Hello and welcome
to "Road to Romance"
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I'm your host, Dr. John Jacob.
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We have Don and Elaine with us.
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Don and Elaine,
welcome! Thank you!
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So, we would like today to recap
some of what we have done for
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the previous programs and
let's just go back to the top.
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Don, do you
remember any of your goals?
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Remember, you set
certain goals that you wanted.
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Well, we were to show
actually appreciation. Yes
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Be able to touch,...
rub, provide physical touch
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to Elaine and to be able to
try also to see if I can get her
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to see some of the
things my way... Okay
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As part of what we
were also trying to do
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over the past
several weeks. Right
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And, I don't know, today
are we going to be talking about
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perhaps the next move in our
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life - is that
where we're headed?
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Well today, we are going
to recap and just look at
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some of the goals and see which
have been accomplished. Okay
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And also talk about a few things
that we could have you guys
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do in the future;
talk about some of the
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successes and that's about it.
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Well I think,
from my point of view,
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I have been more
touchy-feely. Okay good.
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I have been seeking
to show appreciation,
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and when she feels something
is working against her...
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I'm working against
her or something, you know,
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try to say - sincerely,
that I love you and things are
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going to be working out
okay and you are an okay person.
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Because sometimes she reflects
back on - I'm saying things
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that put her down as
valuable as a person,
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put down that as a
valuable asset - lack of it.
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So I need to show her
that she is a valuable person
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as one of God's creatures
that she is worthwhile,
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and so she doesn't have
this negative thinking of about
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like "I'm not worthwhile."
Like she's not worthwhile.
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And also, of course, valuable
to you as your wife. Yes!
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Okay, remember, I called
this the "directed compliment."
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You had mentioned that she
did feel that some of things
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that you would say to
her were put-downs. Um hm
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We talked about the
fact that there's no room
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for put-downs in a relationship
and let alone in a marriage.
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And we had a
challenge where you would try to
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compliment her in the very
areas that you had put her down
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and we call that a
"directed compliment." Um hm
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You might have heard that
it takes about one put-down
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to lower self esteem
and about 20 compliments
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to build it back up.
Yes, I've heard that.
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To build it back up -
you've heard that. Yes
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So you realize that you have
quite a road ahead to repair
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some of the damage that
Elaine might be feeling. Yes
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Right, so this is just
the first step in the road,
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and even though
we're doing a recap,
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you guys have made some
progress, but we have to
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continue to make
growth, is that correct? Yes
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Elaine, you
remember any of your goals?
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Yes, one of them in particular,
it was instead of reminding
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Don that the counter
needed to be cleaned off
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on the continual basis and
to clean out the atrium area
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of all the
papers that are around,
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is to say it one
time and to leave it...
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And I think that I have
gotten much better with that.
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Some of the other areas I
am not as satisfied with myself
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as I'd like to be
because my frustration level
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has been so high.
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Being able to appreciate
him and to encourage him...
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And these are areas
that are positive for him
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in what I need to
be able to do for him.
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Right, science says
that, especially for Y-types,
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when you guys
have an altercation,
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it takes Don actually
takes him 20 minutes to recover.
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A lot of women don't feel this,
they don't experience this,
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they don't believe it
because a lot of men have that
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deadpan look about them
and you're not thinking that
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there's anything going
on inside by way of turmoil.
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Now you, Elaine,
if you're unhappy,
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you probably show
it in your countenance,
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and it's very, very clear
to Don that you're not happy.
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But for Don, his is internalized
and it actually takes him
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quite a while to
recover, like 20 minutes.
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So we encourage couples
not to go anywhere close
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to that time when
you're having a discussion.
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You set a time limit, you say
5 minutes or we'll discuss this
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for 10 minutes and you
absolutely stick to that
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and you don't go beyond that.
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And then you can
return to it some other time
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that you both agree to.
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So I'm really glad that
you are doing these self-checks
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and trying to find ways
to make personal adjustments
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to improve the
situation between you and Don.
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Now you also had a goal
where you said that you wanted
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more respect, to be
respected and to feel like you
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were being included
in the decision-making.
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I know you guys had a
major purchase not too long ago.
