Participants: Dr. John Jacob (Host), Sean Brereton, Miles Rashad, Bianca Acosta, Jeremiah Dieujuste, Vania Dieujuste
Series Code: RDR
Program Code: RDR000020A
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00:01 On the Road 2 Romance,
00:02 research shows that X's need affection, 00:06 but Y's are private. 00:08 X's seek to have connectedness, while Y's they are solitude, 00:12 and X's want empathy, Y's need their loyalty. 00:16 Journey with us as we study 00:18 and explore this Road 2 Romance. 00:22 Hello, and welcome to Road 2 Romance. 00:25 I am your host Dr. John Jacob. 00:27 Today we have with us Miles, Bianca, and Sean. 00:30 Welcome. Thanks for having us. 00:32 Hi. Thanks for having us. 00:33 So today I wanted to talk 00:35 a little bit more about the hormone, testosterone. 00:37 We've been talking about XY theory. 00:39 We've been talking about personality. 00:41 But what you did not know was, 00:43 testosterone is responsible 00:45 for the personality that you have. 00:47 So let's take a look at how this all came about. 00:53 So testosterone determines your personality tag. 00:56 So if you are an XX, YY, YX, XY, 01:01 that's your personality tag. 01:03 Bianca, do you remember yours? 01:04 It's YX. YX. 01:06 What about you Miles? XX. 01:08 XX. 01:09 I'm an XX. 01:10 Two have XX, so we have two XX's 01:12 and a Y in the middle. 01:13 We have all this unusual stuff here. 01:15 I know, right. 01:16 I know. 01:17 So let me explain to you, 01:19 how you guys actually got those tags. 01:20 I know that I gave you a test 01:22 and the test determined what your personality was. 01:25 But it wasn't really the test, at least it wasn't me, 01:29 and it wasn't in the research I did. 01:30 It was actually something 01:31 that happened to you several years ago. 01:33 So let's take a look. 01:35 There was a test that was done, 01:37 and it's called the newborn baby study. 01:39 So there was a scientist over in the UK 01:41 who decided that he could figure out 01:44 which babies would be born with autism. 01:48 So that was his goal, that was his life work. 01:50 And he decided if he could prenatally 01:54 test to find out what kind of fluids surrounded fetuses, 01:57 he could use that information to figure out, 02:00 whether or not a child would be autistic or not. 02:03 So basically, he got permission from 500 mothers, 02:06 he did an amniocentesis 02:08 and found out that several babies 02:10 were surrounded by testosterone, 02:12 which is the hormone that we're talking about today. 02:14 Some babies had very little, 02:16 but a lot of babies had a huge amount. 02:18 And so what he found was the more testosterone 02:22 surrounding a child's body as a fetus, 02:26 the more likely the child was, 02:28 you know, to have autism. 02:30 That's what he decided. 02:31 Now it was a hypothesis, he didn't know, 02:33 he had to try it out. 02:35 But here is the interesting thing, 02:37 he got permission from the mothers 02:39 to be there at the point of birth, 02:41 at least that was what he wanted, 02:43 what he asked for. 02:44 But what do you think the mother said? 02:46 No. 02:47 Absolutely not, who wants a stranger to be in, 02:48 you know, the room with them 02:50 when they're giving birth, right? 02:51 So they agreed to one day later, 02:54 so he came back one day after birth 02:56 and he was given access to all these babies. 02:58 So he decided to hold up in front of the babies, 03:01 remember they had really poor vision right, 03:03 so he came really close 03:04 and he had a card that had a picture of a woman smiling, 03:08 a nice warm smile 03:10 and then he also presented them with a picture of a toy. 03:14 Needless to say, 03:15 most of the boys got really excited when they saw the toy, 03:18 and most of the girls got excited when they saw, 03:20 you know, the picture of the warm face, 03:22 but not all of them, 03:24 some of the girls actually got excited 03:26 when they saw a picture of a toy 03:28 and some boys, you know, 03:29 got excited when they saw the picture of the warn face. 03:31 So he thought himself, wow, maybe this means something. 03:34 So he decided to keep testing them. 03:36 So at age two, he decided, 03:38 let me see how their vocabulary has been developing. 03:42 And, as you would have guessed, 03:44 one set of the babies had about 600 words 03:47 that they could use and about 10 words for the other set. 03:51 So the babies that were very, very talkative, 03:53 he called them empathizers and the babies that will not, 03:57 he called them systemizers. 