Welcome to Thinking
About Home, I'm Kathy Matthews
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and I'm glad that
you're back with us.
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We have today with
us Richard O'Ffill from
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Florida Conference of
Seventh-day Adventist.
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And we're just enjoying
ourselves on this program
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talking about
things of life and family.
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We sure and
about, about reality.
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Of course we you
know, we can get together
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and talk about an
ideal and of course
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we don't wanna lower
the stick you know you can
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lower the stick to
the point where you don't
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even you can, you can
just walk, walk over it.
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Right, we don't want to do that.
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And, and I think of
where it says as high as the,
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higher than the
highest human thought
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can reach is God's
idea for His children.
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So, I think the fact
that we have high ideals
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for our self,
ourselves doesn't mean that
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that we can't set
down and evaluate how are
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we coming along
toward that ideal.
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Yes. And, and I
know that that in my life
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I missed the mark. And
I'm not gonna boast of it,
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I'm not gonna say, well
you know, nobody gets it
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and they were all that
way and nobody is perfect.
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I'm not perfect,
but I wish I was. Yes.
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And I wanna press on
toward the mark of the
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high calling of
God in Christ Jesus.
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Well, we wouldn't
get there, would we?
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wish we were or
strife for it? How could you
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hit a target if you
don't put one up? Right, right.
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But you and I've been
talking in, in the programs
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that we've been
together about our children
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and I'm particularly
talking as a parent with
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four grown children and
with eight grandchildren
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and not really a
happy story along the way.
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Now, now you
would say, well Dick,
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it sounds like all
your children are thugs,
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thieves and criminals.
No. And that's not the case.
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Listen, I have
children that it couldn't be
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be better. Marriages
made in heaven I have
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and I rejoice for
that. And I think sometimes
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we need to remind
ourselves of this I know
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I need to, but. Keep
things in perspective.
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Keep things in
perspective but, but you know
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a parent tends to
focus on the sick child.
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I understand that. In
other words I can have
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ten well children
and one sick one and
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guess what I, what
I talk to you about.
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Well, but isn't,
isn't, doesn't the Lord 99.
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Very good. Right
and he went after
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the one that was
lost. That's right.
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And there, but
keeping things in perspective
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makes me think of
something, can I tell it?
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Please. Have you
ever heard the story of
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daughter writing
home from college?
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Tell us all, remind
us. Writing home from
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college and she says,
mom I just want to let you
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know that I'm,
I'm pregnant now and
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I'm you know, I'm
going to get married soon
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and I've been on
drugs or you know,
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she lists out all these
things. And then she says;
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now none of the above is
true I just want to tell,
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tell you that I made a
D on my test. You know,
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I just want you to keep
things in perspective, so.
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That's so truth. So, she
frightened them to death,
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before she brought
them back down to reality.
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Because it, it could be worse.
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Yes, it could be
worst. And of course, there is
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that another corner
saying, I was sitting
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alone, feeling so
discourage, suddenly
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a voice came and
said, cheer up things
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could be worse. So,
I cheered up and sure
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enough things. Things got worse.
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Things going worse.
Yes. Things could have
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been worse in the case
of Betty and me you know,
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we have this who the
Lord has healed, I mean I,
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I should say that
the Lord has healed him,
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but it was ten
years of drug addiction
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and alcoholism. And,
and all the feelings that go
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with that, feelings of
guilt and shame and of anger.
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Yes. And of
questioning and God will,
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God you know, why is
this happening to us and
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wondering how people
are feeling about us?
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And, and so the reason
I'm telling this and by
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the way, it's with
the permission of our boy.
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I'm, I'm not you know. Right.
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Confessing his
sins to everybody.
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When I mentioned that I
was going to write a book
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and that I would, well
I guess ask his permission
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I said, would you
mind if I did that?
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he said dad all I put you
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through and that's the least
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I can do, you know.
Because it's a story of
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sadness, but it's
a story of victory.
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Yes. It's a story of victory.
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And that's gives us
hope. But, but five years ago,
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if you'll ask me about
it. I didn't have victory
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and I think that this
is what we would say to
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the parents and
grandparents who might
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be watching
this program that you
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might be right
in the middle of it.
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And you might feel, oh!
There is no hope for us.
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But we never give
up. But we, we must not,
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we must not give up.
So, how do we get involved?
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Well, listen.
Without getting involved.
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Without getting
involved, can I tell you
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a little story
before this? Right.
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I was asked to speak
once at an academy for
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a chapel or something. You know,
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speaking to teenagers.
As frightened. Forget it,
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and you know the
teenagers in these days,
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teenagers they make
these funny sounds like
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ooh ooh ooh ooh,
and they wear their
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hats backwards and.
Are those teenagers?
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Anyway I was
gonna have to speak and
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I didn't know what to
talk about 'cause you know
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they, they you know,
a teenager can't tell
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wheather we're live
or on tape you know,
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and they can't tell
whether it's on television
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or real life. Why
are you frowning at me?
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Well, no it's
just that the reality
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and fantasy blurs. Oh! You know,
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people can actually.
Well, I can understand that
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when you're
smaller, but this is teenager
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we're talking
about. Well you know,
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well let me illustrate we
believe in 3ABN television,
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but there are many
people who consider that
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that the fantasy
of television is real,
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they'll come to the office after
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watching a television
program. Oh! Yes, I'm.
