Welcome to Thinking About Home.
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I'm Kathy Matthews,
and thankful that you've
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joined us again. Our
guest today is Pastor
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Richard O'Ffill from
the Florida Conference
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of Seventh Day Adventist.
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Thank you for being back.
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I'm glad to be
here. Thinking About Home,
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I'm a father,
grandfather. I've been
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married to the
same girl. That's good.
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No, no I don't know
why that you know that
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we should boost on
that, but it's getting
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the place where our
homes are breaking up
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at such a
tremendous rate. Well why not,
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why not say a little
something good for that.
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Well you know if
the devil can get at our
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homes, he's got us
and I think some of us
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Kathy when we thought
of the last day events.
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We thought well maybe
it was the signs and it
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is, don't hear me
wrong, but there wouldn't
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be earthquakes and
all kinds of problems and
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religious and secular
struggles, but I think
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that right now if
the truth would be known
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that the devil, his, his
most affective work is in
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our homes. Yes. And I
think that as Christians
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that unless we, we
come to, we come to
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grips with this, yes,
that we're missing what
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the gospel is all
about and sometimes when I
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preach I argue and
don't hear me wrong,
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but I feel that, that
we're not implementing in
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our homes sometimes
the most fundamental
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of what the gospel
is about. No we're not.
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If, if we were,
though we would be suffering,
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it wouldn't be so
much. Our homes are
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breaking and as in
my case we have four
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children and
eight grandchildren.
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It seems like if we've
got a disability in our
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homes it's divorce.
Now Betty and I you know
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we've been
together these many years,
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but I'm getting to
the place when I'm almost
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embarrassed to think
of all the sons-in-laws
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and daughters-in-laws
and former sons-in-laws
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and I had this
terrible joke. You know
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sometimes you have
to laugh when you're
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not crying. Where two
little boys were out on
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the playground and
they're mad, they're about
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to fight see. One of
them says to the other
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that my dad can
beat up your dad.
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The other says what
do you mean my dad is
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your dad. And it's
getting to be that way,
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it's getting to
be that way and, and
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especially I think
we as parents as our
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children get older
and when they were little,
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we could hold them
you know we could give
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them a bath and
tell them when to get up
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and when to go to
sleep and get them off to
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school, but when they're grown,
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things change and
I remember Kathy that
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when my oldest
daughter got married.
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Betty said well that's
one less to worry about.
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Right. Not at all, not
at all. Well, no it's been
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more complicated
having a grown children
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and grandchildren
then it ever was to raise
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little ones and
sometimes when I'm in
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the supermarket
and I see these little
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mothers with these
little children running
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around, I actually
say to them enjoy it.
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Well but we don't want
to just look well I don't
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want to get into
that subject right now.
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That could take
us off on a tangent,
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but I think of what
we've been talking about
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is that we're not
alone in all of this.
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And I could like to
preview just a little of
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that. We have been facing
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the heartaches and suffering.
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In another program I
told a little bit about my
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own experience of
my youngest son and how
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he began to take
drugs, and I didn't even
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go into all gruesome
details that not only will
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he be taking drugs
and I would be going to
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Alana, but about
that time his 15-year-old
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girlfriend is
expecting and so here, here I am
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as a minister in
the Florida Conference.
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The director of
temperance. My son is
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taking drugs and his
girlfriend is you know
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expecting and I was
the, I was actually a
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grandfather before I
was a father-in-law and
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I'm sure you know
what I'm talking about.
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But you know I
think the thing that was
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comforting to me
was that they never left
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us, in another words
you see we have this,
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this tendency to
think well if I go through
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that everybody look down on me.
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And one day Betty
came home from the office
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and her face was just
blank I mean I don't even,
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I know the word
serious isn't the word.
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It was more than
serious. It was nothing.
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And her face was so
blank and maybe after
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about a half an hour
I said honey you know
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what's going on? And
she said today somebody
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came to the office
and said, Betty we know
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what you're going
through, we're praying for
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you. Now that's
wonderful, I can't think of
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anything more
appropriate. You know for
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somebody to have said,
but it hit Betty wrong.
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And she said.
Yeah you're not saying
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that they shouldn't tell?
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Oh well, what else
there was to say I probably
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would have said that,
but Betty was so brittle
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because of all the
emotions of her, of what
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was going on in
our home with our boy
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you know that when
this person says Betty
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we're praying for
you and Betty said I felt
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like Mrs. Bundy. You
know the mother of the
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mass murderer. Yes, yes right.
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She said Dick, I
think I ought to wear dark
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glasses when I go
to work. As if you know
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I can't have
people recognize who I am.
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And I said to her
honey, I said they love us.
