Participants: Jill Morikone (Host), Yvonne Lewis (Host), Daria Hibbler, Mollie Steenson
Series Code: TDY
Program Code: TDY017057A
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00:01 I want to spend my life
00:07 Mending broken people 00:12 I want to spend my life 00:18 Removing pain 00:23 Lord, let my words 00:29 Heal a heart that hurts 00:34 I want to spend my life 00:40 Mending broken people 00:45 I want to spend my life 00:51 Mending broken people 01:09 Hello, and welcome to another 3ABN Today program. 01:12 My name is Jill Morikone. 01:14 And with me is, Dr. Yvonne Lewis. 01:17 It's a privilege to have you here, Yvonne. 01:19 Oh, it's a privilege to be here. 01:21 Thank you, thank you for inviting me. 01:22 I'm excited about the program today. 01:25 We're talking about a woman here, 01:28 we'll introduce our guests in just a moment. 01:30 We're here on the today set, we're talking as woman 01:34 but this is a program for anyone. 01:36 We're talking about ambassadors of comfort. 01:39 God calls each one of us to reach out 01:42 and to minister to someone else 01:43 with the comfort God has given us. 01:46 We are to extend that comfort to someone else. 01:48 We all know someone, Yvonne, that that has struggles. 01:51 Someone who has gone through, you could say suffering, 01:54 trials, we could say we all have. 01:56 We all have. Absolutely. 01:58 And we need to know how to minister to them 02:02 and we need to be able to look at 02:03 how we were ministered to as well. 02:05 Absolutely, it's very important because you think about, 02:09 there's right ways and wrong ways to minister. 02:11 That's right. 02:12 And even if the intention is right, 02:14 there's ways that we can minister 02:15 and it might actually do some harm. 02:17 Absolutely. 02:19 So we're going to look at some biblical principles. 02:21 We'll look at how Jesus ministered. 02:23 We'll look at how we can minister physically, 02:26 emotionally and spiritually to those people 02:29 who are in difficulty, 02:30 to those people who are struggling. 02:31 And we want to introduce 02:33 our special guests at this time. 02:35 We have Daria Hibbler, you are programming assistant, 02:37 and, Daria, we love you here at 3ABN. 02:39 We do. She is precious. 02:42 Oh, I love you, guys, too. 02:44 Now tell us just a little bit about, 02:46 I know you're working here at 3ABN right now, 02:48 but you also just came back from mission work 02:51 and you're a student, so tell us 02:52 just a little bit about yourself? 02:54 So I'm 21 years old. 02:56 And I just got back from Colombia. 02:59 I was a missionary for a year there. 03:00 But now will be returning back to Southern 03:03 as a junior in Tennessee. 03:04 So I'm excited to go back to school. 03:06 What are you taking? 03:07 I'm taking international business. 03:09 Oh. I know, that's impressive. 03:14 Where there were lot of people that needed comfort 03:16 in Columbia when you were there? 03:17 Oh, yes. 03:19 And you know, I needed some comfort too 03:20 to be honest so. 03:21 It's a good point. 03:23 Sometimes we think about comfort as we need to be 03:24 extending it to someone else. 03:26 But we sometimes are in need of comfort ourselves. 03:29 We are. Yeah. 03:31 That's very true. 03:32 And sitting next to Daria is our vice president 03:34 and general manager, Mollie Steenson. 03:36 And, Mollie, it's just a privilege and joy 03:37 to have you here. 03:38 Always a joy to be with you, ladies. 03:41 We love Mollie too. We do. 03:43 We can go, talk about comfort, 03:45 let's talk about Mollie Sue for a minute. 03:47 So you know, sometimes the work here is very intense, 03:52 and sometimes you just need to just get that little soft, 03:57 sweet voice that Mollie Sue has with insight. 04:03 So it's not just her being soft and sweet. 04:06 She has insight and she does, she'll say something to you. 04:10 If she has to correct you, she does that very sweetly, 04:15 but she does it nonetheless. 04:17 And so, I just feel like 04:19 the Lord has blessed us here at 3ABN. 04:22 There's some very godly women here. 04:24 Absolutely. 04:25 And I'm very thankful and you, my dear, are one as well. 04:28 Yeah, I was just thinking. 04:30 Well, my little Daria, you know, 04:31 it's just a blessing to be here. 04:34 We do tend to comfort each other 04:36 when we're going through things, 04:38 and so it's a blessing. 04:39 And that's another thing, Jill, the importance of friendship. 04:42 Yes. 04:44 You know, when you're going through something 04:45 just having someone who is a true friend 04:47 is an important factor. 04:49 It is, absolutely. 04:50 Everybody's got to have somebody 04:52 that they can talk to, 04:53 they can tell their secrets too. 04:55 And I had, I'll just tell you who it was, 04:59 Shelley called me not too long ago. 05:02 Shelly's having some health issues right now. 05:05 And she is one of the strongest ladies I know. 05:08 And you never hear her complaining 05:10 and she just needed somebody to just air it out with 05:13 and so she called me, 05:15 all she want me to do was listen, 05:16 she didn't want me to give her pearls of wisdom, 05:19 she just wanted somebody to, you know, just to hear, 05:22 hear what she was feeling and what she was going through. 05:26 And so that's my precious friend Shelley. 05:28 She's getting better and I praise God for that. 05:30 Amen. Praise the Lord, yeah. 05:32 You know, one of the things that I think about 05:37 when I hear about people like Shelley 05:40 with different health challenges. 05:42 It's so weird because as soon as we really focused on that, 05:47 go evangelistic team and all that stuff, 05:51 go evangelism team, 05:54 I think all Hades has broken out. 05:58 That's a good way to break. 06:00 I mean, there are just different people have been hit 06:03 with all these different challenges, 06:06 health challenges, relationship challenges, 06:08 whatever, whatever I mean, 06:10 and it's just like we're on the frontlines 06:12 and a major thing with comfort is praying for us here. 06:16 Absolutely. 06:18 We really need your prayers here 06:19 because I just see that so many of us are dealing 06:23 with health issues that we never had before. 06:26 Absolutely. 06:28 And the enemy is just really trying to come up against us 06:30 because he knows his time is short. 06:32 And if you're going through something 06:34 which most likely you are 06:36 because when you are on the battlefield 06:38 for the Lord, you know, 06:40 all who live godly will suffer persecution, 06:42 you're gonna, you're gonna go through something. 