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And to them it you
know. You can't separate it.
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For many people
the, the football game is
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more important than a
marriage. Really they'll,
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they'll be more
concerned about who's
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gonna win or lose
the football game.
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Right, right. Or whether they
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were not stay
married. Well, anyway I was
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going to have to
speak at. An academy.
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In an academy and
so, what am I gonna
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speak about? So,
I decided I've got
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I'll do it, I'm gonna
do with seminars you know,
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that doesn't sound
very exciting, but I decided
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that I would tell
them that I was gonna do
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a seminar on how to
lose money? It poked up.
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Oh! Listen, so I stood
up and I said, you know,
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a lot of businessmen
they, they spend a lot of
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money and doing
seminars and how to,
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how to make
money? I'm gonna do you a
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free seminar and how
to, how to lose money,
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how to lose money?
You know, you've got to
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make it you know,
seem very efficient.
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And so, I said
well, well the first way
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to lose money is to
neglect it and then I
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told them how, where
there's less inflation
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I have, I have
actually some Peruvian money
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that used to be
worth $37,000, seven years
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later it was worth like pennies.
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So, in other words if
you just struck that $37,000
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under your bed,
pulled it out seven years
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later pennies you see,
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so when we lose
money is neglected.
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Another way to
lose money is to abandon
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it you know,
put it on the table,
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finders keepers losers weepers.
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And of course
another way lose money is to
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waste it and I told
him, how I'd been to weddings
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overseas for they
were throwing money
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to all the
visitors and everything.
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And so, I said
the seminar is over,
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how do you like it?
They smiled on me and I said,
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now I'm gonna do
another seminar and it's gonna
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be a how to
lose your girlfriend?
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Oh! They really sat up straight.
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Now, we're gonna
really see. And I told them
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it was really the
same as losing money that
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she would be, it
would neglect her,
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that you would
abandoned her, or that
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would be unfaithful
to her and you know I,
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told a little you
know, five minute seminar.
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I said that seminar is
over, how'd you like it?
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We loved it. I said,
now the next seminar is
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how to lose the Jesus
as a friend? Of course,
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it would be the same,
the same kind of points
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as losing your girlfriend.
So, I finished and they,
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they just, they just
enjoy that they shook
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my hand, I felt
so good I felt like
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I should be a youth leader.
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I should go into youth ministry.
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Yeah, you'd
have been successful.
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And so, believe it or
not the revival week went on
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and, and came
Sabbath and they said,
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Pastor O'Ffill would
you like to go and talk
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to the youth again? I
felt, oh! I really not,
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but anyway no,
no it's just hard to
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speak to youth
sometimes, and so.
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You don't have any
trouble. Well, anyway
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it's its anguish and
so, I walked in the room
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and I said, you
remember me? And they said,
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well we sure we
remember you; you're the one
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that talk to us
in chapel on Monday.
00:08:43.32\00:08:45.32
And I said, you
remember what I talked about?
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And they said, you
told us how to lose money?
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And I said how was that?
And they said, neglect it,
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abandon it or waste
it. Boy, I couldn't believe
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my ears; I began
to feel really good.
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And then I said, what
else can I talk about?
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And they said, how
to lose your girlfriend?
00:09:04.27\00:09:06.22
And I said, how did
you do that? They said,
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the same way as losing money.
00:09:10.29\00:09:11.90
I was really
feeling, I seriously,
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I felt, I felt so gratified.
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I said, what else did
I talk about? You know,
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there was nothing
they, they said nothing.
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I said come on; I
said that was the point.
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Remember it was how to
lose Jesus as a friend.
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Right, right. They
said, we don't remember.
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So, what did
you? Well, you know,
00:09:31.53\00:09:33.78
it made me realize that
when I was talking about
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money and about
girlfriends I was
00:09:35.56\00:09:38.75
answering a question, a
concerned that they had.
00:09:38.76\00:09:41.00
Something they were involved in.
00:09:41.43\00:09:42.71
But when I was
talking about Jesus they,
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they weren't involved in that.
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And I thought you
know life's like that.
00:09:46.36\00:09:47.83
They taught you a
lesson. Well, basically,
00:09:48.94\00:09:51.46
basically we're
hearing what our questions are?
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And we're hearing
what our concerns are?
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And so, even in these programs.
00:09:57.44\00:09:59.13
We pick up on it.
Whether you and I are doing
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you see, you know, they
could hear you and I talk
00:10:00.83\00:10:03.30
about children, but maybe the
00:10:03.31\00:10:04.42
person who has no
children. They could say,
00:10:04.43\00:10:06.70
well I don't know
what they're talking about.
00:10:06.71\00:10:07.94
Yeah, right. You see,
now we're I don't, but,
00:10:07.95\00:10:09.74
but really if
you're in the middle of it.
00:10:09.75\00:10:11.53
Then you're interested.
Then you're interested
00:10:11.54\00:10:13.12
because, because you
and I mentioned earlier,
00:10:13.13\00:10:16.02
I'm not looking for
people who never been through
00:10:16.47\00:10:19.77
what I've been
through. And now I wish
00:10:19.78\00:10:23.30
I had been through it,
but I'm looking for people
00:10:23.31\00:10:25.46
who have been through
it and who have made it,
00:10:25.47\00:10:27.08
who have made it.