03:58 So he wanted to see, 04:00 if this would continue on through, 04:02 you know, the early childhood. 04:04 So when they were four years old 04:05 he gave them an empathy test. 04:07 Lo and behold, 04:08 the empathizers had high empathy 04:10 and the systemizers had low empathy. 04:13 Okay, at age eight, 04:14 he decided, okay, conclusive test, 04:16 I'm gonna give him an MRI, 04:18 I'm gonna give the boys an MRI, 04:19 I'm gonna give the girls. 04:21 What he found was the MRI confirmed 04:23 all of his suspicions, 04:24 which is, there's a link between testosterone 04:27 surrounding the fetus 04:29 and what they turn out to be later on in life. 04:32 So I guess that's why it tends to be more often 04:36 that you get the man 04:37 with a particular personality type 04:40 but it's not cut and dry like that. 04:41 Right, now, 04:43 actually boys are four times more likely to have autism. 04:46 Right. Wow. 04:48 That's an interesting fact. 04:50 So of course, he had more boys in his study, you know, 04:52 showing that they had this trait. 04:55 But what was really interesting 04:57 with this for XY theory is this, 05:00 when I decided to start this research, 05:02 I realized that 05:03 people had a different type of personality, 05:04 which we call now a relationship personality. 05:07 So I decided to use two pillars to start communication 05:12 and intimacy that was really, really reliant on empathy. 05:16 I did not know anything about his study, 05:19 and he didn't know anything about mine. 05:20 But as it turns out, 05:22 he actually helped corroborate our findings. 05:25 So now we know that, 05:26 that personality that we've been talking about 05:28 that you guys have, 05:30 the one that the test pointed out, 05:32 you've had that personality from in the womb. 05:35 Because of this relational, right. 05:38 The relational personality, not the social personality. 05:40 Social personality is dependent on your social environment. 05:43 What kind of parenting, you know, you've had. 05:47 What your parents exposed you to as a child. 05:49 How they treated you. 05:50 But prenatally, there's no external influence. 05:54 This is just who you are, 05:55 which means that it's very, very stable. 05:57 The personality that you guys discovered, 05:58 it probably will not change 06:00 which is why we've been encouraging you to learn 06:03 to adjust your personality, 06:04 so that you could fit in with someone else 06:07 that you might want to spend the rest of your life with. 06:08 Makes sense. 06:10 Does that make sense? 06:11 Okay, so let's look at this the China Study. 06:16 What is the China Study? 06:18 Have you heard about it, has anyone...? 06:19 A little bit. 06:20 You heard a little bit about it. 06:22 A little bit. Okay. 06:23 So, China currently right now, 06:25 they are having a lot of problems. 06:26 Well, I don't even know if it's a problem, 06:27 but their premier, you know, 06:29 the leader he thinks it's a problem. 06:30 Now what they're realizing is that 06:32 the boys are not as masculine 06:36 as they would like them to be, interesting. 06:39 So, China decided that, 06:41 maybe we should make a change to our schooling 06:44 95% of the teachers there at elementary schools are women, 06:48 the same as here. 06:50 But the Chinese believe that 06:52 because they don't have enough role models 06:54 that are men in the schools, 06:56 the boys are not seeing. 06:58 You know, male role models to become like and emulate, 07:02 you know, masculine behavior. 07:04 It's very interesting though because, you know, 07:06 they don't have a divorce rate like we have. 07:08 So the children could still go home and they have... 07:10 And see their fathers. 07:11 Intact, yeah, two parent family. 07:13 So I am not sure that their hypothesis is correct. 07:16 But that does not matter, the fact is, 07:18 they do have a problem. 07:19 There're millions of Chinese men that they feel 07:23 more on the feminine side than masculine side. 07:26 So here's the thing, 07:28 what does that have to do with us? 07:30 What it has to do with us is this. 07:32 Right here in America, 07:33 we've been having a drop in empathy among females. 07:36 All right. 