Welcome to Thinking about Home.
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I'm Kathy Matthews
and I'm glad you've joined
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us again. Today we
are going to be discussing
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more on Peer
Pressure. Of course more on the
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family and home
and preparation for our
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heavenly home, but
today it's going to be peer
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pressure and the
struggles of early teens.
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The reason that we
chose this because really
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one of our daughters
has gone through some
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struggles then we
thought that maybe,
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others may benefit
from this and she would like
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to share little bit
about some of the temptations
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she was up against and
her decisions to follow
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Christ after a
period of time. And we
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felt that, that
was a good decision.
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Rachel Matthews is
our guest and Pastor
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Richard O'Ffill
is joining us again.
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We thank you for
being with us both of you.
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Rachel I'm so
glad that you are here.
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You've got a sweet
smile. I'm glad to be here.
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I'm glad that you felt,
that you had the courage
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to get on this
program today and our guest.
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Well you know it's I
would congratulate Rachel
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too because you
know when you get to be
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14 years old you can
get to become sort of
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half anti-social. You
know, you don't want to have
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anything to do
with adults, right,
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and you kind of get this
sort of look on your face
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and I'm not here. And Rachel,
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you don't want
get that on your face.
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Rachel is not that
kind of person. Not too bad.
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Most of time, she's
not. You know I want to tell
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our viewers that, we
were talking before and
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of course about what
would we do and I said
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well I wanna get
acquainted with Rachel.
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Now of course that
doesn't something Kathy
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you need to do. I could
get then how to shape out
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of that, over it but I
won't, may be already I am,
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I don't know. Rachel
and I got acquainted this
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summer at the
Washington Academy, did we, Uh.
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Yes we enjoyed that.
Can I was comfort with the
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honor, what is my
honor? Grandpa. Yes.
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And I guess, there
true, I'm your only grandpa.
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Yes. Both of mine have died. So.
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You are the only one.
And I was really honored.
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And I say seriously
when you sent me an email
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and dear grandpa, birthday card.
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Yeah, yeah it was really good.
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So you kind of give
away the next question
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as I'm trying to
get acquainted because
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I was gonna say
Rachel what's it like to be
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an only child.
Only? No, no that,
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that was my
question. And then she,
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and then you are
gonna say I have a sister
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I am not an only
child. But I have been an only
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child for about the
past four years because
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my sister is been away
to, that's true to academy
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and college. So I can
get really lonely at times,
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because you don't
always have someone to be
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friends where to
share something with.
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But, you know my
sister and I really close
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so we email and we
talk on the phone and
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I send her
letters sometimes play.
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I'm not really an only
child, just, you just feel
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like that. Yeah. Just
some times I feel like that.
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but isn't that, isn't
that a little bit gratifying?
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You know here you
know when two of you,
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maybe older sister
gets all the attention,
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isn't that a little
bit fun to be the center of
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attention may be or?
I won't say I'm a center
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of attention. You
are thinking that she has
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become the center of attention.
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Oh no I'm just I mean
she is, you know she is
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there unless you as
the mother, you know
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worried about your
daughter away to school.
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Well you know I think
some times it's difficult
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to them to realize
whether they are the center
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of attention or not.
May be they think that they
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need more than they
get. Dick how many people
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were in your family?
How many children were
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in your family? I'm
one of four. And you,
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how many in yours?
I'm the youngest of 12.
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There were 12 children.
Oh that's a big family.
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Yes, yes it is. They
thought I was spoilt but
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I have news for them. I
wasn't as spoilt as they
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thought. You
ended up so nice. Oh,
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I thought I won't get
it. Would mind a little joke,
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you know sometimes
people say how many
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children were in your
family and I'll say well
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I'm the youngest of 12, oh yes.
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And of course I
always had, you know being
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the youngest I always
had to where hand me downs.
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That is only a joke of
which I really didn't mind
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except the other 11 were girls.
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I'm not serious. And
so you are one of two,
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you are one of
twelve and I'm one of four.
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Right, but before we
go into program I want
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to tell you about
my mother and daddy
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little bit. Well we
have fun doing this.
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My father, well I'll
tell the story afterwards.
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My father married my
aunt and they had four
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children then my
aunt died with pneumonia
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and then my daddy's daddy died,
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and my mother's mother died.
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And daddy's mother
married mother's daddy
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and then daddy married mother.
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Is that why they got to song,
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I'm now your own
grandpa. It could be?
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That's a true story.
You and I getting carried
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away and our guest is
just sitting here just
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say when I'm gonna start being,
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guest or not here. I'm
sorry. Rachel you've been,
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I understand, sort
of a homeschool person,
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you and your sister.
I've been home schooled
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since first grade, kindergarten,
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pre-school
whatever. At the beginning.
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Sarah, my sister has
been home schooled since
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then up to 10th
grade and then she went
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to academy. And I'm
in 9th grade this year.
