Participants: Dr. John Jacob (Host), Jameela & Jason, Jennifer, Kisha, Kory & Kimberly
Series Code: RDR
Program Code: RDR000013
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00:24 Hello and welcome to "Road to Romance"
00:27 I'm your host Dr. John Jacob 00:29 Let us welcome Kisha, Jason and Jameelah. Thank you 00:34 Well today we are going to take a look at strategies. 00:37 I've noticed that very often we pray about things, 00:42 we go to different churches, we think about ministries, 00:47 and they're all good ideas on how we can find someone. 00:50 How we could find that mate 00:52 that we believe God has in store for us... 00:54 But very often, there are some strategic commonsense 00:57 things that we could do that we fail to do. 01:00 On our last segment, we talked about the ratio 01:04 of women to men in the church; available, single women 6:1, 01:11 and when I said that, I think Jason smiled. 01:14 The only one that smiled. 01:16 The only one that smiled, he realized that this was 01:18 totally in his favor and he said, "You know, I 01:20 have no problem with that, I'm good with that." 01:23 Well Jason, I'm happy for you, however; you have to be 01:26 concerned about the ladies and what we could do to help. 01:30 So here's a strategy that I found out about in New York. 01:33 They've discovered that in New York, 01:36 it depends on the borough that you live in 01:40 as to whether or not it's going to be easy to find a guy. 01:43 Now the City of New York is very large, 01:46 so somebody took the time to Google the city 01:48 and find out which pockets had 01:51 a different kind of male to female ratio. 01:54 There were actually some areas of New York 01:56 where the ratio was 2 guys to 1 girl. 02:01 I don't like the projects. 02:05 Of course you picked the projects, no I'm talking about.. 02:07 Actually I'm talking no, no, I'm talking nice areas. Okay 02:10 ... 2:1, actually live in the nice city areas, 02:12 the higher the ratio of guys to girls. 02:14 So, yeah, 2:1, whereas there were some areas that it was 02:18 3:1 which is 3 females to 1 male. 02:21 So somebody realized that all they needed to do was to 02:24 change where they lived, change where they worshipped. 02:28 And just like it is with real estate, you know how they say, 02:30 "location, location, location," it makes a huge difference. 02:34 You know, people used to joke years ago about 02:36 women going up to Alaska to find a lumberjack, right? 02:42 Because they have so many men there, you know, ratio to women. 02:45 Well it's kind of a bit similar, but think strategically. 02:49 When you're thinking about fighting a problem that 02:51 is obviously a statistical problem, a 6:1 problem, 02:53 you want to think strategically, you want to think, 02:55 "Okay, am I better off in L.A. or should I move to Riverside?" 03:01 "Is Atlanta the place where I'll find the person that I need?" 03:04 And, of course, you are going to be praying about this. 03:06 This is not something that you're just going to go 03:07 flying across the country like, you know... 03:10 Well, you're going to be praying about this, 03:11 but you want to set yourself up for success, right? Right 03:14 You were going to ask a question, Jameelah. 03:16 Yes, I want to know what do you think about 03:17 online dating as a strategy? 03:19 I mean aside from us, I feel like that you don't have to move 03:22 to all these different places and we have online dating now, 03:25 I can click in whatever city or state and then 03:29 view the single men there, what do you think about that? 03:32 Yeah, yeah... I think online dating isn't a bad thing, 03:36 but I think some of the models that we have out there 03:39 right now are not useful. 03:42 For instance, online dating tries to get people together 03:45 that claim that they have things that they have in common 03:50 like claim that they like certain things. 03:52 Now if you've ever looked at a profile and Jason is smiling, 03:54 so maybe you'll tell us about your experiences 03:56 online in a minute. 03:58 But if you've ever been online to date, you would notice 04:01 that people put their very best things about themselves 04:03 in their profile and they exaggerate a lot. 04:07 A lot of people overstate their income. 04:09 They put their best pictures. 