Participants: Jill Morikone (Host), Lindsey Gendke
Series Code: TDY
Program Code: TDY017015A
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00:01 I want to spend my life
00:07 Mending broken people 00:12 I want to spend my life 00:18 Removing pain 00:23 Lord, let my words 00:29 Heal a heart that hurts 00:34 I want to spend my life 00:40 Mending broken people 00:45 I want to spend my life 00:51 Mending broken people 01:07 Hello and welcome to another 3ABN Today program. 01:10 My name is Jill Morikone 01:11 and we're so glad that you have tuned in today. 01:14 We're excited about the program we have today. 01:16 Excited to hear how the Lord has brought 01:19 our special guest 01:20 out of darkness in a literal sense, 01:23 out of the clouds 01:25 and mist of depression into His marvelous light 01:28 and brought healing and hope and comfort. 01:30 And we're so glad that you have joined us today, 01:33 you're part of our 3ABN family, 01:34 we consider you a part of our family. 01:36 We thank you for your prayers for this ministry, 01:39 for your financial support of this ministry 01:42 because that's what enables us to take this message, 01:45 the gospel message of hope and healing 01:48 and deliverance to a lost and dying world. 01:52 Before I introduce our special guest, 01:54 I want to read a certain scripture 01:55 that has meant a lot in her life 01:58 and this is a very special scripture 02:00 to me as well. 02:01 We are in the Book of 2 Corinthians. 02:03 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. 02:08 The Bible says, "Blessed be the God and Father 02:11 of our Lord Jesus Christ, 02:13 the Father of mercies and God of all comfort 02:17 who comforts us in all our tribulation 02:21 that we may be able to comfort those 02:24 who are in any trouble 02:26 with the comfort with which 02:27 we ourselves are comforted by God." 02:30 Verse 5, "For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us 02:33 so our consolation also abounds through Christ." 02:38 And I don't know where you are today, 02:40 you might be suffering, 02:42 you might be needing comfort. 02:44 You might know a family member 02:46 or a child or a spouse or a neighbor 02:49 someone who needs special comfort in healing and help, 02:52 this program is for you 02:54 or this program is in a special way 02:56 for that family member. 02:58 So our special guest is Lindsey Gendke. 03:00 And, Lindsey, we welcome you. 03:02 We're so glad to have you here today. 03:03 Thank you, it's a pleasure to be here. 03:05 Where are you from? 03:06 Currently we live in St. Charles, Missouri. 03:09 We've been here two years 03:10 and prior to that we lived in Texas. 03:12 Okay, we're excited that you're here. 03:14 I know that you are a woman of God in the Word 03:17 and excited to hear what God has done in your life 03:20 about your testimony. 03:22 So we look forward to that. 03:24 But first we want to go to our music here today. 03:26 We have Mark Trammell with us 03:28 and he's going to be doing a song 03:30 ''Softly and Tenderly". 03:51 Softly and tenderly 03:55 Jesus is calling 04:00 Calling for you 04:03 And for me 04:08 See all the portholes 04:12 He's waiting 04:14 And watching 04:17 Watching for you 04:20 And for me 04:26 Why should we tarry 04:29 When Jesus is pleading 04:34 Pleading for you 04:37 And for me 04:42 Why should we linger 04:45 And heed not His mercies 04:50 Mercies for you 04:53 And for me 04:58 Come home, 05:03 Come home 05:08 Ye who are weary, 05:12 Come home 05:18 Earnestly, tenderly, 05:23 Jesus is calling 05:27 Calling, oh sinner, 05:31 Come home 05:49 Oh! 05:51 For the wonderful love 05:54 He has promised 05:58 Promised for you 06:00 And for me 06:05 Tho' we have sinned 06:08 He has mercy 06:10 And pardon 06:13 Pardon for you 06:16 And for me 06:20 Come home, 06:25 Come home 06:30 Ye who are weary, 06:34 Come home 06:40 Earnestly, tenderly, 06:45 Jesus is calling 06:51 Calling, oh sinner 06:57 Calling, oh sinner 07:06 Come 07:12 Home 07:39 Thank you so much, Mark, 07:41 softly and tenderly Jesus is calling 07:43 and that call extends to us here, Lindsey, in the studio, 07:46 that call extends to you at home. 07:48 Jesus is calling, 07:50 He wants all of us to come home. 07:52 If you're just joining us, 07:54 our special guest today is Lindsey Gendke, 07:56 I got it right this time Gendke. 07:58 Thank you. 07:59 And we're so glad to have you here 08:02 sharing your testimony. 08:03 You have written a book 08:04 which we're going to talk about 08:06 and your book is really your testimony 08:08 of what God's done in your life, 08:09 it's called "Ending The Pain, 08:12 '' a true story of overcoming depression 08:14 and this book was just published 08:16 earlier last year, right, in 2016? 08:18 Yes. 08:19 Okay, that's wonderful. 08:21 So take us back to the beginning. 08:22 Were you raised in a Christian home 08:24 or were you raised in an Adventist home? 08:25 And take us back to what family life 08:27 was like in the beginning? 08:29 Sure, I was raised in a Seventh-day Adventist home. 08:33 My parents became Adventist around the time 08:35 when I was a baby. 08:37 My dad was invited to a revelation seminar 08:40 by his coworker, 08:41 so he really liked the health message 08:44 and overall they were very impressed, 08:46 so they joined the church 08:49 and so we were raised Adventist. 08:51 Okay. 08:53 Did most of my growing up in Minnesota 08:56 and we had a pretty happy childhood, 09:01 spent a lot of time in the country 09:03 and around farming community 09:08 that was what my dad's family did 09:10 and so a lot of time outdoors and so... 09:12 So you wouldn't say from your early childhood 09:14 you were depressed, 09:16 like of as a five year old kid running out with the animals 09:18 or you know, I'm saying farm... 09:19 Yeah. 09:21 Would you consider yourself struggling with depression 09:22 back then or not? 09:24 I don't, I don't know, that's hard to say. 09:27 Okay. 09:28 I would say, I was a melancholy child, 09:30 maybe tendency to negatives, 09:33 I do remember early in the book 09:35 I start, the earliest I describe in the book 09:37 as being age seven and I remember 09:40 we had moved from Fargo, North Dakota 09:42 back to my dad's hometown in Minnesota 09:45 and at that point I started to feel really out of place 09:49 because we were Adventists, 09:51 my dad had changed 09:53 from being Lutheran to Adventist 09:55 and now we went back to these Lutheran roots 09:57 and a lot of Sunday keeping people, 09:59 we went to public school and so... 10:02 then I started to notice a stark contrast 10:04 between what we did 10:06 as far as keeping the Sabbath 10:07 and all my cousins and kids at school 10:10 were doing other things on the Sabbath and... 10:12 Yes. 10:14 Felt a little out of place and... 10:16 It gave you like a little isolation 10:18 or a sense of isolation? 