07:37 So they've been having a drop 07:39 in what I would say is testosterone among males, 07:42 causing them not to be 07:43 as masculine as they would like, 07:45 and we've been having our females, 07:48 especially college age females with empathy dropping 07:52 which makes them, you know, less soft, less sensitive. 07:57 So it's a worldwide epidemic, it's a hormonal shift, 08:00 a change that's happening right now. 08:02 Could there be... 08:03 sorry to interrupt. 08:05 Could that be because there's a lot of women 08:08 who are taking on role as fathers in the home 08:10 because there is, you know, 08:13 in America has a tendency of women raising their children 08:17 in a single parent home, so they have to take, 08:20 they might have to lose a little bit of their feminine 08:23 aspects of them to take on the male size 08:27 as far as being a disciplinarian- 08:28 I know what you're saying. 08:30 So I think that could be a factor. 08:31 You know, if you're raised in a single parent home, 08:33 mom has to be mom and dad. 08:35 And she has to take on that tough role, you know, 08:37 be disciplinarian. 08:39 And that's all you see. 08:40 You know, if you're raised in a two parent family, 08:42 then of course, you know, 08:43 you'd be able to see dad with his role 08:45 and if you're a boy, you could identify with dad 08:47 you know, dads and their boys, right. 08:49 And you'll be able to see your mom 08:50 and she can continue to just do 08:52 what she needs to do 08:53 instead of trying to play both roles. 08:55 So that definitely could be a factor. 08:57 But here's what you guys need to keep in mind, 09:01 this testosterone that you have no control over, 09:04 because it's, you know, prenatal, 09:06 it actually masculinizes the brain. 09:09 So if you have a brain that is more masculine, 09:13 basically you have, 09:14 for instance women that turn out to be tomboys. 09:17 And I know you guys have some friends that are tomboys, 09:19 I don't know, if you... 09:20 Are you a tomboy? 09:22 No, my sister is a tomboy. Your sister is a tomboy. 09:23 Okay, well, that is actually 09:25 caused by the amount of testosterone 09:26 that surrounds prenatally. 09:28 And you know, 09:29 what does that have to do with dating? 09:31 It has everything to do with dating. 09:34 If you are a tomboy, 09:35 you are most likely going to be interested 09:37 in what we call alpha males. 09:38 Have you guys heard of that term alpha males? 09:40 Yeah. Yeah. 09:41 Okay, alpha males are alpha males 09:43 because they too were surrounded 09:44 by lot of testosterone. 09:45 So what we've been noticing is 09:47 we've had a lot of women coming to us 09:48 and saying, hey, Dr. Jacob, 09:50 I am an XX type personality, 09:52 which means I have a high need for communication 09:55 and I have a high need for intimacy, 09:57 but I'm really interested, I'm really attracted to those, 10:00 you know, the rough guys, the guys that you know, 10:03 like extreme sports and you know, 10:04 I'm attracted to those alpha males. 10:07 How do you explain that, why is that? 10:10 Well it's easy. 10:11 What they were surrounded 10:12 by in the womb was enough to cause them 10:15 to be XX type personalities, 10:18 but it also caused some people to be alpha females 10:22 and some people to not be alpha females. 10:23 So they were attracted, 10:25 they're attracted to the opposite 10:27 of what they should be attracted to. 10:28 Unfortunately, most alpha male are YY types, 10:31 so you see the conundrum, 10:32 you see the problem they're gonna be having. 10:34 I am an XX, I need a guy that is gonna talk a lot, 10:36 I need a guy that is affectionate, 10:38 but I'm attracted to that very guy 10:40 that is not because of his rough exterior, 10:43 his alphaness. 10:44 And all of that comes from testosterone. 10:47 All this complication with all these different hormones 10:49 makes for really difficult balance. 10:51 Yes, it's difficult, and it's complicated. 10:54 And this is unfortunately 10:55 what we've gotten 10:57 coming all the way back from creation, 10:59 when things were very easy and things were simple. 11:01 But with every progressive century, 11:02 guess what, 11:04 things become more and more complicated. 11:05 So right now, the whole dating 11:07 and mating process is extremely complex 11:10 which is why of course we've tried to simplify it. 11:12 Take the guessing game away from you 11:15 and create an algorithm 11:16 that could actually take care of all of this. 11:18 So these ladies, 11:19 they don't actually have to go out there 11:21 and find someone, 11:22 we have men that we call coconuts. 