It's been years
since my divorce.
00:00:10.97\00:00:13.78
I'll be honest,
00:00:13.81\00:00:15.18
making peace with my
second time singlehood
00:00:15.21\00:00:18.31
sometimes feels like
00:00:18.35\00:00:19.68
making friends
with a big alligator
00:00:19.71\00:00:21.65
out here on this creek.
00:00:21.68\00:00:24.42
This is not been easy
00:00:24.45\00:00:26.02
and it's sometimes awkward
00:00:26.05\00:00:28.19
especially, in the church.
00:00:28.22\00:00:30.23
Single adults now represent
00:00:33.60\00:00:35.23
almost half of
all US households.
00:00:35.26\00:00:39.03
And given its emphasis
on the traditional family,
00:00:39.07\00:00:42.44
the Christian Church
can seem disconnected
00:00:42.47\00:00:45.51
from this growing group.
00:00:45.54\00:00:47.61
So I asked other
Christian singles
00:00:47.64\00:00:49.81
and pastors to share
their stories and perceptions
00:00:49.84\00:00:54.75
and I found that
potential for compassion
00:00:54.78\00:00:57.25
and service is wider
and deeper than ever.
00:00:57.29\00:01:01.62
At first, people
were always asking me
00:01:17.11\00:01:20.01
why aren't you married
and they have stopped asking
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and I don't know if
that's a bad sign or what but...
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It was very, very
hard because I was young,
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I had her at 18
and I was shocked.
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I got the
"labeled" of the single mom,
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the young girl that
has a child out of wedlock
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and so I guess I looked--
00:01:39.76\00:01:42.40
appeared to the
church members as loose.
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When I would come home,
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or we would go in family things,
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there were times where
00:01:48.00\00:01:49.34
because of my
husband's addictions and things
00:01:49.37\00:01:51.44
that the devil
worked on him very hard.
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It made it very difficult.
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There was this
cloud hanging over.
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So we would live very
different, you know, lives.
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We would live and
no one would know.
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I would go to
events, I would go places,
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I would do things
and they saw us as,
00:02:02.15\00:02:05.72
you know, this
family of musicians
00:02:05.75\00:02:09.02
that sang and were connected,
you know, with the church.
00:02:09.06\00:02:13.23
I was a gay identified man.
00:02:13.26\00:02:15.10
I was out and proud and
I paid the price for that.
00:02:15.13\00:02:18.33
You know, I was
beaten up several times,
00:02:18.37\00:02:20.37
thrown out of my house at
the age of 19 for being gay.
00:02:20.40\00:02:23.41
So I know what it's
like to be accountable
00:02:23.44\00:02:25.37
in wearing a gay
label or a gay identity.
00:02:25.41\00:02:28.88
I didn't become a
Christian to reject that.
00:02:28.91\00:02:31.11
As a matter of fact, when
I first became a Christian,
00:02:31.15\00:02:33.21
I thought that I would
eventually reconcile it too
00:02:33.25\00:02:37.02
and I couldn't.
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I said something
about and I paused a moment
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because I didn't
know what I should say.
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And I used finally
the term my former wife.
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To use that
terminology is painful for me,
00:02:50.03\00:02:54.37
it really is.
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I guess if I hated her
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or was angry with
her, I could refer to her
00:02:59.84\00:03:04.38
in those terms
and not feel anything.
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About 11 months ago
my husband took his life,
00:03:07.18\00:03:09.28
I mean, commit suicide
and I was thrusting to being
00:03:09.32\00:03:14.39
a single parent all of a suddnen
00:03:14.42\00:03:15.89
being a widow,
being a victim of suicide.
00:03:15.92\00:03:20.53
Marriage in the decrease,
singleness is on the increase,
00:03:20.56\00:03:23.16
cohabitations
is on the increase,
00:03:23.20\00:03:24.83
divorce is about the same.
00:03:24.87\00:03:26.43
We have more single
adults now than we did.
00:03:26.47\00:03:29.24
Higher percentage, you know.
00:03:29.27\00:03:31.81
In the 1950s, it
was about 26 percent.
00:03:31.84\00:03:34.81
Now it's 45 percent and cities,
00:03:34.84\00:03:37.55
big cities have
50 percent or more.
00:03:37.58\00:03:40.22
I sat down with Wendy Widder,
00:03:40.25\00:03:41.85
Randy Thomas, and Terry Hershey
00:03:41.88\00:03:44.85
who described the awkwardness
00:03:44.89\00:03:46.62
of falling outside the churches
is norm of marriage and family.
00:03:46.65\00:03:51.56
Do you think they don't know
who their single adults are?
00:03:51.59\00:03:53.70
Of course, not and
they look at you and say
00:03:53.73\00:03:55.70
what does I have to do
with the question, you know.
00:03:55.73\00:03:59.53
I want you to tell about
this class I'm supposed to have.
00:03:59.57\00:04:02.07
There is a main stream and
we even call it the "Norm."
00:04:05.41\00:04:09.84
Right. Right.
00:04:09.88\00:04:11.21
Whether it's family
00:04:11.25\00:04:12.58
or however you are
supposed to be in the church,
00:04:12.61\00:04:14.72
the kind of faith you
have, the kind of look you have,
00:04:14.75\00:04:17.29
there is a norm.
00:04:17.32\00:04:18.65
And anybody who
doesn't fit in the norm--
00:04:18.69\00:04:21.66
well, who did
Jesus hangout with?
00:04:21.69\00:04:23.73
He hungout with those people.
00:04:23.76\00:04:25.86
And so as a
church, you got to ask
00:04:25.89\00:04:27.40
how are we telling
stories for the least of these,
00:04:27.43\00:04:31.70
for the people who
don't feel like they fit.
00:04:31.73\00:04:34.34
And I don't think the
church intentional excludes them
00:04:34.37\00:04:38.07
but because this
focus in the church has been
00:04:38.11\00:04:40.38
so much on families
00:04:40.41\00:04:42.51
if the church doesn't
intentionally include them,
00:04:42.54\00:04:46.31
this demographic,
they are being excluded.
00:04:46.35\00:04:48.78
And so it's difficult
00:04:48.82\00:04:50.15
to walk into the
church as a single person
00:04:50.19\00:04:51.79
and really feel like you fit.
00:04:51.82\00:04:53.66
Yeah, there is the feeling
of talking to a group of people
00:04:53.69\00:04:56.73
that I know does
not want to become me.
00:04:56.76\00:05:00.33
They want to get married
and have this better life
00:05:00.36\00:05:03.16
and so I'm
trying to convince them.
00:05:03.20\00:05:04.60
"The better life."
Yeah, exactly "better life."
00:05:04.63\00:05:07.20
I've been celibate
for the last 18 years.
00:05:07.24\00:05:09.27
So I've really
wrestled with singleness
00:05:09.30\00:05:12.71
and what does it
mean for a single person
00:05:12.74\00:05:15.68
to live out
faithfully in Christ,
00:05:15.71\00:05:17.95
in the body of Christ.
00:05:17.98\00:05:19.45
I just don't think it's healthy
for any person to be isolated,
00:05:19.48\00:05:25.09
you know, in the body of
Christ by any kind of label.
00:05:25.12\00:05:28.62
And singleness is the
biggest label there is.
00:05:28.66\00:05:32.06
We labeled
singles and put them apart
00:05:32.09\00:05:35.23
and what about our needs,
00:05:35.26\00:05:37.97
you know, as
part of family of God
00:05:38.00\00:05:41.20
and to fellowship
with other people?
00:05:41.24\00:05:44.34
We know they are there
00:05:44.37\00:05:45.74
but I don't think that
it's on anybody's priority list.
00:05:45.77\00:05:50.35
I feel pressured sometimes,
00:05:50.38\00:05:51.91
like I should be dating
may be its because I'm 28,
00:05:51.95\00:05:53.82
almost getting 30 but, you know,
00:05:53.85\00:05:56.89
may be I'm gonna pass
my time or I should be,
00:05:56.92\00:05:59.15
you know, focusing on a
family and stuff like right now.
00:05:59.19\00:06:02.29
Sometimes with adults
from the church or relatives
00:06:02.32\00:06:06.13
just are asking me,
"So when is your turn?
00:06:06.16\00:06:08.80
When are you going to
hold your little one?"
00:06:08.83\00:06:10.50
And I'm thinking "Please
don't ask me that question."
00:06:10.53\00:06:14.44
I had a dear saintly
woman tell me one day
00:06:14.47\00:06:18.27
as I was getting
ready to move somewhere.
00:06:18.31\00:06:20.04
She said, "I just want you
to know I'm praying for you."
00:06:20.08\00:06:22.81
Thank you.
00:06:22.84\00:06:24.18
Absolutely please, keep
doing that, I need that.
00:06:24.21\00:06:26.11
And she said, "I'm
praying for a man for you."
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Thank you.
00:06:30.25\00:06:31.89
And I didn't take that
personally in a bad way
00:06:31.92\00:06:34.79
because I know that she was
00:06:34.82\00:06:37.23
a happily married woman
00:06:37.26\00:06:38.73
who wanted me to experience
00:06:38.76\00:06:40.33
the same kind of happiness
she had known for a lifetime.
00:06:40.36\00:06:43.00
So, okay, I've
leaned to get used to that.
00:06:43.03\00:06:45.00
But her next statement
00:06:45.03\00:06:46.97
is the one that
just makes me cringe.
00:06:47.00\00:06:49.34
She said, "I'm
praying for a man for you,
00:06:49.37\00:06:51.87
you are too good to waste."
00:06:51.91\00:06:55.38
For mother's day, my son
was invited to a beach activity.
00:06:55.41\00:07:01.88
The people that
were doing the activity
00:07:01.92\00:07:04.39
were good friends of mine.
00:07:04.42\00:07:05.89
When I was married and
we used to eat together.
00:07:05.92\00:07:09.42
I wanted to be
in that beach party,
00:07:09.46\00:07:11.39
I loved to be, I wasn't invited.
00:07:11.43\00:07:14.86
I felt so hurt
00:07:14.90\00:07:16.67
that they look at me
like you pertain to singles
00:07:16.70\00:07:19.80
and you don't
belong here anymore.
00:07:19.83\00:07:22.27
People appreciate a
direct, honest answer than--
00:07:22.30\00:07:25.11
instead of
beating around the bush.
00:07:25.14\00:07:26.78
So if they said, you know,
"What's your testimony like?
00:07:26.81\00:07:29.14
I'm gonna go ahead predominantly
00:07:29.18\00:07:30.65
deals with homosexuality."
00:07:30.68\00:07:33.05
"Oh." I'm like,
"Don't freak out.
