Participants: Dr. John Jacob (Host), Bianca Acosta, Jeremiah Dieujuste, Miles Rashad, Sean Brereton, Vania Dieujuste
Series Code: RDR
Program Code: RDR000026A
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00:23 Hello and welcome to "Road to Romance"
00:26 I'm your host Dr. John Jacob 00:28 Today I have with me Bianca, Sean and Miles. 00:32 Welcome! Thank you. Hello! 00:34 Today, we will focus on conflict. 00:37 Even in a dating relationship there often is conflict, 00:41 and I sometimes wonder why folks that are not obligated 00:46 or committed in a marital sense sometimes stay in 00:50 relationships that are laden with conflict for years 00:54 and years and years when they could walk away. Right 00:57 We've learned, of course, that oxytocin is responsible 01:01 for bonding and sometimes when you get too close 01:05 to somebody that you don't know that well, 01:08 it's hard to walk away even when you find out that this 01:11 person is not the ideal person for you. 01:14 So I thought we'd talk a little bit about conflict, 01:18 how you could recognize whether you're in a conflicted 01:21 relationship and also whether this person is going to be 01:25 willing to work with you to overcome it or maybe you 01:29 should just walk away from it. Okay 01:32 So, have either of you ever been in a conflicted 01:36 relationship conflicted situation? 01:39 I have... You have? 01:40 Do you feel like you stayed too long in that situation 01:46 or you feel like you walked away quickly 01:49 at the appropriate time? 01:51 I feel like, after learning about all of these hormones 01:54 that play a role in, you know, the engagement 01:57 and romantic setting - I feel like I definitely saw signs 02:04 that would indicate that I should leave that situation, 02:07 but I ignored them because of, again, you know, the dopamine 02:11 and such, so. Yeah 02:13 So when you ignored the situation, is it because you 02:16 thought that you could work it out or you thought it 02:19 would reverse itself and go away? 02:21 Things that I originally deemed as problematic, 02:27 they just didn't matter anymore, so it's not that 02:30 I thought that I could work it out, it's just like... 02:32 You don't really care as much? Yeah, it's not that simple. 02:34 It wasn't that important. Yeah, it's not that 02:36 important anymore. Okay, and even that is 02:37 caused by hormones. Yeah 02:38 That's their job - their purpose is to just reduce 02:42 and minimalize the importance of the differences that 02:48 you have and we've talked about the differences. 02:50 We've talked about how we all pay more attention to 02:53 similarities when we're choosing someone, 02:55 and we never pay attention to the differences, 02:57 but it's the differences that 02:58 actually destroy the relationship. 03:00 You know, it's not the shortage of similarities, 03:02 but it's the presence of too many differences. Okay 03:05 So those are the ones that we want to really pay attention to. 03:08 The one difference, I think, should not be ignored, 03:12 of course, is if you and the person that you're interested in 03:15 have a completely different style of conflict resolution. 03:20 Now you guys had taken a test previously... 03:23 Do you remember if you were a high or low conflict resolution 03:29 personality? High. I was high. 03:30 You were high? You were high? 03:32 What about you Sean? I was high. You were high? 03:35 Okay so being high - that means that we're fortunate enough 03:38 to have three single people here who are willing to 03:42 solve and resolve conflict as soon as it happens. Right 03:46 So neither of you want to let it percolate and maybe just 03:49 marinate and wait until the next day or the next week. 03:52 You know sometimes like if you let it percolate or whatever 03:56 the case is, for the next day or the week after, 03:59 you end up having an argument with that person in your head 04:03 for that time and you're like really trying to fix this 04:08 solution or talk about the problem just in your head 04:11 without even going to that person, then when you actually 04:14 do go to your significant other, and resolve the conflict, 04:18 sometimes it's not even as serious as you 04:20 probably had made it out to be. 04:22 So that's why I try to tend to maybe not rush into it 04:26 immediately, maybe give it an hour or give it a 04:29 little bit of time just to kind of emotionally things die down 04:32 and then kind of resolve it 04:34 in a conversation instead of an argument. 04:36 Good, sounds like a good strategy. 04:38 So if there is one thing that I would like to 04:40 leave with you guys today is when conflict arises 04:46 and you believe that it's causing too much pain, 04:49 that you should seriously consider just walking away. 04:53 The majority of people don't, even singles, 04:56 the majority of them don't. 04:57 Yeah, walking away from the relationship. 