Welcome to Thinking About Home.
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I'm Kathy Matthews and I'm
glad you can join us again.
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We're going to be discussing
the subject of courtship today.
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We've discussed some
things about courtship before,
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there was a big
movement in the United States
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and probably in lots of
places around the world.
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They talks about,
that's really discussing
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just how we should
discover our companion
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for ourselves in a Biblical way.
The things that we have done
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in the past that
have been wrong choices
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and how the Lord
would have us to look upon
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the subject of
find like a companion.
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Our guest today is Ariel Roldan,
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and Richard O'Ffill is
with us too and he's going to
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help me maneuver
through this subject I think.
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And I think its
important when you talk about
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maneuvering through
this subject, Kathy,
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that these are going to
be some interesting concepts.
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And as we have
said in other programs
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there's lots of different
ways of looking at things.
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And we would hope
that when people watch
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Thinking About Home,
that they wouldn't think well
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you know those people
are saying everyone's wrong
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and they were
right. Yeah. It's just that
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we need to all be thinking,
we live in the last days,
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our homes are definitely
under attack. Yes, they're.
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You know what the
devil can destroy the home,
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he's got the church. Yes.
Because the church is really
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that that the some of the
homes that they comprise it.
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And of course the home is
the product of the courtship
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and you know, all
that went to make it.
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Right. And of
course we have here Ariel,
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that he is 28yrs old. You
didn't mind me telling that?
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Not at all. And so and
so what we're going to be
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hearing is how a
young man who is 28yrs old,
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looks at the matter of courtship
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and some of the
concepts in his mind.
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And if someone says,
well I don't agree with that.
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Well, that's Ariel.
That's the way he is seeing it,
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but I think that
he's got some things that
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we could all do well.
That we're thinking about it.
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That we're thinking
about it. That's right,
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you know I asked
you Ariel because,
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because there's
like I said a movement
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on of the young people
who want to get back to God
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to do this think
right. Because they've had
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a lot of broken
hearts. And I've had people
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on before
discussing this subject;
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it's been very popular
program. And I think it bears,
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it's worthy of being
discussed more because
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our children are
going into despair
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and sometimes broken
lives as a result of some really
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poor training in this area or
not having any training at all.
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And you've discovered
somehow either by experience
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by traveling there or something.
How that you feel that
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the Lord maybe
leading in this area?
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Can you start where,
where you want to start
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on your experience? Wherever
I want to start, I think
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a good place would be at
home. I think every parent
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wants to protect their
child as much as possible.
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I think every parent
somewhere has gone through
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some kind of
heartache concerning
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the romantic area of life.
And some parents praise God,
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that the first person they
meet is the person they marry.
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But usually it's
been my prospective
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is not being that way.
It was that way with me?
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Amen. Well, I think I had
a total of two girlfriends
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and my wife was the
second one. All right, yeah.
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Wow! That's good. Unfortunately,
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I cannot say that. It
wasn't that way for you.
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My parents of course, when
my brother and I were at the age
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where we begun to
get the pitch wise
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along with the razor,
our parents sat us down.
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Yes. And it was difficult
for my parents to talk about
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this because its,
you're not talking about
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you know Joseph and his
coats of many colors. No.
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Now, you're gonna start
talking about sperms and ovaries
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and all these
things is different,
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and so when my
parents sat us down,
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they tried to be as
direct but as pure as possible.
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And I really appreciate
that because they had the wisdom
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to say okay, we don't need
to let them know everything.
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Yes. See the public
schools will expose the kids
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to movies and
pictures and things like that,
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they don't really need to know.
No. My parents praised God,
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maintained the
principle of purity
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along with the
information. Amen.
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Jokingly, they told
me and my brother that
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my son Ariel, ou're
not going to get married
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until you're 30yrs old,
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finished with
college with a job.
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It sounds like they
were prophesying Kathy,
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here he is 28. No. Believe me,
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I had to be careful with
how you regard to your parents,
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you know. The Lord hears,
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and that there is a
commandment that says:
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Honor your
father and your mother.
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So, I definitely
did not, I'll be frank,
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I did not honor my
parents concerning dating.
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I weighed what
they had to tell me
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and what society was
telling me. And unfortunately I,
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society won. The
peer pressure at schools,
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the pressure of, you know
what the pressure was really?
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I think in the last
show I mentioned to you that.
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The television program
presented this question,
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am I gay? Yes.
Well, during that time
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AIDS had just come out
during the early 80s. Right.
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And so it was at that
time ignorantly labeled
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as the disease of homosexuality.
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So, if you wanted,
somebody wanted to insult you,
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guess what they
will have to call you.
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You get the picture?
Yes. So, anything that hinted
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that you're not a
heterosexual male,
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you had to avoid, because then
you would only have that stigma,
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but the stigma of
having this disease
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that was very
unknown at that time.
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So, if you did not
date girls at the age of 16.
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All right, I see
where he's coming from?
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I see where he's
coming from. You see,
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something's wrong with you?
So, I was entering a dilemma,
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you know. In order for
me to have a girlfriend,
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she has to have my phone number.
