дд
00:00:00.96\00:00:03.50
[organ music playing]
00:00:14.84\00:00:16.81
дд
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д Angels on high now д
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д praise the Creator д
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д Heavenly hosts bring д
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д praise to God д
00:00:33.09\00:00:35.73
д Radiant sunshine д
00:00:36.40\00:00:38.40
д beautiful starlight д
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д All in the sky bring д
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д praise to God д
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д All in the heavens д
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д all on the earth д
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д all honor His name д
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д All of creation д
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д now and forever д
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д honor His name д
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д All praise His name д
00:01:03.12\00:01:10.03
дд
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д Rivers and oceans д
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д mountains and valleys д
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д All on the earth bring д
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д praise to God д
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д Women and children д
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д men of all nations д
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д All He has made bring д
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д praise to God д
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д All in the heavens д
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д all on the earth д
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д all honor His name д
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д All of creation д
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д now and forever д
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д honor His name д
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д All praise His name д
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дд
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д Praise the Lord of all д
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д Praise the Lord of all д
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дд
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д By His command д
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д All things were created д
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д Heaven and earth bring д
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д praise to God д
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д All in the heaven д
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д bring praise д
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д All in the earth д
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д bring praise д
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д All He has made bring praise д
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д to God д
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дд
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д Praise to God д
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>> Our call to worship this
00:03:14.56\00:03:15.79
morning invites us to action, to
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praise God.
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Maybe sometimes we feel that our
00:03:20.76\00:03:22.30
circumstances don't lend
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themselves to our praise, but
00:03:24.53\00:03:26.23
they do.
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So I invite you this morning to
00:03:27.30\00:03:29.14
join me in a responsive reading
00:03:29.14\00:03:30.74
of the call to worship and I'm
00:03:30.74\00:03:32.01
inviting you to read with gusto
00:03:32.01\00:03:34.64
and energy as we...
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I invite you to stand with me
00:04:12.41\00:04:14.08
for the invocation and remain
00:04:14.08\00:04:16.02
standing for the songs that
00:04:16.02\00:04:17.79
follow.
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Let us pray.
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Our awesome God, creator of
00:04:28.73\00:04:32.97
heaven and earth.
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We worship You on this, Your
00:04:35.47\00:04:37.74
Holy Sabbath day.
00:04:37.74\00:04:39.31
We thank You that You have seen
00:04:40.74\00:04:42.84
it fit to spare our lives that
00:04:42.84\00:04:44.85
we should be here gathered
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together in worship.
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We thank You that You love us so
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much, beyond our comprehension.
00:04:54.16\00:04:57.89
And today as we worship, we
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invite You to take all of our
00:05:01.03\00:05:02.53
hearts, all of our minds, all of
00:05:02.53\00:05:06.53
our souls, all of our strength,
00:05:06.53\00:05:10.17
that You would help us to defy
00:05:10.17\00:05:12.07
all the distractions that seek
00:05:12.07\00:05:15.11
to destroy us and discourage us,
00:05:15.11\00:05:19.51
but that You will help us to be
00:05:19.51\00:05:21.02
defiant, to worship You in
00:05:21.02\00:05:24.92
spirit and in truth, whatever
00:05:24.92\00:05:27.66
the circumstances we face, we
00:05:27.66\00:05:30.26
praise You.
00:05:30.26\00:05:31.26
In Jesus' name, amen.
00:05:31.26\00:05:32.93
>> As you remain still standing,
00:05:35.53\00:05:37.10
I just want to remind us that
00:05:37.10\00:05:40.87
the concept of faith through
00:05:40.87\00:05:43.54
trials can be best understood
00:05:43.54\00:05:47.91
through the story of Job.
00:05:47.91\00:05:49.58
Even when he lost his wealth,
00:05:51.95\00:05:54.95
his health, and his family, Job
00:05:54.95\00:05:59.42
never lost his faith in God.
00:05:59.42\00:06:02.69
His story is a testament to the
00:06:03.59\00:06:06.59
power of maintaining trust in
00:06:06.59\00:06:09.43
God, despite the circumstances
00:06:09.43\00:06:13.74
you're going through.
00:06:13.74\00:06:15.37
So this morning, PMC, I'm
00:06:15.37\00:06:17.24
reminding you that sometimes the
00:06:17.24\00:06:19.87
loudest praises come from the
00:06:19.87\00:06:22.31
deepest valleys.
00:06:22.31\00:06:23.75
So let's continue to declare His
00:06:24.35\00:06:25.71
name this morning.
00:06:25.71\00:06:28.82
You know that song,
00:06:39.66\00:06:40.60
sing with me.