05:00 Oh wow, I thought you meant walking away from 05:02 the actual conflict itself, but from the entire relationship. 05:05 Yeah, I don't mean - not just like you have one conflict, 05:10 you have one argument, no, if it's a series, 05:14 if it's a pattern and you realize that this is not 05:16 getting better - no matter what we try, 05:18 no matter what strategies we employ, 05:20 it seems like it continues to escalate, 05:21 and that's how it goes, by the way. 05:23 If you're not resolving it, it feeds on itself and it gets 05:27 larger - it gets, you know, more serious and the reason 05:30 for that is - remember we said that conflict and trauma 05:34 can actually change your brain. 05:38 So I'm going to spend some time today talking about that 05:41 because I would like to convince you guys to self-protect 05:46 and cut it off if you feel that the pain is beginning to be 05:51 unbearable. 05:53 When you begin to feel that way, 05:54 your brain is feeling the same way. Okay 05:56 But, unfortunately, if your brain feels that way, 05:59 it means that when you leave the relationship with that same 06:02 brain you have a brain now that is like, you know, 06:06 "Sean, I don't want to see another young lady 06:09 anytime soon," and that's what you don't want. Right 06:12 Now you're damaged goods. 06:14 Exactly, you're damaged possibly for a while. 06:17 So, like child abuse, the research is showing 06:19 or a physical attack or violence and bloodshed even, 06:24 the research is showing that relationship trauma 06:26 whether it's your own or trauma that you had to witness 06:30 with your parents - it has an effect on the brain, 06:34 and this is the result... 06:36 It causes you to be afraid to get close 06:39 to people if it's severe enough. 06:42 It also makes you afraid to trust or to be vulnerable again. 06:46 It makes you afraid to form new relationships. 06:50 It makes you afraid to express relationship needs 06:54 if you do manage to jump over that threshold and try again. 06:58 And also, it's difficult to get over because the brain structure 07:02 and the functionality of the various parts of the brain 07:05 changes. 07:07 So, in other words, trauma like that can actually 07:10 mess with your personality. 07:12 Yeah, pretty much, your dating personality 07:15 and what we found from our research, you know, 07:18 we divided personalities into various components, 07:22 so we had adaptability, communication, intimacy, 07:25 and interactivity or how you interact with others. 07:28 So we found the only area that doesn't seem to be affected 07:32 by trauma as much is the communication area. 07:35 If you were a high communicator before, 07:37 you continue to be a high communicator, 07:38 if you were low, you would continue to be low. 07:40 But the style is different I guess. 07:42 Yeah the style might be a bit different, 07:44 but not too much. Okay 07:45 What takes a big hit though is intimacy. 07:47 You do not want to get close to somebody again anytime soon. 07:51 You also do not want to be flexible and adaptable 07:54 when the next person comes along because of how the 07:57 previous person treated you. Right. Okay. 07:59 We thought that it was just your feeling, 08:02 and, you know, how you felt about it and that's why 08:04 you're making changes, but it's not you, 08:06 it's really your brain that is directing now 08:08 because you have allowed someone to rewire 08:11 to restructure it. 08:13 Better take hold of that brain and say, "No!" Exactly! 08:15 Which is easier said than done. 08:18 Some people go so far as to have flashbacks, 08:20 just like people coming back from, let's say, 08:23 war in the Middle East, have post-traumatic 08:25 stress disorder and they have flashbacks. 08:27 Some people actually have flashbacks, 08:29 so they avoid situations like new relationships or dating. 08:34 And, there are three areas of the brain that are 08:37 particularly affected when you've been traumatized. 08:41 So what we'll do now, we'll take a look 08:42 at those three areas. 08:44 I'd like you to see what they look like. All right. 08:46 So I'd like you to take a look at your brain, 08:52 but we're just going to pay attention to three areas. 08:55 Do you see the prefrontal cortex right there in the front? Yes 08:59 Okay, I also want you to look at the amygdala, right there, 09:02 the amygdala... The little red? Yeah 09:05 And also look at the hippocampus, 09:07 the blue area. Okay 09:10 Okay so those three areas, those three regions, 09:13 they collectively impact the stress response mechanism 09:16 in your brain and it can cause singles who are now getting 09:21 out of a traumatic relationship to have a really difficult time, 09:24 and also couples getting out of a traumatic marriage. 