I want to spend my life
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Mending broken people
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I want to spend my life
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Removing pain
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Lord, let my words
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Heal a heart that hurts
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I want to spend my life
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Mending broken people
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I want to spend my life
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Mending broken people.
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Hello, and welcome to
another 3ABN Today program.
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My name is Jill Morikone.
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And we're so glad that
you have joined us today,
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whether you're watching
or listening on the radio.
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We have an
incredible impactful program
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for you today.
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My special guest
is Juliet Van Heerden
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and her testimony is
one that has ministered
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to my own heart and life.
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She wrote a wonderful book
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called "Same
Dress, Different Day."
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It's A Spiritual
Memoir of Addiction
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and for Redemption.
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And what God wants to do
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in each one of
our hearts and lives.
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So whether you're in
the midst of struggling
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with some sort of addiction,
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whether you're
married to someone
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or living with someone
or have a family member
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that's in the
midst of addiction,
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whatever the case,
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know that God wants to bring you
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healing and deliverance.
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There is a special verse, I
ask Juliet before we started,
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if there is a scripture for
us that she especially likes.
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And hers is from Psalm 27,
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Psalm 27:13 and 14,
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"I would have lost heart,
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unless I had believed
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that I would see
the goodness of the Lord
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in the land of the living.
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Wait on the Lord.
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Be of good courage,
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and He shall
strengthen your heart.
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Wait, I say, on the Lord!"
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And Juliet it's just a joy
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and a pleasure to have you here.
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Thank you very much.
On the 3ABN Today program.
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And I know we're going
to unpackage your story
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but tell me why does that
verse means so much to you?
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Because, at one point of my life
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I was struggling
with hopelessness,
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and I just had to
claim that promise,
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because I believe
God's word is true.
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And I believed that one day
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I would see God's goodness
in the land of the living,
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that I did not
have to give up hope,
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and that I didn't have to die.
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Yeah.
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But I could live and
see the goodness of God
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as He redeemed my life.
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Amen.
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And God brought
that to pass in your life
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and we're going to hear about
what God did in Juliet's life.
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But first, we're
going to go to some music.
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We have pastor CA.
Murray with us just now.
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And he's going to
share a wonderful song,
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"Is It Any Wonder."
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When I think how Jesus loved me
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How he waited patiently
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Even when I turned
my back and walked away,
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When he knew I wanted everything
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This world could offer me
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Well I guess he knew the price
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I'd have to pay
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So he watched
me stumble downward
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Saw each compromise I made
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Heard each lie I
whispered just to get my way
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Still he waited there to hear me
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When I cried to Him and prayed
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Then He saved my
soul and that is why I say
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Tell me, is it any wonder
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That I love Him
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When you consider
all He's done for me?
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And is it any wonder
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That I want to do His will
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And let His light
shine out for all to see?
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And is it any wonder
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That I praise him Each time
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I think of how He's set me free?
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And is it any wonder
that I've given Him my heart
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When Jesus freely
gave His life for me?
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When I think how Jesus loves me
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How He watches patiently
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How His arms are
stretched to meet me when I run
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When I'm feeling down and lonely
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How He's there to comfort me
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In the darkness He
becomes my morning sun
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When I think of
how He's healed me
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How He's touched me in my pain
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How his gentle hand
have whipped my tears away
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How He's taken every heartache
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And brought happiness again
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Then I want the world to hear me
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when I say:
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Tell me, is it any wonder
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That I love Him
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When you consider
all He's done for me?
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And is it any wonder
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That I want to do His will
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And let His light
shine out for all to see?
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And is it any wonder
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That I praise Him
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Each time I think of
how He's set me free?
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And is it any wonder
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That I've given Him my heart
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When Jesus freely
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Gave His life for me?
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Amen.
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Thank you so much pastor CA.
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Pastor CA and his wife Irma
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are an Integral part of
the ministry here at 3ABN.
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And he's a man of God,
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a man of the word
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and he blesses our
heart with his music as well.
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So thank you so
much, "Is It Any Wonder."
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Amen, praise the Lord for that,
that Jesus loves you and me.
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And if you're just joining us,
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my special guest
today is Juliet Van Heerden.
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And Juliet
looking at you just now,
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you're a beautiful women
and I would think just a sweet,
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peaceful face
and you would think,
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you have not encountered
any trial in your life,
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would that be an
accurate statement?
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No.
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Not at all.
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So take us back,
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I know your book that
we're talking about today
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that you wrote,
which I have read
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and it's an incredible book,
"Same Dress, Different Day."
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But in your book
you're very transparent,
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very honest.
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So what led you to
that moment of transparency?
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It took a long time
for me to feel comfortable,
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speaking about my
story to share openly
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what I've experienced
and what I've been through
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and what I still struggle with.
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But I've learned
that being vulnerable
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allows me to be in a position
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where God can
continue to heal me
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and where I can
reach other people
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because it takes down the
mask, it takes down the walls.
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So when I speak and well,
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every week when
I introduced myself
00:10:11.11\00:10:12.91
in my recovery
group, I say, I'm Juliet.
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I'm a believer in
the Lord Jesus Christ.
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And I struggle, I
struggle with codependency
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and manifest itself in
perfectionism and control.
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And food is far too
often my drug of choice.
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When I say that to an audience,
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when I'm speaking with
women or my church group,
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something happens,
people, like, kind of,
00:10:41.80\00:10:44.07
sit up in their
seat and look at me like,
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what did she just say?
00:10:46.04\00:10:47.41
Right.
00:10:47.44\00:10:48.78
Because it's not usual
00:10:48.81\00:10:50.78
for people to
just take off the mask
00:10:50.81\00:10:53.65
and speak the truth about
what's going on with them.
00:10:53.68\00:10:57.75
Because in church we just think,
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we have to be
good Christians, right?
00:11:00.19\00:11:02.12
"Good
Christians," So when we go,
00:11:02.16\00:11:04.33
we're suppose to
say happy Sabbath
00:11:04.36\00:11:06.70
and everything is fine with
me, even if I'm dying inside.
00:11:06.73\00:11:10.23
So this is good.
00:11:10.27\00:11:11.70
So take us back
to the beginning.
00:11:11.73\00:11:15.37
I know your book
begins at a certain moment,
00:11:15.40\00:11:20.34
but take us
back to the beginning
00:11:20.38\00:11:22.28
you first going to
involved with someone who,
00:11:22.31\00:11:25.55
there was some addictions
00:11:25.58\00:11:26.92
which you didn't
really know about.
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I didn't know,
I was 24 years old
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when I married.
00:11:32.65\00:11:34.46
And I thought that
I was marrying someone
00:11:34.49\00:11:38.39
who would be in
church with me every week,
00:11:38.43\00:11:41.33
and who would pray
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and have the same kind of ideals
00:11:43.40\00:11:48.10
that I had for a
happy Christian family.
00:11:48.14\00:11:51.04
And what I didn't know was that
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I didn't ask enough
questions before I got married.
00:11:53.71\00:11:57.68
I didn't do my homework.
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I'm a school teacher
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and I encourage kids
to do their homework,
00:12:02.12\00:12:04.55
but when I was,
I'm in my early 20s,
00:12:04.59\00:12:07.36
I didn't do my homework.
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I didn't have enough information
00:12:08.82\00:12:10.33
about the person I married,
00:12:10.36\00:12:12.09
and it was only until a
few years into our marriage
00:12:12.13\00:12:16.97
that I realized that my
husband had a cocaine addiction,
00:12:17.03\00:12:22.57
and it was very shocking.
00:12:22.60\00:12:25.51
I knew something was wrong
but I didn't know about drugs.
00:12:25.54\00:12:30.21
And it took me a
long-time to figure out that
00:12:30.25\00:12:33.58
that's what we
were dealing with.
00:12:33.62\00:12:35.15
So what were some other
signs? Was he reclusive?
00:12:35.18\00:12:37.62
Was he not wanting to
open up and share with you
00:12:37.65\00:12:40.52
or what were
your clues, I guess?
00:12:40.56\00:12:43.79
Well, he would have
different personalities,
00:12:43.83\00:12:47.86
like, sometimes he would
be very quiet and introverted
00:12:47.93\00:12:51.70
and then sometimes he
would be very energetic.
00:12:51.73\00:12:53.87
And outgoing
and sometimes angry,
00:12:53.90\00:12:58.94
like, it was
just, like, up and down.
00:12:58.97\00:13:01.01
I never really knew
what I was going to get.
00:13:01.04\00:13:05.48
And you hadn't seen any of
that before you married him?
00:13:05.51\00:13:08.02
No.
00:13:08.05\00:13:09.45
He was able to hide
his addictions very well.
00:13:09.48\00:13:13.49
And I don't think
00:13:13.56\00:13:16.56
he was completely
on the crazy cycle
00:13:16.59\00:13:19.26
when we first married,
00:13:19.29\00:13:20.70
I think it started accelerating.
