Participants: C. A. Murray (Host), Samonna Watts
Series Code: TDY
Program Code: TDY015070A
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00:01 I want to spend my life
00:07 Mending broken people 00:12 I want to spend my life 00:18 Removing pain 00:23 Lord, let my words 00:29 Heal a heart that hurts 00:34 I want to spend my life 00:40 Mending broken people 00:45 I want to spend my life 00:51 Mending broken people. 01:07 Hello, and welcome to 3ABN Today. 01:09 My name is C.A. Murray. 01:10 And allow me once again to thank you 01:12 for sharing just a little of your day with us. 01:14 Again to thank you for your love, 01:16 your prayers, your support of this ministry, 01:17 to thank you for loving Christ enough to support His work 01:20 and to assist us in living the Christ-like life. 01:23 But more than that in sharing that life 01:25 with the thousands amens around the world 01:28 who need to hear a word from the Lord. 01:29 And that's what you're gonna hear today. 01:31 You are going to hear a word from the Lord. 01:32 You're gonna hear testimony 01:34 and you're gonna hear one that-- 01:37 from one who, and let me say this right, 01:40 who's been "through the valley of the shadow of death" 01:44 and come forth with a word from the Lord 01:47 that He can keep you even in the darkest of hours 01:50 and through the roughest of times 01:52 when life drops some stuff on you 01:57 that you are not expecting. 01:58 You're living your life, you're going along 02:00 and all of a sudden, one day your life changes dramatically. 02:04 Question is can God keep me through that, 02:06 can God walk me through that, can God save me from that, 02:09 can God put me back on my feet and back on the road? 02:11 And SaMonna Watts is here to say, "Oh, yes. He can." 02:14 SaMonna, good to have you here. Thank you, for having me. 02:16 Praise the Lord. This is her second visit here. 02:18 She has been with Dr. Lewis on the Dare to Dream network. 02:22 But we thought the story important enough 02:25 to bring to this format and talk, 02:28 spend a little more time with her 02:29 because she's got something to say 02:30 and this is something you will want to hear. 02:33 Sometimes you meet people and you like them right off. 02:35 SaMonna kind of has that texture. 02:37 She has a lot to say for the Lord. 02:39 God has brought her through some stuff 02:41 and we're gonna walk our way through that 02:43 and unpack us her story. 02:45 You want to draw close because she's got some things to say 02:48 about survival, dare I say, in the midst of the storm 02:52 and through the storm 02:53 and you see this pretty smiling face, 02:56 there, it belies some trauma and some drama... 02:59 Yes. 03:00 That God has brought her through. 03:01 But the upside of this, the punch line is 03:05 God has indeed brought her through and her family. 03:08 We're gonna talk about that just in minute. 03:10 Before we go to our music 03:11 SaMonna I want to get this a little culture 03:13 because you are from where? 03:14 I'm from Maryland. Maryland. 03:15 DC area. Born in that area? 03:17 Actually I was born in Arizona. My dad was military. 03:19 Then when I was 11 years old, we moved to Maryland. 03:22 I've been there ever since. Ever since. 03:24 Praise the Lord. Adventist home growing up. 03:26 Oh, yes. Definitely. Adventist home. 03:30 I was blessed to go to the Adventist school system, 03:32 you know to be nurtured in the church. 03:34 No, I don't take that for granted 03:35 'cause it's a sacrifice 03:37 and so I'm very thankful that I had that growing up. 03:40 I am... 03:43 being raised in the church doesn't necessarily mean 03:46 you have an experience with God. 03:48 You know. You know. Very true. 03:51 But you know and I can identify the time of my life 03:56 and I really started to get to know God 03:58 for real for myself. 04:00 Now growing up, you know, I did all that I was supposed to do. 04:02 I had my worship, I went, 04:03 you know, there wasn't that real connection 04:06 and that connection for me didn't come 04:07 until I went to college at Oakwood University, 04:11 now university. 04:12 It was college then. 04:14 And I started to really have time to spend with God 04:18 and get to know Him on a different level. 04:21 I was still, I would consider 04:22 in the infancy of my Christian walk. 04:26 Which is why you made that turn. 04:27 Yeah, that's where I really, you know, 04:30 can say that my spiritual walk with Christ began-- 04:32 So you didn't have what we call, 04:34 SaMonna, wilderness years. 04:35 I mean, you kind of play that straight through out your life. 04:37 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 04:39 I would definitely say that 04:40 I never went way out the church and came, no. 04:42 I was always kind of, you know, on the straight narrow, 04:44 but... 04:46 I didn't have that connection like I needed to have. 04:47 I see and that's the dangers there 04:49 because we have lot of people 04:50 who are on the street now figure 04:51 I'm not out to drink and drug and smoke and running around. 04:53 So I have to be de facto. I got to be right. 04:55 Yeah. Yeah. And it's not necessarily so. 04:57 Because we're talking about 04:58 personal one on one relationship with the Lord. 05:01 Yeah, I think, you know, the devil knows. 05:03 He knows, he knew drugs and drinks, all that things, 05:07 that wasn't gonna be an issue for me. 05:09 Right. I was the good church girl. 05:10 Yeah. 05:13 So he gets you in other way. He surely does. 05:15 Yes, he gets you with other ways. 05:17 You have brothers and sisters? I have a younger sister. 05:20 Her name is Tiffany and she's actually in Korea. 05:23 Wow. Doing missionary work. 05:24 Oh, praise the Lord. 05:25 And I have a older sister, Tunica. 05:27 Uh, huh, so you are the middle girl. 05:28 Yes, yes, yes. Ooh. 05:29 They'd have a lot of say about middle children. 05:32 What did you study in college? 05:33 Biology. Uh, huh. 05:35 And it's interesting because when I went to college I-- 05:39 First, I didn't know what I wanted to do 05:40 and when I got there, 05:42 I was like, oh, I'll be a Biology Major. 05:44 And when I became a Biology Major, 05:45 I decided, well, what else to do 05:47 but to go to medical school afterwards. 05:48 Yeah, yeah. And that's the kicker. 05:50 I mean, really God led me down that path to work with me. 05:55 Now I've always been a high achiever. 05:59 I don't consider myself to be super smart, not at all. 06:02 I just work hard. 06:03 So I got good grades, I got the scholarships, 06:05 I did everything that I was supposed to do 06:07 to excel in school. 06:08 Yeah. Yeah. And it worked. 06:10 So when I came to the end of my Oakwood experience, 06:13 then it was time to go to medical school, 06:15 that's when some struggle started to come up. 06:17 I-- 06:19 and I began praying, I was praying earnestly, 06:21 every Friday I'd fast like, "God, please help me, 06:23 you know, get into school." 06:25 And I look back and I kind of laugh 06:28 when you really get to understand God 06:29 'cause I was praying, "God, get me into school." 06:33 I never prayed, "Lord, is it Your will for me 06:34 to go to med school?" 06:36 You know, none of those kind of prayers. 06:37 Yeah, Lord, of course, I in my decision. 06:39 Yes. 06:41 I know what I'm doing is right. Yes, yes. 06:43 So, you know, I prayed those prayers and it took a while 06:46 but you know, God opened the door 06:48 and I got into medical school. 06:50 And that's when my faith walk began. 