficulties 04:31 that might come, the illnesses, the loss of a husband, 04:35 or whatever it might be, 04:38 but holding on to God's Word is the anchor. 04:42 There are a number of other things too 04:43 that are in the book. 04:45 Well, we want to mind this very deeply. 04:47 I want to go over some of the titles, 04:49 but before we do, we have got this lovely lady. 04:53 Yeah, she is precious. 04:54 Shelley, I am going to ask you to please introduce her to us. 04:58 Okay, we have with us today Natalia Nesteruk 05:02 and she's going to sing for us "My Father's Heart." 05:18 Let everything that breathes 05:23 Praise You 05:27 The earth, the sky, the sea, 05:31 Praise You 05:35 Just as nature shows to us 05:40 Your blessing 05:44 Soon I find my heart 05:48 Confessing 05:58 My love is not my own 06:04 It all belongs to You 06:09 And after all You've done 06:11 The least that I can do 06:18 Is live my life 06:22 In every part 06:26 Only to please 06:28 My Father's heart 06:41 Love is all Your need 06:45 To heal us 06:49 Flowing from Your presence 06:54 Jesus 06:58 And with one voice we'll sing 07:02 Together 07:07 And this will be our song 07:11 Forever 07:20 My love is not my own 07:27 It all belongs to You 07:31 And after all You've done 07:34 The least that I can do 07:41 Is live my life 07:45 In every part 07:49 Only to please 07:52 My Father's heart 08:31 My love is not my own 08:37 It all belongs to You 08:42 And after all You've done 08:45 The least that I can do 08:52 Is live my life 08:56 In every part 09:00 Only to please 09:03 My Father's heart 09:12 Only to please 09:15 My Father's heart. 09:39 Thank you, Natalia. 09:40 She sings beautifully, doesn't she? 09:42 Yes. She is so precious. 09:43 Precious Romanian friend. 09:45 Yes, she is. 09:46 Well, if you're just joining us, 09:48 my name is Mollie Steenson, this is Shelley Quinn, 09:51 and we have with us today 09:53 our precious friend Kay Kuzma, 09:56 who has written a new book. 09:58 Shelley, show us the picture of the book. 10:00 This book is called "Gold for My Girlfriends" 10:03 and it's nuggets of wisdom 10:05 for those who are growing older. 10:08 And it's interesting because Kay is noted for... 10:12 I think best noted for your books 10:14 on family and children and education, 10:18 and all of those things, 10:20 but you have written a book about life, 10:23 about the golden years of life and growing older. 10:27 This is my book. 10:30 This is where I am right now. 10:33 This is where I'm so excited to help others. 10:37 And, you know, I'm still interested in moms 10:40 and dads and the parenting, 10:42 and still interested 10:44 in the inspirational things that I do, 10:47 but this is fun. Yeah. 10:49 You're doing the fun stuff. Yes. 10:51 I noticed that you dedicated this book to your mother. 10:56 Why did you dedicate it to mom? 10:58 Well, because she is the only one in the world 11:03 that I know that has a middle name "Golden." 11:07 You did. That's her middle name? 11:08 That's her middle name. 11:10 And when I decided that 11:11 this was going to be for those of us 11:14 in the golden age, 11:16 which isn't all it's trumped up to be. 11:18 And a little humor we can use there. 11:23 But anyway, 11:24 I realized my mom was basically my model, 11:30 the person that gave me 11:34 the encouragement to be everything that I could be. 11:38 And she showed you 11:39 how to walk through these golden years too 11:42 as she went on looking for you. She certainly did, yes. 11:44 Well, I know that we want to know, 11:50 and you've given us some of the reasons, 11:52 you would write a book 11:53 for women as they're getting older. 11:55 I know it's because that's where you are now. 11:57 And you can write best 11:59 about what you're experiencing at the time. 12:01 Oh, that's so true. 12:03 Yeah. 12:06 My husband passed away in 2016. 12:10 And I thought I was ready for those of you, 12:14 you know, who followed me. 12:18 He had a stroke 20 years before that. 12:20 And so he was basically living on what could be termed 12:25 "borrowed time." 12:26 But when he actually passed away, 12:30 I took a nosedive. 12:32 I couldn't believe myself. I thought I was prepared. 12:35 And that's when I realized that I've got to do something. 12:41 I gave up my idea of speaking. 12:45 I turned down many requests. 12:47 And actually, Brenda Walsh got a hold of me 12:50 and kind of pushed me in that direction. 12:53 "No, you've got to call people back, 12:55 you've got to tell them you will come." 12:57 And so my girlfriends 13:01 have basically helped me out of that slump. 13:05 And I began to realize, 13:07 "Wow, we need to help each other. 13:10 We need to encourage each other. 13:13 We need to share Bible text with each other. 13:16 This is the time of the life not to give up. 13:18 This is the time 13:20 when you can have a new plan for your life 13:22 and move forward 13:23 and do what God really has for you to do." 13:26 And, you know, Kay, you and Jan were married over 55 years. 