I don't understand
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why did this
have to happen to me?
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I feel like I just
can't make sense of things.
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I need answers.
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Where is God?
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Hello and welcome to Raw
Questions Relevant Answers,
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a place where we take the
time to answer your questions
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from a biblical
Christ-centered perspective
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on the stuff that matters
most to you and your experience.
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So today's topic,
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we're actually dealing
with the issue of identity.
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I've got two friends
with me here who are co-hosts.
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We have Michelle
Doucoumes and Mark Paden,
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and what I'd like to
do is just dive right in
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because we've got
some really heavy questions
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that I want to deal
with as soon as possible.
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Here's the first one.
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This is from a
female, 26, from Illinois,
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"How can someone
restore their identity in Christ
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after traumatic experience,
especially sexual harassment?"
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How can someone restore
their identity in Christ
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after some form of
traumatic experience,
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especially sexual harassment?
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I think the first
thing to recognize is that
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when we go
through traumatic things,
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the heart is one of the
most easy things to get broken.
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And when we go through things
that are really difficult...
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Imagine it's like this,
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somebody comes up to you
and they break your leg, okay?
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And then everybody expects you
to walk on that leg afterwards.
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That's as ridiculous as
it is to expect somebody
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who's just been
severely emotionally hurt
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to function emotionally
after this has happened.
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Now the difference
between a leg being broken
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and a heart being
broken or hurt in some way
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is that everybody
around can see the broken leg
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and so it gets treated,
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you go to the
doctor, you get it in a cast.
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And even sympathy.
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Yeah, exactly.
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"Oh, I see, what
happened, how can I help?"
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Exactly.
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Whereas, with the heartbreak,
it's not immediately seen,
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and what ends up
happening is that
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because of that
it's not taken care of,
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it's not treated.
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And so, I think,
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the first part of the
answer to this question
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is just recognizing that
when we go through stuff,
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it really breaks stuff inside.
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You know, and I
think all of us...
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I mean, I know, I for sure
have gone through things where,
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you know, you get hurt.
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And like years afterward,
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you realize that
you do certain things,
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you have certain habits,
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certain ways of dealing
with people that are bad
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and they really stem back
to that breaking that you had.
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So this question of how
do we deal with this now,
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I think the first thing is that
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we have to
recognize that it's happening.
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We have to...
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We have...
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Any time we go through
something traumatic like that,
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we have to take a
stop and really understand
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what's going on,
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what am I doing because of this,
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and to intentionally look at,
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"Okay, what am I
doing as a result of this?
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Is this a rational behavior,
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is this the
behavior that is healthy,
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is it helping me is
that helping others or not?"
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I think the other thing
to seriously think about
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is some professional help.
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If you've been really hurt,
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especially if
it's sexual harassment,
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especially if
it's a family member,
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you really need to
get some good help on that
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because those are issues
that are really difficult
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for you to deal
with in your mind.
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In the context of spirituality,
godly Christian counseling,
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things along those
natures, and Christian help.
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Another thing I just want
to make as statement briefly
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is that what has been...
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what I love about
how God deals with this
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and how the Word of God
teaches the topic of identity
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is that your
identity is not based upon
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what you have done
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or what someone has done to you,
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positively or negatively.
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It's based solely upon
what Christ has done for you.
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And an illustration of this
is in 2 Corinthians 5:19-21,
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I think it's 21
specifically that
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"God made Jesus who
knew no sin to be sin for us,
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so that we might become
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the
righteousness of God in Him."
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So let's say, I have a
lot of shame in my situation
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and my identity is
based upon being an addict
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or something
else and it could be
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because of some that
was done to me beforehand
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and that's what I ran to.
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But regardless,
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I don't have to identify
myself with that anymore
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because Christ became
what I have been doing
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so that I can become
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the righteousness of God in Him.
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And I believe that
applies in all context,
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even what's been done to us,
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we can still have
that security in Him
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while working
through the healing
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we need from what's happened.
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You know, it's crazy.
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We hear a lot.
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Romans 8:28, "All
things work together
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for good to those who love God,
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who are called
according to His purpose."