00:06:40.60\00:06:41.53
I raise...
00:06:51.61\00:06:52.61
I'm gonna sing...
00:07:13.66\00:07:15.13
Yes!
00:08:12.59\00:08:13.82
Sing with us!
00:08:24.33\00:08:25.53
PMC...
00:10:57.45\00:10:58.59
...when words fail,
00:11:00.89\00:11:03.19
when your words fail...
00:11:03.19\00:11:04.79
...fill the room with Jesus.
00:11:06.06\00:11:09.23
дд
00:11:09.23\00:11:11.80
[ABEL] Your name is power!
00:13:40.52\00:13:42.02
[ABEL] Your name is power!
00:15:01.00\00:15:02.53
Break every stronghold!
00:15:14.18\00:15:16.04
>> Welcome to part two of our
00:15:40.34\00:15:42.27
continuing series entitled How
00:15:42.27\00:15:45.01
To Stay Married Forever and
00:15:45.01\00:15:46.91
Like It.
00:15:46.91\00:15:47.81
Now, if you were here for part
00:15:48.74\00:15:49.78
one, you may recall that at the
00:15:49.78\00:15:51.55
beginning of that presentation,
00:15:51.55\00:15:53.08
I had wanted to show certain
00:15:53.08\00:15:55.95
pictures from my wedding day,
00:15:55.95\00:15:57.85
but because I recently moved and
00:15:57.85\00:15:58.99
everything is still lost in
00:15:58.99\00:15:59.95
boxes, I could not find what I
00:15:59.95\00:16:01.32
wanted.
00:16:01.32\00:16:01.96
What I did not think about is
00:16:01.96\00:16:04.33
that there were other people at
00:16:04.33\00:16:05.56
that wedding that might be
00:16:05.56\00:16:07.56
listening to that sermon.
00:16:07.56\00:16:09.16
And so my stepmother, very
00:16:09.16\00:16:10.83
faithful, she listened to that,
00:16:10.83\00:16:12.80
she said, "Aha, I have a
00:16:12.80\00:16:14.30
solution."
00:16:14.30\00:16:14.90
So here is a picture in which
00:16:15.00\00:16:17.54
not only is my wife smiling, but
00:16:17.54\00:16:19.81
so am I.
00:16:19.81\00:16:21.54
Right?
00:16:21.54\00:16:22.28
I didn't want you to think it
00:16:22.58\00:16:23.24
was just a great day for her.
00:16:23.24\00:16:24.61
Last week you couldn't see my
00:16:24.61\00:16:25.78
face, today you can.
00:16:25.78\00:16:27.28
It was a wonderful day.
00:16:27.28\00:16:28.78
Easily one of the best days of
00:16:28.78\00:16:30.39
our life.
00:16:30.39\00:16:32.09
So thank you very much to my
00:16:32.09\00:16:32.99
stepmother for providing that.
00:16:32.99\00:16:34.46
One of the reasons that it was
00:16:35.39\00:16:37.33
one of the happiest days of our
00:16:37.33\00:16:39.09
lives is because we followed
00:16:39.09\00:16:41.50
certain simple keys in finding
00:16:41.50\00:16:44.33
Mr. or Mrs. Right.
00:16:44.33\00:16:45.33
We went through four keys,
00:16:45.33\00:16:46.33
actually last week.
00:16:46.33\00:16:47.24
Let me just put them on the
00:16:47.24\00:16:48.00
screen here for you to
00:16:48.00\00:16:48.90
remind you.
00:16:48.90\00:16:49.67
Key number one, don't marry for
00:16:49.67\00:16:50.91
love, marry for life.
00:16:50.91\00:16:52.57
Take the long range view, look
00:16:52.57\00:16:54.78
carefully at basic day-to-day
00:16:54.78\00:16:56.58
compatibilities before you say
00:16:56.58\00:16:58.58
"I do."
00:16:58.58\00:16:59.45
Number two, take your time.
00:16:59.45\00:17:01.15
Take some time to see all the
00:17:01.15\00:17:02.55
good things and yes, to see the
00:17:02.55\00:17:04.25
flaws that the other person may
00:17:04.25\00:17:05.75
have.
00:17:05.75\00:17:06.35
Two-year rule, don't even
00:17:06.35\00:17:07.66
consider getting married until
00:17:07.66\00:17:08.86
you have dated for at least two
00:17:08.86\00:17:10.56
years.
00:17:10.56\00:17:11.23
Key number three, save physical
00:17:11.23\00:17:12.63
intimacy for marriage.
