The Bible tells us, "In
the beginning was the Word,
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and the Word was with
God, and the Word was God."
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It says to,
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"Receive with
meekness the implanted Word,
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which is able to save your souls
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and to be diligent
to present yourself
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approved to God,
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rightly dividing
the Word of truth."
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Join us now for the
3ABN Sabbath School Panel.
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Our study today
is Family Seasons.
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Hello, I'm Shelley
Quinn, and here we are again.
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We are so excited
that you are joining us
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as we open the Word
of God and we study...
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This is actually lesson 10
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in our Sabbath School quarterly,
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and it is, Family
Seasons is the general topic.
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We will talk this lesson
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about "Little Times of Trouble,"
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and we all have seen them.
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So what we want to
encourage you to do,
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even though we're
already through lesson 10,
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if you don't have a
Sabbath School quarterly,
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we encourage you to drop
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by your local
Seventh-day Adventist Church.
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They'll be happy to give you one
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and even invite
you to join with them
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or you can go on the internet
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and download the copy of this
for your own personal study,
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just go to ABSG.Adventist.org.
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So thank you so much
for joining us again.
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And I believe that we know that
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we all in the panel learn
from each other in each lesson.
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And it always inspires us
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and I believe
you'll be inspired as well.
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Let me introduce our panel.
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We have with us Pastor Ryan Day.
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Amen.
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And with your
wonderful smile and you're...
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I'm excited to be here.
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An excellent
Bible teacher, so glad.
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Amen. Thank you.
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I'm gonna say that
just ditto, ditto, ditto,
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we have
excellent Bible teachers.
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Thank you for being here.
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Pastor Kenny Shelton,
love having you with us.
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Thank you.
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And my dear sister
and precious friend,
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Jill Morikone.
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Privileged to be here.
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And then we have
returning Pastor Tom Ferguson
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from the Marion district.
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And so we're so glad each
and every one of you are here.
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Amen. Hello.
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Tom, since you haven't
been with us all that often,
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how would you
like to open in prayer?
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Amen, amen. Sure.
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Heavenly Father,
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thank You for the
privilege of opening Your Word
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and hearing from You.
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So we invite Your Holy
Spirit to guide this lesson
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for Your Word to teach us
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the things that
we need to glean.
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So that we can
embrace those things
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and take them
with us through life
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and inspire those things
that are thought said and done.
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We pray in Jesus' name, amen.
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Amen. Amen!
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Amen. Okay.
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Little times of trouble.
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You know, the best of homes
face little times of trouble,
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don't we?
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Some troubles are minor,
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and we can get
through them fairly quickly.
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But some can have
life changing consequences,
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they can destroy a family.
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So what we're going
to do in this lesson
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is look at some
ways that we can quell
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or calm those troubles.
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Our memory text
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is from Ephesians 4:26.
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I'll read from the
New King James Version.
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Ephesians 4, says,
"Be angry and do not sin,'
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do not let the sun
go down on your wrath.'
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" Anger is divisive,
if handled improperly.
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The devil uses anger
to destroy relationships.
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And if we bottle up
our anger, what happens?
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We can become bitter.
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But if we vent
anger thoughtlessly,
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we can hurt others.
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Proverbs 17:14, it says,
"The start of an argument..."
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This is the
Contemporary English Version,
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"The start of an
argument is like a water leak,
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so stop it before
real trouble breaks out."
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So what we need to do is learn
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how to resolve and reconcile
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our differences.
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You know, our lesson points out
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that the New Testament tells us,
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love one another,
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live in harmony with each other.
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Be patient, kind
and tenderhearted
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toward each other.
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Consider others before ourselves
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and bear one another's burdens.
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Boy, in the heat of emotion
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that can be
easier said than done.
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So let's look
at Sunday's lesson,
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"Conflict," and if I have time,
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I would like to take you through
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why conflict happens,
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the goal of conflict resolution,
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what to avoid in conflict,
how to achieve resolution,
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and then how to make a
plan and work the plan.
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So why does conflict happen?
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Family
relationships are dynamic.
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They're always evolving.
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They never are
static and stay the same.
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So what I see is that
not all family members
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agree on everything
all the time, do they?
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There's actually
three P's of conflict,
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perception, personalities
and personal goals.
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Sometimes we have
conflicting perceptions,
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we see things differently,
and we had different motives,
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or ideas, or desires,
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but then there's
different personalities.
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And you know, sometimes
there's some negative emotions
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in our
interpersonal relationships
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when you have
different personalities.
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And there's often among
different personalities,
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differing opinions,
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how to approach a related task,
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then there is the
frustration of personal goals.
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Maybe those goals
could be compatible
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with the family unit or
they may not be compatible
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with the family unit.
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And when you think about this,
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anybody that's got
this me first attitude,
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I want this, I want that.
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When we put our wishes, as
Christians we put our wishes
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before another's,
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then we're not
following the Word of God.
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Lack of
communication, so almost always
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what's causing a conflict.
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So when conflicts arise,
we just have to say, "Yep,"
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it's just
because we're different.
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This is normal.
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If we mismanage it,
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we are going to
damage our relationship.
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But when you manage it properly,
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it's actually a growth,
an opportunity for growth
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where you can get to
understand each other better.
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So what is number one?
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The goal of conflict resolution,
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the top priority.
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The goal should be
not only to maintain,
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but to
strengthen the relationship.
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This is true even at work,
you can use these principles.
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It's not about
winning the argument.
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It's not about
who's right, who's wrong.
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It's about what's
right and what's wrong.
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So let's look at Romans 14:19.
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It says,
"Therefore," Paul writes,
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Romans 14:19,
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"let us pursue the
things which make for peace,
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and the things by
which one may edify another."
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So if you're
trying to achieve peace,
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this means you're
gonna achieve harmony, right?
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Right.
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And you have to
have a willingness
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to forgive and forget.
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Oh, that's
critical, because resolving
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and conflict is impossible,
if you're unwilling to forgive.
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You know, we have
to release this urge
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or this desire to
mete out punishment, right?
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So resolution,
according to the Bible
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should support the
interests of all parties.
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It's not just what you
want or what the other wants.
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It means you have to recognize
what's important to others.
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Philippians 2:4, says,
"Let each of you look out
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not only for his own interest,
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but also for the
interests of others."
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That's right. Amen.
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If I could tell
parents, any one thing
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about today's lesson is
we need to not only model,
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but we need to
teach our children
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how to
effectively resolve conflict,
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and they're going to
first see what we do.
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But if you want them
to be successful in life,
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I have seen throughout my
career in Corporate America,
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and then when
coming into ministry,
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what I have found is
the greatest downfall
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for most people
is when they cannot,
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they don't know how
to resolve conflict.
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They don't get promoted. Right.
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They don't get chosen.
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And a lot of
times you see them going
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from job to job.
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So what to avoid in a conflict?
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Conflict often triggers
some pretty strong emotions,
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we get angry,
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and it can lead to hurt feelings
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and disappointments.
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So avoid, as I
said, avoid the issue
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of who's right and wrong.
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That doesn't matter,
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you're not trying
to win an argument.
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It's what's right, what's wrong.
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Avoid accusation,
shaming, rejection, isolation,
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disrespectful words and actions.
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Even your body
language, you have to avoid
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the sigh or the
rolling of the eyes
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when someone
tells you something.
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Don't be aggressive or hostile,
or demeaning or condescending.
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Romans 12:17, says,
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"Do not repay evil for evil.
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Be careful to do
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what is right in
the eyes of everybody.
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If it is possible,
as far as it depends
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on you live at
peace with everyone."
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That's right.
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It's not always possible,
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but as far as
possible we should.
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Another thing is
do not stockpile.
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Some people will
hold on to this grudge
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and hold on to this grudge.
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And then comes the time
when there's a break in the dam
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and it all comes loose, right?
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So what you have to do
is focus on the present,
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handle one issue at a time.
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And please don't generalize.
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When you're talking to somebody,
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don't say, "Well,
you always do this
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or you never do that."
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Usually we're
incorrect when we say that,
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but it makes the
other person feel
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attacked and isolated,
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and they don't really
want to talk with you.
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Avoid clamming up.
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You know, women don't
realize, and I'm gonna say this
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cause women do this
more often than men.
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I hear men say,
00:11:10.43\00:11:11.77
"My wife's giving me
the silent treatment."
00:11:11.80\00:11:14.17
That is a form of manipulation.
00:11:14.20\00:11:16.60
And it is not a very
smart form of manipulation.
00:11:16.64\00:11:20.18
So don't clam up.
00:11:20.21\00:11:21.91
Don't be ambiguous.
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That would be me.
00:11:24.95\00:11:26.35
I will go around, you know,
I hate to state what I need.
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I feel selfish when I do that.
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I mean, I just was brought
up to feel like it's wrong.
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So sometimes I
kind of go around,
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and you know what?
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I've learned, JD
can't read my mind.
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You have to be clear
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for an open and direct.
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It has to be a
two way communication
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for positive results.
00:11:53.61\00:11:55.34
Don't raise your voice.
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All this does is escalates,
escalate the situation.
00:11:57.71\00:12:02.28
You see someone
who's talking loudly,
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you talk a little
louder, then a little louder,
00:12:04.19\00:12:06.09
little louder, pretty soon
everybody shouting each other.
00:12:06.12\00:12:08.96
Proverbs 15:1, says,
00:12:08.99\00:12:11.09
"A soft answer turns away wrath,
00:12:11.13\00:12:14.43
but a harsh
word stirs up anger."
00:12:14.46\00:12:17.83
So that should be
part of your ground rules
00:12:17.87\00:12:20.40
when you sit down and say,
00:12:20.44\00:12:21.77
"Okay, we're gonna
talk about this calmly.
00:12:21.80\00:12:24.04
And we're going
to use our words,
00:12:24.07\00:12:26.71
not actions to discuss this."
00:12:26.74\00:12:28.81
And pick your battles.
00:12:28.84\00:12:30.65
You know, when I
first got married,
00:12:30.68\00:12:33.31
I had this thing, a system.
00:12:33.35\00:12:36.38
And this sounds a little
bit obsessive compulsive almost,
00:12:36.42\00:12:40.26
but I had a system.
00:12:40.29\00:12:42.26
I prayed about it with the Lord.
00:12:42.29\00:12:43.86
And I said, "Okay, Lord,
00:12:43.89\00:12:45.93
from 1 to 100 is
my rating system,
00:12:45.96\00:12:49.50
and munless
something is 85 or above,
00:12:49.53\00:12:52.67
I'm not gonna argue about it.
00:12:52.70\00:12:54.77
I would take it to the Lord.
00:12:54.80\00:12:56.20
There were so many
times, I can't tell you,
00:12:56.24\00:12:58.24
where I felt like a
situation was right there at 85,
00:12:58.27\00:13:02.04
and I just see thee
00:13:02.08\00:13:03.95
and I go take it
to the Lord in prayer.
00:13:03.98\00:13:05.55
Guess what?
00:13:05.58\00:13:06.92
Within 24-48 hours,
it was all cleared up.
00:13:06.95\00:13:10.12
Now, so do pick your battles.
00:13:10.15\00:13:13.15
If it's not important,
don't be arguing over it.
00:13:13.19\00:13:17.39
Oh, I got so
much, so let me get to
00:13:17.43\00:13:18.93
how to achieve resolution.
00:13:18.96\00:13:22.26
Pray for God's guidance
before you even start talking.
00:13:22.30\00:13:26.10
And remember that you've got
to own your own part in this,
00:13:26.13\00:13:31.17
you know, as Matthew 7:3,
00:13:31.21\00:13:33.44
"Why do you worry
about the speck in your eye?"