00:13:20.73\00:13:24.43
And so it was
really to the point
00:13:24.47\00:13:26.13
where he was disappearing
00:13:26.17\00:13:29.74
for long periods of
time and I just didn't know,
00:13:29.77\00:13:33.94
I knew something was wrong
but didn't know what it was.
00:13:33.98\00:13:36.75
But life was not
normal and I was in denial
00:13:36.81\00:13:39.55
about that not
normal for a long-time.
00:13:39.58\00:13:42.48
So for our
viewers who may not know
00:13:42.52\00:13:44.92
what is the crazy cycle?
00:13:44.95\00:13:46.49
What does that
mean, the crazy cycle?
00:13:46.52\00:13:48.36
The crazy cycle is well,
00:13:48.39\00:13:52.23
I'll just speak about
it from my perspective...
00:13:52.26\00:13:53.96
Okay.
00:13:54.00\00:13:55.30
As a codependence spouse.
00:13:55.33\00:13:57.20
It's kind of like,
it's like a triangle,
00:13:57.23\00:13:59.13
I would be the victim.
00:13:59.17\00:14:00.57
Okay.
00:14:00.64\00:14:01.97
At times, like, you know,
00:14:02.00\00:14:03.34
you're not
paying attention to me,
00:14:03.37\00:14:04.71
you're not doing this with me,
00:14:04.74\00:14:06.07
you're not taking
care of our family,
00:14:06.11\00:14:08.31
maybe not paying the bills
00:14:08.34\00:14:09.78
or whatever I
would be the victim.
00:14:09.81\00:14:12.68
And then sometimes,
I would be prosecutor,
00:14:12.71\00:14:17.82
you know, getting on his case
and trying to control things
00:14:17.85\00:14:23.43
and control him
and control our life
00:14:23.46\00:14:26.06
and make everything seem normal.
00:14:26.09\00:14:27.73
I mean, he was
always the bad person,
00:14:27.76\00:14:30.47
so the victim, the prosecutor,
00:14:30.53\00:14:31.93
and then
sometimes I was the rescuer,
00:14:31.97\00:14:34.34
when he would
mess up really badly
00:14:34.37\00:14:36.50
and need to be
bailed out in some fashion,
00:14:36.54\00:14:39.44
then I would always
come and rescue him.
00:14:39.47\00:14:43.08
So it was just the sick cycle
00:14:43.11\00:14:46.21
that I just kept
repeating in my own life
00:14:46.25\00:14:49.12
and, of course, the
cycle of chemical dependency,
00:14:49.15\00:14:51.92
that's a different crazy cycle..
00:14:51.95\00:14:56.73
So what does the cycle of
chemical dependency look like?
00:14:56.79\00:15:00.13
Well, I mean, from
watching in my own home
00:15:00.16\00:15:05.10
it was using drugs,
00:15:05.13\00:15:10.51
and getting caught up in that
00:15:10.54\00:15:13.88
and then wanting
to be clean and sober,
00:15:13.91\00:15:16.68
so trying to
come off of the drugs
00:15:16.75\00:15:19.58
and either help
through rehab or through,
00:15:19.61\00:15:24.75
you know, doing it
himself or whatever.
00:15:24.79\00:15:27.29
So trying to be clean and
then going for a long-time
00:15:27.36\00:15:31.06
maybe with not using and
so you see have this hope
00:15:31.09\00:15:34.10
it's going to get better,
it's going to get better,
00:15:34.20\00:15:36.36
and I think even
the addicted person
00:15:36.40\00:15:38.17
has this hope.
00:15:38.20\00:15:39.53
I think I'm done with this
00:15:39.57\00:15:40.90
for the last time
this is it I'm finished.
00:15:40.94\00:15:43.41
And then something happens
and they start to use again.
00:15:43.47\00:15:47.81
And, maybe, you know, as
the person who loves them,
00:15:47.84\00:15:50.45
maybe, you know, maybe
you don't know for a while
00:15:50.51\00:15:53.01
until the addiction is so strong
00:15:53.05\00:15:54.78
that your life
starts falling apart again
00:15:54.82\00:15:56.95
and that's the
cycle that we lived in
00:15:56.99\00:15:59.15
for about 12 years of marriage
00:15:59.19\00:16:01.82
just constant
in and out of that.
00:16:01.86\00:16:07.13
So take me back to
when you first discovered
00:16:07.13\00:16:10.27
that "My husband, who I
married and I thought loved me,
00:16:10.30\00:16:14.17
and maybe there
where some things
00:16:14.24\00:16:15.57
I was in denial about,
00:16:15.60\00:16:16.94
but I thought we
were fairly okay,
00:16:16.97\00:16:19.44
" That he is
addicted to cocaine.
00:16:19.47\00:16:23.35
I was just in shock.
00:16:23.38\00:16:24.85
I didn't know what
to think or what to do.
00:16:24.88\00:16:27.98
How did you find out?
00:16:28.02\00:16:29.85
I called all the
numbers on his cell phone
00:16:29.88\00:16:33.99
because I thought
maybe he had a girlfriend.
00:16:34.06\00:16:36.46
I don't know, I
got the cell phone bill
00:16:36.49\00:16:38.23
and it was just pages and pages
and pages of strange numbers
00:16:38.26\00:16:42.90
and I couldn't
figure out what it was
00:16:42.93\00:16:44.57
and like what is he doing?
00:16:44.60\00:16:46.00
He's doing something
all our money is gone,
00:16:46.03\00:16:48.10
something is
wrong but I don't know.
00:16:48.14\00:16:50.27
So I called all these numbers,
00:16:50.31\00:16:51.87
and I would just get
like these strange voice mails
00:16:51.91\00:16:54.04
and strange people and
then I spoke with someone
00:16:54.08\00:16:58.55
and they said it
sounds like drug dealers.
00:16:58.58\00:17:02.58
And so I was like, drugs!
00:17:02.62\00:17:06.02
Drugs?
00:17:06.05\00:17:07.39
And it was just...
00:17:07.42\00:17:08.76
I couldn't almost
wrap my brain around it
00:17:08.79\00:17:12.06
but I
confronted him and he said,
00:17:12.09\00:17:16.97
"Yes, it's drugs, it's cocaine."
00:17:17.00\00:17:21.87
Well, that's heavy, you know,
00:17:21.90\00:17:24.11
at this point are you in church?
00:17:24.14\00:17:26.98
You and your husband,
you're still going to church?
00:17:27.01\00:17:28.88
Oh, yes.
00:17:28.91\00:17:31.61
We're in church every week,
00:17:31.65\00:17:33.82
unless he like went
on a binge on a Friday.
00:17:33.85\00:17:36.79
Yeah, Friday's were
bad trigger for him,
00:17:36.82\00:17:38.52
because you get
paid on Friday's, right.
00:17:38.55\00:17:39.89
So sometimes...
00:17:39.92\00:17:41.26
That's when he has
all this money for drugs?
00:17:41.29\00:17:42.62
Right.
00:17:42.66\00:17:44.03
Sometimes, he would
just disappear from work
00:17:44.06\00:17:45.39
and not come back
until, maybe, Sunday or Monday.
00:17:45.43\00:17:47.93
But generally we're in
church together every week.
00:17:47.96\00:17:52.77
And he was involved in church.
00:17:52.80\00:17:54.87
I mean, all our
friends were from church
00:17:54.90\00:17:57.11
and he was an active participant
00:17:57.17\00:18:01.41
so it was strange,
00:18:01.44\00:18:02.78
it was almost like
we lived a double life.
00:18:02.81\00:18:04.51
He definitely
lived a double life
00:18:04.55\00:18:06.31
and so did I because I hid
this problem from everybody,
00:18:06.35\00:18:11.82
even my family.
00:18:11.85\00:18:13.29
So why did you hide?
00:18:13.32\00:18:14.96
Was it 'cause you're afraid?
00:18:14.99\00:18:16.32
Is there...
00:18:16.36\00:18:17.69
Obviously there's shame,
because maybe you're thinking,
00:18:17.73\00:18:20.33
I did something even if
you had nothing to do with you,
00:18:20.36\00:18:22.60
he's making his own choices
00:18:22.63\00:18:24.17
but still I
think may be as women
00:18:24.20\00:18:26.07
or as humans, in general,
00:18:26.10\00:18:27.54
we kind of take that
on, that sense of guilt.
00:18:27.57\00:18:29.74
Of course, I was ashamed,
00:18:29.77\00:18:32.37
I was afraid
someone would find out,
00:18:32.41\00:18:34.34
I was a teacher
at the church school.
00:18:34.38\00:18:37.98
So I even thought
well, if people find out
00:18:38.01\00:18:40.82
my husband's using cocaine,
like, maybe, I'll lose my job.
00:18:40.85\00:18:44.95
And at one point...