And she eventually call me
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and if she calls my house.
What am I gonna tell my parents
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who this is you
know. Yes. So, I was like.
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What do I do here?
Your parents had said that
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you couldn't date?
My parents said this,
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you could not date. They
were straightand I'm glad,
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I'm glad they took a
stand and no wishy, washy stuff.
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Right. Because a
teenager is like mucus,
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you know if he can
squirm itself through it,
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it will. Well, that's a new one,
Kathy. Write that one down...
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Yes, it's a very
slimmy runny mucus.
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Oh! No. If we
can get through it,
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if we can
somehow get it in there,
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they'll do it. And
I was no different,
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I soon made friends
that had phone numbers
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and pretty soon I
said, listen so and so,
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once they give me
their phone number.
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Could you take a message for
me? So, I had a dating service
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all of my own, I was
the only person in there.
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And that's basically how I
got away with it for awhile.
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Pretty soon they, it
came much closer to home.
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I began to get interested
in girls in the church.
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And in the mentality my parents
had was a very realistic one.
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If you gonna
date, it's for marriage.
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Yes. Why else.
What's purpose after all?
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Exactly, you know they
were able to gently, politely,
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but frankly say let's get
the rubbish out of the way.
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This is the reason you
want to date at this time?
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And they talked
to you about this?
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It's the gross my mom did,
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my mom was more
straight forward. Yes.
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And, she didn't
want me getting hurt.
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You see, you rise up
kids with a conscious
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and with principles and
then you go out into the world
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and you see what
the world has to offer.
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Right. And it's like
rising up a little lamb,
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living in the
midst of wolves. Yes.
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You know that, if
you're child goes out there
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in that condition try
to play the game of a wolf,
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they will get all
chewed it up. Right.
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Because a lamb has
gums, it doesn't have fangs?
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So, my mom was very straight
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because she
wanted to protect us,
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because just as they have
evil corrupted minded men,
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you have women, of
the same mentality.
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Yes. Even in the
church. So what my mom did sad.
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Me and my brother down and
said, listen, if you go on date.
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She of course,
because we're guys,
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she was the girl. If a
girl wants to date you,
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the only reason
they want to date you
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is for physical
reasons, physical intimacy.
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And you can not have
that outside of marriage.
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So, why do you want
to date, Ariel? You know?
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Did she make you think?
Yeah, the good think was is that
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she did not
forbade us to liking girls.
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She never said
you know it's wrong
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for you to like girls. Right.
It's just, it's wrong for you
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to date them at this
time. At this time in your life.
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This time, I'm 13yrs old
you know you just learning
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to pop your pimples. Okay.
Why do you want a girl for it?
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So, what you're
gonna do? What do you guys
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want to talk about? You know,
besides doing homework. Yes.
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What else is there
about your life at that age
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and even at the age
of 18? And some things
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are just unavoidable. Yes.
You know, there is something
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that comes to my mind
maybe little off a subject,
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but its
interesting, it says mother
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that's communicating
with them. Do you know,
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I've even notice this
in our own relationships
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that mothers
communicate with sons
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and sometimes
fathers with daughters?
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Yes. Was this your case;
it was mostly your mother
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that was
communicating this to you.
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Very much so, especially
in these type of scenarios.
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Our Dad intervened when it
came to theological things,
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because pretty
soon we found out that
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at least in the
Adventist Church we were in.
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They were not
young girls of our age.
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Most of them were
older. Yes. Like older,
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and so we began to,
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I began to look at
Jehovah witnesses girls
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and other
denominations, other persuasions
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and that's where
my dad would come in.
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Because he was more like listen,
you gonna have conflict in this
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In your faith? Yes,
spiritually speaking. Yes.
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She will not want to do this,
and she will not want to do that
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and all these issues.
How can you be in harmony?
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Exactly, but to
me at that stage was,
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I don't really
care, she is cute.
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You know, I don't really care,
you know I got to her before.
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What do you doing over there?
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Did you find yourself rebelling
against this a little bit?
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Oh! Yeah, he was saying
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I don't really care
that's what that is.
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Because you were
saying in another program
00:10:50.58\00:10:52.40
that you went
through a stage in which,
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you know the
values really changed.
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And so your mother's
conveying this to you,
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but you're really
not buying into it
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or do I hear you saying that?
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This was during the time;
00:11:00.79\00:11:01.76
I think that before his values
really changed, is that so?
00:11:01.77\00:11:03.95
Or, whether the value which one,
00:11:03.96\00:11:05.40
the values with you grew up
00:11:05.41\00:11:06.61
or the values when
you came back to it?
00:11:06.77\00:11:08.28
In between somewhere. Yeah,
00:11:09.35\00:11:10.42
this is like when he was
getting from gray to dark.
00:11:10.43\00:11:12.62
You really weren't agreeing
what you mother was saying.
00:11:15.46\00:11:17.63
Yes, when I spoke about
things that create a trust.
00:11:17.80\00:11:21.41
Yes, Dating became the tree
of knowledge of good and evil.
00:11:21.81\00:11:24.91
It was the forbidden fruit tree.