00:17:12.63\00:17:13.60
Don't live together.
00:17:13.60\00:17:14.36
Don't sleep together.
00:17:14.36\00:17:15.36
It will make it more difficult,
00:17:15.36\00:17:17.60
not better, for you to be able
00:17:17.60\00:17:19.37
to find a happy and forever
00:17:19.37\00:17:20.97
marriage.
00:17:20.97\00:17:21.64
And number four, the fourth key,
00:17:21.64\00:17:23.37
seek counsel from wise
00:17:23.37\00:17:24.81
God-following people.
00:17:24.81\00:17:26.11
It can be very helpful to get
00:17:26.11\00:17:28.38
the opinion of somebody who
00:17:28.38\00:17:29.84
knows God, knows His word and
00:17:29.84\00:17:31.51
has been around the track a few
00:17:31.51\00:17:32.98
more times than you have.
00:17:32.98\00:17:34.85
Now, with that in mind...
00:17:36.05\00:17:39.55
...some of you came to me
00:17:40.79\00:17:42.06
after last week's presentation
00:17:42.06\00:17:44.03
and said, "Pastor, that was
00:17:44.03\00:17:45.49
great, I loved it.
00:17:45.49\00:17:46.53
Thank you so much for the
00:17:46.53\00:17:47.50
information."
00:17:47.50\00:17:48.56
Some of you came up to me last
00:17:48.56\00:17:50.07
week and said, "That was
00:17:50.07\00:17:51.00
depressing because we didn't do
00:17:51.00\00:17:52.17
any of those things and now what
00:17:52.17\00:17:53.54
do I do?"
00:17:53.54\00:17:54.40
Right?
00:17:54.64\00:17:55.44
And essentially what that second
00:17:56.81\00:17:58.04
group was saying is, "Next week
00:17:58.04\00:18:00.28
had better be good."
00:18:00.28\00:18:01.74
[laughter]
00:18:02.08\00:18:03.45
So I do indeed hope that today
00:18:04.91\00:18:07.38
is helpful.
00:18:07.38\00:18:08.38
So I hope that you track with me
00:18:08.38\00:18:10.32
the whole time here.
00:18:10.32\00:18:11.22
Before we jump into part two,
00:18:11.22\00:18:13.56
two things I'd like you to
00:18:13.56\00:18:14.89
remember.
00:18:14.89\00:18:15.69
Number one, what I'm going to
00:18:15.69\00:18:17.89
say today applies to nearly
00:18:17.89\00:18:20.06
every couple who will be or is
00:18:20.06\00:18:22.36
currently married, but it may
00:18:22.36\00:18:24.47
not apply to couples that are in
00:18:24.47\00:18:26.70
abusive situations.
00:18:26.70\00:18:28.24
If you're in a situation where
00:18:28.64\00:18:29.67
there's verbal abuse, physical
00:18:29.67\00:18:30.57
abuse, emotional, sexual abuse,
00:18:30.57\00:18:32.37
etc., by the time I get to the
00:18:32.37\00:18:34.21
end, those of you that have had
00:18:34.21\00:18:35.84
experience with these things,
00:18:35.84\00:18:36.71
you may be nodding your head
00:18:36.71\00:18:37.68
saying, "I'm not sure all of
00:18:37.68\00:18:38.91
those are applicable in an
00:18:38.91\00:18:40.18
abusive relationship."
00:18:40.18\00:18:41.42
If you are listening to me right
00:18:41.85\00:18:43.12
now and you are in that kind of
00:18:43.12\00:18:45.42
an abusive relationship, you
00:18:45.42\00:18:47.26
need to find a Christian
00:18:47.26\00:18:48.26
counselor right away.
00:18:48.26\00:18:49.52
You need an intervention.
00:18:49.52\00:18:50.43
You may even need to call law
00:18:50.43\00:18:51.76
enforcement depending upon the
00:18:51.76\00:18:53.09
severity of your particular
00:18:53.09\00:18:54.46
situation.
00:18:54.46\00:18:55.33
Do not necessarily take
00:18:55.63\00:18:57.30
everything I'm about to say and
00:18:57.30\00:18:58.90
seek to overlay it onto that
00:18:58.90\00:19:00.77
relationship.
00:19:00.77\00:19:01.97
Number two, if you did not
00:19:01.97\00:19:04.97
follow God's plan for choosing a
00:19:04.97\00:19:06.81
spouse, if you didn't follow
00:19:06.81\00:19:08.24
those four keys or whatever keys
00:19:08.24\00:19:09.44
there might be in God's Word,
00:19:09.44\00:19:11.15
all is not lost.
