Welcome to Thinking About Home.
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I am Kathy Matthews,
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I am glad you're
back with us today.
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Our guest today are
Charles and Rita Martin,
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they're from Minnesota
and they're Bible workers
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there in Minnesota.
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And we have their whole family
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together today, don't we? Amen.
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And it's good to see all of you,
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I like to see
ZRachel and Sarah's
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smiling face, big smile.
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I think it's fun because
when I say Rachel and Sarah,
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it's our daughters
named, Rachel and Sarah,
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and it just switched.
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Our older one is Sarah,
and younger one is Rachel,
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it's just the opposite with you.
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I invited you because I thought
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you had wonderful
story of a second family,
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for your... for
your lives you've raised
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a family
before, didn't you? Yes.
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And then the
little ones came along.
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The story is quite interesting
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I think that
you'll enjoy it too.
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We wanna start, I
think, with why you decided
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to become better
parents in your home.
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And it had some
decisions that were involved
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on getting rid of the business,
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didn't it, Charles?
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Why don't you
tell me about that?
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Yes, we really came to the...
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to the decision based
on a lot of the frustration
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we had in raising
our older children
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and we decided that we had did,
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done quite a few things wrong.
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And the Lord blessed
us with another chance.
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We're a blended
family, Rita and I each brought
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three children of the marriage
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and then we had
Rachel and Sarah.
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And just so
thankful for this new chance
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to raise them again.
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And yet we realized
that we were getting
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started off on
the wrong foot again.
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Oh, really? And
following into some
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of the old patterns
that we had before. Right.
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Well, I owned a business
that I had a number of years,
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recycling oil, it
covered about 7 states and,
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and 10 employees and it was just
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a mile a minute pace.
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And we were realizing
that, that it was getting
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so busy that we were
going to be unable to run
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the race of the Christian life.
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Right. And we
really felt impressed
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that we ought to
offer it for sale.
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And the Lord worked
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a wonderful
miracle in our lives.
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The moment we offered it
up, we made one phone call
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and as a result of
that, it sold for cash.
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Somebody took it.
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And took the heavy load
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of that indebtedness and the,
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and the weary
crushing weight that, that was.
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And put our out of
death and brought us
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a nice place in the country.
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And we just decided to
get away and to simplify.
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Where did you move to?
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We went to the
Kalispell, Montana area.
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Is that right? I
know folks up there.
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Way back in the
wilderness, but so far back
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that if you hurt a car,
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it was someone else lost again.
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Or you knew they were coming
to visit you right. Right.
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And I wanna clarify that we have
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6 beautiful older
children, and one of the things
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we regret was our time
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that we did not give to them.
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And that was so important
about selling the business,
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as we knew we were
able to give our time to,
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to the two little
girls and to our older ones
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who still need us.
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When we made this announcement
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that we were
going to sale a business
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and we were going to
have a lot much lower income.
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Right. But we're
gonna trade that out
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in exchange for the time.
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We decided that if we
lived another hundred years
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and looked back,
we'd never say we wished
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we spend one more
day in the office.
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And so... We
thought our older children
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would really mock at
that, because they were used
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to a higher lifestyle.
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We knew this was gonna make
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a lot of
sacrifices on their part.
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And indeed they
were very pleased
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and very
supportive and willing to take
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the time over the
money. That's good.
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So the effect
this had on us was,
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was a real
simplifying of our lives.
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We suddenly found ourselves
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with time to give
back to the family,
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time to go out in the evening
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and play Dare Base
or whatever it was.
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Something else... And it took
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on a new bonding
experience with our children,
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we had never been
able to have before.
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It was just a real
beautiful time with them.
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So those are the
things that you chose to do
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differently was the moving out,
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the time with your children.
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Okay, what did it do
for these little girls?
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They've, they've had
the same experience also,
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the time has just made a bonding
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of our hearts
together in so many ways.
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We have felt God's
grace and His mercy
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and giving us our children
hearts back again. Amen.
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And we've discovered
that's what we really
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wanted all along
was their hearts.
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The attitude of the
heart, you want to reach
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their heart so
that they will have
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the attitude of what...
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Well one of the,
one of the problems
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been with our older
children was mixing so much peer
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interaction
with them constantly.
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And we said, what is the,
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what is the advantage of that?
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And obviously there
is no advantage to that.
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As the child is
younger, they really don't need
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that peer inter relations.
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But we noticed that the children
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who were raised
were that's mostly,
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predominantly adult interaction,
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they don't take as much.
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Notice of the peer,
Their cues from their peers...
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And when they get older,
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when their peers
look matured more,
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then they're more
able to relate to them.
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Right. So there is a
time when maybe they can
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or can't relate
to them very well,
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but later when they're
more mature they can and...
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I find that if
they're too much relating
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to their peers,
they have difficulty
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relating to adult
or elderly adults.
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Sure. Or young children,
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but if they have related well
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and long in
relationship with their parents.
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And if it's a good
godly relationship,
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I'm talking about, you
know, this doesn't happen
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in every situation of life.
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But if its good
godly relationship,
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and they related
well to their parents.
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Then they can relate no matter
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what age group
there is. Yeah, yes.
