I don't understand.
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Why did this
have to happen to me?
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I feel like I just
can't make sense of things.
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I need answers.
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Where is God?
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Hello and
welcome to Raw Questions
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Relevant Answers,
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an opportunity for us to
just have an open discourse
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about real issues
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that we wrestle with,
that young people wrestle with.
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And the today's topic
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is actually the
topic of identity,
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how to
understand our true identity
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and issues of identity.
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I have two awesome
co-hosts with me today,
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Michelle
Doucoumes and Mark Paden.
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And I'm just going to go ahead
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and dive right
into our questions here.
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Our first question
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is from a 21-year-old female
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from Tennessee who asked this.
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She says, "How do I stop
absolutely hating myself?"
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Heavy.
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"How do I stop hating myself?"
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What do you think?
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I think the first
thing is to recognize
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that God doesn't hate us.
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You know, how can we really
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hate something that God loves?
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If God is perfect,
and His love is perfect,
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and He loves us,
then wouldn't that...
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Somehow we messed
up to hate ourselves.
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I think that's the first
thing that I could say to that.
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Scripture has some
beautiful portrayals
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of God and us.
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Zephaniah 3:17, it says
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that He rejoices
over us with singing.
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Psalms 139 talks about
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how He formed art in
most parts, our beings,
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in our mothers'
womb are fearfully
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and wonderfully made.
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And that's easy to forget.
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I know it was for me.
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I may not have been
quite saying, "I hate myself,"
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but there was a time in my life
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where I really did believe that,
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you know, God loved me, I
thought, because God has to.
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Like, you kind of
maybe have to love
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that crazy uncle or
those family members,
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you're supposed to.
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But I didn't really
believe that God liked me,
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and that was
actually a journey to go on
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is to look at Scripture
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and see that in Scripture,
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the view of God is a God
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who not only likes
us out of obligation
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but truly chooses me
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and values me just
the way He made me.
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You know, sometimes the
reason why we hate ourselves
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is because we're
not doing the things
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we ought to do or
wish that we would do.
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True.
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And so our
hatred towards ourselves
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is sometimes
something that we believe
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that God Himself must have
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because we don't
perform well enough.
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And I think of Romans
5:8 where it says that,
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"God demonstrates
His own love toward us."
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And I love this
because many of us,
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sometimes we would
never say it this way,
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but we kind of envision
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that Jesus had
to come to convince
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the Father to love us,
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so we can kind
of roll with Jesus,
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but the Father,
we're just not sure about.
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And a lot of times,
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we project our
unbelief in ourselves upon God,
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that He looks at me in
the way that I look at me,
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that I'm a mess, I
can't get anything right.
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But in this situation,
it literally says that,
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"God demonstrates
His own love towards us,
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in that while we
were still sinners,
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Christ died for us."
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Even when we were failing,
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even when we weren't
getting things right,
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God showed His own love
for us by sending Jesus.
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So I think that's helpful,
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that God's love
for us is not dependent
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upon our performance.
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Another statement,
a singer-songwriter,
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I remember he was telling
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some friends of his
about a battle he has,
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where he just hears
voices at times that,
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"You're a loser,
no one likes you,"
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Right before he'll
go out for a concert,
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that, you know,
"You're wasting your time,
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you did that thing 20 years ago,
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you shouldn't be up here."
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And one of his
friends said, "Andrew,
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self-hatred is just
another form of self-worship."
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Whoa.
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And his response was,
"We're not friends anymore."
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And then everyone laughed.
He said he was just kidding.
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But it is one of those things
that there's a sense of truth
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to this that we
would rather cherish
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our own view of our self
over what God's view of us is.
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And we need to
be careful with that
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because when I
say that I hate me,
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what I'm really saying is,
"I hate the one that God loves.
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I hate the one
that Jesus died for."
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And if they don't hate you,
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then we are cherishing a lie
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as opposed to what
God believes about us.
