Participants: Ariel Roldan, Kathy Matthews, Richard O'Ffill
Series Code: TAH
Program Code: TAH000166
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00:30 Welcome to Thinking About Home.
00:31 I'm Kathy Matthews and I'm glad you can join us again. 00:34 We're going to be discussing the subject of courtship today. 00:39 We've discussed some things about courtship before, 00:42 there was a big movement in the United States 00:44 and probably in lots of places around the world. 00:46 They talks about, that's really discussing 00:50 just how we should discover our companion 00:53 for ourselves in a Biblical way. The things that we have done 00:57 in the past that have been wrong choices 01:01 and how the Lord would have us to look upon 01:05 the subject of find like a companion. 01:07 Our guest today is Ariel Roldan, 01:10 and Richard O'Ffill is with us too and he's going to 01:14 help me maneuver through this subject I think. 01:17 And I think its important when you talk about 01:19 maneuvering through this subject, Kathy, 01:22 that these are going to be some interesting concepts. 01:25 And as we have said in other programs 01:27 there's lots of different ways of looking at things. 01:30 And we would hope that when people watch 01:33 Thinking About Home, that they wouldn't think well 01:35 you know those people are saying everyone's wrong 01:38 and they were right. Yeah. It's just that 01:40 we need to all be thinking, we live in the last days, 01:43 our homes are definitely under attack. Yes, they're. 01:46 You know what the devil can destroy the home, 01:47 he's got the church. Yes. Because the church is really 01:50 that that the some of the homes that they comprise it. 01:52 And of course the home is the product of the courtship 01:56 and you know, all that went to make it. 01:58 Right. And of course we have here Ariel, 02:05 that he is 28yrs old. You didn't mind me telling that? 02:08 Not at all. And so and so what we're going to be 02:11 hearing is how a young man who is 28yrs old, 02:14 looks at the matter of courtship 02:16 and some of the concepts in his mind. 02:18 And if someone says, well I don't agree with that. 02:21 Well, that's Ariel. That's the way he is seeing it, 02:23 but I think that he's got some things that 02:26 we could all do well. That we're thinking about it. 02:29 That we're thinking about it. That's right, 02:31 you know I asked you Ariel because, 02:33 because there's like I said a movement 02:36 on of the young people who want to get back to God 02:39 to do this think right. Because they've had 02:41 a lot of broken hearts. And I've had people 02:44 on before discussing this subject; 02:46 it's been very popular program. And I think it bears, 02:50 it's worthy of being discussed more because 02:54 our children are going into despair 03:00 and sometimes broken lives as a result of some really 03:06 poor training in this area or not having any training at all. 03:10 And you've discovered somehow either by experience 03:17 by traveling there or something. How that you feel that 03:19 the Lord maybe leading in this area? 03:21 Can you start where, where you want to start 03:25 on your experience? Wherever I want to start, I think 03:26 a good place would be at home. I think every parent 03:31 wants to protect their child as much as possible. 03:35 I think every parent somewhere has gone through 03:38 some kind of heartache concerning 03:39 the romantic area of life. And some parents praise God, 03:43 that the first person they meet is the person they marry. 03:46 But usually it's been my prospective 03:49 is not being that way. It was that way with me? 03:52 Amen. Well, I think I had a total of two girlfriends 03:54 and my wife was the second one. All right, yeah. 03:56 Wow! That's good. Unfortunately, 04:01 I cannot say that. It wasn't that way for you. 04:02 My parents of course, when my brother and I were at the age 04:06 where we begun to get the pitch wise 04:08 along with the razor, our parents sat us down. 04:12 Yes. And it was difficult for my parents to talk about 04:14 this because its, you're not talking about 04:17 you know Joseph and his coats of many colors. No. 04:20 Now, you're gonna start talking about sperms and ovaries 04:23 and all these things is different, 04:25 and so when my parents sat us down, 04:28 they tried to be as direct but as pure as possible. 