Hi, I am Kathy
Matthews and this is
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Thinking About Home.
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We've been going
through a series of called
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Plain Talk, and our
guest is the director
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of the Men's Ministry
for the Florida Conference
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of Seventh-Day Adventist
pastor Richard O'Ffill.
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Hello and you're back
again. We're gonna carry on,
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I know we've been
having a lot of fun I've been
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enjoying this a lot,
I've been enjoying it too,
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thank you for having
me. This time, oh well
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it's my pleasure and this
time we're gonna be talking
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about Plain Talking
about mothers most specifically
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I think women as
mothers and, probably one
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of the areas that I've
been most recently involved in,
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in mentoring
some others is how to,
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how to stimulate
your husband to be a
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spiritual leader
without intimidating him.
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Yeah, you know in other programs
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I think we've mentioned
that naturally it seems
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that women are
more spiritual then men.
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Kathy, I've notice in
my ministry and if I go
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to visit a home let's say,
and if I want to talk about
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the computer or the
car or the roof or whatever
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I talk with a man, but
if I start talking about
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spiritual things
guess who kicks in, yes,
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it's gonna be the
woman, because he's kind of
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subcontracted the
spiritual affairs of the home
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to his wife, and so I
talk about anything else
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with him but I have
to talk about spiritual
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things with her and
I think that for what
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you're saying, the
question you're asking this
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is a little frustrating
because women are having
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to fulfill kind of a spiritual
vacuum, yeah, and if we,
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what happened to
the Mark Luther's,
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and if we read the
scripture correct God
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seems to be
holding men accountable
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for the spiritual
welfare of the family because
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it when things
went bad it wasn't Eve
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that was called on
the carpet, that's right.
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We were in the lions of Adam,
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and God says to
Adam what have you done,
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he didn't say to Eve
you know what have you done
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to this, that's
right, if you messed us up.
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So undoubtedly we
men are supposed to be
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the spiritual leaders
and we don't tend to be
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you know and of
course you ask the question
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how can women encourage men.
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In other programs we've
also brought up the fact
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that that men
don't compete with women
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and that as women
become stronger and stronger
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in a particular area
while normally we men
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will be very
competitive with each other,
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but we'll pretty well
back off, and so and so
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it's kind of almost a catch 22,
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the women is trying to
fill a spiritual vacuum,
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and as she becomes the
leader then this becomes
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a disincentive for
the man to be a leader,
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it causes her to be
more aggressive I think,
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in trying to
fulfill the need, yes.
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And this goes
back to the question.
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Well, you know now a
negative side of this,
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is that a woman must be
careful that she doesn't
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use her spirituality or
her relationship with God
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to try to be get
out from under the
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husband's leadership.
You know she could say
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well you are the head
of the home and everything
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but spiritual things
I'm the head of the home
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or she could become
so devoted to church
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that she's perceived
by the husband as being
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more committed to
the church then to God,
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then she is to, to
family and you know to him,
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and so this creates
maybe an unspoken jealousy
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and so I think I
could wish you know
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and again I'm saying
this from a man's perspective
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I could wish that
the wife could see
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the challenge of
motivating her husband
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to spirituality in
the same way that she sees
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motivating her
children to spirituality,
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in other words she
is patient, she doesn't
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just come on like
this, she's very kind
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and very long
suffering and very intention
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and in other, but
many times it has to do
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with her
expectations, see we'll be,
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we'll be patient if
our expectations says
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you must be patient,
and so we'll be more patient
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under
circumstances then we are under
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other circumstances.
And so probably we men
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have so disappointed
our wives in the area of
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spirituality that
they've given upon us
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and so they figure hey, you know
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if that's the way it's
gonna be I am just gonna
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fill the void, right
and a lost of respect
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happens, right and so
it's so happens so and so
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the women
spiritual leader could become
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you know the pastor
and it shouldn't be,
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every women's
spiritual leader should be
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her husband. Yes, I
can see that and I agree
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with that, and the
pastor, I think that's biblical,
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and the pastor is
the spiritual shepherd
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of the flock
which has made up of all
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these women, and him
guiding her to Christ,
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absolutely, but
going back to the question,
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I'm just gonna to
give you one illustration,
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a husband doesn't
like to feel like failure
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you know in other
words if she comes to him
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and says well you
know you're not being the
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spiritual leader in
the home, yes right,
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and I don't think it's fair that
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I have to lead
out in the worship.
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Well then he's
you know he might do
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it's three time in a
row, but he's not gonna be
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there the rest of the time.
