Participants: Dr. John Jacob (Host), Yvette Mingo, Miles Rashad, Bianca Acosta, Jeremiah Dieujuste, Vania Dieujuste
Series Code: RDR
Program Code: RDR000014A
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00:22 Hello and welcome to "Road to Romance"
00:24 I'm your host, Dr. John Jacob. 00:26 Today, we have with us, Yvette, Miles and Bianca. 00:29 Welcome! Thank you! 00:31 At our last season, we covered communication 00:33 and intimacy and how these two impact relationships, 00:38 so what we'll do today is we'll do a little recap 00:40 on some of those themes that we covered. 00:42 So it's based on a theory called "XY Theory," 00:47 and basically what this means is that we are needs-driven 00:50 when it comes to relationships. 00:51 If you do not get your needs met in a relationship, 00:54 the relationship is doomed to fail. 00:56 So let's look at communication first. 00:59 The traditional view is... how couples communicate 01:02 or the style that they use affects the relationship. 01:06 According to XY Theory and the research that we've 01:08 done, what we've found is not how they communicate, 01:11 but how much they actually communicate. 01:14 It's the same thing with intimacy. 01:15 The traditional view is... 01:17 Well what kind of intimacy do you like? 01:19 Do you like romance, 01:20 Do you like gifts, you know, that sort of thing. 01:22 What we found, however, is how much you're getting of 01:26 each of those things is what will determine whether or not 01:29 the relationship succeeds or fails. 01:32 So let me share a statistic with you... 01:35 25% of singles in this country will never marry. Wow 01:39 But it gets even more stark when you look at the 01:43 ethnicities. 01:44 So 16% of whites will never marry, 01:49 but for African-Americans it's 36 to 40%. Yeah! 01:54 Not very encouraging. So let me ask you guys... 01:57 You guys are all accomplished, attractive, single, 02:00 available - I assume. That's correct! 02:04 So tell me, why do you guys think that we have such a 02:07 hard time finding someone? 02:08 Well for me, it's not necessarily the lack of 02:15 opportunity, at least when I was in school, 02:19 there were opportunities, but I was in school, 02:23 I was focused in the direction that I wanted to go 02:26 so, you know, you end up I guess in a sense, 02:31 missing out on those opportunities and for someone 02:35 who wants to have a serious relationship, I guess it can 02:41 kind of hurt them in that way because afterwards 02:45 there really aren't as many opportunities. Right 02:49 So it would have been nice if somebody shared with you 02:51 the research on that which is the best time to find 02:55 someone is in your 20s, from 20 to 30. 02:58 If you wait until you get to 30 or if you wait 03:00 until you graduate, it becomes progressively harder. 03:04 Now if you had known that, you would study a little 03:07 and socialize a little, right? 03:09 So failure to do that, of course, presents a problem. 03:13 Anyone else? 03:15 Well for me, personally, in my college years, my 20s, 03:21 I wasn't really focusing that much on a serious relationship, 03:25 I was just focusing on meeting new people and having fun, 03:28 and things like that and then as I grew older, 03:31 one of the reasons why I haven't found a sustainable 03:35 relationship is because of my standards... 03:37 You know, I'm growing closer in Christ 03:39 and things like that, so,` so many people I 03:41 come in contact with, they don't have some of the 03:43 same values and things like that, 03:45 so I don't want to necessarily settle or just go with 03:48 date anybody, you know, like that so, 03:52 I'm kind of reserved in that aspect because 03:54 I want to meet people, but you gotta have the same 03:57 values as I do, so that's part of the reason. Right 04:01 In my case, I was married, I'm divorced, 04:04 but I think that singles should really socialize a bit more, 04:10 go out, visit other churches so that you can meet 04:14 other singles because for most of us, 04:17 our routine is work, church and home, 04:21 and so, therefore, in our churches there 04:23 aren't that many singles who are eligible... 04:26 And so, year after year, you remain in the same environment 04:30 and so you don't meet anyone. Right 04:32 So let me share another statistic... 