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Now whether it's little babies,
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little
children, their own peers,
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adults or
elderly, whatever it maybe,
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I find that case.
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And we wanted the privilege
of being able to guide them
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during those rough water years
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with the cross road
decisions they make.
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We wanted to be able
to be a friend enough
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to them that they could
ask us and not their peers.
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Right, right, and have
that trust going on there,
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that
relationship going on there.
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How about, now
these little girls
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always did your
little girls I'll call them,
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these little girls, I'm sorry,
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I talk to you like
you're not even in the room.
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Did they always earn obedience
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from the very
beginning then since you had
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a second chance family?
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Yes, definitely not
we've started older with,
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with these other
children that's going down
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the same road really,
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but we had
started with the first.
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Yeah. Proverbs 3
verse 7 is a wonderful text
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that we began to look at.
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It says "Be not
wise in your own eyes."
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And this was a powerful
text because we realized
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that we were
starting into a process
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where we would allow
our children to argue back
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with us many times.
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And this was
probably something every
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parent faces all the time,
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but it was very
frustrating and...
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It was really a child
in charge syndrome a lot.
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You know, Rachel
especially, when she was little,
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she had six older
siblings just all trying
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to attend to
this little general.
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Yes. And the Lord
started working on our hearts
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and calling us to an obedience
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and not allowing that to go on.
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Because like Proverbs says
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"It does make them
wise in their own eyes."
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And one of the
ways we started doing
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that was calling
them on that and asking
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them to... Well,
usually we'd not allow them
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to get the reward
that they're asking
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for when they started
into argument like that.
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Right. Okay, what
do you mean exactly,
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give me a little illustration?
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What do you mean exactly
about wise in your own eyes?
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Didn't we talk about
this in the parenting class?
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Yeah, I think
it's brightly thought
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we were trying to get
them to express themselves.
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But in essence,
it was getting them
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to be wise in their own eyes,
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they were making the decisions
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and calling the shorts.
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And mom and dad
looked smaller and smaller
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and they looked
bigger and bigger
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in their own eyes.
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Okay, you were
thinking about having them
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express
themselves, but in reality
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you were allowing them
to make all the decisions.
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Yes. Okay.
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Yes, what color
cup do you want, honey,
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what kind of juice
do you what, honey.
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And they were becoming powerful.
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Yes, well and that's not to say,
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you can't ask
what a child wants.
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Right. You wanna clarify that.
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Yes, right. But
it was a constant,
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go head, it was a
constant thing or what?
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Yeah, it just
became child in charge
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and we realized
that it was making her
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very powerful and...
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Okay, all right.
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And another, another principle
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we came under convection about
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was the first time obedience.
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The idea that we need
to deal with frustration
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for five times
before we get obedience,
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for calling them
to come to dinner
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and they're
playing with their toys.
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And they will calmly keep
on playing with their toys
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until it maybe the
third or fourth time
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when we start to
really get angry.
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And they have a build in sensor
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when they know
when they pushed me
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past that brink.
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And now is the time
to come around and obey.
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And we started realizing that.
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That these simple things
that if you could put them
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into affect, you realized what?
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Well, I guess it
boils down Kathy to,
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to the roots of the problem
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I think it lies
in our own hearts.
00:10:07.36\00:10:09.71
In what I say is
that our own conceptions
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of God conveyed
to our conceptions
00:10:14.95\00:10:17.82
of what we expect
out of our children.
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Right. Our relationship to Him,
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if we expect that
God requires obedience
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from us the
first time we're asked,
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then we would
give that same thing
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to our children and
ask them to do the same.
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You know, go head, go ahead.
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Oh, often times
we find ourselves,
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often times I
would feel like maybe
00:10:37.86\00:10:40.35
some kind of
chastisement, there's an order
00:10:40.36\00:10:41.93
because of not
coming into obedience.
00:10:41.94\00:10:45.67
But the conversation
itself would convince me that.
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Because many times I would come
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to Rachel and Sarah and
say, now what's the infraction
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here and they
would explain and...
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So, you
explained it to them first,
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so they understood
what was expected of them.
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Right. And then you came
to them with a question of...
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Well, then the
idea is, you know,
00:11:03.65\00:11:06.10
the Heavenly
Father is looking down
00:11:06.11\00:11:08.23
and he sees me,
and He is asking me
00:11:08.24\00:11:10.23
to obey and He also
asked me to make you obey.
00:11:10.24\00:11:13.95
And if I'm out of compliance
with the Heavenly Father
00:11:13.96\00:11:16.22
in my own heart.
00:11:16.23\00:11:17.72
Then I'm also in disobedience.
00:11:17.73\00:11:20.40
That's exactly.
And that leaves us
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no other choice but
to have a consequence,
00:11:21.62\00:11:24.95
this believe that
there is no consequence
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but disobedience, it's rampant
00:11:26.91\00:11:28.54
throughout the whole world...
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Well we see it in
our society, don't we.
00:11:29.53\00:11:31.10
Yes. That I should
not be blamed for my
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or have a
consequence for my own choices.
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But we need to learn
that we do. Don't we?
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Yes, now let's
look at First Samuel 15,
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just a moment
we could.. It says,
00:11:41.97\00:11:44.65
"to obey is
better than sacrifice."