13:30 I know that my aunt, when my uncle died, 13:34 she said, and he was in hospice as was Jan. 13:39 But she said it took a year to get her feet under her 13:45 and another year to walk without wobbling. 13:47 And I have shared that with a number of people 13:50 and they just go, "Yes!" 13:53 Did you feel like 13:55 you lost part of your identity when he died? 13:58 For the last five or six years, I was Kay Kuzma, 14:02 the wife of my husband Jan Kuzma. 14:06 And I took... Who was very accomplished? 14:08 Who was very accomplished. 14:10 But I was his caregiver, that was my title. 14:14 Caregiver to my husband. 14:16 And when he died, I had nothing. 14:20 I didn't have any books in my head 14:22 that I was ready to write, except maybe his life story. 14:25 And I just kind of said, 14:30 "I'll sit here in my home in Kauai, 14:33 I'll enjoy the sun, I'll go swimming every noon, 14:37 I will, you know..." 14:39 But I didn't feel a calling at that moment. 14:43 It did take a while to stop the wobbling 14:46 and to get up and go. 14:48 You know something that I admired 14:50 and respected about you so much for all those years 14:54 that Jan after his stroke 14:57 when you went... 14:58 As far as I could tell, 15:00 you didn't go anywhere without him. 15:02 I know you brought him to 3ABN numerous times 15:06 and you were always so kind and good and gentle with him. 15:10 And you were such an example for other women to follow. 15:14 Now I'll say this... 15:16 And most people know this. 15:18 Now my husband has had a stroke. 15:20 And just having you as an example to follow, 15:25 you know, you've patterned for me 15:28 the gentle kindness 15:31 that a stroke victim needs to receive. 15:34 And so I just want to tell you how much I appreciate you 15:38 for your kindness and goodness 15:39 to that precious husband of yours. 15:41 Thank you. 15:42 And as I think about how, 15:43 he was the one after my husband had a stroke here at 3ABN, 15:48 he was the one that actually brought him home to Tennessee 15:50 at that time. 15:52 So it's amazing how our lives are intertwined. 15:56 They certainly are. 15:57 But I... 15:59 I want to read this that you wrote in your book, 16:01 I copied this out. 16:04 "You say, 16:05 "I would never wish a disability on anyone, 16:10 but life happens. 16:11 And the important thing is to accept it and move forward 16:15 with grace, courage, and creativity, 16:19 knowing that God will never ask more of us 16:22 than we're able to handle." 16:24 What a powerful, powerful statement 16:27 because, you know, life happens, 16:30 we never know what's ahead of us. 16:33 You didn't know the day before Jan had his stroke 16:37 that you're whole... 16:38 You were about to have a paradigm shift 16:40 that would never go back 16:41 to what was normal at that time. 16:43 Exactly. 16:44 When Hal... 16:46 When I realized he'd had a stroke, 16:48 I realized at that moment, 16:50 my life will never be the same again. 16:53 And so Kay's book, just from what I've read 16:58 is a book of encouragement for all of us 17:01 because you don't know what you're going to, 17:04 what you're gonna have to walk through next. 17:06 Exactly. 17:07 But the exciting thing is, 17:09 is that God foresees everything that we're going to experience. 17:14 He's in the process right at this moment 17:17 preparing us for that. 17:19 And if we can hold on to the fact 17:22 that He'll never allow us to go through anything 17:25 that He knows we can't bear, 17:29 He is there. 17:31 And so I think when Jan had his stroke, 17:35 I did make the commitment 17:37 that I would never again travel without him. 17:40 My number one goal was to make sure that his life, 17:44 every single day was of interest, 17:47 it was meaningful. 17:49 And so we did amazing things after that first stroke. 17:53 I mean, we even went to Israel. 17:56 We went on trips that nobody else would. 17:59 We went to more women's ministry retreats 18:02 than probably any other man in history has attended. 18:06 And he was coddled and... 18:09 Oh, they loved him. Yeah. 18:11 He was easy to love. 18:13 He was easy to love. Yeah, yeah. 18:14 Can I back you up for just a second? 18:16 Okay. 18:17 Because your book is not just about grief. 18:19 No, it is not. 18:20 I mean, you've got that, covers that. 18:23 But it's hard enough... 18:25 You know, it's interesting as we age, 18:27 it is interesting 18:29 to even contemplate your own mortality. 18:33 I mean that to me is something that... 18:35 You know, when you're young 18:36 you think you're going to live forever. 18:37 But then as you get older you begin to think, 18:39 "Oh, maybe I've got 10 more good years." 18:42 You talk a lot about aging in this book. 18:46 And how to... 18:47 I don't know that any of us age gracefully as we should, 18:50 but you talk about getting older. 18:54 What is some of your best advice 18:56 for those who are getting older? 18:58 I think the very key that I can say is, 19:02 your life should not be measured 19:04 by how old you are or how many breaths you take, 19:08 but the moments that take your breath away. 19:11 Oh, yes. That's wonderful. 