04:31 And I really appreciate that because they had the wisdom 04:35 to say okay, we don't need to let them know everything. 04:37 Yes. See the public schools will expose the kids 04:39 to movies and pictures and things like that, 04:41 they don't really need to know. No. My parents praised God, 04:45 maintained the principle of purity 04:47 along with the information. Amen. 04:49 Jokingly, they told me and my brother that 04:52 my son Ariel, ou're not going to get married 04:55 until you're 30yrs old, 04:56 finished with college with a job. 04:59 It sounds like they were prophesying Kathy, 05:01 here he is 28. No. Believe me, 05:04 I had to be careful with how you regard to your parents, 05:06 you know. The Lord hears, 05:08 and that there is a commandment that says: 05:10 Honor your father and your mother. 05:11 So, I definitely did not, I'll be frank, 05:14 I did not honor my parents concerning dating. 05:18 I weighed what they had to tell me 05:21 and what society was telling me. And unfortunately I, 05:25 society won. The peer pressure at schools, 05:30 the pressure of, you know what the pressure was really? 05:34 I think in the last show I mentioned to you that. 05:35 The television program presented this question, 05:39 am I gay? Yes. Well, during that time 05:42 AIDS had just come out during the early 80s. Right. 05:46 And so it was at that time ignorantly labeled 05:48 as the disease of homosexuality. 05:51 So, if you wanted, somebody wanted to insult you, 05:53 guess what they will have to call you. 05:56 You get the picture? Yes. So, anything that hinted 06:00 that you're not a heterosexual male, 06:02 you had to avoid, because then you would only have that stigma, 06:05 but the stigma of having this disease 06:07 that was very unknown at that time. 06:10 So, if you did not date girls at the age of 16. 06:14 All right, I see where he's coming from? 06:15 I see where he's coming from. You see, 06:17 something's wrong with you? So, I was entering a dilemma, 06:22 you know. In order for me to have a girlfriend, 06:24 she has to have my phone number. And she eventually call me 06:27 and if she calls my house. What am I gonna tell my parents 06:31 who this is you know. Yes. So, I was like. 06:37 What do I do here? Your parents had said that 06:39 you couldn't date? My parents said this, 06:43 you could not date. They were straightand I'm glad, 06:49 I'm glad they took a stand and no wishy, washy stuff. 06:53 Right. Because a teenager is like mucus, 06:55 you know if he can squirm itself through it, 06:57 it will. Well, that's a new one, Kathy. Write that one down... 07:00 Yes, it's a very slimmy runny mucus. 07:04 Oh! No. If we can get through it, 07:05 if we can somehow get it in there, 07:07 they'll do it. And I was no different, 07:10 I soon made friends that had phone numbers 07:12 and pretty soon I said, listen so and so, 07:14 once they give me their phone number. 07:17 Could you take a message for me? So, I had a dating service 07:21 all of my own, I was the only person in there. 07:23 And that's basically how I got away with it for awhile. 07:28 Pretty soon they, it came much closer to home. 07:31 I began to get interested in girls in the church. 07:33 And in the mentality my parents had was a very realistic one. 07:39 If you gonna date, it's for marriage. 07:43 Yes. Why else. What's purpose after all? 07:45 Exactly, you know they were able to gently, politely, 07:51 but frankly say let's get the rubbish out of the way. 07:54 This is the reason you want to date at this time? 07:56 And they talked to you about this? 07:58 It's the gross my mom did, 08:00 my mom was more straight forward. Yes. 08:02 And, she didn't want me getting hurt. 08:04 You see, you rise up kids with a conscious 08:07 and with principles and then you go out into the world 08:10 and you see what the world has to offer. 08:13 Right. And it's like rising up a little lamb, 08:15 living in the midst of wolves. Yes. 08:17 You know that, if you're child goes out there 08:20 in that condition try to play the game of a wolf, 08:24 they will get all chewed it up. Right. 08:26 Because a lamb has gums, it doesn't have fangs? 08:30 So, my mom was very straight 08:32 because she wanted to protect us, 08:33 because just as they have evil corrupted minded men, 08:38 you have women, of the same mentality. 