Participants: Kathy Matthews, Richard O'Ffill
Series Code: TAH
Program Code: TAH000153
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00:31 Welcome to Thinking About Home.
00:33 I'm Kathy Matthews, 00:34 and again I'm thankful that you've joined us. 00:36 Our guest today is Richard O'Ffill 00:38 from the Florida Conference of 00:40 Seventh-day Adventist. And we're just 00:42 enjoying a discussion on your book 00:46 that you've written, and. 00:47 "Lord Keep Your Mansions." 00:48 Yes, that one. And I just can't say 00:52 enough how it's touched me on the information 00:56 that you have in there and about your life. 00:58 I, I guess, I'd have to tell you that it's 01:02 so much about my life that because 01:05 I'm very involved emotionally with it. 01:06 Yes. That when I read that I cry again. 01:08 Yes. And, and, it maybe personal, 01:10 we'll say when I, you know I, right, 01:12 that that's sounds kind of weird of me. 01:14 Right, and we're not here promoting the book, 01:15 but we're talking about we want to promote 01:17 or rather we'll trying to get into 01:18 and touch people's hearts. 01:20 Because I think we're all in the same boat. 01:21 Yes, we are. I, I, I think that that, 01:23 that when I ask my son permission 01:26 to do this book, obviously it's you know, 01:30 it's kind of explicit, 01:31 I'm talking about my son. Right. 01:32 And, and, and, and that's not some 01:33 far away place that's, that's right here. 01:35 But it's because you're running 01:37 into these things wherever you go. 01:38 I think we're all in the same boat. 01:39 Yeah. I, I, I, heard a long ago someone says, 01:42 I'm not gonna laugh when you are in, 01:44 end of the boat goes because I'm 01:45 in the other end. Yeah, right. 01:47 And, and I think that in a very real way 01:49 we're all in the same boat, right, 01:50 life is about our families and, 01:53 and with everyday that passes, 01:55 we're having more-and-more, 01:56 we're taking more-and more hits in our families. 01:58 I, I think Kathy that there was a time in 02:01 which, in which we were somewhat protected 02:04 you know this society itself had norms and 02:06 standards and, and of course the school 02:09 and the church. And, and so you know, 02:11 we had lots of a fort, lots of wall out there, 02:13 but those who are all down now and 02:15 it seems like there's nothing sacred anymore. 02:17 And, and, and the devils darts are coming right 02:19 into our homes. Now, I know we have these, 02:22 these safety systems you know, 02:24 you see a sign in the yard 02:25 that says protected. Yeah, right. 02:26 And if you try to breaking them 02:27 in my house it'll, 02:28 it's going to ring a bell, right, 02:29 but the devils breaking in. 02:31 And we're letting it. And I'm afraid so. 02:33 And you know, he's coming in 02:35 through locked doors and bar windows, right, 02:37 but he's getting in and he's knock down 02:39 through the chimney. We could get into 02:40 discussions of how that is? 02:41 But, but I think the, the point that we 02:44 wanted to make it will, you know, 02:46 it was out of the prayer. Lord, 02:49 keep your mansions, 02:50 we're not saying that we don't want 02:51 to go to Heaven. I have not seen, 02:54 or heard or entered into the hearts of 02:56 men and women the things that 02:57 God's prepared for those who love Him, 02:59 but we want our children to be with us. 03:03 Now you, you, you could get into the 03:04 big discussions where we live together 03:06 as families and we're gonna be married 03:08 in Heaven and all, this is not about that. 03:10 The fact is that God used Betty 03:14 and me to create our children. Right. 03:16 Those are His children. 03:18 And He wants His children saved. Amen. 03:21 He is not willing that any should perish, 03:24 but that all should come to repentance. 03:26 And here I as a minister of the Gospel and, 03:28 and all of us because I know you're a 03:30 soul winner you know we say, 03:31 well we must reach there, 03:33 the foreign fields of, no of course we must. 03:36 But first. But what about our children? 