10:19 Yeah, I would say I wasn't really happy 10:21 to be a Seventh-day Adventist at that age, 10:24 just seeing it seemed like 10:27 there were so many don'ts. 10:28 I can't go to the football games on Friday night, I can't, 10:32 you know, get my ears pierced or 10:34 'cause I was just comparing to everyone around me, 10:37 there weren't a lot of Adventists around me. 10:40 So no Adventist friends when I was young. 10:43 So that was a little difficult. 10:45 Yeah, that makes sense. 10:47 Now as you were growing up there came a certain point 10:50 in your growing up years 10:51 or something pivotal happened in your home? 10:53 Right. 10:55 Yeah, I could refer to this 10:56 as kind of a before and after moment 10:58 or when I spoke at a women's retreat 11:00 recently I called it kind of a shattering moment. 11:04 And so we were a happy family, 11:07 I would say it wasn't perfect 11:09 'cause, you know, 11:10 and I had these melancholy tendencies 11:12 and that's my personality, 11:14 if you know about the personalities. 11:15 But certainly, 11:18 when I was 14, 11:21 we discovered that my mom was pregnant 11:22 with another man's baby 11:24 and it was just shattering 11:27 and we did not see this coming at all. 11:30 And your dad had no clue? 11:32 No, no, my dad had no clue 11:34 and I had an older brother Kyle 11:36 and I was the one that talked to my mom 11:38 and she admitted this and, you know... 11:42 And you were 14? No. 11:43 14, I just turned 14 and, 11:46 you know, I had noticed things were little strange, 11:49 not the same lately and so I talked to her about it 11:53 and finally that's when she told me, 11:56 you know, she was expecting a baby 11:57 and it wasn't my dad's 11:59 and so we started to grapple with this new reality 12:03 and we were Christians 12:05 in this small farming community, small town 12:09 where I don't remember hearing about scandals like this 12:13 and we belong to a small Seventh-day Adventist Church, 12:17 that was like 15-20 miles away. 12:21 And I didn't remember hearing stories 12:23 like that happening in the church 12:24 and so suddenly it's this just big kind of bomb into our lives 12:30 and we're kind of like how do we deal with this. 12:32 Yeah. So how did you deal with it? 12:34 I mean what did your parents do? 12:36 Well, we didn't deal well with it, I'll say that 12:39 because we did probably 12:42 what a lot of Christians do and we hid it 12:45 and we didn't really talk about it 12:48 outside of our walls 12:49 and we were just so shell-shocked, 12:53 there were decisions to be made, 12:55 do we give up the baby for adoption? 12:59 Does mom just pack up quietly and leave, you know? 13:02 Do my parents try to stay together 13:03 and then how do we break this to our community and...? 13:06 Was she still with the other man, 13:08 the father of the baby or not? 13:11 Yes and no, I don't know. 13:13 I think she was kind of vague on that 13:14 and I don't think 13:17 I got to hear the whole side of that story 13:20 and I guess that's her story but... 13:25 So I mean the other twist was that my half brother 13:29 we ended up keeping him but he's half black 13:31 and so we can't pretend that he was my dad's child 13:35 and so it just brought a lot of tension 13:38 and what we did actually is that 13:41 we deliberated in our home for months 13:43 before we made a decision and until we made a decision, 13:47 we decided not to tell anybody. 13:49 So we didn't tell church members, 13:51 I know it leaked out to a few 13:54 but we didn't talk at school. 13:56 Kyle and I didn't tell friends 13:58 and we just weren't open with it, 14:00 we kind of hid it in the home, 14:02 there was a lot of fighting, 14:05 blaming, you know. 14:08 My older brother got very angry and I got very depressed, 14:11 kind of two different responses just holding it in. 14:13 You just stuffed all those feelings, 14:14 all those emotions. 14:16 Stuffed it. 14:17 Yeah and I started just journaling about it 14:18 and kind of that's where I wrote about it 14:21 but not with other people. 14:22 So, yes, finally my mom 14:25 when my little brother Caleb was eight months old 14:28 she moved out 14:30 and we just couldn't reconcile at that point. 14:33 So if I can go back to the hiding stage, 14:37 how long did your mom hide it? 14:38 Well, obviously, so you can't hide a pregnancy forever. 14:40 So how long did she hide it until your family decided, 14:43 okay, we're going to be open or we're going to share 14:45 or did you never really share or how did that happened? 14:49 We never really openly shared, 14:51 I just think it leaked out 14:52 and eventually a few friends 14:54 would come back and talk to me about it. 14:56 One day a friend 14:58 knocked on our door during the summertime 15:00 and I just had invited her in, okay, hey, 15:02 here's my baby brother, you know, 15:04 and it was wintertime when my mom was pregnant 15:07 and he was born in March 15:09 and she just stayed at home really. 15:12 In Minnesota, people don't go out a lot in the cold winter 15:14 and so it was just, it was hidden and so, 15:21 I mean people eventually found out 15:23 'cause things get around, 15:25 but it was never something 15:27 that was just really open in public. 15:30 It would be people just coming quietly to talk to you 15:33 or I don't, you know, probably to my dad, he talked to, 15:36 maybe people at the church, I didn't see that interaction. 