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Did you feel a little
more considered when you
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guys were having
those discussions?
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Yes I did - we were looking
into moving to a retirement
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community and this last
time that we looked in this
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particular community,
we walked into a house
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and I said, "this is it."
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And we both felt
positive about this house,
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and Elaine had
changed her personality.
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She turned around and was
very excited and in her unique
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style, she started
drawing house plans. Right
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Not that there's too much
that we can do as far as the
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rooms are pretty much
fixed, but hanging pictures,
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placement of
furniture, that kind of thing.
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She started going
over that in her head
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and this is one of her
- what should I call...
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"hidden talents," passion. Yes
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Okay now a point of
contention for you guys...
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was this house - the house that
you're living in right now. Yes
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For several years and
from what I understand,
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Don, you retired and
wanted had wanted to do things
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at your own pace.
Yes Understandable...
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And, Elaine, on the other
hand, you see this house as
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this is the home that
we've lived in for 4 years,
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and I've wanted these areas
clean for - who knows, a decade.
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I have no idea. 35 years!
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Thirty-five years Don! 35 years!
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This is what she's saying!
Are you agreeing with that?
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Is it really 35 years?
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Well it hasn't been 35
years for all the papers,
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Right, just accumulating...
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It's an accumulation
of things you didn't do,
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and like, I guess
this XY theory, you know,
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she wants this and
this done in that timeframe,
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and my timeframe is more
slow, evened-out approach,
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and so it hasn't been the same
pieces of paper for 35 years,
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but it's things that need to be
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straightened up
and put away... Right
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You mentioned timeframe
a lot which tells me that
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you guys are on
different timeframes,
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but have you ever communicated
to Elaine what kind of
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timeframe you're
more comfortable with?
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Well now we're on our
timeframe where we have to
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start - and what I
haven't completed in the last
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4 or 5 years since I've retired
and now I need to get done
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in the next 4 or 5
months so that we can sell our
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present home and move to
the other retirement home
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which will be
ready by that time,
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so that move is
about 5 months from now.
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It sounds like this new
home has solved several problems
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including the
timeframe problem. Right?
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Because now you have
to get things done...
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It has to be done and
it falls on my shoulders.
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Exactly, and you're
smiling which means that,
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you know, you're
okay, you're smiling! Yes
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So, Elaine, tell me
about this house, tell me...
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I understand you made a
conscious decision to buy
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this particular house and we
were talking a little about how
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it solves several of
the problems that you had
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with the home that
you're in right now.
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Well, I have communicated
to him that the house where
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we're living in now
has been his house because
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he has either not done or done
things at his rate not at mine.
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and that this house
now is my house because now
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I can call
somebody to fix something,
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I don't have to ask him.
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No more calling
for the shingles,
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repair issues, none of that.
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For the owner or the occupants,
it's basically maintenance free.
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The retirement organization
that we're looking at,
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they provide for cutting
the grass, replacing shingles
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and changing light
bulbs and doing all those type
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of maintenance
things are good. Excellent
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As a retiree, I
can basically retire.
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Well you guys have
made a lot of progress,
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and have come from a long way...
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And I'm really proud of the
progress that you have made.
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So, congratulations and
keep moving forward! Thank you
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Welcome back to
"Road to Romance"
00:10:10.21\00:10:12.41
We have Kerissa with us.
00:10:12.44\00:10:13.91
Kerissa, welcome!
Thanks for having me back!
00:10:13.94\00:10:17.41
So, this has
been quite a journey.
00:10:17.45\00:10:20.05
Yes, it definitely has. Yeah
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I'd like to recap
some of what we discovered.
00:10:21.98\00:10:25.02
We started with giving
you a personality test,
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the "XY Personality
Test," and you found out
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that your personality is...
00:10:30.69\00:10:32.96
An "XX," X moderately
high, X moderately high.
00:10:32.99\00:10:37.30
Okay, so now you know what you
need in a match, don't you? Yes
00:10:37.33\00:10:42.24
I have to tell you,
25% of the guys out there,
00:10:42.27\00:10:46.14
only 25% of the guys
out there are X-type.
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Or what we call,
you know, X- type men.
00:10:49.58\00:10:51.95
And obviously, this is
what you would be searching for.