00:11:44.66\00:11:46.50
This was given when
Saul was asked to make
00:11:46.51\00:11:49.54
a sacrifice and to wait
for Samuel for three days.
00:11:49.55\00:11:53.25
Well, he didn't telling him
00:11:53.26\00:11:54.39
how long he was
supposed to wait.
00:11:54.40\00:11:55.37
But he waited and waited
and Samuel never showed up,
00:11:55.38\00:11:59.14
until he went ahead
and went on with him,
00:11:59.15\00:12:01.14
with his own ways,
was wise in his own eyes
00:12:01.15\00:12:03.56
so to speak and didn't
get that first time obedience.
00:12:03.57\00:12:06.16
And the next part of
that is in the next verse,
00:12:06.17\00:12:09.16
which is very interesting.
00:12:09.17\00:12:10.67
Because he really nails it down,
00:12:10.68\00:12:12.75
when he says "For rebellion
is as sin of witchcraft"
00:12:12.76\00:12:16.10
and that's what we're dealing
00:12:16.11\00:12:17.08
with if we don't
have first time obedience
00:12:17.09\00:12:19.36
is the sin of rebellion.
00:12:19.37\00:12:20.72
And he, isn't
that powerful It is.
00:12:20.73\00:12:23.25
When he says
that it's witchcraft,
00:12:23.26\00:12:25.05
it's the same as.
00:12:25.06\00:12:26.30
Same as, you don't want to,
00:12:26.31\00:12:27.92
you don't want
that confused please.
00:12:27.93\00:12:30.43
Yeah, right. Is
in principle or the.
00:12:30.44\00:12:32.55
God deals with it,
looks at it with the same,
00:12:32.56\00:12:34.82
with the same severity
as he would with witchcraft.
00:12:34.83\00:12:37.08
Yeah, okay, all
right, that's very clear...
00:12:37.09\00:12:38.27
And other principle
that men have lied to us,
00:12:38.28\00:12:40.01
and the Lord
laid this on my heart
00:12:40.02\00:12:41.77
in my devotion time.
00:12:41.78\00:12:43.69
It was an idea to incorporate.
00:12:43.70\00:12:45.75
I had not even heard
00:12:45.76\00:12:46.73
the Ezzo's
talking about this yet.
00:12:46.74\00:12:49.71
Now, who were the Ezzo's?
00:12:49.72\00:12:51.38
Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.
00:12:51.39\00:12:52.69
We had received
some tapes from a friend,
00:12:52.70\00:12:56.13
Growing Kids God's
Way, and been richly blessed
00:12:56.14\00:12:59.31
in listening to them.
00:12:59.32\00:13:00.29
In fact, I had
received them myself
00:13:00.30\00:13:01.95
on a trip alone with the girls,
00:13:01.96\00:13:03.56
Charles not with me.
00:13:03.57\00:13:04.92
And I stopped
halfway on the trip
00:13:04.93\00:13:06.82
with these borrowed set of tapes
00:13:06.83\00:13:08.14
and called the Ezzos and said,
00:13:08.15\00:13:09.44
please meal me one.
00:13:09.45\00:13:10.62
Have it, have it
here when I get here.
00:13:10.63\00:13:13.02
Because I knew that Charles
00:13:13.03\00:13:14.03
would be thrilled to hear them.
00:13:14.04\00:13:16.51
But all I know is before
I had heard the principle
00:13:16.52\00:13:19.59
the Lord had laid on my heart,
00:13:19.60\00:13:20.65
why not have them say,
yes mother, or yes father,
00:13:20.66\00:13:24.00
when we asked
them to do something.
00:13:24.01\00:13:26.01
And it turned out to be
one of the biggest blessings
00:13:26.02\00:13:28.58
in raising them,
because we trained them
00:13:28.59\00:13:30.46
to say yes
mother when I ask you...
00:13:30.47\00:13:32.24
Aren't these
the simplest things?
00:13:32.25\00:13:33.45
They're simple.
00:13:33.46\00:13:34.64
These are the simplest things.
00:13:34.65\00:13:36.17
But it's so beautiful. Yeah.
00:13:36.18\00:13:37.78
So, we're talking
about having them,
00:13:37.79\00:13:39.19
when you ask for a
response from them,
00:13:39.20\00:13:41.71
you expect them
to respond to you.
00:13:41.72\00:13:44.48
Right. By saying, you know,
00:13:44.49\00:13:45.80
in a respectful way.
00:13:45.81\00:13:47.48
And then what does,
what does this do for them?
00:13:47.49\00:13:51.49
I mean, I know
what it does for them,
00:13:51.50\00:13:52.81
maybe the viewers
may have some questions
00:13:52.82\00:13:54.96
about what it does
for them, but, go ahead.
00:13:54.97\00:13:57.54
A lot of people would
think this is a tyrannical type
00:13:57.55\00:14:00.46
of request to say yes,
they turn you into robot.
00:14:00.47\00:14:03.42
And really that isn't it at all,
00:14:03.43\00:14:04.80
the idea of yes mother,
yes father is simply to say,
00:14:04.81\00:14:08.46
I acknowledge
and I've heard. Yes.
