Justina, you are
too fat for that outfit.
00:00:02.36\00:00:04.60
Girl, go put on that
sweat suit I bought you.
00:00:04.63\00:00:06.77
It had some of that
fetch you got going on.
00:00:06.80\00:00:08.87
Well, I am getting a little big.
00:00:08.90\00:00:11.84
Little big?
00:00:11.87\00:00:13.27
You've outgrown
all of your clothes.
00:00:13.31\00:00:15.54
Jerry, I don't
know. You're not talking.
00:00:15.58\00:00:17.21
I have to tell you to
take another shower every day,
00:00:17.25\00:00:19.55
and you still smell funky.
00:00:19.58\00:00:21.28
That's because
I'm becoming a man.
00:00:21.32\00:00:23.02
Want to see my chest
hair? Ew, no, no, no.
00:00:23.05\00:00:25.82
That is plainly
because you stank.
00:00:25.85\00:00:29.12
Jerry, your daddy
is a full grown man,
00:00:29.16\00:00:31.66
and he doesn't smell like that.
00:00:31.69\00:00:33.03
Justina, honey, go
change your clothes
00:00:33.06\00:00:34.50
while I take care of
breakfast dishes for you.
00:00:34.53\00:00:37.40
Where's my little
chunky girl? Here I am, Daddy.
00:00:37.43\00:00:40.70
Hey! What's up, dude?
00:00:40.74\00:00:43.71
What's up, dad? What's going on?
00:00:43.74\00:00:45.07
Oh, goodness. Is that you?
00:00:45.11\00:00:47.21
Dad, I just got out the shower.
00:00:47.24\00:00:49.51
Dude, go take another
shower, and you soap this time.
00:00:49.54\00:00:52.91
Justina, separate
those clothes, please.
00:00:52.95\00:00:55.48
George, oh, no, she
can't do that by herself.
00:00:55.52\00:00:57.42
I'll do it.
00:00:57.45\00:00:58.79
Justina, you go have
yourself another snack, girl.
00:00:58.82\00:01:00.96
You act like I
can't do anything right.
00:01:00.99\00:01:03.63
Girl, you remember the last time
00:01:03.66\00:01:04.99
you did the laundry,
and you mixed the red shirt
00:01:05.03\00:01:06.76
in with the white clothes
and turned everything pink?
00:01:06.80\00:01:09.56
I only did that
once, I didn't mean to.
00:01:09.60\00:01:11.63
I'm so sorry.
00:01:11.67\00:01:13.00
Justina, go get your snack
00:01:13.03\00:01:14.80
while your mother
does your clothes.
00:01:14.84\00:01:16.57
Thanks for letting us
put this camera in your home
00:02:01.28\00:02:03.69
so we can capture
what's really happening there.
00:02:03.72\00:02:06.55
So how are things
going now? More of the same.
00:02:06.59\00:02:10.93
Our son stinks
all the time. Mm-hm.
00:02:10.96\00:02:14.13
And, you know, my daughter,
00:02:14.16\00:02:16.60
she just doesn't
do things for herself,
00:02:16.63\00:02:19.20
you know, and she
doesn't get things completed.
00:02:19.23\00:02:22.10
So I feel like I
have to take over
00:02:22.14\00:02:23.54
and get them done for her.
00:02:23.57\00:02:24.91
Yes.
00:02:24.94\00:02:26.27
Just tired talking about
the same things all the time.
00:02:26.31\00:02:29.38
They just don't
seem to get it ever.
00:02:29.41\00:02:30.85
Okay.
00:02:30.88\00:02:32.21
What are you saying
over and over again?
00:02:32.25\00:02:33.58
Well, just the same,
00:02:33.62\00:02:34.95
just what you saw on that video.
00:02:34.98\00:02:36.32
"Why do you keep stinking?"
00:02:36.35\00:02:37.95
Every day, I've shown him
how to take care of himself.
00:02:37.99\00:02:41.26
He's got the odor in,
00:02:41.29\00:02:42.92
he knows how to brush his teeth,
00:02:42.96\00:02:44.36
"But why do I keep smelling
your breath and your underarms?
00:02:44.39\00:02:47.06
What is the problem?"
00:02:47.10\00:02:48.43
It's like he just
don't care, you know.
00:02:48.46\00:02:49.80
And I don't know, I would think
he would be bothered at school
00:02:49.83\00:02:52.07
that somebody would
say something at school
00:02:52.10\00:02:53.67
to make him feel bad,
but he doesn't even care.
00:02:53.70\00:02:56.47
Yeah. He doesn't care.
00:02:56.50\00:02:57.94
Okay.
00:02:57.97\00:02:59.31
So what have you done
00:02:59.34\00:03:02.04
to try to
resolve this situation?
00:03:02.08\00:03:04.45
Keep telling him that he stinks.
00:03:04.48\00:03:06.41
I have made him take a bath
three times a day sometimes.
00:03:06.45\00:03:09.15
Okay. And it
doesn't even matter.
00:03:09.18\00:03:10.65
I don't know
what's going on with him.
00:03:10.69\00:03:12.99
I don't think really
that he's taking a bath.
00:03:13.02\00:03:14.69
I think, you know, I
run the water for him
00:03:14.72\00:03:16.19
and he closes the door.
00:03:16.22\00:03:17.56
And I don't even think
he's getting in the water.
00:03:17.59\00:03:18.93
No, it can't be. Okay.
00:03:18.96\00:03:20.73
So well, after
reviewing the video,
00:03:20.76\00:03:24.17
did you see anything
00:03:24.20\00:03:25.53
that you might be
contributing unknowingly
00:03:25.57\00:03:27.74
to the situation?
00:03:27.77\00:03:29.10
I take baths.
How can I contribute?
00:03:29.14\00:03:30.74
Okay.
00:03:30.77\00:03:32.11
Well, I mean,
anything that may contribute
00:03:32.14\00:03:35.41
to their being unwilling to do.
00:03:35.44\00:03:39.25
Well, I mean, you know,
00:03:39.28\00:03:40.62
if my daughter
doesn't move fast enough,
00:03:40.65\00:03:42.08
I just do stuff for her,
00:03:42.12\00:03:43.45
but I don't see
anything really wrong with that.
00:03:43.49\00:03:44.82
I mean...
00:03:44.85\00:03:46.19
Just got to get done. You know?
00:03:46.22\00:03:47.56
Did you hear what
your daughter said?
00:03:47.59\00:03:49.22
What?
00:03:49.26\00:03:50.59
On the video, did you
hear what she's saying?
00:03:50.63\00:03:52.13
Well, she said a
few things, what?
00:03:52.16\00:03:53.66
Okay, she said,
00:03:53.70\00:03:55.56
"You act like I
can't do anything right."
00:03:55.60\00:03:58.33
Hmm. Did you hear that?
00:03:58.37\00:03:59.70
I haven't seen
it. Have you seen it?
00:03:59.73\00:04:02.00
Well, I never
told her that. Well.
00:04:02.04\00:04:03.37
I mean, I don't know
why she would even say that.
00:04:03.41\00:04:05.57
Well, I think she's
speaking to her feelings.
00:04:05.61\00:04:08.98
Well.