06:53 That's when my faith walk began 06:54 because when I got to medical school, 06:56 it wasn't easy. 06:58 And everything that I had done before the working hard 07:00 and getting the good grades, that was out the window. 07:02 I was working hard and I was failing. 07:04 And I would say, "God," 07:06 you know, "what's up with that?" 07:07 I'm here, I'm out of the Adventist system. 07:09 I'm at Howard University at this point. 07:12 And you know, it's a secular school, I'd say. 07:15 And here I am. I'm upholding Sabbath. 07:18 I'm not studying on Sabbath, you know, I'm-- 07:21 People know that I'm a Christian, 07:22 they know what I stand for and I'm failing. 07:24 Yeah. 07:26 When we take test, before the exams, my study group, 07:29 "Oh, no we can't take a test till SaMonna prays for us." 07:32 And I'm sitting there, like, "Lord, I'm praying." 07:34 Right. "They're passing, I'm failing." 07:36 Then I'm failing, yeah, yeah. 07:37 The Red Sea is going to open it up here 07:39 'cause it's not happening, yeah. 07:40 So, you know, it was very frustrating. 07:42 And I remember one of the-- 07:45 It was a low moment for me. 07:46 One of the professors called me into his office. 07:48 This, Howard is a very caring school, 07:51 and he's like, "I know how you feel about Sabbath 07:54 but we want you to pass. 07:56 You just need to go ahead and study on Sabbath. 07:58 And I was like, "you know, God, what is up with this?" 08:02 This is embarrassing, I was humiliated. 08:03 Now he came with-- 08:05 you know, he had sincere heart but to me it was embarrassing. 08:09 Here I am trying to do what's right and I'm failing. 08:12 And so, you know, I passed, 08:14 I made it through the course work 08:15 but then when it came to the boards, I failed. 08:17 Wow. I failed. 08:19 They allow you to take it three times. 08:21 I failed three times. Are you kidding? 08:23 And I got that letter. Yeah. 08:26 "Thank you but you will not be coming back." 08:28 What's happening in your-- 08:29 and now we're gonna go to our music 08:31 and hit the pause button in a second 08:32 but I gotta ask you. 08:33 What's happening in your head right now? 08:36 On two levels, one, just your mental state 08:40 and two, is this impacting your relationship with Jesus? 08:43 Because you could say, 08:45 "Hey, Lord, I'm doing the right thing. 08:47 I'm doing it like you-- 08:48 I'm following the manual 08:50 and it ain't working out right." 08:51 So what's going on in your head and your heart? 08:54 Okay, so throughout the process, it's interesting 08:56 because when it came to the point where I failed, 09:00 it hurt. 09:01 Yeah. Yeah, it hurt. 09:03 And you know, 09:04 I had all my hopes and dreams in this. 09:05 I have worked hard my whole life 09:07 but in the process of the failing 09:10 while I was in school. 09:11 I was on my knees so much. 09:13 Every time I took a test, I was on my knees praying 09:16 so God was building my relationship with him then. 09:18 Amen. Okay. 09:20 So then when it finally came to ahead, 09:22 I was like, okay. 09:23 You know, I hurt, I was embarrassed, 09:25 I was humiliated to go to church 09:26 and it was like, "Our doctor," and it's like, "Uh, no." 09:31 So then-- 09:33 But I was at peace with it. I was like "okay, God." 09:36 I didn't question God, I just heard it in my mind, 09:39 it must not be God's will for me to do this. 09:42 For whatever reason He allowed me 09:43 to go down this path, but it's not His will. 09:45 Okay, so you put it in the right place. 09:46 You didn't dodge yourself and say. 09:48 "I'm a dummy, God's not with me, 09:50 it's just," "okay, this is not God's will 09:51 for my life at this point of time. 09:53 That's what I assumed because I worked hard. 09:55 I mean, I put everything that was in me to do it. 09:58 So I just really concluded that God must not want me to do it. 10:02 He must not for whatever reason. 10:04 And then I had some time to reflect on it. 10:06 I didn't really want to do it. 10:07 There you go. I didn't. 10:08 I think it was just because I-- 10:10 doctor, you know, your biology, seems like the right next step. 10:14 But no, and I was okay with that. 10:16 Yeah. It is a different road. 10:18 And then it's interesting 10:20 because when I was in high school 10:21 my guidance counselor told me that I should go, 10:24 I should be a lawyer. 10:27 I didn't listen to her. 10:32 And now that I failed, I'd start doing these tests online 10:35 and "your personality is best fit to be an attorney." 10:38 Wow. 10:39 Yeah, I see attorney for you, 10:41 you know, funny outside, look at you. 10:43 I do, yeah. He worked it out. 10:44 Yeah, praise the Lord. 10:46 Can I tell you the testimony in that? 10:47 Please. 10:49 Because here is why since like my God is good. 10:51 Because He knew where I was. 10:52 I was at a low place, you know, having failed, 10:54 all these expectations, student loans. 10:56 Yeah, yeah, we are talking med school. 10:59 Yeah, it's expensive. That ain't free. 11:00 No, no I was-- 11:01 it was expensive. 11:03 But within a couple of months, 11:07 I had applied to law school, I had aunt call me, 11:12 "You know, SaMonna, I think God has impressed me 11:14 to tell you to be a lawyer. 11:15 You should go to a law school." 11:16 Took the test at law. 11:18 I applied to law school, got in, 11:20 had Ivy League schools sending me letters saying, 11:24 "Med school loss is our gain, 11:26 would you please apply to our school." 11:28 And I think God was just giving me a boost in my confidence. 11:29 Yeah, little pat on the back, yeah that kind of thing, yeah. 11:33 And then I got a full scholarship. 11:34 This all was like, 11:35 "God, you just flip that whole thing over. 11:38 He flipped it over. I was like, that's amazing. 11:40 Praise God. Amazing. 11:42 What school did you end up going to? 11:43 Howard. Howard. Okay. 11:44 I just switched to find another school. 11:46 I said, Howard, you're stuck with me. 11:48 We just change buildings. Yeah, praise the Lord. 11:50 Yeah, I really have a-- 11:52 I love Howard. So I said I want to stay here. 11:54 And also it is fairly closed to home 11:55 where you grew up, kind of thing. 11:57 All right, let's put up, hit the pause button here 11:58 because things are getting kind of interesting here. 12:01 I need to ask you how did you met your future husband yet. 12:03 Okay. Yes. Yes. 12:05 I had-- 12:06 I knew him from Oakwood. Okay. 12:08 And he actually was at Howard with us as well. 12:10 But I wasn't thinking about him. 12:11 He's just a friend. Just a friend. 12:13 So then after I failed out of med school, 12:15 God was like, "Let me give this girl, a little help, 12:17 a little something." 12:19 And Van and I got together in that broken period. 12:23 So you know, God was giving me a lot of little help. 12:25 He did. Yeah, praise God. 12:28 At what point-- 12:29 and then we'll go to our song. 12:30 Did you kind of know that the Lord 12:32 had a put in your life kind of for keeps? 12:34 Oh, Van, okay, yeah. 12:37 When we started dating, I was-- 12:38 I had the attitude, look I just, 12:40 I had a lot of trauma going on, just failed out of med school, 12:43 I didn't have time for drama. 12:44 So... 12:46 I was like, "God, if it's you, 12:48 you know, I'm not gonna press it." 12:51 That was kind of my attitude 12:52 and I remember when we first started dating, 12:53 I said, you know, this is what I need in the man. 12:56 I need the man who is spiritual, I need X, Y, Z. 12:58 And when we first started dating, "Sorry, man." 13:02 He wasn't, you know, 13:03 he wasn't what I thought at that was to be. 13:05 Okay. 13:06 And so I prayed about it, I remember 13:07 I talked to one of my friends' mother. 