00:14:08.47\00:14:10.61
And then if they
don't come into obedience
00:14:10.62\00:14:13.31
that first time,
you have a knowledge
00:14:13.32\00:14:15.46
in your own mind that they have
00:14:15.47\00:14:17.19
indeed heard what you've said.
00:14:17.20\00:14:18.65
That's right. And
it's a way to know
00:14:18.66\00:14:21.19
that you're not
punishing them unjustly.
00:14:21.20\00:14:23.75
Yes. It also give
them a forward momentum,
00:14:23.76\00:14:26.13
I just said, yes
mummy, here I go obeying.
00:14:26.14\00:14:28.91
Yes, right okay.
00:14:28.92\00:14:30.34
Then that happens in the mind,
00:14:30.35\00:14:31.43
there is something about that.
00:14:31.44\00:14:32.48
Yes. That happens in the mind,
00:14:32.49\00:14:33.54
they've acknowledged you
and they've acknowledged you
00:14:33.55\00:14:35.71
positively, correct?
00:14:35.72\00:14:37.53
Right. Right
and we're told that,
00:14:37.54\00:14:39.04
that if we make
a, if we're attempted
00:14:39.05\00:14:41.35
in some way and
we make a positive
00:14:41.36\00:14:44.28
statement in our own
mind, that that's three fourths
00:14:44.29\00:14:47.55
of the way to overcoming
that temptation right there.
00:14:47.56\00:14:50.31
Amen, so you're training them.
00:14:50.32\00:14:51.38
Exactly. This is training, yes.
00:14:51.39\00:14:54.00
Right, so that's
beautiful that you're setting
00:14:54.01\00:14:56.53
something like this up.
00:14:56.54\00:14:57.90
That you give them three fourths
00:14:57.91\00:15:00.04
of a victory already
by asking them to say yes.
00:15:00.05\00:15:02.41
I remember when
we were going through
00:15:02.42\00:15:03.88
the parenting class together.
00:15:03.89\00:15:05.43
And I asked Charles
to give us a testimony
00:15:05.44\00:15:07.58
and it was so tender.
00:15:07.59\00:15:09.50
And I don't wanna
put you on the spot,
00:15:09.51\00:15:11.60
but can you
remember anything about
00:15:11.61\00:15:12.98
the testimony you gave.
00:15:12.99\00:15:14.47
Well, it's a precious
time to be able to come apart
00:15:14.48\00:15:17.66
and take part of this
class, there at the Black Hills
00:15:17.67\00:15:20.94
that you were teaching.
00:15:20.95\00:15:22.21
And we had already
put some of the principles
00:15:22.22\00:15:27.47
in practice already.
00:15:27.48\00:15:28.47
But the, I remember
that especially what,
00:15:28.48\00:15:32.07
with the fruits
of the first time
00:15:32.08\00:15:33.46
obedience were,
when it swept over me
00:15:33.47\00:15:37.01
and just swept over
my soul as I realized,
00:15:37.02\00:15:40.48
that suddenly I liked my kids.
00:15:40.49\00:15:43.64
Oh my, they don't
have to be the terrible
00:15:43.65\00:15:46.94
twos do they,
they don't have to be.
00:15:46.95\00:15:49.19
And they don't
have to be someone
00:15:49.20\00:15:50.64
that you can't honestly
wait to get out of the house.
00:15:50.65\00:15:53.25
Right. There is somebody
you love to have around.
00:15:53.26\00:15:54.95
Where more, other people
began to enjoy our children.
00:15:54.96\00:15:57.73
Oh, and that's a
principle in itself. Yes.
00:15:57.74\00:15:59.34
Isn't it? Don't,
it looks like you have
00:15:59.35\00:16:01.51
something more to say,
00:16:01.61\00:16:02.59
but don't give
up that one, okay.
00:16:02.60\00:16:04.30
Well, I don't want to infer
that I didn't enjoy my kids,
00:16:04.31\00:16:06.87
but I did realize how much more
00:16:06.88\00:16:09.12
I could enjoy them
00:16:09.13\00:16:10.14
and the deeper
experience we could have.
00:16:10.15\00:16:11.76
It was just such a
bounding experience
00:16:11.77\00:16:14.24
bringing us both together.
00:16:14.25\00:16:15.75
When they came into obedience.
00:16:15.76\00:16:17.32
But the incredible thing
00:16:17.33\00:16:18.40
was how much happier they were.
00:16:18.41\00:16:20.73
I mean, I can remember
some of the biggest smiles
00:16:20.74\00:16:23.22
on Rachel's face
in her entire life
00:16:23.23\00:16:25.41
where from this experience.
00:16:25.42\00:16:27.00
From what? First time obedience.
00:16:27.01\00:16:29.18
First time obedience.
00:16:29.19\00:16:30.53
Can you explain that, Rachel?
00:16:30.54\00:16:32.65
What is first time obedience?
00:16:32.66\00:16:36.09
Well, it's when
you obey on first call.
00:16:36.10\00:16:42.82
Okay, you wanna say it again,
00:16:42.83\00:16:44.01
because your hand's
in front of your face.
00:16:44.02\00:16:46.48
It's what?
00:16:46.49\00:16:47.87
It's when you
obey on first call.
