Welcome to Thinking About
Home. I'm Richard O'Ffill,
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and I am filling in for our
host which is Kathy Matthews.
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And the reason I'm
doing that is because
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she is our guest today.
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You do that funny.
Welcome to the program.
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You do that better than I do?
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I have to
explain it to the people,
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otherwise they'd be
all nervous and they say,
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what ever
happened to Kathy? I know,
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I don't want you to think that
I am gone, because I am not.
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I'm really not.
Anyway, it's so nice to
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you know be able to do
a program again together
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and you and I have a
good time, don't we? Yes,
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I enjoy it very much. You
know, I think we ought to tell
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our viewing audience
that you know what we do here
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on the program is
not to say the last word,
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did I get the right. Right.
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We don't have
the last word to say.
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And we might not even
have the best word to say.
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There might be a better
way, but we do hope that
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on Thinking About Home that
we encourage ourselves to think,
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that we need to be pressing
on. We need to be doing better,
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and so what we're going
to do in the program today,
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especially in the program
today is to give some concepts
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and other people
might see it other way. Yes.
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I think this is important
that we start there,those of you
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who are watching you
might see it at a different way.
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You might have a completely
different point of view.
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But at least you are
hearing us talk about it,
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and we hope that
as we talk about it
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that you will be
thinking about it in the end,
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that as we Think About Home
that will be better parents.
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Amen. Because the subject
today, yes, is parenting.
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Yes, it's parenting. Well, you
know parenting is a big subject
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and we can't possibly
cover it all. And I had
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the most terrible time trying
come down to just a few things
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that I can talk
about. But if you know
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I were in a course, I
facilitate a course. Right.
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And I've developed
some of my own material.
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You know you've got a lot
of time and you got a lot of
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Reports that you
can build with parents.
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I can't do that very well
here. We only got a few minutes
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and it aggravates
me, it frustrates me.
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You know those jokes they
used to say when we were kids,
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they'd say tell us all
you know in two minutes.
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Two minutes, I can't do that.
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But it is true and
as we talked before
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that do you have
seminars that you present,
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because the subject of
parenting is big on your heart.
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It's big. And, so
we're gonna talk about
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some specific aspects of
parenting. And but, anyway,
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lets start out, parenting
as it is on your heart.
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Yes, and, I wanna talk
about how I got started.
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Yes, please do that. I
want to get started and
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helping and mentoring
others about parenting.
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But I have to talk
about my own parenting
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a little bit in the beginning.
And, as I mentioned once
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before I am the
youngest of 12 children.
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And so there was a big family
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and there was a very strong
sense of our father in the home.
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There wasn't what you
call really a Christian
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aspect in our home,
but there was a whole
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lot of common sense
it seemed like. Sure.
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And when the time came
that I became the Christian
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and we were going to have child,
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we had just studied
the second coming of Lord
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and we weren't
gonna have children.
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We had decided we
weren't gonna have children.
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Tom and I, probably about
six weeks into that thought,
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we were lying in bed one
night and it was as if the same
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subject about not having
the child was on each mind.
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And I just spoke out of the
blue, you ever do with Betty
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where were you've talked
about subject a week ago.
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I'm sure we do.
And, then we bring it up.
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I am sure we do. And,
then she knows exactly
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what you are talking
about without going back
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and talking about what
it is. And, I just said
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I don't know what it
would like and he said
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I don't know either
and we both were thinking
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about not having children. So
we slipped out of bed, and knelt
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beside the bed
and we asked Lord,
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the time is so short we feel.
If you want us to have children,
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because we've been married
almost ten years at this point.
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If you wanna us to have children
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then you are going to
have give us children,
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and I could have a child
by that time, but I didn't.
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The very next possible time that
I could have conceived a child
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I did. After that prayer it
was just six weeks or so and
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and I was pregnant. And
six or nine weeks or so and
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I found out, then I
found out very early.
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So it was an amazing thing
and I believe that God gave us,
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a prayed for child.
Absolutely. And so as it,
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I was 28 by the time she
came along and Tom was 31,
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and seem to me like a lot
of parenting was common sense,
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though I had several sisters
that was worried about me.
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Because I was very social
person and I had a business
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at the time and I,
they though I was not going
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to make a very good
mother. And, you know excuse me
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for interrupting you
know I don't know who made up
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the word common
sense, because it's so rare.
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It's not very common,
is that right? Go ahead.
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Okay, well anyway, so
we had our first daughter,
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and I am, I have to
admit that I wasn't a mother.
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I didn't have any, I
really wasn't a good mother
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in the sense of my own
standards for myself. Okay.