00:18:44.99\00:18:47.56
That was at the point
00:18:47.59\00:18:48.92
where his habit was so expensive
00:18:48.96\00:18:52.83
that it was basically
taking all of his paycheck
00:18:52.86\00:18:55.40
and so what I was earning
was supporting our family.
00:18:55.43\00:18:58.60
And I was scared to talk
about it for that reason.
00:18:58.63\00:19:01.97
Also, I was ashamed
00:19:02.00\00:19:03.34
because I felt stupid
for making a poor choice,
00:19:03.37\00:19:05.34
I felt stupid for not knowing
00:19:05.37\00:19:08.58
before it was to the point
00:19:08.61\00:19:10.08
that it was destroying our life.
00:19:10.11\00:19:13.48
And I just didn't want
to say anything to anyone
00:19:13.55\00:19:15.98
and I felt like everyone
else in church was perfect
00:19:16.02\00:19:19.75
and they had these
perfect little families
00:19:19.79\00:19:21.79
and they all sat
there so nicely every week
00:19:21.82\00:19:23.99
and surely nobody had
these kinds of problems
00:19:24.06\00:19:26.93
so that we were just strange.
00:19:26.96\00:19:31.23
You know, I just think,
00:19:31.27\00:19:32.60
I don't know if
you're watching right now,
00:19:32.63\00:19:33.97
but each one of us has something
00:19:34.04\00:19:36.57
that we struggle with,
You'd say that's accurate?
00:19:36.60\00:19:38.91
Everybody had an addiction
00:19:38.94\00:19:40.28
it might not be
a cocaine addiction
00:19:40.31\00:19:42.11
or food or shopping or something
00:19:42.14\00:19:44.58
but we all have something
that we're dealing with
00:19:44.61\00:19:47.35
and right now
maybe you're feeling,
00:19:47.42\00:19:49.92
"I'm all alone, I'm in my church
00:19:49.95\00:19:52.79
and I don't feel like I
can reach out to anybody,
00:19:52.82\00:19:57.06
I don't feel there is
any safe place I can go."
00:19:57.13\00:20:01.13
So who did you talk to?
00:20:01.16\00:20:03.87
How long did this go on
before you even felt safe
00:20:03.93\00:20:07.74
or felt like you
could come out and share?
00:20:07.77\00:20:12.61
Actually a teacher in my school,
00:20:12.64\00:20:15.78
her husband was a
chaplain at the local hospital
00:20:15.81\00:20:19.45
and he worked with
people struggling with addiction
00:20:19.48\00:20:24.65
and he had a 12-Step Group
00:20:24.69\00:20:27.32
that he introduced me to
00:20:27.36\00:20:30.89
and my husband
and I respected him
00:20:30.93\00:20:35.53
and I shared with him, I
told him what was going on.
00:20:35.56\00:20:39.37
Now how long
from when you find out
00:20:39.40\00:20:41.00
your husband
had the addiction to
00:20:41.04\00:20:42.54
when you actually
shared with someone
00:20:42.57\00:20:44.37
for the first time.
00:20:44.41\00:20:48.28
Are we talking years?
00:20:48.31\00:20:49.64
No, because when I
found out that it was cocaine,
00:20:49.68\00:20:52.85
it was like already to the point
00:20:52.88\00:20:54.35
where I felt like he was going
to put him in the hospital,
00:20:54.38\00:20:57.52
like he couldn't,
00:20:57.55\00:20:59.15
he was having
problems with his heart,
00:20:59.19\00:21:01.16
he couldn't work at
that point in time, like,
00:21:01.19\00:21:03.12
I was really scared
00:21:03.16\00:21:04.49
and so I felt like I
have to talk to somebody.
00:21:04.53\00:21:06.93
So it was just a
very short time from then
00:21:07.00\00:21:10.13
and then I spoke about this.
00:21:10.17\00:21:12.23
And this man said, "We
need to get him into rehab
00:21:12.27\00:21:16.97
and we need to do it
immediately like this weekend."
00:21:17.01\00:21:19.84
So it was very fast. Okay.
00:21:19.87\00:21:22.41
So I was still in shock
00:21:22.44\00:21:23.81
of finding out
about that it was drugs,
00:21:23.85\00:21:25.91
that it was cocaine
and like within two days,
00:21:25.95\00:21:29.55
I was driving him to rehab.
00:21:29.58\00:21:33.02
Okay.
00:21:33.05\00:21:34.39
So it was very,
very quick from that.
00:21:34.42\00:21:36.79
I had no idea.
00:21:36.83\00:21:38.63
I knew things were bad
and something was wrong
00:21:38.66\00:21:41.40
but I didn't know what it was.
00:21:41.43\00:21:43.10
But when I realized what it was,
00:21:43.13\00:21:44.83
it was to the point
where it was almost ready to,
00:21:44.87\00:21:47.57
like, it could
have taken his life.
00:21:47.60\00:21:49.80
The binge was to the
point of almost overdosing.
00:21:49.84\00:21:53.81
So that's when I first spoke
about it and this gentlemen,
00:21:53.84\00:21:57.58
god bless him, he just said,
00:21:57.61\00:21:59.68
"I have
connections in this world
00:21:59.71\00:22:04.09
and I need to be able
to have your permission,
00:22:04.12\00:22:07.19
" And to my
husband at that time.
00:22:07.26\00:22:10.03
"I need your
permission to find you a place
00:22:10.06\00:22:12.09
and will you go get some help?"
00:22:12.13\00:22:14.86
And I think he
was also scared...
00:22:14.93\00:22:16.23
Oh, yeah.
00:22:16.26\00:22:17.60
At that point
and he was willing.
00:22:17.63\00:22:20.34
And that's where my
book starts actually.
00:22:20.40\00:22:22.64
Okay. Can I read a little bit?
00:22:22.67\00:22:24.01
If you can. Okay. Absolutely.
00:22:24.07\00:22:25.47
So my book starts,
"That day when I started,
00:22:25.51\00:22:30.51
taking him to rehab."
00:22:30.55\00:22:33.38
And I'll just read like
00:22:33.42\00:22:35.35
a little bit of
the first chapter,
00:22:35.38\00:22:37.49
it's the first paragraph,
00:22:37.55\00:22:39.85
it says, "Summer scorches,
Texans, every single year.
00:22:39.89\00:22:44.83
August of 2000 is no exception.
00:22:44.86\00:22:48.26
Dripping sweat,
waiting for the gas pump
00:22:48.30\00:22:50.97
to click off at
the Chevron station,
00:22:51.00\00:22:53.40
I'm even scorched on the inside.
00:22:53.47\00:22:56.27
Driving Jon to rehab isn't
in my plans for this summer
00:22:56.30\00:23:00.21
and I very much like
for life to go as planned.
00:23:00.28\00:23:05.15
Glancing into the side mirror,
I catch a glimpse of him,
00:23:05.18\00:23:08.42
squatting there
next to another car,
00:23:08.45\00:23:10.99
blasting cigarette smoke
from one side of his mouth.
00:23:11.02\00:23:14.99
During the five years
and 363 days of our marriage,
00:23:15.02\00:23:19.16
he'd never let me see him smoke.
00:23:19.19\00:23:21.80
Our eyes meet.
00:23:21.83\00:23:23.37
He shrugs and flicks the
butt into the parking lot.
00:23:23.43\00:23:27.60
I remember the countless
times I'd lectured my students
00:23:27.64\00:23:30.67
against the dangers of smoking.
00:23:30.71\00:23:33.14
They were first graders,
00:23:33.17\00:23:34.68
the same age he
was when he started."
00:23:34.71\00:23:37.31
Wow, and you didn't know.
00:23:37.35\00:23:40.18
I knew he smoked
00:23:40.22\00:23:41.92
because I
discovered it after we married.
00:23:41.95\00:23:44.55
But I didn't discover
00:23:44.59\00:23:45.92
because he ever
let me see him do it.
00:23:45.95\00:23:47.92
Okay.
00:23:47.96\00:23:49.29
I could smell it sometimes,
when I confronted him,
00:23:49.32\00:23:52.09
sometimes he lied,
00:23:52.13\00:23:53.46
and eventually he
just told me, I'm a smoker.
00:23:53.50\00:23:57.77
And again that was shocking
for me and I was disappointed
00:23:57.80\00:24:04.37
because I promised myself
00:24:04.41\00:24:05.97
I'd never be married to
someone with that addiction.
00:24:06.01\00:24:09.21
Yeah.
00:24:09.24\00:24:10.58
And so here I was on my
way to a rehabilitation center
00:24:10.65\00:24:15.38
that are for
alcoholics and drug addicts.
00:24:15.42\00:24:17.82
Viewing my husband,
00:24:17.85\00:24:20.69
I think we'd been married
about six years by that time.
00:24:20.76\00:24:24.49
Through completely new
eyes, it was like every...
00:24:24.53\00:24:28.16
All the lying, all the
hiding, all the whatever,
00:24:28.20\00:24:31.33
it was just gone
00:24:31.37\00:24:33.03
and I could just see like
this is what I'm dealing with.
