Participants: Dr. John Jacob (Host), Yvette Mingo, Miles Rashad, Bianca Acosta, Jeremiah Dieujuste, Vania Dieujuste
Series Code: RDR
Program Code: RDR000015A
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00:23 Hello and welcome to "Road to Romance"
00:25 I'm your host Dr. John Jacob 00:27 With us today are Yvette, Miles and Bianca 00:30 Welcome! Good to be back! 00:32 I am sure you had sleepless moments, sleepless nights 00:36 worrying about the results of your test. Yeah. Slightly. 00:41 So we are going to share those results with you today, 00:44 but before we do, I'd like to explain how these tests work, 00:48 and also explain the different personality types 00:51 so that when I show you your results, 00:53 they will be really clear to you. Okay. 00:55 So there are four relationship types. 01:00 There's the XX, XY, YY and YX. 01:05 Everybody that you will ever meet, single or married 01:09 falls into one of those four categories which makes it 01:13 really simple. 01:15 So if you're an XX, it means that you have a 01:18 high need for communication and a high emotional need. 01:23 That's what X really means. 01:25 Some people ask, is this X and Y chromosomes? No it's not. 01:28 It just, coincidentally, happened, you know, 01:31 to be X and Y, but X really means high, 01:35 and Y really means low. 01:36 So no matter what the category is, that's how it works. 01:39 So the second one is XY, and if you're an 01:42 XY personality type, you are an X communicator... 01:46 meaning that you have high communication needs 01:49 and you prefer to communicate a lot rather than a little. 01:53 And the Y means that you are fairly unemotional 01:57 or you have low emotional needs. 02:00 I see Miles is already smiling at me which tells me that 02:03 he's already sensing his results, but you have to wait. 02:07 Very emotional person. Emotional? Okay, okay. 02:10 So YY is the third relationship type and it means 02:14 you're a Y communicator which means you don't have a lot of 02:17 communication needs - you could get by with a little, 02:20 in fact, you prefer it. 02:22 The second Y means that you're fairly unemotional. 02:26 So put those two together... 02:27 You don't talk very much, you don't share very much, 02:31 you don't feel very much. 02:33 That's what you're looking at in terms of 02:35 personality type, keep that in mind. 02:36 And then the last one is YX. 02:38 It means that you are a Y communicator again, 02:41 low need for communication, but this time, 02:43 you have a high emotional need, so those are your four types. 02:48 Do you guys have any questions on those? 02:51 No. Not yet. No. 02:52 Not yet...Okay. I have an idea what I am but... 02:55 You have an idea? Yeah. All right. 02:57 So we'll go to our next slide and take a look at some of the 03:00 tests that are available. 03:04 So the test that you guys took is this first test. 03:07 It's the South Test, The XY Personality Test, 03:11 and I believe the version that you took 03:13 was the expanded version. 03:14 I usually encourage folks to take the expanded version 03:17 because it tells you everything that you need to know 03:19 about yourself and it asks about 30 to 40 questions 03:23 to make sure it captures every aspect of your personality. 03:26 So the test that you took, Miles, 03:30 I believe was the first one. 03:32 If you had a partner and you were wondering like... 03:34 say you just started dating someone, 03:36 and you were wondering, you were thinking to yourself... 03:38 Dr. Jacob told me that 90% of folks dating out there 03:44 will never make it to the altar, 03:45 and I don't want to be in that 90%, 03:47 so I need to test my partner or have my partner take the test. 03:51 Now first I have to tell you... You cannot go to the 03:53 young lady, Miles, and say, "Hey, you need to take this 03:56 test because if you don't take this test, we're finished, 03:59 we're not going to be going forward." Gotcha 04:00 And you also cannot make it sound like it's a deal breaker. 