00:13:33.48\00:13:36.18
In the other's eye
00:13:36.21\00:13:37.55
when you've got
a log in your own.
00:13:37.58\00:13:38.91
Jesus said, "You hypocrite,
00:13:38.95\00:13:40.28
get rid of your
own speck first."
00:13:40.32\00:13:42.42
You get the other
person's attention.
00:13:42.45\00:13:44.75
Affirm your relationship.
00:13:44.79\00:13:47.06
Pray to control your emotions.
00:13:47.09\00:13:49.26
If a calm voice
can't be maintained,
00:13:49.29\00:13:51.76
timeout, express your concern,
00:13:51.79\00:13:54.83
identify the problem,
confront the problem openly.
00:13:54.86\00:13:58.90
If you're upset, don't use,
00:13:58.93\00:14:01.60
I mean, don't
use you statements,
00:14:01.64\00:14:04.01
use I statements.
00:14:04.04\00:14:05.37
When such and such happens,
it makes me feel like I.
00:14:05.41\00:14:09.11
If the other person is upset,
00:14:09.14\00:14:11.21
the best way to do this
00:14:11.25\00:14:12.68
is to sit down
with them and say,
00:14:12.71\00:14:15.35
"I really want to
understand why you're upset.
00:14:15.38\00:14:18.05
Could you help me understand?"
00:14:18.09\00:14:20.26
And I've got so
much more good stuff
00:14:20.29\00:14:22.76
to share with you and
I'm all out of time, Ryan?
00:14:22.79\00:14:26.39
Well, it was a good stuff.
00:14:26.43\00:14:27.76
Good stuff, indeed.
00:14:27.80\00:14:29.73
So when we're talking
about little times of trouble,
00:14:29.76\00:14:32.33
we know that in a marriage,
00:14:32.37\00:14:34.84
you can experience
little times of trouble.
00:14:34.87\00:14:38.31
Monday's lesson is entitled,
"Some Principles for Marriage."
00:14:38.34\00:14:42.51
And that's exactly what
I'm gonna be sharing now.
00:14:42.54\00:14:44.95
And I like to share
biblical principles.
00:14:44.98\00:14:46.88
As I always say, man's opinions,
00:14:46.92\00:14:49.38
man's theories
will fail all day long,
00:14:49.42\00:14:51.49
but the Word of God never fails.
00:14:51.52\00:14:54.16
And so I just
wanna start by saying,
00:14:54.19\00:14:56.09
we know that God gave
humanity the gift of marriage,
00:14:56.12\00:15:01.93
much like the
Sabbath at creation,
00:15:01.96\00:15:03.60
so that we know
that those two principles
00:15:03.63\00:15:05.27
were established there,
00:15:05.30\00:15:06.67
and God meant for
those to carry out
00:15:06.70\00:15:09.70
until the end.
00:15:09.74\00:15:11.67
Both of these
incredible gifts have
00:15:11.71\00:15:14.88
and are still being
attacked by the enemy.
00:15:14.91\00:15:17.25
And that's why we're
having this conversation
00:15:17.28\00:15:18.95
because the devil is
trying to take the gifts
00:15:18.98\00:15:21.18
and the wonderful
realities that God set in place,
00:15:21.22\00:15:23.22
and he's trying to pervert them,
00:15:23.25\00:15:24.59
he's trying to manipulate,
and skew, and distort
00:15:24.62\00:15:29.22
that which God has set in place.
00:15:29.26\00:15:31.39
But there are
ways to avoid this.
00:15:31.43\00:15:33.29
Of course, this is a temptation
and we can overcome temptation,
00:15:33.33\00:15:36.53
and we can have
victory through Christ.
00:15:36.56\00:15:38.63
In the world we live in
today, there can arise conflict
00:15:38.67\00:15:41.80
from time to
time within marriage
00:15:41.84\00:15:43.37
that can easily be met
with some biblical principles
00:15:43.41\00:15:46.24
to help us work
through these issues.
00:15:46.27\00:15:48.51
That's exactly what I would like
00:15:48.54\00:15:49.88
to share with
you at this moment.
00:15:49.91\00:15:51.31
In fact, I want to start
with a very general simple,
00:15:51.35\00:15:54.28
but very profound
text when you think of it
00:15:54.32\00:15:56.79
in the sense of
conflict in marriage
00:15:56.82\00:15:58.79
and that is Romans 3:23,
most of us can just quote it
00:15:58.82\00:16:03.29
from right off
the top of our heads,
00:16:03.32\00:16:04.76
but we first
have to get something,
00:16:04.79\00:16:06.36
we first need to just show
up and just kind of address
00:16:06.39\00:16:09.66
the elephant in
the room and that is...
00:16:09.70\00:16:11.87
All have sinned.
00:16:11.90\00:16:13.87
"For all have sinned..."
00:16:13.90\00:16:15.24
Romans 3:23.
00:16:15.27\00:16:16.60
"For all have sinned and fallen
short of the glory of God."
00:16:16.64\00:16:20.28
Whether you would
like to admit it or not,
00:16:20.31\00:16:22.74
you married a sinner.
00:16:22.78\00:16:25.25
You yourself are a sinner,
of course, we all are sinners.
00:16:25.28\00:16:28.68
You both have been damaged
to some degree, emotionally,
00:16:28.72\00:16:31.75
physically and spiritually,
that is just the truth.
00:16:31.79\00:16:34.76
But you learn
to love your spouse
00:16:34.79\00:16:36.46
the way Jesus
loves him or her, okay?
00:16:36.49\00:16:39.53
And then I think that's
the most important thing
00:16:39.56\00:16:41.30
is that we all are sinners,
00:16:41.33\00:16:42.66
but when we
come to the forefront
00:16:42.70\00:16:44.03
and we understand, and
we grasp the thought that,
00:16:44.07\00:16:46.57
you know, this is really
all about the love of God.
00:16:46.60\00:16:49.70
And once the love of God
has made manifest in our life,
00:16:49.74\00:16:53.54
incredible things can happen.
00:16:53.58\00:16:55.61
The Lord can do wonderful works.
00:16:55.64\00:16:57.38
Ephesians 1:7,
it's another great text
00:16:57.41\00:17:01.02
that I think will
provide a healthy principle
00:17:01.05\00:17:04.25
to work through
conflict in marriage.
00:17:04.29\00:17:07.39
So notice, it says,
00:17:07.42\00:17:08.76
"In Him we have
redemption through His blood,
00:17:08.79\00:17:13.06
and the forgiveness of sins,
00:17:13.09\00:17:15.23
according to the
riches of His grace."
00:17:15.26\00:17:19.37
How many of us on this
panel and, of course, at home,
00:17:19.40\00:17:22.94
can raise your hand and
say, "I've been forgiven."
00:17:22.97\00:17:26.27
So both hands, yes.
00:17:26.31\00:17:27.64
Forgiving is
such an amazing gift.
00:17:27.68\00:17:30.05
And that's the thing,
00:17:30.08\00:17:31.41
forgiveness must become a
reality in every marriage.
00:17:31.45\00:17:33.88
That's right. It's good.
00:17:33.92\00:17:35.25
You know, I haven't,
in comparison to some,
00:17:35.28\00:17:37.49
I haven't been
married as long as others,
00:17:37.52\00:17:39.62
but my wife and I are
going on nine years of marriage.
00:17:39.65\00:17:42.72
And if there's anything
that I have learned is that
00:17:42.76\00:17:44.79
you know what,
we're not perfect.
00:17:44.83\00:17:46.43
We're striving for
that perfection in Christ.
00:17:46.46\00:17:48.46
We're striving
to be better people
00:17:48.50\00:17:50.43
each and every day,
00:17:50.47\00:17:51.80
but there's times that we fall,
there's times we make mistakes,
00:17:51.83\00:17:54.40
and sometimes it's easy
00:17:54.44\00:17:55.77
that when your
spouse makes a mistake
00:17:55.80\00:17:57.31
that you think is
a detrimental mistake
00:17:57.34\00:17:59.47
either to the
marriage or to the situation
00:17:59.51\00:18:01.21
or whatever the case may be,
00:18:01.24\00:18:02.78
it's easy to point the
finger and go as Christ says,
00:18:02.81\00:18:05.21
picking out the
speck in their eye
00:18:05.25\00:18:07.08
when you need to return
00:18:07.12\00:18:08.45
and look at the
plank in your own,
00:18:08.48\00:18:10.09
we need to learn to
forgive and forgiveness
00:18:10.12\00:18:12.35
is a foundational
element of marriage.
00:18:12.39\00:18:15.46
We must forgive especially
when you think of your spouse,
00:18:15.49\00:18:19.43
your spouse in
this way, you know,
00:18:19.46\00:18:20.80
some people think that
00:18:20.83\00:18:22.16
either they don't
deserve forgiveness,
00:18:22.20\00:18:23.97
but neither do you.
00:18:24.00\00:18:25.83
And Christ still forgives.
00:18:25.87\00:18:27.20
So when you
think of your spouse,
00:18:27.24\00:18:29.67
and you think that they
may not even deserve it,
00:18:29.70\00:18:31.71
you know, forgive the
way that Jesus forgives.
00:18:31.74\00:18:34.41
That's always a great principle.
00:18:34.44\00:18:36.38
I'm not worthy
of the forgiveness
00:18:36.41\00:18:37.75
that Christ has
provided and put upon myself,
00:18:37.78\00:18:41.82
you know, that's just a
blessing beyond measure.
00:18:41.85\00:18:44.09
And when I
receive that forgiveness,
00:18:44.12\00:18:46.89
and I contemplate
that, it humbles me,
00:18:46.92\00:18:49.96
and it helps me to look at it
00:18:49.99\00:18:51.33
in a completely different light.
00:18:51.36\00:18:52.69
I don't deserve forgiveness.
00:18:52.73\00:18:54.06
And, you know, we truly
don't, but yet it's there
00:18:54.10\00:18:56.36
because of the love of God.
00:18:56.40\00:18:58.00
And I think that
should be established
00:18:58.03\00:18:59.80
in marriage as well.
00:18:59.83\00:19:01.50
Here's another
great text that I love,
00:19:01.54\00:19:03.00
I think really opens up
00:19:03.04\00:19:05.44
the love of
Christ on all levels.
00:19:05.47\00:19:08.08
Philippians Chapter 2,
and you were just reading.
00:19:08.11\00:19:10.58
Some of these texts
are gonna kind of overlap
00:19:10.61\00:19:12.31
between mine and
Shelley's and that's okay.
00:19:12.35\00:19:14.52
Philippians Chapter 2,
I'm gonna begin with verse 4.
00:19:14.55\00:19:17.75
Many people would
dive right into verse 5,
00:19:17.79\00:19:19.39
but I think verse 4
goes right along with it.
00:19:19.42\00:19:22.06
"But let each of you look out
not only for his own interest,
00:19:22.09\00:19:27.40
but also for the
interests of others."
00:19:27.43\00:19:29.83
I just want to
pause there and say,
00:19:29.86\00:19:31.77
you know, if anyone
has entered a relationship,
00:19:31.80\00:19:36.00
and you are looking
out for your own interest,
00:19:36.04\00:19:38.47
that is a recipe for disaster.
00:19:38.51\00:19:40.91
Because when you come together,
00:19:40.94\00:19:42.94
and you know, as the Bible says,
00:19:42.98\00:19:44.31
those two become one flesh,
it's no longer just about you,
00:19:44.35\00:19:47.28
it's about that
other person as well.
00:19:47.32\00:19:49.35
Bible goes on to say, verse 5,
00:19:49.38\00:19:50.85
"Let this mind be in you
which is also in Christ Jesus."