00:07:33.08\00:07:35.72
You know, if you
have any questions
00:07:35.75\00:07:37.09
feel free to ask me."
00:07:37.12\00:07:38.45
So hopefully I'm a
little more gracious now
00:07:38.49\00:07:40.02
but back then it was
00:07:40.06\00:07:42.69
Father for sitcom scripting.
00:07:42.72\00:07:47.83
Everybody just trying to find
a silver lining for you always.
00:07:47.86\00:07:53.50
It just like that's
just human nature when,
00:07:53.54\00:07:57.34
when any number of
other circumstances
00:07:57.37\00:07:59.41
occur in
someone's life, that's just
00:07:59.44\00:08:01.58
"Oh, well, what
can we do to help?
00:08:01.61\00:08:03.88
What can we say?"
00:08:03.91\00:08:05.25
So, you know, that it's good
to not be tied down to anyone
00:08:05.28\00:08:09.45
and think of all
the opportunities
00:08:09.48\00:08:11.55
that you've had and it's
better than being divorced
00:08:11.59\00:08:15.39
and any number of things
that could be true in a way,
00:08:15.42\00:08:21.20
but are not the complete truth.
00:08:21.23\00:08:23.37
So in the end it's kind of like,
00:08:23.40\00:08:25.63
"Really? Thanks. I'll
give that some thought."
00:08:25.67\00:08:30.04
I had a guy ask me other day
00:08:30.07\00:08:32.47
that I've been
friends with for a long time,
00:08:32.51\00:08:34.44
and he is older
and he is married
00:08:34.48\00:08:37.15
and we've just-- I've
been friends with his family,
00:08:37.18\00:08:38.85
he goes "So are you
gonna be an old spinster?"
00:08:38.88\00:08:42.48
I'm like... Oh.
00:08:42.52\00:08:46.32
How do you
answer that? Yes, I am.
00:08:46.35\00:08:49.46
Thanks.
00:08:49.49\00:08:50.83
Yeah, how're you
going through that?
00:08:50.86\00:08:52.19
How do you answer that?
00:08:52.23\00:08:54.13
During this prayer meeting
00:08:54.16\00:08:55.50
I poured my heart
out to my church family
00:08:55.53\00:08:58.33
and told them that, you know,
00:08:58.37\00:09:00.60
I'd had a breakthrough
that I felt that God
00:09:00.64\00:09:03.54
was really getting through
and teaching me to rely on Him
00:09:03.57\00:09:06.88
and that I could have
peace in being single.
00:09:06.91\00:09:09.74
And right after the meeting,
00:09:09.78\00:09:11.51
an elderly lady came up and
sat right next to me and said,
00:09:11.55\00:09:14.25
"Honey, it's gonna be okay.
You are going to find somebody.
00:09:14.28\00:09:18.55
I know God has
somebody planned for you."
00:09:18.59\00:09:21.62
And it was just like...
00:09:21.66\00:09:23.79
I saw a magnet advertising
a church ladies ministry,
00:09:23.83\00:09:28.03
cute refrigerator magnet.
00:09:28.06\00:09:29.63
And the picture on
the magnet was a baby,
00:09:29.66\00:09:33.97
"fearfully and wonderfully
made" from Psalm 139.
00:09:34.00\00:09:38.21
Appropriate for
ladies' ministry,
00:09:38.24\00:09:39.97
yes, except they told me
00:09:40.01\00:09:42.41
that it was really
a ministry for mothers
00:09:42.44\00:09:44.81
and I probably
wouldn't belong there.
00:09:44.85\00:09:46.61
Some people could say,
well, you know, what's--
00:09:46.65\00:09:48.52
you could have a
single women's retreat
00:09:48.55\00:09:51.79
with issues that
are pertinent to you.
00:09:51.82\00:09:57.06
No, because they
are not shoving us over
00:09:57.09\00:09:59.89
into this corner and making,
illuminating the fact that,
00:09:59.93\00:10:03.20
yes, we are singles
and we have special needs
00:10:03.23\00:10:06.23
and we are like
relationally remedial, you know.
00:10:06.27\00:10:11.07
So please remind us of that.
00:10:11.11\00:10:13.24
Since I've heard this said
across the country in churches,
00:10:13.27\00:10:16.11
"Men, talk to your wives about
going to the men's retreat."
00:10:16.14\00:10:19.88
You just knocked out
45 percent of the men.
00:10:19.91\00:10:23.18
"Women, talk to
your husbands like,
00:10:23.22\00:10:24.65
how about going to the
women's retreat next month."
00:10:24.69\00:10:26.65
You just knocked
out 45 percent of women.
00:10:26.69\00:10:29.59
Because they are sitting there
single, they are not married.
00:10:29.62\00:10:32.83
And say, "Whether
you're married or single,
00:10:32.86\00:10:34.76
please we want
you in the retreat.
00:10:34.80\00:10:36.73
We have fellowship
and learning in growth."
00:10:36.77\00:10:39.73
You know, they have all
these sexual windows and,
00:10:39.77\00:10:42.47
you know, for
all of us out there
00:10:42.50\00:10:43.97
it's like we even
either look stupid
00:10:44.01\00:10:46.17
because, you know, by
trying to laugh at well,
00:10:46.21\00:10:48.21
we don't know what
they are talking about.
00:10:48.24\00:10:49.68
I mean, we do,
00:10:49.71\00:10:51.05
but we don't in
some deeper ways.
00:10:51.08\00:10:53.85
And so, you know,
people if we are laughing
00:10:53.88\00:10:56.05
trying to look
like we are fitting in
00:10:56.08\00:10:58.62
then I would be like,
"Well, what are you laughing at?
00:10:58.65\00:11:00.66
You know, how do
you know about that?"
00:11:00.69\00:11:03.26
So it makes us feel-- Awkward.
00:11:03.29\00:11:05.56
It's very awkward and like,
00:11:05.59\00:11:07.83
I'm a 31-year-old adult
00:11:07.86\00:11:10.43
and someone else is
31 and an adult as well,
00:11:10.47\00:11:14.30
but in that situation
I'm made to feel like,
00:11:14.34\00:11:18.14
you know, like I'm 13
00:11:18.17\00:11:19.67
because that's what big
girls know about, you know.
00:11:19.71\00:11:23.08
I was part of a
church where we had--
00:11:23.11\00:11:24.45
you signed to do dinner with age
00:11:24.48\00:11:26.28
or whatever, a dinner
group and you had to sign up.
00:11:26.31\00:11:28.28
And the announcement sheet
00:11:28.32\00:11:29.75
said that singles
should sign up in pairs.
00:11:29.78\00:11:33.62
Well, I'm not a pair.
How can I sign up in a pair?
00:11:33.66\00:11:39.03
Discounts for couples.
00:11:39.06\00:11:41.20
We like to say, if
you buy one ticket $10,
00:11:41.23\00:11:43.77
if you come as a
couple, it's $15.
00:11:43.80\00:11:46.07
I had another friend
called me up and insist that,
00:11:46.10\00:11:48.77
he and his wife knew somebody
00:11:48.80\00:11:50.14
that I need to take noticed
to and the more the conversation
00:11:50.17\00:11:53.88
went on I found out that the guy
00:11:53.91\00:11:55.54
that they were
having in mind for me
00:11:55.58\00:11:57.38
is the same age as my parents
00:11:57.41\00:11:58.75
and I kept saying, no, I
think that's a bit older.
00:11:58.78\00:12:02.52
No, but I think--
00:12:02.55\00:12:03.89
"but he is a very
young, you know, 60 something."
00:12:03.92\00:12:07.06
I'm like, oh.
00:12:07.09\00:12:08.42
"No, you don't understand
he is my parent's age."
00:12:08.46\00:12:10.33
"Oh."
00:12:10.36\00:12:11.69
A visiting pastor
came to our church
00:12:11.73\00:12:13.33
and he was teaching us
how to do Bible studies
00:12:13.36\00:12:16.46
and it was geared for couples
00:12:16.50\00:12:20.10
or at least two people
doing these studies and he--
00:12:20.14\00:12:22.80
the whole time that he talked,
it was in reference to couples.
00:12:22.84\00:12:26.17
And so I raised my
hand and I said, "Well,
00:12:26.21\00:12:28.84
what do you if you
are single, you know,
00:12:28.88\00:12:31.28
and you still want
to give Bible studies?"
00:12:31.31\00:12:33.55
And he said, "Well,"
00:12:33.58\00:12:35.95
it took him kind of a
back a little bit and he said,
00:12:35.98\00:12:39.19
"You will need
to find a partner,
00:12:39.22\00:12:40.92
somebody else
that's single I guess,
00:12:40.96\00:12:43.22
that is willing
to do that with you."
00:12:43.26\00:12:45.76
And then he said
"And plus, you know,
00:12:45.79\00:12:47.66
you may fall in
love with your partner."
00:12:47.70\00:12:49.56
And I was just like good grief.
00:12:49.60\00:12:53.27
I want to be peaceful
at whatever stage I'm at
00:12:57.67\00:13:03.81
but I would never,
I wouldn't say that
00:13:03.85\00:13:06.35
I'm happy to be
single at this point.
00:13:06.38\00:13:10.59
I wanted us to be
together but I knew that
00:13:10.62\00:13:14.86
that we couldn't be
unless he loved the Lord
00:13:14.89\00:13:17.73
and he was going to be
able to be the spiritual leader
00:13:17.76\00:13:20.90
of me and our potential family.
00:13:20.93\00:13:24.10
I couldn't, I
couldn't give that up and I--
00:13:24.13\00:13:28.14
I mean, God had to come first.
00:13:28.17\00:13:30.37
And he knew that
00:13:30.41\00:13:32.91
and so the relationship ended
and it was really, really hard.
00:13:32.94\00:13:37.45
Yeah, there's
been quite a few people
00:13:37.48\00:13:41.75
that have come into my life
00:13:41.78\00:13:43.15
and I think well, may
be this is a good thing
00:13:43.18\00:13:45.09
and I said, "Oh, wait a minute.
00:13:45.12\00:13:46.82
He is not meeting
this one part that I need."
00:13:46.86\00:13:49.76
He is everything that, you know,
00:13:49.79\00:13:51.39
everything but one
thing and he is not
00:13:51.43\00:13:53.50
the same denomination
and that would be like, okay,
00:13:53.53\00:13:56.10
whose church are we going to,
00:13:56.13\00:13:57.50
yours, mine,
what are we gonna do?
00:13:57.53\00:14:00.54
Being single and
overcoming so many temptations
00:14:00.57\00:14:05.77
or so many negative
things, it's not easy.
