Participants: Kathy Matthews, Arlita Winston
Series Code: TAH
Program Code: TAH000122
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00:31 Welcome to Thinking About Home I am Kathy Matthews.
00:34 Today we are going to be talking about women as 00:37 mothers and the surrender that they go through 00:41 Again our guest is Arlita Winston and she has 00:45 grown up in the Jungles of Sumatra and went 00:50 through many bouts of turmoil in her years as her 00:56 parents were missionaries and they were in the 00:59 Orient and now she lives in New Jersey 01:01 with her husband Joe. Thank You Arlita 01:03 for being with us. Thank You for having me. 01:06 You Know Arlita you've been talking so much 01:08 about women as wives and the surrender that 01:12 wives especially go through and now we're 01:14 going to address women as mothers and 01:18 you have five children. Did you ever feel yourself 01:22 deprived because of the things that you gave 01:26 up in your life? No actually I feel like 01:29 it's the best thing that ever happened to me, but 01:31 I know that one person I had a conversation with 01:35 friend years ago all the children were at home 01:40 that time I can remember the day as clear as it was 01:43 yesterday, the children were cheerfully doing 01:47 their jobs, music was playing through out the 01:50 house and this friend and I were washing the dishes 01:53 and doing them up and she was engaged to be 01:57 married to another friend of ours, so she stood there 02:00 and I said tell me about your family and she 02:04 ignored my question altogether and she turned 02:06 to me and she said Arlita, don't you feel that your 02:10 body has been insulted by having to bear children? 02:14 Oh! My! Don't you feel that motherhood is an 02:18 insult that you've been taking advantage of? 02:22 How did you feel about that? 02:23 I nearly dropped the plate at the time. And I told her 02:30 a story, I didn't know what else to do except 02:35 to tell her the story of the incredible joy that was 02:41 to be a mother. Good girl. And she knew that I had 02:45 given up going into medicine to be a wife and 02:49 a mother and so she knew that much but she didn't 02:52 know that I was glad that I had done it. 02:56 So, I took her back to those days when I was in 02:58 Shanghai, I was 12-years-old and. 03:02 Beautiful story I love this. Well the communists 03:05 were just coming in to Shanghai, Peking had 03:08 already fallen. My sister and I were coming home 03:11 from school one day and we passed by the long 03:15 rows of soldiers, they were the nationalist 03:18 soldiers at that point and we burst into our home 03:22 glad to be in safety in our own home and mother 03:26 met us at the door and her eyes were just shining 03:30 and she said I have a surprise for you girls, 03:34 and we looked at each other and said what is it, 03:36 and she said you're just going to have to go and 03:38 look for it. And she just waved anywhere here on 03:43 the first floor, just look for it, well Andrea was 03:46 the first to find it behind the heavy drapes there in 03:49 the living room she found a little pair of hand 03:53 crocheted booties. We took one look at those 03:58 booties we already had three little brothers and 04:01 we said mother are we going to have another 04:04 baby? She said yes. And then just hugged the 04:08 two of us. Well in those next months Shanghai did 04:13 fall to the communists and we were routed out 04:16 of our house and placed under house arrest and 04:20 mother was very near to giving birth to number 04:23 six. And she wasn't sure that she wanted to go in a 04:28 rickshaw in labor, so she decided and definitely not 04:33 a petty cab, so she decided to check-in to the 04:38 mission hospital early. Well nearly the whole 04:43 family had already checked-in, dad was in 04:45 there with a severe case of asthma. 04:49 Two of my little brothers who were in for 04:51 Tonsillectomies and so mother might as well be 04:54 there, that left my little brother five and some 04:59 missionaries took him into their home and that 05:02 left Andrea and me at the home with the Cook 05:03 Alma. We continued going to school and 05:08 Shanghai John was born. Shanghai John. 05:11 Shanghai John. What a name. 05:13 Well, his name is really John Robert. But, we 05:16 loving called him Shanghai John and he is 05:19 admittedly the favorite of the whole family. 