And so, and so we're not
00:10:27.09\00:10:30.08
looking for
people who don't know
00:10:30.09\00:10:31.21
what it's like to be tempted.
00:10:31.22\00:10:32.45
A people who don't
let, know what it's like
00:10:32.89\00:10:34.43
to be tested, how to
be tried. People who,
00:10:34.44\00:10:36.78
who don't know what
it's like to suffer,
00:10:37.14\00:10:38.25
but people who
have, who have suffered
00:10:38.26\00:10:39.70
and have been tested.
00:10:39.71\00:10:41.01
Yes, who we
gravitate toward. But who have,
00:10:41.02\00:10:43.02
but who have victorious.
Yes, that's what we want.
00:10:44.00\00:10:46.29
We know how to
lose? That's not easy just
00:10:46.30\00:10:49.64
do nothing you
lose. We want to know
00:10:49.65\00:10:51.61
how to win. Yes. We're
winning; I want to know
00:10:51.62\00:10:53.66
how to win? Well
you know, this is an,
00:10:53.67\00:10:55.58
an issue that that
comes up that you mentioned,
00:10:55.59\00:10:57.86
it's a title of
our program, how to be
00:10:57.87\00:11:00.30
involved without
getting involved?
00:11:00.31\00:11:01.49
Well, shall we take
that on? Yeah, well.
00:11:03.88\00:11:06.60
But you know, I'm
just thinking to myself
00:11:06.61\00:11:09.59
you know, is there
an easy answer to that?
00:11:09.60\00:11:11.57
No. I don't think
there's an easy answer.
00:11:11.58\00:11:13.29
In fact, it sounds like
a contradiction of terms,
00:11:13.30\00:11:15.51
but I've got a
couple of more stories,
00:11:16.55\00:11:18.83
you mind if I tell you
these, no, these stories?
00:11:18.84\00:11:20.04
We enjoy your stories.
00:11:20.05\00:11:21.02
You know, isn't
life about a story?
00:11:21.03\00:11:22.67
That that ultimately
even a lesson is as good as
00:11:23.55\00:11:26.71
a story, if a picture
is worth of thousand words
00:11:26.72\00:11:30.25
and a story is got to be worth.
00:11:30.26\00:11:31.60
Well, and that's
how Jesus talked?
00:11:31.61\00:11:32.81
Well, a whole lot.
Well, I'm almost ashamed
00:11:32.82\00:11:34.66
to tell you this
story Kathy I don't know,
00:11:34.67\00:11:38.97
if you've discovered
about us men you know,
00:11:38.98\00:11:41.54
you're married to Tom.
Well, it depends on what?
00:11:41.55\00:11:44.60
And, and see we.
What apart about men
00:11:44.61\00:11:46.30
you're talking
about? We men, we men
00:11:46.31\00:11:48.30
if you haven't learned
yet. We're very methodical,
00:11:48.31\00:11:51.12
we're problem
solvers. Yes. Now, now you
00:11:51.63\00:11:54.29
women are spontaneous.
Except when it comes to
00:11:54.30\00:11:56.51
asking directions and
you just don't want to
00:11:56.52\00:11:58.17
do that, but anyway,
anyway I've notice that
00:11:58.18\00:12:01.56
when it comes
Christmas time, see that's
00:12:01.57\00:12:03.14
when I have, this
is when you'll see the
00:12:03.15\00:12:04.27
difference between a
man and a woman because
00:12:04.28\00:12:07.24
I don't have, well
let me, let me show you.
00:12:07.64\00:12:09.50
At Christmas time
I don't have a clue
00:12:10.47\00:12:11.66
as to what, what to buy my wife.
00:12:11.67\00:12:13.34
I want to ask my
wife what she wants,
00:12:14.21\00:12:16.40
but if I have to ask
her, I don't love her.
00:12:16.96\00:12:19.51
I'm supposed to
guess, I'm supposed to guess.
00:12:20.24\00:12:22.91
And so, whatever it
is, is supposed to be
00:12:23.46\00:12:24.78
a token of my love.
Give me a break I can't,
00:12:24.79\00:12:27.94
I just can't, I can't imagine
00:12:27.95\00:12:29.60
what to buy my
wife. Now, see what I wish
00:12:29.61\00:12:31.72
you would do? You
see, honey you know,
00:12:31.73\00:12:34.24
what I want for Christmas.
00:12:34.25\00:12:35.27
It just makes it easy for
you. I will feel so manly,
00:12:35.28\00:12:37.58
I would feel so
husbandly, I'm suppose to guess.
00:12:37.59\00:12:40.45
Anyway on the flip side of that,
00:12:41.54\00:12:43.85
I wish she'd ask me
what I want for Christmas.
00:12:44.58\00:12:46.77
No, she doesn't want
to ask. So, she pays me
00:12:47.27\00:12:49.62
another shirt,
another tie, I don't want
00:12:49.63\00:12:52.71
anymore shirts, I
don't want anymore,
00:12:52.72\00:12:54.17
I want a tool, I
want a tool. A hammer,
00:12:54.18\00:12:57.85
there is a nice
side there cause Tom,
00:12:59.67\00:13:01.77
Tom's always going
somewhere, I'm going
00:13:02.19\00:13:04.50
to look at hammers
that's his standard answer,
00:13:04.51\00:13:07.19
doesn't matter if he's
going to look at hammers
00:13:07.20\00:13:08.63
or not, but.