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I wasn't a good
mother in the sense
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that I wanted to be out
there in the social life,
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still it was
difficult for me to be at home.
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It was difficult for me to
just get away from business
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and just stay and be
a mother in the home.
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Don't lose that
thought, but in my generation
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we didn't have that
trouble, so you were 28
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and just see a back
in the old time of days.
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When was that? We
would have children almost
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you know a year or
so after we married.
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And so, we didn't
have this adjustment time
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where you have to kind
of psyche yourself up. Yeah.
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And then change
your life so drastically,
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I can't remember
in my married life
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when I was the
father, but there you were.
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There I was and I, the
Lord really convicted me
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that I needed to be
home with my daughter
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and she was 14
months old by that time,
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and it was difficult for
me to let go of the work life.
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And I, as I
began to study and read
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and for the next eight
years after that it seemed like
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I've observed
studying Spirit of Prophecy
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and the Bible like a sponge.
And it became very obvious to me
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that there was a lot of parents
they just simply did not know
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what to do with their children.
And a lot of the things
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that I was reading, my
father had done with me,
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some sample
things. Of course. Such as,
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who is in authority
here? Well it was him,
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and there was no
question about it.
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Now I am not talking
about someone who had me
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under their thumb, was harsh,
some kind of dictatorship,
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dictatorship. But
there was no question
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who was in authority,
and that made things easier.
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Because, the Lord has
put a role in the family.
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Really He has and I already
knew that and I wasn't afraid
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of the child.
The Lord has assigned
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the responsibility to
get on. He had assigned it,
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yes and we weren't
afraid of our children
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and we had some
strong willed one,
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so it was, it was something
that had to be a jump ahead,
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I had keep who I was.
And I can't say that I didn't
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make a lot of
mistakes with some indulgences
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and permissiveness and so
forth. But after some studying
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and some asking of people
that I had a lot of respect for.
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I began to realize what
I needed to do as a parent.
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All right. And mentoring
others began to be something
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that I wanted to do eventually.
Because I've had to have some
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experience under my belt.
Which is what parenting is,
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is mentoring, is
mentoring our children,
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is it not? Well it is,
and but once they began to get
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a little older and there
began to be some comments
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about you know, you
just kind of happen like,
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how did you get her to
do that. I began to realize
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that it didn't come
easy in some folks home.
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And, it wasn't just
because I had a really great
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little child to work
with, that was not it at all.
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I had a strong
willed little girl.
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And, but, she was
pleasant and happy and,
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so any how. In other
words, the people were seeing
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are you with...
And make some comments.
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And they are saying how
is it that this little girl
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seems to be so
obedient. So,I just can,
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I kind of came into
it. And even I can't say
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how did this little
girl become so obedient,
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because there were,
there was the relationship of
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how to get her to do
what needed to be done
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and it wasn't, it
wasn't manipulation,
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it was just an understanding.
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No. And so I
became interested in that,
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and I have observed that a
lot of parents were dealing with
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a lack of common
sense. They, they, especially
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in the Christian
realm, they tended to be,
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I wanna be like
Jesus. And, so therefore
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they wanted to be very
kind and tender and merciful.
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And they were beginning
to allow their children
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to just run all over
them. And they felt like
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they needed to do
this to be Christ like.
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No, no, excuse me
for coming in there,
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because it occurs to
me that there was a day
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in which we would call
this kind of parenting,
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an indulgent parent.
But now in this age, yes,
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they say a kind, considerate....
A child centered parent,
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is child centered. Alright. But
it used to have another name.
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Permissive kind.
Yeah, it was a permissive,
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indulgent parent. Yes, right.
Yeah, now you are not saying
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that we shouldn't be kind and...
Not at all, and, that's why
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I can't address everything
that I want to address.
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So, I've to
zero in on something.
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Go ahead. And, but I wanna,
you know the parents today,
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there is a multitude
of material in psychology
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that parents could go to.
But, a lot of it does not,
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nearly all of it,
does not really have
00:10:04.66\00:10:06.52
biblical principles in
it. We have either one side
00:10:06.53\00:10:10.81
or the other or something
that's completely off the ball.
00:10:10.82\00:10:13.93
And I think secular
parenting teaches either control
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or self-actualization
and I would just say that
00:10:19.64\00:10:23.73
the former. Often are
two extreme positions. Yes,
00:10:23.74\00:10:26.40
they are! The former
would had to do with some,
00:10:26.41\00:10:30.28
the harsh authoritarian,
00:10:30.29\00:10:32.82
or making the
parents wishes supreme.
