Daddy said that he
was coming home soon.
00:00:01.53\00:00:03.43
He said that he is
getting a new trial.
00:00:03.47\00:00:05.40
Do you know when that will be?
00:00:05.43\00:00:06.84
He said that he is
looking for another lawyer.
00:00:06.90\00:00:08.97
As soon as he
finds one good enough,
00:00:09.00\00:00:10.51
he's coming home.
00:00:10.57\00:00:11.94
Even then, that
could take years.
00:00:11.97\00:00:13.64
Daddy said that
you would say that.
00:00:13.68\00:00:15.01
He said that you'll be negative.
00:00:15.04\00:00:16.61
You just don't
want him to come home.
00:00:16.64\00:00:18.21
Your father has no
control over when he comes home.
00:00:18.25\00:00:21.02
He said that he
is coming home soon
00:00:21.05\00:00:22.72
and I could go with the Millers
on their family vacation.
00:00:22.75\00:00:25.12
Wait, I've already told you,
00:00:25.15\00:00:26.49
you're not going on
that trip with them.
00:00:26.52\00:00:27.86
But Daddy said I could go.
00:00:27.89\00:00:29.22
Every time he says
I could do something,
00:00:29.26\00:00:30.59
you'll always ruin it.
00:00:30.63\00:00:31.96
Who are you
talking to first of all,
00:00:31.99\00:00:33.50
I said you're not going,
00:00:33.56\00:00:34.86
it doesn't matter
who said anything else,
00:00:34.93\00:00:37.00
I said you're not
going, you're not going.
00:00:37.03\00:00:38.87
Well, Lauren seems very
frustrated in that video.
00:01:23.35\00:01:26.78
She is. She is
really frustrated.
00:01:26.82\00:01:29.65
So what has happened
since the last session?
00:01:29.68\00:01:33.05
Well, her grades are failing.
00:01:33.09\00:01:34.92
She's always complaining,
00:01:34.96\00:01:36.83
she seems like
she's almost depressed.
00:01:36.89\00:01:40.66
Just the other day, he called
00:01:40.70\00:01:42.33
and he said he
was coming out again,
00:01:42.36\00:01:44.30
you know, and it's like,
well, he doesn't know that.
00:01:44.33\00:01:46.30
So she stayed up
all night asking,
00:01:46.33\00:01:48.74
"Is he really coming home?"
00:01:48.77\00:01:50.14
And I had to just
walk her through that.
00:01:50.17\00:01:51.67
It's just so frustrating
and I am so exhausted.
00:01:51.71\00:01:54.74
Yeah, it sounds exhausting.
00:01:54.78\00:01:56.31
How many times
have you done that now?
00:01:56.34\00:01:58.31
I would say at least five. Okay.
00:01:58.35\00:02:00.25
And each time she waits
up, she thinks he's coming home
00:02:00.32\00:02:03.52
and he doesn't come home,
00:02:03.59\00:02:04.92
so we repeat the cycle
over and over and over again.
00:02:04.95\00:02:07.19
All right, is it just
limited to his coming home
00:02:07.26\00:02:10.03
that she's left holding
the bag expecting from him.
00:02:10.06\00:02:13.93
No, I mean he promises
her things that he can't keep.
00:02:14.00\00:02:16.13
He says, I'm gonna
send her something,
00:02:16.16\00:02:17.53
perhaps someone
else send her something
00:02:17.57\00:02:19.57
and it never comes.
00:02:19.60\00:02:20.97
So again, she's back to
crying, she gets attitudes,
00:02:21.00\00:02:23.57
and she gets
attitudes with me too.
00:02:23.61\00:02:25.11
And that's the
thing I don't understand.
00:02:25.14\00:02:26.47
And I tried to explain to her,
00:02:26.51\00:02:27.84
when he promises things
00:02:27.88\00:02:29.58
that it didn't happen last time,
00:02:29.61\00:02:30.98
so don't expect that this time.
00:02:31.01\00:02:33.05
But she still has hope
00:02:33.08\00:02:34.42
and it just causes
her to have problems
00:02:34.45\00:02:35.98
every time he disappoints her.
00:02:36.02\00:02:37.99
So, yeah, I saw in the
video, where she was saying,
00:02:38.02\00:02:40.96
that dad said you
would be negative.
00:02:40.99\00:02:42.66
Do you think that she actually
00:02:42.69\00:02:44.03
meant that dad
said you'd be negative
00:02:44.09\00:02:46.16
or do you think that
she is just kind of saying
00:02:46.19\00:02:51.40
that to get your ego maybe?
00:02:51.43\00:02:53.57
No, I think she believes that.
00:02:53.60\00:02:55.07
I think that he
tells her that every time
00:02:55.10\00:02:57.77
he says he's gonna be there,
you know, she believes it,
00:02:57.81\00:02:59.87
and he's saying that
I'm just so pessimistic.
00:02:59.91\00:03:02.38
He's always saying whatever I...
00:03:02.41\00:03:04.48
Everything I say, I
guess for the most part,
00:03:04.51\00:03:06.15
he just says the opposite.
00:03:06.18\00:03:08.22
So, you know, it just seems
00:03:08.25\00:03:09.65
like he's pining her
in between the two of us
00:03:09.68\00:03:12.85
and she has to
choose, and she chooses him
00:03:12.89\00:03:14.62
because he says
what she wants to hear.
00:03:14.66\00:03:16.06
Okay.
00:03:16.09\00:03:17.43
And so you're feeling
like you are the bad guy.
00:03:17.46\00:03:19.66
Yeah, I'm always
the bad guy. Okay.
00:03:19.69\00:03:22.00
And so you kind of left
with, who's your support system?
00:03:22.03\00:03:26.00
I really don't have one.
00:03:26.03\00:03:27.60
And I think a lot of
my frustration comes out
00:03:27.64\00:03:29.80
when I do speak to him
because it's so bottled up.
00:03:29.84\00:03:31.71
And we rarely talk
to him, and when we do,
00:03:31.74\00:03:33.54
every time it's a empty promise
00:03:33.58\00:03:34.91
or I need something so
I'm just always frustrated
00:03:34.94\00:03:37.85
and I think that's
the only way I probably
00:03:37.88\00:03:39.21
let my emotions out.
00:03:39.25\00:03:40.58
Okay, so it's by
expressing frustration.
00:03:40.62\00:03:42.68
Yeah.
00:03:42.72\00:03:44.32
So did you notice
anything on the video
00:03:44.35\00:03:47.02
that you may be doing
that may be causing her to feel
00:03:47.06\00:03:50.29
a little bit more
frustration or anxiety?
00:03:50.33\00:03:54.30
Well, I know I'm
not really supportive,
00:03:54.30\00:03:55.86
you know, when she does
want to really do something.
00:03:55.90\00:03:58.57
If he even tells her
he's gonna do something,
00:03:58.60\00:04:01.40
I just always shut it down,
00:04:01.44\00:04:02.77
I don't even
really think about it.
