Participants: Dr. John Jacob (Host), Yvette Mingo, Miles Rashad, Bianca Acosta, Jeremiah Dieujuste, Vania Dieujuste
Series Code: RDR
Program Code: RDR000016A
|
00:22 Hello and welcome to "Road to Romance"
00:25 I'm your host, Dr. John Jacob 00:27 Today, we have with us Yvette, Miles and Bianca. 00:31 Welcome! Good to be back! 00:33 Have you guys gotten over your test results? 00:36 I went with them pretty well. 00:39 I had to do some internal thought process, 00:42 but I'm okay now. Digested it and accepted it? 00:45 Yeah, I'm on the road. Yeah? 00:47 Shared it with family, friends? 00:49 Family and friends, so we're good to go. Yeah? Um hm 00:53 So what I'd like to do today is I'd like to delve 00:56 a little bit into communication and intimacy, 00:58 that's what we started with, but I'd like to show you 01:01 guys what specifically needs to be changed 01:04 as you venture out there in search of love. 01:08 I thought I'd be more specific so that you know 01:11 exactly what you need to tweak to make a success of this Miles. 01:14 Sounds good! Yeah? Single me out! Okay 01:19 Take a look. 01:20 As you can see, even communication 01:25 is controlled by hormones. 01:26 A lot of communication, if you need a lot, 01:30 produces oxytocin. 01:32 So there's a reason why when you find yourself with a 01:36 non-communicator and you like or need communication, 01:39 they can easily be irritated because there's a deficit 01:43 in that hormone flow. 01:45 So what happens if, let's say you have two people 01:48 who are Ys in the communication department, 01:52 does that work well because, you know, they seems like 01:55 they might be quiet, whatever, is that like a 01:57 negative thing that they're both the same 01:59 or how does that work? Oh, it works very well. 02:02 Two Ys - it really means that neither of them rely 02:04 on communication for oxytocin which leads to bonding. 02:08 So if you have ever been in a restaurant and you've seen 02:11 two people and one is happy and one is sad, 02:13 and there's no conversation, you could probably guess 02:16 it's an XY couple. Okay 02:18 Whereas if you saw two couples in a restaurant and I'm sure 02:20 we've all seen it, they're sitting there and from 02:22 the first order of their appetizers all the way to the 02:25 check, no one is talking, but they look like they're in bliss, 02:29 that is a YY couple and they're fine. Okay. They're fine. 02:34 You know, it's not a story about a couple, but it's just 02:39 two people who are Ys, like my dad and I definitely 02:43 is it's just us at home, we're hanging out, 02:46 we don't have to talk or anything, we enjoy talking, 02:49 and we get into lots of really good conversations, 02:51 but we don't have to, and we get along great that way, 02:56 and it's fine when we don't talk. 02:59 So remember the old model with communication, 03:02 the old model says it's how you communicate. 03:05 The new model and all of the research that we've done, 03:08 took us about 5 years - it's showing that it's the amount 03:11 of communication and just think of it in terms of 03:14 like a glass that you're filling or leaving unfilled, 03:18 oxytocin is what you're pouring into it, but the only way 03:21 to get that oxytocin in... is to communicate 03:23 with your partner, but what if you don't have 03:26 the words - what if you don't have the need for 03:28 communication? 03:29 So here's a statistic... 03:31 I have a question before you move on... Sure. 03:33 Is it possible for two moderate Xs to not to dine out 03:38 at that restaurant and they're not really communicating? 03:42 If two moderates are at a restaurant and they're not 03:46 communicating at all, it could be a couple of things. 03:48 It could be their moderate behavior. 03:50 So in other words, they're moderate, they're not high, 03:53 and it's okay or there could be a problem. 03:56 Could be they're hungry too. Laughter! 03:59 They just want something to eat! 04:00 They want to get some food! Laughter! 04:04 You know, you're right, they may just be hungry. Um hm 04:07 Or they may have a personality difference, Miles. 04:11 Yeah, true. Yeah 04:13 So let's look at communication. 04:14 So 7,000 words compared to 20,000 words... 04:19 Who do you think is the X, and who do you think is 04:21 the Y-type personality? 04:23 The man is the Y. 04:24 The 20,000 words must be the X. Yes 04:28 The 20,000 words is the X and the 7,000 words is the Y. 04:32 Correct. So here's the thing though... 04:35 This is like a reservoir... If you have 7,000 words 04:39 and you use them, all of your words during 04:42 the day and then you get home to a wife or a husband who has 04:49 been with the kids all day, starving for intelligent, 04:53 mature conversation, he or she greets you at the door 04:56 and your 7,000 words - you're in deficit. 