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And the latter would have
do with the child's wishes
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being supreme. You know Kathy
it occurs to me that many times,
00:10:39.12\00:10:44.16
we seem to be confronted with,
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and I think we
have an expression,
00:10:47.02\00:10:48.23
we're the lesser of the
evils. In other words somebody
00:10:48.24\00:10:49.83
will come to you and say of
which you think we ought to be,
00:10:49.84\00:10:52.52
should we be this or
this, yes. When the fact
00:10:52.53\00:10:54.91
is we should neither, neither,
we should be something else.
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And I think that's
what I hear you saying.
00:10:57.91\00:11:00.11
There are two extremes,
and a person says well,
00:11:00.12\00:11:03.12
if I've got be a Dictator or
let the child develop itself,
00:11:03.13\00:11:07.16
right, right. I'll let
the child develop itself.
00:11:07.17\00:11:08.38
But that really isn't
the option that the scripture
00:11:08.39\00:11:10.42
would refer us to. Well,
no and yet there is a blend of
00:11:10.43\00:11:13.73
discipline and warm
communication can work together
00:11:13.74\00:11:17.70
and I believe that's
what the Bible presents to us,
00:11:17.71\00:11:20.99
neither fully one
side, or the other.
00:11:21.00\00:11:23.27
Now, I would like to say
too that having been to some
00:11:23.28\00:11:26.45
of the places that I've been,
I see and when we were doing
00:11:26.46\00:11:28.98
property management,
what I see is not just,
00:11:28.99\00:11:32.18
not just harsh or indulgence.
What I see often times
00:11:32.19\00:11:37.79
is indulgent,
indulgent, indulgent, indulgent,
00:11:37.80\00:11:41.57
then explosion. Okay.
And then harsh you know...
00:11:41.58\00:11:45.08
Going from one
extreme to the next. Oh, yes,
00:11:45.09\00:11:47.64
and just until
hostility develops between
00:11:47.65\00:11:50.46
you and your child and that's
when parents are read to pull
00:11:50.47\00:11:53.46
their hair out, they
don't know exactly what to do.
00:11:53.47\00:11:56.13
Well, where do we
begin? What is the best thing
00:11:56.14\00:11:58.91
in parenting? Its God's
word. It's got be in God's word
00:11:58.92\00:12:04.23
and I think it, I think
well haven't we always done,
00:12:04.24\00:12:07.45
isn't that what we
used to do in authoritarian,
00:12:07.46\00:12:09.34
wasn't that God's word. Now,
now, hold that just a second,
00:12:09.35\00:12:12.09
because it occurs to me and
I don't wanna be disrespectful.
00:12:12.10\00:12:16.83
But you know you can
make the Bible say about
00:12:16.84\00:12:18.61
anything you want to.
Yes. And I read a term one time
00:12:18.62\00:12:21.96
is called bibilize. See, I think
it's possible to take a concept
00:12:21.97\00:12:28.64
that's really not in
harmony with the word of God.
00:12:28.65\00:12:32.28
Go find some little
text for it some place,
00:12:32.29\00:12:34.73
you know sort of out of context,
it doesn't fit the picture.
00:12:34.74\00:12:37.00
And impose it and say well,
here is the Bible text for that.
00:12:37.01\00:12:39.35
When the truth is, it's
not within the Bible principle.
00:12:39.36\00:12:42.62
But it maynot be
a Bible principle,
00:12:42.63\00:12:46.56
and I think this is
important that we address this.
00:12:46.57\00:12:50.23
Because not
everything that has the word
00:12:50.24\00:12:53.06
Bible painted on it,
right, is necessarily following
00:12:53.07\00:12:56.70
a biblical
principle. Biblical principle,
00:12:56.71\00:12:58.05
that's right. And
I think in the past
00:12:58.06\00:13:00.80
when everybody said,
do it or else, and felt
00:13:00.81\00:13:04.61
that was the Bible
way. It took a portion of,
00:13:04.62\00:13:09.15
how I can I say this
without being misunderstood.
00:13:09.16\00:13:12.15
I don't think we've truly seen
the depth of biblical principle,
00:13:12.16\00:13:16.90
or biblical modeling
of parenting shown yet.
00:13:16.91\00:13:20.14
I don't think
we've really seen it,
00:13:20.15\00:13:21.71
not yet but not
often. And when that happens
00:13:21.72\00:13:24.61
in our heart or we need it
to be happening in our heart,
00:13:24.62\00:13:29.85
a good blend of discipline
and warm communication.