But anyway you know,
00:13:08.64\00:13:10.30
that's the
difference, in other words see
00:13:10.31\00:13:11.63
we men are very methodical see.
00:13:11.64\00:13:13.24
And so, the story I'm
about to tell you was,
00:13:13.61\00:13:15.39
was I just said, I
was gonna be romantic.
00:13:16.15\00:13:18.07
Now, you know in the
sort of organized way,
00:13:19.29\00:13:21.98
it was gonna be
a valentines day.
00:13:21.99\00:13:24.35
So, I decided I'm gonna
do something really romantic.
00:13:24.95\00:13:27.96
All for the right
reasons. Oh! Absolutely,
00:13:29.21\00:13:31.46
and so I thought
I'm gonna take my wife
00:13:31.47\00:13:33.16
out to eat,
original right. No. And so,
00:13:33.17\00:13:37.91
this is maybe a week in
advance I walk up to and
00:13:38.32\00:13:40.76
I said, honey
valentines coming next week.
00:13:40.77\00:13:42.83
And why don't we go out to eat?
00:13:43.24\00:13:44.95
I felt so
spontaneous, so organized.
00:13:45.45\00:13:48.50
And she said lets
don't. And you tried.
00:13:49.54\00:13:52.21
She said, let's
just exchange cards.
00:13:52.22\00:13:54.18
And Kathy you know,
that hit me like a ton
00:13:56.69\00:13:59.40
ton of bricks. Now,
I don't know if all men
00:13:59.41\00:14:01.98
are like I'm but, but
getting a nerve to ask
00:14:01.99\00:14:04.19
a girl out you
know, when I was in
00:14:04.20\00:14:05.63
high school was really hard.
00:14:05.64\00:14:07.13
You don't like the rejection.
00:14:07.14\00:14:08.11
And to be turned
down. Oh! This is just
00:14:08.12\00:14:10.85
you know, a
rejection of one's person
00:14:10.86\00:14:13.12
I would say, I
took it too seriously.
00:14:13.13\00:14:14.82
So, here I'm
asking my wife out for
00:14:15.69\00:14:17.95
Valentines Day,
sweetheart's day.
00:14:17.96\00:14:19.78
She's turning me
down, I got a flashback.
00:14:20.24\00:14:21.93
Anyway, anyway, anyway, you know
00:14:25.02\00:14:26.95
I want to tell you
what I really did I got
00:14:26.96\00:14:28.37
furious, I got
furious. When I get really mad
00:14:28.38\00:14:32.43
I don't cuss or
thrown like this.
00:14:32.44\00:14:34.31
You just get
quiet. In my stomach.
00:14:34.32\00:14:36.45
That's called the
silent night you know.
00:14:36.46\00:14:38.02
I begin to get
this, this really and,
00:14:39.75\00:14:42.20
and I thought to
myself, so you just want
00:14:42.21\00:14:44.89
us to exchange cards, do you?
00:14:44.90\00:14:46.77
I'll do you one
better than that?
00:14:46.78\00:14:48.03
Do all men think like
you. I thought I want to
00:14:48.48\00:14:52.06
teach you a lesson,
so I'm not even gonna
00:14:52.07\00:14:54.56
give you a card
and you're gonna wonder
00:14:54.57\00:14:56.87
why you didn't get a card.
00:14:56.88\00:14:58.10
And I'm gonna
tell you it's because
00:14:58.71\00:15:00.80
I asked you out to eat
and you wouldn't do it.
00:15:00.81\00:15:02.92
I was mad, I
really was, I was so,
00:15:04.16\00:15:06.16
I was so
insulted. So, anyway but I,
00:15:06.57\00:15:11.64
but I never showed
it, I would smiling on,
00:15:11.65\00:15:13.88
she never knew what's going on.
00:15:13.89\00:15:15.00
And so, the day, couple
of days past and this was a.
00:15:15.90\00:15:18.67
You have changed.
So, anyway a couple of
00:15:18.68\00:15:22.32
days passed, but
this is still in my head
00:15:22.33\00:15:23.98
and when I thinking
about it 'cause I'm mad,
00:15:23.99\00:15:25.33
see I want to
teach you a lesson.
00:15:25.34\00:15:26.40
And suddenly it
occurred to me you know,
00:15:27.25\00:15:28.58
maybe if you're really
gonna get even with her,
00:15:28.59\00:15:30.61
I think there's a better way.
00:15:32.38\00:15:33.35
She's gonna get
you a card, why don't
00:15:34.58\00:15:36.14
you get her some
flowers? Do one better,
00:15:36.15\00:15:38.92
really make her look
bad. It's that awful? Yes.
00:15:39.35\00:15:42.67
Isn't that awful? I
feel so ashamed and anyway
00:15:42.68\00:15:47.42
I liked that one
better than do nothing.
00:15:47.43\00:15:49.29
And I held on to
that plan and so the
00:15:49.85\00:15:52.12
Valentines Day came
and where we worked,
00:15:52.13\00:15:56.30
our buildings were kind
of in front of each other,
00:15:56.31\00:15:58.23
kind of across the street.
