Look, Mom, I drew you a picture.
00:00:01.86\00:00:04.47
Yeah, honey, that's nice.
00:00:04.50\00:00:06.03
Mom! Go, what?
00:00:06.07\00:00:09.64
Look at this, I
have no words for this.
00:00:09.67\00:00:11.14
Why don't you go find
some place in the garage,
00:00:11.17\00:00:12.51
go hang it up?
00:00:12.54\00:00:13.88
Dad, how do you like it?
00:00:13.91\00:00:15.24
Look at this mess,
aren't you in the sixth grade?
00:00:15.28\00:00:18.41
Yeah.
00:00:18.45\00:00:19.78
This is like third grade work.
Why are you telling her that?
00:00:19.81\00:00:22.98
This is art, it's
all about how she feels.
00:00:23.02\00:00:25.72
It's fine for the garage.
00:00:25.75\00:00:27.09
Go, girl, find a
hook to hang this up.
00:00:27.12\00:00:28.82
Why can't I hang this in here?
00:00:28.86\00:00:30.93
You people didn't even come
00:00:30.96\00:00:32.76
to my art exhibit
that was yesterday.
00:00:32.79\00:00:34.86
You know what? We
had something else to do.
00:00:34.90\00:00:36.97
And if you gonna hang
this up, I'm glad we missed it.
00:00:37.00\00:00:41.60
Y'all people never
come to any of my things.
00:00:41.64\00:00:44.67
Why are you being so dramatic?
00:00:44.71\00:00:46.21
I'm sure plenty of
parents didn't show up.
00:00:46.24\00:00:48.34
People got to work.
00:00:48.38\00:00:49.71
Draw something decent,
00:00:49.74\00:00:51.61
and then we'll
have something to go to.
00:00:51.65\00:00:54.68
You people make
me sick. You people?
00:00:54.72\00:00:58.62
Girl, you got no more
times to say you people,
00:00:58.65\00:01:00.59
go to your room.
00:01:00.62\00:01:01.96
Thank you so
much for allowing us
00:01:42.50\00:01:44.27
to put a camera in your home,
00:01:44.30\00:01:45.63
so we can really capture
what's going on in the home,
00:01:45.67\00:01:48.60
and we did that, right?
00:01:48.64\00:01:50.51
But before we talk about
that, what's going on now?
00:01:50.54\00:01:54.14
More of the same. Okay.
00:01:54.18\00:01:56.38
I just don't understand,
00:01:56.41\00:01:58.45
you know, I was
always energetic,
00:01:58.48\00:02:00.28
and always trying
to do really good work,
00:02:00.32\00:02:02.38
and I make my parents proud,
00:02:02.42\00:02:04.45
and I just don't
understand what that mess was.
00:02:04.49\00:02:07.52
I just... I don't get it.
00:02:07.56\00:02:09.46
Yeah, that child
has no talent at all.
00:02:09.49\00:02:11.39
I just...
00:02:11.43\00:02:12.76
I don't know
where it comes from,
00:02:12.79\00:02:14.13
must come from
your side of the family.
00:02:14.16\00:02:15.50
No, not mine. Yeah, it must.
00:02:15.53\00:02:16.87
No.
00:02:16.90\00:02:18.23
'Cause, you know, we were
pretty good at our work so...
00:02:18.27\00:02:20.30
Okay.
00:02:20.34\00:02:21.67
What else is
going on in the home?
00:02:21.70\00:02:23.04
Yeah, she is always
fussing at the kids about stuff,
00:02:23.07\00:02:24.94
I mean, she at
least look at the thing
00:02:24.97\00:02:26.88
and try to help her out.
00:02:26.91\00:02:28.74
I don't understand.
00:02:28.78\00:02:30.11
You were the one
that made her feel bad
00:02:30.15\00:02:31.68
and told her that
she did third grade work.
00:02:31.71\00:02:34.22
But, you know, it
just look a mess to me.
00:02:34.25\00:02:36.52
All right.
00:02:36.55\00:02:37.89
So you say you
were always energetic.
00:02:37.92\00:02:39.89
Are they not energetic?
00:02:39.92\00:02:41.26
No, you know,
00:02:41.29\00:02:42.76
I try to
motivate them to do more,
00:02:42.79\00:02:44.96
and to get more
into their schoolwork,
00:02:44.99\00:02:48.00
and our boy,
00:02:48.03\00:02:49.46
I try to talk to him
about getting in sports.
00:02:49.50\00:02:51.67
He's not interested in anything.
00:02:51.70\00:02:53.03
We used to always
want to play outside,
00:02:53.07\00:02:54.90
and ride our bikes,
and rip and run outside.
00:02:54.94\00:02:57.47
These kids
don't want to do that.
00:02:57.51\00:02:58.84
Nothing. What are
they doing instead?
00:02:58.87\00:03:01.04
Oh, just... Sitting around.
00:03:01.08\00:03:03.55
Video games.
00:03:03.58\00:03:05.05
They're playing on their phones?
00:03:05.08\00:03:06.41
No. Okay.
00:03:06.45\00:03:07.78
Well, this...
00:03:07.82\00:03:09.15
When we think about the tape,
00:03:09.18\00:03:10.52
can you think of
anything that you see
00:03:10.55\00:03:12.05
that you may be
doing on here that might...
00:03:12.09\00:03:15.62
I know, she bothered me,
00:03:15.66\00:03:16.99
I was in the
middle of something,
00:03:17.03\00:03:18.36
she showed me that picture.
00:03:18.39\00:03:19.73
I don't want to see that. Okay.
00:03:19.76\00:03:21.10
That's one thing I noticed,
00:03:21.13\00:03:22.46
is that what
you're talking about?
00:03:22.50\00:03:23.83
Well, yeah, you
did seem bothered.
00:03:23.87\00:03:25.20
Yes.
00:03:25.23\00:03:26.57
Okay, so she bothers you? Yes.
00:03:26.60\00:03:28.04
And I was in the
middle doing something too.
00:03:28.07\00:03:29.40
I was on my phone
00:03:29.44\00:03:30.77
because I had
something I needed to do.
00:03:30.81\00:03:32.14
She is always on her phone.
00:03:32.17\00:03:33.51
Oh, okay, so you
were little distracted?
00:03:33.54\00:03:36.51
I wasn't distracted,
00:03:36.54\00:03:37.88
I was focused on
what I was doing.
00:03:37.91\00:03:39.25
I think she distracted my wife.
00:03:39.28\00:03:41.05
Okay, so she
distracted your wife.
00:03:41.08\00:03:43.15
Yes. Yes, exactly, thank you.
00:03:43.18\00:03:45.49
Yes.
