Welcome to Thinking About Home. 00:00:30.83\00:00:32.33 I am Kathy Matthews, 00:00:32.34\00:00:33.31 I am glad you're back with us today. 00:00:33.32\00:00:36.00 Our guest today are Charles and Rita Martin, 00:00:36.01\00:00:38.36 they're from Minnesota and they're Bible workers 00:00:38.37\00:00:40.91 there in Minnesota. 00:00:40.92\00:00:42.37 And we have their whole family 00:00:42.38\00:00:43.39 together today, don't we? Amen. 00:00:43.40\00:00:45.25 And it's good to see all of you, 00:00:45.26\00:00:46.60 I like to see ZRachel and Sarah's 00:00:46.61\00:00:48.19 smiling face, big smile. 00:00:48.20\00:00:51.46 I think it's fun because when I say Rachel and Sarah, 00:00:51.47\00:00:54.52 it's our daughters named, Rachel and Sarah, 00:00:54.53\00:00:56.90 and it just switched. 00:00:56.91\00:00:58.45 Our older one is Sarah, and younger one is Rachel, 00:00:58.46\00:01:00.72 it's just the opposite with you. 00:01:00.82\00:01:03.70 I invited you because I thought 00:01:03.71\00:01:05.52 you had wonderful story of a second family, 00:01:05.53\00:01:08.21 for your... for your lives you've raised 00:01:08.22\00:01:12.89 a family before, didn't you? Yes. 00:01:12.90\00:01:14.62 And then the little ones came along. 00:01:14.63\00:01:16.92 The story is quite interesting 00:01:16.93\00:01:19.25 I think that you'll enjoy it too. 00:01:19.26\00:01:22.58 We wanna start, I think, with why you decided 00:01:22.59\00:01:27.96 to become better parents in your home. 00:01:27.97\00:01:33.02 And it had some decisions that were involved 00:01:33.03\00:01:36.19 on getting rid of the business, 00:01:36.20\00:01:37.86 didn't it, Charles? 00:01:37.87\00:01:38.84 Why don't you tell me about that? 00:01:38.85\00:01:40.11 Yes, we really came to the... 00:01:40.12\00:01:43.47 to the decision based on a lot of the frustration 00:01:43.48\00:01:47.35 we had in raising our older children 00:01:47.36\00:01:49.59 and we decided that we had did, 00:01:49.60\00:01:52.32 done quite a few things wrong. 00:01:52.33\00:01:53.51 And the Lord blessed us with another chance. 00:01:53.52\00:01:56.21 We're a blended family, Rita and I each brought 00:01:56.22\00:01:58.68 three children of the marriage 00:01:58.69\00:02:00.15 and then we had Rachel and Sarah. 00:02:00.16\00:02:02.56 And just so thankful for this new chance 00:02:02.57\00:02:05.98 to raise them again. 00:02:05.99\00:02:07.92 And yet we realized that we were getting 00:02:07.93\00:02:09.32 started off on the wrong foot again. 00:02:09.33\00:02:11.72 Oh, really? And following into some 00:02:11.73\00:02:14.01 of the old patterns that we had before. Right. 00:02:14.02\00:02:16.52 Well, I owned a business that I had a number of years, 00:02:16.53\00:02:21.05 recycling oil, it covered about 7 states and, 00:02:21.06\00:02:24.32 and 10 employees and it was just 00:02:24.33\00:02:26.54 a mile a minute pace. 00:02:26.55\00:02:28.63 And we were realizing that, that it was getting 00:02:28.64\00:02:31.68 so busy that we were going to be unable to run 00:02:31.69\00:02:34.38 the race of the Christian life. 00:02:34.39\00:02:35.80 Right. And we really felt impressed 00:02:35.81\00:02:39.16 that we ought to offer it for sale. 00:02:39.17\00:02:41.23 And the Lord worked 00:02:41.24\00:02:42.30 a wonderful miracle in our lives. 00:02:42.31\00:02:43.82 The moment we offered it up, we made one phone call 00:02:43.83\00:02:46.89 and as a result of that, it sold for cash. 00:02:46.90\00:02:48.35 Somebody took it. 00:02:48.36\00:02:49.68 And took the heavy load 00:02:49.69\00:02:50.97 of that indebtedness and the, 00:02:50.98\00:02:52.58 and the weary crushing weight that, that was. 00:02:52.59\00:02:55.35 And put our out of death and brought us 00:02:55.36\00:02:57.43 a nice place in the country. 00:02:57.44\00:02:58.79 And we just decided to get away and to simplify. 00:02:58.80\00:03:02.29 Where did you move to? 00:03:02.30\00:03:03.73 We went to the Kalispell, Montana area. 00:03:03.74\00:03:06.04 Is that right? I know folks up there. 00:03:06.05\00:03:08.88 Way back in the wilderness, but so far back 00:03:08.89\00:03:12.55 that if you hurt a car, 00:03:12.56\00:03:14.38 it was someone else lost again. 00:03:14.39\00:03:17.52 Or you knew they were coming to visit you right. Right. 00:03:17.53\00:03:20.10 And I wanna clarify that we have 00:03:20.11\00:03:21.41 6 beautiful older children, and one of the things 00:03:21.42\00:03:25.01 we regret was our time 00:03:25.02\00:03:27.05 that we did not give to them. 00:03:27.06\00:03:28.17 And that was so important about selling the business, 00:03:28.18\00:03:30.46 as we knew we were able to give our time to, 00:03:30.47\00:03:34.05 to the two little girls and to our older ones 00:03:34.06\00:03:36.02 who still need us. 00:03:36.03\00:03:37.82 When we made this announcement 00:03:37.83\00:03:39.16 that we were going to sale a business 00:03:39.17\00:03:41.28 and we were going to have a lot much lower income. 00:03:41.29\00:03:44.18 Right. But we're gonna trade that out 00:03:44.19\00:03:46.03 in exchange for the time. 00:03:46.04\00:03:48.09 We decided that if we lived another hundred years 00:03:48.10\00:03:51.24 and looked back, we'd never say we wished 00:03:51.25\00:03:53.11 we spend one more day in the office. 00:03:53.12\00:03:56.32 And so... We thought our older children 00:03:56.33\00:03:58.85 would really mock at that, because they were used 00:03:58.86\00:04:00.81 to a higher lifestyle. 