13:10 She's a pastor and we talked about it. 13:11 She said, "SaMonna, just give him sometime, 13:13 let God work it out." 13:15 And then next thing you know... 13:18 Sabbath school lessons together every morning 13:19 and just everything that I wanted I saw it in Van. 13:22 Oh, praise God. 13:23 And I thank God because the journey of my life, 13:25 I couldn't do without-- 13:27 with another person. 13:28 He's a strong God-fearing man 13:30 and I was like, God knew that's what I needed. 13:32 And while we're getting ready, get into, 13:33 you needed a strong guy for your marriage 13:35 'cause it's about to get thick here in a few minutes. 13:37 Let's go to our music done here and come back here 13:39 and kind of walk through the experience 13:40 because it is dramatic and traumatic. 13:43 Our music is coming from Dave and Marlene Colburn. 13:46 Dave is a pianist. Marlene is a violinist. 13:48 They are husband and wife. 13:50 They play beautifully together, love each other 13:53 and every time they come, we have fun with them. 13:56 They're gonna be playing, "In the Heart of Jesus." 16:31 Well done. 16:32 Thank you so very much, Dave and Marlene Colburn, 16:36 "In the Heart of Jesus." 16:37 I'm here with SaMonna Watts. 16:38 First, I just like the name, SaMonna. 16:40 Oh, thank you. 16:41 What's your sisters' name? Tunica and Tiffany. 16:44 I got the-- 16:45 Tiffany is, you know, so I don't want to say regular, 16:47 you know, it's a more popular name. 16:50 So SaMonna was bit different. 16:52 Yeah, your parents were very explorative. 16:54 Yeah. I like it SaMonna Watts. 16:56 When we left my lady, you had met your husband to be, 16:59 he was not the guy of your dreams 17:01 but soon became that. 17:03 Oh, yes. 17:04 And became a strong Christian which, 17:09 we're gonna find out in a little bit was he needed 17:11 because you are about ready to go through some stuff. 17:12 So you got married. Did you finish law school? 17:14 Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Uh, huh. 17:16 And I got into a big law job, you know, we were very excited 17:21 because we got married when I was in school 17:23 so and he had just gotten out of school. 17:25 So his salary wasn't that high yet. 17:27 So we were struggling. Now what was he doing? 17:29 Physical therapy. Physical therapy. 17:30 Physical therapy. Okay. 17:32 Yeah, so we were, you know, things were tight. 17:35 So when I got my job, it's exciting like, 17:36 "Oh, yes, we got that money now." 17:40 I got to ask you. 17:41 Going through law school, was it a same kind of struggle 17:43 as medical school or did you kind of 17:44 sail through this a little bit better? 17:46 I sailed through it. Literally. Yeah. 17:48 I was like, this is-- 17:49 it was just so much different, there was no stress. 17:52 I was like once I went to med school, 17:53 I can go to any school. 17:54 That's what I felt. 17:56 So it was different, you know. Yeah. Yeah. 17:57 So this, it wasn't a brand thing 17:59 or an intelligent thing, it's what you are called to do 18:01 and what you are not called to do. 18:02 Now you are functioning in the trajectory 18:05 that God want you do and that your natural skills go through. 18:08 So you sailed through law school, 18:09 you get a decent job. 18:10 You're married now. Yes, yes. 18:12 Well, praise the Lord. Yes. 18:13 And marriage is good. 18:15 We are enjoying life and we come to this point 18:17 where we are-- 18:18 it's time to have the babies now. 18:20 And we tried and nothing happens. 18:23 We try nothing happens. 18:26 I was like, "God, okay, now. 18:27 I waited till I was married, 18:29 you know, I did, I did all the right things." 18:32 I'm not having a baby. 18:34 So this is something we prayed about. 18:35 We really struggled with it, like, 18:37 you know, "what's going on, Lord?" 18:38 And we prayed and prayed and I got a point where I said, 18:40 "Lord, you know what," I was claiming the word 18:42 and going through the promises. 18:44 "If you give me a child, I guarantee you, 18:47 I will raise the child to be a blessing to you, 18:50 like Hannah did." 18:52 That was my prayer, I did. I did. And I was serious. 18:55 I was like 'cause you know, I want a child bad 18:57 but it's no sense having a child 18:58 if the child is not gonna be in heaven. 19:00 You know, that's really, it's a waste of time 19:01 having a person that's gonna be lost. 19:02 So, "Lord I would do everything in my power 19:04 to raise that child." 19:06 And "God, while I'm asking, could you give me a boy?" 19:09 That was my prayer. Uh, huh. 19:11 And God answered that prayer. 19:13 He answered it and we had our son, 19:15 Brayden Caleb Watts. 19:17 And when that happened I left my law firm job. 19:19 Okay, now you want to raise your child. 19:21 And became a stay-at-home mom, you know. 19:23 And I know that's what God wanted me to do. 19:26 I had been reading Adventist Home 19:28 and Child guidance and really, you know, just trying to get 19:30 a strong foundation for being a mother. 19:33 And I looked at my law firm job 19:35 where the pressure of billable hours 19:37 and you know, being there for extensive amount of times. 19:41 I said, no. This is not falling in line with my values. 19:44 Yeah. So I left. 19:45 That's a major decision there, SaMonna. 19:47 It's not like, "okay, I'm going, see you, bye." 19:49 You got to kind of work your way through that 19:50 'cause first of all, heavy loss in salary. 19:52 Yes, very heavy loss. 19:53 And I mean, your husband has a good-- 19:55 he was a physical therapist. 19:57 So he's employed, he's got a good solid job 19:58 but it ain't like a lawyer's job 20:00 where you can build your hours 20:02 and add up and do what you want to do. 20:03 So you got this loss in salary. 20:05 But you felt it's worth it 20:06 to follow the call of God as a mother. 20:09 And I actually had this thought in my head that 20:12 because I'm doing what God wants me to do, 20:14 he's gonna bless. 20:18 And so again, God, you know, he was growing me. 20:21 Because God's blessing us. I was blessed. 20:24 Every thing that we needed, He supplied. 20:26 Amen. 20:27 It might not have been the way that I wanted it 20:29 'cause sometimes, I mean, honestly, 20:30 this is just being real. 20:31 My parents would buy us grocery sometimes 20:34 because we really hit, you know, low times. 20:36 And I didn't like that. 20:37 "I'm the high achiever, God, you know, I've done X,Y,Z. 20:40 I don't want it like that." 20:41 But God, when He says, He supplies your needs, 20:43 He doesn't tell you how He's gonna do it. 20:45 Correct. You know. 20:46 Thank God, my parents were in a position 20:47 to get me groceries at times that I needed. 20:49 You know, He supplies. 20:50 You know, I got to ask you, 20:52 how is your husband rolling with this? 20:53 Because he is in this boat too. Oh, yes, yes. 20:55 Yeah, he's got it or you got it or so yeah. 20:57 And I got to say it. Initially I was leading this. 21:01 It took him a while to come on board, 21:02 you know, throughout the-- 21:04 but once the kids came, I had another child 21:06 right after I had Brayden. 21:07 So how far is the separation 21:08 between Brayden and your daughter. 21:10 13 months. Okay, so you got a match set. 21:11 Boy, girl. Okay. Yeah, best buddies. 