I never get to go anywhere.
00:00:01.53\00:00:04.13
Jerry, this is the last
time I'm going to tell you,
00:00:04.17\00:00:06.13
you are not going to
that party, and I mean it.
00:00:06.17\00:00:08.70
Quit whining about that
party, I'm trying to watch TV.
00:00:08.74\00:00:12.24
I don't think it's fair
that I can't go to this party.
00:00:12.27\00:00:15.24
Dad, Mama won't let me go
00:00:15.28\00:00:16.61
to this party and for no reason,
00:00:16.64\00:00:18.45
she is just being mean.
00:00:18.48\00:00:19.81
Mean?
00:00:19.85\00:00:21.18
You never do
anything I tell you do.
00:00:21.22\00:00:22.55
And I'm being mean?
00:00:22.58\00:00:23.92
You're always arguing,
00:00:23.95\00:00:25.29
always talking back to me
like you're doing right now,
00:00:25.32\00:00:26.76
and you never
finish your chores.
00:00:26.79\00:00:28.76
And remember how you
broke my grandmama's china bowl.
00:00:28.79\00:00:32.59
You said it was
okay about the bowl,
00:00:32.63\00:00:34.63
and plus that
was three months ago.
00:00:34.66\00:00:36.43
And I haven't had any problems
00:00:36.46\00:00:37.80
with breaking things since then.
00:00:37.83\00:00:39.43
Excuse me, I
never said it was okay,
00:00:39.47\00:00:42.20
and that was
only two months ago,
00:00:42.24\00:00:43.71
and I don't have to
let you go anywhere.
00:00:43.74\00:00:45.94
Besides, last time I let
you go to a party by yourself,
00:00:45.97\00:00:49.21
you got in a fight
with that fat girl's cousin.
00:00:49.24\00:00:51.51
I'm trying to watch the game!
00:00:51.55\00:00:54.52
Your daddy didn't want you
to go to that party anyway.
00:00:54.55\00:00:56.75
You know what? I told
you not to let him go.
00:00:56.79\00:00:58.75
George, I got
this! But you insisted.
00:00:58.79\00:01:00.22
George, I got this.
He started the fight.
00:01:00.26\00:01:02.76
Thanks for allowing us to...
00:01:44.07\00:01:45.40
Yeah, yeah,
whatever, that was a mess.
00:01:45.43\00:01:46.77
You know what? She is a mess.
00:01:46.80\00:01:48.14
Why don't you
stop acting like that?
00:01:48.17\00:01:49.50
Stop acting like
that. I'm sick of her.
00:01:49.54\00:01:50.87
Oh, I'm sick of you. No respect.
00:01:50.91\00:01:52.24
No respect at all at home.
00:01:52.27\00:01:54.38
I was trying to
watch TV, did you see that?
00:01:54.41\00:01:56.64
The boy needed some talk,
he wanted to go to a party.
00:01:56.68\00:01:58.75
Yeah, whatever. He
wanted to go to a party.
00:01:58.78\00:02:00.18
And his father is the one
00:02:00.22\00:02:01.55
that should take
him to that party.
00:02:01.58\00:02:02.92
Whatever, whatever. That
was crazy! That was crazy!
00:02:02.95\00:02:04.85
That was crazy! Did
you put your hands on me?
00:02:04.89\00:02:06.55
Do you know what?
I would do it again.
00:02:06.59\00:02:08.39
No, you won't. Yes, I will.
00:02:08.42\00:02:10.09
You know, I got
the most authority.
00:02:10.13\00:02:12.53
First of all, I won't...
00:02:12.56\00:02:14.06
I can see
00:02:14.10\00:02:15.43
that we're not
doing well today at all.
00:02:15.46\00:02:16.80
No, we're not. Not at all.
00:02:16.83\00:02:18.40
So let's make a
ground rule here.
00:02:18.43\00:02:21.00
Let's decide what
our goal is going to be.
00:02:21.04\00:02:23.00
Are we here to resolve problems?
00:02:23.04\00:02:25.11
I'm here to knock her head off
00:02:25.14\00:02:26.47
if she keeps on
talking to me like that.
00:02:26.51\00:02:27.84
Excuse me, are we here...
00:02:27.88\00:02:29.21
You'll be in
jail. I'm sick of it.
00:02:29.24\00:02:30.58
You'll be in jail.
00:02:30.61\00:02:31.95
Are we here resolve problems
or to dissolve a marriage?
00:02:31.98\00:02:34.68
Think before you
speak. I don't have to think.
00:02:34.72\00:02:38.39
Think, think
about your children,
00:02:38.42\00:02:40.46
think about your goal,
think about your eternal...
00:02:40.49\00:02:43.99
This is foolishness
00:02:44.03\00:02:45.36
I don't want to have
to keep dealing with...
00:02:45.39\00:02:46.90
That's a lot of foolishness.
00:02:46.93\00:02:48.26
Do you really think
you're going to have peace?
00:02:48.30\00:02:50.23
You're the one that adds
00:02:50.27\00:02:51.60
the foolishness into the recipe.
00:02:51.63\00:02:52.97
You're always the one. Always.
00:02:53.00\00:02:54.50
All right, well, let's
talk about the problem.
00:02:54.54\00:02:57.07
Is this the problem
00:02:57.11\00:02:58.44
or are we going to
talk about the children?
00:02:58.47\00:02:59.81
He's always the problem.
00:02:59.84\00:03:01.18
He's always the
biggest problem in the house.
00:03:01.21\00:03:02.54
Did you see
00:03:02.58\00:03:03.91
how he was just sitting
there on the couch watching TV?
00:03:03.95\00:03:05.28
I was trying to be...
00:03:05.31\00:03:06.65
He's totally
uninvolved with the family.
00:03:06.68\00:03:08.02
What is me time?
00:03:08.05\00:03:09.38
You women talk
about "I want me time."
00:03:09.42\00:03:10.75
What about my time?
00:03:10.79\00:03:12.19
That's how we end
up with manhandling.
00:03:12.22\00:03:13.56
All he had to do was
take the boy to the party.
00:03:13.59\00:03:15.06
No, all she had to do
is take him out of my room.
00:03:15.09\00:03:16.93
Okay.
00:03:16.96\00:03:18.29
It sounded like you
didn't want to go to the party,
00:03:18.33\00:03:20.06
but let's go back to
where our goal is for therapy.
00:03:20.10\00:03:23.26
Are we here to
dissolve your marriage
00:03:23.30\00:03:25.53
or will we resolve issues?
00:03:25.57\00:03:29.07
My personal prayer for this...
00:03:29.10\00:03:30.44
She is my issue,
that's my issue right there.
00:03:30.47\00:03:31.84
If I have a vote...
00:03:31.87\00:03:33.24
I'm not the issue.
I'm not the problem.
00:03:33.27\00:03:34.61
You are my issue. No, I'm not.
00:03:34.64\00:03:35.98
Excuse me?