06:44 And when you are just know that you have a family 06:47 and us too that we're all in this together 06:50 and that you know, we can pray for you 06:53 and you can pray for us, so... 06:55 Isn't that a beautiful thing? It is. 06:57 It's been a part of the family or God. 06:58 And I know we talk to you when you call us at 3ABN, 07:02 or when you send in letters or those e-mails and just say, 07:05 "Hey, I'm struggling, I'm having a hard time," 07:07 and we take those seriously. 07:08 Yes. 07:10 Here at 3ABN, we gather around sometimes 07:12 a special urgent need comes in and we will stop 07:15 and we will pray special gather people together. 07:18 So there is power in prayer. 07:20 There's power when we pray for each other. 07:22 Before we go to our music 07:24 and then jump really into our topic. 07:25 There's a special scripture and I had my Bible open to it. 07:28 I was just reading it this morning 07:30 and then my Sister Yvonne had it open too. 07:33 So why don't you read us 07:34 that scripture in 2 Corinthians, Yvonne? 07:35 Sure. I love this scripture. Me too. 07:38 2 Corinthians 1:3 and 4, 07:46 "Blessed be the God 07:47 and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 07:50 the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 07:54 who comforts us in all our tribulation, 07:57 that we may be able to comfort those 08:00 who are in any trouble, 08:01 with the comfort with which we ourselves 08:04 are comforted by God." 08:06 Amen. 08:07 That's in the New King James Version. 08:09 And look how many times the word comfort is used 08:13 in those two verses. 08:14 Yeah. Absolutely. 08:16 You know what I found 08:17 when I was reading it this morning. 08:18 I love to look at, I look at Bible hub 08:20 which is the little, 08:22 It's an app you can get on your phone 08:23 and it shows you the Greek 08:25 and you can look at the origins of the words. 08:27 And when I looked to this word up, 08:28 it's the first time 08:29 and I've read the scripture many times 08:31 but it's the first time I actually found this. 08:33 That word for comfort is paraklesis. 08:37 Now if that word sounds familiar, 08:40 it's, because it comes from the word parakletos 08:43 which we have heard before and talked about before 08:46 in John 14-15, remember Jesus said, 08:49 "It is expedient that I go away 08:52 because if I don't go away 08:54 then I cannot send the comforter." 08:56 Or some versions of the Bible said helper, 08:59 but that word is parakletos and in the Roman world, 09:03 a parakletos was someone who was called to come 09:06 alongside of someone else. 09:08 Oh, nice. 09:09 Now they used it in a legal sense say Daria, 09:12 I was, I don't know, I got a speeding ticket 09:17 which I have gotten the speeding ticket before. 09:19 So say I got a speeding ticket 09:21 and you have to appear before the judge. 09:22 Now in the Roman world, the parakletos would come. 09:26 And he or she would come beside and would offer physical help, 09:30 if I needed food, if I needed water 09:32 during the case of these proceedings, 09:34 if you were cold and needed blankets or help. 09:37 They offered emotional help if I was scared, 09:40 if I was worried, 09:42 they would offer emotional help, 09:44 and they offered legal help. 09:46 They would actually come alongside you 09:48 and be your defense. 09:50 That's the Holy Spirit, the work of the Holy Spirit 09:53 to be our aid, our comforter, our helper, our parakletos. 09:57 But here this word for comfort, 10:00 paraklesis comes from that parakletos. 10:04 Blessed be the God 10:06 and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 10:07 the Father of mercies and God of all comfort." 10:11 He is the God who is called to come alongside us 10:14 and be our aid. 10:16 And that means we are, we've received this 10:19 whether to send it to someone else 10:21 which means I'm called to go alongside Daria, 10:24 or Mollie, or Yvonne, or someone else, 10:27 I'm called to go alongside them and offer aid, offer help. 10:31 Oh. Isn't that beautiful? 10:33 It's beautiful. 10:34 Look at God. Yeah, that's praise God. 10:37 It's beautiful, amen. That's beautiful. 10:38 Let's go to our song. Okay. 10:40 And then we'll jump into our topic. 10:42 We have with us Annette Campbell. 10:45 And she'll be singing a beautiful song, 10:47 "Were it not for Grace". 10:49 Love it. 11:09 Time measured out my days 11:16 Life carried me along 11:23 In my soul I yearned to follow God 11:30 But knew I'd never be so strong 11:37 I looked hard at this world 11:42 To learn how heaven could be gained 11:50 Just to end where I began 11:54 Where human effort is all in vain 12:05 Were it not for grace 12:12 I can tell you where I'd be 12:19 Wandering down some pointless road to nowhere 12:26 With my salvation up to me 12:32 And I know how that would go 12:39 The battles I would face 12:46 Forever running but losing the race 12:53 Were it not for grace 13:04 So here is all my praise 13:11 Expressed with all my heart 13:19 Offered to the Friend who took my place 13:25 And ran a course I could not even start 13:32 And when He saw in full 13:37 Just how much His love would cost 13:45 He still ran the final mile 13:49 Between me and heaven 13:53 So I would not be lost 14:00 Were it not for grace 14:08 I can tell you where I'd be 14:15 Wandering down some pointless road to nowhere 14:22 With my salvation up to me 14:28 And I know how that would go 14:35 The battles I would face 14:42 Forever running but losing the race 14:49 Were it not for grace 14:56 Forever running 15:01 But losing the race 15:05 Were it not for grace 15:25 Amen. Thank you so much, Annette. 15:27 Don't you love that song, Yvonne? 15:28 Oh, I do. 15:30 You know, I've heard it for years 15:31 and every time you hear it, you get a blessing from it. 15:34 It's just, when it's done correctly of course. 15:36 Amen. Amen. 15:37 It is such a blessing, the words are so beautiful. 15:40 Yeah. 15:41 What would we do if we didn't have the grace of God? 15:43 Amen. Amen. 15:44 And what would we do if we didn't have 15:46 the comfort of God? 15:47 Exactly. 15:48 We're talking today about being ambassadors of comfort. 15:51 Sharing the comfort that God has given to us 15:54 with each other. 15:55 And we have today, 15:57 Mollie Steenson and Daria Hibbler, 15:58 and we're so thankful both of you ladies are here. 16:01 And let's just jump right into our topic. 16:03 As we launch into this, we want to talk about ways 16:07 that we should extend comfort and then ways that maybe 16:10 we shouldn't be extending comfort. 