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What I love is that
the actions of Jesus
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speak louder than
the lies of the devil.
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Revelation 12 says,
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"There's an
accuser of the brethren."
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Those thoughts come
from Satan, not from God,
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and God wanted
to change our mind
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on that thing.
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We've got three more questions.
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You want to make
that out real quickly?
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You know, another big thing too
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is to realize why sometimes
we have these thoughts.
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And a lot of it is
is we don't measure up
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to what society
says that we should be.
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We don't think that
we're beautiful enough,
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we don't think
that we're smart enough,
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we don't think
that we're this enough,
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fill in the blank.
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The big thing...
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The big beautiful
truth about the gospel
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is that we don't have
value because of our appearance,
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because of our brains,
because of anything like that,
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but we are
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intrinsically
valuable to Christ.
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And there's this
beautiful verse in Isaiah 62
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that He says that,
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"We are a crown of
glory in the hand of the Lord
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and a royal diadem
in the hand of our God."
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We're so valuable to God,
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and we don't
have to base our value
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on those things.
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One more thought,
I'm cutting off myself.
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In Isaiah 53, it says that,
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"He shall see the
travail of His soul,
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the labor of His
soul, and be satisfied."
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And I love this
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because what Jesus
went through is horrible.
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Just read Isaiah 53 and Psalm 22
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and Matthew 26 and 27.
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Just read those four
chapters in the Bible,
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and you'll get a
glimpse of how horribly
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Jesus had to suffer
emotionally, psychologically,
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spiritually, and physically.
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And the amazing
thing about this verse
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is that knowing what He
would have to go through,
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Jesus was satisfied.
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While He's going through it,
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suffering for you to
place a value on you,
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He's satisfied.
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Looking back on
what He suffered,
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He's satisfied.
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Why?
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Because, "By His knowledge,
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My righteous
Servant shall justify
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many, and He shall
bear their iniquities."
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He knew this is the
only way you could be saved,
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and he's okay
with paying that price
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because He
thinks you're worth it.
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Second question,
from a male in Illinois.
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"What is the best way to
understand how God sees me
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compared to how I or others do?"
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We've actually kind of addressed
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this to some degree,
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but do you want to add
any more thoughts to that?
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I mean, we
talked about Scripture,
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that's the big thing.
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What God thinks of us
is so alive in His Word,
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and a lot of it happens to
be what we focus on I found.
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Yeah.
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If I'm focusing a lot
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on what other people
are saying and doing,
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that's where my
worse going to come from,
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and what other people are saying
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is so much louder in our world
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than what God's Word is saying.
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What the media
portrays as beautiful or not,
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whether I feel successful
or not in other people's eyes.
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That's what's all around me.
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And the hard thing is to
spend more time in God's Word
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so that those
become the realities
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that are even truer and
are even more in my mind
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than what I see around me.
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You know, a big principle
that you're bringing out there
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is this idea that by
beholding, we become changed.
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Whatever we
consistently look at,
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that is what we become.
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You know, another
really practical tip on this
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is that when we have
those thoughts that are,
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you know,
bugging us, those things
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that are getting to us,
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we need to label
those as misbelieves,
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we need to label those as
wrong and change those thoughts
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into what the Bible
has to say about us,
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change those thoughts
into how God views us.
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So you're saying basically
like for each of those lies
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find the
scriptures that can back that.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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They're going to put
flesh on bones to that.
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Write down the things
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that you're believing
about yourself right now,
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and then search to see
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what the Word of God
says about you right now
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and plaster that
thing on your wall,
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put it on your dashboard,
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put it in your locker at school,
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put it as the
screensaver on your phone,
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on the
wallpaper of your desktop,
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like find ways to
keep reminding yourself
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of what God believes about you.
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Third question here.
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This is from a
22-year-old male in Malaysia.
00:08:04.61\00:08:07.22
"What's the difference between
00:08:07.25\00:08:08.58
self-worth and
pride/self-worship?"