00:14:05.81\00:14:10.78
But I remember the most
painful days of my life.
00:14:10.81\00:14:17.39
I would be confused
where I turn, you know.
00:14:17.42\00:14:20.19
I even felt insecure
opening up to a person,
00:14:20.22\00:14:23.76
even a family member
00:14:23.79\00:14:25.39
because I didn't
want their sympathy.
00:14:25.43\00:14:27.83
And maybe that's just part of us
00:14:27.86\00:14:29.83
wanting to be
strong all the time.
00:14:29.86\00:14:33.34
There was this one prayer
that I said, "I said, Lord,
00:14:36.14\00:14:39.67
I'm so tired of hurting.
00:14:39.71\00:14:42.68
I know you want me to be happy,
00:14:42.71\00:14:45.45
so please give
it to me," you know.
00:14:45.48\00:14:48.08
And I begged Him and I begged
and I just felt flat on my bed.
00:14:48.12\00:14:54.02
"Listen, Lord,
please hear me now
00:14:54.06\00:14:55.86
because I'm giving You my heart.
00:14:55.89\00:14:59.59
If it means, if it means having,
00:14:59.63\00:15:02.30
you know, being involved
in ministry whatever it is
00:15:02.33\00:15:04.30
I want to heal but I
want to heal in Your way."
00:15:04.33\00:15:07.60
I mean, I had this
whole life figured out
00:15:07.64\00:15:09.54
that that was my only option
00:15:09.57\00:15:11.64
and so to pursue Christ meant
that that was all gone now,
00:15:11.67\00:15:15.94
and what is it
mean to be a Christian?
00:15:15.98\00:15:18.58
What are my goals now?
00:15:18.61\00:15:20.15
And I call my
first years a Christian,
00:15:20.18\00:15:22.42
my year of grieving because
everything I had ever known
00:15:22.45\00:15:26.45
and been comfortable in,
my identity and community,
00:15:26.49\00:15:29.49
was gone.
00:15:29.52\00:15:30.86
So with each
passing relationship
00:15:30.89\00:15:33.50
I have more of a sense of panic
00:15:33.53\00:15:36.13
because I think, you
know, I'm in my 30s now,
00:15:36.16\00:15:39.50
was that my last chance.
00:15:39.53\00:15:42.30
Am I now going to be
single forever, was that it?
00:15:42.34\00:15:46.47
And was I just too picky?
00:15:46.51\00:15:49.01
You know, what
if that was the guy?
00:15:49.04\00:15:52.45
I'm finding that the
closer I come to Christ,
00:15:52.48\00:15:55.72
I get to be me
00:15:55.75\00:15:57.39
and I'm
realizing that me is okay
00:15:57.42\00:15:59.72
and if a single person
doesn't know that me is okay,
00:15:59.75\00:16:03.36
a single person needs to
find out that me is okay.
00:16:03.39\00:16:06.59
I may not have a
child out of wedlock
00:16:06.63\00:16:09.06
or I may not be divorced.
00:16:09.10\00:16:11.63
If you are, you need to know
00:16:11.67\00:16:13.00
that you are not
different than I am
00:16:13.03\00:16:14.80
and I'm not whole because
00:16:14.84\00:16:16.37
I don't have a
single child out of wedlock
00:16:16.40\00:16:18.77
or because I've
never been divorced.
00:16:18.81\00:16:20.91
I still am broken.
00:16:20.94\00:16:22.34
We are all a part
of this sin sick world.
00:16:22.38\00:16:25.51
I can't clear the Grand
Canyon anymore than Carl Lewis.
00:16:25.55\00:16:28.92
I can't save myself
anymore than you can.
00:16:28.95\00:16:31.62
We need Jesus.
We all need Jesus.
00:16:31.65\00:16:34.09
I've had some people
say, "Well, you get over it."
00:16:34.12\00:16:37.83
Those are the wrong
words to use, folks,
00:16:37.86\00:16:39.59
I don't care who you are
if you are listening to this,
00:16:39.63\00:16:41.83
you don't use
those words with anybody.
00:16:41.86\00:16:44.40
Whether it's a death,
it's a divorce or what it is,
00:16:44.43\00:16:48.97
you never get over anything.
00:16:49.00\00:16:51.47
You grow through
it, that's God's wish,
00:16:51.51\00:16:54.78
is it we grow
through our problems.
00:16:54.81\00:16:57.65
I mean, I thought through,
00:16:57.68\00:16:59.25
you know, what
crisis could come my way
00:16:59.28\00:17:01.28
and how am I gonna
respond the next time?
00:17:01.32\00:17:03.65
You know what, would I
be responding the same way?
00:17:03.69\00:17:06.92
Would I be as scared?
00:17:06.96\00:17:09.39
I know, there's blessings
on the other side of this
00:17:09.42\00:17:11.63
so I feel like I
would see it differently
00:17:11.66\00:17:13.46
and I would encourage
other to see crisis differently,
00:17:13.50\00:17:17.00
to use it and not run from it.
00:17:17.03\00:17:19.17
I don't want to
ever see someone,
00:17:19.20\00:17:22.70
if I can help it
go through situation
00:17:22.74\00:17:25.27
that I went through
that doesn't feel safe,
00:17:25.31\00:17:28.74
I want them to know
that I'm at safe place.
00:17:28.78\00:17:32.71
If I believe that He
is my heavenly Father,
00:17:32.75\00:17:37.19
He has, He has a
plan for my life,
00:17:37.22\00:17:43.12
He is my Creator,
He formed my being,
00:17:43.16\00:17:46.86
it's gonna have to
be okay for right now.
00:17:50.17\00:17:52.43
If He thinks it's okay,
00:17:52.47\00:17:53.90
it's gonna have
to be okay with me.
00:17:53.94\00:17:55.70
There is no secret
00:17:59.17\00:18:01.71
To a life full of laughter
00:18:01.74\00:18:05.21
But remember
There is no such thing
00:18:05.25\00:18:08.42
As happy ever after
00:18:08.45\00:18:11.09
You might as well
stop wishing And hoping
00:18:11.12\00:18:14.39
It isn't always
Greener on the other side
00:18:14.42\00:18:19.23
Take it from me
00:18:19.26\00:18:20.90
Life is good
00:18:20.93\00:18:22.30
God is on your side
00:18:22.33\00:18:25.97
Take it from me
00:18:26.00\00:18:27.60
Life is good
00:18:27.64\00:18:29.04
God is on your side
00:18:29.07\00:18:31.91
Life is good
00:18:37.31\00:18:38.65
What is the first
thought that comes to mind
00:18:43.65\00:18:45.85
when we hear Singles' Ministry?
00:18:45.89\00:18:48.16
Convention, 60,
80 percent females,
00:18:48.19\00:18:52.66
five males, I don't know.
00:18:52.69\00:18:55.50
A ratio of about
100 women to 1 man,
00:18:55.53\00:19:00.97
women who are always there
00:19:01.00\00:19:03.77
and one single
man who is just there.
00:19:03.81\00:19:07.94
I gave a
conference a chance one time
00:19:07.98\00:19:11.08
and went attended
and there was a huge room
00:19:11.11\00:19:14.12
and they said we are gonna
do speed dating and I thought,
00:19:14.15\00:19:17.05
"Okay, I have
never done this before.
00:19:17.09\00:19:18.59
We will see what happens here."
00:19:18.62\00:19:19.99
And they had all rows of
tables and like, you know,
00:19:20.02\00:19:22.09
it's not hard to catch on
how this is supposed to work.
00:19:22.12\00:19:24.59
Well, I happened to be
wearing this animal print top
00:19:24.63\00:19:29.66
and I went to go sit down
in front of this gentleman
00:19:29.70\00:19:32.47
that must have been
75 and all of a sudden
00:19:32.50\00:19:37.21
before I even sat
all the way down he--
00:19:37.24\00:19:39.37
I heard him saying,
00:19:39.41\00:19:40.74
"Ooh, you are
prettier than a zebra."
00:19:40.78\00:19:44.45
And I...
00:19:44.48\00:19:45.81
A meet market.
00:19:45.85\00:19:47.65
Oh, you know, I tried
going in several times
00:19:47.68\00:19:53.29
with an open mind,
with an open spirit
00:19:53.32\00:19:56.12
and maybe the problem was
not with the singles at all.
00:19:56.16\00:20:00.03
Maybe the problem
was within my mind
00:20:00.06\00:20:02.66
and as everybody looking at
me, "Do they want to date me?
00:20:02.70\00:20:06.53
Suppose she is kind cute?"
00:20:06.57\00:20:09.14
It's a meet
market. A meat market?
00:20:09.17\00:20:11.21
M-E-E-T.
00:20:11.24\00:20:13.48
Meet markets, dating services.
00:20:13.51\00:20:16.58
You got to decide
what you want here
00:20:16.61\00:20:17.95
because we say a lot of
singles adults will also say,
00:20:17.98\00:20:19.85
"Uh, it's just a meet market."
00:20:19.88\00:20:21.28
But then of course,
if they meet somebody,
00:20:21.32\00:20:23.59
then they say, "No,
this is God's will."
00:20:23.62\00:20:26.86
I think, oh, hope they
don't call me, you know.
00:20:26.89\00:20:28.69
Singles' ministry, I think
00:20:32.46\00:20:35.13
is, it mainly gonna be a
lot of old people in the church.
00:20:35.16\00:20:39.83
I think it's a good cause.
00:20:39.87\00:20:41.47
I hope that more
people will get involved.
00:20:41.50\00:20:43.74
What's the first
thing you think of
00:20:43.77\00:20:45.51
when you hear the
term Singles' Ministry?
00:20:45.54\00:20:47.94
Go ahead, take your time.
00:20:51.31\00:20:53.85
I probably
shouldn't shut each other
00:20:53.88\00:20:55.22
because there are good
singles' ministries out there
00:20:55.25\00:20:56.99
but the ones that
actually do good work
00:20:57.02\00:20:59.69
probably don't call
themselves Singles' ministry.
00:20:59.72\00:21:03.32
And they integrate more
fully into the body of Christ.
00:21:03.36\00:21:07.16
Now with Singles'
ministry it's just all about
00:21:07.20\00:21:09.46
who you are going to meet
00:21:09.50\00:21:10.83
and who are
gonna end up going out
00:21:10.87\00:21:12.20
and it was just
always this awkward,
00:21:12.23\00:21:14.14
awkward ministry
that was out there and,
00:21:14.17\00:21:16.97
boy, when the humor
00:21:17.01\00:21:19.51
and being thrust into
that after having all of that
00:21:19.54\00:21:22.44
my own personal baggage
related to Singles' ministry.
