Participants: Dr. John Jacob (Host), Sean Brereton, Miles Rashad, Bianca Acosta, Jeremiah Dieujuste, Vania Dieujuste
Series Code: RDR
Program Code: RDR000022A
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00:22 Hello and welcome to "Road to Romance"
00:25 I'm your host Dr. John Jacob 00:27 Today we have with us Bianca, Sean and Miles, welcome! 00:31 Hi! Hello! 00:32 So today, I thought we could talk 00:33 a little bit about pathology. 00:35 I know you probably don't know what that field is all about. 00:40 I don't think it's something that people think about 00:42 when they're about to date. 00:43 You don't go off thinking, "Well, you know, let me 00:46 find out if this young lady has 00:48 good mental health, nobody does that. 00:51 Right, unless they are a relationship coach. 00:52 Well, there you go... unless you are a 00:54 relationship with a coach or therapist. 00:55 If you're a therapist, you'd probably think about that. 00:57 But, pathology is really about mental health, 01:00 and sometimes we're concerned about people's physical health. 01:03 I know we're concerned about their spiritual health, 01:06 but very often, we're not at all concerned about their 01:09 mental health - it's not something that we think about... 01:11 mostly, I think because we believe that it is rare. 01:15 The likelihood that we run into someone that has a serious 01:18 mental health problem that will affect our relationship 01:21 and perhaps our marriage and our lives... 01:24 we think it's remote, it's not likely. 01:27 So nobody thinks about it and most times 01:30 nobody wants to think about it. 01:32 But, I have come to realize that it's causing a lot of 01:36 problems in and out of the church. 01:39 So, how common is it? 01:41 Well it's about, I would say, 1 in 4. 01:46 So if you combine mental health problems with medical problems, 01:50 that are serious enough to affect the marriage 01:53 or a relationship, it's about 1 in 4. 01:56 So that means if you went to a function and you 02:01 sat there and you counted 4 people away from you, 02:04 chances are that one of them would have a problem that 02:08 would, you know, bother you if you go into a 02:11 relationship with that individual. 02:13 So what I thought we could do today is just take a look 02:17 at some of the signs that you might not have 02:21 thought about before and I want to do this because 02:24 as I talk to people across the country, 02:26 I'm always asked, "How is it that I missed this, 02:29 how is it that I didn't know that my wife had this problem, 02:33 how is it that I didn't know that 02:35 my husband had this problem?" 02:36 And while they're saying this to me, 02:38 then the light bulb goes off and they think, 02:40 "Oh my gosh, I did see this, I just didn't know what it was," 02:46 and so I think 9 times out of 10, we see some signs 02:50 of a problem, but because we're not trained, 02:53 we don't think that this is something that's going to 02:55 affect us, right? 02:57 So let's take a look... 03:01 So 1 in 4, as I said, have mental health issues 03:04 or medical issues that act as spoilers. 03:06 And I refer to them as "spoilers" 03:08 because we have a theory, XY Theory, 03:11 and remember we're predicting that if you know your 03:13 personality, and you know the personality of 03:15 the person that you're interested in, 03:17 you can make that relationship work. Right 03:19 But mental health issues and problems act as spoilers. 03:23 Throw a wrench in. 03:24 They throw a wrench, right! 03:26 They throw a wrench right in there and prevent you 03:27 from being able to actually predict how your 03:30 relationship will turn out, the outcome. 03:33 So the fact that there is a lack of predictability could be a 03:38 spoiler in itself like, "I can't read this person." 03:41 Yeah, it is, there's some research out there that says 03:44 that "if you know what to expect from your partner, 03:47 inside of the marriage, you could reduce 03:50 the likelihood that you would end in a divorce by 90%." 03:54 You could trust the person. 03:55 Yeah, you know what to expect, everything is about expectation. 03:58 So it's expectations that are not met in the marriage 04:01 that usually cause problems. 04:03 So it's like - you deciding to marry... 04:05 Let's say you fell in love with a blind man... 04:09 You know he's blind. You know he's blind. 