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In other words you're
saying that's not gonna
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motivated,
that's a different thing
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I had to make that
clear, but I thought Kathy
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one way and of course
we could spend the whole
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program on this, but
one way is that we need to
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give him the benefit of
the doubt in other words
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he is so busy, he's
got so many other things
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on this mind. When
I do my little sermons
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on prayer, you know
I suggest that husbands
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and wives pray together
and I use the illustration
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you know well you
know what if what if my
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husband's not a
believer you know,
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what if he doesn't
belong to my church, right,
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what if he's not
particularly spiritual
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in the case of your
question. I say to women,
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I say well, why couldn't
you say to your husband,
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honey, you know I'm
going through a lot of things
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in my life I need your prayers,
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when you think of me,
would you pray for me,
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and that doesn't
mean bow your head
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and pray for me now,
it's merely saying that
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I'm not gonna call up my pastor
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and ask him to pray
for me, I am asking you
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to pray for me, to pray
for me, and I think that
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what this does is
that it's gets to a man
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at a special point, it
makes him feel like well
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you know she's looking to me,
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she doesn't just look
to me to mow the lawn.
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She wants me to pray for her,
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and I said that
would be one way,
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honey, pray for me and
you don't have to stand
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and say oh will
you, will you, will you
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it's just in
passing and you don't cry
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or anything else, you just say
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I've got a lot
of things now I hope
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you'll remember me in prayer.
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Another area I think
would be to possibly be
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in the
atmosphere of maybe a strong
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spiritual leader
especially if the husband
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is a type or maybe
he just doesn't know
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what to do. Well this is true;
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now I'm gonna a make
confession, do they say
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confession is good for the soul.
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Well, but in hard of
the reputation we're told.
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A family worship
and I think we'll talk
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about this, yes later,
in other programs it tends
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to be infantile. In
other words it's very much
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for the little people
and I think we men don't know
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how to relate to
these kinds of things well.
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And so probably
one of the challenges
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that a woman has is
to make spiritual things
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to relevant first of all where
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the man's comfortable,
and where he's comfortable,
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and you know I tell
the joke I said you know
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you women might
deny it but you want us
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in the first place
you know whatever it took
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to get us to
ask you to marry us,
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come on, marry us
whatever, that's enough
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that could be
another program because
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we're gonna talk about
we could talk about men
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and learning to
pursue and being a man
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that would do
that. Well because,
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because the worlds have
changed a little bit, yes
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but I think
women have the graces
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the feminine
grace, if they will lower
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their expectations
and by the lower it means
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just be real don't
you say honey you know
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I just, my man is a
failure I think we've got
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to all of us
begin where we're at,
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and I think too
accepting us as we are.
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You know I won't
improve if I don't feel
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that I'm loved and
accepted the way I am.
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Now have you
really answered though
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how a man can go
ahead and do this,
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become a spiritual
leader, yes I mean men,
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the large part of what
we've been talking about
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is trying to get men
to take their roles that
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they need. Well
this would have to be
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something that I talk
to men you don't think
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I would talked to
you about that do you?
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No, because I'd have
to talk to the men I'd say
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fellows, what are
we gonna do about this,
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but I wouldn't
want you to listen.
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Well I'm glad
you made that clear.
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Now because, because
I do this when we go to
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men's convention.
I was just gonna say
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do you do this when
you go to men's convention,
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absolutely, absolutely
and I say come on fellows
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and I said the fact
that you have a subcontract
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with your wife for spiritual,
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this ought not
to be you can do it,
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so you're not
making excuses for them.
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No, oh no, no but
we men we know as I say
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we look powerful and
strong but we our egos
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are very, very thin, fragile,
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oh we're very, very fragile
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and I'm not saying
that we're right in that
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it's just, it's the
nature of us beasts,
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it's the nature of
the beast. And, so,
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if we can, if we
can be as patient
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with each other and
you know I'm patient
00:09:48.45\00:09:50.82
with a two year
old but I'm not patient
00:09:50.85\00:09:53.00
with a 30 year
old. Well there is
00:09:53.03\00:09:55.05
more expectation. Well
that's what I'm talking
00:09:55.08\00:09:57.31
about, so I have to
learn when to have expectations
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and when to lower them
to the point where we buy,
00:10:02.09\00:10:05.11
where you're
winning, where we're winning.
00:10:05.14\00:10:06.91
It's got to be a
win-win, I don't think that
00:10:06.94\00:10:08.70
any of us improve from threats.
00:10:08.73\00:10:11.34
Now I know that
guilt and duty and fear,
00:10:11.37\00:10:15.57
it can wake you up
but they don't do much for
00:10:15.60\00:10:18.62
spiritual
development. They don't make you
00:10:18.65\00:10:21.53
for that, okay
we're gonna move onto
00:10:21.56\00:10:22.53
another subject,
alright. I am ready,
00:10:22.54\00:10:23.92
wasting our time,
because we've gotta
00:10:23.95\00:10:25.66
a big subject, well I don't know
00:10:25.69\00:10:27.00
if it's any bigger
but we got another subject
00:10:27.03\00:10:28.39
you're gonna
spend a lot of time on
00:10:28.42\00:10:29.97
and that is the
phenomenon of self esteem,
00:10:30.00\00:10:33.30
I notice when we
started that you had
00:10:33.33\00:10:34.91
this magazine I
want you talk about that.