00:19:50.89\00:19:54.02
What better marriage example
than that of the relationship
00:19:54.06\00:19:58.09
between Christ and the church?
00:19:58.13\00:19:59.46
And we're gonna see that
00:19:59.49\00:20:00.83
in just a few moments in a text.
00:20:00.86\00:20:02.20
"Who being in the form of
God," again this is Christ,
00:20:02.23\00:20:04.67
"who being in the form of God
00:20:04.70\00:20:06.03
did not consider it
robbery to be equal with God,
00:20:06.07\00:20:08.50
but made Himself
of no reputation,
00:20:08.54\00:20:11.27
taking on the
form of a bondservant,
00:20:11.31\00:20:14.48
and coming in
the likeness of men.
00:20:14.51\00:20:17.45
And being found in
appearance as a man,
00:20:17.48\00:20:19.68
He," notice
this "humbled Himself
00:20:19.71\00:20:22.18
and became obedient
to the point of death,
00:20:22.22\00:20:24.19
even the death of the cross."
00:20:24.22\00:20:25.82
He made himself a servant.
00:20:25.85\00:20:27.19
You know, I find it a privilege
more and more every day
00:20:27.22\00:20:30.09
I fall more and more
in love with my wife.
00:20:30.13\00:20:33.93
Do we have arguments?
00:20:33.96\00:20:35.36
Yes.
00:20:35.40\00:20:36.73
Does she say things
and do things sometimes
00:20:36.77\00:20:38.53
and I'm just like,
you know, I wanna...
00:20:38.57\00:20:41.34
Of course but you know
those moments help you grow,
00:20:41.37\00:20:44.37
you learn patience,
you learn forgiveness,
00:20:44.41\00:20:46.68
and you know, and I'm sure I do,
00:20:46.71\00:20:48.08
I know I do things
00:20:48.11\00:20:49.44
and I say things
that irritates her.
00:20:49.48\00:20:50.81
And you know,
00:20:50.85\00:20:52.18
sometimes it brings up conflict.
00:20:52.21\00:20:53.95
Sometimes we'll
have a little argument
00:20:53.98\00:20:55.88
but you know, it never
turns into a ridiculous fight.
00:20:55.92\00:20:58.89
Something that you're gonna say
00:20:58.92\00:21:00.26
or do that the
others gonna regret it
00:21:00.29\00:21:01.62
that yourself is gonna regret.
00:21:01.66\00:21:02.99
I just praise the
Lord for the fact that,
00:21:03.02\00:21:04.89
you know when
Christ is in the middle
00:21:04.93\00:21:06.96
of that marriage, and
that's really the key,
00:21:07.00\00:21:09.86
a marriage or relationship,
00:21:09.90\00:21:11.30
any relationship that doesn't
have Christ in the center,
00:21:11.33\00:21:13.67
it's a recipe for disaster.
00:21:13.70\00:21:15.54
It's going to fail.
00:21:15.57\00:21:17.04
Christ became a servant.
00:21:17.07\00:21:19.17
And I take privilege and honor
00:21:19.21\00:21:20.84
and I praise the Lord
that I can serve my wife
00:21:20.88\00:21:23.08
any given chance that I can...
00:21:23.11\00:21:24.55
Amen.
00:21:24.58\00:21:25.91
Because she is my love,
and I certainly appreciate her.
00:21:25.95\00:21:28.68
You know, and when
you read this text,
00:21:28.72\00:21:30.05
you know, I think to
myself what an unselfish love.
00:21:30.09\00:21:33.66
What an unselfish love
00:21:33.69\00:21:35.32
that Jesus has bestowed upon us.
00:21:35.36\00:21:38.49
And then He has given an
example for us to follow,
00:21:38.53\00:21:42.26
Ephesians Chapter 5,
00:21:42.30\00:21:43.63
I had little time but
I wanna go through this.
00:21:43.67\00:21:45.60
Ephesians 5:22-33,
00:21:45.63\00:21:48.60
and I'm not
gonna read all of this,
00:21:48.64\00:21:50.34
but this is that
famous text, famous passage
00:21:50.37\00:21:53.38
that some people like to avoid.
00:21:53.41\00:21:54.74
But, you know, it
is true that we need
00:21:54.78\00:21:56.68
to follow the principles
given to us in scripture.
00:21:56.71\00:21:58.81
Amen.
00:21:58.85\00:22:00.18
Verse 22, "Wives
submit to your own husbands,
00:22:00.22\00:22:03.02
as to the Lord.
00:22:03.05\00:22:04.69
For the husband is
the head of the wife,
00:22:04.72\00:22:06.65
as also Christ is
the head of the church."
00:22:06.69\00:22:08.92
Now, what is it saying here?
00:22:08.96\00:22:11.99
I'll tell you
what it's not saying.
00:22:12.03\00:22:13.83
Submit does not mean
under control or slave too.
00:22:13.86\00:22:18.23
And I'll tell you some people,
00:22:18.27\00:22:19.60
they have that negative
connotation or correlation
00:22:19.63\00:22:22.24
with those type of words
00:22:22.27\00:22:23.61
because of what
they've been raised in,
00:22:23.64\00:22:24.97
there had been men...
00:22:25.01\00:22:26.41
And, you know,
00:22:26.44\00:22:28.61
we need to pray for
these type of people.
00:22:28.64\00:22:30.21
There have been men
that have misused and abused
00:22:30.25\00:22:32.58
the concept of
being the head of the wife
00:22:32.61\00:22:34.65
or the wife
submitting to the husband,
00:22:34.68\00:22:36.62
and that breaks my
heart because, again,
00:22:36.65\00:22:38.95
you're never going to
gain your wife's trust.
00:22:38.99\00:22:41.82
You're never going to
gain your spouse's trust
00:22:41.86\00:22:44.16
by trying to
control or cause them to be,
00:22:44.19\00:22:47.60
you know, subservient
or below you in any way.
00:22:47.63\00:22:50.73
You know, day and age
that we're living in culture
00:22:50.77\00:22:55.34
has manipulated this principle.
00:22:55.37\00:22:57.51
And we need to set the biblical
principles back in order
00:22:57.54\00:23:01.41
the way God wanted them to be.
00:23:01.44\00:23:02.94
I also love this, husbands
and you can't leave this out.
00:23:02.98\00:23:06.48
This is verse 25.
00:23:06.51\00:23:07.92
"Love your wives
00:23:07.95\00:23:09.28
just as Christ
also loved the church."
00:23:09.32\00:23:11.39
The husbands have an
equal responsibility.
00:23:11.42\00:23:13.56
And I'm gonna say this,
00:23:13.59\00:23:14.92
I don't believe this is adding
or taking away to the Word
00:23:14.96\00:23:16.83
because I believe the
principle is established clearly
00:23:16.86\00:23:19.73
throughout scripture, you know,
00:23:19.76\00:23:21.30
the wives are to
submit to the husbands
00:23:21.33\00:23:23.06
but you know, I find myself
in my marriage many times,
00:23:23.10\00:23:26.00
not in a weaker sense,
but in a stronger sense,
00:23:26.03\00:23:28.64
submitting to my wife.
00:23:28.67\00:23:30.24
Because she's my equal,
she is, she's my partner,
00:23:30.27\00:23:33.17
and in any way,
she has no problem
00:23:33.21\00:23:35.58
and I praise the Lord
for this, of submitting to me
00:23:35.61\00:23:38.38
in a righteous biblical
way of recognizing that,
00:23:38.41\00:23:41.65
you know, I have
been set in the home
00:23:41.68\00:23:43.75
as the religious leader
and she follows it in that,
00:23:43.79\00:23:46.69
and I praise the Lord for that.
00:23:46.72\00:23:48.06
But I also find
myself submitting to her
00:23:48.09\00:23:50.46
because I
recognize in many aspects,
00:23:50.49\00:23:52.56
she is the champion
00:23:52.59\00:23:53.93
and I'm kind of in second place,
00:23:53.96\00:23:56.77
you know, and I recognize that.
00:23:56.80\00:23:58.57
You know, considering,
you know, this really quickly,
00:23:58.60\00:24:00.60
I don't have very much time.
00:24:00.64\00:24:01.97
But, you know, my wife and
I were completely opposite.
00:24:02.00\00:24:04.24
I know some of you
haven't seen my wife,
00:24:04.27\00:24:06.01
but, you know, I'm
a big guy, you know,
00:24:06.04\00:24:07.84
and she's, you know,
4'11", 90 pounds soaking wet.
00:24:07.88\00:24:11.88
You know, we're very opposite.
00:24:11.91\00:24:13.25
I'm big, she's
little, you know, I say,
00:24:13.28\00:24:15.45
she's smart and I'm dumb,
and that's really the truth.
00:24:15.48\00:24:17.92
She's really,
really intelligent.
00:24:17.95\00:24:19.62
She's very organized, I
tend to misplace things,
00:24:19.65\00:24:22.12
that we're so opposites
in every sense of the word,
00:24:22.16\00:24:26.59
but because Christ is in it.
00:24:26.63\00:24:28.30
When conflict arises,
00:24:28.33\00:24:29.66
when something
happens in our marriage,
00:24:29.70\00:24:31.77
we come together in love
00:24:31.80\00:24:33.37
and we allow
Christ to take us forward.
00:24:33.40\00:24:36.00
And that's my prayer
for each and one of you.
00:24:36.04\00:24:38.27
Amen. Thank you, Brother Ryan.
00:24:38.31\00:24:40.81
Good advice.
00:24:40.84\00:24:42.21
And we want you to stay
tuned cause there's much more
00:24:42.24\00:24:45.91
excellent stuff coming up.
00:24:45.95\00:24:47.28
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00:24:47.32\00:24:48.65
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We're back to
continue our study,
00:25:25.89\00:25:27.69
"The Little Times of Trouble,"
00:25:27.72\00:25:29.22
and we're going to turn it
over to Pastor Kenny Shelton.
00:25:29.26\00:25:32.03
Okay, you know, this
is interesting subject,
00:25:32.06\00:25:34.50
the role of anger and conflict.
00:25:34.53\00:25:37.73
And, you know,
it's kind of indicating
00:25:37.77\00:25:39.73
that there may be a time
00:25:39.77\00:25:42.17
that there may be some anger.
00:25:42.20\00:25:43.87
But what do we
do with that anger?
00:25:43.91\00:25:45.37
I think good information
been brought up so far,
00:25:45.41\00:25:48.01
so good.
00:25:48.04\00:25:49.38
It's been a real blessing.
00:25:49.41\00:25:50.75
But, you know, to
me, as I start out,
00:25:50.78\00:25:52.68
who hasn't really
who, any of us here has
00:25:52.71\00:25:54.88
not really ever
experienced anger?
00:25:54.92\00:25:57.22
You know,
00:25:57.25\00:25:58.82
I raised my hand, I say, I have.
00:25:58.85\00:26:00.32
Me too. Yes.
00:26:00.36\00:26:01.69
You know, because
there's... Every one of us have.
00:26:01.72\00:26:03.06
Things have happened,
yeah, with it, you know,
00:26:03.09\00:26:04.73
but how about when it
happens like in the family?
00:26:04.76\00:26:07.30
And then what about if they're
not really willing to forgive
00:26:07.33\00:26:10.50
or willing to, you
know, put it behind them?
00:26:10.53\00:26:13.97
What if we're
willing to unforgive?
00:26:14.00\00:26:15.84
To me, it's just
like, it's like a poison.