00:04:02.80\00:04:04.21
I just naturally say
no because he said yes.
00:04:04.24\00:04:07.74
I guess, I could be a little
bit more supportive I guess.
00:04:07.78\00:04:09.98
So in the sense, you
kind of pitying her too.
00:04:10.05\00:04:14.92
Does that make sense
to you? I guess. I guess.
00:04:14.95\00:04:17.59
I guess, I don't know.
00:04:17.62\00:04:19.02
He is taking advantage of her
being a little girl by saying,
00:04:19.05\00:04:22.86
yes, yes, yes, which
maybe he really thinks
00:04:22.89\00:04:26.09
he can do these things maybe,
00:04:26.13\00:04:27.96
or he really
believes it's going to happen.
00:04:28.00\00:04:30.13
Maybe, I don't
know. Okay, you don't...
00:04:30.17\00:04:32.83
Has he been known to lie?
00:04:32.87\00:04:34.64
Well, he just
makes promises he can't.
00:04:34.67\00:04:36.10
I don't think he really thinks
through a lot of stuff he says.
00:04:36.14\00:04:38.87
Again, he just says stuff
to make her happy right then
00:04:38.91\00:04:41.38
when she's on the phone,
00:04:41.41\00:04:42.74
and says he's not there to see
00:04:42.78\00:04:44.15
what happens afterwards
when he lets her down,
00:04:44.21\00:04:46.35
it doesn't bother him.
00:04:46.38\00:04:47.72
He doesn't see it,
so he can't correct it.
00:04:47.75\00:04:49.68
And so I'm left with
picking up the baggage.
00:04:49.72\00:04:53.62
So, you know, in just a
few ways that she's changed,
00:04:53.66\00:04:55.89
you said that
this is affecting her.
00:04:55.92\00:04:58.66
You say that her
grades have come down.
00:04:58.69\00:05:02.13
Is there anything else,
00:05:02.16\00:05:03.50
you think she's
a little depressed?
00:05:03.57\00:05:05.07
Yeah, and she gets into
fights at school sometimes,
00:05:05.10\00:05:07.90
you know,
especially when the kids make
00:05:07.94\00:05:09.27
fun of her about her dad.
00:05:09.30\00:05:10.64
So I know she's kind of
defensive about that too.
00:05:10.71\00:05:12.91
Okay, so the last time she had
a fight at school about this.
00:05:12.94\00:05:16.08
Yes. Tell me what happened?
00:05:16.11\00:05:17.48
Well, she just said a
little girl came up to her,
00:05:17.55\00:05:19.48
somebody that
she had known before,
00:05:19.51\00:05:21.32
but I guess because
she had share with her
00:05:21.35\00:05:23.28
about the situation at home,
00:05:23.32\00:05:25.09
she maybe just was
upset with her the time,
00:05:25.12\00:05:27.26
decided to talk about her.
00:05:27.29\00:05:28.62
So she basically pointed
out her dad was in prison
00:05:28.66\00:05:31.16
and her mom just
stays at home all day
00:05:31.19\00:05:33.33
doing nothing
which is so not true
00:05:33.40\00:05:34.73
because I work my
butt off all the time.
00:05:34.73\00:05:37.17
Okay.
00:05:37.23\00:05:38.57
And so what was Lauren like
when she got home after that?
00:05:38.60\00:05:40.60
Well, she was upset, you
know, she felt embarrassed.
00:05:40.64\00:05:42.54
A lot of her friends have both
mother and father in the home,
00:05:42.57\00:05:45.81
here her dad is not there,
00:05:45.84\00:05:47.34
he says he's gonna
come home and he doesn't.
00:05:47.38\00:05:49.84
I think she was
really frustrated.
00:05:49.88\00:05:51.25
And so, I mean, I didn't know
what to do about the situation.
00:05:51.28\00:05:53.68
Yes, I punished
her, but at the same time
00:05:53.72\00:05:55.48
I understand
that she's frustrated.
00:05:55.52\00:05:58.09
Okay. You punished her for what?
00:05:58.12\00:06:00.39
For getting into the fight.
00:06:00.42\00:06:01.86
Yeah, she shouldn't have
hit the girl because of that.
00:06:01.89\00:06:03.76
Oh, okay, all right.
00:06:03.79\00:06:06.29
But it is understandable.
I do. I understand.
00:06:06.33\00:06:09.10
So she was provoked. I
guess you could say that.
00:06:09.13\00:06:12.00
Okay, all right.
00:06:12.03\00:06:13.57
So that may have made her feel
00:06:13.64\00:06:17.01
little bit more
alienation away from you
00:06:17.04\00:06:20.08
because she's
not being protected,
00:06:20.11\00:06:23.24
anywhere, really, not
from her father who's...
00:06:23.28\00:06:26.31
I mean you can't
really protect her from him
00:06:26.35\00:06:28.45
because he's an adult
and you can't tell him
00:06:28.48\00:06:31.05
what to say and what not to say,
00:06:31.09\00:06:32.59
and you really can't protect her
00:06:32.62\00:06:34.26
from the people out there
00:06:34.29\00:06:35.62
who are saying
mean things to her.
00:06:35.66\00:06:36.99
Yeah.
00:06:37.03\00:06:38.36
So I wonder how
she's feeling about,
00:06:38.39\00:06:39.73
what was her take
on getting spanked
00:06:39.76\00:06:43.47
for standing up for
herself or protecting herself?
00:06:43.53\00:06:47.50
I don't know, I
didn't ask. Okay.
00:06:47.54\00:06:49.50
I just didn't ask. Okay.
00:06:49.54\00:06:50.97
Yeah, it sounds like everybody
00:06:51.01\00:06:53.74
is pretty
stressed out at this time,
00:06:53.78\00:06:56.08
you know, he in prison
and he's wanting to get out,
00:06:56.11\00:07:00.48
maybe they are saying to him,
you're gonna get out this time,
00:07:00.55\00:07:02.98
or maybe they are saying
00:07:03.02\00:07:04.35
you're gonna have a new attorney
00:07:04.39\00:07:05.82
and then they don't care,
00:07:05.85\00:07:07.39
you know, they
just say this stuff
00:07:07.42\00:07:09.16
then just to get
you out of the hair.
00:07:09.19\00:07:11.09
I mean, get him out of the hair.
00:07:11.13\00:07:12.59
And then you're frustrated
because she's coming to you
00:07:12.63\00:07:16.00
saying these
great wonderful things
00:07:16.03\00:07:18.00
and then you look
like or feel like,
00:07:18.03\00:07:20.74
I'm the worst person
ever. So, you know...
00:07:20.77\00:07:24.01
So how are you
feeling as a parent right now?
00:07:24.04\00:07:26.41
Like a failure. Yeah.
00:07:26.44\00:07:28.01
You know, we don't talk.
00:07:28.04\00:07:29.41
She's disrespectful, she's rude.