00:15:58.24\00:15:59.27
And so, she goes
to work before I do
00:15:59.83\00:16:01.66
and so she went to
work and then I went to
00:16:02.57\00:16:04.10
the supermarket and I
brought a little thing
00:16:04.11\00:16:06.07
she could settle in
these desk, you know,
00:16:06.08\00:16:07.23
on her desk a
little flower there.
00:16:07.24\00:16:08.81
And, and I, I took
it to her, her office,
00:16:09.69\00:16:11.98
but I didn't want to
see her because I was mad,
00:16:12.49\00:16:14.79
I'm teaching her a lesson.
00:16:15.75\00:16:16.90
Can I believe
what I'm saying? No.
00:16:17.48\00:16:19.59
No, isn't this crazy?
You know, the scripture
00:16:19.60\00:16:21.95
tells us at the heart
of you know, you know,
00:16:21.96\00:16:24.05
broken homes,
broken homes have a reason.
00:16:24.06\00:16:26.52
Yes. And, and the
reason I even tell this
00:16:26.53\00:16:28.46
story is because,
because it's about what
00:16:28.47\00:16:30.19
we are unless we
have the Jesus get in and,
00:16:30.20\00:16:32.95
and make us different. Yes.
00:16:32.96\00:16:34.53
And so, I walked
into the lobby there to
00:16:34.92\00:16:37.16
the receptionist and
I'm carrying these flowers
00:16:37.17\00:16:39.11
and I say to the
receptionist and these
00:16:39.96\00:16:41.96
are for Betty and
she smiled, she thought
00:16:41.97\00:16:44.24
that was so romantic and I said,
00:16:44.25\00:16:46.49
would you tell her
they're here you know,
00:16:46.83\00:16:48.38
I don't want to face
her. And the receptionist
00:16:48.39\00:16:52.13
said she is not here.
She's across the street
00:16:52.14\00:16:54.61
at the conference
office, where I work?
00:16:54.62\00:16:57.09
And I thought I didn't see her.
00:16:58.13\00:16:59.66
And so, I leave
the flowers there and I
00:17:00.99\00:17:04.17
cross the street and I
go back to my office and,
00:17:04.18\00:17:07.05
and I don't meet
her in other words.
00:17:07.06\00:17:09.77
We don't come face
to face, but let me
00:17:10.76\00:17:14.64
tell you I walk into
my office there on my
00:17:14.65\00:17:19.12
desk is a
package and a love note.
00:17:19.13\00:17:22.79
I wouldn't get one
package and one love
00:17:24.68\00:17:27.03
note that day; I would
get at least three or four.
00:17:27.04\00:17:30.80
And what was her
motive? Well you know,
00:17:32.28\00:17:34.97
when I think of
this. Well, I'm thinking,
00:17:35.51\00:17:37.11
but you know, we found guile,
00:17:37.12\00:17:38.50
what was her
present? She didn't mean
00:17:38.51\00:17:40.37
anything and in
fact, in fact I was telling
00:17:40.38\00:17:42.58
this story in
Churches before I ever
00:17:42.59\00:17:45.52
talked to her about
it. And when she heard
00:17:45.53\00:17:47.17
me tell at the first
time because I felt so
00:17:47.18\00:17:49.12
ashamed for
myself then she said, oh!
00:17:49.13\00:17:52.05
Honey, when I said
let's just exchange cards
00:17:52.06\00:17:55.30
I didn't mean anything by that?
00:17:55.95\00:17:57.69
I just didn't
want to bother you.
00:17:58.13\00:17:59.51
In other words that
was kind of a sweet little
00:18:00.15\00:18:02.16
love jester, she were just being
00:18:02.17\00:18:03.84
loving and not demanding.
And here me well I'm mad.
00:18:04.27\00:18:08.00
Well, you wanted to
take her out to dinner or not
00:18:08.41\00:18:10.19
you're kind of known
for not spending a lot of
00:18:10.20\00:18:12.90
money and she was
trying to be nice to you.
00:18:12.91\00:18:14.57
Has Betty been talking
to you. You. But Kathy,
00:18:14.58\00:18:19.38
the reason I tell
the story is because when
00:18:19.39\00:18:21.57
you look at where
we end up sometimes,
00:18:21.58\00:18:24.93
we didn't just fall
there or drop into that.
00:18:27.20\00:18:29.88
It's a lot of little
things. We went there
00:18:29.89\00:18:31.52
and when I saw
that happen I thought
00:18:32.53\00:18:34.78
you know, a
divorce is not an accident,
00:18:35.27\00:18:37.38
it's a series of bad moves.
00:18:37.39\00:18:39.89
And although she
did one on me that day,
00:18:41.10\00:18:43.17
she got me four presents to
00:18:43.18\00:18:44.58
some crummy little flowers. Yes.
00:18:44.59\00:18:46.69
What would have been
like if I had done nothing,
00:18:47.97\00:18:49.68
nothing, nothing.
I'm so ashamed of myself.
00:18:50.18\00:18:53.35
But you know, when
I look back on that,
00:18:54.60\00:18:56.13
I'm so thankful
that she forgave me,
00:18:56.14\00:18:59.28
she never know
anything was happening.
00:18:59.29\00:19:00.59
But Jesus didn't give up on me.
00:19:01.32\00:19:03.64
Now, but how do we
get, how do get now,
00:19:05.23\00:19:08.30
how you're going to
bring this into how to
00:19:08.31\00:19:10.02
get involved
without getting involved?