00:04:09.01\00:04:10.35
So it's not what you have
said to her but apparently,
00:04:10.38\00:04:14.48
what you have
done makes her feel
00:04:14.52\00:04:16.95
as if she can't
do anything right.
00:04:16.99\00:04:19.02
How could she feel
that way if I just do it?
00:04:19.05\00:04:20.56
That I don't think
00:04:20.59\00:04:21.92
we have anything to do with her.
00:04:21.96\00:04:23.29
Right. We give her a chance.
We keep giving her chores.
00:04:23.32\00:04:25.86
She just doesn't
do them right. Yeah.
00:04:25.89\00:04:29.06
So that seems
pretty frustrating for you.
00:04:29.10\00:04:31.03
It is very frustrating.
00:04:31.07\00:04:32.47
Okay, and then you...
00:04:32.50\00:04:33.97
You know, I want children
that fit in with society,
00:04:34.00\00:04:38.11
that can get their work
done, like if they go to a job,
00:04:38.14\00:04:40.04
they can get their work done
00:04:40.08\00:04:41.41
if they're
given a task to do it,
00:04:41.44\00:04:42.78
they can get it done on time.
That girl can don't keep a job.
00:04:42.81\00:04:44.61
She's not going to keep a job.
00:04:44.65\00:04:46.41
Can't even do
things we asked her to do.
00:04:46.45\00:04:48.22
All right, let me ask you,
00:04:48.25\00:04:49.72
is there anything that she does
00:04:49.75\00:04:53.76
for herself and does correctly?
00:04:53.79\00:04:57.39
Not much, but I mean...
00:04:57.43\00:04:58.76
I can't think of anything.
00:04:58.79\00:05:00.13
She will try to keep
her room clean sometimes.
00:05:00.16\00:05:02.33
Okay.
00:05:02.36\00:05:03.70
And so she does that
sometimes without asking you?
00:05:03.73\00:05:06.94
Mm-hm. Does she
do without your help?
00:05:06.97\00:05:09.47
Yeah, sometimes she does.
And does she do it pretty well?
00:05:09.50\00:05:12.11
No, I don't think she
does a good job at all.
00:05:12.14\00:05:14.48
There's still stuff.
00:05:14.51\00:05:15.84
Every time she does it,
00:05:15.88\00:05:17.21
I can go in that room
and see plenty of things
00:05:17.25\00:05:18.58
that should be done.
00:05:18.61\00:05:19.95
Mm-hm. So how old is she again?
00:05:19.98\00:05:21.98
She's 12.
00:05:22.02\00:05:23.35
Okay, so we know
00:05:23.39\00:05:25.12
we're not expecting
a 12-year-old to do it
00:05:25.15\00:05:27.26
the way like a 25-year-old does.
00:05:27.29\00:05:29.42
But if I've shown
her, why wouldn't she know?
00:05:29.46\00:05:32.76
Well, you haven't
shown her anything
00:05:32.79\00:05:34.13
'cause you don't pick up
anything yourself, so anyway...
00:05:34.16\00:05:36.20
You know what? You know
what? This is about the child.
00:05:36.23\00:05:39.17
I have tried to
help her and say,
00:05:39.20\00:05:41.20
"You know, Justina,
00:05:41.24\00:05:43.00
there's still stuff on the floor
00:05:43.04\00:05:44.47
or there's stuff under your bed
00:05:44.51\00:05:45.84
that you need to
put away, you know."
00:05:45.87\00:05:48.34
I want you just
really kind of slow it down
00:05:48.38\00:05:50.68
and think about
the video what you saw.
00:05:50.71\00:05:54.55
Is there anything you may do
00:05:54.58\00:05:58.62
that may contribute to
her not knowing how to do it
00:05:58.65\00:06:02.12
or his being
unwilling to clean himself up?
00:06:02.16\00:06:04.33
Well, she keeps
doing it for her.
00:06:04.36\00:06:06.09
She didn't make her do it.
00:06:06.13\00:06:08.13
In that video, she went
and did her work for her.
00:06:08.16\00:06:11.53
But that's just because
she couldn't do it fast enough.
00:06:11.57\00:06:12.90
No, no.
00:06:12.93\00:06:14.27
So, you know, you
didn't make her do it.
00:06:14.30\00:06:16.30
I keep telling her that.
Maybe I need to make you do it.
00:06:16.34\00:06:17.91
How about that?
00:06:17.94\00:06:19.27
No, no, the work
needs to be done to them,
00:06:19.31\00:06:20.71
for them, not you
do it, they do it.
00:06:20.74\00:06:22.91
Well, why don't you
jump in and help sometimes?
00:06:22.94\00:06:24.35
So what do you
think would happen
00:06:24.38\00:06:25.95
if you allowed her to do?
00:06:25.98\00:06:27.85
Yeah, what do you think?
00:06:27.88\00:06:30.89
Well, she'd probably half do it.
00:06:30.92\00:06:33.15
So you think
she'll half do her work?
00:06:33.19\00:06:35.09
Mm-hm. Okay.
00:06:35.12\00:06:36.46
So then, what if, at that point,
00:06:36.49\00:06:38.39
you stepped in and gave
her a few more directives,
00:06:38.43\00:06:42.06
not orders but directives?
00:06:42.10\00:06:45.70
It might work, I don't know.
00:06:45.73\00:06:47.07
I mean, I haven't
really tried that.
00:06:47.10\00:06:48.44
Okay, so...
00:06:48.47\00:06:49.97
And stop
looking at me like that.
00:06:50.01\00:06:51.34
Tell... Keep telling her.
00:06:51.37\00:06:52.71
You act like
you know what to do.
00:06:52.74\00:06:54.08
Keep telling her? She
needs to hear all of this.
00:06:54.11\00:06:55.81
Tell her.
00:06:55.84\00:06:57.18
So since he was able to
find what you did incorrectly,
00:06:57.21\00:07:00.15
maybe you can tell him something
00:07:00.18\00:07:01.68
that he could improve on.
00:07:01.72\00:07:03.05
Oh, there's nothing I
need to correct at all.
00:07:03.08\00:07:04.42
You know what?
00:07:04.45\00:07:05.79
He's the man of the house,
00:07:05.82\00:07:07.16
he's got a son
growing up under him,
00:07:07.19\00:07:08.52
and the boy is
funky all the time.
00:07:08.56\00:07:09.89
And there is no reason for that.
00:07:09.92\00:07:11.26
You know what?
00:07:11.29\00:07:12.63
I can understand
that a little bit more
00:07:12.66\00:07:14.00
if there was no
man in the house,
00:07:14.03\00:07:15.36
but there is a man in the house
00:07:15.40\00:07:16.73
and the child is
funky all the time.
00:07:16.77\00:07:18.10
I tell him. Okay.
00:07:18.13\00:07:19.47
So now you know
that he is 12 years old.
00:07:19.50\00:07:21.97
Well, he's only 11.
00:07:22.00\00:07:23.51
Oh, okay, I
keep forgetting them.
00:07:23.54\00:07:26.31
Well, listen, there has
to be some education here.