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But a misnomer with that
is not all things are good
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and that's not
what the text says.
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Right.
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There are bad things
that happen in the world,
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bad things that
happen to good people.
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That God doesn't choose.
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God doesn't
choose, God doesn't say,
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"Oh, you know, it was my will
for you to be sexually harassed
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or to have these things happen."
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It's not.
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God is not the author of evil.
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That's part of the process too,
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realizing what's been done
and realizing that's not God.
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But at the same time, hold on,
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God does want to do
something with this.
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God wants to
bring something from it.
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And I think of Isaiah 60,
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it talks about how God
gives us beauty for ashes,
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and in Isaiah 61:1,
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a prophecy about the Messiah
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says that "The
Lord has anointed me
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to preach good
tidings to the poor,
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sent me to heal
the brokenhearted,
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and set at
liberty the captives."
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And so that's
just an encouragement
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is that God
wants to give healing
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and it is a process, it
may take help, and counsel,
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and working through
these different things
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but God is a God of restoration.
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Yeah.
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You know, one
other note on that too,
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this is a little quote
that I just wrote in my Bible
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from the book The
Faith I Live By, page 63,
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it says,
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"For all that the
world neglects to bestow,
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God Himself will make up
to us in the best of favors."
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Wow!
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So for everything that is
bad that happens to us here,
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for everything that happens
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where we don't
get the nice things,
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you know, we go
through hard times,
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God is going to
make that up to us.
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The other thing too
that I wanted to mention,
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you know, just in
this whole context
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of how we start to view things
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after we've been hurt,
there was one situation,
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I was in where I
got hurt quite badly
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and it was a lot of that hurt
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came from an
authority figure in my life.
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And afterwards,
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I realized how
much my perception
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of how God viewed me
was taking on the form
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of how that
person had dealt with me
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and it really
caused a tremendous amount
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of heartache, and pain,
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and spiritual struggling
just because I couldn't handle.
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It was hard for me to deal
with a God that was like that.
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And I felt like, "If
this is what God is like,
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how is this good?"
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And I think, those types
of things really react on us.
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And so I just want to
mention to any authority figures
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out there that
are watching this,
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be very careful how you treat
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those who look up to you,
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you know, be very cognizant
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about the
influence and the impact
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that you're
going to have on them,
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especially don't
ever do anything to hurt,
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especially
sexually harass somebody.
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Those are the things that...
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They don't just
hurt for a lifetime,
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they hurt for an
eternity many times.
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Right.
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The decisions you make
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not only impact
their physical wellbeing
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but their emotional
and spiritual wellbeing.
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Yeah.
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And I mean, there's testimony
after testimony of people
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ending their lives
because of abuse, harassment,
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feeling they have no
value or potential anymore
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and so they go
run into lifestyles
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and things that they
never would have done
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were not for how
someone instigate a situation,
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to be in a position of authority
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should put the fear
of God in any of us.
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Yeah.
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And we should
treat it as something
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that we are stewards of,
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not something
that we're entitled to,
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and be reminded of that.
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We've got another question here
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dealing with
another heavy topic.
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It says, "I feel so alone.
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God, the faceless being
seems to have favorites.
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He for sure doesn't like me.
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He's shown Himself in many ways
to other people, yet not to me.
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Does God care?"
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It's from a female
teenager in Tennessee.
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So what do we do with this?
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They feel alone that
God seems to have favorites,
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"He doesn't like them,
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and He shows Himself in
many ways to other people,
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yet not to me.
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So does He care?"
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You know, I think
it's natural for us
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to look at
rankings or favorites.
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I don't know if you all felt,
00:09:04.67\00:09:06.41
this was siblings
or such things, I know,
00:09:06.44\00:09:08.64
my brother and I
would always kind of argue
00:09:08.68\00:09:10.71
about who was the favorite
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and who got the most
privileges and such things,
00:09:12.81\00:09:15.42
and even though we
may know in our hearts,
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"No, parents love us
both", it can seem different.
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Some of it is our perception.
00:09:23.29\00:09:25.99
But some of it is difficult.
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We don't understand everything
that happens sometimes.
