I want to spend my life
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Mending broken people
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I want to spend my life
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Removing pain
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Lord, let my words
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Heal a heart that hurts
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I want to spend my life
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Mending broken people
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I want to spend my life
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Mending broken people
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Hello and welcome to
another 3ABN Today program.
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My name is Jill Morikone
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and we're so glad that
you have tuned in today.
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We're excited about
the program we have today.
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Excited to hear how
the Lord has brought
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our special guest
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out of darkness
in a literal sense,
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out of the clouds
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and mist of depression
into His marvelous light
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and brought healing
and hope and comfort.
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And we're so glad that
you have joined us today,
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you're part of our 3ABN family,
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we consider you a
part of our family.
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We thank you for your
prayers for this ministry,
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for your financial
support of this ministry
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because that's what
enables us to take this message,
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the gospel message
of hope and healing
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and deliverance to a
lost and dying world.
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Before I
introduce our special guest,
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I want to read a
certain scripture
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that has meant a lot in her life
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and this is a
very special scripture
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to me as well.
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We are in the
Book of 2 Corinthians.
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2 Corinthians 1:3-4.
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The Bible says,
"Blessed be the God and Father
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of our Lord Jesus Christ,
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the Father of mercies
and God of all comfort
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who comforts us in
all our tribulation
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that we may be
able to comfort those
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who are in any trouble
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with the comfort with which
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we ourselves are
comforted by God."
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Verse 5, "For as the sufferings
of Christ abound in us
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so our consolation also
abounds through Christ."
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And I don't know
where you are today,
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you might be suffering,
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you might be needing comfort.
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You might know a family member
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or a child or a
spouse or a neighbor
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someone who needs special
comfort in healing and help,
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this program is for you
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or this program
is in a special way
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for that family member.
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So our special
guest is Lindsey Gendke.
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And, Lindsey, we welcome you.
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We're so glad to
have you here today.
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Thank you, it's a
pleasure to be here.
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Where are you from?
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Currently we live in
St. Charles, Missouri.
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We've been here two years
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and prior to that
we lived in Texas.
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Okay, we're
excited that you're here.
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I know that you are a
woman of God in the Word
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and excited to hear what
God has done in your life
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about your testimony.
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So we look forward to that.
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But first we want to go
to our music here today.
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We have Mark Trammell with us
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and he's going
to be doing a song
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''Softly and Tenderly".
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Softly and tenderly
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Jesus is calling
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Calling for you
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And for me
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See all the portholes
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He's waiting
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And watching
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Watching for you
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And for me
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Why should we tarry
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When Jesus is pleading
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Pleading for you
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And for me
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Why should we linger
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And heed not His mercies
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Mercies for you
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And for me
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Come home,
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Come home
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Ye who are weary,
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Come home
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Earnestly, tenderly,
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Jesus is calling
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Calling, oh sinner,
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Come home
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Oh!
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For the wonderful love
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He has promised
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Promised for you
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And for me
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Tho' we have sinned
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He has mercy
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And pardon
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Pardon for you
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And for me
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Come home,
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Come home
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Ye who are weary,
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Come home
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Earnestly, tenderly,
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Jesus is calling
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Calling, oh sinner
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Calling, oh sinner
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Come
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Home
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Thank you so much, Mark,
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softly and
tenderly Jesus is calling
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and that call extends to us
here, Lindsey, in the studio,
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that call
extends to you at home.
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Jesus is calling,
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He wants all of us to come home.
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If you're just joining us,
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our special guest
today is Lindsey Gendke,
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I got it right this time Gendke.
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Thank you.
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And we're so
glad to have you here
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sharing your testimony.
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You have written a book
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which we're going to talk about
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and your book is
really your testimony
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of what God's done in your life,
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it's called "Ending The Pain,
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'' a true story of
overcoming depression
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and this book was just published
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earlier last
year, right, in 2016?
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Yes.
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Okay, that's wonderful.
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So take us back
to the beginning.
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Were you raised
in a Christian home
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or were you raised
in an Adventist home?
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And take us back
to what family life
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was like in the beginning?
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Sure, I was raised in a
Seventh-day Adventist home.
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My parents became
Adventist around the time
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when I was a baby.
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My dad was invited
to a revelation seminar
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by his coworker,
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so he really
liked the health message
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and overall they
were very impressed,
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so they joined the church
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and so we were raised Adventist.
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Okay.
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Did most of my
growing up in Minnesota
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and we had a
pretty happy childhood,
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spent a lot of
time in the country
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and around farming community
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that was what
my dad's family did
00:09:08.41\00:09:10.05
and so a lot of
time outdoors and so...
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So you wouldn't say
from your early childhood
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you were depressed,
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like of as a five year old
kid running out with the animals
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or you know, I'm saying farm...
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Yeah.
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Would you consider yourself
struggling with depression
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back then or not?
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I don't, I don't
know, that's hard to say.
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Okay.
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I would say, I was
a melancholy child,
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maybe tendency to negatives,
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I do remember early in the book
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I start, the earliest
I describe in the book
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as being age
seven and I remember
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we had moved from
Fargo, North Dakota
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back to my dad's
hometown in Minnesota
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and at that point I started
to feel really out of place
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because we were Adventists,
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my dad had changed
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from being Lutheran to Adventist
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and now we went back
to these Lutheran roots
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and a lot of
Sunday keeping people,
00:09:57.63\00:09:59.69
we went to
public school and so...
00:09:59.73\00:10:02.06
then I started to
notice a stark contrast
00:10:02.10\00:10:04.13
between what we did
00:10:04.17\00:10:06.50
as far as keeping the Sabbath
00:10:06.53\00:10:07.87
and all my
cousins and kids at school
00:10:07.90\00:10:10.57
were doing other
things on the Sabbath and...
00:10:10.61\00:10:12.47
Yes.
00:10:12.51\00:10:14.24
Felt a little
out of place and...
00:10:14.28\00:10:16.41
It gave you like
a little isolation
00:10:16.44\00:10:18.01
or a sense of isolation?
00:10:18.05\00:10:19.55
Yeah, I would say
I wasn't really happy
00:10:19.58\00:10:21.45
to be a Seventh-day
Adventist at that age,
00:10:21.48\00:10:24.42
just seeing it seemed like
00:10:24.45\00:10:27.56
there were so many don'ts.
00:10:27.59\00:10:28.92
I can't go to the football
games on Friday night, I can't,
00:10:28.96\00:10:32.59
you know, get my ears pierced or
00:10:32.63\00:10:34.63
'cause I was just
comparing to everyone around me,
00:10:34.66\00:10:37.37
there weren't a lot
of Adventists around me.
00:10:37.40\00:10:40.74
So no Adventist
friends when I was young.
00:10:40.77\00:10:43.61
So that was a little difficult.
00:10:43.64\00:10:45.94
Yeah, that makes sense.
00:10:45.97\00:10:47.61
Now as you were growing
up there came a certain point
00:10:47.64\00:10:50.38
in your growing up years
00:10:50.41\00:10:51.75
or something pivotal
happened in your home?
00:10:51.78\00:10:53.82
Right.
00:10:53.85\00:10:55.35
Yeah, I could refer to this
00:10:55.38\00:10:56.72
as kind of a
before and after moment
00:10:56.75\00:10:58.69
or when I spoke
at a women's retreat
00:10:58.72\00:11:00.79
recently I called it
kind of a shattering moment.
00:11:00.82\00:11:04.63
And so we were a happy family,
00:11:04.66\00:11:07.70
I would say it wasn't perfect
00:11:07.73\00:11:09.30
'cause, you know,
00:11:09.33\00:11:10.77
and I had these
melancholy tendencies
00:11:10.80\00:11:12.63
and that's my personality,
00:11:12.67\00:11:14.00
if you know about
the personalities.
00:11:14.04\00:11:15.37
But certainly,
00:11:15.40\00:11:18.61
when I was 14,
00:11:18.64\00:11:21.04
we discovered that
my mom was pregnant
00:11:21.08\00:11:22.71
with another man's baby
00:11:22.74\00:11:24.55
and it was just shattering
00:11:24.58\00:11:27.42
and we did not see
this coming at all.
00:11:27.45\00:11:30.85
And your dad had no clue?
00:11:30.89\00:11:32.25
No, no, my dad had no clue
00:11:32.29\00:11:34.16
and I had an older brother Kyle
00:11:34.19\00:11:36.09
and I was the one
that talked to my mom
00:11:36.12\00:11:38.39
and she admitted
this and, you know...
00:11:38.43\00:11:42.16
And you were 14? No.
00:11:42.20\00:11:43.53
14, I just turned 14 and,
00:11:43.57\00:11:46.90
you know, I had noticed
things were little strange,
00:11:46.94\00:11:49.90
not the same lately and
so I talked to her about it
00:11:49.94\00:11:53.38
and finally
that's when she told me,
00:11:53.41\00:11:56.01
you know, she
was expecting a baby
00:11:56.04\00:11:57.78
and it wasn't my dad's
00:11:57.81\00:11:59.41
and so we started to
grapple with this new reality
00:11:59.45\00:12:03.92
and we were Christians
00:12:03.95\00:12:05.89
in this small
farming community, small town
00:12:05.92\00:12:09.56
where I don't remember
hearing about scandals like this
00:12:09.59\00:12:13.50
and we belong to a small
Seventh-day Adventist Church,
00:12:13.53\00:12:17.90
that was like 15-20 miles away.
00:12:17.93\00:12:21.17
And I didn't
remember hearing stories
00:12:21.20\00:12:23.47
like that
happening in the church
00:12:23.51\00:12:24.84
and so suddenly it's this just
big kind of bomb into our lives
00:12:24.87\00:12:30.01
and we're kind of like
how do we deal with this.
00:12:30.05\00:12:32.38
Yeah. So how did
you deal with it?
00:12:32.41\00:12:34.25
I mean what did your parents do?