03:38 Right, right. And I don't, 03:40 I don't know, if I should say this, 03:42 but you know the hardest place 03:44 of all to be a Christian. 03:46 Is in the home. Is in the home. 03:48 See, I can go out and preach like crazy 03:50 and sometimes I used the illustration 03:53 that when I preach in my families there, 04:00 I don't want them as they listen 04:02 to be thinking He's not like that. Right. 04:06 Why doesn't He tell it like it really, 04:07 like, like, like He really is. 04:09 I want them to say in their hearts, 04:10 He's like that, that's the way He is. 04:12 Yeah, that's right, 04:13 that the light of your heart. 04:14 Because it's easy. You know, 04:15 put on your suit and stand up and say, 04:16 we ought to love one and other and be kind. 04:19 Then what if your wife or your husband 04:21 is sitting back there saying, 04:22 wouldn't you shut your mouth? 04:23 You know, why don't you practice 04:24 what you preach? Right. Now I, 04:26 I'm not perfect, but I wish I was. 04:29 Yes. I don't always do things right, 04:31 but I wish I did, I have idea like you do. Yes. 04:34 But the fact is, we did the best we could 04:37 and for many of us it didn't turn out right, 04:40 if I were to, if we were to say, 04:43 Dick you know, are all your kids are 04:45 ministers and Bible workers? No, no. 04:48 Divorce has ravaged our, our children 04:51 you knows and, and we have to drug 04:54 addiction and alcoholism. 04:56 And you know in, in other programs 04:59 we've discussed these things. Are you, 05:01 are you and I to blame for the choices 05:03 our children make? We talked about 05:04 that too. Shall I hide this 05:08 and tell nobody? I know and if you're 05:11 answering the second question first, 05:13 I think we ought to share 05:15 each other's burdens. I'm not afraid. 05:17 That's not to say going around 05:18 announcing them. No, no but, but, 05:20 but, but, or airing your dirty laundry. 05:22 But I've not gone into all of the 05:23 gruesome details. Right. 05:25 I'm not saying and I said, 05:26 this and he said that and, 05:27 and then we did this and we did that, 05:29 but I'm saying that I know what it's like 05:31 to have a son who is an alcoholic, 05:34 addicted to drugs. I know what it's like 05:37 to have a prodigal son; 05:38 I know what it's like to have a divorce, 05:41 to see broken homes. 05:42 And I don't think I'm alone. Right. And, 05:45 and so and so, rather than to say well, 05:48 it should have been, it should have been, 05:50 it shouldn't have been, it shouldn't have been. 05:52 And beating your self to death. 05:53 I'm gonna have to say that's the way is. 05:55 Now, what am I gonna do about it? 05:57 What am gonna do about it? 05:59 I can't be young again, look at my hair, 06:01 I can't be brown haired again, 06:03 I'm gonna be white. 06:04 Were you a brown haired? I'm sorry. 06:05 You thought I was born this way. 06:06 Oh! So, I'm sorry, 06:08 should the changes come? 06:10 No, I can't be brown haired again, 06:11 I can't be 35 again, but I, 06:13 I've got to be a, a, a grandfather and a father 06:18 at this time of my life. And keep learning. 06:20 And keep learning, and keep going forward, 06:22 anyway. How do we accept the acceptable? 06:25 Well, anyway that's gonna be the theme 06:28 of our, of our talk today. And, 06:30 and I have to begin it by telling a story. 06:35 One day, I was in, in a restaurant with my son 06:38 and I might as well say his name, 06:40 my son Dan, I named him after my dad. 06:42 I'm Richard Wesley and, 06:45 and my dad is Daniel Wesley, 06:47 and my son is Daniel and he's got the Eldridge. 06:50 Wife's name. My wife's name tugged it. 06:52 And so I, I'm sitting there and this boy 06:53 is out of the Church and doing these crazy things. 06:57 And your heart is breaking. 06:58 And we're sitting and having spaghetti. 07:00 And he says to me, dad why don't you 07:04 just accept me the way I am? 07:06 And you heard that before. 07:09 In fact, they preach that. 07:10 And I wanted to say, are you kidding? 