00:09:29.76\00:09:33.87
But that doesn't
mean that God's not there,
00:09:33.90\00:09:37.84
and that God doesn't care,
00:09:37.87\00:09:40.11
and that God
isn't really working,
00:09:40.14\00:09:42.74
and that God isn't
doing something in our lives
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just because we don't
always see that on the surface.
00:09:45.45\00:09:48.85
You know, one thing
that I would like to say
00:09:48.88\00:09:50.72
to this question is
that who are you looking to.
00:09:50.75\00:09:54.62
Yeah. You know?
00:09:54.66\00:09:57.36
Are we looking to
the people around us
00:09:57.39\00:10:01.20
to tell us about
what God is like,
00:10:01.23\00:10:02.83
are we looking at,
00:10:02.86\00:10:04.20
you know, maybe dysfunctional
leadership around us,
00:10:04.23\00:10:08.64
are we looking at
maybe parents who,
00:10:08.67\00:10:13.24
you know, maybe even have
spiritual leadership someplace
00:10:13.27\00:10:16.38
but then when they're at home,
00:10:16.41\00:10:17.81
don't act like the
religion that they teach?
00:10:17.85\00:10:21.68
Who are we looking to?
00:10:21.72\00:10:23.59
If we would take our eyes off
00:10:23.62\00:10:27.62
of the people around us
00:10:27.66\00:10:29.96
and start looking at God,
00:10:29.99\00:10:31.66
I think so many of these
feelings would dissipate.
00:10:31.69\00:10:35.03
As we read verses like,
you know, Isaiah 53, that...
00:10:35.06\00:10:39.83
Actually, let me pull
that up because it's so good.
00:10:39.87\00:10:43.57
Isaiah 53, did I say 53?
00:10:43.61\00:10:47.24
I think, I meant something else.
00:10:47.28\00:10:51.31
But the verse that says
that because He loves us,
00:10:51.35\00:10:55.22
we are like a royal
diadem in His hands,
00:10:55.25\00:10:58.42
we are valuable in His sight.
00:10:58.45\00:10:59.95
It's somewhere in
the Isaiah 40 to 50.
00:10:59.99\00:11:03.53
When we read
statements like that,
00:11:03.56\00:11:06.59
it's hard to feel
like God has favorites
00:11:06.63\00:11:10.17
or prefer somebody else over us.
00:11:10.20\00:11:12.27
When we see that God
writes our names on His hands,
00:11:12.30\00:11:16.84
like that's powerful or just
when we see His tender regard
00:11:16.87\00:11:20.91
for even the weakest of people,
00:11:20.94\00:11:23.65
like one of my favorite stories
00:11:23.68\00:11:25.41
from the gospels
in the book of Luke
00:11:25.45\00:11:26.98
where Jesus is going
someplace with His disciples
00:11:27.02\00:11:30.15
and as He is
passing through this town,
00:11:30.19\00:11:32.15
He sees a funeral procession.
00:11:32.19\00:11:34.89
This mother has
just lost her son,
00:11:34.92\00:11:38.06
she's already lost her
husband, and in that culture,
00:11:38.09\00:11:41.23
that was terrible to be
00:11:41.26\00:11:43.13
without husband and without son.
00:11:43.16\00:11:45.40
And the first thing, God,
00:11:45.43\00:11:46.94
Christ does is He comes over
to her and says, "Weep not."
00:11:46.97\00:11:50.67
He cared about her.
00:11:50.71\00:11:52.04
Here, in that society,
00:11:52.07\00:11:53.41
here is this
insignificant voiceless woman
00:11:53.44\00:11:56.41
and yet He cared about her.
00:11:56.44\00:11:57.78
And then He
restored her son to life.
00:11:57.81\00:12:00.12
When we read these stories
and see the true compassion,
00:12:00.15\00:12:04.02
the truly
compassionate heart of Christ,
00:12:04.05\00:12:06.55
it's hard to think of
ourselves as less in His eyes.
00:12:06.59\00:12:09.16
And lost amongst
the multitude like...
00:12:09.19\00:12:11.29
There's another
story where there's a woman
00:12:11.33\00:12:12.73
who has been had
internal bleeding for years.