19:13 You know, if you can continue to find those fun things to do, 19:18 I always have an idea in my mind 19:20 about something I'm gonna do this week 19:22 or something today 19:24 or a trip that maybe I can take 19:28 or a book that I can read, 19:30 that I can hardly wait to open its cover. 19:32 If I can look forward to something, 19:34 those memorable moments will happen, 19:38 you'll find that 19:39 it's not so bad what you're going through, 19:42 you know. 19:43 You've got... 19:44 I mean, all your girlfriends are there to do things with. 19:49 I have had reunions now with my girlfriends 19:52 way back at Campion Academy. 19:55 Fancy teas... 19:57 I mean, I even traveled from Kauai 19:59 to Portland to do it. 20:01 I would've never done it before. 20:03 But you had to plan these things. 20:05 You had to actively think of things to do. 20:08 You know, that's something that Shelley and JD and Helen, 20:12 and I went on vacation. 20:13 And I had... Did I have that vacation plan down? 20:15 Oh, boy, she's a planner. I am the planner. 20:18 And my plans are always written in pencil. 20:20 But I have found, if you don't make plans, 20:24 you're liable just to, just not do anything. 20:27 So I'm always making plans. 20:28 My sisters, we get together three or four times a year. 20:32 They count on me to make the plans. 20:34 And I don't care whether we follow, 20:36 you know, those plans. 20:38 But if you don't have a plan like I said, plan a tea, 20:42 plan something fun to do, 20:44 always have something out there to look forward to. 20:48 And then if you don't... Write them in pencil. 20:52 If you don't do it, it's not the end of the world. 20:53 But have something out there to look forward to. 20:57 Some of the best advice I got was, 21:00 people who have a purpose seemed to do better, 21:05 no matter where they are in terms of the age. 21:08 A purpose, someone to love, a goal to achieve, 21:13 some place to go, have a purpose in mind. 21:17 And when you do... 21:19 Especially in terms of Bible study, 21:21 a lot of my friends are really into Bible study right now. 21:25 They never had time before. 21:26 They're learning things that 21:28 they never knew it was in the Bible. 21:30 And so often we think well, we'll just read a good book. 21:33 We'll read one of Shelley's books, okay. 21:36 And then we will know what we need to know, 21:39 but that's just a beginning. 21:43 But when you start to dig, 21:44 when you have that goal 21:46 to learn yourself from scripture, 21:48 it's amazing 21:50 how it just brings a sense of light to your life 21:56 no matter how old you are. 21:57 You know what I'm thinking, Kay? 21:59 What you said about purpose, 22:00 that's something that every day when we get up, 22:03 I praise God all the way to work, we pray... 22:07 And I always thank Him for giving me. 22:09 You know, it's wonderful to wake up with purpose. 22:12 You know, sometimes we see people who retire, 22:15 who, if they don't plan, if they don't have a purpose, 22:19 there's a lot of people in retirement years 22:22 who end up becoming depressed and they... 22:27 It's important that we do seek purpose. 22:31 And God's got a plan for everyone's life 22:33 and purpose right to the end, doesn't He? 22:36 Depression is one of the big things 22:39 that we have to make sure that we know how to deal with. 22:44 Sometimes we need to go get professional help. 22:48 Sometimes we need medication. 22:50 But sometimes we need to just get up, 22:53 get dressed, go outside, and then... 22:58 In some of the books I've been reading, 23:00 I came across Stasi Eldridge's book. 23:03 I don't know if you've read it or not, 23:05 but it's called "Captivating" 23:06 and it's on God's relationship to a woman. 23:10 And she says, 23:12 that when you go out in nature and you see beautiful things, 23:17 that's God's way of telling you how beautiful you are, 23:23 that's God's way of inspiring, 23:26 putting His spirit right into you. 23:30 And if you can do that, you can look at a rainbow, 23:34 you can look at a flower and you can say, 23:36 "Wow, God, thank You for speaking to me. 23:39 I know You think I am beautiful. 23:42 And I love You all the more for, 23:45 for what You have done for me." 23:47 And it begins a conversation. 23:49 It doesn't make God so abstract. 23:52 It brings right down to the beauty He has given us 23:55 to enjoy that, as we look at it we can say, 24:00 God is speaking to us that we too are beautiful. 24:03 And He has a plan for our lives. 24:05 And it keeps us in a positive frame of mind, 24:08 instead of the negative frame of mind. 24:10 Exactly. Exactly. 24:12 And have you seen that, having that positive attitude 24:17 has been a salvation for us all I think? 24:21 Yes. 24:22 Now I have been blessed 24:24 with a husband who had an amazing positive attitude 24:27 and I've tried to maintain that, that spirit. 24:30 So there are some who have not had that in their lives. 24:35 And their parents have been very negative. 