00:12:34.28\00:12:36.69
Well, we didn't deal
well with it, I'll say that
00:12:36.72\00:12:39.65
because we did probably
00:12:39.69\00:12:42.82
what a lot of
Christians do and we hid it
00:12:42.86\00:12:45.79
and we didn't
really talk about it
00:12:45.83\00:12:48.00
outside of our walls
00:12:48.03\00:12:49.56
and we were just
so shell-shocked,
00:12:49.60\00:12:53.74
there were decisions to be made,
00:12:53.77\00:12:55.10
do we give up the
baby for adoption?
00:12:55.14\00:12:59.44
Does mom just pack up
quietly and leave, you know?
00:12:59.47\00:13:02.51
Do my parents
try to stay together
00:13:02.54\00:13:03.95
and then how do we break
this to our community and...?
00:13:03.98\00:13:06.75
Was she still
with the other man,
00:13:06.78\00:13:08.12
the father of the baby or not?
00:13:08.15\00:13:11.52
Yes and no, I don't know.
00:13:11.55\00:13:13.19
I think she was
kind of vague on that
00:13:13.22\00:13:14.82
and I don't think
00:13:14.86\00:13:17.69
I got to hear the
whole side of that story
00:13:17.73\00:13:20.30
and I guess
that's her story but...
00:13:20.33\00:13:24.97
So I mean the other
twist was that my half brother
00:13:25.00\00:13:29.00
we ended up keeping
him but he's half black
00:13:29.04\00:13:31.54
and so we can't pretend
that he was my dad's child
00:13:31.57\00:13:35.64
and so it just
brought a lot of tension
00:13:35.68\00:13:38.21
and what we did actually is that
00:13:38.25\00:13:41.08
we deliberated in
our home for months
00:13:41.12\00:13:43.08
before we made a decision
and until we made a decision,
00:13:43.12\00:13:47.52
we decided not to tell anybody.
00:13:47.56\00:13:49.32
So we didn't
tell church members,
00:13:49.36\00:13:51.63
I know it leaked out to a few
00:13:51.66\00:13:54.10
but we didn't talk at school.
00:13:54.13\00:13:56.63
Kyle and I didn't tell friends
00:13:56.67\00:13:58.73
and we just
weren't open with it,
00:13:58.77\00:14:00.87
we kind of hid it in the home,
00:14:00.90\00:14:02.24
there was a lot of fighting,
00:14:02.27\00:14:05.41
blaming, you know.
00:14:05.44\00:14:08.08
My older brother got very
angry and I got very depressed,
00:14:08.11\00:14:11.05
kind of two different
responses just holding it in.
00:14:11.08\00:14:13.25
You just stuffed
all those feelings,
00:14:13.28\00:14:14.62
all those emotions.
00:14:14.65\00:14:15.98
Stuffed it.
00:14:16.02\00:14:17.35
Yeah and I started
just journaling about it
00:14:17.39\00:14:18.72
and kind of that's
where I wrote about it
00:14:18.75\00:14:21.02
but not with other people.
00:14:21.06\00:14:22.39
So, yes, finally my mom
00:14:22.42\00:14:25.56
when my little brother
Caleb was eight months old
00:14:25.59\00:14:28.50
she moved out
00:14:28.53\00:14:30.17
and we just couldn't
reconcile at that point.
00:14:30.20\00:14:33.74
So if I can go back
to the hiding stage,
00:14:33.77\00:14:37.04
how long did your mom hide it?
00:14:37.07\00:14:38.47
Well, obviously, so you
can't hide a pregnancy forever.
00:14:38.51\00:14:40.68
So how long did she hide
it until your family decided,
00:14:40.71\00:14:43.41
okay, we're going to be
open or we're going to share
00:14:43.45\00:14:45.61
or did you never really
share or how did that happened?
00:14:45.65\00:14:49.45
We never really openly shared,
00:14:49.48\00:14:51.25
I just think it leaked out
00:14:51.29\00:14:52.79
and eventually a few friends
00:14:52.82\00:14:54.32
would come back and
talk to me about it.
00:14:54.36\00:14:56.83
One day a friend
00:14:56.86\00:14:58.23
knocked on our door
during the summertime
00:14:58.26\00:15:00.00
and I just had
invited her in, okay, hey,
00:15:00.03\00:15:02.36
here's my baby
brother, you know,
00:15:02.40\00:15:04.40
and it was wintertime
when my mom was pregnant
00:15:04.43\00:15:07.94
and he was born in March
00:15:07.97\00:15:09.90
and she just
stayed at home really.
00:15:09.94\00:15:12.01
In Minnesota, people don't
go out a lot in the cold winter
00:15:12.04\00:15:14.64
and so it was just,
it was hidden and so,
00:15:14.68\00:15:21.28
I mean people
eventually found out
00:15:21.32\00:15:23.52
'cause things get around,
00:15:23.55\00:15:25.25
but it was never something
00:15:25.29\00:15:27.86
that was just
really open in public.
00:15:27.89\00:15:30.93
It would be people just
coming quietly to talk to you
00:15:30.96\00:15:33.63
or I don't, you know, probably
to my dad, he talked to,
00:15:33.66\00:15:36.77
maybe people at the church,
I didn't see that interaction.
00:15:36.80\00:15:39.57
It just wasn't open...
00:15:39.60\00:15:40.94
How did it make you feel?
00:15:40.97\00:15:42.30
Did you feel shame,
00:15:42.34\00:15:43.67
did you feel more
closed off and alone
00:15:43.71\00:15:46.11
or just go into this depression
or how did it affect you?
00:15:46.14\00:15:50.25
I think, I don't
know about shame,
00:15:50.28\00:15:53.75
I think just, I felt alone
00:15:53.78\00:15:56.15
because I didn't feel
I could talk about it.
00:15:56.18\00:15:58.89
I felt very insecure
because for all those months
00:15:58.92\00:16:02.12
it was like what's
going to happen to my family,
00:16:02.16\00:16:04.93
you know, you know
this is my structure,
00:16:04.96\00:16:08.46
this is my base
00:16:08.50\00:16:09.83
and what happens if
my family splits up,
00:16:09.86\00:16:13.60
so there was always
that looming fear and...
00:16:13.64\00:16:18.31
And I think I
wanted to tell people
00:16:18.34\00:16:20.31
but I didn't have that
model of how to do that
00:16:20.34\00:16:22.81
and didn't have
the go ahead to do that
00:16:22.84\00:16:26.05
and didn't know
how to do that so...
00:16:26.08\00:16:28.02
Yeah.
00:16:28.05\00:16:29.38
It was just confusion and fear
00:16:29.42\00:16:32.82
and insecurity I think.
00:16:32.85\00:16:34.62
Well, that makes a lot of sense.
00:16:34.66\00:16:35.99
So your parents initially
tried to sort of work it out
00:16:36.02\00:16:38.79
because they kept the baby.
00:16:38.83\00:16:40.16
They did, yeah.
00:16:40.20\00:16:41.53
And then when he was
eight months old they split,
00:16:41.56\00:16:43.53
is that right?
00:16:43.57\00:16:44.90
Right, yeah,
and my mom moved out
00:16:44.93\00:16:46.27
and she moved about an
hour away to another town.
00:16:46.30\00:16:49.47
So I would then
visit my mom on weekends
00:16:49.50\00:16:52.24
and then shortly
thereafter I got my license
00:16:52.27\00:16:55.41
so I would drive myself
00:16:55.44\00:16:56.78
and spend a lot
of weekends with her
00:16:56.81\00:16:58.15
and then that was
00:16:58.18\00:17:01.12
when I was in ninth
grade that she moved out
00:17:01.15\00:17:02.65
and then actually
from my junior year
00:17:02.68\00:17:04.82
I moved in with my mom
00:17:04.85\00:17:06.25
'cause I just wasn't
getting along with my dad
00:17:06.29\00:17:08.72
and a teenage girl
00:17:08.76\00:17:12.43
just really wants a mom
and I really felt that loss,
00:17:12.46\00:17:15.40
so I moved in with her.
00:17:15.43\00:17:18.73
Yeah.
00:17:18.77\00:17:20.10
So you talked about
this pivotal moment coming
00:17:20.14\00:17:22.70
on the before
and the after moment.
00:17:22.74\00:17:24.47
So after would you
say that your depression
00:17:24.51\00:17:27.74
and those feelings escalated
00:17:27.78\00:17:29.84
or did it remain the
same or what happened
00:17:29.88\00:17:31.98
as you progressed
in your teen years?
00:17:32.01\00:17:35.62
Yeah, I think it
definitely progressed.
00:17:35.65\00:17:39.75
I mean it, I
think I kept it at bay
00:17:39.79\00:17:42.56
by stuffing it for one thing
00:17:42.59\00:17:44.09
and then becoming busy,
00:17:44.13\00:17:45.46
and it's my personality
00:17:45.49\00:17:46.83
to just be busy
and be a perfectionist,
00:17:46.86\00:17:48.43
I got involved in almost
00:17:48.46\00:17:50.07
every school
activity you could imagine.
00:17:50.10\00:17:52.00
And a lot of sports
00:17:52.03\00:17:54.67
and then dependent on
maybe the school structure
00:17:54.70\00:17:56.74
to sort of just keep me grounded
00:17:56.77\00:17:58.77
'cause I didn't have
that home grounding...
00:17:58.81\00:18:00.14
Yeah.
00:18:00.18\00:18:01.51
And it wasn't a
happy place to be at home
00:18:01.54\00:18:02.98
and so I kept busy
and covered up things,
00:18:03.01\00:18:07.32
and then I think I
started a pattern of running
00:18:07.35\00:18:10.05
and maybe the first one
was moving in with my mom
00:18:10.09\00:18:12.25
because this community was,
00:18:12.29\00:18:16.52
I don't know just didn't
have happy memories anymore.