00:26:15.87\00:26:18.17
You know,
00:26:18.21\00:26:19.54
because it just gets
worse and it deepens,
00:26:19.57\00:26:21.18
if we don't handle, in
fact, some of you mentioned,
00:26:21.21\00:26:22.84
if we don't handle
and take care of it
00:26:22.88\00:26:24.21
rather quickly, it'll fester up
00:26:24.25\00:26:25.68
and it'll get a whole
lot worse than it was before.
00:26:25.71\00:26:28.02
Slow poison causes pain.
00:26:28.05\00:26:30.02
It causes
suffering in the family.
00:26:30.05\00:26:32.35
And it could cause
someone even losing their life.
00:26:32.39\00:26:35.06
We see a lot of that people
00:26:35.09\00:26:36.99
just driving on the
highway innocently in road rage
00:26:37.03\00:26:39.09
and whatever it is,
00:26:39.13\00:26:40.46
that little
difference of opinion,
00:26:40.50\00:26:41.83
whatever, whose
lane it might be,
00:26:41.86\00:26:43.63
or whatever, and
it can really cost you
00:26:43.67\00:26:45.77
in this world that we live in.
00:26:45.80\00:26:47.24
Not only cost us here,
00:26:47.27\00:26:48.60
but it can cost us
in the world to come.
00:26:48.64\00:26:50.51
You know, does
the role of anger,
00:26:50.54\00:26:53.14
how does it really fit in?
00:26:53.17\00:26:54.81
How do we deal
with it when it hits?
00:26:54.84\00:26:57.88
And it is going to hit for sure.
00:26:57.91\00:26:59.68
There's no doubt about it.
00:26:59.71\00:27:01.05
And I found this out,
00:27:01.08\00:27:02.42
anger can stem from a
lot of different things.
00:27:02.45\00:27:05.35
And I think probably
the way that we were raised,
00:27:05.39\00:27:08.36
I don't know if any, way
we were raised in the home,
00:27:08.39\00:27:11.09
the way mom and dad handled it,
00:27:11.13\00:27:14.13
the way our friends
that we were around,
00:27:14.16\00:27:17.43
maybe the ones we
had played sports with.
00:27:17.47\00:27:20.14
How are they
handled, it was something
00:27:20.17\00:27:21.74
that influenced our minds
00:27:21.77\00:27:23.37
the way maybe we were thought,
00:27:23.41\00:27:24.74
well, this is
way we handle anger.
00:27:24.77\00:27:26.31
But jealousy,
00:27:26.34\00:27:28.64
jealousy can
cause a lot of anger
00:27:28.68\00:27:30.71
and a lot of
problems in the home
00:27:30.75\00:27:32.41
and that happens a lot of times,
00:27:32.45\00:27:33.78
if you have
maybe a bigger family,
00:27:33.82\00:27:35.15
one's a little
more jealous of others
00:27:35.18\00:27:36.52
when one got all the
gifts and all the abilities
00:27:36.55\00:27:38.32
and all the talents
00:27:38.35\00:27:39.75
and some of us
were left out, you know.
00:27:39.79\00:27:41.52
But 1 Peter 3:11,
00:27:41.56\00:27:43.39
why don't you
just really jot down,
00:27:43.43\00:27:44.76
I move quickly.
00:27:44.79\00:27:46.13
1 Peter 3:11, tells us,
00:27:46.16\00:27:47.63
that "We are to
defeat evil with good."
00:27:47.66\00:27:50.23
That's one way we
can start, you know,
00:27:50.27\00:27:52.07
little battle back here
is we defeat evil with what?
00:27:52.10\00:27:55.84
With good.
00:27:55.87\00:27:57.44
And I like Proverbs, I
think someone mentioned,
00:27:57.47\00:27:59.47
15:1, always like
to say a kind answer,
00:27:59.51\00:28:02.04
but I think Bible says
soft answer, doesn't it?
00:28:02.08\00:28:04.01
A soft answer
turneth away, what?
00:28:04.05\00:28:06.18
Wrath.
00:28:06.21\00:28:08.38
And if any of you, if
you've not experienced that,
00:28:08.42\00:28:10.52
you don't know
what I'm talking about,
00:28:10.55\00:28:11.89
I've experienced it.
00:28:11.92\00:28:13.36
So I'm gonna give you little
aggravated about something
00:28:13.39\00:28:15.62
and someone just
speaks a kind word, it's like,
00:28:15.66\00:28:18.53
"Okay, I got it."
00:28:18.56\00:28:19.89
All right, she's done.
00:28:19.93\00:28:21.26
So that Bible
certainly is always true,
00:28:21.30\00:28:22.63
the principles always,
certainly always there.
00:28:22.66\00:28:24.93
And something very
difficult, Matthew 5:39,
00:28:24.97\00:28:29.67
I'll paraphrase it,
talks about somebody
00:28:29.70\00:28:31.27
smashing on one
cheek, turn the other one.
00:28:31.31\00:28:35.68
That's not easy to
do. That's not easy to do.
00:28:35.71\00:28:38.15
That's what the Lord
does require of us just,
00:28:38.18\00:28:40.08
you know, show
the other cheek there.
00:28:40.12\00:28:41.78
How many times we
forgive and so on so forth?
00:28:41.82\00:28:44.72
You know, there's a lot
of people I think that...
00:28:44.75\00:28:49.22
Maybe this is just me.
00:28:49.26\00:28:50.59
Sorry, if I just,
rest, I'm not listening here.
00:28:50.63\00:28:51.99
I'll just talk to you."
00:28:52.03\00:28:55.16
Yeah, don't listen to
all this here because,
00:28:55.20\00:28:57.10
I mean, there's some people
00:28:57.13\00:28:58.47
let's just be honest
about that you meet...
00:28:58.50\00:29:02.07
Lord help us.
00:29:02.10\00:29:03.91
The way they
look, their attitude,
00:29:03.94\00:29:05.27
the way they handle
themself aggravates you.
00:29:05.31\00:29:07.38
Yes.
00:29:07.41\00:29:08.74
None of you ever
been through that,
00:29:08.78\00:29:10.11
I understand that.
00:29:10.15\00:29:11.48
But, you know,
the time has passed,
00:29:11.51\00:29:12.85
or it's just
some people, you know,
00:29:12.88\00:29:15.58
and so we have to
deal with those things.
00:29:15.62\00:29:17.32
Because as a
Christian, a child of God,
00:29:17.35\00:29:19.09
that should never
happen, but if it does,
00:29:19.12\00:29:20.82
how do we deal with it?
00:29:20.86\00:29:22.46
I know you met
some time with children,
00:29:22.49\00:29:24.53
we talked about
that in previous lesson.
00:29:24.56\00:29:26.49
When my wife taught at school,
00:29:26.53\00:29:28.20
she told grades
one through eight,
00:29:28.23\00:29:30.20
and the kids sometimes,
they get little out of control,
00:29:30.23\00:29:31.60
you know.
00:29:31.63\00:29:32.97
And so she had...
00:29:33.00\00:29:34.34
In fact she had me to make
it a nice little wooden paddle,
00:29:34.37\00:29:36.97
you know, drill holes all in it.
00:29:37.01\00:29:39.91
And I had to write on
that nice big red letters,
00:29:39.94\00:29:43.38
attitude
adjustment, attitude adjuster.
00:29:43.41\00:29:47.82
And so when you
picked up that paddle
00:29:47.85\00:29:49.28
and like the attitude just,
00:29:49.32\00:29:50.65
the kids had to start adjusting.
00:29:50.69\00:29:52.69
But you know, we're
dealing with grownups here.
00:29:52.72\00:29:54.12
Sometimes it's a
whole different ballgame
00:29:54.16\00:29:56.02
when you deal with grownups.
00:29:56.06\00:29:58.39
Sometime we have a
good reason that seems,
00:29:58.43\00:30:01.03
sometime we have
good reason to be upset,
00:30:01.06\00:30:03.30
it seems.
00:30:03.33\00:30:04.67
So and how are we
gonna deal with that?
00:30:04.70\00:30:07.84
I don't think we should
make excuses when we get upset,
00:30:07.87\00:30:10.14
I think we need to face it.
00:30:10.17\00:30:11.71
I don't think we
need to stay mad.
00:30:11.74\00:30:13.61
So Shelley, Sister Shelley
mentioned the quiet thing.
00:30:13.64\00:30:17.85
I've heard
somebody talk it through,
00:30:17.88\00:30:19.21
I don't like quietness myself.
00:30:19.25\00:30:20.58
Amen, amen.
00:30:20.62\00:30:21.95
Go ahead and put
it out on the table.
00:30:21.98\00:30:23.32
Let's talk about, let's
see, well, let's deal with it,
00:30:23.35\00:30:24.92
let's try to get behind this,
00:30:24.95\00:30:26.39
you know, and
Ephesians 4:26, 27,
00:30:26.42\00:30:29.69
somebody read 26
I think while ago
00:30:29.72\00:30:31.79
but let's look at
just a little closer
00:30:31.83\00:30:33.83
maybe than we did just a
while ago Ephesians 4:26, 27.
00:30:33.86\00:30:37.83
It tells us "Be ye
angry and do," what?
00:30:37.87\00:30:40.30
Sin not. "And sin not.
00:30:40.34\00:30:42.07
Let not the sun go
down on your wrath."
00:30:42.10\00:30:44.84
Verse 27, "Neither
give place to the devil."
00:30:44.87\00:30:47.21
So right quick, I see
the devil's got a place here.
00:30:47.24\00:30:49.38
He's wanting to get in,
00:30:49.41\00:30:50.75
he's wanting to
get into the church,
00:30:50.78\00:30:52.11
he's wanting to
get into your life,
00:30:52.15\00:30:53.48
he's wanting to
get into my life,
00:30:53.52\00:30:54.85
he's wanting to
get into the marriage,
00:30:54.88\00:30:56.22
he's wanting to get in between
you and your friends and so on.
00:30:56.25\00:30:57.59
But it says, "To
be angry and sin not."
00:30:57.62\00:30:59.45
I tried to look
more the word up angry
00:30:59.49\00:31:02.59
in original language,
00:31:02.62\00:31:03.96
and I kept
coming up with passion.
00:31:03.99\00:31:08.83
Angry means angry.
00:31:08.86\00:31:10.73
How do you deal with that?
00:31:10.77\00:31:12.43
I want to just throw
another word in here,
00:31:12.47\00:31:13.97
sometime we get hot.
00:31:14.00\00:31:16.07
Somebody is not
gonna get that one.
00:31:16.10\00:31:18.01
Justify, we're hot. It
seemed like little angry.
00:31:18.04\00:31:20.28
But how can we do that,
00:31:20.31\00:31:21.64
it says, you know,
you'd be angry but sin not.
00:31:21.68\00:31:23.85
It's the first thing I
heard about that from my youth
00:31:23.88\00:31:25.78
and I said, "Man, that
sin wasn't at time impossible
00:31:25.81\00:31:28.15
for me be aggravated not sin,
00:31:28.18\00:31:30.39
not to carry it too far.
00:31:30.42\00:31:31.75
You see what I'm
saying? Not to carry it too far.
00:31:31.79\00:31:33.56
But let's break
it down a little bit.
00:31:33.59\00:31:35.46
I believe in this passage
and everybody has a right
00:31:35.49\00:31:38.46
to disagree with me.
00:31:38.49\00:31:39.83
I believe this
is really addressing
00:31:39.86\00:31:41.20
righteous indignation.
00:31:41.23\00:31:42.96
Somebody think with
me, righteous indignation.
00:31:43.00\00:31:46.23
There's a time, I'll
give you an illustration
00:31:46.27\00:31:47.70
to talk about here.
00:31:47.74\00:31:50.21
Let's say for
instance, you think about Jesus
00:31:50.24\00:31:53.44
when He cleansed the temple.