04:11 You're not going to be able to tell anyone inside of the 04:13 marriage that I just can't believe that my husband 04:15 is blind. 04:17 Well, no - you knew he was blind and you would have made 04:20 preparations in your mind psychologically 04:22 for the fact that he's blind and you would have 04:24 accepted it or you wouldn't have gone forward. Right 04:26 Well, it's the same thing for all of these issues... 04:28 if you know ahead of time, it helps you a little bit. 04:31 Now with mental health issues, most people don't know 04:33 enough and aren't qualified, frankly, to deal with it 04:36 because it's pretty difficult and there's a lot of 04:39 unpredictability - sometimes it gets worse, 04:41 sometimes it doesn't, sometimes it goes away, 04:43 sometimes medication helps and sometimes medication 04:47 doesn't help at all. 04:48 So that unpredictability really throws a wrench 04:51 in a lot of marriages, okay? 04:54 So let's look at some of the soft signs. 04:57 "Atypicality" - That's the first one, I put that first 05:01 because I like that one the best. 05:03 If you don't know anything about science, 05:05 that is the one sign that I wish you would remember. 05:08 "Atypicality" means exactly what it sounds like... 05:12 something that's not typical. 05:15 So if you've ever been dating someone and you're noticing 05:19 some things and you cannot really put your finger on it. 05:21 You just know that something isn't right, you know? 05:25 You go to the lady's home... this is a true story, 05:28 I heard of a young man that went to a lady's home, 05:30 and when he got there, in her apartment, 05:34 he found that she had absolutely no furniture. What? 05:37 Had she just moved there or... 05:39 No, she had been living there for 2 years. 05:41 No furniture. Wow! 05:44 And he thought, "This is really weird," 05:45 and he asked the question, "Did you just move in?" 05:48 She said, "No, I've been living here for 2 years, 05:51 I have a bed - that's all I need, I have nothing else." 05:55 So he said, "Okay, well maybe some people, you know, 05:57 "minimal," minimalist, "I let this slide." 06:01 And then he said, "Oh, can I have something to drink?" 06:04 And she said, "Help yourself," and then he got to her 06:06 refrigerator and there was nothing in it. 06:09 Okay... There was nothing in it. 06:12 That's taking it a little too far. 06:13 Is this a soft sign of a big problem? 06:15 You understand what I'm saying? 06:17 Could that be a deal breaker, 06:18 I mean if everything else... Oh Miles... yes of course! 06:20 I mean, okay let's just say... 06:24 Let's just say that situation happened and, you know, 06:28 no furniture, nothing to drink in the refrigerator, 06:30 but everything else seems to be okay... 06:33 Like what else? Laughter 06:35 I mean, it wasn't just not juice in the refrigerator. What else? 06:38 There was nothing in there, like the woman doesn't eat. 06:40 indistinct chatter, married problem at this point. 06:44 But if you do it, Miles, and you're an X, 06:46 you know why you're asking this question, I think? 06:48 I think you're asking this question because 06:50 Xs are so adaptable. Yeah, me too. 06:53 But, you know, okay so you don't have any furniture, 06:54 "That's okay, we could sit in on the floor, 06:56 you know, it's okay." 06:58 "You don't have anything in your refrigerator? 06:59 "Well I wasn't thirsty anyway." Yeah, nah. 07:01 No, if you see this, remember this is about 07:03 signs of something else. 07:05 The problem really isn't the lack of furniture 07:07 or the lack of anything at all in the refrigerator, 07:09 not even a bottle of water, right? That's not the problem. 07:11 The problem is - What does this mean? 07:14 What is this person's mental state 07:16 if this is how they're living? 07:18 And that's what you need to ask yourself, 07:19 so that is what they would call "an atypical situation." 07:23 Just something is odd, something isn't right. 07:25 I think sometimes when like a situation like that happens 07:29 I don't tend to like, really question it too much 07:32 or like go too deep into it and I guess I should. 07:35 You should. I guess so. 07:37 You should. You should think more about... 07:38 And I'm like, "Oh, okay that's different, 07:40 and we just move on, but I'm not really searching 07:43 or even thinking about searching for what the 07:45 root cause of that situation is. Right 07:47 And again, you don't have to be a psychotherapist, 07:51 you don't have to be a psychiatrist and I don't 07:53 want you guys to pretend to be. 07:54 I'm not asking you all to go out and diagnose anyone at all. 07:58 She could be paranoid. Yeah! 08:00 You know, you don't even have to engage in a conversation. 