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And I'm so. I know
your teachers pet you
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get all age
probably. No. That's not true.
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No. actually I've
been accused probably a bit
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more hard on them than
easy and lenient on them.
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But this time you
are on the computer.
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I am doing, I have
CDs for my computer and I
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do science, English,
History and Maths on the
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computer and then I
have my own Bible program
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and then I have
some music and hobbies.
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I like work in my
website, chatting on-line and
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sending emails and
stuff so. She stays busier
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sometimes than, she needs to be.
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It's hard for her to
get some thing is done
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and I would ask her to do.
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Did you, do you ever
wish that you were in a
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regular school. I
have several times simply
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because you know I
have friends there go to
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the local church
school or something but
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I enjoy homeschooling,
because it gives me
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enough time to be
able to do my hobbies
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and I can have
more spiritually based
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education so. You
know there is one thing
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I appreciate and this
was a personal observation
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and it's not just with Rachel.
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It seems to be you
know almost generic among
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the homeschool kids
that these young people
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can relate to adults.
You know with so many times
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when they got to be teenagers,
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now they seem to be
kind of alienated from adults
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and you know, it's
true you will, adult walks
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in the door they
walk out the back door,
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that's true. You know
they kind of get this doooog.
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I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
But I noticed this about
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Rachel and other you
know the homeschool people,
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when they are around
adults, that they are so
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mature they relates so
well you know at the same
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time they relate to
their peers just fun.
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I appreciate that.
And most enjoy at little
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children, babies they
don't usually shun them
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as if they were
from another world or
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something. But they
can only so that they
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might have. Well
we'll started as babies.
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We'll have a family
atmosphere, in other words
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you'll have a desire to
be kind and friendly and
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active and interactive
with little children.
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Do you know we were in Pakistan,
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Kathy and Cindy was
going to begin the first grade
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and I don't know if Betty did,
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she must have done
the first grade and maybe
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the second grade? But
she know it didn't work
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real well, now this is I
don't think it's you know
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something against
Betty or against Cindy but
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I can remember Cindy
aaai bubu hoo boo hoo,
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I don't want to do
it. You know it got to be
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this mother child
thing and I guess Rachel,
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I mean you know
would your mother
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as your teacher
and also your mother.
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I mean do you separate
this, is it all the same
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to you. It is
difficult sometimes.
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It is but I've learned
that momma is my mother,
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my teacher, my friend,
you know she is all those
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combined. But
they are all separate,
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a nurse and a doctor, I know.
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Do you have the
same; same feelings are you
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able to talk to
her, as her teacher? Yes,
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oh yes sometimes I
have to get out of the mode
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of being that
way yet. Well to me,
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mother and teacher
are almost the same thing,
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because you teach
them from the time that
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they can, they are
born. What's the difference?
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Mothers or
teachers anyway that's what
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you are saying.
Mothers are teachers.
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And Jesus was
taught of us, at the foot
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of his mother. That's
true. You know and not
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that everybody can
homeschool I'm not saying
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that everyone can,
not everybody can handle
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that maybe I do think
that probably a lot more
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or qualified more
than they think they are.
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Especially, if they are
frightened I think they can
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still handle early
years which will give children
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a good foundation but
and I think we are even
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admonished to be
more careful in those
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early years. But one
of the biggest things
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in homeschooling, I
think is getting the idea of
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obedience and
instructions that you can follow
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instructions. And when
you can follow instructions
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you got a lot of
battle won. And if they can
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sit down and follow
instructions then they can
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almost self educate if
they are motivated to do so.
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Well this was going to
be my next question Rachel
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that here you are at
home, you know and this
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must require some
self-discipline because
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if you know the
school bus is coming or you
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got to get in the
car and go some place,
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and it's gonna
start at 9'o clock,
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do you have some kind
of like 9'o clock start
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or 8:30 start and
8:30 to 12. I mean how
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do you discipline
yourself to put this together
00:10:04.50\00:10:06.52
or is at any time, all
the time? Well in the past
00:10:06.55\00:10:09.31
we've had it from
about 8:30 in the morning
00:10:09.34\00:10:11.88
until about noon. We
stop for lunch then start
00:10:11.91\00:10:15.65
again and finish. But
we've done a lot of traveling
00:10:15.68\00:10:18.64
lately, so I
just start when I can,
00:10:18.67\00:10:24.06
I can make up days that
I miss that's one of the
00:10:24.82\00:10:26.97
really get things by
homeschooling because
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if I'm traveling and I
miss a day then I can make
00:10:28.61\00:10:33.16
it up later, so. Well
you know it's interesting,
00:10:33.19\00:10:36.06
she says that because
she says she in the 9th grade
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and she is 14 now.