04:11 You've heard about friends who Photoshop and then you meet 04:15 meet the person finally, you show up and you 04:17 can't even recognize the person because 04:19 they're completely Photo shopped out. 04:21 It's just not the person you thought you were getting, right? 04:24 But that is not my bigger concern, 04:26 my bigger concern is the fact that what you are doing is 04:28 connecting yourself using social variables 04:32 as opposed to what we've been talking about on the entire show 04:35 which is relational variables. 04:38 "Relational" talks about who you are, not what you like, 04:42 all of that is superficial. 04:45 So you like the beach, what do you do? 04:48 By the time you get married, maybe you don't like the beach 04:52 and who cares - that's not going to make 04:54 a difference, make or break your relationship. 04:55 What would make or break your relationship is if your 04:57 wife doesn't talk to you at all and, Jason, we know 05:01 that you are a moderate X and you need that communication, 05:04 that's what makes a difference. Yes 05:06 So that's one concern I have and the way we've addressed it 05:11 is we're actually in the process of creating an app, 05:14 a mobile app to do the very thing that you're asking, 05:17 but we're trying to do more than the others are doing. 05:20 It's going to be free. 05:22 We're actually trying to help folk here, 05:24 we're not, you know, trying to turn a profit or something. 05:26 We cannot think of any other way for you, for instance, 05:28 to get from here to Georgia or from here to Alaska. 05:32 I mean it's easy to just have you move by app 05:34 and have it do it for you, 05:35 but this is going to be different. 05:37 The way this is going to work is... 05:38 You will have, on your phone, an app that will tell you 05:41 the moment you... what is your home church? 05:43 Maybe you don't want to mention. Ephesus! Ephesus! Woo 05:46 Ephesus, there you go. 05:47 So you can walk into Ephesus and anyone else 05:49 singles, not married folk, anyone else at Ephesus that 05:53 has that app, it will tell you exactly what kind of a 05:57 connection you have with that person. 05:59 I mean it will map it like how it does MapQuest, 06:01 you know like how you look at your phone and your phone 06:02 could show you where different people are at. 06:04 Anyone that is signed up, you instantly know... 06:06 you remember that - you went to a potluck I think 06:09 you mentioned sometime ago - Yes Anyone at that potluck, 06:12 the moment you walked through the door, your phone will be 06:14 buzzing and it will show you immediately every single 06:17 person in that room that you can connect to. 06:20 But do they...okay, I have a question about this. 06:23 So the church I go to, right? 06:25 There's a lot of young youth there and if my phone is 06:29 buzzing, talk about I got connections with a 15-year-old, 06:33 so not me. With a 15-year-old? 06:35 Oh no, no, no. I mean does it have an age? 06:36 Oh yeah! Like any website. Oh okay. 06:39 Even Facebook has an age limit, I mean, I'm sure there are 06:42 some 14 year olds that go on there, but for dating websites 06:45 and for matchmaking websites, you have to be 06:47 so much more careful with legalities, 06:48 so you wouldn't have to worry about, you know... 06:50 Does that person have to have the app? 06:52 Yes, they would have to, but the apps are free 06:54 so we expect it wouldn't be a problem for people 06:56 to just download it because why wouldn't you want to get it? 06:58 Now this is going to be the first dating app 07:01 that is an intelligent app. 07:03 So what's actually going to happen is 07:04 the more you use the app, the more the app 07:06 realizes how you date and it will actually correct 07:10 things about your dating that are not in your favor, 07:14 things that you wouldn't even have noticed. 07:16 The app will also tell you, guess what? 07:18 You know what? "You're interested in Jason? 07:21 You did this before, you dated a Jason before and it didn't 07:25 work out for you," it will tell you, it will remind you. 07:29 Now why is this important? 07:30 You guys are all Xs, you know what happens to X-types? 07:34 X- types have a problem with forgetfulness. 07:37 It's a good thing if you're married. 