I don't understand.
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Why did this
have to happen to me?
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I feel like I just
can't make sense of things.
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I need answers.
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Where is God?
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Hello and welcome to Raw
Questions Relevant Answers,
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a program where
we, as young people,
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wrestle with issues that
young people wrestle with
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and we find
answers in the scriptures,
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that's our burden.
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Today's topic is a
heavy one, it's on sexuality.
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And so I've got
two great friends
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with me here as co-hosts,
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I've got Michelle
Doucoumes and Mark Paden,
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and I guess let's just
go ahead and do what we can
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with what we've got here.
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So the first question is,
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"How can we maintain a heart
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and mind of purity in a society
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that seems to
glorify instant gratification
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and 'do what feels good'
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when it comes to relationships
and sexuality choices?"
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It's from a
female in Washington.
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How do we maintain a heart
and mind of purity in a society
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that says, "That's nonsense,
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do what you want and do it now."
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Job 14:4. Ooh.
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"Who can bring a clean
thing out of an unclean one?
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No one."
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You know, what we put in
ourselves is what comes out.
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I think that's
one of the reasons
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why sexuality is
such a hard struggle.
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It's not just
the innate hormones
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and other things inside of us.
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It's also that we live in
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an extremely
sexualized culture today.
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And I think the person asking
this question realizes this.
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Yes. It's everywhere.
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It's in your movies.
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It's in the music we listen to.
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It's in the social media.
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Just on Instagram today,
we were talking about this.
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Go to a little search button,
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there's all this
junk that comes up.
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And so what do we do with that?
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You know, the first
thing I would say is
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we do need to watch
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what we're putting in,
it's going to change us.
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We don't think it
will, but imperceptibly,
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our views of sexuality
become more and more corrupted
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but God wants to restore that.
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That's another thing that
I've seen that's beautiful,
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and this is in 2
Corinthians 11:2.
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Christ is talking about
how he views us as his people.
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He says, "I am jealous
for you with godly jealousy, "
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that's Paul
speaking on behalf of God,
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"For I have
betrothed you to one husband,
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that I may present you as
a chaste virgin to Christ."
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He wants us to be a
chaste virgin onto him.
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Now that might
not seem possible.
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For some watching here like,
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"I've already kind of
messed up my life in sexuality,
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and it's
already pretty corrupt."
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But also remember
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that God doesn't
ask us for things
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that he is not
gonna enable us to do.
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Amen.
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That he is not gonna say,
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"I wanna present
you as a chaste virgin,"
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if He doesn't have the
ability to cleanse our minds
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and rewrite some
of this nasty stuff
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that goes into our
sexuality, from our backgrounds,
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from the world around us.
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Yeah, 100%.
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You know, there's
another verse in Psalm 101:3,
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"I will set no wicked
thing before mine eyes."
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I think this honestly
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is where the
rubber meets the road.
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We don't come out of the
womb thinking of all the ways
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that we can, you know,
mess up in a sexual way.
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We come out of
the womb pure-ish.
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But then when, I
mean, we're still fallen,
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but what we really gives
us the idea for temptation
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is what we put in front of us.
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And so I think the biggest thing
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that we can do for ourselves
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is guard well the
avenues of the soul, you know?
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Stay away from the things
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that are gonna
suggest temptation.
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Yeah.
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You know, and
like for me, it's...
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I had to do certain things like,
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on Instagram, I
don't follow people
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that post
certain things, you know?
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Like I can't have mercy, right?
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And are they things like
that, stay away from the shows,
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the music that's
suggesting sexual things
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and just really be
cognizant about that
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and know that
whatever you consistently view,
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that's what you're gonna be.
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You develop an appetite
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for the things
that you consume, right?
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They may be, you know,
offend to you initially,
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but then you kind
of grow a comfort.
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In 1 Corinthians 6:9 and10,
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Paul kind of
lays out this stuff,
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he says, verse nine,
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"Do you not know
that the unrighteous
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will not inherit
the kingdom of God?"
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Then he says,
"Do not be deceived."