05:21 This is not the one that's the attorney is it? Yes. 05:24 It is? And so there John was born and Andrea 05:29 I could hardly wait until that day when the whole 05:31 family came home from the hospital and I came 05:35 running in, taking the steps two in time where 05:38 as Andrea walked rather sedately behind me. 05:41 And I bust into the room and suddenly just a hush 05:47 and awe fell over me. And I closed the door on 05:52 all the chaos of Shanghai and I looked in that 05:57 bedroom room. With mother dressed in a satin 06:02 robe that women in America had given to her 06:06 for the last baby. And roses were spilling all 06:10 over it and this lovely afternoon sunlight was 06:14 pouring in through the curtains and I just walked 06:18 in to peace and there was mother holding the baby 06:24 and daddy sitting next to her and we came in and 06:28 mother lifted the baby up and said here don't you 06:31 want to hold him, and I just cradled that baby in 06:35 my arms, and I just looked down into his face 06:40 and I knew it was foolish to say it, 'cause as soon as 06:43 I said it, but I said mother could he belong to me? 06:54 And she said yes. He could belong to you, 06:56 I figured she had five of her own, this one could 07:00 be mine and she said yes he could belong to all of 07:04 us and you could take care of him whenever you 07:07 like. Well the years passed and that dear 07:13 brother of mine I feel very special, special 07:17 attachment to you because of that, but that, 07:20 at that moment, that's why it's so vivid in my 07:24 mind, 'cause at that moment. 07:27 Something happened. Something happened, and 07:30 I knew that the scripture Psalm 127 verse 3, 07:37 "Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and 07:43 the fruit of the womb is his reward." So, I knew this 07:49 is what I wanted more than anything else in the 07:52 world. Here I was looking at my mother in the midst 07:55 of all the confusion of Shanghai, the bombings, 07:58 the takeover, wondering if we would live for one 08:01 day to the next and yet she was sitting there 08:03 radiant holding this gift from the Lord. 08:07 What a miracle. And I said yes Lord that's 08:09 what I want, I want to say yes Lord to your plan for 08:12 families, knowing that we cannot depend on a 08:16 security of our times. We can not depend on 08:18 anything except the Lord and I was saying yes Lord 08:23 to families, yes Lord to leading me into 08:27 dangerous places, if it was he that was leading 08:30 me that was alright, but I just wanted to say yes 08:33 and so really the longing to be a mother was born 08:37 that day in that room holding baby John. 08:41 That's beautiful. So, I related this story, 08:44 this retelling of when I was 12 to this friend at 08:48 the kitchen sink and then I told her I said you know 08:53 I know that a lot of women today have that 08:55 great fear and I can understand it because 08:59 I think it's part of the whole curse that we 09:02 brought on ourselves when we sinned. 09:05 And in Genesis it talks about when God came to 09:11 Eve and told her that because of her taking the 09:17 fruit and deciding that she wanted to be God of her 09:21 life and she wanted to be as wise as God that as a 09:25 result she would have great pain in child 09:30 bearing. But, to the woman he said I will 09:35 greatly increase your chains, your pains in 09:39 childbearing. Now in fact I feel that when we give 09:46 birth to children, yes we go through that pain but 09:49 we're also saved in childbearing because we 09:52 die to ourselves. And that whole self fulfillment has 09:57 to be set aside in favor of getting up to feed a 10:02 helpless baby. Right. Of nursing, of nurturing. 10:06 Constant caring. Of constant 24 hours a 10:09 day but a woman does have to lose her life in 10:14 bearing another child and giving herself to that child. 10:19 And it's a joy so. It's a joy. 10:21 I don't have better memories when I do of 10:25 taking care of my children. 10:26 Well it's one of the deepest fulfillments 10:29 I have ever had. It is. And the most challenging 10:33 there is no question. Oh! Yes. 10:35 The most challenging. Developing that character 10:37 is a heavy thought, it's a very heavy thought. 10:41 Your mother went through this with sounds 10:45 like full of grace and her words about herself 10:50 talking to you as you were 12-years-old, 10:52 when you burst into that room. It's a beautiful 10:56 memory. But, what you do with women who don't 10:58 have children. They didn't you know, 11:02 they're suffering. What you do? 11:05 I stumbled the more of course, but what about 11:08 somebody like Hannah? Yes I, you know she, 11:11 I was just thinking of Hannah, here she was 11:14 dearly beloved by her husband, dearly beloved 11:18 but she couldn't bear children. What made it 11:20 even more grievous is that he was also married 11:25 to Peninnah and she was giving birth right and left 11:29 to children. And dear Elkanah says to Hannah 11:33 aren't I as wonderful as of 10 sons to you. 11:39 He's trying to, trying take the place. 