07:40 It's a good thing if you're in a relationship 07:42 and you want to forget that your loved one 07:45 did something that hurt your feelings. 07:46 That's what the Bible says, "Forget, forgive, move on." 07:50 If you forget that anniversary, you're in trouble. 07:52 You're right! You sure are! 07:54 But you guys are not forgetful with anniversaries. 07:56 You guys are actually the romantics, 07:57 so we don't have to worry about that, 07:58 but what I worry about is the fact that when somebody 08:01 wrongs you, you forget about it, you forgive it, 08:04 and you don't learn from it. 08:06 Y- types do just the opposite. 08:08 A Y-type, they would keep that in their memory, 08:11 I mean they have a memory like an elephant, 08:12 and they would keep that information in there too long. 08:16 So long that it affects their choices down the road. 08:18 They do the opposite of what you do, 08:20 so if you guys were wise, I'd be telling you right now, 08:22 "Please try and forgive and forget your past hurts 08:26 because they're affecting your choices." 08:27 But you guys, it's the opposite. 08:30 You need to keep in your mind some of the things that 08:33 people said and did to you so that you could learn, 08:35 so that you could maneuver in a different way, 08:37 you could do a different thing and make different choices 08:40 because Xs have a habit of getting burned over and over 08:44 and over by the same type of people in the same type of way. 08:48 A dating app will correct that because it's an intelligent app. 08:52 It will actually tell you, "Jason, man - you cannot 08:55 do this again, you cannot go down this road again. 08:58 You just got out of something exactly like this." 09:00 And that's what it will do, so we're very excited about it. 09:03 We hope it will be out by about Valentine's Day 09:06 and when it comes out, you guys look for it. 09:08 This Valentine's Day? Yeah 09:10 Look for it and it should make a difference. 09:11 So, anyway, I just wanted to say that. 09:14 So now, did you get part of your answer 09:16 with the online dating? Um hm. Yeah 09:18 Okay, so as you mentioned that, let's talk about 09:21 dating with your head versus dating with your heart. 09:25 I think it's really helpful to have all of you here 09:27 in front of me that are Xs because I could just 09:29 laser-focus on X-types. 09:32 You guys generally date with your heart. 09:37 Y- types date with their heads. 09:40 You date by believing and accepting 09:44 what somebody says to you. 09:46 So, for instance, if a guy comes up to you and says, 09:48 "You're very beautiful, I'd like to get to know you better." 09:51 "How about we go out on a date on Friday?" 09:55 You're excited, you believe him. 09:58 As long as it's before sunset. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 10:01 right before sunset, thank you, thank you, there you go, 10:03 there you go, before sunset! 10:05 He's an Adventist guy. Okay. 10:10 Bible study, yeah, there you go! 10:11 Supposed someone asks you to go to a Bible study, 10:13 not where you thought he was going. 10:15 Okay, but what if he doesn't call? 10:18 If he doesn't call, you would give him 10:19 the benefit of the doubt, as an X, why? 10:21 Because Xs do that, that's what Xs do. 10:24 Xs are more gullible, Xs are more trusting. 10:27 Really, you're more trusting. 10:29 So he calls on Sunday, doesn't call you at all to apologize, 10:31 but he calls on Sunday and guess what you do? 10:33 You forgive him and forget because that's what you do. 10:36 What? X- types, high X-types. 10:39 Yes, and you are moderate, so you could go 10:42 either way on that, but, in general, 10:45 this is what X-types do. Okay? 10:47 Now that is because you date and you love with your heart. 10:51 You do everything with your heart. 10:53 A Y-type, if he doesn't call and then he tries to call on Sunday, 10:58 he doesn't even get that phone call answered. 11:01 And she's done, she off on another date with another dude. 11:05 This is a Y-type, they don't waste time, 11:07 and you have to take a page from their book. 11:09 You have to take a page from their book, 11:11 you guys are the ones that would date for 4 years, 5 years 11:14 the same person - hoping that they are going to turn around. 11:17 Why? They're not, not if you're dating. 11:20 Now if you're married, it's a different story. 