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And he starts
listing a bunch of stuff
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that's gonna disqualify people
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for the kingdom
of heaven, right?
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"Fornicators, idolaters,
adulterers," in other things,
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when he says, what
I love is in verse 11.
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He says, "But
such were some of you,
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but you were washed,
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but you were sanctified,
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but you were justified in
the name of the Lord Jesus
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and by the Spirit of our God."
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And I love this
because some of these things
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are listed to
disqualify people from heaven.
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When they encounter
the gospel of Jesus Christ,
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they can be qualified
for the kingdom of heaven.
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He can wash them.
He can regenerate them.
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So even if you have a
brain that's just depraved
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and you feel like an animal,
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there's a God in heaven
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who can rewire our circuitry.
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But our responsibility
is to disassociate ourselves
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from things that
are bridges to a place
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that we don't
need to be anymore.
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Yeah.
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And only we know
what those boundaries are.
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If you need to
shut down social media,
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if you need to
stop watching this
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or stop listening to that,
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then follow the
prompting of God,
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the conviction
of God, and do so.
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Never put
yourself in a situation,
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it says in 1
Corinthians 10 that,
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"Let him who thinks he
stands take heed lest he fall."
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Yeah. Yes.
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But what I love he says that,
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"No temptation is overtaking you
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except such as is common to man,
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but God is faithful,
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who will not
allow you to be tempted
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beyond what you are able.
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But with the temptation,
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we will also
make a way of escape."
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That means that first of all,
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you are not a loser for
thinking these thoughts,
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other people wrestled with it.
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Don't think you are
too big for your bridges
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and you will never
fall, it's another thing.
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But thirdly, the other
point that's made in this text
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is that every single
time that you are tempted,
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there's a fork on the road
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and God is
offering another direction
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to go when tempted.
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And that we can
respond to the spirits
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prompting in that moment
and move the other direction.
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May I say something about
temptation that has helped me?
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Yes.
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You know, we have desires in us.
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Well, how can I help it
that I have sexual desires?
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We are made with these.
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Well, James
chapter 1 has helped me.
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Verse 14 it says,
"But each one is tempted
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when he is drawn away by
his own desires and enticed.
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When desire conceived,
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it gives brings forth sin,
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and sin, when it is
full-grown, brings forth death."
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We don't want that.
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But then verse 16,
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"Do not be
deceived, my beloved brethren,
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every good gift
and every perfect gift
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is from above and comes
down from the Father of lights,
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with whom there is no
variation or shadow of turning."
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It's really interesting.
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After this whole thing
about desire and temptation,
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James says don't be deceived,
the good things are from God.
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Think about it this way.
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Does Satan have creative power?
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Right. No.
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He doesn't. Yeah.
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The only thing
he has power to do
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is pervert and counterfeit.
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God has given sexual
desire and it's a good thing.
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We shouldn't be ashamed of it.
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I think sometimes
we become ashamed of it
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and make the whole
thing dirty, it's not.
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But when we experience a desire
that's not for something good,
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think about what is
the devil perverting
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that God really
wants to give me.
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And go to God for the true thing
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instead of a counterfeit.
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It's just a
counterfeit of something
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that is real and good.
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I think it's a beautiful point
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that sexuality
is not a bad thing,
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it's the corruption
of sexuality that is.
00:07:35.78\00:07:38.05
When we were
talking about temptation,
00:07:38.09\00:07:39.42
it reminded of
Charles Spurgeon, He said,
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"You can't stop the birds
from flying over your head,
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but you can stop them
00:07:42.79\00:07:44.13
from building a
nest in your hair."
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Right?
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To be tempted is one thing,
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to play with the
temptation or run with it
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is a totally different one.
00:07:49.63\00:07:50.97
Jesus himself was
tempted and never sinned.
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It's what we do
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with the
temptation at the moment,
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and yeah, it's a great point.
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You have one more thing?
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Yeah, one other point
really quick to just to
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'cause I think sometimes
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we get in this
cultural slumber of saying,
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"You know, as long
as I not do anything,
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I can just look, right?"