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Our friends haven't
forsaken us and in that
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other program that
we did that we're alone.
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This is what
we've got to realize.
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We always thought
well if I'm a Christian
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you know I can't let
people know the truth
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about me. Well the
truth is I love Jesus.
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The truth is I'm
committed to Him and I
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know He loves me,
but the other part of the
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truth is that he said
in this world you will have
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tribulation. Yes. Now
we might have thought,
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well that means
I'll be persecuted for
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righteousness sake.
Well what maybe part of the
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tribulation of the
last days is our children.
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And what's going
on in their lives.
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We thought well it's
gonna be out there in
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some place far away.
No, what if it's right
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under your own roof.
I think that this is the
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big test we have. And
so, and so I was about
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to tell you that, I
said to Betty of course,
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no honey they love us
talking about the people
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in the church you
know. Right. And you know
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we have a baby
shower for Andrea.
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And no, you know I
should put into disclaimer
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here before I go
any further. People are
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already thinking why
in the world is he giving
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names and places. I
asked my son permission.
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Good to say that.
Yeah it's important in fact
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before I wrote
the book God keep your
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mentions I said, son
could I tell this story. He
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said dad after all I
put you through that's the
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least I could do.
Really, really. But anyway.
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Well that was gracious of him.
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It's not hard, it's
not easy to come through
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these things. No it's,
no it's true I was telling
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someone the other
day. I said you know with
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the divorce that's
going through our homes I
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said you know don't
try to keep a divorce
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secret you know,
it's in the paper.
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Divorce is printed in
the paper you know, yeah,
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and so, and so I
don't think that,
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that we boosted
these, I don't think I go
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around telling
everybody, no that's not we're
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saying, that my
child takes drugs or did
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take drugs or my kids
are getting a divorce.
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It's just that, that
you ought to know that
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I know what
suffering is like, yes, and
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probably if you
will be honest with me.
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You know what suffering is like.
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Anyway we had a
baby shower for Andrea.
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And there were 50
people at that baby
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shower. That
supported you. And I've,
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well you could
imagine kids had marriage.
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And these were the
people like the grandma
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types. Right. And you
know some said well the
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old generation was
real egotistic and they
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condemned
everything. So they have proved
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otherwise. I haven't
seen that. All the things
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that I've been
through in my life,
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now some people
might have been condemned
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here and there and
maybe people whisper
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about our family
you know they say,
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well if Dick was the
kind of parent he ought
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to be this
wouldn't have happened,
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you know he must have
made a lot of mistakes.
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But Kathy, I've had
people come to me and
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say Dick, we know
what you're going through.
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And we're watching
you and you give us so
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much hope. And so I
think that this is where
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we're at today.
We're, we want hope and so
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I'm not looking for, for
the perfect parent I mean.
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But when Betty came
inn with the glasses on.
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No she was just saying
that she felt she ought
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to wear glasses,
because she was so ashamed.
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Oh I'm sorry
that's right. But when
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she was feeling that way.
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What do you
think she was feeling?
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Well she was feeling
guilty, and I think that,
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I would like to
discuss this in this program
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because, because
when our children start
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you know doing
these crazy things, these.
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Choices of their own.
And their heart wrenching.
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See there was a time in
which parents did things
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to their children and
now children are doing
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thing to their
parents. Now we're gonna discuss
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this a little bit I'm
sure, but nowadays it's
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common that are, you
know the mistakes that
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the children make
these days back when
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you and I were kids.
Big mistake was chewing
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gum in class, right,
right. Getting out of line
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you know. Throwing
spitballs, throwing
00:10:26.25\00:10:27.81
spitballs, passing
notes to your girlfriend,
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but now we're
talking about drugs,
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pre-marital sex, and
killing, and murder and
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so suddenly here,
here, here we are,
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we're middle aged
people and out there it's
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not uncommon that a
child will come home and
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say you know my
marriage just broke up,
00:10:45.02\00:10:46.37
here's my child
raise it. And expect that.
00:10:46.38\00:10:49.06
And really expect it
so, and so though the sins
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of the fathers are
being visited on the children.
00:10:52.46\00:10:54.89
The sins of the
children these days are visited
00:10:55.27\00:10:58.89
on the parents.
And so what you get out
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of that guilt, guilt
I did it wrong. If I had
00:11:01.42\00:11:05.07
done it right. It
wouldn't be happening to me.
00:11:05.08\00:11:07.45
And then I think
even in my own life Kathy
00:11:08.16\00:11:10.79
with guilt comes
anger. Yes. Because I can
00:11:11.64\00:11:16.42
tell you at times I
was angry. And I don't
00:11:16.43\00:11:20.96
think it was an anger
that springs from, from,
00:11:20.97\00:11:23.97
this is gonna
sound really crazy.
