Participants: Dr. John Jacob (Host), Sean Brereton, Miles Rashad, Bianca Acosta
Series Code: RDR
Program Code: RDR000018A
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00:21 Hello and welcome to "Road to Romance"
00:24 I'm your host Dr. John Jacob 00:27 Today, we have with us Miles, Bianca and Sean. 00:29 Welcome! Hi. Hello. 00:32 So today, we're going to discuss hormones, a very exciting topic, 00:35 and the road that hormones play in behavior and, you know, 00:40 interactions with regard to relationship. 00:42 You guys are all single, right, still? Yes sir. Yes. 00:47 And no status changes, right? No sir. 00:49 Okay, so hormones play a lot of role in what you do, 00:54 what you decide to choose with regard to a mate 00:57 or even to go on a date, hormones play a 00:59 really important role, but we're not usually 01:02 aware of it - it's kind of like in the backseat. 01:05 So we're driving, we think we're driving, but there is a 01:07 backseat driver. All right? 01:10 Before we get into that topic, however, 01:11 Sean, remember you took that test for us? 01:15 Oh yes - that test. 01:16 So are you okay with me sharing the results 01:20 in front of the other guests? 01:22 Is that okay? No problem at all. 01:24 All right, let's take a look at Sean's results. 01:25 Let's look at my results. 01:27 All right, Sean, you are on the end and lets start 01:32 with communication. Okay 01:33 So the test results show that you are high in communication 01:38 which really mean not only are you a high communicator, 01:41 meaning that you communicate a lot, but you also 01:43 require a lot of communication from somebody that 01:45 you're interested in. Okay 01:47 So if you were to go out and look for someone, 01:48 you would want someone that matched your level of 01:52 communication. Mercy... laughter 01:55 Well it's a good thing, you wouldn't want 01:57 a silent night now where you're doing all the talking, 01:59 and the person is staring at you 02:01 like why are you talking to me? 02:02 And then let's look at "intimacy." 02:04 So you are moderate on the level of intimacy, 02:07 and we'll talk about that in a minute. 02:09 But I'm just flashing back to Miles and Bianca... 02:14 Bianca, you were also moderate in your need for intimacy, 02:18 And Miles, you were borderline which means exactly that 02:22 on the border - not too much, you don't' want too much, 02:24 and you don't want too little. Right 02:26 And Sean, "adaptability." 02:30 It says that you are highly adaptable, 02:31 meaning that you would be willing to adjust. 02:34 Chameleon... Well, hoping not that far, 02:39 no changing colors. 02:41 But you are willing to adjust to meet the demands 02:43 or the requests or requirements 02:45 of the person that you're interested in. Okay 02:47 Okay and it's high, you have a really high adaptability. 02:52 So that's a good thing. 02:53 "Interactivity" for you is high and interactivity really is 02:57 how you interact with someone else, 02:59 but in this case, it specifically talks about 03:01 how soon you would like to resolve conflict. 03:05 Generally, people fall into two camps... 03:08 Either you are a high resolution individual 03:11 as I like to call it... which means that you 03:13 want something to be resolved now. Um hm 03:16 You don't want it to fester. 03:18 You don't want to push it under the carpet. 03:20 You don't want to push it over to the next 03:21 day or the next week. 03:22 You want to take care of it right away before it gets worse. 03:26 But would you believe, there are some people out there 03:28 who actually feel that when you talk about a topic, 03:31 you make it worse and you can understand why they 03:34 feel that way because very often topics are very, very sensitive, 03:37 You know, conflict very sensitive and so when you 03:39 raise a topic, it could actually explode into something, 03:42 you know, unmanageable. 03:44 So you have a high need, 03:46 so that's not going to be your problem. 03:47 You just need to stay away from someone who has a 03:50 low need to resolve conflict. Gotcha. Okay? 03:54 Next, "interactivity," okay, that's high for you. 03:59 "Quality time" - that's the one I want to talk about. 