00:21:22.48\00:21:25.61
It's very different.
00:21:25.65\00:21:26.98
I feel very
different about it now
00:21:27.02\00:21:28.35
and that the opportunity
to minister to that group
00:21:28.38\00:21:32.39
and be part of that group
00:21:32.42\00:21:34.06
has been a huge
part of this journey.
00:21:34.09\00:21:36.79
And, you know what,
00:21:36.83\00:21:38.73
we are only one
heartbeat away from singles.
00:21:38.76\00:21:41.83
One heartbeat away.
00:21:41.86\00:21:43.97
I may not need the
single adult ministry today
00:21:44.00\00:21:46.63
but I may need it by Thursday.
00:21:46.67\00:21:49.30
People who are single
need support in other ways
00:21:49.34\00:21:52.07
than people who are married.
00:21:52.11\00:21:53.68
And I think it's very important
that people have that channel.
00:21:53.71\00:21:57.81
They have something
that they can feel a part of
00:21:57.85\00:21:59.65
and can, you
know, be in community
00:21:59.68\00:22:01.55
as a single
person and understand
00:22:01.58\00:22:03.75
what singlehood
means, you know, biblically
00:22:03.79\00:22:05.79
and what it means
to them personally.
00:22:05.82\00:22:07.16
So I think it's very important.
00:22:07.19\00:22:08.52
I got wonderful single friends,
especially when my husband died
00:22:08.56\00:22:13.29
and I went to potluck
and told the whole story uh,
00:22:13.33\00:22:18.27
it was wonderful that
they were there for my support.
00:22:18.30\00:22:21.30
Not for dating and everything,
00:22:21.34\00:22:22.80
this has been a
support system for me.
00:22:22.84\00:22:25.67
Singles' ministry is something
that should always exist.
00:22:25.71\00:22:29.08
The only thing that
changes iwith Singles' ministry
00:22:29.11\00:22:31.31
is may be the leadership.
00:22:31.35\00:22:32.78
What happens in leadership?
00:22:32.81\00:22:34.35
Sometimes our
leaders get married,
00:22:34.38\00:22:36.79
sometimes our leaders
get unfortunately burned out,
00:22:36.82\00:22:40.16
sometimes our leaders
have so many other ministries
00:22:40.19\00:22:42.96
that they have to move on.
00:22:42.99\00:22:44.33
But no matter
who was the leader,
00:22:44.36\00:22:46.06
Singles' ministry should always
be a part of the local church.
00:22:46.09\00:22:50.27
The pastor actually mentioned
it to me several years ago
00:22:50.30\00:22:55.70
and when he asked me that I
was actually kind of insulted
00:22:55.74\00:22:59.64
because I thought,
00:22:59.67\00:23:01.01
"What, I don't want to be
the representative of singles',
00:23:01.04\00:23:03.81
because I don't
want to be single
00:23:03.85\00:23:05.61
and I'm not gonna accept
it and I'm not gonna settle."
00:23:05.65\00:23:08.42
And so I just
poo-pooed his suggestion
00:23:08.45\00:23:12.02
and moved on with my
pursuit of finding a spouse.
00:23:12.05\00:23:16.39
And,
00:23:16.42\00:23:19.49
God has taken me through
this journey of being single,
00:23:19.53\00:23:24.93
trying to teach me many things,
00:23:24.97\00:23:26.30
one of which is be
content with having Me only.
00:23:26.33\00:23:33.41
So through that
path, being single,
00:23:33.44\00:23:38.25
even though I still
want to be married someday,
00:23:38.28\00:23:40.05
being single lost
its ugliness for me.
00:23:40.08\00:23:45.02
It wasn't
offensive to me anymore,
00:23:45.05\00:23:48.79
the thought of
starting a singles' group.
00:23:48.82\00:23:52.49
And then I happened to
mention in a prayer meeting once
00:23:52.53\00:23:55.83
what I was going
through and some of the stuff
00:23:55.86\00:23:59.33
and a couple other people said,
00:23:59.37\00:24:00.70
"Oh, we are going
through the same thing
00:24:00.74\00:24:03.97
and we don't have any, you know,
00:24:04.01\00:24:05.87
where to go or any
support or anything."
00:24:05.91\00:24:09.81
And that just kind of
got the wheels turning
00:24:09.84\00:24:11.55
and I thought, man,
may be I'm not alone in,
00:24:11.58\00:24:14.28
you know, these struggles and...
00:24:14.32\00:24:17.22
So that's kind
of where it started.
00:24:17.25\00:24:19.09
I don't feel one bit equipped,
00:24:19.12\00:24:21.09
I don't feel that I
have all the answers.
00:24:21.12\00:24:24.46
I mean, I struggle
00:24:24.49\00:24:26.86
and there are
days that, you know,
00:24:26.90\00:24:29.33
I drowned my
sorrows in ice cream
00:24:29.36\00:24:33.20
and eat a pound of
chocolate but I just,
00:24:33.23\00:24:38.27
I don't think that
anybody has all the answers
00:24:38.31\00:24:40.58
and if we waited
for a leader that did,
00:24:40.61\00:24:44.81
we would be
waiting a very long time.
00:24:44.85\00:24:47.22
I'm estimating now.
00:24:47.25\00:24:48.72
I can't speak for
other denomination.
00:24:48.75\00:24:50.69
I've traveled in many of them,
00:24:50.72\00:24:52.39
I've read some--
talked to the leaders.
00:24:52.42\00:24:54.42
Probably a good guess
would be about 20 percent
00:24:54.46\00:24:58.63
of the churches in
those denominations
00:24:58.66\00:25:01.66
would have some form
of single adult ministry.
00:25:01.70\00:25:05.03
Now that could
be a single parent
00:25:05.07\00:25:06.80
fellowship group with teaching
curriculum and discussion,
00:25:06.84\00:25:09.87
that could be a
divorce recovery,
00:25:09.90\00:25:12.01
that could be a widowed group,
00:25:12.04\00:25:13.91
that could be an
age fellowship group
00:25:13.94\00:25:15.84
with teaching and discussion
and activities and retreats.
00:25:15.88\00:25:18.15
So young adult group or
single adult group any type--
00:25:18.18\00:25:21.08
you know, this is a vast animal
we are talking about here.
00:25:21.12\00:25:23.18
Single adult
ministry is a big, big issue
00:25:23.22\00:25:27.29
from age 19 to the
oldest we've had is 85
00:25:27.32\00:25:32.49
because single
adults come in all ages
00:25:32.53\00:25:34.16
just like married adults.
00:25:34.20\00:25:35.53
All these individuals
have a different worldview
00:25:35.56\00:25:38.03
because of the experience.
00:25:38.07\00:25:39.53
You know, you have
someone in their 60s
00:25:39.57\00:25:41.30
who perhaps lost
their husband or wife,
00:25:41.34\00:25:44.24
you know, for whatever reason.
00:25:44.27\00:25:47.24
Their
worldview, and their needs,
00:25:47.28\00:25:49.64
and their expectations
are totally different
00:25:49.68\00:25:52.01
than a sophomore
in college, you know.
00:25:52.05\00:25:54.52
So to bring
those two individuals
00:25:54.55\00:25:58.39
to one place and
talk about singleness,
00:25:58.42\00:26:03.56
it's gonna be a huge
disconnect for someone.
00:26:03.59\00:26:06.43
God wants us to relate
to other types of people
00:26:06.46\00:26:11.07
but yet, on the
other hand, of course,
00:26:11.10\00:26:13.23
there is a need for
single adults to be taught
00:26:13.27\00:26:17.41
some of these
issues and discussed
00:26:17.44\00:26:19.74
from a single adult perspective.
00:26:19.77\00:26:21.94
Just because we have a
class or single people go,
00:26:21.98\00:26:25.01
it doesn't mean we are
doing ministry with singles.
00:26:25.05\00:26:27.92
Now any church I go
to I ask this question,
00:26:27.95\00:26:30.49
"How many single people
are on your church staff?
00:26:30.52\00:26:33.52
How many single people are
key lay leaders in your church?
00:26:33.56\00:26:36.49
How many single people
00:26:36.52\00:26:37.86
are part of the
mission board in your church?
00:26:37.89\00:26:39.39
How many single people
are part of the worship team
00:26:39.43\00:26:42.06
or the music
ministry in your church?
00:26:42.10\00:26:44.40
How many single
people are teachers
00:26:44.43\00:26:46.03
in your Christian
education in your church?"
00:26:46.07\00:26:47.84
In other words, if they answer
that question is slim or none,
00:26:47.87\00:26:50.64
then it doesn't really matter
how many classes you have.
00:26:50.67\00:26:53.14
Part of the function
of a singles' ministry,
00:26:53.17\00:26:55.68
if you are going to have one,
00:26:55.71\00:26:57.55
is helping singles
00:26:57.58\00:27:03.02
grow to the point
00:27:03.05\00:27:06.22
where they accept who
they are in Christ in the body.
00:27:06.25\00:27:12.99
Now that's not just a statement
about a singles' class,
00:27:13.03\00:27:16.06
that's a statement
about the young married class.
00:27:16.10\00:27:18.67
What should be the
purpose of any Bible class,
00:27:18.70\00:27:22.54
gathering of believers
meeting together to grow?
00:27:22.57\00:27:25.17
What should be the purpose?
00:27:25.21\00:27:26.54
Well, understanding
who you are in Christ
00:27:26.57\00:27:30.25
and who you are in His body
00:27:30.28\00:27:33.55
and what your
role is in that body.
00:27:33.58\00:27:36.25
If pastors and leaders cannot
start a single adult ministry,
00:27:36.28\00:27:38.75
some churches
can't, I know that.
00:27:38.79\00:27:40.62
They can at least be sensitive
00:27:40.66\00:27:42.49
to the needs and
issues of single adults,
00:27:42.52\00:27:45.13
"inclusive in their language."
00:27:45.16\00:27:47.23
Don't just give married
examples and family examples.
00:27:47.26\00:27:50.67
Give biblical examples of people
00:27:50.70\00:27:52.77
like Jeremiah who never married.
00:27:52.80\00:27:55.20
The Lord told
him to never marry.
00:27:55.24\00:27:56.81
Biblical examples like
Ezekiel who was widowed
00:27:56.84\00:27:59.87
and wrote the
whole Book of Ezekiel.
00:27:59.91\00:28:01.78
Biblical examples of
Hosea who was divorced.
00:28:01.81\00:28:04.95
I know my God is strong
enough to get me through this.
00:28:04.98\00:28:08.95
But I would say to the pastors
of our church, to any church,
00:28:08.98\00:28:14.46
love your people, I
don't care what they do.