00:19:10.03\00:19:12.17
Well, because you see
I think there were all
00:19:12.18\00:19:13.73
acting and
reacting on each other.
00:19:14.23\00:19:15.83
In other words, in
other words you see
00:19:17.14\00:19:18.82
I really wasn't thinking about
00:19:18.83\00:19:20.42
Betty that Valentine's Day.
00:19:20.43\00:19:21.94
I was really thinking about me.
00:19:22.58\00:19:24.64
This really wasn't
Betty's Sweetheart Day.
00:19:24.65\00:19:27.28
This was big selfish
Dick O'Ffill. It was wrong,
00:19:28.47\00:19:34.17
it was wrongly
driven you see and so,
00:19:34.18\00:19:36.92
and so you know, how
can we pull ourselves apart?
00:19:36.93\00:19:40.61
So, that you know
with our children,
00:19:41.25\00:19:42.73
of course our
children now some of them are
00:19:42.74\00:19:45.20
making us proud, but
others are disappointing us.
00:19:45.21\00:19:49.30
Because they're not
meeting our expectations
00:19:51.07\00:19:52.85
and I'm sure they're not even
00:19:52.86\00:19:53.97
meeting God's expectations.
00:19:53.98\00:19:55.30
No. But, but, but how
can I, how can I take the
00:19:55.31\00:20:00.53
focus off me and
really care about them?
00:20:00.54\00:20:04.17
In other words,
that Valentine's Day
00:20:05.13\00:20:06.52
was not about
Betty, it was about me.
00:20:06.53\00:20:08.50
I see. I was gonna be hurt.
00:20:08.76\00:20:10.11
And so, if I was hurt I
was gonna teach her a lesson.
00:20:11.26\00:20:13.72
And I, and I. And so,
when parents when some times
00:20:15.46\00:20:17.31
children hurt
parents? And we're hurt. Right.
00:20:17.32\00:20:20.94
Then we go back
and teach them a lesson
00:20:21.34\00:20:22.90
in such a way. See we
can do that see. Yeah.
00:20:22.91\00:20:25.18
And so, and so I
think in my mind, I think
00:20:25.62\00:20:29.64
the challenge we
have is, is to really,
00:20:29.65\00:20:32.65
is to really be
thinking of our children.
00:20:32.66\00:20:36.70
In other words,
instead of ourselves.
00:20:36.71\00:20:39.41
Supposing that
my child leaves the
00:20:39.42\00:20:41.74
Church as my boy
did. I'm thinking oh!
00:20:41.75\00:20:45.29
Man this makes me
look bad. Oh! You know,
00:20:45.30\00:20:47.27
what is the
conference gonna think of me.
00:20:47.28\00:20:48.59
You know, they're
gonna think I'm a hypocrite,
00:20:48.60\00:20:50.87
they're gonna think
I'm no good, I'm a failure.
00:20:50.88\00:20:52.78
Well, why wouldn't
I've been thinking oh!
00:20:53.74\00:20:55.92
God, look at my boy,
You died to save him.
00:20:56.59\00:20:59.51
Wouldn't be talking
about my parenting skills?
00:20:59.52\00:21:01.91
Now, obviously I can
say oh! Lord you know, I
00:21:01.92\00:21:04.59
maybe I wasn't what
I ought to have been,
00:21:05.51\00:21:07.03
but at that time
that's no time to go back
00:21:07.04\00:21:09.53
and mix that up
again. And but to really
00:21:09.54\00:21:13.08
care about him.
See, I really wasn't
00:21:13.09\00:21:15.40
caring about Betty that day.
00:21:15.41\00:21:16.85
I was caring about
me. Right. I was gonna
00:21:18.08\00:21:20.65
teach her a lesson
and make myself look good.
00:21:20.66\00:21:23.34
And so, as we
relate to our, to our grown
00:21:23.85\00:21:28.80
children and of course
they're gonna marry who
00:21:28.81\00:21:31.51
they wanna marry?
Now, see this brings up
00:21:31.52\00:21:33.74
a subject and I don't
know 'cause your girls
00:21:33.75\00:21:35.49
are gonna take that
up one day. By the way,
00:21:35.50\00:21:38.23
I told, I told
Sarah one time and I think
00:21:38.24\00:21:41.78
she already knew. I
said, Sarah you know your
00:21:41.79\00:21:44.43
husband's out
there some place. Yes.
00:21:44.44\00:21:45.83
You remember we
did that. Yes, yeah and
00:21:45.84\00:21:46.87
she talked to me
about. I said, Sarah your
00:21:46.88\00:21:49.57
husband's out
there at some place.
00:21:49.58\00:21:50.90
You don't know what his
name is, or where he lives?
00:21:51.43\00:21:53.58
But why not start
praying for him now. Right.
00:21:53.59\00:21:55.85
It was a little
teenage girl taught me that.
00:21:56.69\00:21:59.17
She said, one day I
was driving along in my car
00:21:59.18\00:22:01.55
and I thought my
husband's out there some place.
00:22:02.89\00:22:04.74
And we're not
talking about boy crazy. No.
00:22:05.40\00:22:07.59
We're talking about
reality. Right, right
00:22:07.60\00:22:09.09
nothing wrong and
taking a long lines of
00:22:09.55\00:22:11.38
having a good home.