04:04 You know, you want to just be somewhere having dinner 04:06 and say, "Hey, you know what, we are fifth in line, 04:08 we have a little extra time, why don't you take this test?" 04:11 "I have this nice, fun test on my phone right here, 04:14 we could just take it online and just do this 04:16 to pass the time away." 04:17 So you want to make sure that you down play it 04:19 because you don't want to raise her anxiety level 04:22 and put her on guard, right Miles? Okay 04:24 Okay, and then the third test is the "XY Perception Test." 04:28 Now this test is for a host of partners who are 04:32 absolutely reluctant to taking this test or any test. 04:35 They do not like tests, especially personality tests 04:38 that could tell you about them. Okay 04:42 They are private, they are guarded. 04:44 Nothing is wrong with that, but I had to create a test 04:47 to get you around that little problem because 04:50 you, Miles, need to know what kind of a personality 04:53 you're getting involved with potentially 04:54 for the rest of your life. Amen! 04:57 So it's the "Reluctant Partner Test" or, in this case, 05:02 we also call it the "XY Perception Test" 05:04 because it's your perception of this other individual. 05:07 And then the fourth test, we call it "Tag-Your-X Test." 05:10 If you were previously married or you were in a previous 05:14 relationship that did not end well, guess what? 05:19 You're not getting closure. 05:21 You're making those calls, they're not being returned, 05:23 the texts are not being returned... 05:25 She virtually disappeared from the face of the earth, 05:27 and never said, "Miles, you know what it was? 05:30 It was your dog, I don't like dogs - I'm allergic." 05:33 She never said anything, so there was no closure. 05:35 Well that test will allow you, Miles, if you know her 05:38 well enough, to take it and find out what her personality 05:40 was and compare that to yours and have some closure. Okay 05:44 Does that make sense? Makes a lot of sense! 05:46 Okay, are you guys ready for your results? 05:48 We're ready. Absolutely! 05:49 All right, let's take a look at the results. 05:54 Starting with Bianca... What? Okay Miles, 06:00 we're allowed a little bit of shock and surprise 06:02 on this program, but we're going to come to you 06:05 after we look at Bianca. 06:07 So Bianca, it says in communication, 06:09 you are a Y - which means that you have a low need 06:13 for communication - it probably means that you don't mind 06:15 being alone. 06:17 Sounds about right. Does this sound correct? 06:19 Definitely! Yeah? 06:20 Yeah, I love my alone time, need to recharge 06:24 before I spend time with people. Yeah? Yeah. 06:27 Okay, so if someone wanted to date you and they didn't 06:31 know this, they would get an ugly surprise 06:33 if this person wanted to be as close to you 06:36 as the clothes that you wear. 06:40 It would not work, it would be difficult. 06:42 You'd find them smothering and this test would have saved you 06:46 or saved them from, you know, years and years and years of 06:49 trying to figure this out. 06:51 So in intimacy, however, it says that you have a moderate 06:53 need for intimacy - which means you don't mind probably 06:58 romance and you don't mind someone that's 07:00 affectionate. Right. 07:01 Okay, so that sounds correct to you? 07:04 It also says that you have a high adaptability and 07:07 with adaptability you're either high or low. 07:10 And basically what that means is... 07:11 You're the type of person that will be willing to 07:14 make adjustments in the relationship. 07:15 I want you guys to think about this... 07:17 Unless you're dating your twin, identical twin, 07:21 not even fraternal twin, identical twin 07:23 with the same personality, you are going to 07:25 need to make adjustments in the relationship... 07:29 Which means adaptability becomes very, very, very 07:32 important because you'll always find someone that does things 07:34 a little different from how you do, 07:36 and it will make you uncomfortable, 07:37 and unless you prepare, in your mind, 07:40 to make adjustments, you'll find yourself in trouble. 07:44 Now what this science is showing us is that you can know 07:47 if somebody is adaptable before you get into the relationship, 07:50 before you get too deep, 07:52 so deep that you don't want to back out. 07:54 Can you give us an example? 07:56 Easy - Miles, can you take me to... and they call the name of 08:03 a restaurant - their favorite restaurant. 08:04 And you say, "Well that's about a hundred miles away." 08:08 "How about we go to this other restaurant 20 miles away?" 08:13 "No, absolutely not." 08:15 What did you not understand, Miles? 