00:03:45.52\00:03:46.86
So, but, is there anything else
00:03:46.89\00:03:49.46
you can think of
just from watching that,
00:03:49.49\00:03:51.46
you know, for
example, I think you said,
00:03:51.49\00:03:54.93
"Look at that mess."
00:03:54.96\00:03:57.43
He said that. That was a mess.
00:03:57.47\00:03:58.83
Oh, he said that.
00:03:58.87\00:04:00.20
She wanted her to hang it
up in the garage on a hook.
00:04:00.24\00:04:02.17
Okay, but I noticed
that you responded to that
00:04:02.20\00:04:04.97
when he said that.
00:04:05.01\00:04:06.34
It was something
00:04:06.37\00:04:07.71
that you don't feel
he should have said.
00:04:07.74\00:04:10.35
Well, I mean, it was good enough
00:04:10.38\00:04:11.71
to hang in the garage,
00:04:11.75\00:04:13.08
I mean, he shouldn't
have said it like that.
00:04:13.11\00:04:14.45
It was a mess.
00:04:14.48\00:04:15.82
Okay, but I
guess what I'm saying,
00:04:15.85\00:04:17.49
do you feel that it was okay
for him to tell her directly,
00:04:17.52\00:04:20.46
"This is a mess."
00:04:20.49\00:04:21.82
No. Look, we get tired.
00:04:21.86\00:04:23.19
I'm tired... No, it wasn't okay.
00:04:23.22\00:04:24.56
I'm tired of talking about
the same stuff with these kids.
00:04:24.59\00:04:26.80
Tell me what stuff
you are talking about?
00:04:26.83\00:04:28.16
Just like the picture,
I've shown her how to draw,
00:04:28.20\00:04:29.93
I've shown her
how to do the stuff.
00:04:29.96\00:04:31.30
You have not
shown her how to draw.
00:04:31.33\00:04:32.67
I've shown her
that stuff before,
00:04:32.70\00:04:34.04
I've shown it.
00:04:34.07\00:04:35.40
No, you have
not. No, you have not.
00:04:35.44\00:04:36.77
And when she brought that to me,
00:04:36.81\00:04:38.14
I'm thinking, "Really,
this is what you bring to me."
00:04:38.17\00:04:40.18
She's in the sixth
grade. She knows how to draw.
00:04:40.21\00:04:43.65
You need to tell the truth.
00:04:43.68\00:04:45.15
Okay, so tell me
what the truth is?
00:04:45.18\00:04:46.72
Yeah, what is the truth?
00:04:46.75\00:04:48.08
The truth is he don't
spend any time with her.
00:04:48.12\00:04:49.55
I do.
00:04:49.58\00:04:50.92
You do not. I do.
00:04:50.95\00:04:52.29
I showed her how to do it.
00:04:52.32\00:04:53.66
She should know
how to do about now.
00:04:53.69\00:04:55.02
You did not show her.
00:04:55.06\00:04:56.39
Okay, tell me,
when did you show her?
00:04:56.42\00:04:57.76
Oh, months ago, I'm
tired of showing her.
00:04:57.79\00:04:59.89
He talks about showing her,
but he doesn't actually do it.
00:04:59.93\00:05:02.13
Oh, I'm not
gonna keep doing that.
00:05:02.16\00:05:03.87
If he showed her,
what would that be?
00:05:03.90\00:05:06.30
What would he
actually do to solve that?
00:05:06.33\00:05:07.67
She's supposed to get
it when I show it to her.
00:05:07.70\00:05:09.04
He don't know, he
would put away his stuff,
00:05:09.07\00:05:12.11
and he would tell
her to come and sit down,
00:05:12.14\00:05:14.08
and he would
show her how to do it.
00:05:14.11\00:05:15.44
She ain't
putting away her stuff,
00:05:15.48\00:05:16.81
she was on her phone that day.
00:05:16.85\00:05:18.18
Well, I never said I
was gonna show her, you did.
00:05:18.21\00:05:21.32
You need to put the
money where your mouth is.
00:05:21.35\00:05:22.68
I don't understand
what she is telling me to do
00:05:22.72\00:05:24.55
that she won't do.
00:05:24.59\00:05:25.92
Okay, but, well, she
did say and maybe it's true.
00:05:25.95\00:05:28.92
You said you had shown her,
00:05:28.96\00:05:30.79
she never have
claimed that she did.
00:05:30.83\00:05:32.39
But that's not the
most important thing.
00:05:32.43\00:05:34.86
What the tape is...
00:05:34.90\00:05:36.23
The video is for,
00:05:36.26\00:05:37.83
is so that you
can see yourselves.
00:05:37.87\00:05:41.14
Take some time and
really think about what you saw.
00:05:41.17\00:05:43.41
Yeah, I saw her, I
saw she wants that phone.
00:05:43.44\00:05:46.17
No, no, no. She's
always on that phone.
00:05:46.21\00:05:47.61
I saw that. So
you can see yourself.
00:05:47.64\00:05:51.65
Thank you. Oh, I can see her.
00:05:51.68\00:05:53.58
Look at yourself.
I know that's true.
00:05:53.62\00:05:55.32
Look at yourself.
00:05:55.35\00:05:56.69
That's very easy to do,
to see the other person.
00:05:56.72\00:05:59.55
Yes.
00:05:59.59\00:06:00.92
Which is why I
want you to see yourself
00:06:00.96\00:06:02.79
because you can't see yourself
00:06:02.82\00:06:04.39
unless you're
outside of yourself.
00:06:04.43\00:06:06.03
But if it's third grade work
and she's in the sixth grade,
00:06:06.06\00:06:08.26
what am I supposed to say?
00:06:08.30\00:06:09.63
But you should not
have told her that.
00:06:09.66\00:06:11.00
Excuse me.
00:06:11.03\00:06:14.20
What I'm trying
to get you to realize
00:06:14.24\00:06:16.57
is what are you doing.
00:06:16.60\00:06:18.87
What could you do differently,
00:06:18.91\00:06:20.98
even if you had
to tell her that,
00:06:21.01\00:06:23.58
you know, this is not
really the best you can do.
00:06:23.61\00:06:25.91
I should have told
that she could do better.
00:06:25.95\00:06:27.28
Yes, what could
you do different?
00:06:27.32\00:06:28.65
Tell her she could do better.
00:06:28.68\00:06:30.19
Well, that might have been
better than "This is a mess."
00:06:30.22\00:06:33.66
Let's do it like this, suppose,
and do you have a project
00:06:33.69\00:06:36.12
you're working at your job?
00:06:36.16\00:06:38.59
Always, yeah. Okay,
so you have a project.
00:06:38.63\00:06:40.10
Yes.
00:06:40.13\00:06:41.46
And let's just say
that it's brand new,
00:06:41.50\00:06:43.93
you don't know
anything about it, right?