11:41 Why is not my love enough for you and She 11:45 says I want a child, I want a child and so when they 11:49 go down for their yearly sacrifice, because 11:52 Elkanah was a very God fearing man, they 11:54 went down yearly. She understandably was not 11:57 going down to rejoice like everybody else was and 12:01 when she got to the temple she just poured 12:05 out her soul, so much so that Eli the priest thought 12:09 she was drunk. And there was something 12:12 I would like to say about that desire for a child 12:16 because all the women of Israel were taught that the 12:19 Messiah would come. That's right. They wanted 12:22 a child, they wanted a boy. 12:23 That's right. And there was such deep 12:26 spiritual connection with having children. 12:28 That's right, that's right and I think Hannah 12:34 certainly longed for that child in that same way, 12:38 but it's interesting to me how she very quickly 12:41 when she pours out her soul to God, that she 12:46 pours out even the bitterness, it says in. 12:51 You can find the story in First Samuel 1 and in 12:56 verses 10 and 11 it says, In bitterness of soul 12:59 Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord, 13:02 remember me, give me a son, I will give him to the Lord. 13:10 She decided if you give that gift to me I am going 13:14 to just give him right back to you Lord and 13:21 when I think of this bitter soul, bitterness starts with 13:27 hurts, she's been hurt by the other wife, she's been 13:33 hurt by probably other women looking to see 13:37 that she was barren and she had been hurt for 13:41 really no fault of her own. And because that hurt 13:45 wasn't fully dealt with it, it turns to self pity and 13:50 I see a progression, it goes from hurts that we 13:53 receive of no fault of our own if they're not dealt 13:56 with, they develop into self pity and that self pity 14:00 goes rancid and it turns into bitterness, then if 14:05 that's not dealt with it turns into anger. 14:10 Anger turns into hatred and from what Jesus tells 14:15 us, hatred turns into. Murder. Murder, 14:17 so here you see this chain that all started way back 14:21 here from a hurt that we didn't even cause. 14:27 And so here is Hannah she gets to the point 14:31 where she is bitter and she just pours it out to 14:35 her God with all that she can and she prays 14:41 earnestly and then she just relinquishes, but she 14:46 knew, she had a very definite prayer that she 14:49 asked of God, I think some of us don't pray 14:52 definitely enough. Not specifically enough. 14:54 So, that I don't know that we would recognize the 14:56 answer if we saw it. But, she prayed, she 15:01 poured it all out to the Lord, she prayed with 15:04 deep conviction of what she wanted and she 15:08 relinquished it and it says that she went, got up off 15:14 her knees and she went and began to eat, 'cause 15:17 up until that point she has been weeping so hard she 15:19 couldn't even eat and she went home her 15:22 burden completely gone, and it says that when they 15:26 went home she conceived a child. 15:32 I don't. That kind of an answer to immediately 15:39 remove all that burden must have been a 15:42 wonderful peace from God that she felt. 15:45 And what do you think that Hannah did the most 15:51 in her family, that would help Samuel. 15:56 You know before we get to that I think you've 16:00 touched on something, this bitterness area that 16:04 maybe would be helpful because I think Hannah 16:09 had to do this first. Okay. Before she really raised 16:13 that child but how do you deal with bitterness, aside 16:19 from just pouring it out to God. I think number one 16:23 we can't do anything about what somebody 16:26 does to us but we can do something about 16:29 our reaction. Now if we see where our reaction is, 16:35 where we are in that chain, self pity, bitterness 16:40 anger, hatred, murder, we may be already at this end 16:43 of the murder but if we can recognize it for what 16:47 it is and say Oh! God, I need your forgiveness 16:51 as much as that person who hurt me. I need your 16:57 blood to forgive, to cleanse me from my sins. 17:00 So, I think I call it the Balm of Gillard there are 17:03 four ingredients to this wonderful ointment that 17:06 you can just carry in your pocket all day long. 17:08 So, that you can use over and over and over and 17:11 over again. Good. Seventy times seven. 17:14 Okay. And that is number one, I repent of my sin of 17:21 self pity or whether it's anger or whatever. 