04:34 90% of singles in a relationship, 04:39 so they're couples, but they're not married, 04:41 90% of them will not make it to the altar with the 04:45 person that they're dating at that time, so just 10% will. 04:49 Yeah, that's not encouraging either. No 04:52 But here's the problem... 04:54 The problem is that even in XY Theory, opposites attract. 04:57 You've heard about opposites attracting, right? 05:00 In XY Theory, if you are an X- type and I know that 05:03 you don't know what an X-type is yet, but we'll get to that. 05:05 If you're an X-type personality, you tend to be attracted 05:08 to the opposite which is the Y- type; however, 05:11 the opposite is attractive, but not adhesive. 05:17 Does that make sense? Makes sense. 05:18 So you'd be attracted to the person because they have 05:20 what you don't, so if you're a quiet person, 05:23 if you like your solitude, your quiet time, your private time, 05:27 you would be attracted to somebody that is more outgoing 05:30 because they would supply the things that you don't have. 05:33 But once you get within the relationship, 05:35 that becomes an annoyance. 05:37 At that point, you want somebody that is more like you, 05:40 so you see how your personality kind of trips you up. Right 05:44 Before we get to the end of these sessions, 05:47 I will have you guys take your personality test. Okay 05:51 I want you to see what your personality really is 05:54 because your personality is driving how you date, 05:57 and it's not helping you, it's actually preventing you 06:00 from meeting the person that you should meet. Wow 06:03 So to fix that you have to at least know what it is 06:07 so you know what to adjust. Okay? 06:09 All right, before we do that however, 06:11 I'd like us to take a look at the stages of a relationship. 06:14 There are five stages and a lot of times we don't succeed 06:18 in finding someone simply because we don't know 06:20 where we're at with regard to the stages and what's going on. 06:24 So let's take a look... 06:27 So the first stage is the attraction phase. 06:30 Now if you were to look, let's say if you were to 06:33 Google it and try to find what are the stages 06:36 of a relationship, everyone skips the first stage. 06:40 They go straight into the infatuation stage which assumes 06:44 that you've already found the person, 06:46 but the relationship really begins long 06:48 before you find that person. 06:50 It begins when you're looking, 06:51 that's where you make the mistake. 06:53 Not so much inside but in choosing, 06:56 so I had the attraction phase put right there on the top 07:00 so you will know that it's in attracting 07:02 that you make the mistake. 07:04 So chances are, you will attract the wrong person 07:06 because, again, you'll attract someone that has the 07:09 opposite of what you are and unfortunately 07:13 the opposite of what you need. Okay? 07:15 So the second stage is the infatuation 07:18 or attraction stage. 07:20 Now this stage, a lot of singles get tripped up 07:23 right here because of hormones. 07:25 It's completely hormone driven, completely 07:29 from the first time you lay eyes on the individual 07:32 your hormones will tell you whether or not 07:34 this is the type of person that you need. 07:37 And, unfortunately a lot of young men are driven 07:41 by the hormone dopamine, we'll get into that later on, 07:47 but dopamine forces you to make choices that have nothing 07:50 to do with anything noble or anything... yes exactly 07:56 Poor men... And so poor men, poor women! 07:58 Poor women because if the man is driven by something 08:02 other than, you know, something that is noble 08:05 as I said, you won't know it. The woman suffers. 08:08 Yeah, you won't know it. 08:09 As the female, you won't know, you'll go on a date with him 08:12 his brain and his hormones actually would assist him 08:16 in saying anything he needs to say to you to convince you 08:20 that he's not the type of man that you would stay away from. 08:25 So this isn't even something malicious and Miles, 08:28 I'm picking on you - I know this is something that you'd 08:30 never do - I am sure that you absolutely never do anything 08:33 other than what is noble, right? 