00:10:51.98\00:10:56.65
Now, you live in New
York? Um hm, yes I do.
00:10:56.69\00:11:00.66
Okay, I did a little bit
of research and found that
00:11:00.69\00:11:04.76
New York is quite splintered
in in terms of the ratio of
00:11:04.79\00:11:10.63
men to women.
00:11:10.67\00:11:12.97
You live, probably in the
Brooklyn area or Queens area,
00:11:13.00\00:11:16.24
I'm not sure, but you know
where you live - in that area,
00:11:16.27\00:11:19.81
they have a 2:1
ratio of women to men.
00:11:19.84\00:11:26.15
There are other
areas like Manhattan,
00:11:26.18\00:11:28.68
some areas of Manhattan
where it's the other way around.
00:11:28.72\00:11:31.25
It's 1:2, so
basically what it means is...
00:11:31.29\00:11:34.16
If you wanted a practical
way to actually meet someone,
00:11:34.19\00:11:38.56
it's like buying a house,
location, location, location!
00:11:38.59\00:11:43.16
It's not going to help
you to stay where you are
00:11:43.20\00:11:45.83
and hope that the
person that you're seeking
00:11:45.87\00:11:48.34
or the person that God
has for you is just going to
00:11:48.37\00:11:50.47
walk right up to you.
00:11:50.51\00:11:51.84
So I wanted to ask you...
00:11:51.87\00:11:53.34
What is the one thing
you feel that you've learned
00:11:53.38\00:11:56.91
on the "Road to Romance"
that you think might help you
00:11:56.95\00:12:00.45
in finding that perfect match?
00:12:00.48\00:12:02.22
Well, I definitely learned about
my relationship personality
00:12:02.25\00:12:05.82
and I think it's a
breath of fresh air to know
00:12:05.85\00:12:09.02
what that is and also that it's
good to be the same thing as
00:12:09.06\00:12:13.93
someone else, as
well that a perfect
00:12:13.96\00:12:17.40
match will definitely
help me to not have as much
00:12:17.43\00:12:21.64
problems in the future.
00:12:21.67\00:12:23.64
I know that there are different
levels and that these levels
00:12:23.67\00:12:28.14
will help me to know how
much I would have to work
00:12:28.18\00:12:31.65
for that relationship.
00:12:31.68\00:12:33.75
I think that is the
most important thing.
00:12:33.78\00:12:36.79
We're not out there
to tell people to give up
00:12:36.82\00:12:39.82
on an individual that
they might be interested in,
00:12:39.85\00:12:42.46
but what it's all about
is - how much work is this
00:12:42.49\00:12:44.76
going to be for
me? And you nailed it.
00:12:44.79\00:12:48.00
The closer you are in
type, the more you are on the
00:12:48.03\00:12:53.03
same level with
communication and intimacy,
00:12:53.07\00:12:55.80
then the less work you
actually have to do as a couple.
00:12:55.84\00:12:58.27
Now, you're 22 years
old, but you know that
00:12:59.21\00:13:01.41
relationships are a lot of
work, don't you? Yes, I do.
00:13:01.44\00:13:05.38
Exactly! And so, you want to do
00:13:05.41\00:13:07.38
anything that you
can to minimize that,
00:13:07.42\00:13:09.52
to reduce that. Right? Um hm
00:13:09.55\00:13:11.42
And, you know, we're
looking for life companions.
00:13:11.45\00:13:14.49
We're not looking for
someone that we will spend
00:13:14.52\00:13:17.53
5 years with or 10 years
with, we're looking for someone
00:13:17.56\00:13:19.56
that we can spend an
entire lifetime with,
00:13:19.59\00:13:22.33
and so it
becomes very important.
00:13:22.36\00:13:24.53
Just to go back a
little bit and recap...
00:13:24.57\00:13:26.40
I remember you were
very much concerned about
00:13:26.43\00:13:29.50
being indecisive
and as you said that,
00:13:29.54\00:13:31.97
I thought to myself,
"I think it's better to
00:13:32.01\00:13:33.54
be indecisive,
than to be in a rush.