00:19:11.15\00:19:13.52
In fact, if you have a seed of
00:19:14.85\00:19:17.22
willingness, if you and your
00:19:17.22\00:19:18.69
spouse have a seed of
00:19:18.69\00:19:20.02
willingness to make an attempt
00:19:20.02\00:19:22.39
to right the ship.
00:19:22.39\00:19:23.49
You know, Jesus had this saying,
00:19:23.49\00:19:24.63
He said, "If you have the faith
00:19:24.63\00:19:26.56
the size of a mustard seed, you
00:19:26.56\00:19:28.50
can move..." what?
00:19:28.50\00:19:29.70
"Mountains."
00:19:30.17\00:19:31.47
Well, some of you may feel like
00:19:31.47\00:19:32.70
there is a mountain of
00:19:32.70\00:19:33.80
difficulty in your marriage
00:19:33.80\00:19:35.60
relationship and you're like, "I
00:19:35.60\00:19:36.60
don't know how we can fix this,
00:19:36.60\00:19:38.07
I don't know how we can
00:19:38.07\00:19:38.84
unpack it."
00:19:38.84\00:19:39.77
There is hope.
00:19:39.77\00:19:41.04
There is good news.
00:19:41.04\00:19:42.54
In fact, I would say this, if
00:19:42.54\00:19:44.48
the two of you sincerely put
00:19:44.48\00:19:46.45
into practice the Bible
00:19:46.45\00:19:47.85
guidelines that we're gonna look
00:19:47.85\00:19:49.32
at today and next week, your
00:19:49.32\00:19:51.85
marriage cannot only pull out of
00:19:51.85\00:19:53.69
the dive it might be in now, but
00:19:53.69\00:19:55.36
it can even become downright
00:19:55.36\00:19:57.19
enjoyable.
00:19:57.19\00:19:58.19
Now, what if not both of you are
00:19:59.19\00:20:00.53
willing?
00:20:00.53\00:20:01.50
Come back next week.
00:20:01.96\00:20:03.00
We'll talk a little bit more
00:20:03.00\00:20:03.87
about that.
00:20:03.87\00:20:05.07
But if both of you are, the
00:20:05.07\00:20:07.97
possibility of being married
00:20:07.97\00:20:09.50
happily and forever, regardless
00:20:09.50\00:20:11.54
of your circumstances right now,
00:20:11.54\00:20:13.01
is not necessarily out of your
00:20:13.01\00:20:14.64
reach.
00:20:14.64\00:20:15.64
God specializes in U-turns.
00:20:15.64\00:20:17.78
So let's see what He can do.
00:20:18.85\00:20:20.28
What are the keys then, for
00:20:22.08\00:20:24.52
after you say "I do?"
00:20:24.52\00:20:26.86
How can you have a marriage that
00:20:26.86\00:20:28.29
lasts happily and forever after
00:20:28.29\00:20:29.92
you say "I do," even if there
00:20:29.92\00:20:31.03
have been some hiccups along
00:20:31.03\00:20:32.16
the way.
00:20:32.16\00:20:32.89
Last week we looked at four
00:20:32.89\00:20:33.70
keys, this week we're going to
00:20:33.70\00:20:35.53
look at three.
00:20:35.53\00:20:37.23
If you have a Bible, take a
00:20:37.67\00:20:38.53
look, please.
00:20:38.53\00:20:39.10
Deuteronomy chapter 24, verse 5.
00:20:39.23\00:20:41.50
Key number one, Deuteronomy
00:20:42.50\00:20:44.41
chapter 24, verse 5.
00:20:44.41\00:20:45.54
It's on page 139 in the pew
00:20:45.54\00:20:47.54
Bible.
00:20:47.54\00:20:48.31
It should be somewhere there
00:20:48.31\00:20:49.11
nearby, maybe right in front of
00:20:49.11\00:20:50.01
you or so.
00:20:50.01\00:20:51.01
Most of them are red.
00:20:51.01\00:20:52.01
Page 139, Deuteronomy chapter
00:20:52.01\00:20:54.52
24, verse 5.
00:20:54.52\00:20:56.75
Most people, when they are
00:20:58.49\00:20:59.52
looking for marriage advice in
00:20:59.52\00:21:01.59
the Bible don't go to the book
00:21:01.59\00:21:03.66
of Deuteronomy.
00:21:03.66\00:21:05.09
There are other places that they
00:21:05.09\00:21:05.99
will go, but as it turns out,
00:21:05.99\00:21:08.16
there are some golden pieces of
00:21:08.16\00:21:11.30
advice in Deuteronomy here.
