I want to spend my life
00:00:01.36\00:00:07.27
Mending broken people
00:00:07.30\00:00:12.17
I want to spend my life
00:00:12.21\00:00:18.41
Removing pain
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Lord, let my words
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Heal a heart that hurts
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I want to spend my life
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Mending broken people
00:00:39.97\00:00:45.41
I want to spend my life
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Mending broken people
00:00:50.91\00:00:54.42
Well, hello and we welcome
you to another 3ABN Today.
00:01:10.17\00:01:14.00
Shelley, it's
always a joy... Yes, it is.
00:01:14.04\00:01:16.07
To be able to bring our
guest into your living room.
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And, Shelley, we have got
an amazing guest with us today.
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We're gonna have fun today.
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We are.
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I've just got to tell
you right out the gate
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that we've got Kay Kuzma with us
00:01:26.75\00:01:28.72
and she hadn't written a book.
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Kay, how long has it been
since you've written a book?
00:01:30.22\00:01:32.45
Probably five years.
00:01:32.49\00:01:33.82
And she has written
another book and it's for...
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Ladies, it's for us.
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Yes, most of the
time it's parenting
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or something that we
have been done in the past.
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This is present.
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This is present.
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For all of us who
are getting older.
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In our golden years.
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That's the name of
the book, by the way,
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"Gold for My Girlfriends."
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And you know what, Kay?
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We're all just so
excited to read the book.
00:02:00.88\00:02:04.22
And I want you to know
we've got the book here,
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it's in our call center,
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and we are gonna
give you an opportunity
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to get this book.
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You will be so blessed.
00:02:11.86\00:02:13.19
And I have to say, even
though it was written for women,
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the information in the book
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and the counsel in the
book for dealing with aging,
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for dealing with loss,
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for having a fulfilling life,
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men will want to read this.
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So, ladies, once
you finish reading it,
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let your husband read it.
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You know, I was thinking
about that how it's, you know,
00:02:31.45\00:02:34.18
it's for we ladies.
00:02:34.22\00:02:36.28
But, you know,
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it doesn't matter
what your age is, ladies.
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One day you'll be
a golden girl, too.
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And we've got so
far ahead of ourselves,
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but I am so
excited to have Kay here
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and to talk about this book.
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But before we
really let Kay tell us
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about the writing of the book
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and all that she
has in store for us,
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I want to share
some scriptures with you
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and I want to share
Titus 2:1 through 5.
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And those scriptures
say, "But as for you,
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speak the
things which are proper
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for sound doctrine,
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that the older men be
sober, reverent, temperate,
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sound in faith,
in love, in patience,
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the older women likewise,
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that they be
reverent in behavior,
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not slanderers,
not given to much wine,
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teachers of good things
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that they
admonish the young women
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to love their husbands,
to love their children,
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to be discreet,
chaste, homemakers,
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good, obedient
to our own husbands,
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that the Word of God
may not be blasphemed."
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And I just kind of wanted
to lay that little foundation
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because, Kay, as
you are writing a book,
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giving us all these...
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Oh, the pearls of your
wisdom and these golden nuggets
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that you've dug
up from God's Word,
00:04:03.94\00:04:07.28
it's so that we
all will be godly women
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and that God may
not be blasphemed, so...
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And that is so true.
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I find, as I'm
talking to women, my age or...
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In the golden age,
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they find that God's
Word is one of the things
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that have helped them most
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getting through the difficulties
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that might come, the illnesses,
the loss of a husband,
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or whatever it might be,
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but holding on to
God's Word is the anchor.
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There are a number
of other things too
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that are in the book.
00:04:43.75\00:04:45.08
Well, we want to
mind this very deeply.
00:04:45.11\00:04:47.78
I want to go over
some of the titles,
00:04:47.82\00:04:49.95
but before we do, we
have got this lovely lady.
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Yeah, she is precious.
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Shelley, I am going to ask you
to please introduce her to us.
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Okay, we have with us
today Natalia Nesteruk
00:04:58.53\00:05:02.06
and she's going to sing
for us "My Father's Heart."
00:05:02.10\00:05:05.83
Let everything that breathes
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Praise You
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The earth, the sky, the sea,
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Praise You
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Just as nature shows to us
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Your blessing
00:05:40.14\00:05:44.61
Soon I find my heart
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Confessing
00:05:48.64\00:05:53.62
My love is not my own
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It all belongs to You
00:06:04.53\00:06:08.96
And after all You've done
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The least that I can do
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Is live my life
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In every part
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Only to please
00:06:26.41\00:06:28.85
My Father's heart
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Love is all Your need
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To heal us
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Flowing from Your presence
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Jesus
00:06:54.48\00:06:58.15
And with one voice we'll sing
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Together
00:07:02.85\00:07:07.12
And this will be our song
00:07:07.16\00:07:11.79
Forever
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My love is not my own
00:07:20.74\00:07:27.41
It all belongs to You
00:07:27.44\00:07:31.88
And after all You've done
00:07:31.91\00:07:34.85
The least that I can do
00:07:34.88\00:07:41.16
Is live my life
00:07:41.19\00:07:45.09
In every part
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Only to please
00:07:49.03\00:07:52.00
My Father's heart
00:07:52.03\00:07:58.77
My love is not my own
00:08:31.44\00:08:37.58
It all belongs to You
00:08:37.61\00:08:42.28
And after all You've done
00:08:42.32\00:08:45.32
The least that I can do
00:08:45.35\00:08:52.26
Is live my life
00:08:52.29\00:08:56.20
In every part
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Only to please
00:09:00.54\00:09:03.37
My Father's heart
00:09:03.41\00:09:08.14
Only to please
00:09:12.21\00:09:15.22
My Father's heart.
00:09:15.25\00:09:21.99
Thank you, Natalia.
00:09:39.34\00:09:40.68
She sings
beautifully, doesn't she?
00:09:40.71\00:09:42.04
Yes. She is so precious.
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Precious Romanian friend.
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Yes, she is.
00:09:45.11\00:09:46.45
Well, if you're just joining us,
00:09:46.48\00:09:48.05
my name is Mollie
Steenson, this is Shelley Quinn,
00:09:48.08\00:09:51.35
and we have with us today
00:09:51.39\00:09:53.72
our precious friend Kay Kuzma,
00:09:53.76\00:09:56.32
who has written a new book.
00:09:56.36\00:09:58.46
Shelley, show us
the picture of the book.
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This book is called
"Gold for My Girlfriends"
00:10:00.46\00:10:03.87
and it's nuggets of wisdom
00:10:03.90\00:10:05.43
for those who are growing older.
00:10:05.47\00:10:08.67
And it's interesting
because Kay is noted for...
00:10:08.70\00:10:12.57
I think best
noted for your books
00:10:12.61\00:10:14.78
on family and
children and education,
00:10:14.81\00:10:18.01
and all of those things,
00:10:18.05\00:10:20.22
but you have
written a book about life,
00:10:20.25\00:10:23.62
about the golden years
of life and growing older.
00:10:23.65\00:10:27.82
This is my book.
00:10:27.86\00:10:30.43
This is where I am right now.
00:10:30.46\00:10:33.36
This is where I'm so
excited to help others.
00:10:33.40\00:10:37.57
And, you know, I'm
still interested in moms
00:10:37.60\00:10:40.24
and dads and the parenting,
00:10:40.27\00:10:42.20
and still interested
00:10:42.24\00:10:44.94
in the
inspirational things that I do,
00:10:44.97\00:10:47.48
but this is fun. Yeah.
00:10:47.51\00:10:49.61
You're doing the fun stuff. Yes.
00:10:49.64\00:10:51.61
I noticed that you dedicated
this book to your mother.
00:10:51.65\00:10:56.55
Why did you dedicate it to mom?
00:10:56.58\00:10:58.95
Well, because she is
the only one in the world
00:10:58.99\00:11:03.29
that I know that has
a middle name "Golden."
00:11:03.32\00:11:07.33
You did. That's her middle name?
00:11:07.36\00:11:08.70
That's her middle name.
00:11:08.73\00:11:10.07
And when I decided that
00:11:10.10\00:11:11.67
this was going to
be for those of us
00:11:11.70\00:11:14.07
in the golden age,
00:11:14.10\00:11:16.07
which isn't all
it's trumped up to be.
00:11:16.10\00:11:18.61
And a little
humor we can use there.
00:11:18.64\00:11:23.08
But anyway,
00:11:23.11\00:11:24.45
I realized my mom
was basically my model,
00:11:24.48\00:11:30.32
the person that gave me
00:11:30.35\00:11:34.66
the encouragement to be
everything that I could be.
00:11:34.69\00:11:38.49
And she showed you
00:11:38.53\00:11:39.86
how to walk through
these golden years too
00:11:39.89\00:11:42.66
as she went on looking for
you. She certainly did, yes.