00:07:26.34\00:07:30.11
Eleven-year-olds are not
known to want to take baths,
00:07:30.15\00:07:33.52
that's a developmental process.
00:07:33.55\00:07:34.92
That's what a man is for.
He has a father in the house.
00:07:34.95\00:07:37.62
And this is the
process of learning.
00:07:37.65\00:07:39.95
There is a process that goes,
00:07:39.99\00:07:41.32
he's not going to be
able to tell him once
00:07:41.36\00:07:43.53
and then your son
is just going to do it.
00:07:43.56\00:07:45.53
He keeps saying, he's
told him over and over...
00:07:45.56\00:07:46.90
But let's look at...
00:07:46.93\00:07:48.26
But he needs to do
more than tell him.
00:07:48.30\00:07:49.63
I told him.
00:07:49.66\00:07:51.00
Well, let's look at
what the real problem is.
00:07:51.03\00:07:52.57
He's not
motivated to take a bath.
00:07:52.60\00:07:54.74
He's not motivated to be clean.
00:07:54.77\00:07:56.81
She's not concerned
about doing things right.
00:07:56.84\00:08:01.31
She doesn't care
about doing things right.
00:08:01.34\00:08:03.48
So we're talking
about a lack of motivation,
00:08:03.51\00:08:06.25
and that's where we're going.
00:08:06.28\00:08:08.08
How is this
happening? What's going on?
00:08:08.12\00:08:10.29
And we looked at that video.
00:08:10.32\00:08:12.15
And so we're going to
really do some digging inside.
00:08:12.19\00:08:14.92
Is there anything
at all that you can see
00:08:14.96\00:08:18.69
or saw on the
video that may say, "Hmm.
00:08:18.73\00:08:22.50
I'm doing this.
00:08:22.53\00:08:23.87
This may
contribute just a tiny bit."
00:08:23.90\00:08:25.73
It doesn't cause it.
00:08:25.77\00:08:27.14
And I want you to
dig within yourself.
00:08:27.17\00:08:31.04
I didn't say to look at
him and decide what he's doing
00:08:31.07\00:08:35.31
or you look at her and
decide what she's doing,
00:08:35.34\00:08:37.05
what are you doing
that may contribute
00:08:37.08\00:08:39.91
just a teeny-weeny tiny bit?
00:08:39.95\00:08:41.28
I don't know
what else I can say.
00:08:41.32\00:08:42.72
He called our daughter fat.
00:08:42.75\00:08:44.09
He called her fat
and chunky all the time.
00:08:44.12\00:08:45.45
So that's telling things.
00:08:45.49\00:08:46.82
Okay, so that bothers
you that he says that?
00:08:46.86\00:08:49.02
Of course, why
wouldn't that bother her?
00:08:49.06\00:08:50.83
Well, let me
ask, so do you think
00:08:50.86\00:08:52.83
that might
bother her a little bit
00:08:52.86\00:08:54.66
if you're calling her chunky...
00:08:54.70\00:08:56.26
And I mean I
saw her reply to you
00:08:56.30\00:08:58.37
in a very loving
way, but do you think,
00:08:58.40\00:09:00.54
on some level,
it may affect her?
00:09:00.57\00:09:02.00
I want to bother her
00:09:02.04\00:09:03.37
so she will stop eating so much.
00:09:03.41\00:09:05.11
Okay, so you've...
00:09:05.14\00:09:06.47
Oh, so you're thinking that
00:09:06.51\00:09:08.11
you're going to
motivate her by saying that.
00:09:08.14\00:09:09.48
Yes. Oh!
00:09:09.51\00:09:10.85
Step away from
the table sometimes.
00:09:10.88\00:09:12.21
You know what?
00:09:12.25\00:09:13.58
You need to worry about our son.
00:09:13.62\00:09:14.95
Let me worry about out daughter.
00:09:14.98\00:09:16.32
Let me worry about our daughter.
00:09:16.35\00:09:17.69
You need to take
care of his funkiness.
00:09:17.72\00:09:19.05
It is his daughter too.
00:09:19.09\00:09:20.42
So what are you doing
that may make just a tiny bit?
00:09:20.46\00:09:24.59
And we're not saying
00:09:24.63\00:09:25.96
you're causing
all of the problems.
00:09:25.99\00:09:27.33
Stop looking at me like
that. What are you doing?
00:09:27.36\00:09:28.70
Stop looking at me like
that. What are you doing?
00:09:28.73\00:09:30.07
Just a tiny bit,
just a little bit.
00:09:30.10\00:09:32.83
Well, you know
what? Sometimes I step in.
00:09:32.87\00:09:34.54
I don't really give her
a chance to do something.
00:09:34.57\00:09:37.01
Bingo!
00:09:37.04\00:09:38.37
Thank you, that's just...
00:09:38.41\00:09:39.74
And I know that
you're doing that
00:09:39.77\00:09:41.11
because you want to help her
00:09:41.14\00:09:42.48
and you want to show
her exactly how it's done.
00:09:42.51\00:09:43.85
I mean, I want to teach
her how to get it done right.
00:09:43.88\00:09:46.18
That's not the way. You
know, how to do it right.
00:09:46.21\00:09:47.65
Okay, all right.
00:09:47.68\00:09:49.02
So we're moving
a little bit, okay?
00:09:49.05\00:09:51.09
So let me ask you,
supposing to get you,
00:09:51.12\00:09:54.89
would you like to lose
a little weight at all?
00:09:54.92\00:09:56.52
Everybody apparently wants...
00:09:56.56\00:09:57.89
He needs to
lose a lot of weight,
00:09:57.93\00:09:59.26
not little weight.
00:09:59.29\00:10:00.63
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
00:10:00.66\00:10:02.00
So suppose I came to your house
00:10:02.03\00:10:03.37
and I sat at the
table watching you eat,
00:10:03.40\00:10:05.60
and you went to reach
for another roll, and I...
00:10:05.63\00:10:08.34
and said...
00:10:08.37\00:10:09.70
"No, you're chunky." You
want me to do that to him?
00:10:09.74\00:10:11.07
That's what I should
do to my daughter, I mean.
00:10:11.11\00:10:12.44
I'm asking.
00:10:12.47\00:10:13.81
No, well, just think about
how that would make you feel?
00:10:13.84\00:10:15.18
"You're chunky
enough, you're fat enough.
00:10:15.21\00:10:17.31
You don't need another roll."
How would that make you feel?
00:10:17.35\00:10:20.92
I wish you would
come and do that.
00:10:20.95\00:10:22.85
I need to make
her feel that way.
00:10:22.88\00:10:24.62
No, but how would you feel?
00:10:24.65\00:10:26.69
Will it make you feel like,
"Yeah, I'm so happy this woman
00:10:26.72\00:10:29.19
came to my house
and sat at my table"?
00:10:29.22\00:10:31.13
No.
00:10:31.16\00:10:32.49
What would you
probably say to me?
00:10:32.53\00:10:34.40
"Leave me
alone, this is my food.
00:10:34.43\00:10:36.43
I bought this." And
what are your feelings?
00:10:36.46\00:10:38.87
I'm angry. Angry.
00:10:38.90\00:10:40.34
And what else? Upset.