09:27 So if you speak to someone who has had a really 09:30 horrible divorce and sometimes the divorce itself 09:33 causes more problems than the actual marriage because the 09:37 divorce leaves a lasting, sort of a damaging memory 09:44 and so it would be nice to have what some people call a 09:48 "good divorce" if you can, that would be nice, 09:52 but unfortunately divorce is very, very damaging. 09:55 So, of course, our recommendation is always to 09:57 do everything that you can to not find yourself in a 10:00 divorce court because it's traumatizing to you, 10:02 it's traumatizing to the kids, it's damaging to everyone. 10:05 And God said, "That's not My design." 10:09 Exactly, which is why God said, "Divorce is not His 10:11 plan at all," it's not His will. 10:12 He wishes that you could forgive each other and get past 10:15 whatever is causing that problem. 10:17 So let's look again, look at the hippocampus. 10:21 So the hippocampus receives the biggest change 10:26 when there is trauma, it actually has been found 10:29 to shrink, so they've measured it. 10:32 They've measured the hippocampus of someone before trauma 10:34 and measured it after and it shrunk. 10:36 That is not a good thing. 10:38 You don't want that whole break region to shrink. 10:42 What happens when that happens? 10:45 Well, the hippocampus is responsible for 10:48 memory functions. Okay 10:51 It is also responsible for helping you to distinguish 10:55 between the past and the present which is why 10:59 it's so implicated in soldiers who come back from war. 11:04 They sort of live in the past and present. 11:06 Exactly, they also have shrunken hippocampus's. 11:10 And they have what we call "post-traumatic stress disorder" 11:13 and they have flashbacks and things trigger those flashbacks. 11:18 Well we're finding now that in a relationship, 11:20 if you traumatize enough, the exact same thing happens to you. 11:23 Does it re-size? Does it grow back? 11:26 Yeah, is there a way to change that? 11:29 Not easily, but we'll talk about that. 11:33 You also lose the ability to distinguish or to interpret 11:38 your environment correctly. 11:40 So someone may come up to you to say, "Hey Sean, 11:44 hi, are you the guy that I went to school with at 11:48 the University of, you know, wherever," and you 11:52 put your guard up immediately because it's a young lady and 11:55 somehow your brain recognizes that she has some 11:58 features that resemble a young lady that you had a 12:02 really traumatic experience with. 12:05 Right? And your brain goes into overdrive and you 12:08 treat her very, very, very coldly and you don't 12:11 know why you did that, but that's the reason why. 12:14 So anything that is traumatic from your past, 12:18 it's able to bring it up and distort it for you. 12:22 The ventral medial prefrontal cortex, that part in the front 12:25 there, and the amygdala, they are both responsible 12:29 for fear response, so you also could suffer 12:31 from fear and anxiety even when faced with stimuli that 12:34 are not remotely connected to your last experience. 12:37 So sometimes, you don't even know what the trigger was, 12:39 you just know that you're acting kind of strangely. 12:41 That's tough. It's very tough, very rough. 12:44 And if you are predisposed to mental illness, 12:48 it can actually trigger mood disorders, psychoses, 12:53 and a bunch of other things that you might not ever 12:55 have suffered from if you didn't have this 12:58 horrible traumatic trigger. 13:00 And lastly, of course, you asked is this reversible? 13:05 Okay, it is reversible, but it's reversible with a lot 13:10 of time which is why you see soldiers having to go 13:13 through a lot of therapy and spend a lot of time 13:17 and you see a lot of things happening along the way 13:19 because they have flashbacks. 13:22 And then sometimes they would go back to their situation 13:25 and sometimes they would improve and then they would 13:27 regress, you know, that kind of thing. 13:29 So it's not an easy road, it takes time, 13:31 it takes a lot of therapy and sometimes, in very severe cases 13:35 medication. 13:37 So I would advise you guys, if you see anyone in your life 13:41 coming with a posture where you think that they're 13:45 going to be the type of argumentative, explosive 13:48 person that's probably going to leave you traumatized, 13:50 you want to leave that alone. 13:52 You two are X-types, X- types remember that you, 13:57 very often, allow people to leave the relationship 14:00 with you without giving you any closure and sometimes 14:04 that could be traumatizing, so you want to be careful, 14:06 you want to be, you know, just keep your head on and be 14:08 intuitive and try and read the relationship 14:11 and where it's going because you don't want someone 14:14 to put on a disappearing act on you and that 14:16 traumatizes you. 14:17 My Y friend, I am so happy that you are our 14:20 only Y female here and I feel I never need 14:24 to tell you anything because all these warnings that 14:26 I'm giving to these guys... you won't have 14:29 to worry about it. All right. 