11:22 So these are just some common sense things that you can do. 11:25 Be willing to make some changes. 11:28 I come across a lot of people who say, "You know what, 11:31 this is a game - I'm not playing this game." 11:34 "You know, I'm not a game player, 11:36 I don't want to make any changes." 11:37 "You know, he wants me to do this, he wants me to do that." 11:39 But you have to make adjustments. 11:40 I'm all for making an adjustment as long as it's not something, 11:44 again, illegal or immoral to make the thing work for you. 11:48 We talked about letting go of your past, 11:51 and the last thing I wanted to tell you about 11:52 your self-esteem. 11:54 We take a hit to our self-esteem if we're Xs. 11:57 You're taking a hit to your self-esteem every time a 12:00 relationship does not work out and I guess you're thinking 12:03 it's not a big deal, but it is because your self-esteem 12:05 bleeds through your personality. 12:08 So every time you've been hurt, and then you go to the next guy, 12:11 he is seeing this face that says, "Oh, I've been hurt 12:15 before, please don't hurt me." Laughter 12:17 "Please don't hurt me, please be the one, 12:19 please don't hurt me." 12:21 You can't do that! You have to self-monitor. 12:24 If you think that you're not ready to go back out there, 12:26 take a break, build yourself up, work on your self-esteem, 12:30 feel better about yourself because, you know what... 12:32 the next guy that's out there, you're thinking that he is 12:36 reading you, but guess what's reading you? 12:38 His brain is reading you, that's what's reading you, 12:41 and his brain can tell whether or not you're confident, 12:43 whether or not you're valuable, 12:44 whether or not you value yourself. 12:46 So these are some strategic things that you guys could do. 12:49 Finally, remember opposites attract.. Do they? They do! 12:55 Even in XY Theory. I don't want a Y though. 12:57 Yeah, we don't want an opposite, we want an X. 12:59 After everything that I've told you, there will be the Y 13:02 that will catch your eye and you will think... 13:04 Why did I get a "Y," why, why. Laughter 13:08 Don't do it, don't do it. 13:10 I also do not want you to date like a telemarketer. Okay 13:16 Seriously, what do telemarketers do? 13:19 They're forceful, they're coercive, they hound you, 13:23 they won't let you go, right? 13:25 Don't date like that. 13:26 If somebody doesn't want to date you, 13:28 just move on - probably the person wasn't meant for you. 13:31 But that's not what I'm worried about if you are Xs. 13:35 X- types, you know how the telemarketer calls sometimes 13:39 and they keep you on the phone and you actually buy the 13:41 product either to get rid of them or because you don't 13:44 have enough will power to say "no." 13:46 I mean, how many products have you guys bought 13:48 that you wish you hadn't. 13:50 You do that with dating too and you need to be very careful, 13:54 there are a lot of X-types that date people that they 13:57 should not date just because they couldn't say "no." 13:59 You need to be careful about that. 14:02 Also, blueprints - Y-types are the ones that usually 14:06 have a blueprint of who they want to be with 14:09 and they never veer away from it, 14:12 but I've discovered that X- types, some X-types also do. 14:16 You guys cannot tell me that you've never dated anyone 14:19 that you felt was, you know, a good Christian young man, 14:24 a good Christian young lady and you felt this could work, 14:28 but you just didn't need that blueprint because you wanted 14:31 someone that was 6'2" or you wanted someone that was 14:34 a certain complexion or you wanted someone that had 14:36 a certain amount of education. 14:38 You guys need to back off a little bit from that blueprint, 14:41 just a bit, just a bit. 14:43 If you open yourself up to the will of God 14:45 and you're praying about something, 14:46 how do you expect to stick to that fixed 14:50 hard and fast blueprint? 14:51 I mean, you don't even know what's in store for you. 14:54 So watch the blueprint. 14:55 I notice that you guys could get carried away. 14:56 Let's take a quick look at a slide, 14:58 I want to read something to you. 15:00 So this is a celebrity article and I'm not going to tell you 15:03 who it is, you probably will be able to guess, 15:05 but this is an exchange between a celebrity and his girlfriend 15:10 that he proposed to and listen to what he said... 15:12 So he says the following... 