Welcome back to
Thinking About Home.
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I'm Kathy Matthews,
and we have tried very hard
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on Thinking About
Home to try to come up
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with relevant programs for you,
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things that mean a lot to you.
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And we're gonna be
discussing for several
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programs women and surrender.
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This is not
necessarily a popular subject.
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Sometimes it can get
very frustrating or very
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hot subject to some people.
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But I think that
you'll enjoy them
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and as we're getting closer
to the Lord's coming I know
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that it's
something that we need to be
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considering as women.
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One of the things
that we're going to be
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talking about
today is women as mothers
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or women as wives.
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And we've invited
a guest and her name
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is Paula Woodruff and
she has been a church member
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with me for sometime.
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We've come to know
each other through the past
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few years and have had
an enjoyable relationship.
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Her story has a lot
to do with her surrender
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to her husband and
we're gonna invite Paula
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to tell that to us today.
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Paula, thank you
for being with us.
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Thank you for inviting me.
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In our homes, we need
to understand this subject
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don't we as mothers
and wives, you know,
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we had some with
Sarah Mathews before some
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programs that she
was talking about in
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surrender as a single person,
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surrender to God
there in her life.
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And you are going to
be talking about learning
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your surrender right
to your husband. Yes.
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Now I know that can
be uncomfortable subject
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for a lot of women
and you are going to tells
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us how enjoyable I think it
has been for you, right. Yes.
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But there were some
things that you started
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that, well, the
background of your life
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in society and how this lack
of surrender effected to you.
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So, why don't you
give us some of that
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background of how you grew up?
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When we look around.
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Or in society,
how it effected you,
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that's what I really mean.
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Yes, when we look
around our society today,
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we see a lot of violence, abuse,
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divorce,
homosexuality, you name it,
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all kinds of evils.
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And this is
because we've lost sight
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of the submission that
we're called to have through
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the Ten Commandments. Right.
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And in Exodus 20 we were
given the Decalogue by God.
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And I would like to go
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through that just
for a moment. Okay
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There is a
certain order of surrender
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that is called for
in the Ten Commandments.
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And the first
few commandments call
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for first and
foremost surrender to God.
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To God, yes.
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And then we are
called through honor
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your father and
your mother to surrender
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to our parents. Okay.
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And then beyond that we
surrender to our friends
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our teachers.
Right. And society.
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I think, there are many times
we get this order mixed up.
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And we loose sight of
what God has asked us to do.
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What do you think the
root of our problem is?
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We've to say that
the root of the problem
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would be our selfishness.
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We are born into this
world with the selfish
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nature and that
desire to serve self
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is so strong in us.
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And that is what
causes us to walk all over
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what God has given
to us. Yeah, right.
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In the Ten Commandments.
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Right, then you
have story about your
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horsemen shift to share with us.
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Yes, I worked with
horses for 11 years now
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teaching riding and working
with the animal themselves.
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And God try to
teach me for so many years
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submission through my
work with these animals.
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And the horse is
very, it's a proud creature
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and it's got a will of its own.
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And that will must
be submitted to the will
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of the trainer and of
the rider and we know that
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horse that is not willing
to submit is no good. Right.
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It's dangerous to itself,
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it's dangerous to
the people around it
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and eventually a horse
that will not be broken
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is ends up being dog food.
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And so as a trainer
and as an instructor,
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our work is to
teach these horses
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how to learn to trust us.
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And it is the same way with God,
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He tries very in
many ways to teach us
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how to surrender to Him. Right.
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Because just like a
horse with a will of its
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own is of no use to the rider,
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it is it's no use to
God if a Christian will not
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surrender his well. Right.
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And then it must
be a full surrender,
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it cannot be a partial one.
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There are horses
that will stand still
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and allow you to put a saddle
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and ride along them. Right
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But then if you try
to walk to ride them,
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they will not let you do that.
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That's what you mean
by partial surrender?
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So that's partial
surrender and so many
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times I find in
the Christian world,
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we think that we're
surrendering and in fact
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we're only
partially surrendering to God.
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You know, a
thought occurs to me that
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we learn to together
in parenting program about
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a child sitting
in his highchair.
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Do you remember? Yes.
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And the parents could
be feeding it and it might
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go, it might arch his
back or stretch or turn
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its face away or
something like that.