00:07:29.44\00:07:31.71
She's there,
00:07:31.75\00:07:33.08
but it's like we're
there in the house together
00:07:33.11\00:07:34.85
but really it's not a home.
00:07:34.88\00:07:37.02
I just hate being at odds.
00:07:37.09\00:07:38.42
I feel like I'm
always fighting her.
00:07:38.45\00:07:40.16
Yeah, yeah.
00:07:40.19\00:07:41.96
It sounds like you
are always fighting her,
00:07:41.99\00:07:43.86
and she's fighting everybody,
she's fighting the world,
00:07:43.93\00:07:46.70
you know, she's fighting,
00:07:46.73\00:07:48.03
you know, you
which is her world.
00:07:48.06\00:07:50.53
And I don't know how she's...
00:07:50.57\00:07:52.57
How does she do with dad
00:07:52.60\00:07:53.94
when he's talking
to her on the phone?
00:07:54.00\00:07:55.34
Are they really good buddies?
00:07:55.37\00:07:56.91
Or has she
started saying to him,
00:07:56.97\00:07:59.11
"Oh, you're not
going to do that."
00:07:59.14\00:08:00.54
Has she started
feeling like that with him?
00:08:00.61\00:08:02.14
No, I think she's
still in that hopeful phase.
00:08:02.18\00:08:04.75
For me, personally, I
wish she'd get out of it,
00:08:04.78\00:08:07.08
I'm more of a realist.
00:08:07.15\00:08:08.82
But now she still
is happy when he calls.
00:08:08.85\00:08:11.42
I think there's, you know,
because he doesn't call often
00:08:11.45\00:08:13.29
there's a lot of time for her
00:08:13.32\00:08:14.66
to kind of forget
about the stuff he didn't do,
00:08:14.69\00:08:16.89
and so when he says
he's gonna do something else,
00:08:16.96\00:08:18.46
it's like all
new again, you know.
00:08:18.49\00:08:20.03
And so she just goes
back into the hopeful stage,
00:08:20.06\00:08:22.66
happy when she
gets off the phone.
00:08:22.70\00:08:24.07
Okay. And he doesn't deliver.
00:08:24.10\00:08:26.37
She's crying, you
know, she's frustrated,
00:08:26.40\00:08:28.60
she has her mean
streaks, her tantrums,
00:08:28.64\00:08:30.74
so it's just one big
cycle and I am so exhausted.
00:08:30.81\00:08:33.58
Yeah.
00:08:33.61\00:08:35.24
I almost just was,
step out of your life
00:08:35.28\00:08:37.91
and into a whole
different space of life
00:08:37.95\00:08:39.81
for just for a few
seconds and get it out,
00:08:39.85\00:08:42.22
pull it out
together some kind of way.
00:08:42.25\00:08:44.59
So what have you tried
to resolve the problems
00:08:44.62\00:08:47.46
between you and Lauren?
00:08:47.49\00:08:49.76
Oh, I guess not much
of anything other than...
00:08:49.79\00:08:51.93
You know, when he
does promise her things,
00:08:51.96\00:08:53.29
she does come back telling me.
00:08:53.33\00:08:55.16
She doesn't do
it as often anymore
00:08:55.20\00:08:56.53
because I'm always like,
well, no, it's not happening.
00:08:56.56\00:08:58.97
No, he's not getting out
when he said he's getting out.
00:08:59.00\00:09:01.40
I mean I'm just
trying to be real with her.
00:09:01.44\00:09:02.97
The reality is, he doesn't
have a saying when he gets out.
00:09:03.00\00:09:05.64
And so he keeps
telling her over and over again
00:09:05.67\00:09:07.81
that he's gonna
get out this time.
00:09:07.84\00:09:09.58
So for me, I guess
I just tell the truth,
00:09:09.61\00:09:11.68
he's not getting out,
he's not gonna do the things
00:09:11.71\00:09:13.65
he said he's gonna do,
00:09:13.68\00:09:15.02
maybe he will when he gets out,
00:09:15.05\00:09:16.82
but there's no point in holding
your breath about situation.
00:09:16.85\00:09:18.92
Okay, yeah, I saw you say
right there in the video too
00:09:18.95\00:09:22.82
that he doesn't have a
saying when he gets out,
00:09:22.86\00:09:25.73
maybe it's not
what you're saying,
00:09:25.76\00:09:27.96
but do you think maybe if
you could change how you say it.
00:09:27.96\00:09:31.60
You think that
might make a difference.
00:09:31.63\00:09:34.70
What I see in
Lauren from the video
00:09:34.74\00:09:36.71
that she just braced herself,
00:09:36.74\00:09:38.17
she was already ready for
you to say was not gonna happen,
00:09:38.21\00:09:41.81
and why it's
not going to happen,
00:09:41.84\00:09:43.98
she already has an
argument prepared for you.
00:09:44.05\00:09:46.82
So she's expecting...
00:09:46.85\00:09:48.55
Maybe we can do the unexpected
so, you know, have you tried...
00:09:48.58\00:09:53.96
You do understand that,
00:09:53.99\00:09:55.32
ultimately,
this is not a problem
00:09:55.36\00:09:56.73
between you and Lauren,
00:09:56.76\00:09:58.09
but this is a problem
between you and your husband
00:09:58.13\00:10:00.10
that needs to be resolved.
00:10:00.13\00:10:01.43
Yeah, I think so.
00:10:01.46\00:10:02.80
What have you
tried to do with him?
00:10:02.83\00:10:04.77
Well, he doesn't listen.
00:10:04.80\00:10:06.13
You know, I mean
we're on the phone, right,
00:10:06.17\00:10:07.60
so when I get
frustrated, I hang up,
00:10:07.64\00:10:09.80
when he gets
frustrated, he hangs up,
00:10:09.84\00:10:11.21
so we really don't talk much.
00:10:11.24\00:10:14.14
We argue a lot, so
when I do tell him,
00:10:14.18\00:10:16.08
"Hey, you know, at least
can you be considerate it,
00:10:16.11\00:10:19.08
she's waiting up at
nights for phone calls
00:10:19.11\00:10:20.92
that you said
you were gonna make
00:10:20.95\00:10:22.28
and you don't make them."
00:10:22.32\00:10:24.15
He's always full of excuses
00:10:24.19\00:10:25.52
or he just simply just
doesn't want to talk about it.
00:10:25.55\00:10:28.16
Before he went to
prison, was it the same...
00:10:28.19\00:10:30.79
Was he full of excuses,
00:10:30.83\00:10:32.46
not wanting to
talk about things?
00:10:32.49\00:10:34.56
I would say he
was working on it.
00:10:34.60\00:10:37.00
We talked about
these same things before.
00:10:37.03\00:10:38.67
It just seems like
it's been a whole lot worse
00:10:38.70\00:10:41.24
since he's been in jail.
00:10:41.27\00:10:42.60
So, yes, he would not
come through on some things,
00:10:42.64\00:10:44.91
but then he make it up to her.