04:01 Quality time - I notice all of you have a high amount of 04:05 quality time to offer for someone else, 04:07 and I'll tell you how we arrived at this... 04:09 When you took your test, you realized that you 04:11 were asked several questions about how much time you 04:14 spend on your devices, right? Um hm 04:16 Okay, so that was not me trying to find out how much time 04:20 you were on one website or the other, 04:23 it was to let me know how much extra time you had 04:27 to spend with a significant other. Okay 04:29 Now you know that the time that we live in, 04:31 some folks spend hours each day playing video games. Right 04:35 Others spend hours each day on social networks, right? 04:39 And so when you add up the time that people actually spend, 04:42 and some people spend it on their cell phones... 04:43 You see them, you know, going through pictures, 04:46 and going through different things. Right 04:48 You can use 4 or 5 hours a day and then when your 04:51 significant other wants a little bit of time, 04:53 you have nothing left, does that make sense? Yeah 04:56 Okay, so Sean, it's pretty easy. 04:59 You're high all the way through, except for intimacy 05:02 which we'll talk about. 05:04 Now, for intimacy, both of you said, "moderate," 05:07 and I want to share something with you... 05:09 There was a young lady who was interested in a 05:12 young man and when they were tested, the young man 05:16 showed that he was low on intimacy - he didn't need much, 05:21 and the young lady was high and when she asked him 05:24 about it, he said, "Well you have to understand my religious 05:28 and moral beliefs don't allow me to become intimate. 05:31 I would prefer to reserve that for marriage. 05:35 That made a lot of sense. Um hm 05:36 And she was very, very happy, you know, she went to her 05:39 parents - she's like, "Well I found a good one, 05:41 you know, this guy, he's not into any of that stuff, 05:44 he's just interested in me, 05:46 and he loves God and he's a good guy. 05:48 A girl's dream. A girl's dream, right? 05:50 Right? Everybody's dream. 05:51 Can you be intimate with someone and still not 05:54 necessarily like have sex with them? 05:57 That's a good question. 05:58 So when we talk about intimacy, Miles, you always ask 06:02 the right question. Oh, thank you sir. Laughter 06:04 When we talk about intimacy, we could be talking about 06:07 physical intimacy or we could just be talking about 06:09 general affection. 06:11 So she was just interested in, the general affection. 06:14 And, even if she would have liked a little bit of 06:16 hand-holding and all of that, she respected the fact that 06:18 he didn't even want to get on that slippery slope, right? 06:22 And that was great, she was happy... 06:24 until they got married and when they got married, 06:28 she discovered that, in fact, he was not interested in 06:32 affection at all. 06:34 He didn't like hand-holding. 06:36 He didn't like to say, "I love you." 06:37 He didn't like to say, "You mean a lot to me." 06:41 He didn't even want to hear those things from her. 06:44 He wasn't romantic, he did not believe in bringing roses, 06:47 bringing flowers. Poor girl! 06:49 He had no regard for birthdays, anniversaries, 06:53 and her special days, and guess what? 06:56 So when she looked at that test, 06:58 and saw that his intimacy score was low... 07:01 That should have been a warning to dig deeper and 07:04 find out - is this what it looks like or is this just a 07:09 moral position or is it something else? 07:13 You could be judging just your affection, 07:16 how you relate also to just family in general. 07:19 It doesn't necessarily speak to romantic part. Right 07:23 Because for myself, it's looking at my interactions 07:27 mostly with my family, I haven't been in a serious relationship. 07:30 So, looking at that, I like that affection from family. 07:35 So he wasn't used to that with his own family, 07:38 he wasn't going to carry that into his future family. 07:41 Right, and that would have given her a clue. 07:44 Looking at the family dynamic, very, very important. 07:47 I mean some of us actually get married to folks 07:49 and we've never met their families, 07:51 and that's really dangerous. 07:52 You have no idea what the dynamic is, 07:54 what the parenting style was, you know, 07:57 until you see that, so that's a good point. Right 07:58 She would have gotten a clue if she saw how 08:00 he interacted with his family members. 08:02 But I want to point something out... 08:03 There is a difference between intimacy with your partner 08:07 and intimacy with your children. Right. 08:10 And that's something to point out - you cannot look at how 08:12 a man - let's say there was a single father with two children, 08:16 you couldn't look at how he interacted with his children, 08:19 for instance, and try to make a good guess 08:22 about how he's going to interact with you. Okay 08:24 Because research shows that the hormones responsible 08:27 for those are different. 