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And you are trying to
get them to eat and be
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a subdued person while
you are trying to get them
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to eat and not
just resist you and then
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you could take it
away or this person who was
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actually doing this and took,
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taken the child
out of the highchair
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and corrected the
child to put her back so that
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she could eat.
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And this time she was
partially surrendered,
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but she just
arched her back only.
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She didn't turn her
head away, she didn't jerk.
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They knew that she
had only surrendered maybe
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90 percent, but she
wasn't gonna gave it all,
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and that might be
what you are talking
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about too is this
partial surrender,
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but we need entire
surrender to the Lord,
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don't we. Yes, yes.
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And the Lord trust to
teach us this in so many
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ways because it is so important.
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If we look at the laws of nature
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from the time we're born,
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we're all submitted
to the law of gravity.
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Something that we
cannot break away from.
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And so He has put
these lessons everywhere for
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us in order to
teach us how to submit
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to Him to His will.
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Did you have
some scriptures that
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you wanted to share
or actually there is
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another birth experience
you what's called a Doula. Yes.
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And you spelled
it for me. D-O-U-L-A.
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A French word right. Yes.
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And you said that's
understood in the South,
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but not so much in
the West we call a labor
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companion in the West I think.
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And you have
submission experience
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there or lesson
out of birth. Yes.
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Yes even from a very birth,
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it seems that the Lord
is trying to teach us to
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get through our thick heads that
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we need to surrender.
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And one of the
things that I've noticed
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in working in labor
and delivery with women is
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that the best way for
baby to be born into our
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world, into the new
life is to present with his
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head bowed, that chin
is tucked tightly to his
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chest and it comes through
the birth canal that way.
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That's interesting.
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Yes, and we can see that
there is a comparison there.
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The best way for
Christian to be born
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into a new life is an
attitude of submission
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with the head bowed,
the chin tucked tightly
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to the chest. In the sense. Yes.
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With that attitude.
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And when a baby is
born, they start these steps
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of surrender
first and will surrender
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to the laws of
gravity of nature...
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That's interesting, yes.
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And then they
must surrender to their
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parents and then to their,
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later in life to their teachers,
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if their teachers
are not their parents
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and they do have
teachers in the school,
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they must surrender to them.
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They must surrender
to the laws of societies,
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speed limits when
they are 16 and then
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ultimately we
surrender our lives to God.
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So it follows the
certain order and some
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of us go through
that order backwards.
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I was one of those
who went through the
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submission journey
kind of the opposite way.
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I first surrender to God,
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then I was able to
surrender to those around me.
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And then finally
to learn how to honor
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my parents. Yeah.
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And my husband. Right.
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Did you have some scripture that
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you want to share on in the
1 Peter, perhaps? Yes, i did.
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1 Peter talks about
surrender and in fact
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we find it a lot in the
New Testament which I find
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interesting because
I've heard many women
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when I start to
approach them with this,
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they will say
about, you know this women
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submitting to man
idea, that's only in the
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Old Testament of the scripture.
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And I have to
respectfully disagree
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because it's all
throughout our scripture
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in the New Testament as well.
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Paul writes over
and over again about it.
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And we find in 1 Peter
Chapter 5 starting with
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verse 5,
"Likewise, you younger people,
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submit yourselves to the elders.
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Yes all of you
be submissive to one
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and another, and be
clothed with humility.
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For God resisteth the proud,
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but giveth grace to the humble.
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Therefore
Humble yourselves under
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the mighty hand of God,
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that he may
exalt you in due time".
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Not so that you may
exalt yourself which is
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what so many of
us want to do. Right.
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If we surrender to
Him and humble ourselves
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that is where we are exalted.
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Right, now you have
an interesting story,
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I think you could tell us
about how these took place,
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the process of
your learning some
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surrender, yes,
to your making quite
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husband that you have.
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Yes and it's
been a long journey.
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You know, I would like
to put something in here
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too, you know I knew
Jeremy when he was oh
00:10:50.32\00:10:56.06
probably 12 or 11 and
I knew his parents and I,
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he was a quite young man then.
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I really didn't know him,
00:11:03.83\00:11:04.80
of course much as I do now.
00:11:04.81\00:11:06.52
But I met him some years later,
00:11:06.53\00:11:09.10
and met Paula at the same time.
00:11:09.11\00:11:11.53
And he does have
that sensitive nature,
00:11:11.54\00:11:14.42
doesn't he. Yes, he does.