00:28:14.49\00:28:18.46
Let them know you love them.
00:28:18.49\00:28:20.90
And you don't
have to tell them this.
00:28:20.93\00:28:22.76
Its way we treat people.
00:28:22.80\00:28:25.03
They know whether they
are loved and accepted or not.
00:28:25.07\00:28:28.64
And they know if
it's just a facade
00:28:28.67\00:28:30.54
or down deep in your
heart you really love them.
00:28:30.57\00:28:34.28
They know, they
read us like a book.
00:28:34.31\00:28:38.91
So if I can't really
love my members genuinely,
00:28:38.95\00:28:44.69
I better just pray to the Lord
00:28:47.89\00:28:49.22
will send somebody
else who can love them.
00:28:49.26\00:28:51.49
Like the easiest thing
that you can do is, you know,
00:28:57.90\00:29:01.14
put a mail together,
invite some single people
00:29:01.17\00:29:02.94
to your house and just hangout.
00:29:02.97\00:29:05.21
Let's just hangout, come
to the house and hangout.
00:29:05.24\00:29:07.31
You know, you cater to them,
you are their host, you know,
00:29:07.34\00:29:10.31
just invite them to your house.
00:29:10.35\00:29:11.75
You know, allow them
also to see hopefully,
00:29:11.78\00:29:16.32
a healthy working
relationship in your home, okay.
00:29:16.35\00:29:19.85
So maybe provide
some inspiration.
00:29:19.89\00:29:21.52
Provide some inspiration.
00:29:21.56\00:29:22.89
Now if you're in a really
bad relationship, don't do this.
00:29:22.92\00:29:26.29
You don't want to bring
people and model, you know,
00:29:26.33\00:29:29.40
"what not to do," okay.
00:29:29.43\00:29:31.73
So... It's a basic...
00:29:31.77\00:29:33.10
Perhaps it will be a
good thing. I don't know.
00:29:33.13\00:29:35.37
Perhaps single
people will be like,
00:29:35.40\00:29:36.74
"Yeah, I don't
want to be married."
00:29:36.77\00:29:38.27
No, I'm just saying.
00:29:38.31\00:29:39.64
Now don't be afraid
to invite single people
00:29:39.67\00:29:42.14
along with if you are inviting
a bunch of married couples
00:29:42.18\00:29:44.98
because we are used to
being around everybody,
00:29:45.01\00:29:47.48
no matter if you
are single or married
00:29:47.52\00:29:49.62
it's kind of nice to--
00:29:49.65\00:29:50.99
when you do get
invitation to go somewhere--
00:29:51.02\00:29:53.49
But she need an option.
00:29:53.52\00:29:54.86
To have--
00:29:54.89\00:29:56.22
to be able to bring somebody
with you if you would like.
00:29:56.26\00:29:58.36
I actually belong
to a fellowship group
00:29:58.39\00:30:01.53
where I'm the
only single person.
00:30:01.56\00:30:03.67
But the great
thing about that is,
00:30:03.70\00:30:05.83
is that nobody really notices.
00:30:05.87\00:30:08.94
You know, I have a
lot of friends who are,
00:30:08.97\00:30:10.31
friends who are married
and friends who are single.
00:30:10.34\00:30:11.67
It's-- I think
it's very healthy dinner
00:30:11.71\00:30:13.24
because if you hangout
with only married couples
00:30:13.27\00:30:15.58
it's kind of like, oh, man.
00:30:15.61\00:30:17.41
If you are like you're third--
what you call a third wheeling
00:30:17.45\00:30:19.55
it's like a old
time all the times,
00:30:19.58\00:30:21.08
it's like, oh, man, you
know, this is kind of annoying.
00:30:21.12\00:30:24.52
But you have like
single friends too,
00:30:24.55\00:30:27.56
this is like, yeah, you
know, okay, I'm hanging out
00:30:27.59\00:30:29.32
with married
people that are cool,
00:30:29.36\00:30:30.69
kind of get away from
that little bit hangout
00:30:30.73\00:30:32.06
with single people.
00:30:32.09\00:30:34.13
So you need to
have that balance.
00:30:34.16\00:30:36.23
It's just kind of
gives you better perspective.
00:30:36.26\00:30:37.87
There you go, bro.
00:30:41.90\00:30:43.97
Oh, man.
00:30:44.01\00:30:45.34
I have found that it's helpful
00:30:45.37\00:30:48.94
to have a wide
variety of friends
00:30:48.98\00:30:51.05
because if anyone
give important time
00:30:51.08\00:30:53.65
there is gonna be
multiple ones of you
00:30:53.68\00:30:55.62
that are going
through something.
00:30:55.65\00:30:57.09
So you can help
support the other ones
00:30:57.12\00:30:59.35
when you are not going through
00:30:59.39\00:31:00.72
and then you can
have somebody help you out
00:31:00.76\00:31:02.42
when you are
going through something.
00:31:02.46\00:31:04.09
Yeah, when
everybody has a tough time
00:31:04.13\00:31:05.49
you just going to cruise.
00:31:05.53\00:31:08.43
Holidays are tough
times for single adults.
00:31:08.46\00:31:11.23
Don't just fellowship
with other married people.
00:31:11.27\00:31:13.57
We tend to hangout
with people like ourselves.
00:31:13.60\00:31:16.00
When is the last
time you married couples
00:31:16.04\00:31:17.71
invited a single
adult out with you?
00:31:17.74\00:31:19.97
When is the last
time you had them
00:31:20.01\00:31:21.34
over a Thanksgiving dinner?
00:31:21.38\00:31:22.94
When is the last
time you took them off
00:31:22.98\00:31:24.31
for Easter dinner?
00:31:24.35\00:31:25.81
Especially these single parents
00:31:25.85\00:31:27.78
they are struggling financially.
00:31:27.82\00:31:29.45
They don't have the wherewithal.
00:31:29.48\00:31:31.22
And after my
husband passed away,
00:31:31.25\00:31:32.69
we were circled with--
00:31:32.72\00:31:34.32
I mean, I mean it we had
about 12 people in my home
00:31:34.36\00:31:36.73
that night that were there.
00:31:36.76\00:31:38.56
I had someone
spent the night with me.
00:31:38.59\00:31:40.23
I had people the next day
00:31:40.26\00:31:41.60
to come to the house and spend,
00:31:41.63\00:31:42.96
and just spend time
and they just kept coming.
00:31:43.00\00:31:45.97
Even till this day
the Facebook posts,
00:31:46.00\00:31:48.17
the cards and all of that were
manifestation of God's love.
00:31:48.20\00:31:51.24
If you stop and think about
00:31:54.18\00:31:55.58
the things your
church celebrates,
00:31:55.61\00:31:59.08
my guess is, is that once people
00:31:59.11\00:32:02.12
pass high school
or college graduation,
00:32:02.15\00:32:04.35
the things that you
celebrate are either
00:32:04.39\00:32:06.42
40th birthday or retirement,
00:32:06.45\00:32:09.72
but between those things,
00:32:09.76\00:32:12.56
you celebrate
people getting married
00:32:12.59\00:32:14.60
and having children.
00:32:14.63\00:32:16.67
And if you are a never
married single with no children
00:32:16.70\00:32:21.40
that leaves you
waiting for your 40th birthday
00:32:21.44\00:32:24.14
or retirement before
anyone in the church.
00:32:24.17\00:32:25.97
And the black
balloons and all of that.
00:32:26.01\00:32:27.64
Before anybody in
the church realizes that,
00:32:27.68\00:32:30.15
you know, there's
something to celebrate here.
00:32:30.18\00:32:32.71
And I just think it's a
simple shift in thinking
00:32:32.75\00:32:35.95
that we are not
so much celebrating
00:32:35.98\00:32:37.65
the rights of passage
and these special events
00:32:37.69\00:32:40.52
as we are celebrating life.
00:32:40.56\00:32:43.06
So what's worth celebrating?
00:32:43.09\00:32:47.13
There's a lot worth celebrating.
00:32:47.16\00:32:48.50
There I guess--
Celebrate all of those years?
00:32:48.53\00:32:49.86
Yes, inviting everybody I know,
00:32:49.90\00:32:51.23
to come to my place and
give me gifts, this is I am.
00:32:51.27\00:32:53.80
Because we love
to go to baby showers
00:32:55.74\00:32:57.31
and we love wedding showers.
00:32:57.34\00:33:00.54
I don't even know
what that would be.
00:33:00.58\00:33:02.14
Would it be just, you know,
00:33:02.18\00:33:03.51
here's a party let's
celebrate the fact we're single.
00:33:03.55\00:33:05.58
I don't know.
00:33:05.61\00:33:07.02
Lot of people have
their big closets full
00:33:07.05\00:33:10.12
of bridesmaid dresses
that they'll of course,
00:33:10.15\00:33:12.95
never wear again the typical--
00:33:12.99\00:33:15.52
"when am I
gonna ever wear this?"
00:33:15.56\00:33:18.03
So we should all
like have a giant party
00:33:18.06\00:33:21.13
and wear all of
our bridesmaid dresses
00:33:21.16\00:33:23.37
so that we can say,
"Yes, I wore this again."
00:33:23.40\00:33:26.70
Maybe it could be as
bridesmaid dresses pageant.
00:33:26.74\00:33:29.74
Yes.
00:33:29.77\00:33:31.54
A bridesmaid
dresses pageant, very yes.
00:33:31.57\00:33:34.01
What could be
more festive than that.
00:33:34.04\00:33:36.44
I could think of few things.
00:33:36.48\00:33:38.98
I've talked to several
of my single lady friends
00:33:39.01\00:33:42.22
and it's usually at the
same time in the wedding
00:33:42.25\00:33:45.42
where we have
these certain thoughts.
00:33:45.45\00:33:47.12
When you see the bride
marching towards the groom,
00:33:47.16\00:33:51.46
you start thinking
00:33:51.49\00:33:53.23
and you picture
yourself there as the bride
00:33:53.26\00:33:56.40
with the veil on the
dress and you are walking up.
00:33:56.43\00:33:58.87
And then start thinking,
00:33:58.90\00:34:00.80
"I'm not really sure
whose face I'm seeing yet."
00:34:00.84\00:34:04.27
You are not sure
00:34:04.31\00:34:05.64
but you may see,
think about your future.
00:34:05.67\00:34:07.78
To be honest, yeah, it can
help to think about your future.
00:34:07.81\00:34:11.25
But the thing that
the church doesn't realize
00:34:11.28\00:34:13.25
that there will be
people who won't marry,
00:34:13.28\00:34:16.42
who may choose...
00:34:16.45\00:34:17.79
By choice? By choice.