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It kind of addresses a
little bit with the idea
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of self-hatred as a
form of self worship,
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but what's the
difference between
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having a
healthy view of yourself
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and an unhealthy
positive view of yourself
00:08:19.63\00:08:21.70
that you're just awesome, right?
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Like I'm the coolest
thing since sliced bread
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as opposed to I'm not a
mess in the eyes of God.
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How do we draw that
line of distinction?
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You know I think one big thing
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is recognizing
where each one comes from.
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Pride and self-worship
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comes from all the
things that we can do,
00:08:36.38\00:08:39.61
and we just think that
we're great and all that stuff,
00:08:39.65\00:08:42.08
but self-worth
comes from a conscious
00:08:42.12\00:08:44.49
knowing that we are doing right.
00:08:44.52\00:08:47.16
You know, that's how
Christ found his self-worth.
00:08:47.19\00:08:50.83
I mean, He was the
King of the universe,
00:08:50.86\00:08:52.19
yet He grew up in a
very low position in society.
00:08:52.23\00:08:55.60
And yet, He was perfectly
happy and perfectly comfortable
00:08:55.63\00:08:58.73
with who He was
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because He knew that He
was doing the will of God.
00:09:00.14\00:09:01.87
And I think a lot of
times, our lack of self-worth
00:09:01.90\00:09:05.17
becomes either from the fact
00:09:05.21\00:09:07.01
that we know we
aren't doing God's will
00:09:07.04\00:09:09.14
or we're trying too
hard to live up to standards
00:09:09.18\00:09:11.28
that are unreasonable.
00:09:11.31\00:09:12.81
So if we get
rid of those things,
00:09:12.85\00:09:15.02
do the will of God
and not try to live up
00:09:15.05\00:09:18.22
to societal standard
of what we should be,
00:09:18.25\00:09:21.62
then we can get rid of a lot
00:09:21.66\00:09:23.36
of that pride and
self-worship that is fostered
00:09:23.39\00:09:25.76
when we finally
feel beautiful enough
00:09:25.79\00:09:27.76
or finally feel smart enough
00:09:27.80\00:09:29.13
or finally feel
this or that enough.
00:09:29.16\00:09:30.87
And I think we
have a misconception
00:09:30.90\00:09:32.63
about being confident.
00:09:32.67\00:09:35.27
And sometimes we think, "Well,
if I'm confident in who I am,
00:09:35.30\00:09:38.44
I must be proud."
00:09:38.47\00:09:40.18
But it's interesting,
00:09:40.21\00:09:41.54
there are people in
Scripture like Moses
00:09:41.58\00:09:43.45
that Scripture
describes as the meekest
00:09:43.48\00:09:45.61
or the humblest of men,
00:09:45.65\00:09:47.75
yet you see him
leading God's people
00:09:47.78\00:09:50.32
and going forward in
faith, and why is that?
00:09:50.35\00:09:53.82
Well, Moses knew that
the strength was not in him,
00:09:53.86\00:09:57.09
it was in God.
00:09:57.13\00:09:58.56
He learned that early on.
00:09:58.59\00:09:59.93
First, when he wanted
to deliver God's people,
00:09:59.96\00:10:01.80
he slew the
Egyptian, made a mess,
00:10:01.83\00:10:03.57
had to go to the
wilderness for 40 years,
00:10:03.60\00:10:05.37
and when he came out,
00:10:05.40\00:10:06.74
he didn't trust
himself, he trusted God.
00:10:06.77\00:10:09.10
But that trust
gave him a confidence
00:10:09.14\00:10:11.64
to go forward boldly.
00:10:11.67\00:10:13.58
And that's the beauty that I see
00:10:13.61\00:10:14.98
in Biblical self-worth.
00:10:15.01\00:10:16.71
It gives us a grounding
00:10:16.75\00:10:18.08
in who we are in
God that's not shaken
00:10:18.11\00:10:19.95
because it's not dependent
on our own capabilities
00:10:19.98\00:10:24.35
and our own attributes.