24:39 The key thing to remember is, 24:42 you can choose 24:44 whether your glass is half empty or half full. 24:46 Absolutely. Yes. 24:47 You can choose to see a positive and a negative. 24:51 Well, if that would've happened, 24:53 I would have never met this other person. 24:55 And if you can go through life saying, 24:59 "Hey, I choose to be positive. 25:02 Because number one, it's good for my health. 25:06 I'll have less depression. I'll have less health problems. 25:11 I'll recover better 25:13 from whatever health problems that I have. 25:16 I live longer." 25:18 I mean, all those reasons are good reasons to be positive, 25:22 plus it does something to the people you're with. 25:26 If they see you just as a negative person, 25:28 you're really not very much fun. 25:30 And they don't want to be around you. 25:31 Yeah. That's the truth. 25:33 They will try to avoid that old lady who is, you know, 25:38 just grumpy and whatever, you know. 25:40 But if you have a positive attitude and can... 25:44 Even though you're very, very ill, 25:47 just put a smile on your face. 25:50 It's amazing what it can do to others 25:54 to catch the spirit of being positive. 25:58 Yeah, smiles produce smiles. 25:59 You know, I have been accused 26:04 of doing Alabama Witticisms, I think 26:07 they call them around here. 26:09 I think we were talking about that a little earlier. 26:11 I don't know where I come up with some of these things, 26:13 but I have a mother 26:14 that had a very positive attitude 26:16 and something that mother said, 26:19 I can't tell you the times, 26:21 is a man's about as happy as his mind, too. 26:24 Now that is from an Alabama terminology, 26:27 I'll admit that. 26:29 But you are about as happy as you've mind to be, 26:31 as you set your mind to be. 26:33 And I agree with that, that philosophy. 26:36 And I know every morning after we do worship, 26:39 what do I normally say to the ladies? 26:42 "Let's have fun today. 26:43 You can make it your choice, so let's have fun today. 26:47 Find something fun to do." 26:49 But, you know, I think about, there are people who... 26:53 In your case... 26:54 How many years were you married, 56 years? 26:57 Actually we knew each other for 56 years 26:59 but we were married for 53. 27:01 Okay, 53 years. 27:02 You've spent with a person for 53 years. 27:06 Now all of a sudden, your identity... 27:10 No matter you have... 27:11 I mean, you're accomplished author, 27:13 you're very well educated, you have your own identity, 27:17 yet our identities are so melded with our spouse 27:22 that when a spouse does pass, 27:24 I think everyone goes through an identity crisis. 27:27 And especially because 27:29 you're used to being real couple 27:30 and then the couples you ran around with, 27:32 suddenly you're kind of like a third wheel. 27:36 I think for me, 27:38 we have no children and I can contemplate it. 27:41 What if something happened to JD? 27:44 What is it, Psalm 66:8 something like that... 27:48 The Bible says, "God sets the lonely in families." 27:52 We have to rely on the promises of God. 27:55 But we do have to wake up and say, 27:58 "Lord, I know a merry heart go with, good like a medicine." 28:01 Help me today. 28:04 You know, show me the way to step out, 28:08 not be fearful but be more adventurous. 28:10 What advice do you give to people 28:13 who aren't adventurous by nature? 28:18 Well, I would tell them to start 28:20 by going regularly to church. 28:22 Amen. 28:23 There is an amazing group of individuals 28:27 that can pull around you. 28:29 Many times they don't, 28:31 because they don't know what you're going through. 28:33 And it's not their custom to just go knocking on doors 28:38 or calling without having an invitation. 28:42 So I think you need to reach out 28:44 and let people know. 28:46 "Hey, I need a friend. 28:49 Come over. 28:50 I can make really good hot tea," 28:54 or whatever it might be, you know. 28:56 You don't have to put on a banquet 28:58 or something like that. 28:59 But I found my girlfriends in church are really great. 29:04 I also find now in Kauai 29:07 that I don't have a lot of friends 29:09 that I can go visit 29:11 because I'm on a little teeny tiny island. 29:14 I can only go 50 miles in one way 29:16 and then I've to turn around and go the other way, 29:18 you know, and that's it. 29:20 So I think 29:21 it's important to have people 29:28 who that maybe you wouldn't be friends with, 29:32 'cause we have a little small church. 29:34 But to, just say to them, 29:38 "You know, I've got to have something to do Saturday night. 29:41 I go crazy if I'm alone Saturday night." 29:46 And somehow let them know you are lonely. 29:51 And I'm lucky because I have my son and daughter-in-law 29:56 and three grandkids who live just under me. 29:58 I'm in this studio apartment on top 30:01 with a great view of the ocean, by the way. 30:04 But... 30:07 So I and my sister also moved over to Kauai, 30:12 she and her husband did, 30:14 so I have a great family. 