The following program
deals with subject matter
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that may be inappropriate
for younger children.
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Parental discretion is advised.
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I don't understand
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why did this
have to happen to me.
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I feel like I just
can't make sense of things.
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I need answers.
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Where is God?
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Hello and welcome again
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to Raw Questions
Relevant Answers.
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My name is Mark Paden,
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this is Michelle
Doucoumes and Dee Casper.
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And today we have
some really raw questions.
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And the type of questions that
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if you have a
young person there,
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you might want to send them
out of the room for this one.
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This is going to be
hitting some heavily...
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Some heavy topics on addictions.
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So if you don't want your kids
listening to this right now,
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I would advise some caution.
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Let's go ahead
and dive right in.
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Are you all ready for this?
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I think God can
help us with this one.
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By God's grace.
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Yeah, He is, He is.
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Okay, this first question
comes from a 17-year-old female
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in the state of Pennsylvania.
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I'm wrestling with self-harm
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and I don't know
what to do about it?
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This is no joke, I
mean, the topic of self-harm,
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this can fall
in many categories.
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The general category
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I'm assuming this
is for is like cutting,
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burning, attempted suicide,
things along these lines,
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but it can be broader than this.
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We talked about food addictions,
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destructive behavior,
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some people get a high about
living in extreme situations
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right there.
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They're excited
about doing things
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that are going to break
bones at any given moment.
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But I think in this
particular context of self harm,
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one thing that was
helpful for me was to realize,
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first of all, that
Jesus was actually tempted
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in this area in Matthew
4 that Satan brings him up
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to the top of
the temple and says,
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"If you're the Son of God,
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throw Yourself
down from here," right?
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He was tempted to harm Himself.
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No, He didn't.
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But the beautiful thing
is because Jesus succeeded
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in overcoming that temptation,
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He can give power and
strength to us to do so.
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I think many times in
environments like this,
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we're seeking to have control,
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or thrill, or rush of some sort,
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and this is why this
process kind of begins.
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We feel powerless,
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we feel helpless in
uncertain environments
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as this can
happen a lot of times,
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but there's many
variables that can be involved.
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But the point is
there is a God in heaven
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who has power and strength
to see ourselves helpfully,
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and to give us power to
treat ourselves helpfully.
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Do you have some
other thoughts on that?
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Yeah, you know,
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for those who have never
struggled with self-harm,
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it may seem like a
strange thing to struggle,
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"Who wants to hurt themselves?"
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But there's actually
psychology with this.
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Sometimes if there's been
a lot of psychological pain
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that someone has experienced
and it's hard to get it out,
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the release of physical pain
actually produces that release,
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that are we're not
able to get otherwise.
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And that's what makes
it addictive and dangerous.
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There's something
in the heart crying out
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that needs to be solved.
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And because it's not,
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the body is trying
to solve it instead,
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some type of physical
release is trying to solve it.
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And so, you know,
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one of the big things
with self-harm is realizing,
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no, this doesn't make you
bad, or weird, or strange,
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it's just that there
is something inside of you
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that is saying, "You need help."
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And maybe it's
time to seek that help,
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to get a good
counselor to talk to some people
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that can really start
dealing with the pain inside
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that is causing the
infliction of pain outside.
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Yeah.
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You know, I think
that's a really good,
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and I just want to
underscore that again.
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These things stem from
a very deep place in us,
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where we have...
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Maybe we've been
hurt by a parent,
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and maybe we've
been abused by a parent,
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maybe we have gone through some
really traumatic circumstance,
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whatever may be the case,
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this is really a
result of those inside things,
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and we need to
get those dealt with.
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So let's just talk
about that really quick.
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What are some of
the practical ways,
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you mentioned
counseling and different things,
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what are some of
the practical ways
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that we can,
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maybe get help
in those scenarios?
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The first thing is being heard.
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I mean, counseling is
one of the best options
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you can have at this stage,
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to have a safe place
where you can open up
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and talk about what it
is that's causing the harm,
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and someone who's
trained to help people
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find the root issues
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because it can be different
in every person's situations.
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I mean that's the
primary option in this stage.
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And then two,
seeking in the Word of God
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the value that God places
upon each of us that whenever...
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You see throughout the
Psalms, David is crying out,
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and other people crying out
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whenever they've got pain inside
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and don't know
what to do with it.
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There was this
freedom to be vulnerable,
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and to be raw and
open with God in prayer.