11:25 Yeah. 11:26 Can you explain? Well, okay. 11:28 You think of coconut, 11:29 and I'm not talking about the coconut that's still green 11:31 but the one that you're getting in the store 11:33 and it has a brown shell, right. 11:35 Okay, so it has a hard exterior, 11:38 but you crack it and inside its soft, 11:40 and there's white jelly, 11:42 and maybe sometimes there is some water in it. 11:44 But a coconut is more attractive and more... 11:48 how should I say, 11:50 adhesive when these women decide to date 11:52 because this man, 11:53 he has the exterior that they want, 11:55 so they are attracted to him, 11:56 but when they get closed and they get intimate, 11:58 guess what, they find that inside he's very soft 12:00 and he's very gentle. 12:02 So we actually try to set those women up with coconuts. 12:05 Okay. 12:07 Okay, does that make sense? 12:08 Okay. 12:10 So you want to make sure that 12:11 if you're looking for a coconut, 12:12 you actually getting a coconut. 12:14 My mom used to buy coconuts, and she would shake that, 12:16 you can't shake your man. 12:17 You gonna have to test them, 12:19 that's the only way you're gonna be able to do it. 12:20 But you want to get away from someone 12:22 who is going to have a controlling problem. 12:24 I mean no one wants to be controlled in a relationship. 12:27 In fact it's one of the primary reasons 12:29 why relationships fail. 12:30 You get into relationship with someone 12:31 and you begin to realize 12:33 that they want to control your every move. 12:35 This is more likely 12:37 with controlling Y types or the coconuts. 12:40 Okay. 12:41 And one more thing I wanted to tell you, 12:44 testosterone is actually also responsible 12:46 for ending a lot of relationships prematurely. 12:50 Why is that? 12:52 Well, apparently your brain has the capacity 12:56 to taste testosterone. 12:58 Say what now? 13:00 Yes, it's true. 13:03 When you kiss someone, 13:05 your brain actually samples the saliva 13:10 and your brain decides whether or not, 13:13 it likes this testosterone, 13:16 this testosterone it is getting 13:18 from the person that you're kissing 13:19 and your brain actually can tune you in, 13:22 or tune you off from the person. 13:24 You've heard a lot of people say, 13:25 you know what, I went on a date with this guy 13:28 and the first kiss and I just thought, 13:30 ah, this is not gonna work out. 13:32 Have you ever heard anybody say that? 13:34 Yeah. 13:35 The first kiss, it's not gonna work out. 13:36 Well, the reason for that is the brain said, 13:38 I don't like this guy, I don't like this guy. 13:41 So that your taste buds, 13:42 your brain actually gets the taste of the testosterone 13:45 through that and makes a decision for you. 13:47 All right. 13:49 So this isn't encouraging, you know, a lot of, 13:53 whole lot of kissing before. 13:54 Exactly, exactly, right. 13:55 But... 13:57 That's right. 13:58 You actually could lose your chances 13:59 with a good match if you get, you know, 14:02 ultra-physical and do a lot of the things, 14:04 a lot of the things that your parents have told you, 14:06 yeah, you know what, you know, hold back, 14:08 you don't have to rush into all of this physicality 14:10 because it really does more harm than good. 14:12 Right. 14:13 And I'm not, I'm not shutting down 14:15 all you folks out there, who, you know, 14:17 like to have a kiss or whatever, 14:20 but just to let you know, it could work against you. 14:24 Thank you for this. 14:26 You're welcome. 14:27 So this was good 14:29 and we'd you like to see you guys again. 14:31 So until I see you next time. 14:33 All right. 14:42 Hello, and welcome back to Road 2 Romance. 14:44 We're joined again by Vania and Jeremiah. 14:47 I thought we could talk today a little more about hormones 14:50 and how they affect marriage. 14:52 As you know testosterone is responsible 14:54 for lot of male behavior. 14:57 It helps you to protect your wife, 15:00 it also helps you to protect your kids 15:02 when you have them 15:03 but it's also responsible for sex drive. 15:06 So from the day you guys came back from your honeymoon, 15:10 believe it or not Jeremiah 15:11 your testosterone level has been dropping. 15:13 Well, is that right? 15:14 Absolutely. Wow. 15:16 And when Vania says to you, 15:17 you know I think we should start a family, 15:20 on the day she says that to you, 15:22 it takes another dive. 15:23 Wow. 15:25 We should have skipped the honeymoon. 