08:29 So, he can have all the love in the world for them 08:31 and, in fact, now that you brought this up, 08:34 when she first came to complain to me, 08:35 this is what he said to me... 08:37 He said, "She asked him, Can I have a hug, 08:39 I haven't had a hug in years, can I have a hug?" Aww 08:42 Yeah! I'll hug you. Right, right? 08:44 And then he said, you know what he said? 08:46 "Hugs are for kids." 08:49 And he said that because she pointed out that he was 08:52 very touchy-feely with the children and why are 08:56 they getting all this affection, but I get nothing. 08:57 I mean, he's like, "Because hugs are for kids not for adults." 09:00 But then the kids, when they grow up, they're like 09:02 "Where are the hugs, dad?" Right, right. 09:04 Where are the hugs? Exactly. 09:06 So you have to be very careful and this is the reason why 09:08 we put so much work into creating this test, 09:10 so that people could be warned ahead of time 09:13 about things that they cannot naturally easily see. All right? 09:17 Okay, so let's start with the hormones and the first hormone 09:22 we will discuss is really dopamine. 09:24 Have you guys heard about dopamine? Yes 09:27 So dopamine is really a stimulant and it's the first 09:31 hormone that's responsible for the attraction that you feel 09:35 for someone else. Right 09:36 Okay? So it's the initial attraction and it's 09:40 centered, of course, in the brain and it affects 09:43 the reward centers in the brain... 09:45 But here's the weird thing about your dopamine... 09:47 Dopamine is at its highest when you are on the initial hunt, 09:54 when you're on the initial chase. 09:56 Because your senses are like, 09:58 you know, percolating and things like that? 09:59 Yeah, it's just how dopamine works. 10:02 Dopamine, it just simply flows out of expectation, 10:05 so whenever there's expectation and it doesn't 10:07 just have to be with a significant other. 10:09 You could be expecting to go on a camping trip. 10:11 Whenever you plan to go traveling, for instance, 10:14 if you said, "Okay, I'm going to go to the U.K.," 10:17 once you begin to do that planning, 10:19 dopamine begins to flow in anticipation and expectation 10:23 of the time that you'll have there... 10:24 So it's not just for relationships. Okay 10:27 So any expectation of something that is rewarding... 10:31 So you find someone and you're very interested, 10:33 you're very excited, well dopamine will begin to flow, 10:36 and so this is a caution, of course, to ladies... 10:40 You've heard your grandmother say, "Okay, make yourself 10:44 a little less available." Right? 10:47 "When the guy calls, don't rush to the phone," 10:50 and there are so many self-help books that actually share that, 10:52 but now we know the science behind it and the science 10:54 behind it is that the person who is doing the chasing 10:57 actually will be more interested 10:59 if you allow them some difficulty. 11:02 There has to be a challenge for dopamine to flow. Okay 11:05 So I guess, really, this is something that it can be a 11:08 good thing, but then it can turn into a bad thing. 11:11 Oh yes it can - it absolutely can. 11:14 But remember, as singles, you guys want to maximize 11:16 your chances of finding someone and especially of 11:19 finding someone that is a good match for you. 11:22 Okay, so a lot of people, you know, they wait, 11:24 they go 2 years, 3 years, 4 years and then complain. 11:26 You know, nobody is interested in me. 11:28 Nobody is calling, nobody is asking me out and sometimes, 11:33 they need to change how they approach the whole dating scene. 11:38 It seems sometimes like you're playing a game 11:41 and it's unfortunate that we have to be put in this 11:44 position - our society, the time in which we live 11:46 where you have to play these games. 11:48 You, Bianca, should be able to go up to a guy and say, 11:50 "You know what? I really like you. 11:52 I think you're a cool guy, you're a neat guy." 11:55 You think so? Yes, I mean if she wants to. 11:57 You think the woman should initiate? 12:00 Well if she wants to. Oh, if she wants to. 12:01 But I'm saying that hormones don't allow 12:02 for that kind of freedom, the hormones... Is absent? 12:05 Yeah, they just doesn't allow it. 12:06 The guy is like... um hmm. 12:07 Laughter. Exactly, exactly. 12:10 Unless you're talking as a friend. 