00:24:33.07\00:24:36.20
Yeah.
00:24:36.24\00:24:37.84
And he wasn't hiding
anything from me at that moment,
00:24:37.87\00:24:40.28
and in a way it was liberating
00:24:40.34\00:24:43.14
to have the truth just be there.
00:24:43.18\00:24:46.05
Yes.
00:24:46.08\00:24:48.32
'Cause for so long
he had been hiding.
00:24:48.35\00:24:50.25
For so long, you
know, you didn't know.
00:24:50.29\00:24:52.32
I think as women, we
grow with a fantasy, right?
00:24:52.35\00:24:56.56
I want my future husband's
00:24:56.59\00:24:58.99
going to be a
knight in shining armor
00:24:59.03\00:25:01.33
and I'm going to have this
00:25:01.36\00:25:02.70
happily ever
after perfect romance
00:25:02.73\00:25:05.47
and, you know, you have
those little girl dreams
00:25:05.50\00:25:07.84
and then you grow up
00:25:07.87\00:25:09.20
and all the secrecy
and all these hiding
00:25:09.24\00:25:11.31
and I don't
understand and what's going on
00:25:11.34\00:25:13.68
and all of a sudden all
those masks are pulled away
00:25:13.71\00:25:17.25
and you're seeing who
your husband really is.
00:25:17.28\00:25:19.91
Yes. Yeah, that's devastating.
00:25:19.95\00:25:21.98
It was.
00:25:22.02\00:25:23.39
Yeah. It was scary.
00:25:23.42\00:25:26.05
I didn't know what to expect
and I think it was like a week
00:25:26.09\00:25:28.99
before school was
supposed to start for me
00:25:29.02\00:25:31.13
and he suppose to go away
for 28 days to this rehab.
00:25:31.16\00:25:35.30
And just the stress
that I felt at that time
00:25:35.33\00:25:38.87
and I felt so alone
like who can I tell this to.
00:25:38.90\00:25:43.47
Where are my
friends and my family
00:25:43.51\00:25:47.34
that I can just
be this real with?
00:25:47.38\00:25:50.11
And I found them
00:25:50.15\00:25:51.48
and they were the same friends
and family that I always had.
00:25:51.51\00:25:55.12
But it had been me
being just prideful,
00:25:55.15\00:25:58.09
not wanting to let
anybody see the truth of my life
00:25:58.12\00:26:03.09
and it took me allowing
myself to be vulnerable,
00:26:03.12\00:26:08.73
to be
transparent with the people
00:26:08.76\00:26:10.47
who really did love me
and want to support me.
00:26:10.50\00:26:13.57
They just didn't
know. They just didn't know.
00:26:13.64\00:26:16.54
You made a
great point, you know,
00:26:16.57\00:26:18.24
I had never
processed that before
00:26:18.27\00:26:20.51
is that there is a
measure of pride in us
00:26:20.58\00:26:23.11
trying to keep
ourselves together.
00:26:23.14\00:26:24.48
Oh, yes. Right?
00:26:24.51\00:26:26.28
We don't want people to see,
00:26:26.31\00:26:27.65
oh, there is actually
brokenness in my life.
00:26:27.68\00:26:30.09
There is actually
brokenness in my family,
00:26:30.12\00:26:33.99
so I don't want to let
you in, yeah, that's deep.
00:26:34.06\00:26:38.23
Yeah.
00:26:38.26\00:26:39.59
So moving forward, I'm
looking at our time here,
00:26:39.63\00:26:42.76
so moving forward,
00:26:42.80\00:26:45.87
he was not cured at
the end of this rehab,
00:26:45.90\00:26:49.24
this cycle went on for years.
00:26:49.27\00:26:52.01
Years.
00:26:52.04\00:26:53.38
So fast
forwarding through the years,
00:26:53.44\00:26:55.78
what led you to the
decision that I need to divorce,
00:26:55.81\00:27:00.75
we need to
separate, I'm done with this?
00:27:00.78\00:27:05.35
It took a long-time.
00:27:05.39\00:27:07.86
I did not want
to give up on him.
00:27:07.89\00:27:11.39
And as a Christian, you
know, we feel like well,
00:27:11.43\00:27:14.20
God doesn't give up on me,
00:27:14.23\00:27:16.16
so how can I give
up on somebody else.
00:27:16.20\00:27:18.07
Yeah.
00:27:18.10\00:27:19.57
But I was tired of trying
to be the savior for somebody
00:27:19.60\00:27:26.68
who really needed
Jesus to be their savior.
00:27:26.71\00:27:29.71
Yes.
00:27:29.74\00:27:31.08
And wasn't allowing
Jesus to do that for him.
00:27:31.11\00:27:36.25
I need a Jesus to be my savior.
00:27:36.28\00:27:39.05
And when I let go of
trying to rescue my spouse,
00:27:39.09\00:27:43.86
trying to control him
and control his situation
00:27:43.93\00:27:47.10
and allow God to
just work with me.
00:27:47.13\00:27:51.00
I realized that I had
been playing God in his life.
00:27:51.03\00:27:55.74
Like, I had been
trying to be his Holy Spirit
00:27:55.77\00:28:00.21
and I couldn't do that anymore.
00:28:00.24\00:28:03.38
I needed to let
him make his decisions
00:28:03.41\00:28:07.35
and sadly the decisions
that he made set him to prison.
00:28:07.38\00:28:14.46
And the choices that he
made built a wall between us
00:28:14.49\00:28:22.00
that just seemed insurmountable,
00:28:22.03\00:28:25.67
being around me
made him feel guilty.
00:28:25.70\00:28:29.17
And he just chose
female companionship
00:28:29.20\00:28:33.71
with people who
made him feel accepted
00:28:33.78\00:28:38.98
with what he was doing
00:28:39.01\00:28:40.35
because they were
doing the same thing.
00:28:40.42\00:28:42.68
And so long story short,
00:28:42.72\00:28:46.05
we divorced and I was on my own
00:28:46.09\00:28:52.33
to let God rebuild my life.
00:28:52.36\00:28:56.33
Yes.
00:28:56.36\00:28:57.87
And to let God be my husband
and my provider and my savior,
00:28:57.90\00:29:03.04
my friend.
00:29:03.07\00:29:04.87
And I just had to
allow that to happen
00:29:04.91\00:29:07.84
because I couldn't control,
00:29:07.88\00:29:09.34
I couldn't force
my husband to love me,
00:29:09.38\00:29:11.35
I couldn't force
him to be faithful,
00:29:11.38\00:29:13.11
I couldn't force
him to stop using drugs.
00:29:13.15\00:29:15.85
Yeah.
00:29:15.88\00:29:17.22
I had to let it
go and trust the God
00:29:17.25\00:29:22.36
would redeem my story.
00:29:22.39\00:29:24.16
Amen, amen.
00:29:24.19\00:29:25.86
So part of the steps in healing,
00:29:25.89\00:29:28.36
one of the steps, I guess,
is dealing with forgiveness.
00:29:28.40\00:29:32.33
Would you say that's
an accurate statement?
00:29:32.37\00:29:33.74
Yes.
00:29:33.77\00:29:35.10
So tell me about your
journey of forgiveness,
00:29:35.14\00:29:37.21
you have a lot of, did you have
a lot of resentment toward him,
00:29:37.24\00:29:39.77
was there a lot of bitterness
and all of that stuff.
00:29:39.81\00:29:43.78
I was so angry. Yeah.
00:29:43.85\00:29:45.95
I was angry that
he had destroyed,
00:29:45.98\00:29:49.28
this is me thinking,
he's destroyed my life,
00:29:49.32\00:29:52.82
he's destroyed my dreams,
00:29:52.85\00:29:54.32
he's destroyed my
hopes of having a family,
00:29:54.36\00:29:58.13
of all the things that I
wanted when I was, you know,
00:29:58.16\00:30:01.56
young and
dreaming of getting married
00:30:01.60\00:30:04.40
and having a happy family.
00:30:04.43\00:30:06.80
I just felt like he ruined
all of it and I was furious,
00:30:06.84\00:30:10.17
I was so angry.
00:30:10.21\00:30:11.54
It makes sense.
00:30:11.57\00:30:12.91
Yes, it does.
00:30:12.94\00:30:14.54
From a human
perspective, I mean, of course,
00:30:14.58\00:30:16.44
you would feel
that way, absolutely.
00:30:16.48\00:30:18.25
I really had anger issues.
00:30:18.28\00:30:20.08
I went to a psychotherapist
00:30:20.12\00:30:21.58
once I paid him $80 to
tell me that I was angry, like,
00:30:21.62\00:30:24.75
after the end of this session.
00:30:24.79\00:30:27.86
I'm, like, I knew
this, I knew this.
00:30:27.89\00:30:32.43
Anyway, I was so
angry when I left his office
00:30:32.46\00:30:35.26
that I left some
tread in his parking lot.