15:27 No, don't skip the honeymoon. 15:28 And then after that when the kids are born, 15:30 it drops again. 15:32 So the problem with that is as it drops, 15:35 your sex drive drops. 15:38 And that often affects marriages 15:39 because most couples are not prepared 15:41 for the hormonal changes 15:43 that marriage and family brings. 15:45 Okay. 15:46 And why is that? 15:48 Like, why does it drop? 15:49 Well, it drops because of a change of focus, 15:51 because his mind, once you say, okay, let's have a family, 15:54 now he becomes the protector. 15:56 He's not just a husband anymore, 15:57 but now he has to be thinking I have to provide, you know, 16:01 I have to possibly get a better job. 16:03 Now I have to worry about the security of my family 16:05 and the stability of my family. 16:07 You know, his mindset shifts from, you know, 16:10 just you and himself to, 16:13 well, now we have these little mouths to feed. 16:15 Okay. 16:16 And the same thing happens to you too. 16:18 When the kids are born, 16:19 your estrogen level drops 16:22 because you are now focusing on, 16:24 you know, raising the kids. 16:26 The oxytocin which is a bonding hormone 16:28 that binds you two together, 16:31 for you, you refocus that to the children 16:33 and you move it away from Jeremiah, 16:35 who will begin to feel a little neglected. 16:40 So whether she intended to do that or not, 16:42 it just kind of happens naturally that she will... 16:44 Yeah. 16:45 It happens naturally, 16:46 it happens in almost all families, 16:48 but that combination of hormones 16:49 also causes problems for a lot of other people 16:51 so it's testosterone, 16:53 it's estrogen, and it's oxytocin. 16:55 But that combination actually forces a lot of couples 16:58 to make a decision to forgo marriage, 17:01 and actually live together. 17:04 And so sometimes they think that 17:06 they're just doing it for financial reasons 17:07 and eventually it does become, 17:08 you know, a financial consideration, 17:11 if you're gonna be paying one rent, 17:13 you know, but primarily or initially 17:16 it really is the hormone that drives them 17:19 to make that decision. 17:21 Now we've talked previously about your prefrontal cortex 17:25 being responsible for most of the decisions that you make. 17:28 In other words, 17:29 we are not left to the whim of our hormones. 17:32 Our hormones can push us but we make the final decision. 17:36 So it might interest you to know that 17:38 about 70% of folks that get married today, 17:42 about 70% of them actually live together first 17:45 or cohabitate first. 17:47 Okay. 17:49 And it's unfortunate. 17:50 I understand why some people think they should do it, 17:53 but it's never really a good thing. 17:56 Hormonally it's a horrible thing. 17:58 Now when you guys first met, you had your first stage, 18:03 you had several hormones, you had dopamine, 18:05 you had serotonin, right. 18:07 And those are responsible forget having you guys, 18:09 all giddy and excited about each other. 18:12 And then you move to some other stages 18:13 and then finally you got down to the stage of bonding 18:15 which require oxytocin. 18:18 But when you cohabitate, it circumvents their process, 18:21 it kind of stops it short. 18:24 And so you don't go through the stages 18:25 that you need to go through. 18:26 Now the first two or three stages, 18:28 when you meet with each other 18:29 the hormones actually blind you to the force 18:32 that Jeremiah has and Jeremiah, 18:35 the same thing happened with Vania. 18:37 When you guys were first excited, 18:38 the serotonin put the butterflies 18:40 in your stomach, 18:41 you know that feeling of euphoria, 18:42 you guys could have been up all night on the phone, 18:45 you know just talking, 18:46 you have to go to work the next day. 18:47 Right, all hours. 18:49 You guys both had to go to work the next day, 18:50 but now it's four in the morning, 18:51 and you still talking on the phone, 18:53 well, serotonin was responsible for that. 18:54 All of that excitement begins the bond. 18:57 But the problem with cohabitation is 18:59 your brain cannot tell the difference 19:01 between two people that are legally married 19:04 and two people that are just living together. 