00:10:44.94\00:10:46.27
And I think right
now he doesn't have
00:10:46.31\00:10:47.64
the ability to make it up to her
00:10:47.68\00:10:49.01
when he's in prison.
00:10:49.04\00:10:50.38
So it just seems like
it's always happening,
00:10:50.41\00:10:51.85
you know, these letdowns. Yeah.
00:10:51.88\00:10:53.98
Okay, so it sounds like
too that just a frustration
00:10:54.05\00:10:57.79
and aggravation is a
constant in your life,
00:10:57.82\00:11:00.96
like they've moved in
00:11:00.99\00:11:02.39
with a whole
suitcase of clothes,
00:11:02.42\00:11:03.86
they just change
clothes every day and,
00:11:03.93\00:11:06.13
you know, when you
wake up they're there
00:11:06.16\00:11:07.93
and when you go to
bed, they're there.
00:11:07.96\00:11:09.26
So at some point we're
going to have to deal with
00:11:09.30\00:11:13.40
how you manage that
frustration and aggravation
00:11:13.44\00:11:16.67
because you have to be
able to come to him calmly
00:11:16.71\00:11:19.44
and be able to
come to her calmly.
00:11:19.47\00:11:21.38
It's kind of...
00:11:21.41\00:11:22.74
You're the pivotal
point here, where you...
00:11:22.78\00:11:25.21
In this very heart,
00:11:25.25\00:11:26.58
it's not easy and at some point,
00:11:26.61\00:11:28.78
we hope there is someone
else will be able to step up.
00:11:28.82\00:11:31.12
But right now is you
have to kind of carry things
00:11:31.15\00:11:34.72
on a little bit for everybody.
00:11:34.76\00:11:36.79
Okay, so let's talk
about a few strategies
00:11:36.83\00:11:39.13
that you can do to just kind of
00:11:39.16\00:11:41.16
get the ball rolling in a
different direction, okay.
00:11:41.20\00:11:43.43
It may not fix everything
00:11:43.50\00:11:45.37
but it can be
certainly be of good help.
00:11:45.40\00:11:47.80
What do you think about
that? I think that will be good.
00:11:47.84\00:11:50.07
Okay, so you can talk to Lauren,
00:11:50.14\00:11:53.31
and you can explain to her,
00:11:53.34\00:11:56.78
help her to understand
what the prison situation is.
00:11:56.81\00:12:00.72
In other words, he's not
in control of his schedule,
00:12:00.75\00:12:04.22
and you have to
say this on her terms,
00:12:04.29\00:12:06.25
so you can't say huge
words, you may be able to say,
00:12:06.29\00:12:09.49
you know, how
when you go to school
00:12:09.52\00:12:11.49
and then they tell
you when to have recess,
00:12:11.53\00:12:14.83
and when to have lunch,
00:12:14.83\00:12:16.20
this is a situation that dad
is in the exact same situation.
00:12:16.23\00:12:19.93
Other days when you
really want to have,
00:12:20.00\00:12:22.50
you know, recess
early as she might say,
00:12:22.54\00:12:25.24
yes, I'm sure she will.
00:12:25.27\00:12:26.74
Or when you just want
to have recess all day,
00:12:26.78\00:12:28.98
and she, of
course, will agree to that.
00:12:29.01\00:12:31.21
Then you say to her
00:12:31.25\00:12:32.58
but the teacher
says you can't do it,
00:12:32.61\00:12:35.08
so there are
people who say to him,
00:12:35.12\00:12:36.45
he's saying, well,
you know, I'm coming home,
00:12:36.48\00:12:39.19
maybe they told
him he was coming home,
00:12:39.22\00:12:40.82
but then the people might say
00:12:40.86\00:12:42.36
he's not coming
home, he can't come home.
00:12:42.39\00:12:44.83
So you will need to
help her to understand
00:12:44.86\00:12:47.13
he's not in control of that.
00:12:47.20\00:12:48.86
She's just a child,
00:12:48.90\00:12:50.33
so she doesn't really understand
00:12:50.40\00:12:51.87
when you're saying,
00:12:51.90\00:12:53.40
he can't say
when he's coming home
00:12:53.47\00:12:54.90
'cause what she understands,
00:12:54.94\00:12:56.27
he's an adult and adults
can say anything they want
00:12:56.30\00:12:58.47
and they can
make it happen, right?
00:12:58.51\00:13:00.68
That stuff, and I
think in a way your teacher
00:13:00.71\00:13:02.51
that by you when
you say it to her,
00:13:02.54\00:13:04.75
I don't care what
anybody else says,
00:13:04.78\00:13:07.12
what I say, that's
what you're gonna do.
00:13:07.15\00:13:09.58
So I make this happen,
00:13:09.62\00:13:11.22
so she's probably feeling
why can't he make this happen.
00:13:11.25\00:13:14.46
So that's one thing
00:13:14.49\00:13:15.82
and then you can normalize
her feelings of missing her dad
00:13:15.86\00:13:19.23
and of being disappointed.
00:13:19.26\00:13:21.60
So it's almost
like you miss some,
00:13:21.63\00:13:25.43
you feel
disappointed that he's not here,
00:13:25.47\00:13:27.34
you feel disappointed
00:13:27.40\00:13:28.74
that he's not able to help
the way you like him to help.
00:13:28.77\00:13:33.68
So says you're experiencing that
00:13:33.74\00:13:37.55
and in the
sense it may seem like
00:13:37.61\00:13:39.78
you don't really
want to acknowledge that.
00:13:39.81\00:13:42.75
When she brings that to you,
00:13:42.78\00:13:44.25
it's very hard for
you to empathize with her
00:13:44.29\00:13:46.59
because you're setting
that out for yourself, right?
00:13:46.62\00:13:49.16
But what if you agree with her?
00:13:49.19\00:13:50.53
The Bible says,
"Agree with your brethren
00:13:50.59\00:13:52.93
as far as possible."
00:13:52.96\00:13:54.30
So what if you agree
00:13:54.30\00:13:55.63
instead of
addressing what she's saying.
00:13:55.66\00:13:57.43
You know,
there's a song that says,
00:13:57.50\00:14:00.24
"He looks beyond my
fault and he saw my need."
00:14:00.27\00:14:02.97
So she needs those
feelings validated that,
00:14:03.00\00:14:05.01
yes, you know,
you are missing him,
00:14:05.04\00:14:07.68
she is supposed
to miss him, right?
00:14:07.71\00:14:09.24
That makes her human,
00:14:09.28\00:14:10.65
that makes her almost
Christ like, really, right?
00:14:10.68\00:14:12.81
Yeah.
00:14:12.85\00:14:14.22
So what if you said to
her normalize that feeling,
00:14:14.25\00:14:16.92
normalize, you know, I
know you're disappointed
00:14:16.99\00:14:19.62
when Dad says
things that he wants to do.
00:14:19.65\00:14:22.79
And even at some
point you're gonna make it
00:14:22.82\00:14:24.46
like a little jump,
00:14:24.49\00:14:25.83
"That's your dad, girl,
you know, the situation,
00:14:25.86\00:14:28.40
he can't make
that decision, right?