She says, she was 14
00:10:38.52\00:10:40.20
and in the 3rd
grade we would know she
00:10:40.23\00:10:41.53
was never make
it up, that's right.
00:10:41.56\00:10:43.17
And you know this
new program has a way
00:10:44.38\00:10:46.12
of keeping up with
all of the records,
00:10:46.15\00:10:48.32
all of grades and
everything is going
00:10:48.35\00:10:50.22
to be important for
later and that's good for now.
00:10:50.25\00:10:52.42
But we have, it's
been a unnecessary thing
00:10:52.99\00:10:59.43
in homeschooling to
just help the child to
00:11:00.56\00:11:04.83
understand that
they can take care of lot
00:11:05.61\00:11:08.10
of their discipline themselves,
00:11:08.13\00:11:10.61
because in spiritual
prophecy we were told
00:11:11.22\00:11:12.79
that we need to
teach our children to be
00:11:12.82\00:11:14.81
self-governed. And you know you,
00:11:14.84\00:11:18.32
like I said before you
got a lot of the battle
00:11:18.35\00:11:20.55
won when a lot of
that's starts coming out.
00:11:20.58\00:11:22.45
You know, of course
we are not finished yet
00:11:23.14\00:11:24.55
but we work on it
and this is kind of with
00:11:25.47\00:11:29.05
computer is
helpful to work on being
00:11:29.08\00:11:32.21
self-disciplined
and self-governed. It
00:11:32.24\00:11:33.96
really in this
particular program we wanted
00:11:35.28\00:11:37.84
to kind of get
acquainted which I think,
00:11:37.87\00:11:38.84
we have kind of set
a context but really
00:11:38.86\00:11:42.42
what we would like to
do Rachel is to talk about
00:11:42.45\00:11:45.32
the subject of Peer
Pressure. In other words,
00:11:45.35\00:11:49.20
here you are 14 years
old and you are surrounded
00:11:49.83\00:11:52.59
by all of these voices
and all these pressures
00:11:52.62\00:11:55.85
and the advertisements
and besides all the other
00:11:55.88\00:11:57.70
kids. And I just
wonder how you as a Christian
00:11:57.73\00:12:02.05
young lady, you know
how you relate to all this,
00:12:02.72\00:12:05.17
I see how your, you know that,
00:12:06.54\00:12:08.22
what kind of person
you are got acquainted
00:12:09.34\00:12:10.90
with you. And you know
there is a lot of other
00:12:10.93\00:12:13.52
girls of your age
or really going off,
00:12:13.55\00:12:14.92
excuse my
expression in the deep end,
00:12:14.95\00:12:17.48
and of course you
had to confront that.
00:12:18.29\00:12:20.76
Why have you
chosen to, you know before
00:12:21.72\00:12:24.74
you are? I mean
how do you resist?
00:12:24.77\00:12:26.72
Well you know I have
had my own share trails,
00:12:27.34\00:12:29.56
but I've realized that
God's way is the best way
00:12:30.19\00:12:33.30
and that's the way I
want to follow and that
00:12:33.96\00:12:36.23
my parents do know
best, I mean if they
00:12:36.81\00:12:39.92
made mistakes at
times but they've been
00:12:39.95\00:12:42.27
a child like me,
they've been a teenager
00:12:42.30\00:12:44.28
and stuff. And they
know what I've been through,
00:12:44.31\00:12:48.69
and I think a lot of
the peer pressure that teens
00:12:49.30\00:12:52.92
struggle with is, it has
a lot to do with how they
00:12:52.95\00:12:56.40
dress you know.
Especially, if you like me where
00:12:56.43\00:12:58.88
I won't hand me
down for my sister and
00:12:58.91\00:13:01.32
I shop at this
stores, I'm not ashamed to say
00:13:02.00\00:13:04.40
that I shop at this
stores, you know because
00:13:04.43\00:13:06.56
I feel that I can
find better bargains there.
00:13:06.59\00:13:08.52
I mean I can find
really good clothes there but
00:13:08.55\00:13:11.42
I can save my money
'cause I think stewardship
00:13:12.79\00:13:15.14
comes in there as well.
If you don't feel like you
00:13:15.17\00:13:18.58
have to have named
brands you know Polo,
00:13:18.61\00:13:20.57
Nautica, Tommy,
Sketcher shoes you know
00:13:20.60\00:13:23.68
if you feel like you
have to have those then
00:13:23.71\00:13:26.54
you can't save the
money. You can't put it toward
00:13:26.57\00:13:29.24
anything. Now I mean,
how can you face to other
00:13:29.27\00:13:32.07
kids I mean, doesn't
make you feel like nobody
00:13:32.10\00:13:34.07
and you know I'm
nobody, how do you face these
00:13:34.10\00:13:37.09
other kids with sister
clothes Well they would
00:13:37.12\00:13:39.97
have to know they
are just a clothes.