00:03:36.01\00:03:37.35
If I have a vote in this matter,
00:03:37.38\00:03:38.71
which I don't,
00:03:38.75\00:03:40.08
I would prefer that we
work to resolve issues.
00:03:40.12\00:03:42.85
Divorce don't
always solve problems,
00:03:42.88\00:03:45.02
sometimes it
brings more problems.
00:03:45.05\00:03:47.16
The children
suffer little bit more,
00:03:47.19\00:03:49.66
you two suffer little bit more.
00:03:49.69\00:03:51.96
Can we commit to maybe at
least six weeks in therapy
00:03:51.99\00:03:56.73
and try to resolve...
00:03:56.77\00:03:58.10
Six weeks?
00:03:58.13\00:03:59.47
I can't get him to
commit to six weeks and therapy.
00:03:59.50\00:04:00.84
I can't get him to commit...
00:04:00.87\00:04:02.20
Get your hand out of my
face. I told you to stop.
00:04:02.24\00:04:03.57
I'm telling you one
more, you got one more time.
00:04:03.61\00:04:05.27
Okay. She got one more time.
00:04:05.31\00:04:06.64
You see? You see? One more time.
00:04:06.68\00:04:08.01
You saw him put his
hand on me, didn't you?
00:04:08.04\00:04:10.21
You saw that didn't you?
00:04:10.25\00:04:11.58
This is exactly why
these kids act like that
00:04:11.61\00:04:12.95
'cause disrespect.
00:04:12.98\00:04:14.32
Shut up.
00:04:14.35\00:04:15.68
Can we commit
to... You know what?
00:04:15.72\00:04:17.05
Excuse me, six weeks for
the sake of your children.
00:04:17.09\00:04:20.26
I have no problem
with it. He's the problem.
00:04:20.29\00:04:22.42
You think I'm
playing? I have no problem.
00:04:22.46\00:04:23.96
You think I'm
playing? Dan, what about you?
00:04:23.99\00:04:27.36
Can you commit to six
weeks? I had to drag him here.
00:04:27.40\00:04:31.10
Can you commit to six
weeks? Yeah, I commit.
00:04:31.13\00:04:35.34
Now in that six weeks,
00:04:35.37\00:04:37.34
here's the ground
rules, no touching.
00:04:37.37\00:04:39.94
You can't touch
her in my office.
00:04:39.97\00:04:41.31
You saw that, right?
00:04:41.34\00:04:42.68
I don't want her
touching me at all.
00:04:42.71\00:04:44.05
She should sleep on
her side of the bed.
00:04:44.08\00:04:45.41
No.
00:04:45.45\00:04:46.78
I'm saying in my
office, no touching, especially,
00:04:46.82\00:04:49.05
while you're angry.
00:04:49.08\00:04:50.69
Can we commit to that? I can.
00:04:50.72\00:04:53.09
Can you commit to
that, Dan. I'm fine. Yes.
00:04:53.12\00:04:55.26
Okay, no touching,
00:04:55.29\00:04:57.09
no putting your hands or
invading his personal space
00:04:57.13\00:05:00.86
with your hands
and fingers and thumbs.
00:05:00.90\00:05:02.23
That's right. That's right.
00:05:02.26\00:05:03.60
Can you commit to that?
Yeah, I can commit to that.
00:05:03.63\00:05:05.70
Okay, because we
can't get anything done...
00:05:05.73\00:05:08.00
I'm not the problem.
Yes, I can commit to that.
00:05:08.04\00:05:10.71
Okay, it's a problem
for him. Shut you up.
00:05:10.74\00:05:13.78
Shut up. You won't be a problem?
00:05:13.81\00:05:16.28
Another thing.
00:05:16.31\00:05:17.65
Two rules, the
third rule is no threats.
00:05:17.68\00:05:22.08
I think I almost heard you...
00:05:22.12\00:05:23.45
No threats,
baby, it's a promise.
00:05:23.49\00:05:25.29
Okay, no promises in here.
You don't keep your promises.
00:05:25.32\00:05:28.96
I guess I get
nothing to worry about there.
00:05:28.99\00:05:30.93
Whatever.
00:05:30.96\00:05:32.29
Now if I see any
of these behaviors,
00:05:32.33\00:05:34.46
then we will start therapy.
00:05:34.50\00:05:38.03
Can you commit to that? I will.
00:05:38.07\00:05:40.97
It's for my
kids, I love my kids.
00:05:41.00\00:05:42.50
Yes. Okay.
00:05:42.54\00:05:43.97
Thank you.
00:05:44.01\00:05:45.34
And you guys are
Christians? I am.
00:05:45.37\00:05:48.94
And you guys are
Christians? Yes. I go to church.
00:05:48.98\00:05:50.75
Okay, all right. He's a Hebrew.
00:05:50.78\00:05:53.45
So let's remember
Christ-like behavior.
00:05:53.48\00:05:57.59
Say that one more time. In
my office, we're Christians.
00:05:57.62\00:06:02.19
In my office. Okay,
so there's no threats.
00:06:02.22\00:06:05.03
What happened to love,
joy, peace, long suffering,
00:06:05.06\00:06:08.76
which means that...
00:06:08.80\00:06:10.13
He don't know
nothing about that.
00:06:10.17\00:06:11.50
I put up with
other people's stuff
00:06:11.53\00:06:14.74
without retaliate...
00:06:14.77\00:06:16.20
His Bible has 12
inches dust on top of it.
00:06:16.24\00:06:18.21
No.
00:06:18.24\00:06:19.57
Let's get to the
issue that brought you here
00:06:19.61\00:06:23.68
which no one on
the phone told me
00:06:23.71\00:06:25.18
that we were
fussing and fighting.
00:06:25.21\00:06:26.55
You said the
children had a problem.
00:06:26.58\00:06:28.05
They do. They fuss and fight.
00:06:28.08\00:06:29.75
Tell me what's going on now.
00:06:29.78\00:06:31.85
They fuss and
fight like cats and dogs.
00:06:31.89\00:06:34.52
They don't really
fight with each other,
00:06:34.56\00:06:35.89
they talk to each
other in the old kind of way,
00:06:35.92\00:06:37.26
call each other all
out of their names like
00:06:37.29\00:06:38.69
he does with me.
00:06:38.73\00:06:40.06
And when I pull them apart,
they go right back together.
00:06:40.10\00:06:42.40
Okay. No respect at all. None.
00:06:42.43\00:06:44.33
So when they go back
together, they're not like...
00:06:44.37\00:06:46.80
Sometimes children
fight, then they play
00:06:46.84\00:06:48.27
or they're
fighting and then fighting.
00:06:48.30\00:06:49.64
No, just
fighting and they fight.
00:06:49.67\00:06:51.01
No, they don't play out. Okay.
00:06:51.04\00:06:52.37
There's no playing.
00:06:52.41\00:06:53.74
On a daily basis,
00:06:53.78\00:06:55.11
how many fights
were they having?
00:06:55.14\00:06:56.48
They're fighting all the time
00:06:56.51\00:06:57.85
when they come home from school.