14:31 All right? That's comfort to me. 14:32 So guys, stay away from conflict, avoid trauma, 14:35 and I think you'll be on better path. 14:38 All right, thank you. Thank you for the information. 14:40 All right, thank you for coming. 14:48 Hello and welcome back to "Road to Romance" 14:51 We have with us again Vania and Jeremiah. 14:55 Welcome! Thank you 14:56 Today, I thought we could talk about conflict resolution. 14:59 Most scientists believe that conflict resolution is the 15:03 one thing that submerges, destroys, damages marriages, 15:11 so if we find a way to handle conflict resolution to resolve 15:16 issues amicably, then we can survive. 15:21 So, remember we talked about four areas in XY Theory, 15:26 and one of them was interactivity? 15:28 Okay, interactivity has a lot of parts to it, 15:31 but the most important part is conflict resolution. Exactly 15:35 Now if you guys were happy together, 15:38 everything was going fine, you do understand that at 15:41 some point you will have a conflict that needs 15:44 to be resolved, so not knowing how to resolve that problem 15:47 could really change the course of the relationship 15:50 and the course of the marriage. 15:52 Now what we found is there are three reasons 15:54 why people would usually cite as why they are unable to 15:59 resolve conflict sooner rather than later. 16:03 So the first reason is this, "anger." 16:04 When you talk to folks, they would say, 16:07 "Hey, I was too angry to deal with this right away, you know, 16:09 I needed to cool off, I needed a cooling off period." 16:12 Unfortunately, some people take a long time to cool off. 16:16 Some people could be cooling off for a week 16:19 or two weeks and that's not really healthy. 16:21 Something else folks say, "You know, I felt a lot of 16:24 anxiety when we were having this conflict and I just felt like I 16:30 needed to get away, I needed to withdraw and just 16:32 get out of the situation." 16:34 And then others have said, "You know, I needed 16:37 time to process." 16:39 Now, as soon as you hear "time to process," 16:42 should be thinking about Y- type personalities, right? 16:45 Okay, X-types do not need time to process... 16:48 In fact, they need time to think about stopping, 16:53 you know, I'm saying what they are about to say because 16:55 this is what they do... it goes straight from the brain 16:57 to the mouth - that's how it works for X-types, 17:00 and sometimes that's not healthy because you say something 17:02 that you didn't really mean to say at the time, 17:05 so we have two extremes here... some going too fast, 17:09 some going too slow. 17:11 Okay, when we have couples where one partner has one 17:15 style and the other partner has another style, 17:18 they begin to have some serious conflict. 17:22 Why? It's not getting resolved, it's piling up. 17:25 It's almost like shoveling something under the carpet 17:28 instead of sweeping it out of the house 17:30 and you don't want to do that because it piles up. 17:33 What about you guys? 17:35 How do you resolve conflict? 17:37 Do you have techniques that you use? 17:39 Yes we do, we do - I do believe you're right on with that. 17:43 Once you have conflict, because it's going to 17:45 arrive at some point and have to figure out 17:48 a way to resolve it as best as you can, 17:50 so it doesn't become the undoing of the marriage because 17:54 one well know researcher had mentioned that most couples 17:58 are going to have conflict, that's inevitable, 18:00 but it's how you resolve the conflict that's going to 18:03 determine if you guys are able to have a successful 18:06 marriage or not and that same researcher obviously 18:09 came up with his own things that he wanted people to know 18:13 as far as how to avoid conflicts and things like that. 18:17 We have our own tips that we've been able to compile 18:21 that we feel like has been able to help us, 18:23 and one of the things that we like to do is... 18:26 We like to speak from our own vantage point, 18:28 like we use "I statements." 18:29 Instead of talking about... "You don't do this or you don't' 18:33 do this, you don't do that," usually what I'll say is, 18:37 "When this happens, this is how it makes me feel, 18:41 so I want her to know how it makes me feel and vice versa. 18:44 Another tool that we like to employ is "active listening." 