00:06:43.97\00:06:46.00
But you're here, you're
making efforts to do it.
00:06:46.03\00:06:49.37
Maybe your supervisor showed
you once or twice how to do it,
00:06:49.40\00:06:55.18
and so he comes in, he looks it,
00:06:55.21\00:06:57.21
"This is a mess,
this is a real mess, go...
00:06:57.25\00:07:00.92
Take this mess away from me."
00:07:00.95\00:07:03.75
How would you feel about
that? I would be uncomfortable.
00:07:03.79\00:07:07.16
Okay, are you
sure uncomfortable?
00:07:07.19\00:07:08.52
I wouldn't like
it. Wouldn't like it.
00:07:08.56\00:07:10.26
It's getting little stronger.
Really, what would you feel?
00:07:10.29\00:07:13.16
He mustn't get loud,
00:07:13.19\00:07:14.53
'cause he comes
home irritated, angry,
00:07:14.56\00:07:15.90
and peeved everyday.
00:07:15.93\00:07:17.27
I know, a lot to
do with this house,
00:07:17.30\00:07:18.67
it had nothing
to do with my job.
00:07:18.70\00:07:20.04
Okay, okay, just hold
on. I'm still trying to...
00:07:20.07\00:07:22.54
Let's get to it so you
feel a little upset maybe.
00:07:22.57\00:07:26.27
Yeah, because maybe
00:07:26.31\00:07:27.64
he didn't give me
enough time to accomplish
00:07:27.68\00:07:30.21
or make those strides
that he's asking me to make.
00:07:30.25\00:07:32.71
Okay, all right, huh,
took so long getting there.
00:07:32.75\00:07:36.38
Okay, so what about her?
00:07:36.42\00:07:39.65
Now put her in
the same situation,
00:07:39.69\00:07:41.02
you're her supervisor...
00:07:41.06\00:07:42.39
Who, her? Your daughter.
00:07:42.42\00:07:43.89
Oh, her. Yeah,
don't put me in this.
00:07:43.93\00:07:46.19
So, you know, you're
your daughter's supervisor,
00:07:46.23\00:07:49.30
and you too, what
can you do differently?
00:07:49.33\00:07:53.20
Just how can you say
00:07:53.23\00:07:54.57
what you say, maybe differently?
00:07:54.60\00:07:57.54
But, you know,
what I think about,
00:07:57.57\00:07:58.91
I think it's important to
have a safe work environment.
00:07:58.94\00:08:02.08
And so... That's a good point.
00:08:02.11\00:08:03.75
You know... That's very good.
00:08:03.78\00:08:06.75
So let me ask you,
00:08:06.78\00:08:08.78
do you really
think they are safe?
00:08:08.82\00:08:12.29
Well, screaming out
at her probably is...
00:08:12.32\00:08:15.76
I don't know, I guess
00:08:15.79\00:08:17.13
it's irritating
her, upsetting her.
00:08:17.16\00:08:19.03
You know what I thought about
00:08:19.06\00:08:20.40
as we talked about
your supervisor saying
00:08:20.43\00:08:22.40
your work was a mess,
00:08:22.43\00:08:23.93
that would be very scary for me.
00:08:23.97\00:08:25.53
And the reason
what my next thought is,
00:08:25.57\00:08:27.97
"Are they going to fire me?"
00:08:28.00\00:08:30.61
What do you think
the child's thought is
00:08:30.64\00:08:32.67
if you're really this adamant
00:08:32.71\00:08:34.44
about the little
picture she drew?
00:08:34.48\00:08:37.01
What are her next thoughts?
00:08:37.05\00:08:39.31
Well, she has to
feel like dejected.
00:08:39.35\00:08:41.68
Maybe dejected.
00:08:41.72\00:08:43.25
And disappointed, and
hurt, and a little afraid that,
00:08:43.28\00:08:47.96
you know, hey, if
a little thing like
00:08:47.99\00:08:50.73
this upsets them
so much, then maybe,
00:08:50.76\00:08:53.90
you know, they might decide
00:08:53.93\00:08:55.40
that they don't
want me around at all.
00:08:55.43\00:08:57.23
Oh, man.
00:08:57.27\00:08:58.60
Excuse me, let's just
take time to process that.
00:08:58.63\00:09:02.27
Because I hear
00:09:02.30\00:09:03.64
you're getting
ready to come back
00:09:03.67\00:09:05.01
with something so...
00:09:05.04\00:09:06.44
That is very insightful.
00:09:06.47\00:09:08.74
Don't you think
that's insightful?
00:09:08.78\00:09:10.11
It is, it is.
00:09:10.15\00:09:11.58
And it probably makes her
feel like not even trying again.
00:09:11.61\00:09:14.88
Why bother if my parents
aren't gonna approve of it.
00:09:14.92\00:09:18.09
Isn't that one of your primary,
00:09:18.12\00:09:19.79
you know, complaints is
that they are so unmotivated?
00:09:19.82\00:09:24.49
They don't take risk.
00:09:24.53\00:09:26.73
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
00:09:26.76\00:09:28.40
So you see how
valuable this was for you.
00:09:28.43\00:09:32.67
Wow, you know what,
00:09:32.70\00:09:34.70
I want my children to be
able to function in this world,
00:09:34.74\00:09:37.37
not just function but do well.
00:09:37.41\00:09:39.34
Right. Without us around.
00:09:39.37\00:09:42.14
That's why when
she brought it to me,
00:09:42.18\00:09:43.75
it was something
she did on her own
00:09:43.78\00:09:45.41
but I look for more from her.
00:09:45.45\00:09:48.62
But I don't want
unsuccessful, unhappy children.
00:09:48.65\00:09:50.65
No.
00:09:50.69\00:09:52.02
Exactly, so what you want
00:09:52.05\00:09:53.39
is self
motivated, happy children.
00:09:53.42\00:09:56.12
Is that correct? Yes, yes.
00:09:56.16\00:09:57.66
Okay, so... What have you tried?
00:09:57.69\00:10:01.20
Have you tried
anything to motivate them?
00:10:01.23\00:10:04.03
Give me two things you've tried?
00:10:04.07\00:10:05.73
Well, you know
what I thought about,
00:10:05.77\00:10:07.84
'cause, you know, I
was a pretty good artist
00:10:07.87\00:10:09.20
in school and I thought about,
00:10:09.24\00:10:11.44
maybe says, he said
he tried to show her,
00:10:11.47\00:10:14.14
which he's not an artist at all,
00:10:14.18\00:10:15.51
he has never shown his art.
00:10:15.54\00:10:16.88
You know what?
00:10:16.91\00:10:18.25
But I decided, I thought maybe,
00:10:18.28\00:10:20.45
maybe I'll take
her in the art class.
00:10:20.48\00:10:22.75
Okay, well,
that's in the future.