00:30:35.30\00:30:37.53
I had problems that I
needed to get help with
00:30:37.57\00:30:41.27
and I found a 12-step
recovery group for women
00:30:41.30\00:30:47.11
who are codependent.
00:30:47.14\00:30:48.48
Okay.
00:30:48.51\00:30:49.84
And I was like wow,
00:30:49.88\00:30:51.21
this actually
describes me perfectly
00:30:51.25\00:30:53.95
and I started attending
00:30:53.98\00:30:55.32
and started
learning about myself and...
00:30:55.35\00:30:58.42
What would be some of the signs,
00:30:58.45\00:30:59.79
I know we're
talking about forgiveness
00:30:59.82\00:31:01.22
but you mentioned codependence.
00:31:01.26\00:31:02.59
Yes.
00:31:02.62\00:31:03.96
So what would be
some of the symptoms
00:31:04.03\00:31:05.36
or signs of being codependent?
00:31:05.39\00:31:07.40
Being consumed with
another persons life
00:31:07.40\00:31:10.07
and letting
everything about them,
00:31:10.13\00:31:12.23
be what my life is about,
00:31:12.27\00:31:13.74
so I was trying
to rescue and control
00:31:13.80\00:31:18.91
and live my whole life based
on what my husband was doing.
00:31:18.94\00:31:24.71
And a codependent
person will do that, I mean,
00:31:24.75\00:31:26.88
and we try to
control other people
00:31:26.92\00:31:30.59
and other
everything that they do,
00:31:30.65\00:31:33.25
we try to come
into our circumstances,
00:31:33.32\00:31:35.22
we try to create
facade of perfection
00:31:35.26\00:31:38.66
when really our
life is crumbling.
00:31:38.69\00:31:41.10
So I had this problem
00:31:41.13\00:31:44.33
and I thought
that he was the one
00:31:44.37\00:31:45.77
with all the problems.
00:31:45.80\00:31:47.17
He was the drug addict,
00:31:47.20\00:31:48.54
he was the one
that ruined everything,
00:31:48.57\00:31:50.14
but then I
started attending this...
00:31:50.17\00:31:51.51
I'm the righteous wife. Right.
00:31:51.54\00:31:53.21
I started to
attending 12-step group
00:31:53.24\00:31:55.01
not for him but for
myself and I realized wow,
00:31:55.04\00:31:58.15
I have a lot of issues,
I have a lot of problems
00:31:58.18\00:32:00.72
and I have lot
of anger inside me,
00:32:00.75\00:32:02.72
a lot of
bitterness and resentment
00:32:02.75\00:32:04.52
and unforgiveness, and
he's no longer in my life.
00:32:04.55\00:32:07.72
Yeah.
00:32:07.76\00:32:09.09
And this stuff's
in me, eating me up.
00:32:09.12\00:32:10.93
What am I going to do with it?
00:32:10.96\00:32:12.86
And that's when I just decided
00:32:12.89\00:32:14.40
I need to take the
first step of recovery,
00:32:14.46\00:32:17.53
come out of denial
and realize you know,
00:32:17.57\00:32:20.24
my life is out of control.
00:32:20.30\00:32:21.64
Admit I have a
problem? I have a problem.
00:32:21.67\00:32:24.64
And that to me it was
like the beginning of healing.
00:32:24.67\00:32:28.64
That's revolutionary,
00:32:31.75\00:32:33.08
'cause instead of
trying to focus it
00:32:33.11\00:32:34.62
on the other person.
00:32:34.65\00:32:35.98
Okay, you're the
one with the addiction,
00:32:36.02\00:32:37.49
you're the one with the problem,
00:32:37.55\00:32:38.89
if you hadn't done this
my life would be better,
00:32:38.92\00:32:41.39
it's looking inward and
saying, okay, I have drunk too.
00:32:41.42\00:32:44.73
I have an issue here.
00:32:44.76\00:32:47.13
So what's the
next step after that?
00:32:47.20\00:32:50.43
So I'm still
attending my 12-step group,
00:32:50.50\00:32:54.20
it's been, you
know, several years.
00:32:54.24\00:32:55.97
But God started
allowing me to see
00:32:56.00\00:33:01.34
what he needed to refine in me.
00:33:01.38\00:33:04.75
And I began to
take him at his word,
00:33:04.78\00:33:09.65
and like the scripture that
you shared at the beginning,
00:33:09.68\00:33:12.75
I took the Bible
when I would open it up,
00:33:12.79\00:33:15.89
the whole Bible just
seemed overwhelming to me
00:33:15.92\00:33:18.09
and so I would say God you know,
00:33:18.13\00:33:19.83
what do you want to say to me?
00:33:19.86\00:33:22.00
And as God revealed
his truth for my life,
00:33:22.03\00:33:27.10
his purpose for
my life in his word,
00:33:27.14\00:33:29.40
I would write it down on
just a little three by five card
00:33:29.44\00:33:33.11
and I started
claiming these promises
00:33:33.14\00:33:36.14
and I was, in 2007,
00:33:36.18\00:33:40.48
I was divorced.
00:33:40.52\00:33:43.35
I actually didn't
have a home at that point,
00:33:43.39\00:33:47.42
my vehicle had been
sold for drug money,
00:33:47.46\00:33:50.29
like, I was really
00:33:50.33\00:33:51.66
at the bottom
of my life, I felt.
00:33:51.69\00:33:55.63
I literally just
walked away from my home
00:33:55.66\00:33:59.17
like on foot
someone picked me up in car
00:33:59.20\00:34:01.80
and gave me a ride.
00:34:01.84\00:34:04.11
And I went to a friends
house and I stayed there,
00:34:04.14\00:34:07.74
I lived with a
friend for a year and half.
00:34:07.78\00:34:09.18
Oh, wow.
00:34:09.21\00:34:10.55
And I was just...
00:34:10.58\00:34:11.91
Praise the Lord
for your friend too.
00:34:11.95\00:34:13.28
Yes, and God bless
the Christian community
00:34:13.31\00:34:15.55
who reached out to
me and supported me
00:34:15.58\00:34:16.99
through this time
00:34:17.02\00:34:18.35
and I was just at
place where I was like God
00:34:18.39\00:34:20.19
I have to believe that
I will see your goodness
00:34:20.26\00:34:23.02
in the land of the
living that Psalm 27,
00:34:23.06\00:34:25.09
I just put it on my card
and I claimed that promise.
00:34:25.13\00:34:28.56
Amen.
00:34:28.60\00:34:29.93
And I believed that someday
00:34:29.96\00:34:33.03
God was going to
redeem that pain.
00:34:33.07\00:34:36.24
And God's word
started speaking to me
00:34:36.27\00:34:39.07
and coming alive to me
00:34:39.11\00:34:40.44
and I would claim these promises
00:34:40.48\00:34:41.81
and I went to my group
00:34:41.84\00:34:43.18
and I started learning
more and more about myself
00:34:43.21\00:34:45.55
and my triggers and my problems
00:34:45.58\00:34:48.62
and I didn't want to redo
what I had done in the past.
00:34:48.65\00:34:52.69
I didn't want to try
to find another husband
00:34:52.72\00:34:57.43
and, you know,
jump into something
00:34:57.49\00:35:01.10
and have some of
the same problems,
00:35:01.13\00:35:02.93
I really wanted to
be a wise woman of God.
00:35:02.96\00:35:05.53
Amen. And I was nervous.
00:35:05.57\00:35:08.07
I didn't know what
God had for my future.
00:35:08.10\00:35:10.81
But I started trusting the
Lord that he would fix this.
00:35:10.84\00:35:14.88
I didn't know how, I
couldn't see the end of it,
00:35:14.91\00:35:18.41
but He started to work in me
00:35:18.45\00:35:21.68
that really set me
free from the bitterness
00:35:21.72\00:35:25.55
and unforgiveness and that work
00:35:25.59\00:35:27.49
began with
letting go of that anger
00:35:27.56\00:35:30.43
that I had against John,
00:35:30.46\00:35:32.29
realizing that it
wasn't all against me
00:35:32.33\00:35:35.56
like that he had a problem.
00:35:35.60\00:35:37.93
And a lot of it didn't even
have anything to do with me.
00:35:37.97\00:35:41.24
Right.
00:35:41.27\00:35:43.97
That's good because
you're taking ownership
00:35:44.01\00:35:45.97
for what your stuff is
00:35:46.01\00:35:47.34
but you're not taking ownership
00:35:47.38\00:35:49.04
for things that he
would push onto you,
00:35:49.08\00:35:51.41
or things that we would think
00:35:51.45\00:35:52.78
oh, well that must
be my fault he did this
00:35:52.81\00:35:54.88
but not taking
ownership for that
00:35:54.92\00:35:56.25
he needs to take
responsibility, that's good.
00:35:56.28\00:35:59.19
Amen.