00:18:16.56\00:18:18.76
I still wasn't open with people
and just go have a new start
00:18:18.79\00:18:22.63
and so they'll be
several times in my story
00:18:22.66\00:18:24.90
that I just kind of tried
00:18:24.93\00:18:27.54
to get a new start
by changing locations.
00:18:27.57\00:18:30.07
And the summer right
before I moved in with my mom,
00:18:30.11\00:18:33.34
I actually
overdosed on aspirin and...
00:18:33.38\00:18:37.48
You were 16? 16.
00:18:37.51\00:18:40.88
Yeah, just... Okay.
00:18:40.92\00:18:42.25
Almost turning 17
00:18:42.28\00:18:43.62
and I wasn't trying to
kill myself at that point,
00:18:43.65\00:18:47.42
I think I was
just very desperate
00:18:47.46\00:18:50.76
for someone to
notice kind of like the pain
00:18:50.79\00:18:53.96
that I'm in 'cause...
00:18:54.00\00:18:57.20
We all dealt
with it differently.
00:18:57.23\00:18:58.70
My dad and my older brother Kyle
00:18:58.73\00:19:00.84
who had just
graduated high school I guess,
00:19:00.87\00:19:04.84
he's two years older,
00:19:04.87\00:19:07.14
they just kind of
closed off like men do,
00:19:07.18\00:19:09.24
I think, they're kind of,
00:19:09.28\00:19:10.61
they're good at sort
of compartmentalizing...
00:19:10.65\00:19:12.78
Compartmentalizing
those emotions...
00:19:12.81\00:19:14.15
And I had a need to talk
about it and deal with it
00:19:14.18\00:19:16.52
and I didn't know
where or how to do that.
00:19:16.55\00:19:18.72
So I think it
was just desperation
00:19:18.75\00:19:21.62
and I overdosed
00:19:21.66\00:19:22.99
and it made me very sick
00:19:23.02\00:19:25.29
and I spent a couple
of nights in the hospital
00:19:25.33\00:19:26.83
but that was about it
and then shortly thereafter,
00:19:26.86\00:19:29.90
I decided to move to my
mom's and just see, well,
00:19:29.93\00:19:32.10
maybe it'll be better in
a different location so...
00:19:32.13\00:19:35.14
Was it better?
00:19:35.17\00:19:36.50
Probably not, really.
00:19:39.27\00:19:41.24
There were positive aspects,
I met some good friends.
00:19:41.28\00:19:46.18
At that time I
remember being very depressed,
00:19:46.21\00:19:49.92
I dropped out of volleyball
for a while and I just,
00:19:49.95\00:19:51.85
I wasn't sleeping and
there were internal things
00:19:51.89\00:19:55.02
still not being dealt with.
00:19:55.06\00:19:56.42
I was seeing
counselors at the time,
00:19:56.46\00:19:58.16
they had put me
on antidepressants
00:19:58.19\00:20:00.53
and it really wasn't dealing
with the root issues though
00:20:00.56\00:20:04.70
which was that we
had this big family scar
00:20:04.73\00:20:07.14
and breakup
00:20:07.17\00:20:08.50
and it just
still was down in there
00:20:08.54\00:20:09.97
and not dealt with.
00:20:10.01\00:20:11.41
And so eventually
though I got back on track,
00:20:11.44\00:20:16.34
you know, into my activities
00:20:16.38\00:20:18.31
and sports and
drama and good grades
00:20:18.35\00:20:21.02
and I rolled along,
00:20:21.05\00:20:23.95
you know, through
high school graduation
00:20:23.99\00:20:25.69
and even worked a couple of jobs
00:20:25.72\00:20:29.02
and, you know, I
managed it I guess.
00:20:29.06\00:20:32.46
And so just kind of
covering it up and...
00:20:32.49\00:20:36.63
You never turned to God
during any of this time?
00:20:36.67\00:20:39.00
Not in such a way
that it really changed me.
00:20:44.97\00:20:47.18
I think I tried to read my Bible
00:20:47.21\00:20:49.54
and I remember trying
to read the Old Testament
00:20:49.58\00:20:53.11
just, I'm a thorough person
so I start at the beginning
00:20:53.15\00:20:55.68
and I want to do
it all and, you know,
00:20:55.72\00:20:57.42
people get bogged
down in the Bible and...
00:20:57.45\00:20:59.49
Oh, yeah, in Numbers...
00:20:59.52\00:21:00.99
Yeah. In Leviticus.
00:21:01.02\00:21:02.36
Oh, yeah, and I
just wasn't connecting
00:21:02.39\00:21:04.96
with what I was reading
00:21:04.99\00:21:06.33
and I stopped going
to church with my mom
00:21:06.36\00:21:10.10
and I had played the piano
and I actually started playing
00:21:10.13\00:21:14.64
for the Salvation Army
00:21:14.67\00:21:16.00
for a little
side money on Sundays
00:21:16.04\00:21:17.37
but, then I was also
waitressing on Sabbaths
00:21:17.41\00:21:20.31
and so...
00:21:20.34\00:21:22.01
Yeah, my religious life was not
an important part of my life.
00:21:22.04\00:21:25.98
It's not a part I took seriously
00:21:26.01\00:21:27.58
because I felt like look
what happened to my family,
00:21:27.62\00:21:31.29
my parents were churchgoers,
00:21:31.32\00:21:32.65
Sabbath keepers
and that didn't help us
00:21:32.69\00:21:35.12
and where is God and...
00:21:35.16\00:21:37.83
Yeah.
00:21:37.86\00:21:39.19
I didn't see the
help or the purpose there.
00:21:39.23\00:21:41.70
So I kind of
discarded that I guess...
00:21:41.73\00:21:43.47
That makes sense.
00:21:43.50\00:21:44.83
During that
period of life, yeah.
00:21:44.87\00:21:46.20
Oh, yeah that makes sense.
00:21:46.23\00:21:47.57
So then as we fast
forward you get to age,
00:21:47.60\00:21:50.17
was it 19
00:21:50.21\00:21:51.54
and you attempted suicide again?
00:21:51.57\00:21:53.01
Yeah, so I started
college at a Lutheran College
00:21:53.04\00:21:56.81
in Minnesota and thinking again,
00:21:56.85\00:22:00.38
this is going
to be my new start.
00:22:00.42\00:22:01.92
I had looked forward so
much to graduating high school
00:22:01.95\00:22:05.12
and I just want to be done
with this phase of my life,
00:22:05.15\00:22:07.92
it's been unhappy,
I want a new start,
00:22:07.96\00:22:10.53
and I thought college
was going to be that for me,
00:22:10.56\00:22:12.99
and I really hoped it would,
00:22:13.03\00:22:15.33
but I even stopped
taking my antidepressants
00:22:15.36\00:22:18.83
the summer before that.
00:22:18.87\00:22:20.20
You know, I was feeling hopeful
00:22:20.24\00:22:21.57
and I think
maybe this will work.
00:22:21.60\00:22:23.94
And a couple months
into college I just,
00:22:23.97\00:22:29.04
that's when the depression
00:22:29.08\00:22:30.45
really started crowding in on me
00:22:30.48\00:22:32.25
because you go to college
00:22:32.28\00:22:33.68
and you lose a lot of structure,
00:22:33.72\00:22:35.85
you have a lot of free time,
00:22:35.88\00:22:37.55
you have to be self-governed
00:22:37.59\00:22:39.15
and not every minute is
filled like in high school.
00:22:39.19\00:22:43.63
And so I suddenly kind of
had lost those false protections
00:22:43.66\00:22:46.90
of just staying busy
00:22:46.93\00:22:48.30
and I found myself
sleeping the day away
00:22:48.33\00:22:50.43
and missing some classes
00:22:50.47\00:22:53.74
and grades going
down which wasn't like me
00:22:53.77\00:22:56.44
and I also had
gained a boyfriend
00:22:56.47\00:23:00.68
before I left for college
00:23:00.71\00:23:02.04
and things weren't
going well with him and...
00:23:02.08\00:23:04.91
And I was looking for something
to fill that hole of God and,
00:23:04.95\00:23:10.99
you know, Satan knows
00:23:11.02\00:23:12.35
that young men and women
00:23:12.39\00:23:13.72
are going to look
for a significant other
00:23:13.76\00:23:16.16
especially when we
don't have strong families...
00:23:16.19\00:23:17.96
Oh, absolutely.
00:23:17.99\00:23:19.33
And will go to really
anybody that shows interest in
00:23:19.36\00:23:23.40
and there was someone
interested in me that,
00:23:23.43\00:23:26.77
you know, he was not
godly or Christian in,
00:23:26.80\00:23:31.01
anyway he broke up
with me shortly into about
00:23:31.04\00:23:34.84
October, November,
00:23:34.88\00:23:36.21
my freshman year of college
00:23:36.24\00:23:37.75
and then I just
kind of spiraled down,
00:23:37.78\00:23:39.85
just spiral down
00:23:39.88\00:23:41.22
and I just want
the pain to stop...
00:23:41.25\00:23:42.58
Yeah.
00:23:42.62\00:23:43.95
I don't have any
goals, I just feel so dark.
00:23:43.99\00:23:46.65
And so I dropped out of
college and I attempted suicide.
00:23:46.69\00:23:51.16
I overdosed and
I was very serious
00:23:51.19\00:23:52.99
about at this time.
00:23:53.03\00:23:54.36
Not like back
when you were 16...
00:23:54.40\00:23:55.73
Right.
00:23:55.76\00:23:57.10
I was trying to get
the job done so I...
00:23:57.13\00:23:59.80
You know, I overdosed on
all kinds of medicines and I...
00:23:59.83\00:24:03.27
It was cold
November in Minnesota
00:24:03.30\00:24:05.14
and I drove out in my car
in kind of a deserted place
00:24:05.17\00:24:07.58
and just parked and
lay down in the back
00:24:07.61\00:24:09.88
and just, I was
waiting to die basically,
00:24:09.91\00:24:12.78
and so...