19:08 That makes sense. Yeah. 19:09 Your brain has no idea, 19:10 your brain doesn't recognize 19:12 whether the piece of paper was signed or not. 19:13 Exactly. 19:14 So your brain begins to treat the two of you 19:17 as if you are a married couple 19:20 and skips all of the fun things up in the beginning 19:24 that were supposed to bind you guys together. 19:26 Because a lot of you know, couples 19:28 when you get into problems, you know what you do, 19:29 you think back to how life was before. 19:32 Remember, Jeremiah, when we were dating 19:34 and we went to Paris 19:35 and we did this and we did that. 19:37 Well, you think about things like that. 19:38 And so without having all of those memories 19:42 to bow you into difficult times, 19:44 cohabitation is sometimes a very, 19:46 very rough way to go. 19:48 So some people get together before they even have that bond 19:50 so that oxytocin hasn't had a chance you know, 19:53 to actually bind them together. 19:55 And so they're thinking that they're saving money 19:57 or saving time, 19:59 but they're actually hurting themselves, 20:01 and setting themselves up for 20:02 potential divorce down the road. 20:04 All right. 20:06 Now, I understand that you guys didn't make that choice. 20:09 Yeah, for me- You made the right choice. 20:11 Yeah, I felt like, 20:13 it wasn't even an option, you know, 20:14 as far as us living together. 20:16 I've always viewed her as like my personal queen 20:20 and I felt like, she was sent from heaven, you know, 20:23 by God to be with me 20:25 and my job was to be the type of man that 20:28 when we look back on our history 20:30 on where we started, 20:32 it feel proud that 20:33 we were able to wait for the appropriate time 20:36 before we took the relationship to different stages. 20:39 Like I appreciate that we took the right steps 20:42 and we did them at the appropriate times 20:44 and through Easter, 20:45 we appreciate it, you know, 20:47 the journey because it was about 20:48 where we wanted to go 20:50 and to be able to look back 20:51 and be able to share the story with everyone 20:54 as we are right now and to feel like, 20:56 we made the right decision, 20:57 so that was important to me. 20:58 Very nice. 21:00 Yeah, and what I wanted to add is that 21:01 this is a decision that you make in advance. 21:04 So you can be very intentional about your decision, 21:08 so because a lot of people you know, 21:11 end up in a situation 21:12 and maybe they think they couldn't help or you know, 21:16 like that but you can be very intentional 21:18 about the decisions you make and what's what we did. 21:20 We wanted to... 21:22 we did not want to live together before getting married 21:25 and we wanted to wait, you know like, 21:27 for us it was something really, really special. 21:29 And I think that's one of the best decisions we've made, 21:32 because you do experience the blessing afterward. 21:35 After you get married, 21:37 you understand why God intended this to be special. 21:40 Exactly. Absolutely, absolutely. 21:42 And you know the power of oxytocin, 21:43 we've talked about it being super glue. 21:46 And until you're sure, 21:47 I mean you can never be sure how something is gonna turn-out 21:50 until you actually, you know, married, 21:53 and you've signed on that dotted line, 21:56 you cannot be sure. 21:57 Jeremiah could have the best intensions, 22:00 but until he follows through, you have no way of knowing. 22:03 You know, we have thousands of people, 22:05 who have gone another route, another route, 22:08 and, you know, things didn't work out. 22:10 And then if one person is left, so to speak holding the bag, 22:13 you know of emotions 22:15 and it's usually the person 22:16 who is the X-type in the relationship. 22:19 So that's important, that's something that you... 22:21 Yeah, that makes sense, 22:22 because I've never felt disattached. 22:24 Right. 22:26 You know like, we are like so close 22:27 and it's like such a beautiful thing. 22:29 It's like every day is beautiful, you know, 22:32 doesn't mean that 22:33 we don't have our ups and downs of course, 22:35 but it's the way you go about it 22:37 and it's how you approach each day. 22:41 And I think, yeah, it's a blessing, it's a seal, 22:45 it's something very sacred. 22:46 And for me I feel like, had we taken, you know, 22:49 just had one misstep, 22:51 it could have been you know a difference between 22:53 having the all 22:55 with the full blessing of God or not, 22:57 you know, the God having to say, okay, 22:58 you guys didn't do everything that I wanted you to do, 23:01 but I'm still gonna bless you anyway. 