00:31:53.48\00:31:55.08
What would we
call that? He was...
00:31:55.11\00:31:56.44
Some people say,
00:31:56.48\00:31:57.81
He got mad and He
threw things, He did things,
00:31:57.85\00:31:59.48
I said, "No I can never
appease my Lord doing like that.
00:31:59.51\00:32:01.95
I know He cleansed the temple.
00:32:01.98\00:32:03.69
Righteous indignation,
00:32:03.72\00:32:05.05
I can think of when
Moses came down the mountain
00:32:05.09\00:32:07.36
with the Ten Commandments.
00:32:07.39\00:32:08.72
He's seen what was
going on, what did he do?
00:32:08.76\00:32:11.19
Throw him down, broke him.
00:32:11.23\00:32:12.56
Well, it would
probably seem like it,
00:32:12.59\00:32:14.66
you know, he's little
angry about some things
00:32:14.70\00:32:16.43
and I won't call that
righteous indignation.
00:32:16.46\00:32:18.97
There's a time and I actually
feel like there's a time
00:32:19.00\00:32:21.54
and a place even in
the world that we live in
00:32:21.57\00:32:23.97
that really, really
men and women of God
00:32:24.01\00:32:26.81
need to show little more
the righteous indignation
00:32:26.84\00:32:29.14
when there are open wrongs
00:32:29.18\00:32:30.51
and things that
are going haywire,
00:32:30.55\00:32:32.21
whether it be in the church
or in our own personal life.
00:32:32.25\00:32:34.08
When sin is coming,
00:32:34.12\00:32:35.45
surfaced up
towards the known thing,
00:32:35.48\00:32:37.09
we need to take a stand
on it, because it hurts us.
00:32:37.12\00:32:40.52
It hurts the cause of Christ.
00:32:40.56\00:32:42.16
It hurts our movement
00:32:42.19\00:32:43.79
and, you know, God have mercy,
00:32:43.83\00:32:45.69
help us to stand
for those things.
00:32:45.73\00:32:47.76
I think there's a
righteous indignation.
00:32:47.80\00:32:50.87
I've heard some people
say, "Well, I was justified,
00:32:50.90\00:32:53.50
I was justified,
justified anger."
00:32:53.54\00:32:56.14
Remember this, justification,
you may be justified
00:32:56.17\00:32:58.74
in this sense
but justified anger
00:32:58.77\00:33:01.18
is directed
against the wrong act,
00:33:01.21\00:33:05.28
not against the wrongdoer.
00:33:05.31\00:33:07.42
That makes sense?
00:33:07.45\00:33:08.78
Yes. Perfect sense.
00:33:08.82\00:33:10.15
Yeah, justifiable anger
00:33:10.19\00:33:11.52
is directed
against the wrong act,
00:33:11.55\00:33:13.89
not the wrongdoer.
00:33:13.92\00:33:15.29
And I put in my
notes here, Lord,
00:33:15.32\00:33:17.69
help me to
distinguish between the two.
00:33:17.73\00:33:20.10
Amen.
00:33:20.13\00:33:21.46
We distinguish between the two.
00:33:21.50\00:33:23.70
I can't do it in the
flesh, I can't do it by myself.
00:33:23.73\00:33:26.80
The Greek
indicates here that, it says,
00:33:26.84\00:33:30.57
"Sin not is a command."
00:33:30.61\00:33:33.01
God commands us, He said,
"You know, we're to sin not."
00:33:33.04\00:33:37.01
And it simply means,
I want to paraphrase it,
00:33:37.05\00:33:40.18
is just don't
let this thing have.
00:33:40.22\00:33:41.68
Don't let it get out of control.
00:33:41.72\00:33:43.22
Don't let it eat you up.
00:33:43.25\00:33:44.95
Don't let it drive you crazy.
00:33:44.99\00:33:46.59
Don't lose your head over it.
00:33:46.62\00:33:48.26
Don't let it build up to
any kind of a resentment,
00:33:48.29\00:33:51.29
or a get even, or
I've lost control here.
00:33:51.33\00:33:54.86
And don't let it fester up.
00:33:54.90\00:33:57.40
God wants us to take care of it.
00:33:57.43\00:33:59.13
Righteous indignation,
00:33:59.17\00:34:00.50
I've gotta say
this before we close.
00:34:00.54\00:34:02.60
There is...
00:34:02.64\00:34:03.97
As far as I'm concerned,
00:34:04.01\00:34:05.34
righteous
indignation can even be abused.
00:34:05.37\00:34:07.81
You can just agree or
disagree, it can be abused.
00:34:07.84\00:34:10.35
You think about it
because and here it is
00:34:10.38\00:34:12.31
right in the Word
of God, the principle,
00:34:12.35\00:34:13.72
you're always talking about.
00:34:13.75\00:34:15.08
Principle says, don't let what?
00:34:15.12\00:34:16.72
Don't let the sun
go down on your what?
00:34:16.75\00:34:19.29
On your wrath.
00:34:19.32\00:34:20.66
So you know, think about it.
00:34:20.69\00:34:22.12
That's the
safety net right there.
00:34:22.16\00:34:24.29
Any kind of
resentment toward anyone
00:34:24.33\00:34:26.86
can be a soul destroying,
00:34:26.90\00:34:29.16
to justify anger
00:34:29.20\00:34:30.53
can turn easily into resentment.
00:34:30.57\00:34:32.93
It can take that
person to the point
00:34:32.97\00:34:34.54
where you just
can't stand to be around,
00:34:34.57\00:34:36.00
you don't even
want to look at him.
00:34:36.04\00:34:37.51
That's not the
Christian attitude.
00:34:37.54\00:34:38.87
That's not the way to go.
00:34:38.91\00:34:41.24
I've often said
in life, you know,
00:34:41.28\00:34:42.74
as people do this in the church,
00:34:42.78\00:34:44.81
I don't know if people
sometime, it's not right,
00:34:44.85\00:34:47.35
I realize it,
they had to have issues
00:34:47.38\00:34:49.82
and they make
sure when they come in,
00:34:49.85\00:34:51.19
they go down
this aisle over here,
00:34:51.22\00:34:52.55
the other one goes down
in the aisle over there.
00:34:52.59\00:34:55.02
I want to have, will
do by the grace of God
00:34:55.06\00:34:56.96
if they made it to heaven,
00:34:56.99\00:34:58.69
you know, I've had
those issues in my life
00:34:58.73\00:35:00.60
and I realized I've
got to enjoy everybody
00:35:00.63\00:35:03.00
and everyone.
00:35:03.03\00:35:04.37
I want to share
eternity with each one.
00:35:04.40\00:35:06.00
And I don't want to
and it won't take place,
00:35:06.03\00:35:08.30
you know, if you look in heaven,
00:35:08.34\00:35:09.67
they won't be
there, I will go over here
00:35:09.70\00:35:11.04
and I'll meet you, if
you're going to this world,
00:35:11.07\00:35:12.91
I'm going to be
in the other world.
00:35:12.94\00:35:14.28
Not going to happen.
00:35:14.31\00:35:15.64
God wants all those things
00:35:15.68\00:35:17.01
to work out on
you and for us all.
00:35:17.05\00:35:19.15
Don't give place to
the devil is what it says.
00:35:19.18\00:35:22.05
I encourage you with that.
00:35:22.08\00:35:24.05
Don't give the enemy opportunity
00:35:24.09\00:35:25.52
to come in and
divide brothers and sisters,
00:35:25.55\00:35:27.72
divide the church,
divide us and separate us
00:35:27.76\00:35:30.19
from our Master
because we need Him.
00:35:30.23\00:35:32.29
Let's stick
together, let's hang together,
00:35:32.33\00:35:34.03
'cause Jesus is coming soon.
00:35:34.06\00:35:35.50
Amen, thank you so
much, Pastor Kenny,
00:35:35.53\00:35:38.03
what an incredible lesson.
00:35:38.07\00:35:39.63
This entire lesson
has been on conflict.
00:35:39.67\00:35:42.84
And you think about anger
00:35:42.87\00:35:44.21
and you think about
difficulty in conflict
00:35:44.24\00:35:46.94
and how God calls
us to work in unity,
00:35:46.98\00:35:49.78
not only in the family unit,
00:35:49.81\00:35:51.28
but in the church
and in the community.
00:35:51.31\00:35:54.05
So praise the Lord
for the principles, Ryan,
00:35:54.08\00:35:56.99
biblical principles
from the Word of God
00:35:57.02\00:35:59.62
that we can take
and that we can use.
00:35:59.65\00:36:02.82
Wednesday's lesson,
00:36:02.86\00:36:04.69
if you watch Sabbath
School Panel last week,
00:36:04.73\00:36:07.10
this is almost as
if it were a part two,
00:36:07.13\00:36:09.93
from what I shared,
actually, my particular day
00:36:09.96\00:36:12.50
at last week on
abuse, this is almost anger,
00:36:12.53\00:36:15.57
you can say when it
gets out of control,
00:36:15.60\00:36:18.21
when it is not put to
bed at the end of the day.
00:36:18.24\00:36:23.08
And when it
continues to escalate and grow
00:36:23.11\00:36:26.31
and is fed and
becomes that sort of monster,
00:36:26.35\00:36:29.15
we're talking about that abuse.
00:36:29.18\00:36:31.35
The home is supposed to
be the most sacred space.
00:36:31.39\00:36:35.42
The place where we're
safe, where we're protected,
00:36:35.46\00:36:38.89
and cherished and loved.
00:36:38.93\00:36:41.23
But instead, in some homes,
00:36:41.26\00:36:44.07
maybe you're
watching today in your home.
00:36:44.10\00:36:46.43
Your home is a place where abuse
00:36:46.47\00:36:48.07
or violence takes place,
00:36:48.10\00:36:51.34
that was never in God's plan.
00:36:51.37\00:36:55.44
Last week, we talked
about some of the statistics
00:36:55.48\00:36:57.55
of violence in
home and domestic abuse.
00:36:57.58\00:37:00.65
We talked about
what it's like for kids
00:37:00.68\00:37:03.32
to grow up in an
environment of abuse,
00:37:03.35\00:37:06.15
and to experience that.
00:37:06.19\00:37:08.16
And abuse takes many forms
00:37:08.19\00:37:09.69
but it's all
contrary to the principle
00:37:09.72\00:37:12.39
of God's kingdom,
which is unselfish love.
00:37:12.43\00:37:16.80
From the cradle to the cross,
Jesus lived to bless others.
00:37:16.83\00:37:20.94
He had that principle
of self sacrificing love.
00:37:20.97\00:37:24.41
If you think about
a healthy relationship
00:37:24.44\00:37:26.21
versus an abusive relationship,
00:37:26.24\00:37:28.68
a healthy relationship
is built on unselfish love,
00:37:28.71\00:37:31.98
an abusive
relationship is built on fear.
00:37:32.01\00:37:34.88
Healthy relationship
is built on freedom.
00:37:34.92\00:37:38.05
Abusive is built
on power and control.
00:37:38.09\00:37:41.56
Healthy is built on trust.
00:37:41.59\00:37:44.43
Abusive is built on suspicion.
00:37:44.46\00:37:47.50
Healthy is built on security.
00:37:47.53\00:37:49.96
Abusive would be
built on uncertainty.
00:37:50.00\00:37:53.67
Healthy relationship
owns your own mistakes
00:37:53.70\00:37:56.94
and accepts responsibility
for your own issues.
00:37:56.97\00:38:01.48
And abusive relationship
blames the other person.
00:38:01.51\00:38:05.75
A healthy relationship
is built on respect.
00:38:05.78\00:38:09.18
Abusive would be
built on intimidation.