00:24:12.81\00:24:15.52
But that wasn't God's plan. Yes.
00:24:15.55\00:24:19.12
So the policeman found me and...
00:24:19.15\00:24:22.06
Were you unconscious?
00:24:22.09\00:24:23.43
I wasn't, I just, I
was just laying there.
00:24:23.46\00:24:26.13
I don't know that I
had been there very long.
00:24:26.16\00:24:31.13
Actually that ex-boyfriend
actually called the cops for me
00:24:31.17\00:24:34.20
'cause I had visited him before.
00:24:34.24\00:24:35.60
So, you know,
even God used that.
00:24:35.64\00:24:38.87
So they came looking for me
00:24:38.91\00:24:40.28
and I think my
mom had found a note
00:24:40.31\00:24:42.94
I had left too
00:24:42.98\00:24:44.75
and so they opened the door
00:24:44.78\00:24:48.02
basically
ordering me to come out
00:24:48.05\00:24:49.58
and I came out and
like puked right there
00:24:49.62\00:24:51.75
just from all
those meds I had taken
00:24:51.79\00:24:53.72
but then I was
committed obviously.
00:24:53.76\00:24:56.12
You know, what I'm thinking?
00:24:56.16\00:24:58.86
Satan comes to
steal, kill and destroy
00:24:58.89\00:25:02.13
and Satan wanted
you to end your life
00:25:02.16\00:25:05.13
when you're in
the midst of that pain
00:25:05.17\00:25:07.10
and brokenness
in that empty place,
00:25:07.14\00:25:09.60
that dark place.
00:25:09.64\00:25:11.07
But God says, I have
come that you would have life
00:25:11.11\00:25:14.01
and have it more abundantly,
00:25:14.04\00:25:15.74
and praise the Lord
for sparing your life,
00:25:15.78\00:25:18.91
for sending those people,
00:25:18.95\00:25:20.28
for saving you
00:25:20.32\00:25:21.72
because God was not finished
00:25:21.75\00:25:24.45
and God was
about ready to open up
00:25:24.49\00:25:26.35
some new beginnings.
00:25:26.39\00:25:27.76
So let's move forward and
talk about the new beginnings,
00:25:27.79\00:25:30.89
you met your
husband, your current husband
00:25:30.93\00:25:34.86
and tell us a
little bit about that,
00:25:34.90\00:25:36.30
the new beginning in your life?
00:25:36.33\00:25:37.73
Sure, yeah, so I spent some time
00:25:37.77\00:25:41.34
in two mental hospitals
00:25:41.37\00:25:42.70
and after that
00:25:42.74\00:25:44.84
I got my own place in Minnesota,
00:25:44.87\00:25:47.28
in the town where my mom was,
00:25:47.31\00:25:48.81
but I was living on my own
00:25:48.84\00:25:50.18
and things still
weren't going great,
00:25:50.21\00:25:52.38
you know, I had decided,
00:25:52.41\00:25:53.75
okay, I'm done
trying to attempt suicide
00:25:53.78\00:25:56.08
because people told
me they wanted me here
00:25:56.12\00:25:58.19
and so okay.
00:25:58.22\00:25:59.55
You know, I'm trying to just
I guess fake it till I make it
00:25:59.59\00:26:03.79
so, I kept, started getting busy
00:26:03.83\00:26:07.00
and was still very depressed
00:26:07.03\00:26:08.40
but then it's
something dropped into my life.
00:26:08.43\00:26:11.00
It was my best friend
Samantha from Minnesota,
00:26:11.03\00:26:14.50
she had gone to
college in Texas,
00:26:14.54\00:26:16.24
Southwestern
Adventist University,
00:26:16.27\00:26:18.17
and she said, I'd
like you to meet someone,
00:26:18.21\00:26:21.18
I think you two
would really hit it off
00:26:21.21\00:26:22.81
and so she
introduced me to the man
00:26:22.84\00:26:26.15
who is now my
husband, his name is Marcus
00:26:26.18\00:26:29.12
but his nickname is Buck
and he's Buck in the book.
00:26:29.15\00:26:31.32
Okay.
00:26:31.35\00:26:32.69
And we started
talking on the phone
00:26:32.72\00:26:36.19
and within several
phone conversations
00:26:36.22\00:26:39.39
we had just hit it off
00:26:39.43\00:26:41.00
and we would talk long hours
00:26:41.03\00:26:43.63
and so just very
quickly we had a few visits,
00:26:43.67\00:26:49.20
I actually drove all
night to Texas to meet him.
00:26:49.24\00:26:52.27
Within a month of
meeting on the phone,
00:26:52.31\00:26:53.81
I hadn't seen a
picture of him or anything.
00:26:53.84\00:26:55.18
Okay.
00:26:55.21\00:26:56.54
But all my prospects in
Minnesota were so bleak,
00:26:56.58\00:26:59.48
things were just,
you know, not happening.
00:26:59.51\00:27:03.55
I was waitressing and actually
that restaurant had shut down.
00:27:03.59\00:27:07.19
I went to work
and it was like closed
00:27:07.22\00:27:09.12
and so that
weekend I said, okay,
00:27:09.16\00:27:10.49
I'm going to go drive
to Texas and meet Buck.
00:27:10.53\00:27:12.63
And then he visited me
00:27:12.66\00:27:14.96
and then within six
months I had moved to Texas
00:27:15.00\00:27:17.87
and we decided to get married.
00:27:17.90\00:27:20.84
So the first meeting went well
when you drove on to meet him?
00:27:20.87\00:27:22.74
Oh, yes, yeah, yeah.
00:27:22.77\00:27:24.24
Yeah, I skipped a whole
lot 'cause of the time but...
00:27:24.27\00:27:26.31
Yeah, need a break. Okay.
00:27:26.34\00:27:28.51
Yeah, he was, he was just this
new glimmer of hope in my life,
00:27:28.54\00:27:33.92
he listened, I
shared my story with him,
00:27:33.95\00:27:36.89
he was very
interested in what I had to say
00:27:36.92\00:27:38.92
and he noticed
that, he said, you know,
00:27:38.95\00:27:42.49
you're so, you're so talented,
you have so much to give
00:27:42.52\00:27:44.93
and yet you're
so down on yourself
00:27:44.96\00:27:48.60
and negative and, you know,
00:27:48.63\00:27:54.04
he was very
interested in psychology
00:27:54.07\00:27:56.91
and just, you know. he
just cared about me and...
00:27:56.94\00:28:00.38
Yeah.
00:28:00.41\00:28:01.74
He was an Adventist
and came from a good home
00:28:01.78\00:28:04.11
and we just really connected
00:28:04.15\00:28:06.31
and he was, became a safe place.
00:28:06.35\00:28:07.95
Yes.
00:28:07.98\00:28:09.32
So like I said the
door's closed in Minnesota,
00:28:09.35\00:28:12.35
my place of work shut down,
00:28:12.39\00:28:13.72
I ran out of money for I had
00:28:13.76\00:28:15.26
reentered a
semester of community college
00:28:15.29\00:28:17.43
and just all doors
closed and he was kind of like,
00:28:17.46\00:28:22.00
you know, invited me to Texas
00:28:22.03\00:28:23.37
and with the thought that
we're going to get married
00:28:23.40\00:28:25.10
and we did within six
months of meeting so...
00:28:25.13\00:28:27.87
So you got
married to a godly man,
00:28:27.90\00:28:30.84
a man from a good home.
00:28:30.87\00:28:32.21
Yeah.
00:28:32.24\00:28:33.58
A man who you
consider safe. Yes.
00:28:33.61\00:28:35.31
A safe place you can be with
00:28:35.34\00:28:36.68
but yet there was still
depression going on inside,
00:28:36.71\00:28:39.65
even though that
was "a new beginning,"
00:28:39.68\00:28:41.68
you're still
dealing with that inside.
00:28:41.72\00:28:43.42
So take us to your breakthrough
when you experienced,
00:28:43.45\00:28:48.46
began to experience
more healing on the inside?
00:28:48.49\00:28:50.63
Right.
00:28:50.66\00:28:51.99
Yeah, so I was married
when I was 20 years old
00:28:52.03\00:28:55.93
and, yeah, obviously it
was a very new beginning
00:28:55.96\00:28:58.60
on the outside
00:28:58.63\00:28:59.97
because I had moved
from Minnesota to Texas
00:29:00.00\00:29:02.47
which is about 1,000 miles away,
00:29:02.50\00:29:04.14
opposite ends of the map.
00:29:04.17\00:29:05.87
Suddenly I'm in
this new Southern family,
00:29:05.91\00:29:07.91
a big family and new
church, new everything.
00:29:07.94\00:29:12.35
Yes.
00:29:12.38\00:29:13.72
But I still felt very alone
00:29:13.75\00:29:16.38
and I found out
00:29:16.42\00:29:18.72
I'm still
depressed on the inside
00:29:18.75\00:29:20.09
after we married and
all the newness wore off,
00:29:20.12\00:29:22.62
all those old
feelings were still with me.
00:29:22.66\00:29:24.49
So I lived with that
for four or five years,
00:29:24.53\00:29:27.36
kind of covering it up, again
I got busy in my new church,
00:29:27.40\00:29:29.96
people thought I was
such a good Christian involved
00:29:30.00\00:29:32.60
and I earned my
English degree and...
00:29:32.63\00:29:35.74
They thought you
had it all together.
00:29:35.77\00:29:37.11
Yeah, I looked
very polished, you know,
00:29:37.14\00:29:39.27
and people would not
guess what I was dealing with...
00:29:39.31\00:29:42.88
And still lots of sadness,
00:29:42.91\00:29:45.35
bouts of crying and
00:29:45.38\00:29:49.38
thoughts of self harm still,
00:29:49.42\00:29:50.75
although I had
decided not to act on them,
00:29:50.79\00:29:53.15
and so then my
breakthrough year,
00:29:53.19\00:29:54.96
what I consider
00:29:54.99\00:29:56.49
just the life
changing moment on the inside.