00:14:28.43\00:14:30.73
And maybe someone told him that,
00:14:30.77\00:14:32.53
but it's not because
he doesn't want to be here
00:14:32.57\00:14:34.54
'cause he wants
to be here so badly."
00:14:34.57\00:14:36.87
So maybe we can reframe it,
00:14:36.91\00:14:38.37
change the way
she's looking at it,
00:14:38.41\00:14:40.44
and change the way
you're looking at it.
00:14:40.48\00:14:42.24
What about
that? Would that help?
00:14:42.28\00:14:44.11
That will help.
00:14:44.15\00:14:45.75
I'm just kind of stuck I guess
00:14:45.78\00:14:47.12
because I feel
like part of that,
00:14:47.18\00:14:48.52
I'm just making excuses for him.
00:14:48.55\00:14:50.19
I mean, I really
don't know the situation.
00:14:50.25\00:14:52.89
I'm okay with that
00:14:52.92\00:14:54.26
trying to make amends
with that at the home,
00:14:54.29\00:14:56.12
but I just feel like,
you know, there are times
00:14:56.16\00:14:58.06
when he's just really
doing things to get back at me.
00:14:58.09\00:15:00.43
Okay, so have you asked him?
00:15:00.46\00:15:02.10
Have you said, "Are you
doing this to get back to me?"
00:15:02.13\00:15:04.07
No, I mean, we don't talk. Okay.
00:15:04.10\00:15:06.84
You know, we're always arguing.
00:15:06.87\00:15:08.37
Well, then let's make
that one of your strategies too
00:15:08.40\00:15:10.94
is just have a
conversation about nothing.
00:15:10.97\00:15:15.14
Liz, what does he like to do?
00:15:15.18\00:15:17.58
I don't even know anymore.
I guess I could ask him.
00:15:17.65\00:15:19.81
What did he used to
like to do when he was out?
00:15:19.85\00:15:23.02
Well, he definitely
like going to fishing.
00:15:23.05\00:15:24.45
Okay. So then
let's talk about that.
00:15:24.49\00:15:27.06
Ask him, "Do you remember
00:15:27.09\00:15:29.32
the biggest fish
that you caught?"
00:15:29.36\00:15:31.76
Now this is what
you're doing when you do that.
00:15:31.79\00:15:33.93
It will bring up really
good feelings for him, right?
00:15:34.00\00:15:38.23
And then he will feel
good about having fish,
00:15:38.27\00:15:42.07
and he'll get into
talking about that.
00:15:42.10\00:15:44.01
Get off the phone
00:15:44.07\00:15:45.41
before you wander over
into Lauren in reality.
00:15:45.44\00:15:49.08
Okay. Okay, so we kind of...
00:15:49.11\00:15:51.38
All I want you to do is
open the gate for communication
00:15:51.41\00:15:54.62
and not necessarily
try to solve problems.
00:15:54.65\00:15:57.45
There is too many problems
00:15:57.49\00:16:00.09
and with you having a limited
amount of time on the phone,
00:16:00.12\00:16:03.79
you can't
really solve a problem,
00:16:03.86\00:16:06.19
you can only start
one, start solving, okay?
00:16:06.23\00:16:09.10
Okay.
00:16:09.13\00:16:10.47
Now one more
thing I want you to do
00:16:10.50\00:16:11.83
is ask him to
play a game with you.
00:16:11.87\00:16:13.44
Once you kind of get
00:16:13.47\00:16:15.14
the
conversation going on Lauren.
00:16:15.17\00:16:17.31
So you'd tell Lauren, "Lauren,
listen, we're gonna practice,
00:16:17.34\00:16:20.68
you being disappointed."
00:16:20.71\00:16:23.01
So what we're gonna do
00:16:23.04\00:16:24.38
is tell dad to
tell you something
00:16:24.41\00:16:25.75
that he knows he can't do.
00:16:25.78\00:16:28.38
And then he's going to
tell you that he can't do it,
00:16:28.42\00:16:31.32
so you always set her up.
00:16:31.35\00:16:32.89
And then you tell
him to tell her something
00:16:32.92\00:16:34.59
you know you can't do,
00:16:34.62\00:16:35.96
like I'm gonna home
in an hour or whatever,
00:16:35.99\00:16:38.06
and we remind her, you
don't have to feel sad,
00:16:38.09\00:16:40.23
you don't have to feel angry
00:16:40.30\00:16:41.60
because you know he
can't do this right now.
00:16:41.63\00:16:44.80
And there's always a chance
00:16:44.83\00:16:46.17
that things are
not going to happen
00:16:46.20\00:16:47.60
the way you want to.
00:16:47.64\00:16:48.97
And we have to learn
just in life in general
00:16:49.00\00:16:51.64
that you have to
learn how to accept
00:16:51.67\00:16:54.68
and accept
disappointments in life
00:16:54.71\00:16:57.51
because it's going to be some.
00:16:57.55\00:16:59.55
Isn't it? Yeah. Oh, definitely.
00:16:59.58\00:17:00.98
Okay, so she's
gonna have a healthy dose
00:17:01.02\00:17:03.42
and so we may as well
you assist her being fit.
00:17:03.45\00:17:06.39
So let's all, let's
play the game, maybe...
00:17:06.42\00:17:08.59
You know, how
often does he call?
00:17:08.62\00:17:12.39
Maybe once a month. Okay.
00:17:12.43\00:17:14.23
And she can even
develop a little saying for him,
00:17:14.30\00:17:17.07
"Dad, I know you want to be here
00:17:17.10\00:17:18.43
but if you're not, I'm okay."
00:17:18.47\00:17:20.57
And so she's talking to him
and she's talking to herself.
00:17:20.64\00:17:23.17
What do you think
about those strategies?
00:17:23.20\00:17:24.71
I think that
will work. Yeah. Okay.
00:17:24.74\00:17:26.47
Well, let's have a
brief word of prayer.
00:17:26.51\00:17:28.61
Our time is out.
00:17:28.64\00:17:29.98
And I know that
it doesn't resolve
00:17:30.05\00:17:31.88
all your
frustration and anxiety,
00:17:31.91\00:17:33.42
and maybe at some point
00:17:33.45\00:17:34.78
we can do some
positive self talk
00:17:34.82\00:17:36.82
or maybe some other type
of strategies, internally,
00:17:36.89\00:17:40.19
for you to help you manage
some of your feelings, okay?
00:17:40.26\00:17:44.39
Okay, let's have a
brief word of prayer.
00:17:44.43\00:17:47.20
Thank you, Father, for today.
00:17:47.23\00:17:48.53
We thank You for the opportunity
00:17:48.56\00:17:50.87
to see You work
through us and to be healed.
00:17:50.93\00:17:54.27
Dear, Lord, we ask that
You would be with her husband
00:17:54.30\00:17:57.17
that he will learn to be
able to say only those things
00:17:57.21\00:18:00.11
that he's capable of doing.