00:10:34.94\00:10:36.43
I got two magazines,
on sell; I don't know
00:10:36.46\00:10:38.20
whether to show
them, just you know
00:10:38.23\00:10:39.64
just from the back
here. Let me show you
00:10:39.67\00:10:42.02
that I picked up a
Time Magazine from,
00:10:42.05\00:10:43.88
I was going through an
airport and the feature,
00:10:43.91\00:10:46.86
the feature on this
issue was who needs a husband,
00:10:46.89\00:10:50.73
have you held that up
very, oh yeah well anyway
00:10:50.76\00:10:52.83
we don't want to do
negative advertising,
00:10:52.86\00:10:54.56
well no, but that's
the title that's say,
00:10:54.59\00:10:56.39
who needs a husband.
Now when I was coming over
00:10:56.42\00:10:58.86
to 3ABN here on you
know just yesterday,
00:10:58.89\00:11:02.39
I stopped at a
little magazine store
00:11:02.42\00:11:07.28
and I bought this one.
Self, self, I remember,
00:11:07.31\00:11:11.40
I remember, I
remember in the Bible
00:11:11.43\00:11:13.93
that talks about this
sort of a thing a lot.
00:11:13.96\00:11:15.51
Let me tell you,
I remember when this
00:11:15.54\00:11:17.52
magazine came
out, do you, I remember
00:11:17.55\00:11:19.97
when this magazine
came out, I didn't buy it,
00:11:20.00\00:11:21.66
how bad I felt
when I saw it, really,
00:11:21.69\00:11:24.04
because let's just
review this a minute,
00:11:24.07\00:11:26.70
you know it's
probably been how many years
00:11:26.73\00:11:29.36
it's probably
more than 15 years ago
00:11:29.39\00:11:32.07
that we began to hear
of this word self esteem,
00:11:32.10\00:11:36.59
self esteem, it's kind of new,
00:11:36.62\00:11:38.52
while addressing all our
lives, it was not because
00:11:38.55\00:11:41.23
I can again and I
don't want to just keep going
00:11:41.26\00:11:42.87
back into history,
yeah, but I as when I was
00:11:42.90\00:11:45.67
growing up in the
early years of marriage
00:11:45.70\00:11:48.08
you know we weren't
being taught to love
00:11:48.11\00:11:50.51
ourselves in fact it
was just the opposite,
00:11:50.54\00:11:52.71
to be selfless, it
was to be selfless,
00:11:52.74\00:11:54.92
to be unselfish
and then suddenly
00:11:54.95\00:11:57.46
and I think it was the devil.
00:11:57.49\00:11:59.25
He came up with
this idea how can I
00:11:59.28\00:12:02.72
institutionalize selfishness,
00:12:02.75\00:12:05.06
and he does it
from scripture believe
00:12:05.09\00:12:07.88
it or not, well is that
what he did to the Lord,
00:12:07.91\00:12:10.02
well this is it,
see, and by the way
00:12:10.05\00:12:11.53
we've got to be
careful when we take up
00:12:11.56\00:12:13.43
the word of God
because because you know
00:12:13.46\00:12:16.59
the devil makes his
points out of scripture
00:12:16.62\00:12:18.90
and out of the
Spirit of prophesy, right,
00:12:18.93\00:12:20.55
so what happened was
and you remember that
00:12:20.58\00:12:24.14
they said oh yes,
we should love God
00:12:24.17\00:12:29.28
with all of our
hearts and we should love
00:12:29.31\00:12:31.68
our neighbors as ourselves, yes,
00:12:31.71\00:12:33.31
but you can't do
that unless you love
00:12:33.34\00:12:36.35
yourself first.
So in the hierarchy,
00:12:36.38\00:12:39.66
instead of putting God first,
00:12:39.69\00:12:41.66
we put our self first, first,
00:12:41.69\00:12:44.08
and of course
you know in scripture
00:12:44.11\00:12:46.80
it's just the flip of
that, God, your neighbor
00:12:46.83\00:12:49.22
and then yourself, yourself.
00:12:49.25\00:12:50.33
Well anyway a
whole, a whole sub culture
00:12:50.36\00:12:53.98
has been born,
it's, it's the culture of
00:12:54.01\00:12:56.83
self esteem and
it uses that text,
00:12:56.86\00:12:59.51
it uses what
others, well that's the main
00:13:00.44\00:13:05.82
one isn't it. Well
you know I remember
00:13:05.85\00:13:07.27
when that came out, I
was just becoming a Christian
00:13:07.30\00:13:09.32
about that time
and I can remember
00:13:09.35\00:13:11.07
I'm just sitting
here thinking I remember
00:13:11.10\00:13:12.97
hearing that a
lot and trying to get
00:13:13.00\00:13:15.36
the 3 straight seem to
me like self needed to be
00:13:15.39\00:13:18.10
last and I had a
hard time in my mind
00:13:18.13\00:13:20.66
putting myself
where I was being told
00:13:20.69\00:13:23.60
to put self. What
Kathy, going to scripture,
00:13:23.63\00:13:27.79
I believe in, there
maybe someone who would
00:13:27.82\00:13:30.79
disagree with me but we are born
00:13:30.82\00:13:34.38
loving ourselves,
yes, and the reason I say
00:13:34.41\00:13:37.37
that is because a
new born baby doesn't
00:13:37.40\00:13:39.85
apologize to momma
for keeping her up,
00:13:39.88\00:13:41.25
and in fact I heard
someone say one time
00:13:43.29\00:13:45.87
that a new born baby
is the most selfish thing
00:13:45.90\00:13:47.83
in all the world,
yes selfish thing,
00:13:47.86\00:13:49.08
and so a new born baby
is thinking only of itself
00:13:49.11\00:13:53.13
and the process of maturation
00:13:53.16\00:13:55.83
and development and
maturity is to move away
00:13:55.86\00:13:58.11
from self
towards something else.