18:48 And so that's where that interactivity piece 18:51 comes into play like... We like to resolve conflicts 18:54 right away - we don't like to just let things go on too long 18:58 because we feel like once that happens, then it becomes 19:01 something that might cause us to not be able to deal 19:03 with each other in the proper way, 19:05 so we like to be able to do that and in a previous 19:08 segment, I think you might have mentioned that earlier as well, 19:11 is you don't want to always feel like you're right 19:14 and the person is not, you know, their opinion doesn't matter, 19:17 so as a solution focused therapist, one of the things 19:20 that we like to do in therapy is we like to take what you call a 19:23 one-down position where you try to create equality 19:27 in the situation where you remove yourself as a 19:31 know-it-all as a connoisseur or as an expert, 19:34 and you elevate the other person to where what they say 19:37 has value, has meaning. 19:39 So that's something we do, so having done 19:41 all of those things, we then start to move forward 19:44 to goal-setting, but instead of just setting 19:48 goals, we like to also create an action plan to go with 19:52 setting those goals - so that way we could try to find 19:55 that win - win because at the end of the day, 19:57 we want to find that win - win to where she feels like 20:00 she's getting her needs met and I feel like I'm getting 20:02 my needs met. 20:03 And the last piece to what we like to do is... 20:06 We like to find that person's inner wealth. 20:09 We like to find, you know, what are the things that 20:11 makes them feel good, like - a lot of times 20:13 we tell someone what we need from them, 20:16 but once we've seen them doing those things that we've 20:19 asked them for - we don't always follow through with letting them 20:21 know, "Hey, I've noticed that you've done this, 20:24 this is what we've been talking about... 20:26 Wow, I really appreciate that!" 20:28 So I make it a point to a point where I go overboard 20:32 with it where I say, "Wow, you're really doing this well, 20:35 so I appreciate that - thank you for making that effort." 20:37 So it may seem like sometimes, it's out of left field, 20:41 but I feel like it's important, like you mentioned previously 20:43 as well, you have to offer a lot of compliments 20:45 to offset the negative behavior. 20:47 So those are some of the things that we've been able to 20:49 do to really, you know, counter the conflicts that 20:52 are inevitable in relationships. Yeah 20:55 And how has it been working for you? 20:56 Yeah, it has been working fine. 20:58 I mean, we're both very honest about what we need, 21:02 what exactly we need and we talk about that all the time. 21:08 And, one other thing that I wanted to say is like... 21:12 for example, when you have a conflict, 21:15 you don't have to feel pressured that you need to 21:19 resolve everything before you go to bed. 21:23 For example, like maybe stay up until 3 o'clock 21:26 in the morning. Right, right. 21:28 You can say, "Okay, we can talk about this tomorrow, 21:32 but then at least you are at a place of peace... 21:36 It's like you become loving towards each other again, 21:40 and say, "Okay, tomorrow we have more time, 21:43 so we're going to really dig in to it, but right now 21:46 we are okay." 21:48 I think that's very important to us, just the state of 21:51 being okay again and then when we are fresh in the morning, 21:57 you know, we can go more into it. 22:00 So I think that's also an important thing because if 22:03 you want to resolve everything, like I do want to feel 22:06 at peace right away, yes! Right, right. 22:08 But if we don't have time to talk about it, 22:10 then we can do it in the morning. 22:12 And there are ways to get your anger to subside 22:15 without having the whole conflict resolved, you know? 22:19 And you're right about that, a lot of folks think that they 22:21 need to keep talking until the problem is resolved, 22:25 and that could take a long time. 22:27 You know, we've said previously that 70% of problems 22:31 cannot be resolved, so if you're trying to 22:33 resolve a problem that cannot be resolved, 22:35 you could be talking for several days and not coming 22:38 to any resolution - just building resentment. 22:42 The studies are showing also that we should try not to 22:46 go beyond about 20 minutes when we're having a 22:49 discussion that is a little heated, not more than about 22:52 20 minutes... Why? Because the anxiety that is 22:54 built in the body takes about 20 minutes to subside. 22:59 So what they've said is... not more than 20 minutes, 23:02 half an hour at most if you're not feeling too charged 23:05 or too angry, half an hour at most, but then at that point, 23:08 you need to adjourn and just say, "Hey, you know what, 23:10 we're not going to solve this one today, 23:12 we're going to have to revisit this tomorrow. 23:15 You also made a good point about conflict... 23:18 We used to think that the marriages that had little 23:22 or no conflict were the good marriages that would last, 23:25 until that very researcher found that he saw that some 23:30 couples that had a lot of conflict, 23:32 their marriages lasted forever and some couples that 23:36 had no conflict were filing for divorce... 