00:06:57.88\00:06:59.21
Yes, it's always an argument.
00:06:59.25\00:07:00.58
In the morning, I
had to shut them up
00:07:00.62\00:07:01.95
to get them ready for school.
00:07:01.98\00:07:03.32
Okay, okay.
00:07:03.35\00:07:04.69
You know, they're
fighting over the bathroom,
00:07:04.72\00:07:06.05
they're fighting over
this and fighting over there.
00:07:06.09\00:07:07.42
Banging on doors and...
00:07:07.46\00:07:08.79
Okay. Yes.
00:07:08.82\00:07:10.16
Now I really do want
to reiterate our rules,
00:07:10.19\00:07:11.53
no touching, no
violating physical space.
00:07:11.56\00:07:13.40
And no promises in here, okay?
00:07:13.43\00:07:16.03
No promises? Promises to hurt.
00:07:16.06\00:07:18.87
No promises at all.
Right? You heard that?
00:07:18.90\00:07:20.77
And I'll be talking
about it. Okay, right?
00:07:20.80\00:07:22.14
You heard that? Right?
00:07:22.17\00:07:23.61
Right? Mm-hm.
00:07:23.64\00:07:24.97
And then there is a
consequence for that.
00:07:25.01\00:07:26.94
We will have to stop
decision at that point, okay?
00:07:26.98\00:07:30.01
Okay.
00:07:30.05\00:07:31.38
I just want to reiterate
that because I know, of course,
00:07:31.41\00:07:33.92
you want the
best for you children.
00:07:33.95\00:07:35.28
And of course, you're feeling
a whole lot of frustration
00:07:35.32\00:07:38.75
and aggravation but if...
00:07:38.79\00:07:40.12
You have no idea.
00:07:40.16\00:07:41.49
If you could just put aside
00:07:41.52\00:07:42.86
your personal
differences at this point,
00:07:42.89\00:07:44.79
later we can talk about them.
00:07:44.83\00:07:46.59
And let's try to get
some of this out, all right?
00:07:46.63\00:07:49.46
So you're saying
00:07:49.50\00:07:50.83
they're arguing
like cats and dogs
00:07:50.87\00:07:52.20
and they're fighting each other
and calling each other names,
00:07:52.23\00:07:56.10
do they fistfight?
00:07:56.14\00:07:57.47
Oh, yes. It's not fist.
00:07:57.51\00:07:58.91
It's just wrestling
and tussling and pulling...
00:07:58.94\00:08:01.54
I mean actually
hitting? I've seen her hit him.
00:08:01.58\00:08:04.15
Yes. You've seen her hit him?
00:08:04.18\00:08:05.51
Yes. Okay.
00:08:05.55\00:08:06.88
I mean, but it's not like
00:08:06.92\00:08:08.25
a fistfight fight
like that, you know?
00:08:08.28\00:08:09.62
Not yet.
00:08:09.65\00:08:10.99
No actually it's
pushing and shoving.
00:08:11.02\00:08:12.35
Can I ask you something
have this been progressive?
00:08:12.39\00:08:14.46
Maybe you just started
bickering, and arguing,
00:08:14.49\00:08:17.89
and now it's
touching each other.
00:08:17.93\00:08:19.26
Probably so.
00:08:19.29\00:08:20.63
But all I can remember as
far back as I can remember
00:08:20.66\00:08:23.37
they've been
always at each other.
00:08:23.40\00:08:26.00
They seem like they
never liked each other.
00:08:26.03\00:08:27.37
Okay.
00:08:27.40\00:08:28.74
Well, we just saw...
00:08:28.77\00:08:30.11
You know, we raise him,
they both in the same house,
00:08:30.14\00:08:31.47
they both get the
same advantages, you know?
00:08:31.51\00:08:32.84
Right, you
decide things for them.
00:08:32.87\00:08:35.11
Well, we just saw on
the son in there this time.
00:08:35.14\00:08:37.98
But yeah, okay, so I
see he was fussing with you
00:08:38.01\00:08:41.35
and that just carries over
to the pretty much everybody?
00:08:41.38\00:08:43.55
Oh, yes. Yeah.
00:08:43.59\00:08:44.92
Everybody, okay.
00:08:44.95\00:08:46.29
I mean, they talk back to
us in the all kind of way,
00:08:46.32\00:08:47.66
you saw him talking back to me
00:08:47.69\00:08:49.02
when I tell him he
couldn't go to the party.
00:08:49.06\00:08:50.63
And you saw when I said
00:08:50.66\00:08:51.99
I was watching
TV, they kept going,
00:08:52.03\00:08:53.40
they didn't care.
00:08:53.43\00:08:54.76
We are only talking about him.
00:08:54.80\00:08:56.13
You were just screaming
at everybody in the house.
00:08:56.16\00:08:58.50
You'd scream at
everybody in the room.
00:08:58.53\00:08:59.87
But he wasn't
talking to himself.
00:08:59.90\00:09:01.24
He's talking to her. All right.
00:09:01.27\00:09:02.77
So you were...
00:09:02.80\00:09:05.47
You're both feeling
pretty aggravated with him
00:09:05.51\00:09:08.54
and her in the fighting.
00:09:08.58\00:09:11.08
We look at the video,
00:09:11.11\00:09:12.45
did you see anything
that either one of you
00:09:12.48\00:09:15.25
may have done
just a little bit...
00:09:15.28\00:09:16.92
Now I'm going
to put a rule here,
00:09:16.95\00:09:19.55
only talk about yourself,
you cannot fix another person.
00:09:19.59\00:09:24.26
So you can only
do the grace of God
00:09:24.29\00:09:27.80
change your own
behavior, so right?
00:09:27.83\00:09:30.93
So only talk about what you
saw that you did in this video.
00:09:30.97\00:09:37.74
I don't see that I
did anything wrong.
00:09:37.77\00:09:39.37
Okay. I was trying to watch TV.
00:09:39.41\00:09:40.74
I guess I could have
gone into other room.
00:09:40.78\00:09:42.91
That's really cool.
00:09:42.94\00:09:45.11
When there's a conflict,
you could have stepped back.
00:09:45.15\00:09:48.38
Good, very Christ-like behavior.
00:09:48.42\00:09:51.55
What about you?
00:09:51.59\00:09:52.92
Is there anything
00:09:52.95\00:09:54.29
you could have done differently?
00:09:54.32\00:09:57.36
I mean that may be contributing
to the child's behavior.
00:09:57.39\00:09:59.86
What are you doing?
00:09:59.89\00:10:01.60
He was fussing back at me
00:10:01.63\00:10:02.96
when I told him he
couldn't go to the party.
00:10:03.00\00:10:04.73
So no, I don't say
anything that I did wrong.
00:10:04.77\00:10:07.14
Oh, you didn't see...
00:10:07.17\00:10:08.50
I'm not saying wrong.
00:10:08.54\00:10:10.67
See, there's
nothing wrong and right, no.