08:02 You don't have to say, "Can you talk to my therapist friend, 08:04 can you meet my psychologist?" 08:06 You don't have to say any of that. 08:07 All you have to say is, "Well thank you for having me over, 08:10 and I think I'll be going now. Okay. You know? 08:12 And that's it because you felt that something 08:15 was strange, something was odd here, 08:16 and you're trying to protect yourself especially as an X. 08:19 Y- types - not much of a problem here, they would walk in there 08:22 and just walk right out. Laughter 08:24 Not even goodbye, not even "See ya," just bam. 08:27 There goes the door, back in the car and they're gone. 08:30 They're just, you know, very, very much 08:32 more self-protective that way. Okay 08:34 All right? So the next one is "extreme neediness." Hmmm 08:39 Now X-types tend to come across as needy, 08:44 and I have to say to you that it doesn't mean 08:47 that you're really needy. 08:49 It just means that you have needs - there's a difference. 08:53 You have needs for attention or affection or communication, 08:59 but it's when that need becomes kind of obsessive, 09:03 when you're getting all explosive 09:06 about it... you know what I'm saying? Yeah 09:07 When you're getting aggressive about that need... 09:11 that anyone dating you has to wonder... 09:13 "What's up with that dude," you know, "What's wrong?" 09:17 So what do you say when you see, I mean, sorry... 09:20 what do you say when you see something like that? 09:22 Okay, not too much. Not too much. 09:25 Now we're talking about signs that you will see 09:27 early in the dating process so this is not... 09:30 You guys have to remove your minds from thinking that this 09:32 is deep in the relationship. Um hm 09:34 There are viewers that are listening right now that 09:37 might find themselves already in this and then they would 09:39 want to go to that individual and say, 09:42 "Hey, is something wrong, is there anything I 09:44 can do to help," and you try to be helpful. 09:46 I'm not saying that you run away especially if you are in 09:48 the relationship already. 09:49 But this is for you guys, you guys are all single, 09:52 and you're looking for signs so that you don't even go there. 09:55 It's much easier to stay out of something than to try and 09:58 dig your way out after you've gotten in. Wow 10:00 Preventive care here. Preventive, right? 10:02 Preventive care. 10:03 So extreme neediness and a lot of this is gut feeling. 10:06 If in your gut, you feel that this person is absolutely 10:09 terribly needy - you know what I'm saying? 10:11 They've got to hear my voice, you know, once every hour, 10:15 you know, so they're calling me on my job and I told you 10:19 that I can't answer the phone on the job, 10:21 but you have to hear my voice every hour, you know... 10:24 you have to make that determination yourself. 10:26 "Is this normal, or is this a little too much neediness here. 10:30 Is that like an emotional dependency? 10:33 Well, I don't want to label it. Okay 10:35 I don't want to label and I don't want you guys to label it 10:37 either, I just want you to recognize when something 10:40 seems outside of the norm. Okay 10:42 And then your determination is this... 10:45 Am I going to continue or am I going to run away? Okay 10:51 So not diagnosis... Am I going to go down 10:54 this road with this young lady or young man, 10:56 or am I going to backtrack and save myself some problems. Okay 11:01 Okay - the next one, "controlling behavior." 11:07 There are some people out there that are extreme controllers, 11:11 and those people - you would know it right away. 11:14 It's self-explanatory. Yeah 11:16 Their way or the highway Okay? 11:18 And then "aggressiveness." 11:20 Now if somebody is horribly aggressive to you or with you 11:24 when you aren't even in a relationship with them, 11:26 just imagine what's it's going to be like deep 11:29 into the relationship or on the other side in marriage. 11:33 Aggressiveness. Hmmm 11:35 "Rigidity," extreme rigidity like no flexibility at all. 11:39 Again, it's always their way or the highway, always! 11:43 It's not on there, but people who are always right, 11:46 everything they say is right. 