05:00 You've used 7,000, you've used 8,000. 05:02 Do you think you would want to engage instantly, 05:05 immediately? No. No. 05:07 You will not and this happens almost every day 05:11 to millions of couples in America... Millions! 05:15 So are you saying millions of couples are X and Y together? 05:19 Eighty-five percent of all that have tested so far. 05:21 Interesting! 05:22 Why do you think people come together as X and Ys 05:27 if a lot of people being... Opposites attract. 05:30 They're attracted to each other 05:31 because they want what the other person doesn't have 05:34 or so they think. Okay 05:36 But why would not the X be able to adapt, 05:38 like after you've been married to someone for a while 05:41 or even having dated that person and you sort of like 05:44 understand his or her personality, 05:46 why would you not be able to adjust? 05:48 Like the person gets home from work and you know he has 05:50 used up 7,000 words, why can't you not like 05:53 back off for a bit, give him his or her space. 05:56 When you took your test, do you remember your 05:58 adaptability score? 06:00 Probably may have been high. 06:02 High? Which means that this is 06:04 the reason why you are asking this question. 06:08 Because you are naturally adaptable. 06:10 It seems ludicrous to you that anybody 06:13 wouldn't be able to do this, but what if your 06:16 adaptability is low? 06:19 You would spend years trying to fix that one thing. 06:24 So, yes, adaptability is important and if you know 06:28 you have a low adaptability, then guess what? 06:30 Then it's more important for you to find someone who 06:32 matches you with communication and intimacy 06:34 because those are like two pillars, 06:36 they are very, very, very hard to adjust for 06:39 or to compensate for. 06:42 Right? So 20,000 words, 7,000 words. 06:45 Let's find out what you could do to control 06:48 or to change that, tweak it just slightly 06:52 so that you guys could, you know, be more 06:54 successful with dating. Right? 06:56 Indistinguishable chatter... with the right person. Yeah 06:59 I'm going to tell you what some of the specifics are. 07:01 They're like 15 different traits that come under communication, 07:04 but I'm only going to cover six in the interest of time, 07:06 and then the others, you know, we can talk about at any time. 07:10 So here's the first one... Controlling the quantity 07:13 of your communication. 07:16 It is a known fact that X-types tend to talk a lot 07:21 more than Y-types. 07:24 In fact, we have it so down to a science 07:26 that if you were to ask someone for their phone, 07:29 and you looked at their texting record, 07:31 you can tell without another question whether they are 07:33 X- types or Y-types, it has never failed. 07:37 Long essays instead of texts, X- type, 07:44 short sentences, sometimes preferably words like okay, 07:49 or K, Y-types and they would put K. 07:53 You can ask an open-ended question... 07:56 "Do you want to go to lunch at 7 tonight 07:59 or do you want to go to lunch closer to 9?" 08:01 And you will get an "Okay." Right 08:03 Well you can't answer "Okay" to a question like that. 08:06 It would have to be 7 or 9. Right 08:08 But the Y-type, there's such an economy on words, 08:11 that they just can't muster the extra few words 08:16 so that there is clarity for you. 08:17 Unless there is adaptability there. 08:19 Unless, of course, there is some adaptability. Yeah 08:22 So what do you have to do as the X-type if you're an X-type? 08:26 Guess what? You have to reduce your 08:28 communication so that you are closer to them, 08:30 especially if you are the adaptable one. Okay 08:32 There's always one person in a relationship that is doing the 08:34 heavy lifting. 08:36 There's always one person that is more responsible for the 08:38 success and maintenance of the relationship 08:40 than the other person and that person is usually the X-type. 08:44 That person is also usually the person that is more adaptable. 08:49 However, if that person couldn't get their partner to meet them 08:53 halfway, somewhere down the road, 08:54 they begin to become tired of having to be the only one 08:58 maintaining this difficult imbalance. 09:01 Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. 09:03 I do have a question... Sure. 09:05 Would you then say that, and you probably said it earlier, 09:09 that an X and a Y should not have a relationship? 09:14 Okay, I don't want to say that. 09:18 What I want to say is this... If you're an X, 09:22 and you're in love with a Y... say you guys are already 09:24 a couple or you guys are already married, 09:27 well you're not going to try and file for divorce, 09:29 and please don't do that and say "Dr. Jacob said." Laughter 09:33 No, you want to work it out. 09:34 XY Theory is all about, "Let me find out who I am, 09:39 and what I need - so that I could see how my partner 09:43 could fulfill those needs. 