08:35 So I'm just picking on you. That's why I'm here! 08:36 But let's suppose, yeah let's suppose it's not Miles. 08:39 Miles will look at you and he will think, 08:41 "Okay she's pretty, I'd like to get to know her." 08:44 And then dopamine kicks in and what Miles should 08:48 do is treat you like a lady, you know, do everything 08:53 that a young man with good morals should do, 08:56 but dopamine gets the better of him and 08:58 before you know it, his goals have changed somewhat, 09:02 but you don't know it. 09:04 His hormones will allow him to mask that so that you 09:08 don't see it. 09:09 Also if you are an X-type which really means that you have 09:13 higher needs for affection and attention, 09:16 when you get those from Miles, guess what? 09:19 You're forgetting the whole idea of checking him out 09:22 to make sure that he is legit, to make sure that he's 09:25 bringing what you really want because 09:26 you're getting now what you need. 09:28 Remember this is a needs-based model. Right? 09:32 And then there are other hormones that actually 09:33 blind you to his faults. 09:35 So Miles is a pretty tall guy, but let's suppose you wanted a 09:38 really short guy... I know what are the chances of that? 09:41 That's never going to happen, right? 09:42 But you are the rarest of women, you want a guy that is 09:46 5'2" and not 1" taller. 09:49 And then Miles comes along and he's 6 feet and you're like 09:51 "Aww 6 feet tall, why are you so tall, I wanted a really 09:54 short guy, so that, you know, I could look down 09:57 when I'm talking to him, I didn't want this tall guy." 10:02 As an X, guess what you do? 10:04 You think to yourself, "Hmm, but he's not that bad, 10:08 he has a nice smile... but he's not that bad, 10:12 he listens to me." 10:14 If you're a Y, you'd think, "He's not that bad, 10:17 he's a physician - security, I'm going to go after this." 10:22 So hormones completely, completely take over the 10:26 infatuation attraction phase to make sure that now 10:29 that you've found a guy, you continue with this one guy 10:34 that is the last guy that can make you happy, 10:36 and hormones are responsible for that. 10:39 And then, guess what - like any other chemical, 10:43 it does not last, it cannot last. 10:46 This is the reason why you go to the doctor and you will 10:48 take, let's say you were an insomniac and you would take 10:51 medication for your sleeplessness... 10:53 you'd notice that after about a few months, 10:56 the medication doesn't work anymore and you go back 10:58 to the doctor and then they give you a stronger dose. 11:00 That's how your body reacts to medication. 11:04 Same thing happens for drug use. 11:06 Drug users always have to up their dose 11:08 which is what makes it so dangerous. 11:11 Well, right here with the hormones, it's the same thing. 11:14 The hormones are going to wear off, 11:16 but here is how your brain and these chemicals 11:21 intend to trick you... 11:22 They're not going to wear off before you're attached. 11:26 They're going to wait until you're really attached 11:28 in terms of emotionally or they're going to wait until 11:31 you guys have already made a commitment. 11:34 He's already bought the ring; it's already on your finger; 11:37 you've already sent out the invitations and then 11:42 you begin to notice... "Ooo, he's 5'2," you know. 11:49 Or you begin to notice, "Ooo, he's too tall," in your case. 11:54 Why are you noticing that now? 11:56 There are so many people out there - thousands in fact, 12:00 that come to me and they say, "How did I get here?" 12:02 "How did I get here, how is it that I'm married to the last 12:05 man that I should be with?" 12:07 But it's very, very clear, the hormones, especially the 12:12 blinding hormones blinded you to this. 12:14 So by the time they wear off, you're already in a commitment. 12:16 For some people, by the time it wears off, 12:18 they're already having their first child. 