00:13:33.58\00:13:37.41
You're 22 years old and,
for the guys that you would be
00:13:37.45\00:13:41.18
looking for, really
as I mentioned before,
00:13:41.22\00:13:44.85
not looking for
something serious,
00:13:44.89\00:13:47.52
you have a
lifetime ahead of you.
00:13:47.56\00:13:50.13
You're going to France,
you know, I mean come on now!
00:13:50.16\00:13:52.56
How many of us could say
that we're getting to do that?
00:13:52.59\00:13:55.26
Now is there anything
about your family that you feel
00:13:56.00\00:14:00.54
you could share with us -
something, maybe your sister...
00:14:00.57\00:14:05.37
Did your sister have
anything to do with you coming
00:14:05.41\00:14:09.44
to "Road to Romance?"
00:14:09.48\00:14:10.81
Did she
encourage you? How did she?
00:14:10.85\00:14:12.48
Well, my mom - she
was very happy about the
00:14:12.51\00:14:17.32
opportunity I had to
come to "Road to Romance"
00:14:17.35\00:14:19.65
because she is very
much interested in me finding
00:14:19.69\00:14:23.22
a suitable mate.
00:14:23.26\00:14:24.59
I think that a mother
that's concerned about that
00:14:24.63\00:14:27.30
is a good thing, so
I took her up on that
00:14:27.33\00:14:30.93
and I took the chance.
00:14:30.97\00:14:32.93
And, we're very
glad that you did.
00:14:32.97\00:14:34.54
Now again, one thing...
Is there anything that you
00:14:34.57\00:14:39.11
feel that you may
need to tweak or change
00:14:39.14\00:14:41.88
in how you go about
looking for someone?
00:14:41.91\00:14:44.18
Well, I know that when
I was actually younger,
00:14:44.21\00:14:47.02
I know I didn't know
myself much, so those games
00:14:47.05\00:14:52.39
I played and stuff
like that, I know that
00:14:52.42\00:14:54.69
I was trying to be
somebody else that I wasn't,
00:14:54.72\00:14:57.93
and now I know
that my personality...
00:14:57.96\00:15:01.23
I know my personality and I
know that I'm still growing,
00:15:01.26\00:15:04.53
and I'm well aware
more of who I really am.
00:15:04.57\00:15:08.07
So I know that will definitely
affect my relationships
00:15:08.10\00:15:11.87
in a positive way.
00:15:11.91\00:15:14.01
Well you have made a lot
of progress and we've seen
00:15:14.04\00:15:17.05
a lot of growth just in the time
that you've been on the show.
00:15:17.08\00:15:19.78
So, I would like to
encourage you to keep doing
00:15:19.81\00:15:24.39
what you're doing and
all the best with your dream.
00:15:24.42\00:15:28.62
Thank you!
00:15:28.66\00:15:29.99
Welcome back to
"Road to Romance"
00:15:35.93\00:15:38.47
Robert, Tangela,
welcome! Thank you
00:15:38.50\00:15:41.10
So how does it feel to
have gone through this journey
00:15:41.14\00:15:45.44
not knowing anything
from the very beginning
00:15:45.47\00:15:48.71
and now knowing
almost everything? Right
00:15:48.74\00:15:52.65
Very well informed.
Yes, a great experience.
00:15:52.68\00:15:56.62
It's been a good experience,
it's been nice having you.
00:15:56.65\00:15:58.95
So, we just have a few things
to recap and wrap up. Okay
00:15:59.62\00:16:07.70
Remember we talked
about leaving and cleaving,
00:16:07.73\00:16:10.67
and you guys said you've
heard that phrase before? Yes
00:16:10.70\00:16:15.64
Okay. Now I know your parents,
so I know exactly what they
00:16:15.67\00:16:22.24
stand for and Robert, I
don't really know your folks,
00:16:22.28\00:16:26.48
but you guys know that
to cleave to each other
00:16:26.51\00:16:31.95
like you would need to,
you're going to have to "leave,"
00:16:31.99\00:16:37.36
symbolically, your parents and
just kind of focus on each other
00:16:37.39\00:16:42.53
and solve your problems between
yourselves and God. Right
00:16:42.56\00:16:48.10
And you're aware of that. Yes
00:16:48.14\00:16:49.77
It's very difficult
for some parents to let go,
00:16:49.80\00:16:53.11
and I've mentioned
earlier in the program that
00:16:53.14\00:16:56.75
if you had an X-type parent,
they have the more difficult
00:16:56.78\00:17:00.05
time to let go, especially
of their boys... Robert.