12:12 Right, unless you're talking as a friend. 12:13 But here's the other thing... You'll also want to let 12:15 the guy know that you're interested, 12:16 but then you don't do the chase. Right 12:19 So you send out the signal, 12:20 but the signal is for him to chase. 12:22 So it's like - how do you do that without being dishonest? 12:27 Without feeling like you're playing a game. Yeah 12:31 And you've gone to school for a long time to become a doctor, 12:34 so I'm pretty sure you don't want to play any more games. No 12:38 But unfortunately these are the hormones that we have. 12:41 We have about eight hormones in our bodies that are 12:43 responsible for all aspects of relationship, 12:46 and they have certain specific things that they do 12:48 and we have to learn how they operate 12:51 so that we know what's going on. 12:52 So okay, dopamine is responsible for the chase, 12:55 but here's something else... 12:56 Dopamine will subside from the time you accomplish the mission. 13:01 So it works with novelty pretty much. 13:03 Right, so it works with novelty and the other hormone 13:07 that we talk about which is serotonin, 13:08 they work hand in hand and they become the novelty 13:11 hormones which mean that when you have achieved 13:14 whatever that goal is, they subside. 13:18 They actually go back, they decrease, 13:20 dissipate. It did its job, right? 13:22 They've done their job. 13:24 So here's the trick... Especially for you Bianca, 13:26 the trick for you would be to find out what is the guy's 13:30 real goal because if the goal is marriage, 13:34 then dopamine can continue to flow right up until 13:37 you guys go to the altar and you're the happy couple. 13:41 But what if his goal is anything short of that? 13:45 Wipe my hands of him. Laughter 13:48 For your own protection. 13:49 Okay, some people don't and unfortunately, some people 13:53 find themselves in premarital situations. 13:55 And here's something else that dopamine does... 13:57 Dopamine is also the hormone that flows when folks 14:02 make bad choices with drugs and it actually attaches itself 14:08 to the same receptors as cocaine and some of the 14:10 other drugs out there. 14:12 And dopamine becomes addictive. 14:14 Dopamine becomes addictive, that's correct. 14:16 So here's the thing... 14:17 Do you want to be addicted to an activity 14:22 or would you prefer to be addicted to a person? 14:27 It sounds strange to put it that way, 14:28 but I guess since God designed that hormone to work, 14:32 He means for you to be in sense "addicted" to one person, 14:37 that's how it was originally supposed to be. Exactly 14:39 And addiction is a strong word, I don't mean... 14:41 Yes, it's a strange way to say it. 14:42 It's a strange way to say it, right? 14:44 But just that attachment to be that strong. Yes 14:46 So an attachment is probably a softer way to say it, 14:49 even though dopamine is an addictor. 14:51 So the problem is though if you find yourself attaching 14:55 to someone else who doesn't have the same goal in mind, 14:59 then when they walk away, you're left 15:02 with your attachment. 15:04 Exactly, you're left with your attachment, 15:06 and this is not something that you want. 15:07 So I know that your parents, your grandparents, 15:10 probably your ministers have told you for years, 15:13 "Please stay pure, keep yourself free from 15:16 premarital sex," but the science is now showing that 15:19 that was absolutely excellent advice. 15:22 I mean it's the only advice, 15:23 anything else is risky behavior. Okay? 15:28 So let's talk a little bit about serotonin. 15:29 Serotonin really - I want to say it affects women 15:33 a lot and serotonin contributes to a feeling of wellbeing 15:38 and happiness. 15:40 So serotonin is what causes you to feel those 15:42 butterflies in your stomach. 15:43 When you first meet someone and you're excited, 15:45 that feeling is really the hormone. 15:48 It's the actual chemical that is surging through your body 15:51 causing you to feel like "I'm so excited." 15:53 You know, those are weird feelings because it's 15:56 supposed to be good when you're all like, you know, 15:58 you're in love with someone, but you feel those like 16:02 when your nervous too and it's not so good then. 16:04 It's like, it's weird - it's the same thing, the same feeling. 