00:10:22.78\00:10:24.55
What have you already tried
00:10:24.59\00:10:27.62
to motivate the kids?
00:10:27.66\00:10:30.93
Well, you know what?
00:10:30.96\00:10:32.79
I think like,
00:10:32.83\00:10:34.30
I have tried to
spend some time with her,
00:10:34.33\00:10:37.23
you know, just her
and I away from her dad,
00:10:37.27\00:10:40.54
away from her brother,
00:10:40.57\00:10:42.24
you know, and
just try to find out
00:10:42.27\00:10:44.34
what she really
enjoys doing, you know.
00:10:44.37\00:10:47.04
Well, she likes art
00:10:47.08\00:10:48.41
so I've shown her some real art,
00:10:48.44\00:10:51.18
and try to help her understand
00:10:51.21\00:10:52.81
"This is what it's
supposed to look like."
00:10:52.85\00:10:54.52
Did you hear that?
00:10:54.55\00:10:56.02
I showed her some real
art, is that what you heard?
00:10:56.05\00:10:59.12
I showed her some real
art. No, this is what I hear.
00:10:59.15\00:11:01.92
I showed her some real art.
00:11:01.96\00:11:03.76
So she can know it,
00:11:03.79\00:11:05.13
this is what it's
supposed to look like.
00:11:05.16\00:11:06.49
But her art is real art.
00:11:06.53\00:11:07.86
Art is all about expression
what the artist expresses.
00:11:07.90\00:11:09.66
Well, excuse me,
I was still talking.
00:11:09.70\00:11:11.60
I'm sorry.
00:11:11.63\00:11:12.97
Okay, so that implies
that what she is doing
00:11:13.00\00:11:15.90
is not good enough, is not real,
00:11:15.94\00:11:20.04
it's almost a waste of time.
00:11:20.08\00:11:21.91
And if she can't come
up to the Picasso's level,
00:11:21.94\00:11:25.08
she should not
even be doing art,
00:11:25.11\00:11:27.52
'cause this is what
real art looks like.
00:11:27.55\00:11:30.69
Do you see that?
Yeah, ah, yeah, I guess.
00:11:30.72\00:11:33.05
Okay.
00:11:33.09\00:11:34.42
This is little subtle things
that we say and how we say
00:11:34.46\00:11:37.63
that makes the
difference for our kids.
00:11:37.66\00:11:40.43
They tells them so much...
00:11:40.46\00:11:42.20
You see that word, real art.
00:11:42.23\00:11:44.57
You see all that it
says, your stuff is not real,
00:11:44.60\00:11:48.20
your stuff is not good,
00:11:48.24\00:11:50.57
they can show you
how to do like this,
00:11:50.61\00:11:52.17
if you can't reach
this level, it's not good.
00:11:52.21\00:11:57.41
You know what I did
too, I also asked her
00:11:57.45\00:11:59.48
what she liked about
her picture, you know.
00:11:59.51\00:12:02.72
Well, I didn't
see that on the video,
00:12:02.75\00:12:04.42
we'll get to that...
00:12:04.45\00:12:06.52
We'll get to that in
just a few minutes, okay.
00:12:06.55\00:12:08.12
I just really want to...
00:12:08.16\00:12:09.49
No, you said, you
said what things I've asked
00:12:09.52\00:12:10.93
or tried to do.
00:12:10.96\00:12:12.29
In the past, oh, you
actually tried to do that.
00:12:12.33\00:12:14.83
Yeah, I asked her what did
she liked about her picture.
00:12:14.86\00:12:17.57
And what did she say?
00:12:17.60\00:12:19.27
She told me that
she liked the colors,
00:12:19.30\00:12:21.90
and she told me that
she just, it's just...
00:12:21.94\00:12:24.27
The way that
she has just done it
00:12:24.31\00:12:25.71
all over the page just
gave her a feeling of freedom.
00:12:25.74\00:12:28.78
Oh, okay. And happiness.
00:12:28.81\00:12:30.71
Yeah, that's nice.
That's nice. Did you know that?
00:12:30.75\00:12:34.12
I did not. Okay.
00:12:34.15\00:12:36.02
But I'm getting it.
Just 'cause you didn't ask.
00:12:36.05\00:12:37.55
I know. Okay.
00:12:37.59\00:12:38.92
All right.
00:12:38.95\00:12:40.29
So we don't have to
have one-upmanship here.
00:12:40.32\00:12:42.22
Okay, so let's talk
about some strategies.
00:12:42.26\00:12:44.76
Well, the goal, let's
talk about the goal first.
00:12:44.79\00:12:46.93
What do you want to happen?
00:12:46.96\00:12:50.07
Just give me two
goals that you want?
00:12:50.10\00:12:52.13
I want my daughter to grow
00:12:52.17\00:12:55.30
in her talents, and abilities,
00:12:55.34\00:12:59.21
and to be confident in
herself in what she can do.
00:12:59.24\00:13:01.74
Okay. And be self motivated.
00:13:01.78\00:13:05.11
I don't want to have to
always be the one there.
00:13:05.15\00:13:07.82
I've tried to motivate her,
00:13:07.85\00:13:09.35
I guess, what I'm
doing is just wrong,
00:13:09.38\00:13:11.65
it is not helping her, so...
00:13:11.69\00:13:13.02
But that's what I want.
00:13:13.05\00:13:14.39
Well, let's say,
good, better, best,
00:13:14.42\00:13:15.89
I don't like right or wrong.
00:13:15.92\00:13:17.83
I can just do it
a little bit better,
00:13:17.86\00:13:19.39
doesn't that feel better?
00:13:19.43\00:13:20.86
You can just do it
a little bit better.
00:13:20.90\00:13:22.33
So here's just a few strategies
00:13:22.36\00:13:24.83
we're going to
try this next week.
00:13:24.87\00:13:26.53
Let's say her to
assess her own art.
00:13:26.57\00:13:28.44
So you show her what's...
00:13:28.47\00:13:29.80
You ask her like you
did, what do you like?
00:13:29.84\00:13:32.17
Two things you like, one
thing you like to change.
00:13:32.21\00:13:34.84
Simple, is that okay.
00:13:34.88\00:13:36.21
And that hurls toward
really looking at herself.
00:13:36.24\00:13:38.88
Yeah, that's a good
idea to write it down.
00:13:38.91\00:13:41.28
And then be kind but be honest.
00:13:41.32\00:13:44.22
Children already knew
if their stuff is a mess.
00:13:44.25\00:13:46.29
They know if they have that.
00:13:46.32\00:13:47.66
So two things you like
and one thing you don't like.
00:13:47.69\00:13:50.43
No, I didn't say one thing,
one thing you like to change.
00:13:50.46\00:13:53.43
Oh, like to change.