00:10:10.71\00:10:13.71
But may contribute
to his feeling more...
00:10:13.74\00:10:16.95
the child's feeling more
frustrated and aggravated,
00:10:16.98\00:10:20.68
anything?
00:10:20.72\00:10:22.05
Well, he knows
he had me so upset,
00:10:22.08\00:10:23.65
I was fussing back at him.
00:10:23.69\00:10:25.65
I mean, you know...
00:10:25.69\00:10:27.22
I thought he
should have stood down.
00:10:27.26\00:10:29.96
He should have.
00:10:29.99\00:10:31.33
But in a way, you
elevated him to your level
00:10:31.36\00:10:35.86
by arguing with him
going back and forth with him
00:10:35.90\00:10:39.27
as if you're his
sister instead of his mom.
00:10:39.30\00:10:42.20
Well, I can see that.
00:10:42.24\00:10:43.57
Okay. I can see that.
00:10:43.61\00:10:44.94
You elevated him.
00:10:44.97\00:10:46.31
And so he doesn't know or
understand this relationship
00:10:46.34\00:10:49.71
mother and son,
00:10:49.74\00:10:51.08
they're sacred and
very important, okay?
00:10:51.11\00:10:53.98
All right.
00:10:54.02\00:10:55.35
And so I know you
were a little distracted,
00:10:55.38\00:10:57.09
but do you think
00:10:57.12\00:10:58.65
maybe you're not addressing
his disrespect to his mom?
00:10:58.69\00:11:02.86
Do you think that
could contribute to him
00:11:02.89\00:11:04.46
continue to be disrespectful?
00:11:04.49\00:11:05.83
How is going to do...
00:11:05.86\00:11:07.20
How is he going to address...
00:11:07.23\00:11:08.56
Wait a minute, I'm just asking.
00:11:08.60\00:11:09.93
How is going to address
when he does it himself?
00:11:09.96\00:11:11.53
I understand that which
we will talk about later.
00:11:11.57\00:11:13.77
See the problem. Okay.
00:11:13.80\00:11:15.77
Now here, in
here, are you guys doing
00:11:15.80\00:11:18.84
this at home as well?
00:11:18.87\00:11:21.04
You saw it. Yes.
00:11:21.08\00:11:23.01
Now how does it usually end?
00:11:23.04\00:11:25.61
He walks out of the door.
Slamming the door or I leave.
00:11:25.65\00:11:27.95
Okay. Well, that's
good. You disengage.
00:11:27.98\00:11:30.92
That's a very good
thing. That's what you call it?
00:11:30.95\00:11:32.69
I'm calling it
disengaging, that's right.
00:11:32.72\00:11:34.06
Okay, I'm calling it disrespect.
00:11:34.09\00:11:37.36
Oh, my goodness. Oh, really?
00:11:37.39\00:11:38.73
You prefer for
him to stand there
00:11:38.76\00:11:40.46
and fuss and howl and scream?
00:11:40.50\00:11:41.90
No, I prefer
for him to calm down
00:11:41.93\00:11:44.57
and act like he has some sense.
00:11:44.60\00:11:45.93
So let's look at
good, better, best.
00:11:45.97\00:11:49.37
The best would be that
he speaks to you calmly,
00:11:49.40\00:11:52.57
good is I'll walk away.
00:11:52.61\00:11:54.34
I'll just walk away,
00:11:54.38\00:11:56.24
so that will prevent
some major problems, right?
00:11:56.28\00:11:58.65
So how does it get
better if he always walks away?
00:11:58.68\00:12:02.35
Well, he's going to
start getting better
00:12:02.38\00:12:04.72
by a certain person,
I will not say the mom,
00:12:04.75\00:12:08.22
who will learn
to lower her voice.
00:12:08.26\00:12:12.09
Oh, you're saying it's my fault.
00:12:12.13\00:12:13.46
No, I'm saying that
we're both contributing.
00:12:13.50\00:12:16.23
And that's why you're
looking at the video and saying,
00:12:16.26\00:12:18.33
"What am I doing
that's causing this problem?"
00:12:18.37\00:12:21.24
All right, that may...
00:12:21.27\00:12:22.60
But I wasn't even
talking to him on the video.
00:12:22.64\00:12:23.97
I was talking to my son. No.
00:12:24.01\00:12:25.84
He was yelling at everybody.
00:12:25.87\00:12:27.21
So we have two
problem going, right?
00:12:27.24\00:12:29.04
We got the son and we
have you to, all right?
00:12:29.08\00:12:32.11
So we have
several problems going on.
00:12:32.15\00:12:34.38
So let's kind of stay
focused on the son just today
00:12:34.42\00:12:36.25
because that's
what I was expecting
00:12:36.28\00:12:37.62
to work with you today.
00:12:37.65\00:12:38.99
All right.
00:12:39.02\00:12:40.36
How is this affecting
your son and daughter,
00:12:40.39\00:12:41.76
relationship with you guys?
00:12:41.79\00:12:43.12
How is that working?
00:12:43.16\00:12:44.49
For some reason,
00:12:44.53\00:12:45.86
he feels like he can
talk to us any kind of way.
00:12:45.89\00:12:47.50
I'm not sure
where he gets that from.
00:12:47.53\00:12:49.73
We are the
parents, he is the son.
00:12:49.76\00:12:51.90
He is.
00:12:51.93\00:12:53.27
And like you see it,
he just talks to us like,
00:12:53.30\00:12:55.67
you know, maybe
he is above of us
00:12:55.70\00:12:57.17
even or in the same
level with us, you know?
00:12:57.21\00:13:00.64
You know, if I had
talked to my parents like that,
00:13:00.68\00:13:02.38
I would have been backhanded.
00:13:02.41\00:13:05.41
How did he learn that? I
don't know. From his daddy.
00:13:05.45\00:13:09.75
No, how did he learn
00:13:09.78\00:13:11.82
that it's safe to
talk to you like that.
00:13:11.85\00:13:15.12
Because his daddy
talks to me like that.
00:13:15.16\00:13:17.43
Well, here is the
thing to mom, it's his...
00:13:17.46\00:13:20.66
dad can do what he
wants to do separate.
00:13:20.70\00:13:23.83
We're talking about you,
how did he learn from you
00:13:23.87\00:13:29.04
that he can
talk to you that way?
00:13:29.07\00:13:32.47
And, Dad, how
did he learn from you
00:13:32.51\00:13:36.08
that he can
talk to you that way?
00:13:36.11\00:13:38.78
I don't know, I
just ignore him a lot,
00:13:38.81\00:13:40.42
and so he screams
to get my attention.
00:13:40.45\00:13:43.22
And I guess I engage with him
00:13:43.25\00:13:44.75
with that
foolishness that he does
00:13:44.79\00:13:46.62
and then he thinks
he can continue it.
00:13:46.65\00:13:49.32
Thank you. Thank you, guys.
00:13:49.36\00:13:50.73
You guys have done a
great job. Praise God.