00:13:58.14\00:13:59.81
Well I think we
would need to go into that
00:13:59.84\00:14:01.25
a little
deeper, they don't think
00:14:01.28\00:14:02.45
of themselves. It's
natural, it's natural,
00:14:02.48\00:14:04.62
it's natural, it
comes instinctively, yes,
00:14:04.65\00:14:06.34
and of course
here's the way I see it,
00:14:06.37\00:14:09.38
when the commandment
says love your neighbor
00:14:09.41\00:14:13.00
as yourself, it could be saying
00:14:13.03\00:14:15.07
love your neighbor if
you didn't already love
00:14:15.10\00:14:17.68
yourself in other words
when it says as yourself,
00:14:17.71\00:14:19.87
it doesn't say if
you love yourself, right,
00:14:19.90\00:14:22.61
it means more
because you love yourself,
00:14:22.64\00:14:24.68
love your neighbor
as much and then the
00:14:24.71\00:14:27.15
golden rule is
predicated on the fact that
00:14:27.18\00:14:31.11
we already love ourselves.
00:14:31.14\00:14:32.60
And then there's
another one where the
00:14:32.63\00:14:35.10
Apostle Paul says no
man and we would add a woman
00:14:35.13\00:14:39.36
ever hated their own
body, yes, and of course
00:14:39.39\00:14:42.98
I read it sometimes
of course someone said
00:14:43.01\00:14:45.53
well I know a man
who says that he hated
00:14:45.56\00:14:48.00
himself because he was so ugly,
00:14:48.03\00:14:49.53
but if he really hated
himself he would be glad
00:14:49.56\00:14:52.17
he was ugly, in other
words what he's saying
00:14:52.20\00:14:55.91
is I don't deserve
to be like that would
00:14:55.94\00:14:58.14
somebody's told him he's ugly,
00:14:58.17\00:14:59.32
the fact that
someone told him he's ugly
00:14:59.35\00:15:00.76
and then finally
the probably the most
00:15:00.79\00:15:03.00
important text of
all is the one that says
00:15:03.03\00:15:05.06
in the last days men
and we would add women
00:15:05.09\00:15:07.57
would be lovers of themselves,
00:15:07.60\00:15:08.59
in other words
perilous times, dangerous times,
00:15:08.62\00:15:11.03
and that wouldn't be
said if that wasn't true,
00:15:11.06\00:15:13.28
and so we have to
see that selfishness
00:15:13.31\00:15:16.25
is a
characteristic of the last days
00:15:16.28\00:15:19.09
and we've seen it
with out own eyes,
00:15:19.12\00:15:21.02
so especially with
something like this,
00:15:21.05\00:15:23.12
selfishness is
not new, it's blatant,
00:15:23.15\00:15:25.63
selfishness is not
new but I firmly believe
00:15:25.66\00:15:28.17
Kathy that we are
the first generation
00:15:28.20\00:15:31.26
to institutionalize
it, to make it preferable.
00:15:31.29\00:15:35.14
Now let me say you
something before we go
00:15:36.03\00:15:37.50
on because I
know this kind of talk
00:15:37.53\00:15:40.09
can be a little
shocking and that is though
00:15:40.12\00:15:43.74
I believe we're
born loving ourselves,
00:15:43.77\00:15:45.55
a person who loves
themselves is incomplete,
00:15:45.58\00:15:48.61
we don't become
complete until we feel loved
00:15:48.64\00:15:52.90
by someone else. Reciprocate.
00:15:52.93\00:15:54.71
In other words, in other words,
00:15:54.74\00:15:57.51
a child cannot be
healthy emotionally
00:15:57.54\00:16:01.24
and spiritually
unless they are loved
00:16:01.27\00:16:04.72
by something outside themselves,
00:16:04.75\00:16:06.85
and so in other words
loving one's self is not
00:16:06.88\00:16:10.69
sufficient to be emotionally
00:16:10.72\00:16:13.00
and spiritually
healthy. So you say that
00:16:13.03\00:16:15.81
our self esteem is
not, it didn't come from
00:16:15.84\00:16:18.48
ourselves or it
doesn't come from ourselves?