00:11:14.43\00:11:15.40
He has a quite
spirit, very sweet man.
00:11:15.41\00:11:18.17
And you had some
steamrolling effects on
00:11:18.18\00:11:24.01
Jeremy, yes, and
then learned how God
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what have you to be. Yes I did.
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How did that happen.
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Well, I had lot of
different circumstances
00:11:28.81\00:11:32.05
that occurred during my
childhood that robbed me
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of feeling that I had any kind
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of control over my life. Right.
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I had a breakup of my family.
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There was some sexual
abuse and these things
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left me starving for feeling
of control in my life. Right.
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And not understanding
God or any of God's
00:11:49.81\00:11:52.86
principles I felt
that it was up to me
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to take that control.
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And so I began to
do whatever I could in
00:11:57.14\00:11:59.64
relationships with
friends with even with
00:11:59.65\00:12:03.93
my parents to try and manipulate
00:12:03.94\00:12:06.47
circumstances, so
that I was always the one
00:12:06.48\00:12:09.11
in control of things and...
00:12:09.12\00:12:13.07
Well, in the
control when you come out
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of the situation
like you were in.
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One does have to learn
to set boundaries. Yes.
00:12:18.36\00:12:21.43
And take some control,
but yours went too far.
00:12:21.44\00:12:23.37
I was over
stepping my boundaries.
00:12:23.38\00:12:24.75
I was walking all over
other peoples boundaries
00:12:24.76\00:12:27.81
and not realizing it.
00:12:27.82\00:12:31.27
My attempts for
control were my selfish nature
00:12:31.28\00:12:36.12
saying, I don't want to be hurt.
00:12:36.13\00:12:37.76
I never want to
be hurt again. Right.
00:12:37.77\00:12:39.72
And so now I'm gonna
control every person in
00:12:39.73\00:12:42.15
every situation
that I entered into,
00:12:42.16\00:12:45.91
so that they cannot hurt me.
00:12:45.92\00:12:47.90
Right, well, I
can understand that.
00:12:47.91\00:12:50.20
I was raised too
with a very negative image
00:12:50.21\00:12:52.93
of what womanhood
was about, surrender,
00:12:52.94\00:12:56.81
submission, those
topics were never introduced
00:12:56.82\00:12:59.62
to me at an early age.
00:12:59.63\00:13:01.49
And as I made my
way through academy,
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I did have the privilege
00:13:03.96\00:13:05.62
of going to
Christian high school.
00:13:05.63\00:13:08.30
And I started to
read for myself after
00:13:08.31\00:13:10.43
I became a
Christian my freshman year.
00:13:10.44\00:13:15.15
The books like
Adventist Home and Messages to
00:13:15.16\00:13:17.14
Young People. Right.
00:13:17.15\00:13:18.12
And reading a Bible
from myself when I started
00:13:18.13\00:13:20.37
to come up with
questions that I presented
00:13:20.38\00:13:24.07
to my teachers asking, you know,
00:13:24.08\00:13:25.70
I'm reading this about surrender
00:13:25.71\00:13:28.58
and submission. Right.
00:13:28.59\00:13:29.77
Does this apply
to women today? Yes.
00:13:29.78\00:13:33.23
And both my male and
female teachers would
00:13:33.24\00:13:36.49
say oh no, you
know, today things are
00:13:36.50\00:13:39.04
different and men and
women were created equal
00:13:39.05\00:13:43.47
and they are equal in
intelligence and ability
00:13:43.48\00:13:47.30
and so and so
forth, so I was discourage
00:13:47.31\00:13:49.72
in pursuing my
studies in that area.
00:13:49.73\00:13:52.38
You are not saying
that women aren't equal
00:13:52.39\00:13:53.86
and intelligent, so nobody...
00:13:53.87\00:13:55.15
No, I'm not
saying that. Yeah. No.
00:13:55.16\00:13:56.38
But it tended to
go furthers and...
00:13:56.39\00:13:58.50
Right, it tended
to go beyond that.
00:13:58.51\00:14:00.82
Okay, the advice
that was given, okay.
00:14:00.83\00:14:02.45
And in pursuit of
my control I started
00:14:02.46\00:14:05.19
reading a lot of
material put out by
00:14:05.20\00:14:07.61
the feminist movement. Okay.