00:13:40.00\00:13:41.61
And I did you are
even telling me one time
00:13:43.15\00:13:44.14
that you can by
name some sister.
00:13:44.17\00:13:46.17
That's true. You can
find it if you go to the right
00:13:46.20\00:13:49.45
place then you can
find it. But in reality
00:13:49.48\00:13:50.94
some of the stores,
that she has had is going
00:13:50.97\00:13:53.50
through those
feelings of hand-me-downs.
00:13:53.53\00:13:56.39
Exactly, because even
if other people don't know
00:13:56.42\00:13:58.70
that you wearing hand-me-downs,
00:13:58.73\00:13:59.99
you know it. And you
almost feel like they are
00:14:00.02\00:14:02.88
scaring at you
because your brand,
00:14:02.91\00:14:06.11
you know they not
brand new, you know.
00:14:06.14\00:14:08.73
So a close issue
is something that the
00:14:09.41\00:14:12.41
children do have
to face. Obviously,
00:14:12.44\00:14:15.16
if you've seen
anybody on the streets,
00:14:15.19\00:14:17.73
you know that there is
an issue about clothing.
00:14:17.76\00:14:19.84
I mean. You can, if
you watch anything on
00:14:19.87\00:14:23.44
television and
occasionally for information
00:14:23.47\00:14:27.72
I will watch a talk
show once in a while,
00:14:28.88\00:14:30.76
because I want to
see some of the things,
00:14:30.79\00:14:32.71
where I don't like
to watch the whole thing
00:14:32.74\00:14:34.41
and I don't know
who is like to see what
00:14:34.44\00:14:36.53
I've just seen. In
other words it only takes
00:14:36.56\00:14:38.89
five seconds sometimes.
But if you see anything
00:14:38.92\00:14:42.60
like that you know that
there is a horrible issue
00:14:42.63\00:14:46.05
and draw uphold to
the world about clothing.
00:14:46.08\00:14:49.04
And that's just one of
things but that's gonna
00:14:49.96\00:14:52.47
big one for you.
because if you aren't dressed
00:14:52.50\00:14:57.91
like the person out
there, the person that
00:14:58.63\00:15:00.69
you see walk down
the street there on,
00:15:00.72\00:15:03.30
you know it seems like
they have it altogether
00:15:04.54\00:15:06.23
they got polo, polo
sport you know oh wow,
00:15:07.35\00:15:11.01
awesome but inside
they are so lonely and
00:15:11.93\00:15:17.84
besides they got a
hole in their pocket,
00:15:19.99\00:15:21.22
since they notice.
You gonna see money,
00:15:21.25\00:15:24.43
and thrift is an
important thing to ours.
00:15:25.29\00:15:26.88
You know Rachel
for those of us who,
00:15:26.91\00:15:29.43
who were not
young people right now
00:15:30.43\00:15:31.40
we used to be
young. We see some of these
00:15:31.41\00:15:33.05
styles. It is
incredible you know,
00:15:33.08\00:15:35.37
is there is a young
man walking down the street
00:15:35.40\00:15:36.61
looks like excuse me
his pants were about to
00:15:36.64\00:15:38.60
fall off. Or you know
these kids that wear these
00:15:38.63\00:15:41.23
baseball caps on
backward these days and
00:15:41.26\00:15:43.59
of course I don't
know if you remember
00:15:43.62\00:15:45.20
Kathy that back,
when we were kids the only
00:15:46.81\00:15:48.35
one that worries a
baseball cap backward
00:15:48.38\00:15:50.29
was the catcher in a
ball game. Yes that's true.
00:15:50.32\00:15:53.27
And so I heard a
good one Rachel wear this,
00:15:53.30\00:15:54.97
where these two boys
were walking along the
00:15:55.00\00:15:56.03
sidewalk and hold
their caps on backward and
00:15:56.06\00:15:58.46
one of them says to the other,
00:15:58.49\00:15:59.46
I don't know why
they don't make these caps
00:15:59.47\00:16:00.91
so they keep the
center out, right.
00:16:00.94\00:16:02.29
Oh Dick,
sometimes you ridiculous.
00:16:04.60\00:16:05.86
But times have
changed, that's true.
00:16:08.27\00:16:09.88
And I know that
Rachel has had some struggles
00:16:10.50\00:16:13.47
in that, you know
while we were here,
00:16:13.50\00:16:15.16
is because you wanted
to share some of that.
00:16:15.19\00:16:17.50
And Rachel what we
are saying is that here
00:16:17.53\00:16:19.68
you are and you are
hero and you are saying
00:16:19.71\00:16:22.65
you know I can
actually resist these things
00:16:22.68\00:16:24.96
I don't have to be
what everybody else
00:16:24.99\00:16:26.87
is but we've
always that way I mean,
00:16:26.90\00:16:29.77
how did you get
to where you at now?