09:45 The majority of people that you know - do not know what 09:47 they need in a relationship, they really don't. 09:49 They know when something is wrong, 09:51 but they can't really tell what specifically it is, 09:54 so most times, they can't fix it. 09:57 So it's kind of good to be... if we're moderate 10:00 in most of these areas. Oh, moderate is great! 10:02 I got moderate twice, so I'm winning. 10:05 So it's a good thing. Yeah, you did good. 10:07 So the other thing is, you have to control your style. 10:09 There's a style that X-types use when they're talking 10:13 and that style is talking in swirls. Okay 10:16 You had a conversation with a bunch of Xs and if you 10:19 ever experience it, they bounce from one 10:21 conversation to the next, bounce around, bounce around, 10:25 and pick it up where they left off. 10:27 They don't lose what they're talking about, 10:29 they get right back on cue, right back on topic. 10:32 I thought that was like a girl thing. Right 10:35 Exactly, you thought it was a girl thing and guess what? 10:37 Because I'm like that, even though I'm a Y. 10:39 Right, so that is your one X trait then 10:41 because you're a Y, right? 10:43 So that's your one X trait, but it's not a girl thing. 10:45 What we used to think female and male was really 10:50 X- type and Y-type. 10:51 Why? Because our research shows that about 25% of men 10:56 out there are also X-types. 11:00 Right? So 75% are Y-types, 25% X-types 11:04 and vice versa for the women. 11:05 So this is the reason why I never use the terms 11:07 "male and female, he and she," because it's not about that. 11:10 You will get misled if you think that marriage is 11:13 going to be a certain way because he's a guy. Right 11:15 Isn't there statistics that say that women generally 11:18 talk more than men - like they have a larger 11:21 not vocabulary, but... 11:23 And you know how statistics work... 11:24 If the majority, when they test, are like that, 11:27 then they will say women talk more than men. Right 11:30 In general, but what we realize is - "No, get more specific 11:34 and test their personality and 11:35 see how that statistic turns out. Okay? 11:38 You also have to control function, very important. 11:42 Y- types prefer to talk about things that are functional 11:47 What time do you want me to pick up the kids? 11:49 Okay no, I don't need to hear about how his homework went 11:52 and what he did at school, what time do you want me 11:53 to pick up the kids? That's a Y-type. 11:57 X- types like the elaboration, the story behind the facts. 12:03 Okay, you want to also control the social aspects of 12:06 conversation which means you want to limit your small talk. 12:11 If you're an X-type with a Y- type, you love small talk. 12:15 Why? Because small talk produces oxytocin, specifically 12:19 the research shows, but you have to limit that 12:22 because it does the opposite for your Y-type partner. 12:25 It makes him resentful and reduces his oxytocin, 12:29 so you see how the balance works. Right 12:32 Okay, and then you also want to make sure that you remember 12:36 that texting is not a substitute for conversation. 12:40 The research shows that texting does not produce any 12:42 oxytocin at all. Okay 12:44 So you might be upset that your boyfriend 12:46 isn't texting you as often as you text him, 12:48 but you're not getting anything from it anyway. 12:51 You know, you just like the communication. 12:53 Generally when I text somebody it's just to get like 12:55 if I have a question about something or how was your day 12:58 or something, something brief and just kind of go with that 13:00 but as far as communicating and wanting to know more 13:03 about them, I would rather talk to you on the phone 13:04 or talk to you in person, you know? Yeah 13:07 And that might be because you're moderate. It is. 13:10 Yeah, yeah. Okay... 13:13 So one other thing, Xs bond through touch 13:18 and verbal exchange and this is with regard to intimacy. 13:22 I'm just going to touch on that and we'll 13:24 pick that up another time, but with regard to 13:26 intimacy, touch and talk... 13:28 So X-types - touch and talk... 13:30 So the intimacy, of course, is the touch, 13:32 and I don't mean it has to be super affectionate, 13:36 but, in general, they like closeness 13:39 as opposed to distance. Okay 13:42 So when you guys are dating, you've got to 13:43 remember these few simple points, 13:46 don't overwhelm your date if you want to continue 13:49 having a date. Gotcha 13:51 Just make an adjustment. Back off... 13:53 He says, "Back off." Back it up. 13:56 No, just adjust, just adjust, you'll be fine if you adjust. 