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Window shopping,
huh? Yeah, exactly.
00:08:13.59\00:08:16.36
And even I
think we do it in ways
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that we don't
realize as much like
00:08:18.79\00:08:21.06
swooning over some
actors or something, right?
00:08:21.10\00:08:24.97
But I want to
bring our attention
00:08:25.00\00:08:27.30
to this verse in Matthew 5:27,
00:08:27.34\00:08:30.27
"You have heard that it was said
00:08:30.31\00:08:32.07
by them of old time,
00:08:32.11\00:08:33.54
'You shall not
commit adultery.' "
00:08:33.58\00:08:35.04
And this is Christ
saying, "But I say unto you
00:08:35.08\00:08:37.35
that whoever looks on
a woman to lust after her
00:08:37.38\00:08:40.25
has committed adultery
with her already in his heart."
00:08:40.28\00:08:42.78
Wow.
00:08:42.82\00:08:44.15
So the God's
law really gets down
00:08:44.19\00:08:47.42
to even our thoughts
00:08:47.46\00:08:49.22
and what we're thinking
about when we look at somebody.
00:08:49.26\00:08:52.06
Yeah, it's true.
00:08:52.09\00:08:53.80
This is our
second question here,
00:08:53.83\00:08:56.03
and this is from a
female in Tennessee.
00:08:56.06\00:08:58.47
"Is divorce
really only sanctioned
00:08:58.50\00:09:00.20
for cases of sexual immorality?"
00:09:00.24\00:09:02.30
And then it kind of put
examples of that unfaithfulness
00:09:02.34\00:09:04.77
or rape or etcetera,
00:09:04.81\00:09:06.21
is divorce only
sanctioned for cases
00:09:06.24\00:09:08.21
such as sexual immorality?
00:09:08.24\00:09:12.41
Definitely a big one. Yeah.
00:09:12.45\00:09:14.22
You want to go on this one?
00:09:14.25\00:09:15.58
Well, I'll just go to
the simple answer first.
00:09:15.62\00:09:18.62
In Matthew 19,
Jesus spoke about this.
00:09:18.65\00:09:21.02
He was asked about
00:09:21.06\00:09:22.39
basically this very question
when is divorce appropriate,
00:09:22.42\00:09:25.99
when is divorce not appropriate.
00:09:26.03\00:09:28.16
In verse 8, after the
Jews asked him, he said,
00:09:28.20\00:09:32.03
"Moses, because of the
hardness of your hearts,
00:09:32.07\00:09:34.44
permitted you to
divorce your wives,
00:09:34.47\00:09:36.84
but from the
beginning it was not so.
00:09:36.87\00:09:39.21
And I say to you,
whoever divorces his wife,
00:09:39.24\00:09:41.38
except for sexual
immorality, and marries another,
00:09:41.41\00:09:43.95
commits adultery.
00:09:43.98\00:09:45.31
And whoever marries her
00:09:45.35\00:09:47.28
who is divorced
commits adultery."
00:09:47.32\00:09:49.78
Now it's an interesting
context in Jesus' day,
00:09:49.82\00:09:52.39
divorce had become a
lot more common apparently,
00:09:52.42\00:09:55.49
and they were doing this
for a lot of different reasons.
00:09:55.52\00:09:58.56
And Jesus said it
was never meant for this.
00:09:58.59\00:10:02.40
The two were meant
to become one flesh.
00:10:02.43\00:10:05.37
It's not meant to
just get ripped apart.
00:10:05.40\00:10:07.40
"And what God
has joined together,
00:10:07.44\00:10:08.77
let man not separate."
00:10:08.80\00:10:10.14
Right. Right.
00:10:10.17\00:10:11.51
And the other thing too
00:10:11.54\00:10:12.87
is that we have to look
into the rationale behind this,
00:10:12.91\00:10:14.24
like God isn't just up
there in heaven and be like,
00:10:14.28\00:10:15.61
"Oh, I just want
to torment somebody
00:10:15.64\00:10:17.75
by letting them only
have one person in life."