16:12 We can talk about how to extend comfort physically 16:15 and emotionally and spiritually. 16:17 But first of all, let's just talk about maybe experiences, 16:20 our time and our lives where we needed comfort. 16:24 And someone was the hands and feet of Jesus 16:26 and extended that comfort to us, Mollie? 16:29 Well, back in 2013, Hal and I were in an automobile accident 16:36 and we had to be flown to St. Louis, 16:41 and Hal had to stay longer than me 16:43 and so my son Jeremy, my sister's son 16:46 and my son Jeremy brought me home 16:48 and then they left, and so Jeremy was there 16:53 and I heard this knocking on the door. 16:58 And here comes my friend Dee Hildebrand. 17:03 And she met that she was going to see me. 17:07 She said, "I've got to see you, 17:09 I had to make sure you were okay." 17:11 Just hearing you were okay wasn't good enough. 17:14 I had to see with my own eyes, where she sat there with me, 17:19 not for a real long time but long enough for her 17:22 to feel secure that I was going to be okay. 17:24 But just her presence then was so important to me 17:29 and so encouraging to me and it brought such comfort 17:33 that she loved me and I think cared enough to come 17:36 and just be there with me during that time 17:39 when I had just because the pain level 17:42 was still really high and I just having her there 17:46 was such a comfort to me. 17:48 Now do you think, you ladies think that means 17:51 any time say you have a car accident 17:53 or you're in trouble that, 17:55 this is license anybody just, okay, 17:58 I'm going to jump over and see Yvonne and Daria or whatever, 18:01 so do you think there's any parameters 18:03 that we should set with this? 18:05 Well, you need to know whether or not 18:10 you would be welcome in that situation. 18:12 I know I've been in the hospital before 18:15 when I had surgery and I didn't want anybody to come. 18:19 I didn't feel good and I looked worse. 18:22 Maybe that's the heartache, I don't know, 18:24 but it was way till I get home and get settled in 18:28 before you come to see me. 18:30 So you just need to know, you know, 18:32 find out what the person's preferences 18:34 would be my thoughts on that. 18:36 What about you, Daria, what do you think? 18:37 Well, I know last year when I was a missionary, 18:40 I was missing my family a lot. 18:42 And I had a really good friend there 18:44 that I had met at the beginning when I first arrived. 18:46 His name was Jose. 18:47 And one day he had text me and asked me if I would, 18:51 how I was adjusting to you know, 18:53 a third world country and I was like you know, 18:55 I'm missing my family a little bit. 18:57 And he said, "Okay, well, meet me in front of this, 19:01 one of the buildings at the university." 19:03 And so we went down there, he took me the ice cream. 19:06 If you guys know me, I love ice cream so much, 19:10 so that like made my entire week there. 19:12 So that was like a moment of comforting for me. 19:16 So I really appreciated that. 19:18 So what he did was, he responded to your need, 19:22 you really needed company and you needed someone 19:25 to kind of take you out from that environment 19:28 and put you in an environment with comfort food, and so... 19:33 Yeah, exactly. 19:34 And so you, he actually met your need at the time. 19:38 Exactly, I'd say as well so I appreciate over that. 19:42 And for you it was ice cream, you know, 19:44 for someone else maybe something different 19:46 and that's the neat thing to know, 19:48 so that tells you then to extend comfort, 19:50 we have to know people. 19:51 Yes. 19:52 You know, you have to know what they like, 19:54 what they don't like, what would minister to them. 19:57 In your case Dee knew instantly, 19:59 Mollie is going to be comforted by my presence. 20:01 Or your friend said, 20:03 "Daria is going to feel much better 20:04 if she could go out and have some ice cream." 20:06 So that's great, yeah. What about you? 20:08 And I think you know, I think, Jill, 20:10 that's the key knowing the person it's not, 20:14 it's kind of like the love language idea, 20:16 it's not necessarily what would comfort you 20:19 but you have to find out what they need. 20:22 And the best way to do that is to ask. 20:25 And not to get offended if they say, 20:27 "Well, you know what, 20:28 I'm really not up for company today." 20:31 Then you just pray for them, you know, 20:33 but it's not a personal thing, it's not like, 20:36 oh, I just want don't want you to come over. 20:38 I just might not want to talk to anyone at that point. 20:41 So I think you have to, you have to know the person 20:45 and have that whatever level of relationship that you have 20:49 with them, if it's a very deep relationship, 20:51 then you can do what Dee did, come over and hang out 20:55 with Mollie and just be there. 20:57 Or you can if, you know, in Daria's case, 21:01 meet me at this place and let's just, you know, 21:04 come out from that environment, 21:06 let's go over here and do something fun. 21:09 So but you have to kind of know the person and ask, 21:12 just ask how you can be of assistance. 21:15 Yeah, would it be convenient for me to come over 21:17 and say how do you feel about that? 21:20 Right. 21:21 Let them make their own decisions. 21:22 Right. I like that. 21:24 I remember when... 21:25 For me one of the worst years of my life was 2009, 21:31 when my sister died, and I remember a friend 21:36 actually to just coming over and just being there, 21:41 I didn't have any make up on. 21:42 I was looking like, I don't know what... 21:44 Beautiful. Oh, you're so sweet. 21:46 I didn't feel like... She was. 21:49 Like dressing up or anything I just wanted to just sit there 21:53 and they came at different times, 21:55 different people. 21:57 And they just sat with me and it just, 22:00 it was comforting because I knew 22:03 that they cared enough to take time out 22:06 to come and sit with me. 22:08 And even though I wasn't great company, 22:10 they weren't there to be entertained, 22:13 they were there to comfort me. 22:15 And that's another thing 22:16 when you go to see someone you know, 22:19 whether it's in the hospital, I think that's something, 22:22 Mollie, you might want to talk about too is 22:25 when you're in the hospital, you know, 22:27 what do you need from people? 22:28 Yeah. 22:30 But, you know, if you're in the hospital 22:33 or if you're at home or whatever, 22:36 be sensitive to the person, 22:38 you don't have to stay like indefinitely. 