00:21:11.30\00:21:13.70
Turns out God has been in the
00:21:13.70\00:21:15.07
good marriage business for a
00:21:15.07\00:21:16.37
very long time.
00:21:16.37\00:21:17.67
Deuteronomy chapter 24, just
00:21:17.67\00:21:19.04
verse 5, it says, "If a man has
00:21:19.04\00:21:21.54
recently married, he must not be
00:21:21.54\00:21:24.81
sent to war or have any other
00:21:24.81\00:21:27.82
duty laid on him.
00:21:27.82\00:21:29.32
For one year, he is to be free
00:21:29.32\00:21:31.99
to stay at home and bring
00:21:31.99\00:21:34.06
happiness to the wife he has
00:21:34.06\00:21:36.29
married."
00:21:36.29\00:21:37.29
Wow, let me read that last
00:21:38.03\00:21:39.23
sentence again.
00:21:39.23\00:21:40.00
"For one year he is to be free
00:21:40.00\00:21:41.90
to stay at home and bring
00:21:41.90\00:21:43.57
happiness to the wife that he
00:21:43.57\00:21:46.20
has married."
00:21:46.20\00:21:47.27
Key number one for after you say
00:21:50.01\00:21:52.67
"I do," to get on path-- track
00:21:52.67\00:21:54.28
here, to have a marriage that
00:21:54.28\00:21:55.28
lasts happily and forever is to
00:21:55.28\00:21:57.55
spend quality time together.
00:21:57.55\00:21:59.95
Spend quality time together.
00:22:01.22\00:22:04.19
Now, in the context of
00:22:05.05\00:22:06.25
Deuteronomy, chapter 24, verse
00:22:06.25\00:22:07.66
5, I'm not sure that all of you
00:22:07.66\00:22:09.06
grasp how revolutionary this
00:22:09.06\00:22:10.66
particular text is.
00:22:10.66\00:22:12.36
You know, today we, in the
00:22:12.36\00:22:13.50
United States, we don't have
00:22:13.50\00:22:14.93
compulsory military service.
00:22:14.93\00:22:16.06
Some countries do, we do not.
00:22:16.06\00:22:17.50
In fact, if there were to be a
00:22:17.50\00:22:19.47
change and there was, you know,
00:22:19.47\00:22:20.64
compulsory military service, you
00:22:20.64\00:22:21.90
would see it coming a long way
00:22:21.90\00:22:23.44
off, etc.
00:22:23.44\00:22:24.44
Not so in those days.
00:22:24.97\00:22:26.94
No email, no cell phones.
00:22:26.94\00:22:28.28
How did they live?
00:22:28.28\00:22:29.44
There was no politicians out
00:22:29.44\00:22:31.11
there being able to give
00:22:31.11\00:22:32.15
advanced warning.
00:22:32.15\00:22:33.48
A nation could show up on a
00:22:33.48\00:22:35.28
moment's notice and your nation
00:22:35.28\00:22:37.62
could be threatened with mortal
00:22:37.62\00:22:39.39
danger.
00:22:39.39\00:22:40.06
And so at those times, the call
00:22:40.06\00:22:41.89
would go out.
00:22:41.89\00:22:42.56
Every able bodied man was called
00:22:42.56\00:22:44.39
to arms.
00:22:44.39\00:22:45.43
Unless you just said, "I do."
00:22:47.10\00:22:49.50
And then you're off the hook.
00:22:50.27\00:22:51.87
You can stay home.
00:22:51.87\00:22:52.70
Everybody goes out and fights
00:22:52.70\00:22:53.54
and whatnot and you get to stay
00:22:53.54\00:22:54.84
home and for this year you get
00:22:54.84\00:22:56.34
to bring happiness to the wife
00:22:56.34\00:22:59.01
that you have married.
00:22:59.01\00:23:00.51
I mean, the point is clear,
00:23:01.11\00:23:02.24
spend quality time together.
00:23:02.24\00:23:04.71
Now, if you have just recently
00:23:04.71\00:23:06.48
been married, I know what you're
00:23:06.48\00:23:07.92
thinking.
00:23:07.92\00:23:08.58
You're thinking...
00:23:08.58\00:23:09.68
"Well, duh!
00:23:11.05\00:23:12.15
I mean, of course this is what
00:23:13.89\00:23:14.66
we're doing.
00:23:14.66\00:23:15.42
We love to spend time together.