00:34:17.82\00:34:19.42
And who may not
marry for different reasons
00:34:19.45\00:34:22.62
and they should be
celebrated as much as marriage
00:34:22.66\00:34:26.76
and I'm not
trying to lift myself up
00:34:26.80\00:34:28.86
and, okay, give me a party.
00:34:28.90\00:34:30.37
You know, I don't want that.
00:34:30.40\00:34:31.73
But I wanted to ask you
00:34:31.77\00:34:33.10
if there is
gonna be Randy Thomas,
00:34:33.13\00:34:34.47
you know, so you
know, annual events.
00:34:34.50\00:34:36.64
Celibacy parade.
00:34:36.67\00:34:38.24
Celebrate "celibacy.com" No.
00:34:38.27\00:34:42.64
Life is not a cookie cutter.
00:34:42.68\00:34:44.68
Man, woman, the
2.5 kids, you know,
00:34:44.71\00:34:48.18
there's
different forms of families
00:34:48.22\00:34:50.59
and I'm a
different form of a family.
00:34:50.62\00:34:52.22
My daughter and I are--
00:34:52.25\00:34:53.59
its always been her
and I and so therefore,
00:34:53.62\00:34:55.66
I think I have a
different take on life,
00:34:55.69\00:34:57.99
a different perception on life.
00:34:58.03\00:34:59.59
And so therefore,
00:34:59.63\00:35:00.96
I think that it's a positive
thing for the younger kids.
00:35:01.00\00:35:03.10
I do a lot of more of
the teenager, younger kids
00:35:03.13\00:35:06.13
and I'm able to
give them guidance
00:35:06.17\00:35:07.94
from the experiences
that I've had in life.
00:35:07.97\00:35:10.77
And she'll come in, "Markiya,
why is your room not clean?"
00:35:10.81\00:35:12.87
I cleaned it this
morning, I promise,
00:35:12.91\00:35:15.78
Chloe did it.
"Quit blaming the dog.
00:35:15.81\00:35:21.05
Quit blaming my baby, she
just didn't no any better."
00:35:21.08\00:35:25.05
She knows what she is doing
00:35:25.09\00:35:26.55
because when she
sees me, she's runs.
00:35:26.59\00:35:30.73
How is the church body built
up because, because I'm single?
00:35:30.76\00:35:36.30
What do I contribute
that other people can't?
00:35:36.33\00:35:40.14
And there are different
ways to answer that question
00:35:40.17\00:35:42.54
and you will be unique to
the family that you are in.
00:35:42.57\00:35:46.54
But as far as my
married friends go,
00:35:46.57\00:35:49.28
Ahh, sometimes I can give
them the gift of a night out.
00:35:49.31\00:35:52.88
I watch their kids, okay.
00:35:52.91\00:35:54.62
Finding babysitters is
hard and it's expensive but
00:35:54.65\00:35:58.15
"I'm your friend,
I'm in the church,
00:35:58.19\00:35:59.52
I'll help you.
00:35:59.55\00:36:00.89
You go have a date
and I'll watch your kids."
00:36:00.92\00:36:03.53
And they don't mean
that flippantly actually
00:36:03.56\00:36:06.29
because to spend
time with their kids
00:36:06.33\00:36:09.13
is important to me
00:36:09.16\00:36:10.77
and I want their
kids to see a single adult
00:36:10.80\00:36:16.87
who isn't sad and
pathetic and miserable.
00:36:16.91\00:36:19.41
It's not--to the body of Christ
00:36:19.44\00:36:21.08
to make me happy, you know.
00:36:21.11\00:36:23.04
I have to be-- Intentional.
00:36:23.08\00:36:24.68
Intentional and playing myself
00:36:24.71\00:36:26.95
into the body of Christ,
00:36:26.98\00:36:28.32
Pressing through the hard stuff
00:36:28.35\00:36:29.68
and rejoicing in the good stuff.
00:36:29.72\00:36:31.39
If I don't know what to
do ask myself what do I have?
00:36:31.42\00:36:34.49
Anything, anything.
00:36:34.52\00:36:36.02
What do I have,
what do I do well?
00:36:36.06\00:36:39.09
And then come to your
pastor and say to him or her,
00:36:39.13\00:36:42.20
what can I do to help you?
00:36:42.23\00:36:44.30
Where are their
needs in the church?
00:36:44.33\00:36:47.24
I love to play the piano.
00:36:47.27\00:36:49.10
I have a passion for writing
00:36:49.14\00:36:51.11
and God is giving
me the opportunity
00:36:51.14\00:36:53.01
to use all of
those in the church.
00:36:53.04\00:36:55.71
I play at church, I sing
00:36:55.74\00:36:57.88
and I'm the editor
for the newsletter.
00:36:57.91\00:36:59.58
So I get to do
all of those things
00:36:59.61\00:37:01.38
for the church and for God.
00:37:01.42\00:37:04.09
And I love that because
He gave the talents to me.
00:37:04.12\00:37:08.06
He didn't want me to use
them just to glorify myself.
00:37:08.09\00:37:11.53
I use them to bless others
and it just gives me deep peace
00:37:11.56\00:37:18.33
knowing that I didn't
toss those talents aside
00:37:18.37\00:37:21.27
or use them for selfish gain.
00:37:21.30\00:37:23.00
Being in these
different ministries,
00:37:23.04\00:37:25.81
you are meeting so
many different people
00:37:25.84\00:37:27.74
and you just go to
church and you are like,
00:37:27.78\00:37:29.51
"Oh, hey,
Monica, how are you now?"
00:37:29.54\00:37:31.21
And, you know, I've
met all these people
00:37:31.25\00:37:32.75
through other CHIP
program is another thing
00:37:32.78\00:37:34.22
I'm involved with but anyway
00:37:34.25\00:37:36.02
that's a Coronary
Health Improvement Project.
00:37:36.05\00:37:37.95
So all these people
from the community come in
00:37:37.99\00:37:39.85
and some people from the church
00:37:39.89\00:37:41.22
and so they see me every Sabbath
00:37:41.26\00:37:42.89
and we know each other through,
00:37:42.92\00:37:44.26
you know, these
different ministries.
00:37:44.29\00:37:45.99
So what other opportunities
00:37:46.03\00:37:48.03
does that make available
that only I can fulfill?
00:37:48.06\00:37:51.20
And when I'm
looking at it that way
00:37:51.23\00:37:53.23
from serving, from,
you know, being the one
00:37:53.27\00:37:55.40
that's, helping
other people sit down,
00:37:55.44\00:37:57.47
from being the one
00:37:57.51\00:37:58.84
when everyone is fanning
themselves in the church,
00:37:58.87\00:38:00.34
being the one that
getting up and go figuring out
00:38:00.38\00:38:02.01
what just happened to the AC.
00:38:02.04\00:38:04.31
You know, from seeing,
00:38:04.35\00:38:05.68
you know, the other day
00:38:05.71\00:38:07.05
seeing a young mother
with three kids, dad not there,
00:38:07.08\00:38:11.69
you know, finding an
umbrella to take her to the car,
00:38:11.72\00:38:15.12
I have these
opportunities to do that.
00:38:15.16\00:38:17.09
Single adults in
the Christian church
00:38:17.13\00:38:18.89
are filled with gifts,
talents the church needs.
00:38:18.93\00:38:25.37
God needs everyone's
gifts, everyone's talents.
00:38:25.40\00:38:29.80
Another singer
invited me to come
00:38:29.84\00:38:33.78
and I attended, I
want to see how it was.
00:38:33.81\00:38:37.21
On a Friday I
went to a rehearsal
00:38:37.25\00:38:39.01
and they had a need
and I hate to say this
00:38:39.05\00:38:41.52
but a tenor so
I ended up singing
00:38:41.55\00:38:44.02
the tenor portion of
it and I really enjoy it
00:38:44.05\00:38:46.86
because it's a ministry
00:38:46.89\00:38:49.62
that not everybody
wants to be involved in.
00:38:49.66\00:38:51.86
And so when you are there,
00:38:51.89\00:38:53.23
you are singing in front
of a couple hundred people,
00:38:53.26\00:38:54.93
it is very
intimidating standing up there.
00:38:54.96\00:38:57.43
But getting it-- with
ones who brought me in,
00:38:57.47\00:39:01.57
I truly enjoyed the camaraderie,
00:39:01.60\00:39:03.74
I enjoyed the fellowship
00:39:03.77\00:39:05.14
and the friendship
that we got as a group.
00:39:05.17\00:39:07.51
And so it just has
become such a part of my life
00:39:07.54\00:39:10.15
On Friday to Saturdays that
I don't miss it for the world.
00:39:10.18\00:39:13.58
You really should only
take on the ministry things
00:39:13.62\00:39:18.95
that God has placed on
your hearts specifically,
00:39:18.99\00:39:21.76
because there
was a time in my life
00:39:21.79\00:39:23.83
where every need I saw,
00:39:23.86\00:39:26.80
I was gonna fulfill it
00:39:26.83\00:39:28.16
and I was gonna take care of it.
00:39:28.20\00:39:29.66
I tend to over commit myself,
00:39:29.70\00:39:32.60
So, yes, I go
through complete panic modes
00:39:32.63\00:39:36.81
of trying to get it all done
00:39:36.84\00:39:38.17
and then,
okay,everything is okay,
00:39:38.21\00:39:39.57
and then try to get it
all done and then it's okay.
00:39:39.61\00:39:42.41
And I don't think I can
blame anyone else for that.
00:39:42.44\00:39:46.38
to sum up my the benefits
and some of the positives
00:39:46.41\00:39:50.72
of being able to be a
volunteer coach at the YMCA
00:39:50.75\00:39:53.86
Ahha, coaching
for new water polo
00:39:53.89\00:39:56.56
is the direct impact
you have on young lives,
00:39:56.59\00:39:59.36
to be able to
share Christ with them
00:39:59.39\00:40:02.83
through that of skill training,
through character development.
00:40:02.86\00:40:08.37
That will go like the...
00:40:08.40\00:40:09.74
Down here in Downtown, Orlando,
00:40:16.44\00:40:19.61
they feed the
homeless here in the park
00:40:19.65\00:40:22.82
on the second
Saturday of every month
00:40:22.85\00:40:24.52
so I've gone and
joined that for a couple times
00:40:24.55\00:40:26.65
and then there's also
lots of retirement buildings
00:40:26.69\00:40:29.26
that are down here too.
00:40:29.29\00:40:30.63
So I go do music
program sometimes there.
00:40:30.66\00:40:32.39
So, you know, it's not work
its something that you enjoy
00:40:32.43\00:40:38.10
if its something
that's naturally part of you
00:40:38.13\00:40:40.54
that can match up really well,
with the need that's out there.