22:41 You know, just go in and comfort them, 22:44 minister to them, talk to them, and let them talk. 22:47 You know, for me it was just being there. 22:50 That's beautiful. 22:52 Speaking of hospital visits, Greg always says 22:54 that his dad was the master of the five minute visit. 22:57 Now his dad is a pastor and so as kids, you know, 23:01 they go in and he was a nurse and then a pastor but he said, 23:04 "They always go visit people, 23:05 they always did the five minute visit." 23:07 You know, they just walked in, 23:08 "Hey, we just came to encourage you in the Lord, 23:10 here's a scripture, let's pray, can we do anything, walk out." 23:13 And he always said, "You should leave 23:15 while the people are still saying, 23:17 I wish they would have stayed longer." 23:19 It's way better than the people say, 23:21 I wish they had left earlier. 23:26 Why they stay so long? Exactly. 23:28 Well, I think you guys did that when Jason was in the hospital, 23:32 you and Greg came to visit and it was so sweet, 23:36 and it was so short, it was like you came in, 23:39 you prayed with them, you showed him 23:40 you loved them and you left. 23:42 But it was good because you know, 23:45 he had a number of visitors... 23:46 Absolutely. 23:47 And you can wear the patients out 23:49 if you stay too long. 23:50 People get tired. Oh, yeah. 23:51 Absolutely. They get tired. 23:53 I think my experience I can think of when different, 23:56 many different times I can think 23:57 of when I felt comforted, 23:59 but one time in particular that I can think of was, 24:01 this was years ago. 24:03 And Greg and I have been open about our struggle years ago 24:06 with infertility. 24:07 And I'd say this was maybe 13 years ago or so, 24:10 12, 13 years and I remember it was the first Mother's Day 24:16 after we had gotten the diagnosis from the doctor. 24:19 And so all the Mother's Days before we were like, 24:22 oh, I'm excited and some day I'll have kids and whatever, 24:26 but this was the first Mother's Day 24:28 we'd found out in April, 24:29 we got the news from the doctor 24:31 after we'd gone to the specialist, 24:33 and then Mother's Day of course 24:34 rolls around shortly after April. 24:36 And I remember I was playing the piano for church, 24:39 and in our church they always have to give out the carnations 24:43 or this year I think it was roses, 24:45 and so they were giving out the long stemmed roses, 24:48 you know, to the ladies. 24:49 So they had the women at the microphone 24:51 and I remember they said, 24:53 "Who's been the mother the longest?" 24:54 And so someone stood, who's been the mother the, 24:57 whatever the newest mother, someone stood. 25:00 And then they said, okay, 25:02 we want all the mothers to stand. 25:04 Now some churches in our church currently does any woman 25:08 because all women are mothers in some fashion, 25:11 whether it's a spiritual mentor or a mother in Israel, 25:14 whether you help other people. 25:15 But in this particular Sabbath we didn't do that. 25:18 And so they said, "We want all the mothers to stand." 25:20 And I remember playing the piano and I kind of 25:22 shook my hair over my face like this so, you know, 25:24 you couldn't see my face and I was just crying. 25:27 And just playing the piano and just tears, 25:29 but I didn't want people to see because you know, 25:32 many times when we go through pain, 25:34 you're private about it, and it's like, 25:36 we don't even open up our hearts to other people 25:40 because like you're afraid or something. 25:42 So I just shook my hair over my face and I'm crying 25:46 playing the piano and there's a woman coming up 25:49 from all over the church picking up a rose. 25:52 And I thought, "God, I'm never going to get one. 25:55 I'll go Mother's Day after Mother's Day for years 25:58 and I never have one. 26:00 And then all of a sudden, I heard a little voice 26:04 and a girl she was probably eight or nine years old. 26:08 She's a lot older now. 26:10 She laid a rose on the piano. 26:12 And she said, "My mom said to give you this." 26:16 And it was my friend. 26:17 And I knew at that moment God was saying, 26:20 "Jill, I have given you the best gifts. 26:23 I've given you a friend who loves you 26:26 and knows this day is painful, 26:28 and this is a way she can encourage you 26:31 during this time." 26:32 And so for me in that experience 26:34 it was just a way that someone reached out. 26:37 I knew this is something hard Jilly for you right now 26:40 and I want to do what I can to make it better. 26:43 It made all the difference, it was beautiful. 26:45 Amen. 26:47 You look like, Mollie, you are... 26:48 Well, I was just thinking about the example that Jesus gave us. 26:55 Good. 26:57 Because He was in the situation 26:59 where He had three very dear friends, 27:02 Mary and Martha and their brother Lazarus. 27:06 And what happened to Lazarus? Do you know he died? 27:10 And what were his sisters, what were his... 27:12 What were their take on it was if Jesus had been here, 27:16 he wouldn't have died. 27:18 And so they were grieving and they were hurting. 27:21 And we look at what did Jesus do to bring comfort 27:26 and ultimately of course the resurrection of Lazarus. 27:29 But first and foremost Jesus was personal, 27:32 He wasn't superficial, He didn't send an angel. 27:36 Could Jesus have sent an angel to Mary and Martha 27:39 to comfort them? 27:41 But He didn't. 27:42 Jesus went personally. 27:45 And as He was standing at the tomb, 27:47 what is the shortest scripture in the Bible? 27:51 Jesus wept. 27:53 He not only was there personally with them, 27:56 but He identified with their pain, 27:59 He had compassion, 28:00 He was moved with compassion, Jesus wept. 28:05 He felt deeply the hurt of His friends. 28:08 And after that He was there personally, 28:12 He was grieving with them. 28:14 He then it says that, He looked up to heaven 28:18 and He did something, He prayed. 28:21 So He was personal. 28:23 He was there physically for them 28:24 as we've been talking about, then He prayed. 28:28 Now, we know what happened when He prayed. 28:30 What did He say to that, to Lazareth, 28:33 "Lazareth, come forth." 28:35 But then He was practical, He told them, 28:40 "Roll the stone away," and then to unwrap Lazarus 28:44 because Lazarus come stumbling out of that grave. 28:47 He needed help so the practical thing was, 28:51 be practical, be there personally, 28:53 pray for the people and then be practical. 28:56 And I love this scripture, 28:58 it's my personal, prayerful, practical. 