00:23:15.42\00:23:16.59
When we were-- all of our
00:23:16.59\00:23:17.59
dating, we could hardly stand to
00:23:17.59\00:23:18.56
say goodbye in the evening, it
00:23:18.56\00:23:19.89
was joyous when we saw each
00:23:19.89\00:23:21.00
other in the morning, the sun
00:23:21.00\00:23:22.23
rose and set on each other's
00:23:22.23\00:23:23.57
company, how could you even
00:23:23.57\00:23:25.13
bother to bring this out
00:23:25.13\00:23:26.47
as a key?"
00:23:26.47\00:23:27.47
So here's the thing...
00:23:30.07\00:23:31.31
...sometimes it is very true, we
00:23:32.91\00:23:35.74
hope it's true, that when you
00:23:35.74\00:23:37.98
get married and the flush of the
00:23:37.98\00:23:39.98
excitement of it all, I mean, if
00:23:39.98\00:23:41.18
we're spending time together,
00:23:41.18\00:23:42.05
you don't even have to think
00:23:42.05\00:23:42.95
about it, it just comes, it's
00:23:42.95\00:23:44.22
just part of it.
00:23:44.22\00:23:45.09
But sometimes it also happens
00:23:45.09\00:23:47.72
that as that initial excitement
00:23:47.72\00:23:49.39
fades away and year begins to
00:23:49.39\00:23:50.89
build upon year, that sometimes
00:23:50.89\00:23:52.96
this time together doesn't
00:23:52.96\00:23:55.20
happen like it's supposed to.
00:23:55.20\00:23:57.80
In fact, sometimes, shall we
00:23:58.43\00:24:02.27
say, the caveman mentality comes
00:24:02.27\00:24:04.34
in, okay?
00:24:04.34\00:24:06.14
I'm just gonna speak for myself
00:24:06.14\00:24:07.28
because this was certainly me.
00:24:07.28\00:24:08.61
When I was seriously dating my
00:24:08.61\00:24:10.48
not-yet wife, Darlene, this was
00:24:10.48\00:24:13.11
kind of my story.
00:24:13.11\00:24:14.12
I had this caveman philosophy.
00:24:14.12\00:24:16.02
"Me want wife.
00:24:17.35\00:24:19.05
Me find wife.
00:24:19.85\00:24:21.76
Ahh, she hot.
00:24:22.16\00:24:23.96
Me go after wife.
00:24:23.96\00:24:25.36
Yes.
00:24:25.36\00:24:26.29
She like me.
00:24:26.29\00:24:27.40
We date.
00:24:27.40\00:24:28.30
Two-year rule, we follow.
00:24:28.30\00:24:29.93
Yes.
00:24:29.93\00:24:30.77
We say 'I do.'
00:24:30.77\00:24:32.03
Me got wife!
00:24:32.03\00:24:33.64
Me now go play golf."
00:24:34.54\00:24:36.47
[laughter]
00:24:36.47\00:24:38.17
Okay?
00:24:38.17\00:24:39.01
And that caveman mentality can
00:24:40.58\00:24:43.01
have some sway.
00:24:43.01\00:24:44.18
I mean, it happens.
00:24:44.18\00:24:45.55
And it happens perhaps more
00:24:45.55\00:24:48.15
often than we would like
00:24:48.15\00:24:50.32
to think.
00:24:50.32\00:24:51.32
But the Bible is clear here.
00:24:51.82\00:24:53.46
God's wisdom is clear.
00:24:53.46\00:24:54.72
That's not how it's supposed
00:24:54.72\00:24:56.06
to be.
00:24:56.06\00:24:56.56
God calls us to spend quality
00:24:56.76\00:24:58.66
time with our spouses, and I
00:24:58.66\00:25:01.03
hope the principle is clear, not
00:25:01.03\00:25:03.03
just for 365 days.
00:25:03.03\00:25:05.10
God is trying to drive home a
00:25:06.03\00:25:07.27
point here.
00:25:07.27\00:25:07.94
Now, again, when I was seriously
00:25:07.94\00:25:09.34
dating Darlene, this idea and
00:25:09.34\00:25:11.51
practice of quality time, for
00:25:11.51\00:25:13.07
her, natural.
00:25:13.07\00:25:14.38
I mean just, this was, she was
00:25:14.38\00:25:15.54
right there with it, no problem
00:25:15.54\00:25:16.78
for her.
00:25:16.78\00:25:17.51
For me, I needed help.
00:25:17.91\00:25:20.15
I had little to no idea what God
00:25:20.15\00:25:21.72
meant when He asks us to spend
00:25:21.72\00:25:23.59
quality time with one's spouse.