21:14 Best buddies. 21:15 So you know, and it was challenging 21:16 and we had challenging times but the benefit of seeing 21:20 how the children were being raised 21:22 and you know, he'd come home from work there, they're like-- 21:24 it's so excited, you know, 21:26 not having to shuffle them around. 21:28 After a while he was there too. Yeah. 21:30 He appreciated it. 21:31 So I'm getting the feeling that the flavor 21:32 that you were good mother, caring mother. 21:34 Raising your children, you know, 21:36 as God was blessing you, doing all the right stuff. 21:39 But all the right stuff doesn't mean 21:41 that something not gonna stick in there. 21:42 So walk us through the experience, 21:44 the change, yeah. 21:45 So I am-- 21:49 time has passed and Brayden is now five years old 21:53 and this is the child that I prayed for. 21:54 Yes. 21:56 And things are going, you know, they are going okay. 21:59 With the kids, things are going perfect. 22:01 And one day, it was early 2014. 22:07 He says, "Mommy, my head hurts." 22:10 And that phrase, that statement 22:12 was going to change our lives forever and we had no idea. 22:17 And he continued to complain about his head hurting. 22:19 I took him to the doctor, you know, what's going on 22:21 and the doctor said "it's probably migraines, mom." 22:25 It didn't set right with me that it could be migraines. 22:28 It just didn't set right. 22:30 So we went home and he gave a list of things 22:32 to avoid in his diet to see if we could rule out migraines. 22:38 He kept complaining. 22:39 And when he was sleeping, in the middle of the night, 22:41 he screamed, "My head hurts." 22:43 Bless his heart. Yeah, I was traumatized. 22:46 Giving him medic... 22:47 Advil and to what children's Tylenol 22:49 or things like that eases head pain. 22:51 Yeah. Nothing was working. 22:53 So I went right back to the doctor. 22:57 Was Brayden by nature, a complainer? 22:59 Was he pretty compliant child? Oh, no. 23:00 So if he is complaining about head hurts 23:03 it's 'cause his head is hurt. 23:04 Yeah, his head is hurting. 23:05 As a matter of fact, when he first started 23:07 complaining about his head hurting, 23:08 we took them out to eat and he loves burgers. 23:12 Veggie Burgers, he loves them. 23:13 And we are at Red Robin and we ordered him his burger 23:16 and he couldn't eat. 23:18 And my child was eater. Yeah. 23:21 So that kind of like, okay, he's hurting. 23:25 So I took him back to the doctor and again, 23:27 "Mom, I don't see anything." 23:28 But we do some tests, we do some imaging just to make sure. 23:31 So I took Brayden, I had the prescription, 23:33 I went to the imaging clinic, they did the imaging 23:36 and I didn't hear anything back. 23:37 And so my mind, if I don't hear anything back, he's okay. 23:40 That he's fine. He's fine, yeah. 23:41 So I called the doctor, called the doctor, 23:43 couple of days later and he's like, "yeah, 23:44 you know, the test came back fine, 23:45 there's nothing serious to worry about. 23:49 Don't worry, mom, follow the protocol." 23:52 And in a month or maybe he said three weeks 23:54 touch back with me and we'll see. 23:57 I didn't feel that peace. 23:59 As soon as I had that conversation with him, 24:01 Brayden's complains continued and I called another doctor. 24:05 And he said "take that child to Children's." 24:07 Children's. 24:09 And I called Children's Hospital 24:10 to make a appointment. 24:11 They have a long waiting list. Sure. 24:13 And that evening I went home 24:15 and then in middle of the night, 24:17 he started screaming again. 24:19 And my husband and I found ourselves with him 24:20 in the emergency room. 24:22 And while we were there, 24:23 you know, they did lots of testing. 24:25 And when we first got there, 24:27 they asked him to walk a straight line. 24:28 Now I have a medical background and my husband,, 24:30 he's in the medical field. 24:32 So when Brayden started to walk, 24:34 he was stumbling all over and I was like, 24:37 this is something serious. 24:39 Yeah, you had not seen that before. 24:40 No, I hadn't seen it before. So he just, he could not. 24:43 It's like, oh, Lord. 24:45 So there at the end of the evening, 24:46 after we had all the testing was done 24:48 and the test results came back, the doctor called us in 24:52 to talk to us and he called us into a room 24:55 separate from the room where Brayden was 24:57 and he closed the door behind us. 24:59 And I remember my husband 25:00 looking at me like, that's not good. 25:02 Yeah, yeah. 25:05 And when the doctor sat us down, 25:07 he told us that they have found two masses on Brayden's brain. 25:11 And I just remembered sitting there in shock. 25:14 I literally was in shock. 25:16 And the interesting thing is that the doctor, 25:19 he was so kind but he said something 25:21 that will forever be in my mind or the goodness of God. 25:24 He looked at us and he said, 25:27 "I can see the Holy Spirit all over you guys." 25:30 And for me, that kind of just gave me confidence 25:35 that God was with us even in this great tragic, 25:39 you know, this news that we were getting 25:41 that was not good. 25:42 Was this an Adventist doctor? 25:44 No. It was not. Okay. 25:46 He was just a doctor that was there when he said that. 25:48 But he was a Christian, 25:49 you know, he told us afterwards. 25:51 "I'm a Christian, I can see that you guys are Christians." 25:52 And so on so forth. 25:55 So I remembered leaving that room. 25:57 And I didn't go back into the room where Brayden was. 25:59 I walked down the hallway and literally my legs, 26:03 I thought they were gonna give out on me. 26:04 I was in shock. 26:05 And I walked down the hallway and this nurse, 26:07 she came and she grabbed me 26:09 and she pulled me into this room on the side. 26:11 She says, "Here, you can sit in here." 26:13 And she closed the door. 26:15 And I just collapsed to the ground. 26:16 I was crying out to God, you know, I was in pain. 26:20 And here is what I told the Lord. 26:22 I said, "God, if I have to go through this trial of Brayden, 26:26 I will not speak for you." 26:29 And here's why I said that. 26:31 'Cause I think it was literally I wrote it in my journal, 26:34 less than three months earlier, it might've been two months, 26:37 I had been praying and I had been wrestling God 26:39 with my purpose. 26:40 "What is my purpose, God? 26:42 I had a career 26:43 even though I was a stay-at-home mom. 26:44 You know, I had the credentials, 26:46 I could go out and get a law job, 26:47 I could do all these other things. 26:49 But what is my purpose? 26:50 I want to be fulfilled 26:51 and I was wrestling with God about this. 26:54 And through my wrestling, 26:55 He showed me clearly that He wanted me to speak. 26:58 And to that, I was excited. 26:59 You know, I've been running my mouth for years. 27:00 So it was like, "Well, that's perfect. Okay, yeah." 27:03 And so then I, you know, in my prayer time I asked God, 27:06 I said, "Well, what is it that I was supposed to speak about?" 27:09 And I know I wanted to motivate people. 27:11 That was in my heart. 27:13 And I did my spiritual gifts' test 27:16 and my spiritual gifts were faith and exhortation. 27:18 Wow. 27:20 So, you know, I went to that and I looked back 27:21 in my journal and years back, at camp meeting I taken a test 27:24 and it was faith and exhortation. 