00:10:40.37\00:10:43.07
"I want to eat, you
know, you're bothering me."
00:10:43.10\00:10:45.81
Right. And maybe a little sad?
00:10:45.84\00:10:48.84
Maybe 'cause you pointed
out something that, you know...
00:10:48.88\00:10:51.98
Maybe like, "I'm
not very handsome
00:10:52.01\00:10:54.18
or I'm not cute or is
something wrong with me?"
00:10:54.22\00:10:55.88
He knows he needs to
push back from the table.
00:10:55.92\00:10:57.85
He already knows all that.
00:10:57.89\00:10:59.25
You know, she's talking
to me. She's talking to me!
00:10:59.29\00:11:01.72
Okay.
00:11:01.76\00:11:03.09
So you make sure
you told him that.
00:11:03.12\00:11:04.46
Yes, I have told him.
00:11:04.49\00:11:05.83
Yeah, she's telling
me a whole lot of things.
00:11:05.86\00:11:07.20
You know, she's looking at him.
00:11:07.23\00:11:08.56
Our kids are looking at
him. She's looking at him.
00:11:08.60\00:11:09.93
She watches him eat.
00:11:09.96\00:11:11.30
You don't think
she's watching you eat?
00:11:11.33\00:11:12.67
Sure.
00:11:12.70\00:11:14.04
Well, not as far
as being chunky, no.
00:11:14.07\00:11:16.20
Okay, all right. So
let's go back to this.
00:11:16.24\00:11:21.14
What have you done to
try to resolve the problem?
00:11:21.18\00:11:25.31
I know you showed him
00:11:25.35\00:11:26.68
how to bath and I
know you step in for her.
00:11:26.72\00:11:30.09
What else have you
tried? Anything else?
00:11:30.12\00:11:32.02
Well, I mean,
I've talked to her,
00:11:32.05\00:11:33.59
you know, and I
have made him go back
00:11:33.62\00:11:35.12
and take more than one bath.
00:11:35.16\00:11:37.59
Well, I don't know what he does
00:11:37.63\00:11:39.29
when he closes the bathroom door
00:11:39.33\00:11:40.93
because he comes out
still funky so, you know.
00:11:40.96\00:11:44.30
So tell me the
method of teaching you did
00:11:44.33\00:11:46.27
when you were
teaching him to take a bath.
00:11:46.30\00:11:49.00
Well, I just
showed him how to wash.
00:11:49.04\00:11:50.51
I told him every day, every day.
00:11:50.54\00:11:53.41
When you say you
showed him how to wash,
00:11:53.44\00:11:55.44
were you in bathroom with him?
00:11:55.48\00:11:56.81
Yeah, we actually took a shower.
00:11:56.85\00:11:58.31
He was younger. Okay.
00:11:58.35\00:11:59.68
We used to take showers,
00:11:59.71\00:12:01.05
and I would show
him what he needs to do.
00:12:01.08\00:12:02.72
Okay.
00:12:02.75\00:12:04.09
Well...
00:12:04.12\00:12:05.45
I bought him special body washes
00:12:05.49\00:12:06.82
and all those kinds of things.
00:12:06.86\00:12:08.69
I told him he was too young
00:12:08.72\00:12:10.06
to understand at
that point of time.
00:12:10.09\00:12:11.49
He knows how to use washcloth.
00:12:11.53\00:12:12.93
You know, he was
just a baby then.
00:12:12.96\00:12:15.30
He didn't know, I
mean, he was a toddler.
00:12:15.33\00:12:16.80
Oh, okay.
00:12:16.83\00:12:18.17
Was he that young, just like...
00:12:18.20\00:12:19.53
He was young. He was very young.
00:12:19.57\00:12:20.90
Oh, okay.
00:12:20.94\00:12:22.27
Well, you know, children forget.
00:12:22.30\00:12:23.64
And so maybe it's time to
revisit that skill for him.
00:12:23.67\00:12:26.17
That's what we
call a living skill.
00:12:26.21\00:12:28.84
So, you know, you can.
00:12:28.88\00:12:30.61
And also those
products you were talking about,
00:12:30.65\00:12:34.78
you can show him how to lavish
00:12:34.82\00:12:36.45
that on himself
and make him so...
00:12:36.48\00:12:38.02
And, you know, he has told me
00:12:38.05\00:12:40.12
before that
there's some of that stuff
00:12:40.16\00:12:41.96
you've got him irritates
his skin, but you don't listen.
00:12:41.99\00:12:44.36
I tried to tell you
00:12:44.39\00:12:45.73
that you get him
something different,
00:12:45.76\00:12:47.10
maybe something
more natural or something
00:12:47.13\00:12:49.26
that would not
irritate his skin.
00:12:49.30\00:12:50.63
He's making
excuses. Excuses. Okay.
00:12:50.67\00:12:52.37
Now, you know, that is something
00:12:52.40\00:12:54.44
that could be considered.
00:12:54.47\00:12:56.44
It might be an excuse.
00:12:56.47\00:12:57.84
But we give them
every opportunity.
00:12:57.87\00:13:00.08
You need to
really write that down.
00:13:00.11\00:13:01.68
That's a strategy,
00:13:01.71\00:13:03.04
give children every opportunity
to succeed, every opportunity.
00:13:03.08\00:13:08.52
So if he says it's
irritating to his skin,
00:13:08.55\00:13:11.75
we try something different.
00:13:11.79\00:13:13.66
Have you ever
looked at his skin to see
00:13:13.69\00:13:15.42
if it was irritating?
00:13:15.46\00:13:16.79
No.
00:13:16.83\00:13:18.16
Well, you know what,
every time since he was a baby,
00:13:18.19\00:13:20.33
he had sensitive skin.
00:13:20.36\00:13:21.70
And so like with metal
00:13:21.73\00:13:23.06
or something
will touch his skin,
00:13:23.10\00:13:24.43
he would break out and stuff.
00:13:24.47\00:13:25.83
I try to tell him that
00:13:25.87\00:13:27.20
that the boy has sensitive skin.
00:13:27.24\00:13:28.57
Boy, they makeup
some good excuses.
00:13:28.60\00:13:29.94
He buys him that same stuff
00:13:29.97\00:13:31.31
that he gets which
is for a full grown man.
00:13:31.34\00:13:32.67
Would you say
00:13:32.71\00:13:34.04
that your son makes excuses
sometimes for what he's doing?
00:13:34.08\00:13:39.51
Yes, he does. He does.
00:13:39.55\00:13:40.92
So then it would be easy for him
00:13:40.95\00:13:42.48
to come to that conclusion
00:13:42.52\00:13:44.25
that this is
probably another excuse.
00:13:44.29\00:13:45.62
Yes. Yes. So
that's understandable.
00:13:45.65\00:13:47.89
I still want to reiterate,
00:13:47.92\00:13:49.76
he's 11, and there are
some developmental things
00:13:49.79\00:13:52.29
going on here.
00:13:52.33\00:13:53.66
This is not an
abnormal situation
00:13:53.70\00:13:56.26
for an 11-year-old.
00:13:56.30\00:13:57.63
It can be resolved
pretty quickly and easily.