07:15 In, in other words, in other words son, 07:19 you're taken dope, 07:21 you're out of the Church. 07:22 And I'm supposed to accept that. 07:24 What did you said? 07:25 I'll say that at the end of the program. 07:28 Really, you're not going to share it a little. 07:30 Anyway, I guess this is the question. 07:33 And, and that is, how can we accept 07:37 the unacceptable without accepting 07:39 the unacceptable? And, and, and, and so maybe, 07:42 maybe we could speak. Without approving of it 07:43 you mean? Now, you're getting to it. 07:46 In other words, in, in other words, 07:48 I'm not going to be satisfied, 07:50 while my son is an alcoholic drug addict 07:54 out of the Church. And so, if he is saying, 07:56 you know just, just get satisfied, 07:59 just get used to it. Oh! No, no, no God, 08:00 I've got going to, I'm going to pray, 08:02 I'm going to pray while I have life. 08:05 Well, isn't that what the Lord 08:06 would do Himself? Does He accept 08:08 just that to allow you to just stay 08:11 that way or does He, does He say no, no, 08:13 I love you, but I'm not going to 08:15 accept you this way, 08:16 I'm going to help you? 08:17 You're bringing up a, 08:19 a very interesting thing and, and, 08:20 and, and, and I think you and I ought 08:22 to say here because we, we talk lots and 08:25 I suppose that when we, when we watch a 08:28 broadcast or we hear people talk, 08:30 we can nickel-and -dime it to death. 08:32 And I hope when they hear us talking 08:35 about this subject they don't 08:36 nickel-and-dime it to death, 08:37 you know you could say, 08:38 well Kathy you said this or Pastor 08:40 O'Ffill you said that. 08:41 Oh! There's so much we're not saying. 08:43 I might have missed it, 08:44 I may have missed it, 08:45 I may have used the 08:46 right? But when, when, 08:53 I lost my thought, but I wanna tell you, 08:55 I, I got it back. Okay. 08:57 Because you're talking about God accepting us. 08:59 Yes. I use this illustration 09:01 when the prodigal son came back. Yes. 09:04 We say that his father accepted him, 09:07 you've got to be kidding, 09:09 he smelled like a pig. 09:10 Well, what do you mean that 09:13 that you've said that? 09:14 No, not that I've got it, you know, 09:15 if I open this kind of words, 09:16 he received them, he received them. 09:20 That would be a better word to be used. 09:21 Oh! Well, well see, see to me. 09:23 Or actually that's what said, isn't it? 09:24 Well. You received this? But see this generation, 09:28 this modern generation. Yes, yes. 09:29 Keeps preaching acceptance, 09:31 Jesus accepts us the way we are, He accepts us. 09:33 To me Kathy the word acceptance 09:36 means leave me alone. Yes. 09:38 Take me as I am. 09:39 And I'm staying that way. 09:41 Yes. Now, maybe that's 09:42 not what it really means, 09:43 but that's what this crowd hears it is. 09:45 Yes. You hear what I'm going to do. 09:46 Yes I do. And so, that's why when, 09:47 when I preach about this issue I, 09:50 I, I think the word acceptance 09:52 is not the best word because it means 09:54 status quo, it means I'm 09:56 gonna be this way. Right. 09:57 Get used to it. Jesus doesn't accept us, 10:01 He receives us. We come to Jesus 10:04 as we are 'cause there's 10:05 no other way to come. You know, 10:06 it's like taking Him, taking a shower. 10:07 Right. I have to get into the shower 10:09 as I am, but you don't stay that way, 10:11 if you're in the shower. 10:12 Right. So, you've got to come 10:14 to Jesus as you are, 10:15 but when you come to Him you 10:16 don't stay that way. 10:18 And so, that boy comes out of that pig pin, 10:20 he comes home to his daddy, 10:22 his daddy gives him a bath, 10:25 puts a you know, you know, 10:26 and sometimes just the way putting 10:28 jewelry on him. Well, that ring 10:29 was the checkbook. 10:31 Yes, I suppose so because that's 10:33 what he did, yes. And so, in other words, 10:36 he gives them some money, 10:37 he puts new clothes, he gives him a bath 10:39 and he celebrates it. 10:40 And so, and so that's how 10:43 I see the word. 10:44 And, and so, receive my boy, I have to, 10:48 I had to recognize that during that period, 10:51 I had a boy, who is an alcoholic, 10:54 who took drugs and who is a prodigal? 