00:11:24.49\00:11:26.05
Is there an anger
that springs from love,
00:11:26.94\00:11:28.19
there is an anger
that springs from hate.
00:11:28.20\00:11:29.83
Yes, I think so. But
because I could never.
00:11:31.33\00:11:33.84
Some call it
indignation. I could never say
00:11:33.85\00:11:36.91
that through this
all I didn't love my son.
00:11:36.92\00:11:39.12
But there were
times I remember he's big
00:11:40.46\00:11:42.40
and handsome and
you know it was never
00:11:42.41\00:11:45.45
between us. It was
never like being dead or
00:11:45.46\00:11:48.83
going at that, it
was like he was doing
00:11:48.84\00:11:50.85
something and even
in the worst of it,
00:11:50.86\00:11:53.43
he would come home
and he walks in the
00:11:53.44\00:11:54.97
door. He learned
this in South America,
00:11:54.98\00:11:56.90
but you know in
South America you know when
00:11:56.91\00:11:58.62
the young people
meet the adult they give
00:11:58.63\00:12:00.06
them a kiss on their
cheek. And through this
00:12:00.07\00:12:02.22
whole thing. He had
come in the door and he
00:12:02.23\00:12:05.93
come and hug me and
I didn't wanna talk to
00:12:05.94\00:12:09.22
him. Did you ever
say that? No, no, no,
00:12:09.23\00:12:12.68
but I feel that
way, you feel it,
00:12:12.97\00:12:14.00
I feel that way, don't touch me.
00:12:14.01\00:12:15.17
If you really love
me you wouldn't be doing
00:12:16.45\00:12:18.83
this to me. And
Kathy, I don't know if I've
00:12:18.84\00:12:23.42
told you this before.
I went through a time in
00:12:23.43\00:12:28.18
which I think I
suffered, I grieved like he was
00:12:28.19\00:12:30.27
dead. I didn't wanna
watch old family pictures
00:12:30.28\00:12:34.82
anymore, right, and
when we would watch the
00:12:34.83\00:12:36.72
slides from when
we were missionaries
00:12:36.73\00:12:38.54
overseas. Little boy
was gone. And I, exactly
00:12:38.55\00:12:41.67
that little boy
that would get on my back
00:12:41.68\00:12:43.43
and with curly hair.
We would go and jump in
00:12:43.44\00:12:46.31
the swimming pool and
we'd go under the water
00:12:46.32\00:12:48.34
and I would look at
that and I say he's dead,
00:12:49.46\00:12:52.45
he's dead, well what's
this? I don't know want
00:12:52.74\00:12:55.29
that is. This is
another something or other.
00:12:55.30\00:12:58.46
And so these feeling
that you have and like
00:12:59.37\00:13:02.58
Betty we're to blame,
we're guilty of this and
00:13:02.59\00:13:05.96
then the anger. What
are you doing about that.
00:13:05.97\00:13:08.92
How did you deal
with it? I ask you.
00:13:09.32\00:13:11.49
I said to you do
about it? Do you ever,
00:13:12.01\00:13:14.95
does your carrying
ever, ever make you feel
00:13:16.56\00:13:18.76
guilty? Oh of
course it does. I don't,
00:13:18.77\00:13:22.18
I've said here while
you're saying that and
00:13:22.99\00:13:24.93
even when I read
your book, that I, I felt
00:13:24.94\00:13:28.02
those very things I
haven't gone through
00:13:28.03\00:13:29.50
exactly the same
thing, but I felt that don't
00:13:29.51\00:13:32.26
touch me. Why are you
doing what you're doing?
00:13:32.27\00:13:34.81
Well if you really
love me. And then dealing
00:13:34.82\00:13:37.03
with myself I haven't
to be, to be civil and
00:13:37.04\00:13:40.00
kind and Christ like
and to remember those
00:13:40.01\00:13:41.95
things at that
time, so that's not always
00:13:41.96\00:13:43.99
easy to do. In fact you
don't always conquer it.
00:13:44.00\00:13:47.51
Well and you see I
think the one of the
00:13:47.87\00:13:49.83
things that we need
to grips with and I hope
00:13:49.84\00:13:51.83
that our viewers
can go with us on this,
00:13:52.36\00:13:53.92
and that is am I
responsible for what my
00:13:54.82\00:14:01.97
growing children are
doing. In other words
00:14:01.98\00:14:04.62
they're getting,
their homes are breaking up.
00:14:04.80\00:14:06.54
Are you to blame.
Yeah, yeah am I to blame
00:14:08.20\00:14:10.04
for that. Well we've
talked about that even
00:14:10.05\00:14:12.34
before we were
doing the program.