30:17 But I have noticed 30:19 that my sister is a little bit more outgoing 30:21 than I am. 30:22 And she has made more close friends 30:26 in the little tiny bit that she has been there 30:29 than I have made 30:31 because I can just be happy just reading a book, 30:35 just writing 30:36 and she is the social one. 30:39 I have learned something from her. 30:41 And we can all learn something not just from sisters 30:45 but from our girlfriends 30:47 that can help us be better people, reach out, 30:52 be more interested in the lives of others. 30:55 So I think that's really important. 30:58 Don't just sit at home and wallow in your pity, 31:02 and have a pity party, you know. 31:04 Get out, do something, visit the neighbor next door. 31:07 She'll probably be shocked that you did it, 31:10 but do it 31:11 and you'll be surprised who you meet. 31:15 And another thing I found. 31:17 If I always speak to someone who is helping me, 31:23 as I check out of the grocery store or Costco. 31:26 We don't have too many stores on Kauai 31:27 but we do have Walmart and Costco. 31:30 But as I check out, 31:32 if I'll say something fun 31:34 to the person who's checking me out, 31:37 I get a response from them, they're surprised, 31:40 people don't talk to them, you know. 31:42 And I get the benefit of seeing that smile come back, 31:46 and I walk out of the store as if I've made another friend. 31:49 I'll look for that person the next time I go. 31:51 And it does become another friend, 31:54 maybe not a close one, 31:56 but someone that you can interact with. 31:58 So what I'm taking away from this is, 32:00 we all have to get old, 32:02 we just don't have to get old in negative and morose, 32:05 we get old and happy, that's what we want to be. 32:07 And we can do more than you ever think possible. 32:11 And I've put a number of examples in the book 32:15 that I have just admired so much as a writer. 32:21 I didn't realize that Laura Ingalls Wilder 32:25 didn't write her first book until... 32:27 That's "Little House on the Prairie." 32:29 Yeah, "Little House on the Prairie." 32:30 She was 65. I said, "Wow!" 32:33 That was old back in her day. 32:35 And then her last book was published when she was 76. 32:39 And I said, "Wow." 32:40 You know, that can give us... 32:43 So many people say, "Well, I didn't start early enough. 32:45 I don't have the contacts." 32:47 You have no idea what God has in store for you. 32:51 Do you know how old Grandma Moses was 32:53 when she started painting? 32:54 Ninety's or hundred? 32:55 Well, she was actually 78 32:57 when she started painting professionally 33:02 but she painted into her 90s. 33:05 And I said, "That's amazing." 33:07 But then there's Hulda Crooks. 33:09 I lived in Loma Linda next to Hulda Crooks. 33:12 I used to watch her as a young mother, 33:15 as she would put a 60 pound pack of rocks 33:22 in her backpack. 33:24 And there she was 70, some 80 years of age 33:29 walking up and down the steps between where the market is 33:33 and where the School of Public Health was 33:35 and I would just jump in my car and go. 33:39 I mean, I had no... 33:40 She did this 33:42 for exercise purposes, for resistance? 33:43 She did for exercise 33:45 because she began climbing mountains 33:47 when she was 65. Wow. 33:49 And she climbed Mount Whitney, I don't know how many times 33:54 but almost every year between the age of 65 and 91 34:00 and that wasn't the only mountain she climbed. 34:03 I mean, and that's the highest mountain 34:04 in the United States. 34:05 So it's amazing the stories of people 34:08 who start in their 60s or even 70s 34:12 and make an incredible contribution 34:15 to mankind 34:17 or an incredible achievements, 34:20 records in terms of what they have done physically. 34:24 And, you know, this is something that, 34:25 I think we all feel like, 34:27 "Oh, I'm getting old and flabby or whatever." 34:29 It's just because we're not exercising. 34:32 Because when we were at Eden valley... 34:35 Oh, this was 10 years ago or so. 34:38 Dick Nunez introduced us to someone who had... 34:41 I mean, he got out, he brought him out, 34:44 and he was in his late 70s. 34:47 And the man started doing one arm pushups. 34:49 And he had arms on him that were just solid as a rock. 34:52 And he's doing all these one arm pushups 34:54 and you're just going, "Wow!" 34:57 And I said he must have be 34:58 in pretty good condition all of his life. 35:00 And he said no, he was an ER doc. 35:02 And he was a doctor, an ER doctor. 35:05 And he said he was in the same condition 35:08 that any ER doctor is in, 35:10 he said he came here all flabby, 35:12 but he had become buffed as the kids call it nowadays. 35:18 Even though he didn't start exercising 35:20 until he was 70 35:21 because he was serious and did it daily. 35:24 He became more physically capable so... 35:28 What is one of the number one cause 35:31 of seniors' health issues is because we get sedentary. 