00:29:56.52\00:30:00.26
I got a job
teaching high school English
00:30:00.30\00:30:02.26
at a small rural high school.
00:30:02.30\00:30:05.50
And the first year was
very hard, very stressful.
00:30:05.53\00:30:11.44
And I didn't want to
come back for a second year
00:30:11.47\00:30:14.94
but they offered me another job
00:30:14.98\00:30:16.64
for another year so I said okay,
00:30:16.68\00:30:18.45
you know, what
else am I going to do.
00:30:18.48\00:30:21.02
So I took, you know, I
continued and that summer
00:30:21.05\00:30:23.65
before my second
year of teaching, I said,
00:30:23.69\00:30:27.19
I need to have a plan
00:30:27.22\00:30:28.56
because my first
year went so bad,
00:30:28.59\00:30:30.16
I didn't have enough
for the kids, they ran,
00:30:30.19\00:30:32.43
they ran me ragged,
00:30:32.46\00:30:33.96
it was so stressful and
my brother Kyle recommended
00:30:34.00\00:30:38.80
"The Seven Habits of
Highly Effective People,"
00:30:38.83\00:30:41.80
and he said this
was a great book for me,
00:30:41.84\00:30:43.37
I hope you will read it.
00:30:43.41\00:30:44.97
So I did and it
really took root in me
00:30:45.01\00:30:48.91
and I started to think about,
00:30:48.94\00:30:51.51
you know, habit
one is be proactive.
00:30:51.55\00:30:53.11
So you're not acting
like a victim in your life
00:30:53.15\00:30:55.12
but you're looking at what
is in my sphere of influence,
00:30:55.15\00:30:58.02
what can I change?
00:30:58.05\00:30:59.39
There's so much
that we can't change
00:30:59.42\00:31:00.76
but there are
things that we can change.
00:31:00.79\00:31:02.12
So before this
point you felt like
00:31:02.16\00:31:03.49
you had thought of
yourself as a victim?
00:31:03.53\00:31:05.39
I think so, that's
how I lived anyway.
00:31:05.43\00:31:06.93
Okay, okay. Yes, yeah.
00:31:06.96\00:31:08.83
Okay.
00:31:08.86\00:31:10.20
I really worked on my
lesson plans that summer
00:31:10.23\00:31:12.97
and I thought I'm
going to even teach
00:31:13.00\00:31:15.00
this to my high school students.
00:31:15.04\00:31:16.50
This year I would have
11th graders or juniors
00:31:16.54\00:31:19.77
and habit one, be proactive.
00:31:19.81\00:31:23.45
Two, begin with the end in mind,
00:31:23.48\00:31:24.81
what's my long range goal?
00:31:24.85\00:31:26.85
Three, put first things first.
00:31:26.88\00:31:28.92
And Stephen Covey the author
asks a question in that book,
00:31:28.95\00:31:32.69
and he says,
"What is the one thing
00:31:32.72\00:31:34.86
that you could
change in your life
00:31:34.89\00:31:36.26
that would make the
biggest difference?"
00:31:36.29\00:31:38.29
And I thought I need to change,
00:31:38.33\00:31:40.63
I need a difference in my life
00:31:40.66\00:31:42.03
because I get so
stressed sometimes
00:31:42.06\00:31:44.47
almost to the
point of incapacitation,
00:31:44.50\00:31:47.07
and my husband was the only one
00:31:47.10\00:31:48.87
who would see me cry
or just retreat to my bed
00:31:48.90\00:31:51.14
or just, things like this but,
00:31:51.17\00:31:53.48
or coming home from high school,
00:31:53.51\00:31:55.11
teaching high
school and a rough day
00:31:55.14\00:31:56.88
would just destroy
me, you know, for days.
00:31:56.91\00:32:00.12
And I said, I need to not
be so fragile and susceptible,
00:32:00.15\00:32:04.19
I need a...
00:32:04.22\00:32:05.55
You know, Christ promises
a new life and I want that.
00:32:05.59\00:32:08.96
So the one thing I thought
00:32:08.99\00:32:10.46
that will make the
biggest difference,
00:32:10.49\00:32:13.36
if I make it a
habit to read my Bible
00:32:13.40\00:32:14.96
every morning and pray...
00:32:15.00\00:32:16.33
Amen. And I had
tried over the years.
00:32:16.36\00:32:19.30
You know, I had those roots
00:32:19.33\00:32:21.24
so there is value in
having a Christian upbringing
00:32:21.27\00:32:24.04
even if your parents,
00:32:24.07\00:32:25.61
you know, don't
live it out fully,
00:32:25.64\00:32:28.34
there are seeds planted.
00:32:28.38\00:32:29.94
And I've heard a
lot of people say,
00:32:29.98\00:32:31.85
I came back to the church only
because I had that background.
00:32:31.88\00:32:34.92
It's in the back of
your mind that you hear
00:32:34.95\00:32:36.82
that Christ makes a difference
00:32:36.85\00:32:38.35
and that something in
me wanted to believe it.
00:32:38.39\00:32:40.72
So I made that my habit
00:32:40.76\00:32:42.19
and I asked my
students to do the same,
00:32:42.22\00:32:43.93
choose one thing to
make the most difference,
00:32:43.96\00:32:46.39
and for about three weeks
00:32:46.43\00:32:48.16
I did that unit with my
students on the seven habits
00:32:48.20\00:32:50.67
and I taught it about
six or seven times a day...
00:32:50.70\00:32:54.10
Going over the habits
00:32:54.14\00:32:55.47
and in the morning my new habit
00:32:55.50\00:32:56.84
was reading my
Bible and praying.
00:32:56.87\00:32:58.81
Amen.
00:32:58.84\00:33:00.18
And so, and popular
literature Stephen Covey says,
00:33:00.21\00:33:04.31
it's about three
weeks to form a habit
00:33:04.35\00:33:06.68
and I found that to be true.
00:33:06.72\00:33:08.55
So three weeks of
Bible study every morning...
00:33:08.58\00:33:11.62
And prayer and it became a habit
00:33:11.65\00:33:13.86
to spend that
time in the morning.
00:33:13.89\00:33:15.22
It did and it was
something I craved
00:33:15.26\00:33:17.73
and before it had
been like a chore,
00:33:17.76\00:33:19.93
you know, like
00:33:19.96\00:33:21.30
it's not
something I look forward to
00:33:21.33\00:33:24.00
and I thought I'm
just going to do it
00:33:24.03\00:33:26.10
and see what happens.
00:33:26.13\00:33:27.94
And I think I
actually started reading
00:33:27.97\00:33:29.30
my Sabbath school
lesson, my adult lesson
00:33:29.34\00:33:31.21
and I would look
up the Scriptures
00:33:31.24\00:33:32.57
and then I took
it a step further
00:33:32.61\00:33:35.78
and I started
memorizing scriptures,
00:33:35.81\00:33:38.01
writing them on cards.
00:33:38.05\00:33:39.61
Yeah, and I will
recite them to myself
00:33:39.65\00:33:41.95
driving to work and back and...
00:33:41.98\00:33:44.75
because I knew I
needed better thoughts,
00:33:44.79\00:33:46.72
better things to think on
00:33:46.76\00:33:49.29
and God knew that I
needed a change inside...
00:33:49.32\00:33:51.99
Changing the outside,
00:33:52.03\00:33:54.53
you know, my life was
better than where it was,
00:33:54.56\00:33:57.23
but I wasn't that
new person in Christ.
00:33:57.27\00:33:59.03
I was wearing a mask, you know,
00:33:59.07\00:34:02.04
and the real
change comes in the inside
00:34:02.07\00:34:05.87
when we let Christ
word into our heart.
00:34:05.91\00:34:07.81
Amen, I love that.
00:34:07.84\00:34:09.74
It reminds me of
2 Corinthians 5:17,
00:34:09.78\00:34:12.31
"Therefore if
anyone is in Christ, he,
00:34:12.35\00:34:14.32
she is a new creation,
old things have passed away,
00:34:14.35\00:34:17.79
behold all
things have become new."
00:34:17.82\00:34:19.45
So the Word of God was pivotal
00:34:19.49\00:34:22.72
in your transformation inside.
00:34:22.76\00:34:25.36
Yes. Okay.
00:34:25.39\00:34:26.73
What scripture promises,
can you think of any of that,
00:34:26.76\00:34:29.26
specifically you
used that minister to you?
00:34:29.30\00:34:32.27
I know you said you wrote
them on three by five cards,
00:34:32.30\00:34:34.80
worked on memorizing them,
00:34:34.84\00:34:36.17
but was there any scripture
promises that stood out to you?
00:34:36.20\00:34:38.71
Yeah, I mean the very
first one that I memorized is,
00:34:38.74\00:34:42.38
"My strength is made
perfect in weakness."
00:34:42.41\00:34:43.75
Nice.
00:34:43.78\00:34:45.11
And I felt so weak
in my life at that point
00:34:45.15\00:34:47.82
and things were
actually at the time
00:34:47.85\00:34:52.25
the second school
year of teaching began,
00:34:52.29\00:34:54.36
things were going on
in Minnesota with my mom
00:34:54.39\00:34:55.72
and younger brother,
00:34:55.76\00:34:57.09
like very
stressful things that were.
00:34:57.13\00:35:00.23
Again, sort of
taking me back to my...
00:35:00.26\00:35:02.50
Helpless, depressed, I kind of
would revert to this helpless,
00:35:02.53\00:35:05.80
depressed state,
00:35:05.83\00:35:07.20
and I just
cried out to the Lord,
00:35:07.24\00:35:08.94
you know, I need you to
be my strength, you know...
00:35:08.97\00:35:11.77
Amen.
00:35:11.81\00:35:13.38
God is an ever
present help in trouble...
00:35:13.41\00:35:15.61
That's a good one.