00:04:00.82\00:04:01.79 We knew this was gonna make 00:04:01.80\00:04:02.77 a lot of sacrifices on their part. 00:04:02.78\00:04:05.27 And indeed they were very pleased 00:04:05.28\00:04:07.17 and very supportive and willing to take 00:04:07.18\00:04:09.81 the time over the money. That's good. 00:04:09.82\00:04:12.45 So the effect this had on us was, 00:04:12.46\00:04:14.42 was a real simplifying of our lives. 00:04:14.43\00:04:16.88 We suddenly found ourselves 00:04:16.89\00:04:18.05 with time to give back to the family, 00:04:18.06\00:04:20.16 time to go out in the evening 00:04:20.17\00:04:21.34 and play Dare Base or whatever it was. 00:04:21.35\00:04:23.93 Something else... And it took 00:04:23.94\00:04:26.25 on a new bonding experience with our children, 00:04:26.26\00:04:28.10 we had never been able to have before. 00:04:28.11\00:04:30.74 It was just a real beautiful time with them. 00:04:30.75\00:04:33.09 So those are the things that you chose to do 00:04:33.10\00:04:34.85 differently was the moving out, 00:04:34.86\00:04:37.95 the time with your children. 00:04:37.96\00:04:39.77 Okay, what did it do for these little girls? 00:04:39.78\00:04:43.69 They've, they've had the same experience also, 00:04:43.70\00:04:47.14 the time has just made a bonding 00:04:47.15\00:04:49.83 of our hearts together in so many ways. 00:04:49.84\00:04:52.27 We have felt God's grace and His mercy 00:04:52.28\00:04:55.01 and giving us our children hearts back again. Amen. 00:04:55.02\00:04:58.91 And we've discovered that's what we really 00:04:58.92\00:05:01.51 wanted all along was their hearts. 00:05:01.52\00:05:04.30 The attitude of the heart, you want to reach 00:05:04.31\00:05:07.22 their heart so that they will have 00:05:07.23\00:05:08.94 the attitude of what... 00:05:08.95\00:05:13.27 Well one of the, one of the problems 00:05:13.28\00:05:15.41 been with our older children was mixing so much peer 00:05:15.42\00:05:20.32 interaction with them constantly. 00:05:20.33\00:05:22.70 And we said, what is the, 00:05:22.71\00:05:23.76 what is the advantage of that? 00:05:23.80\00:05:26.27 And obviously there is no advantage to that. 00:05:26.28\00:05:28.37 As the child is younger, they really don't need 00:05:28.38\00:05:30.99 that peer inter relations. 00:05:31.00\00:05:33.92 But we noticed that the children 00:05:33.93\00:05:36.65 who were raised were that's mostly, 00:05:36.66\00:05:39.14 predominantly adult interaction, 00:05:39.15\00:05:43.20 they don't take as much. 00:05:43.21\00:05:45.61 Notice of the peer, Their cues from their peers... 00:05:45.62\00:05:48.58 And when they get older, 00:05:48.59\00:05:50.22 when their peers look matured more, 00:05:50.23\00:05:52.68 then they're more able to relate to them. 00:05:52.69\00:05:54.60 Right. So there is a time when maybe they can 00:05:54.61\00:05:56.53 or can't relate to them very well, 00:05:56.54\00:05:58.18 but later when they're more mature they can and... 00:05:58.19\00:06:02.29 I find that if they're too much relating 00:06:02.30\00:06:06.16 to their peers, they have difficulty 00:06:06.17\00:06:08.29 relating to adult or elderly adults. 00:06:08.30\00:06:11.99 Sure. Or young children, 00:06:12.00\00:06:13.63 but if they have related well 00:06:13.64\00:06:16.63 and long in relationship with their parents. 00:06:16.64\00:06:19.80 And if it's a good godly relationship, 00:06:19.81\00:06:22.20 I'm talking about, you know, this doesn't happen 00:06:22.21\00:06:23.97 in every situation of life. 00:06:23.98\00:06:26.22 But if its good godly relationship, 00:06:26.23\00:06:29.54 and they related well to their parents. 00:06:29.55\00:06:31.17 Then they can relate no matter 00:06:31.18\00:06:32.29 what age group there is. Yeah, yes. 00:06:32.30\00:06:33.72 Now whether it's little babies, 00:06:33.73\00:06:35.84 little children, their own peers, 00:06:35.85\00:06:37.80 adults or elderly, whatever it maybe, 00:06:37.81\00:06:40.10 I find that case. 00:06:40.11\00:06:41.16 And we wanted the privilege of being able to guide them 00:06:41.17\00:06:43.80 during those rough water years 00:06:43.81\00:06:45.52 with the cross road decisions they make. 00:06:45.53\00:06:47.96 We wanted to be able to be a friend enough 00:06:47.97\00:06:51.20 to them that they could ask us and not their peers. 00:06:51.21\00:06:54.72 Right, right, and have that trust going on there, 00:06:54.73\00:06:57.21 that relationship going on there. 00:06:57.22\00:06:59.27 How about, now these little girls 00:06:59.28\00:07:02.44 always did your little girls I'll call them, 00:07:02.45\00:07:04.52 these little girls, I'm sorry, 00:07:04.53\00:07:05.78 I talk to you like you're not even in the room. 00:07:05.79\00:07:08.40 Did they always earn obedience 00:07:08.41\00:07:10.71 from the very beginning then since you had 00:07:10.72\00:07:12.41 a second chance family? 00:07:12.42\00:07:14.78 Yes, definitely not we've started older with, 00:07:14.79\00:07:17.89 with these other children that's going down 00:07:17.90\00:07:20.98 the same road really, 00:07:20.99\00:07:21.96 but we had started with the first. 00:07:21.98\00:07:23.22 Yeah. Proverbs 3 verse 7 is a wonderful text 00:07:23.23\00:07:26.74 that we began to look at. 00:07:26.75\00:07:29.14 It says "Be not wise in your own eyes." 00:07:29.15\00:07:32.60 And this was a powerful text because we realized 00:07:32.61\00:07:34.93 that we were starting into a process 00:07:34.94\00:07:38.74 where we would allow our children to argue back 00:07:38.75\00:07:41.21 with us many times. 