00:13:57.67\00:14:00.14
But this, the other
problem of being unmotivated
00:14:00.17\00:14:03.47
may not be resolved easily.
00:14:03.51\00:14:05.01
So I want to go to
here, how do this...
00:14:05.04\00:14:09.01
The way you'd step in
00:14:09.04\00:14:11.18
and the way you
kind of tell her chunky
00:14:11.21\00:14:13.55
and tell him he stinks,
00:14:13.58\00:14:16.05
how do you think
that's affecting them
00:14:16.08\00:14:17.85
on the inside?
00:14:17.89\00:14:19.22
How they view themselves?
How they feel about themselves?
00:14:19.25\00:14:22.32
They probably feel like
they can't do anything right.
00:14:22.36\00:14:23.69
I've never
really thought about it?
00:14:23.73\00:14:25.06
They can't wait
for losing, you know.
00:14:25.09\00:14:28.03
You've never thought
about it? No, I never did.
00:14:28.06\00:14:29.70
Well, now that
we're talking about it,
00:14:29.73\00:14:31.63
what do you think now?
00:14:31.67\00:14:33.20
I'm sure they don't
like it. I'm sure of that.
00:14:33.23\00:14:36.94
All right.
00:14:36.97\00:14:38.31
If we tell him to
take a bath again,
00:14:38.34\00:14:39.94
and he still comes out funky,
00:14:39.97\00:14:42.08
then he just probably feels
like we don't really understand
00:14:42.11\00:14:45.15
or we don't really care
or no matter what he does,
00:14:45.18\00:14:48.38
we're going to fuss about it.
00:14:48.42\00:14:49.92
So do you see that
what you have been doing
00:14:49.95\00:14:52.69
is not really changing anything?
00:14:52.72\00:14:55.56
Well, that's true.
00:14:55.59\00:14:56.93
You know, I mean,
you calling her chunky,
00:14:56.96\00:14:58.29
et cetera.
00:14:58.33\00:14:59.66
That's true. True.
00:14:59.69\00:15:01.23
Well, I know this
00:15:01.26\00:15:02.60
that you said
something on the video about,
00:15:02.63\00:15:04.37
"You know that clothes
are too small for you," right?
00:15:04.40\00:15:07.44
Or, you know, you
can probably change that,
00:15:07.47\00:15:10.41
"No, that you're too
big for those clothes."
00:15:10.44\00:15:12.54
You can probably change
00:15:12.57\00:15:13.94
that around because it's normal.
00:15:13.98\00:15:15.31
She's supposed
to grow up, right?
00:15:15.34\00:15:17.18
Yeah. Okay.
00:15:17.21\00:15:18.55
And body shaming,
saying she's too fat can lead
00:15:18.58\00:15:21.42
to some major problems
like bulimia, anorexia.
00:15:21.45\00:15:24.89
We're not trying
to do that, correct?
00:15:24.92\00:15:26.96
No. No. Oh, okay.
00:15:26.99\00:15:28.32
So, you know, "The
dress is too small now.
00:15:28.36\00:15:30.56
We have to buy a
new one." It's simple.
00:15:30.59\00:15:33.09
You don't even have to say that,
00:15:33.13\00:15:34.46
let's give that
one away, it's not...
00:15:34.50\00:15:36.30
Well, I mean, I've told her
to take out all those clothes
00:15:36.33\00:15:38.40
that she can't fit anymore,
and we'll just give them away,
00:15:38.43\00:15:40.57
but she's too lazy to do that.
00:15:40.60\00:15:42.74
So we are going to
watch what we're saying
00:15:42.77\00:15:46.61
because body shaming
00:15:46.64\00:15:48.51
is really a
very serious problem.
00:15:48.54\00:15:50.75
Fat, chunky, that kind of stuff,
00:15:50.78\00:15:53.11
we want to avoid
doing that, don't say that.
00:15:53.15\00:15:55.25
Can you say that one more
time so that he will get it?
00:15:55.28\00:15:57.09
I heard her. I heard it.
00:15:57.12\00:15:58.45
So let's... Our
time is running out.
00:15:58.49\00:16:00.19
Let's get a few strategies
in for next week, okay?
00:16:00.22\00:16:03.29
So the first
thing we already said
00:16:03.32\00:16:05.03
was let's just make
it easy for children
00:16:05.06\00:16:07.00
to be successful, okay?
00:16:07.03\00:16:08.63
All right.
00:16:08.66\00:16:10.00
If you're concerned
about your daughter's weight,
00:16:10.03\00:16:12.27
I noticed how when
you took over her job,
00:16:12.30\00:16:16.67
then you told her
to go get a snack.
00:16:16.71\00:16:19.87
Okay, so we don't want to
try to soothe her with food.
00:16:19.91\00:16:23.65
She's going to
self-soothe by eating,
00:16:23.68\00:16:26.18
and that's not a
good thing either.
00:16:26.21\00:16:28.15
I never thought
about that. Okay.
00:16:28.18\00:16:30.45
Another thing is we want
to not take over her job.
00:16:30.49\00:16:35.52
If you feel she
can't do it, then make sure
00:16:35.56\00:16:38.59
that you give her a
task that she can do.
00:16:38.63\00:16:41.63
We want to build in success.
00:16:41.66\00:16:44.23
So you can say,
00:16:44.27\00:16:45.60
"Would you get all
the red clothes out?"
00:16:45.63\00:16:47.44
She knows the color red,
00:16:47.47\00:16:48.80
and that can be
what she does, okay?
00:16:48.84\00:16:51.81
So because if she's
attention deficit disorder,
00:16:51.84\00:16:54.54
separating colors
is a big job for her,
00:16:54.58\00:16:56.58
it's hard 'cause that's
an organizational process.
00:16:56.61\00:16:59.75
So you want to just make sure
00:16:59.78\00:17:01.78
that you just make
it simple and easy.
00:17:01.82\00:17:04.35
All right, well, we
really are out of time,
00:17:04.39\00:17:06.62
and let's try
next week when we come,
00:17:06.65\00:17:09.09
let's see how these
strategies have worked.
00:17:09.12\00:17:10.46
Okay? Okay.
00:17:10.49\00:17:11.83
Okay. All right. Take care.
00:17:11.86\00:17:13.19
Mm-hmm.
00:17:13.23\00:17:16.93
So how are you guys doing today?
00:17:16.97\00:17:18.63
We're doing pretty good
today. We are good, yep.
00:17:18.67\00:17:20.00
Oh! I love to hear
that. That sounds great to me.
00:17:20.04\00:17:22.57
So how are things going at home?
00:17:22.60\00:17:24.87
Much better. Yes, they are.
00:17:24.91\00:17:26.24
Much better. Mm-hmm.
00:17:26.27\00:17:27.61
We took some of
your suggestions,
00:17:27.64\00:17:29.04
and put them into practice,
00:17:29.08\00:17:30.58
and then we talked to
some people at church.
00:17:30.61\00:17:32.11
Good. Good.
00:17:32.15\00:17:33.48
You know, some of our friends
00:17:33.52\00:17:34.85
and they gave us
some ideas to try.
00:17:34.88\00:17:36.62
Okay, that sounds great.