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And I think it's a
big, big opportunity as well
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that when we feel that
pain creeping up on the inside,
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the safest place to
run with that is in prayer
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directly to God, and just
say, "This is what I'm feeling,
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this is what I'm tempted to do,
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and this is what
I'm wrestling with.
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And I need You in this moment
to give me healthy thoughts,
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to give me the ability
to make healthy choices.
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And even right now, I
need You to give me the courage
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to call someone to
do what I need to do."
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Sin, whatever form it
is, harming ourselves,
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harming other people,
it thrives in darkness,
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it thrives in secrecy.
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And so I would also encourage
whoever is dealing with this,
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tell someone.
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Even though that's a
very scary thing to do,
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even though you wonder,
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"Is someone going
to be safe to talk to?"
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If you are in danger,
don't let that continue.
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That has to be let out.
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Just the fact of
putting it out there
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and going for
help can start to break
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some of the strongholds
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of this being
this deep dark secret
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that cause it to
have so much power.
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Yeah, and many times
those things are done,
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we see in the darkness is
true like a lot of the places
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where people are
cutting themselves
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or burning themselves
are generally not flushed,
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it's all the way exposed, right?
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And it's just really a
pattern that people have had
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because they want to be
working through this thing
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on their own, right?
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It's not a
situation where it's public.
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So people don't see
to be able to report
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that they see that
something's going on.
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So it relies upon
self-reporting many times
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that people don't know.
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Yeah, one of the thing too
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I would like to say
into this too is that
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if you're going
through that, right?
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If somebody out
there is involved in this
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and is really struggling,
don't feel like you're a mess,
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don't feel like you're
this terrible, horrible,
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no good, very bad person, right?
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You are valuable to God.
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You are incredibly
valuable as a human being,
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and you don't have
to go through this.
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You don't have to do that.
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You can find relief
of soul in helpful ways
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that aren't going to hurt you.
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So let's go ahead and
move on to the next question
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unless you want
to say anything else.
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This one comes from a female,
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age 20 in
British Columbia, Canada.
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This one is going to
be a heavy one, okay?
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So you all ready for this?
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What do we believe
about masturbation?
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The world says it's
very good and healthy,
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but I don't know
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what the Bible
teaches about this?
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Well, I think
that one of the ways
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we have to address
the elephant in the room
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is that
masturbation generally goes
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right alongside in hand-in-hand
with immoral thoughts, right?
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One thing connects to another.
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A majority, if
not every single time,
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and we addressed
this in a previous episode
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that Jesus says that,
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"He who looks after a
woman to lust in his heart
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after her has
already committed adultery."
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Even though
there's been no contact,
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they may not even
know who this person is
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or what their name is.
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And this certainly...
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If these two are
connected and they are,
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it's us performing
acts of immorality,
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sexual morality
that is not licensed
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or endorsed by the Word of God,
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just to start with
a very simple answer.
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There's another thought
you want to have on that?
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I mean it was
similar to that. Okay.
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The whole idea,
whatever things are pure,
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whatever things are lovely,
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whatever things are good report,
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think on these things.
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Can you engage in those acts
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while thinking on
pure and lovely things?
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That's a big question.
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And something
that's very telling
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on whether
something is of God or not,
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whether it's masturbation
or something else as...
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Can I be at peace and
be in the presence of God
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while I'm doing this?
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You know, the other
thing too about this is that
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it is an addiction.
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Like people that
wrestle with this,
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it's very addictive.
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You can't just
say, "Okay, I'm done."
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Like, it's...
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Talk to people that
try to get out of it,
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you know, it's a
very difficult process.
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And do we really
want to be doing something
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that is addictive?
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Like those addictions, I
mean, they're bad for a reason.
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You don't want to
ever be in a situation
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in which you are not fully
in control of your own actions.
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Yes, and the thing is like
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when there are thoughts
that are brought into our mind,
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we're basically programmed
in our mind and our body
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to do what we want
and to chase our pleasures
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when tempted, right?
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We can do this with food,
we can do this with alcohol,
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we can do this with drugs,
we can do this with sexual sin,
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that when you've preprogrammed
your body to say yes
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to its desires, even
if they're not good ones,
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you're starting your
mind, and you're inviting
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the track of only doing
what you want when it comes.
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And there are
countless stories of people
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who begin in this situation
of looking at pornography
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and engaging in masturbation
which leads to the next thing,
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which leads to the next thing,
which leads to the next thing.
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And they end up in a place
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they never thought they would be
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because they're not
finding that pleasure
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they are looking for,
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and there's
scientific reasons for this.