00:16:18.51\00:16:20.09
No, my self esteem
comes from outside of me,
00:16:20.12\00:16:24.79
this is why Kathy I
think that we're not shooting
00:16:24.82\00:16:27.53
ourselves in the foot,
we're shooting ourselves
00:16:27.56\00:16:30.75
in the head when we
encourage each other
00:16:30.78\00:16:34.26
to love ourselves
because when you encourage me
00:16:34.29\00:16:38.18
to love myself you
are denying the very thing
00:16:38.21\00:16:42.94
you need from
me which is my love
00:16:42.97\00:16:45.07
and acceptance,
do you follow me?
00:16:45.10\00:16:47.67
And so the purpose of
the church was never to be
00:16:47.70\00:16:51.69
a situation in which
we come together to love
00:16:51.72\00:16:55.37
ourselves, and call
to self love but rather
00:16:55.40\00:16:59.23
it was to be a
placed where we would come
00:16:59.26\00:17:02.51
together and
announce that God loves us,
00:17:02.54\00:17:04.85
yes, that God accepts us, well,
00:17:04.88\00:17:07.14
and that we love
and accept each other.
00:17:07.17\00:17:08.71
Would I be get
into a can of words
00:17:08.74\00:17:11.13
if I got into the self needs
00:17:11.16\00:17:13.54
or the self help programs,
00:17:13.57\00:17:16.21
that are so much
apart of church lives now.
00:17:16.24\00:17:18.89
Well, see
obviously as the, I mean
00:17:18.92\00:17:22.48
I understand
that there are needs
00:17:22.51\00:17:24.06
but is it ever done,
you see we have needs
00:17:24.09\00:17:27.64
but the questions
is who is gonna fulfill
00:17:27.67\00:17:29.33
our needs, right, and
so as the society becomes
00:17:29.36\00:17:32.31
more and more self
centered the problems
00:17:32.34\00:17:34.52
are gonna become
more and more acute,
00:17:34.55\00:17:36.02
and so forth we will
try harder and harder
00:17:36.05\00:17:38.37
to resolve this problem.
Well I think they've gone
00:17:38.40\00:17:40.80
more to the Realm of
Psychology to fulfill
00:17:40.83\00:17:43.86
our needs rather than God's word
00:17:43.89\00:17:45.27
about ourselves.
Well, of course you know
00:17:45.30\00:17:48.04
we could, you know
we don't want to not
00:17:48.07\00:17:50.27
appreciate those you
know who were Christian,
00:17:50.30\00:17:53.47
I understand and
there's certainly
00:17:53.50\00:17:56.25
a councilman
that help is needed,
00:17:56.28\00:17:58.23
because psychologist,
because psychology means
00:17:58.26\00:17:59.43
the study of the
mind, but what the issue is
00:17:59.46\00:18:01.58
are we are going to
get out study of the mind
00:18:01.61\00:18:04.19
from scripture or from Fiord,
00:18:04.22\00:18:05.58
you hear that
from, yes, and so these
00:18:05.61\00:18:09.04
some of these
pioneer psychotherapists
00:18:09.07\00:18:11.86
were hardly worshipers of God
00:18:11.89\00:18:14.55
and believers in
the word, they were just
00:18:14.58\00:18:16.42
as far ways that
could be some more atheist
00:18:16.45\00:18:18.64
or they were agnostics.
I was talking with a man
00:18:18.67\00:18:21.96
one time and he said
that his sister had become
00:18:21.99\00:18:27.85
heavily involved in
this self esteem thing,
00:18:27.88\00:18:30.95
yes, listen to me, she
had divorced her husband,
00:18:30.98\00:18:35.52
she had quit coming
to church and she said
00:18:35.55\00:18:39.69
I've never felt
better, and so to me
00:18:39.72\00:18:44.74
if what we're
teaching about self esteem
00:18:44.77\00:18:49.11
and the
importance of self esteem
00:18:49.14\00:18:50.35
if they were crew as
much as we are doing it
00:18:50.38\00:18:53.06
things are should be getting
00:18:53.09\00:18:54.35
better and better,
but they're getting
00:18:54.38\00:18:56.58
worse and worse, and
have you noticed that
00:18:56.61\00:18:59.55
they're being
carried to the absurd because
00:18:59.58\00:19:01.58
and I don't need
to be disrespectful
00:19:01.61\00:19:03.59
or irreverent but
supposing that a mother
00:19:03.62\00:19:07.25
you know kills her children.
00:19:07.28\00:19:08.97
You know what
they're saying immediately,
00:19:09.76\00:19:12.35
they will say the
problem was she didn't have
00:19:12.38\00:19:15.53
self esteem, self
esteem yes, or someone does
00:19:15.56\00:19:19.00
something that you
know that's very wrong,
00:19:19.03\00:19:21.08
we're not gonna
say they're murderers,
00:19:21.11\00:19:22.98
we're not gonna
say they're thieves,
00:19:23.01\00:19:24.26
we're gonna say
the problem is lack of
00:19:24.29\00:19:26.98
self esteem. Now I
know some may disagree
00:19:27.01\00:19:30.33
with me Kathy but
it would seem to me
00:19:30.36\00:19:33.69
that a mother who
abandons her children
00:19:33.72\00:19:38.44
or a father who
abandons the family is not
00:19:38.47\00:19:40.55
doing it because they
don't love themselves.