00:35:15.64\00:35:18.45
A person without self-control
00:35:18.48\00:35:20.05
is like a city with
a broken down walls.
00:35:20.08\00:35:22.42
I read about, you know,
00:35:22.45\00:35:23.79
the importance of
just having a good hap,
00:35:23.82\00:35:27.02
you know, Stephen Covey
00:35:27.06\00:35:28.39
didn't invent
the seven habits...
00:35:28.42\00:35:30.06
You know, he
used wisdom literature
00:35:30.09\00:35:31.79
and that's God's
principle, you know.
00:35:31.83\00:35:35.86
And so just being
proactive in God's Word
00:35:35.90\00:35:39.30
and His word has
power to change us...
00:35:39.33\00:35:42.37
And it really did
00:35:42.40\00:35:43.74
because for the
first time I could remember
00:35:43.77\00:35:45.77
I did not feel
depressed on the inside.
00:35:45.81\00:35:48.48
He had put truth in my mind
00:35:48.51\00:35:51.85
and that was affecting
00:35:51.88\00:35:53.65
how I saw the world.
00:35:53.68\00:35:55.02
So I had a lot of
stress in my life still.
00:35:55.05\00:35:56.75
I had things going on
with my Minnesota family
00:35:56.79\00:35:59.42
which you can read
in the book and I had,
00:35:59.45\00:36:02.26
you know, a teaching
job that was stressful
00:36:02.29\00:36:06.09
but I felt this
incredible peace on the inside.
00:36:06.13\00:36:08.36
Amen.
00:36:08.40\00:36:09.73
Because I was
grounding myself in God's Word
00:36:09.76\00:36:11.80
and God doesn't promise
not to give us troubles,
00:36:11.83\00:36:15.64
but He promises us
peace in the midst of it.
00:36:15.67\00:36:17.41
That's right.
And the peace. Amen.
00:36:17.44\00:36:19.91
Do you remember a certain point
00:36:19.94\00:36:22.14
where all of a
sudden you woke up saying,
00:36:22.18\00:36:24.48
"I don't feel that anymore,"
00:36:24.51\00:36:25.85
or was it a gradual process
00:36:25.88\00:36:28.18
and just overtime
you look back and say,
00:36:28.22\00:36:30.49
"I'm not the same person I was."
00:36:30.52\00:36:32.15
How was it in your experience?
00:36:32.19\00:36:34.79
I really think it was within
about that three week timeframe
00:36:34.82\00:36:38.33
and I have to go
back to my journals.
00:36:38.36\00:36:41.06
I mean it really,
it was amazing to me
00:36:41.10\00:36:43.33
because that it
really did happen
00:36:43.37\00:36:45.90
within about that three weeks,
00:36:45.93\00:36:47.44
just a dramatic shift
and I can look in my journals
00:36:47.47\00:36:49.70
where it's actually like
happy entries in there and...
00:36:49.74\00:36:52.64
Just like never before
00:36:56.24\00:36:58.91
and so, I had always wanted
this type of Saul on the road
00:36:58.95\00:37:03.42
to Damascus experience
00:37:03.45\00:37:04.79
and you hear about
these things in church
00:37:04.82\00:37:06.35
and you're like,
00:37:06.39\00:37:08.02
but we can be in church
00:37:08.06\00:37:09.39
our whole lives
and not have that,
00:37:09.42\00:37:11.09
and it was amazing to me
00:37:11.13\00:37:13.56
that I feel like I
had that experience.
00:37:13.60\00:37:15.73
It was such a
turnaround on the inside.
00:37:15.76\00:37:17.23
Yes.
00:37:17.27\00:37:18.60
And I believe it
showed on the outside too.
00:37:18.63\00:37:22.84
You know, teaching high
school was a hard job for me
00:37:22.87\00:37:26.21
and being an
insecure young adult
00:37:26.24\00:37:28.51
trying to
manage these teenagers,
00:37:28.54\00:37:30.95
and so many
students just thanked me
00:37:30.98\00:37:33.21
for what I brought
through my teaching
00:37:33.25\00:37:35.72
with the seven habits,
00:37:35.75\00:37:37.09
and I would try to
bring in practical things
00:37:37.12\00:37:38.45
and it was a public school,
00:37:38.49\00:37:39.99
so I had to be
creative but I believe,
00:37:40.02\00:37:43.73
you know, they
could see something in me,
00:37:43.76\00:37:46.83
you know, that kids
would confide things in me
00:37:46.86\00:37:50.23
and...
00:37:50.27\00:37:51.60
You know, when
Christ comes into your life,
00:37:51.63\00:37:53.27
it just kind of shows, you know.
00:37:53.30\00:37:54.64
It does.
00:37:54.67\00:37:56.00
It's transformational and I love
00:37:56.04\00:37:57.54
that the Word of
God is life changing.
00:37:57.57\00:38:00.11
And so let's fast
forward even a couple more years
00:38:00.14\00:38:04.08
where there is
some more uprooting
00:38:04.11\00:38:05.98
and replanting that took
place through another ministry.
00:38:06.01\00:38:09.02
God had used this,
00:38:09.05\00:38:10.45
the memorization
of the Word of God
00:38:10.49\00:38:12.09
in His word to change your heart
00:38:12.12\00:38:13.46
but then God brought
00:38:13.49\00:38:14.82
you to an even
deeper level of healing
00:38:14.86\00:38:16.83
through ministry
with Paul Coniff,
00:38:16.86\00:38:19.19
so tell us about that?
00:38:19.23\00:38:20.56
Yeah, yeah, so
the seven habits year,
00:38:20.60\00:38:22.73
my second year of
teaching, it's kind of like
00:38:22.76\00:38:24.13
my first
mountaintop experience with God,
00:38:24.17\00:38:26.63
and then the second
one that I consider I had
00:38:26.67\00:38:28.74
was several years after
that I was about 27, 28,
00:38:28.77\00:38:33.24
and I had taught
three years of high school
00:38:33.27\00:38:34.74
and then I went
back to graduate school
00:38:34.78\00:38:36.38
thinking I wanted
to teach college and...
00:38:36.41\00:38:41.52
And, by the way, I
just want to add that
00:38:41.55\00:38:43.69
after that life changing year,
00:38:43.72\00:38:45.82
you know, when God
changed my thinking,
00:38:45.85\00:38:48.06
it's like He opened
up a new world to me.
00:38:48.09\00:38:51.53
Just, I finally had goals.
00:38:51.56\00:38:53.23
I had direction
and purpose in life.
00:38:53.26\00:38:55.83
I had so many
things I wanted to do,
00:38:55.86\00:38:57.63
you know, I wanted to
share God with my friends
00:38:57.67\00:39:00.40
and I wanted to, you
know, be an English teacher
00:39:00.44\00:39:03.30
and impact my
students and write,
00:39:03.34\00:39:05.27
and goals where
there were none before,
00:39:05.31\00:39:08.21
so God had given
me this vision so...
00:39:08.24\00:39:10.18
Amen.
00:39:10.21\00:39:11.61
I went to graduate school
thinking this is my road to,
00:39:11.65\00:39:14.78
you know, get to the goals.
00:39:14.82\00:39:16.42
And then I started to feel
00:39:16.45\00:39:20.39
something not right,
00:39:20.42\00:39:22.32
some unrest, some
malaise, some unsettling.
00:39:22.36\00:39:26.29
Almost depression again,
00:39:26.33\00:39:28.20
depression like feelings like
00:39:28.23\00:39:29.56
I wasn't happy
in what I was doing,
00:39:29.60\00:39:31.60
it was a public university too
00:39:31.63\00:39:33.10
and we probably weren't
studying the best things
00:39:33.13\00:39:35.10
in the English
department there, but I just...
00:39:35.14\00:39:39.34
The stuff felt wrong like,
00:39:39.37\00:39:40.88
I don't feel
like I'm fitting here,
00:39:40.91\00:39:43.14
like, this is
what I'm supposed to do
00:39:43.18\00:39:44.61
and old roots,
00:39:44.65\00:39:47.52
I refer to them in my book
00:39:47.55\00:39:48.88
and Paul Coniff talks
about bad roots in our lives.
00:39:48.92\00:39:53.15
Old endowed with baggage
00:39:53.19\00:39:54.82
and Satan's lies,
00:39:54.86\00:39:56.62
so I talked about
how I had just kind of
00:39:56.66\00:39:59.39
not dealt with the stuff,
00:39:59.43\00:40:01.50
the trauma in my life...
00:40:01.53\00:40:02.86
Okay.
00:40:02.90\00:40:04.23
The baggage and Satan's lies.
00:40:04.27\00:40:07.67
Satan uses every
opportunity to put lies in us.
00:40:07.70\00:40:10.31
Uses our unhappy past, you know,
00:40:10.34\00:40:13.74
to tell us I'm
abandoned, I'm alone
00:40:13.78\00:40:15.94
or to plant fears, you know,
00:40:15.98\00:40:17.91
what if my
husband leaves, you know,
00:40:17.95\00:40:19.85
and I lose my support.
00:40:19.88\00:40:22.58
What if something bad happens?
00:40:22.62\00:40:23.95
And I realized
00:40:23.99\00:40:25.32
a lot of the good
things I was doing in my life,
00:40:25.35\00:40:28.02
good habits I had built
up were self protections.
00:40:28.06\00:40:31.79
Okay.
00:40:31.83\00:40:33.16
So we can take a good
behavior, a good thing,
00:40:33.19\00:40:36.56
and Satan can
use it in a bad way,
00:40:36.60\00:40:40.00
so I'm getting so busy,
00:40:40.04\00:40:41.84
I'm seeking my doctorate
degree and this career,
00:40:41.87\00:40:45.01
and yes to, you know,
00:40:45.04\00:40:49.04
to impact
students and do a good work
00:40:49.08\00:40:51.05
but also
selfishly to protect myself.
00:40:51.08\00:40:53.92
What if my
world collapses again?