00:07:41.22\00:07:42.66 And this was probably something every 00:07:42.67\00:07:45.66 parent faces all the time, 00:07:45.67\00:07:47.87 but it was very frustrating and... 00:07:47.88\00:07:50.96 It was really a child in charge syndrome a lot. 00:07:50.97\00:07:53.98 You know, Rachel especially, when she was little, 00:07:53.99\00:07:55.85 she had six older siblings just all trying 00:07:55.86\00:07:58.38 to attend to this little general. 00:07:58.39\00:08:01.53 Yes. And the Lord started working on our hearts 00:08:01.54\00:08:05.21 and calling us to an obedience 00:08:05.22\00:08:07.93 and not allowing that to go on. 00:08:07.94\00:08:10.67 Because like Proverbs says 00:08:10.68\00:08:12.10 "It does make them wise in their own eyes." 00:08:12.11\00:08:14.46 And one of the ways we started doing 00:08:14.47\00:08:16.19 that was calling them on that and asking 00:08:16.20\00:08:20.37 them to... Well, usually we'd not allow them 00:08:20.38\00:08:24.74 to get the reward that they're asking 00:08:24.75\00:08:27.20 for when they started into argument like that. 00:08:27.21\00:08:29.66 Right. Okay, what do you mean exactly, 00:08:29.67\00:08:32.02 give me a little illustration? 00:08:32.03\00:08:33.13 What do you mean exactly about wise in your own eyes? 00:08:33.14\00:08:36.15 Didn't we talk about this in the parenting class? 00:08:36.16\00:08:38.22 Yeah, I think it's brightly thought 00:08:38.23\00:08:41.57 we were trying to get them to express themselves. 00:08:41.58\00:08:44.18 But in essence, it was getting them 00:08:44.19\00:08:46.00 to be wise in their own eyes, 00:08:46.01\00:08:47.45 they were making the decisions 00:08:47.46\00:08:48.81 and calling the shorts. 00:08:48.82\00:08:49.85 And mom and dad looked smaller and smaller 00:08:49.86\00:08:52.15 and they looked bigger and bigger 00:08:52.16\00:08:53.48 in their own eyes. 00:08:53.49\00:08:54.48 Okay, you were thinking about having them 00:08:54.49\00:08:56.45 express themselves, but in reality 00:08:56.46\00:08:58.43 you were allowing them to make all the decisions. 00:08:58.44\00:09:00.18 Yes. Okay. 00:09:00.19\00:09:01.22 Yes, what color cup do you want, honey, 00:09:01.23\00:09:02.58 what kind of juice do you what, honey. 00:09:02.59\00:09:03.72 And they were becoming powerful. 00:09:03.73\00:09:05.34 Yes, well and that's not to say, 00:09:05.35\00:09:07.81 you can't ask what a child wants. 00:09:07.82\00:09:09.83 Right. You wanna clarify that. 00:09:09.84\00:09:10.84 Yes, right. But it was a constant, 00:09:10.85\00:09:13.46 go head, it was a constant thing or what? 00:09:13.47\00:09:15.05 Yeah, it just became child in charge 00:09:15.06\00:09:17.08 and we realized that it was making her 00:09:17.09\00:09:19.08 very powerful and... 00:09:19.09\00:09:20.95 Okay, all right. 00:09:20.96\00:09:21.96 And another, another principle 00:09:21.97\00:09:23.74 we came under convection about 00:09:23.75\00:09:25.10 was the first time obedience. 00:09:25.11\00:09:28.09 The idea that we need to deal with frustration 00:09:28.10\00:09:32.98 for five times before we get obedience, 00:09:32.99\00:09:34.99 for calling them to come to dinner 00:09:35.00\00:09:36.47 and they're playing with their toys. 00:09:36.48\00:09:38.04 And they will calmly keep on playing with their toys 00:09:38.05\00:09:42.45 until it maybe the third or fourth time 00:09:42.46\00:09:43.96 when we start to really get angry. 00:09:43.97\00:09:46.06 And they have a build in sensor 00:09:46.07\00:09:48.51 when they know when they pushed me 00:09:48.52\00:09:49.66 past that brink. 00:09:49.67\00:09:51.03 And now is the time to come around and obey. 00:09:51.04\00:09:55.06 And we started realizing that. 00:09:55.07\00:09:57.63 That these simple things that if you could put them 00:09:57.64\00:09:59.84 into affect, you realized what? 00:09:59.85\00:10:02.11 Well, I guess it boils down Kathy to, 00:10:02.12\00:10:04.65 to the roots of the problem 00:10:04.66\00:10:07.35 I think it lies in our own hearts. 00:10:07.36\00:10:09.71 In what I say is that our own conceptions 00:10:09.72\00:10:14.94 of God conveyed to our conceptions 00:10:14.95\00:10:17.82 of what we expect out of our children. 00:10:17.83\00:10:19.85 Right. Our relationship to Him, 00:10:19.86\00:10:22.09 if we expect that God requires obedience 00:10:22.10\00:10:25.08 from us the first time we're asked, 00:10:25.09\00:10:27.77 then we would give that same thing 00:10:27.78\00:10:29.36 to our children and ask them to do the same. 00:10:29.37\00:10:32.10 You know, go head, go ahead. 00:10:32.11\00:10:33.80 Oh, often times we find ourselves, 00:10:33.81\00:10:37.85 often times I would feel like maybe 00:10:37.86\00:10:40.35 some kind of chastisement, there's an order 00:10:40.36\00:10:41.93 because of not coming into obedience. 00:10:41.94\00:10:45.67 But the conversation itself would convince me that. 00:10:45.68\00:10:49.02 Because many times I would come 00:10:49.03\00:10:51.06 to Rachel and Sarah and say, now what's the infraction 00:10:51.07\00:10:54.49 here and they would explain and... 00:10:54.50\00:10:57.08 So, you explained it to them first, 00:10:57.09\00:10:58.67 so they understood what was expected of them. 00:10:58.68\00:11:00.67 Right. And then you came to them with a question of... 00:11:00.68\00:11:03.64 Well, then the idea is, you know, 00:11:03.65\00:11:06.10 the Heavenly Father is looking down 00:11:06.11\00:11:08.23 and he sees me, and He is asking me 00:11:08.24\00:11:10.23 to obey and He also asked me to make you obey. 00:11:10.24\00:11:13.95 And if I'm out of compliance with the Heavenly Father 00:11:13.96\00:11:16.22 in my own heart. 