00:17:00.08\00:17:03.62
So you would know what
kind of parents you have if
00:17:03.65\00:17:06.65
your mom is, you know, the
kind of mom that she's like,
00:17:06.69\00:17:09.26
"You know, I'm happy to
have my single son." Laughter
00:17:09.29\00:17:11.96
But they have to realize
that you guys are trying to
00:17:11.99\00:17:14.96
move toward oneness. Okay
00:17:15.00\00:17:17.13
So two people trying to become
one and when that happens,
00:17:17.17\00:17:19.83
you guys have to be single force
and pushing back on everyone,
00:17:19.87\00:17:25.57
not just parents, but
friends and anyone that has
00:17:25.61\00:17:28.64
advice for you that you think,
you know, you either don't need
00:17:28.68\00:17:31.85
or shouldn't consider.
00:17:31.88\00:17:34.15
There are some parts of
the world actually where
00:17:34.18\00:17:38.15
parents go to
the wedding and cry,
00:17:38.19\00:17:41.66
but they're not
crying tears of joy.
00:17:41.69\00:17:45.69
Yes, in Italy in the
land, there are actually mothers
00:17:45.73\00:17:48.50
that go to those weddings
and they are crying because
00:17:48.53\00:17:51.13
they're losing a son. Yes
00:17:51.17\00:17:53.13
Some statistics show that
3 out of every 10 marriages
00:17:53.17\00:17:57.01
ends because of a
mother-in-law's interference.
00:17:57.04\00:18:00.54
Oh wow! Now that is
incredibly high. Yes
00:18:00.58\00:18:03.68
I'm happy I'm not probably
00:18:04.51\00:18:05.98
going to have to worry
about that with you guys,
00:18:06.01\00:18:09.08
but I just wanted
to put it out there.
00:18:09.12\00:18:11.05
Robert, let's talk a little
bit about technology. Okay
00:18:11.09\00:18:14.22
In this union,
technology is probably
00:18:14.26\00:18:17.13
not going to be your
friend. Okay... It's not.
00:18:17.16\00:18:20.66
One out of every five marriages
today starts on the internet,
00:18:20.70\00:18:26.23
but so does one out
of every three divorces.
00:18:26.27\00:18:30.41
That's the statistic.
00:18:30.44\00:18:32.01
Can't name the
companies involved,
00:18:32.04\00:18:34.38
but they are certain very
large companies where folks
00:18:34.41\00:18:39.18
go on there and unfortunately
it begins the unraveling
00:18:39.21\00:18:43.45
of their marriage. Oh wow.
00:18:43.49\00:18:46.05
So, you know, you obviously
would want to be careful. Right
00:18:46.09\00:18:49.82
All right, I want to
talk a little bit about
00:18:49.86\00:18:51.99
personal change.
00:18:52.03\00:18:53.36
You guys, together,
are the perfect match,
00:18:53.40\00:18:56.67
so we don't need to
talk about that perfection.
00:18:56.70\00:18:59.30
What I want to talk
about is personal change
00:18:59.33\00:19:01.30
because a lot of
folks get into marriages,
00:19:01.34\00:19:04.11
relationships and at
that point, the personal
00:19:04.14\00:19:08.48
growth really stops.
00:19:08.51\00:19:10.95
So wherever they were at
when they found that significant
00:19:10.98\00:19:14.68
other, they think to themselves,
"Well I have her now,
00:19:14.72\00:19:17.95
you know, why am I
going to continue to shave my
00:19:17.99\00:19:20.86
head" like you and I probably
do as regularly as we do,
00:19:20.89\00:19:24.83
"Well, I have her
now, I can stop shaving."
00:19:24.86\00:19:26.93
"So what if I have a
goatee and she doesn't like it,
00:19:26.96\00:19:29.20
I have her now." You know...