00:14:12.35\00:14:13.53
I want you to help
me to distinguish the
00:14:14.23\00:14:16.65
difference between whether I'm
00:14:16.66\00:14:18.20
accountable or
responsible we were.
00:14:18.21\00:14:19.99
Well see, see we've
got the text and excuse me
00:14:20.16\00:14:23.07
for putting it this
way. You know we got
00:14:23.08\00:14:24.40
the text that's in
our face you know how
00:14:24.41\00:14:26.43
we use that part of expression.
00:14:26.44\00:14:27.94
Raise up a child in
the way he should go and
00:14:28.34\00:14:31.53
when he's old or she,
he will not depart from
00:14:31.54\00:14:34.82
it, and so here we
raised up our children
00:14:34.83\00:14:37.72
and at somewhere
along the line maybe they
00:14:38.22\00:14:40.32
leave the church. And
I remember at one point
00:14:40.33\00:14:44.30
and the kind of
the worst of it, my son
00:14:45.69\00:14:47.97
married a girl who
wasn't a Christian.
00:14:48.47\00:14:51.31
She began to be
interested in spiritual
00:14:52.30\00:14:54.67
things and his
response, I don't want my
00:14:54.68\00:14:58.28
woman get into
religion. And he wanted to
00:14:58.29\00:15:00.91
scream. You know
here this one that you
00:15:00.92\00:15:05.22
have raised to
love the Lord, right,
00:15:05.23\00:15:06.59
is not only
gone himself from it,
00:15:06.97\00:15:09.55
but he blocks it,
somebody else from
00:15:09.77\00:15:11.62
getting into it. And
so Betty and I were, were
00:15:11.63\00:15:15.72
lying in bed one night
and we got talking about
00:15:15.73\00:15:17.81
this, this text. And I
don't know. I really don't
00:15:17.82\00:15:26.18
know what that means.
Because even you know,
00:15:26.19\00:15:30.79
even the one who
wrote it didn't pull it off.
00:15:31.25\00:15:34.14
Yes, yes. It's the
idea and I think that this
00:15:35.42\00:15:38.73
is where you and
I in our discussion.
00:15:38.74\00:15:40.28
But we have to
reach for the ideal.
00:15:40.52\00:15:41.91
We're gonna be
working for the ideal.
00:15:42.59\00:15:43.88
In another words
you know we can't say
00:15:43.89\00:15:45.96
I'm not gonna raise my children.
00:15:45.97\00:15:47.39
I think I'm
accountable to God for the way
00:15:47.69\00:15:51.17
I am raising. Maybe
you want to put this in
00:15:51.98\00:15:53.44
a present tense.
Yes. I'm accountable for
00:15:53.45\00:15:56.51
the way, for what I'm
doing, see, see, maybe
00:15:56.52\00:15:59.17
this is important
and that is the God, God
00:15:59.18\00:16:02.26
looks at us for
what we are, not for what
00:16:02.27\00:16:04.71
we were. Does that
make any sense to you?
00:16:04.72\00:16:06.91
In other words God
doesn't see me. Yes, yes.
00:16:07.95\00:16:10.15
He doesn't see me
as father with little
00:16:10.16\00:16:12.01
children 'cause
that isn't who I am.
00:16:12.02\00:16:13.75
I was that, so he's not gonna.
00:16:14.10\00:16:16.88
The repentance
comes in. He is not gonna
00:16:16.89\00:16:18.90
wave that in my
face, in another words
00:16:18.91\00:16:20.56
what he holds me
accountable as, is a
00:16:20.73\00:16:23.14
grandfather with
eight grandchildren and with
00:16:23.15\00:16:26.87
four grown
children. And so, and so this
00:16:26.88\00:16:32.15
doesn't mean that,
that, that I didn't
00:16:32.16\00:16:36.01
contribute to what
my children, in another
00:16:36.02\00:16:37.69
words that I don't
remember waking up in
00:16:37.70\00:16:40.77
the morning and
saying, well I'm gonna mess up
00:16:40.78\00:16:43.63
their lives today and
you know I just hate my
00:16:43.64\00:16:46.00
children and no I
love them. I was probably
00:16:46.01\00:16:48.47
doing career you
know, yes, but we still had
00:16:48.48\00:16:50.94
family worship, we
had Christian education.
00:16:50.95\00:16:53.42
Read child
guidance. And we read child
00:16:53.43\00:16:55.32
guidance, but
still it didn't turn out.
00:16:55.33\00:16:57.91
It didn't turn out.
Now the question is,
00:16:57.92\00:17:01.19
because it didn't
turned out am I to
00:17:01.76\00:17:04.48
blame for that?