15:41 I'm guessing that these people are not X-types 15:45 because X-types don't keep people guessing. 15:47 You guys put too much out there, you say too much, 15:50 you're too obvious. 15:52 You have to be a little bit mysterious, you know? 15:55 Mystery, mystery gets it. 15:57 So hold something back, be a little bit like 16:01 this young lady and I'm pretty sure that 16:03 things will work out for you. 16:05 It was a pleasure having you on the program. 16:07 I hope these strategies work for you. Thank you! 16:14 Welcome back Jennifer, Kory, Kim. Thanks! 16:18 Today we will be talking about dating intelligence. 16:21 I'm sure you will be wondering why do you need 16:24 dating intelligence - you are already married. Right? 16:27 Well the answer really lies in your science. 16:30 What they found is... you guys determined your 16:34 love for your desire for your mates in courtship. 16:39 What that means is... you fell in love 16:41 with the person that you saw in courtship 16:44 not necessarily with the person that you have right now. Okay 16:48 What that means is, of course, is that there is a discrepancy 16:52 in your mind between what you had then and what you have now. 16:57 Now so there are about three times in our lives when our 17:00 brains are very, very plastic; the first is, of course, 17:04 newborns - extremely plastic which is why newborns 17:07 are so easy to damage psychologically. 17:10 The second time is puberty because of all the raging 17:13 hormones our teenagers are very, very impressionable. 17:18 And we also have a lot of plasticity going on when 17:22 we are falling in love. 17:25 Now, you have about 80 hormones coursing through your body, 17:28 but only about 8 of them are responsible for relationship 17:32 and for bonding and those 8 hormones are circling 17:35 through your body when you're falling in love. 17:39 Whenever that happens, it reshapes your brain. 17:43 Because no wonder that people find it very strange 17:45 that when they get on the other side of the aisle, 17:48 on the other side of "I do," on the other side of marriage, 17:51 they're like, "what happened, 17:54 why am I feeling this disappointment?" 17:56 Well you're feeling the disappointment because 17:58 your brain told you that this is what life 18:00 was going to be like. Oh, okay. 18:02 At a period in time when it was all play, think about it, 18:05 not work, not kids... you guys were traveling, 18:10 you were going to church together, 18:12 and hormones were helping you to put the extra foot power 18:15 to do whatever Kim wanted, WHATEVER she wanted, 18:19 you would get it, you would do it... 18:21 And then those hormones go away and then now 18:24 you're on the other side and you should be 18:28 dating because your brain tells you, "Hey, you should be 18:30 married to this person that you dated, but now you're married 18:33 to a mate, not a date," but your brain 18:36 cannot handle that. Hmmm 18:38 And what your brain does with that information 18:40 causes you to feel the disappointment 18:42 that you feel all the time. 18:43 Now you know we have spent quite some time 18:46 talking about XY Theory and talking about a personality test 18:49 that will tell you when this dating phase is done... 18:54 what are you going to have. 18:56 We also talked about a social personality 18:58 and a relationship personality. 18:59 Well, social personality we also referred that to as a persona, 19:03 a social persona and persona is another word for "mask" 19:08 which means many of us fall in love with a mask. 19:12 The mask that the person was wearing to win us over. 19:16 Let's take a look at the slide... 19:18 Okay, these are the stages in marriage and you guys 19:21 obviously went through it, I think you said you've been 19:23 married for about 6 months? Six months. 19:25 So "passion," of course, is the first one and passion is 19:27 a lot of infatuation and then is when you get most of your 19:31 hormones raging and, at some point, passion dies away. 19:36 You're either married or committed and then you have 19:40 the next stage which is the "power struggle stage." 19:42 Zero to 2 years and you're vying for, "Okay, who is 19:46 going to be in control of this relationship?" 