00:19:40.58\00:19:42.14
I can't imagine,
it's because they loved
00:19:42.17\00:19:44.94
themselves too
much, well I can see that,
00:19:44.97\00:19:48.26
but I think
thinking people are seeing
00:19:48.29\00:19:50.87
some of these things. However,
00:19:50.90\00:19:53.25
I think the majority
are being sucked in by it.
00:19:53.28\00:19:58.75
Well it's a song and dance,
00:19:58.78\00:20:00.31
now one of the
reasons why it has become
00:20:00.34\00:20:03.56
so successful is
simply because it's telling us
00:20:03.59\00:20:06.86
what we want to hear you see,
00:20:06.89\00:20:07.91
yes my mother
used to say, Dicky,
00:20:07.94\00:20:09.68
share your toys with
your sister, in other words
00:20:09.71\00:20:12.14
she's always trying
to get me to be unselfish
00:20:12.17\00:20:14.88
and so now I
have to wait till the
00:20:14.91\00:20:16.37
21st century, now you came,
00:20:16.40\00:20:19.12
and they legitimize
my selfishness go ahead,
00:20:19.15\00:20:21.09
go ahead Dick, don't
let your family stand
00:20:21.12\00:20:23.04
in the way, don't let your wife
00:20:23.07\00:20:24.04
and kids stand in the
way, be who you're meant
00:20:24.05\00:20:26.25
to be, yeah, so
everything is about
00:20:26.28\00:20:28.70
who you're meant to
be, and I think Kathy
00:20:28.73\00:20:31.44
that probably
the component of the
00:20:31.47\00:20:34.06
human race that's
taken the biggest hit
00:20:34.09\00:20:36.13
is the women and
there we have it.
00:20:36.16\00:20:39.28
The self, I know and
now it's blatant isn't it,
00:20:39.31\00:20:42.77
oh it has been, no
holds bar, and you know
00:20:42.80\00:20:45.46
I don't want to be
disrespectful to the
00:20:45.49\00:20:48.43
young mothers,
because the times are moved on
00:20:48.46\00:20:51.12
I know that, but you
know my mother probably
00:20:51.15\00:20:55.12
had her problem, but
you know being selfish
00:20:55.15\00:20:58.06
I don't remember
as being one of them,
00:20:58.09\00:20:59.54
you know this was a
woman who gave her life
00:20:59.57\00:21:02.79
for her
children, I think of my own
00:21:02.82\00:21:05.18
dear wife Betty,
we have four children
00:21:05.21\00:21:06.86
now this doesn't
mean my wife's better than
00:21:06.89\00:21:08.38
your wife or you know
I'm you know it's over,
00:21:08.41\00:21:10.73
but you know in that day
it was about your children
00:21:10.76\00:21:14.78
and it was about
your family but nowadays
00:21:14.81\00:21:17.91
the young mothers
are being taught you know
00:21:17.94\00:21:20.82
your family's
messing you up, you can't let
00:21:20.85\00:21:23.62
your children you
know stand in the way
00:21:23.65\00:21:25.71
of your career,
that's right, you're only
00:21:25.74\00:21:27.98
valuable if you
have a career, mother,
00:21:28.01\00:21:30.25
being a mother is
truly low on the total point.
00:21:30.28\00:21:33.52
Yeah, it surely is,
and so I recent the fact
00:21:33.55\00:21:37.22
and I say this
spiritually you know
00:21:37.25\00:21:39.04
that of what this
society is doing to us,
00:21:39.07\00:21:44.53
the devil is
speaking our language,
00:21:44.56\00:21:47.47
he's telling us what
we want to hear, right,
00:21:47.50\00:21:50.12
he's legitimizing,
he is making acceptably
00:21:50.15\00:21:54.31
unacceptable,
he is making normal
00:21:54.34\00:21:56.19
the abnormal, yes.
There's a scripture
00:21:56.22\00:21:59.46
that says those
things what is it calling
00:21:59.49\00:22:03.06
good evil and the
evil good in these days,
00:22:03.09\00:22:06.16
this is right,
this is right, yes.
00:22:06.19\00:22:07.74
So, you're we
cannot listen to this.
00:22:07.77\00:22:09.46
Well, you would say,
we must not get our values
00:22:09.49\00:22:12.48
from this, you
know somebody might say
00:22:12.51\00:22:13.91
well Dick you know
that's just you point of view
00:22:13.94\00:22:15.71
and you know and your dogmatic
00:22:15.74\00:22:19.47
and you gotta keep an
open mind I tell people
00:22:19.50\00:22:21.95
sometimes I say you
know you gotta be careful
00:22:21.98\00:22:23.98
with having an open
mind you can have such
00:22:24.01\00:22:25.43
an open mind
your brain falls out.