00:11:25.56\00:11:26.92
Yes, temporarily they
said you'll not enjoy it
00:11:27.10\00:11:31.66
and they were so right.
00:11:32.88\00:11:33.88
When I told you guys that
I learned by trial and error.
00:11:34.54\00:11:37.30
Yes. You spoke of my mom,
00:11:37.31\00:11:39.49
when my parents
being prophets you know
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you and I get
married until the age of 30.
00:11:41.92\00:11:43.57
They were not prophets,
they just knew how things work.
00:11:44.56\00:11:48.00
And when they told me
Ariel you get torn to shreds,
00:11:48.59\00:11:50.86
they didn't use those words.
00:11:50.87\00:11:51.94
Yes. But they might as
well have they were not kidding.
00:11:52.13\00:11:55.24
I'll tell you what if you
want to have people manipulate
00:11:56.25\00:11:58.85
you emotionally, and make
fools of you start dating early.
00:11:58.86\00:12:02.13
Yes. But you know,
00:12:02.36\00:12:03.33
I'm hearing him say
something else Kathy,
00:12:03.34\00:12:04.64
is that he is
telling us the story
00:12:04.65\00:12:08.35
from the
perspective of a 28yr old.
00:12:08.63\00:12:10.67
But he's looking
back; I'm hearing him say,
00:12:10.68\00:12:12.61
I'm glad that happened.
00:12:12.62\00:12:13.86
But if I'd been
talking to Ariel at 13,
00:12:14.16\00:12:16.42
I think I had
heard another story.
00:12:16.97\00:12:18.38
I think he was becoming
angry. Of course, of course.
00:12:18.39\00:12:21.35
But now he is looking back,
saying there was wisdom in that.
00:12:21.36\00:12:23.63
Now, I see in that perspective.
00:12:23.64\00:12:24.97
Yes. And I think we
all go through that,
00:12:24.98\00:12:26.40
is that at the time
we say this is unbearable
00:12:27.04\00:12:29.47
and so put
early but we look back
00:12:29.48\00:12:31.95
and we say how thankful I'm that
I had that kind of a parent.
00:12:31.96\00:12:34.85
Amen. Mm-hmm.
00:12:34.86\00:12:36.00
One of the things that helped me
00:12:36.01\00:12:37.16
was getting out of that
sort of specific environment.
00:12:37.93\00:12:40.20
And even in the church,
00:12:41.09\00:12:42.06
I see this manifested
in a very innocent way,
00:12:42.99\00:12:45.78
but I don't think, I
don't look at it the same way
00:12:45.79\00:12:47.51
anymore as far
as being innocent.
00:12:47.52\00:12:49.15
And I've read
several books on this,
00:12:50.19\00:12:51.57
this is not something
that I'm just you know,
00:12:51.79\00:12:54.27
I've read several books
concerning when other adults
00:12:54.28\00:12:58.26
will look at a
friendship developing
00:12:58.45\00:13:00.49
between a young
boy and a young girl.
00:13:00.50\00:13:02.55
And they walk up to
young boy and say you also,
00:13:03.06\00:13:04.97
is that your
girlfriend? For the boy,
00:13:04.98\00:13:08.67
it's like they might as will
have shot the friendship down.
00:13:09.64\00:13:12.28
Yes. Because, now the boy
has to make a decision. Right.
00:13:13.58\00:13:16.44
And his answer is gonna effect,
00:13:17.19\00:13:19.11
that friendship could be is
horribly effected from that,
00:13:19.12\00:13:21.88
from that answer. Yes,
yes, you're put on the spot.
00:13:22.17\00:13:24.27
Yeah, that issue
was never brought up
00:13:24.28\00:13:26.69
between the two of them.
00:13:26.70\00:13:27.67
They had a pure desire
to just be good friends.
00:13:27.68\00:13:30.64
So, it would be
helpful if we adults
00:13:30.99\00:13:33.82
and others would not put someone
on the spot in this particular.
00:13:34.91\00:13:40.03
Yes. Situation,
because a lot of times adults
00:13:40.57\00:13:43.28
were always teasing,
they're teasing. I've done it.
00:13:43.29\00:13:46.08
Yeah, I remember
when the girls were small
00:13:46.81\00:13:49.38
and they were all and
people were already saying,
00:13:49.39\00:13:51.99
who is your boyfriend?
And these kinds of things,
00:13:52.37\00:13:54.55
it just starts a train of
thinking, should I have one?
00:13:54.71\00:13:58.52
What is it? Should I
be like others in this?
00:14:00.28\00:14:03.26
So, we put them on the
spot, we start a thought,
00:14:03.49\00:14:06.28
a train of thought that
doesn't need to be there.
00:14:06.52\00:14:07.92
All decisions are on the spot.
00:14:08.58\00:14:09.97
Just as warping
as was that question,
00:14:09.98\00:14:13.91
am I gay? Is the question,
00:14:13.92\00:14:16.12
is she my girlfriend.