10:57 Was I to going? Accept him. 11:00 Be satisfied with that. Yes. No. Or, 11:03 yeah or receive him that way. 11:05 Well here, here's where we wanna go with this. 11:08 I think we need to in our minds 11:11 accept reality. And in a way 11:15 we need to kind of detach ourselves. 11:17 Now, in the first program 11:20 that we did in this series, yes, 11:22 I told you how I went to Al-Anon; 11:24 remember I told you about that. 11:26 And Al-Anon is for a, 11:28 the families of, of addicts. 11:31 They're there to learn to cope 11:33 with their problems. And to learn 11:34 how to relate yourself. 11:35 And so, in other words you don't 11:36 go to Al-Anon to talk about your boy 11:38 or your wife or your husband. 11:40 You go there how to learn, 11:41 how to survive with this, how, 11:43 how to get through it? 11:44 And one of the most wonderful things 11:46 that I learned at Al-Anon was 11:48 what they called detachment, detachment. 11:51 And I've even sent people to Al-Anon 11:54 and for other reasons maybe their 11:56 marriage is having trouble. 11:57 And I said, go and get those people 12:00 to talk about detachment. 12:02 Because see what happens, 12:04 is when our loved ones get into 12:06 big trouble because we're, we're, 12:09 we're, we're bound to them emotionally, 12:11 because we love them so much then, 12:13 then suddenly we catch, 12:14 you know it's like we can catch a 12:15 cold from each other. 12:16 And so, we can actually catch 12:19 their diseases. In other words 12:20 here my son was taking drugs and, 12:23 and drinking and all that. 12:24 And I told you how I lost it? 12:26 Right. I began to be emotionally 12:29 messed up. So, you're not functioning 12:31 in such a way that can be effective 12:32 for him. I think the word that 12:33 they used for that is co-dependency. 12:36 Okay. In other words, 12:38 you wanna describe or explain that. 12:39 Well, there maybe big 12:41 psychological explanations 12:43 for the word co-dependency but, 12:44 but I interpret it this way, 12:46 co-dependency means that when, 12:48 that that, that I'm related to 12:49 someone emotionally in such a way, 12:51 when they're up, I'm up. 12:52 When they're having a good day, 12:53 I'm having a good day. Right. 12:55 When they're having a bad day, 12:56 I'm having a bad day. 12:57 So, we need to learn 12:58 how to be you're saying that this 12:59 will help person to learn how 13:01 to be more stable in their lives, 13:02 so that they can be helpful 13:04 when that's having a problem. 13:05 Well, I have to detach from them. 13:07 Now, now this is the, and, 13:08 and why don't we go over some 13:09 of these points? Okay. 13:11 Because I learned this in Al-Anon. 13:12 And, and, and I'm not sure that 13:14 that every thought would be correct but, 13:16 but it's something to think about. 13:17 And that is, if I'm going to help 13:20 my son or my daughter 13:21 or my husband or wife. In other words, 13:23 whatever problem that our, 13:24 our viewers might, 13:25 you know might be having in their lives. 13:26 I have to detach from them. 13:29 Now, detach doesn't mean I don't care. 13:31 And it doesn't, oh! And it doesn't mean 13:33 you've severed a relationship. 13:35 No it, it, it doesn't mean 13:36 I don't love them, I don't care. 13:38 It means because I love them and 13:42 because I do care. I'm going to, 13:45 to separate myself from that problem 13:47 in such a way to be able to minister to it. 13:50 Amen, okay. Good, good explanation. 13:52 Now, now I've heard that in the 13:54 medical profession that the doctors 13:57 know a lot about a particular problem 13:59 that they don't take care 14:01 of their own family, in other words 14:03 surgeons don't operate. Right, yes. 14:05 On their own family members because 14:07 they're too involved. 