00:11:16.23\00:11:17.72 Then I'm also in disobedience. 00:11:17.73\00:11:20.40 That's exactly. And that leaves us 00:11:20.41\00:11:21.61 no other choice but to have a consequence, 00:11:21.62\00:11:24.95 this believe that there is no consequence 00:11:24.96\00:11:26.90 but disobedience, it's rampant 00:11:26.91\00:11:28.54 throughout the whole world... 00:11:28.55\00:11:29.52 Well we see it in our society, don't we. 00:11:29.53\00:11:31.10 Yes. That I should not be blamed for my 00:11:31.11\00:11:33.57 or have a consequence for my own choices. 00:11:33.58\00:11:35.78 But we need to learn that we do. Don't we? 00:11:35.79\00:11:38.03 Yes, now let's look at First Samuel 15, 00:11:38.04\00:11:41.96 just a moment we could.. It says, 00:11:41.97\00:11:44.65 "to obey is better than sacrifice." 00:11:44.66\00:11:46.50 This was given when Saul was asked to make 00:11:46.51\00:11:49.54 a sacrifice and to wait for Samuel for three days. 00:11:49.55\00:11:53.25 Well, he didn't telling him 00:11:53.26\00:11:54.39 how long he was supposed to wait. 00:11:54.40\00:11:55.37 But he waited and waited and Samuel never showed up, 00:11:55.38\00:11:59.14 until he went ahead and went on with him, 00:11:59.15\00:12:01.14 with his own ways, was wise in his own eyes 00:12:01.15\00:12:03.56 so to speak and didn't get that first time obedience. 00:12:03.57\00:12:06.16 And the next part of that is in the next verse, 00:12:06.17\00:12:09.16 which is very interesting. 00:12:09.17\00:12:10.67 Because he really nails it down, 00:12:10.68\00:12:12.75 when he says "For rebellion is as sin of witchcraft" 00:12:12.76\00:12:16.10 and that's what we're dealing 00:12:16.11\00:12:17.08 with if we don't have first time obedience 00:12:17.09\00:12:19.36 is the sin of rebellion. 00:12:19.37\00:12:20.72 And he, isn't that powerful It is. 00:12:20.73\00:12:23.25 When he says that it's witchcraft, 00:12:23.26\00:12:25.05 it's the same as. 00:12:25.06\00:12:26.30 Same as, you don't want to, 00:12:26.31\00:12:27.92 you don't want that confused please. 00:12:27.93\00:12:30.43 Yeah, right. Is in principle or the. 00:12:30.44\00:12:32.55 God deals with it, looks at it with the same, 00:12:32.56\00:12:34.82 with the same severity as he would with witchcraft. 00:12:34.83\00:12:37.08 Yeah, okay, all right, that's very clear... 00:12:37.09\00:12:38.27 And other principle that men have lied to us, 00:12:38.28\00:12:40.01 and the Lord laid this on my heart 00:12:40.02\00:12:41.77 in my devotion time. 00:12:41.78\00:12:43.69 It was an idea to incorporate. 00:12:43.70\00:12:45.75 I had not even heard 00:12:45.76\00:12:46.73 the Ezzo's talking about this yet. 00:12:46.74\00:12:49.71 Now, who were the Ezzo's? 00:12:49.72\00:12:51.38 Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. 00:12:51.39\00:12:52.69 We had received some tapes from a friend, 00:12:52.70\00:12:56.13 Growing Kids God's Way, and been richly blessed 00:12:56.14\00:12:59.31 in listening to them. 00:12:59.32\00:13:00.29 In fact, I had received them myself 00:13:00.30\00:13:01.95 on a trip alone with the girls, 00:13:01.96\00:13:03.56 Charles not with me. 00:13:03.57\00:13:04.92 And I stopped halfway on the trip 00:13:04.93\00:13:06.82 with these borrowed set of tapes 00:13:06.83\00:13:08.14 and called the Ezzos and said, 00:13:08.15\00:13:09.44 please meal me one. 00:13:09.45\00:13:10.62 Have it, have it here when I get here. 00:13:10.63\00:13:13.02 Because I knew that Charles 00:13:13.03\00:13:14.03 would be thrilled to hear them. 00:13:14.04\00:13:16.51 But all I know is before I had heard the principle 00:13:16.52\00:13:19.59 the Lord had laid on my heart, 00:13:19.60\00:13:20.65 why not have them say, yes mother, or yes father, 00:13:20.66\00:13:24.00 when we asked them to do something. 00:13:24.01\00:13:26.01 And it turned out to be one of the biggest blessings 00:13:26.02\00:13:28.58 in raising them, because we trained them 00:13:28.59\00:13:30.46 to say yes mother when I ask you... 00:13:30.47\00:13:32.24 Aren't these the simplest things? 00:13:32.25\00:13:33.45 They're simple. 00:13:33.46\00:13:34.64 These are the simplest things. 00:13:34.65\00:13:36.17 But it's so beautiful. Yeah. 00:13:36.18\00:13:37.78 So, we're talking about having them, 00:13:37.79\00:13:39.19 when you ask for a response from them, 00:13:39.20\00:13:41.71 you expect them to respond to you. 00:13:41.72\00:13:44.48 Right. By saying, you know, 00:13:44.49\00:13:45.80 in a respectful way. 00:13:45.81\00:13:47.48 And then what does, what does this do for them? 00:13:47.49\00:13:51.49 I mean, I know what it does for them, 00:13:51.50\00:13:52.81 maybe the viewers may have some questions 00:13:52.82\00:13:54.96 about what it does for them, but, go ahead. 00:13:54.97\00:13:57.54 A lot of people would think this is a tyrannical type 00:13:57.55\00:14:00.46 of request to say yes, they turn you into robot. 