Just as difficult to handle
00:14:16.27\00:14:19.94
Yeah, for the mind
to finally say okay,
00:14:19.95\00:14:22.24
this is what it
is. Because at 13, 16,
00:14:22.41\00:14:25.68
you ask kids 18yrs old
and if they really know
00:14:25.69\00:14:29.82
what they want to
do with their lives.
00:14:29.83\00:14:31.05
If they really know what carrier
they want to pursue at that age
00:14:32.37\00:14:34.87
before they
graduated high school.
00:14:35.01\00:14:36.36
Some of them do, I remember
when I graduated in high school,
00:14:37.36\00:14:40.95
they showed a statistics
to say you know stay calm
00:14:40.96\00:14:43.02
because if you change
your major three times
00:14:43.03\00:14:44.78
people usually do that
the first day of college.
00:14:44.79\00:14:46.37
I did and a lot of
my friends did as well,
00:14:49.15\00:14:51.19
but a lot of people are not sure
00:14:51.53\00:14:52.84
yet what they want
to do with their lives.
00:14:52.85\00:14:54.67
I don't think
they would know yet,
00:14:54.87\00:14:56.36
who they'll want
to be with, to marry.
00:14:56.69\00:14:57.85
So, why present
that issue before hand,
00:14:58.84\00:15:01.16
why make it an issue out of it.
00:15:01.39\00:15:02.58
You know, you're
inching over here,
00:15:02.80\00:15:04.00
there is something going on.
00:15:04.01\00:15:04.98
Oh! I'm just kind of just
saying you know number one,
00:15:04.99\00:15:06.34
you know it occurred to me
00:15:07.40\00:15:08.37
and this gets a
little bit ahead of us.
00:15:08.38\00:15:10.10
But I do saying because you're
talking about in a context,
00:15:10.37\00:15:12.98
you're talking about coming
over here at the age of 11,
00:15:13.51\00:15:15.26
1984 in another program. Yes.
00:15:15.47\00:15:16.94
I do think that there
is something out there,
00:15:17.66\00:15:20.37
Ariel, that, that is more;
00:15:21.24\00:15:23.68
I don't have to
have a boyfriend.
00:15:24.11\00:15:25.16
I think that I'm seeing at least
in recent years there is more,
00:15:25.36\00:15:28.05
there is less of this pressure
00:15:28.35\00:15:29.32
then I know there was
back in another times.
00:15:29.33\00:15:32.57
However you know I
think some of our viewers
00:15:32.89\00:15:38.32
are probably thinking well,
00:15:38.33\00:15:39.30
if I'm not supposed to
date or you know suppose
00:15:39.52\00:15:41.61
if a young person is
watching it and enjoying it.
00:15:41.62\00:15:44.35
And he say, well if
I'm not supposed to date
00:15:44.71\00:15:46.21
then how do I find the
person I'm supposed to marry?
00:15:46.22\00:15:49.31
And I say, by mail
order or you know by lottery.
00:15:49.32\00:15:51.47
Oh! Yes, but we
can't cover everything.
00:15:51.48\00:15:53.90
By parents,
because when you get,
00:15:53.91\00:15:55.48
in other words if we're
gonna create a situation
00:15:55.49\00:15:57.24
in which we say
here on this program.
00:15:57.25\00:16:00.00
If we're gonna say well you know
00:16:00.81\00:16:01.78
there is other
ways besides dating,
00:16:01.79\00:16:03.90
besides this
traditional thing. Yes.
00:16:03.91\00:16:05.32
Then I think that
before the program is over
00:16:05.57\00:16:07.44
we better kind of set that
down so that we can all....
00:16:07.45\00:16:10.18
Before make another
program, one of the other. Okay.
00:16:10.19\00:16:12.98
Well, I don't think you'll
need to have 10 camels to go
00:16:12.99\00:16:15.51
and look for a
wife, for your kids...
00:16:15.52\00:16:17.33
even if they
are mucus. You know,
00:16:18.94\00:16:20.08
you wouldn't need to
go to those extremes.
00:16:20.09\00:16:23.01
It was down to setting
down principles for safety. Yes.
00:16:24.47\00:16:29.79
And you can never be too safe.
As a young person I look back
00:16:30.30\00:16:35.18
and I can honestly
say that the reason
00:16:35.19\00:16:36.83
I wanted to date was
for physical reasons.
00:16:36.84\00:16:38.54
It was the hormones. It
was the hormones kicking in,
00:16:40.35\00:16:42.38
the young ladies bega
to look attracted to me.
00:16:42.70\00:16:44.66
All right, wait a minute,
00:16:46.84\00:16:47.81
hormones are
natural, they were natural,
00:16:48.04\00:16:49.86
where they
natural to Adam and Eve?
00:16:50.67\00:16:52.20
I think, it's also
sinful nature. Yes.
00:16:52.63\00:16:55.55
In other words, the
hormones being all right
00:16:55.56\00:16:57.16
the sinful nature
not being all right. Yes.
00:16:57.17\00:16:58.83
I think, that's nice.
00:17:00.82\00:17:02.08
So, I can't just say, oh!
It's just a problem of hormones.