00:35:59.22\00:36:00.62
Praise God for what
his word did in your life
00:36:00.69\00:36:04.06
with those
promises, I love that.
00:36:04.09\00:36:07.23
I love promises
00:36:07.23\00:36:08.56
and writing them
down and claiming them
00:36:08.60\00:36:10.77
and you saw the
difference in your life
00:36:10.80\00:36:12.40
as you claim the Word of God.
00:36:12.43\00:36:14.14
I did, I carry that
little three ring cards
00:36:14.17\00:36:20.48
around with me in my car,
00:36:20.51\00:36:22.68
in my purse, to my school,
00:36:22.71\00:36:26.25
I put it on my desk
00:36:26.28\00:36:27.62
and I just started
really taking God at his word
00:36:27.65\00:36:30.52
and saying God you promised,
you said, your word tells me...
00:36:30.59\00:36:35.29
Amen.
00:36:35.32\00:36:36.66
And believing that he was
going to set me free from that.
00:36:36.73\00:36:39.49
And 1 John 1:9 says,
"If we confess our sins,
00:36:39.53\00:36:44.23
He is faithful and
just to forgive us our sins
00:36:44.27\00:36:47.04
and cleanse us from
all in righteousness."
00:36:47.10\00:36:49.57
And I was realizing
my sinfulness, you know,
00:36:49.60\00:36:52.64
God I have a
problem with control.
00:36:52.67\00:36:54.71
I have a problem
with wanting to eat
00:36:54.74\00:36:56.71
half gallon of mint
chocolate chip ice cream
00:36:56.75\00:36:59.41
when I'm stressed out.
00:36:59.45\00:37:00.85
I have a problem with turning
to things that are not you,
00:37:00.88\00:37:05.95
in order to know my
pain or let me be in denial.
00:37:05.99\00:37:09.06
When I started
recognizing those things
00:37:09.09\00:37:11.39
through my recovery group
00:37:11.43\00:37:12.76
and really accepting
this is sin in my life.
00:37:12.79\00:37:15.06
Yes.
00:37:15.10\00:37:16.43
My problem of trying to
control something or someone
00:37:16.46\00:37:19.47
when life feels out
of control that's sin
00:37:19.50\00:37:22.47
and I confess
that sin to you God,
00:37:22.50\00:37:24.77
you promised
that you'll forgive me
00:37:24.81\00:37:26.91
and you cleanse me
from all in righteousness
00:37:26.98\00:37:29.34
and I want to be
a righteous women.
00:37:29.38\00:37:31.45
I just started to talking to God
00:37:31.48\00:37:32.81
like in a whole new way
00:37:32.85\00:37:34.65
and it was beautiful to see
00:37:34.68\00:37:37.29
how he honored that
00:37:37.32\00:37:39.19
and how he really
just started to set me free
00:37:39.22\00:37:41.89
and give me the forgiveness
00:37:41.92\00:37:44.76
that I needed to let
John go to release him
00:37:44.79\00:37:49.50
from that unhealthy
soul tie that I had, like,
00:37:49.53\00:37:55.47
we were bound by
unforgiveness at one point
00:37:55.50\00:37:58.74
and I needed to let that go.
00:37:58.77\00:38:00.21
Amen.
00:38:00.24\00:38:01.58
So that I could
be free to let God do
00:38:01.61\00:38:04.28
what he wanted to
do with my future.
00:38:04.31\00:38:06.11
Amen and that's why
we want to go right now,
00:38:06.15\00:38:08.38
I was thinking of that promise.
00:38:08.42\00:38:10.15
God redeems the years
that the locust has eaten.
00:38:10.22\00:38:13.39
You know, in the
promise of Jeremiah 29:11,
00:38:13.42\00:38:16.49
I know the plans I have for you,
00:38:16.52\00:38:18.26
so I just imagine God
looking down and saying,
00:38:18.29\00:38:20.13
"Juliet,
00:38:20.16\00:38:21.46
I have a beautiful
future plan for you."
00:38:21.50\00:38:24.60
And so tell us about
how you met your husband?
00:38:24.63\00:38:26.94
Okay.
00:38:26.97\00:38:28.30
And walk us
through that journey.
00:38:28.34\00:38:29.67
So in 2010,
00:38:29.70\00:38:34.58
I remarried.
00:38:34.61\00:38:37.25
My husband is a
pastor in Florida,
00:38:37.28\00:38:40.52
and we match
through a mutual friend.
00:38:40.55\00:38:43.69
I decided I needed to
move away from my old life,
00:38:43.72\00:38:49.56
get a fresh
start in a new place.
00:38:49.59\00:38:51.53
And I went back to
school to get my masters degree
00:38:51.56\00:38:54.86
and in one of my classes
00:38:54.93\00:38:57.53
I met a girl who
kind of befriended me
00:38:57.57\00:39:00.67
and she said to me
are you dating anybody?
00:39:00.70\00:39:04.04
And I said, no,
I'm little bit nervous
00:39:04.07\00:39:07.01
to get involved with a man
at this pint and time you know,
00:39:07.04\00:39:11.11
I've been burned.
00:39:11.15\00:39:12.48
Yeah.
00:39:12.51\00:39:13.85
And she was very persistent
and eventually she wore me down
00:39:13.88\00:39:19.45
to the point where she
said, can I just please,
00:39:19.49\00:39:22.59
give this really nice pastor
in Florida your email address,
00:39:22.62\00:39:25.73
because I said no phone number,
no, you know, no, no, no.
00:39:25.76\00:39:29.10
Anyway she gave
him my email address
00:39:29.13\00:39:31.20
and he just started
sending little note, you know,
00:39:31.23\00:39:34.14
and communicating
and eventually he said,
00:39:34.17\00:39:37.41
"I'd really like to meet you."
00:39:37.44\00:39:39.11
And so we arranged
for my friend Kelly
00:39:39.14\00:39:42.51
and myself and he and his friend
00:39:42.54\00:39:45.31
we went on a date
together, the four of us.
00:39:45.35\00:39:46.85
Like a double date.
00:39:46.92\00:39:48.25
Like a double date, you
know, 'cause I was just nervous.
00:39:48.28\00:39:50.39
No. Of course.
00:39:50.42\00:39:52.35
But God really just
showed me this man's heart.
00:39:52.39\00:39:55.89
I just felt like I
could love this person,
00:39:55.92\00:40:00.73
I could see his
passion for the Lord
00:40:00.80\00:40:02.70
and I felt like he
was very honest with me.
00:40:02.73\00:40:05.97
So we met, we dated
and we married in 2010
00:40:06.00\00:40:11.47
and it's actually the photograph
00:40:11.51\00:40:14.31
on the cover of my book
00:40:14.34\00:40:15.68
is of our wedding day
00:40:15.71\00:40:17.05
and my book is called
"Same Dress, Different Day."
00:40:17.11\00:40:20.92
And more on that title...
00:40:20.95\00:40:23.89
I hate to spoil the story...
00:40:23.95\00:40:26.02
Okay.
00:40:26.05\00:40:27.92
I hate to spoil it.
00:40:27.96\00:40:29.29
But it was...
00:40:29.32\00:40:30.69
They don't have to...
00:40:30.73\00:40:32.06
They can get it. It
was a whole new day for me.
00:40:32.09\00:40:34.66
Same girl with the same
dream of I want a happy family,
00:40:34.73\00:40:40.57
I want a husband
00:40:40.60\00:40:43.20
who loves God
more than he loves me
00:40:43.24\00:40:46.07
but he will love me and see me
00:40:46.11\00:40:48.81
and that's the
thing I want to say
00:40:48.84\00:40:50.41
to people who have
an addicted loved one,
00:40:50.48\00:40:54.98
is that they are so broken,
00:40:55.02\00:40:57.52
they actually can't see you,
00:40:57.55\00:40:59.45
if it's your spouse
they cannot love you properly
00:40:59.49\00:41:03.43
and it becomes
very lonely to live
00:41:03.46\00:41:06.90
and a home and a marriage
00:41:06.93\00:41:09.76
where your addicted
loved one cannot love you.
00:41:09.80\00:41:11.53
Yeah.
00:41:11.57\00:41:12.90
And I just wanted to
be seen, to be heard,
00:41:12.93\00:41:16.24
to be valued and to be loved.
00:41:16.27\00:41:19.27
And so God gave me
that in my new husband
00:41:19.31\00:41:24.65
and we've been married,
00:41:24.68\00:41:26.01
I can't believe it's
six and half years already.
00:41:26.05\00:41:28.58
But our ministry
together is to help people
00:41:28.62\00:41:34.12
who struggle with some
kind of life changing event
00:41:34.16\00:41:39.63
like divorce, like
addiction of a spouse,
00:41:39.66\00:41:44.57
or a child and we want
to give hope to people.
00:41:44.60\00:41:49.00
Amen.