00:17:36.65\00:17:38.62
Well, thanks a
lot for allowing us
00:17:38.65\00:17:40.56
to put the camera in your home.
00:17:40.59\00:17:42.22
And we're going to just
take a look at what we see,
00:17:42.26\00:17:44.46
and see what we've captured
00:17:44.49\00:17:46.09
on how you've been
using those strategies.
00:17:46.13\00:17:47.86
Okay. Let's see what's there.
00:17:47.90\00:17:52.17
Hi, pretty girl. Hi, mom.
00:17:52.20\00:17:55.97
How's my
handsome son today? Good.
00:17:56.00\00:17:59.34
How do you think I
look in this outfit?
00:17:59.37\00:18:01.71
Well, honey, I think
00:18:01.74\00:18:03.35
that that has got a
little itsy-bitsy on you.
00:18:03.38\00:18:05.58
I like the blue
one on you better.
00:18:05.61\00:18:07.18
I'm going to get on
my clothes too, Mom.
00:18:07.22\00:18:09.08
These pants are too
short. You know what?
00:18:09.12\00:18:11.32
You're both growing
up like wild beanstalks.
00:18:11.35\00:18:13.32
We're just kind going to
have to go shopping and buy you
00:18:13.36\00:18:14.69
some new clothes.
00:18:14.72\00:18:16.06
Where is my little
princess? Hi, Daddy.
00:18:16.09\00:18:18.46
Hey. And how is my hero today?
00:18:18.49\00:18:21.40
I'm good. Is that
cologne I smell on you?
00:18:21.43\00:18:23.73
Yeah, Dad.
00:18:23.77\00:18:25.10
It's the cologne
that you bought me
00:18:25.13\00:18:26.47
for my birthday.
00:18:26.50\00:18:27.84
I use it every
time I take a shower.
00:18:27.87\00:18:29.20
Good. Good.
00:18:29.24\00:18:30.57
Justina, after
you clean your room,
00:18:30.61\00:18:32.37
we're going to go to the park.
00:18:32.41\00:18:33.88
You've got really, really
good at cleaning up your room.
00:18:33.91\00:18:36.11
So I know it
won't take you long.
00:18:36.14\00:18:38.18
Okay. Not so fast, honey.
00:18:38.21\00:18:40.88
Remember I told you
to separate your clothes
00:18:40.92\00:18:42.45
for the laundry first.
00:18:42.48\00:18:43.89
Yes.
00:18:43.92\00:18:45.25
What two things
that you do really well
00:18:45.29\00:18:46.65
the last time
you did your laundry?
00:18:46.69\00:18:48.29
Separate my
whites from my colors,
00:18:48.32\00:18:50.63
and then put them by the washer.
00:18:50.66\00:18:52.06
Very good.
00:18:52.09\00:18:53.43
Now don't forget, do
not put anything red in
00:18:53.46\00:18:56.33
with the white clothes.
00:18:56.36\00:18:57.70
Remember what
happened the last time.
00:18:57.73\00:18:59.07
Yes, and I won't do
that again. I promise.
00:18:59.10\00:19:02.04
Okay.
00:19:02.07\00:19:03.41
Wow! Absolutely amazing.
00:19:07.94\00:19:11.98
I could actually see
00:19:12.01\00:19:13.45
some of the
strategies and guess what,
00:19:13.48\00:19:15.42
stuff I did not say
to you you were doing.
00:19:15.45\00:19:18.05
So let me ask you
which of those strategies
00:19:18.09\00:19:21.19
that you were using
did you like the best.
00:19:21.22\00:19:24.16
Well, one of the things
00:19:24.19\00:19:25.86
was I gave my
daughter smaller tasks to do.
00:19:25.89\00:19:28.13
Okay.
00:19:28.16\00:19:29.50
And so, you know,
one of the things was,
00:19:29.53\00:19:31.63
"Okay, make sure
all the red clothes
00:19:31.67\00:19:33.10
are out of the way first."
00:19:33.13\00:19:34.77
Good. Good.
00:19:34.80\00:19:36.14
And so she did
that and then, you know,
00:19:36.17\00:19:37.77
I just kind of just
check it over to make sure
00:19:37.81\00:19:39.97
'cause we don't want
00:19:40.01\00:19:41.34
all of the white stuff turning
out pink again, you know.
00:19:41.38\00:19:44.15
Correct. Correct.
00:19:44.18\00:19:45.51
But I didn't say
anything to her about that.
00:19:45.55\00:19:46.88
I just let her
separate out the reds,
00:19:46.92\00:19:48.58
and then I would just
check just to make sure.
00:19:48.62\00:19:50.75
Okay, man!
00:19:50.79\00:19:52.39
So how did you
feel doing it that way?
00:19:52.42\00:19:54.82
It really didn't bother me.
00:19:54.86\00:19:56.19
And I saw that she was
much happier, you know.
00:19:56.22\00:19:58.76
And she felt like she
could accomplish something,
00:19:58.79\00:20:02.33
you know, without me
stepping in, you know.
00:20:02.36\00:20:04.33
Okay. Very good. Good.
00:20:04.37\00:20:05.90
So how about you?
00:20:05.93\00:20:07.27
Which strategy was best for you?
00:20:07.30\00:20:08.64
Well, I had to
calm down first of all.
00:20:08.67\00:20:11.11
We had a little talk.
00:20:11.14\00:20:12.47
And I was just
trying to explaining to him
00:20:12.51\00:20:13.84
how important it is
for a really good hygiene.
00:20:13.88\00:20:17.51
Okay.
00:20:17.55\00:20:18.88
So we went to the store,
00:20:18.91\00:20:20.25
and we picked
out some other things
00:20:20.28\00:20:21.62
that might not
irritate his skin,
00:20:21.65\00:20:24.35
more natural products.
00:20:24.39\00:20:26.86
And he also went down
aisle that had colognes.
00:20:26.89\00:20:30.26
So I just saw on the video,
00:20:30.29\00:20:32.66
he picked out something he liked
00:20:32.69\00:20:34.43
and wanted to smell like,
and so he's been using it,
00:20:34.46\00:20:37.80
and I haven't really
had to talk to him about it.
00:20:37.83\00:20:39.63
And I'm telling you,
it's been night and day
00:20:39.67\00:20:42.10
'cause I actually
can be around him now
00:20:42.14\00:20:44.11
and, you know, the smell...
00:20:44.14\00:20:45.47
Ugh. Yeah.
00:20:45.51\00:20:46.84
Well, I saw
some other strategies
00:20:46.88\00:20:48.31
you guys were using.
00:20:48.34\00:20:50.05
For example, you changed
the word chunky to princess.
00:20:50.08\00:20:54.62
You put a nice
affectionate word in there,
00:20:54.65\00:20:57.12
and that was pretty nice.
00:20:57.15\00:20:58.49
She seemed to
respond very well to that.
00:20:58.52\00:21:00.19
She did. Okay.
00:21:00.22\00:21:01.56
And then I saw
you, you were saying
00:21:01.59\00:21:05.06
that you allowed
her to assess herself,
00:21:05.09\00:21:06.83
you know, see
what she's doing well,
00:21:06.86\00:21:08.63
that's really nice.