15:39 It just wasn't open... 15:40 How did it make you feel? 15:42 Did you feel shame, 15:43 did you feel more closed off and alone 15:46 or just go into this depression or how did it affect you? 15:50 I think, I don't know about shame, 15:53 I think just, I felt alone 15:56 because I didn't feel I could talk about it. 15:58 I felt very insecure because for all those months 16:02 it was like what's going to happen to my family, 16:04 you know, you know this is my structure, 16:08 this is my base 16:09 and what happens if my family splits up, 16:13 so there was always that looming fear and... 16:18 And I think I wanted to tell people 16:20 but I didn't have that model of how to do that 16:22 and didn't have the go ahead to do that 16:26 and didn't know how to do that so... 16:28 Yeah. 16:29 It was just confusion and fear 16:32 and insecurity I think. 16:34 Well, that makes a lot of sense. 16:36 So your parents initially tried to sort of work it out 16:38 because they kept the baby. 16:40 They did, yeah. 16:41 And then when he was eight months old they split, 16:43 is that right? 16:44 Right, yeah, and my mom moved out 16:46 and she moved about an hour away to another town. 16:49 So I would then visit my mom on weekends 16:52 and then shortly thereafter I got my license 16:55 so I would drive myself 16:56 and spend a lot of weekends with her 16:58 and then that was 17:01 when I was in ninth grade that she moved out 17:02 and then actually from my junior year 17:04 I moved in with my mom 17:06 'cause I just wasn't getting along with my dad 17:08 and a teenage girl 17:12 just really wants a mom and I really felt that loss, 17:15 so I moved in with her. 17:18 Yeah. 17:20 So you talked about this pivotal moment coming 17:22 on the before and the after moment. 17:24 So after would you say that your depression 17:27 and those feelings escalated 17:29 or did it remain the same or what happened 17:32 as you progressed in your teen years? 17:35 Yeah, I think it definitely progressed. 17:39 I mean it, I think I kept it at bay 17:42 by stuffing it for one thing 17:44 and then becoming busy, 17:45 and it's my personality 17:46 to just be busy and be a perfectionist, 17:48 I got involved in almost 17:50 every school activity you could imagine. 17:52 And a lot of sports 17:54 and then dependent on maybe the school structure 17:56 to sort of just keep me grounded 17:58 'cause I didn't have that home grounding... 18:00 Yeah. 18:01 And it wasn't a happy place to be at home 18:03 and so I kept busy and covered up things, 18:07 and then I think I started a pattern of running 18:10 and maybe the first one was moving in with my mom 18:12 because this community was, 18:16 I don't know just didn't have happy memories anymore. 18:18 I still wasn't open with people and just go have a new start 18:22 and so they'll be several times in my story 18:24 that I just kind of tried 18:27 to get a new start by changing locations. 18:30 And the summer right before I moved in with my mom, 18:33 I actually overdosed on aspirin and... 18:37 You were 16? 16. 18:40 Yeah, just... Okay. 18:42 Almost turning 17 18:43 and I wasn't trying to kill myself at that point, 18:47 I think I was just very desperate 18:50 for someone to notice kind of like the pain 18:54 that I'm in 'cause... 18:57 We all dealt with it differently. 18:58 My dad and my older brother Kyle 19:00 who had just graduated high school I guess, 19:04 he's two years older, 19:07 they just kind of closed off like men do, 19:09 I think, they're kind of, 19:10 they're good at sort of compartmentalizing... 19:12 Compartmentalizing those emotions... 19:14 And I had a need to talk about it and deal with it 19:16 and I didn't know where or how to do that. 19:18 So I think it was just desperation 19:21 and I overdosed 19:23 and it made me very sick 19:25 and I spent a couple of nights in the hospital 19:26 but that was about it and then shortly thereafter, 19:29 I decided to move to my mom's and just see, well, 19:32 maybe it'll be better in a different location so... 19:35 Was it better? 19:39 Probably not, really. 19:41 There were positive aspects, I met some good friends. 19:46 At that time I remember being very depressed, 19:49 I dropped out of volleyball for a while and I just, 19:51 I wasn't sleeping and there were internal things 19:55 still not being dealt with. 19:56 I was seeing counselors at the time, 19:58 they had put me on antidepressants 20:00 and it really wasn't dealing with the root issues though 20:04 which was that we had this big family scar 20:07 and breakup 20:08 and it just still was down in there 20:10 and not dealt with. 20:11 And so eventually though I got back on track, 20:16 you know, into my activities 20:18 and sports and drama and good grades 20:21 and I rolled along, 20:23 you know, through high school graduation 20:25 and even worked a couple of jobs 20:29 and, you know, I managed it I guess. 20:32 And so just kind of covering it up and... 20:36 You never turned to God during any of this time? 20:44 Not in such a way that it really changed me. 20:47 I think I tried to read my Bible 20:49 and I remember trying to read the Old Testament 20:53 just, I'm a thorough person so I start at the beginning 20:55 and I want to do it all and, you know, 20:57 people get bogged down in the Bible and... 20:59 Oh, yeah, in Numbers... 21:01 Yeah. In Leviticus. 21:02 Oh, yeah, and I just wasn't connecting 21:04 with what I was reading 21:06 and I stopped going to church with my mom 21:10 and I had played the piano and I actually started playing 21:14 for the Salvation Army 21:16 for a little side money on Sundays 21:17 but, then I was also waitressing on Sabbaths 21:20 and so... 21:22 Yeah, my religious life was not an important part of my life. 21:26 It's not a part I took seriously 21:27 because I felt like look what happened to my family, 21:31 my parents were churchgoers, 21:32 Sabbath keepers and that didn't help us 21:35 and where is God and... 21:37 Yeah. 21:39 I didn't see the help or the purpose there. 21:41 So I kind of discarded that I guess... 21:43 That makes sense. 21:44 During that period of life, yeah. 21:46 Oh, yeah that makes sense. 21:47 So then as we fast forward you get to age, 21:50 was it 19 21:51 and you attempted suicide again? 21:53 Yeah, so I started college at a Lutheran College 21:56 in Minnesota and thinking again, 22:00 this is going to be my new start. 