00:14:07.62\00:14:09.42
And feminism appealed
to me because when I read
00:14:09.43\00:14:13.18
their materials it
was angry and it was
00:14:13.19\00:14:15.68
powerful and I thought wow,
00:14:15.69\00:14:17.75
this is we're attacked.
00:14:17.76\00:14:19.96
You know, if I can
just join myself to this
00:14:19.97\00:14:22.09
movement I will have
control and I'll be able
00:14:22.10\00:14:26.75
to exalt myself, that
was the underlying motive.
00:14:26.76\00:14:31.04
Yeah, what the enemy
would have you to do. Yes.
00:14:31.05\00:14:33.60
And you went for it.
00:14:33.61\00:14:35.21
Yes I did and I
carried these attitudes
00:14:35.22\00:14:39.03
and ideas with
me up into college.
00:14:39.04\00:14:43.50
I met Jeremy while I
was still in this mindset.
00:14:43.51\00:14:48.75
And at this point
of life I was also
00:14:48.76\00:14:50.56
struggling with
an eating disorder
00:14:50.57\00:14:51.86
bulimarexia where I would,
00:14:51.87\00:14:53.86
I would starve
and starve and starve
00:14:53.87\00:14:56.17
and starve until I
couldn't hold out on food any
00:14:56.18\00:14:58.97
more and then I
would just binge,
00:14:58.98\00:15:02.41
just amazing how
much I could eat.
00:15:02.42\00:15:04.66
And then I'll
feel guilty after I ate
00:15:04.67\00:15:07.19
and go make myself through
up in a toilet somewhere.
00:15:07.20\00:15:12.18
And this was my
attempt to control myself.
00:15:12.19\00:15:15.49
I felt that a long
as I was starving myself
00:15:15.50\00:15:17.75
and making my body
feel tired and miserable,
00:15:17.76\00:15:20.60
I had control and that
was one area of my life
00:15:20.61\00:15:23.67
that no one else could control.
00:15:23.68\00:15:25.93
And where you
aware as the time that,
00:15:25.94\00:15:27.91
was control that
you were after. No.
00:15:27.92\00:15:30.55
It was just happening that way.
00:15:30.56\00:15:32.44
It was just happening that way.
00:15:32.45\00:15:33.42
I was drawn toward
behaviors that made me
00:15:33.43\00:15:36.20
feel safe that
made me feel in control
00:15:36.21\00:15:39.37
and no one could force me
to eat or not eat that was
00:15:39.38\00:15:42.66
something that I knew
00:15:42.67\00:15:43.82
I was solely
responsible for it. Right.
00:15:43.83\00:15:46.15
So I meet
Jeremy around this time
00:15:46.16\00:15:49.07
and I resumed my studies.
00:15:49.08\00:15:51.90
Jeremy was such a quite giving,
00:15:51.91\00:15:54.55
submissive young man.
00:15:54.56\00:15:56.88
I really admired him
and I saw a lot of godly
00:15:56.89\00:16:00.66
in character traits in
him that I wanted to emulate.
00:16:00.67\00:16:04.66
And so I began my study again
00:16:04.67\00:16:06.05
into submission and surrender.
00:16:06.06\00:16:09.90
And I read in the Adventist Home
00:16:09.91\00:16:12.65
and I would like to share
this quote with the viewers.
00:16:12.66\00:16:17.00
About Eve and the
situation that occurred
00:16:17.01\00:16:22.51
in the garden with Eve.
00:16:22.52\00:16:25.55
it says on page 115
of the Adventist Home.
00:16:25.56\00:16:28.70
Eve had been the
first in transgression;
00:16:28.71\00:16:30.90
and she had fallen into
temptation by separating
00:16:30.91\00:16:33.29
from her companion, contrary
to the divine direction.
00:16:33.30\00:16:37.50
It was by her
solicitation that Adam
00:16:37.51\00:16:39.69
sinned, and she was now placed
00:16:39.70\00:16:41.11
in subjection to her husband.
00:16:41.12\00:16:44.15
Had the principles
enjoined in the law
00:16:44.16\00:16:45.83
of God been
cherished by the fallen race,
00:16:45.84\00:16:47.61
this sentence,
though growing out of the
00:16:47.62\00:16:49.92
results of sin, would
have proved a blessing
00:16:49.93\00:16:52.02
to them; but man's
abuse of the supremacy thus
00:16:52.03\00:16:55.18
given him has too
often rendered the lot of
00:16:55.19\00:16:57.83
woman very bitter, and
made her life a burden.