00:14:00.47\00:14:03.42 And really that isn't it at all, 00:14:03.43\00:14:04.80 the idea of yes mother, yes father is simply to say, 00:14:04.81\00:14:08.46 I acknowledge and I've heard. Yes. 00:14:08.47\00:14:10.61 And then if they don't come into obedience 00:14:10.62\00:14:13.31 that first time, you have a knowledge 00:14:13.32\00:14:15.46 in your own mind that they have 00:14:15.47\00:14:17.19 indeed heard what you've said. 00:14:17.20\00:14:18.65 That's right. And it's a way to know 00:14:18.66\00:14:21.19 that you're not punishing them unjustly. 00:14:21.20\00:14:23.75 Yes. It also give them a forward momentum, 00:14:23.76\00:14:26.13 I just said, yes mummy, here I go obeying. 00:14:26.14\00:14:28.91 Yes, right okay. 00:14:28.92\00:14:30.34 Then that happens in the mind, 00:14:30.35\00:14:31.43 there is something about that. 00:14:31.44\00:14:32.48 Yes. That happens in the mind, 00:14:32.49\00:14:33.54 they've acknowledged you and they've acknowledged you 00:14:33.55\00:14:35.71 positively, correct? 00:14:35.72\00:14:37.53 Right. Right and we're told that, 00:14:37.54\00:14:39.04 that if we make a, if we're attempted 00:14:39.05\00:14:41.35 in some way and we make a positive 00:14:41.36\00:14:44.28 statement in our own mind, that that's three fourths 00:14:44.29\00:14:47.55 of the way to overcoming that temptation right there. 00:14:47.56\00:14:50.31 Amen, so you're training them. 00:14:50.32\00:14:51.38 Exactly. This is training, yes. 00:14:51.39\00:14:54.00 Right, so that's beautiful that you're setting 00:14:54.01\00:14:56.53 something like this up. 00:14:56.54\00:14:57.90 That you give them three fourths 00:14:57.91\00:15:00.04 of a victory already by asking them to say yes. 00:15:00.05\00:15:02.41 I remember when we were going through 00:15:02.42\00:15:03.88 the parenting class together. 00:15:03.89\00:15:05.43 And I asked Charles to give us a testimony 00:15:05.44\00:15:07.58 and it was so tender. 00:15:07.59\00:15:09.50 And I don't wanna put you on the spot, 00:15:09.51\00:15:11.60 but can you remember anything about 00:15:11.61\00:15:12.98 the testimony you gave. 00:15:12.99\00:15:14.47 Well, it's a precious time to be able to come apart 00:15:14.48\00:15:17.66 and take part of this class, there at the Black Hills 00:15:17.67\00:15:20.94 that you were teaching. 00:15:20.95\00:15:22.21 And we had already put some of the principles 00:15:22.22\00:15:27.47 in practice already. 00:15:27.48\00:15:28.47 But the, I remember that especially what, 00:15:28.48\00:15:32.07 with the fruits of the first time 00:15:32.08\00:15:33.46 obedience were, when it swept over me 00:15:33.47\00:15:37.01 and just swept over my soul as I realized, 00:15:37.02\00:15:40.48 that suddenly I liked my kids. 00:15:40.49\00:15:43.64 Oh my, they don't have to be the terrible 00:15:43.65\00:15:46.94 twos do they, they don't have to be. 00:15:46.95\00:15:49.19 And they don't have to be someone 00:15:49.20\00:15:50.64 that you can't honestly wait to get out of the house. 00:15:50.65\00:15:53.25 Right. There is somebody you love to have around. 00:15:53.26\00:15:54.95 Where more, other people began to enjoy our children. 00:15:54.96\00:15:57.73 Oh, and that's a principle in itself. Yes. 00:15:57.74\00:15:59.34 Isn't it? Don't, it looks like you have 00:15:59.35\00:16:01.51 something more to say, 00:16:01.61\00:16:02.59 but don't give up that one, okay. 00:16:02.60\00:16:04.30 Well, I don't want to infer that I didn't enjoy my kids, 00:16:04.31\00:16:06.87 but I did realize how much more 00:16:06.88\00:16:09.12 I could enjoy them 00:16:09.13\00:16:10.14 and the deeper experience we could have. 00:16:10.15\00:16:11.76 It was just such a bounding experience 00:16:11.77\00:16:14.24 bringing us both together. 00:16:14.25\00:16:15.75 When they came into obedience. 00:16:15.76\00:16:17.32 But the incredible thing 00:16:17.33\00:16:18.40 was how much happier they were. 00:16:18.41\00:16:20.73 I mean, I can remember some of the biggest smiles 00:16:20.74\00:16:23.22 on Rachel's face in her entire life 00:16:23.23\00:16:25.41 where from this experience. 00:16:25.42\00:16:27.00 From what? First time obedience. 00:16:27.01\00:16:29.18 First time obedience. 00:16:29.19\00:16:30.53 Can you explain that, Rachel? 00:16:30.54\00:16:32.65 What is first time obedience? 00:16:32.66\00:16:36.09 Well, it's when you obey on first call. 00:16:36.10\00:16:42.82 Okay, you wanna say it again, 00:16:42.83\00:16:44.01 because your hand's in front of your face. 00:16:44.02\00:16:46.48 It's what? 00:16:46.49\00:16:47.87 It's when you obey on first call. 00:16:47.88\00:16:52.97 And when mommy and daddy used to ask you 00:16:52.98\00:16:57.91 to obey before, how did you always respond? 00:16:57.92\00:17:01.60 Six and seventh time. 00:17:04.00\00:17:08.12 And is it better now then it was before? 00:17:08.13\00:17:11.30 What was it like before? 00:17:11.31\00:17:12.39 What your descriptive word that it was like before 00:17:12.40\00:17:15.04 you were taught this. 00:17:15.05\00:17:17.86 Miserable. Miserable, 00:17:17.87\00:17:19.28 that's the word she uses, it's miserable. 00:17:19.29\00:17:22.45 And what is it, 00:17:22.46\00:17:23.43 why do you feel like it's better now? 00:17:23.44\00:17:27.54 I just feel a lot better now, 00:17:27.55\00:17:29.35 because I know I'm doing the right thing. 00:17:29.36\00:17:32.54 Then you use a word with me and I told you that 00:17:32.55\00:17:35.33 that we taught our little girls that 00:17:35.34\00:17:37.29 when they were younger, no maybe I was telling you 00:17:37.30\00:17:39.33 that I don't know if I told you that Rachel. 