22:01 I had looked forward so much to graduating high school 22:05 and I just want to be done with this phase of my life, 22:07 it's been unhappy, I want a new start, 22:10 and I thought college was going to be that for me, 22:13 and I really hoped it would, 22:15 but I even stopped taking my antidepressants 22:18 the summer before that. 22:20 You know, I was feeling hopeful 22:21 and I think maybe this will work. 22:23 And a couple months into college I just, 22:29 that's when the depression 22:30 really started crowding in on me 22:32 because you go to college 22:33 and you lose a lot of structure, 22:35 you have a lot of free time, 22:37 you have to be self-governed 22:39 and not every minute is filled like in high school. 22:43 And so I suddenly kind of had lost those false protections 22:46 of just staying busy 22:48 and I found myself sleeping the day away 22:50 and missing some classes 22:53 and grades going down which wasn't like me 22:56 and I also had gained a boyfriend 23:00 before I left for college 23:02 and things weren't going well with him and... 23:04 And I was looking for something to fill that hole of God and, 23:11 you know, Satan knows 23:12 that young men and women 23:13 are going to look for a significant other 23:16 especially when we don't have strong families... 23:17 Oh, absolutely. 23:19 And will go to really anybody that shows interest in 23:23 and there was someone interested in me that, 23:26 you know, he was not godly or Christian in, 23:31 anyway he broke up with me shortly into about 23:34 October, November, 23:36 my freshman year of college 23:37 and then I just kind of spiraled down, 23:39 just spiral down 23:41 and I just want the pain to stop... 23:42 Yeah. 23:43 I don't have any goals, I just feel so dark. 23:46 And so I dropped out of college and I attempted suicide. 23:51 I overdosed and I was very serious 23:53 about at this time. 23:54 Not like back when you were 16... 23:55 Right. 23:57 I was trying to get the job done so I... 23:59 You know, I overdosed on all kinds of medicines and I... 24:03 It was cold November in Minnesota 24:05 and I drove out in my car in kind of a deserted place 24:07 and just parked and lay down in the back 24:09 and just, I was waiting to die basically, 24:12 and so... 24:15 But that wasn't God's plan. Yes. 24:19 So the policeman found me and... 24:22 Were you unconscious? 24:23 I wasn't, I just, I was just laying there. 24:26 I don't know that I had been there very long. 24:31 Actually that ex-boyfriend actually called the cops for me 24:34 'cause I had visited him before. 24:35 So, you know, even God used that. 24:38 So they came looking for me 24:40 and I think my mom had found a note 24:42 I had left too 24:44 and so they opened the door 24:48 basically ordering me to come out 24:49 and I came out and like puked right there 24:51 just from all those meds I had taken 24:53 but then I was committed obviously. 24:56 You know, what I'm thinking? 24:58 Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy 25:02 and Satan wanted you to end your life 25:05 when you're in the midst of that pain 25:07 and brokenness in that empty place, 25:09 that dark place. 25:11 But God says, I have come that you would have life 25:14 and have it more abundantly, 25:15 and praise the Lord for sparing your life, 25:18 for sending those people, 25:20 for saving you 25:21 because God was not finished 25:24 and God was about ready to open up 25:26 some new beginnings. 25:27 So let's move forward and talk about the new beginnings, 25:30 you met your husband, your current husband 25:34 and tell us a little bit about that, 25:36 the new beginning in your life? 25:37 Sure, yeah, so I spent some time 25:41 in two mental hospitals 25:42 and after that 25:44 I got my own place in Minnesota, 25:47 in the town where my mom was, 25:48 but I was living on my own 25:50 and things still weren't going great, 25:52 you know, I had decided, 25:53 okay, I'm done trying to attempt suicide 25:56 because people told me they wanted me here 25:58 and so okay. 25:59 You know, I'm trying to just I guess fake it till I make it 26:03 so, I kept, started getting busy 26:07 and was still very depressed 26:08 but then it's something dropped into my life. 26:11 It was my best friend Samantha from Minnesota, 26:14 she had gone to college in Texas, 26:16 Southwestern Adventist University, 26:18 and she said, I'd like you to meet someone, 26:21 I think you two would really hit it off 26:22 and so she introduced me to the man 26:26 who is now my husband, his name is Marcus 26:29 but his nickname is Buck and he's Buck in the book. 26:31 Okay. 26:32 And we started talking on the phone 26:36 and within several phone conversations 26:39 we had just hit it off 26:41 and we would talk long hours 26:43 and so just very quickly we had a few visits, 26:49 I actually drove all night to Texas to meet him. 26:52 Within a month of meeting on the phone, 26:53 I hadn't seen a picture of him or anything. 26:55 Okay. 26:56 But all my prospects in Minnesota were so bleak, 26:59 things were just, you know, not happening. 27:03 I was waitressing and actually that restaurant had shut down. 27:07 I went to work and it was like closed 27:09 and so that weekend I said, okay, 27:10 I'm going to go drive to Texas and meet Buck. 27:12 And then he visited me 27:15 and then within six months I had moved to Texas 27:17 and we decided to get married. 27:20 So the first meeting went well when you drove on to meet him? 27:22 Oh, yes, yeah, yeah. 27:24 Yeah, I skipped a whole lot 'cause of the time but... 27:26 Yeah, need a break. Okay. 27:28 Yeah, he was, he was just this new glimmer of hope in my life, 27:33 he listened, I shared my story with him, 27:36 he was very interested in what I had to say 27:38 and he noticed that, he said, you know, 27:42 you're so, you're so talented, you have so much to give 27:44 and yet you're so down on yourself 27:48 and negative and, you know, 27:54 he was very interested in psychology 27:56 and just, you know. he just cared about me and... 28:00 Yeah. 28:01 He was an Adventist and came from a good home 28:04 and we just really connected 28:06 and he was, became a safe place. 28:07 Yes. 28:09 So like I said the door's closed in Minnesota, 28:12 my place of work shut down, 28:13 I ran out of money for I had 28:15 reentered a semester of community college 28:17 and just all doors closed and he was kind of like, 28:22 you know, invited me to Texas 28:23 and with the thought that we're going to get married 28:25 and we did within six months of meeting so... 28:27 So you got married to a godly man, 28:30 a man from a good home. 28:32 Yeah. 28:33 A man who you consider safe. Yes. 28:35 A safe place you can be with 28:36 but yet there was still depression going on inside, 28:39 even though that was "a new beginning," 28:41 you're still dealing with that inside. 