00:11:42.70\00:11:44.60
Well, I know
that we want to know,
00:11:44.63\00:11:50.04
and you've given us
some of the reasons,
00:11:50.07\00:11:52.34
you would write a book
00:11:52.37\00:11:53.78
for women as
they're getting older.
00:11:53.81\00:11:55.34
I know it's because
that's where you are now.
00:11:55.38\00:11:57.75
And you can write best
00:11:57.78\00:11:59.11
about what you're
experiencing at the time.
00:11:59.15\00:12:01.35
Oh, that's so true.
00:12:01.38\00:12:03.18
Yeah.
00:12:03.22\00:12:06.15
My husband passed away in 2016.
00:12:06.19\00:12:10.69
And I thought I was
ready for those of you,
00:12:10.73\00:12:14.66
you know, who followed me.
00:12:14.70\00:12:18.10
He had a stroke
20 years before that.
00:12:18.13\00:12:20.64
And so he was basically
living on what could be termed
00:12:20.67\00:12:25.21
"borrowed time."
00:12:25.24\00:12:26.78
But when he
actually passed away,
00:12:26.81\00:12:30.15
I took a nosedive.
00:12:30.18\00:12:32.25
I couldn't believe myself.
I thought I was prepared.
00:12:32.28\00:12:35.88
And that's when I realized
that I've got to do something.
00:12:35.92\00:12:41.59
I gave up my idea of speaking.
00:12:41.62\00:12:45.49
I turned down many requests.
00:12:45.53\00:12:47.63
And actually, Brenda
Walsh got a hold of me
00:12:47.66\00:12:50.60
and kind of pushed
me in that direction.
00:12:50.63\00:12:53.87
"No, you've got
to call people back,
00:12:53.90\00:12:55.64
you've got to tell
them you will come."
00:12:55.67\00:12:57.51
And so my girlfriends
00:12:57.54\00:13:01.68
have basically
helped me out of that slump.
00:13:01.71\00:13:05.75
And I began to realize,
00:13:05.78\00:13:07.68
"Wow, we need
to help each other.
00:13:07.72\00:13:10.92
We need to encourage each other.
00:13:10.95\00:13:13.69
We need to share
Bible text with each other.
00:13:13.72\00:13:16.42
This is the time of
the life not to give up.
00:13:16.46\00:13:18.66
This is the time
00:13:18.69\00:13:20.03
when you can have a
new plan for your life
00:13:20.06\00:13:22.13
and move forward
00:13:22.16\00:13:23.83
and do what God
really has for you to do."
00:13:23.87\00:13:26.67
And, you know, Kay, you and
Jan were married over 55 years.
00:13:26.70\00:13:30.31
I know that my
aunt, when my uncle died,
00:13:30.34\00:13:34.88
she said, and he was
in hospice as was Jan.
00:13:34.91\00:13:39.71
But she said it took a
year to get her feet under her
00:13:39.75\00:13:45.25
and another year to
walk without wobbling.
00:13:45.29\00:13:47.66
And I have shared that
with a number of people
00:13:47.69\00:13:50.53
and they just go, "Yes!"
00:13:50.56\00:13:53.46
Did you feel like
00:13:53.50\00:13:55.20
you lost part of your
identity when he died?
00:13:55.23\00:13:58.37
For the last five or
six years, I was Kay Kuzma,
00:13:58.40\00:14:02.80
the wife of my
husband Jan Kuzma.
00:14:02.84\00:14:06.71
And I took... Who
was very accomplished?
00:14:06.74\00:14:08.68
Who was very accomplished.
00:14:08.71\00:14:10.38
But I was his
caregiver, that was my title.
00:14:10.41\00:14:14.22
Caregiver to my husband.
00:14:14.25\00:14:16.25
And when he died, I had nothing.
00:14:16.28\00:14:20.16
I didn't have
any books in my head
00:14:20.19\00:14:22.19
that I was ready to write,
except maybe his life story.
00:14:22.22\00:14:25.96
And I just kind of said,
00:14:25.99\00:14:30.67
"I'll sit here
in my home in Kauai,
00:14:30.70\00:14:33.70
I'll enjoy the sun,
I'll go swimming every noon,
00:14:33.74\00:14:37.11
I will, you know..."
00:14:37.14\00:14:39.87
But I didn't feel a
calling at that moment.
00:14:39.91\00:14:43.24
It did take a while
to stop the wobbling
00:14:43.28\00:14:46.31
and to get up and go.
00:14:46.35\00:14:48.58
You know
something that I admired
00:14:48.62\00:14:50.79
and respected about you
so much for all those years
00:14:50.82\00:14:54.76
that Jan after his stroke
00:14:54.79\00:14:57.49
when you went...
00:14:57.53\00:14:58.93
As far as I could tell,
00:14:58.96\00:15:00.46
you didn't go
anywhere without him.
00:15:00.50\00:15:02.66
I know you brought
him to 3ABN numerous times
00:15:02.70\00:15:06.63
and you were always so kind
and good and gentle with him.
00:15:06.67\00:15:10.24
And you were such an example
for other women to follow.
00:15:10.27\00:15:14.68
Now I'll say this...
00:15:14.71\00:15:16.64
And most people know this.
00:15:16.68\00:15:18.08
Now my husband has had a stroke.
00:15:18.11\00:15:20.82
And just having you
as an example to follow,
00:15:20.85\00:15:25.45
you know,
you've patterned for me
00:15:25.49\00:15:27.99
the gentle kindness
00:15:28.02\00:15:31.09
that a stroke
victim needs to receive.
00:15:31.13\00:15:33.96
And so I just want to tell
you how much I appreciate you
00:15:34.00\00:15:38.27
for your kindness and goodness
00:15:38.30\00:15:39.70
to that precious
husband of yours.
00:15:39.73\00:15:41.07
Thank you.
00:15:41.10\00:15:42.44
And as I think about how,
00:15:42.47\00:15:43.94
he was the one after my husband
had a stroke here at 3ABN,
00:15:43.97\00:15:48.14
he was the one that actually
brought him home to Tennessee
00:15:48.18\00:15:50.85
at that time.
00:15:50.88\00:15:52.28
So it's amazing how
our lives are intertwined.
00:15:52.31\00:15:56.58
They certainly are.
00:15:56.62\00:15:57.95
But I...
00:15:57.99\00:15:59.32
I want to read this
that you wrote in your book,
00:15:59.35\00:16:01.82
I copied this out.
00:16:01.86\00:16:04.39
"You say,
00:16:04.43\00:16:05.83
"I would never wish
a disability on anyone,
00:16:05.86\00:16:10.07
but life happens.
00:16:10.10\00:16:11.83
And the important thing is
to accept it and move forward
00:16:11.87\00:16:15.60
with grace,
courage, and creativity,
00:16:15.64\00:16:19.27
knowing that God
will never ask more of us
00:16:19.31\00:16:21.98
than we're able to handle."
00:16:22.01\00:16:24.15
What a powerful,
powerful statement
00:16:24.18\00:16:27.42
because, you know, life happens,
00:16:27.45\00:16:30.35
we never know
what's ahead of us.
00:16:30.39\00:16:33.25
You didn't know the day
before Jan had his stroke
00:16:33.29\00:16:37.23
that you're whole...
00:16:37.26\00:16:38.59
You were about to
have a paradigm shift
00:16:38.63\00:16:40.30
that would never go back
00:16:40.33\00:16:41.70
to what was normal at that time.
00:16:41.73\00:16:43.06
Exactly.
00:16:43.10\00:16:44.60
When Hal...
00:16:44.63\00:16:45.97
When I realized
he'd had a stroke,
00:16:46.00\00:16:48.64
I realized at that moment,
00:16:48.67\00:16:50.11
my life will
never be the same again.
00:16:50.14\00:16:53.27
And so Kay's book,
just from what I've read
00:16:53.31\00:16:58.31
is a book of
encouragement for all of us
00:16:58.35\00:17:01.95
because you don't
know what you're going to,
00:17:01.98\00:17:04.22
what you're gonna
have to walk through next.
00:17:04.25\00:17:06.29
Exactly.
00:17:06.32\00:17:07.66
But the exciting thing is,
00:17:07.69\00:17:09.66
is that God foresees everything
that we're going to experience.
00:17:09.69\00:17:14.43
He's in the process
right at this moment
00:17:14.46\00:17:17.00
preparing us for that.
00:17:17.03\00:17:19.33
And if we can
hold on to the fact
00:17:19.37\00:17:22.34
that He'll never allow
us to go through anything
00:17:22.37\00:17:25.91
that He knows we can't bear,
00:17:25.94\00:17:29.61
He is there.
00:17:29.64\00:17:31.65
And so I think
when Jan had his stroke,
00:17:31.68\00:17:35.78
I did make the commitment
00:17:35.82\00:17:37.22
that I would never
again travel without him.
00:17:37.25\00:17:40.69
My number one goal was
to make sure that his life,
00:17:40.72\00:17:44.56
every single
day was of interest,
00:17:44.59\00:17:47.60
it was meaningful.