00:25:23.59\00:25:25.35
For instance, one of the ways
00:25:25.35\00:25:27.62
that a married couple should
00:25:27.62\00:25:28.69
spend time together is by
00:25:28.69\00:25:30.29
talking with each other
00:25:30.29\00:25:31.86
regularly.
00:25:31.86\00:25:32.86
I remember, now this is before
00:25:33.90\00:25:35.33
we got married, not too long
00:25:35.33\00:25:36.20
before we got married, you know,
00:25:36.20\00:25:37.83
I was serious about trying to
00:25:37.83\00:25:38.90
get myself ready for this
00:25:38.90\00:25:40.34
relationship.
00:25:40.34\00:25:41.37
We had decided that we were
00:25:41.37\00:25:42.27
gonna read some books on
00:25:42.27\00:25:43.27
marriage.
00:25:43.27\00:25:43.87
One of the ones I read was
00:25:43.87\00:25:45.04
called His Needs, Her Needs by
00:25:45.04\00:25:47.08
Willard F. Harley.
00:25:47.08\00:25:48.41
And this is back in the 1990s so
00:25:48.41\00:25:50.41
the research may have changed
00:25:50.41\00:25:52.41
since then, I don't know.
00:25:52.41\00:25:54.15
But at that time, Harley, the
00:25:54.15\00:25:55.72
author of the book, had done
00:25:55.72\00:25:56.85
research on the number of words
00:25:56.85\00:26:00.12
that the average male and the
00:26:00.12\00:26:01.59
average female speak in a day.
00:26:01.59\00:26:04.29
So you gotta picture this, I'm
00:26:05.23\00:26:06.56
at my apartment complex there, I
00:26:06.56\00:26:08.56
had this little tiny apartment
00:26:08.56\00:26:09.63
and I'm at the laundromat.
00:26:09.63\00:26:11.63
I'm sitting on top of a dryer
00:26:11.63\00:26:13.57
reading this book, waiting for
00:26:13.57\00:26:15.07
my clothes to dry.
00:26:15.07\00:26:16.30
And I get to this section, talks
00:26:16.64\00:26:17.51
about spending quality time
00:26:17.51\00:26:18.61
together, okay, yeah, let's
00:26:18.61\00:26:19.97
learn about that.
00:26:19.97\00:26:21.14
And then he talks about talking
00:26:21.14\00:26:22.64
with your spouse, okay, what's--
00:26:22.64\00:26:24.38
what do I do for that?
00:26:24.38\00:26:26.01
And he comes to this research
00:26:26.01\00:26:27.12
section.
00:26:27.12\00:26:27.75
"The average man," he says,
00:26:27.75\00:26:29.65
"speaks..."
00:26:29.65\00:26:30.59
Any guesses?
00:26:30.59\00:26:31.15
How many words in a day?
00:26:31.15\00:26:32.32
Who said two?
00:26:33.52\00:26:34.56
[audience laughter]
00:26:34.82\00:26:36.46
That was awful.
00:26:37.06\00:26:37.96
See me-- go to your room.
00:26:37.96\00:26:38.96
This is, yeah.
00:26:38.96\00:26:40.26
It's actually more than two.
00:26:40.63\00:26:41.93
Any guesses?
00:26:41.93\00:26:42.83
Three hundred? Oh my.
00:26:45.17\00:26:46.80
It's actually, I was a little
00:26:48.24\00:26:49.40
surprised, too, actually, I
00:26:49.40\00:26:50.67
don't fault any of these answers
00:26:50.67\00:26:51.71
here, 12,000 words.
00:26:51.71\00:26:53.78
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:26:54.78\00:26:55.71
Surprising, isn't it?
00:26:55.71\00:26:56.34
Twelve thousand words, okay?
00:26:56.34\00:26:58.25
And then Harley, the author
00:26:58.25\00:26:59.71
says, "Now the average woman
00:26:59.71\00:27:01.65
speaks..."
00:27:01.65\00:27:02.88
Oh, you skeptic's.
00:27:06.96\00:27:08.26
Twenty-five thousand words
00:27:10.76\00:27:11.99
a day.
00:27:11.99\00:27:12.89
Now, maybe that's all changed by
00:27:14.36\00:27:15.96
now in modern times, but in
00:27:15.96\00:27:17.63
those days, those were the fresh
00:27:17.63\00:27:18.57
stats.
00:27:18.57\00:27:19.30
And I remember very clearly,
00:27:19.30\00:27:20.77
this was my response, I'd be
00:27:20.77\00:27:21.90
reading, "The average man speaks
00:27:21.90\00:27:23.24
12,000, the average woman speaks
00:27:23.24\00:27:24.84
25,000?!"