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They've shown the release
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that we have of the
chemicals in our brain,
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the feel good chemicals is
less as a result of masturbating
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than it is than having a
genuine union in marriage
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or in a sexual union.
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And there's a reason for this.
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That is what we
were designed for,
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to have an actual union,
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not something that
we're creating ourselves,
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it can't satisfy like
God original blueprint can.
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And kind of an
illustration of this
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that comes to my mind is
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when Jesus is talking
to the woman at the well,
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a woman who is
wrestling with relationships
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and sexuality it seems.
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She's had five husbands,
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and the man she's living
with now isn't her husband.
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This woman's means of escape
from the problems in her life
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was her water pot.
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She was at this
well at high noon
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when it's blazing hot outside,
00:10:08.40\00:10:09.87
she's trying to
escape her problems.
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And the Bible says in John 4:4
00:10:11.81\00:10:13.21
that Jesus needed
to go through Samaria.
00:10:13.24\00:10:15.74
Why?
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Because someone's
wrestling with temptation.
00:10:17.15\00:10:18.55
And what Jesus does
is He tells this woman,
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"What you're coming here for?"
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It says, "What I
have to offer you
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is vastly better than what
you're coming here," for one.
00:10:23.39\00:10:25.92
And two, "this water
that you're coming for
00:10:25.95\00:10:28.29
is only going to
lead you to thirst again."
00:10:28.32\00:10:30.83
And masturbation does that.
00:10:30.86\00:10:32.23
It does not fill in the
way that God's blueprint does.
00:10:32.26\00:10:34.96
You're just
going to thirst again
00:10:35.00\00:10:36.83
and keep running to something
that can't fill in the way
00:10:36.87\00:10:38.73
that God ideally intended.
00:10:38.77\00:10:40.10
Right.
00:10:40.14\00:10:41.47
What I love is Jesus
offers a means of escape,
00:10:41.50\00:10:42.84
like He says in 1 Corinthians 10
00:10:42.87\00:10:44.87
that fork in the road,
00:10:44.91\00:10:46.24
she was given that
option and chose wisely.
00:10:46.27\00:10:47.94
She left her
water pot with Jesus.
00:10:47.98\00:10:49.98
And for those who may be
wrestling with masturbation,
00:10:50.01\00:10:51.85
I think He's
asking the same question,
00:10:51.88\00:10:53.48
"Will you leave
that water pot with Me?
00:10:53.52\00:10:55.35
Will you leave it here
00:10:55.38\00:10:56.85
because I have
something better to offer you.
00:10:56.89\00:10:58.69
It's something that
can actually bring pleasure
00:10:58.72\00:11:00.72
and actually bring enjoyment
that this can never could."
00:11:00.76\00:11:03.49
You know, I come
back to something
00:11:03.53\00:11:05.06
that I mentioned
in previous episode.
00:11:05.09\00:11:07.16
In James 1 about
how God is the author
00:11:07.20\00:11:10.10
of our good and perfect gifts,
00:11:10.13\00:11:12.27
but the devil is
into counterfeiting them,
00:11:12.30\00:11:15.07
cautions us to not be
deceived my beloved brethren.
00:11:15.10\00:11:18.81
And, you know,
we talk about purity
00:11:18.84\00:11:21.51
when it comes to
waiting for marriage
00:11:21.54\00:11:24.21
or even within marriage
00:11:24.25\00:11:25.68
and saving
ourselves for that spouse.
00:11:25.71\00:11:28.28
But in a sense, when
we are doing these things,
00:11:28.32\00:11:31.62
is it not like chipping
away small pieces of that.
00:11:31.65\00:11:34.42
It's like, well, you know,
I'm not really doing anything,
00:11:34.46\00:11:37.53
it's just masturbation,
it's not the whole, whole act.
00:11:37.56\00:11:41.73
I'm not with anyone.
00:11:41.76\00:11:43.53
But there's a pleasure
00:11:43.57\00:11:44.90
that was designed for
that full fulfillment,
00:11:44.93\00:11:48.10
and it's like
chipping away little pieces
00:11:48.14\00:11:51.11
of what could
have been in some form.
00:11:51.14\00:11:53.17
And so that's another
thing to think about as just...
00:11:53.21\00:11:56.68
"How does this affect
maybe my future relationships?
00:11:56.71\00:12:00.15
And how I feel and
think about this when I...
00:12:00.18\00:12:02.18
When we get so used to
that instant gratification.
00:12:02.22\00:12:04.79
Yeah.