Well, where does free well
00:17:04.49\00:17:06.84
come in. Well, see
this is what I meant.
00:17:06.85\00:17:09.38
If it's true and I
don't say if it's true,
00:17:10.86\00:17:13.18
but because it's true
the scriptures teaches we
00:17:13.52\00:17:16.33
all are going to
have to stand before the
00:17:16.58\00:17:18.22
judgment bar. So if
this is true it sort of
00:17:18.23\00:17:22.63
makes a mockery of the judgment,
00:17:22.64\00:17:24.20
because it means
when I go to judgment
00:17:24.69\00:17:26.48
I'm gonna say
God don't talk to me,
00:17:27.39\00:17:29.11
talk to my dad. And
my dad is gonna say don't
00:17:29.41\00:17:32.85
talk to me talk to
my dad. You know we're
00:17:32.86\00:17:36.13
gonna keep passing
that. But we see that
00:17:36.14\00:17:37.34
today in the justice
system. Well we see that,
00:17:37.35\00:17:40.63
so obviously God's
judgment is certainly
00:17:40.64\00:17:43.31
going to be more fair
and true and just than
00:17:43.32\00:17:45.71
what we were seeing
in the justice system,
00:17:45.72\00:17:47.35
because they're
blaming all the parents.
00:17:47.36\00:17:49.20
Well and I think that
you're saying that, that,
00:17:49.64\00:17:52.50
that though I
contributed, my father
00:17:52.51\00:17:57.02
contributed to
what I became later on,
00:17:57.03\00:18:00.55
but that somewhere
along the line I have to
00:18:00.74\00:18:03.53
think that what I'm
today. I am choosing to
00:18:03.54\00:18:07.49
be. And because of
that, there is gonna be
00:18:07.50\00:18:11.57
a judgment God's
gonna take it into
00:18:11.58\00:18:13.93
account where I came from it,
00:18:13.94\00:18:15.60
because scripture says that.
00:18:15.83\00:18:16.80
He takes into
account where a man was born.
00:18:16.86\00:18:18.72
But yet we are all
going to stand before
00:18:19.77\00:18:21.79
the judgment bar,
which means that in a
00:18:21.80\00:18:24.03
wonderful way we
are accountable for what
00:18:24.04\00:18:27.96
we are presently with
our scars and with all of
00:18:27.97\00:18:31.34
our mess up, but
this, this business and I
00:18:31.35\00:18:34.50
think you're
referring to what they call
00:18:34.51\00:18:36.21
dysfunction, which
says I'm not responsible.
00:18:36.22\00:18:39.99
My dad is
responsible. Now maybe daddy did
00:18:40.17\00:18:43.05
some terrible
things and now this brings
00:18:43.06\00:18:45.62
up a whole another subject.
00:18:45.63\00:18:46.62
Well I don't
want, you know I'm not
00:18:46.63\00:18:48.17
responsible on the
child side, but then there
00:18:48.18\00:18:50.68
is the, you know I'm
not responsible on the
00:18:50.69\00:18:52.49
parent side. Somehow
we have to have a right
00:18:52.50\00:18:54.68
blend of it and
then an understanding
00:18:54.76\00:18:57.52
of it, so that we
can move on with our
00:18:57.53\00:19:00.28
lives. So we get on
with our lives? Right.
00:19:00.29\00:19:01.80
Well in fact this is
where I think to me the
00:19:02.32\00:19:05.88
mistake of this
generation is to blame
00:19:05.89\00:19:08.76
it's parents for
everything, because though
00:19:08.77\00:19:11.35
our parents you know
dysfunction and I think
00:19:11.36\00:19:14.11
sin is
dysfunction. Am I right? Yes.
00:19:14.12\00:19:16.27
Sin is dysfunction,
so did I have a perfect
00:19:16.28\00:19:18.75
daddy? No. Was
I a perfect daddy?
00:19:18.76\00:19:20.80
No, so come on now
you know, and so but
00:19:21.09\00:19:24.47
the issue is, the
issue is I wish I have been,
00:19:24.48\00:19:27.57
yes, but I want to
be as close to the idea.
00:19:27.99\00:19:30.99
I wanna be as
perfect as close to being a
00:19:31.00\00:19:32.75
perfect grandpa
as I can be. Yes.
00:19:32.76\00:19:34.61
I wanna be as close
you know my daughter,
00:19:34.84\00:19:37.18
she called us the
other night. Our oldest
00:19:38.18\00:19:40.00
daughter and when she,
she calls us for advice,
00:19:40.01\00:19:43.10
believe it or not. She
is calling, she's got a
00:19:43.35\00:19:45.30
teenager. Well if there
was a relationship there
00:19:45.31\00:19:48.79
I can understand
that. Now she is going
00:19:48.80\00:19:50.65
through, yes okay.