00:13:29.86\00:13:33.99
But I wanna, I wanna
go to a scripture Dick,
00:13:34.00\00:13:38.73
and it's in Deuteronomy
6. And I think this is where
00:13:38.74\00:13:42.34
we have to begin. And it
starts at Deuteronomy 6 verse 4,
00:13:42.35\00:13:46.95
And it says Hear, O Israel:
The Lord our God is one God,
00:13:46.96\00:13:51.03
one Lord, And thou
shalt love the Lord thy God
00:13:51.04\00:13:53.92
with all thine heart,
and with all thy soul,
00:13:53.93\00:13:56.17
and with all thy
might, And these words,
00:13:56.18\00:13:58.79
which I command thee this
day, shall be in thine heart.
00:13:58.80\00:14:02.70
And thou shalt teach them
diligently unto thy children,
00:14:02.71\00:14:06.33
and shalt talk of them when
thou sittest in thine house,
00:14:06.34\00:14:09.17
and when thou
walkest by the way,
00:14:09.18\00:14:10.96
and when thou liest
down, and when thou risest up.
00:14:10.97\00:14:14.00
And thou shalt bind them
for a sign upon thine hand,
00:14:14.01\00:14:17.57
and they shall be as
frontlets between thine eyes.
00:14:17.58\00:14:19.70
Now, I've a question.
Who is it He's talking to?
00:14:19.71\00:14:23.91
Make it easy. It
is, it's pretty easy,
00:14:23.92\00:14:25.90
who is he
talking to? Let me guess,
00:14:25.91\00:14:26.88
who is He talking
to? It sounds like
00:14:26.89\00:14:28.55
he's talking to parents.
He is, well He said Hear,
00:14:28.56\00:14:31.19
Israel. Yeah. Okay,
they are the responsible
00:14:31.20\00:14:33.60
ones listening doesn't
mean the youth weren't there,
00:14:33.61\00:14:36.78
the young people weren't there.
But he's talking to the parents.
00:14:36.79\00:14:38.88
He is talking to
parents. And do you remember
00:14:38.89\00:14:42.65
what he said where
should it be? No, I didn't know,
00:14:42.66\00:14:46.48
of course our viewing
audience, they weren't with us
00:14:46.49\00:14:49.86
when we were kind of talking,
you know working up to this.
00:14:49.87\00:14:51.70
Yes. So, I know all
the right answers to this,
00:14:51.71\00:14:53.91
you know so they won't
think I'm smarter or something.
00:14:53.92\00:14:56.66
I'm hearing... It's
pretty simple though.
00:14:56.67\00:14:58.65
I'm hearing this text
say that is being addressed
00:14:58.66\00:15:01.77
to parents and it's saying
that the word of God should be
00:15:01.78\00:15:05.37
in our own hearts. Yes.
It's got be in our own hearts.
00:15:05.38\00:15:08.41
Yeah. And I think that
where we're going to go is
00:15:08.42\00:15:11.56
that maybe it's
possible, this is kind of
00:15:11.57\00:15:14.13
on the negative side for
parents to be trying to teach
00:15:14.14\00:15:18.45
their children something
that isn't in their own heart.
00:15:18.46\00:15:20.42
Yes, exactly. But he
is saying teach it to them
00:15:20.43\00:15:24.33
he said in thine own
hearts and then he said how,
00:15:24.34\00:15:27.06
teach to them how?
You have to help me
00:15:27.07\00:15:30.99
out with that, I
grew a blank. Diligently,
00:15:31.00\00:15:33.61
that's right. Okay is
that... And diligently mean
00:15:33.62\00:15:36.46
just intentionally,
intentionally, this would be
00:15:36.47\00:15:38.86
a word that we would
use these days. Right,
00:15:38.87\00:15:40.45
how? We use the word
diligent, when we would say,
00:15:40.46\00:15:43.72
you know you got be
intentional about that. Yes,
00:15:43.73\00:15:45.65
that kind of a replacement
word now but diligent,
00:15:45.66\00:15:48.10
we don't say as much.
Right. But to teach it to them
00:15:48.11\00:15:50.12
diligently means intentional.
And it means obviously
00:15:50.13\00:15:53.46
that you need to know something
about what you're doing
00:15:53.47\00:15:56.24
and you can't just assume
a child's is gonna grow up
00:15:56.25\00:15:58.45
with your values, or
on its own, and be a child
00:15:58.46\00:16:04.48
that's going to
accept Christian values.
00:16:04.49\00:16:07.18
It simply isn't. It's got to
be taught to them diligently.
00:16:07.19\00:16:09.59
And, so I would, if
we're under the hand of God.
00:16:09.60\00:16:14.72
And it's in our
heart then... Lets see,
00:16:14.73\00:16:20.75
because this
program is so small,
00:16:20.76\00:16:23.78
so short in time,
I've to start somewhere.