00:17:02.09\00:17:05.03
Go ahead, I'm sorry.
But that was profound.
00:17:05.21\00:17:07.95
If you look at the context
of where kids are now it is
00:17:08.20\00:17:10.94
You do see that type of trend,
there's no more a boyfriend,
00:17:12.21\00:17:16.43
girlfriend type
pressure you could say.
00:17:16.44\00:17:19.51
But there's tons of 13
00:17:20.14\00:17:21.35
and there's tons
of Promiscuousness.
00:17:21.91\00:17:24.44
Definitely. Yes.
00:17:24.56\00:17:25.53
So, it's gone, if
you could say worse.
00:17:25.54\00:17:28.23
There's no more need of
a commitment per say. Okay.
00:17:29.26\00:17:31.91
And if there is then
you better than the rest.
00:17:32.58\00:17:34.70
So, premarital sex, but
committal premarital sex is okay
00:17:35.93\00:17:39.77
and you be mature about it.
00:17:40.59\00:17:42.29
That's how I
perceive it as a 28yr old.
00:17:42.83\00:17:44.68
Yes, I'm sorry.
00:17:44.69\00:17:45.66
In this society
and lot of that is due
00:17:45.67\00:17:47.86
to how relationships
are portrayed in movies
00:17:48.47\00:17:52.31
and music videos and
songs. Its twisted thinking.
00:17:52.92\00:17:56.02
Twisted thinking, and
Satan usually goes, I mean
00:17:56.13\00:17:59.23
if you look at you've
heard this cliche tons of times.
00:17:59.24\00:18:01.91
If you look at how television is
being pushed through the decades
00:18:01.92\00:18:04.68
when it first got
here in North America.
00:18:04.91\00:18:06.90
They were things, you do not see
00:18:07.28\00:18:08.69
and words you do not hear
on television, but now you do.
00:18:08.70\00:18:11.50
Now there's no
doubt about it. Yes.
00:18:12.32\00:18:13.89
Quite frequently how this
is? And dating has more of,
00:18:13.90\00:18:16.81
you could say into
just if you look nice
00:18:16.87\00:18:21.37
and I look nice then we
should be good together.
00:18:22.09\00:18:25.88
Most of the songs
you listen to them is:
00:18:26.04\00:18:27.52
you make me feel so good
and I make you look so good
00:18:27.82\00:18:31.39
and you make me look so good.
And it's also professional,
00:18:31.40\00:18:33.99
temporary and physical.
So, if you want to be safe
00:18:34.21\00:18:38.42
and you want to begun a
relationship with a young lady
00:18:39.25\00:18:42.37
It sounds old fashioned,
but that physical attraction
00:18:44.16\00:18:48.14
should not be the
reason why you're approaching
00:18:48.15\00:18:49.71
this young lady
or this young guy.
00:18:49.72\00:18:50.97
So, you're talking
about something beyond that,
00:18:51.20\00:18:52.70
character perhaps. Yeah.
00:18:52.77\00:18:54.28
That beauty is as beauty does.
00:18:54.53\00:18:55.85
If you want to be a Christian,
00:18:56.22\00:18:57.20
I mean you've to
makeup your mind;
00:18:57.47\00:18:58.58
I had to come up
with my own conviction.
00:18:58.59\00:19:00.64
Am I going to do
this Christian lifestyle
00:19:00.78\00:19:04.67
or not all the way?
00:19:04.68\00:19:06.12
And I had to decide
well if I'm gonna do it
00:19:06.97\00:19:09.54
then I have to go all the way.
00:19:09.55\00:19:11.11
And one of the first
things that had to go
00:19:11.60\00:19:14.81
was the idea of
my personal opinion
00:19:15.78\00:19:19.66
was that I could
not kiss the lady girl.
00:19:19.67\00:19:22.43
You couldn't get
that close because, why?
00:19:23.05\00:19:25.41
Physiological reason.
When I went to massage school
00:19:25.65\00:19:29.46
this is where found
out I shouldn't kiss girls
00:19:29.76\00:19:31.14
in massage school.
00:19:31.15\00:19:32.12
When they were
showing us the brain,
00:19:33.68\00:19:34.95
we're studying Neuroanatomy,
they took the brain
00:19:34.96\00:19:37.70
and kind a like a load of
bread and cut a slice out of it.
00:19:37.71\00:19:39.77
And what doctors have
done is they've segmented
00:19:40.10\00:19:42.53
the edge of the brain to
different parts of the body
00:19:42.71\00:19:45.49
how much brain is designed
00:19:45.50\00:19:47.12
or allotted for
that part of your body,
00:19:47.96\00:19:49.59
your hearing,
your digestive system.
00:19:49.60\00:19:51.17
And a very,
very, very, very, very
00:19:51.81\00:19:54.05
tiny part of it is designated
to your sexual organs.
00:19:54.06\00:19:56.84
You know, what has the largest
amount allotted is your lips.
00:19:57.16\00:20:02.45
You knew that? Yes.
00:20:03.86\00:20:05.20
I never heard of that.
00:20:05.21\00:20:06.46
Well, I wasn't sure of I
should say before he did.