And she's going through
00:19:50.66\00:19:53.87
I need your help.
And that's the point,
00:19:54.10\00:19:55.74
but you see when
she was a teenager,
00:19:55.75\00:19:57.12
no way. We were
dumb and now she's got a
00:19:57.42\00:20:00.24
teenager, guess
who she calls up.
00:20:00.25\00:20:01.69
And so, and so the
other day we were talking on
00:20:02.44\00:20:05.58
the phone and she was
giving us her concerns
00:20:05.59\00:20:08.38
for her son and her
concerns and I think this
00:20:08.39\00:20:10.57
and I think that she
said. And we were just
00:20:10.58\00:20:12.89
as calm and cool
you know, she says
00:20:12.90\00:20:15.79
I think I wanna go back and be
00:20:15.80\00:20:17.63
born again into my new parents.
00:20:17.64\00:20:19.50
Oh I've heard that, oh because
00:20:20.15\00:20:21.93
now you're calm and cool.
00:20:21.94\00:20:23.47
Because now we're calm and cool.
00:20:23.48\00:20:24.64
If you've only been
the kind of parents,
00:20:26.00\00:20:27.12
but we consider
that a compliment.
00:20:28.10\00:20:29.30
Because what she
is saying now and
00:20:29.97\00:20:32.02
you know, and she
is saying you're just,
00:20:32.03\00:20:34.52
you're great, you're
great. Aren't you thankful
00:20:34.53\00:20:36.89
for that? Well how
many years, four years
00:20:36.90\00:20:38.88
later. I mean
that's a lot of schooling.
00:20:38.89\00:20:40.76
It's a longtime before you can
00:20:41.36\00:20:42.47
raise an encouraging remark.
00:20:42.48\00:20:43.94
And I think this is
the important thing,
00:20:44.77\00:20:46.80
important thing is
that, that I really feel that
00:20:46.81\00:20:51.01
though I
contributed to what my children
00:20:51.02\00:20:54.03
became. I'm in error,
if I say that what they
00:20:54.04\00:20:59.46
are doing now is my
fault. Okay, so then how
00:20:59.47\00:21:04.29
do we live? And
so, and so I have to,
00:21:04.30\00:21:07.83
I have to, and I
think maybe on next program
00:21:08.06\00:21:12.13
we'll talk about
detachment I think what
00:21:12.47\00:21:15.28
we wanna do is to
detach ourselves from our
00:21:15.29\00:21:18.76
children and so this
begins by saying although
00:21:18.77\00:21:23.24
I contributed to
what my children where.
00:21:23.25\00:21:24.83
That what they
are now and they have
00:21:25.39\00:21:27.23
chosen to do. Chosen
to do. This means then,
00:21:27.24\00:21:30.61
I've got a disengage
my anger, because I've
00:21:31.21\00:21:34.67
got to realize
that in their heads now,
00:21:34.68\00:21:37.85
they maybe getting
even. But I shouldn't
00:21:39.53\00:21:43.64
take it personal.
See, see this is what.
00:21:43.65\00:21:46.28
Because taking it
personally makes you,
00:21:46.93\00:21:49.26
part of the problem,
and yes right and unable,
00:21:49.34\00:21:51.58
unable to be
affective in their lives.
00:21:51.59\00:21:53.94
Exactly right and use
the illustration you know
00:21:53.95\00:21:56.19
if somebody is in the
water sinking, you can't
00:21:56.44\00:22:00.80
go out you know in
another words if I can't
00:22:00.81\00:22:02.85
swim, I can't go try
to save somebody who is
00:22:02.86\00:22:06.46
drowning. If I'm in
the same soup with them,
00:22:06.47\00:22:09.08
see. So I think if
we're going to help our
00:22:09.22\00:22:12.12
children who are
going through these crazy
00:22:12.13\00:22:14.72
things when they
get be older, even and
00:22:14.73\00:22:16.86
we're talking about
teenage up, that in some
00:22:16.87\00:22:20.09
way. We're gonna
have to set aside anger.
00:22:20.10\00:22:21.98
We're gonna say
though I'm a part of it.
00:22:22.32\00:22:25.71
I got to say what
they're doing they've chosen
00:22:26.79\00:22:28.72
to do and it's not
what I would chose.
00:22:28.73\00:22:30.45
But I've got to
get it off my back.
00:22:31.69\00:22:33.04
Draw closer to Christ.
And I've got to say not
00:22:33.68\00:22:37.45
take it personal.