14:08 Now, now, now you can do that, 14:10 if you're a surgeon. I think they use, 14:11 they're not, they won't even 14:12 allow them to, when, 14:14 do they still do that? 14:15 Well, and listen an ethical problem 14:16 might not, now they might be there 14:17 or something but, but the fact is 14:19 we are very much emotionally tied, 14:22 right, with those we love. 14:23 And so, so, so though a surgeon can get 14:25 someone else to operate on, 14:27 on his child or on his wife, 14:29 what can you do if it's your boy? 14:31 And he's taking drugs; 14:33 you know you can't say someone else 14:35 is going to have to relate to him. 14:36 Right. Because I'm sorry, 14:37 I'm his father and someone else 14:40 can't be his father. 14:41 Well, a lot of people will like to say that, 14:42 but we need to be fathers 14:44 at times like that, 14:45 so that. Especially at times 14:46 like that. Especially at times like that. 14:47 But, but then if I'm going to be able to be 14:50 that father I've got to pull myself away 14:53 emotionally, so that I, 14:55 I'm not a part of that problem. 14:56 And, and, and, and we talked about that 14:58 in another program, if, if I'm loaded 15:00 with guilt and if I'm angry or 15:03 how can I help my son? 15:04 Because I'm taking that personally because 15:06 you're doing this to me and 15:07 you can't do this to me. Right. 15:08 So, so this isn't suddenly it's not about 15:10 my boy, it's about me making me look good. 15:14 And, and I think that in this whole experience 15:18 that I've had, 15:19 I've tried to soaked that out. 15:20 And, and again I would say, 15:21 maybe we haven't done it just the way 15:23 it should been done, but, 15:24 but we've, we've survived and 15:25 we're still love Jesus. Right. 15:27 We're still married. That something to say 15:30 right there, isn't it? And now and, 15:31 and I say that Kathy because, 15:33 because there are many cases in which, 15:36 they've lost their marriages, 15:37 there is a trauma, there is trauma I, 15:39 I was on in airplane not long ago 15:40 and the man next to me, 15:43 he told me that one of his children, 15:46 the baby suffocated in the crib, 15:49 it broke his marriage. In other words, 15:51 his wife couldn't handle it, 15:53 and so the marriage broke up. 15:54 And I know that there are cases 15:57 where the son up and the son 16:00 and the daughter is taking drugs 16:01 or in the some big problem. 16:02 Maybe, maybe the, 16:04 the wife will take one position, right, 16:07 and husband takes another. Yes. See, 16:09 and they work against each other. 16:10 And they work against each other 16:11 and they find themselves growing apart. 16:13 I'm so thankful to God that through these 16:17 things with our, with our son 16:19 or with our prodigal drug addicted son 16:21 and that we grow closer together. 16:24 We grew closer together. Amen. 16:26 You know, Betty said one night 16:28 it must have been and I didn't even know 16:30 what happened? Who knows it was 16:33 2 or 3 O'clock in the morning 16:34 and of course you know mothers do that, 16:38 see I don't care whether it's 18 or 38s, 16:41 in other words my boys out there 16:42 some place you see. And so, 16:44 she couldn't sleep at night. 16:46 And she said Dick, 16:48 she said one night it must have been 16:49 2 or 3 in the morning I heard the door open 16:51 and I heard him come in, 16:52 and I was filled with terror I, 16:54 you know, and this doesn't make 16:56 much sense to say that, she said, 16:57 I was filled with terror, 16:58 but in that minute I didn't I, I, I, 17:02 I pulled away from it then because then it, 17:05 it continued nothing changed, 17:06 but someway I got disengaged from it, 17:09 so that I could watch it happen and 17:11 it wasn't just destroyed me. 17:13 And, and, and I think that this is the, 17:16 this is what this detachment is about. 17:18 Shall we go down some of these points? 17:19 Oh! We're not talking about 17:21 hardening ourselves. Oh! No, no, no, no 17:23 what we're doing is putting ourselves 17:25 in the condition to be able to love better. 17:27 Right. And let me go back and say it again. 17:29 Should point to clear that up. 17:30 Let me say it again. 17:31 Or not becoming indifferent. 