00:17:47.63\00:17:49.60
And so we did amazing
things after that first stroke.
00:17:49.63\00:17:53.50
I mean, we even went to Israel.
00:17:53.54\00:17:56.14
We went on trips
that nobody else would.
00:17:56.17\00:17:59.37
We went to more
women's ministry retreats
00:17:59.41\00:18:01.98
than probably any other
man in history has attended.
00:18:02.01\00:18:06.58
And he was coddled and...
00:18:06.61\00:18:09.78
Oh, they loved him. Yeah.
00:18:09.82\00:18:11.55
He was easy to love.
00:18:11.59\00:18:13.12
He was easy to love. Yeah, yeah.
00:18:13.15\00:18:14.92
Can I back you up
for just a second?
00:18:14.96\00:18:16.29
Okay.
00:18:16.32\00:18:17.66
Because your book is
not just about grief.
00:18:17.69\00:18:19.53
No, it is not.
00:18:19.56\00:18:20.90
I mean, you've
got that, covers that.
00:18:20.93\00:18:23.06
But it's hard enough...
00:18:23.10\00:18:25.53
You know, it's
interesting as we age,
00:18:25.57\00:18:27.94
it is interesting
00:18:27.97\00:18:29.30
to even
contemplate your own mortality.
00:18:29.34\00:18:33.38
I mean that to me
is something that...
00:18:33.41\00:18:35.04
You know, when you're young
00:18:35.08\00:18:36.41
you think you're
going to live forever.
00:18:36.44\00:18:37.78
But then as you get
older you begin to think,
00:18:37.81\00:18:39.15
"Oh, maybe I've got
10 more good years."
00:18:39.18\00:18:42.22
You talk a lot
about aging in this book.
00:18:42.25\00:18:46.19
And how to...
00:18:46.22\00:18:47.76
I don't know that any of us
age gracefully as we should,
00:18:47.79\00:18:50.66
but you talk
about getting older.
00:18:50.69\00:18:54.23
What is some of your best advice
00:18:54.26\00:18:56.33
for those who are getting older?
00:18:56.36\00:18:58.33
I think the very
key that I can say is,
00:18:58.37\00:19:02.24
your life should not be measured
00:19:02.27\00:19:04.47
by how old you are or
how many breaths you take,
00:19:04.51\00:19:08.84
but the moments that
take your breath away.
00:19:08.88\00:19:11.78
Oh, yes. That's wonderful.
00:19:11.81\00:19:13.15
You know, if you can continue
to find those fun things to do,
00:19:13.18\00:19:18.75
I always have an idea in my mind
00:19:18.79\00:19:20.62
about something
I'm gonna do this week
00:19:20.66\00:19:22.76
or something today
00:19:22.79\00:19:24.23
or a trip that maybe I can take
00:19:24.26\00:19:28.46
or a book that I can read,
00:19:28.50\00:19:29.96
that I can hardly
wait to open its cover.
00:19:30.00\00:19:32.20
If I can look
forward to something,
00:19:32.23\00:19:34.90
those memorable
moments will happen,
00:19:34.94\00:19:37.97
you'll find that
00:19:38.01\00:19:39.54
it's not so bad what
you're going through,
00:19:39.57\00:19:41.98
you know.
00:19:42.01\00:19:43.35
You've got...
00:19:43.38\00:19:44.71
I mean, all your girlfriends
are there to do things with.
00:19:44.75\00:19:49.25
I have had reunions
now with my girlfriends
00:19:49.28\00:19:52.55
way back at Campion Academy.
00:19:52.59\00:19:55.52
Fancy teas...
00:19:55.56\00:19:57.39
I mean, I even
traveled from Kauai
00:19:57.43\00:19:59.69
to Portland to do it.
00:19:59.73\00:20:01.56
I would've never done it before.
00:20:01.60\00:20:03.63
But you had to
plan these things.
00:20:03.67\00:20:05.50
You had to actively
think of things to do.
00:20:05.53\00:20:08.20
You know, that's something
that Shelley and JD and Helen,
00:20:08.24\00:20:11.97
and I went on vacation.
00:20:12.01\00:20:13.34
And I had... Did I have
that vacation plan down?
00:20:13.38\00:20:15.28
Oh, boy, she's a
planner. I am the planner.
00:20:15.31\00:20:18.01
And my plans are
always written in pencil.
00:20:18.05\00:20:20.68
But I have found, if
you don't make plans,
00:20:20.72\00:20:24.09
you're liable just
to, just not do anything.
00:20:24.12\00:20:27.16
So I'm always making plans.
00:20:27.19\00:20:28.92
My sisters, we get together
three or four times a year.
00:20:28.96\00:20:32.46
They count on me
to make the plans.
00:20:32.49\00:20:34.93
And I don't care
whether we follow,
00:20:34.96\00:20:36.93
you know, those plans.
00:20:36.97\00:20:38.50
But if you don't have a
plan like I said, plan a tea,
00:20:38.53\00:20:42.50
plan something fun to do,
00:20:42.54\00:20:44.71
always have something
out there to look forward to.
00:20:44.74\00:20:48.58
And then if you
don't... Write them in pencil.
00:20:48.61\00:20:51.98
If you don't do it, it's
not the end of the world.
00:20:52.01\00:20:53.75
But have something out
there to look forward to.
00:20:53.78\00:20:57.75
Some of the best
advice I got was,
00:20:57.79\00:21:00.96
people who have a
purpose seemed to do better,
00:21:00.99\00:21:05.89
no matter where they
are in terms of the age.
00:21:05.93\00:21:08.73
A purpose, someone to
love, a goal to achieve,
00:21:08.76\00:21:13.47
some place to go,
have a purpose in mind.
00:21:13.50\00:21:17.61
And when you do...
00:21:17.64\00:21:19.41
Especially in
terms of Bible study,
00:21:19.44\00:21:21.68
a lot of my friends are really
into Bible study right now.
00:21:21.71\00:21:25.11
They never had time before.
00:21:25.15\00:21:26.92
They're learning things that
00:21:26.95\00:21:28.38
they never knew
it was in the Bible.
00:21:28.42\00:21:30.79
And so often we think well,
we'll just read a good book.
00:21:30.82\00:21:33.66
We'll read one of
Shelley's books, okay.
00:21:33.69\00:21:36.26
And then we will
know what we need to know,
00:21:36.29\00:21:39.69
but that's just a beginning.
00:21:39.73\00:21:43.37
But when you start to dig,
00:21:43.40\00:21:44.77
when you have that goal
00:21:44.80\00:21:46.13
to learn
yourself from scripture,
00:21:46.17\00:21:48.87
it's amazing
00:21:48.90\00:21:50.41
how it just brings a
sense of light to your life
00:21:50.44\00:21:56.54
no matter how old you are.
00:21:56.58\00:21:57.91
You know what I'm thinking, Kay?
00:21:57.95\00:21:59.28
What you said about purpose,
00:21:59.31\00:22:00.65
that's something that
every day when we get up,
00:22:00.68\00:22:03.69
I praise God all the
way to work, we pray...
00:22:03.72\00:22:07.12
And I always
thank Him for giving me.
00:22:07.16\00:22:09.86
You know, it's wonderful
to wake up with purpose.
00:22:09.89\00:22:12.16
You know, sometimes
we see people who retire,
00:22:12.19\00:22:15.13
who, if they don't plan,
if they don't have a purpose,
00:22:15.16\00:22:19.67
there's a lot of
people in retirement years
00:22:19.70\00:22:22.07
who end up becoming
depressed and they...
00:22:22.10\00:22:27.48
It's important
that we do seek purpose.
00:22:27.51\00:22:31.48
And God's got a
plan for everyone's life
00:22:31.51\00:22:33.58
and purpose right
to the end, doesn't He?
00:22:33.62\00:22:36.75
Depression is
one of the big things
00:22:36.79\00:22:39.79
that we have to make sure
that we know how to deal with.
00:22:39.82\00:22:44.93
Sometimes we need to
go get professional help.
00:22:44.96\00:22:48.26
Sometimes we need medication.
00:22:48.30\00:22:50.53
But sometimes we
need to just get up,
00:22:50.57\00:22:53.90
get dressed, go
outside, and then...
00:22:53.94\00:22:58.61
In some of the
books I've been reading,
00:22:58.64\00:23:00.21
I came across
Stasi Eldridge's book.
00:23:00.24\00:23:03.58
I don't know if
you've read it or not,
00:23:03.61\00:23:05.48
but it's called "Captivating"
00:23:05.51\00:23:06.85
and it's on God's
relationship to a woman.
00:23:06.88\00:23:10.79
And she says,
00:23:10.82\00:23:12.55
that when you go out in nature
and you see beautiful things,
00:23:12.59\00:23:17.23
that's God's way of telling
you how beautiful you are,
00:23:17.26\00:23:23.03
that's God's way of inspiring,
00:23:23.06\00:23:26.80
putting His
spirit right into you.