35:35 Isn't that the right word? Yes. Yeah. 35:37 We need to get up and walk and move, and do. 35:39 That's why those people at Loma Linda are so healthy, 35:43 they exercise all the time, 35:44 of course, they've got wonderful weather 35:46 to exercise in. 35:47 You know, that's one of the areas of the world 35:50 where people live the longest 35:52 and it's their lifestyle, so... 35:54 But it's not just there 35:56 or that I see women achieving amazing things. 36:01 When you think, "Oh, 65, retirement age. 36:04 I can just slough off now." 36:06 Listen, if you slough off, then you're gonna be depressed, 36:09 you're gonna not exercise very much, 36:11 you're probably gonna eat unhealthy foods. 36:15 You've got to have that goal to move forward. 36:18 You know, in my research for this book, 36:20 I also found a woman 36:26 by the name of Buder, 36:28 they call her Sister Madonna Buder. 36:32 And she began doing iron triathlons 36:37 at 50 years of age 36:41 and then she continued until she was in her 80s 36:47 and actually 90s. 36:50 And do you know what a triathlon is? 36:54 Yeah. 36:56 I mean, this is... 36:57 and I don't know if I've memorized it all. 36:58 I think probably you took notes on that 37:00 and you might have to help me here. 37:02 2.4 miles swimming 37:05 and this says she was 82 when she did this. 37:09 The 40th time she did it, I think, was when she was 82. 37:13 When she was 82. 37:14 2.4 miles swimming, 37:16 112-mile Black Rock bike, bicycle, 37:22 26.4 miles running. 37:26 And you say setbacks are not failures, 37:30 the only failure is not to try. 37:33 Yes, that actually was her saying, 37:36 you know, if you try and you don't make it, 37:41 just try, try again because... 37:45 If you don't try, you're sure not gonna make it. 37:46 Absolutely. Absolutely. 37:49 And so I think we can take these achievements 37:53 that others have done 37:54 because they've put effort into it, 37:56 they've put planning into it, they've put thought into it, 37:59 they have might have gotten someone to coach them, 38:02 to help them along the way. 38:03 You can do amazing things, you can do everything. 38:07 God has in store for you to do, 38:11 if you just get up and go, just never give up. 38:14 You know, somebody that 38:16 we all love and appreciate her writing so much 38:19 is Sister Ellen G. White. 38:21 And she in her later years went to Australia 38:27 and while she was there, she accomplished mighty things. 38:30 And I've just been there and seen her home there 38:34 and sat down at her desk where she was writing. 38:39 She actually went when she was retirement age at 65. 38:42 And again, back in those years, that was old 38:46 and she spent the next nine years 38:49 working continuously. 38:51 I saw the tree that she sat under 38:53 to write some of the things for the "Great Controversy." 38:57 And it was just so inspiring to me 39:00 that an older person 39:03 could contribute so much to God, to the church. 39:07 I mean, what she did in Australia 39:09 was amazing to bring the work to that part of the world. 39:15 You know, in Psalm 92:14, 39:17 it's talking about those who are planted 39:19 in the house of the Lord, 39:21 that they will bear fruit in their old age. 39:25 And, you know, that they're gonna flourish if we stay... 39:29 I think when we stay connected to the Lord and let Him use us. 39:33 I know we're getting kind of close to the end 39:35 but there's just something I have to ask you. 39:38 Whether, I don't care what it is in your life, 39:41 if you retire, 39:43 suddenly your life... 39:45 or you have to find a new rhythm to life. 39:48 If you lose a spouse, 39:50 most definitely you have to find 39:54 a new rhythm to life. 39:56 As you grow older, 39:57 if you even become incapacitated in some way, 40:00 there's always... 40:04 It's just unbalancing act to find a new rhythm, 40:07 but once you find a rhythm, it can be good again, 40:10 it's a new normal. 40:13 When Jan died, 40:14 did you go through all the stages of grieving? 40:17 Did you... 40:19 I mean, what do you have to say about grief 40:21 'cause that's something that's... 40:23 We all grieve in different ways. 40:26 And I think we have to accept that 40:28 with our sisters or with others, 40:31 you know, that they're not all like we are. 40:34 And so 40:37 get someone to help you through those stages. 40:42 I actually had my family right there. 40:46 My daughter came in immediately, 40:49 she even changed the color of my... 40:53 She painted my room, in other words. 40:56 And everything was changed. 40:58 She got me do pictures on the wall. 41:00 I felt like a new person, almost immediately, 41:03 that I think helped me. 41:05 Others need to take time 41:06 going through their old pictures, 41:08 thinking about the memories that they had. 41:11 So each one of us has a different road to take 41:15 and we've got to accept that. 41:17 Some get through it easier than others, 41:19 some never do. 41:21 I'll never be the same, I know, 41:23 but I can be okay being different. 41:26 I can be okay just chatting with my girlfriends 41:30 and enjoying our time together. 41:33 We have something special because of who we are 41:37 and God wants us to share. 