00:16:57.84\00:17:01.27
And I realize when I
read that this is why we
00:17:01.28\00:17:03.73
have feminist movement.
00:17:03.74\00:17:05.89
But I felt that
what I've been missing
00:17:05.90\00:17:09.90
in outlying my believe
system with the feminist
00:17:09.91\00:17:15.61
was that if man
and women had obey God
00:17:15.62\00:17:20.25
and lived out, the
sentence that He gave them
00:17:20.26\00:17:24.09
because of the results of sin,
00:17:24.10\00:17:25.85
they both would have
been extremely happy.
00:17:25.86\00:17:30.81
When Jeremy and I were married,
00:17:30.82\00:17:32.07
we were very young.
00:17:32.08\00:17:34.88
We did not know
about sanctified romance,
00:17:34.89\00:17:39.84
right, of any kind
and so I believe that
00:17:39.85\00:17:42.55
we rushed faster then
we probably should I was 19
00:17:42.56\00:17:46.18
when I become a
bride and bringing a lot
00:17:46.19\00:17:49.71
of baggage from my past
into this marriage, yes. yeah.
00:17:49.72\00:17:54.39
And so we had lot of
challenges to face. Right.
00:17:54.40\00:17:57.75
That we were totally unaware
of before we got married.
00:17:57.76\00:18:01.47
These are things that were
uncovered after we said I do.
00:18:01.48\00:18:06.18
And one of those
things was just me walking
00:18:06.19\00:18:09.34
all over Jeremy and
his ideas he wanted to be
00:18:09.35\00:18:12.52
the leader of the
home, but being laidback
00:18:12.53\00:18:14.82
person, he
wasn't quite sure how.
00:18:14.83\00:18:17.73
So he did have that desire,
00:18:17.74\00:18:18.99
it was not like he was unaware
00:18:19.00\00:18:20.27
that he needed
to be there. Right.
00:18:20.28\00:18:21.89
But because of his personality,
00:18:21.90\00:18:23.50
it was easy for you to do this.
00:18:23.51\00:18:25.13
Right and I didn't, I
was not aware that I was
00:18:25.14\00:18:29.08
manipulating him and
treading all over his feelings.
00:18:29.09\00:18:32.98
I remember in the
first year of our marriage
00:18:32.99\00:18:37.77
I started to treat
him not like he was man
00:18:37.78\00:18:41.43
and leader of new family.
00:18:41.44\00:18:44.14
But almost as if
he were a little boy.
00:18:44.15\00:18:47.88
I would pick out his
clothes for him because
00:18:47.89\00:18:50.81
I didn't feel that
he made wise choices in
00:18:50.82\00:18:54.08
color coordination
and what socks match
00:18:54.09\00:18:57.04
what tie etcetera.
00:18:57.05\00:18:58.30
And these things
seems over to me now,
00:18:58.31\00:19:00.16
he was a grown man,
00:19:00.17\00:19:01.29
of course he knew
how to dress himself.
00:19:01.30\00:19:02.56
But to me it was a
small way of me trying
00:19:02.57\00:19:06.41
to establish, I'm
the one in control here.
00:19:06.44\00:19:10.43
He didn't ask you to do it.
00:19:10.44\00:19:11.75
No, he never asked me to do it.
00:19:11.76\00:19:13.32
In fact I could see
that he looked hurt.
00:19:13.33\00:19:16.04
I remember we would
be ready to walk out the
00:19:16.05\00:19:18.29
door for church
and I would say honey,
00:19:18.30\00:19:20.08
are you really gonna wear that.
00:19:20.09\00:19:21.59
I would prefer that you
wear such and such today
00:19:21.60\00:19:24.81
and seeing the look of
hurt and rejection on his face.
00:19:24.82\00:19:28.69
But thinking that
what I was doing was okay.
00:19:28.70\00:19:32.26
So I continue to
steamroll him like this
00:19:32.27\00:19:34.13
throughout our marriage.
00:19:34.14\00:19:35.17
He would try and make
a decision or he would
00:19:35.18\00:19:38.47
just state an opinion
in public and I would be
00:19:38.48\00:19:42.31
elbowing him or giving
him the look I had this
00:19:42.32\00:19:45.96
look that I can
just melt him with.
00:19:45.97\00:19:47.84
That one eyebrow
would go up and my husband
00:19:47.85\00:19:50.91
would just be quite and I
was putting him in his place.