00:17:39.34\00:17:41.17 But there was something you said that you feel now. 00:17:41.18\00:17:44.79 You feel something. 00:17:44.80\00:17:46.68 Do you remember that? I feel a lot cleaner. 00:17:46.69\00:17:48.07 You feel a lot cleaner. Amen. 00:17:48.08\00:17:50.26 Now isn't that language of the Bible. Amen. 00:17:50.27\00:17:55.08 It is, isn't it? 00:17:55.09\00:17:56.46 Forgiven, obey, obedience, clean, 00:17:56.47\00:18:01.70 free of whatever is burdening you, 00:18:01.71\00:18:04.46 especially your own disobedience. 00:18:04.47\00:18:06.59 These are simple things. Yes. 00:18:08.16\00:18:09.78 But when it's couched in the language 00:18:09.79\00:18:11.75 of the Bible, isn't it. 00:18:11.76\00:18:13.34 Then you're teaching them 00:18:13.35\00:18:14.32 to relate back and forth to Christ. 00:18:14.33\00:18:16.98 And I think, as they get older, 00:18:16.99\00:18:18.25 this was always my philosophy 00:18:18.26\00:18:19.89 and I think it came Biblically, 00:18:19.90\00:18:21.91 that as they got older they understood 00:18:21.92\00:18:23.92 what was happening for their sake 00:18:23.93\00:18:25.71 between them and Christ. 00:18:25.72\00:18:27.17 Sure. You know, in redemption. 00:18:27.18\00:18:29.26 Amen. Don't you think? 00:18:29.27\00:18:30.84 Yes. Absolutely. 00:18:30.85\00:18:32.03 One of the things that goes right along hand in hand 00:18:32.04\00:18:34.34 with this is the appeal process. 00:18:34.35\00:18:36.52 Because it prevents 00:18:36.53\00:18:38.81 the child from being frustrated. 00:18:38.82\00:18:42.82 Right. For instance, if they're playing a game 00:18:42.83\00:18:44.71 and you know the, they know that you've 00:18:44.72\00:18:47.60 already told them that every time before 00:18:47.61\00:18:49.24 they come to, down for dinner. 00:18:49.25\00:18:50.52 Right. That they need to clean up 00:18:50.53\00:18:51.50 their toys or something.. 00:18:51.51\00:18:52.48 Right. And yet you come and say, 00:18:52.49\00:18:53.54 come down right away, time for dinner. 00:18:53.55\00:18:56.73 They're in disobedience on one 00:18:56.74\00:18:59.88 or the other either way. 00:18:59.89\00:19:01.81 Right. But the appeal process says, 00:19:01.82\00:19:04.09 mother, father, may I appeal. 00:19:04.10\00:19:06.56 It's a respectful way to say we need to backup 00:19:06.57\00:19:09.11 and look at this. 00:19:09.12\00:19:10.43 And it keeps it at high respect 00:19:10.44\00:19:12.59 and yet it builds interaction 00:19:12.60\00:19:14.19 between father and mother and child. 00:19:14.51\00:19:16.58 And what I found is that you don't lose dignity 00:19:16.59\00:19:19.37 if you can stop and they can respectfully 00:19:19.38\00:19:21.84 ask you something. 00:19:21.85\00:19:23.22 Now is this to be used, now we also want to, 00:19:23.23\00:19:27.83 we want to say that this was learned 00:19:27.84\00:19:29.43 out of the Growing Kids God's Way, wasn't it? 00:19:29.44\00:19:31.08 Right. And then we discussed it 00:19:31.09\00:19:32.62 more in our parenting class. 00:19:32.63\00:19:34.40 And I just want to put that 00:19:34.41\00:19:37.14 in there for the sake of Ezzo's, 00:19:37.15\00:19:38.71 who developed this and had done a wonderful job at it. 00:19:38.72\00:19:41.70 Right. Amen. Amen. A wonderful blessing. 00:19:41.80\00:19:42.79 And it's a blessing. 00:19:42.80\00:19:43.79 And, but we did that in our home years ago. 00:19:43.80\00:19:48.79 And the appeal processes is not for every little excuse 00:19:48.80\00:19:52.78 a child wants to make. 00:19:52.79\00:19:53.96 And they cannot if they're just trying 00:19:53.97\00:19:55.66 to get out of the job, make an appeal. 00:19:55.67\00:19:57.76 So it has to have some what, it has to have added 00:19:57.77\00:20:00.28 information that maybe mother and dad 00:20:00.29\00:20:02.07 didn't know and it saves 00:20:02.08\00:20:03.52 the dignity of mother and dad. 00:20:03.53\00:20:04.89 Right. And then you can back off 00:20:04.90\00:20:06.64 of whatever you've told them to do 00:20:06.65\00:20:08.71 if they have done they have approached you 00:20:08.72\00:20:11.59 in a respectful way with information 00:20:11.60\00:20:13.26 that you didn't know, is that correct? 00:20:13.27\00:20:14.56 That's right. 00:20:14.57\00:20:15.63 Okay, and the appeal process is a blessing. 00:20:15.64\00:20:20.41 But you don't know how to dothis things 00:20:20.42\00:20:22.03 sometimes unless you put a name to it, 00:20:22.04\00:20:24.10 isn't that sound, Rita? Right, that's right 00:20:24.11\00:20:25.82 It seems like you have to put a name to it 00:20:25.83\00:20:27.51 and then describe it and say, hey, 00:20:27.52\00:20:29.65 that sounds good, we can work that out. 00:20:29.66\00:20:31.78 I think I could incorporate that into my family. 00:20:31.79\00:20:33.93 Right. Oh, now what else did you learn? 00:20:33.94\00:20:37.26 Now, another one that really has been 00:20:37.27\00:20:39.29 a blessing in our family 00:20:39.30\00:20:40.65 is the preciousness of others. 00:20:40.66\00:20:42.43 And that would be a whole program of it's own. 00:20:42.44\00:20:46.70 Wouldn't it, there's scripture 00:20:46.71\00:20:48.46 that goes right along with that 00:20:48.47\00:20:49.44 in Philippians 2 and, go ahead. 00:20:49.45\00:20:51.63 Yes. Yes, but in your own family 00:20:51.64\00:20:54.63 to treat each other as precious, 00:20:54.64\00:20:56.74 by cleaning up behind ourselves, 00:20:56.75\00:20:59.41 doing those things that just show 00:20:59.42\00:21:00.71 common courtesy and respect. 