00:13:53.46\00:13:57.03
Okay, so you're
saying don't like implies
00:13:57.07\00:13:59.80
there's something
wrong with it, and she might,
00:13:59.83\00:14:02.37
you know, now at first,
she's not going to be...
00:14:02.40\00:14:04.74
She's not going to
feel comfortable with saying
00:14:04.77\00:14:07.08
what she doesn't like, but
we'll just keep working it.
00:14:07.11\00:14:09.88
And then one more strategy.
00:14:09.91\00:14:12.25
Give honest, positive feedback.
00:14:12.28\00:14:14.98
Do your very best to be honest,
but kind with your feedback.
00:14:15.02\00:14:19.42
So you probably won't
hear on the next video that
00:14:19.45\00:14:23.93
"it's a mess,"
we won't hear that.
00:14:23.96\00:14:26.93
Well, our time is up and I think
00:14:26.96\00:14:29.33
we're going to have a
very brief word of prayer
00:14:29.36\00:14:31.60
before we leave and
ask the Lord to guide
00:14:31.63\00:14:33.57
as you try these
strategies, okay?
00:14:33.60\00:14:35.27
Okay. Okay.
00:14:35.30\00:14:37.74
Most honorable
Father, we're just so grateful
00:14:37.77\00:14:39.77
for Your healing
power in this family.
00:14:39.81\00:14:41.74
We thank You so much
00:14:41.78\00:14:43.11
that they have
an understanding now
00:14:43.14\00:14:44.48
that they didn't have before.
00:14:44.51\00:14:45.85
We ask, Lord, that
You would help them
00:14:45.88\00:14:47.22
to continuously
use the strategies.
00:14:47.25\00:14:49.08
Dear Father, and
that their family
00:14:49.12\00:14:50.45
would continue to
grow in love and kindness
00:14:50.49\00:14:52.65
towards each
other and towards You.
00:14:52.69\00:14:54.46
So we praise You, Lord,
for Your healing powers,
00:14:54.49\00:14:56.22
and we thank You so much
for entering into this home.
00:14:56.26\00:14:58.76
In Jesus' name we
pray and praise You always.
00:14:58.79\00:15:00.96
Amen.
00:15:01.00\00:15:02.33
All right, thank you so much,
00:15:02.36\00:15:03.70
and I'll look forward
to seeing you next week.
00:15:03.73\00:15:05.47
All right, thank you. Okay.
00:15:05.50\00:15:06.97
So hi, how are you doing today?
00:15:11.97\00:15:13.91
All right. We're
doing pretty good today.
00:15:13.94\00:15:15.38
Okay, you seem so much
more calm since the last time.
00:15:15.41\00:15:18.35
Yes, we are.
00:15:18.38\00:15:19.71
Okay, what's going
on at home right now?
00:15:19.75\00:15:22.52
Things are better.
Much better, much better.
00:15:22.55\00:15:24.15
Better, really, much? Yes, yes.
00:15:24.19\00:15:27.16
Oh, I didn't
expect you to hear that.
00:15:27.19\00:15:29.32
Okay, what kind of things
00:15:29.36\00:15:30.96
that was going on
that's much better?
00:15:30.99\00:15:33.23
Just a few things
before we go to...
00:15:33.26\00:15:35.53
Well, last time we talked
about our daughter's artwork,
00:15:35.56\00:15:40.07
and she got very good at it,
00:15:40.10\00:15:42.20
and ended up in
a citywide exhibit.
00:15:42.24\00:15:45.47
Oh, okay, all right.
00:15:45.51\00:15:46.84
We're going to talk a
little bit more about that.
00:15:46.88\00:15:48.48
Let's go to our...
00:15:48.51\00:15:51.31
our camera work
that we did in your home.
00:15:51.35\00:15:53.75
And thank you for allowing
us to come in to see it.
00:15:53.78\00:15:56.05
So let's look at what we have.
00:15:56.08\00:15:59.55
Look, Mom, I drew you a picture.
00:15:59.59\00:16:02.16
Oh, honey, that is so sweet.
00:16:02.19\00:16:04.93
My little budding artist,
00:16:04.96\00:16:06.46
you drew a
picture of our family,
00:16:06.49\00:16:08.23
your dad and me and you.
00:16:08.26\00:16:10.27
You got a lot of nice
colors going on in this.
00:16:10.30\00:16:12.97
I really love this red.
00:16:13.00\00:16:14.40
What's your
favorite color in here?
00:16:14.44\00:16:15.84
My favorite color is blue. Okay.
00:16:15.87\00:16:20.11
How do you like
it, Dad? You know what?
00:16:20.14\00:16:22.54
This is really interesting,
00:16:22.58\00:16:24.85
and what I've liked the
most is you made it for us.
00:16:24.88\00:16:28.18
God has really blessed
you with many, many talents.
00:16:28.22\00:16:31.69
So, honey, what do you
like the most about it?
00:16:31.72\00:16:34.02
And what would you do
differently next time?
00:16:34.06\00:16:36.12
Well, I like the
different colors,
00:16:36.16\00:16:38.33
and maybe next time
00:16:38.36\00:16:39.79
I'll use a
bigger sheet of paper.
00:16:39.83\00:16:41.53
Okay. Okay, what kind...
00:16:41.56\00:16:42.90
What else would you do?
00:16:42.93\00:16:44.43
Well, I'll have to
make it neat for next time.
00:16:44.47\00:16:48.04
Okay.
00:16:48.07\00:16:49.40
And the paper is
like really wrinkled up,
00:16:49.44\00:16:51.37
what happened with that?
00:16:51.41\00:16:52.77
Well, I kind of
put it in my backpack,
00:16:52.81\00:16:55.74
and it just
became really wrinkled.
00:16:55.78\00:16:58.38
Okay, so you could
00:16:58.41\00:16:59.75
maybe be a
little more organized,
00:16:59.78\00:17:01.12
a little neater
with your things.
00:17:01.15\00:17:02.85
Okay.
00:17:02.88\00:17:04.45
You know what I
did, I signed us up,
00:17:04.49\00:17:06.86
me and you to an art
class and it starts next week.
00:17:06.89\00:17:10.13
What do you think
about that? I can't wait.
00:17:10.16\00:17:14.16
I'm gonna call my friend.
00:17:14.20\00:17:15.96
I just can't wait,
it's gonna be so much fun.
00:17:16.00\00:17:18.50
That was awesome. You
guys did such a great job.
00:17:21.60\00:17:26.14
I mean, I
actually saw strategies
00:17:26.17\00:17:28.31
being used in there, so
I'm not going to name them
00:17:28.34\00:17:31.31
but you tell me what strategies
that you see in there?
00:17:31.35\00:17:34.95
Well, the non-artist... Yes.