00:21:08.66\00:21:10.03
And then what about
you parent a good thing
00:21:10.07\00:21:12.63
with the bad thing?
00:21:12.67\00:21:14.00
For example, you say,
00:21:14.04\00:21:16.00
"When you clean your
bedroom, we'll go to the park."
00:21:16.04\00:21:20.48
So the good thing is going
to the park, a little reward,
00:21:20.51\00:21:23.08
after she finishes her bedroom.
00:21:23.11\00:21:25.01
Right. Right.
That was really smart.
00:21:25.05\00:21:26.88
Yeah, because they
still have to do the things
00:21:26.92\00:21:29.18
we've asked to do, you know.
00:21:29.22\00:21:30.55
Exactly.
00:21:30.59\00:21:31.92
But there is something
good on the other side of it.
00:21:31.95\00:21:33.66
Yeah, she does a much more
thorough job now if we say,
00:21:33.69\00:21:36.52
"Okay, once you're done
00:21:36.56\00:21:37.99
with what we've asked you to do,
00:21:38.03\00:21:39.36
we'll do something
00:21:39.39\00:21:40.73
that you've been
asking us to do."
00:21:40.76\00:21:42.36
I don't really
think they realize
00:21:42.40\00:21:43.73
we're really
trying to structure them,
00:21:43.77\00:21:45.13
so when they get
out of our house,
00:21:45.17\00:21:46.63
when they move out,
00:21:46.67\00:21:48.00
they'll be used to a clean home.
00:21:48.04\00:21:50.34
Now children, you see,
they have one day at a time.
00:21:50.37\00:21:52.57
They are not even
thinking about the future.
00:21:52.61\00:21:55.01
So they're just thinking
about playing, and eating,
00:21:55.04\00:21:58.08
and pleasing their
parents, and just being happy,
00:21:58.11\00:22:00.85
you know, that
sort of natural desires
00:22:00.88\00:22:02.65
to just enjoy life, you know.
00:22:02.68\00:22:04.62
So and like you said,
00:22:04.65\00:22:05.99
you want to mingle
that with teaching skills,
00:22:06.02\00:22:08.69
you know, as they go along.
00:22:08.72\00:22:10.23
And I think you're
doing a good job over there.
00:22:10.26\00:22:12.46
Another thing that I did
too was I switched out like
00:22:12.49\00:22:16.00
just regular snack-y snack stuff
00:22:16.03\00:22:18.10
for more
healthier things, you know.
00:22:18.13\00:22:19.53
Oh good!
00:22:19.57\00:22:21.10
And more fruit and, you know,
raw things and stuff like that.
00:22:21.14\00:22:25.67
And so that she doesn't have...
00:22:25.71\00:22:27.68
If she decides she
needs herself medicated,
00:22:27.71\00:22:30.05
at least there's
healthy things around her.
00:22:30.08\00:22:31.88
You mean to
self-soothe? Self-soothe.
00:22:31.91\00:22:34.85
Or self-medicate I
guess, yeah. That is so nice.
00:22:34.88\00:22:38.49
Now, you know what,
that's a really good idea.
00:22:38.52\00:22:40.82
And, you know, that keeps you
00:22:40.86\00:22:42.19
from having to count
the bags of potato chips.
00:22:42.22\00:22:44.13
I mean, it's like people are,
00:22:44.16\00:22:45.99
"I bought a whole
thing of potato chips
00:22:46.03\00:22:47.36
and they ate the whole thing."
00:22:47.40\00:22:48.73
Of course, they eat
00:22:48.76\00:22:50.10
the whole thing
'cause it's there.
00:22:50.13\00:22:51.47
And, you know what,
00:22:51.50\00:22:52.83
now I don't find
like candy wrappers
00:22:52.87\00:22:54.20
and things up under her
bed, in her room, you know.
00:22:54.24\00:22:56.17
Okay.
00:22:56.20\00:22:57.54
Because you don't have to
monitor all of the apples,
00:22:57.57\00:23:00.44
I mean, she's only
going to eat so many of those.
00:23:00.48\00:23:02.44
Her teeth, you know,
00:23:02.48\00:23:03.81
jaws gonna get
tired of chomping on that.
00:23:03.85\00:23:05.85
So, you know,
that's pretty good.
00:23:05.88\00:23:07.95
Okay. How are they?
00:23:07.98\00:23:10.15
How are they with
these new attitudes
00:23:10.19\00:23:12.29
that you guys having accepted?
00:23:12.32\00:23:14.56
You know, he's glad
00:23:14.59\00:23:16.69
that I'm not continuing
to argue and fuss with him
00:23:16.73\00:23:19.03
about washing up or
how he smells, so...
00:23:19.06\00:23:23.40
And I'm trying my
best just to calm down more
00:23:23.43\00:23:26.77
and always have
something to fuss about.
00:23:26.80\00:23:28.70
So I can check that off my list.
00:23:28.74\00:23:31.31
But I've learned through
some of the things you've said,
00:23:31.34\00:23:34.08
"Don't just keep
at them all the time.
00:23:34.11\00:23:36.41
Sit and talk, and try
other methods of getting them
00:23:36.44\00:23:41.72
to understand what's important."
00:23:41.75\00:23:43.08
Can you see how Satan
will rob you of the joy
00:23:43.12\00:23:45.95
of being a parent
00:23:45.99\00:23:47.32
if all you do is
discipline, discipline,
00:23:47.36\00:23:49.66
discipline, fuss, fuss, fuss?
00:23:49.69\00:23:51.73
You know, and by
the time you're 18,
00:23:51.76\00:23:53.26
there is no relationship.
00:23:53.29\00:23:55.00
Your influence for
Christ has been ruined
00:23:55.03\00:23:57.83
because we've been focusing
on if they're clean enough,
00:23:57.87\00:24:00.40
if the house is clean enough,
00:24:00.44\00:24:01.80
but now on if
they love the Lord.
00:24:01.84\00:24:04.01
So now we can add
that in there now,
00:24:04.04\00:24:06.14
you know, praying with them
00:24:06.17\00:24:07.51
and spending
more time with them.
00:24:07.54\00:24:08.88
Did you do any of
it? A little bit, yeah.
00:24:08.91\00:24:10.61
We did spend more time
with them, you know, because...
00:24:10.65\00:24:12.88
And what about
prayer? Prayer also.
00:24:12.91\00:24:15.62
We've been trying to,
00:24:15.65\00:24:16.99
you know, like pray
in the mornings with them
00:24:17.02\00:24:18.42
before they leave,
00:24:18.45\00:24:19.79
and then we've been trying
to like have family worship
00:24:19.82\00:24:21.69
in the evenings
when they come in.
00:24:21.72\00:24:24.49
So it has really made
00:24:24.53\00:24:25.89
a big difference, it really has.
00:24:25.93\00:24:27.90
Right. Right.
00:24:27.93\00:24:29.26
Things that
could blow up, don't.
00:24:29.30\00:24:30.67
Good. Yeah.
00:24:30.70\00:24:32.03
That's very good.