00:10:24.39\00:10:26.49
Those things are always
going to be coming and going.
00:10:26.52\00:10:30.76
They're never stable.
00:10:30.79\00:10:32.26
In fact, that is the
pride that leads to insecurity.
00:10:32.29\00:10:35.40
It's weird how they
link because it's changeable.
00:10:35.43\00:10:40.37
But what Moses experienced,
00:10:40.40\00:10:41.80
what others in
Scripture experienced
00:10:41.84\00:10:43.37
is a deeper sense of self-worth
00:10:43.41\00:10:45.77
that can lead to
a godly confidence.
00:10:45.81\00:10:48.18
It's beautiful.
00:10:48.21\00:10:49.54
You know, I think
Satan is the chiefest
00:10:49.58\00:10:51.31
in the area of identity theft.
00:10:51.35\00:10:53.45
We talk about the
day when someone steals
00:10:53.48\00:10:54.98
your credit card information
00:10:55.02\00:10:56.35
or someone steals your
social security number,
00:10:56.38\00:10:58.35
but what he's
really seeking to steal,
00:10:58.39\00:11:00.42
to kill, and to
destroy is your understanding
00:11:00.46\00:11:02.49
of who you truly
are in Christ, right?
00:11:02.52\00:11:04.49
John 10:10,
00:11:04.53\00:11:05.86
"The enemy comes to
steal, to kill, to destroy.
00:11:05.89\00:11:07.60
But I've come
that you may have life
00:11:07.63\00:11:09.00
and have it more abundantly."
00:11:09.03\00:11:10.57
I think the amazing
thing is a lot of this anxiety
00:11:10.60\00:11:13.34
and uneasiness
in our experience,
00:11:13.37\00:11:14.90
in our sense of our
own worth is based largely
00:11:14.94\00:11:17.41
because we're
working so hard to prove
00:11:17.44\00:11:19.87
that we're worth something,
00:11:19.91\00:11:21.34
that we deserve to receive
some sense of affirmation.
00:11:21.38\00:11:24.85
But what God is
calling is to is rest.
00:11:24.88\00:11:27.92
He says, "Come unto me all you
who are weary and heavy laden,
00:11:27.95\00:11:30.72
and I will give you rest."
00:11:30.75\00:11:32.62
"I'll give you rest in
a true and secure identity
00:11:32.65\00:11:35.12
that you don't have to
work for, it's just yours."
00:11:35.16\00:11:37.73
And so if you find yourself
just kind of running through
00:11:37.76\00:11:39.83
the hustle and bustle,
"I got to look this way,
00:11:39.86\00:11:41.40
I got to eat this way,
00:11:41.43\00:11:42.76
I got to
present myself this way.
00:11:42.80\00:11:44.70
I can't look weak
in the work setting."
00:11:44.73\00:11:46.90
You can rest at
the feet of Jesus today
00:11:46.94\00:11:49.67
and understand
your true worth in Him.
00:11:49.70\00:11:52.51
One more, is it...
00:11:52.54\00:11:54.74
Let's see here, last
question from a 29-year-old male
00:11:54.78\00:11:58.71
in Pennsylvania.
00:11:58.75\00:12:00.08
"How do I get over worrying
about what others think of me?"
00:12:00.12\00:12:03.22
I think we've
already kind of addressed
00:12:03.25\00:12:04.59
this to some degree,
00:12:04.62\00:12:05.95
but how do I come to a point
where it's not so important
00:12:05.99\00:12:08.52
what others think,
00:12:08.56\00:12:10.03
and I can just rest
of what God thinks of me?
00:12:10.06\00:12:12.29
You know, there is a difference
00:12:12.33\00:12:13.96
between caring what people think
00:12:14.00\00:12:15.86
because we care about them,
00:12:15.90\00:12:17.83
and we want to
treat them the right way
00:12:17.87\00:12:19.97
versus caring what people think
00:12:20.00\00:12:22.10
because that's going to dictate
my own self-worth and value.