00:17:34.98\00:17:38.89
Was hit with that.
00:17:38.92\00:17:40.26
He signed her up for a art class
00:17:40.29\00:17:43.12
and he has actually gone
00:17:43.16\00:17:44.49
to the first art class with her.
00:17:44.53\00:17:45.99
Well, I thought
she needed some help,
00:17:46.03\00:17:47.80
you know, and
then you talked to me
00:17:47.83\00:17:49.20
about that before.
00:17:49.23\00:17:50.57
And instead of fussing at her
and telling her what was wrong,
00:17:50.60\00:17:54.00
trying to get her some
help, some instructive help.
00:17:54.04\00:17:56.44
Oh, I watched, you
were very constrained,
00:17:56.47\00:17:58.97
you were like
that's interesting,
00:17:59.01\00:18:01.04
we didn't here that's a mess.
00:18:01.08\00:18:02.74
That was very nice,
00:18:02.78\00:18:04.45
that was really
thoughtful on your part.
00:18:04.48\00:18:07.18
It's a hard
transition, isn't it?
00:18:07.22\00:18:09.68
It is.
00:18:09.72\00:18:11.05
It's a daily thing, you
have to work at it every day
00:18:11.09\00:18:13.79
and you'll get there.
00:18:13.82\00:18:15.26
Well, tell me a little bit
before we looked at the video,
00:18:15.29\00:18:18.96
you were saying
something about an art festival.
00:18:18.99\00:18:21.40
Yeah, it was an
exhibit, a citywide exhibit.
00:18:21.43\00:18:24.07
And she entered in,
00:18:24.10\00:18:25.43
and they have her
artwork displayed there.
00:18:25.47\00:18:29.54
He started out and telling her,
00:18:29.57\00:18:31.04
trying to correct her on things.
00:18:31.07\00:18:33.07
Yeah, and I was
gonna mention something
00:18:33.11\00:18:36.14
and I thought
should have been corrected
00:18:36.18\00:18:38.11
until my wife looked at me,
00:18:38.15\00:18:39.48
and I thought,
okay, let me not say that.
00:18:39.51\00:18:42.35
So I put my mouth
closed. Okay, you know what?
00:18:42.38\00:18:45.25
It takes a lot
of self-confidence
00:18:45.29\00:18:46.89
to put her art in the exhibit.
00:18:46.92\00:18:49.29
It did. It does.
00:18:49.32\00:18:50.66
Did you think about that?
00:18:50.69\00:18:52.03
Yeah, we put it on the
refrigerator after that.
00:18:52.06\00:18:53.93
Really?
00:18:53.96\00:18:55.30
Oh, you put it on
the refrigerator...
00:18:55.33\00:18:56.67
Instead of the garage.
00:18:56.70\00:18:58.20
So I know that
00:18:58.23\00:18:59.57
she is pretty pleased with this.
00:18:59.60\00:19:00.94
Is it still there? Yes.
00:19:00.97\00:19:02.30
Well, man, so you two
have really done a great job.
00:19:02.34\00:19:05.24
Have you...
00:19:05.27\00:19:06.61
Did you do any celebrating
00:19:06.64\00:19:07.98
for her art
festival achievement?
00:19:08.01\00:19:09.54
We did and after
it, you know, we went
00:19:09.58\00:19:12.01
and we looked at
all the different work,
00:19:12.05\00:19:13.82
art work that was there,
went out to eat that evening,
00:19:13.85\00:19:17.32
and she really
enjoyed that evening.
00:19:17.35\00:19:19.25
It was her pick
where she wanted to go eat.
00:19:19.29\00:19:20.79
Yes. She really liked that.
00:19:20.82\00:19:23.26
She probably felt
very special. Yeah.
00:19:23.29\00:19:25.26
Okay, that is so nice.
00:19:25.29\00:19:27.53
So you guys have gotten
00:19:27.56\00:19:28.90
the idea of what it
means to actually be positive.
00:19:28.93\00:19:32.30
What about saying
00:19:32.33\00:19:33.67
more positive things in general?
00:19:33.70\00:19:36.81
Yes, I mean, actually,
it's easy when you think about,
00:19:36.84\00:19:41.94
you know, art and you say
because art is so subjective,
00:19:41.98\00:19:44.78
and artists put their feelings
and their emotions into it.
00:19:44.81\00:19:48.28
So I started asking her,
00:19:48.32\00:19:49.75
you know, what do
you like about your art?
00:19:49.78\00:19:51.79
What were you thinking about?
00:19:51.82\00:19:54.09
You know, the thing
when you were drawing this?
00:19:54.12\00:19:56.42
You know, and she just
goes on and on and on and on,
00:19:56.46\00:19:59.06
it's like a flower opening out.
00:19:59.09\00:20:01.06
Well, and one thing
about that is we've...
00:20:01.10\00:20:03.43
I noticed, if you feed
off of what inspires her,
00:20:03.47\00:20:08.40
you know, it's not fake,
00:20:08.44\00:20:10.44
you know, you're
not just trying to
00:20:10.47\00:20:12.41
throw a bunch of flowers at her
00:20:12.44\00:20:13.91
'cause they ain't, kind
of, see through that too.
00:20:13.94\00:20:16.14
So I fed off of what
was important to her.
00:20:16.18\00:20:18.48
Okay, that's very nice.
00:20:18.51\00:20:20.22
You know, when
you mentioned that,
00:20:20.25\00:20:21.95
you talked to her and asked
her what she was thinking about.
00:20:21.98\00:20:25.35
That reminds me of art therapy.
Have you ever heard of that?
00:20:25.39\00:20:28.79
I've heard of it,
I'm not sure quite
00:20:28.82\00:20:30.86
what it's all about.
00:20:30.89\00:20:32.23
It really is this
therapeutic orientation
00:20:32.26\00:20:35.63
in which you actually use
00:20:35.66\00:20:37.00
what to express
the inner feelings,
00:20:37.03\00:20:39.47
and it sounds like
you're doing that very naturally
00:20:39.50\00:20:42.04
so that she can
express herself verbally,
00:20:42.07\00:20:45.37
and if she can't, she
can do it artistically.
00:20:45.41\00:20:46.78
Oh, great.
00:20:46.81\00:20:48.14
So that's very nice,
00:20:48.18\00:20:49.51
just like you may like
to listen to soft music,
00:20:49.54\00:20:53.92
painting may bring those
type of feelings for her,
00:20:53.95\00:20:56.32
a drawing,
whichever one she like.
00:20:56.35\00:20:58.19
That's interesting, I
never thought about that
00:20:58.22\00:20:59.69
because sometimes
when you look at her art,
00:20:59.72\00:21:02.06
it's just all over the place.
00:21:02.09\00:21:03.43
I think, she's
upset when she's...