12:20 They have their first child and they're thinking, 12:21 "I'm not going to walk away now," or they're already married 12:25 and if they're religious and if they're committed, 12:27 they think to themselves, "Well I'm not going to walk away, 12:29 am I going to go and tell my parents and my friends 12:32 that I'm leaving my house simply because he won't talk to me?" 12:35 They're going to look at you like you're crazy, right? Yeah 12:38 Right, and you're not going tell somebody. Let's work it out. 12:40 Yes, they say work it out, work it out! 12:41 Really, communication, do you know how 12:43 hard it is to find a good man? 12:44 So what if he doesn't talk at all? 12:46 Talk to your friends, call your girlfriend, 12:48 that's what they would say, right? 12:50 So tagging and learning. 12:51 So at this third stage, the hormones have worn off 12:54 and guess what? 12:56 You begin to learn who Miles really is, 12:58 or Yvette, you begin to learn who the other guy really is. 13:02 And by now, it's too late because you're already, 13:06 to some degree, hitched in some way - whether it's 13:09 through marriage or through an emotional bond. Okay? 13:13 So why do we use the word "tagging?" 13:16 Personality - we call them "personality tags," 13:19 and you guys know what tags are. Yeah 13:21 Each of you have a personality tag. 13:23 When you take your test, you will find out what that 13:26 personality tag is. 13:28 What you don't know is that you've have had that tag 13:30 all your life - even before you thought about dating, 13:35 even when you went to second grade, the fourth grade 13:38 when you were playing with the boys and had no idea 13:42 whatsoever that you'd ever want to be with one of them. 13:44 Even then you had a personality tag that you would wear 13:48 for the rest of your life and that's the tag 13:51 that you're going to find out about when we actually 13:53 have you guys tested. 13:54 Okay, let's just assume that you made it through 13:57 the third stage - you've learned everything you needed 14:00 to learn about Miles and you found out, "Hey, you know what?" 14:03 "I could live with this." 14:04 So you go into the fourth stage. 14:07 Guess what happens? 14:08 A power struggle. 14:10 In every relationship, someone is usually in control. 14:14 It's very rare that you find a couple where they relinquish 14:18 control and say, "You know what, my wife makes 14:20 all the decisions, why don't you go and ask her?" 14:23 That's rare and what really should happen is... 14:26 when you go to the wife, she could say, 14:29 "My husband makes all the decisions, 14:30 why don't you ask him?" 14:32 So what that really means is that they're sharing the power. 14:35 They're sharing - you know, so there's no power 14:37 struggle here because sometimes she will make the 14:40 decision and sometimes he he will make the decision. Why? 14:42 Because we all have strengths and weaknesses. 14:44 Maybe Miles is good financially and maybe you're good with 14:49 cooking and the domestics and taking care of the kids. 14:52 So you balance things out and you don't make all the decisions 14:55 and he doesn't make all the decisions. 14:57 That's how you avoid a power struggle, but unfortunately, 15:00 unfortunately, most relationships end right there 15:03 at level 4 because few people really find a way to 15:08 get past this struggle, so a lot of relationships end. 15:12 If they don't, they go to stage 5. 15:16 It's what we call "oxytocin bonding and connecting." 15:19 You guys will learn, as we go on, that oxytocin is 15:22 the hormone most responsible for bonding. 15:26 Here's the thing though, oxytocin doesn't flow very well 15:30 when you're having fights and when you're having arguments. 15:33 Okay? So if you make it to stage 5, you have gotten 15:37 past all of the difficulties of the first 4 stages, 15:40 and now you're bonding, you're really settling into the 15:43 relationship and you're happy with each other. 15:45 I have a question about that, "Wouldn't oxytocin be 15:50 involved with that infatuation stage, like wouldn't that be 15:53 involved with that bonding earlier on as well?" 15:56 It could, but that would be a mistake. 15:59 If oxytocin is involved... oxytocin is like Super Glue, 16:03 I want you to think of it that way... 16:05 For people that have high levels of oxytocin, 16:08 usually the X-types, when you find that person, 16:11 you've bonded to that person, so think about Super Glue. 16:15 Super Glue is pretty strong, if you had it on your finger 16:17 and you place it on the desk and then you let it dry, 16:20 and you try to remove your finger, you would lose 16:23 some of the skin. Right? 