00:12:22.14\00:12:26.17
And that's been
hard for me to separate
00:12:26.21\00:12:27.68
because
sometimes I have felt like,
00:12:27.71\00:12:29.61
"Well, I care
about what they think
00:12:29.64\00:12:30.98
because I want
to be a good person.
00:12:31.01\00:12:32.35
I want to do the right thing."
00:12:32.38\00:12:33.75
But really, underneath it,
00:12:33.78\00:12:35.85
I care because I
want them to like me
00:12:35.88\00:12:38.45
because that's
what makes me feel good.
00:12:38.49\00:12:41.26
And that's been something
00:12:41.29\00:12:42.62
that I bring to
the Lord and say,
00:12:42.66\00:12:43.99
"Lord, help me to care
00:12:44.03\00:12:46.06
not because I need
that for my self-worth,
00:12:46.09\00:12:48.70
You give me self-worth.
00:12:48.73\00:12:50.20
Help me to care most
00:12:50.23\00:12:51.93
that I'm just
treating this person
00:12:51.97\00:12:53.54
as You would
have me treat them."
00:12:53.57\00:12:54.90
You know, one
other practical thing
00:12:54.94\00:12:56.44
is living the
narrative of the scriptures.
00:12:56.47\00:13:00.28
If we are
standing for the truth,
00:13:00.31\00:13:04.91
that is often times puts us
00:13:04.95\00:13:07.22
in the not so
favorable light with people.
00:13:07.25\00:13:08.92
True.
00:13:08.95\00:13:10.29
And the more we
have that experience,
00:13:10.32\00:13:11.65
as counterproductive
as it may seem,
00:13:11.69\00:13:13.02
it's actually
some of the best thing
00:13:13.05\00:13:14.39
because then it takes
us through this experience
00:13:14.42\00:13:17.76
where we cease to care
about what people think
00:13:17.79\00:13:21.16
and we care more
about what God thinks.
00:13:21.20\00:13:23.50
And the more we
invest in doing God's will,
00:13:23.53\00:13:26.80
I think the more that'll happen.
00:13:26.84\00:13:29.37
You know, it reminds me
the stories of like Joseph
00:13:29.40\00:13:31.74
or Daniel or other...
00:13:31.77\00:13:33.27
These, you know,
crazy awesome people
00:13:33.31\00:13:35.48
in Scripture who
chose to stand for the right
00:13:35.51\00:13:37.35
because it was
right come what may.
00:13:37.38\00:13:39.41
There's that famous line
in Daniel 3 when Shadrach,
00:13:39.45\00:13:41.82
Meshach, and Abednego say,
00:13:41.85\00:13:43.18
"Look, our God is totally
capable of delivering us,
00:13:43.22\00:13:45.99
but even if He doesn't,
00:13:46.02\00:13:47.66
I'm not going to bow down
00:13:47.69\00:13:49.19
because I know my identity
in Christ well enough to know
00:13:49.22\00:13:52.03
that He's not going to leave me.
00:13:52.06\00:13:53.40
He's not going to forsake me.
00:13:53.43\00:13:54.76
And even if I have
to suffer here and now,
00:13:54.80\00:13:56.16
I know what awaits
me on the other end."
00:13:56.20\00:13:58.67
And I think that's very
helpful for us to realize
00:13:58.70\00:14:00.50
that boldness can be ours.
00:14:00.54\00:14:02.60
So again, thank
you for joining us
00:14:02.64\00:14:04.47
on Raw Questions
Relevant Answers,
00:14:04.51\00:14:06.54
a program dealing
with real hard issues.
00:14:06.57\00:14:08.84
You can submit your questions
to RQRA3ABN on Facebook,
00:14:08.88\00:14:12.61
and we'll see you next time.
00:14:12.65\00:14:13.98