00:21:03.46\00:21:05.89
Maybe, like you said,
she's expressing her feelings.
00:21:05.93\00:21:08.36
Well, I mean, you mentioned
the last time that she said,
00:21:08.40\00:21:12.33
you know, it was
all over the place
00:21:12.37\00:21:13.94
and she says she felt free.
00:21:13.97\00:21:16.40
So maybe it's just her
way of expressing freedom
00:21:16.44\00:21:19.37
that either she want
it or either she feels it.
00:21:19.41\00:21:23.28
I mean, we never can
know unless we ask her.
00:21:23.31\00:21:26.05
Right. The artist.
00:21:26.08\00:21:27.42
Right.
00:21:27.45\00:21:28.78
So you had some specific
ideas about work, real artwork,
00:21:28.82\00:21:32.39
how is that now?
00:21:32.42\00:21:33.76
Well, that's changed.
00:21:33.79\00:21:35.12
You know, I think
I was just upset then
00:21:35.16\00:21:37.63
because I had a certain idea
00:21:37.66\00:21:40.03
of what her work
should look like.
00:21:40.06\00:21:42.30
And that really
wasn't fair to her,
00:21:42.33\00:21:45.23
so I realized that.
00:21:45.27\00:21:46.60
Wow! Wow!
00:21:46.63\00:21:48.07
You know, I just
love the Holy Spirit.
00:21:48.10\00:21:50.77
You know, sometimes I
wonder how can you teach,
00:21:50.81\00:21:53.84
it's so much to teach.
00:21:53.88\00:21:55.21
But look at
what God did for you.
00:21:55.24\00:21:57.18
I mean, He just opened...
00:21:57.21\00:21:58.55
I know your wife is
trying to say it to you,
00:21:58.58\00:22:01.68
that's what the artist
is, what they're feeling,
00:22:01.72\00:22:04.15
but that is so nice
that you thought that.
00:22:04.19\00:22:06.05
It's very interesting
00:22:06.09\00:22:07.42
because I remember
you say you like art.
00:22:07.46\00:22:09.96
I love art.
00:22:09.99\00:22:11.69
He's taking her to the art class
00:22:11.73\00:22:13.09
so that's very interesting
that he's doing it and not you.
00:22:13.13\00:22:17.37
Do you do anything that,
00:22:17.40\00:22:18.83
you know, revolve
around artwork with her too?
00:22:18.87\00:22:21.24
Oh, what I decided to do
00:22:21.27\00:22:22.60
is that I
decided to take her to,
00:22:22.64\00:22:23.97
like one of the art
stores and we just bought...
00:22:24.01\00:22:26.31
We just walked through there
00:22:26.34\00:22:27.68
and we just
bought some of the things
00:22:27.71\00:22:29.04
that she wanted to
do, and then we came home,
00:22:29.08\00:22:33.25
and then, like, once a week
I'll sit down with her and say,
00:22:33.28\00:22:36.75
"Okay, you know,
00:22:36.79\00:22:38.12
what would you
like to draw this week?"
00:22:38.15\00:22:40.36
You know, "What
would you like to do?"
00:22:40.39\00:22:41.72
Sometimes it's
crafts, it's not always,
00:22:41.76\00:22:43.12
you know, drawing or painting,
00:22:43.16\00:22:44.89
sometimes it's crafts
and we do that together.
00:22:44.93\00:22:47.00
All right, so not
only are you spending time
00:22:47.03\00:22:49.80
with her doing
something she loves,
00:22:49.83\00:22:51.17
you're opening her mind
to other artistic means.
00:22:51.20\00:22:53.90
Right. That is pretty cute.
00:22:53.94\00:22:56.27
So which strategies
did you like the best?
00:22:56.30\00:22:59.87
I think being positive.
00:23:02.98\00:23:05.25
Even though I might
have saying something
00:23:05.28\00:23:06.88
that should have been corrected,
00:23:06.92\00:23:08.85
just in mentioning
00:23:08.88\00:23:11.12
what I saw might
need to be changed,
00:23:11.15\00:23:13.12
find something more positive
00:23:13.15\00:23:14.79
and dwell on that and
not the negative thing.
00:23:14.82\00:23:18.13
For me it was about appreciating
00:23:18.16\00:23:19.93
what she like.
00:23:19.96\00:23:22.10
You know, asking her
what did she like about it
00:23:22.13\00:23:24.47
and appreciating what she like.
00:23:24.50\00:23:26.23
And appreciating the artist
00:23:26.27\00:23:28.00
that she is and
hopefully will become
00:23:28.04\00:23:30.27
through the art classes.
00:23:30.31\00:23:32.47
It appears that for you,
00:23:32.51\00:23:34.44
her being able
to express herself
00:23:34.48\00:23:36.24
from the inside is
very important to you.
00:23:36.28\00:23:38.25
Yes, yes.
00:23:38.28\00:23:39.61
And then the
changes that she make
00:23:39.65\00:23:41.08
or the way she lives is the way
00:23:41.12\00:23:43.08
she desires to
live from the inside.
00:23:43.12\00:23:45.19
Yes. Oh, that's beautiful.
00:23:45.22\00:23:47.16
That's really nice.
00:23:47.19\00:23:48.59
So I want to ask you also,
00:23:48.62\00:23:50.86
what changes do you see in her?
00:23:50.89\00:23:52.83
Can you do,
seeing these specific
00:23:52.86\00:23:54.86
that's have been changed in her?
00:23:54.90\00:23:56.23
Well, you know, one thing,
00:23:56.26\00:23:57.67
she was always
looking for our approval,
00:23:57.70\00:23:59.53
and I think we pushed
her away by our harsh words.
00:23:59.57\00:24:03.41
So now she continues
to look for our approval,
00:24:03.44\00:24:06.41
but now she's
coming a little bit more,
00:24:06.44\00:24:09.61
I guess, she's more confident.
00:24:09.64\00:24:11.31
And now when she comes,
00:24:11.35\00:24:12.68
she knows we're not
gonna push her away,
00:24:12.71\00:24:14.72
and we will sit and talk to
her and spend some time with her
00:24:14.75\00:24:18.22
instead of just
pushing her off...
00:24:18.25\00:24:20.02
Or ignoring her. Yes.
00:24:20.06\00:24:21.92
I didn't like the way I
looked in that first video.
00:24:21.96\00:24:24.99
Yeah.
00:24:25.03\00:24:26.36
Well, thank goodness, guys,
that God have second, third,
00:24:26.39\00:24:28.63
fourth, fifth,
six chances, right?
00:24:28.66\00:24:31.13
So that's the
beauty of all this is
00:24:31.17\00:24:33.10
that you can see
yourself and you can choose.
00:24:33.13\00:24:35.70
You can still do what you
do or you can make a change.