16:25 This is what oxytocin is like. 16:27 If you find yourself bonded to someone who isn't yet 16:30 bonded to you and you knew that you had only 16:34 a 10% chance of walking down the aisle with this individual, 16:37 wouldn't that be a dangerous situation? Right 16:39 Right... To avoid this, I'm going to have you guys 16:43 go now and take that test and we will see what 16:46 your results look like in our next episode. All right! 16:49 Thank you! Thank you! 16:58 Welcome back! We are now joined by 17:01 Vania and Jeremiah, welcome! 17:03 Thank you for having us. Thank you! 17:05 So how long have you guys been married? 17:07 We've been married for 2-1/2 years now. 17:09 Two-and-a-half years and you guys look like the 17:11 happy couple. 17:12 Well thank you. Am I right? 17:14 Thank you, yes, definitely. Yes 17:16 Okay, so what we'll do today, 17:17 we'll talk a little bit about couples. 17:20 As you know, marriages and relationships 17:23 are in a lot of trouble these days. 17:26 Very few people are happy in them and divorce rate 17:30 has skyrocketed. 17:31 So what we'll do is... we'll look at the stages 17:34 of a relationship, okay? 17:36 But before we do that, I have to tell you that 17:39 at the end of this, I'm going to have you guys take 17:41 a test - I hope that's not too scary for you, 17:43 but the test is going to be very helpful. 17:45 It will get into the relationship, 17:47 you'll use your relationship personality, 17:49 and very often the two are completely different. 17:53 So what the test does is... it will tell you what your 17:56 relationship personality is. 17:58 My guess is, if you guys have been together for 2-1/2 years, 18:00 you already know what Vania is like. 18:02 I was gonna say, we have been together for 2-1/2 years, 18:06 I think I know what she is like. 18:07 It's going to be very hard to hide it 18:08 for 2-1/2 years, right? Exactly. 18:10 Even though I've heard of people who hid who they were for 18:12 5 years, even 10 years. It would be a surprise. 18:14 And Vania, I'm sure you know what Jeremiah 18:16 is all about by now. Yes, definitely! 18:18 I'm excited to see the results. Yeah? 18:20 So the personality test should not come as a surprise to you. 18:23 What might come as a surprise, however, is that when we test 18:26 the couples, we found that about 85% of couples were in 18:31 a mismatched what we call an XY relationship. 18:35 You cannot judge this by the divorce rate because a 18:38 lot of couples stay together for a lot of reasons 18:40 including religious commitment, the children, finances, 18:44 you know, but it doesn't mean that they are all happy. 18:48 In fact, we even know what percentage of those that stay 18:51 together are happy and it's lower than 25%. Wow 18:54 So, we'll take this test when we're done and 18:56 I don't expect that we're going to get any 18:58 horrible surprises. Okay? All right. 19:01 Yeah, you'll be fine, you'll be fine. 19:03 So let's turn our attention now to the five stages of 19:06 an XY relationship. 19:07 So here we are... so the first stage is the 19:11 idealism and optimism stage. 19:13 So this actually starts before you even commit to each other, 19:18 and you're very idealistic. 19:20 It's also hormone-driven which means hormones are 19:24 responsible for whether or not you found Vania attractive, 19:27 and Vania, the same for you. 19:29 Now when you first meet, you're very idealistic 19:32 and by that I mean... if anyone told you that 19:35 you guys would have rocky years or, you know, distress 19:40 in the relationship, fights, maybe even a breakup, 19:43 you would want to throw them out of the room. 19:46 Why? Because in the beginning, your hormones succeed in 19:49 convincing you that nothing can go wrong. 19:54 Specific hormones like serotonin gives you that giddy feeling 19:59 when you first meet someone, the butterflies in the stomach, 20:01 all of that comes from hormones and convinces you... 20:04 This is it! She's the one! 20:06 And you look at him and you think... 