17:32 No, not becoming indifferent, 17:33 we're not loving less; 17:34 we're not going and living our lives 17:36 somewhere else. Yes. It's just now we are. 17:40 Actually you're becoming more 17:41 Christ like; you're becoming really 17:42 involved like Christ is with us. 17:44 Right, but not part of the problem 17:46 and that's very hard to do, 17:47 but anyway we learned in this, 17:48 in this business when we studied 17:50 about detachment. Now, this first point 17:53 that they make in Al-Anon is, 17:55 is really hard, hard to comprehend 17:57 and it says, "Not to suffer because 17:59 of the actions or reactions of 18:00 other people." Now, when I, 18:03 you know when I look at that it doesn't make 18:04 sense because I'm suffering all the time. 18:06 Not to suffer. Not to suffer, 18:08 but I guess that, I guess that it means let, 18:12 let, let me use a real bad illustration 18:14 that if my, if my child should choose 18:17 to be lost that I don't choose to follow him. 18:21 Well, that's understandable 18:23 I mean I can, I can, 18:25 I can grasp better it that way. 18:27 That that though all suffer 18:29 short-term obviously, I'm not gonna tie this 18:31 up in such a way, where there long term 18:34 lost is my personal, 18:37 well if well then I'm going to heaven, 18:39 I'm not going either, 18:41 because you know this that even in my, 18:43 in my little prayer. Well you, yeah the looked up. 18:45 I'm saying, if they don't 18:46 go to Heaven I'm not going. 18:47 You're not? I didn't say that, 18:50 but I'm saying don't, don't worry about 18:52 the details that's what I really want you see. 18:54 Oh! I see. You see, you see Kathy. 18:56 I see, I see. You see where I'm coming from? 18:57 Now, I know that Moses said if, 19:01 if you don't save the children, right, right, 19:02 that's will take my name out. That's right. 19:04 And that was wonderful but, 19:07 but I don't, I don't think, I, 19:09 I don't think Jesus wants us to say, 19:12 if my children are not in Heaven 19:14 I don't want to be there. 19:15 No, I don't think He does either. 19:16 Do you think that? 19:18 No, I don't think He does either, 19:19 because, He wants us to go on and be there. 19:22 Because He ultimately is our, 19:24 is our Heavenly parent. 19:25 Yes. That though I'm a parent 19:27 He still my Father and He wants me to be 19:29 there as one of His children whether there, 19:32 its sound this terrible whether 19:33 there are anybody else there or not. 19:34 Right. So, that through these crisis of the, 19:37 of a, of the salvation of our children we must 19:40 recognize our salvation, is that risk? Yes. 19:43 And, and we must not trade it out 19:46 'cause Jesus died for us. 19:48 So, then from me to say, 19:50 if my children are not saved 19:51 I don't want to be saved is an insult 19:53 to Jesus. Yes, I can say that. 19:55 And so, anyway the next point was, 19:58 to not allow ourselves to be used or 20:01 abused by others in the interest 20:04 of making them better. Enabling. 20:08 I think that's what we're talking. 20:10 Okay. In other words, 20:12 I think that wives are what, 20:15 what, set the children out of these, 20:16 but wives many times feel that that, 20:19 that whatever their husbands are doing, 20:21 let say an alcoholic husband. Yes. 20:22 It's, it's their fault you see. 20:25 And that, if I was only doing it right. Right. 20:28 Then they wouldn't be wrong. 20:30 And so, once that dynamic sets up 20:35 the other person becomes aware of it, 20:37 and they began to exploit. 20:39 And they can abuse it. You know, 20:41 my son said to me. 20:42 Our sinful self shows in so many ways, 20:45 don't they? My son said to me Kathy 20:47 after it was over, he said dad, 20:50 it was never about you. Wow! He said, 20:54 I was selfish that's what I was. 20:56 I'm a selfish. And you know I asked, 20:57 I, I'm glad you said that 20:59 I wanted you to, to share just 21:03 what he came up with when it was all over, 21:05 so that people who are in the middle of it 21:07 can realize they just you know, 21:10 that the selfishness of our hearts 21:13 is playing out in their lives. 