00:24:35.74\00:24:38.87
You know what I really
like in this second video
00:24:38.91\00:24:41.64
was that you
asked her the question,
00:24:41.68\00:24:44.21
two things you like and
one thing you could change,
00:24:44.25\00:24:46.75
and she was really able to
target right on some things
00:24:46.78\00:24:50.22
that she could change.
00:24:50.25\00:24:51.59
I really like your
nonjudgmental stance
00:24:51.62\00:24:53.09
instead of saying,
00:24:53.12\00:24:54.76
"Girl, you know,
this paper is wrinkled."
00:24:54.79\00:24:56.83
You just went ahead with it
and allowed her to go with it,
00:24:56.86\00:24:59.56
and I know it's
very hard to not do it
00:24:59.59\00:25:02.60
but you went ahead and said,
"Maybe, you know, you could...
00:25:02.63\00:25:05.37
It doesn't have
to be so wrinkled."
00:25:05.40\00:25:07.50
I thought that was a
beautiful exchange for her
00:25:07.54\00:25:10.31
and to be able to accept it,
00:25:10.34\00:25:11.67
she didn't fall
apart, she didn't cry,
00:25:11.71\00:25:14.48
and she was, you
know, of course, hesitant
00:25:14.51\00:25:16.68
but she did a great job.
00:25:16.71\00:25:18.05
What do you think? I
think so. I think so.
00:25:18.08\00:25:19.41
Okay, so...
00:25:19.45\00:25:20.82
So it sounds like the
whole family is happier.
00:25:20.85\00:25:23.69
What personal changes
have happened for each of you?
00:25:23.72\00:25:27.36
Just one or two?
Well, you know what?
00:25:27.39\00:25:29.52
I had to take a
long hard look at myself,
00:25:29.56\00:25:33.03
you know, and
just kind of step back,
00:25:33.06\00:25:35.23
you know, once I
saw that first video.
00:25:35.26\00:25:38.33
And, you know, I had to do
some self reflecting and say,
00:25:38.37\00:25:42.04
"Hey, you know what?
00:25:42.07\00:25:43.41
This is not the message
that I'm trying to get across
00:25:43.44\00:25:46.64
to my children."
00:25:46.68\00:25:48.01
You know, disinterested,
and self-absorbed,
00:25:48.04\00:25:51.51
and, you know, what I'm saying.
00:25:51.55\00:25:53.48
Right.
00:25:53.52\00:25:54.85
I think what helped me is
to put myself in her shoes,
00:25:54.88\00:25:58.62
you know, how would
I feel if I was there,
00:25:58.65\00:26:01.09
and you kind of helped me
00:26:01.12\00:26:02.46
the last time we were here about
00:26:02.49\00:26:04.66
the example you
gave about my job,
00:26:04.69\00:26:06.59
you know, my boss would,
00:26:06.63\00:26:08.00
you know, react
to me with my work.
00:26:08.03\00:26:10.93
So I put myself in her
shoes and I didn't really like
00:26:10.97\00:26:15.14
what I saw, just like
you said, on that video,
00:26:15.17\00:26:18.17
so, you know, we
love our children
00:26:18.21\00:26:22.28
and we want them to do well.
00:26:22.31\00:26:24.05
And so I had to make
00:26:24.08\00:26:25.41
some kind of a
change to help her.
00:26:25.45\00:26:27.62
Okay, so I was jotting
down some of your ideas
00:26:27.65\00:26:31.99
and here's some
of the strategies
00:26:32.02\00:26:33.66
that you guys
came up on your own,
00:26:33.69\00:26:36.59
some self reflecting,
00:26:36.62\00:26:37.96
thinking about
what you are doing,
00:26:37.99\00:26:39.73
and stepping back
from what's going on to see
00:26:39.76\00:26:42.13
how your responses are
affecting other people.
00:26:42.16\00:26:46.03
The task of
learning to empathize,
00:26:46.07\00:26:49.40
think about how the
other person is feeling
00:26:49.44\00:26:51.84
and then your desire to do
00:26:51.87\00:26:53.41
the best for your children drove
00:26:53.44\00:26:55.01
you to make a change.
00:26:55.04\00:26:56.38
You'd be amazed
at how many people
00:26:56.41\00:26:57.75
actually refused
to make a change.
00:26:57.78\00:27:00.15
So I'm so happy for you now.
00:27:00.18\00:27:01.85
I know that you guys have
been praying so much more.
00:27:01.88\00:27:04.85
And so we're going to
just say a very brief prayer
00:27:04.89\00:27:07.09
and just thank God,
00:27:07.12\00:27:08.46
I love to thank
God for His work, okay.
00:27:08.49\00:27:10.99
Oh, I love that.
00:27:11.03\00:27:12.83
Thank You, Father,
so much for the healing
00:27:12.86\00:27:15.16
and restoration that
You brought to this home.
00:27:15.20\00:27:17.60
Dear, Lord, please
help each of us learn
00:27:17.63\00:27:19.67
to use the simple strategies
00:27:19.70\00:27:21.60
that You have on our
fingertips to be better parents.
00:27:21.64\00:27:24.57
In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
00:27:24.61\00:27:26.74
Amen. Amen.
00:27:26.78\00:27:28.24
So you guys
have done a great job
00:27:28.28\00:27:29.81
and I'll see you next week.
00:27:29.84\00:27:31.21
Thank you.
00:27:31.25\00:27:34.15
Parents always
want their children
00:27:34.18\00:27:36.08
to be highly successful.
00:27:36.12\00:27:38.09
Sometimes the help that
you're giving them causes
00:27:38.12\00:27:40.69
them more problems
than it actually resolves.
00:27:40.72\00:27:43.76
Attempting to prevent children
from experiencing difficulties
00:27:43.79\00:27:47.26
may cause them to
experience a lowered self-esteem
00:27:47.30\00:27:50.47
and out and out discouragement.
00:27:50.50\00:27:52.53
So here's a practical
strategy, "Let them fail."
00:27:52.57\00:27:57.11
I know that may
sound a little difficult
00:27:57.14\00:27:59.34
but every now
00:27:59.37\00:28:00.71
and then children
need to experience failure
00:28:00.74\00:28:03.98
so that they can learn from it,
00:28:04.01\00:28:05.38
they can learn how to fix
00:28:05.41\00:28:06.75
the situation without your help.
00:28:06.78\00:28:08.52
They can learn
00:28:08.55\00:28:09.88
that it's not
the end of the world
00:28:09.92\00:28:11.25
if they make a
mistake, and most of all,
00:28:11.29\00:28:13.46
they may even want
to turn to God in prayer
00:28:13.49\00:28:16.06
to get the situation resolved.
00:28:16.09\00:28:18.39
So let them fail.
00:28:18.43\00:28:20.63