00:23:26.84\00:23:29.97
And if you can do that,
you can look at a rainbow,
00:23:30.01\00:23:34.28
you can look at a
flower and you can say,
00:23:34.31\00:23:36.31
"Wow, God, thank
You for speaking to me.
00:23:36.34\00:23:39.61
I know You think I am beautiful.
00:23:39.65\00:23:42.25
And I love You all the more for,
00:23:42.28\00:23:45.19
for what You have done for me."
00:23:45.22\00:23:46.99
And it begins a conversation.
00:23:47.02\00:23:49.89
It doesn't make God so abstract.
00:23:49.92\00:23:52.79
It brings right down to
the beauty He has given us
00:23:52.83\00:23:55.80
to enjoy that, as we
look at it we can say,
00:23:55.83\00:24:00.60
God is speaking to us
that we too are beautiful.
00:24:00.64\00:24:03.87
And He has a plan for our lives.
00:24:03.91\00:24:05.77
And it keeps us in a
positive frame of mind,
00:24:05.81\00:24:08.88
instead of the
negative frame of mind.
00:24:08.91\00:24:10.65
Exactly. Exactly.
00:24:10.68\00:24:12.01
And have you seen that,
having that positive attitude
00:24:12.05\00:24:17.15
has been a
salvation for us all I think?
00:24:17.19\00:24:21.52
Yes.
00:24:21.56\00:24:22.89
Now I have been blessed
00:24:22.92\00:24:24.26
with a husband who had
an amazing positive attitude
00:24:24.29\00:24:27.53
and I've tried to
maintain that, that spirit.
00:24:27.56\00:24:30.77
So there are some who have
not had that in their lives.
00:24:30.80\00:24:35.77
And their parents
have been very negative.
00:24:35.80\00:24:39.61
The key thing to remember is,
00:24:39.64\00:24:42.21
you can choose
00:24:42.24\00:24:44.28
whether your glass is
half empty or half full.
00:24:44.31\00:24:46.41
Absolutely. Yes.
00:24:46.45\00:24:47.88
You can choose to see a
positive and a negative.
00:24:47.92\00:24:51.29
Well, if that would've happened,
00:24:51.32\00:24:52.99
I would have never
met this other person.
00:24:53.02\00:24:55.39
And if you can go
through life saying,
00:24:55.42\00:24:59.26
"Hey, I choose to be positive.
00:24:59.29\00:25:02.36
Because number one,
it's good for my health.
00:25:02.40\00:25:06.53
I'll have less depression.
I'll have less health problems.
00:25:06.57\00:25:11.67
I'll recover better
00:25:11.71\00:25:13.48
from whatever health
problems that I have.
00:25:13.51\00:25:16.71
I live longer."
00:25:16.75\00:25:18.28
I mean, all those reasons
are good reasons to be positive,
00:25:18.31\00:25:22.12
plus it does something
to the people you're with.
00:25:22.15\00:25:26.05
If they see you just
as a negative person,
00:25:26.09\00:25:28.69
you're really not very much fun.
00:25:28.72\00:25:30.13
And they don't
want to be around you.
00:25:30.16\00:25:31.49
Yeah. That's the truth.
00:25:31.53\00:25:33.09
They will try to avoid
that old lady who is, you know,
00:25:33.13\00:25:38.03
just grumpy and
whatever, you know.
00:25:38.07\00:25:40.77
But if you have a
positive attitude and can...
00:25:40.80\00:25:44.47
Even though
you're very, very ill,
00:25:44.51\00:25:47.54
just put a smile on your face.
00:25:47.58\00:25:50.75
It's amazing what
it can do to others
00:25:50.78\00:25:54.52
to catch the
spirit of being positive.
00:25:54.55\00:25:58.25
Yeah, smiles produce smiles.
00:25:58.29\00:25:59.85
You know, I have been accused
00:25:59.89\00:26:04.23
of doing Alabama
Witticisms, I think
00:26:04.26\00:26:07.60
they call them around here.
00:26:07.63\00:26:09.20
I think we were talking
about that a little earlier.
00:26:09.23\00:26:11.50
I don't know where I come
up with some of these things,
00:26:11.53\00:26:13.44
but I have a mother
00:26:13.47\00:26:14.80
that had a very
positive attitude
00:26:14.84\00:26:16.60
and something that mother said,
00:26:16.64\00:26:19.77
I can't tell you the times,
00:26:19.81\00:26:21.58
is a man's about as
happy as his mind, too.
00:26:21.61\00:26:24.48
Now that is from an
Alabama terminology,
00:26:24.51\00:26:27.72
I'll admit that.
00:26:27.75\00:26:29.08
But you are about as
happy as you've mind to be,
00:26:29.12\00:26:31.62
as you set your mind to be.
00:26:31.65\00:26:33.52
And I agree with
that, that philosophy.
00:26:33.56\00:26:36.86
And I know every
morning after we do worship,
00:26:36.89\00:26:39.23
what do I
normally say to the ladies?
00:26:39.26\00:26:41.96
"Let's have fun today.
00:26:42.00\00:26:43.80
You can make it your
choice, so let's have fun today.
00:26:43.83\00:26:46.97
Find something fun to do."
00:26:47.00\00:26:49.04
But, you know, I think
about, there are people who...
00:26:49.07\00:26:53.41
In your case...
00:26:53.44\00:26:54.78
How many years were
you married, 56 years?
00:26:54.81\00:26:57.08
Actually we knew
each other for 56 years
00:26:57.11\00:26:59.71
but we were married for 53.
00:26:59.75\00:27:01.32
Okay, 53 years.
00:27:01.35\00:27:02.92
You've spent with a
person for 53 years.
00:27:02.95\00:27:06.76
Now all of a
sudden, your identity...
00:27:06.79\00:27:10.06
No matter you have...
00:27:10.09\00:27:11.69
I mean, you're
accomplished author,
00:27:11.73\00:27:13.83
you're very well educated,
you have your own identity,
00:27:13.86\00:27:17.87
yet our identities are
so melded with our spouse
00:27:17.90\00:27:22.27
that when a spouse does pass,
00:27:22.30\00:27:24.94
I think everyone goes
through an identity crisis.
00:27:24.97\00:27:27.94
And especially because
00:27:27.98\00:27:29.31
you're used to being real couple
00:27:29.34\00:27:30.68
and then the
couples you ran around with,
00:27:30.71\00:27:32.81
suddenly you're kind
of like a third wheel.
00:27:32.85\00:27:36.12
I think for me,
00:27:36.15\00:27:38.05
we have no children
and I can contemplate it.
00:27:38.09\00:27:41.62
What if
something happened to JD?
00:27:41.66\00:27:44.93
What is it, Psalm
66:8 something like that...
00:27:44.96\00:27:48.40
The Bible says, "God
sets the lonely in families."
00:27:48.43\00:27:52.87
We have to rely on
the promises of God.
00:27:52.90\00:27:55.87
But we do have
to wake up and say,
00:27:55.90\00:27:58.27
"Lord, I know a merry heart
go with, good like a medicine."
00:27:58.31\00:28:01.94
Help me today.
00:28:01.98\00:28:04.45
You know, show me
the way to step out,
00:28:04.48\00:28:08.28
not be fearful but
be more adventurous.
00:28:08.32\00:28:10.92
What advice do
you give to people
00:28:10.95\00:28:13.66
who aren't
adventurous by nature?
00:28:13.69\00:28:18.09
Well, I would tell them to start
00:28:18.13\00:28:20.36
by going regularly to church.
00:28:20.40\00:28:22.33
Amen.
00:28:22.36\00:28:23.70
There is an amazing
group of individuals
00:28:23.73\00:28:27.80
that can pull around you.
00:28:27.84\00:28:29.40
Many times they don't,
00:28:29.44\00:28:31.17
because they don't know
what you're going through.
00:28:31.21\00:28:33.81
And it's not their custom
to just go knocking on doors
00:28:33.84\00:28:38.05
or calling without
having an invitation.
00:28:38.08\00:28:42.35
So I think you need to reach out
00:28:42.38\00:28:44.75
and let people know.
00:28:44.79\00:28:46.62
"Hey, I need a friend.
00:28:46.65\00:28:49.36
Come over.
00:28:49.39\00:28:50.86
I can make really good hot tea,"
00:28:50.89\00:28:54.03
or whatever it
might be, you know.
00:28:54.06\00:28:56.16
You don't have
to put on a banquet
00:28:56.20\00:28:58.23
or something like that.
00:28:58.27\00:28:59.80
But I found my girlfriends
in church are really great.
00:28:59.83\00:29:04.94
I also find now in Kauai
00:29:04.97\00:29:07.68
that I don't
have a lot of friends
00:29:07.71\00:29:09.38
that I can go visit
00:29:09.41\00:29:11.65
because I'm on a
little teeny tiny island.