21:16 And for him to recognize it after all 21:19 that he put you through, 21:20 and to say that to you, it's helpful to me. 21:24 And it would be helpful to others 21:25 I think to understand the situation. 21:26 Well, ultimately sin is about selfishness. 21:29 Yes. And, and, and maybe we could say 21:32 that we can encourage each other 21:33 to be selfish, we can contribute 21:34 to selfishness, but the fact 21:36 that a person has chosen a lifestyle 21:39 that is making excuse expression, 21:41 hell for the rest of the family is selfish, 21:44 it's just playing selfish. 21:46 Have I ever this a little off the subject 21:48 health is really about that I've come 21:52 to the conclusion that I owe it to my wife 21:55 to be healthy because the day 21:58 I fall on the floor where the stroke gets 22:00 his lives messed up. Right. 22:02 She has to push me around, give me a bath. 22:04 Yes. One day, we were at the grocery store 22:06 and she was wanting to buy some chewing gum, 22:08 and I said is it sugarless? 22:11 She said no buy. 22:13 She said your teeth belong to me. 22:14 I see. So, we belong to each other, 22:18 we belong to each other. Right. 22:20 And obviously what we do affects each other. 22:22 Right. And you know the question and, 22:24 and I really think probably in the 22:26 Day of Judgment that the Lord will honor, 22:28 will really be able to hold us accountable, 22:29 you're selfish, you're, you really, 22:32 you refuse to accept salvation. Right. 22:34 You refused to, to live for anybody, 22:37 but yourself and, and we were ready 22:40 to pull you up and to save you, 22:41 but no. You would not. 22:42 You're gonna do at your way. 22:44 Right, so how much time do we have 22:45 to get over the rest of this? 22:46 Well, we're taking, oh! 22:47 We got a rest of our lives, but. 22:48 But we don't want to take it 22:50 rest of our lives, if we want to help. 22:52 Anyway and here's a good one, 22:54 how we learned in detachment 22:56 not to do for others what they can do 22:58 for themselves. You know I've, 23:01 I've worked for more than 20 years 23:02 in community services, 23:04 and now this could be misunderstood but, 23:08 but I came to the conclusion that 23:10 we should not help people the most we can, 23:13 give them the most help, but the, this, 23:16 the littlest that doesn't make any, 23:18 any sense. The least. 23:19 The least we can because, 23:22 because alternately a person must, 23:24 must solve their own problems. 23:26 Where the people are gonna take 23:27 exceptions to that? 23:28 Well, well you see I feel that that take a person 23:32 who is real needy, you see, 23:33 if I bare him in aid then he doesn't 23:37 need to do anything, but wait for my truck 23:38 to pull up next time. Right, right. And so, 23:41 what we're trying to do. 23:43 Cease to be self-sufficient. 23:44 Well, even in ADRA see, and ADRA, 23:46 I and I worked there you know for 12 years. 23:48 The purpose of ADRA is to help people to help 23:51 themselves. Yes. And so, 23:53 this means that that, 23:55 if we're helping our children as much as 23:57 we can we could feel, 23:59 well this is a gesture of my love, 24:01 but we could be helping so much, yeah, 24:04 that we're actually contributing 24:05 to the problem. Contributing, yes. 24:06 And here's another one it's very important, 24:09 not to cover up for anyone's mistake 24:12 or misdeeds. Now, because this 24:15 gives them a shelter. Right, 24:16 we were talking about that 24:18 in the car there right, we were talking about 24:19 that I don't come up for them. 24:20 And, and, and now I don't think that means 24:22 and I'm gonna put in add, 24:23 in the newspaper that my son takes drugs. 24:24 No, no, no. But, but I'm not gonna 24:26 deny it because, because ultimately you know, 24:29 if there's gonna be a change 24:30 to anybody's life, in my life or yours 24:32 we've got to be accountable. 24:34 And so, if this person feels that 24:36 they're being protected it all the time then 24:38 they never have to be accountable. 