11:48 You know, those also fall in that rigid category, 11:52 so you need to be careful with that too. 11:53 "Extreme sadness," and I have it as extreme sadness 11:56 instead of depression because I don't think that you guys 11:59 are qualified to diagnose depression. 12:01 But, anybody could see someone who is always sad, very sad. 12:06 You can detect that, you could see that. Right 12:09 Crying incessantly, crying nonstop. 12:11 I mean, if you want to help, you could ask, 12:13 "Is there anything I can do to help?" 12:15 But it doesn't mean that the way you help that individual 12:17 is by jumping into a relationship with them 12:19 when they probably need some kind of 12:21 psychological help. Right? Um hm 12:24 Okay, again if you're already in the situation, 12:26 you will handle this differently, but that's not 12:27 what we're talking about right now. 12:29 "Excessive emotions," emotions all over the place, 12:33 extremely - like a pendulum; very, very, very happy 12:36 for one period and then extremely sad the next, 12:39 just like mood swings, right? 12:41 You want to watch out for that. 12:43 "Impulsivity," well you know, we have a lot of people with 12:48 ADD and ADHD and so there's a lot of impulsivity 12:52 out there, but I'm talking about extreme impulsivity 12:54 where you guys sat down and you 12:56 talked about not doing something. 12:58 Or you guys, maybe, you know, "Hey I want to go 13:01 to this concert or whatever, let's save for it," 13:04 and he just impulsively went right off and spent the money 13:09 the next morning on a video game... What? 13:11 And then you say, "Okay, I thought we had planned 13:14 to do this or that," and he cannot explain it because 13:16 no impulse control. Okay 13:19 That's a problem! 13:21 "Explosiveness," we talked about that. 13:23 Some people explode to the point where 13:27 when you're with them, you feel like you're 13:28 walking on eggshells. Right 13:30 I don't know if you've ever experienced that. 13:32 They're so sensitive that you feel like, 13:34 "I'd better be very, very careful, careful about 13:37 what I say, careful about what I do... 13:38 You know, just careful about what I think." 13:41 You know, unless they could read my mind. 13:43 Okay, you don't want to start that relationship because 13:46 that does not get better. Right 13:49 Okay, "withdrawn," some people are just very withdrawn. 13:52 You can't get them to talk about anything. 13:54 You can't get them to come out of their shell, 13:56 and you are there fighting, trying to pull them out... 13:58 mostly trying to be helpful, but do you want 14:01 to be in a relationship with someone like that? 14:04 That you meet and they're always withdrawn. 14:06 Every time you go out on a date, they've completely withdrawn. 14:08 Seems like you're working overtime and then after a while, 14:10 it's like okay, "You know what, I'm really trying 14:12 with the situation and it's not working," 14:15 so you tend to check out. Exactly! 14:17 So how is that different than, say for an extremely low Y. 14:21 Like reserved, is there a difference between withdrawn 14:24 and being reserved? 14:26 Yeah, an extremely low Y, they'll talk. 14:28 I mean, remember Ys will always talk about self-interests. 14:31 That are the things that they like. 14:32 Things that they like, so you'll try to find out 14:34 what the person likes. Like turtles... 14:35 (indistinct chatter), like. Yeah, like, okay here, 14:37 exactly, there you go. 14:38 You like turtles here, right? Yeah 14:40 But if you're with someone and there's nothing they like 14:43 at all, there's nothing you could get them to talk about. 14:45 In fact, you can't get them to talk at all about anything, 14:48 they don't even want to go out, 14:49 withdrawn, then that's a problem. 14:51 Then why are you trying? 14:53 "Illogical thinking" - there are some people that - logic... 14:57 you're talking to them and you explain to them things, 14:59 and it's like... "whoa," this logic isn't matching at all, 15:04 you're not understanding what I'm saying and it's not 15:06 complicated, but there's no logic to what they're saying, 15:10 especially when you have interactions or even if you 15:13 have a little argument and there's no logic whatsoever... 