19:48 We can't get into that now, time would not permit, 19:52 but that's a whole segment by itself. 19:53 The need to lead is what we refer to that. 19:56 And then cross stages, you have a fork in the road where 19:59 if you don't get through the power struggles, 20:01 you have to decide, "Okay, are we going to continue on 20:04 or are we going to go our separate ways?" 20:06 Then, of course, you know, 50% decide to go 20:09 the other way and 50% decide to go on; 20:12 76% try again and the reason why they try again, 20:16 as we go to the next slide, is they call it a 20:19 "selection error." 20:20 They decided that, you know what, "I just made a mistake 20:22 in how I selected... If I did it again, my chances 20:27 will be better." 20:30 So they don't do anything analytical, 20:32 they just simply do it again because it's the luck 20:35 of the draw, "I threw the dice, I didn't throw it right." 20:38 Ninety percent of those who stay, who stay, 20:42 of the 50%, 90% of those who stay report an unsatisfactory 20:46 relationship. Wow 20:47 This is not going to happen to us. 20:49 We just spent quite a while looking at XY Theory, 20:51 you guys know exactly what to do to adjust, adjust 20:55 and make simple adjustments. 20:57 This doesn't happen with you. 20:59 Then there's the attachment phase which you guys are 21:01 already in and, of course it goes on to cooperation 21:04 and resignation. 21:05 Now I have to point out that of the 90% of the folks 21:11 who are in unsatisfactory relationships is simply 21:14 because they did not know what to adjust to. 21:17 Some of them would have adjusted if they could tell 21:19 what I need to adjust. Okay 21:22 So we have an app that we created and remember we have 21:27 a lot of apps out there... I won't call some of the names, 21:30 but there are quite a few apps out there. 21:31 So we created an app to help young people find 21:34 their significant other, but then it occurred to us 21:37 that the problem in marriages is that couples stop dating. 21:42 Your brain is used to dating, but you stop. 21:45 You would have told your wife before you got married, 21:50 "I love you, I'm committed to this, 21:52 we'll get married one day," but then there are a lot of guys 21:55 who say that and don't follow through. Right? 21:58 Those are some of the types of disappointments that people 22:01 have to put up with, so what we did is... 22:02 we created an app that not only 22:04 singles could use, but married folk could use as well. 22:06 So you two would be able to download the app; 22:10 you'd be able to give it to your husband. 22:12 He can take the test and what the app will do is tell you 22:16 exactly how you match and do some of what we did with 22:20 you, Kim, which is point out specifically... 22:24 "this is where I'm having a problem and this is what 22:27 Kory needs to do to adapt and to adjust." 22:31 And so every day that you use the app, 22:34 it will tell you more and more and more about what you 22:36 need to do - it will remind Kory, let's say he doesn't 22:38 remember to bring roses and you love roses because the app 22:42 knows that on your scale, you checked romance as 22:44 very important - it will remind him - "It's her birthday, 22:48 do not forget the roses." You know? Yeah 22:51 It will tell him - "This is what you need to do, 22:55 this is what she likes, don't forget to do this." 22:59 Another very, very good thing about this is that it 23:01 is going to analyze the relationship between you 23:03 and your children because you guys might know the statistic. 23:07 They have reported that the happiest couples in the world 23:12 are not couples with children, the very children that everyone 23:15 prays for and hopes for, but couples who are married 23:19 and by choice have no kids. Wow 23:22 So singles are not the happiest, 23:23 married folk with kids are not the happiest, 23:25 but couples with no children. Wow 23:28 And the reason for that is... children bring on an extra 23:30 responsibility and a burden that you did not plan for 23:33 or entertain during the dating phase when your brain was 23:36 taking shape of what you should expect. 