00:21:00.72\00:21:02.20 Right. But then, so many things that, 00:21:02.21\00:21:04.77 as we began to study this had started 00:21:04.78\00:21:06.30 to change our own lives. 00:21:06.31\00:21:07.48 For instance, like putting your grocery card back. 00:21:07.49\00:21:10.88 In the cart corral at the store. 00:21:10.89\00:21:13.38 Oh, yes, that was a big one, wasn't it? 00:21:13.39\00:21:15.85 And for me, stopping at stop signs, 00:21:15.86\00:21:18.90 that way out in the country 00:21:18.91\00:21:19.88 where no one ever saw you anyway. 00:21:19.89\00:21:21.84 You know, you're just talking about 00:21:21.85\00:21:23.13 being courteous or honest even. 00:21:23.14\00:21:25.28 But the preciousness of others 00:21:25.29\00:21:27.02 and how can we teach our children 00:21:27.03\00:21:28.30 that if we're outside of it, 00:21:28.31\00:21:30.72 outside of God's will in our own lives. 00:21:30.73\00:21:32.96 And that is definitely something that 00:21:32.97\00:21:35.53 it hits right home on everybody doesn't it, 00:21:35.54\00:21:37.81 because of our simple nature 00:21:37.82\00:21:38.87 we think so much of ourselves. 00:21:38.88\00:21:40.98 Yes. That we really don't want 00:21:40.99\00:21:42.41 to think of others at all. 00:21:42.42\00:21:44.51 And why is it, it seems 00:21:44.52\00:21:46.62 we have to teach about others? 00:21:46.63\00:21:50.13 Because we're inborn selfishness. 00:21:50.14\00:21:51.91 Yes. Inborn selfishness, isn't that? 00:21:51.92\00:21:53.75 It just comes naturally. It's the truth, isn't it? 00:21:53.76\00:21:55.14 It doesn't have to be taught... 00:21:55.15\00:21:56.12 It doesn't, yeah, those precious sweet babies. 00:21:56.13\00:21:59.41 And you're wise in their own eyes 00:21:59.42\00:22:00.67 that you're teaching them. 00:22:00.68\00:22:02.27 You know, just makes that worse, 00:22:02.28\00:22:04.21 because they learned me, 00:22:04.22\00:22:05.29 I'm the only one I need to think about. 00:22:05.30\00:22:06.87 Right, okay. 00:22:06.88\00:22:07.99 Oh, there is two, three other things. 00:22:08.00\00:22:09.76 There is a couple little stories about the kids 00:22:09.77\00:22:11.75 that I want you to tell us about, 00:22:11.76\00:22:14.80 especially about some scripture 00:22:14.81\00:22:16.43 the hoary head. Okay. 00:22:16.44\00:22:17.56 And explain the hoary head 00:22:17.57\00:22:18.85 in case people don't understand those words? 00:22:18.86\00:22:20.82 Who's gonna do it? In Leviticus, 00:22:22.23\00:22:24.03 it talks about rising up before the hoary head. 00:22:24.04\00:22:27.29 And we like that, we like the concept of teaching 00:22:27.30\00:22:30.29 our children to respect their elders. 00:22:30.30\00:22:33.11 So, we had been working with the little girls on that 00:22:33.12\00:22:35.29 and the three of us were just 00:22:35.30\00:22:37.09 entering that health food store. 00:22:37.10\00:22:40.00 And I was stoop down, blocking the doorway, 00:22:40.01\00:22:42.36 tying Sarah's shoe and she was facing outward. 00:22:42.37\00:22:45.91 And she saw a woman coming that I didn't see, 00:22:45.92\00:22:48.21 and she said, mother, 00:22:48.22\00:22:49.59 there is an older lady coming in the door. 00:22:49.60\00:22:51.68 But I was busy tying and didn't hear her 00:22:51.69\00:22:54.11 or listen to her well. 00:22:54.12\00:22:55.45 And she said, mother, she is really, really old. 00:22:55.46\00:22:59.74 And so I stood up, 00:22:59.75\00:23:00.84 kind of embraced and she said oh, she said. 00:23:00.85\00:23:03.53 She heard that. Yes, she heard that. 00:23:03.54\00:23:04.66 The lady heard that. 00:23:04.67\00:23:05.71 She said oh, don't worry about it, she is right. 00:23:05.72\00:23:07.38 I am really, really old. 00:23:07.39\00:23:09.91 But she was trying to be respectful. 00:23:09.92\00:23:11.67 She was learning the concept. 00:23:11.68\00:23:13.20 Yes this is a hoary head and we need to respect her. 00:23:13.21\00:23:17.14 So really what is talking about the gray hairs? 00:23:17.15\00:23:19.37 Older, the gray hairs. 00:23:19.38\00:23:20.67 The older, the respect for your elders. Right. 00:23:20.68\00:23:22.55 Okay, and you know, we don't always have to have gray hair 00:23:22.56\00:23:25.91 for you to be able to respect us. That's right. 00:23:25.92\00:23:28.46 And we hope that we can make it 00:23:28.47\00:23:30.67 to where you can respect us. That's right. 00:23:30.68\00:23:32.78 Sometimes older ones don't like it 00:23:32.79\00:23:34.03 where it's easy for you. That's true. 00:23:34.04\00:23:36.10 But there is more, what is another story? 00:23:36.11\00:23:39.53 Well, another story was we were talking about, 00:23:39.54\00:23:42.66 in family worship about. 00:23:42.67\00:23:43.98 Well, we started, instituted 00:23:46.41\00:23:48.22 a new practice in family worship, 00:23:48.23\00:23:49.66 where we at the close of everyday, 00:23:49.67\00:23:52.23 we go around the circle 00:23:52.24\00:23:53.39 and everyone confesses to each other. 00:23:53.40\00:23:56.88 And it's been a real blessing in our lives 00:23:56.89\00:23:59.10 to be able to do that. 00:23:59.11\00:24:01.30 To have that confession time, real healing and it has to, 00:24:01.31\00:24:05.28 we've taught the girls that it has be specific 00:24:05.29\00:24:07.55 and to the point for it be real confession. Yes. 00:24:07.56\00:24:12.07 Well, the other day we were teaching Rachel 00:24:12.08\00:24:16.49 about this concept 00:24:16.50\00:24:17.57 and the Holy Spirit worked on her heart 00:24:17.58\00:24:19.92 and when we were at church the other day. 00:24:19.93\00:24:22.56 She went up to one other older ladies there 00:24:22.57\00:24:25.25 and said, I have something I like to confess to you. 00:24:25.26\00:24:28.51 And what happened? 