00:18:00.14\00:18:01.48
Being with Lauren is
very difficult for her,
00:18:01.51\00:18:03.04
Lord, we ask that You
would send her guardian angels
00:18:03.08\00:18:06.08
that will watch
over her and protect her,
00:18:06.11\00:18:08.18
and help her to understand,
00:18:08.22\00:18:09.55
dear Lord, send a
Spirit of God to be with him.
00:18:09.58\00:18:11.42
In Jesus' name we pray
and praise you always, amen.
00:18:11.45\00:18:13.59
Amen.
00:18:13.62\00:18:14.96
Okay, you have
a great day, okay?
00:18:14.99\00:18:17.19
You do the same. Okay, bye.
00:18:17.26\00:18:19.03
Hi, how are you doing? I'm
doing good. I'm doing good.
00:18:22.23\00:18:25.93
Hey, Honey, are
you on the phone still?
00:18:25.97\00:18:27.77
Yeah, I'm still on the phone.
00:18:27.80\00:18:29.27
Okay. Oh, good
to hear your voice.
00:18:29.30\00:18:31.64
How are you doing?
I'm doing all right.
00:18:31.67\00:18:34.11
Not so great, I'm
still locked up in prison
00:18:34.18\00:18:36.31
but I'm doing the best I can do.
00:18:36.34\00:18:37.95
Okay, that's all we
can ask you to do, right?
00:18:37.98\00:18:40.85
So tell me how
are things going now?
00:18:40.92\00:18:44.92
I didn't know I was
causing so many problems,
00:18:44.95\00:18:46.96
but since you came out
00:18:46.99\00:18:48.32
and did some
therapy sessions over me.
00:18:48.36\00:18:50.33
Now I find out that sometimes
00:18:50.36\00:18:51.83
I'm more in a way
that I thought I was.
00:18:51.86\00:18:55.03
Okay, well, like the
way, more in the way,
00:18:55.06\00:18:57.33
maybe that you were
contributing to some stuff
00:18:57.37\00:19:00.10
that you didn't
realize you were doing.
00:19:00.17\00:19:02.84
Yeah, that's
what I'm saying. Okay.
00:19:02.87\00:19:05.37
And how about you?
00:19:05.41\00:19:06.84
Well, we do get a chance here
00:19:06.91\00:19:08.54
now to talk
about Lauren's feelings
00:19:08.58\00:19:10.08
and how she was responding,
00:19:10.11\00:19:11.91
the affect that it
had when he made promises.
00:19:11.95\00:19:14.75
But yeah, I
think it's working out.
00:19:14.78\00:19:16.95
She now talk more
00:19:17.02\00:19:18.35
and I've been trying to
be more positive for her too.
00:19:18.39\00:19:19.92
Okay.
00:19:19.95\00:19:21.29
I quit making all the
promises though, you know.
00:19:21.32\00:19:23.56
I'm learning to
do little better.
00:19:23.59\00:19:25.59
I wanted to have everything,
00:19:25.63\00:19:26.96
but I just can't
promise it to her right now.
00:19:27.03\00:19:30.30
Very good. That's great.
00:19:30.37\00:19:32.63
Well, let's take
a look at the video
00:19:32.67\00:19:34.27
we made in your home.
00:19:34.30\00:19:35.67
And I also want to say,
00:19:35.70\00:19:37.04
we appreciate the prison system
00:19:37.11\00:19:38.44
for allowing you to have this
counseling session via phone,
00:19:38.47\00:19:42.44
and we really
do appreciate that.
00:19:42.48\00:19:43.85
So let's go to
the video right now.
00:19:43.88\00:19:46.28
I was talking to dad yesterday,
00:19:46.31\00:19:48.15
I told him all
about Loana branding,
00:19:48.18\00:19:50.12
grandma getting her new teeth.
00:19:50.19\00:19:52.39
I see you feed him on
all the family information.
00:19:52.42\00:19:54.96
I also told him about
00:19:54.99\00:19:56.32
the Millers and
their family vacation.
00:19:56.36\00:19:57.83
You did? I did.
00:19:57.86\00:19:59.86
He said it probably
wasn't a good idea to go.
00:19:59.89\00:20:02.00
Well, why did he say that?
00:20:02.03\00:20:03.37
Like you, he doesn't
know enough about them
00:20:03.43\00:20:05.27
and if you said I
could go, then I could go.
00:20:05.30\00:20:07.64
Yeah, I still don't
think that's a good idea.
00:20:07.67\00:20:09.80
I asked dad, when
he was coming home.
00:20:09.84\00:20:11.17
What did he say?
00:20:11.21\00:20:12.54
He said, he's not sure
and it'll probably be a while.
00:20:12.57\00:20:14.28
So I should just stay
focused on life and have fun.
00:20:14.31\00:20:17.11
I think that's a
good idea. How about you?
00:20:17.15\00:20:19.18
I do too.
00:20:19.21\00:20:21.78
That was awesome. Yeah.
00:20:21.82\00:20:23.55
What changed?
Well, we're talking more.
00:20:23.59\00:20:26.45
Okay.
00:20:26.49\00:20:27.82
We're not fighting
as much as we used to.
00:20:27.86\00:20:29.46
Okay.
00:20:29.49\00:20:30.83
Just about things we
may have a disagreement,
00:20:30.89\00:20:32.43
but we work it out.
00:20:32.46\00:20:34.30
So one of things too,
00:20:34.30\00:20:35.63
we following those
strategies you gave us,
00:20:35.66\00:20:38.17
you know, with me
trying to contact her first,
00:20:38.20\00:20:41.00
before I listen to
what Lauren has to say
00:20:41.04\00:20:43.74
and trying to
be a team together.
00:20:43.77\00:20:45.54
Okay, that's pretty great.
So you're working together.
00:20:45.57\00:20:49.31
What is that
feeling like right now?
00:20:49.34\00:20:51.68
Less confusion,
less stress, I feel free,
00:20:51.71\00:20:54.82
and I have fun parenting.
00:20:54.85\00:20:57.15
Yeah. Yeah, I
don't feel much stress.
00:20:57.22\00:20:59.05
I mean, stress being in here,
00:20:59.09\00:21:00.96
but not stressed with
the family, like I used to.
00:21:00.99\00:21:03.26
In fact, sometime I get
kind of sad thinking about
00:21:03.29\00:21:06.06
how I wish I could
have done this sooner,
00:21:06.09\00:21:08.60
and maybe Lauren would had,
00:21:08.63\00:21:10.33
you know, a better life going.
00:21:10.37\00:21:11.87
Yeah.
00:21:11.90\00:21:13.23
Well, we won't spend
too much time in the past
00:21:13.30\00:21:15.67
because we can't
change that at all.
00:21:15.70\00:21:17.27
We can only change
the present, that's today.