00:40:40.57\00:40:43.07
You may think you
don't have anything to offer
00:40:43.10\00:40:45.51
but the little that you have,
00:40:45.54\00:40:47.78
if you place it in
the Master's hands,
00:40:47.81\00:40:52.25
You can change the world.
00:40:52.28\00:40:57.32
It's hard being a
Christian and living,
00:40:57.35\00:40:59.52
you know, in our day and age now
00:40:59.55\00:41:01.76
with what's being portrayed,
00:41:01.79\00:41:03.73
you know, what love is
00:41:03.76\00:41:05.09
or what the world says love is.
00:41:05.13\00:41:06.56
And what media
says marriage should be.
00:41:06.59\00:41:08.60
As a single person
when at Saturday night
00:41:08.63\00:41:10.80
and you are
watching a movie by yourself
00:41:10.83\00:41:12.83
and eating
popcorn and you can't help
00:41:12.87\00:41:15.67
but feel after
watching a movie like that
00:41:15.70\00:41:18.27
like "Oh, I wish I
had that in my life,
00:41:18.31\00:41:24.15
that would be really
nice and so romantic.
00:41:24.18\00:41:26.65
He is so cute."
00:41:26.68\00:41:28.38
When was the last time
you turned to something off
00:41:28.42\00:41:31.25
or got up and left?
00:41:31.29\00:41:33.15
Because the values were so
contrary to kingdom values.
00:41:33.19\00:41:39.23
That you just-- you don't want
to fight that battle anymore.
00:41:39.26\00:41:42.83
We watch sex on TV,
00:41:42.86\00:41:44.57
and in movies
like nobody's business.
00:41:44.60\00:41:49.04
and okay, well, first
of all if you are single
00:41:49.07\00:41:51.61
and you are watching this it,
00:41:51.64\00:41:54.24
you know, feels this
desire just a little bit.
00:41:54.28\00:41:56.54
I make this analogy in my book
00:41:56.58\00:41:58.21
but it's a
little bit like taking
00:41:58.25\00:41:59.58
somebody through asmorgasbord
and filling their plate
00:41:59.61\00:42:02.12
and then getting to the end
and taking their plate away.
00:42:02.15\00:42:05.05
because that's not something
00:42:05.09\00:42:07.36
that's in the books for
us to have at this point.
00:42:07.39\00:42:10.46
Certainly, I hear of things
and see things on Yahoo news
00:42:10.49\00:42:14.16
and, you know, on
TVs, when I'm in the gym.
00:42:14.20\00:42:17.17
I'm just saying I
don't make a point at that.
00:42:17.20\00:42:20.40
You know, I
choose what I look at.
00:42:20.44\00:42:22.00
And my mother always
said, "Choose your friends,
00:42:22.04\00:42:24.47
don't let your
friends choose you.
00:42:24.51\00:42:26.44
So I don't just let
things happen by happenstance.
00:42:26.47\00:42:29.91
I just don't let media
00:42:29.94\00:42:31.28
just happen to
filtrate into my brain.
00:42:31.31\00:42:33.48
I choose what I
watch. I choose what I eat.
00:42:33.52\00:42:35.52
I'm very intentional
and when I coach water polo
00:42:35.55\00:42:38.25
I tell the kids,
"Move with intention."
00:42:38.29\00:42:40.22
I'm very intentional
about everything I do.
00:42:40.26\00:42:46.76
This Facebook, you
know, you don't tell it
00:42:46.80\00:42:48.93
to just report to
you, it just boom.
00:42:48.96\00:42:51.23
You - like newsfeed,
00:42:51.27\00:42:52.73
this person is
in a relationship,
00:42:52.77\00:42:54.87
this person is, this and
this and you see pictures.
00:42:54.90\00:42:57.64
And slowly you
start thinking, "Oh, man,
00:42:57.67\00:43:00.98
you have this that I don't or,
00:43:01.01\00:43:03.01
you know, that's something
fun I should check that out.
00:43:03.04\00:43:05.75
What is this?"
00:43:05.78\00:43:07.12
And you keep clicking
away and you don't know
00:43:07.15\00:43:09.48
but it's
actually influencing you.
00:43:09.52\00:43:12.15
You know, you have to
go out, you have to dress
00:43:12.19\00:43:13.56
with your dress
a little shorter,
00:43:13.59\00:43:15.22
you have to, you know,
00:43:15.26\00:43:17.06
dress a little bit more
provocative to attract somebody
00:43:17.09\00:43:19.56
and that isn't
necessarily always the case.
00:43:19.59\00:43:22.30
I feel like you
still can be modest
00:43:22.33\00:43:24.13
and still can be beautiful,
00:43:24.17\00:43:25.73
you still can
meet men at church,
00:43:25.77\00:43:27.10
even though I haven't,
00:43:27.14\00:43:28.47
but you still can
meet men in church,
00:43:28.50\00:43:29.84
you still can be in
more positive atmosphere
00:43:29.87\00:43:32.27
and still mingle and meet
00:43:32.31\00:43:34.81
the type of people
that you want to meet
00:43:34.84\00:43:36.41
and have your life.
00:43:36.44\00:43:37.78
Now knowing that
music is my passion
00:43:37.81\00:43:39.78
and that it's something
that I listen to a lot,
00:43:39.81\00:43:43.49
you know, I felt
led by the Holy Spirit
00:43:43.52\00:43:45.75
to be careful about the songs
that I choose to listen to.
00:43:45.79\00:43:49.29
It has you slowly thinking
00:43:49.32\00:43:50.69
that happiness
depends on other people.
00:43:50.73\00:43:53.40
Happiness depends
on your relationships
00:43:53.43\00:43:55.60
or material things.
00:43:55.63\00:43:57.43
I know for myself
that temptation is,
00:43:57.47\00:43:59.63
"Oh, yeah, I'm single
I can watch cable news
00:43:59.67\00:44:02.37
without interruption.
00:44:02.40\00:44:03.74
You know, and I
can go on vacation."
00:44:03.77\00:44:05.21
That's not what
singleness is about.
00:44:05.24\00:44:07.34
Now, if you know
that your singleness
00:44:07.38\00:44:09.28
is a lifelong call.
00:44:09.31\00:44:11.21
or you know that this
is the season in your life,
00:44:11.25\00:44:13.95
there is a very real purpose.
00:44:13.98\00:44:16.52
I don't believe anyway
00:44:16.55\00:44:17.89
this is the world according to-
00:44:17.92\00:44:19.25
I don't believe you will
ever be able to be a useful,
00:44:19.29\00:44:21.49
amazing partner
with someone else
00:44:21.52\00:44:23.26
unless you work on
who you are inside.
00:44:23.29\00:44:25.79
And until you do that
you are not gonna be ready.
00:44:25.83\00:44:30.33
God helped me bake the cake.
00:44:30.37\00:44:32.33
If you want to put icing on it
00:44:32.37\00:44:34.50
that relates to having
me find a spouse, great.
00:44:34.54\00:44:39.74
The most important
thing in a potential partner
00:44:39.77\00:44:42.88
to me now is,
00:44:42.91\00:44:44.95
are they fulfilled and
who they are currently.
00:44:44.98\00:44:49.02
Are they living a 110
percent fulfilled life
00:44:49.05\00:44:52.95
in Christ and who they are?
00:44:52.99\00:44:55.26
When you reach that level
00:44:55.29\00:44:56.76
only then can you be
happly married or otherwise.
00:44:56.79\00:45:01.36
You know, I'm slowly learning
00:45:01.40\00:45:03.43
that you can't,
you can't be happy
00:45:03.47\00:45:08.70
with the thought of a life.
00:45:08.74\00:45:10.97
I mean, you have to
be happy with the life
00:45:11.01\00:45:12.67
you actually are in.
00:45:12.71\00:45:14.64
and this is the
life and I'm actually in.
00:45:14.68\00:45:17.08
It mighty not have
been the one I planned
00:45:17.11\00:45:19.51
but this is the one I'm in,
00:45:19.55\00:45:21.45
And I have to
choose to be happy in it.
00:45:21.48\00:45:24.72
You think sometimes as singles,
00:45:24.75\00:45:27.29
we're so much waiting
for life to happen to us,
00:45:27.32\00:45:30.96
we are waiting to get married,
00:45:30.99\00:45:32.33
we are waiting to
find that next thing
00:45:32.36\00:45:34.66
that we missed in life.
00:45:34.70\00:45:36.03
And life is what happens
00:45:36.06\00:45:37.40
while you're
waiting for it to happen.
00:45:37.43\00:45:39.20
And so singleness
might look like the storm,
00:45:39.23\00:45:42.47
this horrible
thing that's abusing you
00:45:42.50\00:45:44.64
and mistreating you.
00:45:44.67\00:45:46.47
Well, you know, Peter is the one
00:45:46.51\00:45:47.84
that got out of the boat
and he walked on that water
00:45:47.88\00:45:50.71
and what an
amazing experience he had.
00:45:50.75\00:45:52.85
Yeah, at this
point I'm really content
00:45:52.88\00:45:55.12
with the understanding that
I may live the rest of my days
00:45:55.15\00:45:59.52
as a celibate man.
00:45:59.55\00:46:00.89
And I'm good with that.
00:46:00.92\00:46:02.26
Colossians 2:10 says,
"You are complete in Him."
00:46:02.29\00:46:06.73
Marriage don't complete me.
00:46:06.76\00:46:08.33
Jesus complete me.
00:46:08.36\00:46:09.90
Marriage does not complete me.
00:46:09.93\00:46:11.57
Marriage is
only an amplification
00:46:11.60\00:46:14.24
of who I am.
00:46:14.27\00:46:15.84
and marriage will not
solve a single adults' problems,
00:46:15.87\00:46:18.47
it will amplify their problems.
00:46:18.51\00:46:21.11
There's been a
push for a lot of people
00:46:21.14\00:46:22.68
who are single to have
to find somebody right now
00:46:22.71\00:46:26.05
or have to be in a
relationship right now,
00:46:26.08\00:46:27.88
have to date somebody or
look somewhere for someone,
00:46:27.92\00:46:30.72
you know, but I'm
learning that there is beauty
00:46:30.75\00:46:34.42
and there's joy in being content
00:46:34.46\00:46:36.69
with who you are
and the relationship
00:46:36.73\00:46:38.93
that you have with God.
00:46:38.96\00:46:40.30
You know, I was
thinking about this
00:46:40.33\00:46:42.66
that the outside is only so much
00:46:42.70\00:46:44.97
but inner beauty is so much more
00:46:45.00\00:46:46.63
and that's what you are
gonna take with you as you age.