13:59 Okay, I want to thank you guys 14:01 for coming on today and we'll see you next time. 14:03 Thank you for having us! Thank you for having us. 14:15 Hello and welcome back to "Road to Romance" 14:18 We are once again joined by Jeremiah and Vania. 14:21 Welcome! Thanks for having us again. 14:23 So, you guys had an opportunity to take the 14:26 "Perception Test?" That's right. 14:28 And, did you understand why we were doing 14:31 a Perception Test after you took your "Self" test? 14:34 Yes. Yes? Okay 14:38 So the perception really is this... 14:40 He perceives himself in one way and it might not exactly 14:46 be the way you perceive him. 14:48 So the difference between how he sees himself 14:50 and how you see him often causes problems in a relationship. 14:53 It's part of the reason why, sometimes, couples complain 14:56 that their partners are not changing because as far as 14:59 the partner is concerned, there's nothing to change. 15:02 So when we take the Perception Test, 15:03 it lets you see the difference between what you think 15:06 and what he views. Does that make sense? Yes 15:10 Okay, so let's take a look at the results 15:12 of that Perception Test and I want you to be thinking 15:14 about your previous test. Okay, let's take a look... 15:19 So "communication" - Let's start with Jeremiah. 15:23 Vania, you see Jeremiah as high in communication, 15:27 and Jeremiah, you see Vania as high in communication, 15:31 but that is exactly the way it was 15:34 when you took the previous test. Correct. Yeah? 15:37 But "intimacy," let's take a look at that because that 15:39 is different. 15:41 What I have from your previous test is "moderate" for Vania, 15:46 and high for Jeremiah. 15:49 But Vania, you see Jeremiah as extremely high 15:52 in his need for intimacy. 15:55 So what that means is, at times you feel that you have 15:59 to step-it-up to meet his emotional needs. 16:02 Do you want to tell me a little bit about that? 16:04 Okay, if I have to say like how I experience him, 16:08 I will say like, extremely high, I think it has to do with 16:12 the fact that when I need to be focused, I really need to 16:16 concentrate on what I'm doing and if he wants to talk 16:19 with me and stuff, so I feel like I can't focus as well 16:23 as I want to - so it has more to do with that, you know? 16:26 But other than that, I think it's pretty equal. 16:32 I'm a little bit more flexible when it comes to multitasking. 16:35 I can do five things at once and still talk to her. Yes 16:40 A real challenge. And that's because 16:42 you're slightly higher in your result. 16:44 So this makes sense, this makes sense. 16:46 If she's focused then she wants to pretty much be left alone 16:50 a bit and the test picks up even that small difference. 16:54 If you guys had wide differences, huge differences, 16:57 then the test would also show that. 16:59 But as you could see, high, high, high, high, 17:01 low, low - other than the intimacy, you guys 17:04 are pretty aware of each other and this doesn't always happen. 17:09 We've had couples that have been together for 5 years, 17:11 10 years and when you ask them simple questions like 17:14 "So what kind of soap does your wife prefer?" 17:17 "Soap, soap, does she use soap?" "I have no idea." 17:22 Or what kind of shampoo does your husband use? 17:24 "Shampoo... I, I, I don't know." Some simple things. 17:28 Well, what route does he use to go to work? 17:31 "I'm not sure." 17:32 So there are a lot of couples who have been together for 17:35 a long time, especially XY couples, 17:38 because they don't talk as much, they don't know as much 17:41 about each other and sometimes that's a problem. 17:44 Obviously, according to the results, you guys do not 17:47 have that problem - so this is good news. Definitely! 17:50 But I just want to show you how the Perception Test works 17:52 and how important it could be. 17:54 Yes! Okay? Interesting. 17:55 So what I wanted to talk about today, again, is 17:59 a little bit more about communication. 18:02 You don't have this problem, but, as I said, 85% of couples 18:07 are in what we call "an XY relationship" where one partner 18:10 has really high needs and the other 18:12 partner has really low needs. 18:14 So I actually had a lady say this to me or at least she said 18:19 to me what she said to her husband and what she said 18:21 to her husband was this... "What you need from 18:25 me on a daily basis overwhelms me." 18:29 I think that's a pretty deep statement. 18:31 She really felt that he needed attention and needed affection 18:37 and he needed communication and she felt a pressure 18:41 to provide this on a daily basis, maybe for a day, 18:44 maybe for a week - she would have been fine, 18:46 but for a lifetime, for a marriage, 18:48 it was really difficult for her. 18:49 So, again, this is the whole perception thing and how 18:53 you really have no idea unless you take a test 18:56 or unless you ask and a lot of us are really nervous 18:59 about asking our partner. 