00:16:29.80\00:16:31.75
Well I've learned
that, I have to check myself
00:16:32.33\00:16:33.66
where .who I am
because God made me the way
00:16:33.69\00:16:36.06
I am and he knew
what he is doing I heard
00:16:36.09\00:16:39.42
preachers say once
God never says 'oops'.
00:16:39.45\00:16:41.41
That's good. Yeah,
right. God never says 'oops'.
00:16:41.44\00:16:44.12
That's right. And he
is coming back that close
00:16:44.15\00:16:46.96
on some of the
people. No not true.
00:16:46.99\00:16:51.13
But you have to learn
to accept yourself because
00:16:52.32\00:16:55.60
God knew what He was
doing. And in sometimes
00:16:57.32\00:16:59.55
it's really hard you
know because you don't have
00:16:59.58\00:17:02.10
the money, you don't
have it altogether it seems
00:17:02.13\00:17:04.84
like but you do, if
you trust at the Lord,
00:17:04.87\00:17:08.63
if you trust God. And
well where do you get your
00:17:08.66\00:17:11.01
value from? You get
your value from God,
00:17:11.04\00:17:12.81
you don't get your
value from what kind of car
00:17:12.84\00:17:14.82
you drive, or what
kind of clothes you wear
00:17:14.85\00:17:16.53
or you know if you
have a stereo system or not,
00:17:16.56\00:17:19.28
that's not one, where
you get your value from it?
00:17:19.31\00:17:20.73
Right. And you know I
want to say that if friends
00:17:20.76\00:17:24.38
don't accept, if
people don't accept you for
00:17:24.41\00:17:25.98
who you are now,
then if you change then
00:17:26.01\00:17:30.03
won't be your true
friends, once you change.
00:17:30.06\00:17:31.92
Did you change that,
If you change for them
00:17:31.95\00:17:33.65
they won't be your
true friends. Because if
00:17:33.68\00:17:37.97
they do be friends
you then it's just because
00:17:38.54\00:17:40.17
you see him like a
co-friend at that time.
00:17:40.20\00:17:41.69
You become like them.
Or you become like them
00:17:41.72\00:17:44.21
or you might have
something that they want.
00:17:44.24\00:17:46.28
It's a very
selfish way. It is, it is.
00:17:46.31\00:17:48.50
But if they will like
you for who you are now,
00:17:49.10\00:17:51.05
then they will like
you when you change because
00:17:51.08\00:17:53.08
in reality you still
the same way. Alright.
00:17:53.11\00:17:56.07
Did you have trouble
with your immediate peers?
00:17:56.64\00:17:59.53
No, no. I struggled the
most with what I thought
00:17:59.56\00:18:03.75
the people out
there, thought of me because
00:18:03.78\00:18:06.61
everybody there I
knew accepted me for
00:18:06.64\00:18:09.49
exactly who I was. All
your immediate friends.
00:18:09.52\00:18:12.41
All my immediate
friends, everybody at church,
00:18:12.44\00:18:13.41
you know everybody
that I knew accepted me
00:18:13.81\00:18:15.91
for who I was. But
I struggled with what
00:18:15.94\00:18:19.31
the people in the
street or in the grocery store.
00:18:19.34\00:18:21.30
It seem like they were
staring at me, you know.
00:18:22.15\00:18:24.05
So this is going on
in your mind probably.
00:18:24.69\00:18:26.60
Yeah, yeah it was
all in my mind. So
00:18:26.63\00:18:27.60
you know I just
realized several weeks ago
00:18:28.31\00:18:34.18
that's it was the
people out there that may
00:18:34.21\00:18:37.56
be you feel like uncomfortable.
00:18:37.59\00:18:38.72
You mean you
identified it. Yeah, yeah.
00:18:38.75\00:18:40.60
The people you
didn't even know, the people
00:18:42.35\00:18:43.48
I would never met
before that, I didn't know
00:18:43.51\00:18:45.14
their names, I didn't
know anything about them.
00:18:45.17\00:18:47.13
But then this would
have some connection with
00:18:47.16\00:18:50.01
advertising,
wouldn't it?. Yeah, yeah.
00:18:50.04\00:18:51.77
Advertising, Advertising
place such an important
00:18:51.80\00:18:54.64
part in people's
insecurities because they
00:18:54.67\00:18:59.02
always say oh I
got to have that to be,
00:18:59.05\00:19:00.61
to have it made, you
know. I got to have that
00:19:00.64\00:19:03.81
but you don't
because the more you have the
00:19:04.64\00:19:06.45
more you want. Do
you know, you know
00:19:06.48\00:19:08.17
I thought Rachel that
advertising I am talking
00:19:08.20\00:19:12.37
about the general
that surrounds us is the
00:19:12.40\00:19:15.07
biggest foot down
area. See it's advertising
00:19:15.10\00:19:18.22
that says when you are
fat, it's advertising it
00:19:18.25\00:19:21.03
says when you are
thin, it's advertising that
00:19:21.06\00:19:23.29
says when you are good looking,
00:19:23.32\00:19:24.43
it's advertising that
says when you are ugly,
00:19:24.46\00:19:27.65
it's advertising that
says when you are smart
00:19:27.68\00:19:31.26
or you are dumb.