29:02 Well, I had to throw this one in, 29:03 we need to be positive. 29:05 Oh, that's good. 29:06 When you're comforting someone, don't say anything 29:10 that would be negative, always be positive. 29:13 And if you're going to use God's word, 29:15 you're going to be positive. 29:16 Don't tell them that, you know, 29:18 God needed another angel in His choir. 29:21 Don't say something like that, what you need to say is... 29:24 That's not even biblical. Exactly. 29:26 Exactly. But you hear it. 29:27 Right. Oh, yes. 29:29 And people say it. 29:30 Proverbs 25:11 says, "A word fitly spoken is like 29:35 apples of gold in pictures, setting of silver." 29:40 A timely word is beautiful and it's valuable. 29:44 So always be positive, don't be, 29:46 don't be negative, don't... 29:49 And I've got a few things of what we just don't need to say. 29:54 Oh, that's good. Good, good. 29:55 Not to say. 29:57 God is teaching you something in this, 29:59 don't say that. 30:00 Absolutely. 30:02 You may have lost a child 30:03 but at least you still have others. 30:05 If a parent has lost a child they can have 20 others 30:09 but they are grieving because... 30:11 That's right. 30:12 Or you're still young, you can have more children, 30:15 that does not bring comfort, that brings pain. 30:18 Or if you've lost your husband, 30:22 if someone's lost their husband, 30:23 don't say to them, oh, you can remarry. 30:26 No, that's not gonna bring... 30:28 And things to say, do you want me to give you 30:29 some of the things you can say. 30:31 Yes. Yes. 30:33 I'm so sorry for your loss, can I pray for you. 30:37 I love you. 30:39 We are praying for you and I'm believing God 30:43 that He is going to heal your hurt. 30:45 And words like that bring comfort 30:47 and they'll bring peace and they'll help lift 30:51 that head up that's hanging down. 30:53 So those are some of the things that that we can do, 30:56 using Jesus as our example. 30:58 Yes, that's good. Amen. 31:00 I wanted to go a little bit off of something Mollie said, 31:02 she said, "We will be praying for you." 31:05 I wanted to say that, 31:06 don't say things you don't mean. 31:08 Absolutely. 31:09 So if you're going to say, I'll be praying for you 31:10 so you need to pray for them. 31:13 I think a lot of people say, "Oh, if you need anything..." 31:16 So if you say you, if you need anything 31:18 you should be prepared to give anything. 31:21 I mean, that could be answering a phone call 31:23 or texting someone back 31:26 or a last minute meal somewhere to stay, 31:28 it could be anything, so feel like we need to be 31:30 prepared to give anything if we're going to say that. 31:33 Absolutely. Oh, that's good. 31:34 That is... 31:36 That's good, Daria, because a lot of times 31:37 we'll say, we'll pray for you and then you don't. 31:40 One of the things that I learned is that 31:42 if someone needs prayer, pray right then. 31:45 Amen. 31:47 Don't just say, I'll pray for you, 31:48 you know, let's pray now. 31:49 Amen. 31:51 And then in that way you have fulfilled you know, 31:53 what you said, you were going to do, 31:55 I'm going to pray for you, now, let's just pray right now, 31:58 in that way because I tend to forget things 32:01 if I don't write them down. 32:03 And you don't want it, it turns out it's a lie 32:05 if you say you're going to do it 32:07 and you don't do it. 32:08 So why not do it on the spot. 32:10 You know the scripture that says 32:11 that we will be judged by every idle word 32:13 that proceeds out of our mouth. 32:15 What does the word idle mean? Not worthy. 32:17 It doesn't mean just for words, 32:19 sometimes it's a nonproductive word 32:22 that's what it is. 32:23 Sometimes we tend to think that 32:25 if you're joking cutting up that though 32:28 you're going to be judged for that. 32:29 No, God loves levity. 32:31 He loves for us to do with good, good, pure, clean. 32:36 You know, levity does our hearts good. 32:38 Now that every idle word, 32:41 an idle word is a nonproductive word, 32:44 a nonproductive word is just what you were saying, 32:47 I'll pray for you then you don't, 32:48 that's an idle word. 32:49 It's a lie as well but you don't put the force 32:53 of your personality behind it, 32:54 it becomes a nonproductive word. 32:57 So don't say those things that you don't mean 33:00 because those are the things that you're going to be judged 33:03 for those things that you say you'll do 33:05 and then you don't do it. 33:07 And that's so important, I can think in my own life, 33:09 I have been guilty of that. 33:10 I have been guilty of saying, 33:12 oh, I'll pray for you and then you forget. 33:14 It's not intentional but you can forget, 33:16 so I love what you said, Yvonne, stop right then, 33:19 pray right then. 33:21 Oh, you're going through something, 33:22 let's pray about it right now, or if I'm texting someone 33:26 and saying, I'm praying for you, you know what I do, 33:28 before I hit send, I bow my head right then. 33:30 Yes. 33:32 And I say a prayer for the person because that way 33:34 when you hit send, you know, then that you have 33:37 done the prayer and don't forget. 33:38 That's right. That's so good. 33:40 So you've talked about, Mollie, 33:41 back to what you had mentioned before, 33:43 you mentioned four things I wrote down personal, 33:46 prayerful, practical and positive. 33:48 Let's talk about some more practical things that we can do 33:52 to offer comfort because we can talk theology, 33:56 we can talk, okay, it's good to do this, 33:59 but what would be practically some things 34:01 that we can do to reach out and offer comfort, Daria? 34:03 Well, one day my mom was going through, 34:06 I was away at college 34:07 and she was going through a hard time, 34:09 so I sent her a box of sunshine. 34:11 I don't know if you guys have ever heard 34:12 of a box of sunshine but I basically bought 34:14 a bunch of yellow things like yellow gum, 34:17 yellow lip chapstick, yellow, 34:20 like flowers and I put them all in a box 34:22 and I sent them to her and so when she opened it, 34:24 I mean, and it was the Sabbath 34:26 when she received it on her doorstep. 34:27 So she opened it and it was like 34:29 this beautiful box of yellow things 34:31 and so she was, that was another way 34:33 of comforting while I was away. 34:35 So I think that was a more practical thing 34:37 that you could do. 34:39 That's beautiful. Isn't it? 34:40 And how thoughtful. Amen. 34:42 Maybe I'll tell you I'm having a hard day sometime, 34:44 I might get a box of yellow you know, that's great. 