00:13:50.76\00:13:54.10
Okay, so I have
this bickering effect,
00:13:54.13\00:13:57.80
and we're going to
trail on this very lightly.
00:13:57.83\00:13:59.93
Just give me two ways
00:13:59.97\00:14:01.30
that bickering has
affected your marriage.
00:14:01.34\00:14:03.74
The bickering between...
00:14:03.77\00:14:05.11
That doesn't
help. It doesn't help?
00:14:05.14\00:14:06.47
No, it doesn't.
So we keep at it.
00:14:06.51\00:14:11.55
Nobody is trying
to resolve anything,
00:14:11.58\00:14:13.18
just going back and forth.
00:14:13.21\00:14:14.65
Okay.
00:14:14.68\00:14:16.02
And who wants to
deal with the man
00:14:16.05\00:14:17.39
that's bringing up divorce.
00:14:17.42\00:14:18.75
Who wants to deal with
her? That is hurtful, isn't it?
00:14:18.79\00:14:20.66
That's very hurtful.
00:14:20.69\00:14:22.02
It's like he's saying...
00:14:22.06\00:14:23.39
No man wants to sit
up with that foolishness.
00:14:23.43\00:14:26.16
It's like you're saying,
"I'm going to abandon you."
00:14:26.19\00:14:28.66
Exactly. But
I've been abandoned.
00:14:28.70\00:14:30.87
I've been abandoned.
00:14:30.90\00:14:32.23
So you feel like
you've been abandoned?
00:14:32.27\00:14:33.60
Yeah. How? Which way?
00:14:33.64\00:14:34.97
Disrespectful. Okay.
00:14:35.00\00:14:36.34
She talks to me any
kind of way around the kids.
00:14:36.37\00:14:38.17
Well, how did you guys
learned to communicate this way?
00:14:38.21\00:14:40.98
How? Whatever.
00:14:41.01\00:14:42.34
Is this like
when you got married,
00:14:42.38\00:14:43.71
were you guys talking like this?
00:14:43.75\00:14:45.08
No, it wasn't like that. No.
00:14:45.11\00:14:46.45
Oh, okay. All right. Okay.
00:14:46.48\00:14:48.25
Well, you know what, of
course, you know, with therapy,
00:14:48.28\00:14:51.05
we always run out of time,
00:14:51.09\00:14:52.42
but we do need to
talk about some strategies
00:14:52.45\00:14:54.16
because, you know,
escalating conversations
00:14:54.19\00:14:58.26
and communication is really bad.
00:14:58.29\00:15:01.40
You know, you had a point
00:15:01.43\00:15:02.80
where you're
threatening to hurt her.
00:15:02.83\00:15:04.50
I know you don't
really want to hurt her.
00:15:04.53\00:15:06.37
Well, let me take into that.
00:15:06.40\00:15:08.27
Are there any police
reports of you hitting her?
00:15:08.30\00:15:11.24
No.
00:15:11.27\00:15:12.61
Had the police been to your home
00:15:12.64\00:15:13.98
because of an argument?
00:15:14.01\00:15:16.78
No. Okay.
00:15:16.81\00:15:18.28
Now has a police
been to your home
00:15:18.31\00:15:21.18
because of an argument, mom?
00:15:21.22\00:15:22.88
I don't remember. Yes.
00:15:22.92\00:15:26.45
Oh, okay. How many times?
00:15:26.49\00:15:28.49
Twice. Okay.
00:15:28.52\00:15:30.03
Well, that's a very
serious situation here.
00:15:30.06\00:15:32.59
So I'm going to recommend
that he continues to walk away
00:15:32.63\00:15:36.97
when he's feeling
very, very frustrating.
00:15:37.00\00:15:39.00
Can we do that? It's
not disrespectful to you.
00:15:39.03\00:15:42.04
It's the therapist
asking him to do that.
00:15:42.07\00:15:44.44
I'm going to ask you to
disengage with him as well
00:15:44.47\00:15:49.31
if you're so frustrated
00:15:49.34\00:15:50.85
that you just
can't pull yourself out.
00:15:50.88\00:15:52.81
Can you do that for me? Okay.
00:15:52.85\00:15:54.92
So having done there,
00:15:54.95\00:15:56.28
let's talk about some
little things we can do.
00:15:56.32\00:15:58.72
I'm not going to put
a lot on this family.
00:15:58.75\00:16:00.36
You guys need a little break.
00:16:00.39\00:16:01.72
So the first thing I
want you to do is to model,
00:16:01.76\00:16:05.86
this is going to be kind of hard
00:16:05.89\00:16:07.60
for your children
talking softly, period.
00:16:07.63\00:16:12.40
Just in general, just
lowering your voice, okay?
00:16:12.43\00:16:16.14
Okay. Yeah, let's write it down.
00:16:16.17\00:16:17.74
And then I want
you to both develop
00:16:17.77\00:16:21.41
if you haven't
done it prayer life,
00:16:21.44\00:16:24.45
do you pray by
yourself, for your family?
00:16:24.48\00:16:27.15
Yes. I told you he is a heathen.
00:16:27.18\00:16:29.55
Now this is really
hard. Praying with each other.
00:16:29.58\00:16:33.96
I got to pray with her? Mm-hm.
00:16:33.99\00:16:35.42
And when you pray,
00:16:35.46\00:16:36.79
I want you to say nice
things about the person.
00:16:36.83\00:16:39.73
I want you to
actually be grateful.
00:16:39.76\00:16:41.96
Say something like, Dear
Father, thank You for him,
00:16:42.00\00:16:45.30
he's very expressive, he's...
00:16:45.33\00:16:48.54
That's what you call him.
00:16:48.57\00:16:50.27
And then I want you
to pray for her and say,
00:16:50.31\00:16:52.17
"Thank You, Lord,
00:16:52.21\00:16:53.54
that she is
committed to our children
00:16:53.58\00:16:55.14
and she wants
the best for them,"
00:16:55.18\00:16:56.98
you don't have to say
about how she's doing it.
00:16:57.01\00:16:59.31
But I need you to
do your absolute best
00:16:59.35\00:17:02.08
to keep it positive.
00:17:02.12\00:17:03.72
Okay. All right?
00:17:03.75\00:17:05.09
All right. Okay.
00:17:05.12\00:17:06.45
And then we can't even
really get to the kids.
00:17:06.49\00:17:09.89
And you want to
stay calm. Stay calm.
00:17:09.92\00:17:12.19
Stay calm.
00:17:12.23\00:17:13.93
I think we're
going to meet again
00:17:13.96\00:17:16.16
in less than a week,
00:17:16.20\00:17:18.03
and then to kind of
assess where you are
00:17:18.07\00:17:20.80
because you're kind of in crisis
00:17:20.84\00:17:22.17
mode right now.
00:17:22.20\00:17:23.77
Will that be okay
with you? Do you have time?
00:17:23.81\00:17:25.41
Yeah, I have time.