And so advertising is
00:19:31.29\00:19:34.02
manipulating
our hates. You know,
00:19:34.05\00:19:36.61
I think it came out
of you recently Dick
00:19:36.64\00:19:38.92
that you said something
about getting our value;
00:19:39.61\00:19:41.14
it's you that I get my
value from someone else,
00:19:41.77\00:19:45.49
not me but from
you. Yeah we were talking
00:19:45.52\00:19:48.76
about self-esteem in
another program we did
00:19:48.79\00:19:50.30
and so that
basically speaking that we are
00:19:50.33\00:19:54.22
allowing the world
to put us into a small.
00:19:54.25\00:19:57.34
You know there
is a text it says,
00:19:57.37\00:19:58.62
it says be not
confirmed to this world,
00:19:58.65\00:20:01.28
be transformed by the
renewing of your mind.
00:20:01.31\00:20:03.05
I think another
translation says don't let
00:20:03.71\00:20:05.24
the world put you into a small.
00:20:05.27\00:20:07.21
And so I think what
I hear Rachel saying
00:20:07.24\00:20:09.87
is that really the
world which is squeezing
00:20:09.90\00:20:13.13
in around her it was
just trying to force her
00:20:13.16\00:20:16.31
to be what it
wanted her to be one day
00:20:17.02\00:20:18.71
I guess you woke up
and say wait a minute,
00:20:18.74\00:20:20.69
I'm not gonna do this.
No, well I don't it was
00:20:20.72\00:20:23.46
just day or was it?
No I don't think it was
00:20:23.49\00:20:24.53
just one day it took
a long time to get out
00:20:24.56\00:20:27.30
of feeling, so
uncomfortable with
00:20:27.33\00:20:30.98
the way I was. You
know it takes a long time
00:20:31.01\00:20:35.33
to can have a, you
can just snap out of way
00:20:36.14\00:20:38.02
right way. Well
you go into in a day.
00:20:38.05\00:20:40.34
You can't because I
knew reality its nothing with
00:20:40.37\00:20:44.44
the people out
there, it's all in your head
00:20:44.47\00:20:46.13
it's all the way
perceive yourself,
00:20:47.13\00:20:48.44
in your particular
case. Yeah, yeah it's all the
00:20:48.47\00:20:50.19
way that you think of
yourself what you think
00:20:50.22\00:20:53.45
you look like. Well
then that's not necessarily
00:20:53.48\00:20:55.92
in your particular
case because it's always
00:20:55.95\00:20:58.52
in the way we
think of ourselves,
00:20:58.55\00:21:00.21
right isn't it?
In peer pressure.
00:21:00.24\00:21:03.07
As we perceive that
others are thinking.
00:21:03.10\00:21:04.74
Others are thinking
about it. Do you know may
00:21:04.77\00:21:06.25
I still on the table
here, another concept of that
00:21:06.28\00:21:10.95
you know it will
sound like a same thing.
00:21:11.53\00:21:13.29
See it's natural for
us, to be surrounded by
00:21:14.35\00:21:17.20
what we call peer
pressure. Peer pressure
00:21:17.23\00:21:18.36
is like air, in other
words is because there
00:21:18.39\00:21:20.48
is everybody else and
to be under peer pressure
00:21:20.51\00:21:23.97
is to be a human
being of because it's there.
00:21:24.00\00:21:26.54
You are not gonna
escape it? We are not
00:21:26.57\00:21:28.77
gonna escape it,
but however I think
00:21:28.80\00:21:29.90
what we are talking
about is will we become
00:21:29.93\00:21:32.88
peer dependent,
this is the key word.
00:21:33.55\00:21:36.31
Good term, in other
words that I depend for
00:21:36.34\00:21:39.47
my self respect, for
my concept of who I'm,
00:21:39.50\00:21:43.23
I mean it in others,
tell me how to dress,
00:21:43.26\00:21:46.02
Tell me what to eat,
Tell me you know what
00:21:46.05\00:21:48.79
I how to do and
what I ought not do?
00:21:48.82\00:21:50.97
And to the place where
I'm not a person unless
00:21:51.65\00:21:54.01
I'm doing what you
said. And so it's not peer
00:21:54.61\00:21:59.38
pressure, peer
pressure is like air,
00:21:59.41\00:22:01.26
but it's peer
dependency is this think gets
00:22:01.29\00:22:03.99
into your head, right
and which we become almost
00:22:04.02\00:22:06.79
taken over about it. Can
you share any more Rachel
00:22:06.82\00:22:10.76
about your feelings, how
well how you got over it?