00:38:09.22\00:38:12.19
Healthy is built on openness.
00:38:12.22\00:38:15.02
Abusive is
built on manipulation.
00:38:15.06\00:38:17.93
Healthy is built
on unselfishness,
00:38:17.96\00:38:21.26
and abusive is centered on self.
00:38:21.30\00:38:24.80
So if you are in the
midst of an abusive situation,
00:38:24.83\00:38:29.10
or if you have experienced abuse
00:38:29.14\00:38:31.07
somehow in your past,
00:38:31.11\00:38:33.38
what can God do
to bring healing,
00:38:33.41\00:38:35.61
I want to talk about seven steps
00:38:35.64\00:38:37.58
or seven keys to
healing from that abuse.
00:38:37.61\00:38:42.32
Number one,
understand that abuse
00:38:42.35\00:38:43.82
was never part of God's plan.
00:38:43.85\00:38:46.92
Colossians 3:19, this is taken
00:38:46.96\00:38:49.76
from the New
International Version,
00:38:49.79\00:38:52.29
it says,
"Husbands, love your wives,
00:38:52.33\00:38:54.63
and never treat them harshly."
00:38:54.66\00:38:57.90
I like the way
the NIV quotes that,
00:38:57.93\00:39:00.67
never treat them harshly.
00:39:00.70\00:39:02.30
Now we can say
this works both ways.
00:39:02.34\00:39:04.44
'Cause often when we
think of abuse, Pastor Tom,
00:39:04.47\00:39:07.11
we think, well, the
husband is domineering
00:39:07.14\00:39:09.14
or abusive to the
wife, and that takes place.
00:39:09.18\00:39:11.75
But in addition, I have
seen marriages and homes
00:39:11.78\00:39:15.32
where the wife is
abusive to the husband.
00:39:15.35\00:39:18.32
So it's a two way street,
it can take place both ways.
00:39:18.35\00:39:24.19
So we can take this scripture,
not only are the husbands
00:39:24.23\00:39:26.53
to love their wives
and not treat them harshly,
00:39:26.56\00:39:28.40
but the wives are
to love and respect
00:39:28.43\00:39:30.47
their husbands in return.
00:39:30.50\00:39:32.77
Abuse is the result of sin.
00:39:32.80\00:39:34.94
It's a sense of that
separation from the Father.
00:39:34.97\00:39:39.17
Jeremiah 29:11, God says,
00:39:39.21\00:39:40.98
"I know the thoughts I think
toward you," says the Lord,
00:39:41.01\00:39:44.38
"thoughts of
peace and not of evil."
00:39:44.41\00:39:46.55
So abuse was never
part of God's plan.
00:39:46.58\00:39:49.58
Number two, accept who
you are, as God's child.
00:39:49.62\00:39:55.42
You know, when I
do women's retreats,
00:39:55.46\00:39:56.93
I like to do this a lot,
00:39:56.96\00:39:58.29
sometimes I'll bring
a little paper or stone,
00:39:58.33\00:40:00.96
and we have markers
00:40:01.00\00:40:02.33
and when we're done
with a certain presentation,
00:40:02.36\00:40:04.30
the women will write on
that, who they are in Christ.
00:40:04.33\00:40:07.44
It's so important for us
00:40:07.47\00:40:09.80
to understand
who we are in Christ.
00:40:09.84\00:40:13.34
And if you've been abused,
00:40:13.38\00:40:15.11
if you've been shamed,
00:40:15.14\00:40:17.48
you lose a sense
of your identity.
00:40:17.51\00:40:20.32
It's either
merged in the abuser,
00:40:20.35\00:40:22.78
or you just don't even
know who you are in Christ.
00:40:22.82\00:40:26.35
So in Christ, you are accepted.
00:40:26.39\00:40:28.96
John 6:37, Jesus says,`
00:40:28.99\00:40:31.39
"Whoever comes to Me,
00:40:31.43\00:40:32.76
I will never cast aside."
00:40:32.79\00:40:35.50
In Christ you are beloved.
00:40:35.53\00:40:39.23
Romans 9:25, 26,
00:40:39.27\00:40:42.27
Paul says, "As He..."
00:40:42.30\00:40:43.64
meaning Jesus says in Hosea,
"I will call them my people
00:40:43.67\00:40:48.24
who were not my people,
00:40:48.28\00:40:49.84
and her beloved,
who was not my beloved.
00:40:49.88\00:40:53.82
And it shall come
to pass in the place
00:40:53.85\00:40:55.48
where it was said to them,
00:40:55.52\00:40:56.85
'You were not my people,
00:40:56.89\00:40:58.22
that they should be
called sons and daughters
00:40:58.25\00:41:00.12
of the living God.
00:41:00.16\00:41:02.96
You're
accepted, you are beloved,
00:41:02.99\00:41:05.19
you are forgiven.'"
00:41:05.23\00:41:07.43
Hebrews 8:12,
"I will be merciful
00:41:07.46\00:41:09.73
to their unrighteousness,
00:41:09.76\00:41:11.40
and their sins and
their lawless deeds,
00:41:11.43\00:41:13.64
I will remember no more."
00:41:13.67\00:41:16.91
You are loved.
00:41:16.94\00:41:18.64
1 John 3:1,
"Behold what manner of love
00:41:18.67\00:41:21.54
the Father has bestowed upon us,
00:41:21.58\00:41:23.58
that we should be called
00:41:23.61\00:41:24.95
the sons and daughters of God."
00:41:24.98\00:41:26.95
Romans 5:8, "God
demonstrates His love for us
00:41:26.98\00:41:30.42
and that while we
were yet sinners."
00:41:30.45\00:41:33.96
That verse always gets me
00:41:33.99\00:41:36.46
when I spit in his face.
00:41:36.49\00:41:39.56
When I say God, I don't
want anything to do with You.
00:41:39.59\00:41:42.56
He still came and died for me.
00:41:42.60\00:41:45.83
So no matter what we've
done, or where we've been,
00:41:45.87\00:41:48.14
or how bad we feel we are,
00:41:48.17\00:41:50.34
we are accepted, we are beloved,
00:41:50.37\00:41:52.44
we are forgiven, we
are loved, and we're saved.
00:41:52.47\00:41:56.85
Psalm 27:1, "The Lord is
my light and my salvation,
00:41:56.88\00:42:02.02
whom shall I fear?
00:42:02.05\00:42:03.39
The Lord is the
strength of my life,
00:42:03.42\00:42:05.95
of whom shall I be afraid?"
00:42:05.99\00:42:08.12
So first, know that the abuse
was never part of God's plan.
00:42:08.16\00:42:11.96
Two, accept who
you are as God's child.
00:42:11.99\00:42:14.63
Three, internalize
that it was not your fault.
00:42:14.66\00:42:19.57
We can know that intellectually,
00:42:19.60\00:42:22.50
you know, Pastor Kenny,
00:42:22.54\00:42:23.87
it's easy to
understand that intellectually,
00:42:23.91\00:42:25.44
"Oh, yeah, I
know, it wasn't my..."
00:42:25.47\00:42:27.28
But if I actually
understand that inside,
00:42:27.31\00:42:32.28
that makes a
completely different story.
00:42:32.31\00:42:34.88
So if you have been abused,
00:42:34.92\00:42:36.95
know that you
did not deserve this,
00:42:36.99\00:42:39.59
and it is never your fault.
00:42:39.62\00:42:43.12
Number four, get help,
00:42:43.16\00:42:45.33
ensure that you're
safe and in a safe place,
00:42:45.36\00:42:48.76
and your children are safe,
find safe people to talk to,
00:42:48.80\00:42:54.17
if you're a woman,
reach out to other women
00:42:54.20\00:42:56.54
in the church, or
that you can talk to
00:42:56.57\00:42:58.41
and that you can trust.
00:42:58.44\00:42:59.77
If you're a man
reach out to other men
00:42:59.81\00:43:01.58
that you can talk to
and that you can trust.
00:43:01.61\00:43:03.91
Go to a safe place.
00:43:03.95\00:43:05.28
Number five,
forget about the why,
00:43:05.31\00:43:09.02
focus on the what.
00:43:09.05\00:43:12.05
Now, a good friend of
mine told me this recently.
00:43:12.09\00:43:15.66
And it actually
helped me in dealing
00:43:15.69\00:43:17.23
with a certain situation.
00:43:17.26\00:43:18.83
So many times we try to explain
the other person's behavior,
00:43:18.86\00:43:22.26
you know, whether
you're dealing with a friend
00:43:22.30\00:43:23.67
or an acquaintance
or a business associate,
00:43:23.70\00:43:25.97
and you try to
explain the behavior,
00:43:26.00\00:43:27.40
why did they act that way?
00:43:27.44\00:43:28.77
So you're trying
to internalize it,
00:43:28.80\00:43:30.41
and you think,
maybe I did something
00:43:30.44\00:43:32.21
to cause this and you try
to go down that whole road.
00:43:32.24\00:43:35.11
So forget about the why,
00:43:35.14\00:43:36.48
focus on the what,
look at what the person did.
00:43:36.51\00:43:39.81
Judge the
behavior, not the motive,
00:43:39.85\00:43:42.52
we're not
called to judge motive,
00:43:42.55\00:43:44.05
but you can look at behavior.
00:43:44.09\00:43:46.65
Number six,
allow God to heal you.
00:43:46.69\00:43:51.09
Healing is a
process, healing takes time.
00:43:51.13\00:43:55.16
Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is near
00:43:55.20\00:43:59.20
to those who
have a broken heart."
00:43:59.23\00:44:01.30
Yes.
00:44:01.34\00:44:02.67
The word broken in
Hebrew literally means to break,
00:44:02.70\00:44:06.41
to break in pieces,
to crush, or destroy.
00:44:06.44\00:44:11.38
So you might feel today,
00:44:11.41\00:44:13.11
I'm broken, I'm
crushed, I'm in pieces.
00:44:13.15\00:44:17.72
The Lord is near to
those who have a broken heart
00:44:17.75\00:44:21.09
and he was saved such
as have a contrite spirit.
00:44:21.12\00:44:24.89
Isaiah 61:3, "He will
comfort all who mourn,
00:44:24.93\00:44:28.80
He will console
those who mourn in Zion,
00:44:28.83\00:44:31.60
He will give
them beauty for ashes,
00:44:31.63\00:44:33.50
the oil of joy for
mourning, the garment of praise
00:44:33.54\00:44:36.81
for the spirit of heaviness."
00:44:36.84\00:44:38.64
Finally, number seven,
00:44:38.67\00:44:40.21
learn to trust again
00:44:40.24\00:44:43.45
after an abusive situation,
00:44:43.48\00:44:45.98
or even any kind of
difficulty in a relationship.
00:44:46.01\00:44:49.35
Sometimes it's
hard to trust again.
00:44:49.38\00:44:53.05
First of all, we got to trust
God before we can trust people.
00:44:53.09\00:44:55.76
Proverbs 3:5-6,
00:44:55.79\00:44:57.16
"Trust in the Lord
with all your heart."
00:44:57.19\00:45:00.06
Don't lean on
your own understanding,
00:45:00.10\00:45:01.80
in all your
ways acknowledge Him,
00:45:01.83\00:45:03.20
and He will direct your paths.
00:45:03.23\00:45:04.90
So learn to trust in
Him, but make a decision
00:45:04.93\00:45:08.47
to begin trusting people again.
00:45:08.50\00:45:12.04
I know, I went
through a difficult situation
00:45:12.07\00:45:13.74
in my life once
00:45:13.78\00:45:15.11
and nothing to do
with Greg, he's fabulous.