27:26 Sounds like, "Okay, God, I want to encourage people in You." 27:29 So here I am in the hospital, I'm like, 27:31 light bulbs were going off. 27:33 Oh, no, not this way, you know, not this way. 27:36 If you-- 27:37 I know people who've encouraged me. 27:39 They are people who have usually gone through hell 27:42 and they come back and they have story to minister to you. 27:44 Precisely. 27:45 And I was like, I don't want that to be me. 27:47 There's enough people out there, God, 27:48 who're going through trouble. 27:50 Yeah. Yeah. 27:52 No. I don't need this. You can keep that. 27:56 Now you had mentioned something too 27:57 and we were talking, you had said something, 27:59 a day before Brayden complained it was first headache. 28:02 Yes, yes, I did. You recall that? 28:04 I said, my husband and I were talking and I said, 28:06 you know what, we're just talking 28:08 'cause we were struggling with the finances 28:10 and just you know, God, why haven't you fix this 28:13 or helped a little bit more 28:14 seeing that we're doing Your will. 28:16 We believe we are doing your will 28:17 by having me stay at home. 28:20 And I said, you know... 28:23 we got to conquer this part because money is nothing. 28:27 Sometimes, God has to touch one of our children 28:29 to grow our faith. 28:32 And the next day, "Mommy, my head hurts." 28:35 You know, I was like, "Lord, Lord." 28:37 So I have all these thoughts going in my head. 28:41 Going in my head and I am... 28:45 and another ironic thing is I tried to apply for a job, 28:48 you know, I was like, okay, 28:50 maybe I need to go back to work. 28:51 I'm wrestling with what I should do 28:53 and I applied for a law job at a firm. 28:56 And so I had this interview with the partner 29:00 and we are talking and honestly, 29:01 at this age where I am in my life, 29:03 I'm not gonna just say what you want me to say to get the job. 29:06 You know, I'm very transparent, very open because I believe 29:09 that God has a job for me and it's for me. 29:10 Yes. And so we are talking. 29:12 We are having this conversation. 29:13 He asked me one question. 29:15 He said, "What would you do 29:17 if one of your children got sick?" 29:22 You know, and I know what I would do in my heart 29:23 and he sensed it. 29:25 He was like "you're not ready to come back to work." 29:28 That was literally but then it was then-- 29:32 was January 17. 29:33 So it was a month before Brayden, 29:36 almost to the day, 29:37 Brayden began complaining about his headaches. 29:39 Okay. 29:40 But there is something very amazing 29:42 when I'm having this talk with God 29:44 and I'm on the floor crying out to him. 29:47 God told me as clear as day, 29:49 this is one of those few times in my life 29:51 where I'm like God, I heard the voice of God. 29:53 I'm crying and He said, "SaMonna, 29:55 what makes you think I won't bring you 29:57 through this trial victorious. 29:59 It was so comforting, it was so amazing 30:02 that I literally, I was filled with supernatural strength. 30:05 That strength that you can't explain. 30:07 And I got up off my knees, dried my tears 30:10 and I was strengthened to walk through this trial. 30:13 Now you didn't know exactly at that point what that meant. 30:15 Oh, no. I had no idea. 30:17 You know, 'cause He didn't say He was gonna heal Brayden. 30:19 He didn't say anything. He said victory. 30:21 Victory. 30:22 So I was claiming victory 30:25 and I had this strength to go through. 30:27 Now I can tell you death was not a option. 30:30 I just kind of kicked that out of my head, you know. 30:32 Healing is the only option 30:34 and victory is going to be this. 30:37 So from there, they told us 30:39 we had to go Children's Hospital immediately. 30:42 So I said, "Okay, we'll get in the car." 30:43 He said, no, no, no. 30:45 This is too serious 30:46 and they had to transport us to Children's. 30:49 And when we got there, it's like every time 30:51 I met with the doctor, it was like, more bad news. 30:54 He said to us, you know, 30:56 they did send their preliminary testing. 30:57 Oh, this is serious. 30:59 We need to have brain surgery immediately. 31:01 So in a couple... 31:02 So you're getting, I mean, they are dumping stuff on you, 31:03 I mean, you're getting it run right after left, 31:05 right, left, right, left. 31:06 Whammy after whammy after whammy. 31:09 So it's a lot, it's a lot to take in. 31:11 Seriously, the net day, the next hour, 31:12 the next couple of days a month later. 31:14 Yeah, it was-- we left Children's, 31:16 we got to, I mean, 31:18 we left our emergency room. 31:20 Got to Children's. 31:21 That day we have to have brain surgery. 31:24 But they had to wait till the Monday. 31:26 So in a couple of days 31:28 they had this surgery on Monday. 31:29 Wow. 31:31 They had this surgery and while we were waiting, 31:33 'cause you know, we're waiting for long time. 31:35 The surgery, I think it was supposed to be four hours. 31:37 We might have sat out there for six. 31:38 So your nerves and I'm praying, 31:40 I'm praying like, 31:41 "God, please let this be the end of it, 31:42 let them it's just a cyst, you know, this is it." 31:46 And when I was praying 31:47 it was like the Spirit said to me, 31:49 "The testimony isn't great enough." 31:51 I thought, Lord. 31:52 And low and behold, the doctor came out, 31:54 he was like, "The surgery was fine. 31:56 We got it all. 31:57 But there's more concerning news." 31:59 He said this is cancer. 32:01 I was like, okay, Lord. Okay. 32:03 Couple of days later, you know, 32:05 once they get all the testing done, 32:06 you know, the real testing. 32:08 They can tell us what we're actually dealing with. 32:09 We found ourselves in the meeting 32:11 with out medical staff. 32:13 Pre-doctors and the nurse and we're sitting in there 32:16 and they have all these papers that kind of tell us 32:18 what we're dealing with. 32:19 And that conversation, have mercy, 32:22 in the middle of the conversation, 32:23 I just had to tell them, "Please stop talking, 32:27 while I gather myself together." 32:29 Because that's when they told us 32:30 that Brayden had Medulloblastoma, 32:32 high stage, high grade. 32:34 And Medulloblastoma is a type of cancer, 32:37 it's a pediatric brain cancer 32:39 that generally affects little boys from birth 32:42 but generally around age 2 to 10. 32:44 Wow. 32:46 And I remember asking them, well, 32:48 the tumor I think my picture, the tumor was like that big. 32:52 And I said, you know, 32:54 if we had come in sooner would it been different? 32:57 How long has this been growing and he said, 32:59 "Mom, it probably was growing in a matter of weeks. 33:01 That's how fast and aggressive this particular tumor is. 33:04 So this is not like you can save 33:05 if you got here last year, we'd had some-- 33:07 this is just a rapid, aggressive tumor. 33:10 Yeah, it's what it is. 33:11 So they told us that- basically I had a 50 percent, 33:14 50 chance of life for Brayden. 33:17 Now, SaMonna, let me ask you, little boys,, primarily, 33:21 not exclusively but primarily... 33:23 What are the odds, I mean, how many, common, rare, what? 33:29 One in a million. Wow. Wow. 33:33 And what are those odds anyways? 33:35 God, I prayed for the child and this is what you do? 33:38 I mean, you know, God doesn't, 33:40 I don't want to even put that out there, you know. 33:42 He's a good God but, yeah, one in a million. 33:45 One in a million. Yeah. 33:46 So actually as I rephrase that, 33:48 it was our privilege to be the parents 33:50 of the one in a million, you know. 33:52 The one in a million child. Wow. 33:53 But I mean, and all other stuff has an I mean, 33:56 God can understand. 