08:40 Yes. Even in the church. So what my mom did sad. 08:43 Me and my brother down and said, listen, if you go on date. 08:48 She of course, because we're guys, 08:49 she was the girl. If a girl wants to date you, 08:53 the only reason they want to date you 08:54 is for physical reasons, physical intimacy. 08:58 And you can not have that outside of marriage. 09:00 So, why do you want to date, Ariel? You know? 09:03 Did she make you think? Yeah, the good think was is that 09:06 she did not forbade us to liking girls. 09:09 She never said you know it's wrong 09:10 for you to like girls. Right. It's just, it's wrong for you 09:13 to date them at this time. At this time in your life. 09:16 This time, I'm 13yrs old you know you just learning 09:19 to pop your pimples. Okay. Why do you want a girl for it? 09:21 So, what you're gonna do? What do you guys 09:24 want to talk about? You know, besides doing homework. Yes. 09:29 What else is there about your life at that age 09:33 and even at the age of 18? And some things 09:34 are just unavoidable. Yes. You know, there is something 09:37 that comes to my mind maybe little off a subject, 09:39 but its interesting, it says mother 09:40 that's communicating with them. Do you know, 09:42 I've even notice this in our own relationships 09:44 that mothers communicate with sons 09:45 and sometimes fathers with daughters? 09:47 Yes. Was this your case; it was mostly your mother 09:51 that was communicating this to you. 09:52 Very much so, especially in these type of scenarios. 09:57 Our Dad intervened when it came to theological things, 09:59 because pretty soon we found out that 10:03 at least in the Adventist Church we were in. 10:05 They were not young girls of our age. 10:07 Most of them were older. Yes. Like older, 10:11 and so we began to, 10:13 I began to look at Jehovah witnesses girls 10:17 and other denominations, other persuasions 10:20 and that's where my dad would come in. 10:22 Because he was more like listen, you gonna have conflict in this 10:26 In your faith? Yes, spiritually speaking. Yes. 10:29 She will not want to do this, and she will not want to do that 10:31 and all these issues. How can you be in harmony? 10:34 Exactly, but to me at that stage was, 10:37 I don't really care, she is cute. 10:39 You know, I don't really care, you know I got to her before. 10:44 What do you doing over there? 10:45 Did you find yourself rebelling against this a little bit? 10:47 Oh! Yeah, he was saying 10:48 I don't really care that's what that is. 10:50 Because you were saying in another program 10:52 that you went through a stage in which, 10:54 you know the values really changed. 10:55 And so your mother's conveying this to you, 10:57 but you're really not buying into it 10:59 or do I hear you saying that? 11:00 This was during the time; 11:01 I think that before his values really changed, is that so? 11:03 Or, whether the value which one, 11:05 the values with you grew up 11:06 or the values when you came back to it? 11:09 In between somewhere. Yeah, 11:10 this is like when he was getting from gray to dark. 11:15 You really weren't agreeing what you mother was saying. 11:17 Yes, when I spoke about things that create a trust. 11:21 Yes, Dating became the tree of knowledge of good and evil. 11:25 It was the forbidden fruit tree. 11:27 Yes, temporarily they said you'll not enjoy it 11:32 and they were so right. 11:34 When I told you guys that I learned by trial and error. 11:37 Yes. You spoke of my mom, 11:40 when my parents being prophets you know 11:41 you and I get married until the age of 30. 11:44 They were not prophets, they just knew how things work. 11:48 And when they told me Ariel you get torn to shreds, 11:50 they didn't use those words. 11:52 Yes. But they might as well have they were not kidding. 11:56 I'll tell you what if you want to have people manipulate 11:58 you emotionally, and make fools of you start dating early. 12:02 Yes. But you know, 12:03 I'm hearing him say something else Kathy, 12:04 is that he is telling us the story 12:08 from the perspective of a 28yr old. 12:10 But he's looking back; I'm hearing him say, 12:12 I'm glad that happened. 12:14 But if I'd been talking to Ariel at 13, 12:16 I think I had heard another story. 12:18 I think he was becoming angry. Of course, of course. 12:21 But now he is looking back, saying there was wisdom in that. 12:23 Now, I see in that perspective. 12:25 Yes. And I think we all go through that, 12:27 is that at the time we say this is unbearable 12:29 and so put early but we look back 12:31 and we say how thankful I'm that I had that kind of a parent. 