00:17:25.44\00:17:26.78
Okay, so let's close out
with prayer and really beg for
00:17:26.81\00:17:31.25
so we are stewards
of power here, okay?
00:17:31.28\00:17:34.02
Most Honorable
Father, we just plead with you
00:17:34.05\00:17:37.39
that you will remove every hinge
00:17:37.42\00:17:39.52
that would keep this
family from moving forward.
00:17:39.55\00:17:41.99
We ask for Your
strength, for Your power,
00:17:42.02\00:17:43.76
for Your love for
them, and circle them,
00:17:43.79\00:17:46.59
take care of them,
00:17:46.63\00:17:47.96
Dear Lord, and may we
see a change to Your simple,
00:17:48.00\00:17:51.03
simple strategies in
Jesus' name we pray, amen.
00:17:51.07\00:17:54.77
Amen. Okay.
00:17:54.80\00:17:57.14
Thank you for coming,
00:17:57.17\00:17:58.51
and thank you
for being so honest
00:17:58.54\00:18:00.08
and so willing to
share, I appreciate that.
00:18:00.11\00:18:05.61
So how are you doing today?
Pretty much better, thank you.
00:18:05.65\00:18:08.85
Yeah. It's
great to see you guys.
00:18:08.88\00:18:11.22
I didn't think I
would get to this point,
00:18:11.25\00:18:13.19
but I'm really happy to see you,
00:18:13.22\00:18:14.69
you're calm, you're
sitting by each other's side.
00:18:14.72\00:18:18.19
Lord is good.
Yes, He really is good.
00:18:18.23\00:18:21.46
So how are things going at home?
00:18:21.50\00:18:23.73
A lot better. Lot better, okay.
00:18:23.77\00:18:26.07
Less arguments.
00:18:26.10\00:18:27.44
Well, I do want to
say thanks for Ryan
00:18:27.47\00:18:28.84
to put the camera in your home.
00:18:28.87\00:18:30.21
So we're going to take a look
00:18:30.24\00:18:31.57
and see what we've
captured there in the home.
00:18:31.61\00:18:33.27
Okay. All right.
00:18:33.31\00:18:34.64
See if what we see here
is what's going on there.
00:18:34.68\00:18:38.25
Please, Mom, let
me go to this party.
00:18:38.28\00:18:41.02
No, honey, I told you,
you're not going to that party.
00:18:41.05\00:18:44.22
Can't you change your mind
00:18:44.25\00:18:45.59
and let me go to
this party, please?
00:18:45.62\00:18:47.96
Jerry, if you're going
to talk to me like that,
00:18:47.99\00:18:49.62
you can just go to
your room right now.
00:18:49.66\00:18:51.53
Now calm down and tell me
00:18:51.56\00:18:52.99
why that I tell you
you can't go to this party?
00:18:53.03\00:18:55.63
It's not fair.
00:18:55.66\00:18:57.00
I know I had a
fight at the last party.
00:18:57.03\00:18:58.80
And you said I couldn't go
00:18:58.83\00:19:00.17
unless you or dad goes with me.
00:19:00.20\00:19:02.07
I'm older enough to take
care of myself at a party.
00:19:02.10\00:19:05.07
Dad, will you please go with me?
00:19:05.11\00:19:07.08
Nope.
00:19:07.11\00:19:08.44
Your mom and I are not
going to any parties today.
00:19:08.48\00:19:11.45
We've got a lot of other things
we got to get it done today.
00:19:11.48\00:19:13.92
Son, I know you're disappointed.
00:19:13.95\00:19:15.28
And yes, you're right,
00:19:15.32\00:19:16.65
you are old enough to
go to parties by yourself,
00:19:16.69\00:19:18.29
but after what
happened at the last party,
00:19:18.32\00:19:20.02
I told you the next
three parties you go to,
00:19:20.06\00:19:22.49
one of us has to go with you.
00:19:22.52\00:19:23.93
So if we can't go, you can't go.
00:19:23.96\00:19:28.53
Sorry, son. We love you, honey.
00:19:28.56\00:19:31.97
Sure.
00:19:32.00\00:19:34.30
That is awesome.
00:19:34.34\00:19:36.91
Oh, my goodness,
00:19:36.94\00:19:38.87
you guys worked
together on that.
00:19:38.91\00:19:41.38
Tell me what strategy...
00:19:41.41\00:19:42.74
I see some
strategies and took some notes,
00:19:42.78\00:19:45.15
but I want you to tell me first,
00:19:45.18\00:19:46.51
which strategies
did you like the best?
00:19:46.55\00:19:49.85
Well, I'm going to tell
you, praying together make
00:19:49.88\00:19:52.32
all the difference in the world.
00:19:52.35\00:19:54.79
I mean, it
helped us to stay calm
00:19:54.82\00:19:57.16
and parent like a united force.
00:19:57.19\00:19:59.06
You know what I'm saying?
00:19:59.09\00:20:00.43
And administer the rules
without yelling and screaming.
00:20:00.46\00:20:03.73
So when I told you guys
00:20:03.77\00:20:05.10
to pray together
several weeks ago,
00:20:05.13\00:20:07.70
I was looking at you,
00:20:07.74\00:20:09.07
you didn't want
to touch each other
00:20:09.10\00:20:10.44
and not even look at each other.
00:20:10.47\00:20:12.17
So it really did
make a big difference.
00:20:12.21\00:20:15.18
Yeah, it did. It
made a big difference.
00:20:15.21\00:20:17.21
Okay, when you
prayed, what struck you most?
00:20:17.25\00:20:20.32
I mean, what
thoughts went to your head
00:20:20.35\00:20:21.98
as you prayed with her.
00:20:22.02\00:20:23.35
Well, first of all, if
you're going to go to God,
00:20:23.39\00:20:24.72
you can't go angry.
00:20:24.75\00:20:26.32
So I had to really
kind of check myself,
00:20:26.35\00:20:29.29
so when I'm
kneeling and we're praying,
00:20:29.32\00:20:31.93
you know, I
tried to grab her hand
00:20:31.96\00:20:33.93
and sometimes that
worked, sometime it didn't.
00:20:33.96\00:20:36.63
So sometimes we
didn't touch. Okay.
00:20:36.67\00:20:38.27
But I realized you're
going to the Almighty,
00:20:38.30\00:20:41.10
so calm down and
have respectful prayers
00:20:41.14\00:20:45.24
about one another.
00:20:45.27\00:20:46.68
You know, I
just keep remembering
00:20:46.71\00:20:48.04
this Bible verse it says,
00:20:48.08\00:20:49.41
"Commit your way unto the Lord,
and He will bring it to pass."
00:20:49.44\00:20:52.58
And so when I
would pray, I would say,
00:20:52.61\00:20:54.65
"Lord, You know we need help,
00:20:54.68\00:20:56.25
You know this family needs help.
00:20:56.28\00:20:57.62
Please help us.
00:20:57.65\00:20:58.99
And I'm committing
this to You, Lord."