00:10:17.78\00:10:21.22
The reason that God
has put this in place
00:10:21.25\00:10:23.32
is that he knows that that
is a very fabric of society.
00:10:23.35\00:10:27.66
I mean, the family is
the most elemental grouping
00:10:27.69\00:10:32.29
in society that we have,
00:10:32.33\00:10:33.83
and it's from the
strength of the family
00:10:33.86\00:10:36.26
that the nation, that
the world finds strength.
00:10:36.30\00:10:39.53
So if, I mean, we see
the pain and heartache,
00:10:39.57\00:10:43.71
just the bad stuff that happens
when families get ripped apart,
00:10:43.74\00:10:47.88
I mean, especially young people
00:10:47.91\00:10:49.31
go through a tremendous amount
of heartache and pain in that.
00:10:49.34\00:10:52.31
And God's prohibition on this
00:10:52.35\00:10:54.55
is in one sense
00:10:54.58\00:10:58.25
to give us a lot more
caution going into a marriage
00:10:58.29\00:11:02.49
that we need to be very careful
00:11:02.52\00:11:05.13
what we are
getting ourselves into
00:11:05.16\00:11:07.30
'cause God doesn't want
us to get into a marriage
00:11:07.33\00:11:09.86
just thinking like,
00:11:09.90\00:11:12.07
"If I'm buying something,
00:11:12.10\00:11:13.44
oh, you know, I can get
rid of it in a little bit
00:11:13.47\00:11:15.70
if it doesn't work out."
00:11:15.74\00:11:17.07
Return policy. Right, exactly.
00:11:17.11\00:11:18.44
We can't do
that with a marriage.
00:11:18.47\00:11:20.04
And that's I think a big
reason why God instituted this
00:11:20.08\00:11:22.64
is that he
doesn't want a society
00:11:22.68\00:11:25.01
that is constantly
getting ripped apart
00:11:25.05\00:11:26.92
at its most elemental level.
00:11:26.95\00:11:28.28
Yeah.
00:11:28.32\00:11:29.65
And I think that the purpose,
when these two become one,
00:11:29.68\00:11:31.92
there is this sensitive,
00:11:31.95\00:11:33.29
the physical act of
the two becoming one,
00:11:33.32\00:11:34.89
this is meant to
kind of bond them,
00:11:34.92\00:11:36.42
and there's even
science that proves this
00:11:36.46\00:11:37.96
is it bonds you
psychologically, emotionally,
00:11:37.99\00:11:39.79
and physically, and otherwise.
00:11:39.83\00:11:41.53
And this is what God intended
to kind of seal this union
00:11:41.56\00:11:44.30
between two people whom
he was leading together.
00:11:44.33\00:11:47.27
So I think
before one is married,
00:11:47.30\00:11:48.87
this is something we
need to think very clearly
00:11:48.90\00:11:50.67
and strongly and
deeply and prayerfully
00:11:50.71\00:11:53.31
about seeking much counsel
00:11:53.34\00:11:55.44
because this isn't
just a light thing, right?
00:11:55.48\00:11:57.31
Marriage is a really big deal.
00:11:57.35\00:11:59.15
It's a blessing.
00:11:59.18\00:12:00.52
It's one of the
things that God gave to man
00:12:00.55\00:12:01.88
in its unfallen state
00:12:01.92\00:12:03.25
that's still available
to us and is a privilege.
00:12:03.28\00:12:06.09
Now there is a
disclaimer we need to make
00:12:06.12\00:12:07.62
or at least something
we need to kind of address
00:12:07.66\00:12:09.62
that what about situations
00:12:09.66\00:12:10.99
where someone is in
an abusive environment?
00:12:11.03\00:12:13.23
So let's say, that's all
well and good beforehand,
00:12:13.26\00:12:15.06
but I'm in a marriage...
00:12:15.10\00:12:16.43
And maybe there wasn't
any adultery or something.
00:12:16.46\00:12:18.53
Right.