17:26 Number two please forgive me and wash me. 17:30 Number three, please forgive the person who 17:35 hurt. Number four, bless that person, bless that 17:40 person. Love your enemies. Yes, you see I don't think 17:44 for a minute that Hannah went back to her home 17:46 and gloated. To the other wife. 17:49 And when she conceived I really don't think that 17:52 she gloated before Peninnah. And we can learn from that. 17:55 Yes, and I think she was so taken up with the fact 17:59 that God had given her a gift and now she was 18:03 preparing to give this gift right back. 18:05 She wasn't going to let the hatred or the 18:07 bitterness ruin her moment. Right, right. 18:11 So, now back to your other question. Yes, what 18:14 do you think that Hannah did most in that family, 18:17 for little Samuel? I think she brought him 18:23 up in the fear for the Lord and when I try to translate 18:26 that into today, I feel that we need to take a page 18:32 out of Hannah's book and we need to take that 18:36 scripture where she says I prayed for this child, 18:40 now I give him to the Lord, for his whole life he 18:46 will be given over to the Lord. Now, I think are we 18:51 raising our children for ourselves, are we raising 18:55 them for their sakes? Or we are raising them for 18:58 Christ's sake? We want to raise them for 19:02 Christ's sake. But, generally we're raising 19:04 them for ourselves. I know. We want to 19:06 realize and fulfill all our own dreams in that child, 19:10 right. And Hannah straight off says and 19:15 I give him back to you. So, I think that was 19:19 number one, her first sin but then I think as soon as 19:23 he could even understand, he began understanding 19:26 what it was to talk to God and I think in their 19:30 normal daily life, she talked with him while 19:33 they sat down, while they walked, while they read, 19:36 while they ate, while they played, I think she talked 19:40 about the Lord. Amen. I agree with you. That he was 19:42 going to serve, because she had to prepare him to 19:46 be ready at a very early age to go and listen to 19:50 this, she had to prepare him to go and serve with 19:54 a priest whose own sons were defying God. 20:00 Were disobedient and defying. And were being rebellious. 20:02 Yes. Can you imagine how Hannah felt knowing 20:04 she was relinquishing her child. 20:06 Oh! that would bother me a great deal. And putting 20:09 him in the hands of the priest but whose own 20:13 sons did not regard God. So, I can imagine those 20:17 early days were spent particularly preparing him 20:21 to know the fear of the Lord and how to worship 20:25 him and I think of our own families, how do we 20:30 do it. I think we need to do it from the very start. 20:33 I agree with you, because that early preparation, 20:35 that's just what I was thinking. If you have 20:38 done a great deal of preparation, God can 20:40 honor that. But, you can't just say well I have done 20:43 the best that I can do, you better be sure that you've 20:46 done all that you can do. And followed what the 20:50 Lord has for us to do, you know seek out the Lord's 20:53 Will in raising your family. But, I think you have to 20:56 do something more, I think you do need to 20:59 establish in actual time, what I would call a 21:03 family altar, she offered him up to the work of 21:10 the temple. As a living sacrifice. As a living 21:12 sacrifice, and we as families need to have a 21:15 daily family altar where we as husbands and wives 21:19 with our children in the most natural of ways have 21:24 a family altar. Now in our family. Some may not 21:28 really understand what the family altar would be? 21:32 I think one way to describe it would be, 21:35 it needs to become very normal in the way you 21:39 talk, so that with us we brought it up at dinner 21:42 time and we made our dinner times very 21:46 sacrosanct, my husband is a busy physician, but all 21:51 the time the children were growing up, he made 21:53 meal times very important to be home 21:56 with the children. And during that time we 21:59 would talk about all sorts of things everything from 22:02 why you don't punch your brother in the nose when 22:05 he's offended you or why you have to honor your 22:09 sister, even though she is just a scamp, you can't 22:13 stand her. And things like this is were 22:15 like the First Corinthians 13 would come in, love is 22:17 not rude young man. That's right and you can't 22:21 say First Corinthians 13, the love chapter is an 22:24 easy thing to do, that's a very. 22:27 A divine sacrifice or rather grace a work of 22:32 grace in the heart to be able to that? 22:33 But, in order to work that out you have to talk about 22:36 it and live it with you children. Yes. So, that 22:39 I love that scripture that says hide not thyself from 22:42 thy own flesh. And it was during those times around 22:46 the