28:43 So take us to your breakthrough when you experienced, 28:48 began to experience more healing on the inside? 28:50 Right. 28:52 Yeah, so I was married when I was 20 years old 28:55 and, yeah, obviously it was a very new beginning 28:58 on the outside 29:00 because I had moved from Minnesota to Texas 29:02 which is about 1,000 miles away, 29:04 opposite ends of the map. 29:05 Suddenly I'm in this new Southern family, 29:07 a big family and new church, new everything. 29:12 Yes. 29:13 But I still felt very alone 29:16 and I found out 29:18 I'm still depressed on the inside 29:20 after we married and all the newness wore off, 29:22 all those old feelings were still with me. 29:24 So I lived with that for four or five years, 29:27 kind of covering it up, again I got busy in my new church, 29:30 people thought I was such a good Christian involved 29:32 and I earned my English degree and... 29:35 They thought you had it all together. 29:37 Yeah, I looked very polished, you know, 29:39 and people would not guess what I was dealing with... 29:42 And still lots of sadness, 29:45 bouts of crying and 29:49 thoughts of self harm still, 29:50 although I had decided not to act on them, 29:53 and so then my breakthrough year, 29:54 what I consider 29:56 just the life changing moment on the inside. 30:00 I got a job teaching high school English 30:02 at a small rural high school. 30:05 And the first year was very hard, very stressful. 30:11 And I didn't want to come back for a second year 30:14 but they offered me another job 30:16 for another year so I said okay, 30:18 you know, what else am I going to do. 30:21 So I took, you know, I continued and that summer 30:23 before my second year of teaching, I said, 30:27 I need to have a plan 30:28 because my first year went so bad, 30:30 I didn't have enough for the kids, they ran, 30:32 they ran me ragged, 30:34 it was so stressful and my brother Kyle recommended 30:38 "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," 30:41 and he said this was a great book for me, 30:43 I hope you will read it. 30:45 So I did and it really took root in me 30:48 and I started to think about, 30:51 you know, habit one is be proactive. 30:53 So you're not acting like a victim in your life 30:55 but you're looking at what is in my sphere of influence, 30:58 what can I change? 30:59 There's so much that we can't change 31:00 but there are things that we can change. 31:02 So before this point you felt like 31:03 you had thought of yourself as a victim? 31:05 I think so, that's how I lived anyway. 31:06 Okay, okay. Yes, yeah. 31:08 Okay. 31:10 I really worked on my lesson plans that summer 31:13 and I thought I'm going to even teach 31:15 this to my high school students. 31:16 This year I would have 11th graders or juniors 31:19 and habit one, be proactive. 31:23 Two, begin with the end in mind, 31:24 what's my long range goal? 31:26 Three, put first things first. 31:28 And Stephen Covey the author asks a question in that book, 31:32 and he says, "What is the one thing 31:34 that you could change in your life 31:36 that would make the biggest difference?" 31:38 And I thought I need to change, 31:40 I need a difference in my life 31:42 because I get so stressed sometimes 31:44 almost to the point of incapacitation, 31:47 and my husband was the only one 31:48 who would see me cry or just retreat to my bed 31:51 or just, things like this but, 31:53 or coming home from high school, 31:55 teaching high school and a rough day 31:56 would just destroy me, you know, for days. 32:00 And I said, I need to not be so fragile and susceptible, 32:04 I need a... 32:05 You know, Christ promises a new life and I want that. 32:08 So the one thing I thought 32:10 that will make the biggest difference, 32:13 if I make it a habit to read my Bible 32:15 every morning and pray... 32:16 Amen. And I had tried over the years. 32:19 You know, I had those roots 32:21 so there is value in having a Christian upbringing 32:24 even if your parents, 32:25 you know, don't live it out fully, 32:28 there are seeds planted. 32:29 And I've heard a lot of people say, 32:31 I came back to the church only because I had that background. 32:34 It's in the back of your mind that you hear 32:36 that Christ makes a difference 32:38 and that something in me wanted to believe it. 32:40 So I made that my habit 32:42 and I asked my students to do the same, 32:43 choose one thing to make the most difference, 32:46 and for about three weeks 32:48 I did that unit with my students on the seven habits 32:50 and I taught it about six or seven times a day... 32:54 Going over the habits 32:55 and in the morning my new habit 32:56 was reading my Bible and praying. 32:58 Amen. 33:00 And so, and popular literature Stephen Covey says, 33:04 it's about three weeks to form a habit 33:06 and I found that to be true. 33:08 So three weeks of Bible study every morning... 33:11 And prayer and it became a habit 33:13 to spend that time in the morning. 33:15 It did and it was something I craved 33:17 and before it had been like a chore, 33:19 you know, like 33:21 it's not something I look forward to 33:24 and I thought I'm just going to do it 33:26 and see what happens. 33:27 And I think I actually started reading 33:29 my Sabbath school lesson, my adult lesson 33:31 and I would look up the Scriptures 33:32 and then I took it a step further 33:35 and I started memorizing scriptures, 33:38 writing them on cards. 33:39 Yeah, and I will recite them to myself 33:41 driving to work and back and... 33:44 because I knew I needed better thoughts, 33:46 better things to think on 33:49 and God knew that I needed a change inside... 33:52 Changing the outside, 33:54 you know, my life was better than where it was, 33:57 but I wasn't that new person in Christ. 33:59 I was wearing a mask, you know, 34:02 and the real change comes in the inside 34:05 when we let Christ word into our heart. 