00:16:23.79\00:16:27.47
So, after it's in our
heart, I just would like to
00:16:27.48\00:16:31.64
read a couple of things about,
00:16:31.65\00:16:33.14
that I, out of a
favorite book of mine.
00:16:33.15\00:16:39.93
And it's about training
and not just telling a child
00:16:39.94\00:16:46.06
what to do. And I had a
tendency just to tell them
00:16:46.07\00:16:49.59
what to do. And I had to
learn much more about training
00:16:49.60\00:16:53.76
a child what to do. And
training takes intentional
00:16:53.77\00:16:57.51
and diligent
effort. Okay, and it says
00:16:57.52\00:17:00.63
here on page 38 of the book.
You can see all my goodies here
00:17:00.64\00:17:03.61
I've marked all kinds of
things. Okay, a Child Guidance.
00:17:03.62\00:17:05.72
And the book is
called Child Guidance,
00:17:05.73\00:17:08.25
and it was a favorite of mine,
there has been a lot of material
00:17:08.26\00:17:11.88
out now that can
match this, but most do not.
00:17:11.89\00:17:15.21
It's not better then that.
It's not any better than this.
00:17:15.22\00:17:17.78
And right here we're
talking about on page 38,
00:17:17.79\00:17:21.10
it says many fathers and
mothers seem to think that
00:17:21.11\00:17:22.90
if they feed and
clothe their little ones,
00:17:22.91\00:17:25.19
and educate them according
to the standard of the world,
00:17:25.20\00:17:27.62
they have done their
duty. They are too much occupied
00:17:27.63\00:17:30.59
with business or
pleasure to make education
00:17:30.60\00:17:34.14
of their children
the study of their lives.
00:17:34.15\00:17:36.33
They do not seek to train
them, so that they will employ
00:17:36.34\00:17:39.84
their talents for the
honor of their Redeemer.
00:17:39.85\00:17:41.84
Solomon did not say,
00:17:41.85\00:17:43.52
"Tell a child
the way he should go,
00:17:43.53\00:17:46.05
and when he is old, he
will not depart from it."
00:17:46.06\00:17:48.26
But, "Train up a child
in the way he should go,
00:17:48.27\00:17:51.98
and when he is old, he
will not depart from it."
00:17:51.99\00:17:54.70
So training to me says
that, I need to address
00:17:54.71\00:17:59.58
the attitudes of the heart.
All right. I'm not just asking
00:17:59.59\00:18:03.23
them merely to behave.
Now, do I want good behavior?
00:18:03.24\00:18:06.10
Of course. Do I
expect the child to become
00:18:06.11\00:18:08.76
reverend and respectful,
and that doesn't come naturally.
00:18:08.77\00:18:12.94
So yes, I want good behavior.
But, I want to say first
00:18:12.95\00:18:21.76
that child training, if
you do not address the heart,
00:18:21.77\00:18:22.74
you've missed it. Okay. Okay,
now we've talked about this
00:18:22.75\00:18:27.67
little before we got started.
00:18:27.68\00:18:29.08
Addressing the
attitudes of the heart
00:18:31.87\00:18:34.04
takes moral reasoning.
00:18:34.05\00:18:38.20
Can you reason
morally with a two year old?
00:18:38.21\00:18:43.97
Do you know I would
just say to our viewers
00:18:43.98\00:18:46.65
when Kathy and I... And
somebody might said yes,
00:18:46.66\00:18:48.22
my child, you can do
that. I told Kathy that
00:18:48.23\00:18:51.26
I've an experience
for this. Because Betty,
00:18:51.27\00:18:55.57
before the birth of
our first child Cindy. Yes.
00:18:55.58\00:18:58.98
Read this book Child Guidance,
and something popped out,
00:18:58.99\00:19:04.53
was about
reasoning with children.
00:19:04.54\00:19:05.97
Yes, and go ahead. And
of course, and of course,
00:19:05.98\00:19:09.16
of course we must
reason with our children.
00:19:09.17\00:19:10.85
Yes. But I think that what
we're gonna go in the program
00:19:10.86\00:19:13.51
now is that, is that
when a child is first born.
00:19:13.52\00:19:17.11
In other words, you
got to have something
00:19:17.12\00:19:18.09
to reason with. Yes, you do.
00:19:18.10\00:19:19.54
Can you reason
with a two year old?
00:19:19.55\00:19:21.68
And, so, I think
that if we, if we...
00:19:21.69\00:19:24.72
I think we kind of
got ahead of ourselves,
00:19:24.73\00:19:26.68
because I think Betty
began to reason with Cindy.