33:58 A cancellation of things that running through your mind, 34:00 this is a child of promise. 34:01 I prayed for this child. Does he not? 34:02 You know. Yeah, he was answer to prayer. 34:04 Yeah. Answer to prayer. 34:05 And now I'm gonna about to lose him. 34:07 Yeah. And... 34:09 At that point had it got to you into your head, 34:12 you had to had it sunk in that maybe I might lose this, 34:14 I might lose my son? 34:16 Okay, well, what I told the doctors. 34:18 I blocked it out and I told them, 34:21 I don't want to hear any story about a child that was lost. 34:23 Tell me the child, 34:25 the children in that who has survived this. 34:26 That's all I want to hear. 34:28 I won't hear any, not that it's negative. 34:29 You know, I don't want to hear those facts. 34:31 Yeah, yeah. 34:32 And he started to tell me but he had like two examples. 34:38 Two examples, you know there are 34:39 couple of examples in the children 34:41 that they worked with. 34:42 I was like, fine. You know, it doesn't matter. 34:44 Yeah. There is no examples. 34:45 God can do it for my baby. He can do it. 34:47 And then they went through the treatment. 34:50 If the diagnosis wasn't bad enough, 34:52 the treatment was enough to take you under. 34:54 Wow. 34:55 They told us he had to have high doses of radiation 34:58 and it was so high 35:00 that they don't even do it in Maryland. 35:02 We had to travel to Philadelphia 35:03 for the specialized proton radiation treatment. 35:06 Then after that he would have to seven rounds 35:08 of high dose chemo therapy. 35:10 Now with that. 35:13 He said he was gonna lose his hearing, 35:15 his growth will be stunted and my husband is very tall. 35:18 So you know, when I thought about my child, 35:20 oh, he's gonna grow. 35:22 They were like because they have to treat his spine 35:23 because it's central nervous system, 35:25 his brain and the spine, his trunk will stop growing. 35:31 Oh, wow. 35:32 But his legs will continue to grow. 35:36 And then mental disabilities. 35:40 'Cause they are treating the brain. 35:41 So this is a lot, a lot for me to take in 35:44 and Brayden is very bright child. 35:47 Very, very, very bright child. 35:49 He was just intelligent. So I'm just like, no. 35:53 I don't accept this. Yeah. 35:56 So we had to deal with that and we went on to Philadelphia 35:59 where he had his treatment and it was tough. 36:02 It's just tough for a child. 36:04 You know, there were so many times, he had to get sticked, 36:06 you know, get his needles, get a port put in his chest. 36:09 Traumatizing for the child and what hurt more is that 36:13 I had to physically hold him down. 36:16 He's screaming and kicking, 36:17 "Mommy, please don't let them do this to me." 36:19 And I have to be the one to do it. 36:20 Tears coming down my face. 36:22 I was like, "God, this is a lot. 36:24 This is a lot. 36:25 And you know, by the end of the radiation treatment, 36:28 he had become a big boy. 36:29 He was the big boy the whole time. 36:31 He's five, I mean, you know, he's five. 36:32 He's five. 36:33 Yeah, he's not 15 years in that corner. 36:35 He's five. 36:36 But he was able to-- "I'll do it. 36:39 He just stood still and he let them do it. 36:40 You know, I was proud of him. 36:42 Yeah, he's accomplished a lot. 36:44 But he-- the funny memories of the situation is, 36:48 he was a kid, he had personality. 36:51 And the doctors would say things to him 36:52 and it just so happened that one of his doctors 36:56 happened to somebody that we went to school with, 36:58 you know, so he was there and you know, 37:01 he had to do some sticking of Brayden 37:03 and so we came back with some snacks and said, 37:05 here you go, you know, we're friends. 37:07 Brayden said, "But I'm not your friend." 37:13 This I don't forget. He was like, "No, no, no. 37:15 I'm not your friend." 37:16 You and that needle, yeah, we are not friends. 37:19 Thank you for the snack but we are not buddies. 37:22 So you know, there were those times 37:24 when we could just laugh, 37:25 the personality would come through 37:27 and they'd ask him questions. 37:29 I remember he had a test. 37:30 They did assessment. 37:31 They want to do a mental assessment 37:33 to see where he was 37:34 before they started certain treatment. 37:37 And so they-- before the ladies asked him 37:38 all these questions 37:39 and he just didn't want to participate. 37:41 Yeah, he did have some treatment, you know, this. 37:42 he's on steroid, the stuff that kind of affected him. 37:45 He was totally irritated. 37:46 He was on his meds and she said, you know, 37:49 "Can you do X,Y,Z?" 37:51 "I will give you nada." Oh, my, I'm like what? 37:54 And he is not a disrespectful child at all. 37:56 This is like one of the most pleasant, well, it's like, 37:59 "okay," that's what she told him. 38:00 Afterwards she said, I understand. 38:02 He's very smart. 38:03 He's just choosing not to do this. 38:08 So we had our times and we would laugh 38:09 but it was challenging for him. 38:11 Oh, yes. It was very, very challenging. 38:12 Hard on us, you know, from one day you are at home, 38:15 you know, living life regular and we weren't at home anymore. 38:18 We lived in a hospital. 38:19 You know, it just, the whole life 38:21 has turned upside down. 38:22 And after he finished his treatment in Philadelphia 38:25 at their Children's Hospital, we came back 38:28 and it was time to start chemo. 38:30 And I remember, I was just in nerves about it 38:33 because from what I was told, chemo is the real kicker, 38:36 you know, he makes it through the radiation, 38:38 chemo was the real kicker. 38:39 And so we had a meeting with the doctors and they said, 38:43 I remember he had a little lump on the back of his neck 38:47 and I went to them and I was like, you know. 38:48 And the doctor said, "Um, a lymph node." 38:51 This kind of cancer does not 38:53 come out of the central nervous system. 38:54 So you won't see it. 38:56 "Don't worry, mom, it's probably lymph node." 38:58 Okay. 39:00 Then they did some preliminary testing to start chemo. 39:02 They did the MRIs 39:03 and again he calls us into the room, 39:05 closes the door. 39:08 "Mom and dad, we're not starting chemo. 39:10 Your son is going to die." 39:13 Just that dry? 39:14 Yeah, I mean, okay, I'm saying like that, 39:16 He was-- this is the good doctor. 39:17 You know, but basically that's what he said, you know. 39:19 We're gonna have-- we'll give you a number for Hospice 39:22 but there's no need for us to do chemo. 39:26 And I was just like 39:27 and the fact that it came out of his-- 39:29 you know, that's unheard of. 39:30 Oh, this-- that was the... 39:31 That was the cancer. Oh, okay. 39:33 It had come out and it was spreading further. 39:34 So you know, it really, it was a very, very aggressive. 39:36 Hyper aggressive. Yeah. 39:38 It was bad. It was bad. 39:39 And you know, literally my-- I was shaking. 39:43 I was, I mean, I could not control my body. 39:45 I just remembered Van was crying and it was painful. 39:52 You know, it was just very painful. 39:54 And I said, you know what, after that, I said, no, no, no. 39:57 I'm not going out like this. 39:59 I'm gonna fight for my child's life. 40:00 And we found the doctor, 40:02 an Adventist doctor who did natural, 40:04 alternative remedy, alternative medicine, 40:06 excuse me, in Mexico. 