34:07 Amen, I love that. 34:09 It reminds me of 2 Corinthians 5:17, 34:12 "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he, 34:14 she is a new creation, old things have passed away, 34:17 behold all things have become new." 34:19 So the Word of God was pivotal 34:22 in your transformation inside. 34:25 Yes. Okay. 34:26 What scripture promises, can you think of any of that, 34:29 specifically you used that minister to you? 34:32 I know you said you wrote them on three by five cards, 34:34 worked on memorizing them, 34:36 but was there any scripture promises that stood out to you? 34:38 Yeah, I mean the very first one that I memorized is, 34:42 "My strength is made perfect in weakness." 34:43 Nice. 34:45 And I felt so weak in my life at that point 34:47 and things were actually at the time 34:52 the second school year of teaching began, 34:54 things were going on in Minnesota with my mom 34:55 and younger brother, 34:57 like very stressful things that were. 35:00 Again, sort of taking me back to my... 35:02 Helpless, depressed, I kind of would revert to this helpless, 35:05 depressed state, 35:07 and I just cried out to the Lord, 35:08 you know, I need you to be my strength, you know... 35:11 Amen. 35:13 God is an ever present help in trouble... 35:15 That's a good one. 35:18 A person without self-control 35:20 is like a city with a broken down walls. 35:22 I read about, you know, 35:23 the importance of just having a good hap, 35:27 you know, Stephen Covey 35:28 didn't invent the seven habits... 35:30 You know, he used wisdom literature 35:31 and that's God's principle, you know. 35:35 And so just being proactive in God's Word 35:39 and His word has power to change us... 35:42 And it really did 35:43 because for the first time I could remember 35:45 I did not feel depressed on the inside. 35:48 He had put truth in my mind 35:51 and that was affecting 35:53 how I saw the world. 35:55 So I had a lot of stress in my life still. 35:56 I had things going on with my Minnesota family 35:59 which you can read in the book and I had, 36:02 you know, a teaching job that was stressful 36:06 but I felt this incredible peace on the inside. 36:08 Amen. 36:09 Because I was grounding myself in God's Word 36:11 and God doesn't promise not to give us troubles, 36:15 but He promises us peace in the midst of it. 36:17 That's right. And the peace. Amen. 36:19 Do you remember a certain point 36:22 where all of a sudden you woke up saying, 36:24 "I don't feel that anymore," 36:25 or was it a gradual process 36:28 and just overtime you look back and say, 36:30 "I'm not the same person I was." 36:32 How was it in your experience? 36:34 I really think it was within about that three week timeframe 36:38 and I have to go back to my journals. 36:41 I mean it really, it was amazing to me 36:43 because that it really did happen 36:45 within about that three weeks, 36:47 just a dramatic shift and I can look in my journals 36:49 where it's actually like happy entries in there and... 36:56 Just like never before 36:58 and so, I had always wanted this type of Saul on the road 37:03 to Damascus experience 37:04 and you hear about these things in church 37:06 and you're like, 37:08 but we can be in church 37:09 our whole lives and not have that, 37:11 and it was amazing to me 37:13 that I feel like I had that experience. 37:15 It was such a turnaround on the inside. 37:17 Yes. 37:18 And I believe it showed on the outside too. 37:22 You know, teaching high school was a hard job for me 37:26 and being an insecure young adult 37:28 trying to manage these teenagers, 37:30 and so many students just thanked me 37:33 for what I brought through my teaching 37:35 with the seven habits, 37:37 and I would try to bring in practical things 37:38 and it was a public school, 37:40 so I had to be creative but I believe, 37:43 you know, they could see something in me, 37:46 you know, that kids would confide things in me 37:50 and... 37:51 You know, when Christ comes into your life, 37:53 it just kind of shows, you know. 37:54 It does. 37:56 It's transformational and I love 37:57 that the Word of God is life changing. 38:00 And so let's fast forward even a couple more years 38:04 where there is some more uprooting 38:06 and replanting that took place through another ministry. 38:09 God had used this, 38:10 the memorization of the Word of God 38:12 in His word to change your heart 38:13 but then God brought 38:14 you to an even deeper level of healing 38:16 through ministry with Paul Coniff, 38:19 so tell us about that? 38:20 Yeah, yeah, so the seven habits year, 38:22 my second year of teaching, it's kind of like 38:24 my first mountaintop experience with God, 38:26 and then the second one that I consider I had 38:28 was several years after that I was about 27, 28, 38:33 and I had taught three years of high school 38:34 and then I went back to graduate school 38:36 thinking I wanted to teach college and... 38:41 And, by the way, I just want to add that 38:43 after that life changing year, 38:45 you know, when God changed my thinking, 38:48 it's like He opened up a new world to me. 38:51 Just, I finally had goals. 38:53 I had direction and purpose in life. 38:55 I had so many things I wanted to do, 38:57 you know, I wanted to share God with my friends 39:00 and I wanted to, you know, be an English teacher 39:03 and impact my students and write, 39:05 and goals where there were none before, 39:08 so God had given me this vision so... 39:10 Amen. 39:11 I went to graduate school thinking this is my road to, 39:14 you know, get to the goals. 39:16 And then I started to feel 39:20 something not right, 39:22 some unrest, some malaise, some unsettling. 39:26 Almost depression again, 39:28 depression like feelings like 39:29 I wasn't happy in what I was doing, 39:31 it was a public university too 39:33 and we probably weren't studying the best things 39:35 in the English department there, but I just... 39:39 The stuff felt wrong like, 39:40 I don't feel like I'm fitting here, 39:43 like, this is what I'm supposed to do 39:44 and old roots, 39:47 I refer to them in my book 39:48 and Paul Coniff talks about bad roots in our lives. 39:53 Old endowed with baggage 39:54 and Satan's lies, 39:56 so I talked about how I had just kind of 39:59 not dealt with the stuff, 40:01 the trauma in my life... 40:02 Okay. 40:04 The baggage and Satan's lies. 40:07 Satan uses every opportunity to put lies in us. 40:10 Uses our unhappy past, you know, 40:13 to tell us I'm abandoned, I'm alone 40:15 or to plant fears, you know, 40:17 what if my husband leaves, you know, 40:19 and I lose my support. 