15:15 It doesn't really get much better beyond that, 15:18 and we touched on this already, this is a big one... 15:21 "Oversensitivity," you don't want to be with someone 15:23 with whom you cannot see anything, 15:25 you're not feeling free to be yourself. Right 15:28 And the most important thing is, 15:31 #1- You must be able to be yourself. 15:33 #2- You always check to see how that 15:35 person leaves you feeling, 15:37 how does that person make you feel, 15:38 that's the biggest marker. Okay. 15:41 Okay? Now that's a whole lot to throw at you guys, 15:43 so I'm not going to give you all anymore, 15:45 I'm just going to let you have that marinade, 15:48 and I want to thank you guys for being here and 15:52 I'll talk to you next time. 15:54 Thank you for the information. Thank you. 16:02 Hello and welcome back to "Road to Romance" 16:05 We have with us again, Vania and Jeremiah - welcome! 16:09 Happy to be back. Thank you. 16:11 So I thought today we could talk about "pathology." 16:14 We talked about personality and now we would like to talk 16:19 a little bit about mental illness. 16:21 It affects about 1 in 4 married couples, 16:25 so that's pretty prevalent, you know - 25%? Right 16:31 So, do you know anything about 16:34 this topic? Well let me ask Jeremiah. 16:37 Jeremiah, you are a marriage and family therapist. Correct. 16:41 Well I mean the statistics are accurate, 1 out of 4 16:44 Americans suffer from mental illness, 16:47 so it's very pervasive in our society. 16:49 So if you then add a relationship on top of that, 16:53 people are coming in and not realizing that this person 16:56 may have this mental illness that they're battling, 16:58 and so that would affect a lot of other areas 17:01 on communication and so on. 17:03 So if couples aren't aware of that, then it creates 17:06 a lot of problems in a relationship. 17:07 Right, it kind of adds another layer of difficulty. Exactly! 17:12 So, you know, sadly mental illness as you guys would know, 17:18 goes undiagnosed, a lot undiscovered a lot, 17:23 and the way it looks in a marriage is very different 17:27 from how you would read in a diagnostic manual. 17:30 So a couple that's dealing with this, 17:33 they may have horrible fights explosive fights, 17:37 sometimes physical altercations and all of this is because 17:41 one or both of them might be suffering from mental illness. 17:46 And it's not just mental illness, 17:47 it could be something medical. 17:49 It could be drug-related and it could be alcohol abuse, 17:51 but any of those things could really add to the 17:54 difficulty of a couple making it, right? 17:57 So let's take an example... 17:59 If you had a wife that had manic depressive illness, 18:03 for instance, she can be up all night cleaning the house, 18:07 spic and span. 18:08 You get up in the morning and the house is spotless! Right 18:11 Now it's time to take the kids to school, 18:14 but she is flat in bed, unable to move 18:18 because now she is in her depressive phase. Right 18:21 The husband who has to deal with that 18:23 would be clueless, he has no idea what's wrong, 18:26 and if he doesn't know about manic depressive illness, 18:29 or that his wife, you know, has this problem, 18:31 he could think all kinds of wrong things like 18:34 "I think she's lazy, I don't know what she was up doing 18:37 last night - maybe she was on the internet, you know, 18:40 playing around with her friends, sending messages, 18:43 and now that it's time for her to be a mom and be a wife, 18:46 she is useless and then his anger and resentment 18:50 builds because he has no idea what is going on. Right 18:54 Remember this - we're talking about "undiagnosed" mainly. 18:57 Even when it is diagnosed, it's difficult. Exactly. Right? 19:01 So I wanted to read a few ways in which illness of this nature 19:08 affects a relationship. Okay 19:11 Most of the time, one person will feel that the person 19:13 that they love is no longer there and this especially 19:17 happens when you get the diagnosis after the fact 19:20 you're already married, you're into the marriage 19:22 a few years and you know something is wrong, 19:24 but you're not sure and then you manage or you succeed 19:27 in getting your partner to get some help. Exactly 19:30 And then he or she finds out that they have a major illness. 19:34 Now you grieve just like people grieve 19:37 for anything else because it's a loss. 19:39 It's a loss of a partner that was whole. Right 19:42 And now you're thinking... "Is she ever going to come back, 19:46 are things going to be the way they were before, 19:48 what are our next steps?" 