00:19:50.92\00:19:55.08
Well, this continued
for almost three years
00:19:55.09\00:20:00.00
and one more morning
while I was doing my devotions,
00:20:00.01\00:20:02.14
the Lord spoke to me I
read particular passage
00:20:02.15\00:20:05.59
were John the
Baptist says I must decrease
00:20:05.60\00:20:08.47
so that he may increase.
00:20:08.48\00:20:10.07
And it was like the
Lord just smacked me
00:20:10.08\00:20:12.32
in the face and
said wake up Paula.
00:20:12.33\00:20:14.27
You need to be
quite and submissive,
00:20:14.28\00:20:18.36
so that he can grow to be
00:20:18.37\00:20:20.38
what I have designed him to be.
00:20:20.39\00:20:23.02
And it was quite a deep
thought and we were just
00:20:23.03\00:20:25.14
sitting there
stunned with this revelation.
00:20:25.15\00:20:29.33
And I began to pray
about and as I prayed the Lord
00:20:29.34\00:20:31.55
showed me my
treatment of my husband
00:20:31.56\00:20:33.84
through God's eyes.
00:20:33.85\00:20:36.87
And I saw the
terrible things that I've done
00:20:36.88\00:20:40.18
to him and how I torn
him down and damaged his
00:20:40.22\00:20:43.28
confidence as the priest
and the leader of our home.
00:20:43.29\00:20:48.42
And it just broke my heart.
00:20:48.43\00:20:50.47
And I knelt down there
and cried and just told
00:20:50.48\00:20:53.27
the Lord, you know,
you revealed this to me,
00:20:53.28\00:20:55.00
I'm not sure what
to do with it now,
00:20:55.01\00:20:56.15
you gonna have to
teach me how to submit,
00:20:56.16\00:20:58.66
how to surrender and
give him his rightful to
00:20:58.67\00:21:02.00
use as my husband. Right.
00:21:02.01\00:21:03.47
I went to a fair
along about that time
00:21:07.90\00:21:12.51
and there was an event
they called team pulling
00:21:12.52\00:21:14.43
and this is competition
00:21:14.44\00:21:16.64
between teams or draft horses.
00:21:16.65\00:21:18.22
These are the largest,
00:21:18.23\00:21:19.20
these are big boys
of the horse world.
00:21:19.21\00:21:21.22
You said team
pulling. Yes. Yeah, okay.
00:21:21.23\00:21:23.70
Clydesdales and Belgians
and there will be two horses
00:21:23.71\00:21:26.49
hitched together
and the driver brings
00:21:26.50\00:21:28.85
them up to big wagon
with heavy load on it
00:21:28.88\00:21:32.07
and they are
hitched to the wagon.
00:21:32.08\00:21:33.78
The driver gets up on
the wagon and tries to
00:21:33.79\00:21:35.99
see how far his team
can pull this weight.
00:21:36.00\00:21:39.18
And it just keeps
going like a round robin
00:21:39.19\00:21:42.97
competition like
that until the last team
00:21:42.98\00:21:45.26
is pulling the most weight.
00:21:45.27\00:21:48.08
You know,
seeing, they are watching
00:21:48.09\00:21:49.34
and the drivers were
bringing their teams out
00:21:49.35\00:21:52.42
on to the field
where this event was held.
00:21:52.43\00:21:55.09
And I saw beautiful
team of Belgians honey
00:21:55.10\00:21:58.22
colored, they were
several hands above
00:21:58.23\00:22:01.50
the other teams on the
field and I thought this for
00:22:01.51\00:22:04.29
sure is going to
be the team that wins.
00:22:04.30\00:22:07.12
They were finely built
and just look ten times
00:22:07.13\00:22:11.18
more powerful than any of
the other teams around there.
00:22:11.19\00:22:14.13
And so I watched the
driver brought them up
00:22:14.14\00:22:17.38
to the load and they
were hitched up and then
00:22:17.39\00:22:21.22
he try to drive them forward.
00:22:21.23\00:22:23.30
Well, when we did
this they just it look like
00:22:23.31\00:22:26.96
the two horse just
came and glued and one was
00:22:26.97\00:22:29.40
pulling to the right
00:22:29.41\00:22:30.40
and other was
pulling to the left.
00:22:30.41\00:22:32.21
Very uncooperative.