00:29:11.68\00:29:14.62
I can only go
50 miles in one way
00:29:14.65\00:29:16.65
and then I've to turn
around and go the other way,
00:29:16.69\00:29:18.29
you know, and that's it.
00:29:18.32\00:29:20.52
So I think
00:29:20.56\00:29:21.92
it's important to have people
00:29:21.96\00:29:28.90
who that maybe you
wouldn't be friends with,
00:29:28.93\00:29:32.80
'cause we have a
little small church.
00:29:32.83\00:29:34.94
But to, just say to them,
00:29:34.97\00:29:38.64
"You know, I've got to have
something to do Saturday night.
00:29:38.67\00:29:41.64
I go crazy if I'm
alone Saturday night."
00:29:41.68\00:29:46.25
And somehow let
them know you are lonely.
00:29:46.28\00:29:51.49
And I'm lucky because I
have my son and daughter-in-law
00:29:51.52\00:29:56.12
and three grandkids
who live just under me.
00:29:56.16\00:29:58.93
I'm in this
studio apartment on top
00:29:58.96\00:30:01.23
with a great view of
the ocean, by the way.
00:30:01.26\00:30:04.73
But...
00:30:04.77\00:30:07.10
So I and my sister
also moved over to Kauai,
00:30:07.14\00:30:12.74
she and her husband did,
00:30:12.77\00:30:14.28
so I have a great family.
00:30:14.31\00:30:17.45
But I have noticed
00:30:17.48\00:30:19.01
that my sister is a
little bit more outgoing
00:30:19.05\00:30:21.05
than I am.
00:30:21.08\00:30:22.42
And she has made
more close friends
00:30:22.45\00:30:26.59
in the little tiny bit
that she has been there
00:30:26.62\00:30:29.56
than I have made
00:30:29.59\00:30:31.56
because I can just be
happy just reading a book,
00:30:31.59\00:30:35.33
just writing
00:30:35.36\00:30:36.93
and she is the social one.
00:30:36.97\00:30:39.67
I have learned
something from her.
00:30:39.70\00:30:41.47
And we can all learn
something not just from sisters
00:30:41.50\00:30:45.27
but from our girlfriends
00:30:45.31\00:30:47.44
that can help us be
better people, reach out,
00:30:47.48\00:30:52.35
be more interested
in the lives of others.
00:30:52.38\00:30:55.88
So I think
that's really important.
00:30:55.92\00:30:58.05
Don't just sit at home
and wallow in your pity,
00:30:58.09\00:31:02.19
and have a pity party, you know.
00:31:02.22\00:31:04.33
Get out, do something,
visit the neighbor next door.
00:31:04.36\00:31:07.66
She'll probably be
shocked that you did it,
00:31:07.70\00:31:10.07
but do it
00:31:10.10\00:31:11.43
and you'll be
surprised who you meet.
00:31:11.47\00:31:15.00
And another thing I found.
00:31:15.04\00:31:17.17
If I always speak to
someone who is helping me,
00:31:17.21\00:31:23.01
as I check out of the
grocery store or Costco.
00:31:23.04\00:31:26.28
We don't have too
many stores on Kauai
00:31:26.31\00:31:27.95
but we do have
Walmart and Costco.
00:31:27.98\00:31:30.59
But as I check out,
00:31:30.62\00:31:32.12
if I'll say something fun
00:31:32.15\00:31:34.29
to the person
who's checking me out,
00:31:34.32\00:31:37.03
I get a response from
them, they're surprised,
00:31:37.06\00:31:40.00
people don't talk
to them, you know.
00:31:40.03\00:31:42.00
And I get the benefit of
seeing that smile come back,
00:31:42.03\00:31:46.50
and I walk out of the store
as if I've made another friend.
00:31:46.53\00:31:49.34
I'll look for that
person the next time I go.
00:31:49.37\00:31:51.91
And it does
become another friend,
00:31:51.94\00:31:54.74
maybe not a close one,
00:31:54.78\00:31:56.48
but someone that
you can interact with.
00:31:56.51\00:31:58.71
So what I'm
taking away from this is,
00:31:58.75\00:32:00.72
we all have to get old,
00:32:00.75\00:32:02.42
we just don't have to get
old in negative and morose,
00:32:02.45\00:32:05.25
we get old and happy,
that's what we want to be.
00:32:05.29\00:32:07.89
And we can do more than
you ever think possible.
00:32:07.92\00:32:11.66
And I've put a number
of examples in the book
00:32:11.69\00:32:15.23
that I have just
admired so much as a writer.
00:32:15.26\00:32:21.07
I didn't realize
that Laura Ingalls Wilder
00:32:21.10\00:32:25.87
didn't write her
first book until...
00:32:25.91\00:32:27.61
That's "Little
House on the Prairie."
00:32:27.64\00:32:28.98
Yeah, "Little
House on the Prairie."
00:32:29.01\00:32:30.35
She was 65. I said, "Wow!"
00:32:30.38\00:32:33.28
That was old back in her day.
00:32:33.31\00:32:35.75
And then her last book
was published when she was 76.
00:32:35.78\00:32:39.25
And I said, "Wow."
00:32:39.29\00:32:40.82
You know, that can give us...
00:32:40.86\00:32:43.09
So many people say, "Well,
I didn't start early enough.
00:32:43.12\00:32:45.63
I don't have the contacts."
00:32:45.66\00:32:47.40
You have no idea what
God has in store for you.
00:32:47.43\00:32:51.00
Do you know how
old Grandma Moses was
00:32:51.03\00:32:52.97
when she started painting?
00:32:53.00\00:32:54.40
Ninety's or hundred?
00:32:54.44\00:32:55.77
Well, she was actually 78
00:32:55.80\00:32:57.74
when she started
painting professionally
00:32:57.77\00:33:02.04
but she painted into her 90s.
00:33:02.08\00:33:05.01
And I said, "That's amazing."
00:33:05.05\00:33:07.88
But then there's Hulda Crooks.
00:33:07.92\00:33:09.68
I lived in Loma
Linda next to Hulda Crooks.
00:33:09.72\00:33:12.25
I used to watch
her as a young mother,
00:33:12.29\00:33:15.36
as she would put a
60 pound pack of rocks
00:33:15.39\00:33:22.33
in her backpack.
00:33:22.36\00:33:24.40
And there she was
70, some 80 years of age
00:33:24.43\00:33:29.10
walking up and down the steps
between where the market is
00:33:29.14\00:33:33.41
and where the
School of Public Health was
00:33:33.44\00:33:35.61
and I would just
jump in my car and go.
00:33:35.64\00:33:39.41
I mean, I had no...
00:33:39.45\00:33:40.78
She did this
00:33:40.82\00:33:42.15
for exercise
purposes, for resistance?
00:33:42.18\00:33:43.62
She did for exercise
00:33:43.65\00:33:44.99
because she began
climbing mountains
00:33:45.02\00:33:47.56
when she was 65. Wow.
00:33:47.59\00:33:49.72
And she climbed Mount Whitney,
I don't know how many times
00:33:49.76\00:33:54.30
but almost every year
between the age of 65 and 91
00:33:54.33\00:33:59.97
and that wasn't the
only mountain she climbed.
00:34:00.00\00:34:03.10
I mean, and that's
the highest mountain
00:34:03.14\00:34:04.51
in the United States.
00:34:04.54\00:34:05.87
So it's amazing
the stories of people
00:34:05.91\00:34:08.28
who start in
their 60s or even 70s
00:34:08.31\00:34:12.55
and make an
incredible contribution
00:34:12.58\00:34:15.65
to mankind
00:34:15.68\00:34:17.02
or an incredible achievements,
00:34:17.05\00:34:20.39
records in terms of what
they have done physically.
00:34:20.42\00:34:24.09
And, you know,
this is something that,
00:34:24.13\00:34:25.46
I think we all feel like,
00:34:25.49\00:34:27.36
"Oh, I'm getting old
and flabby or whatever."
00:34:27.40\00:34:29.86
It's just because
we're not exercising.
00:34:29.90\00:34:32.17
Because when we
were at Eden valley...
00:34:32.20\00:34:35.47
Oh, this was 10 years ago or so.
00:34:35.50\00:34:38.81
Dick Nunez introduced
us to someone who had...
00:34:38.84\00:34:41.94
I mean, he got
out, he brought him out,
00:34:41.98\00:34:44.61
and he was in his late 70s.
00:34:44.65\00:34:47.18
And the man started
doing one arm pushups.
00:34:47.22\00:34:49.52
And he had arms on him
that were just solid as a rock.
00:34:49.55\00:34:52.92
And he's doing all
these one arm pushups
00:34:52.95\00:34:54.82
and you're just going, "Wow!"
00:34:54.86\00:34:57.19
And I said he must have be
00:34:57.23\00:34:58.56
in pretty good
condition all of his life.
00:34:58.59\00:35:00.26
And he said no,
he was an ER doc.