00:45:15.14\00:45:18.25
But this was
about another situation
00:45:18.28\00:45:20.65
and it took me one year
00:45:20.68\00:45:23.55
before I could trust
anyone, beyond my husband,
00:45:23.59\00:45:26.92
took me one year to
begin to learn to trust again.
00:45:26.96\00:45:30.99
But God can heal
you, He can restore you.
00:45:31.03\00:45:35.46
There's another part
in this entire process
00:45:35.50\00:45:37.97
and that's forgiveness
but I won't talk about that,
00:45:38.00\00:45:40.24
'cause I think
that's Pastor Tom.
00:45:40.27\00:45:42.34
Thank you.
00:45:42.37\00:45:43.71
This is truly
been a feast today,
00:45:43.74\00:45:45.77
it really has.
00:45:45.81\00:45:47.31
And, you know, I can't help
00:45:47.34\00:45:48.74
but I just kept thinking
00:45:48.78\00:45:50.11
that here we are as
self centered sinners
00:45:50.15\00:45:52.35
learning to be selfless,
00:45:52.38\00:45:54.32
be the kingdom of
heaven here on earth.
00:45:54.35\00:45:56.95
And we come to this with damage.
00:45:56.99\00:45:59.99
We talked about
conflict resolution,
00:46:00.02\00:46:01.82
sometimes we were
taught to not say anything,
00:46:01.86\00:46:04.59
just wait,
somebody feels better,
00:46:04.63\00:46:05.96
and then we'll move on,
00:46:05.99\00:46:07.33
sometimes we're to yell it out
00:46:07.36\00:46:08.70
and sometimes
those same people marry,
00:46:08.73\00:46:10.17
those two
people marry each other
00:46:10.20\00:46:11.53
and try to figure
out which way is up.
00:46:11.57\00:46:13.74
But we serve a
God that is the way,
00:46:13.77\00:46:15.47
the truth and the life.
00:46:15.50\00:46:16.97
And, you know, I
promise you, Ryan,
00:46:17.01\00:46:18.47
I wrote this down
before I came here,
00:46:18.51\00:46:20.51
a principle that
we're gonna share
00:46:20.54\00:46:23.78
is found here in Matthew 7:12.
00:46:23.81\00:46:26.61
And one thing I love principles
00:46:26.65\00:46:28.15
is you don't
have to change them.
00:46:28.18\00:46:30.19
Because
principles are what God is,
00:46:30.22\00:46:31.82
He's all about principles.
00:46:31.85\00:46:33.49
"Treat others as you
want them to treat you.
00:46:33.52\00:46:36.06
This is the law..."
00:46:36.09\00:46:37.89
Yeah, Matthew 7:12.
00:46:37.93\00:46:39.33
"This is the law and
then prophets are all about."
00:46:39.36\00:46:42.63
This is what we
call the golden rule.
00:46:42.66\00:46:44.40
This is something
that in many religions,
00:46:44.43\00:46:46.63
they talk about
this kind of thing
00:46:46.67\00:46:48.00
in a negative
context or positive
00:46:48.04\00:46:50.01
but Jesus is wrapping
this around who God really is.
00:46:50.04\00:46:54.18
As a matter of fact,
the law and the prophets,
00:46:54.21\00:46:55.78
when Jesus was
asked to sum up the law,
00:46:55.81\00:46:59.28
more than 600 of them.
00:46:59.31\00:47:01.42
He said, "Love God
with all your heart,
00:47:01.45\00:47:03.02
mind and soul, and love
your neighbor as yourself."
00:47:03.05\00:47:05.75
And that is really the principle
00:47:05.79\00:47:07.99
of God and who He is.
00:47:08.02\00:47:10.63
And Matthew 5:44
says, "Love your enemies.
00:47:10.66\00:47:13.63
I'm going to go
through these quickly
00:47:13.66\00:47:15.00
so you might not be
able to turn all these.
00:47:15.03\00:47:16.90
But loving your enemies
00:47:16.93\00:47:18.27
is something that God
has commissioned us to do,
00:47:18.30\00:47:20.44
which is
something in our own power.
00:47:20.47\00:47:21.80
We're not equipped to do that.
00:47:21.84\00:47:23.61
John 15:12, "Love one
another as I have loved you."
00:47:23.64\00:47:28.61
Romans 13:10,
"Love does no harm."
00:47:28.64\00:47:33.92
1 Corinthians 13:4,
"Love suffers long."
00:47:33.95\00:47:39.15
Putting up with
sometimes we have to,
00:47:39.19\00:47:40.99
in a relationship
you need to suffer long,
00:47:41.02\00:47:44.39
and God is the one
that strengthens us
00:47:44.43\00:47:46.49
and makes it possible.
00:47:46.53\00:47:47.86
1 Corinthians 13:8
says, "Love never fails."
00:47:47.90\00:47:52.60
And, you know, there's
something that recently
00:47:52.63\00:47:54.54
I heard someone say,
00:47:54.57\00:47:56.17
I don't even know
who to quote this from
00:47:56.20\00:47:57.61
but it says "Hatred
corrodes the container
00:47:57.64\00:47:59.87
it is carried in."
00:47:59.91\00:48:02.51
Hatred corrodes the
container it is carried in.
00:48:02.54\00:48:06.08
And I thought, I
wrote that down and I said,
00:48:06.11\00:48:08.58
I've got, I had that in
one of my sermons recently,
00:48:08.62\00:48:11.75
because it will
actually destroy us.
00:48:11.79\00:48:14.16
And 1 Peter 4:8 says
that, "Love will cover..."
00:48:14.19\00:48:19.03
Let's go to 1 Peter 4:8.
00:48:19.06\00:48:24.20
Like the others on the panel,
00:48:24.23\00:48:25.57
I have more to say than
I believe I have time for,
00:48:25.60\00:48:28.64
so I'm racing through scripture.
00:48:28.67\00:48:32.64
1 Peter 4:8,
00:48:32.67\00:48:35.28
"And above all
things, have fervent love
00:48:35.31\00:48:38.11
for one another,
for love will cover
00:48:38.15\00:48:40.42
a multitude of sins."
00:48:40.45\00:48:42.75
Yes. Yes.
00:48:42.78\00:48:44.12
And we must...
00:48:44.15\00:48:45.49
And there's something that
God actually endows us with.
00:48:45.52\00:48:49.32
And we are also
if you go to Hebrew,
00:48:49.36\00:48:51.19
we don't have to turn
there, it's in our lesson.
00:48:51.23\00:48:52.56
It's Hebrews 12:14, it says,
"Pursue peace with all people
00:48:52.59\00:48:56.26
and holiness without
which no one will see the Lord."
00:48:56.30\00:49:00.84
So it's really something
because if we don't forgive,
00:49:00.87\00:49:03.00
if we do not love,
00:49:03.04\00:49:04.37
we will not see the Lord,
00:49:04.41\00:49:05.74
we will not experience
what we're all are longing for.
00:49:05.77\00:49:09.64
And, you know, we're
either building relationships,
00:49:09.68\00:49:14.68
we're either building
bridges, or we're building walls
00:49:14.72\00:49:17.52
when it comes to how
00:49:17.55\00:49:18.89
we're dealing with other people.
00:49:18.92\00:49:20.26
And God has called us
to be bridge builders.
00:49:20.29\00:49:25.19
You know, sometimes,
00:49:25.23\00:49:27.13
and I really appreciate the way
00:49:27.16\00:49:28.50
it has been
unpacked so well here,
00:49:28.53\00:49:30.47
sometimes we've
experienced so much damage
00:49:30.50\00:49:32.63
from someone else,
00:49:32.67\00:49:34.00
a lot of times in our childhood,
00:49:34.04\00:49:35.37
sometimes in our
current relationships right now,
00:49:35.40\00:49:37.37
that it might be verbal abuse,
it might be emotional abuse.
00:49:37.41\00:49:41.34
Some people might be
gaslighted on a regular basis
00:49:41.38\00:49:43.85
by their spouse,
00:49:43.88\00:49:45.21
all kinds of things are
happening to pretty people.
00:49:45.25\00:49:47.08
Sometimes it is physical,
00:49:47.12\00:49:49.02
and sometimes it's sexual abuse.
00:49:49.05\00:49:51.12
And so to ask someone
00:49:51.15\00:49:53.39
who's been
receiving this to forgive,
00:49:53.42\00:49:56.83
that is asking,
that's a tall order.
00:49:56.86\00:49:58.63
Yes.
00:49:58.66\00:50:00.00
And it doesn't,
it's not something
00:50:00.03\00:50:01.36
that comes naturally
without being worked through.
00:50:01.40\00:50:02.73
Recently, a pastor
told me that someone was...
00:50:02.76\00:50:06.17
They were abused by
their father so badly
00:50:06.20\00:50:08.17
that they just...
00:50:08.20\00:50:09.54
The father had already died,
and they could not let it go
00:50:09.57\00:50:11.61
and it was ruining
their journey with Christ.
00:50:11.64\00:50:14.01
And so what they
did was, they said,
00:50:14.04\00:50:15.78
"Write down what you
wanted, just tell them."
00:50:15.81\00:50:18.01
Write it all
down, and they wrote
00:50:18.05\00:50:19.75
more than 20 pages
00:50:19.78\00:50:22.52
and they said,
"Take what you've written
00:50:22.55\00:50:24.35
and start a fire and burn it."
00:50:24.39\00:50:27.06
There you go.
00:50:27.09\00:50:28.42
And one page at a
time, they burned,
00:50:28.46\00:50:30.93
that whole discussion
00:50:30.96\00:50:33.73
that they had with
their deceased father.
00:50:33.76\00:50:36.56
The next time
they came to church,
00:50:36.60\00:50:37.93
they were a different person.
00:50:37.97\00:50:39.30
Praise God.
00:50:39.33\00:50:40.67
The light of God
was in their heart,
00:50:40.70\00:50:42.04
they had to let it go.
00:50:42.07\00:50:43.41
Sometimes we do need help
00:50:43.44\00:50:44.97
in the psychological
area as well as just
00:50:45.01\00:50:47.31
not just the spiritual area,
00:50:47.34\00:50:48.68
'cause God will empower us.
00:50:48.71\00:50:50.05
But we need to be
willing to go there.
00:50:50.08\00:50:51.78
When we step forward in faith,
00:50:51.81\00:50:53.31
God will provide.
00:50:53.35\00:50:55.52
I like first to
turn to Matthew 6:12.
00:50:55.55\00:51:02.39
As matter of fact, you
know, this is something
00:51:04.33\00:51:05.93
that is a scripture
that is the Lord's Prayer.
00:51:05.96\00:51:09.66
And oftentimes in,
you know, like John 3:16,
00:51:09.70\00:51:11.93
you can actually see
the state of the dead
00:51:11.97\00:51:13.30
and a lot of people
don't realize that, you know,
00:51:13.34\00:51:15.74
they don't believe the
true state of the dead,
00:51:15.77\00:51:17.11
but it's right there.
00:51:17.14\00:51:18.47
But here we are
in the Lord's Prayer
00:51:18.51\00:51:20.71
and it's saying
here in verse 12,
00:51:20.74\00:51:23.45
"And forgive us our debts
as we forgive our debtors."
00:51:23.48\00:51:26.82
And if you
really study that out,
00:51:26.85\00:51:28.18
what that's saying is,
00:51:28.22\00:51:29.55
forgive us the same
way we forgive others.
00:51:29.58\00:51:32.22
God is asking us to
forgive in that capacity.
00:51:32.25\00:51:34.99
Verse 14 says, "For if you
forgive men their trespasses,
00:51:35.02\00:51:38.49
your heavenly Father
will also forgive you,
00:51:38.53\00:51:40.50
but if you do not
forgive men their trespasses,
00:51:40.53\00:51:44.27
neither will your Father
forgive your trespasses."