00:19:26.69\00:19:30.36
And she reasoned
with her to the place
00:19:30.37\00:19:31.87
where a little two
year old like you said,
00:19:31.88\00:19:33.58
felt that if she
was given a good reason
00:19:33.59\00:19:35.68
for the little
two year's old mind,
00:19:35.69\00:19:36.92
she didn't have to do
it. And I think that you got
00:19:36.93\00:19:39.87
problem with that. You
do. Well, I hope you do.
00:19:39.88\00:19:42.36
I do, I do. And there
is, and there is certainly
00:19:42.37\00:19:46.81
reason for it. A child
does not have the experience,
00:19:46.82\00:19:49.68
they don't
really have the moral,
00:19:49.69\00:19:51.05
the capacity to
reason at those early ages.
00:19:51.06\00:19:53.24
No. I'm not talking about
the possibility of some prodigy.
00:19:53.25\00:19:57.53
I'm talking about
the average child. Right.
00:19:57.54\00:19:59.45
The average
child cannot do this.
00:19:59.46\00:20:00.56
Now we will read
another couple of things. Okay.
00:20:00.57\00:20:02.48
Out of Child
Guidance, page 82, it says begin
00:20:02.49\00:20:06.39
the Teaching Early -
Obedience to parental authority
00:20:06.40\00:20:10.35
should be
inculcated, what is that?
00:20:10.36\00:20:14.61
Just get it into their
heads. Yes, but I was fascinated
00:20:14.62\00:20:17.17
with that word,
when I first read it
00:20:17.18\00:20:18.50
several years
ago, so I looked up
00:20:18.51\00:20:19.94
in the dictionary.
Okay. It means to make a path.
00:20:19.95\00:20:22.54
All right. You
have to make a path.
00:20:22.55\00:20:23.97
Now, with all that we know about
brain function and dendrites
00:20:23.98\00:20:28.76
and neurons, and
pathways. You have to,
00:20:28.77\00:20:32.51
you have to help them
with disarmament and wisdom.
00:20:32.52\00:20:35.57
It has to be a path
in their frontal lobe,
00:20:35.58\00:20:39.86
so to speak. So, we
need to inculcate from when?
00:20:39.87\00:20:43.23
From babyhood, from babyhood.
Now, we're not talking about
00:20:43.24\00:20:47.49
the five or six year
old. We're still talking about
00:20:47.50\00:20:50.29
the younger age. So,
they're just starting out.
00:20:50.30\00:20:51.97
Training, it says,
obedience to parental authority.
00:20:51.98\00:20:56.06
Now, I'm gonna go down
just a little bit further,
00:20:56.07\00:20:57.83
still talk about
reasoning. Okay. And the title
00:20:57.84\00:21:01.66
to this little section is,
Before Reason Is Developed,
00:21:01.67\00:21:04.07
one of the first
lessons a child needs to learn
00:21:04.91\00:21:07.12
is the lesson of obedience.
Before he is old enough
00:21:07.13\00:21:11.36
to reason, he may
be taught to obey.
00:21:11.37\00:21:14.12
Now many, before we were
talking about a moment ago.
00:21:14.59\00:21:17.10
You wanna reason too
early, well what does that
00:21:18.55\00:21:20.31
make out of the
parent? The parents' almost
00:21:20.32\00:21:23.42
asking permission,
almost asking the child
00:21:23.43\00:21:25.33
and say would
you mind obeying me,
00:21:25.85\00:21:27.83
would you do me a
favor? Yes, because they're,
00:21:28.11\00:21:30.63
because many Christian
parents want to be as Christ
00:21:31.38\00:21:34.12
like as possible, they
mistake their Christ likeness...
00:21:34.13\00:21:37.58
Oh boy, I hope you don't
take and pick my words apart.
00:21:37.59\00:21:43.95
There is so much to
this, that I just cannot get
00:21:43.96\00:21:46.62
everything I like to
in. But because parents want
00:21:46.63\00:21:50.93
to reason when a child too soon,
00:21:50.94\00:21:53.76
they forget that the
first lesson is obedience
00:21:53.92\00:21:56.70
and they try to
reason and coax and plead,
00:21:57.27\00:22:00.65
and then become
threatening repeating parents.
00:22:00.99\00:22:03.91
And then explosion happens, see.
00:22:04.30\00:22:06.40
So, now let me
read a little bit more.
00:22:07.86\00:22:09.45
It says, few
parents begin early enough
00:22:09.46\00:22:12.41
to teach their
children obedience.
00:22:12.42\00:22:13.90
The child is usually allowed
to get two or three years
00:22:13.91\00:22:17.91
the start of its parents.
Who forbear to discipline it,
00:22:17.92\00:22:22.34
thinking it is too young
to learn to obey. Alright.