00:35:00.30\00:35:02.53
And he was a
doctor, an ER doctor.
00:35:02.56\00:35:05.67
And he said he was
in the same condition
00:35:05.70\00:35:08.14
that any ER doctor is in,
00:35:08.17\00:35:10.14
he said he came here all flabby,
00:35:10.17\00:35:12.54
but he had become buffed
as the kids call it nowadays.
00:35:12.57\00:35:18.05
Even though he
didn't start exercising
00:35:18.08\00:35:20.22
until he was 70
00:35:20.25\00:35:21.72
because he was
serious and did it daily.
00:35:21.75\00:35:24.45
He became more
physically capable so...
00:35:24.49\00:35:28.32
What is one of
the number one cause
00:35:28.36\00:35:30.99
of seniors' health issues
is because we get sedentary.
00:35:31.03\00:35:35.66
Isn't that the
right word? Yes. Yeah.
00:35:35.70\00:35:37.03
We need to get up and
walk and move, and do.
00:35:37.07\00:35:39.33
That's why those people
at Loma Linda are so healthy,
00:35:39.37\00:35:43.34
they exercise all the time,
00:35:43.37\00:35:44.71
of course, they've
got wonderful weather
00:35:44.74\00:35:46.07
to exercise in.
00:35:46.11\00:35:47.48
You know, that's one
of the areas of the world
00:35:47.51\00:35:50.41
where people live the longest
00:35:50.45\00:35:52.15
and it's their lifestyle, so...
00:35:52.18\00:35:54.42
But it's not just there
00:35:54.45\00:35:56.62
or that I see women
achieving amazing things.
00:35:56.65\00:36:01.06
When you think,
"Oh, 65, retirement age.
00:36:01.09\00:36:04.33
I can just slough off now."
00:36:04.36\00:36:06.09
Listen, if you slough off,
then you're gonna be depressed,
00:36:06.13\00:36:09.73
you're gonna not
exercise very much,
00:36:09.76\00:36:11.77
you're probably
gonna eat unhealthy foods.
00:36:11.80\00:36:15.07
You've got to have
that goal to move forward.
00:36:15.10\00:36:18.37
You know, in my
research for this book,
00:36:18.41\00:36:20.84
I also found a woman
00:36:20.88\00:36:26.51
by the name of Buder,
00:36:26.55\00:36:28.38
they call her
Sister Madonna Buder.
00:36:28.42\00:36:32.02
And she began
doing iron triathlons
00:36:32.05\00:36:37.16
at 50 years of age
00:36:37.19\00:36:41.13
and then she continued
until she was in her 80s
00:36:41.16\00:36:47.47
and actually 90s.
00:36:47.50\00:36:50.31
And do you know
what a triathlon is?
00:36:50.34\00:36:54.61
Yeah.
00:36:54.64\00:36:55.98
I mean, this is...
00:36:56.01\00:36:57.35
and I don't know if
I've memorized it all.
00:36:57.38\00:36:58.95
I think probably
you took notes on that
00:36:58.98\00:37:00.95
and you might
have to help me here.
00:37:00.98\00:37:02.32
2.4 miles swimming
00:37:02.35\00:37:05.22
and this says she
was 82 when she did this.
00:37:05.25\00:37:09.86
The 40th time she did it,
I think, was when she was 82.
00:37:09.89\00:37:13.19
When she was 82.
00:37:13.23\00:37:14.56
2.4 miles swimming,
00:37:14.60\00:37:16.50
112-mile Black
Rock bike, bicycle,
00:37:16.53\00:37:22.80
26.4 miles running.
00:37:22.84\00:37:26.74
And you say
setbacks are not failures,
00:37:26.78\00:37:30.88
the only failure is not to try.
00:37:30.91\00:37:33.62
Yes, that
actually was her saying,
00:37:33.65\00:37:36.65
you know, if you try
and you don't make it,
00:37:36.69\00:37:40.99
just try, try again because...
00:37:41.02\00:37:45.13
If you don't try,
you're sure not gonna make it.
00:37:45.16\00:37:46.90
Absolutely. Absolutely.
00:37:46.93\00:37:49.20
And so I think we can
take these achievements
00:37:49.23\00:37:53.03
that others have done
00:37:53.07\00:37:54.50
because they've
put effort into it,
00:37:54.54\00:37:56.50
they've put planning into
it, they've put thought into it,
00:37:56.54\00:37:59.41
they have might have
gotten someone to coach them,
00:37:59.44\00:38:02.14
to help them along the way.
00:38:02.18\00:38:03.88
You can do amazing
things, you can do everything.
00:38:03.91\00:38:07.85
God has in store for you to do,
00:38:07.88\00:38:11.12
if you just get up and
go, just never give up.
00:38:11.15\00:38:14.59
You know, somebody that
00:38:14.62\00:38:16.19
we all love and
appreciate her writing so much
00:38:16.22\00:38:19.33
is Sister Ellen G. White.
00:38:19.36\00:38:21.93
And she in her later
years went to Australia
00:38:21.96\00:38:27.40
and while she was there,
she accomplished mighty things.
00:38:27.44\00:38:30.67
And I've just been
there and seen her home there
00:38:30.71\00:38:34.41
and sat down at her
desk where she was writing.
00:38:34.44\00:38:39.31
She actually went when
she was retirement age at 65.
00:38:39.35\00:38:42.92
And again, back in
those years, that was old
00:38:42.95\00:38:46.55
and she spent
the next nine years
00:38:46.59\00:38:49.16
working continuously.
00:38:49.19\00:38:51.19
I saw the tree
that she sat under
00:38:51.23\00:38:53.36
to write some of the things
for the "Great Controversy."
00:38:53.40\00:38:57.20
And it was just
so inspiring to me
00:38:57.23\00:39:00.24
that an older person
00:39:00.27\00:39:03.30
could contribute so
much to God, to the church.
00:39:03.34\00:39:07.58
I mean, what
she did in Australia
00:39:07.61\00:39:09.84
was amazing to bring the
work to that part of the world.
00:39:09.88\00:39:15.18
You know, in Psalm 92:14,
00:39:15.22\00:39:17.32
it's talking about
those who are planted
00:39:17.35\00:39:19.75
in the house of the Lord,
00:39:19.79\00:39:21.42
that they will bear
fruit in their old age.
00:39:21.46\00:39:25.09
And, you know, that they're
gonna flourish if we stay...
00:39:25.13\00:39:29.70
I think when we stay connected
to the Lord and let Him use us.
00:39:29.73\00:39:33.67
I know we're getting
kind of close to the end
00:39:33.70\00:39:35.90
but there's just
something I have to ask you.
00:39:35.94\00:39:38.67
Whether, I don't care
what it is in your life,
00:39:38.71\00:39:41.01
if you retire,
00:39:41.04\00:39:43.58
suddenly your life...
00:39:43.61\00:39:45.71
or you have to find
a new rhythm to life.
00:39:45.75\00:39:48.68
If you lose a spouse,
00:39:48.72\00:39:50.52
most definitely you have to find
00:39:50.55\00:39:54.42
a new rhythm to life.
00:39:54.46\00:39:56.02
As you grow older,
00:39:56.06\00:39:57.39
if you even become
incapacitated in some way,
00:39:57.43\00:40:00.93
there's always...
00:40:00.96\00:40:04.37
It's just unbalancing
act to find a new rhythm,
00:40:04.40\00:40:07.74
but once you find a
rhythm, it can be good again,
00:40:07.77\00:40:10.71
it's a new normal.
00:40:10.74\00:40:13.38
When Jan died,
00:40:13.41\00:40:14.74
did you go through all
the stages of grieving?
00:40:14.78\00:40:17.75
Did you...
00:40:17.78\00:40:19.11
I mean, what do you
have to say about grief
00:40:19.15\00:40:21.18
'cause that's
something that's...
00:40:21.22\00:40:23.25
We all grieve in different ways.
00:40:23.28\00:40:26.55
And I think we
have to accept that
00:40:26.59\00:40:28.86
with our sisters or with others,
00:40:28.89\00:40:31.53
you know, that
they're not all like we are.
00:40:31.56\00:40:34.10
And so
00:40:34.13\00:40:37.37
get someone to help
you through those stages.
00:40:37.40\00:40:42.20
I actually had my
family right there.
00:40:42.24\00:40:46.47
My daughter came in immediately,
00:40:46.51\00:40:49.68
she even changed
the color of my...
00:40:49.71\00:40:53.72
She painted my
room, in other words.
00:40:53.75\00:40:56.62
And everything was changed.
00:40:56.65\00:40:57.99
She got me do
pictures on the wall.
00:40:58.02\00:41:00.06
I felt like a new
person, almost immediately,
00:41:00.09\00:41:03.22
that I think helped me.
00:41:03.26\00:41:05.19
Others need to take time
00:41:05.23\00:41:06.66
going through
their old pictures,
00:41:06.70\00:41:08.60
thinking about the
memories that they had.