40:22 What if something bad happens? 40:23 And I realized 40:25 a lot of the good things I was doing in my life, 40:28 good habits I had built up were self protections. 40:31 Okay. 40:33 So we can take a good behavior, a good thing, 40:36 and Satan can use it in a bad way, 40:40 so I'm getting so busy, 40:41 I'm seeking my doctorate degree and this career, 40:45 and yes to, you know, 40:49 to impact students and do a good work 40:51 but also selfishly to protect myself. 40:53 What if my world collapses again? 40:56 Another shattering moment, I don't know. 40:58 Nothing is certain in life, 40:59 and I have to protect myself, I have to have an income, 41:03 you know, I had a lot of baggage, you know, 41:05 and I hadn't healed from stuff that had happened, 41:08 you know, families are not safe and just... 41:09 Just a lot of fear. 41:11 I had resentment at my husband's family. 41:12 They were considerably more functional, you know, 41:16 and this stuff started to surface... 41:18 Yes. 41:20 And I was like I need, I have stuff in me 41:21 that I need to or God needs to deal with 41:25 but I don't know how to do that, 41:28 and so, around that time I met Pastor Paul Coniff 41:33 who you've, has been interviewed on 3ABN. 41:34 Yes, indeed. 41:36 And he introduced a message called 41:38 "The hidden half of the gospel". 41:39 He was doing a week of prayer at my church 41:42 and he was asking the church, 41:45 basically how do we, as a church, 41:48 handle when people are suffering, 41:50 when they've been abandoned, abused, betrayed, 41:53 when they're addicted? 41:54 All these problems they're filling our pews, 41:57 you know, Christians suffer divorce and addiction 41:59 and all these things just like the world. 42:02 He says, "What do we offer in the Bible, 42:04 in the gospel that ministers to that," 42:07 and I was like, "Wow." 42:09 That's speaking my language because still I didn't know, 42:13 if I were to meet someone at this point in my life 42:15 who were depressed or suicidal like I had been, 42:18 what would I tell them in the Bible? 42:20 I mean, I could point them to God's promises 42:22 but, like, to meet them right in that point of suffering, 42:25 where do I point them? 42:27 And he presented this message called 42:28 "The hidden half of the gospel". 42:30 He has a prayer ministry that goes along with it 42:33 and it's all about the suffering of Christ, 42:36 and I want to read in Hebrews. 42:38 Yes. 42:39 Just a couple of the key scriptures. 42:42 Were in Hebrews what? 42:43 Hebrews 4. Okay. 42:46 Verse 14-16. 42:51 And the hidden half of the gospel is that 42:52 Christ suffered for us to heal us from our suffering 42:56 and not just for our sin 42:58 and Hebrews 4:14 says, 43:01 "That is why we have a great High Priest 43:03 who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God, 43:05 let us cling to Him and never stop trusting Him. 43:09 This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, 43:11 for He faced all the same temptations we do, 43:14 yet He did not sin, 43:16 so let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God, 43:18 there we will receive His mercy and we will find His grace 43:21 to help us when we need it." 43:24 So, Christ understands our weaknesses. 43:27 Yes. 43:28 He suffered as we suffer 43:30 and Paul Coniff pointed this out 43:33 in such a stark way. 43:35 Christ was abandoned by His closest friends 43:38 in His greatest time of need. 43:39 He felt He was alone and He felt lonely. 43:42 He was betrayed, betrayed with a kiss. 43:45 He was abused, He was mocked, 43:49 taunted, hit, you know spit on. 43:54 The people that should have been protecting Him 43:56 were the ones accusing Him, crucifying Him and... 44:02 How many of us can relate to that? 44:04 How many of us have been abandoned? 44:06 How many have felt alone, lonely? 44:09 We've been betrayed by a spouse, a friend. 44:13 You know, people have been abused in all ways 44:16 and Christ experienced all of that. 44:22 And I have never had it explained to me like that 44:25 that when we are suffering, you know, 44:30 what's going to help a person more to tell them 44:31 "Jesus forgives you of your sins," 44:34 which is true and great, 44:36 but, or if we say, you know, Jesus understands. 44:40 He was alone and He was abandoned 44:42 in His greatest moments of pain and anguish. 44:45 He was betrayed, He was abused, you know. 44:48 He was rejected. 44:49 Yeah, that's a great point, Lindsey, 44:51 because often, I think as Christians 44:52 and Seventh-day Adventist Christians 44:54 we can point to the sin. 44:56 We can say Jesus wants to save us from sin 44:59 and this is how He can do that 45:02 but we don't deal with the suffering. 45:03 We don't deal with the pain that we are experiencing, 45:08 and you're saying that 45:09 you can show someone Christ identifies with you 45:13 because He knows exactly what you're going through. 45:16 And then that fact can work to bring us healing. 45:19 Yes. 45:20 And Isaiah 53, and I have a New Living Translation. 45:24 Nice. 45:25 But just a couple verses there. 45:27 What verses are you in there? 45:28 Isaiah 53 starting in verse 2. Okay. 45:32 Half way through verse 2. 45:34 Just showing the humanity of Christ 45:36 and just how He understands what we go through. 45:39 "There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, 45:42 nothing to attract us to him, he was despised and rejected. 45:46 A man of sorrows acquainted with bitterest grief. 45:50 We turned our backs on him and looked the other way 45:52 when he went by. 45:54 He was despised and we did not care, 45:56 yet it was our weaknesses he carried, 45:58 it was our sorrows that weighed him down." 46:02 And in one other place, these are just key verses I go 46:06 when I pray with other women through this process. 46:10 So we see Jesus identifying with us in the suffering 46:13 so He understands that and there's big, 46:15 there's great power in identification. 46:17 When you can come alongside someone who is suffering 46:20 and say I've been there too. 46:21 You know, Jesus is a safe place, 46:23 He's been there too, 46:25 and then the other thing He does 46:27 is He not only identifies in the suffering 46:29 but He models for us. 46:31 What do we do when we're suffering? 