00:19:29.23\00:19:31.27
But personal change is something
00:19:31.30\00:19:33.27
that we should do
for a lifetime because it
00:19:33.30\00:19:36.14
makes a difference even
when you think it doesn't.
00:19:36.17\00:19:38.11
Is there anything you feel,
in terms of personal change,
00:19:38.14\00:19:41.34
that would
enhance your relationship,
00:19:41.38\00:19:44.15
your new relationship,
anything that you feel
00:19:44.18\00:19:46.21
that you could share
that you might be working on?
00:19:46.25\00:19:48.52
Yeah, I feel that
we do communicate well,
00:19:48.55\00:19:52.15
but I would say that
there's room for communication
00:19:52.19\00:19:55.22
to improve - I'm always
going to keep working on that.
00:19:55.26\00:19:58.96
I want to be a better
communicator. That's good!
00:19:58.99\00:20:01.10
Because you were borderline
in communication, right? Yeah
00:20:01.13\00:20:05.40
So that's correct and
what about you, Tangela?
00:20:05.43\00:20:10.01
Um, communication
plays a big part; however,
00:20:10.04\00:20:13.27
there are personal things
like learning to accept when we
00:20:13.31\00:20:18.11
communicate if
it's not so positive,
00:20:18.15\00:20:21.58
but turn it into positive
by saying this is something
00:20:21.62\00:20:24.95
that's going to
help our relationship.
00:20:24.99\00:20:27.16
A lot of times when we
hear things that are negative,
00:20:27.19\00:20:29.26
we say, "Oh, I can't
take this," but it's growth.
00:20:29.29\00:20:32.63
You know, you
have to learn this,
00:20:32.66\00:20:34.00
you have to face these things,
you can't be fearful of them.
00:20:34.03\00:20:37.53
You know, this is going
to help your relationship.
00:20:37.57\00:20:39.43
Anything that's going
to help your relationship,
00:20:39.47\00:20:41.10
you must challenge yourself and
00:20:41.14\00:20:43.10
go ahead and
learn from those things.
00:20:43.14\00:20:44.84
And I've learned how important
it is to, in every situation,
00:20:44.87\00:20:49.11
learn from them - bad or
good, I think that's important.
00:20:49.14\00:20:55.12
So how do you guys feel
about going to a professional
00:20:55.15\00:20:57.89
if you come up against
a wall where you are not
00:20:57.92\00:21:00.66
seeing eye-to-eye and
you're having difficulties...
00:21:00.69\00:21:03.09
Is that something
that you think is useful?
00:21:03.12\00:21:05.73
Because a lot of people
won't do that and a lot of
00:21:05.76\00:21:10.27
professionals feel that by
the time a couple gets to them,
00:21:10.30\00:21:12.97
it's already too late.
00:21:13.00\00:21:14.87
You know, there's a lot of
resentment and a lot of things
00:21:14.90\00:21:17.07
that they find
difficult to reverse.
00:21:17.11\00:21:19.81
So, but that is
something that you guys
00:21:19.84\00:21:21.54
would probably be open
to I suppose... Absolutely!
00:21:21.58\00:21:23.75
if it became necessary.
Okay, so here's a theory...
00:21:23.78\00:21:25.91
There's a theory that
when you have something as good
00:21:26.98\00:21:28.98
as you guys have. Laughter...
00:21:29.02\00:21:30.89
There's one thing,
there's one thing that could
00:21:30.92\00:21:34.42
cause an
unraveling... One thing.
00:21:34.46\00:21:37.36
This is a tough question...
00:21:37.39\00:21:39.39
What do you think that
the one thing might be?
00:21:39.43\00:21:42.46
Hmm?
00:21:42.50\00:21:44.53
Umm
00:21:45.63\00:21:47.74
A lot of people say
today, that finance and
00:21:47.77\00:21:53.84
all those could be a
big issue, but I go back to
00:21:53.88\00:21:57.91
learning to communicate,
learning to go to counseling
00:21:57.95\00:22:02.98
if need be, you
know, but that starts with
00:22:03.02\00:22:05.02
your relationship with God.
00:22:05.05\00:22:06.59
When these
things start to unravel,
00:22:06.62\00:22:08.19
you seek Him and if
you both are seeking Him,
00:22:08.22\00:22:10.76
you can go through anything,
you can work through it.