12:34 Amen. Mm-hmm. 12:36 One of the things that helped me 12:37 was getting out of that sort of specific environment. 12:41 And even in the church, 12:42 I see this manifested in a very innocent way, 12:45 but I don't think, I don't look at it the same way 12:47 anymore as far as being innocent. 12:50 And I've read several books on this, 12:51 this is not something that I'm just you know, 12:54 I've read several books concerning when other adults 12:58 will look at a friendship developing 13:00 between a young boy and a young girl. 13:03 And they walk up to young boy and say you also, 13:05 is that your girlfriend? For the boy, 13:09 it's like they might as will have shot the friendship down. 13:13 Yes. Because, now the boy has to make a decision. Right. 13:17 And his answer is gonna effect, 13:19 that friendship could be is horribly effected from that, 13:22 from that answer. Yes, yes, you're put on the spot. 13:24 Yeah, that issue was never brought up 13:26 between the two of them. 13:27 They had a pure desire to just be good friends. 13:30 So, it would be helpful if we adults 13:34 and others would not put someone on the spot in this particular. 13:40 Yes. Situation, because a lot of times adults 13:43 were always teasing, they're teasing. I've done it. 13:46 Yeah, I remember when the girls were small 13:49 and they were all and people were already saying, 13:52 who is your boyfriend? And these kinds of things, 13:54 it just starts a train of thinking, should I have one? 14:00 What is it? Should I be like others in this? 14:03 So, we put them on the spot, we start a thought, 14:06 a train of thought that doesn't need to be there. 14:08 All decisions are on the spot. 14:10 Just as warping as was that question, 14:13 am I gay? Is the question, 14:16 is she my girlfriend. Just as difficult to handle 14:19 Yeah, for the mind to finally say okay, 14:22 this is what it is. Because at 13, 16, 14:25 you ask kids 18yrs old and if they really know 14:29 what they want to do with their lives. 14:32 If they really know what carrier they want to pursue at that age 14:35 before they graduated high school. 14:37 Some of them do, I remember when I graduated in high school, 14:40 they showed a statistics to say you know stay calm 14:43 because if you change your major three times 14:44 people usually do that the first day of college. 14:49 I did and a lot of my friends did as well, 14:51 but a lot of people are not sure 14:52 yet what they want to do with their lives. 14:54 I don't think they would know yet, 14:56 who they'll want to be with, to marry. 14:58 So, why present that issue before hand, 15:01 why make it an issue out of it. 15:02 You know, you're inching over here, 15:04 there is something going on. 15:05 Oh! I'm just kind of just saying you know number one, 15:07 you know it occurred to me 15:08 and this gets a little bit ahead of us. 15:10 But I do saying because you're talking about in a context, 15:13 you're talking about coming over here at the age of 11, 15:15 1984 in another program. Yes. 15:17 I do think that there is something out there, 15:21 Ariel, that, that is more; 15:24 I don't have to have a boyfriend. 15:25 I think that I'm seeing at least in recent years there is more, 15:28 there is less of this pressure 15:29 then I know there was back in another times. 15:32 However you know I think some of our viewers 15:38 are probably thinking well, 15:39 if I'm not supposed to date or you know suppose 15:41 if a young person is watching it and enjoying it. 15:44 And he say, well if I'm not supposed to date 15:46 then how do I find the person I'm supposed to marry? 15:49 And I say, by mail order or you know by lottery. 15:51 Oh! Yes, but we can't cover everything. 15:53 By parents, because when you get, 15:55 in other words if we're gonna create a situation 15:57 in which we say here on this program. 16:00 If we're gonna say well you know 16:01 there is other ways besides dating, 16:03 besides this traditional thing. Yes. 16:05 Then I think that before the program is over 16:07 we better kind of set that down so that we can all.... 16:10 Before make another program, one of the other. Okay. 16:13 Well, I don't think you'll need to have 10 camels to go 16:15 and look for a wife, for your kids... 16:18 even if they are mucus. You know, 16:20 you wouldn't need to go to those extremes. 