00:22:11.39\00:22:12.36
And so, and you
have two girls. Right.
00:22:12.37\00:22:14.08
So, somewhere the
Lord willing, there are two
00:22:14.09\00:22:17.03
boys that are
gonna one day marry your
00:22:17.04\00:22:20.47
two girls and
they're gonna your boys.
00:22:20.48\00:22:22.39
Are you praying
for your two girls?
00:22:23.15\00:22:24.91
I think maybe you could expect.
00:22:24.92\00:22:26.47
For those two
boys somewhere. Yeah.
00:22:26.48\00:22:28.57
Oh! Well, we do, we
have. And to pray for
00:22:28.58\00:22:30.61
their families and
because, because when
00:22:30.62\00:22:33.40
families are married
and you know we unite,
00:22:33.41\00:22:35.32
we unite our, our.
Can I tell you about a
00:22:35.42\00:22:38.73
little incident and
doing that? Please do.
00:22:38.74\00:22:40.60
I don't know if there
is enough time for that.
00:22:40.61\00:22:41.94
Sure. We were
exercising here a while
00:22:41.95\00:22:44.62
back and it was a
Friday afternoon and we wanted
00:22:44.63\00:22:46.50
to get ready for Sabbath.
00:22:46.51\00:22:47.61
We were gonna
have our Sabbath alone,
00:22:48.06\00:22:49.72
it's just Sarah and
I. And others had gone
00:22:49.73\00:22:53.11
off to a crusade
meeting that Sarah,
00:22:53.12\00:22:55.38
see Tom and Rachel
had gone off to do that,
00:22:55.39\00:22:57.47
so we were alone
together. And we came
00:22:57.48\00:22:59.53
back down in a
Country Road and there was a
00:22:59.54\00:23:02.40
a beaver pond
and a rock out there.
00:23:02.41\00:23:04.09
And we were gonna
have sun down worship,
00:23:04.51\00:23:05.81
Friday evening worship
there on the rock together.
00:23:05.82\00:23:08.44
And that happened to
be moon coming up that
00:23:08.85\00:23:11.04
night and we sat out
there and talked for a
00:23:11.05\00:23:13.52
while until the sun went down.
00:23:13.53\00:23:15.01
And our prayer had
that in it, somewhere out
00:23:15.02\00:23:18.20
here there's in this
world, there is probably
00:23:18.21\00:23:21.56
a young man. Yes.
Maybe praying under
00:23:21.57\00:23:23.67
this moonlight. And
that brought tears to her
00:23:23.68\00:23:26.16
eyes and she said
it's forever burned in my
00:23:26.17\00:23:28.32
mind looking at the
moon, seeing the water
00:23:28.33\00:23:31.34
and or prayer there on
the rock together and that
00:23:31.35\00:23:33.77
something that
was, that's we have and
00:23:33.78\00:23:36.34
we do pray about
that. Now, can I make the
00:23:36.35\00:23:39.67
plot thicken a little
bit? Yes. You have this,
00:23:39.68\00:23:43.31
the privilege of
praying for these future
00:23:43.80\00:23:46.57
sons-in-law sort
of from a clean slate.
00:23:46.58\00:23:49.30
I've got former daughter-in-law,
00:23:50.35\00:23:53.52
I've got sons-in-law
and, if you would ask me
00:23:54.84\00:23:58.83
to tell you the
story of all that went on,
00:23:58.84\00:24:00.75
maybe my children
were you know to blame
00:24:02.70\00:24:06.03
sometimes when you
know, really to blame
00:24:06.04\00:24:07.95
other times maybe
not to blame so much.
00:24:08.67\00:24:10.49
I've had in my own
heart Kathy to fight
00:24:12.21\00:24:15.68
bitterness and
resentment towards my former
00:24:15.69\00:24:18.29
daughter-in-law, let's just to
00:24:18.30\00:24:20.09
name something
specific. Who I really think
00:24:20.10\00:24:23.35
and the poor thing
really you know, at that time of
00:24:23.79\00:24:26.32
her life really
crashed and burned.
00:24:26.33\00:24:27.99
And that's when we got
left with the little girl
00:24:28.61\00:24:30.31
to raise for five
years. And but I got to
00:24:30.32\00:24:35.04
thinking to myself,
one day I thought you know,
00:24:35.05\00:24:36.93
I've got to pray for this woman.
00:24:36.94\00:24:38.48
Because if I'm gonna
pray for her daughter
00:24:39.37\00:24:41.54
you see, you see
even though our children
00:24:41.55\00:24:43.62
get divorced you
know and I said her, oh!
00:24:43.63\00:24:46.36
It's not a former son-in-law.
00:24:46.37\00:24:47.55
I said son you and
I are related forever,
00:24:48.04\00:24:50.38
you my not be the
husband of my daughter,
00:24:50.39\00:24:53.66
but you're always be my boy
00:24:53.67\00:24:55.41
because of the
children. Right. So, therefore
00:24:56.30\00:25:00.57
I can't forget him,
for 20 years from now
00:25:00.58\00:25:04.25
I've got to
continually pray for him. Right.
00:25:04.26\00:25:06.08
Because though,
they're legally the marriage
00:25:06.09\00:25:08.36
was dissolved, the
fat they have children
00:25:08.37\00:25:10.60
together binds us
forever together. Right.