00:22:22.35\00:22:25.57
Okay, so, we wanna address
the attitudes of the heart,
00:22:26.13\00:22:30.21
but we want to do that in
an age appropriateness. Okay.
00:22:30.22\00:22:34.11
So, we start with our parenting
first lesson is obedience.
00:22:34.20\00:22:39.69
Now, there is a
first, there is a thing
00:22:39.70\00:22:45.29
that we need to
learn as parents.
00:22:45.30\00:22:46.85
How do I get
from... to there from here?
00:22:48.00\00:22:50.87
Yes, right. And one of the...
00:22:50.88\00:22:53.37
because I wanted to zero
in on one little something
00:22:53.89\00:22:55.90
that I could give is, if a
parent wants to be consistent,
00:22:55.91\00:23:02.05
or if a parent
wants to teach obedience,
00:23:02.40\00:23:04.62
then they need to
learn to be consistent. Okay.
00:23:04.63\00:23:06.69
Of course we already talked
about being in your heart,
00:23:06.70\00:23:08.42
kindness. Right, right.
00:23:08.43\00:23:09.64
But a little thing is,
if you would learn to help
00:23:10.48\00:23:15.24
the child to do
first time obedience,
00:23:15.34\00:23:18.15
not just first
lesson is obedience.
00:23:18.33\00:23:21.07
But if you would do first
time obedience that means what?
00:23:21.32\00:23:25.86
When if I'm asking
the child to do something,
00:23:26.27\00:23:27.95
then I don't allow myself to
get to the point of hostility.
00:23:28.81\00:23:31.77
If the child is not
obeying, when you ask them to do
00:23:32.52\00:23:35.91
and if it's
within reason I mean,
00:23:35.92\00:23:37.35
I'm not talking
about every little thing.
00:23:37.36\00:23:38.92
And its in
reason you've asked them
00:23:40.18\00:23:42.58
then teach them to obey
the first time you asked.
00:23:42.76\00:23:46.02
Then you can avoid a
great deal of becoming indulgent
00:23:46.78\00:23:50.62
and becoming too
permissive, and becoming hostile
00:23:50.63\00:23:53.33
because they didn't obey
you. Just one little thing,
00:23:53.34\00:23:57.17
teach first time obedience.
And that just going back
00:23:57.51\00:24:02.53
to the thing that
says, because you know,
00:24:02.54\00:24:06.49
because I've asked you,
you need to learn to obey me.
00:24:06.50\00:24:09.70
Now, I see a
little a smirk on you.
00:24:10.53\00:24:13.31
No, no, because
I remember my dad,
00:24:13.32\00:24:15.44
and you know he would
say because I would say why.
00:24:16.03\00:24:19.42
Then I'm not talking
about a little one, yes,
00:24:19.67\00:24:20.87
and we are
talking early start year.
00:24:20.88\00:24:22.91
I'm talking about an
early start, an early start;
00:24:22.92\00:24:24.76
we are not talking
about what to do when you
00:24:24.77\00:24:26.62
are later on
necessarily. But I can remember,
00:24:26.63\00:24:28.33
I can remember as a little boy,
I say why, because I said so.
00:24:28.34\00:24:32.09
Well, no. But I
don't object to that,
00:24:32.10\00:24:34.66
because I think
that's consistent that,
00:24:34.67\00:24:36.87
that we must train up
our children to be obedient.
00:24:36.88\00:24:41.13
You see some
people will even argue
00:24:41.26\00:24:43.32
in the later on
into Christian life.
00:24:43.33\00:24:44.95
Well, you know
God doesn't expect
00:24:45.20\00:24:46.54
us to obey unless we understand.
00:24:46.55\00:24:48.61
And I would, I would
argue that I don't think
00:24:49.04\00:24:52.17
we are going to ever, I
don't think we're ever going
00:24:52.18\00:24:54.50
to understand until we
obey. And that's what I hear
00:24:54.51\00:24:57.20
you saying Kathy,
that if we are going to
00:24:57.21\00:25:00.51
teach the child how to reason.
00:25:00.84\00:25:02.26
We are talking
about moral values.
00:25:02.73\00:25:04.33
Yes. Then they have
to start with obedience,
00:25:04.34\00:25:06.83
not with the reason, I think
that's what you are saying.
00:25:07.04\00:25:08.68
That's right, that's
where we have to start
00:25:08.69\00:25:10.42
and you know our
time is almost gone
00:25:10.43\00:25:12.06
and I've got nowhere.
That's because you know
00:25:12.07\00:25:14.02
this is a seminar that will
probably last for five nights.