16:24 It was down to setting down principles for safety. Yes. 16:30 And you can never be too safe. As a young person I look back 16:35 and I can honestly say that the reason 16:36 I wanted to date was for physical reasons. 16:40 It was the hormones. It was the hormones kicking in, 16:42 the young ladies bega to look attracted to me. 16:46 All right, wait a minute, 16:48 hormones are natural, they were natural, 16:50 where they natural to Adam and Eve? 16:52 I think, it's also sinful nature. Yes. 16:55 In other words, the hormones being all right 16:57 the sinful nature not being all right. Yes. 17:00 I think, that's nice. 17:02 So, I can't just say, oh! It's just a problem of hormones. 17:05 Go ahead, I'm sorry. But that was profound. 17:08 If you look at the context of where kids are now it is 17:12 You do see that type of trend, there's no more a boyfriend, 17:16 girlfriend type pressure you could say. 17:20 But there's tons of 13 17:21 and there's tons of Promiscuousness. 17:24 Definitely. Yes. 17:25 So, it's gone, if you could say worse. 17:29 There's no more need of a commitment per say. Okay. 17:32 And if there is then you better than the rest. 17:35 So, premarital sex, but committal premarital sex is okay 17:40 and you be mature about it. 17:42 That's how I perceive it as a 28yr old. 17:44 Yes, I'm sorry. 17:45 In this society and lot of that is due 17:48 to how relationships are portrayed in movies 17:52 and music videos and songs. Its twisted thinking. 17:56 Twisted thinking, and Satan usually goes, I mean 17:59 if you look at you've heard this cliche tons of times. 18:01 If you look at how television is being pushed through the decades 18:04 when it first got here in North America. 18:07 They were things, you do not see 18:08 and words you do not hear on television, but now you do. 18:12 Now there's no doubt about it. Yes. 18:13 Quite frequently how this is? And dating has more of, 18:16 you could say into just if you look nice 18:22 and I look nice then we should be good together. 18:26 Most of the songs you listen to them is: 18:27 you make me feel so good and I make you look so good 18:31 and you make me look so good. And it's also professional, 18:34 temporary and physical. So, if you want to be safe 18:39 and you want to begun a relationship with a young lady 18:44 It sounds old fashioned, but that physical attraction 18:48 should not be the reason why you're approaching 18:49 this young lady or this young guy. 18:51 So, you're talking about something beyond that, 18:52 character perhaps. Yeah. 18:54 That beauty is as beauty does. 18:56 If you want to be a Christian, 18:57 I mean you've to makeup your mind; 18:58 I had to come up with my own conviction. 19:00 Am I going to do this Christian lifestyle 19:04 or not all the way? 19:06 And I had to decide well if I'm gonna do it 19:09 then I have to go all the way. 19:11 And one of the first things that had to go 19:15 was the idea of my personal opinion 19:19 was that I could not kiss the lady girl. 19:23 You couldn't get that close because, why? 19:25 Physiological reason. When I went to massage school 19:29 this is where found out I shouldn't kiss girls 19:31 in massage school. 19:33 When they were showing us the brain, 19:34 we're studying Neuroanatomy, they took the brain 19:37 and kind a like a load of bread and cut a slice out of it. 19:40 And what doctors have done is they've segmented 19:42 the edge of the brain to different parts of the body 19:45 how much brain is designed 19:47 or allotted for that part of your body, 19:49 your hearing, your digestive system. 19:51 And a very, very, very, very, very 19:54 tiny part of it is designated to your sexual organs. 19:57 You know, what has the largest amount allotted is your lips. 20:03 You knew that? Yes. 20:05 I never heard of that. 20:06 Well, I wasn't sure of I should say before he did. 20:08 Then Dr. Hershey from Loma Linda taught us that 20:11 and that's why babies, the first thing they do 20:13 when they pick up things is just they take it to their mouth. 20:15 Absolutely. They have the greatest sensory 20:17 input from their lips. Amazing. 20:19 So. Dick, you're learning things. 20:21 I know, well I'm just gonna sit here after 61 years... 