I've got to say I'm gonna
00:22:37.46\00:22:40.87
separate myself of
this, so that I can deal
00:22:40.88\00:22:43.21
with it, so that I'm
not furious, because you
00:22:43.22\00:22:46.03
just think here my
boy, he puts his arm around
00:22:46.04\00:22:48.52
me you know when
he's going through this
00:22:48.53\00:22:49.62
and I'm gonna
say don't touch me.
00:22:50.02\00:22:51.27
Now if he had been in
a, in a car wreck see I
00:22:51.82\00:22:55.42
would have felt
different. Right.
00:22:55.43\00:22:56.45
And I thought of
this many times Kathy that
00:22:57.71\00:23:00.67
when it's physical.
You know if it was a
00:23:01.35\00:23:03.19
physical disability
we would have just our
00:23:03.20\00:23:05.61
hearts you know
been open all the time,
00:23:05.62\00:23:08.57
understanding, a car
wreck, we'd have stayed
00:23:08.77\00:23:10.98
up day and night.
It's one thing to be by the
00:23:10.99\00:23:13.74
bed of someone
who has been in a car,
00:23:13.75\00:23:15.15
a car wreck. It's
another thing when they
00:23:15.16\00:23:17.57
haven't come
home till 2 O'clock in
00:23:17.58\00:23:18.86
the morning and they're drunk.
00:23:18.87\00:23:20.23
Well one is the
choice and the other is not.
00:23:20.58\00:23:22.21
Well that's the fear,
but then, then I think we
00:23:22.22\00:23:26.34
ought to realize that
in a way that the devil is
00:23:26.35\00:23:29.29
after me. Another
words we got to say,
00:23:29.30\00:23:30.91
see if we become
angry at them, how can
00:23:31.06\00:23:33.05
we help them. If
we're gonna say you're doing
00:23:33.06\00:23:36.05
this to me, then I'm
not thinking of them,
00:23:36.06\00:23:39.22
I'm trying to think
about how to clear myself.
00:23:39.23\00:23:41.18
Right. You know I
don't wanna look anymore.
00:23:41.19\00:23:43.61
I'm fed up with you.
And I think that this,
00:23:44.04\00:23:47.76
I've been there, that
let me get on with my life.
00:23:47.77\00:23:51.19
I put you through
Christian education,
00:23:51.81\00:23:53.47
I did everything I
thought I was supposed to
00:23:54.36\00:23:56.09
do and look
what's your doing to me.
00:23:56.10\00:23:57.99
Well parenting is
not convenient is it?
00:23:58.20\00:23:59.78
And it's really not
ease, we are not at ease
00:24:02.52\00:24:05.40
doing this, not if
we're really doing parenting?
00:24:05.41\00:24:07.36
You know I should do
this, I thought of doing
00:24:07.37\00:24:09.47
this for the program
and I thought I won't do it,
00:24:09.48\00:24:11.40
but I'm gonna do
it anyway. You know
00:24:11.41\00:24:12.87
sometimes. Do you
have time? Oh no, it's an
00:24:12.88\00:24:14.78
illustration and I'm
sure that our viewers can
00:24:14.79\00:24:17.33
go along. You know
when our children were born
00:24:17.34\00:24:20.28
how we loved them,
how we carried that
00:24:20.29\00:24:21.78
little baby from
the nursery. Here goes.
00:24:21.79\00:24:25.67
If we had known
what was gonna happen to
00:24:26.33\00:24:28.47
us down the line,
instead of just carrying them
00:24:28.48\00:24:30.76
from the nursery like
this we might have carried
00:24:30.77\00:24:32.15
them. You know
what's gonna happened to
00:24:32.16\00:24:36.27
me. We had no idea.
Isn't that awful, oh no.
00:24:36.28\00:24:41.11
I'm sorry. But just
yet let me say this that
00:24:41.12\00:24:44.61
you know some people
say well I don't wanna
00:24:46.03\00:24:47.09
have any children, if
that's what it's like,
00:24:47.10\00:24:48.30
I don't wanna have
any. And I, but I think
00:24:48.31\00:24:51.89
you know I'm glad
that God let me share the
00:24:51.90\00:24:55.43
creative power with
Him. And it takes your
00:24:55.44\00:24:57.36
selfishness away.
Some people say well I
00:24:57.37\00:24:59.42
don't wanna, you
know I'll raise dogs,
00:24:59.43\00:25:02.06
I'll buy myself a
poodle, because you a poodle
00:25:02.60\00:25:04.99
will just sit in your
lap and just love you and
00:25:05.00\00:25:08.87
you could do no
wrong and a child won't do
00:25:08.88\00:25:12.66
that. But a child
will love you sometimes,
00:25:12.67\00:25:17.94
other sometimes it
will appear that they don't.