40:09 And this was Friday 40:11 when we got this traumatizing news. 40:12 Yeah. 40:13 So we went home, you know, Brayden, 40:15 he doesn't know anything. 40:16 I'm so glad, you know, I'm so glad he was five 40:18 where he didn't know what was going on. 40:21 But we went home and we just talked about that, 40:24 "We got to go to this doctor." 40:25 And it was $50,000. 40:27 $50,000 for this treatment because, you know, 40:29 there's no insurance. 40:32 And I put a post on Facebook. 40:36 You know, just telling people we need help. 40:38 We had $50,000 and a plane ticket. 40:41 On Monday morning we were out. 40:43 So we are talking Friday to Monday. 40:45 Yeah. Praise God. 40:46 Yeah, God worked it out and then we get to Mexico, 40:50 you know, it's again it just, 40:53 the whole thing is just traumatizing. 40:54 But I'm like God is good because while we are there, 40:57 we're in this environment where we don't have to cook. 40:59 We don't have to anything. 41:00 You know, the staff there, 41:01 it just kind of taking care of you, 41:03 they are making you meals, they are doing everything. 41:04 We could truly focus on Brayden. 41:05 Brayden, sure. 41:07 And Savannah was there with us. 41:08 We were there as a family. 41:10 And it was a good experience. 41:12 Now how old is Savannah at this point? 41:13 'Cause she's... 41:14 Four. She's four. 41:16 Is she perceiving any of this? No. 41:17 No, she wasn't. Yeah. 41:19 I mean, she knew Brayden was sick. 41:21 You see, be in the bed or you become, you know, 41:22 she knew that... 41:24 Were they close? Oh, yeah. 41:25 Very, very close. Very, very close. 41:26 I have one of the videos I have with them. 41:29 It's just so beautiful I thank God for it. 41:32 We are in the room and Brayden in his bed sleeping 41:34 and they are just, they just start singing. 41:36 They start singing a hymn. 41:38 And they were just so cute and so Savannah is up 41:39 and she's huh and Brayden in his bed like, 41:42 "Stop it Savannah, stop it." 41:45 You know, there's just so funny 'cause 41:46 it's like I'm trying to sing, you dancing 41:49 and doing all this, you know. 41:51 So you know it was just a blessing 41:52 that they were there together. 41:54 Together. And then we left there. 41:58 We left and came back to the States 42:00 and at this point, 42:01 Brayden was in no-- he could not travel back. 42:03 Okay. His condition had gotten worse. 42:07 While we were at-- in Mexico, right before we left, 42:11 he had a seizure. 42:14 This is that time thinking God, 42:16 like want to talk about it now 42:17 because this is one of those things 42:19 I pray that He would erase out of memory for ever. 42:20 I-- this is the worst. 42:23 The lowest point of the whole experience for me. 42:26 But I was just talking to him and he walked to the bed 42:30 and then he started shaking uncontrollably. 42:32 You know, I've never seen a seizure before. 42:33 I mean, I know what they are but I never seen one, 42:36 somebody have one. 42:37 And he was out. 42:38 He was just-- it lasted 30 minutes. 42:40 Oh, my God. The place was in such panic. 42:42 The doctor, he's older, he was literally, 42:46 it was traumatizing for him. 42:48 And I know he thought that this child was gonna die. 42:50 And I freaked out, Van got into medical mode, 42:55 he pushed out through and "SaMonna, go." 42:57 You know he just started working 'cause even the nurse, 43:00 she was so panicked, she-- everybody was flustered like 43:02 they didn't even know what to do and Van just got on it. 43:04 And we worked with him and he was on-- 43:09 the doctor thought he was gonna die. 43:11 Yeah, he kept saying, you know, "Mom, you know, 43:14 very likely he's gonna die." 43:16 And i just held my Bible, I kept singing the hymns 43:19 and praying like, "No, no, God has-- he's not gonna die. 43:21 And I kept reading the scriptures 43:23 and God allowed Brayden to survive that. 43:25 Now were you in Mexico now? This is when we were in Mexico. 43:27 You are still in Mexico. 43:28 Are you still holding out hope that maybe 43:30 he's gonna pull through this somehow? 43:31 Oh, yeah. 43:33 At this point I believing a 100% 43:35 that God is gonna heal him. 43:36 Okay. For various reasons. 43:38 I believed a 100% that God was gonna heal him 43:40 so that was traumatizing but I was like, no. 43:43 And I just kept praying and God brought him through. 43:46 But he could. He was, he's laid there. 43:48 You know, it damaged him. Sure. 43:50 It damaged him. 43:52 So then we were able to go back to this-- 43:54 when we drove back to California, 43:56 my in-laws are there so we stayed at their house. 43:58 Okay. And we took him to Loma Linda. 44:03 You know, I was very nervous at this time 44:05 'cause I'm back in the States 44:07 and the place where they've told us 44:09 to put him on Hospice, right? 44:10 So technically he's not gonna get medical treatment, 44:13 you know, medical treatment 44:15 'cause they are like, "No, no, no, 44:16 we've done everything we can do." 44:17 So I was very nervous. 44:19 I didn't want to be the nurse for Baryden. 44:21 I'm not trained to do that, you know. 44:23 But we go to Loma Linda, and this time we're 44:27 and I was just praying like, 44:28 God, let us know 44:30 that the treatment worked in Mexico. 44:33 And the doctor comes back after being there all night. 44:37 And this time, I said, this one took the cake. 44:40 He stood there, I looked at him 44:41 and I could tell by the look in his eyes, 44:43 he was scared to come and talk to us. 44:45 Because mean and Van were like, "We've heard that. 44:46 What else can you tell us?" Yeah. 44:48 But he came back and he said. "It's horrific." 44:54 Horrific. 44:56 I was like, Lord. 44:58 It's crazy and they wanted to keep him. 45:00 They wanted to keep him just, you know, I guess, 45:02 make him comfortable so he'll go to sleep. 45:04 I wouldn't let them. 45:06 We went back to the house and we did, 45:08 get Hospice so we could have 45:09 the medical treatment and stuff. 45:11 But we continued to pray. 45:14 And then one day, this is why my God is amazing 45:18 and I can tell you how much I love Him. 45:20 He's an amazing God. 45:22 It kind of dawned on me, like, SaMonna, 45:26 What if it's God's will to heal Brayden? 45:29 You know, I've been very public 45:31 about this whole thing on social media, 45:32 you know, asking for prayers, 45:34 telling people God's gonna heal Brayden. 45:36 You know, and a lot of people I'm sure 45:37 because of my conviction on it, believed it as well. 45:40 Yeah. 45:41 And I just, it hit me like okay, God's gonna... 45:44 God might not. 45:46 And then I talked about it 45:47 and then I remember getting on my knees, 45:49 both of us, we got on our knees next to Brayden's bed 45:53 and I call it the most crucial prayer I ever prayed 45:55 and we prayed, 45:57 "God if it's Your will for Brayden to go to sleep, 46:00 we accept it. 46:02 If it's Your will to heal him, 46:04 we accept that, we really accept that." 46:05 Yeah. 46:07 "But whatever You do I can't take another minute of this. 46:10 Do it today." 46:12 And while we're on our knees Brayden went to sleep. 46:16 Oh, my soul. 46:18 And that's why I know, 46:19 I know without a shadow of a doubt this lasted, 46:22 this whole process lasted for five months. 46:25 God held that... But this is fairly rapid. 46:27 I mean, this is from five, yeah... 46:29 This is quick. Yeah. Yeah, it is. 46:32 And from the doctors' reports he should have been dead. 46:35 That's what I was getting. 