20:25 Well, you'd married now; you don't have to worry about this. 20:28 What takes place then, my mind equated this then. 20:33 If there is more nerve endings on my lips 20:35 then on my sexual organs, then I'm at a greater danger 20:39 of becoming promiscuous. If I start kissing people, 20:43 because there's a mutual stimulation 20:45 of opposite sex that will end... 20:48 That originally God intended at the right time. 20:51 I received an email and they said God made sex 20:54 to be like a car on top of a hill with no brakes. 21:00 I don't know what to say, keep going. 21:03 You can start it and put it in a first gear 21:06 and you pick up speed really fast and you can keep jumping 21:09 out of a car, before you hit the finish line. 21:14 And you can keep doing this and keep doing this, 21:16 but sooner or later you're bound to cross the finish line. 21:19 Yeah, okay. 21:20 You can only go so far, I mean and it's true, 21:23 you start holding hands and pretty soon you want to hug 21:26 and pretty soon you want to embrace 21:27 and pretty soon you want to kiss and after kissing... 21:31 God intended other things to take place 21:33 and that's only natural. Naturally is not something that 21:37 we should be like you know putting the foot 21:38 on the clutch doing... Constantly. Yeah, 21:40 that's for a balance shift, it was designed for. 21:43 You know, I even heard someone say, Kathy, 21:47 that couples who spend too much time alone together 21:49 and it says what is it 300hrs, 21:51 400hrs after that amount of time together this intimacy, 21:55 this physical intimacy begins to develop. 21:58 It says 300hrs accumulated non consecutive. 22:01 Yeah, right, accumulated... 22:03 Isn't it wonderful to have this sharp young man on the program? 22:05 Yes. I don't know. 22:07 When you said 300hrs, I was thinking wow! You know. 22:10 Now, that's a kind of accumulative, 22:11 but it's hours alone, it's hours alone. 22:13 Now, you even heard talk about being alone 22:16 as well as this physical. 22:17 Is risky, if I'm attracted to a young person 22:21 or I'm young too, to a young lady 22:26 and I spend time with them, the conversation will gear 22:31 toward hey! I like, I like your smile. 22:34 It's just does that, doesn't it? Yes. 22:36 But he still hasn't come back, see we've got about 5 minutes 22:39 left in the program and he still told us all these reasons 22:42 why we must not do this. But he still has and here he is, 22:45 he is 28yrs old, his parents are prophesied, 22:48 he's gonna be married by the time he's 30. Oh! Well, 30. 22:51 How he is gonna pull this off, that's what I want to know? 22:54 I mean what's your strategy? In other words how 22:58 we're talking about friendship here how do we do this? 23:01 There was a great controversy in the school 23:04 where I work at and I was part of it. 23:06 Because they told us that you cannot, 23:09 it's not a beneficial for you to date. 23:12 Courtship is what you need to do, 23:14 but there was this gap in the middle. 23:16 Well, how do we do it then? 23:17 So, that's what I wanted to know? That's right. 23:20 I don't see how. Okay, 23:23 so once you get yourself straight, 23:24 once you realize that you need to set some principles 23:27 and then maybe you're old enough to get married. 23:29 How do I manage this? Okay, 23:30 if I were to fine, this is how I, my conclusion has been. 23:34 All right. There we go now, this is the punch line. 23:36 My frontal lobe has grasped this. 23:39 I, first of all pray and I develop a distrust of my heart 23:46 because my heart will deceive me. 23:47 Okay, we're going by biblical principle. Yeah, 23:50 if you're a Christian, I mean if you're gonna ask God to 23:53 bless the food you're about to eat, 23:54 this is a lot more serious. 23:56 Okay, next one, you're gonna.... Okay, 23:59 you do not say anything 24:00 to the other person in my opinion. 24:02 Okay. This is why? Yeah, 24:03 I got something to say here too, go ahead. 24:05 If you're that girl that's real feel, and I was the young guy. 24:08 And we were attracted to each other somehow but we didn't know 24:14 you didn't know if I was attracted to you 24:16 and I didn't know if you're attracted to me. 24:18 If we don't know that then we act normal. 24:21 All right, all right. 24:22 The moment I hint to you, I have a little twinkle in my eye, 24:27 you begin to act not yourself. Okay, 24:29 that's the second one what's another one then? 24:31 It escalates doesn't it? Yes. 24:33 If you do that, if you say things it escalates. 