00:22:10.79\00:22:14.48
Well. Maybe in the
middle of it, do you remember
00:22:15.64\00:22:17.89
one day are
praying with you? The three
00:22:17.92\00:22:21.75
of us even got in the
bed room together and we
00:22:21.78\00:22:25.34
were she was feeling
this very strongly and at
00:22:26.15\00:22:31.02
a point in time when
it was becoming depressing
00:22:31.05\00:22:36.55
to her and not just
dress but that and some
00:22:36.58\00:22:43.48
other things but as
we begin to get into what
00:22:43.51\00:22:47.84
the problem was and we
begin to talk about it.
00:22:47.87\00:22:49.73
You began to be
freed from it, because it
00:22:50.40\00:22:52.36
was no longer just in her head.
00:22:52.39\00:22:54.29
Yeah because I realized
that what I was thinking
00:22:54.32\00:22:58.96
was just foolishness
because the way I saw
00:22:58.99\00:23:05.37
myself wasn't with
other people saw me as
00:23:05.40\00:23:09.10
you know. Right
you had to become,
00:23:09.13\00:23:10.84
you had make that clear
in your head that was true.
00:23:11.76\00:23:14.44
That it wasn't what
you were thinking about
00:23:16.04\00:23:18.24
yourself it was
well it just was not what
00:23:18.27\00:23:25.08
you thought there
were thinking about you.
00:23:25.71\00:23:27.28
Right, do you know I
had an experience that I
00:23:27.31\00:23:30.43
don't know if it's
exactly like here was Rachel
00:23:30.46\00:23:32.27
and but it was
happening to me when I was
00:23:32.30\00:23:33.55
in college and I must
have been 18 years old
00:23:33.58\00:23:37.50
studying for the
ministry believe it or not.
00:23:37.53\00:23:39.12
Do you know I think
I was having this thing
00:23:39.58\00:23:41.68
that was having, you
know what I was having?
00:23:41.71\00:23:43.07
Friday nights, oh
yeah Friday nights believe
00:23:43.10\00:23:46.37
it or not. It was
like I wanted to go out
00:23:46.40\00:23:47.86
into the world, I wanted to do,
00:23:47.89\00:23:49.32
whatever they were
doing, whatever that was.
00:23:49.35\00:23:51.17
And it just got
heaver and heaver on me.
00:23:52.24\00:23:54.07
And I can remember
that one day I finally went
00:23:54.72\00:23:56.82
to the dean and I
said you know I want to go
00:23:56.85\00:23:59.07
out into the world,
I want to do whatever
00:23:59.10\00:24:00.81
they are doing. And
you know, what he said.
00:24:00.84\00:24:02.02
He said go ahead.
Yeah you told me this,
00:24:03.97\00:24:05.73
he said go ahead. Now
you have to be careful
00:24:05.76\00:24:07.39
today I think if you
said that. But, it was thing
00:24:07.42\00:24:10.49
I needed to hear
because I think this is
00:24:10.52\00:24:12.39
happened in
Rachel's head to see.
00:24:12.42\00:24:15.30
In other words she
had to deal with something
00:24:15.33\00:24:17.39
she had to make a
decision before it was
00:24:17.42\00:24:19.50
just all going with a
flow, but there she had
00:24:19.53\00:24:21.47
to become
intentional and so when the dean
00:24:21.50\00:24:23.65
said to me well go
head then he sit me
00:24:23.68\00:24:26.85
free I decided I
did want to go. Okay,
00:24:26.88\00:24:29.91
I decided I wanted
to be who I was not but
00:24:29.94\00:24:32.84
ever that was. I
think that's what here are
00:24:32.87\00:24:34.64
you saying. That's
once it came out of me open,
00:24:34.67\00:24:36.81
suddenly you said I
like who I'm, right.
00:24:38.51\00:24:41.99
Can you share a
little bit about how
00:24:42.02\00:24:43.88
you begin to feel
about yourself when you
00:24:43.91\00:24:45.51
wrestle this thing to
the ground and it became
00:24:45.54\00:24:49.33
a decision now that's
not really what I want to do.
00:24:49.36\00:24:53.46
I have to draw a
line and now I feel.
00:24:54.15\00:24:56.85
I'm happy with who
I'm, you know and like
00:24:57.54\00:25:00.76
I said before I don't
care if I brought my clothes
00:25:00.79\00:25:02.97
secondhand shops.
Because I don't find my value
00:25:03.00\00:25:07.79
in how I dressing I
mean I like dressing nicely.
00:25:07.82\00:25:09.75
And I don't mind if I
find name brand clothes,
00:25:10.54\00:25:13.57
but I don't find my
value in how I dress
00:25:14.15\00:25:17.44
what I look like. I
find my value in what God
00:25:18.07\00:25:21.38
thinks of me and what
my family thinks of me.