16:10 Yeah, but here's the thing, but for women, 16:13 here are four things that serotonin would actually do. 16:16 Serotonin is associated with status, 16:19 so the animals in the animal kingdom that have serotonin 16:22 they're looking for the strongest bull in the herd. 16:26 They're looking for the strongest looking lion. 16:28 You know what I'm saying, they're looking for the 16:29 animal that they feel would be the best gene, 16:33 you know, to keep the genes going, their gene pool going 16:37 to keep it strong and that's what's going on in the 16:39 animal kingdom, but in the human race, 16:42 it's a little different. 16:44 You're still looking for status, generally speaking... 16:47 and here's where X and Y Theory comes about... 16:49 When we did our research, the Y-type females were 16:53 more concerned about status than the X-type females. 16:56 Interesting. Is that true? 16:58 Well don't put the lady on the spot Miles. 17:01 No don't - yes, she's a Y. Sorry. 17:03 We're not going to put her on the spot, I'm just saying... 17:06 Y- types were more interested and she could be an exception. 17:08 Y- types are more interested in the status 17:11 of the person that they're with. 17:12 Why? Because that status actually causes hormonal flow. 17:18 Now remember, these hormones are all the happy hormones. 17:20 These are the good boys, these are the good guys here, 17:23 and they're called the "happy hormones." 17:24 So, if she wants to feel a sense of fulfillment, 17:27 she would have that more so if she goes with someone that 17:31 is at her level. 17:33 Word of caution, of course... So you work very hard 17:37 in school and now you're a doctor. Right 17:39 I have actually worked with several female doctors 17:44 who didn't take the whole serotonin thing 17:48 into consideration and now, 10 years, 15 years, 20 years 17:51 later, they're feeling like they've outgrown their partner. 17:55 Hmm. Exactly. 17:57 This is not something that you think about 17:59 when you're your age and when you just graduate 18:01 from college... you don't think about that. 18:02 What you're thinking about is love. 18:04 You're not thinking that in years, down the road, 18:06 "my chemical makeup will actually require me 18:09 to be with someone that I have to look up to, 18:11 rather than look down to." 18:14 So it's something to think about. 18:16 You want somebody who is willing to grow, improve himself. 18:20 Exactly - so that's a good point. 18:22 The person either needs to be your equal or the person 18:25 needs to be, well, you know, 18:28 somebody that you feel you could look up to 18:29 or if the person is not at your level, it's someone who you 18:33 feel will be committed to a growth, 18:36 a lifetime of growth. That does make sense. 18:39 But it makes sense, I mean, even the very Bible 18:42 that we read actually contributes to the whole notion 18:46 that you should always be getting better. 18:48 Moving toward perfection, right? Right 18:50 Well it's the same thing, someone should always be 18:53 willing to improve themselves as they go along. 18:56 Okay, "stature" - this is what they found. 18:58 Serotonin is connected to the desire that someone has 19:02 to be with someone of a certain stature. 19:05 You want someone tall, you want someone strong, 19:07 you want somebody that's athletic, 19:08 and if you go on any of those dating websites, 19:10 you notice that they always have a list... 19:12 Okay, "athletic" - check, "height" - check, right? 19:15 Okay, they're appealing to the serotonin that they know is 19:19 in us, right? And so, yeah, they 19:21 have a lot of people on there just specifically looking 19:24 for those and we have some dating websites that paid 19:26 attention to nothing else but appearance and stature. 19:29 That's it. Ouch! Yeah 19:30 Yeah, you don't call names, but we know who they are, 19:33 you know, they're out there and then... 19:35 here is something else that serotonin does. 19:38 Serotonin actually causes you to want to focus 19:41 on survival without struggle. Okay 19:45 Now there's survival, but then there's survival 19:47 without a daily struggle. 19:49 And so, we have a lot of, especially females that 19:53 we would test and when they turn up to be Y-types 19:56 then they complain to me and say, "Dr. Jacob, you know 19:59 I get called " a gold digger" all the time and I don't 20:03 I don't consider myself digging for gold here, 20:05 I don't go out of my way to look for someone 20:07 because they're rich or anything like that." 20:09 But they come across that way and they come across that way 20:12 simply because serotonin causes them, as Y-types, 20:14 to be more concerned about security. 