00:22:10.79\00:22:14.20
You know, but you got to
be willing to accept that
00:22:14.23\00:22:16.26
you have to be willing
to look at yourself and say,
00:22:16.30\00:22:18.77
"I need help, I'm not
understanding something,
00:22:18.80\00:22:21.10
there's a problem here,"
you have to be open to that.
00:22:21.14\00:22:24.97
It sounds like you
guys will be working on that
00:22:26.61\00:22:28.21
spiritual intimacy
that we talked about. Yes
00:22:28.24\00:22:30.61
So let's just recap a little.
00:22:30.65\00:22:32.31
We talked about
spiritual intimacy.
00:22:32.35\00:22:34.18
We talked about what
you guys would need to do
00:22:34.22\00:22:36.18
to make sure that
you're on the same page.
00:22:36.22\00:22:38.69
We talked about, well, the
obvious... the perfect match.
00:22:38.72\00:22:42.76
You guys took the test and 1
in 100, you guys were able to
00:22:42.79\00:22:47.63
show that you are well-matched,
and every other test
00:22:47.66\00:22:51.73
that we have given you
guys, administered to you guys,
00:22:51.77\00:22:54.44
from then on until now,
your answers were always
00:22:54.47\00:22:58.67
the same - I mean as if
you guys were Siamese twins
00:22:58.71\00:23:01.84
you couldn't have done
better with those answers.
00:23:01.88\00:23:05.38
So those are some
obvious things - adaptability,
00:23:05.41\00:23:08.65
you guys were
in agreement there.
00:23:08.68\00:23:12.02
How you would handle conflict
which is what torpedoes a lot of
00:23:12.05\00:23:15.69
relationships - you guys
were also in agreement there.
00:23:15.72\00:23:18.29
So that's very,
very, very exciting.
00:23:18.33\00:23:22.16
We would like to keep
up with your progress.
00:23:22.20\00:23:25.37
You know, we hope that
you guys will stay in touch
00:23:25.40\00:23:27.70
with "Road to Romance"
and let us know if you guys
00:23:27.74\00:23:30.47
are really still on
the "Road to Romance."
00:23:30.51\00:23:32.87
I mean, this is something
that we would like. Yes
00:23:32.91\00:23:34.98
So here's the BIG question...
00:23:35.01\00:23:37.01
I'm going to ask
you guys individually.
00:23:37.05\00:23:38.98
I'm going to ask...
Let me ask Tangela first.
00:23:39.01\00:23:42.58
So what did you guys decide?
00:23:42.62\00:23:45.32
Are you going to continue
on this journey together and
00:23:45.35\00:23:50.66
see where this goes
and explore a relationship,
00:23:50.69\00:23:54.20
or are you guys going to...?
00:23:54.23\00:23:55.80
We're going to continue
and see where this goes...
00:23:55.83\00:23:58.43
to explore the journey.
00:23:58.47\00:24:00.44
What about you, Robert?
00:24:00.47\00:24:01.80
Yep, I agree.
00:24:01.84\00:24:03.17
Okay, I need a
little more than that.
00:24:03.20\00:24:05.07
I agree? What do you
agree with? Come on Robert.
00:24:05.11\00:24:07.61
I agree with continuing on
with the relationship. Yeah
00:24:07.64\00:24:10.58
I want to take
it as far as we can.
00:24:10.61\00:24:11.95
As far as you can...
And I really like the
00:24:11.98\00:24:13.95
foundation - I like that you
want to put God in the middle.
00:24:13.98\00:24:17.12
We would like to
congratulate you guys and also
00:24:17.15\00:24:19.89
to thank you for
trusting us with your journey
00:24:19.92\00:24:22.66
in coming here "On
the Road to Romance,"
00:24:22.69\00:24:25.36
I mean this is
wonderful. Yes. Right.
00:24:25.39\00:24:27.60
So all the best to you and
God's blessings! Thank you!
00:24:27.63\00:24:32.97
Today, we have been talking
about finding that one thing
00:24:40.11\00:24:42.94
that changes everything.
00:24:42.98\00:24:45.15
One Scripture comes to mind...