00:22:25.46\00:22:26.94
And so, and so I think
if we in the 21st century,
00:22:30.06\00:22:34.82
if we take it like
they dish it up I think
00:22:36.79\00:22:40.29
we're going to lose for sure.
00:22:40.32\00:22:42.31
I don't think our
family's gonna exist
00:22:42.34\00:22:45.19
if we follow the
society, the society is
00:22:46.48\00:22:49.64
telling us what we want to hear,
00:22:49.67\00:22:50.89
it pretends to
have our best interest.
00:22:50.92\00:22:52.85
Now going back to
your question about
00:22:52.88\00:22:54.47
some of these self help things,
00:22:54.50\00:22:56.70
I believe as a
minister that if I have a sermon
00:23:00.05\00:23:04.42
or a seminar and if
there's an atheist there,
00:23:04.45\00:23:07.91
and if that atheist
hears what I have to say
00:23:09.10\00:23:11.32
and walks out and
says I love that I can do
00:23:12.47\00:23:15.26
that, I don't think I
was preaching the gospel,
00:23:15.29\00:23:18.32
because through Christ
I need some help outside
00:23:19.25\00:23:22.46
myself, it's gotta
be outside myself, yes,
00:23:22.49\00:23:24.22
because you see
this was the whole,
00:23:24.25\00:23:25.72
this is the whole
Pagan of Philosophies
00:23:25.75\00:23:28.09
and the
psychotherapies of these fellows
00:23:28.12\00:23:31.88
that found it all.
It was all that we have
00:23:31.91\00:23:34.88
the answers in
ourselves of course the
00:23:34.91\00:23:36.58
Eastern Religion
say we are our own Gods,
00:23:36.61\00:23:38.89
new age says bring out
all this goodness in you,
00:23:38.92\00:23:42.41
and of course
this is not what the
00:23:43.24\00:23:46.01
scripture teaches. So
the gospel would help us
00:23:46.04\00:23:47.76
to understand the good
news becomes much better
00:23:47.79\00:23:51.50
if we understand
how bad the bad news
00:23:51.53\00:23:53.51
is about self,
this is it, this is it,
00:23:53.54\00:23:55.31
if there's really no
hope for us, without God,
00:23:55.34\00:23:57.85
that you can't
bring a clean thing but
00:23:57.88\00:24:00.66
there is a text
that says it's, yes,
00:24:00.69\00:24:01.88
you can't bring a
clean thing out of something
00:24:01.91\00:24:04.22
that's unclean and
some, transformation,
00:24:04.25\00:24:07.40
now one of the
problems that this generation
00:24:07.43\00:24:09.88
has now by the way I am
a part of this generation
00:24:09.91\00:24:12.00
but one of the
problems that are we can push,
00:24:12.03\00:24:13.61
we can talk
about that couldn't we,
00:24:13.64\00:24:14.79
that this generation
has is it doesn't want
00:24:14.82\00:24:16.41
to put down. You
see in other words well
00:24:16.44\00:24:17.87
I've got my you
know you're, you're not
00:24:17.90\00:24:20.06
building my self
esteem in other words
00:24:20.09\00:24:21.94
if you don't tell
I'm great then you're
00:24:21.97\00:24:24.15
putting me down. See,
well you know I could go
00:24:24.18\00:24:26.32
to the doctor if I
get sick go to the doctor
00:24:26.35\00:24:28.03
and he tells me
that you know that
00:24:28.06\00:24:29.28
I've got a disease
he's not putting me down,
00:24:29.31\00:24:30.93
he's saving my life,
yes, and so when we go to
00:24:30.96\00:24:34.63
Jesus and Jesus
says all that have sinned
00:24:34.66\00:24:37.13
have come short
of the Glory of God
00:24:37.16\00:24:38.35
and unless you
repent and be converted
00:24:38.38\00:24:40.74
and become as little
children you'll not see
00:24:40.77\00:24:42.07
the kingdom of heaven. Now, now,
00:24:42.10\00:24:44.36
to the modern mind
that's a put down, yeah,
00:24:44.39\00:24:46.49
because that's not
building self esteem.
00:24:46.52\00:24:48.11
The truth is that
when you listen to the
00:24:48.14\00:24:50.71
preaching of Jesus
he doesn't do a lot.