23:02 So we felt like doing it the right way 23:04 and waiting to have the experiences 23:07 that we're being able to enjoy now as a married couple. 23:09 We were able to enjoy the full blessing 23:11 that God has in store for us. 23:12 Yeah. 23:14 And it wasn't like a burden or a chore, 23:15 it was what I wanted to do. 23:18 So it was like, this is what my heart wanted. 23:21 You know, so it wasn't like, oh, like a checklist approach. 23:25 No, this is what I wanted to do. 23:27 And I think if you truly want to do something, 23:30 God will also give you the strength and the wisdom 23:35 and everything you need 23:36 and take it just day-by-day, baby steps. 23:39 Absolutely. 23:40 And I heard you mentioned that you had to be intentional, 23:42 so I'm guessing that you guys probably avoided 23:46 being alone together in dark places 23:49 or sitting in the car, I mean, 23:50 you must have been intentional about 23:52 what you did and where you went. 23:54 I'm glad that you brought up, 23:55 that's actually the next one that I was gonna make. 23:57 I definitely felt like, you know, just because, 24:01 I mean you're gonna just look at her, 24:02 if she's a beautiful woman but you know, 24:05 regardless of that, 24:06 I just knew that I respected the fact that 24:09 she wanted to wait, 24:10 because I wanted to wait as well. 24:12 Right. 24:13 And so for me, it wasn't an option. 24:14 But like you said, you know, 24:16 you have to be smart about the things that you do, 24:18 situations that you place yourself in 24:20 and things like that in order to be able to sustain it. 24:23 I'm glad that you guys decided to use your prefrontal cortex 24:28 to make the right decision 24:29 as oppose to letting your hormones take over. 24:32 You know as we read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation, 24:34 there are tons of stories about individuals 24:37 who allowed their hormones to rule instead of their head. 24:41 You know, instead of thinking things through. 24:44 Samson definitely comes to mind, 24:46 and it seems sometimes 24:47 some of us that are the most gifted are also the ones that 24:50 need to be the most careful. 24:52 We know what Samson was, 24:53 he was the strong man in the Bible, 24:55 and we're talking about testosterone today, 24:57 so when you'd think about some of the things that Samson did, 25:00 he would not have been able to do those 25:01 without testosterone, 25:03 because testosterone really is what gives you 25:05 strength and dominance. 25:07 But the problem is if he was gifted by God 25:09 with testosterone, 25:11 so that he can do what he did to the Philistines, 25:14 there is a dark side to testosterone 25:16 that God knew about and apparently Samson didn't 25:19 and the dark side is it causes you to also 25:22 engage in high risk behavior. 25:25 And so you saw what Samson did with Delilah 25:27 and how he lost his hair 25:30 and then lost his eyes, high risk behavior. 25:33 What Samson needed to do 25:34 with the testosterone that he had, 25:36 was give himself wholly and completely to God, 25:39 so that God could control the dark side of that gift, 25:42 because gifts have dark sides. 25:44 It's unfortunate that we have to live 25:47 with these hormones that we have 25:49 that were given to us in the Garden of Eden 25:51 for good purposes. 25:53 Oxytocin would have kept Adam and Eve together forever. 25:57 Testosterone is what Adam used to command the animals, 25:59 because the Bible said he had dominion 26:01 over the whole earth. 26:02 Correct. 26:04 And so a lot of these hormones 26:05 that give us a really difficult time 26:06 outside of the garden were intended 26:08 for really good purposes, for good uses. 26:11 Even the serotonin 26:13 that helps you to not see your partner's faults. 26:16 But outside of the garden, 26:17 it prevents you from seeing 26:19 the true intention of the person 26:20 that is actually trying to court you 26:22 and hopefully date you and marry you. 26:24 So you see how outside of the garden, 26:26 these very gifts that were given inside 26:28 of Eden are causing havoc. 26:32 Does that make sense? Yes, definitely. 26:33 Makes perfect sense. Yeah. 26:35 I'd like to thank you both for sharing, 26:37 and I'll see you next time. 26:38 Thank you. |
Revised 2017-02-16