34:47 I love that. 34:48 At my church in Dallas where I used to, 34:50 when I lived in Dallas I was on the grief committee 34:54 'cause I've had a lot of losses. 34:57 And so we used to send out comfort kits. 35:01 And in it there would be a CD with music 35:08 that would comfort. 35:09 So there were all kinds of, you know, 35:11 different gospel artists who were singing about the Lord 35:16 and comfort and stuff like that. 35:18 And it was really nice because you could take someone 35:21 a comfort kit and they would, you know, 35:24 be happy with and literature of course about grieving 35:28 and what to do. 35:29 And I remember, I personally had suffered a loss 35:34 and I went to my then pastor 35:38 who was Mike Tucker whom I love, hi, Pastor Mike. 35:41 And he told me that when you lose somebody, 35:47 there are four or five things you have to do. 35:49 You have to pray about it, you should write about it, 35:52 just to kind of get it out, talk about it, cry about it. 35:58 So don't try to hold it in 36:00 but these are some of the things 36:02 that you should do which is, 36:03 I think I kind of got off of the topic. 36:05 This is important, this is great, absolutely. 36:07 Many people grief. Oh, yes. 36:09 We all have losses of some sort. 36:11 And we need to know how to handle it 36:14 so that we work through it. 36:16 One of the things not to say is, 36:19 you're not over that yet. 36:21 Yes. 36:22 You should be over that by now. 36:24 I mean, can you imagine saying that to someone 36:25 who has lost a mother, a father, a spouse, a child, 36:31 whatever, you can't, if you say them, 36:35 are you still, are you still, you should be past that now. 36:39 Some people are really insensitive. 36:41 And so one of the things that, you know, 36:44 that we have to do is to see where the person is, 36:49 if you are the one who's in grief right now 36:53 and you cannot get past it, you just cannot, 36:56 you've been in grief. 36:58 And it's debilitating, it's incapacitating, 37:01 it's interfering with your regular functioning, 37:04 then you might need to seek professional help. 37:06 Absolutely. 37:07 And there's nothing wrong with that, 37:08 there's nothing unbiblical about that. 37:10 You might need, it might be a chemical imbalance, 37:14 you know, it could be anything. 37:15 So it would be good to get some tools to work through. 37:19 We can go, get tools through the word, 37:22 but the Lord also uses professionals to help, 37:25 and if you are stuck in this dark place, 37:30 and it is incapacitating, it's not just regular grief, 37:34 it's incapacitating, 37:35 then you could seek professional help. 37:37 And not to be ashamed of that. And not to be ashamed. 37:39 I think as Christians sometimes we think, well, 37:42 as long as we have the Word of God, 37:43 and the Word of God is powerful, 37:45 and the Word of God is life transforming. 37:47 Right. 37:48 And I have seen the Word of God 37:50 bring people out of dark places. 37:51 Yes. 37:52 However having said that, sometimes we judge people 37:55 and say, "Oh, you shouldn't, you should be able 37:57 to get everything you need 37:59 from the Word of God in prayer." 38:00 Now that is true, we do get what we need 38:03 but sometimes we need to go outside. 38:05 We need to get that professional help 38:07 and not to judge people for that. 38:09 That's right. 38:11 You had mentioned we can be harsh 38:12 or critical with people, or we can, 38:16 I forget the word you used but we can, things not to say. 38:20 Yeah. 38:21 You know, sometimes we say those things or we can say, 38:23 "Oh, Daria, aren't you over that, or, 38:25 oh, don't you think you could." 38:27 And we say those things, I remember sometimes I think, 38:30 and I want you ladies to jump in 38:32 and see what you think on this. 38:33 Sometimes I think we actually blame the person 38:36 who is suffering. 38:38 We actually... 38:39 It goes back to that principle, you know, John 9, 38:43 the man born blind. 38:44 And the disciples said, 38:46 "Who sinned, was this man or his parents?" 38:48 So we can actually say, "If you had enough faith, 38:51 God would heal you." 38:52 Oh. 38:53 You know, or it's your fault, or you must have done something 38:57 to bring this on you. 38:59 What do you ladies think? 39:02 Well, and also, we... 39:04 Again that judging, if you see someone 39:07 that's a strong Christian, 39:08 but they can't seem to get past it. 39:10 We want to do that, 39:11 that same thing to point a finger at them. 39:13 If you had enough faith, you would be past this. 39:17 The grieving process is a very normal process. 39:20 You have to go through the grieving process, 39:22 it concerns me when I see someone 39:25 that has lost a loved one if they are acting like 39:27 everything's okay, 39:29 that grief is gonna come out somewhere in some way, 39:32 they may be misdirecting their pain 39:36 but that grief is going, 39:37 and so it's better to go through 39:39 the grieving process. 39:40 And for us to help people to go through 39:43 the grieving process to go see them, 39:45 we've already talked about that to listen to them again. 39:48 Yes. 39:49 People don't want your words of wisdom 39:52 as much as they want your soft shoulder 39:55 and ear that they can talk that you'll just listen to them 39:59 and not be judgmental, just let them sometimes, 40:04 see if you all know what I mean by this is, 40:06 you need to blow off steam. 40:08 You need to just get in that, just get it, 40:10 lay it out to somebody that's not going to judge you 40:13 if what you're saying isn't theologically sound 40:16 or even scripturally correct at the moment. 40:18 You just need to let your frustrations out 40:22 and you're going to come back in alignment 40:24 with the Word of God is, 40:25 you know, you're, you're not off-base. 40:28 And we just need to love people, a good old hug. 40:32 Oh, a hug goes a long way, doesn't it? 40:35 Your presence is more important than your wisdom. 40:40 That's good. All that wisdom. 40:43 We can just have, 40:44 I'll call them our pearls of wisdom, 40:47 we always that's when we've got the answer. 40:50 We're not listening to what they're saying, 40:52 we're thinking about what we're going to say next 40:54 because we've got all this wisdom we can share. 40:57 Now really what they needed was just for you to listen 41:01 and be there for them. 41:02 Yes. 41:04 Now I was going to say, I think some people's 41:06 grieving processes are different, 41:08 people are different. 