00:41:08.63\00:41:11.57
So each one of us has
a different road to take
00:41:11.60\00:41:15.07
and we've got to accept that.
00:41:15.10\00:41:17.14
Some get through
it easier than others,
00:41:17.17\00:41:19.94
some never do.
00:41:19.97\00:41:21.31
I'll never be the same, I know,
00:41:21.34\00:41:23.41
but I can be
okay being different.
00:41:23.45\00:41:26.82
I can be okay just
chatting with my girlfriends
00:41:26.85\00:41:30.49
and enjoying our time together.
00:41:30.52\00:41:33.56
We have something
special because of who we are
00:41:33.59\00:41:37.49
and God wants us to share.
00:41:37.53\00:41:39.76
God doesn't want us to
just keep everything inside
00:41:39.79\00:41:43.20
because it's in the
sharing that we can help others
00:41:43.23\00:41:47.30
and increase their hope
and increase their faith.
00:41:47.34\00:41:50.34
Yeah.
00:41:50.37\00:41:52.17
The author of "My utmost...
00:41:52.21\00:41:53.54
Oswald Chambers, "My
Utmost for His Highest."
00:41:53.58\00:41:55.51
There is one of
his devotionals, says,
00:41:55.54\00:41:58.98
"Self-pity is straight
from the pits of hell."
00:41:59.01\00:42:03.25
And I think
that's such a great quote
00:42:03.28\00:42:06.19
because when we're going through
00:42:06.22\00:42:09.09
whatever we're going through,
00:42:09.12\00:42:10.46
I think it's almost human nature
00:42:10.49\00:42:13.80
to when you're knocks down,
00:42:13.83\00:42:17.10
it's human nature to
have a little self-pity,
00:42:17.13\00:42:20.87
but we do have to realize
00:42:20.90\00:42:22.37
this is the devils
way of keeping us down
00:42:22.40\00:42:25.57
and you've just got
to get back up again
00:42:25.61\00:42:28.68
and get with it, don't you?
00:42:28.71\00:42:30.38
God has a plan for your life,
00:42:30.41\00:42:32.35
that plan may change
as you go through life.
00:42:32.38\00:42:35.68
But finding that
goal, finding that plan
00:42:35.72\00:42:39.29
and doing what you feel
God is calling you to do
00:42:39.32\00:42:42.76
is amazing.
00:42:42.79\00:42:44.46
You know, I do not
feel as old as I am.
00:42:44.49\00:42:47.16
I'm not gonna
tell you how old I am.
00:42:47.20\00:42:49.20
You don't look as
old as you are either.
00:42:49.23\00:42:51.53
Well, you don't
either, but anyway.
00:42:51.57\00:42:55.14
It's just fun to be inspired
by the things that you're doing
00:42:55.17\00:43:00.54
and the people
that you're meeting
00:43:00.58\00:43:02.04
and the places
that you're going.
00:43:02.08\00:43:04.15
And I know some
have the handicap
00:43:04.18\00:43:05.85
of not enough money
00:43:05.88\00:43:07.28
and that becomes a real,
real struggle at this time.
00:43:07.32\00:43:10.95
But like my sister
who lost her husband,
00:43:10.99\00:43:14.29
he was only 69, she was 67.
00:43:14.32\00:43:18.06
I mean, just so
suddenly left a mortgage.
00:43:18.09\00:43:23.60
And she is so excited,
00:43:23.63\00:43:26.13
she's paying off that mortgage,
00:43:26.17\00:43:29.47
she's already gone
down two extra years
00:43:29.50\00:43:32.54
and she has this
goal to get it down.
00:43:32.57\00:43:35.31
But she also takes time
to go to Kauai to see me.
00:43:35.34\00:43:39.28
She also takes time to
enjoy her grandchildren
00:43:39.31\00:43:45.35
or her grandchild.
00:43:45.39\00:43:46.72
And she helped
00:43:46.76\00:43:48.62
write a couple
chapters in this book.
00:43:48.66\00:43:50.73
And so I really
appreciate Dianne,
00:43:50.76\00:43:54.36
who has grieved
differently than I did
00:43:54.40\00:43:57.73
and has put her concepts
00:43:57.77\00:44:01.40
and her walk into the book.
00:44:01.44\00:44:07.38
So I've gotten a lot of
help from a lot of people
00:44:07.41\00:44:10.01
to put this together.
00:44:10.05\00:44:11.78
You know, we could
go to the very basics
00:44:11.81\00:44:13.72
of that grieving process
00:44:13.75\00:44:16.48
when we have a relationship
with the Lord Jesus Christ.
00:44:16.52\00:44:20.19
And we know that our
spouse is asleep in Jesus.
00:44:20.22\00:44:24.69
Oh, what comfort
that brings. Amen.
00:44:24.73\00:44:26.49
I do, my heart does really
hurt for those that are grieving
00:44:26.53\00:44:31.80
and they don't
have that assurance
00:44:31.83\00:44:34.20
that their
husbands or their spouse
00:44:34.24\00:44:37.11
or their left one
is asleep in Jesus.
00:44:37.14\00:44:40.48
But the thing that
we can be assured by
00:44:40.51\00:44:44.28
is that God has a plan for us.
00:44:44.31\00:44:48.68
And His plan is perfect for us.
00:44:48.72\00:44:52.62
And whatever that plan
is, that we may not know,
00:44:52.65\00:44:57.69
we can rest in the
assurance that we are okay.
00:44:57.73\00:45:01.56
Amen. God has this in His hands.
00:45:01.60\00:45:03.63
I just want to add one thing
00:45:03.67\00:45:05.00
you mentioned earlier about
the importance of the Word.
00:45:05.03\00:45:07.30
And I have a dear friend
that when her husband died
00:45:07.34\00:45:10.37
and she expected it.
00:45:10.41\00:45:11.87
I mean, he had cancer
for a number of years,
00:45:11.91\00:45:15.54
went into
remission back and forth
00:45:15.58\00:45:18.01
but the last time
around, she knew it was coming.
00:45:18.05\00:45:21.38
And when he died,
00:45:21.42\00:45:23.05
she just is such
an active person,
00:45:23.08\00:45:25.35
but she shut herself
off for about nine months.
00:45:25.39\00:45:28.72
And just spent
that time in the Word
00:45:28.76\00:45:34.13
and God...
00:45:34.16\00:45:35.50
You know, she kept
telling me I'll never remarry,
00:45:35.53\00:45:38.37
I'll never remarry
00:45:38.40\00:45:40.27
and nothing will
ever be the same.
00:45:40.30\00:45:42.27
And now she's remarried,
very active in ministry.
00:45:42.30\00:45:44.87
So the Word of God is
not only a source of comfort.
00:45:44.91\00:45:49.78
I think the Word of God
is a source of motivation
00:45:49.81\00:45:54.48
to get outside of yourself
00:45:54.52\00:45:56.62
and serve others and do things
00:45:56.65\00:45:58.55
and that's where
we find our happiness
00:45:58.59\00:46:00.86
is having that purpose.
00:46:00.89\00:46:02.42
And a hope that
we can find there,
00:46:02.46\00:46:05.49
some glorious morning,
00:46:05.53\00:46:07.10
you know, when Jesus comes,
everything's gonna be okay.
00:46:07.13\00:46:12.63
Amen.
00:46:12.67\00:46:14.00
And that's what we
have to keep thinking about
00:46:14.04\00:46:16.71
and planning for
00:46:16.74\00:46:18.07
and in terms of who we are
00:46:18.11\00:46:22.04
and who we need
for companionship,
00:46:22.08\00:46:24.45
He wants to be our spouse,
He wants to be our lover,
00:46:24.48\00:46:28.08
He wants us to just
hunger and thirst after Him.
00:46:28.12\00:46:32.19
He wants us to read
the Song of Solomon.
00:46:32.22\00:46:36.16
And as a woman
especially saying, "Wow!
00:46:36.19\00:46:39.13
He's my lover, God,
the allegory there..."
00:46:39.16\00:46:42.40
You know, really
saying these things to me.
00:46:42.43\00:46:45.13
He wants us to feel romanced.
00:46:45.17\00:46:47.34
He wants us to feel blessed.
00:46:47.37\00:46:49.20
He wants us to feel close,
and we can get that from Jesus.
00:46:49.24\00:46:54.88
Yeah, it's true.
00:46:54.91\00:46:56.24
You know, Kay,
"Gold for My Girlfriends"
00:46:56.28\00:46:58.85
written for those
that are aging gracefully.
00:46:58.88\00:47:03.69
And, you know, I
recently read a book
00:47:03.72\00:47:06.65
and the name of the book is
"The Emperor of All Maladies,"
00:47:06.69\00:47:10.23
it's the history of
cancer is what it is.
00:47:10.26\00:47:14.03
And something that
I gleaned from that
00:47:14.06\00:47:16.40
was that people are
living so much longer
00:47:16.43\00:47:19.70
than they used to.