00:22:32.22\00:22:33.28
Kind of, yeah, prancing
in place and not pulling
00:22:33.29\00:22:35.50
this load because
they were not pulling
00:22:35.51\00:22:37.41
together and the
Lord spoke to my mind
00:22:37.42\00:22:39.47
as I watched this and
said Paula this is what your
00:22:39.48\00:22:43.01
marital experience
has been up to this point.
00:22:43.02\00:22:45.43
Isn't it amazing where
we can learn our lessons.
00:22:45.44\00:22:47.11
Yes, it's a
humbling thing to be taught
00:22:47.12\00:22:50.26
lessons by beast. Yeah.
00:22:50.27\00:22:53.39
But I'm thankful
that he has done this.
00:22:53.40\00:22:54.75
And of course I was
able to apply this to
00:22:54.76\00:22:59.20
my experience in the marriage.
00:22:59.21\00:23:00.75
And often do we
see among Christians
00:23:00.76\00:23:03.81
beautiful young
couples who become hitched
00:23:03.82\00:23:06.50
together and when
they are expected to pull
00:23:06.51\00:23:10.96
the load, the responsibilities
00:23:10.97\00:23:13.32
of married life and
success of parenthood.
00:23:13.33\00:23:16.78
Right and don't
understand how to do it.
00:23:16.79\00:23:18.83
Right, they are
pulling different ways and we
00:23:18.84\00:23:23.36
cannot, I cannot
tell the men what to do,
00:23:23.37\00:23:27.17
I'm not a man.
00:23:27.18\00:23:29.13
I try to share this
with other women because
00:23:29.14\00:23:33.37
I feel like it needs to
start with us and it had
00:23:33.38\00:23:39.44
to start with me. Right.
00:23:39.45\00:23:40.56
In order for my husband
to wear the paints I had
00:23:40.57\00:23:43.21
to lay them down
because two people cannot share
00:23:43.22\00:23:45.70
the same garment
and this was all a very
00:23:45.71\00:23:48.78
humbling thing for me. Right.
00:23:48.79\00:23:52.44
The Lord tells us
that His yoke is easy
00:23:52.45\00:23:54.73
and his burden is light. Right.
00:23:54.74\00:23:57.00
And I believe that he
never meant for a couple
00:23:57.01\00:24:01.43
to struggle in
marriage with their roles,
00:24:01.44\00:24:04.82
with even accepting their
genders like we do. Right.
00:24:04.83\00:24:10.60
He expected for this
whole experience to be
00:24:10.61\00:24:13.38
a light burden, something
that He would bear with
00:24:13.39\00:24:17.03
us, and something
that would be easier
00:24:17.04\00:24:19.76
when we both pull together.
00:24:19.77\00:24:22.42
You know, there are
obstacles like the team
00:24:22.43\00:24:24.21
of horses, they
could not pull that wagon
00:24:24.22\00:24:25.71
because they
wouldn't pull together. Right.
00:24:25.72\00:24:27.26
Many times we
cannot handle challenges
00:24:27.27\00:24:30.21
that we face with
our children or with
00:24:30.22\00:24:32.99
deficits in our own
personalities. Right.
00:24:33.00\00:24:36.03
Because we're just
not pulling together
00:24:36.04\00:24:38.43
with God as the
driver of our team.
00:24:38.44\00:24:41.37
You know, you said
something a moment ago
00:24:41.38\00:24:43.09
that I think I
need could be clarified
00:24:43.10\00:24:47.20
certain things that
wife can do for her husband.
00:24:47.21\00:24:49.41
And I think
probably what you were maybe
00:24:49.42\00:24:52.07
pointing out was that
you had not agreed that
00:24:52.08\00:24:56.66
you could do this
for Jeremy and that was
00:24:56.67\00:24:58.61
simple things in
the home that tended,
00:24:58.62\00:25:00.77
that you tended to
control him on or else
00:25:00.78\00:25:04.81
make him feel like
he was not intelligent
00:25:04.82\00:25:07.29
enough to pick out
his own clothes. Yes.
00:25:07.30\00:25:09.39
You may have done
this with an air or an
00:25:09.40\00:25:11.69
attitude like you
said sometimes the comment.