00:12:12.76\00:12:15.33
She's given
everything she had on doctors
00:12:15.36\00:12:17.47
and she says, "If I
can just get to touch
00:12:17.50\00:12:19.13
the hem of His
garment, I can be made well."
00:12:19.17\00:12:20.97
And she does it.
00:12:21.00\00:12:22.34
And Jesus could have just let
this woman be lost in anonymity
00:12:22.37\00:12:25.41
and she has healing
and that's good enough,
00:12:25.44\00:12:27.64
He stopped and He told her,
"Your faith has made you well."
00:12:27.68\00:12:31.41
He made it clear that there's
a reason why you're well,
00:12:31.45\00:12:34.12
you matter, you have value.
00:12:34.15\00:12:37.09
And this is a great way
00:12:37.12\00:12:38.85
for us to see our
identity in the context
00:12:38.89\00:12:40.92
of other people's suffering
is wondering if we matter,
00:12:40.96\00:12:42.99
how was it that Jesus
dealt with all these people
00:12:43.02\00:12:45.16
who were
seemingly insignificant,
00:12:45.19\00:12:46.93
how did He treat Mary Magdalene
00:12:46.96\00:12:48.30
when she gave the
offering in the house, right,
00:12:48.33\00:12:50.73
the fragrant offering,
00:12:50.77\00:12:52.13
how did Jesus minister to
all these people, Zacchaeus,
00:12:52.17\00:12:54.90
who's hiding in a tree
that no one wants to talk to
00:12:54.94\00:12:56.74
or hear from 'cause
he's a tax collector.
00:12:56.77\00:12:58.74
Jesus does care for the
lowly, the disenfranchised,
00:12:58.77\00:13:02.61
the "rejects of society".
00:13:02.64\00:13:05.15
He cares about them deeply
00:13:05.18\00:13:06.78
and intentionally
invests in them publicly
00:13:06.82\00:13:09.52
to show His
disciples these people matter,
00:13:09.55\00:13:12.35
and He's showing
us that we matter.
00:13:12.39\00:13:14.06
Another thing you can do is
read Isaiah 53 and Psalm 22,
00:13:14.09\00:13:17.83
and read the emotional
and psychological experience
00:13:17.86\00:13:21.33
of Jesus while he suffered.
00:13:21.36\00:13:22.76
And you will be
amazed at how many thoughts
00:13:22.80\00:13:25.60
that run through your mind,
00:13:25.63\00:13:26.97
Jesus was tempted
with in His sufferings,
00:13:27.00\00:13:29.84
feeling rejected,
abandoned, and alone,
00:13:29.87\00:13:32.17
that He was in the situation
00:13:32.21\00:13:33.54
that was just like yours to
be able to resonate with you
00:13:33.58\00:13:36.24
and to be able to
offer you hope and healing
00:13:36.28\00:13:38.91
in the midst of that conflict.
00:13:38.95\00:13:40.65
We're going to have to kind
00:13:40.68\00:13:42.02
of land this
plane unfortunately.
00:13:42.05\00:13:44.25
But I just want to
close with this thought
00:13:44.29\00:13:46.25
that there's a Savior in
heaven who understands you,
00:13:46.29\00:13:48.79
who cares for you,
00:13:48.82\00:13:50.16
and who wants to be
with you for eternity,
00:13:50.19\00:13:52.76
and who's made a way of escape
in all of your heartbreak,
00:13:52.79\00:13:55.23
in all of your sufferings,
00:13:55.26\00:13:56.77
and that we are not
lost, we are not forsaken,
00:13:56.80\00:13:58.83
we're not cast off in
essence of in His eyes.
00:13:58.87\00:14:01.84
He's pursuing and
loving the whole time.
00:14:01.87\00:14:04.47
Thank you, again, for joining us
00:14:04.51\00:14:05.84
on Raw Questions
Relevant Answers.
00:14:05.87\00:14:07.88
You can send your questions
to RQRA3ABN on Facebook,
00:14:07.91\00:14:11.95
and we look forward
to seeing you next time.
00:14:11.98\00:14:13.78