00:16:47.88\00:16:52.97
And when mommy and
daddy used to ask you
00:16:52.98\00:16:57.91
to obey before, how
did you always respond?
00:16:57.92\00:17:01.60
Six and seventh time.
00:17:04.00\00:17:08.12
And is it better
now then it was before?
00:17:08.13\00:17:11.30
What was it like before?
00:17:11.31\00:17:12.39
What your descriptive
word that it was like before
00:17:12.40\00:17:15.04
you were taught this.
00:17:15.05\00:17:17.86
Miserable. Miserable,
00:17:17.87\00:17:19.28
that's the word she
uses, it's miserable.
00:17:19.29\00:17:22.45
And what is it,
00:17:22.46\00:17:23.43
why do you feel
like it's better now?
00:17:23.44\00:17:27.54
I just feel a lot better now,
00:17:27.55\00:17:29.35
because I know I'm
doing the right thing.
00:17:29.36\00:17:32.54
Then you use a word
with me and I told you that
00:17:32.55\00:17:35.33
that we taught
our little girls that
00:17:35.34\00:17:37.29
when they were younger,
no maybe I was telling you
00:17:37.30\00:17:39.33
that I don't know if
I told you that Rachel.
00:17:39.34\00:17:41.17
But there was something
you said that you feel now.
00:17:41.18\00:17:44.79
You feel something.
00:17:44.80\00:17:46.68
Do you remember
that? I feel a lot cleaner.
00:17:46.69\00:17:48.07
You feel a lot cleaner. Amen.
00:17:48.08\00:17:50.26
Now isn't that
language of the Bible. Amen.
00:17:50.27\00:17:55.08
It is, isn't it?
00:17:55.09\00:17:56.46
Forgiven, obey,
obedience, clean,
00:17:56.47\00:18:01.70
free of whatever
is burdening you,
00:18:01.71\00:18:04.46
especially your
own disobedience.
00:18:04.47\00:18:06.59
These are simple things. Yes.
00:18:08.16\00:18:09.78
But when it's
couched in the language
00:18:09.79\00:18:11.75
of the Bible, isn't it.
00:18:11.76\00:18:13.34
Then you're teaching them
00:18:13.35\00:18:14.32
to relate back
and forth to Christ.
00:18:14.33\00:18:16.98
And I think, as they get older,
00:18:16.99\00:18:18.25
this was always my philosophy
00:18:18.26\00:18:19.89
and I think it came Biblically,
00:18:19.90\00:18:21.91
that as they got
older they understood
00:18:21.92\00:18:23.92
what was
happening for their sake
00:18:23.93\00:18:25.71
between them and Christ.
00:18:25.72\00:18:27.17
Sure. You know, in redemption.
00:18:27.18\00:18:29.26
Amen. Don't you think?
00:18:29.27\00:18:30.84
Yes. Absolutely.
00:18:30.85\00:18:32.03
One of the things that
goes right along hand in hand
00:18:32.04\00:18:34.34
with this is the appeal process.
00:18:34.35\00:18:36.52
Because it prevents
00:18:36.53\00:18:38.81
the child from being frustrated.
00:18:38.82\00:18:42.82
Right. For instance,
if they're playing a game
00:18:42.83\00:18:44.71
and you know the,
they know that you've
00:18:44.72\00:18:47.60
already told them
that every time before
00:18:47.61\00:18:49.24
they come to, down for dinner.
00:18:49.25\00:18:50.52
Right. That
they need to clean up
00:18:50.53\00:18:51.50
their toys or something..
00:18:51.51\00:18:52.48
Right. And yet you come and say,
00:18:52.49\00:18:53.54
come down right
away, time for dinner.
00:18:53.55\00:18:56.73
They're in disobedience on one
00:18:56.74\00:18:59.88
or the other either way.
00:18:59.89\00:19:01.81
Right. But the
appeal process says,
00:19:01.82\00:19:04.09
mother, father, may I appeal.
00:19:04.10\00:19:06.56
It's a respectful way
to say we need to backup
00:19:06.57\00:19:09.11
and look at this.
00:19:09.12\00:19:10.43
And it keeps it at high respect
00:19:10.44\00:19:12.59
and yet it builds interaction
00:19:12.60\00:19:14.19
between father
and mother and child.
00:19:14.51\00:19:16.58
And what I found is
that you don't lose dignity
00:19:16.59\00:19:19.37
if you can stop and
they can respectfully
00:19:19.38\00:19:21.84
ask you something.
00:19:21.85\00:19:23.22
Now is this to be
used, now we also want to,
00:19:23.23\00:19:27.83
we want to say
that this was learned
00:19:27.84\00:19:29.43
out of the Growing
Kids God's Way, wasn't it?
00:19:29.44\00:19:31.08
Right. And then we discussed it
00:19:31.09\00:19:32.62
more in our parenting class.
00:19:32.63\00:19:34.40
And I just want to put that
00:19:34.41\00:19:37.14
in there for the sake of Ezzo's,
00:19:37.15\00:19:38.71
who developed this and had
done a wonderful job at it.
00:19:38.72\00:19:41.70
Right. Amen. Amen.
A wonderful blessing.