00:25:11.70\00:25:14.84
And you don't mean
that one could plan this in
00:25:14.85\00:25:22.44
their family, you
know, if a husband ask his
00:25:22.45\00:25:24.33
wife would you please
take care of this for me,
00:25:24.34\00:25:27.36
that would be
different, you see that right,
00:25:27.37\00:25:30.53
you could see that it
would be different. Yes.
00:25:30.54\00:25:32.32
And, or helping
each other and pulling
00:25:32.33\00:25:36.34
a load, certain
things that the husband would
00:25:36.35\00:25:38.74
ask their wives to do. Yes.
00:25:38.75\00:25:40.92
That otherwise you wouldn't
come up with on your own.
00:25:40.93\00:25:45.36
It would be
different in that situation,
00:25:45.37\00:25:46.87
correct. Yes. Okay.
00:25:46.88\00:25:49.19
But even in that
area they were I remember
00:25:49.20\00:25:50.93
times were he would
ask me to do something
00:25:50.94\00:25:53.23
for him and I would just
put it off, you know, oh,
00:25:53.24\00:25:56.95
you are not going
to be the boss of me
00:25:56.96\00:25:58.29
I'm the boss here, yes.
00:25:58.30\00:26:00.52
With that thought.
00:26:00.53\00:26:01.50
I remember
thinking that who are you?
00:26:01.51\00:26:03.20
You are not going
to boss me around,
00:26:03.21\00:26:05.62
you know, and I regret so much.
00:26:05.63\00:26:10.36
We've been married for
seven years now and the
00:26:10.37\00:26:12.82
Lord has worked
a fabulous miracle
00:26:12.83\00:26:15.89
since I realized
all of these things.
00:26:15.90\00:26:17.82
My prayer was, Lord
show us what to do. Right.
00:26:17.83\00:26:20.42
And He has
shown me these things.
00:26:20.43\00:26:23.84
And we are happier
now than we ever were
00:26:23.85\00:26:27.56
when I was the leader
and he was the follower.
00:26:27.57\00:26:31.90
The balancing side of this,
00:26:31.91\00:26:35.50
you will be sharing some of
that with us, won't you. Yes.
00:26:35.51\00:26:38.10
And you are much
happier now. Much.
00:26:38.11\00:26:41.29
Much happier I can
see that's the case.
00:26:41.30\00:26:43.80
I know this is not really
an issue that's easy for women.
00:26:43.81\00:26:47.19
No. It's very difficult.
00:26:47.20\00:26:48.73
We're going to have
a guest in the future
00:26:48.74\00:26:52.21
that's going to
be sharing a lot more
00:26:52.22\00:26:53.86
on women as wives,
00:26:53.87\00:26:56.35
women as mothers
and women insociety.
00:26:56.36\00:26:59.05
Did you say all
that you wanted to say on
00:26:59.06\00:27:00.91
women in society
or the society in its
00:27:00.92\00:27:03.17
dysfunction as
how it affected you?
00:27:03.18\00:27:06.50
Would you like to
point out anything else
00:27:06.51\00:27:08.26
to the viewer that
you might be aware of.
00:27:08.27\00:27:11.48
I feel it's
important that as children
00:27:11.49\00:27:13.13
are growing, that we
present clear roles for them.
00:27:13.14\00:27:16.88
This is something that
we have lost sight off.
00:27:16.89\00:27:18.60
I think you are right.
00:27:18.61\00:27:19.58
I have acquaint the
face gender blindness
00:27:19.59\00:27:23.73
to describe what I mean
in that when children are
00:27:23.74\00:27:26.73
born today, they
look at their mother,
00:27:26.74\00:27:29.47
they look at their father,
00:27:29.48\00:27:31.26
even if they are
fortunate enough to have
00:27:31.27\00:27:33.31
mother and father
living together. Right.
00:27:33.32\00:27:35.40
They don't really
see clear rolls define
00:27:35.41\00:27:38.44
for them like in the
past young men knew they
00:27:38.45\00:27:40.56
would grew up to
farmers or workmen
00:27:40.57\00:27:42.88
and women grew up
knowing to be mothers.
00:27:42.89\00:27:45.48
Okay, so we're gonna
talk about the balance
00:27:45.49\00:27:47.23
next time, right. Yes. Okay.
00:27:47.24\00:27:49.46
We want so much to
share these things with you.
00:27:49.47\00:27:52.97
And I hope that you
will be interested enough to
00:27:52.98\00:27:55.50
join us again on
Thinking About Home.
00:27:55.51\00:27:58.35