00:21:17.31\00:21:20.08
And the great thing is that
00:21:20.14\00:21:21.48
you are acting on
what you've learned
00:21:21.51\00:21:23.61
on how to do better
00:21:23.65\00:21:24.98
and that's all we really can do.
00:21:25.01\00:21:26.68
Is that right?
00:21:26.72\00:21:28.05
What changes are
you seeing in Lauren?
00:21:28.08\00:21:30.45
Do you still think
she is depressed maybe?
00:21:30.49\00:21:32.42
Oh, no, she's more open.
00:21:32.45\00:21:34.12
She talks a whole lot
more than she used to talk.
00:21:34.16\00:21:36.46
Before, she just come home
and just stayed in her room.
00:21:36.49\00:21:39.09
She's actually talking to me.
00:21:39.13\00:21:40.46
We talk about school,
we talk about her friends.
00:21:40.50\00:21:43.50
And other thing is she just
wants to be able to spend time
00:21:43.53\00:21:46.40
with both her mom and dad,
00:21:46.43\00:21:48.10
and so what we try to do now
00:21:48.14\00:21:49.60
is instead of me just
handing the phone over to her,
00:21:49.64\00:21:52.37
we have like a conference call,
00:21:52.41\00:21:53.74
so I put him on
speaker when we talk that way.
00:21:53.81\00:21:55.38
Oh, okay.
00:21:55.41\00:21:56.78
I'm just thankful,
has more respect for her
00:21:56.81\00:21:58.25
'cause she was getting
little out of hand for me,
00:21:58.28\00:22:00.45
you know, but now
she's kind of calmed down
00:22:00.52\00:22:02.65
and respecting her
mother and me as well,
00:22:02.68\00:22:05.15
so I appreciate that.
00:22:05.19\00:22:07.16
Well, how was she
showing you disrespect?
00:22:07.19\00:22:10.06
Just by lipping off,
you know, she knows that
00:22:10.13\00:22:12.09
I can't touch
her being in prison,
00:22:12.13\00:22:13.80
so she gets something
to say about everything
00:22:13.83\00:22:16.13
I was talking to her
about but things are changing.
00:22:16.16\00:22:19.50
Okay.
00:22:19.53\00:22:20.90
All right, that
sounds pretty good.
00:22:20.94\00:22:23.41
Which parenting stress did
you find to be most helpful?
00:22:23.47\00:22:27.94
Well, just the
open communication.
00:22:27.98\00:22:29.64
Open communication.
Open communication.
00:22:29.68\00:22:32.15
And her knowing that
we are partnering together
00:22:32.18\00:22:35.22
to parent her has
been a big deal for her.
00:22:35.25\00:22:38.65
Even times when, you
know, she may try to steal side,
00:22:38.69\00:22:42.09
one eye versus the other,
parents against each other,
00:22:42.12\00:22:44.93
it doesn't work as much anymore,
00:22:44.96\00:22:46.29
you know, we just kind
of laugh at it, you know,
00:22:46.33\00:22:48.63
on the phone just saying,
00:22:48.66\00:22:50.00
yeah, she's trying to
ask you the same question.
00:22:50.03\00:22:52.67
So it doesn't
work as much anymore.
00:22:52.70\00:22:54.07
Oh, okay, so
little bit of humor helps,
00:22:54.10\00:22:56.94
and a lot of communication.
00:22:56.97\00:22:59.37
What about you, dad?
00:22:59.41\00:23:01.11
Well, I try to keep
my positive conversation
00:23:01.14\00:23:04.55
going with her
instead of being negative,
00:23:04.58\00:23:06.72
and then I don't
say anything about
00:23:06.75\00:23:08.15
what I'm going through
00:23:08.18\00:23:09.52
'cause that's not her
concern as a little kid.
00:23:09.55\00:23:11.92
But I'm trying to talk to her
00:23:11.95\00:23:13.29
about what's
going on in her life.
00:23:13.36\00:23:15.22
Let her know that she can be
anything that she want to be,
00:23:15.26\00:23:18.13
you know, and not
to look at my mistakes
00:23:18.16\00:23:19.73
as something
that's going to affect her
00:23:19.76\00:23:21.43
too much in the future,
00:23:21.46\00:23:23.16
just deal it with herself.
00:23:23.20\00:23:25.20
Did you guys try the phone,
00:23:25.23\00:23:27.10
I mean the game where
you told Lauren before
00:23:27.14\00:23:30.31
that dad's gonna tell her
some things that she can't,
00:23:30.37\00:23:33.54
there is not gonna
come to etcetera, etcetera,
00:23:33.58\00:23:35.31
did you do that strategy at all?
00:23:35.34\00:23:38.21
We did.
00:23:38.25\00:23:39.58
Right, and so of
course, you know,
00:23:39.61\00:23:40.95
it took her a while
because hearing him say,
00:23:40.98\00:23:42.95
you know, "No, he can't do it,"
00:23:42.98\00:23:44.32
it was kind of shocking, right?
00:23:44.35\00:23:45.69
She was so used
to him just saying
00:23:45.72\00:23:47.06
this is what I'm
gonna do and support you.
00:23:47.12\00:23:48.76
So it's kind of
helping a lot of ways
00:23:48.79\00:23:50.29
because there are things
around the house, you know,
00:23:50.33\00:23:51.79
I made plans and I
can't really fulfill them
00:23:51.83\00:23:54.73
because of time
constraints, and I had to tell,
00:23:54.76\00:23:57.20
"Look, we're not
able to do this."
00:23:57.23\00:23:58.57
Well, she's kind of
adjusted a lot more.
00:23:58.60\00:24:00.54
Before it was like
tantrum this, tantrum that,
00:24:00.57\00:24:02.97
but I think
because we play that game,
00:24:03.00\00:24:05.04
it's not only helping
with just us parenting
00:24:05.07\00:24:07.58
but it's helping
with me deal with,
00:24:07.61\00:24:09.01
you know, telling her,
00:24:09.04\00:24:10.38
"Look, things come
up and I can't do that."
00:24:10.45\00:24:12.25
So she's not as disappointed
anymore with things.
00:24:12.28\00:24:14.78
Or maybe she is,
00:24:14.82\00:24:16.15
but she's just not
having the tantrums.
00:24:16.18\00:24:17.62
Okay, so were you finding
that you were doing things
00:24:17.65\00:24:21.09
that you really couldn't do
00:24:21.12\00:24:22.99
because you didn't want
to deal with the tantrum?
00:24:23.02\00:24:25.43
Oh, no, no, no,
not at all. Okay.
00:24:25.46\00:24:27.83
But it was more, so I
guess we just couldn't do them
00:24:27.86\00:24:30.43
because of time
constraints, you know,
00:24:30.47\00:24:31.93
and afraid to
really tell her knowing
00:24:31.97\00:24:34.54
what was going to
happen now for us.
00:24:34.57\00:24:36.07
All right, but
you would tell her.
00:24:36.10\00:24:37.61
I still would tell her.
And it would be attained?
00:24:37.64\00:24:39.31
Oh, yeah, it
would be attained. Okay.