00:51:44.30\00:51:48.50
Now you think about it,
00:51:48.54\00:51:50.01
what is God actually
asking us to forgive?
00:51:50.04\00:51:53.24
We talked about sin,
00:51:53.27\00:51:54.61
God forgave us even
while we were yet sinners,
00:51:54.64\00:51:56.31
but even before I was created,
00:51:56.34\00:51:59.11
the Lord provided forgiveness
for me and for all of us,
00:51:59.15\00:52:03.92
so His forgiveness is eternal
00:52:03.95\00:52:05.85
and what I think
about is God's calling us
00:52:05.89\00:52:08.06
to forgive the person.
00:52:08.09\00:52:09.82
Because what happens is,
00:52:09.86\00:52:11.39
I'm going to talk
about a little bit
00:52:11.43\00:52:12.93
of a converting
effect that occurs,
00:52:12.96\00:52:14.40
and I don't have a lot of time.
00:52:14.43\00:52:15.76
So I wanna share this.
00:52:15.80\00:52:18.47
How should we forgive?
00:52:18.50\00:52:19.83
Matthew 18:22, let's go there.
00:52:19.87\00:52:21.90
"Jesus said to him..."
Now, now, think about it.
00:52:31.21\00:52:33.18
Peter has been
hearing three strikes
00:52:33.21\00:52:34.72
and you're out from
the religious leaders.
00:52:34.75\00:52:36.79
He's thinking, "Well,
Jesus is a better rabbi.
00:52:36.82\00:52:39.55
It's a more biblical
number, how about seven times."
00:52:39.59\00:52:41.72
And Jesus says,
"Seven times seventy."
00:52:41.76\00:52:44.56
Here, in this verse 22,
00:52:44.59\00:52:48.06
"Jesus said to
him, I do not say to you
00:52:48.10\00:52:49.60
up to seven times, but
up to seventy times seven."
00:52:49.63\00:52:52.63
And he's talking
about the number of times
00:52:52.67\00:52:54.60
to forgive someone.
00:52:54.64\00:52:55.97
Right, the number of
times to forgive someone.
00:52:56.00\00:52:57.87
And, as a matter of
fact, what happens...
00:52:57.91\00:53:01.31
Let's go to Isaiah 53,
00:53:01.34\00:53:03.14
because I really
wanna unpack this,
00:53:03.18\00:53:04.51
Isaiah 53:5, 6 and 8.
00:53:04.55\00:53:11.05
Isaiah 53:5.
00:53:11.09\00:53:13.96
This is talking about
00:53:13.99\00:53:15.32
what really
happens with our sin.
00:53:15.36\00:53:16.69
"For He was wounded
for our transgressions,
00:53:16.73\00:53:18.63
He was bruised
for our iniquities,
00:53:18.66\00:53:20.23
the chastisement for
our peace was upon Him."
00:53:20.26\00:53:23.13
In other words,
when you and I sin
00:53:23.16\00:53:24.67
there is a lack of peace.
00:53:24.70\00:53:26.20
Our lesson's about
peace here on Thursday.
00:53:26.23\00:53:28.57
It's a lack of the things
that God can reward us with.
00:53:28.60\00:53:31.67
But He took that on for
us along with the sin itself
00:53:31.71\00:53:35.91
and the price for that sin,
00:53:35.94\00:53:37.55
"And by His
stripes we are healed."
00:53:37.58\00:53:40.48
And verse 6, "All we
like sheep have gone astray,
00:53:40.52\00:53:44.42
we have turned
everyone to his own way,
00:53:44.45\00:53:45.82
and the Lord has laid on
Him the iniquity of us all."
00:53:45.85\00:53:48.19
And in verse 8, "For
he was taken from prison
00:53:48.22\00:53:50.69
and from judgment,
00:53:50.73\00:53:52.06
and who will
declare his generation
00:53:52.09\00:53:53.50
for he was cut off
from the land of living
00:53:53.53\00:53:55.03
for the
transgressions of my people
00:53:55.06\00:53:57.97
who were stricken."
00:53:58.00\00:53:59.33
So that sin if
you think about it,
00:53:59.37\00:54:00.90
Jesus paid the price
00:54:00.94\00:54:02.27
for your perpetrator's
sin as well as your sin.
00:54:02.30\00:54:05.07
And there's
something about forgiveness
00:54:05.11\00:54:07.31
that not only do
you receive forgiveness,
00:54:07.34\00:54:09.28
but you're also
a channel to allow
00:54:09.31\00:54:11.31
somebody else to
receive that forgiveness
00:54:11.35\00:54:13.48
that has already
been extended toward them.
00:54:13.52\00:54:16.38
As a matter of fact,
let's go to Proverbs 25:21-22.
00:54:16.42\00:54:21.52
I hope I can pull this off.
00:54:21.56\00:54:24.59
Proverbs 25:21-22.
00:54:24.63\00:54:30.27
"If your enemy is
hungry, give him bread to eat.
00:54:30.30\00:54:32.30
And if he is thirsty,
give him water to drink
00:54:32.33\00:54:34.14
for so you will heap
coals of fire on his head
00:54:34.17\00:54:37.54
and the Lord will reward you."
00:54:37.57\00:54:39.07
Sometimes we ask
00:54:39.11\00:54:40.44
what does it mean coals of fire.
00:54:40.48\00:54:41.81
And the theologians say,
00:54:41.84\00:54:43.18
"Well, that
just means, you know,
00:54:43.21\00:54:44.55
you just stopped
them in their tracks"
00:54:44.58\00:54:46.31
or they had a hard
time explaining it?
00:54:46.35\00:54:48.18
Let's go to Isaiah Chapter 6.
00:54:48.22\00:54:53.46
Isaiah Chapter 6,
00:54:53.49\00:54:54.82
and we're going to
look at verses 5 through 7.
00:54:54.86\00:54:57.66
We find that...
00:54:57.69\00:55:00.16
Because I was looking for coals
00:55:00.20\00:55:01.53
and where it's mentioned,
00:55:01.56\00:55:02.90
and we find is that
00:55:02.93\00:55:04.27
the prophet is getting a glimpse
00:55:04.30\00:55:05.63
of the throne room of God.
00:55:05.67\00:55:07.00
He gets a picture
of who God really is.
00:55:07.04\00:55:08.47
And he says here in verse 5,
00:55:08.50\00:55:10.54
he says, "So I said,
'Woe is me, for I am undone!
00:55:10.57\00:55:12.81
Because I am a
man of unclean lips,
00:55:12.84\00:55:14.31
and I dwell in the midst
of a people of unclean lips.
00:55:14.34\00:55:16.51
For my eyes have seen the
King, the Lord of hosts.'"
00:55:16.54\00:55:19.68
"Then one of the
seraphim flew to me,
00:55:19.71\00:55:21.52
having in his hand," what?
00:55:21.55\00:55:22.95
"A live coal
00:55:22.98\00:55:24.45
which he had taken from
the tongs from the altar."
00:55:24.49\00:55:27.69
That altar that he took it from
00:55:27.72\00:55:29.36
is the altar of incense
00:55:29.39\00:55:30.73
if you're looking at it
has to be altar of incense,
00:55:30.76\00:55:32.43
not the altar
outside of the holy place.
00:55:32.46\00:55:35.33
So we're looking at
is that intercessory
00:55:35.36\00:55:37.67
between heaven and earth
00:55:37.70\00:55:39.40
is what were the prayers
of the saints along with.
00:55:39.43\00:55:42.54
In other words,
we're yoking up with God
00:55:42.57\00:55:44.77
and what He's already extending
and doing for someone else."
00:55:44.81\00:55:48.34
We are blessed when
we forgive somebody else.
00:55:48.38\00:55:50.65
We are blessed as well as they,
00:55:50.68\00:55:52.48
and we are actually a channel
00:55:52.51\00:55:53.88
that God is extending
His forgiveness through.
00:55:53.92\00:55:56.08
Amen. Amen and amen.
00:55:56.12\00:55:58.29
This has been so good, so rich,
00:55:58.32\00:55:59.85
we're almost out of time
00:55:59.89\00:56:01.22
so I wanna just give
each one of you few seconds
00:56:01.26\00:56:04.23
to give a closing talk.
00:56:04.26\00:56:06.29
Absolutely, just really quickly,
00:56:06.33\00:56:07.73
Christ's love, it
comes from counsels
00:56:07.76\00:56:09.30
on courtship and marriage.
00:56:09.33\00:56:10.67
Christ's love
is deep in earnest,
00:56:10.70\00:56:12.03
flowing like an
irresistible stream
00:56:12.07\00:56:14.10
to all who will accept it.
00:56:14.14\00:56:16.30
It will lead us to
sympathize with those
00:56:16.34\00:56:18.37
whose hearts
hunger for sympathy.
00:56:18.41\00:56:20.48
Amen.
00:56:20.51\00:56:21.84
Forgiveness for our
sins was an infinite cost.
00:56:21.88\00:56:25.08
To forgive our
fellow man costs nothing
00:56:25.11\00:56:28.02
but a little
pride and a red face.
00:56:28.05\00:56:30.35
Ooh, that's powerful.
00:56:30.39\00:56:32.69
When I spoke, I
appeal to those of you
00:56:32.72\00:56:34.99
who had experienced abuse,
00:56:35.02\00:56:36.36
but I want to
appeal to those of you
00:56:36.39\00:56:37.86
who have not experienced
00:56:37.89\00:56:39.26
that God puts
other people in your life
00:56:39.29\00:56:42.86
that you can reach out to
00:56:42.90\00:56:44.40
and you can be part
of the healing process
00:56:44.43\00:56:47.20
for someone else.
00:56:47.24\00:56:48.57
Amen.
00:56:48.60\00:56:49.94
When we think about communion,
00:56:49.97\00:56:51.31
we always go to the
ordinance of humility first
00:56:51.34\00:56:52.67
in the
Seventh-day Adventist Church
00:56:52.71\00:56:54.04
before we go into communion.
00:56:54.08\00:56:55.41
And it's added so we can
humble ourselves before...
00:56:55.44\00:56:56.78
Explain what that is
because some people don't know.
00:56:56.81\00:56:58.18
Where we actually go
through the foot washing
00:56:58.21\00:57:00.02
that we see
Jesus, as matter of fact,
00:57:00.05\00:57:02.22
no one else was willing to serve
00:57:02.25\00:57:04.19
so Jesus grabbed
a basin and towel
00:57:04.22\00:57:05.85
and started
serving the disciples.
00:57:05.89\00:57:07.79
And what He wants us to do
00:57:07.82\00:57:09.29
is if you have a problem
with a brother or a sister,
00:57:09.32\00:57:11.49
serve them or heal that wound
00:57:11.53\00:57:13.50
before you commune with him,
00:57:13.53\00:57:14.96
and that's a good exercise
00:57:15.00\00:57:16.60
to remind us of
that each and every time.
00:57:16.63\00:57:18.33
Amen.
00:57:18.37\00:57:19.70
Well, this has
been a beautiful lesson,
00:57:19.73\00:57:21.54
"Little Times of Trouble."
00:57:21.57\00:57:23.94
Amos 3:3 says,
00:57:23.97\00:57:26.41
"Can two walk together
00:57:26.44\00:57:28.51
unless they are agreed."
00:57:28.54\00:57:29.98
So we want to hope that
you've learned something
00:57:30.01\00:57:34.18
about conflict resolution today.
00:57:34.22\00:57:37.15
Join us next week.
00:57:37.19\00:57:38.52
Bye-bye.
00:57:38.55\00:57:39.89