19:51 So was the partner whole or they just think that the 19:55 he or she was whole? 19:58 Yes, that's a good question. 19:59 So the partner may not have been whole, but guess what? 20:01 You're laughing Jeremiah, tell me what you think. 20:04 No, because I agree. 20:06 We may have gotten into that situation thinking the person 20:08 was one way, but I was just then presenting something 20:11 to us - that wasn't a fact. Yeah, exactly. 20:14 And, you know, it works like this... 20:15 Somebody had had cancer, could have been suffering 20:19 for years, as-a-matter-of fact, 20:22 if I could self-disclose a little... 20:25 This was my dad's situation. 20:26 He knew that something was wrong for years, 20:29 and it wasn't until he got his diagnosis, 20:32 and then shared his diagnosis with me that I began to grieve, 20:35 I mean - really grieve. 20:37 So knowing that something is wrong and then finding out 20:41 definitely - this is exactly what it is, 20:44 they are like night and day sometimes. 20:46 So when that happens, the person who is "well," 20:51 and I put that in quotes because we all have something 20:53 that we're dealing with, but the person who is not 20:56 mentally ill - then has to think about, "Okay now I have a 20:59 diagnosis, I know what the problem is, 21:01 what am I going to do about it." 21:03 And if there are children involved, 21:05 it could get even deeper in terms of things that you have 21:08 to consider if it's something that has a high heritability 21:11 rate meaning that the children can inherit it genetically... 21:15 Now you're worrying, "Okay, if my wife has schizophrenia, 21:18 I have three girls - how many of them are going to be 21:20 struck with this." Exactly 21:22 So it's a really tenuous, difficult situation. 21:25 You also know that you are going to become the caregiver 21:29 for everyone... for the partner, for the kids. 21:33 You are the primary care caregiver 21:35 because the other person is ill. 21:36 Oh, it's true, so that like increased responsibility 21:38 right there and which could obviously raise someone's 21:40 stress level as well. Right, exactly. 21:43 And then you feel some loneliness 21:46 because you don't have that bond - the bond is somewhat 21:50 severed, you know, and I know that you're 21:53 probably thinking, "Well the bond was probably not that 21:55 great to begin with if you guys were arguing and fighting 22:00 and quarrelling, but again, once that you find out that 22:02 there is a diagnosis, it changes everything. 22:06 But do you think like once you find out - that it provides 22:09 also more peace because at least you know why it's happening. 22:12 Yes and no - I have to say, "yes," because you always 22:20 have more peace when you find out - definitively, 22:22 "Okay, this is what I'm dealing with." 22:25 But then it depends on what the illness is... 22:29 some things are more treatable than others, 22:31 as you would know, Jeremiah. 22:33 Some things - medication would take care of and enable you 22:37 to go about your day almost as if nothing was wrong. 22:41 Other things - medication doesn't work quite that well, 22:45 and you know that you're dealing with this 22:47 for the rest of your lives and then, in that instance, 22:50 knowing what it is - isn't going to make you feel much better. 22:54 But at least he give you like maybe support, 22:57 and you have a reason why you can justify the support 23:00 of maybe family members or if it's not diagnosed, 23:04 then it may come across like an excuse or you're lazy 23:08 or something, right? Yeah 23:10 And this is one of the reasons why we're discussing 23:13 this on this program... for folks out there that, 23:16 you know, have this issue going on and need to address it 23:22 for the sake of the marriage, for the sake of the children 23:24 because everybody is suffering, but there's no support 23:28 because there's no acknowledgement. That's true. 23:30 So, you know, gotta get to that point. 23:33 Now, as Jeremiah would tell you, also there are several 23:37 diagnoses where part of the description or one of the 23:44 traits identifying marks is denial. 