00:41:49.04\00:41:50.37
That there is hope out there,
00:41:50.44\00:41:52.27
we don't have to be
alone in our struggle,
00:41:52.31\00:41:55.74
even if we're in church,
00:41:55.78\00:41:57.11
even if we're
Christians this taboo of,
00:41:57.18\00:41:59.48
"Oh, no this doesn't
happen in Christian families."
00:41:59.51\00:42:02.05
But it does. It does.
00:42:02.08\00:42:03.42
Happens all the
time. Yeah. It does.
00:42:03.49\00:42:06.15
Yeah, that's powerful.
00:42:06.19\00:42:07.66
Praise the Lord for
what he did in your life.
00:42:07.69\00:42:10.43
The healing, the restoration
and then bringing you,
00:42:10.46\00:42:13.93
Andre, right, Pastor Andre,
00:42:14.00\00:42:15.93
into your life and just
working together as a team,
00:42:15.96\00:42:19.27
that's just a
powerful testimony.
00:42:19.30\00:42:22.74
Can you share with
our friends at home
00:42:22.77\00:42:24.34
maybe someone struggling,
00:42:24.37\00:42:26.68
someone who has a loved one
00:42:26.74\00:42:28.28
or is dealing in
the midst of addiction.
00:42:28.31\00:42:31.08
Where can they turn?
00:42:31.11\00:42:32.75
Where can they go for help?
00:42:32.78\00:42:34.65
What resources are out
there that's available?
00:42:34.68\00:42:38.25
It's a good question
00:42:38.29\00:42:39.62
and I've been
researching resources
00:42:39.65\00:42:42.06
ever since I started attending
00:42:42.09\00:42:44.53
a 12-step
recovery group for myself.
00:42:44.56\00:42:46.96
Of course, my first meeting
ever was Narcotics Anonymous
00:42:47.00\00:42:50.93
and I attended it
with my first husband
00:42:50.97\00:42:52.83
because I was supporting
him with his struggle.
00:42:52.87\00:42:56.44
And that was the very first time
00:42:56.47\00:42:57.81
I ever attended
a 12-step meeting.
00:42:57.84\00:43:00.48
Since then I've
attended many different meetings
00:43:00.51\00:43:04.91
and different
kinds of resources.
00:43:04.95\00:43:07.22
One, of course, is
Alcoholics Anonymous,
00:43:07.25\00:43:10.99
Al-Anon is for family
members of alcoholics,
00:43:11.02\00:43:14.29
but they don't just
have to be alcoholics,
00:43:14.32\00:43:16.26
they can be
anybody in your family
00:43:16.29\00:43:19.73
with an addiction of any kind,
00:43:19.76\00:43:21.70
Al-Anon is a great resource
00:43:21.73\00:43:23.43
and they have it
for teens and for kids.
00:43:23.47\00:43:26.23
But because I'm a
Christian and in church
00:43:26.27\00:43:29.44
I wanted to find out
00:43:29.47\00:43:30.81
what is there
available for Christians
00:43:30.87\00:43:33.44
or from a Christ
centered standpoint.
00:43:33.48\00:43:36.21
Because the very
first meeting I went to,
00:43:36.24\00:43:39.08
everybody
introduce themselves as,
00:43:39.11\00:43:40.88
"Hi, I'm so and
so, I'm an addict."
00:43:40.92\00:43:43.12
If you go to an AA
meeting it's, "I'm so and so,
00:43:43.15\00:43:45.89
I'm an alcoholic."
00:43:45.92\00:43:48.62
In Christ
centered recovery groups,
00:43:48.66\00:43:52.66
you can place your identity
00:43:52.69\00:43:54.73
somewhere
besides your addiction,
00:43:54.73\00:43:56.83
which is what I
believe is Biblical.
00:43:56.90\00:43:58.50
Yes.
00:43:58.53\00:43:59.87
So I'm Juliet,
00:43:59.90\00:44:01.77
I'm first and
foremost a believer
00:44:01.80\00:44:03.41
in the Lord Jesus Christ.
00:44:03.44\00:44:04.77
Amen.
00:44:04.81\00:44:06.14
And even if I were an
alcoholic or drug addict
00:44:06.17\00:44:08.98
who I really am
00:44:09.01\00:44:11.18
is a grateful believer
in the Lord Jesus Christ,
00:44:11.21\00:44:13.08
first of all.
00:44:13.11\00:44:14.45
Yes.
00:44:14.48\00:44:15.82
And then I struggle with
this, whatever the addiction is.
00:44:15.85\00:44:20.26
And so I found
Celebrate Recovery
00:44:20.29\00:44:23.43
is a great
resource for Christians.
00:44:23.46\00:44:26.49
They are found in
almost every large city
00:44:26.53\00:44:30.93
and many small cities.
00:44:30.97\00:44:33.03
And the
Seventh-day Adventist church,
00:44:33.07\00:44:35.37
we have Adventist
recovery ministries.
00:44:35.40\00:44:38.37
They have a program
called Journey to Wholeness
00:44:38.41\00:44:41.18
that came out on 2012.
00:44:41.21\00:44:43.51
And it's a year long program
that goes through the 12 steps.
00:44:43.55\00:44:48.08
We also have Cheri
Peters. That's right.
00:44:48.12\00:44:51.25
Has a wonderful program called
Celebrating Life in Recovery
00:44:51.29\00:44:55.12
and she even trains
people to host their own groups,
00:44:55.16\00:44:59.89
you want to talk about it?
00:44:59.96\00:45:01.33
It's great,
we've done that, well,
00:45:01.36\00:45:02.70
just because
it's Cheri and 3ABN,
00:45:02.73\00:45:04.07
you know, we're connected.
00:45:04.10\00:45:05.67
We've done that
program at our local church
00:45:05.70\00:45:08.70
and it's been a
tremendous blessing
00:45:08.74\00:45:11.17
and then they did it
as well in the community.
00:45:11.21\00:45:14.71
So yeah, it's a great
program, yeah, go head.
00:45:14.74\00:45:18.05
So there are actually
many resources available
00:45:18.08\00:45:21.85
and I just want
to encourage people
00:45:21.88\00:45:23.69
who are wondering
where to turn to look.
00:45:23.72\00:45:28.86
Google is your friend
00:45:28.89\00:45:30.23
when you can look
for recovery groups
00:45:30.26\00:45:32.79
in your area
00:45:32.83\00:45:34.20
and if you don't
have one start one.
00:45:34.20\00:45:35.56
Yes.
00:45:35.60\00:45:36.93
There are many
training resources available
00:45:36.97\00:45:39.87
and I can promise you,
00:45:39.90\00:45:41.37
there are people in your church,
00:45:41.40\00:45:42.94
in you family, in your community
00:45:42.97\00:45:45.24
who would really benefit.
00:45:45.27\00:45:47.38
Yes.
00:45:47.44\00:45:48.78
From a place
where they could be safe
00:45:48.81\00:45:50.91
and real and vulnerable
and where they can grow.
00:45:50.95\00:45:54.02
Amen,
00:45:54.08\00:45:55.78
so you would encourage
people in their local church...
00:45:55.82\00:45:57.45
Yes.
00:45:57.49\00:45:58.82
To get involved
in the recovery group
00:45:58.85\00:46:00.59
in the local church setting.
00:46:00.62\00:46:01.96
Absolutely.
00:46:01.99\00:46:03.32
Reach out it's a wonderful
outreach for the community
00:46:03.36\00:46:05.06
but we need healing as
a family inside as well.
00:46:05.09\00:46:09.06
And so I think it
promotes healing inside,
00:46:09.10\00:46:11.90
we reach out more effectively
00:46:11.93\00:46:14.47
as we are in the
process of being healed
00:46:14.50\00:46:16.84
and then it's an
outreach to the community too.
00:46:16.91\00:46:19.04
So that's wonderful.
00:46:19.07\00:46:20.41
In just moment we want to put up
00:46:20.48\00:46:22.44
your contact information...
00:46:22.48\00:46:23.85
Okay.
00:46:23.88\00:46:25.21
If someone wants to contact you.
00:46:25.25\00:46:26.58
But tell me, I
know you have the book
00:46:26.61\00:46:27.95
and it's a
wonderful book but as well,
00:46:27.98\00:46:29.98
you and your
husband go out and speak
00:46:30.02\00:46:31.92
or tell me exactly what
you and your husband do?
00:46:31.95\00:46:34.26
Okay, yes,
00:46:34.29\00:46:35.82
we have made a
promise of commitment to God
00:46:35.86\00:46:38.59
that whenever we're
asked to share our testimony
00:46:38.63\00:46:41.56
or just speak for
him that we will say yes.
00:46:41.60\00:46:44.13
Amen. We can do it.
00:46:44.17\00:46:45.93
So I've had the opportunity
to say, yes to churches
00:46:45.97\00:46:50.27
who've invited me to
come to women's groups,
00:46:50.31\00:46:52.81
who've invited me
to come and speak,
00:46:52.84\00:46:54.81
even in our community
00:46:54.84\00:46:57.31
non church related
groups have invited me to come
00:46:57.35\00:47:01.72
and share my
testimony and speak on recovery.