20:08 "This is my knight in shining armor, 20:10 he's the one I've been waiting for 20:12 10, 15, 20, 30 years to find." 20:15 So this is the idealism or optimism stage, 20:18 so you're very optimistic, not realistic. 20:21 Okay, this doesn't last very long. 20:24 Once again, the hormones retreat eventually, 20:28 and when they retreat, you are left with your eyes wide open. 20:32 Okay, like how long does it last? 20:34 The research is showing somewhere between 20:37 3 months and 2 years. Okay 20:39 Long enough for you to say, "I do," and get married. 20:44 Yeah, so about 2 years. 20:47 When those hormones retreat, however, you will see everything 20:51 very, very clearly and some of the things that you saw before, 20:54 and you thought was so cute, you just liked how she 20:58 did her hair when she's nervous and then the hormones retreat 21:01 and you're like, "Ahh, does she have to do that 21:03 annoying thing with her hair again?" 21:04 That's how hormones work! Okay 21:07 But now you're in stage 2 and it's realism. 21:09 The realism causes dissonance and dissonance really means 21:13 that you are discomforted inside. 21:14 I mean, you begin to ask yourself, 21:16 "Did I make a mistake, am I married to the right person?" 21:20 Now this is often on the other side of "I do." 21:25 You've already committed to each other, 21:28 and now you're seeing everything clearly and what do you do? 21:31 The things that you're seeing, a lot of the things 21:33 that you're seeing seem trivial. 21:34 So you don't like the fact that he won't put the bowl 21:38 down after he uses the toilet, just to say, 21:42 just to give you an example... 21:44 You don't like the fact that she doesn't roll up the toothpaste 21:48 when she's using it... so that you always have to 21:52 come and find it squished in the middle. Yeah 21:55 And before, it wasn't a problem in part because 21:57 you guys weren't living together so you didn't know. 22:00 But even after you found out in the first months of marriage, 22:03 you thought, "I could live with this." 22:04 Now, 2 years in, you're thinking, "What is so hard 22:09 for a person to remember to squeeze the toothpaste 22:13 from the bottom up." 22:14 Why do you have to repeat this over and over and over again? 22:18 Right? 22:19 So it begins to cause a little bit of dissonance, 22:22 a little bit of discomfort. 22:24 A lot of marriages end right here. 22:25 In fact, at that 2-year mark, it's a dangerous 22:28 time for marriages, a lot of them end because 22:30 right then and there, people think to themselves, 22:32 "This isn't going to change." 22:34 They've already made the effort to get the 22:36 individual to change and there are no changes. 22:38 A question that comes to mind... So if a couple finds themselves 22:41 at that threshold, where they are now questioning 22:43 whether they've met the right person, 22:45 what are some options that they can consider 22:47 before they make an ultimate decision that could 22:50 alter the outcome of their lives. 22:51 Oh you mean, before they get there? 22:52 No, no, like if they are at that 2-year period 22:54 and they're not thinking, "Okay, maybe I'm with the 22:56 wrong person, maybe I should think about moving on." 22:59 That would be a good time to get some counseling 23:00 or some coaching. Okay 23:02 Of course we recommend XY coaching simply because 23:04 we know what we're looking for, we know what the markers are, 23:08 and not just a general, you know, intervention 23:10 that you would have. Okay? 23:12 So the next stage is overcompensation, recommitment, 23:20 and resignation. 23:22 So here's the thing... So you guys are in trouble, 23:24 and you're thinking, "I don't want to give up on Vania." 23:27 So you know what you do? 23:29 You overcompensate, you try a little harder 23:33 because you want to keep her. 23:34 You know she's unhappy, but you're not going to resign 23:37 yet, you're going to give it your best shot. 23:39 So that stage is called, "overcompensation stage." 23:42 And then after that, if there's still no change 23:46 in the relationship, then you get to the "resentment phase" 23:49 which is the fourth phase. 