dinner table that we often talked about our 22:49 own difficulties and how God helped us and how 22:53 we were able to relate with the children, so that 22:56 our family prayers we kept them very simple, 23:00 very short to the point and always made it 23:07 pertinent to what the children were going 23:09 through. It may be a math test that day, it maybe the 23:13 fact that a neighborhood child had punched my 23:17 child in the nose and I needed to go and talk 23:20 to the mother about it and find out what really did 23:22 happen. So, all these things were discussed 23:26 around the dinner table. And that would build 23:28 their faith wouldn't it, as you're working those 23:30 things out. And then would talk to the Lord 23:31 about it, we would have games together around, 23:35 Joe would read the scriptures, usually a Bible 23:38 story appropriate to the ages that the children 23:41 were, as they grew older they were the ones who 23:44 helped to lead it and would initiate it and then 23:49 we would have what we call the M&M games and 23:52 Joe would have a stack of M&Ms and then he 23:54 would ask questions of the children about what 23:57 were you talked about and he would slide one 24:00 down the table to you if you got the answer right 24:04 and they stacked up their M&Ms at the end of the 24:06 meal. As we nipped together, the truths of 24:11 God with where we were living and this means of a 24:16 family altar. Doing it day after day after day. 24:20 And never making it just one time of the day, but 24:23 incorporating it, the sacred with the secular. 24:27 So, that it was not two separate things. 24:30 We have because of the scripture, we have 24:35 Morning and Evening worship like that. 24:39 And you had more that you would share on 24:43 Hannah or shall we move into. 24:46 Well, I was thinking more of a woman who. 24:49 Susanna? Yes. Susanna Wesley. I was thinking 24:52 actually of a woman who was not in the Bible 24:57 times, but a woman who had a great many 25:00 children, whom most of our listeners will have 25:05 heard of and that's Susanna Wesley, the 25:07 mother of John and Charles Wesley. 25:09 She had 19, didn't she? 19 children. 25:12 I don't think all of them lived? 25:14 No, they didn't, I think nine of them died and she 25:18 was a firm minded mother. But, she had a big 25:23 household nevertheless to take care of. She did well 25:26 from the what the history I read about her. 25:28 In fact one thing I love about her is that before 25:33 her husband came home at night, she always made 25:35 sure that she had her hair combed pretty and a new 25:40 fresh hair ribbon. Really? So, that she was lovely 25:44 before he came home. Another thing I love 25:46 about her is that every night she took turns and 25:52 laid down with a different child and had a time just 25:56 alone talking with that child. I like that. 25:58 And I came across a letter that she wrote to her 26:03 husband, that's in the journal that I would like 26:06 to just read, where she is talking to him about her 26:13 ideals. Though I am not a man nor a minister, yet if 26:18 my heart was sincerely devoted to God and I was 26:21 inspired with the true zeal for his glory, I might do 26:24 somewhat more than I do. I thought I might pray 26:28 more for them and might speak to those with who 26:31 I converse, with more warmth than affection 26:34 and so I resolved to begin with my own children, 26:38 in which I observed the following method, I take 26:40 such proportion of time as I can spare every night to 26:44 discourse with each child a part, as I am a woman, 26:48 so I am also mistress of a large family and though 26:51 the superior charge of the souls contained in it lies 26:55 upon you, yet in your absence I can't but look 26:59 upon every soul you leave under my care as a talent 27:03 committed to me under a trust by the Great Lord of 27:06 all the families both of heaven and earth, and if 27:09 I am unfaithful to him or you in neglecting to 27:14 improve then I have failed. 27:17 What a wonderful model as a mother. 27:20 A marvelous model and I think of Eunice and Lois, 27:23 in the New Testament, how Paul commended 27:26 them and they had brought up Timothy and 27:31 Second Timothy 3:15 says how from infancy 27:34 you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able 27:37 to make you wise for Salvation through faith in 27:40 Christ Jesus they will also models for us to model after. 27:45 Oh! Amen. You are going to be back with us on 27:47 mothers aren't you? Yes. Good, I am glad, 27:50 we will be looking forward. Thank You. 27:52 And I want to invite you to be back with us again 27:56 until next time on Thinking About Home. |
Revised 2014-12-17