46:37 You know from the Mexico he should have been dead, 46:39 even before the seizure 46:41 just with the sheer aggressiveness of this, 46:43 of this cancer. 46:45 But I was like God in His mercy 46:47 was waiting for me to get on board 46:49 and truly understand what it means 46:51 to accept and trust His will. 46:54 Because when baby went to sleep I was at peace. 46:57 Yeah. I was at peace. 46:58 So in the midst of your prayer he went to sleep? 47:01 We prayed and it might have been 10 minutes, 47:03 we were just sitting there, you know, 47:04 I was kind of meditating on it. 47:06 It might have been 10 minutes. Okay. 47:07 I'm not even sure 'cause like time was like standing still. 47:10 Oh, she was compressed. Yeah, but he went to sleep. 47:12 Wow. And he looks so cute. 47:14 I mean, honestly I took pictures, 47:16 it might sound weird 47:17 but he looked adorable laying there in peace. 47:21 And what more... 47:22 I mean honestly as a mother 47:24 I don't want my child to suffer. 47:25 Right. Sure. I don't want him suffer. 47:26 And for whatever reason this is what God chose. 47:31 I have a lot of theories on why God allowed it go this way. 47:35 I am, as I reflected on the whole thing 47:38 and kind of prayed, you know, talk to God about it 47:40 because I would tell Him, you know, 47:42 I prayed specific prayers about Brayden 47:44 that he would be someone that will be, 47:46 you know, that you could use. 47:48 And God is like I answered that prayed. 47:49 Yeah. 47:51 You know in five years just because of the, 47:54 that the story was shared I'm telling you, 47:56 people from all over the world were praying for us 47:59 and sending me messages and stuff. 48:02 Brayden's, his little five year old, 48:04 five years of life 48:06 probably touched more people for the kingdom 48:09 than my life or then it could have ever done 48:11 if he lived a full life. 48:12 You know, so God is like I answered that prayer for you. 48:15 And one other thing that 48:16 I really come to realize is that, 48:18 you know, we want God to do miracles for us, right? 48:21 And when I talk, when I go around speaking 48:23 I entitled to talk adjusting your lenses 48:26 because we are so focused on here. 48:29 This is all we can see. 48:30 And the reality is God is not thinking about here, 48:33 you know, this is not His concern. 48:34 Yeah, He has a bigger picture. 48:37 You know, He's seeing other things 48:38 and the devil tries to cloud our view. 48:41 And you know, I prayed things for Brayden. 48:43 I didn't want him to die. 48:45 I wanted him to be healed, you know, 48:47 and the visions I had of him growing up and being this tall, 48:51 chocolate man, you know, all these things 48:53 I thought about my child and God was like, 48:56 don't you know what I've done for Brayden? 48:58 I have healed Braden. 49:00 Braden Caleb Watts 49:01 will never have a cold or sniffle, nothing. 49:03 The healing that I've given him is for eternity. 49:06 You know, if He had healed him here on earth 49:09 he would have got sick again. 49:10 So God answered my prayer. 49:12 You know, they say, 49:14 the Holy Sprit takes your prayers 49:15 and just kind of fixes them? 49:16 Yeah. 49:18 God is like I'm doing this for eternity. 49:19 You stuck on that here now. 49:20 You know, I'm doing this for eternity. 49:22 And he's like, you worried about your son. 49:23 You know I did have... 49:25 I would think about him growing up. 49:26 He's like, when I formed Adam in the dirt, 49:29 do you know how tall he was? 49:31 You know when Brayden gets his, 49:32 his true stature he's gonna be taller than that 6'4" 49:35 that you're thinking about. 49:36 You know, I'm like yeah, you're right Jesus. 49:39 And you pray that he would not die. 49:41 Yeah. Now praise the Lord. 49:43 And we got two minutes 49:44 before we got to wrap this up a little bit. 49:48 Give me some sense and you did say that, 49:50 at this point you're in peace, no anger, no ranker, 49:54 no shaking your finger at God? 49:56 No, no, and that's why God is amazing. 49:58 I tell you no lie. I've not questioned God. 50:00 I'm not angry at God, none of that. 50:02 And I believe I can attribute to the fact 50:05 that God had prepared me for this 50:08 before it happened through all my trials in life, 50:10 you know, up until this headache, 50:12 He had been preparing me. 50:13 I've already been through struggles, 50:15 God and God was showing me more and more about His character 50:17 and then even in the process of Brayden being sick, 50:20 God was showing me His love 50:21 and His mercy in the midst of it. 50:23 And so I just think, I just had a, 50:25 the connection that I needed with God to understand it. 50:28 My God didn't do anything wrong. 50:31 And you know a lot of times, 50:32 most times the devil wants us to charge, 50:35 God falsely for what he is responsible for. 50:38 Yes, yes, I agree. 50:39 No, no, no, no, no, I will not do that. 50:41 You fool, you're responsible for this. 50:43 You know, I'm saying this. You know. 50:45 I'm not gonna charge my God that died for me. 50:49 Now two things I want to get them real quick. 50:51 This kind of thing has a potential to tear 50:54 your marriage apart or binding close together. 50:56 Oh, yes, yes, yes. 50:57 You got another person in the room with you, Van. 50:59 Yes, yes. 51:00 Walk me through that experience real quick. 51:01 Okay, yes. 51:03 Before they started when Brayden got first diagnosed, 51:05 Van said very point blank. 51:08 "If something happens to Brayden I'm done with God." 51:11 That's what he said. 51:12 And where he was right there, you know, 51:13 I believed him because you know, but God is amazing, 51:16 He bought Van through that and Van he was strong. 51:20 He was strong the whole entire way through 51:23 and he's strong now. 51:24 And I'm just like thank you, God, for you did in Van. 51:27 You know it hurts. 51:29 Don't get me wrong but Van is strong. 51:31 He is strong and again with the devil meant for harm 51:34 and did not happen that way. 51:35 And some people were kind enough to tell us 51:38 before Brayden even the passed. 51:40 "Well, you know what they say about marriage" 51:42 and I was like thank you and you tell you that premature. 51:45 Right. 51:48 That's not what it really need to hear right now. 51:50 But we've gone closer together. 51:53 We have, we have that it's a blessing, it's a blessing. 51:56 Yeah. 51:57 This is a powerful testimony 51:59 and really we try to cram this 52:01 into the 47 to 50 minutes that we had. 52:03 But there are so many layers of this kind of experience. 52:07 Should you want to make contact with SoMonna 52:10 to have her come to talk to your group, 52:12 she can talk to your Hospice group, 52:13 she can talk to your young people, 52:15 she can talk to your older people, 52:16 she can talk to your AY society, 52:18 she can talk to your church, 52:20 God has given her now a testimony and a ministry. 52:22 Should you like to make contact 52:24 or have her come to speak to your group, 52:26 here is how you can do precisely that. 52:32 To contact SoMonna Watts for personal training, 52:34 business coaching, motivational speaking 52:37 or for more information about her ministry, 52:39 Extraordinary Living Through Christ, 52:41 you can call her at 240-462-0741. 52:47 That's 240-462-0741. 52:51 Or you can visit her website at samonnawatts.com. 52:55 That's samonnawatts.com. 53:01 You can also email her at samonna@samonnawatts.com 53:06 That's samonna@samonnawatts.com |
Revised 2015-10-22