00:24:39.34\00:24:41.54
So I'm now instead
I've been doing, you know,
00:24:41.58\00:24:43.65
trying to be helpful,
I try not to be the hero,
00:24:43.71\00:24:47.18
you know, like I was
trying to be the hero to her
00:24:47.22\00:24:49.28
by saying I'm gonna
do this and do that.
00:24:49.32\00:24:51.62
Well, I realized I
can't do all those things.
00:24:51.65\00:24:54.22
So I just encourage her
to listen to her mother.
00:24:54.26\00:24:57.59
She's the one
that's way to right now
00:24:57.63\00:24:59.53
and just do what she says.
00:24:59.56\00:25:01.40
She loves and
wants the best for her.
00:25:01.43\00:25:03.37
So that's one thing.
00:25:03.40\00:25:04.77
And the more
united we are as parents,
00:25:04.80\00:25:07.44
I have to come to
realize that the more successful
00:25:07.47\00:25:10.51
our parenting
efforts are gonna be,
00:25:10.54\00:25:12.17
that's really been
helpful to us both I think.
00:25:12.21\00:25:15.21
Man, I mean we have like a
180 degree turnaround here.
00:25:15.24\00:25:19.68
So what did you find it to be
00:25:19.71\00:25:21.05
least helpful of all the things,
00:25:21.08\00:25:22.82
what is the least helpful
thing that you have tried?
00:25:22.85\00:25:26.96
I wouldn't say least helpful,
00:25:31.19\00:25:32.66
but more challenging,
the most challenging.
00:25:32.69\00:25:34.46
That's good thing.
00:25:34.46\00:25:35.90
Probably, you know, just
having more time with her,
00:25:35.93\00:25:41.00
you know, you're so
used to not having that time
00:25:41.04\00:25:43.77
because you're
filling that time with,
00:25:43.81\00:25:45.37
you know, the frustration,
the stress, the anger,
00:25:45.41\00:25:48.34
you know, words that are
exchanged that shouldn't be.
00:25:48.38\00:25:51.35
Now I have this time
00:25:51.38\00:25:52.71
and it's like, well, what
to do with the time, right?
00:25:52.75\00:25:54.75
So now I'm filling that
time with good positive things.
00:25:54.78\00:25:57.49
So that's been a
challenge for me I think.
00:25:57.55\00:25:59.22
Okay, so what's been the
most challenging for you, dad?
00:25:59.25\00:26:03.16
I'm still trying
to work on this one,
00:26:03.19\00:26:05.66
trying not to feel guilty
about not being there for,
00:26:05.69\00:26:08.86
you know, but
like you have told me
00:26:08.90\00:26:10.47
in one of our therapy sessions,
00:26:10.50\00:26:12.87
don't feel guilty
about my parenting skills,
00:26:12.90\00:26:15.67
I'm still her dad,
00:26:15.70\00:26:17.04
even though I'm still in prison.
00:26:17.11\00:26:18.97
But that's really
been a challenge for me
00:26:19.01\00:26:21.41
'cause I do feel
guilty sometimes,
00:26:21.44\00:26:23.11
but I'm
learning to get over that
00:26:23.14\00:26:24.85
and just think
about what's best for her.
00:26:24.88\00:26:27.65
Okay.
00:26:27.68\00:26:29.02
I'm really glad that we found
00:26:29.05\00:26:30.39
some helpful
strategies for you guys.
00:26:30.42\00:26:32.45
And if you don't mind,
00:26:32.49\00:26:33.86
I like to have a prayer
for you all before we leave.
00:26:33.89\00:26:37.96
Is that okay with you, dad?
00:26:37.99\00:26:40.00
Yeah, prayer is
always good, you know,
00:26:40.03\00:26:41.56
I keep in touch with
the Dare to Dream network
00:26:41.60\00:26:44.27
while I'm in here.
00:26:44.30\00:26:45.63
Is that right?
00:26:45.67\00:26:47.00
And then some of the
churches come by and visit,
00:26:47.04\00:26:48.64
bring us some stuff,
you know, snacks and things.
00:26:48.67\00:26:51.31
So I appreciate prayer too.
00:26:51.34\00:26:53.24
Okay, so let's bow our heads
and have a brief prayer, okay?
00:26:53.27\00:26:57.01
Most honorable Father,
00:26:57.05\00:26:58.38
we're just so
grateful for Your wisdom
00:26:58.41\00:27:00.35
and for Your willingness
to heal families, dear Lord.
00:27:00.38\00:27:03.72
We just praise Your holy name
00:27:03.75\00:27:05.09
that sometimes these
problems seem to be so big
00:27:05.12\00:27:08.46
and it's just
such a simple solution.
00:27:08.49\00:27:10.76
Lord, we just thank You so much.
00:27:10.79\00:27:12.33
And, Father, as we move forward
00:27:12.36\00:27:14.03
and we're looking for today
coming home soon at some point.
00:27:14.10\00:27:18.23
We ask that you would continue
00:27:18.27\00:27:19.60
to hold this
family in Your hands.
00:27:19.63\00:27:21.10
Keep them bound together
with love and above all things,
00:27:21.14\00:27:24.01
Lord, that each of us be ready
00:27:24.04\00:27:25.74
of thy soon Second
Coming to return home
00:27:25.77\00:27:28.38
with you and with
all of our children,
00:27:28.41\00:27:30.08
in Jesus' name we pray, amen.
00:27:30.15\00:27:32.31
Amen.
00:27:32.35\00:27:33.72
All right, so
we're gonna be very...
00:27:33.75\00:27:35.12
I'm very grateful that
you guys are doing so well.
00:27:35.15\00:27:37.59
I'm just gonna
praise the Lord for you
00:27:37.62\00:27:38.95
and keep you all
lifted in prayers.
00:27:38.99\00:27:40.36
Please do.
00:27:40.39\00:27:41.72
Okay, you guys,
have a great day.
00:27:41.76\00:27:43.09
You do the same.
00:27:43.12\00:27:44.46
All right, Honey,
I'll talk to you later.
00:27:44.49\00:27:45.83
All right. All right. Bye-bye.
00:27:45.86\00:27:49.30
Adjusting to the return of
an absentee parent is hard,
00:27:49.33\00:27:52.67
but it's not impossible.
00:27:52.70\00:27:54.94
Remember, the goal
is to support each other
00:27:54.97\00:27:57.37
as Christians and lead
your children to Christ.
00:27:57.41\00:28:00.71
It takes teamwork.
00:28:00.74\00:28:02.14
When parents are divided,
the family won't survive.
00:28:02.18\00:28:05.48
Work together, remain
calm, and support each other.
00:28:05.51\00:28:09.12
Mistakes will be
made, but forgive yourself,
00:28:09.15\00:28:12.95
and forgive your spouse
00:28:12.99\00:28:14.52
and continue to
strive to be united.
00:28:14.56\00:28:17.19
Remember, press together.
00:28:17.26\00:28:19.36