00:25:14.03\00:25:16.66
You will, yes actually
when I'm facilitating a seminar,
00:25:17.49\00:25:20.57
that last 18 weeks. And,
now I use other material,
00:25:20.58\00:25:24.31
I have used some good
material by some friends
00:25:24.32\00:25:27.52
that I feel like matches
what we get from the Bible
00:25:27.53\00:25:29.82
and Spirit of Prophecy.
And I incorporated more things.
00:25:29.83\00:25:33.33
But you know because
I've had little opportunity,
00:25:33.34\00:25:37.75
I hope people will give
me the benefit of the doubt,
00:25:37.76\00:25:39.86
there are, there so many other
things that we can move to.
00:25:39.87\00:25:42.95
Well, Kathy, what
I've heard you say
00:25:42.96\00:25:44.41
in this program
and as we mentioned
00:25:44.42\00:25:47.51
you know you did lay
down all the reasons,
00:25:48.07\00:25:50.98
read all the books.
But I think the appeal
00:25:50.99\00:25:53.32
is lets don't be afraid to
teach our children to obey.
00:25:53.33\00:25:57.43
To obey us, right.
And, we do that because
00:25:57.44\00:26:02.07
God told us to do. The
first thing that he asks
00:26:02.08\00:26:05.04
of us is to obey.
The first thing we ask
00:26:05.05\00:26:07.44
of our children is to
obey, and obviously I think
00:26:07.45\00:26:09.76
you've already ruled out.
Are we gonna do like dictators?
00:26:09.77\00:26:12.69
No, we're gonna do
it like this? No...
00:26:12.97\00:26:14.90
It has to be in our
heart. It's in our heart,
00:26:17.42\00:26:19.31
it has to be has to be
Christ like in our heart.
00:26:19.32\00:26:21.38
Now the child might, might
not always want to follow along,
00:26:21.39\00:26:25.46
but probably the biggest
favor we do to our children
00:26:25.72\00:26:29.61
is in teaching
them to obey. Yes.
00:26:29.85\00:26:31.85
That's what I'm hearing you say.
I want to clear up something
00:26:31.86\00:26:33.54
before we are going
into our prayer and that is,
00:26:33.55\00:26:36.33
at the right time,
we need to give the
00:26:37.16\00:26:39.58
moral reasons why so. Of course.
00:26:39.59\00:26:41.74
We can go into
that some other time,
00:26:41.75\00:26:43.50
but because they
need a moral warehouse.
00:26:43.51\00:26:46.26
They need
something to relate to,
00:26:46.27\00:26:48.06
so that when they're
not around mother and daddy
00:26:48.07\00:26:49.81
that they can
obey from their heart,
00:26:50.24\00:26:52.76
but that's later... From a
principle that they've learned.
00:26:52.77\00:26:54.66
From a principle
that they've learned.
00:26:54.67\00:26:55.95
So, its not just do it,
it's just because I said so,
00:26:55.96\00:26:58.62
so don't go away thinking
I am talking about that.
00:26:58.63\00:27:02.35
Well, no and I didn't hear that.
I think what you've talked about
00:27:02.36\00:27:06.59
is how should we
start our children,
00:27:06.60\00:27:09.43
and what should
we start them with.
00:27:09.44\00:27:11.31
And now, let's start them
with the obedience. Right.
00:27:11.32\00:27:13.57
And from there they have
sanctified reason. Right.
00:27:13.75\00:27:16.88
And don't be
afraid to be parents.
00:27:16.89\00:27:18.22
No... Not at
all. Well, let's pray,
00:27:18.23\00:27:20.27
for us as parents,
yes, for those who are
00:27:21.06\00:27:23.59
watching our program.
Okay. Heavenly Father,
00:27:23.60\00:27:26.08
we are thankful
that you shared with us,
00:27:26.09\00:27:28.29
that we could be
part in the creation
00:27:28.90\00:27:30.69
process of our children.
And Lord that you've said to us
00:27:30.70\00:27:35.06
that we should
train the children
00:27:35.07\00:27:36.54
and we should train
them from our hearts.
00:27:36.55\00:27:38.43
We pray first of all that
you will be in our hearts.
00:27:38.96\00:27:41.89
Lord, teach us as
parents to obey your will,
00:27:42.33\00:27:45.16
to delight to do
your will. And then Lord,
00:27:45.17\00:27:48.07
may we someway, somehow,
through the Holy Spirit,
00:27:48.08\00:27:50.73
within our
hearts and in our homes,
00:27:51.48\00:27:53.55
may we be able to convey this
00:27:53.56\00:27:55.76
joy of obedience to our
children that they might grow...
00:27:55.77\00:27:59.49