00:19:41.80\00:19:42.79
And it's a blessing.
00:19:42.80\00:19:43.79
And, but we did that
in our home years ago.
00:19:43.80\00:19:48.79
And the appeal processes
is not for every little excuse
00:19:48.80\00:19:52.78
a child wants to make.
00:19:52.79\00:19:53.96
And they cannot if
they're just trying
00:19:53.97\00:19:55.66
to get out of the
job, make an appeal.
00:19:55.67\00:19:57.76
So it has to have some
what, it has to have added
00:19:57.77\00:20:00.28
information that
maybe mother and dad
00:20:00.29\00:20:02.07
didn't know and it saves
00:20:02.08\00:20:03.52
the dignity of mother and dad.
00:20:03.53\00:20:04.89
Right. And then you can back off
00:20:04.90\00:20:06.64
of whatever
you've told them to do
00:20:06.65\00:20:08.71
if they have done
they have approached you
00:20:08.72\00:20:11.59
in a respectful
way with information
00:20:11.60\00:20:13.26
that you didn't
know, is that correct?
00:20:13.27\00:20:14.56
That's right.
00:20:14.57\00:20:15.63
Okay, and the appeal
process is a blessing.
00:20:15.64\00:20:20.41
But you don't know
how to dothis things
00:20:20.42\00:20:22.03
sometimes unless
you put a name to it,
00:20:22.04\00:20:24.10
isn't that sound,
Rita? Right, that's right
00:20:24.11\00:20:25.82
It seems like you
have to put a name to it
00:20:25.83\00:20:27.51
and then
describe it and say, hey,
00:20:27.52\00:20:29.65
that sounds good,
we can work that out.
00:20:29.66\00:20:31.78
I think I could
incorporate that into my family.
00:20:31.79\00:20:33.93
Right. Oh, now
what else did you learn?
00:20:33.94\00:20:37.26
Now, another one
that really has been
00:20:37.27\00:20:39.29
a blessing in our family
00:20:39.30\00:20:40.65
is the preciousness of others.
00:20:40.66\00:20:42.43
And that would be a
whole program of it's own.
00:20:42.44\00:20:46.70
Wouldn't it, there's scripture
00:20:46.71\00:20:48.46
that goes right along with that
00:20:48.47\00:20:49.44
in Philippians 2 and, go ahead.
00:20:49.45\00:20:51.63
Yes. Yes, but in your own family
00:20:51.64\00:20:54.63
to treat each other as precious,
00:20:54.64\00:20:56.74
by cleaning up behind ourselves,
00:20:56.75\00:20:59.41
doing those
things that just show
00:20:59.42\00:21:00.71
common courtesy and respect.
00:21:00.72\00:21:02.20
Right. But then,
so many things that,
00:21:02.21\00:21:04.77
as we began to
study this had started
00:21:04.78\00:21:06.30
to change our own lives.
00:21:06.31\00:21:07.48
For instance, like
putting your grocery card back.
00:21:07.49\00:21:10.88
In the cart corral at the store.
00:21:10.89\00:21:13.38
Oh, yes, that was
a big one, wasn't it?
00:21:13.39\00:21:15.85
And for me,
stopping at stop signs,
00:21:15.86\00:21:18.90
that way out in the country
00:21:18.91\00:21:19.88
where no one
ever saw you anyway.
00:21:19.89\00:21:21.84
You know, you're
just talking about
00:21:21.85\00:21:23.13
being courteous or honest even.
00:21:23.14\00:21:25.28
But the preciousness of others
00:21:25.29\00:21:27.02
and how can we
teach our children
00:21:27.03\00:21:28.30
that if we're outside of it,
00:21:28.31\00:21:30.72
outside of God's
will in our own lives.
00:21:30.73\00:21:32.96
And that is
definitely something that
00:21:32.97\00:21:35.53
it hits right home
on everybody doesn't it,
00:21:35.54\00:21:37.81
because of our simple nature
00:21:37.82\00:21:38.87
we think so much of ourselves.
00:21:38.88\00:21:40.98
Yes. That we really don't want
00:21:40.99\00:21:42.41
to think of others at all.
00:21:42.42\00:21:44.51
And why is it, it seems
00:21:44.52\00:21:46.62
we have to teach about others?
00:21:46.63\00:21:50.13
Because we're
inborn selfishness.
00:21:50.14\00:21:51.91
Yes. Inborn
selfishness, isn't that?
00:21:51.92\00:21:53.75
It just comes naturally.
It's the truth, isn't it?
00:21:53.76\00:21:55.14
It doesn't have to be taught...
00:21:55.15\00:21:56.12
It doesn't, yeah,
those precious sweet babies.
00:21:56.13\00:21:59.41
And you're wise
in their own eyes
00:21:59.42\00:22:00.67
that you're teaching them.
00:22:00.68\00:22:02.27
You know, just makes that worse,
00:22:02.28\00:22:04.21
because they learned me,
00:22:04.22\00:22:05.29
I'm the only one I
need to think about.
00:22:05.30\00:22:06.87
Right, okay.
00:22:06.88\00:22:07.99
Oh, there is two,
three other things.