00:20:06.47\00:20:08.36
Then Dr. Hershey from
Loma Linda taught us that
00:20:08.87\00:20:11.72
and that's why babies,
the first thing they do
00:20:11.73\00:20:13.70
when they pick up things is just
they take it to their mouth.
00:20:13.71\00:20:15.73
Absolutely. They
have the greatest sensory
00:20:15.74\00:20:17.46
input from their lips. Amazing.
00:20:17.47\00:20:19.68
So. Dick,
you're learning things.
00:20:19.72\00:20:21.21
I know, well I'm just
gonna sit here after 61 years...
00:20:21.22\00:20:25.54
Well, you'd married now; you
don't have to worry about this.
00:20:25.87\00:20:28.19
What takes place then,
my mind equated this then.
00:20:28.53\00:20:31.64
If there is more
nerve endings on my lips
00:20:33.28\00:20:35.60
then on my sexual organs,
then I'm at a greater danger
00:20:35.61\00:20:39.18
of becoming promiscuous.
If I start kissing people,
00:20:39.19\00:20:42.80
because there's a
mutual stimulation
00:20:43.31\00:20:45.53
of opposite sex that will end...
00:20:45.54\00:20:48.92
That originally God
intended at the right time.
00:20:48.93\00:20:51.13
I received an email
and they said God made sex
00:20:51.14\00:20:54.44
to be like a car on top
of a hill with no brakes.
00:20:54.45\00:20:58.06
I don't know what
to say, keep going.
00:21:00.17\00:21:02.31
You can start it and
put it in a first gear
00:21:03.68\00:21:06.46
and you pick up speed really
fast and you can keep jumping
00:21:06.47\00:21:09.53
out of a car, before
you hit the finish line.
00:21:09.54\00:21:14.04
And you can keep doing
this and keep doing this,
00:21:14.71\00:21:16.90
but sooner or later you're
bound to cross the finish line.
00:21:16.91\00:21:19.64
Yeah, okay.
00:21:19.65\00:21:20.67
You can only go so
far, I mean and it's true,
00:21:20.68\00:21:23.29
you start holding hands
and pretty soon you want to hug
00:21:23.74\00:21:26.07
and pretty soon
you want to embrace
00:21:26.08\00:21:27.37
and pretty soon you want
to kiss and after kissing...
00:21:27.38\00:21:30.00
God intended other
things to take place
00:21:31.66\00:21:33.62
and that's only natural.
Naturally is not something that
00:21:33.63\00:21:37.47
we should be like
you know putting the foot
00:21:37.48\00:21:38.67
on the clutch
doing... Constantly. Yeah,
00:21:38.68\00:21:40.45
that's for a balance
shift, it was designed for.
00:21:40.46\00:21:42.62
You know, I even
heard someone say, Kathy,
00:21:43.22\00:21:45.36
that couples who spend
too much time alone together
00:21:47.12\00:21:49.82
and it says what is it 300hrs,
00:21:49.83\00:21:51.47
400hrs after that amount of
time together this intimacy,
00:21:51.48\00:21:55.44
this physical
intimacy begins to develop.
00:21:55.45\00:21:58.43
It says 300hrs
accumulated non consecutive.
00:21:58.44\00:22:01.22
Yeah, right, accumulated...
00:22:01.23\00:22:03.76
Isn't it wonderful to have this
sharp young man on the program?
00:22:03.77\00:22:05.87
Yes. I don't know.
00:22:05.88\00:22:07.36
When you said 300hrs, I
was thinking wow! You know.
00:22:07.37\00:22:10.43
Now, that's a
kind of accumulative,
00:22:10.44\00:22:11.69
but it's hours
alone, it's hours alone.
00:22:11.70\00:22:13.93
Now, you even heard
talk about being alone
00:22:13.94\00:22:16.18
as well as this physical.
00:22:16.19\00:22:17.84
Is risky, if I'm
attracted to a young person
00:22:17.85\00:22:21.67
or I'm young
too, to a young lady
00:22:21.68\00:22:26.60
and I spend time with
them, the conversation will gear
00:22:26.98\00:22:31.26
toward hey! I
like, I like your smile.
00:22:31.27\00:22:34.81
It's just does
that, doesn't it? Yes.
00:22:34.82\00:22:36.74
But he still hasn't come back,
see we've got about 5 minutes
00:22:36.75\00:22:39.61
left in the program and he
still told us all these reasons
00:22:39.62\00:22:42.42
why we must not do this.
But he still has and here he is,
00:22:42.43\00:22:45.58
he is 28yrs old, his
parents are prophesied,
00:22:45.59\00:22:48.23
he's gonna be married by
the time he's 30. Oh! Well, 30.
00:22:48.24\00:22:51.49
How he is gonna pull this
off, that's what I want to know?
00:22:51.50\00:22:54.89
I mean what's your
strategy? In other words how
00:22:54.90\00:22:58.79
we're talking about friendship
here how do we do this?
00:22:58.80\00:23:01.76
There was a great
controversy in the school
00:23:01.89\00:23:04.44
where I work at
and I was part of it.