00:47:19.73\00:47:21.07
And people are saying,
"Oh, there's more cancer today
00:47:21.10\00:47:23.24
than there ever was."
00:47:23.27\00:47:24.67
Do you know back
in the early 1900s,
00:47:24.71\00:47:30.68
the average age
for a man was like 45,
00:47:30.71\00:47:34.28
that was so ripe old age.
00:47:34.32\00:47:35.98
Well, most people get
cancer after that age.
00:47:36.02\00:47:39.19
So you think
there's more cancer today
00:47:39.22\00:47:41.02
than there ever was?
00:47:41.06\00:47:42.39
When there's not,
00:47:42.42\00:47:43.76
just if these
people had continued...
00:47:43.79\00:47:45.93
You know, that cancer isn't...
00:47:45.96\00:47:47.60
Anyway that was just
one of the points made
00:47:47.63\00:47:50.03
in this book,
00:47:50.07\00:47:51.40
people are living older.
00:47:51.43\00:47:52.80
And the older you get,
00:47:52.83\00:47:55.60
the more encounters
you are going to have
00:47:55.64\00:47:59.44
with some difficult times.
00:47:59.47\00:48:00.88
How would you speak to
those that are going through
00:48:00.91\00:48:04.08
these really difficult times
with health or money problems
00:48:04.11\00:48:08.25
or what have you?
00:48:08.28\00:48:10.95
We can always learn
from what we go through.
00:48:10.99\00:48:14.72
It does not have to be
00:48:14.76\00:48:19.49
an end to life.
00:48:19.53\00:48:22.86
God gives us...
00:48:22.90\00:48:25.43
Well, maybe I
should say it this way.
00:48:25.47\00:48:29.44
A good mariner
00:48:29.47\00:48:30.91
doesn't learn to be a
good mariner on smooth seas.
00:48:30.94\00:48:35.78
There has to go...
00:48:35.81\00:48:37.65
There has to be
some wind, some rough...
00:48:37.68\00:48:41.28
Choppy seas. Choppy seas.
00:48:41.32\00:48:43.79
And as we go
through those things,
00:48:43.82\00:48:47.16
actually what we're doing
is allowing God to refine us
00:48:47.19\00:48:51.83
to take off the rough edges,
00:48:51.86\00:48:54.20
to allow us to become
everything He wants us to be
00:48:54.23\00:48:58.17
'cause He knows it's there
00:48:58.20\00:49:00.40
but sometimes it takes
the tough times to get there.
00:49:00.44\00:49:04.77
How has God
surprised you in the last...
00:49:04.81\00:49:08.21
after Jan's death?
00:49:08.24\00:49:11.08
How has He surprised you?
00:49:11.11\00:49:12.91
Have you had
something that you're just like,
00:49:12.95\00:49:14.92
"Wow, God?"
00:49:14.95\00:49:16.62
I think my biggest surprise
00:49:16.65\00:49:19.32
was the number of
girlfriends that I have found
00:49:19.35\00:49:23.63
across the country.
00:49:23.66\00:49:25.53
People who have written to
me, my Campion Academy friends.
00:49:25.56\00:49:32.10
I hadn't seen them in
years and years and years
00:49:32.13\00:49:34.34
and suddenly, when
I'm coming to Portland,
00:49:34.37\00:49:36.71
they host this
lovely tea for me.
00:49:36.74\00:49:39.77
I didn't realize
that they were there
00:49:39.81\00:49:42.84
until this happened to me.
00:49:42.88\00:49:45.61
And now wherever I go,
I just kind of feel like,
00:49:45.65\00:49:49.18
"Wow, I've got girlfriends
here and girlfriends there
00:49:49.22\00:49:52.29
and people who will
travel with me here."
00:49:52.32\00:49:54.46
And I didn't
know they were there
00:49:54.49\00:49:56.46
because I was...
00:49:56.49\00:49:57.83
I had a secure relationship
with my family and my husband
00:49:57.86\00:50:02.30
but now that I'm
free, I shouldn't say free,
00:50:02.33\00:50:06.03
but now that I'm alone...
00:50:06.07\00:50:08.37
Your normal has changed.
00:50:08.40\00:50:10.61
You no longer have
that responsibility.
00:50:10.64\00:50:13.34
Exactly.
00:50:13.38\00:50:14.94
And suddenly I'm traveling,
I'm meeting new people,
00:50:14.98\00:50:18.78
I'm making more friends.
00:50:18.81\00:50:20.85
God has opened up a
whole new world for me.
00:50:20.88\00:50:24.32
It may not
always be in parenting,
00:50:24.35\00:50:26.55
but the interesting thing is,
00:50:26.59\00:50:28.89
I was invited to Australia
00:50:28.92\00:50:30.73
to do a parenting
seminar at my age.
00:50:30.76\00:50:33.46
And now I'm invited to Germany
and Austria and Switzerland,
00:50:33.50\00:50:40.04
again to do a parenting seminar.
00:50:40.07\00:50:41.87
I never thought that
would happen at my age.
00:50:41.90\00:50:44.77
So, yes, I'm interested
now in what I'm going through,
00:50:44.81\00:50:50.41
but I'm also interested
in continuing to help others
00:50:50.45\00:50:54.02
no matter where the need is,
00:50:54.05\00:50:55.38
in terms of
positive relationships.
00:50:55.42\00:50:57.65
God's given me a new
energy to move forward.
00:50:57.69\00:51:01.82
Amen. That's amazing.
00:51:01.86\00:51:03.19
You know,
00:51:03.22\00:51:04.56
you are such an
inspiration to all of us.
00:51:04.59\00:51:07.20
And I want to just let
everyone know again this book
00:51:07.23\00:51:10.53
that Kay has written,
00:51:10.57\00:51:12.10
it will be a blessing to you.
00:51:12.13\00:51:13.74
And, you know,
00:51:13.77\00:51:15.17
if you would like to
get one to give as presents
00:51:15.20\00:51:18.51
for your mother,
for your grandmother,
00:51:18.54\00:51:21.31
what an incredible tool
00:51:21.34\00:51:23.88
to help people in
this aging process
00:51:23.91\00:51:26.38
and to have victory and success.
00:51:26.41\00:51:29.72
And as you heard Kay's saying,
00:51:29.75\00:51:31.85
she has been invited
all over the world now
00:51:31.89\00:51:34.59
to do parenting seminars.
00:51:34.62\00:51:36.56
But there are
so many other areas
00:51:36.59\00:51:38.56
that you minister in.
00:51:38.59\00:51:39.93
What we're going to do is
give the contact information
00:51:39.96\00:51:44.53
for you to get
in contact with Kay
00:51:44.57\00:51:46.37
if you would like to invite her
00:51:46.40\00:51:48.44
to come to your ladies meetings.
00:51:48.47\00:51:50.01
Kay, you're anxious to get
out and do now, aren't you?
00:51:50.04\00:51:52.87
Oh, and I love women's ministry.
00:51:52.91\00:51:55.91
You will never have
more fun in your life
00:51:55.94\00:51:58.85
than if you take time
to go to a women's retreat.
00:51:58.88\00:52:01.58
Amen. Amen.
00:52:01.62\00:52:02.95
So I want to encourage
you to get your pad and paper
00:52:02.98\00:52:06.89
and take down this
contact information.
00:52:06.92\00:52:09.32
And the way you get
the book, of course,
00:52:09.36\00:52:11.03
is to call 3ABN
00:52:11.06\00:52:12.76
and we'll certainly
make it available to you.
00:52:12.79\00:52:16.00
Book is titled
"Gold for My girlfriends,"
00:52:16.03\00:52:20.44
this is nuggets of wisdom
00:52:20.47\00:52:22.40
for those who are growing older.
00:52:22.44\00:52:25.37
So now we're going to give
you the contact information
00:52:25.41\00:52:28.38
for Kay Kuzma.
00:52:28.41\00:52:30.98
To get your very own copy
of "Gold for My Girlfriends"
00:52:31.01\00:52:34.45
by author and speaker Kay Kuzma,
00:52:34.48\00:52:36.69
visit our website 3ABNStore.com
00:52:36.72\00:52:39.99
and order it online.
00:52:40.02\00:52:41.86
You may also call
us at 618-627-4651
00:52:41.89\00:52:46.49
and we'll be
happy to take your order
00:52:46.53\00:52:48.13
over the phone.
00:52:48.16\00:52:49.56
Our website
again is 3ABNStore.com
00:52:49.60\00:52:52.90
or call us at 618-627-4651.
00:52:52.93\00:52:57.01
If you would like
to invite Kay Kuzma
00:52:57.04\00:52:58.81
to your women's ministry event,
00:52:58.84\00:53:00.84
she can be reached by
email at KayKuzma@aol.com.
00:53:00.88\00:53:05.51
That's KayKuzma@aol.com.
00:53:05.55\00:53:08.55