00:22:08.00\00:22:09.76
There is a couple
little stories about the kids
00:22:09.77\00:22:11.75
that I want you
to tell us about,
00:22:11.76\00:22:14.80
especially about some scripture
00:22:14.81\00:22:16.43
the hoary head. Okay.
00:22:16.44\00:22:17.56
And explain the hoary head
00:22:17.57\00:22:18.85
in case people don't
understand those words?
00:22:18.86\00:22:20.82
Who's gonna do it? In Leviticus,
00:22:22.23\00:22:24.03
it talks about rising
up before the hoary head.
00:22:24.04\00:22:27.29
And we like that, we
like the concept of teaching
00:22:27.30\00:22:30.29
our children to
respect their elders.
00:22:30.30\00:22:33.11
So, we had been working
with the little girls on that
00:22:33.12\00:22:35.29
and the three of us were just
00:22:35.30\00:22:37.09
entering that health food store.
00:22:37.10\00:22:40.00
And I was stoop
down, blocking the doorway,
00:22:40.01\00:22:42.36
tying Sarah's shoe and
she was facing outward.
00:22:42.37\00:22:45.91
And she saw a woman
coming that I didn't see,
00:22:45.92\00:22:48.21
and she said, mother,
00:22:48.22\00:22:49.59
there is an older
lady coming in the door.
00:22:49.60\00:22:51.68
But I was busy
tying and didn't hear her
00:22:51.69\00:22:54.11
or listen to her well.
00:22:54.12\00:22:55.45
And she said, mother,
she is really, really old.
00:22:55.46\00:22:59.74
And so I stood up,
00:22:59.75\00:23:00.84
kind of embraced and
she said oh, she said.
00:23:00.85\00:23:03.53
She heard that.
Yes, she heard that.
00:23:03.54\00:23:04.66
The lady heard that.
00:23:04.67\00:23:05.71
She said oh, don't
worry about it, she is right.
00:23:05.72\00:23:07.38
I am really, really old.
00:23:07.39\00:23:09.91
But she was
trying to be respectful.
00:23:09.92\00:23:11.67
She was learning the concept.
00:23:11.68\00:23:13.20
Yes this is a hoary head
and we need to respect her.
00:23:13.21\00:23:17.14
So really what is
talking about the gray hairs?
00:23:17.15\00:23:19.37
Older, the gray hairs.
00:23:19.38\00:23:20.67
The older, the respect
for your elders. Right.
00:23:20.68\00:23:22.55
Okay, and you know, we don't
always have to have gray hair
00:23:22.56\00:23:25.91
for you to be able to
respect us. That's right.
00:23:25.92\00:23:28.46
And we hope that we can make it
00:23:28.47\00:23:30.67
to where you can
respect us. That's right.
00:23:30.68\00:23:32.78
Sometimes older
ones don't like it
00:23:32.79\00:23:34.03
where it's easy
for you. That's true.
00:23:34.04\00:23:36.10
But there is more,
what is another story?
00:23:36.11\00:23:39.53
Well, another story
was we were talking about,
00:23:39.54\00:23:42.66
in family worship about.
00:23:42.67\00:23:43.98
Well, we started, instituted
00:23:46.41\00:23:48.22
a new practice
in family worship,
00:23:48.23\00:23:49.66
where we at the
close of everyday,
00:23:49.67\00:23:52.23
we go around the circle
00:23:52.24\00:23:53.39
and everyone
confesses to each other.
00:23:53.40\00:23:56.88
And it's been a real
blessing in our lives
00:23:56.89\00:23:59.10
to be able to do that.
00:23:59.11\00:24:01.30
To have that confession time,
real healing and it has to,
00:24:01.31\00:24:05.28
we've taught the girls
that it has be specific
00:24:05.29\00:24:07.55
and to the point for it
be real confession. Yes.
00:24:07.56\00:24:12.07
Well, the other day
we were teaching Rachel
00:24:12.08\00:24:16.49
about this concept
00:24:16.50\00:24:17.57
and the Holy
Spirit worked on her heart
00:24:17.58\00:24:19.92
and when we were at
church the other day.
00:24:19.93\00:24:22.56
She went up to one
other older ladies there
00:24:22.57\00:24:25.25
and said, I have something
I like to confess to you.
00:24:25.26\00:24:28.51
And what happened?
00:24:28.52\00:24:31.10
Well, she didn't quite have
the concepts down right yet,
00:24:31.11\00:24:35.32
the Holy Spirit was
working in her heart.
00:24:35.33\00:24:37.35
But she
confessed to this old lady
00:24:37.36\00:24:40.62
that she had
some wicked thoughts
00:24:40.63\00:24:43.48
or evil thoughts she
told her about that. Oh, no.
00:24:43.49\00:24:46.15
The older lady
didn't quite understand
00:24:46.16\00:24:49.46
exactly what was being said,
00:24:49.47\00:24:50.70
I think the
Lord blessed in that.
00:24:50.71\00:24:52.46
The lady didn't quite
grasp what was going on, okay.
00:24:52.47\00:24:56.07
Didn't, wasn't able to catch it.
00:24:56.08\00:24:57.41
But afterwards she
was tearfully telling us
00:24:57.42\00:25:02.01
about this confession.