00:47:01.75\00:47:04.92
So we have a desire,
00:47:04.95\00:47:06.52
my husband and I have a desire
00:47:06.55\00:47:08.16
that every faith
community has a recovery group.
00:47:08.19\00:47:11.43
Amen.
00:47:11.46\00:47:12.79
And so we're
committed to helping churches
00:47:12.83\00:47:16.53
start a group and...
00:47:16.56\00:47:18.07
That's wonderful.
00:47:18.10\00:47:19.43
Helping them
understand the need for it.
00:47:19.47\00:47:21.30
Yes. Amen.
00:47:21.34\00:47:22.67
Praise the Lord.
00:47:22.70\00:47:24.04
I know that
Juliet and her husband
00:47:24.11\00:47:25.44
were at the Mountain View
Conference this past summer,
00:47:25.47\00:47:27.28
of my in-laws are
there at the conference.
00:47:27.31\00:47:29.31
And they had told me
what a tremendous blessing,
00:47:29.34\00:47:32.38
you sharing and
what you did there.
00:47:32.41\00:47:34.12
So we want to go to
that address roll here,
00:47:34.15\00:47:36.62
if you would
like to contact Juliet
00:47:36.69\00:47:38.45
or her husband
Pastor Andre Van Heerden.
00:47:38.49\00:47:42.46
If you need help,
if you need support,
00:47:42.49\00:47:45.29
if this book is a
wonderful resource,
00:47:45.33\00:47:47.50
if you want to get
involved in your local church
00:47:47.60\00:47:50.23
and doing a
recovery group and you say,
00:47:50.27\00:47:52.47
"I just need some
help here with this."
00:47:52.50\00:47:54.20
If you would like to invite them
00:47:54.24\00:47:55.77
to come speak at your church
00:47:55.80\00:47:58.41
or a women's
event or organization,
00:47:58.44\00:48:01.34
here is how you can get in touch
00:48:01.38\00:48:03.61
with the Van Heerdens.
00:48:03.68\00:48:06.88
If you would like to
get a copy of the book
00:48:06.95\00:48:08.68
"Same Dress, Different Day"
00:48:08.72\00:48:10.72
or if you would
like to invite Juliet
00:48:10.75\00:48:12.55
to speak at your church,
00:48:12.59\00:48:13.99
you can do so by writing
to Relevant Life Solutions,
00:48:14.02\00:48:17.69
4501 US-17, Fleming Island,
00:48:17.73\00:48:21.50
Florida 32003.
00:48:21.53\00:48:24.30
That's Relevant Life Solutions,
00:48:24.33\00:48:26.60
4501 US-17, Fleming Island,
00:48:26.63\00:48:30.61
Florida 32003.
00:48:30.64\00:48:33.38
You can call (305) 979-8820,
00:48:33.41\00:48:37.25
that's (305) 979-8820.
00:48:37.28\00:48:40.85
Or you can order online
at SameDressDifferentDay.com.
00:48:40.92\00:48:45.42
That's
SameDressDifferentDay.com.
00:48:45.45\00:48:51.23
We want to encourage you
to contact Juliet for yourself
00:48:51.26\00:48:55.46
or her husband and get in touch
with this wonderful couple,
00:48:55.50\00:48:59.27
this women of God
who has experienced pain,
00:48:59.30\00:49:02.87
experienced the devastation
of being married to someone
00:49:02.90\00:49:05.84
who is addicted,
00:49:05.87\00:49:07.21
but yet has
experienced God's healing power.
00:49:07.24\00:49:11.11
God's touch in her life and God
is working to restore the years
00:49:11.15\00:49:17.32
that the locust has
eaten, so praise God
00:49:17.35\00:49:19.52
for what he's
doing in your life.
00:49:19.55\00:49:21.02
Now we want to fast forward
00:49:21.06\00:49:23.46
because you have an exciting,
00:49:23.49\00:49:25.39
this is another way
that God is restoring.
00:49:25.43\00:49:27.96
One of your dreams
was to have children.
00:49:28.00\00:49:29.36
Yes.
00:49:29.40\00:49:30.77
And you did not have children
00:49:30.80\00:49:33.44
but yet God has
blessed you with children,
00:49:33.47\00:49:36.81
so tell us about that.
00:49:36.84\00:49:38.17
Okay.
00:49:38.21\00:49:39.54
This is really fresh.
00:49:39.57\00:49:42.08
About a year ago,
00:49:42.11\00:49:44.35
my friend called me and asked me
00:49:44.38\00:49:46.85
if I would be willing to
host a teenager from Ukraine.
00:49:46.92\00:49:51.49
And I said, "What
are you talking about?"
00:49:51.52\00:49:55.36
And she said,
"Well, we have a kid
00:49:55.39\00:49:58.03
who's coming over to America
00:49:58.06\00:50:00.13
but his host family
said, they can't take him,
00:50:00.20\00:50:04.77
would you be willing to take
a teenager for this summer?"
00:50:04.80\00:50:07.74
And my husband
and I were like what?
00:50:07.77\00:50:10.57
We don't have any kids,
00:50:10.61\00:50:12.17
we don't know what
to do with the teenager.
00:50:12.21\00:50:15.68
Anyway we prayed
00:50:15.71\00:50:17.05
and we're like
God what should we do,
00:50:17.11\00:50:18.88
should we say yes to this kid?
00:50:18.91\00:50:20.58
My husband said, Andre says,
00:50:20.62\00:50:22.22
"We cannot take
just one teenager
00:50:22.25\00:50:23.85
for the summer,
we have to get two
00:50:23.89\00:50:25.59
at least they can play together
and talk to each other."
00:50:25.62\00:50:28.92
Anyway we ended up
hosting in 2015 for the summer,
00:50:28.96\00:50:32.29
two teenage boys from Ukraine.
00:50:32.33\00:50:33.66
Okay.
00:50:33.70\00:50:35.00
At the send of summer we
didn't not want to let them go,
00:50:35.03\00:50:37.33
we were absolutely
in love with these kids.
00:50:37.40\00:50:40.47
So this summer we
spend three months in Ukraine
00:50:40.50\00:50:43.84
and we came back
with these two young men,
00:50:43.87\00:50:47.01
they're 16 and...
00:50:47.04\00:50:49.24
They're both 16?
Okay. They're both 16.
00:50:49.28\00:50:52.01
Daniel and Logan and
we've adopted them there,
00:50:52.05\00:50:55.28
officially our sons.
00:50:55.32\00:50:57.02
And I never
expected to go from 0 to 16,
00:50:57.05\00:51:02.66
no on-ramp for parenting,
00:51:02.69\00:51:04.56
so it's been a
really interesting.
00:51:04.59\00:51:07.13
But that's what
God has done for me
00:51:07.20\00:51:10.73
as far as being a
parent, becoming a mom,
00:51:10.77\00:51:15.04
I never thought it
was going to happen
00:51:15.07\00:51:16.60
and I'd almost
given up that dream
00:51:16.67\00:51:18.31
but again I just
see the goodness of God
00:51:18.34\00:51:20.34
in the land of the living.
00:51:20.38\00:51:21.71
Amen.
00:51:21.74\00:51:23.08
Oh, that's wonderful.
00:51:23.11\00:51:24.68
So are you still
working as a teacher
00:51:24.71\00:51:26.72
or what's your role right now?
00:51:26.78\00:51:29.22
I know you're a mom, new mom.
00:51:29.25\00:51:31.19
Well, yes, right now
I'm home schooling the boys
00:51:31.22\00:51:34.39
and we're working
on English and Math
00:51:34.42\00:51:36.36
and so we're spending
this year at home school.
00:51:36.39\00:51:38.89
So I'm a teacher,
00:51:38.93\00:51:40.26
but I'm not teaching
first or second grade
00:51:40.30\00:51:41.63
like I did for so many years,
I'm now teaching teenagers.
00:51:41.66\00:51:45.43
Amen.
00:51:45.47\00:51:47.27
I know you're testimony Juliet
will minister to many people,
00:51:47.30\00:51:51.67
it will impact many people
00:51:51.71\00:51:53.31
who are in the
midst of addiction
00:51:53.34\00:51:54.91
that may be you have someone,
00:51:54.94\00:51:56.78
you're married to someone
or a child and the healing,
00:51:56.81\00:52:00.22
the wholeness that
God wants to bring,
00:52:00.25\00:52:02.98
the restoration
that he wants to bring
00:52:03.02\00:52:05.42
in our hearts and in our lives.
00:52:05.45\00:52:06.96
So right now,
00:52:06.99\00:52:08.32
we want to go to
our news break, updates,
00:52:08.36\00:52:11.06
information from
3ABN and we'll be back
00:52:11.09\00:52:13.60
with a closing
thought from Juliet.
00:52:13.63\00:52:15.30