00:46:46.67\00:46:49.04
And so I really
started focusing on that,
00:46:49.07\00:46:50.91
the inner beauty and then
I was realizing it the more,
00:46:50.94\00:46:53.84
the more closer you
become with Christ, with Jesus,
00:46:53.88\00:46:58.21
the Holy Spirit, you
know, continues to fill you
00:46:58.25\00:47:01.35
and you actually
become more beautiful.
00:47:01.38\00:47:03.15
It doesn't matter
what you look like
00:47:03.18\00:47:04.95
but you are
naturally with The Holy Spirit,
00:47:04.99\00:47:07.06
you are gonna be more confident,
00:47:07.09\00:47:08.66
more bold, more secure.
00:47:08.69\00:47:10.56
And that's why I think a
lot of people are turned off by
00:47:10.59\00:47:12.99
as the
insecurity in other people.
00:47:13.03\00:47:15.80
So when they see somebody
that secure and confident
00:47:15.83\00:47:18.83
and, you know, and
are secure with Christ
00:47:18.87\00:47:21.80
they are gonna be
naturally drawn to you
00:47:21.84\00:47:23.17
if they are healthy,
00:47:23.20\00:47:24.54
if they are in
Christ themselves,
00:47:24.57\00:47:25.91
they will be
drawn to you as well.
00:47:25.94\00:47:27.28
I don't think
that the new age people
00:47:27.31\00:47:28.64
and that the world as it is now
with all the self help books,
00:47:28.68\00:47:32.28
they shouldn't have a
monopoly on how to figure it out
00:47:32.31\00:47:35.28
and how to figure out
life and how to live it right
00:47:35.32\00:47:37.72
and to enjoy yourself.
00:47:37.75\00:47:39.12
I think we've
had that information
00:47:39.15\00:47:40.86
for 2,000 years plus.
00:47:40.89\00:47:43.12
And in the Old Testament
as well as the New Testament
00:47:43.16\00:47:45.43
as well as just being logical.
00:47:45.46\00:47:50.47
I think that the world thinks
that when you are a Christian
00:47:50.50\00:47:53.13
you become very illogical.
00:47:53.17\00:47:54.67
And I don't
agree with that at all
00:47:54.70\00:47:57.21
and the only
reason they think that is
00:47:57.24\00:47:58.71
because they haven't tasted
and seen that the Lord is good.
00:47:58.74\00:48:01.38
I decided one
weekend to get away
00:48:06.05\00:48:08.28
and just spend
some time with God.
00:48:08.32\00:48:10.29
I stayed in this
really neat river cottage
00:48:10.32\00:48:13.46
and there was a
guest book in the bedroom
00:48:13.49\00:48:15.66
and couples has had
made little notes in there
00:48:15.69\00:48:20.36
about how they stayed
there on their honeymoon
00:48:20.40\00:48:22.46
and all these little
romantic little notes
00:48:22.50\00:48:25.73
and I remember
that I had this thought,
00:48:25.77\00:48:28.40
and I thought,
man, that's so romantic.
00:48:28.44\00:48:31.54
I wish I was
here with my husband,
00:48:31.57\00:48:34.08
you know,
00:48:34.11\00:48:35.84
and through that weekend,
in lots of different ways
00:48:35.88\00:48:41.68
God was speaking to my heart
00:48:41.72\00:48:43.05
and one big
moment was I was studying
00:48:43.08\00:48:46.49
and I heard this
voice almost audibly,
00:48:46.52\00:48:49.56
it was very clear in my
mind and it said simply,
00:48:49.59\00:48:52.53
"I adore you."
00:48:52.56\00:48:54.60
And I pushed it
away, I kept studying
00:48:54.63\00:48:57.10
and I heard it again.
00:48:57.13\00:48:59.10
And I even said out loud,
00:48:59.13\00:49:01.30
"Lord, don't bother
me. I'm trying to study."
00:49:01.34\00:49:05.04
And again, I heard it
00:49:05.07\00:49:08.31
and then I
realized that it was God
00:49:08.34\00:49:11.25
and He was trying to
tell me "I adore you"
00:49:11.28\00:49:14.08
and I burst into tears.
00:49:14.12\00:49:18.02
It was such a
gigantic moment for me
00:49:18.05\00:49:21.52
and I knew that
God was telling me,
00:49:21.56\00:49:25.96
"Look, though you are
not married you are here.
00:49:25.99\00:49:29.83
You don't have a
husband like the other women
00:49:29.86\00:49:32.27
that were here that stayed here
00:49:32.30\00:49:34.07
but you have Me
and am I not enough."
00:49:34.10\00:49:37.34
And it was, it was the cry
of a jealous and a loving God
00:49:37.37\00:49:45.05
and it broke me,
00:49:45.08\00:49:48.38
it just broke me.
00:49:48.42\00:49:52.65
And I knew that He
wanted to be enough for me.
00:49:52.69\00:49:58.56
I know it was a
pivotal moment for me.
00:49:58.59\00:50:04.27
That was huge
00:50:04.30\00:50:07.07
and I just started
to see the beauty of Him
00:50:07.10\00:50:10.07
and I started to
see that He was enough.
00:50:10.11\00:50:14.38
And that's, that's
what He has taught me
00:50:14.41\00:50:20.25
that He is enough.
00:50:20.28\00:50:22.65
He is more than enough.
00:50:22.68\00:50:24.02
In my journey to
healing from divorce,
00:50:30.49\00:50:33.06
I have learned that
my scars are not ugly.
00:50:33.09\00:50:36.67
In fact,
00:50:36.70\00:50:38.27
those scars became a
platform for sharing my faith.
00:50:38.30\00:50:42.94
I sometimes wonder
00:50:42.97\00:50:44.41
if I'll ever get married again
00:50:44.44\00:50:47.28
but at the same time
00:50:47.31\00:50:49.21
I've chose not believe
00:50:49.24\00:50:50.58
that my life must not be defined
00:50:50.61\00:50:53.68
by my marital status.
00:50:53.72\00:50:56.18
Is it easy?
00:50:56.22\00:50:58.55
Not in this life.
00:50:58.59\00:51:00.32
But I find courage
00:51:00.36\00:51:01.82
in knowing that God
can give even single adults
00:51:01.86\00:51:05.73
spiritual
offspring that live forever.
00:51:05.76\00:51:10.23
Now that's a
legacy worth fighting for.
00:51:10.27\00:51:14.47
And God's peace grows inside
00:51:14.50\00:51:17.37
as I run in His will.
00:51:17.41\00:51:19.41
I got it all
00:51:29.22\00:51:31.79
The best in everything
00:51:31.82\00:51:36.89
I'm not alone
00:51:36.93\00:51:39.43
He's more than enough for me
00:51:39.46\00:51:45.30
He calms my pounding heart
00:51:45.33\00:51:47.80
He gives me a brand new start
00:51:47.84\00:51:51.71
God meets all my needs
00:51:51.74\00:51:55.98
He is more than enough
00:51:56.01\00:51:59.98
More than enough for me
00:52:00.02\00:52:04.99
Jesus, You are more than enough
00:52:05.02\00:52:11.33
You are more than enough for me
00:52:11.36\00:52:14.96
Savior, You are more than enough
00:52:26.27\00:52:33.95
I have never seen the
dead come back to life
00:53:27.90\00:53:32.04
I was not among the
thousands that were fed
00:53:40.58\00:53:45.29
But I wish that I could see
00:53:45.32\00:53:47.76
The two little fish
and the loafs of bread
00:53:47.79\00:53:53.19
Let me take the time
and tell you what I've seen
00:53:53.23\00:53:59.13
I've seen prayers
being answered immediately
00:53:59.17\00:54:05.31
Then there are times
when the waiting seems
00:54:05.34\00:54:09.34
Infinitely long
00:54:09.38\00:54:12.05
And weak and
fainting hearts receive
00:54:12.08\00:54:15.45
Strength to be strong
00:54:15.48\00:54:18.12
That's a miracle It's a miracle
00:54:18.15\00:54:24.83
The kind that happens everyday
In a personal and special way
00:54:24.86\00:54:31.20
It's a miracle I
say it's a miracle
00:54:31.23\00:54:37.37
It's the kind that is too
obvious for everyone to see
00:54:37.41\00:54:43.55
And the greatest miracle of all
00:54:43.75\00:54:48.75
Is happening to me
00:54:48.78\00:54:52.35
There aren't many
things of which we can be sure
00:55:02.30\00:55:08.87
But let me give you
evidence you can't ignore
00:55:08.90\00:55:16.01
I was up a prisoner
to my former life of sin
00:55:16.04\00:55:21.42
But freedom came my way one day
00:55:21.45\00:55:24.99
And now one more to get
00:55:25.02\00:55:27.02
And that's a
miracle It's a miracle
00:55:27.06\00:55:34.46
That kind that happens everyday
00:55:34.50\00:55:37.43
In a personal and special way
00:55:37.47\00:55:41.60
It's a miracle I
say it's a miracle
00:55:41.64\00:55:46.68
It's the kind that is too
obvious for everyone to see
00:55:46.71\00:55:53.21
And the greatest miracle
of all is happening to me
00:55:53.25\00:56:01.22
I can't explain it
00:56:01.26\00:56:05.76
but it's not beyond belief
00:56:05.79\00:56:10.60
No
00:56:10.63\00:56:13.97
The holy God of heaven
00:56:14.00\00:56:18.91
Has placed
Himself within our reach
00:56:18.94\00:56:24.75
How can broken
hearts learn to trust again?
00:56:24.78\00:56:28.65
How can a God you
cannot see be your best friend?
00:56:31.02\00:56:38.29
And when things didn't go
the way you thought they should
00:56:38.33\00:56:43.57
God gave you
faith to still believe
00:56:43.60\00:56:46.90
When you didn't
think you could not
00:56:46.94\00:56:49.54
That's a miracle It's a miracle
00:56:49.57\00:56:56.54
That kind that happens everyday
In a personal and special way
00:56:56.58\00:57:02.82
It's a miracle I
say it's a miracle
00:57:02.85\00:57:09.02
It's the kind that is too
obvious for everyone to see
00:57:09.06\00:57:15.33
And the greatest miracle
00:57:15.36\00:57:17.90
Of all is happening to me
00:57:17.93\00:57:23.20
It's happening to me
00:57:32.65\00:57:39.75
You think I'll get hired
on the cooking channel, man?
00:57:45.56\00:57:51.83
I'm pretty sure.
00:57:51.87\00:57:53.54
Pretty sure you
got what it takes, bro.
00:57:53.57\00:57:55.37