00:25:02.02\00:25:03.11
Who Rachel? Rachel was. Yes.
00:25:03.12\00:25:04.32
And we were just sharing her joy
00:25:04.33\00:25:06.78
that she's starting
to get this concept down,
00:25:06.79\00:25:11.19
that we do need to
confess our sins to those...
00:25:11.20\00:25:13.86
What happened
the next day though?
00:25:13.87\00:25:15.82
Did you say someone called you.
00:25:15.83\00:25:17.35
Yes, the next day, that
little lady called and said,
00:25:17.36\00:25:20.73
your child is just so precious.
00:25:20.74\00:25:22.64
She said, I didn't
catch exactly what it was
00:25:22.65\00:25:25.24
that she was trying to do,
00:25:25.25\00:25:26.28
but I knew that it
was a very moving thing
00:25:26.29\00:25:28.60
she was trying to tell me.
00:25:28.61\00:25:30.31
And said, I'm so
appreciative of your children
00:25:30.32\00:25:35.30
and what they're learning.
00:25:35.31\00:25:36.76
You know, I discovered
that several years ago
00:25:36.77\00:25:39.70
and that our children when they,
00:25:39.71\00:25:42.58
I didn't discover this
from Growing Kids God's Way,
00:25:42.59\00:25:44.65
I didn't, the Lord
showed me this on my own.
00:25:44.66\00:25:46.56
When our children have bumped
someone or had an accident,
00:25:46.57\00:25:49.98
and they say oh, I'm sorry.
00:25:49.99\00:25:52.22
And it was simple
and it was not moral,
00:25:52.23\00:25:54.66
it was not a moral problem.
00:25:54.67\00:25:56.67
Then saying, I'm sorry was okay.
00:25:56.68\00:25:59.47
But to say forgive me,
00:25:59.48\00:26:02.00
when it was
something that was wrong
00:26:02.01\00:26:05.06
or that they needed
to ask forgiveness for,
00:26:05.07\00:26:07.92
was completely different
then just saying, I'm sorry.
00:26:07.93\00:26:12.82
But the words
forgive me would again,
00:26:12.83\00:26:16.90
teach them what
redemptive language,
00:26:16.91\00:26:20.96
the plan of redemption. Right.
00:26:20.97\00:26:23.03
It would help them
in biblical language
00:26:23.04\00:26:26.75
in their relationship
with Christ at a later day,
00:26:26.76\00:26:28.77
and as they worked with people,
00:26:28.78\00:26:31.35
it would help in
conflict management.
00:26:31.36\00:26:33.71
It would help in a lot
of areas. That's right.
00:26:33.72\00:26:35.60
As a conflict,
rather resolving conflict.
00:26:35.61\00:26:38.82
And so this was
something that we felt
00:26:38.83\00:26:40.97
was really important
to distinguish between,
00:26:40.98\00:26:43.39
oh I am sorry. Right.
00:26:43.40\00:26:45.04
Or would you forgive me, please.
00:26:45.05\00:26:48.12
Gives that person
a chance to respond.
00:26:48.13\00:26:50.58
And make a
decision. And make a decision.
00:26:50.59\00:26:52.75
Well, you know, there is
other things we could tell.
00:26:52.76\00:26:54.38
Isn't there? Oh, yes.
00:26:54.39\00:26:55.95
There is lot of
things I think we could tell.
00:26:55.96\00:26:58.25
But I don't think
we have anymore time,
00:26:58.26\00:27:00.44
but I thank you for coming
all the way and joining us.
00:27:00.45\00:27:03.54
And thank you,
Rachel, for your part.
00:27:03.55\00:27:05.68
And thank you,
Sarah, for your part.
00:27:05.69\00:27:09.07
And do you enjoy mommy
and daddy better now too.
00:27:09.08\00:27:12.33
And they enjoy you very much.
00:27:12.34\00:27:14.43
Well, it's a sweet thing
00:27:14.44\00:27:15.58
to have a sweet
family, isn't it.
00:27:15.59\00:27:17.07
And to have harmony in the home.
00:27:17.08\00:27:18.64
The blessing of the Lord.
00:27:18.65\00:27:19.84
Well, let's
pray for your family,
00:27:19.85\00:27:23.11
you join us in our prayers.
00:27:23.12\00:27:24.49
I'm going to ask
Rita to pray for us
00:27:24.50\00:27:27.92
and maybe there's
somethings in this program
00:27:27.93\00:27:29.97
that you've really enjoyed.
00:27:29.98\00:27:31.25
If you have, write
or call 3ABN about it.
00:27:31.26\00:27:35.59
And join us again
on Thinking About Home.
00:27:35.60\00:27:37.58
Dear Father God,
thank you so much
00:27:39.72\00:27:42.35
for the privilege of
raising a family to your glory.
00:27:42.36\00:27:46.16
Lord, guide us with your
eye and order our footsteps.
00:27:46.17\00:27:49.67
We want to please you in
raising these families. Amen.
00:27:49.68\00:27:53.13
We thank you for
all your blessings
00:27:53.14\00:27:55.50
and for the principles
you've given us to work with.
00:27:55.51\00:27:58.83
Please Father, attend us now.
00:27:58.84\00:28:00.92