08:18 "I want to go to this restaurant, 08:19 this is my favorite restaurant." Okay 08:21 "And if you care about me, you would take me there?" 08:23 See, that's the problem! 08:25 Normally, like if I'm with somebody and she has a 08:29 favorite restaurant... I'm all for like, 08:32 you know, treating you and taking you to the place 08:34 where you want to go because it makes you happy, 08:36 and 100 miles to me is not that big of a distance to make 08:39 somebody who I'm with happy, but if you're... 08:42 Wow ladies, are we hearing this? Yes 08:44 Let's hear this again, let's hear this again. 08:46 Yes, so what I'm saying is... 08:48 A hundred miles is like 2 miles to you. It's okay. For now. 08:51 If that makes you happy, then if I have the transportation, 08:54 or the means, whatever, to get there, we can make it happen, 08:57 but then if I make a suggestion like, okay, let's go 09:00 to this one," but you're still like stuck on... 09:03 "No, we have to go there," then, "No, you're 09:06 never going there after all." 09:07 So there's a question of flexibility. Exactly. 09:09 And, if you're with someone who is inflexible, 09:11 that goes over into the marriage. Right. 09:14 Because people tend to, you know, carry their 09:17 personalities with them. 09:18 Okay, Bianca you are also high in interactivity, 09:22 and interactivity has a lot of components, 09:25 but in the interest of time, we'll just focus on one. Alright 09:28 And the one we'll focus on is... Your need for resolution. 09:34 When there's conflict, how fast do you want this 09:37 conflict to be resolved? 09:38 This has been a problem in relationships... 09:41 It's almost been the cause for a lot of breakups. 09:45 So the question is... How fast do you want it 09:48 to happen to you? 09:50 I can give an example... 09:51 As a child, if my sister and I fought or if we 09:55 argued about something and one of us was upset, 09:57 before bedtime I'd be like, "Okay I'm sorry." 10:00 Like I took that verse to heart that said, "Do not let the sun 10:04 go down on your anger," so I was like, 10:06 "I want to take care of this, you know, before tomorrow, 10:09 let's deal with this." Absolutely, absolutely, 10:11 Absolutely, so okay, so you understand that. 10:14 Quality time is exactly what it says. 10:16 It says you have a high amount of quality time available, 10:20 and it's sort of a flip on the high and low. 10:23 Yeah, it's like interesting. 10:25 When you took the test, the test said "high," 10:28 but what this means is that the amount of time 10:30 that you spend on your devices is low - so you have 10:34 a high amount of quality time available 10:36 for a relationship. Does that make sense? 10:38 Okay, let's go to Miles, we'll go a little faster. 10:40 Miles, you are borderline; borderline in communication, 10:45 in your need for communication; 10:47 and borderline in intimacy. 10:49 Does that sound about right? Yeah, for the most part. 10:52 All right, so adaptability, you're also high, 10:55 and we already know that because you're going to 10:56 drive 100 miles to take your lady to her favorite restaurant. 10:59 Interactivity - Also high, you like to resolve conflicts 11:03 sooner rather than later. Right 11:04 Because that really does a number on relationships. 11:07 Quality time - you also have a lot of quality time available 11:10 for the person that you're interested in. 11:11 Is that correct? Um hm. 11:13 Okay, Yvette, let's take a look at you. 11:17 Your communication needs are high, fairly high, 11:22 and it doesn't mean that you don't have a few Y traits 11:24 in there, a things that it might be low, 11:26 but overall, you prefer someone that's a communicator 11:29 as opposed to someone that you have to text 100 times to 11:32 get one reply back or call 50 times to no replies back. 11:36 Yeah, so you're a high communicator. 11:39 Intimacy - you're moderate, so it's still up there, 11:44 still high - you have a need, but you are neither neurotic 11:48 nor obsessive about that need for affection, 11:50 you know, you're not extreme. 11:52 Because extreme high is also a category. 11:54 It also shows that, like the others, you have a high need 11:58 for interactivity - which means you're a resolver, 12:01 you want to resolve your conflict exactly when it happens 12:06 or at least within that day. Correct 12:08 Quality time - you also have a lot of time 12:11 available for someone, right? 