20:16 Personally, I don't see anything wrong with that. 20:18 Why would you want to be with someone who cannot 20:20 provide you a certain sense of security. 20:23 But as a Y-type, you need to know that that will be 20:26 more likely your focus than someone else, 20:29 and if you don't feel it now, you will feel it later, 20:30 but it's good to know about it. Interesting. Yeah 20:34 And finally, of course, serotonin is responsible 20:37 for the whole separation thing. 20:40 So you can have a separation anxiety when you are 20:43 coming to the end of a relationship and these 20:46 hormones - these happy hormones also cause disappointment. 20:51 So there is such a thing as serotonin disappointment. 20:55 Is it because it dips that you get those surges? Yes 20:58 You feel a disappointment when it dips, so there's dopamine 21:00 disappointment and there's serotonin disappointment. 21:03 When things don't work out, when the expectations 21:06 are not met, when the guy turns out to be anything 21:09 other than what you thought that he was, 21:10 when the relationship looks like it's about to end, 21:13 these hormones dip and they just don't leave you 21:16 with a disappointed feeling, they actually 21:18 raise your anxiety level and actually cause 21:22 depression as well. 21:24 Keep in mind when people suffer from depression 21:26 and they go to a psychiatrist, he usually would prescribe 21:31 a serotonin uptake inhibitor. 21:34 He prescribes something that has something to do with 21:37 serotonin because serotonin is implicated in 21:39 anxiety and depression. 21:40 So, each of you, you see why you should be so very 21:44 careful when you go out there, you know, who you choose, 21:46 how you choose, what you choose to do 21:49 because you want to make sure that when everything is 21:51 said and done, if you feel that the person that is after you 21:54 or the person that you are interested in 21:56 is not the person that God intended for you, 21:59 you want to be able to walk away. Right 22:01 Without feeling hurt and rejected. 22:02 Right, you don't want to feel hurt, 22:04 you don't want to feel rejected and you don't 22:05 want to leave them hurt and damaged either. 22:07 I wanted to add one more thing... 22:10 and it's the road that oxytocin plays with the dopamine 22:14 and with serotonin. 22:16 All of you guys are single, so you're out there 22:19 and I know that we've talked about what you've been told, 22:21 but I want to tell you a little bit more of how this works. 22:24 So keep in mind that the dopamine is going to push 22:27 you out there, force you to find someone that, you know, 22:30 you think is attractive, but dopamine is also 22:33 responsible for sex drive. 22:35 It works hand-in-hand with sex drive, 22:37 it works hand-in-hand with testosterone which is 22:39 another hormone and together these hormones give you 22:43 the idea that you need to push further and try to be 22:47 more than you really actually should be 22:49 this late in the relationship. Okay. Hmm 22:51 So premaritally now, you're thinking, "Okay, I want to be 22:54 physically intimate with this individual," 22:57 and here's the problem... Oxytocin is produced 23:02 five times more in the body during physical contact, 23:08 physical intercourse, five times more than if you 23:11 guys were, let's say, just holding hands. Right 23:13 So, Miles, you have possibly good intentions. Yes 23:17 And you go out with the young lady and one thing leads 23:20 to the next and you guys go too far - you cross the line. 23:24 This young lady now produces five times the amount of 23:28 oxytocin because this is how oxytocin works. Right 23:32 I want you guys to think about Krazy Glue... 23:35 Have you used Krazy Glue before? Yes. 23:37 Okay, you know what happens with Krazy Glue if you 23:38 get it on your finger... Um hm 23:40 And you stick it and you attach it to something else. 23:43 You know you're going to probably lose a little bit 23:44 of your finger there, right? 23:46 Okay, well guess what? 23:48 Oxytocin is that Krazy Glue. 23:50 It was created - it was intended for the purpose of keeping 23:53 people together forever. Right 23:56 It's supposed to be good. 23:57 It's supposed to be and it is good, 23:58 but it's not good out of context. Right 24:01 What you're actually doing is you're setting yourself up 24:03 with someone who isn't even sure that he wants you 24:06 for the rest of his life. Hmm 24:08 And you're using a glue that is going to keep you guys 24:12 or try to keep you guys together forever. 