00:25:17.95\00:25:20.00
But I got to thinking
about it Kathy I thought
00:25:20.69\00:25:22.89
I don't wanna be
remembered. Now we
00:25:23.50\00:25:25.07
used to raise
poodles by the way.
00:25:25.08\00:25:26.44
I don't wanna be
remembered as a person
00:25:26.91\00:25:29.02
who raises poodles
and I wanna be remembered.
00:25:29.03\00:25:32.66
For something
better. As a father and as a
00:25:32.67\00:25:35.53
grandfather and as
husband and though I'm
00:25:35.54\00:25:40.15
sure that God could
create poodles in heaven
00:25:40.16\00:25:41.99
you know I can
get my poodle there.
00:25:42.00\00:25:43.46
I can't take my
poodle, but I have to take,
00:25:44.63\00:25:48.13
I have to take my
children. You want to
00:25:49.06\00:25:50.73
take them. Well there
is no other way to get
00:25:50.74\00:25:52.01
my children there.
In another words you
00:25:52.02\00:25:54.48
can't buy children in
heaven. God might bring
00:25:54.49\00:25:57.14
your poodle. He
won't bring me a child.
00:25:57.15\00:25:59.30
It's the ones we
have here and that's why I
00:25:59.94\00:26:03.89
prayed that day
and I didn't mean to be
00:26:03.90\00:26:06.49
sacrilegious or
disrespectful. I prayed
00:26:06.50\00:26:11.23
Lord, keep your
mansion, you can even keep
00:26:11.99\00:26:14.52
your crowns, I don't
need crowns and you know
00:26:14.53\00:26:17.48
and I'm not sure
I need a mansion,
00:26:17.49\00:26:19.15
but please Lord.
Save my children.
00:26:19.38\00:26:21.70
Save my children.
So we need to get rid
00:26:21.71\00:26:23.62
of anger if we're
going to be affected.
00:26:23.63\00:26:25.73
We must, we've got
to separate ourselves in
00:26:26.18\00:26:28.00
some way and not
take it personally that,
00:26:28.01\00:26:30.89
that the Lord and
by the way you know if
00:26:30.90\00:26:33.93
we have raised our
children successfully then
00:26:33.94\00:26:36.19
we will take the
credit. Right. We are saying
00:26:36.20\00:26:38.21
now if you want
to raise it's me.
00:26:38.22\00:26:40.16
But I'm convinced
going through what Betty
00:26:40.90\00:26:43.09
and I have gone
through and even what
00:26:43.10\00:26:44.94
we're going through
now, because there is
00:26:44.95\00:26:46.25
the broken home thing,
it's really messing us.
00:26:46.26\00:26:48.37
Messing our children
up and that is when my
00:26:48.65\00:26:51.10
children are saved,
notice I didn't say if.
00:26:51.11\00:26:53.20
I had the hoped,
well, when my children are
00:26:54.55\00:26:56.84
saved it's gonna be
Jesus who saves them.
00:26:56.85\00:26:59.18
We need help. Yeah.
Well before we close,
00:26:59.19\00:27:02.82
we need to have a
prayer for the folks, oh yes.
00:27:03.66\00:27:06.34
Because and we're
gonna talk about other
00:27:06.73\00:27:08.52
things. We're gonna
talking about detachment is
00:27:08.53\00:27:11.21
that right. Oh yes, we
will do that in our next
00:27:11.22\00:27:12.85
program. But our
Jesus is our hope and
00:27:12.86\00:27:15.52
let's pray to
him. Yes let's do it.
00:27:15.53\00:27:17.03
Heavenly Father,
Lord, we're thankful that
00:27:17.04\00:27:19.30
you shared with us
your creative power.
00:27:19.31\00:27:21.56
And that you let
us have children,
00:27:23.18\00:27:24.65
but Lord it's
different in having children and
00:27:25.02\00:27:27.66
having poodles,
because poodles are so
00:27:27.67\00:27:30.46
committed and so
loving and children aren't
00:27:31.25\00:27:32.98
always that way, but
help us to be like you.
00:27:32.99\00:27:35.52
Always committed
and always loving.
00:27:36.25\00:27:39.07
And we know that
someday you've promised
00:27:39.82\00:27:43.39
to prepare a place
for us, but we want to be
00:27:43.40\00:27:46.36
there with our
children and so we commit our
00:27:46.37\00:27:48.38
children wherever
they're at right now to you.
00:27:48.39\00:27:50.73
And we're thankful
that you're our heavenly
00:27:51.55\00:27:52.96
parent and help us to
be faithful as parents,
00:27:52.97\00:27:55.86
in Jesus name, amen.
00:27:56.35\00:27:58.65