00:25:10.61\00:25:13.43
And I think this is
meant a lot to me because
00:25:14.07\00:25:15.87
I think at times when
I think of those divorces
00:25:15.88\00:25:18.50
and I felt bitterness
and why did they do that
00:25:19.26\00:25:21.49
and, but then I
thought, if I'm going to pray
00:25:21.92\00:25:23.34
for Andrea. Which
is getting involved?
00:25:23.35\00:25:25.48
I think exactly right,
I've got so I can't see
00:25:26.06\00:25:30.76
who you're gonna
marry, or when you're gonna
00:25:30.77\00:25:31.91
come on marriage?
But I've got to be there,
00:25:31.92\00:25:35.15
I've got to be there,
I can't just say I'm not
00:25:35.16\00:25:36.91
gonna look anymore or you know,
00:25:36.92\00:25:38.38
forget you
because we can't forget.
00:25:38.39\00:25:40.80
Now, we're bound
together with cords
00:25:41.45\00:25:43.47
that will never be broken.
00:25:43.48\00:25:44.76
And it's done so much for me.
00:25:45.79\00:25:47.49
I've found
myself lately praying,
00:25:48.01\00:25:49.65
if I told you this
you know, it's will be an
00:25:50.12\00:25:52.09
x rated thing because
I've been going through
00:25:52.10\00:25:53.90
something just
horrible and if I told you
00:25:53.91\00:25:57.51
the story, you would
say, oh! Dick that's,
00:25:57.52\00:25:59.01
that's awful, did you
call the police? Yeah.
00:25:59.02\00:26:00.66
But I'm actually having
the pray for my enemies,
00:26:01.16\00:26:03.84
my enemies
these forces that have
00:26:03.85\00:26:06.07
destroyed our
homes. Right. The homes of
00:26:06.08\00:26:09.61
our children.
Right. But I know that as
00:26:09.62\00:26:12.54
I pray for my
enemies that my own
00:26:12.55\00:26:14.85
heart is softened.
Right, so without getting
00:26:14.86\00:26:18.07
involved in an angry manner.
00:26:18.08\00:26:19.28
So, that I could
go on my life. Right.
00:26:19.29\00:26:20.67
So I could go on my
life. So, I can't make
00:26:20.68\00:26:24.03
my children's
decisions, but I've got to be
00:26:24.04\00:26:26.15
there, I got to pray
that the Lord is giving
00:26:26.16\00:26:28.45
me the love and compaction and
00:26:28.46\00:26:31.20
the Spirit of forgiveness
because that provides
00:26:31.21\00:26:33.10
stability, our
children maybe going like this.
00:26:33.11\00:26:35.24
But we can't be. But
we've got to someway,
00:26:35.93\00:26:37.89
we've got to begin
the love without and
00:26:37.90\00:26:39.59
get it straight.
Amen. And I believe Jesus
00:26:39.60\00:26:42.00
it is doing that I
know He is doing for us.
00:26:42.01\00:26:44.45
Well, He's trying to
get us ready for heaven.
00:26:44.46\00:26:46.82
Yes, yes. What you
think? And we've got
00:26:46.83\00:26:48.79
to let Him do it.
So, we're praying,
00:26:48.80\00:26:51.72
Lord keep Your mansions,
we don't really mean that.
00:26:52.19\00:26:55.85
No not in the. But we
do mean it when we say
00:26:55.86\00:26:58.30
Lord the most
important thing for us, yeah,
00:26:58.31\00:27:01.22
is our children
please Jesus, please save us.
00:27:01.23\00:27:04.40
Please save our
children and that what's the,
00:27:04.41\00:27:05.94
the theme of all of
this has been, yes it is,
00:27:05.95\00:27:08.08
Lord please save our children.
00:27:08.09\00:27:09.15
Keeps your
mansions, save our children.
00:27:09.72\00:27:10.90
And I believe He
is. There is a scripture
00:27:10.91\00:27:12.56
that comes to
mind. And that's let us
00:27:12.57\00:27:15.09
not be weary in well
doing: for in due season
00:27:15.10\00:27:18.01
we shall reap, if
we faint not. Amen.
00:27:18.02\00:27:20.31
And I want to
invite our viewers again
00:27:20.80\00:27:23.73
to join us next
time and we'll be asking
00:27:23.74\00:27:26.49
Pastor O'Ffill to join
as well. And I'd like to
00:27:26.50\00:27:29.73
ask you to pray for
us, please pray for us
00:27:29.74\00:27:31.62
at home as
well. Heavenly Father,
00:27:31.63\00:27:34.08
we're thankful that
we got to be parents.
00:27:34.09\00:27:36.44
And Lord help
us not to get tired
00:27:37.31\00:27:39.73
and not to get
weary in well-doing.
00:27:39.74\00:27:41.83
But to pray and to
continue to pray with
00:27:42.56\00:27:44.31
all our hearts and
even praying for some
00:27:44.32\00:27:46.57
daughters-in-laws
and sons-in-law who are,
00:27:46.58\00:27:49.32
who are no longer
part of the family
00:27:49.33\00:27:51.68
that we might
reach out with our hearts
00:27:51.69\00:27:53.39
and then our home in every way
00:27:53.82\00:27:55.85
might be healed,
so that we can be
00:27:55.86\00:27:57.86
together, if not
here at least when Jesus.
00:27:57.87\00:28:00.32