46:34 And Hebrews 5:7-9, Hebrews 5:7-9. 46:40 New Living Translation. 46:42 Okay. 46:43 It says, "While Jesus was here on earth, 46:45 He offered prayers and pleadings 46:47 with a loud cry in tears 46:48 to the one who could deliver him out of death 46:51 and God heard His prayers 46:52 because of his reverence for God. 46:54 So, even though Jesus was God's son, 46:56 He learned obedience from the things he suffered. 46:59 In this way, God qualified Him as a perfect high priest 47:03 and became the source of eternal salvation 47:05 for all those who obey Him." 47:07 So, we see Jesus in His suffering 47:10 in the Garden of Gethsemane on the cross, He's suffering 47:14 but what is He still doing to maintain connection with God, 47:17 and I believe this verse says 47:20 when He was here on earth all throughout His life, 47:21 He's turning to God in the suffering. 47:24 He's maintaining connection even though He says, 47:26 "My God, You have forsaken Me or why have You forsaken Me." 47:30 He felt forsaken. 47:31 He was not but He continued to talk to God to connect 47:34 and He models this 47:35 and so we connect through Jesus on suffering 47:39 and also in the way that He continued to connect with God. 47:43 We don't, we shouldn't stuff the suffering. 47:45 We take it to God and that's what I learned to do 47:48 with Paul Coniff's prayer ministry, 47:50 Straight 2 the Heart, 47:51 so I became part of his discipleship group. 47:55 Took a three month training where we prayed about 47:58 our negative roots, our lies, 48:01 our stories of suffering in our lives 48:04 and we took that to Jesus and in a small group 48:09 and then we also learned how to pray for each other, 48:13 so we became prayer facilitators 48:15 when someone's feeling alone, abandoned 48:17 or, you know, I'm worthless. 48:20 You know, I'm unloved, all these lies. 48:23 What can we do with these lies? 48:24 We can, we can connect them to Christ, 48:28 He understands or He was tempted like you 48:30 and then we prayed to God about that. 48:34 Amen. 48:35 And ask God what blessings He has. 48:37 So God took you from a place of hiding. 48:39 You think about your growing up years 48:41 and trying to hide this terrible secret 48:44 that took place in your family 48:45 and trying to hide stuff those feelings of pain, 48:48 and God brought you full circle to a place of healing, 48:51 and now you're ministering 48:53 and reaching now in these groups to other woman 48:56 and to show how we identify 48:59 through this process with Christ, 49:00 and He connected to the Father 49:03 and then we can in turn experience that healing. 49:05 That's beautiful. 49:07 So tell us, you have, I know our time is almost gone. 49:10 We want to make sure we put up your information 49:14 if you who would like to contact Lindsey. 49:16 How is the best way to contact you? 49:17 You have e-mail address, Lindsey.Gendke@gmail.com 49:23 Yeah, I welcome emails that, 49:24 my e-mail there Lindsey.Gendke@gmail.com. 49:27 I also have a writer page on Facebook. 49:30 A lot of readers have just sent me a message through there, 49:33 and you can also go to my blog which is LindseyGendke.com 49:37 and leave a comment there. 49:39 And that's for those who are listening by radio 49:42 that's L-I-N-D-S-E-Y G-E-N-D-K-E.com. 49:48 Yes. Yeah. Okay. Perfect. 49:50 That's wonderful. 49:51 So, and you are, before we go to the newsbreak, you are, 49:55 you and your husband had a couple boys 49:58 and you recently had a recommitment ceremony 50:00 so tell us about that? 50:02 Yeah, yeah, since the book was published, 50:03 the events of the book ended in 2013 50:06 and since then we've had two sons. 50:09 I have Sam and Seth, one and three years old, 50:12 Sam is three, Seth is one. 50:14 And, so we're grappling with new parenthood. 50:20 It's a new chapter for us 50:22 and we also had a vow renewal ceremony recently 50:26 to recommit in our marriage and... 50:29 This is Sam? 50:31 This is Sam, my three-year old. 50:32 He was our Bible boy. 50:33 And how this ceremony came about? 50:36 We have wanted to do this for a long time. 50:38 That's your husband? 50:40 Yes, that's my husband, yeah, Buck or Marcus, 50:42 depending on where you're from, they call him, 50:44 you know, his real name or nickname. 50:47 And this is your father? This is my dad Darrell. 50:50 Yeah, and our renewal ceremony was not just for us 50:54 but for my dad because my dad wasn't at our wedding 50:58 in 2005 or 12 years ago. 51:01 And that's explained in the book 51:02 but we didn't have a real wedding, we... 51:05 I didn't want a wedding at that time being depressed 51:08 and I just didn't plan one. 51:09 Right. 51:11 I didn't, I guess, explicitly invite my family 51:13 because I thought it was going to be 51:15 like a justice of the peace. 51:16 And my in-laws threw us a lovely ceremony 51:19 in our living room 51:21 and my mom ended up coming but my dad didn't come and... 51:24 So he felt bad about that? 51:26 Yes. Okay. 51:27 I found out 10 years after our wedding 51:29 that dad thought he wasn't invited 51:31 and I want to correct that. 51:35 I didn't intend to exclude him. 51:37 I just wasn't open to family and things back then 51:41 and, so we, I submitted the story to Outlook magazine. 51:46 And their theme for the year was making peace. 51:48 Making peace with your family for one issue 51:50 and I wanted to make peace with my dad about that. 51:52 Amen. 51:54 You know, we're still healing as a family and reconciling 51:56 and there are things we can do 51:58 to make peace with our families. 51:59 So God not only brought healing and peace into your own life, 52:02 He's bringing healing and peace in your family of origin, 52:05 that's... that's a beautiful thing. 52:07 Thank you for sharing your testimony. 52:09 Thank you for sharing what God is doing in your life. 52:11 We want to encourage you to contact Lindsey 52:14 and we will put that up one more time, 52:16 LindseyGendke.com. 52:20 If you are interested in contacting Lindsey, 52:22 that's how you can get in touch with her. 52:24 Her website LindseyGendke.com. 52:26 Right now, we'll go to a newsbreak 52:27 and then we'll be right back. |
Revised 2017-03-20