23:46 So if part of your diagnosis is you are suffering from X, Y or Z 23:52 and part of this is - you'll deny it, 23:54 you could see how difficult that is. 23:56 You know, there are several people that will never 23:58 go to a psychiatrist, will never go to a psychotherapist 24:00 because they don't believe that they have anything wrong, 24:04 and if you bring it up, they will treat you like 24:07 you're the one that's suffering from some kind of illness, 24:11 and, unfortunately, this is part of the diagnosis. 24:14 In my particular case as a solution focal therapist, 24:19 we call those type of people "visitors." Right? 24:21 They are like the reluctant people that come into therapy 24:24 because maybe they came at the request of a partner 24:28 or loved one and they're almost like 24:30 mandated to come to counseling, 24:31 so they just sit there and they have the stance like, 24:33 "Okay Mr. Therapist, now get me to open up." 24:37 And so you have to then try to socialize and join them 24:40 in where they are to try to get them to open up about it. 24:44 Yeah, kind of get to where they are so that you could get 24:47 them to open up. Exactly 24:48 And I think maybe one thing that is important to mention is 24:51 that you have to find a therapist that clicks with you. 24:55 You know, not every therapist clicks with anybody. 24:59 Not because you're a therapist that means that you can 25:02 treat everybody... Right especially now that we're 25:04 talking about personality and it's important to see like 25:07 "Okay, what kind of therapist would click with this person?" 25:12 Especially if the person is in denial and if the person 25:15 decides to, you know, try it out - then you want to 25:18 have someone who clicks and the experience is at least 25:21 pleasant the first time. Right 25:23 And that is vital for someone who has, you know, 25:26 dealing with personality differences, 25:27 but absolutely mandatory for someone who has 25:30 a personality disorder because at that point, 25:33 you're right - you may only have one shot, 25:36 one bite of the apple and you want to make sure that 25:38 this clicks, so that's a very good point. 25:41 So I wanted to bring something up though... 25:43 In the church, we have a very unique problem, 25:49 and the problem is that we have a health-focus that is very, 25:55 very strong and we should be proud of it, right? 25:57 Loma Linda is one of the "blue zones," 25:59 so be very proud of this. 26:01 But there is a focus, of course, on vegetarianism which is 26:06 to our credit and also on veganism... 26:09 So, my point is this... 26:12 There are people out there who need medication to 26:16 deal with some very severe types of disorders, 26:20 and are unwilling to be treated because they 26:27 they have nothing to do with traditional medication and 26:30 this is not every vegan out there, obviously, 26:33 but I'm just saying there is a handful of folks who will not 26:36 take any kind of traditional type of medication. 26:39 I mean, this is not like they're suffering from a terminal 26:41 illness - in their mind, it's just a mental illness, 26:44 "I can probably try some supplements or 26:46 whatever," what would you say to someone like that, Jeremiah. 26:51 Well, I mean, this is a very tricky one... 26:53 so if someone is reluctant to seek treatment or take the 26:57 proper medication, then that will only 27:00 make the situation that much more aggravated because then 27:05 by them being reluctant to seek the proper treatment, 27:09 it's just going to make the situation at home with their 27:12 partner much more intolerable and in some cases 27:16 it's insufferable to where, you know, the chances for people to 27:19 not be together - it's just going to be that much 27:22 more greater because, like you mentioned, the divorce rate is 27:24 already high as it is, so then you add the component 27:26 of someone who is not willing to seek the proper treatment 27:30 or get the appropriate medication, is just going to 27:32 make that situation almost terminal, 27:35 if I can just say that. Right 27:37 It will make it very, very, very difficult. Exactly 27:40 So I'd like to read one Scripture to you here... 27:43 Ephesians 4:2 says, "Be completely humble and gentle, 27:47 be patient bearing with one another in love." 27:49 So the Bible encourages us to bear with each other's 27:52 burdens and when we make a marriage vow is for 27:55 better or for worse. 27:57 I'd like to thank you guys for your contribution today, 27:59 and I'll see you next time. 28:00 Thank you. You're welcome. |
Revised 2017-06-29