00:24:32.07\00:24:33.40
And one of the things
as far as my son's hygiene,
00:24:33.44\00:24:36.30
he told me, he said,
00:24:36.34\00:24:37.67
"Mom, I've been getting picked
00:24:37.71\00:24:39.37
for the sports
teams at school now."
00:24:39.41\00:24:43.55
And I think
before he was always sad
00:24:43.58\00:24:45.41
and kind of a loner
00:24:45.45\00:24:46.78
because nobody would
pick him for their team.
00:24:46.82\00:24:48.92
Kind of like line a some...
00:24:48.95\00:24:50.45
Yeah, exactly.
"That little dirty one."
00:24:50.49\00:24:54.12
Right. Right.
00:24:54.16\00:24:55.49
So you are...
00:24:55.52\00:24:57.96
What other kind of
changes do you see in them?
00:24:57.99\00:25:00.00
I mean, he's actually getting
social friendships and stuff.
00:25:00.03\00:25:04.07
Self-confidence,
the self-esteem.
00:25:04.10\00:25:05.43
Self-confidence, yes.
His self-esteem is raised.
00:25:05.47\00:25:07.50
His self-esteem has
raised a little higher?
00:25:07.54\00:25:09.14
Yes. Yeah.
00:25:09.17\00:25:10.51
Now for the big
question, what about you two?
00:25:10.54\00:25:13.04
The last time you were here,
00:25:13.07\00:25:14.41
oh my goodness, it was a battle.
00:25:14.44\00:25:18.01
We're calm. We
are. And, you know what?
00:25:18.05\00:25:20.32
Because we have these tools
now to help with the children,
00:25:20.35\00:25:23.82
it makes the whole
house more peaceful.
00:25:23.85\00:25:25.62
We get along better.
00:25:25.65\00:25:27.06
You know, 'cause
we're not at each other.
00:25:27.09\00:25:28.42
I'm not always,
00:25:28.46\00:25:29.79
"Stop calling your
daughter fat and chunky."
00:25:29.82\00:25:31.36
Some of this, you
have to remember though.
00:25:31.39\00:25:33.76
We've been this way for while,
00:25:33.80\00:25:35.33
so it takes a minute to
really remember the tools,
00:25:35.36\00:25:40.34
to use the tools.
00:25:40.37\00:25:42.14
So that means there's
been a few slip ups sometimes?
00:25:42.17\00:25:44.67
Every now and then,
00:25:44.71\00:25:46.04
then I have to
kind of check myself.
00:25:46.07\00:25:47.41
I mean, we are
still married people,
00:25:47.44\00:25:49.11
so, you know...
00:25:49.14\00:25:51.51
Yeah.
00:25:51.55\00:25:52.88
It's not going to be
perfect all the time, you know.
00:25:52.91\00:25:54.25
True.
00:25:54.28\00:25:55.62
But as long as
we're moving forward,
00:25:55.65\00:25:57.69
then I see that as
a definite positive.
00:25:57.72\00:25:59.92
Okay, all right.
00:25:59.95\00:26:01.29
So I wanted to ask you
about building in success.
00:26:01.32\00:26:04.06
And I heard you
say something earlier
00:26:04.09\00:26:06.33
where you gave her
shorter assignments,
00:26:06.36\00:26:09.56
smaller
assignments, and maybe just said
00:26:09.60\00:26:11.93
pick out red color,
which is phenomenal.
00:26:11.97\00:26:14.04
That's a very good idea.
00:26:14.07\00:26:15.60
So are there any other ways
00:26:15.64\00:26:18.44
that you're building in success,
00:26:18.47\00:26:19.81
even giving her fruit
that builds in success too?
00:26:19.84\00:26:22.68
Well, one thing, if you looked
at the video, the clothes,
00:26:22.71\00:26:27.12
we just didn't really
recognize that they had to...
00:26:27.15\00:26:30.42
We need to buy
some different clothes
00:26:30.45\00:26:32.15
'cause they are going to
school and they get teased
00:26:32.19\00:26:33.66
by the high water
pants or whatever.
00:26:33.69\00:26:35.82
So that helped
too. Okay. All right.
00:26:35.86\00:26:37.89
Yes, and in relation to that,
I took my daughter to the mall,
00:26:37.93\00:26:42.40
and let her pick out
some things that she liked.
00:26:42.43\00:26:44.27
Oh, okay.
00:26:44.30\00:26:46.03
You guys are really
loosening into that bolt now.
00:26:46.07\00:26:47.84
Yeah. Okay.
00:26:47.87\00:26:49.20
So, you know, she was
more comfortable in her skin,
00:26:49.24\00:26:52.31
so to speak.
00:26:52.34\00:26:53.68
Well, our time is
up, can you believe that?
00:26:53.71\00:26:55.44
Wow.
00:26:55.48\00:26:56.81
But let's have a
very brief prayer
00:26:56.85\00:26:58.18
'cause I always
like to give God glory
00:26:58.21\00:26:59.71
for His healing and restoring
the powers to our families.
00:26:59.75\00:27:02.62
Most Honorable Father,
00:27:02.65\00:27:03.99
we're just so thankful
that You are a good God
00:27:04.02\00:27:06.35
and that You give us
wisdom on what to do,
00:27:06.39\00:27:08.59
simple strategies, Father,
00:27:08.62\00:27:10.03
that can make a big
difference in family lives.
00:27:10.06\00:27:12.36
So, Lord, we ask
00:27:12.39\00:27:13.73
that you continue
to restore this family
00:27:13.76\00:27:16.10
so that each
person will be found
00:27:16.13\00:27:17.60
in heaven with You.
00:27:17.63\00:27:18.97
In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
00:27:19.00\00:27:20.34
Amen. Amen.
00:27:20.37\00:27:21.77
Very good. Thank
you for coming today.
00:27:21.80\00:27:24.71
Thank you.
00:27:24.74\00:27:28.21
Parents, you must be
willing to look at your behavior
00:27:28.24\00:27:31.61
and evaluate what
could be done better.
00:27:31.65\00:27:34.58
If you aren't willing
to look at yourselves,
00:27:34.62\00:27:37.09
it will be
difficult for your children
00:27:37.12\00:27:39.12
to be willing to
look at themselves.
00:27:39.15\00:27:41.22
The most important thing
we can do for our children
00:27:41.26\00:27:44.33
is to be honest about ourselves
00:27:44.36\00:27:46.83
and change poor
parenting strategies.
00:27:46.86\00:27:49.30
They will learn that it is
safe to look at their behavior
00:27:49.33\00:27:52.50
and make changes for the better.
00:27:52.53\00:27:54.77
So instead of blaming
00:27:54.80\00:27:56.57
and pointing
fingers at the other spouse,
00:27:56.60\00:27:59.47
maybe we can
take an objective look
00:27:59.51\00:28:01.94
and see exactly
what we are doing
00:28:01.98\00:28:03.58
that may
contribute to the problem.
00:28:03.61\00:28:05.48
And then secondly,
00:28:05.51\00:28:06.85
maybe we can actually
listen to our children.
00:28:06.88\00:28:10.02
It may be that they
can give us some cues
00:28:10.05\00:28:12.52
that can let us
know what we can change.
00:28:12.55\00:28:15.39