00:24:28.52\00:24:31.10 Well, she didn't quite have the concepts down right yet, 00:24:31.11\00:24:35.32 the Holy Spirit was working in her heart. 00:24:35.33\00:24:37.35 But she confessed to this old lady 00:24:37.36\00:24:40.62 that she had some wicked thoughts 00:24:40.63\00:24:43.48 or evil thoughts she told her about that. Oh, no. 00:24:43.49\00:24:46.15 The older lady didn't quite understand 00:24:46.16\00:24:49.46 exactly what was being said, 00:24:49.47\00:24:50.70 I think the Lord blessed in that. 00:24:50.71\00:24:52.46 The lady didn't quite grasp what was going on, okay. 00:24:52.47\00:24:56.07 Didn't, wasn't able to catch it. 00:24:56.08\00:24:57.41 But afterwards she was tearfully telling us 00:24:57.42\00:25:02.01 about this confession. 00:25:02.02\00:25:03.11 Who Rachel? Rachel was. Yes. 00:25:03.12\00:25:04.32 And we were just sharing her joy 00:25:04.33\00:25:06.78 that she's starting to get this concept down, 00:25:06.79\00:25:11.19 that we do need to confess our sins to those... 00:25:11.20\00:25:13.86 What happened the next day though? 00:25:13.87\00:25:15.82 Did you say someone called you. 00:25:15.83\00:25:17.35 Yes, the next day, that little lady called and said, 00:25:17.36\00:25:20.73 your child is just so precious. 00:25:20.74\00:25:22.64 She said, I didn't catch exactly what it was 00:25:22.65\00:25:25.24 that she was trying to do, 00:25:25.25\00:25:26.28 but I knew that it was a very moving thing 00:25:26.29\00:25:28.60 she was trying to tell me. 00:25:28.61\00:25:30.31 And said, I'm so appreciative of your children 00:25:30.32\00:25:35.30 and what they're learning. 00:25:35.31\00:25:36.76 You know, I discovered that several years ago 00:25:36.77\00:25:39.70 and that our children when they, 00:25:39.71\00:25:42.58 I didn't discover this from Growing Kids God's Way, 00:25:42.59\00:25:44.65 I didn't, the Lord showed me this on my own. 00:25:44.66\00:25:46.56 When our children have bumped someone or had an accident, 00:25:46.57\00:25:49.98 and they say oh, I'm sorry. 00:25:49.99\00:25:52.22 And it was simple and it was not moral, 00:25:52.23\00:25:54.66 it was not a moral problem. 00:25:54.67\00:25:56.67 Then saying, I'm sorry was okay. 00:25:56.68\00:25:59.47 But to say forgive me, 00:25:59.48\00:26:02.00 when it was something that was wrong 00:26:02.01\00:26:05.06 or that they needed to ask forgiveness for, 00:26:05.07\00:26:07.92 was completely different then just saying, I'm sorry. 00:26:07.93\00:26:12.82 But the words forgive me would again, 00:26:12.83\00:26:16.90 teach them what redemptive language, 00:26:16.91\00:26:20.96 the plan of redemption. Right. 00:26:20.97\00:26:23.03 It would help them in biblical language 00:26:23.04\00:26:26.75 in their relationship with Christ at a later day, 00:26:26.76\00:26:28.77 and as they worked with people, 00:26:28.78\00:26:31.35 it would help in conflict management. 00:26:31.36\00:26:33.71 It would help in a lot of areas. That's right. 00:26:33.72\00:26:35.60 As a conflict, rather resolving conflict. 00:26:35.61\00:26:38.82 And so this was something that we felt 00:26:38.83\00:26:40.97 was really important to distinguish between, 00:26:40.98\00:26:43.39 oh I am sorry. Right. 00:26:43.40\00:26:45.04 Or would you forgive me, please. 00:26:45.05\00:26:48.12 Gives that person a chance to respond. 00:26:48.13\00:26:50.58 And make a decision. And make a decision. 00:26:50.59\00:26:52.75 Well, you know, there is other things we could tell. 00:26:52.76\00:26:54.38 Isn't there? Oh, yes. 00:26:54.39\00:26:55.95 There is lot of things I think we could tell. 00:26:55.96\00:26:58.25 But I don't think we have anymore time, 00:26:58.26\00:27:00.44 but I thank you for coming all the way and joining us. 00:27:00.45\00:27:03.54 And thank you, Rachel, for your part. 00:27:03.55\00:27:05.68 And thank you, Sarah, for your part. 00:27:05.69\00:27:09.07 And do you enjoy mommy and daddy better now too. 00:27:09.08\00:27:12.33 And they enjoy you very much. 00:27:12.34\00:27:14.43 Well, it's a sweet thing 00:27:14.44\00:27:15.58 to have a sweet family, isn't it. 00:27:15.59\00:27:17.07 And to have harmony in the home. 00:27:17.08\00:27:18.64 The blessing of the Lord. 00:27:18.65\00:27:19.84 Well, let's pray for your family, 00:27:19.85\00:27:23.11 you join us in our prayers. 00:27:23.12\00:27:24.49 I'm going to ask Rita to pray for us 00:27:24.50\00:27:27.92 and maybe there's somethings in this program 00:27:27.93\00:27:29.97 that you've really enjoyed. 00:27:29.98\00:27:31.25 If you have, write or call 3ABN about it. 00:27:31.26\00:27:35.59 And join us again on Thinking About Home. 00:27:35.60\00:27:37.58 Dear Father God, thank you so much 00:27:39.72\00:27:42.35 for the privilege of raising a family to your glory. 00:27:42.36\00:27:46.16 Lord, guide us with your eye and order our footsteps. 00:27:46.17\00:27:49.67 We want to please you in raising these families. Amen. 00:27:49.68\00:27:53.13 We thank you for all your blessings 00:27:53.14\00:27:55.50 and for the principles you've given us to work with. 00:27:55.51\00:27:58.83 Please Father, attend us now. 00:27:58.84\00:28:00.92