12:14 So how do you guys feel about your results? 12:16 Hmm, pretty accurate overall I'd say. Yeah 12:20 Actually, intimacy, I'm surprised. 12:23 I do like a lot of attention. 12:26 Oh "moderate" is high enough. Moderate is high? 12:28 Oh moderate is high enough because if you're not a Y, 12:30 and you're an X, because it's a moderate X, 12:33 it's high enough. 12:34 When I saw that, myself, like as far as intimacy, 12:37 I think one of the ways that I communicate or express 12:41 my feelings to my significant other is through 12:44 touch or hugging or just words of affection 12:49 and things like that, so I thought it would be 12:51 a little bit higher, but I guess 12:54 borders, you know, somewhat accurate, I guess. 12:57 So I just wanted to talk about social bonding 13:02 today before we close and I wanted to remind you guys 13:04 that when you date, you date with your 13:07 social personality - that's very important. 13:10 That's the personality that is very goal-oriented. 13:13 That's the personality that will make sure that you 13:16 do what you need to do to win the person, 13:20 and it has the person doing the same thing. 13:22 But that's the personality that is hormone-driven 13:24 and disappears once you get into the relationship, 13:28 and then your relationship personality is what emerges. 13:31 But you don't have to worry, you have a worried look 13:33 there, Miles - you don't need to worry. 13:35 I'm processing everything. 13:36 That test that we just took, that test - the results, 13:38 that actually would be the results of your 13:41 relationship personality, what people will 13:44 see on the inside years into the relationship, 13:48 something that you'll never be able to find out 13:49 any other way, so there's no real need to worry because 13:52 you could always test your intended, right? Gotcha. 13:55 Okay. Well, I wanted to thank you guys 13:58 for, you know, being so willing to take the test 14:01 and be brave enough to find out who you guys are. 14:04 Well thank you for giving us the opportunity 14:06 to learn more about ourselves. 14:07 You're welcome, I'll see you guys next time. 14:09 All right. Thank you! 14:17 Welcome back to "Road to Romance" 14:19 Today, we are joined again by Vania and Jeremiah. 14:22 Welcome! Thanks for having us again. 14:24 I am sure that you guys would love to hear your scores, 14:29 and the results of your personality testing? 14:31 Yes. Can't wait. I can't wait either! 14:33 Okay, so today we will also talk a little bit about 14:36 social bonding and how it might 14:38 affect you as a young, married couple. 14:40 Before we do that, however, let's take a look at 14:42 your test results - I don't want to keep you waiting 14:44 any longer, okay? 14:46 Jeremiah - so you in communication are high 14:51 which is probably what I would have expect. 14:55 Would you agree with that? 14:56 As a communications major, I would agree. Yeah 15:00 Communications major, right! 15:02 That makes sense - I didn't know that. 15:03 Okay, I'm going to do this a little differently... 15:06 I will go across instead of all the way down, you know. 15:10 So let's compare it across... 15:12 So "communication," Jeremiah you're high, Vania you're high. 15:15 I suppose this is the reason why every time I 15:17 see you guys, you're in a corner coddling away, 15:21 talking like you haven't seen each other in years. 15:26 It's a beautiful thing, it's a beautiful thing. 15:28 When you are matched in any area, especially communication, 15:31 it's a wonderful thing. 15:33 You don't have to feel like she is not talking enough, 15:36 and she doesn't have to wonder when she's going to get 15:37 the next conversation out of you. 15:39 True, she can't get me to stop talking 15:41 because I'm always talking to her. Yeah! 15:42 Wow, wow! Very nice! Yeah, we're always talking. 15:45 It's like, like best friends, you know, it's like always 15:49 something to share and, yes, it's beautiful. 15:52 It's like every day is a party, 15:54 like we want to talk about everything. That's true! 15:56 Could you imagine if he was the strong, silent type? 15:58 No, I can't. Laughter... That wouldn't work. 16:03 That wouldn't work very well. No. 16:04 Okay, "intimacy," Jeremiah has a high need for intimacy, 16:08 and Vania, your need is moderate. 