41:09 So I mean, take you two weeks to get over something 41:12 but someone else may be a year. 41:14 So I think we have to know the situation. 41:16 Another thing I was going to say is making people laugh 41:18 talking about normal life sometimes, 41:21 I'm not always talking about 41:23 like how you're down in the dumps. 41:25 I mean of course we need to know the situation 41:27 and how, how they are within their process, 41:31 but I feel like talking about happy things sometimes 41:35 is a little bit better. 41:36 I like that. 41:38 Kind of taking their minds off of the situation, 41:40 and again like you're saying, you have to know the person 41:44 because some people want to talk about it 41:46 and others don't. 41:47 Some people are like, 41:49 can we talk about something else. 41:50 Yeah. 41:51 But then others really need to get it out. 41:54 So you have to know the person 41:57 and kind of know what they need to do. 41:59 You know, we were looking at practical things 42:02 that can help someone in the time 42:05 that they're grieving. 42:06 And I've got a scripture that I want to share 42:09 from the Book of Job. 42:10 Good. Yes. 42:12 And so some of the things that we can do practical things 42:16 is food... 42:19 Yes. 42:20 Finances and chores, food. 42:24 And you know, when people pass away, 42:27 we particularly we Southerners I think they do it 42:29 everywhere in the world, 42:30 but in the south if somebody passes away, 42:34 you're going to have enough food 42:35 on your dining room table by that night 42:37 to last you for six months. 42:39 That might be an exaggeration but the heart's intent 42:43 is there to help people and finances you know, 42:47 their finances are always needed 42:50 and then chores and that might be something 42:52 we wouldn't think about doing is helping out with chores. 42:56 But let me read this to you in the Book of Job 42:59 it's Job 42:11. 43:01 Let me just turn there, you said Job 42? 43:03 Job 42:11. 43:07 Are you there? 43:08 Almost. Okay. 43:11 It says, "Then came there unto him, 43:13 and this is under Job all his brethren, 43:17 and his sisters, and all they that had been 43:20 of his acquaintance before, 43:23 and did eat bread with him in his house, 43:26 and they bemoaned him..." 43:28 Do you know that means, they mourned with him. 43:31 Yes. 43:32 "They bemoaned him and comforted him over 43:35 all the evil that the Lord had brought upon him, 43:39 every man, now listen to this, 43:41 every man also gave him a piece of money, 43:45 and every one an earring of gold." 43:47 That meant, they ministered to his financial need. 43:51 They were grieving with him and they were eating with him. 43:56 So here is practical instruction 43:59 on what we can do, 44:00 and do we have any other example 44:03 in the Word of God that is as drastic of someone 44:08 that needed comforting as our dear brother Job. 44:12 We learn a lot from Job, do we not? 44:14 And so some of the things that we see here as an example 44:18 are things that would be good for our next door neighbor 44:21 or our brother down the street. 44:23 That's good. That's so important. 44:25 And I love what you said about bringing the food. 44:27 Mollie is the best casserole maker ever. 44:30 We have great food here at 3ABN... 44:32 Mollie is such a great cook. She is a great cook. 44:35 But not only if someone passes away I mean, 44:38 people come out of surgery and they're not able to care 44:41 for their needs. 44:42 Or other, other times sometimes they will have 44:44 a health challenge or something going on 44:46 and they're not able to. 44:48 So food is an important thing not just ice cream, 44:51 ice cream is important because it pulls us 44:52 like out of that situation. 44:54 But we need, those are practical things, 44:56 food or chores or health. 44:58 You know, I wanted to say this about food 45:00 because we need to be sensitive 45:02 to the diet that people can have. 45:05 And I know now, Irma Murray is helping with a friend 45:11 who has recently had an accident 45:14 and the lady is a vegan vegetarian. 45:18 So Irma is very sensitive about what she prepares for her 45:22 that I can remember when a lady in our church 45:27 had a baby. 45:28 And she had other children 45:30 and so we were taking day by day, 45:33 we would take dinner to them every evening and she said, 45:36 "You would be surprised at the people, 45:38 now she had little children and they would bring chili, 45:41 chili is what she was telling me about any way, 45:44 that would have the hardest seasoning in it 45:47 she said, "Mom, my babies couldn't eat that." 45:50 It was us, so just be sensitive to the need 45:54 that you're providing. 45:55 That's good, that's good. 45:57 You know, another thing that I just thought about 45:59 praise the Lord 46:00 is when someone's in the hospital 46:03 like let's say Hal is in the hospital 46:07 and you're there sitting with him. 46:10 A friend can call you and say, 46:12 "Can I bring you something to eat," 46:14 'cause you don't want to leave. 46:15 Yes. 46:17 And go somewhere and leave your loved one. 46:20 So you end up sitting there for a long time 46:23 and you can't eat but if someone just calls 46:26 and says, "What can I bring you?" 46:28 And they just come and bring you something. 46:30 That's completing the practical need. 46:31 Practical need. It is. 46:32 And food. 46:34 What's better than that? What's better than that? 46:36 But, you know what, I think that is, 46:38 that's having a heart that notices 46:40 the needs of other people. 46:42 You know, and that that's a beautiful thing, 46:44 sometimes we get into ourselves at least I know I can, you're, 46:47 you're thinking about oh, I got to do this 46:49 and you're focused on this, but then God calls us 46:52 to look outside of ourselves 46:53 and to see the needs of other people. 46:56 And not just say, "Oh, I think so and so struggling, 46:58 maybe I should send him a card but ask God, 47:01 what would He have me do, maybe they need food more, 47:04 maybe they need physical help, maybe they need financial help, 47:07 maybe it's something different. 47:09 So we just have a few moments left here 47:11 at the end of the program. 47:12 I was hoping maybe we could go around the circle 47:15 and each share maybe a scripture 47:17 that has ministered to us, 47:19 something that has brought you comfort in a time of need 47:23 when you were struggling, or could be a scripture 47:25 that someone else shared with you. 47:26 It doesn't have to be one you experienced. 47:28 Go ahead, Mollie. 