00:20:59.02\00:21:02.22
You know what I really liked
00:21:02.26\00:21:04.23
that you guys stuck
to that consequence.
00:21:04.26\00:21:07.20
So many parents buckle, and say,
00:21:07.23\00:21:09.06
"Oh, okay, you can go,
00:21:09.10\00:21:10.43
I know we said the last three,
00:21:10.47\00:21:15.30
but you can go to
this one, you know."
00:21:15.34\00:21:17.81
And then pretty soon
there is no consequence,
00:21:17.84\00:21:20.18
and that was really good.
00:21:20.21\00:21:21.54
Right. You supported her.
00:21:21.58\00:21:23.18
Yeah. You were very supportive.
00:21:23.21\00:21:24.95
Well, we knew he couldn't go,
00:21:24.98\00:21:26.31
and he really wasn't
00:21:26.35\00:21:27.68
in a position to even ask to go.
00:21:27.72\00:21:29.52
So I think it was great
for us to have united front
00:21:29.55\00:21:32.99
without the
yelling and screaming.
00:21:33.02\00:21:35.12
Right, right.
00:21:35.16\00:21:36.49
And he just
pretty much accepted it.
00:21:36.52\00:21:37.96
He had to. He did.
00:21:37.99\00:21:39.33
And, you know, a part of it
was we were engaged with him,
00:21:39.36\00:21:42.56
you know, before we
were just disengaged
00:21:42.60\00:21:44.93
and we really
weren't even interested
00:21:44.97\00:21:46.33
and going if we had
the time to go, you know.
00:21:46.37\00:21:48.10
In fact, I
wouldn't even comment,
00:21:48.14\00:21:50.07
I just walk away and
let her to deal with it.
00:21:50.11\00:21:51.44
Okay.
00:21:51.47\00:21:52.81
So...
00:21:52.84\00:21:54.18
Yes, so it takes two.
00:21:54.21\00:21:55.54
That's why God
gave us two parents.
00:21:55.58\00:21:57.58
It takes two, right? Yes.
00:21:57.61\00:21:58.95
And I wanted my children to know
00:21:58.98\00:22:00.78
even when we
deal our consequences,
00:22:00.82\00:22:03.32
we still love them.
00:22:03.35\00:22:04.75
It's their behavior
00:22:04.79\00:22:06.19
that we are
disciplining, you know?
00:22:06.22\00:22:07.76
Excellent. Right. Right.
00:22:07.79\00:22:10.06
So what changes are
you seeing in the children?
00:22:10.09\00:22:13.29
And please include the daughter,
00:22:13.33\00:22:14.66
she's been a little bit,
you know, invisible here.
00:22:14.70\00:22:17.03
Yeah.
00:22:17.07\00:22:18.40
Well, he respects what
we say, he may not like it,
00:22:18.43\00:22:20.94
but he respects it.
00:22:20.97\00:22:22.34
And he doesn't
challenge back and forth
00:22:22.37\00:22:24.04
that he used to do with me.
00:22:24.07\00:22:26.54
He doesn't do that anymore.
00:22:26.57\00:22:28.48
And especially
because he's backing me up,
00:22:28.51\00:22:30.58
you know, he knows
00:22:30.61\00:22:31.95
that both of us
are united front,
00:22:31.98\00:22:34.98
so he doesn't do so
much of that anymore.
00:22:35.02\00:22:36.89
Sometimes he would try to
pit one against the other.
00:22:36.92\00:22:40.72
Right.
00:22:40.76\00:22:42.09
But that video
kind of showed you,
00:22:42.12\00:22:43.46
he just kind of removed himself
00:22:43.49\00:22:44.83
because that was
the final result.
00:22:44.86\00:22:47.00
That was our decision,
00:22:47.03\00:22:48.36
and he accepted it
whether he liked it,
00:22:48.40\00:22:49.93
he accepted it.
00:22:49.96\00:22:51.30
All right, okay.
00:22:51.33\00:22:52.67
So what are the
changes in your daughter?
00:22:52.70\00:22:54.14
How is she doing?
00:22:54.17\00:22:55.60
Well, you know
what, she is doing better
00:22:55.64\00:22:57.01
because the house is calm
and we're relating better.
00:22:57.04\00:23:00.21
You know, we're more
respectful towards one another,
00:23:00.24\00:23:02.88
and so as a
result, our children,
00:23:02.91\00:23:05.18
you know, like he said,
00:23:05.21\00:23:06.55
they don't always
like what we have to say
00:23:06.58\00:23:08.82
but as long as
we stand firm on it
00:23:08.85\00:23:11.75
then, you know, they're okay.
00:23:11.79\00:23:13.56
And, you know,
children need discipline,
00:23:13.59\00:23:15.09
they really do.
00:23:15.12\00:23:16.46
Really they do need discipline.
00:23:16.49\00:23:17.83
They need to know
where the boundaries,
00:23:17.86\00:23:19.43
and so often they're just trying
00:23:19.46\00:23:20.80
to push to find
where this is stopped.
00:23:20.83\00:23:24.30
You know, where
this mom stand up
00:23:24.33\00:23:26.43
and say absolutely
not and really mean it
00:23:26.47\00:23:29.07
and just do not give answer.
00:23:29.10\00:23:30.74
They'll keep trying
you. For sure they will.
00:23:30.77\00:23:33.01
And, you know, it's not all over
00:23:33.04\00:23:34.74
because maybe too
much down the road,
00:23:34.78\00:23:37.05
he is going to try this again.
00:23:37.08\00:23:39.18
He is going to
try the same thing.
00:23:39.21\00:23:40.62
But I will say to you if
you that were three parties,
00:23:40.65\00:23:43.89
then on the fourth party,
then you need to let him go.
00:23:43.92\00:23:47.99
And trust that
everything is going to work out.
00:23:48.02\00:23:49.79
But if it doesn't,
00:23:49.82\00:23:51.16
then we may have
to try six months
00:23:51.19\00:23:52.83
of us going to parties.
00:23:52.86\00:23:54.43
Yeah, I think
sometimes it depends on where
00:23:54.46\00:23:56.06
he is going and who
is going to be around.
00:23:56.10\00:23:57.43
Yes, definitely.
00:23:57.47\00:23:58.80
'Cause, you know, you don't know
00:23:58.83\00:24:00.17
everybody's family.
00:24:00.20\00:24:01.54
That's true.
00:24:01.57\00:24:02.90
You can't just send
your children anywhere.
00:24:02.94\00:24:04.27
And I think, you know,
00:24:04.31\00:24:05.64
before we weren't
really thinking about that,
00:24:05.67\00:24:07.01
you know, if we knew somebody
00:24:07.04\00:24:09.04
or knew them from
school or even from church,
00:24:09.08\00:24:10.81
we just let him go but...
00:24:10.85\00:24:12.65
You know, I think,
you know, we have to be
00:24:12.68\00:24:14.42
a little more
inquisitive and more...
00:24:14.45\00:24:16.99
Yes, definitely.