24:35 You try to develop an ability to develop a friendship, 24:38 because you need to get to know the person. Yes. 24:40 You need to know to... 24:41 With out these uncompromised so and the close you're not. 24:44 Yes. Which is? 24:45 Sort of. Emotional compromise. Oh! Good, 24:47 you know our commitment, emotional commitment. Oh! Okay. 24:50 Because, that you want to know who that person really is? 24:53 and if I know that person likes me 24:55 than I put on my best behavior. 24:56 That's true. And that's really not Ariel necessarily. 24:59 Yes, it's not Ariel and I've seen that, 25:01 I've done that and it hurts, increase lots of heartache, 25:04 increase lot's of confusion and frustration. 25:07 And I thought you were this way. Yeah, 25:09 exactly and I thought you were that way. 25:10 Well, I also you could get to like me. 25:12 Well, I was acting like that so you could like me. Yes. 25:14 Okay, then you get to be friendship, 25:16 you got to move this on. 25:17 Because I want to see you happily married you both. 25:19 You know, well for this one is over, 25:21 at least in 2 more years. God has if you have been blessed 25:24 with Godly parents, go to them first. Yes. 25:27 Go to them first. Thank you. 25:29 Go to the Bible in the Spirit of Prophecy, 25:32 if you've decided that this person you're not just attracted 25:35 to them physically there's more to it. 25:37 You've seen they must be a friend, then hey I can laugh, 25:40 I can talk about these things, 25:41 if this person sees me with a bad hair, 25:43 I don't mind, I don't go aha! 25:45 That's right. I can be real with them 25:47 and they don't reject me. Yes. 25:50 Then I need to maybe open up to that person, 25:53 the idea that listen, I'm somewhat considering you. 25:56 By that time. Yes. 25:57 And we need to pray. Yes. 25:59 We need to pray. So, keeping things always in prayer. 26:01 Prayer, fastings, Spirit of Prophecy, 26:03 the Bible, God will speak to you, 26:04 God will speak to you, God will speak to you. 26:05 Why is this so important? 26:06 Because this one of the most important 26:08 decisions you'll ever make all your life. Yes, 26:11 if you stay single then your relationship is basically 26:13 one on one with the Lord. Once you're married, 26:15 your marriage can either break or make you. That's true. 26:18 And I've seen it and it's spooky, it's scary, 26:20 it's scary to see so many Christian marriages worlds apart 26:25 The husband didn't talk to the wife; 26:27 the wife doesn't talk to the husband. 26:28 They're strangers. Yes. And that's the scary thing, 26:31 because marriage is a sign for companionship. 26:33 You know there's a word that pops out to me is friendship see 26:36 in other words some of these rules can be broken. 26:39 Excuse me for saying this, but it's when friendship 26:41 never happens then the marriage isn't going any place. 26:45 And what I hear him doing 26:46 he is not eliminating kissing the bride. 26:49 He is just saying don't do that before you become friends, 26:52 isn't this what I'm hearing in it? 26:53 You know, I don't need to over simplify it. 26:54 That's a little over simplified in my mind. 26:57 No, no, but Kathy, I'm talking about getting married. 27:00 I got a wrong way with some girls 27:01 that my spiritual life would have died. 27:03 I'm talking about the girl that you marrying. Yes. Okay. 27:05 The Lord will guide. Clarify that. 27:07 I've seen it in other people that are married 27:09 that they stepped out in faith. Some people put up the wall, 27:12 usually it's recommended that you use your head, 27:16 that you do not go with... 27:18 you know if this person orders blueberry pancakes 27:20 then this is the one. You know, 27:21 don't go with that kind of stuff. Yes. 27:23 Use what God has given you. Okay. 27:25 And then go to the people that you respect 27:27 and ask them about yourself and this person. 27:29 Okay. Wow! We're coming down very close to the end aren't we? 27:33 We want to pray that you will use some of these principles 27:37 in your home and join us again on Thinking About Home. 27:39 We're gonna go out with prayer now. 27:42 Dear Lord, thank you so much for guiding us 27:44 and that you care about every aspect of our life 27:47 especially this one. 27:48 And Father, I don't know everything, but you do. 27:51 And Father, for the people that need 27:53 this counseling and guidance at this time, 27:54 I pray your Spirit will guide them 27:56 and renew their minds to make the right choice. |
Revised 2014-12-17