47:30 Okay, it's "Come unto me, 47:32 all ye that labor and are heavy laden, 47:35 and I will give you rest. 47:36 Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me, 47:39 for I am meek and lowly in heart." 47:42 So that is Jesus, He tells me to come unto Him 47:46 and that's active. 47:51 I have to do that. 47:53 It takes effort on my part to come and tell Him. 47:57 And if I'm laboring and are heavy laden, 48:00 I know that if I come unto my Lord 48:02 and Savior Jesus Christ, 48:03 He gives me this promise right here in the scriptures, 48:06 that when I come unto Him, 48:08 when I lay my burdens at His feet, 48:10 then He's going to lighten my load, 48:12 and He's going to fill me with His presence 48:14 and He's going to be there for me. 48:17 So I have always taken great comfort I think. 48:19 Amen. 48:20 Matthew 11:28, I love that scripture, 48:22 that's beautiful. 48:23 Me too. You have? 48:25 I do, this is Isaiah 43:1-3. Amen. 48:30 I just love this. Me too. 48:32 "Fear not, for I have redeemed you, 48:34 I have called you by name, you are mine. 48:37 When you pass through the waters, 48:39 I will be with you, 48:40 and through the rivers, they shall not over flow you. 48:43 When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, 48:47 neither shall the flames scorch." 48:50 We hear, but in the King James it's kindled upon you. 48:52 Yeah. 48:54 "For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, 48:57 your Savior." 48:58 So the Lord says, "You're gonna through things, 49:01 but when you do, don't be afraid 49:03 because I have got you. 49:05 And not only I have got you, I've called you by name, 49:08 I know, who you are, I know, what you're dealing with, 49:12 and you are Mine." 49:13 Amen. 49:15 I mean, that's such a love thing. 49:18 Amen. It's so romantic. 49:20 You know, to me it's so romantic. 49:22 I've called you by name, I know who you are, 49:25 you are Mine. 49:27 Amen. 49:29 And I'm not going to let even though 49:30 you're going to go through these things, 49:32 they are not going to overtake you 49:34 because I, I am your God. 49:37 Come on. I'm ready to thank you Jesus. 49:40 I know and thank you, Lord, 49:41 I just feel like this, He is so, 49:44 He's such an amazing God and He loves us so much. 49:47 So anyway I've taken up too much time. 49:49 No, it's wonderful. 49:50 I just got happy here, 49:51 I'm getting ready to jump up and shout. 49:55 My verse is Psalms 94:19. Nice. 49:57 "In the multitude of my anxieties within me, 50:00 Your comfort delights my soul." 50:02 I feel like the Lord is our biggest comforter. 50:04 I mean, He knows us the most, He knows what we go through, 50:08 and He Himself has struggled too. 50:10 So I feel like if anyone can comfort us, it's Him. 50:14 Oh, yes. 50:15 Amen, because He has experienced 50:17 everything tempted in all points like as we are. 50:20 So He knows how to help us. 50:22 He knows how to encourage us as we go through trials 50:25 because He has experienced. 50:27 I have so many, I don't even know how to pick 50:30 but I'm in Isaiah so I went back a chapter, 50:32 this is Isaiah 41:10. 50:36 Oh, yes. 50:37 We're going to start with the end of verse 9. 50:40 "He said to you, you are my servant. 50:43 I have chosen you and have not cast you away." 50:46 Then verse 10. 50:48 "Fear not for I am with you." Yeah. 50:50 "Be not dismayed for I am your God, 50:55 I will strengthen you. 50:56 I will help you. 50:58 Yes, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." 51:01 And I don't know what trial 51:04 you are going through right now. 51:05 You might be saying, I'm walking through the valley 51:08 of the shadow of death. 51:09 It might be trial with your children 51:12 who have walked away from Jesus and your heart hurts for them 51:16 because you want them to come back to Him. 51:18 It might be a marriage that's falling apart 51:21 or the death of a loved one, 51:23 it could be a health challenge or a financial 51:25 or I don't know whatever it is the Lord Jesus sees you. 51:28 He knows you, He loves you with an everlasting love 51:33 and He says, I want to bring you comfort. 51:35 You don't have to be afraid. 51:38 You don't have to be afraid no matter 51:40 what you're walking through, Jesus is by your side. 51:43 And He will be with you and extend His comfort to you, 51:47 that then in turn as after we pass through that, 51:50 we can extend that comfort to someone else. 51:53 I want to say, Miss Mollie, would you have a prayer 51:55 before we go to our news break? 51:57 Maybe if there's someone struggling out there, 52:00 who needs a word of encouragement from Jesus? 52:02 Would you have a word of prayer for them? 52:04 Holy Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus, 52:06 praising You and thanking You Holy God, 52:09 that You are our comfort. 52:10 You Lord are the one that stands by our side, 52:13 picks us up and moves us forward. 52:15 So, Father, I bring before Your throne of grace. 52:17 Every one that is listening and every one that is viewing, 52:20 every one, Father, 52:22 that is having a moment of discouragements, 52:24 they're walking through a difficult time 52:26 and ask Father that You would undertake 52:28 on their behalf that You would touch us all, 52:30 Father God. 52:31 Touch us and lift us up and draw us closer unto you. 52:34 Father, I just speak to the North, East, 52:36 South and West, and ask Father, 52:38 that by the power of Your Spirit, 52:40 You would bring all that are listening, 52:43 that are hearing Your voice today 52:45 into a deeper and closer walk with you, 52:47 I pray this in the name of Jesus. 52:50 Amen. Amen. 52:51 Amen. It's beautiful. 52:52 Hard to believe, we're almost down to our news break. 52:54 I know, I know. 52:56 You know, it's amazing how when you start talking about 52:59 how good God is and how to comfort, 53:01 and how He wants us to comfort and all that, 53:03 the time just flies. 53:04 Absolutely. 53:06 This time has flown by, it's a blessing. 53:07 It has. 53:08 And we hope and pray that you have gained 53:10 encouragement from the scripture, 53:11 from the Word of God, 53:13 from what God wants to do in your life. 53:14 And I want to encourage you to, you can always contact 3ABN, 53:17 you can call our pastoral department, 53:19 we have men and women waiting to pray with 53:22 and for you and for your needs. 53:24 Right now we're going to go to our news break. 53:26 This is what's going on this week here at 3ABN, 53:29 and then we'll be back with closing thoughts. |
Revised 2017-07-31