23:39 So this app is going to help you to analyze your child 23:42 because we've discovered that your child's personality 23:45 is responsible for a lot of the tension that goes on 23:48 between parents and their teenagers, especially teenagers. 23:56 So it's going to do a lot to help the family 23:59 and it's going to be free. 24:01 Can't beat that. It's going to be free, it's 24:03 called "Dating Intelligence," at least that is the 24:05 theory behind it and those are the algorisms that we'll use, 24:09 but we expect that it's going to make a huge difference 24:12 to families in our church because that's where we're 24:15 going to launch it first and then in the world at large. 24:20 So Doc, it sounds like there's hope for us who are 24:22 in relationships and maybe even hope for those who are not. 24:25 Absolutely! Absolutely! 24:27 If you follow these concepts, if you make the changes, 24:31 if you date your wife like you're dating a girlfriend, 24:36 if you guys remember all that we've talked about 24:39 with the conflict resolution and how important it is 24:43 to learn those vital skills, you will be okay, 24:47 and as I said, you will have a lot of help 24:49 with a lot of the information that has just been provided. 24:52 I'd like to thank you for being on our program, 24:54 and I hope these concepts strengthen your relationships. 24:57 Absolutely! All right. Thank you 25:03 Today we learned about dating intelligently 25:06 in and out of marriage. 25:08 Dating changes you, but so do your 25:10 interactions with your loved ones. 25:12 When I was a child, the challenge was 25:14 to get students to learn to read by breaking words 25:17 up into syllables. 25:19 Now we teach students to break syllables up into smaller bits 25:22 we call "phonemes." 25:24 Similarly, in our relationships, we are used to being told 25:28 to watch our words, but now we have to be 25:30 careful with something much smaller... 25:33 We have what we call "little moments," 25:35 do we flash a smile or give a frown? 25:38 We engage with a spouse after a fight by giving 25:41 an unsolicited hug or instead give cold disapproving silence. 25:46 You can reply to your partner's text or voicemail now 25:49 or much later when it's more convenient to you. 25:53 And we have over 20 thousand moments 25:55 and micro-expressions just like these every single day. 25:59 They are noticed by our partners, 26:01 and noted by our children. 26:03 They are never neutral, but always either positive 26:06 or negative scientists tell us. 26:08 They are remembered unconsciously and unknowingly 26:12 change the brains of the observers along with 26:16 our relationships with them in subtle but profound ways. 26:20 So be careful how you treat the people in your life 26:23 that mean a lot to you, moments matter. 26:26 A partner's bid for your affection counts. 26:28 It's 5 times easier to cause someone's psychological 26:32 damage than to later apologize and hope 26:35 the damage healed. 26:37 We've really always known this though. 26:39 God inspired Solomon to write, "Iron sharpeneth iron," 26:43 referring our ability to change each other through 26:46 our interactions. 26:48 We explain this to our clients that neuroscience 26:51 confirms the impact we can have on reshaping the 26:54 brain and personality of our partner. 26:57 After hearing this explanation, some have said, 27:00 "Why wasn't God more clear about this?" 27:02 But what was God supposed to do? 27:04 Should He have tried to explain to Solomon how our 27:08 prefrontal cortex works? 27:10 And what about Job? 27:11 Should He have told Job that his neurons and nerve cells 27:15 were rapidly changing in response to the horror that 27:18 he was experiencing? 27:20 Even through his struggle, Job didn't take his wife's 27:23 advice to curse God. 27:25 From a neurological standpoint, this strengthened him. 27:28 But his negative response to his three friends 27:30 did not have a positive effect which made his need to 27:34 forgive his wife and pray for his three friends, 27:37 an absolute spiritual and neurological necessity. 27:40 The fact is, what science allows us to peek into today, 27:44 Job would not have understood, no matter how plainly stated. 27:48 So instead of full understanding, 27:49 he needed to trust God for a change in his circumstances, 27:53 and, frankly, so must we. 27:55 Join us next time on the "Road to Romance" |
Revised 2017-04-13