16:11 Now, anything within one level of each other is okay. 16:14 In fact, it will be kind of boring if you guys were 16:16 exactly the same right across. 16:18 So just having a slight difference, I think it shouldn't 16:21 create much of a problem, but does that sound 16:22 about right though for you guys? 16:24 It sounds about right for me. 16:26 Yes, because I know why I scored moderate because like 16:32 when I have to focus to get something done, 16:36 I usually want some alone time so I can focus and like 16:41 he doesn't need that, he can be doing everything 16:43 and then talking to me, but when I really want to work 16:47 on something, I need to focus and then I want to talk less, 16:50 so, yeah. Okay 16:52 So for adaptability, I have something 16:54 that I need to explain... 16:55 Usually we report adaptability as high or low, 16:59 but the test is an aggregate and is quite capable of 17:03 being more specific. 17:05 So because you guys were so matched in the other areas, 17:09 we thought, "Well, let's see what they are like 17:12 in detail on the adaptability and low and behold, 17:16 Jeremiah, you get borderline for adaptability. Yeah 17:20 So before you tell me, what this is saying to me 17:22 is that you're not always the most adaptable. 17:26 It says to me that when you make up your mind about 17:28 something, you might not be so willing to change. 17:31 Does that sound anything towards this? 17:32 Yeah, that sounds about right. 17:34 If I were to come in from a long day, 17:37 if I decide in my mind that I'm going to 17:39 retire for the night - that's usually how it's going to go. 17:41 It has been an area of growth for me where she's going 17:45 to say, "Okay, you gotta be more flexible," 17:47 and things like that, so I think that's still a work 17:49 in progress, but I think we're getting there. 17:50 So borderline, so you're to try to 17:52 inch that up a little bit? About a millimeter or a little more. 17:54 All right, but this is what is wonderful about this, 17:56 it's so good to know what specific 17:59 areas you need to work in because if you don't, 18:01 you're just shooting in the dark. 18:02 You know, you have a partner that's unhappy... 18:04 She's not sure what it is, you're not sure how to fix it, 18:07 and this helps you to pinpoint - this is exactly what I 18:11 need to adjust and I don't have to change my whole personality, 18:13 just a minor adjustment. Exactly. 18:16 So adaptability, Tania, for you, however was extreme, 18:21 as in extremely high. 18:24 Would you say this is correct? 18:26 Yeah it's correct and I think the fact that I do have a 18:31 Master's degree in coach organization management 18:35 with a concentration in change management and organization, 18:38 and when I saw it, I'm like "yes," like I'm all about 18:42 change and organization being flexible like adjusting and 18:48 so when I saw it I'm like, "Yeah." 18:51 What I can actually say to that too, I've noticed firsthand 18:54 with her is - she's willing to help others in situations 18:57 where it's like - even if it might not mean 19:01 like the most to someone else, but for her it's like, 19:04 "This is important to that person." Wow 19:05 "I want to be there, I'll go to a party, 19:08 I'll go to something for a person's kid 19:10 because it's important to them." 19:12 So to be able to have that kind of adaptability, 19:15 I think is awesome, so she inspires me in that regard. 19:17 Well you are a lucky man. 19:20 Because to have to be extremely adaptable, 19:22 it means that where you have a shortcoming, 19:24 a short fall in adaptability, 19:26 she'll pick up the slack. Definitely. 19:28 If you don't want to budge, she will. Definitely 19:32 And you won't even be able to tell that there's a problem 19:35 because she probably won't always complain about it, 19:38 if at all. That's true. 19:39 So that's perfect. 19:42 Interactivity - you both got high 19:44 on interactivity and remember what that means? 19:46 That means that when you have a conflict, 19:49 you would prefer - is what we call a 19:51 "high resolution individual." 19:52 You would prefer to have that conflict resolved immediately, 19:58 today not tomorrow, not next week. Today. 