00:40:53.95\00:40:56.42
Another shattering
moment, I don't know.
00:40:56.45\00:40:58.32
Nothing is certain in life,
00:40:58.35\00:40:59.95
and I have to protect myself,
I have to have an income,
00:40:59.99\00:41:03.59
you know, I had a
lot of baggage, you know,
00:41:03.63\00:41:05.89
and I hadn't healed
from stuff that had happened,
00:41:05.93\00:41:08.06
you know, families
are not safe and just...
00:41:08.10\00:41:09.66
Just a lot of fear.
00:41:09.70\00:41:11.03
I had resentment at
my husband's family.
00:41:11.07\00:41:12.93
They were considerably
more functional, you know,
00:41:12.97\00:41:16.64
and this stuff
started to surface...
00:41:16.67\00:41:18.94
Yes.
00:41:18.97\00:41:20.31
And I was like I
need, I have stuff in me
00:41:20.34\00:41:21.88
that I need to or
God needs to deal with
00:41:21.91\00:41:25.41
but I don't know how to do that,
00:41:25.45\00:41:28.12
and so, around that
time I met Pastor Paul Coniff
00:41:28.15\00:41:33.02
who you've, has
been interviewed on 3ABN.
00:41:33.05\00:41:34.92
Yes, indeed.
00:41:34.96\00:41:36.29
And he
introduced a message called
00:41:36.32\00:41:38.53
"The hidden half of the gospel".
00:41:38.56\00:41:39.89
He was doing a week
of prayer at my church
00:41:39.93\00:41:42.10
and he was asking the church,
00:41:42.13\00:41:45.77
basically how
do we, as a church,
00:41:45.80\00:41:48.60
handle when
people are suffering,
00:41:48.64\00:41:50.74
when they've been
abandoned, abused, betrayed,
00:41:50.77\00:41:53.14
when they're addicted?
00:41:53.17\00:41:54.51
All these problems
they're filling our pews,
00:41:54.54\00:41:57.05
you know, Christians
suffer divorce and addiction
00:41:57.08\00:41:59.88
and all these
things just like the world.
00:41:59.91\00:42:02.85
He says, "What do
we offer in the Bible,
00:42:02.88\00:42:04.75
in the gospel that
ministers to that,"
00:42:04.79\00:42:07.02
and I was like, "Wow."
00:42:07.06\00:42:09.72
That's speaking my language
because still I didn't know,
00:42:09.76\00:42:13.40
if I were to meet
someone at this point in my life
00:42:13.43\00:42:15.60
who were depressed or
suicidal like I had been,
00:42:15.63\00:42:18.37
what would I tell
them in the Bible?
00:42:18.40\00:42:20.57
I mean, I could point
them to God's promises
00:42:20.60\00:42:22.70
but, like, to meet them right
in that point of suffering,
00:42:22.74\00:42:25.14
where do I point them?
00:42:25.17\00:42:27.28
And he presented
this message called
00:42:27.31\00:42:28.88
"The hidden half of the gospel".
00:42:28.91\00:42:30.35
He has a prayer
ministry that goes along with it
00:42:30.38\00:42:33.31
and it's all about
the suffering of Christ,
00:42:33.35\00:42:36.35
and I want to read in Hebrews.
00:42:36.38\00:42:38.05
Yes.
00:42:38.09\00:42:39.42
Just a couple of
the key scriptures.
00:42:39.45\00:42:42.32
Were in Hebrews what?
00:42:42.36\00:42:43.69
Hebrews 4. Okay.
00:42:43.73\00:42:46.39
Verse 14-16.
00:42:46.43\00:42:51.07
And the hidden half
of the gospel is that
00:42:51.10\00:42:52.53
Christ suffered for us to
heal us from our suffering
00:42:52.57\00:42:56.54
and not just for our sin
00:42:56.57\00:42:58.74
and Hebrews 4:14 says,
00:42:58.77\00:43:01.28
"That is why we
have a great High Priest
00:43:01.31\00:43:03.18
who has gone to
heaven, Jesus the Son of God,
00:43:03.21\00:43:05.85
let us cling to Him and
never stop trusting Him.
00:43:05.88\00:43:09.05
This High Priest of ours
understands our weaknesses,
00:43:09.08\00:43:11.79
for He faced all the
same temptations we do,
00:43:11.82\00:43:14.39
yet He did not sin,
00:43:14.42\00:43:16.02
so let us come boldly to
the throne of our gracious God,
00:43:16.06\00:43:18.86
there we will receive His
mercy and we will find His grace
00:43:18.89\00:43:21.66
to help us when we need it."
00:43:21.70\00:43:24.70
So, Christ
understands our weaknesses.
00:43:24.73\00:43:27.30
Yes.
00:43:27.34\00:43:28.67
He suffered as we suffer
00:43:28.70\00:43:30.11
and Paul Coniff pointed this out
00:43:30.14\00:43:33.44
in such a stark way.
00:43:33.48\00:43:35.34
Christ was abandoned
by His closest friends
00:43:35.38\00:43:38.01
in His greatest time of need.
00:43:38.05\00:43:39.38
He felt He was
alone and He felt lonely.
00:43:39.41\00:43:42.22
He was betrayed,
betrayed with a kiss.
00:43:42.25\00:43:45.49
He was abused, He was mocked,
00:43:45.52\00:43:49.42
taunted, hit, you know spit on.
00:43:49.46\00:43:54.20
The people that should
have been protecting Him
00:43:54.23\00:43:56.77
were the ones accusing
Him, crucifying Him and...
00:43:56.80\00:44:01.97
How many of us
can relate to that?
00:44:02.00\00:44:04.57
How many of us
have been abandoned?
00:44:04.61\00:44:06.54
How many have
felt alone, lonely?
00:44:06.57\00:44:09.58
We've been betrayed
by a spouse, a friend.
00:44:09.61\00:44:13.85
You know, people have
been abused in all ways
00:44:13.88\00:44:16.92
and Christ
experienced all of that.
00:44:16.95\00:44:22.52
And I have never had it
explained to me like that
00:44:22.56\00:44:25.96
that when we are
suffering, you know,
00:44:25.99\00:44:29.96
what's going to help a
person more to tell them
00:44:30.00\00:44:31.83
"Jesus forgives
you of your sins,"
00:44:31.87\00:44:34.34
which is true and great,
00:44:34.37\00:44:36.20
but, or if we say, you
know, Jesus understands.
00:44:36.24\00:44:40.21
He was alone
and He was abandoned
00:44:40.24\00:44:42.44
in His greatest
moments of pain and anguish.
00:44:42.48\00:44:45.41
He was betrayed, He
was abused, you know.
00:44:45.45\00:44:48.25
He was rejected.
00:44:48.28\00:44:49.62
Yeah, that's a
great point, Lindsey,
00:44:49.65\00:44:51.02
because often, I
think as Christians
00:44:51.05\00:44:52.95
and Seventh-day
Adventist Christians
00:44:52.99\00:44:54.62
we can point to the sin.
00:44:54.66\00:44:56.86
We can say Jesus
wants to save us from sin
00:44:56.89\00:44:59.66
and this is how He can do that
00:44:59.69\00:45:01.96
but we don't deal
with the suffering.
00:45:02.00\00:45:03.90
We don't deal with the
pain that we are experiencing,
00:45:03.93\00:45:08.17
and you're saying that
00:45:08.20\00:45:09.54
you can show someone
Christ identifies with you
00:45:09.57\00:45:13.48
because He knows exactly
what you're going through.
00:45:13.51\00:45:16.18
And then that fact can
work to bring us healing.
00:45:16.21\00:45:19.08
Yes.
00:45:19.11\00:45:20.45
And Isaiah 53, and I
have a New Living Translation.
00:45:20.48\00:45:24.42
Nice.
00:45:24.45\00:45:25.79
But just a couple verses there.
00:45:25.82\00:45:27.16
What verses are you in there?
00:45:27.19\00:45:28.52
Isaiah 53
starting in verse 2. Okay.
00:45:28.56\00:45:32.33
Half way through verse 2.
00:45:32.36\00:45:34.46
Just showing the
humanity of Christ
00:45:34.50\00:45:36.16
and just how He
understands what we go through.
00:45:36.20\00:45:39.77
"There was nothing beautiful or
majestic about his appearance,
00:45:39.80\00:45:42.67
nothing to attract us to him,
he was despised and rejected.
00:45:42.70\00:45:46.88
A man of sorrows
acquainted with bitterest grief.
00:45:46.91\00:45:50.45
We turned our backs on
him and looked the other way
00:45:50.48\00:45:52.61
when he went by.
00:45:52.65\00:45:53.98
He was despised
and we did not care,
00:45:54.02\00:45:56.89
yet it was our
weaknesses he carried,
00:45:56.92\00:45:58.65
it was our sorrows
that weighed him down."
00:45:58.69\00:46:02.22
And in one other place,
these are just key verses I go
00:46:02.26\00:46:06.29
when I pray with other
women through this process.
00:46:06.33\00:46:10.57
So we see Jesus identifying
with us in the suffering
00:46:10.60\00:46:13.47
so He understands
that and there's big,
00:46:13.50\00:46:15.60
there's great
power in identification.
00:46:15.64\00:46:17.64
When you can come alongside
someone who is suffering
00:46:17.67\00:46:20.04
and say I've been there too.
00:46:20.08\00:46:21.91
You know, Jesus is a safe place,
00:46:21.94\00:46:23.71
He's been there too,
00:46:23.75\00:46:25.18
and then the other thing He does
00:46:25.21\00:46:27.05
is He not only
identifies in the suffering
00:46:27.08\00:46:29.72
but He models for us.
00:46:29.75\00:46:31.29
What do we do
when we're suffering?
00:46:31.32\00:46:34.22
And Hebrews
5:7-9, Hebrews 5:7-9.
00:46:34.26\00:46:40.40
New Living Translation.