00:12:04.82\00:12:06.15
What happens in marriage
00:12:06.19\00:12:08.02
that when you have to
rely on another person
00:12:08.06\00:12:11.16
or will you still
be going back to that
00:12:11.19\00:12:12.66
during your marriage?
00:12:12.69\00:12:14.03
Right, right. Right.
00:12:14.06\00:12:15.40
And those are
things to consider.
00:12:15.43\00:12:16.77
You know, right now
we're basically talking about
00:12:16.80\00:12:19.53
masturbation and
is it good or not?
00:12:19.57\00:12:23.20
In the next episode,
we'll actually get into
00:12:23.24\00:12:25.54
how to overcome it,
how to deal with it.
00:12:25.57\00:12:27.48
But one more thing
00:12:27.51\00:12:28.84
that I want to get
into today a little bit is,
00:12:28.88\00:12:31.21
you know, a lot of the
times people struggle with this
00:12:31.25\00:12:35.98
because of the decisions
of the parents, you know.
00:12:36.02\00:12:40.29
And this I want to just
talk about this a little bit
00:12:40.32\00:12:43.26
because I think a lot of
times parents don't understand
00:12:43.29\00:12:46.19
what they're setting
their children up for.
00:12:46.23\00:12:48.26
And so if there's
parents watching this,
00:12:48.30\00:12:50.03
this is especially to you
all or even to young people
00:12:50.07\00:12:52.83
who are getting
ready to get into...
00:12:52.87\00:12:55.67
Getting ready to get
married, and have children,
00:12:55.70\00:12:57.67
and everything like that,
00:12:57.71\00:12:59.04
you know, if as parents
there's a lot of immorality,
00:12:59.07\00:13:05.21
if there's a lot of...
00:13:05.25\00:13:06.88
If there's too
much sex a lot of times,
00:13:06.92\00:13:09.38
that will cause an
unbalance in your children
00:13:09.42\00:13:11.95
to want to even more.
00:13:11.99\00:13:13.42
And other things
too to think about
00:13:13.46\00:13:15.52
is just the diet that we
can substantially influence
00:13:15.56\00:13:20.43
how much, how
many urges we have.
00:13:20.46\00:13:23.70
Do you guys want to
say anything about that?
00:13:23.73\00:13:25.07
I just...
00:13:25.10\00:13:26.43
There are study, and I
mean just the principle
00:13:26.47\00:13:27.80
of temperance in general.
00:13:27.84\00:13:29.17
If you keep telling...
00:13:29.20\00:13:30.54
If you just keep saying yes
to any desire your body has,
00:13:30.57\00:13:31.91
whether it be for how
you're eating or anything else,
00:13:31.94\00:13:34.64
it's very difficult to overcome
00:13:34.68\00:13:36.24
when you're
face-to-face with temptation
00:13:36.28\00:13:37.85
because you train
your body to give in.
00:13:37.88\00:13:39.81
And it goes in all
facets of any desires
00:13:39.85\00:13:41.62
or passions we have,
00:13:41.65\00:13:42.98
whether it be for appetite,
for sweets, for alcohol,
00:13:43.02\00:13:44.72
for drugs, for
sexual gratification,
00:13:44.75\00:13:46.35
whatever.
00:13:46.39\00:13:47.72
There certainly are some
connections there that are...
00:13:47.76\00:13:50.56
With the time given,
we can't really flush out,
00:13:50.59\00:13:52.26
but there are some
connections there to be sure.
00:13:52.29\00:13:54.43
Sure.
00:13:54.46\00:13:55.80
So yeah, we're running
out of time here again today,
00:13:55.83\00:13:58.70
but I just want to
really say, you know,
00:13:58.73\00:14:01.07
if you're out there and
you're struggling with this,
00:14:01.10\00:14:02.44
if this is something
00:14:02.47\00:14:03.81
that you're
wrestling with, seek help.
00:14:03.84\00:14:05.97
You know, go to God,
00:14:06.01\00:14:07.34
go to other people
that you can trust,
00:14:07.38\00:14:09.01
and don't let it just fester,
do everything that you can.
00:14:09.04\00:14:13.08
And in the next episode,
00:14:13.11\00:14:14.45
we'll actually
get into it even more
00:14:14.48\00:14:15.82
and talk about
some practical tips
00:14:15.85\00:14:17.75
for how to overcome this stuff,
00:14:17.79\00:14:19.39
but in the meantime you
can submit your questions
00:14:19.42\00:14:21.29
on our Facebook, RQRA3ABN.
00:14:21.32\00:14:23.73