23:51 So that's resentment and resentment turns to despair 23:54 and then anger; 23:55 Now a lot of couples come to me when they're in stage 4, 23:59 and they're seeking help when they're in stage 4, 24:00 but by stage 4, you're already very angry, 24:03 and sometimes there is very little anyone can do, 24:06 and the resentment has already built up and that's 24:07 very hard to reverse. Right 24:10 If that is allowed to take its course, 24:12 then the next stage is "ambiguity." 24:15 Ambiguity means this... Let's say you had an aunt that 24:20 you loved a lot and she had Alzheimer's. 24:23 She got to the point where she didn't know you anymore, 24:26 but you still visited. 24:28 For all intense and purposes, the relationship is over. 24:31 She doesn't know your name, but you continue to visit... 24:36 that's ambiguity. 24:37 In a relationship, it's horrendous because it's over. 24:40 You're just not leaving, and there are a lot of couples 24:44 that find themselves in that stage, that's the fifth stage. 24:46 Some withdraw and stay in the relationship, 24:50 and some separate and file for a divorce. 24:52 Does that make sense? It makes sense. 24:54 Okay, I was thinking to myself, however, as I thought about 24:58 the two of you - that there are a lot of people who 25:01 don't find themselves in happy relationships simply 25:05 because they intend to be traditional and right now, 25:09 I'm thinking in spiritual terms because I run across 25:12 a lot of people who, when I talk to them, 25:14 and I ask, "Well how did you guys meet?" 25:17 And they give me some of the very traditional answers... 25:20 "Oh I meet singles" and I say, "Why are you guys 25:22 not meeting someone?" And they say, "Well, you know, 25:24 I'm a female and, traditionally, the guy needs to come to me." 25:28 And I say, "Well if the guy isn't coming to you, 25:30 shouldn't you go to the guy?" 25:32 So I think about couples in the Bible like Naomi, 25:36 and Ruth and just think about how they strategized to 25:40 get Boaz... you remember the story? 25:43 I remember the story, yeah. 25:45 Naomi told her exactly where to go, who to look for, 25:48 how long to spend there, what to say to him... 25:50 I mean, serious strategy, 25:51 and at the end of it, we know the outcome... 25:53 She got the person that she wanted, 25:54 and it was the person God had intended for her. 25:58 So tell me your story because I understand that you 26:01 guys have a very nontraditional story as well. 26:06 You're right, no we do have an interesting story. 26:08 We actually met online and so, for me, that was big because 26:13 when I was on the website, I was just getting ready to go 26:16 off and then when something inside of me that said, "No, no, 26:18 no, there's something else out there and then that's when she 26:21 appeared - almost like divine and then once I saw her 26:24 glow and everything else, I just knew that right there 26:27 that she was the one, and so had I just gotten off 26:29 one moment sooner, I wouldn't have been able to meet her 26:31 so I truly believe that was divine. 26:33 Yes, I remember when I saw his profile like 26:36 everything he described was like, wow, I've never 26:40 seen someone describing something like this before. 26:43 Like he knew exactly what he wanted, 26:45 but he also knew who he was, 26:48 and that really, really appealed to me because 26:50 that's exactly how I think. 26:52 I wanted to always focus on my development and be able to 26:57 not only want something from someone, but also be able 27:00 to offer something, so that was very important 27:02 to me and that's why I was never in a rush to 27:05 get married young and yeah, so... 27:09 I mean too too young, my priority was more like 27:11 first focus on my development, you know, and be in God's plan, 27:18 and eventually it will happen. 27:20 I'm so glad you guys shared this because there's so many 27:22 Christians out there who are afraid to use technology or 27:26 any means whatsoever other than sitting and praying 27:30 and waiting. 27:31 I'm glad that you guys did this and people were able to hear 27:34 that this worked for you because now 27:35 we know it could work for them. 27:36 Yes, definitely! 27:38 It sounds like you guys are ready 27:39 to take this test. Oh yeah. Yes! 27:40 So let's have you take the test and I'll have the results 27:42 for you next time. Okay! |
Revised 2017-04-24