20:02 If you had a low score for that, you'd be one of those people 20:04 that would try to sweep the problem under the rug 20:08 and hope that it goes away and hope that Vania doesn't 20:11 see the bump under the carpet. Yes. Exactly. 20:13 That's how people operate when they have low interactivity, 20:15 but neither of you do, so that's also a really good thing. 20:19 Quality time - neither of you spend excessive amount of time 20:22 on devices. 20:24 If you did, that would have been a low score. 20:26 Quality time just means you have a high amount 20:28 of quality time to give to your partner. 20:32 If he were into video games, Vania, as you know, 20:34 thousands of men are today... men I say, 20:38 not boys, but men, adults now, thousands and I know 20:43 several of them are my clients and they sneak out of their 20:48 bedroom at night and 3 o'clock in the morning they are on 20:53 a device or they are on the computer and they're gaming... 20:57 And this is a huge problem in this country. 21:00 You guys don't have to worry about that, 21:02 so this is really excellent. 21:04 Now I'm going to push you a little harder, 21:06 a little step further here. 21:08 I'm going to ask you guys when we're finished 21:10 to do another test - it's called "The Perception Test." 21:14 What that does is it will, for you Vania, 21:17 you will take the test and you will think about what you 21:21 think Jeremiah's highs and lows are, 21:24 what his needs are and, Jeremiah, you will take the 21:26 Perception Test for Vania. Okay 21:28 And it will tell you... here's the thing, 21:30 a lot of couples feel that they know their partner 21:33 and then when this test comes back, the partner is like, 21:36 "But I don't like that at all, whatever gave you that 21:38 impression... have you been doing this all the time 21:40 because you thought I liked it? I don't." 21:43 And this is what the Perception Test does, 21:44 it clears up any discrepancy, so you guys look really good. 21:48 test-wise and that, I think, is the last test 21:50 that you would need to take so that we could be sure that 21:52 there's clarity in what you guys want out of this relationship. 21:56 Does that make sense? That makes sense. Yes 21:58 Okay, so let's turn our attention now to bonding. 22:03 I mentioned that we have two personalities... 22:05 We have a social personality 22:07 and we have a relational personality. 22:09 Now you guys were very fortunate... 22:12 Before you heard about XY Theory, you found each other, 22:14 and, of course, I know you prayed and I know God helped 22:17 you and you feel very confident and comfortable with 22:20 your relationship, but you were fortunate 22:24 because only 25% of couples who have no knowledge of 22:30 XY Theory are able to be fortunate enough 22:33 to find a match. 22:35 So 75% of those who just go out and say, you know, 22:38 Let me go here, let me go there, let me go to this function 22:42 and see if I find someone, they have a 1 in 4 chance 22:45 of finding someone that they have a match with. Okay 22:47 So you guys got fortunate. 22:49 Again, the reason for that is "social bonding." 22:52 Your social personality is intent on... 22:55 remember it's goal-oriented, and I know if it were a person 22:59 you would say, "Aww social personality is trying to help," 23:02 but it's not being helpful, 23:04 it's goal-oriented, so think about this... 23:06 When you go on the job, you don't get fired because 23:11 you know what the boss wants and you do it. 23:14 You get there on time, the boss may say something 23:18 really, really crazy to you; you don't answer back 23:20 because you're trying to keep your job... 23:22 And what helps you to do that is your social personality. 23:25 Everywhere you go, whether it's the workplace, 23:28 whether it's church, wherever you go, your social 23:30 personality is at work. 23:32 Unfortunately also with dating. 23:34 So it makes you into whatever you need to be 23:38 so that she can fall in love with you and vice versa 23:41 even if that's not who you really are. 23:44 So some of us call this the "social persona" 23:46 instead of personality meaning a "mask." 23:48 So a mask goes on and then she doesn't know really 23:51 who you are until you take it off. 23:52 You guys don't have to worry about this. That's right. 