00:12:18.57\00:12:19.90
But I'm in a situation
now where I'm being hurt,
00:12:19.93\00:12:21.84
my children are being hurt.
00:12:21.87\00:12:23.20
It's an unsafe environment.
00:12:23.24\00:12:24.57
We don't have a lot of time.
00:12:24.61\00:12:26.17
But one of the
things we have to counsel
00:12:26.21\00:12:27.64
is we are not saying
00:12:27.68\00:12:29.61
when we are talking about
divorce not being as ideal.
00:12:29.64\00:12:31.95
We are not saying that
someone should stay in a home,
00:12:31.98\00:12:34.32
physically staying in a
home, where abuse is happening.
00:12:34.35\00:12:37.72
Our counsel to you
00:12:37.75\00:12:39.09
with as much
sincerity as we can muster
00:12:39.12\00:12:40.66
is get out immediately,
00:12:40.69\00:12:42.02
find a form of a
structured separation,
00:12:42.06\00:12:44.66
and then begin the process
of seeking a professional help
00:12:44.69\00:12:47.06
and intervention immediately.
00:12:47.10\00:12:48.93
You and the children
get out of that environment
00:12:48.96\00:12:51.63
and seek
professional help immediately.
00:12:51.67\00:12:54.87
And in those situations,
00:12:54.90\00:12:56.24
what would prompt
something like that, abuse,
00:12:56.27\00:12:59.04
very unhelpful
addictive behaviors
00:12:59.07\00:13:02.88
and violence, things
like these and adultery,
00:13:02.91\00:13:05.25
those are things
where it's wise to separate,
00:13:05.28\00:13:07.38
seek intervention
and begin the process
00:13:07.42\00:13:09.18
of seeking professional help
00:13:09.22\00:13:10.79
to know how to
work through this.
00:13:10.82\00:13:12.15
Yeah.
00:13:12.19\00:13:13.52
And I think,
biblically speaking,
00:13:13.56\00:13:15.39
this is very logical.
00:13:15.42\00:13:16.76
God would not want us to
be in constant fear for lives.
00:13:16.79\00:13:20.53
That's not good. Yeah. Right.
00:13:20.56\00:13:22.16
And if we are in a situation
00:13:22.20\00:13:23.53
where somebody is
really getting hurt,
00:13:23.57\00:13:25.97
it's good to get some distance.
00:13:26.00\00:13:27.64
Yeah, 100%, that's reasonable.
00:13:27.67\00:13:29.57
And it's also because
00:13:29.60\00:13:30.94
Jesus doesn't
give the admonition
00:13:30.97\00:13:32.57
though that it still gives
us the freedom to just remarry,
00:13:32.61\00:13:36.38
to do some of these things,
00:13:36.41\00:13:37.75
and I know this is a hard thing
00:13:37.78\00:13:39.11
and that's why we
want to think carefully
00:13:39.15\00:13:41.55
about who we marry
and how we do that.
00:13:41.58\00:13:44.25
But I'm glad you mentioned that,
00:13:44.29\00:13:45.79
especially for
other women out there,
00:13:45.82\00:13:47.86
I know there are people
00:13:47.89\00:13:49.22
who are afraid to take the step
00:13:49.26\00:13:51.73
to step out and to get
help, and that's needed.
00:13:51.76\00:13:54.93
It's the right thing to do,
and it's the best thing to do
00:13:54.96\00:13:56.90
particularly when children
00:13:56.93\00:13:58.27
are involved in
any situation, period.
00:13:58.30\00:14:00.44
That's all the time we
have for today unfortunately.
00:14:00.47\00:14:02.20
But again, thank
you for joining us on
00:14:02.24\00:14:03.64
Raw Questions Relevant Answers.
00:14:03.67\00:14:05.47
You could submit your questions
to RQRA3ABN on Facebook.com,
00:14:05.51\00:14:10.55
or just Facebook.com/RQRA3ABN.
00:14:10.58\00:14:14.05
Look forward to
seeing you next time.
00:14:14.08\00:14:15.42