00:24:50.74\00:24:53.69
The ancient
prophets don't do a lot
00:24:53.72\00:24:55.26
of self esteem,
I know they don't,
00:24:55.29\00:24:57.46
it's very much of
a put down because
00:24:57.49\00:24:58.92
they call for
repent, they say, they say
00:24:58.95\00:25:00.37
repent unless you
repent, Jesus said
00:25:00.40\00:25:02.84
in one place unless you
repent you're gonna die,
00:25:02.87\00:25:06.08
this is a put down,
but the wonderful thing
00:25:06.11\00:25:09.79
is that we have the promise that
00:25:09.82\00:25:10.85
if we confess our
sins, he is faithful
00:25:10.88\00:25:14.61
and just to
forgive us of our sins,
00:25:14.64\00:25:16.86
he is faithful
and just to forgive us
00:25:16.89\00:25:19.46
of our sins, and to cleanse us,
00:25:19.49\00:25:20.46
that's right, and all of
our. So the greatest need
00:25:20.47\00:25:21.44
of this generation is
to turn outside of itself,
00:25:21.45\00:25:24.20
yes, and to realize
that our hope is built
00:25:24.23\00:25:27.89
as we saying, our hope
is built is nothing less
00:25:27.92\00:25:30.21
than Jesus blood
and the powers within
00:25:30.24\00:25:32.56
and this is like you
know this is our hope now,
00:25:32.59\00:25:36.26
yes, this is our hope,
thy word is a lamp unto
00:25:36.29\00:25:39.61
my feet and a light
unto my path. You know,
00:25:39.64\00:25:43.23
I want to invite
our viewers to write
00:25:43.26\00:25:47.99
or call to Thinking
About Home or mention
00:25:48.02\00:25:52.09
Thinking About Home to 3ABN
00:25:52.12\00:25:53.85
and there's the
address 3ABN, PO Box 220,
00:25:53.88\00:25:58.49
West Frankfort, IL
62896 and the phone number
00:25:58.52\00:26:03.53
would be 1-800-752-3226.
I think that could be
00:26:03.56\00:26:09.77
one that you would
catch at any other program
00:26:09.80\00:26:12.21
as well, it's the
same here, and this series
00:26:12.24\00:26:17.61
is going to keep going on,
00:26:17.64\00:26:18.96
we're going to be
talking about grandparents
00:26:18.99\00:26:23.11
and old age and youth
we're still going to be
00:26:23.14\00:26:25.50
talking about youth,
we haven't finished yet.
00:26:25.53\00:26:27.24
But we better
get to it pretty soon
00:26:27.27\00:26:29.32
or we're gonna be old
by then when get around to.
00:26:29.35\00:26:30.82
Well you know one
of the other things
00:26:30.85\00:26:31.82
that we want to talk
about on this one was
00:26:31.83\00:26:32.81
over stimulation,
we haven't gotten to do
00:26:32.84\00:26:35.29
that, yeah I guess
we talked about some
00:26:35.32\00:26:37.72
of these other
subjects but and maybe just,
00:26:37.75\00:26:40.77
maybe we can still get
to that on the subject.
00:26:40.80\00:26:42.41
I just in a word or
two, that in our homes
00:26:42.44\00:26:45.81
we maybe hyper
stimulating our children
00:26:45.84\00:26:49.18
and it's leading to
what are being diagnosed
00:26:49.21\00:26:52.58
as real emotional
problems, what did
00:26:52.61\00:26:54.88
they call it
Attention Deficit Disorder,
00:26:54.91\00:26:56.91
ADD or ADHD, and we
could talk about how
00:26:56.94\00:26:59.54
our homes are
going way too fast,
00:26:59.57\00:27:01.22
they are way to
stimulated and that
00:27:01.25\00:27:02.95
we need to slow our homes down,
00:27:02.98\00:27:04.36
we need to get back to the word,
00:27:04.39\00:27:05.89
and we need to get
outside of ourselves,
00:27:05.92\00:27:07.84
oh yes and outside of ourself.
00:27:07.87\00:27:09.07
Well, I want to thank
our viewers for a watching
00:27:09.10\00:27:13.10
Thinking About Home
and as we're preparing
00:27:13.13\00:27:17.17
for our heavenly
home may this be a help
00:27:17.20\00:27:20.84
to you especially
when we recognize that
00:27:20.87\00:27:23.62
we need help
outside of ourselves
00:27:23.65\00:27:25.31
and we certainly
can't get what we need
00:27:25.34\00:27:27.10
from the media and
from these magazine covers.
00:27:27.13\00:27:30.82
May the mothers
and the wives and men
00:27:30.85\00:27:33.46
and families and anyone
who's in a home recognize
00:27:33.49\00:27:36.38
this as a Biblical
truth. Pastor O'Ffill will you
00:27:36.41\00:27:39.81
pray for us as we go
out and join us again
00:27:39.84\00:27:41.98
next time on
Thinking About Home.
00:27:42.01\00:27:43.68
Heavenly Father,
we're thankful for our homes
00:27:43.71\00:27:46.17
and we pray that we
might turn to your word
00:27:46.20\00:27:48.84
in this time of
selfishness, knowing that
00:27:48.87\00:27:51.50
you've given us hope
and that you've given us
00:27:51.53\00:27:53.48
a light which could take
us through this darkness,
00:27:53.51\00:27:56.49
this darkness
covers the earth and goes
00:27:56.52\00:27:58.00
darkness the
people, and so Lord.
00:27:58.03\00:28:00.43