23:54 The tests showed that you were very fortunate. 23:55 But here's the thing... it's such a big problem that 23:58 researchers and scientists actually gave it a name. 24:00 They call it "The Newness Principle," 24:02 and how it works is this: 24:03 When you get inside of the relationship, 24:05 inside of the marriage, we have a lot of wives who 24:08 complain that their husbands are nicer to people 24:11 on the outside than they are to them at home, 24:14 and it's happening - it's epidemic. 24:17 So here are some things: 50% of lovers show more 24:21 courtesy to coworkers and colleagues, 50%. 24:24 Intimates - People who are intimate with each other... 24:27 Intimates complain that they get more criticism, 24:29 more harsh tones and less appreciation. 24:31 So there are a lot of wives who are complaining 24:33 that their husbands actually raise their voice with them 24:36 way, way, way more than they 24:37 would at anybody else on the outside. Wow 24:40 They credit this to fatigue from dealing 24:44 with the same family member for years. 24:47 This is their excuse... "I've been dealing with you 24:49 for 50 years and I'm tired and this is the reason I have to 24:51 raise my voice sometimes because you're doing the same thing 24:53 and I just have to raise my voice, 24:54 there's nothing else I can do, and I'm blunt, 24:56 you know I'm blunt - I tell you like it is." 24:58 This is the complaint. 25:00 Well, as it turns out, it sounds a little weird to me... 25:04 Why? Consider how long some of us stay on our jobs. 25:07 Some people stay 15, 30, 40 years on their jobs, 25:11 and how is it that they don't get tired and fatigued 25:15 of the person that they are employed by? 25:18 If fatigue is the actual factor, but it's not because, you see, 25:23 nobody does. 25:25 So here's the thing... There's one thing I want 25:30 you guys to guard against because everything here 25:32 looks good and it's the effect of pain. 25:36 So what they found is that pain reorganizes your brain. 25:40 It actually reorganizes, rewires your brain cells. 25:45 Now if you're single, that works fine. 25:49 If you're single, what that means is... 25:51 You get your neurons rearranged so that you could actually 25:55 leave the person that you're with that you shouldn't be with. 25:57 So it's like a reorganization, like a cleansing to prepare you 26:01 for the next person. Okay 26:03 But the problem is.. If you stay in the relationship 26:06 too long, the rewiring is extreme and instead of 26:11 being prepared to leave... you now have what they call 26:13 PTSD - posttraumatic stress disorder relationally, 26:18 so now you're now prepared to leave to go to anyone 26:21 because now you need 2, 3, 4 years of healing 26:24 because you waited too long and the pain was too severe. 26:28 So I'm encouraging you both if you find yourself having 26:32 any problems - don't wait! Exactly 26:35 Don't wait until you're at stage 5, 26:37 you know the last stage in an XY relationship - seek some help. 26:41 You know, get a professional that could help you. 26:43 Okay, I would like to turn our attention quickly to 26:47 a spiritual application and I have a question for you, 26:49 and here's the question... "Why is the divorce rate 26:53 for ministers so much higher than their own members?" 26:56 It's a fact and I'm not just saying the church that 26:59 you guys attend, globally the divorce rate is higher 27:02 for ministers and members. 27:04 Why do you think that is? 27:06 I think ministers tend to take their job very seriously, 27:10 and because it's about God, they justify everything... 27:15 Like they justify the fact that they're not home enough, 27:18 they don't spend enough time with the wife and the kids, 27:22 and so the priority is too high and because of that 27:28 maybe they assume that the wife should understand 27:31 because they're working for God. 27:33 So it's basically not balanced and, yeah, the family needs to 27:39 understand and at some point... 27:41 So work for God trumps working for the family. Um hm. I agree. 27:45 All right, this has been wonderful, so you guys 27:48 are going to take this Perception Test. We will. Yes. 27:50 And, I'm very excited to see what those results will be 27:54 when we meet again. Me too. Awesome! 27:56 Thank you! All right, thank you! |
Revised 2017-05-01