19:00 Why? It might cause some confrontation; 19:02 it might cause some pain, some anguish. Right? 19:05 Let's flip to intimacy because it's the same thing. 19:08 Another question was asked about intimacy... 19:11 "Even what you lovingly do for me, smothers me." 19:17 A husband said that to his wife. 19:19 Even all those things that you do that you think are really 19:22 special, and the "I love you' s," and all of the nice things 19:25 that you do, leave me feeling smothered." 19:29 And this is because this is not his need. 19:31 So when you get something that is outside of what you need 19:34 for your oxytocin to bond, it feels smothering, 19:38 it feels uncomfortable. Okay? 19:41 Here are 5 or 6 areas that we can touch on to 19:44 talk a little bit more about intimacy. 19:46 So what is affection? 19:48 That's an aspect of it. 19:49 Gotta make sure that your wife feels like you're 19:52 affectionate enough and Vania, of course, now that we 19:55 know that he's a little higher on the intimacy scale, right? 19:58 You want to make sure that when you're working, 20:02 so when you're working and he comes by and he's doing the 20:06 helicopter thing and he's hovering around, 20:08 you want to take a little break from your hyper focus 20:11 and just you know, kind of acknowledge him, "Hey 20:13 Jeremiah, so what's going on, anything I can get you? 20:17 Anything?" And then he might say, 20:18 "No, nothing." Mostly because he just 20:20 wants to be close, but you want to make sure 20:23 that the affection level is pretty high. 20:25 And "attention," X-types, high X-types tend to have 20:29 a greater need for attention. 20:30 Now, we don't want that to become extreme 20:34 because then that would leave you with no time 20:36 to do anything on your own. Right? 20:38 "Empathy and sensitivity," we've been finding that a 20:41 lot of couples that come to us, there's an empathy problem 20:46 between them. 20:47 There's a statistic that there's research out there that shows 20:51 that from 2000 to 2010, the empathy level of women 20:56 dropped, especially college-age women dropped by 50% 21:01 from 2000 to 2010 across this country. 21:04 Why would you say that that is, why did that happen? 21:06 There are a lot of hypotheses. 21:09 Sociologists actually admitted that they are not sure 21:12 what's causing it, but they would be willing to hypothesize, 21:14 and so one is the single family homes that we have. 21:18 The fact that they're being raised often by 21:22 mothers who have to be dad and mom, 21:24 and who have to toughen up and do both roles, 21:27 so all they see is a mother who instead of being soft and 21:31 gentle and warm and cuddly, she's the disciplinarian. 21:36 So that may have dropped the empathy level for one thing. 21:40 Some people believe that it's a throwback way back from the 21:44 70's when we had the women's lib movement. 21:48 That's been cited as a reason. 21:51 Another reason is the fact that women are going to college more, 21:55 getting more educated, becoming more independent, 21:58 and somehow there seems to be a link between feelings of 22:01 independence and, you know, lack of empathy. 22:04 So these are all hypotheses, nobody knows for sure, 22:07 but a 50% drop means that young people going out there, 22:10 especially young men going out there to date, 22:13 are going to have a really difficult time because 22:16 you know the saying we have "man up," 22:18 okay, you're going to be hearing that a lot more. 22:20 Guys are going to be hearing that a lot more from women 22:22 because women are like... "Look, you need to be man, 22:25 you know, you need to be able to step up to me, 22:27 if you're interested, you need to be able to say so, 22:29 and stop waiting for me to come to you." Exactly. 22:32 "You know, I see you looking at me in church or at the 22:36 grocery store or at work, 22:37 I see you looking at me, I know you're interested." 22:39 "Why are you not stepping up to me, you need to man up, 22:41 be a man, take your chances with rejection 22:45 if you have to, but maybe I'll say, "yes." 22:47 If he ever says that enough. Right, exactly! 22:50 So I'm just saying, the empathy levels haven't dropped. 22:53 It means that men are going to have to make an adjustment 22:56 because women are going to expect more. 22:58 Does that make sense? Um hm. Makes sense. 23:00 Okay, "value" - we found that value plays a huge role... 23:07 It's important to find out what kind of value 23:09 your partner places on you. 23:12 And, value is tied to what we call "personal growth." 23:16 In a marriage, there are a lot of people 23:18 who have this attitude. 