00:25:21.41\00:25:24.70
And, it's kind a gotten
into a maybe the channel
00:25:25.63\00:25:30.35
where God had
wanted it, I hope so.
00:25:30.38\00:25:33.64
I want to go, do
you know, you know when
00:25:34.25\00:25:35.32
she talks about the
importance of clothes
00:25:35.35\00:25:38.72
is diminished. It's what she is,
00:25:38.75\00:25:40.28
now this important. I
heard somebody say one
00:25:40.31\00:25:42.59
time that if you ask
me to describe someone
00:25:42.62\00:25:46.16
I don't know or
describe how they look.
00:25:46.19\00:25:48.43
If you ask me to
describe someone I
00:25:49.47\00:25:51.31
love and appreciate are
they what kind of people
00:25:51.34\00:25:53.21
they are, right. And
so really the higher our
00:25:53.24\00:25:56.36
concepts go the less
we look at the outward
00:25:56.39\00:26:00.02
appearance. And
the more we look at the
00:26:00.05\00:26:03.86
inner man and I think
this is what I here her
00:26:03.89\00:26:06.29
saying that.
Suddenly as I begun to realize
00:26:06.32\00:26:08.27
my true value in the
side of God and I would
00:26:08.30\00:26:11.32
probably say inner
side of my family, yes.
00:26:11.35\00:26:14.08
That it wasn't me
as an outside person
00:26:14.11\00:26:16.05
it was me as an inside
person that really matter.
00:26:16.08\00:26:18.65
That's what we were
looking, what a victory,
00:26:18.68\00:26:20.06
what an answer to your prayers.
00:26:20.09\00:26:21.27
And this really
is a struggle with,
00:26:21.68\00:26:23.21
that's probably
good for you to have gone
00:26:23.24\00:26:25.26
through now and not
at later age and not
00:26:25.29\00:26:28.30
to say that you are
not gonna go through
00:26:28.33\00:26:29.54
them again, or anyone
you know lots of people
00:26:29.57\00:26:33.21
are going through
this things and we need to
00:26:33.24\00:26:35.95
make solid
decisions. Are you happy now
00:26:35.98\00:26:38.20
that you are made the decisions?
00:26:38.23\00:26:39.26
Oh I was just to
say that I'm so happy,
00:26:39.29\00:26:40.89
now that I have made
the decision to accept
00:26:41.86\00:26:43.44
myself for who I'm.
because, you know that
00:26:43.47\00:26:46.60
there, you are
just happier, you know,
00:26:46.63\00:26:50.16
you are just yourself,
right. She can be free.
00:26:51.10\00:26:53.82
She is saying you
are just happy and you
00:26:53.85\00:26:55.28
think, it's mother,
boy I'm so proud to have
00:26:55.31\00:26:57.58
a daughter like
that. Yes that was,
00:26:57.61\00:26:58.64
it really was a painful time.
00:26:58.67\00:27:00.16
And that is only one
of the smaller issues,
00:27:01.71\00:27:03.90
but I would rather
deal with the smaller issues
00:27:03.93\00:27:05.63
now than die over the
later and it can still be
00:27:05.66\00:27:09.81
painful. Well thank
you Rachel I know that
00:27:09.84\00:27:13.05
it wasn't easy
for you to be on here.
00:27:13.08\00:27:14.94
But, I'm glad that
you tried and thank you
00:27:14.97\00:27:17.81
Dick for joining us.
Oh it's been a pleasure.
00:27:17.84\00:27:19.70
And I know that our
viewers and listeners can
00:27:19.99\00:27:24.25
be thinking about what
their families go through.
00:27:25.81\00:27:28.02
I want to encourage
you and I hope that you
00:27:28.85\00:27:30.90
won't weary or well doing, amen.
00:27:30.93\00:27:32.71
Stay with us we gonna
have a prayer but I hope
00:27:32.74\00:27:34.70
you will join us gain
on Thinking about Home.
00:27:35.36\00:27:37.11
Dick will you have
prayer for us? Sure.
00:27:37.14\00:27:38.29
Heavenly father we
are thankful for Rachel,
00:27:38.32\00:27:40.51
we are thankful
for her victory Lord
00:27:41.34\00:27:43.11
and that through
every stage of our lives
00:27:43.14\00:27:45.55
where they were 14,
or 40 or even 70 whatever
00:27:45.58\00:27:49.27
it is that you by
her size that you never
00:27:49.30\00:27:51.24
leave her for seek
us, be with Rachel as she
00:27:51.27\00:27:54.29
continues to grow
in grace and in the
00:27:54.32\00:27:56.80
knowledge of our Lord
and savior Jesus Christ.
00:27:56.83\00:27:59.58