00:23:04.45\00:23:06.54
Because they told
us that you cannot,
00:23:06.79\00:23:09.12
it's not a
beneficial for you to date.
00:23:09.13\00:23:12.16
Courtship is
what you need to do,
00:23:12.68\00:23:14.65
but there was
this gap in the middle.
00:23:14.66\00:23:16.85
Well, how do we do it then?
00:23:16.86\00:23:17.96
So, that's what I
wanted to know? That's right.
00:23:17.97\00:23:20.40
I don't see how. Okay,
00:23:20.41\00:23:23.06
so once you get
yourself straight,
00:23:23.07\00:23:24.45
once you realize that you
need to set some principles
00:23:24.46\00:23:27.21
and then maybe you're
old enough to get married.
00:23:27.22\00:23:29.03
How do I manage this? Okay,
00:23:29.04\00:23:30.54
if I were to fine, this is
how I, my conclusion has been.
00:23:30.55\00:23:34.09
All right. There we go
now, this is the punch line.
00:23:34.10\00:23:36.65
My frontal lobe
has grasped this.
00:23:36.66\00:23:38.13
I, first of all pray and I
develop a distrust of my heart
00:23:39.16\00:23:45.19
because my
heart will deceive me.
00:23:46.02\00:23:47.44
Okay, we're going by
biblical principle. Yeah,
00:23:47.71\00:23:50.13
if you're a Christian, I
mean if you're gonna ask God to
00:23:50.14\00:23:53.78
bless the food
you're about to eat,
00:23:53.79\00:23:54.76
this is a lot more serious.
00:23:54.77\00:23:56.80
Okay, next one,
you're gonna.... Okay,
00:23:56.81\00:23:58.63
you do not say anything
00:23:59.00\00:23:59.99
to the other
person in my opinion.
00:24:00.00\00:24:02.01
Okay. This is why? Yeah,
00:24:02.02\00:24:03.47
I got something to
say here too, go ahead.
00:24:03.48\00:24:05.50
If you're that girl that's real
feel, and I was the young guy.
00:24:05.51\00:24:08.88
And we were attracted to each
other somehow but we didn't know
00:24:08.92\00:24:14.91
you didn't know if
I was attracted to you
00:24:14.92\00:24:16.18
and I didn't know if
you're attracted to me.
00:24:16.19\00:24:18.12
If we don't know
that then we act normal.
00:24:18.69\00:24:21.83
All right, all right.
00:24:21.84\00:24:22.81
The moment I hint to you, I
have a little twinkle in my eye,
00:24:22.82\00:24:27.06
you begin to act
not yourself. Okay,
00:24:27.37\00:24:29.04
that's the second one
what's another one then?
00:24:29.05\00:24:30.76
It escalates doesn't it? Yes.
00:24:31.95\00:24:33.63
If you do that, if you
say things it escalates.
00:24:33.64\00:24:35.88
You try to develop an
ability to develop a friendship,
00:24:35.89\00:24:38.40
because you need to get
to know the person. Yes.
00:24:38.41\00:24:40.43
You need to know to...
00:24:40.44\00:24:41.41
With out these uncompromised
so and the close you're not.
00:24:41.42\00:24:44.19
Yes. Which is?
00:24:44.20\00:24:45.17
Sort of. Emotional
compromise. Oh! Good,
00:24:45.18\00:24:47.83
you know our commitment,
emotional commitment. Oh! Okay.
00:24:47.84\00:24:50.23
Because, that you want to
know who that person really is?
00:24:50.25\00:24:53.23
and if I know
that person likes me
00:24:53.24\00:24:55.14
than I put on my best behavior.
00:24:55.15\00:24:56.90
That's true. And that's
really not Ariel necessarily.
00:24:56.91\00:24:59.68
Yes, it's not
Ariel and I've seen that,
00:24:59.69\00:25:01.44
I've done that and it hurts,
increase lots of heartache,
00:25:01.45\00:25:04.90
increase lot's of
confusion and frustration.
00:25:04.91\00:25:07.11
And I thought you
were this way. Yeah,
00:25:07.12\00:25:09.04
exactly and I
thought you were that way.
00:25:09.05\00:25:10.71
Well, I also you
could get to like me.
00:25:10.72\00:25:12.04
Well, I was acting like
that so you could like me. Yes.
00:25:12.05\00:25:14.58
Okay, then you
get to be friendship,
00:25:14.59\00:25:16.61
you got to move this on.
00:25:16.84\00:25:17.81
Because I want to see
you happily married you both.
00:25:17.82\00:25:19.91
You know, well
for this one is over,
00:25:19.92\00:25:21.81
at least in 2 more years.
God has if you have been blessed
00:25:21.82\00:25:24.47
with Godly parents,
go to them first. Yes.
00:25:24.48\00:25:26.98
Go to them first. Thank you.
00:25:26.99\00:25:28.51
Go to the Bible in
the Spirit of Prophecy,
00:25:29.79\00:25:31.61
if you've decided that this
person you're not just attracted
00:25:32.44\00:25:35.64
to them physically
there's more to it.