23:20 Okay, "I worked really, really hard to get her, 23:22 so now I'm done, I'm good. 23:24 You know, we're married, I did what I needed to do, 23:27 the Lord did what he needed to do, I prayed, I got her, 23:30 and, you know, I'm good. 23:31 I don't have to do anything else." 23:33 So there's no personal growth, 23:35 but we found that personal growth seems to be 23:38 tied in to the respect level that a partner has for you. 23:42 So if you are exactly where you were 10 years later, 23:47 exactly where you were when she found you, 23:50 that causes problems in the marriage because 23:53 in your brain, there's an expectation, 23:55 and the expectation is that you will continue to grow 23:58 and to improve yourself and not think that 24:01 everything stopped on the day that you said, "I do," 24:04 so that's another factor. 24:06 Proximity is also an issue when it comes intimacy 24:09 and it's like how close you are. 24:11 I'm looking at you guys right now and you're sitting 24:13 pretty close, but couples don't always sit that close. 24:16 Sometimes couples come in and they prefer to sit on either 24:19 end, opposite ends of the sofa and they're not arguing, 24:23 there's no fight. 24:24 I want to sit close to him. And you want to be close, right? 24:26 You could get close if you want. 24:27 You guys are a married couple, so it's okay. 24:30 It's okay - you could be closer, that's fine. 24:33 But the idea is, you want to feel connected. 24:36 You know, it's when people don't feel connected 24:38 in the relationship that they think to themselves, 24:40 "Well, something is wrong and I'm going to 24:43 make some changes." 24:45 You remember that I encouraged you guys to always 24:48 seek professional help if you need it. 24:50 This is something that a lot of people do not do. 24:52 Most people will wait until they are on the brink 24:57 of separation or divorce to seek help. 25:00 Okay, when you talk about intimacy, there are a lot of 25:04 spiritual implications. 25:06 So I want to address just one in particular. 25:09 Spiritual intimacy in the church is very different 25:15 from what it is on the outside and by that I mean 25:18 it's not enough to find someone who is of the same faith 25:24 or who is in the same religion. 25:27 It's a big mistake that we make. 25:29 Your parents would have told you, "Tania, I want you to find 25:32 a good Christian man," and you go to your church 25:35 and you find a good Christian man and then you discover 25:37 that you guys have absolutely no spiritual intimacy. 25:41 And the reason for that is that there are degrees of intimacy 25:46 when it comes to your faith. 25:47 There are degrees of belief. 25:50 Within your very church, there are probably 25:52 5 degrees and I'll tell you what they are. 25:55 So some people are ultraconservative, am I right? 25:58 And then some people are just conservative, 26:00 and then you have the moderates, and then you have the liberals, 26:03 and then you have the ultra liberals. 26:05 Now, if you have those five categories, 26:07 the chances of you actually being ultraconservative 26:11 and automatically finding someone that is 26:12 ultraconservative is a bit small unless you intentionally 26:16 go out to seek someone like that. Right. 26:18 But it's a big deal because if you're ultraconservative, 26:21 the way you eat will be different from the way Vania 26:24 will eat if she is liberal. 26:26 You guys both believe and you're both on your way to heaven, 26:30 but the walk here on earth can be pretty treacherous 26:35 if you guys are not walking together 26:38 with regard to your faith. 26:39 Does Vania want to go to church once a week 26:44 or does she want to go to church on the weekends, 26:48 yes, Sunday night, Wednesday night, 26:50 Friday night, prayer meeting. 26:52 Does she want to go five times a week, 26:54 and because of her conviction... 26:55 her conviction tells her that she should. Right. 26:58 You... you're okay with once a week. 27:00 Some people twice a month. 27:04 But it's a huge problem if you don't discuss these things 27:07 ahead of time and then there's health. 27:12 Are you okay with being vegan, 27:14 if she wants to be; vegetarian, if she wants to be - you know. 27:20 Maybe you feel that you can eat meat and she doesn't. 27:23 All of this is involved with spiritual intimacy 27:26 and you've got to be on the same page. 27:28 So let me ask you guys... 27:30 How has it been for you with regard to spiritual intimacy 27:33 in your marriage? 27:34 My relationship with Jesus is very practical, 27:38 and that was very important to me - to be with someone 27:41 who understands that and values that and so I couldn't be with 27:46 someone who is like ultraconservative, 27:49 like you explained. Yeah. I agree. 27:52 All right, well, I want to thank you guys for being so 27:57 candid and open and sharing, 28:00 and I will see you both next time. |
Revised 2017-05-10