41:39 God doesn't want us to just keep everything inside 41:43 because it's in the sharing that we can help others 41:47 and increase their hope and increase their faith. 41:50 Yeah. 41:52 The author of "My utmost... 41:53 Oswald Chambers, "My Utmost for His Highest." 41:55 There is one of his devotionals, says, 41:59 "Self-pity is straight from the pits of hell." 42:03 And I think that's such a great quote 42:06 because when we're going through 42:09 whatever we're going through, 42:10 I think it's almost human nature 42:13 to when you're knocks down, 42:17 it's human nature to have a little self-pity, 42:20 but we do have to realize 42:22 this is the devils way of keeping us down 42:25 and you've just got to get back up again 42:28 and get with it, don't you? 42:30 God has a plan for your life, 42:32 that plan may change as you go through life. 42:35 But finding that goal, finding that plan 42:39 and doing what you feel God is calling you to do 42:42 is amazing. 42:44 You know, I do not feel as old as I am. 42:47 I'm not gonna tell you how old I am. 42:49 You don't look as old as you are either. 42:51 Well, you don't either, but anyway. 42:55 It's just fun to be inspired by the things that you're doing 43:00 and the people that you're meeting 43:02 and the places that you're going. 43:04 And I know some have the handicap 43:05 of not enough money 43:07 and that becomes a real, real struggle at this time. 43:10 But like my sister who lost her husband, 43:14 he was only 69, she was 67. 43:18 I mean, just so suddenly left a mortgage. 43:23 And she is so excited, 43:26 she's paying off that mortgage, 43:29 she's already gone down two extra years 43:32 and she has this goal to get it down. 43:35 But she also takes time to go to Kauai to see me. 43:39 She also takes time to enjoy her grandchildren 43:45 or her grandchild. 43:46 And she helped 43:48 write a couple chapters in this book. 43:50 And so I really appreciate Dianne, 43:54 who has grieved differently than I did 43:57 and has put her concepts 44:01 and her walk into the book. 44:07 So I've gotten a lot of help from a lot of people 44:10 to put this together. 44:11 You know, we could go to the very basics 44:13 of that grieving process 44:16 when we have a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. 44:20 And we know that our spouse is asleep in Jesus. 44:24 Oh, what comfort that brings. Amen. 44:26 I do, my heart does really hurt for those that are grieving 44:31 and they don't have that assurance 44:34 that their husbands or their spouse 44:37 or their left one is asleep in Jesus. 44:40 But the thing that we can be assured by 44:44 is that God has a plan for us. 44:48 And His plan is perfect for us. 44:52 And whatever that plan is, that we may not know, 44:57 we can rest in the assurance that we are okay. 45:01 Amen. God has this in His hands. 45:03 I just want to add one thing 45:05 you mentioned earlier about the importance of the Word. 45:07 And I have a dear friend that when her husband died 45:10 and she expected it. 45:11 I mean, he had cancer for a number of years, 45:15 went into remission back and forth 45:18 but the last time around, she knew it was coming. 45:21 And when he died, 45:23 she just is such an active person, 45:25 but she shut herself off for about nine months. 45:28 And just spent that time in the Word 45:34 and God... 45:35 You know, she kept telling me I'll never remarry, 45:38 I'll never remarry 45:40 and nothing will ever be the same. 45:42 And now she's remarried, very active in ministry. 45:44 So the Word of God is not only a source of comfort. 45:49 I think the Word of God is a source of motivation 45:54 to get outside of yourself 45:56 and serve others and do things 45:58 and that's where we find our happiness 46:00 is having that purpose. 46:02 And a hope that we can find there, 46:05 some glorious morning, 46:07 you know, when Jesus comes, everything's gonna be okay. 46:12 Amen. 46:14 And that's what we have to keep thinking about 46:16 and planning for 46:18 and in terms of who we are 46:22 and who we need for companionship, 46:24 He wants to be our spouse, He wants to be our lover, 46:28 He wants us to just hunger and thirst after Him. 46:32 He wants us to read the Song of Solomon. 46:36 And as a woman especially saying, "Wow! 46:39 He's my lover, God, the allegory there..." 46:42 You know, really saying these things to me. 46:45 He wants us to feel romanced. 46:47 He wants us to feel blessed. 46:49 He wants us to feel close, and we can get that from Jesus. 46:54 Yeah, it's true. 46:56 You know, Kay, "Gold for My Girlfriends" 46:58 written for those that are aging gracefully. 47:03 And, you know, I recently read a book 47:06 and the name of the book is "The Emperor of All Maladies," 47:10 it's the history of cancer is what it is. 47:14 And something that I gleaned from that 47:16 was that people are living so much longer 47:19 than they used to. 47:21 And people are saying, "Oh, there's more cancer today 47:23 than there ever was." 47:24 Do you know back in the early 1900s, 47:30 the average age for a man was like 45, 47:34 that was so ripe old age. 47:36 Well, most people get cancer after that age. 47:39 So you think there's more cancer today 47:41 than there ever was? 47:42 When there's not, 47:43 just if these people had continued... 