00:25:35.65\00:25:37.20
You've seen they must be a
friend, then hey I can laugh,
00:25:37.71\00:25:40.40
I can talk about these things,
00:25:40.41\00:25:41.79
if this person
sees me with a bad hair,
00:25:41.80\00:25:43.90
I don't mind, I don't go aha!
00:25:43.91\00:25:45.87
That's right. I
can be real with them
00:25:45.88\00:25:47.78
and they don't reject me. Yes.
00:25:47.79\00:25:50.01
Then I need to maybe
open up to that person,
00:25:50.62\00:25:53.54
the idea that listen,
I'm somewhat considering you.
00:25:53.55\00:25:56.05
By that time. Yes.
00:25:56.06\00:25:57.37
And we need to pray. Yes.
00:25:57.38\00:25:59.22
We need to pray. So,
keeping things always in prayer.
00:25:59.23\00:26:01.47
Prayer, fastings,
Spirit of Prophecy,
00:26:01.48\00:26:03.03
the Bible, God
will speak to you,
00:26:03.04\00:26:04.27
God will speak to
you, God will speak to you.
00:26:04.28\00:26:05.87
Why is this so important?
00:26:05.88\00:26:06.85
Because this one
of the most important
00:26:06.86\00:26:08.63
decisions you'll ever
make all your life. Yes,
00:26:08.64\00:26:10.85
if you stay single then
your relationship is basically
00:26:11.25\00:26:13.60
one on one with the
Lord. Once you're married,
00:26:13.61\00:26:15.37
your marriage can either
break or make you. That's true.
00:26:15.38\00:26:18.03
And I've seen it and
it's spooky, it's scary,
00:26:18.04\00:26:20.26
it's scary to see so many
Christian marriages worlds apart
00:26:20.27\00:26:25.48
The husband
didn't talk to the wife;
00:26:25.49\00:26:27.39
the wife doesn't
talk to the husband.
00:26:27.40\00:26:28.72
They're strangers. Yes.
And that's the scary thing,
00:26:28.73\00:26:31.30
because marriage is a
sign for companionship.
00:26:31.31\00:26:33.24
You know there's a word that
pops out to me is friendship see
00:26:33.25\00:26:36.53
in other words some of
these rules can be broken.
00:26:36.54\00:26:39.40
Excuse me for saying
this, but it's when friendship
00:26:39.41\00:26:41.54
never happens then the
marriage isn't going any place.
00:26:41.55\00:26:43.96
And what I hear him doing
00:26:45.34\00:26:46.33
he is not
eliminating kissing the bride.
00:26:46.34\00:26:49.01
He is just saying don't do
that before you become friends,
00:26:49.50\00:26:52.09
isn't this what
I'm hearing in it?
00:26:52.10\00:26:53.08
You know, I don't
need to over simplify it.
00:26:53.09\00:26:54.76
That's a little over
simplified in my mind.
00:26:54.77\00:26:56.93
No, no, but Kathy, I'm
talking about getting married.
00:26:57.92\00:27:00.47
I got a wrong
way with some girls
00:27:00.48\00:27:01.45
that my spiritual
life would have died.
00:27:01.46\00:27:03.21
I'm talking about the girl
that you marrying. Yes. Okay.
00:27:03.22\00:27:05.68
The Lord will
guide. Clarify that.
00:27:05.69\00:27:07.31
I've seen it in other
people that are married
00:27:07.32\00:27:09.38
that they stepped out in faith.
Some people put up the wall,
00:27:09.39\00:27:12.66
usually it's recommended
that you use your head,
00:27:12.67\00:27:15.83
that you do not go with...
00:27:16.77\00:27:18.16
you know if this person
orders blueberry pancakes
00:27:18.26\00:27:20.17
then this is the one. You know,
00:27:20.18\00:27:21.75
don't go with that
kind of stuff. Yes.
00:27:21.76\00:27:23.58
Use what God
has given you. Okay.
00:27:23.94\00:27:25.57
And then go to the
people that you respect
00:27:25.58\00:27:27.14
and ask them about
yourself and this person.
00:27:27.69\00:27:29.86
Okay. Wow! We're coming down
very close to the end aren't we?
00:27:29.87\00:27:33.88
We want to pray that you will
use some of these principles
00:27:33.89\00:27:37.07
in your home and join us
again on Thinking About Home.
00:27:37.08\00:27:39.34
We're gonna go
out with prayer now.
00:27:39.35\00:27:40.83
Dear Lord, thank you
so much for guiding us
00:27:42.40\00:27:44.94
and that you care about
every aspect of our life
00:27:44.95\00:27:47.08
especially this one.
00:27:47.09\00:27:48.06
And Father, I don't
know everything, but you do.
00:27:48.71\00:27:51.37
And Father, for
the people that need
00:27:51.76\00:27:53.26
this counseling and
guidance at this time,
00:27:53.27\00:27:54.76
I pray your
Spirit will guide them
00:27:54.77\00:27:56.32
and renew their minds
to make the right choice.
00:27:56.33\00:27:58.89