00:46:40.43\00:46:42.53
Okay.
00:46:42.56\00:46:43.90
It says, "While
Jesus was here on earth,
00:46:43.93\00:46:45.50
He offered prayers and pleadings
00:46:45.53\00:46:47.34
with a loud cry in tears
00:46:47.37\00:46:48.84
to the one who could
deliver him out of death
00:46:48.87\00:46:51.21
and God heard His prayers
00:46:51.24\00:46:52.57
because of his
reverence for God.
00:46:52.61\00:46:54.68
So, even though
Jesus was God's son,
00:46:54.71\00:46:56.58
He learned obedience
from the things he suffered.
00:46:56.61\00:46:59.61
In this way, God qualified
Him as a perfect high priest
00:46:59.65\00:47:02.98
and became the
source of eternal salvation
00:47:03.02\00:47:05.22
for all those who obey Him."
00:47:05.25\00:47:07.86
So, we see
Jesus in His suffering
00:47:07.89\00:47:10.93
in the Garden of Gethsemane
on the cross, He's suffering
00:47:10.96\00:47:14.30
but what is He still doing
to maintain connection with God,
00:47:14.33\00:47:17.93
and I believe this verse says
00:47:17.97\00:47:20.17
when He was here on
earth all throughout His life,
00:47:20.20\00:47:21.90
He's turning to
God in the suffering.
00:47:21.94\00:47:24.01
He's maintaining
connection even though He says,
00:47:24.04\00:47:26.17
"My God, You have forsaken
Me or why have You forsaken Me."
00:47:26.21\00:47:30.08
He felt forsaken.
00:47:30.11\00:47:31.45
He was not but He continued
to talk to God to connect
00:47:31.48\00:47:34.45
and He models this
00:47:34.48\00:47:35.82
and so we connect
through Jesus on suffering
00:47:35.85\00:47:39.49
and also in the way that He
continued to connect with God.
00:47:39.52\00:47:43.36
We don't, we
shouldn't stuff the suffering.
00:47:43.39\00:47:45.76
We take it to God and
that's what I learned to do
00:47:45.79\00:47:48.80
with Paul
Coniff's prayer ministry,
00:47:48.83\00:47:50.17
Straight 2 the Heart,
00:47:50.20\00:47:51.53
so I became part of
his discipleship group.
00:47:51.57\00:47:55.00
Took a three month
training where we prayed about
00:47:55.04\00:47:58.37
our negative roots, our lies,
00:47:58.41\00:48:01.21
our stories of
suffering in our lives
00:48:01.24\00:48:04.25
and we took that to
Jesus and in a small group
00:48:04.28\00:48:09.92
and then we also learned
how to pray for each other,
00:48:09.95\00:48:13.15
so we became prayer facilitators
00:48:13.19\00:48:15.56
when someone's
feeling alone, abandoned
00:48:15.59\00:48:17.53
or, you know, I'm worthless.
00:48:17.56\00:48:20.56
You know, I'm
unloved, all these lies.
00:48:20.60\00:48:23.53
What can we do with these lies?
00:48:23.57\00:48:24.90
We can, we can
connect them to Christ,
00:48:24.93\00:48:28.27
He understands or
He was tempted like you
00:48:28.30\00:48:30.64
and then we
prayed to God about that.
00:48:30.67\00:48:34.08
Amen.
00:48:34.11\00:48:35.44
And ask God what
blessings He has.
00:48:35.48\00:48:36.98
So God took you
from a place of hiding.
00:48:37.01\00:48:39.61
You think about
your growing up years
00:48:39.65\00:48:41.65
and trying to hide
this terrible secret
00:48:41.68\00:48:44.25
that took place in your family
00:48:44.29\00:48:45.62
and trying to hide
stuff those feelings of pain,
00:48:45.65\00:48:48.52
and God brought you full
circle to a place of healing,
00:48:48.56\00:48:51.83
and now you're ministering
00:48:51.86\00:48:53.76
and reaching now in
these groups to other woman
00:48:53.80\00:48:56.10
and to show how we identify
00:48:56.13\00:48:59.03
through this
process with Christ,
00:48:59.07\00:49:00.87
and He connected to the Father
00:49:00.90\00:49:02.97
and then we can in turn
experience that healing.
00:49:03.00\00:49:05.74
That's beautiful.
00:49:05.77\00:49:07.11
So tell us, you have, I
know our time is almost gone.
00:49:07.14\00:49:10.25
We want to make sure
we put up your information
00:49:10.28\00:49:14.32
if you who would
like to contact Lindsey.
00:49:14.35\00:49:16.15
How is the best
way to contact you?
00:49:16.18\00:49:17.85
You have e-mail address,
Lindsey.Gendke@gmail.com
00:49:17.89\00:49:23.12
Yeah, I welcome emails that,
00:49:23.16\00:49:24.69
my e-mail there
Lindsey.Gendke@gmail.com.
00:49:24.73\00:49:27.60
I also have a
writer page on Facebook.
00:49:27.63\00:49:30.27
A lot of readers have just
sent me a message through there,
00:49:30.30\00:49:33.77
and you can also go to my
blog which is LindseyGendke.com
00:49:33.80\00:49:37.77
and leave a comment there.
00:49:37.81\00:49:39.54
And that's for those
who are listening by radio
00:49:39.57\00:49:42.08
that's
L-I-N-D-S-E-Y G-E-N-D-K-E.com.
00:49:42.11\00:49:48.12
Yes. Yeah. Okay. Perfect.
00:49:48.15\00:49:50.49
That's wonderful.
00:49:50.52\00:49:51.85
So, and you are, before we
go to the newsbreak, you are,
00:49:51.89\00:49:55.36
you and your
husband had a couple boys
00:49:55.39\00:49:58.13
and you recently had
a recommitment ceremony
00:49:58.16\00:50:00.73
so tell us about that?
00:50:00.76\00:50:02.10
Yeah, yeah, since
the book was published,
00:50:02.13\00:50:03.47
the events of the
book ended in 2013
00:50:03.50\00:50:06.10
and since then
we've had two sons.
00:50:06.13\00:50:09.60
I have Sam and Seth,
one and three years old,
00:50:09.64\00:50:12.87
Sam is three, Seth is one.
00:50:12.91\00:50:14.64
And, so we're
grappling with new parenthood.
00:50:14.68\00:50:20.18
It's a new chapter for us
00:50:20.22\00:50:22.38
and we also had a vow
renewal ceremony recently
00:50:22.42\00:50:26.39
to recommit in
our marriage and...
00:50:26.42\00:50:29.66
This is Sam?
00:50:29.69\00:50:31.03
This is Sam, my three-year old.
00:50:31.06\00:50:32.39
He was our Bible boy.
00:50:32.43\00:50:33.76
And how this
ceremony came about?
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We have wanted to do
this for a long time.
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That's your husband?
00:50:38.83\00:50:40.17
Yes, that's my
husband, yeah, Buck or Marcus,
00:50:40.20\00:50:42.04
depending on where
you're from, they call him,
00:50:42.07\00:50:44.94
you know, his
real name or nickname.
00:50:44.97\00:50:47.84
And this is your
father? This is my dad Darrell.
00:50:47.88\00:50:50.01
Yeah, and our renewal
ceremony was not just for us
00:50:50.05\00:50:54.48
but for my dad because
my dad wasn't at our wedding
00:50:54.52\00:50:58.82
in 2005 or 12 years ago.
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And that's explained in the book
00:51:01.32\00:51:02.92
but we didn't have
a real wedding, we...
00:51:02.96\00:51:05.96
I didn't want a wedding
at that time being depressed
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and I just didn't plan one.
00:51:08.30\00:51:09.76
Right.
00:51:09.80\00:51:11.13
I didn't, I guess,
explicitly invite my family
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because I thought
it was going to be
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like a justice of the peace.
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And my in-laws
threw us a lovely ceremony
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in our living room
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and my mom ended up coming
but my dad didn't come and...
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So he felt bad about that?
00:51:24.65\00:51:26.11
Yes. Okay.
00:51:26.15\00:51:27.48
I found out 10
years after our wedding
00:51:27.52\00:51:29.62
that dad thought
he wasn't invited
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and I want to correct that.
00:51:31.52\00:51:35.19
I didn't intend to exclude him.
00:51:35.22\00:51:37.73
I just wasn't open to
family and things back then
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and, so we, I submitted
the story to Outlook magazine.
00:51:41.13\00:51:46.07
And their theme for
the year was making peace.
00:51:46.10\00:51:47.97
Making peace with
your family for one issue
00:51:48.00\00:51:50.14
and I wanted to make
peace with my dad about that.
00:51:50.17\00:51:52.91
Amen.
00:51:52.94\00:51:54.28
You know, we're still healing
as a family and reconciling
00:51:54.31\00:51:56.71
and there are things we can do
00:51:56.75\00:51:58.08
to make peace with our families.
00:51:58.11\00:51:59.78
So God not only brought healing
and peace into your own life,
00:51:59.81\00:52:02.82
He's bringing healing and
peace in your family of origin,
00:52:02.85\00:52:05.65
that's... that's
a beautiful thing.
00:52:05.69\00:52:07.52
Thank you for
sharing your testimony.
00:52:07.56\00:52:09.26
Thank you for sharing
what God is doing in your life.
00:52:09.29\00:52:11.69
We want to encourage
you to contact Lindsey
00:52:11.73\00:52:14.66
and we will put
that up one more time,
00:52:14.70\00:52:16.53
LindseyGendke.com.
00:52:16.56\00:52:20.34
If you are interested
in contacting Lindsey,
00:52:20.37\00:52:22.77
that's how you can
get in touch with her.
00:52:22.80\00:52:24.54
Her website LindseyGendke.com.
00:52:24.57\00:52:26.57
Right now, we'll
go to a newsbreak
00:52:26.61\00:52:27.94
and then we'll be right back.
00:52:27.98\00:52:29.41