24:14 So when he walks away, you are left with your heart 24:19 still attached to him as he's walking away from you. 24:22 Right, because this could be like for, let's just say, 24:24 for males, like, you know, use those hormones and things 24:28 just to go after something that excites you 24:30 and gets you where you want to go and it's fulfilling 24:33 and stuff, but then like you said, once that chase 24:36 or whatever - the thing that you went after is over... Yes 24:39 ... then it goes away and you leave, but sometimes maybe 24:42 for the female or just your partner, whatever, 24:45 they're stuck to you and then one person is feeling like 24:49 you know, what's going on, how come they're not calling 24:52 me or whatever the case, but the other person is gone 24:54 it makes no difference. Right 24:55 And why is the other person gone? 24:57 Serotonin and dopamine - they have been compared to 25:01 "the new car smell." Okay 25:04 So think about that - "the new car smell." 25:07 When you buy a car, it's new and you like how it smells, 25:10 but that smell does not last very long. 25:12 In fact, the car in probably less than a year, 25:14 the smell is gone, the car is still new, 25:17 and what do you do? Do you trade it in 25:19 for a new car so that you could keep getting that smell 25:21 or do you just... Buy that spray! 25:23 Buy a spray! Right! Yeah, you buy a spray! 25:25 New car smell - it says that and you spray it 25:27 and you move on, right? 25:29 But in dating, that's not how it works. 25:31 The guys - they actually, and I'm saying "guys," 25:33 but you know it could be girls as well. Right 25:35 The individual who is allowing their hormones to control them, 25:39 now needs that new car smell, so nothing is wrong with you 25:43 and nothing was wrong with the relationship, 25:44 but they have moved on because they want the excitement 25:47 and the butterflies that they had in the first place, 25:50 and they need to keep that going over and over 25:53 so they move from flower to flower, to flower to flower 25:55 leaving you in the wake, holding your heart. 25:58 Couldn't that kind of still be even more prevalent now 26:01 for the fact that social media and the fact that you have 26:05 so many options on the internet where you're clicking 26:07 through all these pictures, these dating websites, 26:09 and you kind of see one thing and you go after that, 26:11 and you see another picture and you go after that, 26:13 and another person after that and then, you know, 26:16 after that it's gone - you know what I'm saying. 26:18 It's like with our society these days - we have so many options 26:21 to choose from and so that's kind of like you want to 26:24 get that new car smell all the time. Yeah 26:26 The options are what causes the problem. 26:28 Before we conclude, I wanted to make a spiritual application 26:32 because there's so much in the Bible that seems to 26:35 speak to this - you know the story of David 26:37 and Bathsheba. Definitely! 26:38 And interestingly, David was called "a man after God's 26:41 own heart," which I think is what you really should 26:43 place the emphasis on. 26:44 This was not an ungodly man, this was a principled man. 26:48 This was, you know, a guy that was very close to God. 26:51 And one unguarded moment, in one unguarded moment, 26:55 he allowed dopamine - remember dopamine is interested in 26:58 challenge and chase... he saw Bathsheba on 27:01 the roof of her house taking a bath. 27:02 I'm not sure why she was up there, maybe that was 27:06 how they did it in those days, but really, she should 27:08 have been in the house, but he saw what he saw 27:11 and this godly man, in an unguarded moment, 27:13 instead of using his prefrontal cortex to tell him 27:16 "Hey, this is not right, this is not the thing to do," 27:19 he allowed his hormones to take over in very much the same way 27:24 that a lot of young men and young women do today 27:28 even being really, really, really spiritual 27:30 and really, really, really close to God. 27:33 This is the caution that you guys need to take 27:36 when you're out there. 27:37 It doesn't take much, it doesn't take long. 27:39 It just takes one moment. 27:41 Keep in mind that it just takes one bad decision 27:45 to change the course of your life forever. 27:47 But I'd like to say... Those of you that have already 27:50 felt that you have gone too far, it's never too late. 27:54 Jesus saves and Jesus corrects every mistake. 27:58 See you next time. |
Revised 2017-05-25