24:40 In other words, there's always a front, 24:41 there's always somebody that keeps me 24:42 from having to face to truth. Right. 24:45 And, and I think I have heard that in, 24:47 in treating of, of addictions they talk 24:50 about confronting somebody with the truth. 24:52 Right. And so, you know the fact is 24:54 you're an addict. Well, I don't see that but, 24:57 but that's what you are, 24:58 as soon doesn't scripture say, 25:00 if we confessed our sins. 25:01 Sins, and specifically by the way. 25:03 He's faithful and just to forgive us our sins. 25:06 And so, if we're gonna keep our loved ones 25:08 from admitting their weakness. Right. 25:12 Then there we're simply gonna perpetuate 25:14 the problem. And, and, and the last one 25:17 was we learned not to prevent a crisis, 25:19 if it's in the natural course of events. 25:22 And, and so that is to say that 25:24 and, and, and, and that's basically 25:26 what we did? You know. 25:27 Then what do you mean exactly? 25:28 Well, let me tell you this that whatever 25:31 we sow we're gonna reap. And, 25:33 and I believe a person is going to stay on 25:35 the wrong road as long as they can stand it. 25:38 And, and in fact, with my own son. 25:40 Till they can't stand it any longer. 25:41 Till they can't stand and do any longer. 25:42 And with my son he called me up one day 25:45 and he said, dad I need your help 25:47 and then I took him to the emergency room. 25:48 And the whole process that would lead to his 25:51 restoration would set emotion, 25:53 but all the time before we talked about it. 25:56 No, he wasn't, he wasn't going to change. 25:58 He wasn't ready for that. 25:59 Because it was bearable you see it, 26:00 it was more enjoyable than the consequences. 26:02 Right. But friend, exactly and, and, and 26:05 I really think it's true, 26:06 and if that we will keep doing what we've been 26:09 doing until we fed up with it. Right. 26:11 And so, and so therefore we've kind him 26:14 got to let nature takes his course. 26:16 And of course when our, 26:17 when our children hurt we all hurt, 26:19 but we've, you know the expression 26:22 I think they uses, hit bottom. 26:23 Yes, yes. Nobody is going to change 26:26 until they hit bottom. 26:27 And I think that's in, in the Christian life. 26:30 We confess our sins when I cry 26:33 God be merciful to me as sinner. Right. 26:35 It's when I admit, but it's what you say, 26:37 he that humbles himself should be exalted, 26:39 humbled yourself before God, right, 26:42 and He'll lift you. Right, right. 26:43 And so, ultimately it's, it's our helplessness; 26:46 it's our hopelessness 26:48 that's our strength in God. 26:49 So, how do we accept the unacceptable? 26:51 Well, we're real I, I can say my son is a, 26:56 is, is an alcoholic, 26:58 but anyway to end that story, 27:00 I said to him son; I'll never accept you 27:03 until you give your heart to Jesus. Right. 27:04 Tears were running down my cheeks. Yes. 27:06 And they were running down his cheeks. Good. 27:08 And, and, and, and he understood where 27:10 I was coming from. Right. 27:11 I would be a real person, 27:12 but I would never be satisfied until 27:14 he was back home. Amen, 27:15 well you're going to back on another program. 27:18 Right, we're gonna be talking again. 27:20 Telling the story, more of the story. 27:22 That's right, and I want to invite you to pray, 27:24 but before we do pray, I want you to remember 27:27 that if we are going to help others 27:29 we need to rise up and live with Christ, 27:32 so that we can be able to do that. 27:33 Well, Dick. Heavenly Father, 27:36 we're so thankful Lord that You 27:39 receive us however we are, 27:40 that we can't stink so bad, 27:42 but that you can wash us 27:44 and make us clean. 27:45 Lord, help us to detach not so 27:49 that we can go on our own way, 27:51 but so that we can really help 27:52 and be compassionate 27:53 and be supported to those 27:55 we love so much as you 27:57 have been and as you are 27:58 with us through Jesus Christ 28:00 our Lord we pray, amen. |
Revised 2014-12-17