00:24:45.18\00:24:46.51
In Luke 10:41, Jesus
said, "Martha, Martha, you are
00:24:46.55\00:24:51.82
worried and upset about
many things, but few things are
00:24:51.85\00:24:54.96
needed; indeed, only one.
00:24:54.99\00:24:57.29
Mary has chosen what is better
00:24:57.33\00:24:59.43
and it will not be
taken away from her."
00:24:59.49\00:25:01.50
There are so many
lessons on how we should relate
00:25:01.53\00:25:05.03
to our loved ones that
can be gleaned from Scripture.
00:25:05.07\00:25:08.50
And, lessons on how
to go about improving our
00:25:08.54\00:25:11.11
relationship with God.
00:25:11.14\00:25:12.87
Jesus' relationship
with Mary and Martha
00:25:12.91\00:25:15.34
is depicted well in this story.
00:25:15.38\00:25:17.25
Martha's sister, instead of
assisting her with preparations
00:25:17.28\00:25:20.92
to serve the Lord,
would sit at His feet to drink
00:25:20.95\00:25:24.02
in His every word.
00:25:24.05\00:25:25.92
Naturally, Martha complained
to Jesus stating that her sister
00:25:25.95\00:25:29.69
was leaving her to do
all the work and asked
00:25:29.72\00:25:32.86
Jesus to insist
that Mary help her.
00:25:32.89\00:25:35.40
Then came Jesus'
famous response...
00:25:35.43\00:25:38.63
"Martha, Martha, you are
worked up about many things,
00:25:38.67\00:25:41.64
but only one thing is
needed, and Mary has found
00:25:41.67\00:25:44.94
that one better thing."
00:25:44.97\00:25:47.24
Marrying this concept,
researchers have found that
00:25:47.28\00:25:50.58
sometimes to change a system,
including fixing a broken
00:25:50.61\00:25:53.95
relationship or even
going from a state of singleness
00:25:53.98\00:25:56.79
to finding your mate,
you only need to change
00:25:56.82\00:25:59.82
one key feature
in your approach.
00:25:59.85\00:26:02.16
And once you find this,
it's like pulling on a loose
00:26:02.19\00:26:05.89
thread in a fabric, the
entire tapestry unravels
00:26:05.93\00:26:09.43
before you and
the problem is solved.
00:26:09.46\00:26:11.83
Very often that one
thing is relational,
00:26:11.87\00:26:15.44
perhaps more hugs,
more expressions of care
00:26:15.47\00:26:19.01
to your mate, more
attention or more communication,
00:26:19.04\00:26:22.34
but research tells us
that very often it's something
00:26:22.38\00:26:26.01
more tangible.
00:26:26.05\00:26:27.38
Sometimes more personal
like learning to be more
00:26:27.42\00:26:31.35
punctual or
picking up after yourself.
00:26:31.39\00:26:33.89
Lately several studies
have shown that women are more
00:26:33.92\00:26:38.13
concerned about their
husband's lack of helpfulness
00:26:38.16\00:26:41.20
around the home or
willingness to pitch in equally
00:26:41.23\00:26:44.50
for childcare - than they
are concerned about infidelity.
00:26:44.53\00:26:47.07
Unfortunately, these
same studies show that men
00:26:47.10\00:26:52.01
pitch in almost equally
after their retirement and after
00:26:52.04\00:26:57.05
the kids have left
behind an empty nest.
00:26:57.08\00:27:00.48
What is that one
need your partner has
00:27:00.52\00:27:03.99
been asking to have supplied?
00:27:04.02\00:27:06.09
What is that one thing that can
meet and change your marriage
00:27:06.12\00:27:10.86
for the better?
00:27:10.89\00:27:12.49
If you're single, what
is the one change you can
00:27:12.53\00:27:15.50
make to take you from a
mere date to your forever mate?
00:27:15.53\00:27:19.73
Search for it until
you find it and change
00:27:19.77\00:27:22.97
your situation today.
00:27:23.00\00:27:25.04
Thanks for tuning
in, join us next time
00:27:25.07\00:27:28.04
on the "Road to Romance."
00:27:28.08\00:27:29.54