00:24:17.02\00:24:18.75
And that if you
want to say that that's
00:24:18.79\00:24:22.99
where he is going, you know?
00:24:23.02\00:24:24.36
Yes.
00:24:24.39\00:24:25.73
And as long as we're
comfortable with that,
00:24:25.76\00:24:27.43
then I think he'll be fine.
00:24:27.46\00:24:28.83
I mean, our son
really is a pretty good child
00:24:28.86\00:24:31.37
you know, overall.
00:24:31.40\00:24:32.73
Now we're going to
talk about you two.
00:24:32.77\00:24:34.84
How has it been between you two?
00:24:34.87\00:24:37.21
Has it been
anymore threats of divorce?
00:24:37.24\00:24:40.61
No, it hasn't.
00:24:40.64\00:24:42.14
One thing I
think I started doing
00:24:42.18\00:24:44.75
was when making
decisions about the kids
00:24:44.78\00:24:47.58
instead of doing it on my own,
00:24:47.62\00:24:48.95
unless I was at home by myself
and it was isolated incident,
00:24:48.98\00:24:53.46
I would go to my wife,
00:24:53.49\00:24:54.82
and we sit and talk about
how we wanted to handle it.
00:24:54.86\00:24:57.29
So we weren't kind
of caught off guard.
00:24:57.33\00:25:00.23
If I yes and she says no,
00:25:00.26\00:25:02.63
then how are we going to deal
00:25:02.66\00:25:04.00
with that in
front of the kids, so...
00:25:04.03\00:25:05.37
Yeah, it's okay.
00:25:05.40\00:25:06.74
Now we deal with it
in the bedroom first
00:25:06.77\00:25:08.10
before we came
out and talk to them.
00:25:08.14\00:25:10.07
And I think it has made me think
00:25:10.11\00:25:12.64
about what I'm going to
say first more, you know?
00:25:12.67\00:25:17.71
And, you know, you told us,
00:25:17.75\00:25:19.68
you know, stay out of
each other's personal space,
00:25:19.71\00:25:22.02
especially for
us, we were married
00:25:22.05\00:25:23.69
so we can't stay out of
each other's personal space
00:25:23.72\00:25:25.79
all the time.
00:25:25.82\00:25:27.16
Yes, sometimes we want to be...
00:25:27.19\00:25:28.59
Yes, exactly. But in anger, no.
00:25:28.62\00:25:32.26
I think that you
were right on that part.
00:25:32.29\00:25:34.86
I think so. Okay.
00:25:34.90\00:25:36.87
So I wanted to find out
00:25:36.90\00:25:40.34
if you guys make
another commitment for me.
00:25:40.37\00:25:43.07
Can you commit to
never or ever using divorce
00:25:43.10\00:25:49.41
as a weapon to
hurt the other person?
00:25:49.44\00:25:54.22
Never. I can do that.
00:25:54.25\00:25:55.75
Okay. I can do that.
00:25:55.78\00:25:57.12
And no threatening. Okay.
00:25:57.15\00:25:58.49
Okay? All right.
00:25:58.52\00:26:00.12
Never use
threatening for physical...
00:26:00.16\00:26:02.06
Are you
recording this so that...
00:26:02.09\00:26:04.49
I wrote it
down. I wrote it down.
00:26:04.53\00:26:06.49
No physical threats.
00:26:06.53\00:26:09.26
Whether you believe it or
not, doing stuff like this and,
00:26:09.30\00:26:12.47
you know, that,
that's kind of provoking
00:26:12.50\00:26:16.30
and it also clearly
perceived as a physical threat,
00:26:16.34\00:26:19.11
so none of that either, okay?
00:26:19.14\00:26:20.88
Yeah. Okay, I can do that.
00:26:20.91\00:26:23.75
Let me ask you this
though, I heard people say
00:26:23.78\00:26:26.25
that you can take
time out for marriage
00:26:26.28\00:26:29.52
but not time off
00:26:29.55\00:26:30.89
because he's left
for a week before.
00:26:30.92\00:26:32.55
Okay, so walking away
when he's angry and escalating,
00:26:32.59\00:26:36.16
let's consider it as
a way of time out, okay?
00:26:36.19\00:26:40.10
And let's cut it down to maybe
six or seven hours at the most.
00:26:40.13\00:26:44.67
And so that she won't
feel abandoned, all right?
00:26:44.70\00:26:47.50
Okay, so let's bow our
heads, we really out of time.
00:26:47.54\00:26:49.70
Let's bow our
heads for a brief prayer.
00:26:49.74\00:26:52.07
Most Honorable Father,
00:26:52.11\00:26:53.44
we're just so grateful for
the healing and restoration
00:26:53.48\00:26:55.34
that is going on
right now in this family.
00:26:55.38\00:26:57.55
We ask You that You continue
00:26:57.58\00:26:58.91
to help them use
those simple strategies
00:26:58.95\00:27:01.62
to bring their
marriage and their children up
00:27:01.65\00:27:03.59
and that they will learn
00:27:03.62\00:27:04.95
to love You and each other more,
00:27:04.99\00:27:06.59
in Jesus' name we pray
and praise You always, amen.
00:27:06.62\00:27:09.69
Amen.
00:27:09.72\00:27:12.79
Parents, you can't afford
00:27:12.83\00:27:14.80
to allow
yourself to get so angry
00:27:14.83\00:27:17.37
that you let
emotional impulses take over.
00:27:17.40\00:27:20.17
You may have reason
that they are only words,
00:27:20.20\00:27:22.50
but your words can
inspire to greatness or destroy
00:27:22.54\00:27:25.47
and discourage your family
00:27:25.51\00:27:27.34
until they are
devastated and you are too.
00:27:27.38\00:27:30.25
Your example may
inspire your children
00:27:30.28\00:27:31.78
to accept your way of
life or it may be the catalyst
00:27:31.81\00:27:35.22
that pushes them
away from your beliefs.
00:27:35.25\00:27:37.69
Managing your
anger is a decision
00:27:37.72\00:27:39.65
that has eternal consequences.
00:27:39.69\00:27:41.66
So here are just a few reminders
00:27:41.69\00:27:44.09
on how to manage your anger.
00:27:44.13\00:27:45.93
First, take a deep
breath in and breathe out.
00:27:45.96\00:27:49.43
If you need to, please walk away
00:27:49.46\00:27:52.67
without any
physical altercations.
00:27:52.70\00:27:56.57
Domestic violence
is a major problem
00:27:56.60\00:27:58.77
in the United States.
00:27:58.81\00:28:00.14
And unfortunately,
it's in our homes.
00:28:00.18\00:28:03.35
Also remember to say
positive things and pray,
00:28:03.38\00:28:06.61
this is the most important part.
00:28:06.65\00:28:08.82
Pray with your spouse,
pray with your children,
00:28:08.85\00:28:11.39
and pray for yourselves.
00:28:11.42\00:28:13.25
Make this a great
day, control your anger.
00:28:13.29\00:28:17.43