47:45 You know, that cancer isn't... 47:47 Anyway that was just one of the points made 47:50 in this book, 47:51 people are living older. 47:52 And the older you get, 47:55 the more encounters you are going to have 47:59 with some difficult times. 48:00 How would you speak to those that are going through 48:04 these really difficult times with health or money problems 48:08 or what have you? 48:10 We can always learn from what we go through. 48:14 It does not have to be 48:19 an end to life. 48:22 God gives us... 48:25 Well, maybe I should say it this way. 48:29 A good mariner 48:30 doesn't learn to be a good mariner on smooth seas. 48:35 There has to go... 48:37 There has to be some wind, some rough... 48:41 Choppy seas. Choppy seas. 48:43 And as we go through those things, 48:47 actually what we're doing is allowing God to refine us 48:51 to take off the rough edges, 48:54 to allow us to become everything He wants us to be 48:58 'cause He knows it's there 49:00 but sometimes it takes the tough times to get there. 49:04 How has God surprised you in the last... 49:08 after Jan's death? 49:11 How has He surprised you? 49:12 Have you had something that you're just like, 49:14 "Wow, God?" 49:16 I think my biggest surprise 49:19 was the number of girlfriends that I have found 49:23 across the country. 49:25 People who have written to me, my Campion Academy friends. 49:32 I hadn't seen them in years and years and years 49:34 and suddenly, when I'm coming to Portland, 49:36 they host this lovely tea for me. 49:39 I didn't realize that they were there 49:42 until this happened to me. 49:45 And now wherever I go, I just kind of feel like, 49:49 "Wow, I've got girlfriends here and girlfriends there 49:52 and people who will travel with me here." 49:54 And I didn't know they were there 49:56 because I was... 49:57 I had a secure relationship with my family and my husband 50:02 but now that I'm free, I shouldn't say free, 50:06 but now that I'm alone... 50:08 Your normal has changed. 50:10 You no longer have that responsibility. 50:13 Exactly. 50:14 And suddenly I'm traveling, I'm meeting new people, 50:18 I'm making more friends. 50:20 God has opened up a whole new world for me. 50:24 It may not always be in parenting, 50:26 but the interesting thing is, 50:28 I was invited to Australia 50:30 to do a parenting seminar at my age. 50:33 And now I'm invited to Germany and Austria and Switzerland, 50:40 again to do a parenting seminar. 50:41 I never thought that would happen at my age. 50:44 So, yes, I'm interested now in what I'm going through, 50:50 but I'm also interested in continuing to help others 50:54 no matter where the need is, 50:55 in terms of positive relationships. 50:57 God's given me a new energy to move forward. 51:01 Amen. That's amazing. 51:03 You know, 51:04 you are such an inspiration to all of us. 51:07 And I want to just let everyone know again this book 51:10 that Kay has written, 51:12 it will be a blessing to you. 51:13 And, you know, 51:15 if you would like to get one to give as presents 51:18 for your mother, for your grandmother, 51:21 what an incredible tool 51:23 to help people in this aging process 51:26 and to have victory and success. 51:29 And as you heard Kay's saying, 51:31 she has been invited all over the world now 51:34 to do parenting seminars. 51:36 But there are so many other areas 51:38 that you minister in. 51:39 What we're going to do is give the contact information 51:44 for you to get in contact with Kay 51:46 if you would like to invite her 51:48 to come to your ladies meetings. 51:50 Kay, you're anxious to get out and do now, aren't you? 51:52 Oh, and I love women's ministry. 51:55 You will never have more fun in your life 51:58 than if you take time to go to a women's retreat. 52:01 Amen. Amen. 52:02 So I want to encourage you to get your pad and paper 52:06 and take down this contact information. 52:09 And the way you get the book, of course, 52:11 is to call 3ABN 52:12 and we'll certainly make it available to you. 52:16 Book is titled "Gold for My girlfriends," 52:20 this is nuggets of wisdom 52:22 for those who are growing older. 52:25 So now we're going to give you the contact information 52:28 for Kay Kuzma. 52:31 To get your very own copy of "Gold for My Girlfriends" 52:34 by author and speaker Kay Kuzma, 52:36 visit our website 3ABNStore.com 52:40 and order it online. 52:41 You may also call us at 618-627-4651 52:46 and we'll be happy to take your order 52:48 over the phone. 52:49 Our website again is 3ABNStore.com 52:52 or call us at 618-627-4651. 52:57 If you would like to invite Kay Kuzma 52:58 to your women's ministry event, 53:00 she can be reached by email at KayKuzma@aol.com. 53:05 That's KayKuzma@aol.com. |
Revised 2018-03-15