23:39 and they couldn't understand why, but then when they 23:42 did a little bit of research what they found was... 23:44 It wasn't the amount of conflict, but was whether 23:47 or not the couples were using the same style, the same method 23:51 of resolving it. 23:53 So couples who could talk about something for 23:55 one minute and then just be done and walk away 23:58 which doesn't sound like much resolution at all, 24:01 they're doing fine - if they both agree that that's 24:03 how it's going to be. Right... Okay 24:05 And couples who say, "Okay, we're going to talk about this 24:08 until it's resolved, not put it under the carpet, 24:12 not put it aside... well, they'll do just fine too 24:15 if they both agree that they want to talk about it. 24:18 So that's what they found and, you know, you just have to 24:20 be on the same page one way or the other. 24:24 Well let's take a look at the graphic. 24:27 We're going to take a look at the feedback loop, 24:30 and basically what we were talking about is the anxiety 24:33 that it has caused and it's called a "feedback loop" 24:37 simply because if you have one person that wants to 24:41 resolve the conflict and the other person that does not, 24:43 well, so the one person that wants to resolve it, 24:46 that person is called "a pursuer" because that 24:48 person usually goes after the other person that doesn't 24:52 want to resolve it right away. Right 24:54 Now the person that is going after, the pursuer, 24:58 feels a bit of anxiety until that conflict is resolved. 25:03 The distancer, the one that is withdrawing, also feels anxiety 25:07 simply because the conflict, the topic is causing 25:11 that cortisol to rise in his body or her body 25:14 and that person feels like, "I need to get away because 25:17 I'm getting more and more anxious." Right 25:19 So what happens? 25:20 The pursuer keeps pursuing, the person that is 25:23 withdrawing keeps running away and backtracking and you have 25:27 what they call a "virtual loop," it keeps going on and on and on 25:32 and escalating because eventually the distancer, 25:34 the person who is trying to get away, 25:35 if you corner them, they will explode. Eventually. 25:38 So that person feels overwhelmed because that person is being 25:42 pursued? Yes 25:44 That person maybe doesn't necessarily have the need to 25:49 resolve the problem or maybe doesn't even 25:51 see it as a problem. Precisely. 25:53 So they either don't see it as a problem or they don't 25:56 believe in resolving it right away and that's okay 25:58 because we found that this is part of a personality 26:00 style as well. 26:02 Your personality dictates whether or not 26:04 you want something to be resolved the same hour, 26:06 the same day - some folks we've worked with 26:09 wanted it to be resolved in 5 minutes and others in a week. 26:15 So when you have that disparity, 26:17 a couple need to come together and come to an agreement, 26:21 somewhere in the middle; so one person will say, 26:22 "Listen, I can't do this in 5 minutes, I have to process, 26:24 I have to think about this, so how about we 26:28 settle for before sunset - before the sun goes down?" 26:33 And the other person will say, "Well, I would have liked 26:37 a week, but I'll meet you halfway and let's just try 26:41 and resolve this before the sun goes down." 26:42 So you meet in the middle because if you don't 26:45 nothing is going to get resolved and that build up 26:47 will cause resentment and jeopardize the marriage. 26:50 Now there are quite a few scriptures that talk about this 26:53 and I wanted to point out a few of them and 26:56 get your feedback. 26:58 One very favorite scripture of mine says, 27:02 well we've eluded to it, "Let not the sun go down 27:04 on your wrath," and I believe you really pointed 27:07 out correctly that there's a difference between 27:10 wrath and resolution. Yes 27:13 A lot of people feel that the thing has to be resolved 27:14 before the sun goes down, but that's not what the 27:16 Bible says - the Bible says, "it must not go down 27:21 on your anger," so you resolve the anger, 27:24 and then you don't have a problem. Correct. 27:27 So one other thing I wanted to point out, Proverbs 15:1, 27:30 it says, "A soft answer turns away wrath." 27:33 "Turns away wrath." "A soft answer." 27:36 You have mentioned before that you think a tone, a rough tone 27:40 is going to make things worse when you're in conflict, 27:42 and that's absolutely true. 27:44 the tone makes all the difference in the world. 27:46 The approach should be loving. Loving right? 27:49 Conciliatory is another word that they use where you kind of 27:52 back down so that the other person doesn't feel attacked. 27:56 Now it sounds like you guys have all the tools you need, 27:59 and I want to wish you all the best and thank you 28:01 for coming - see you next time. Thank you. Thank you! |
Revised 2017-08-10