00:27:24.84\00:27:26.57
You know, I said something out
00:27:27.34\00:27:28.31
loud, about fell off of the
00:27:28.31\00:27:29.24
laundry because I thought, how
00:27:29.24\00:27:30.75
am I gonna keep--
00:27:30.75\00:27:31.41
You see, what I was picturing in
00:27:31.41\00:27:32.58
my mind is this, I'm gonna come
00:27:32.58\00:27:34.05
home after a long day from work
00:27:34.05\00:27:35.68
and my wife will only be halfway
00:27:35.68\00:27:37.62
done.
00:27:37.62\00:27:38.35
[laughter]
00:27:38.35\00:27:39.92
She's gonna wanna talk the
00:27:39.92\00:27:41.06
entire evening.
00:27:41.06\00:27:41.99
I thought, "Oh, what am I gonna
00:27:41.99\00:27:42.99
do, what am I gonna do?"
00:27:42.99\00:27:44.43
But I was serious about wanting
00:27:46.03\00:27:47.20
to have a good marriage, right?
00:27:47.20\00:27:48.73
I'd seen enough of things that
00:27:48.73\00:27:49.83
didn't work and I wanted my
00:27:49.83\00:27:50.87
marriage to work so we...
00:27:50.87\00:27:53.44
...tried to work something out.
00:27:54.77\00:27:55.84
We actually had a-- we had some
00:27:55.84\00:27:56.97
practice sessions, right?
00:27:56.97\00:27:59.21
And I faced this with
00:27:59.21\00:28:00.11
trepidation and some of you
00:28:00.11\00:28:01.54
husbands may know what I mean.
00:28:01.54\00:28:02.71
I mean, if your wife says to
00:28:02.71\00:28:04.38
you, "Honey, let's talk."
00:28:04.38\00:28:06.25
What do you say?
00:28:06.98\00:28:08.25
"Why? What's wrong?"
00:28:08.92\00:28:11.62
Yeah, exactly. Okay?
00:28:11.62\00:28:13.36
And this was my thoughts.
00:28:13.36\00:28:14.76
Okay, so we made, you know, this
00:28:14.76\00:28:17.43
practice time here, okay?
00:28:17.43\00:28:19.09
And I remember it very clearly,
00:28:19.09\00:28:21.80
we-- it was at the end of the
00:28:21.80\00:28:22.66
day and I was sitting on the
00:28:22.66\00:28:24.50
sofa on this end, and she was
00:28:24.50\00:28:25.73
sitting on the sofa on this end
00:28:25.73\00:28:27.24
like this.
00:28:27.24\00:28:28.00
And so, okay, we're here, you
00:28:28.00\00:28:28.80
know, it's the time we're gonna
00:28:28.80\00:28:30.11
practice this now.
00:28:30.11\00:28:30.84
So I said, "You start."
00:28:30.84\00:28:32.64
And she says, "Okay.
00:28:34.21\00:28:35.44
How was your day?"
00:28:36.68\00:28:38.11
What do you think I said?
00:28:40.58\00:28:41.92
"Fine."
00:28:42.15\00:28:43.02
Yes.
00:28:43.02\00:28:43.75
She said, "No, you have to do
00:28:44.65\00:28:45.39
better than that."
00:28:45.39\00:28:45.99
I said, "Well, like, what?
00:28:45.99\00:28:46.82
What do you wanna know?"
00:28:46.82\00:28:47.66
She said, "Well, who did you
00:28:47.66\00:28:48.36
see?"
00:28:48.36\00:28:49.16
I said, "Well, the church
00:28:50.06\00:28:51.66
secretary was there and the
00:28:51.66\00:28:53.29
custodian was there and I had a
00:28:53.29\00:28:55.10
few people that I met with."
00:28:55.10\00:28:56.56
She said, "What were they
00:28:57.17\00:28:58.03
wearing?"
00:28:58.03\00:28:58.87
[laughter]
00:28:59.47\00:29:01.10
"Wearing?
00:29:01.74\00:29:02.60
I mean, I don't know.
00:29:02.60\00:29:03.34
I mean, clothes.
00:29:03.34\00:29:04.24
I have no idea what they were
00:29:04.24\00:29:05.31
wearing," right?
00:29:05.31\00:29:06.68
She said, "Well, what did you
00:29:06.68\00:29:07.54
talk about?" right?
00:29:07.54\00:29:08.34
So this was genuinely painful.
00:29:08.34\00:29:10.08
I mean, it was wooden, right?
00:29:10.08\00:29:11.18
It just-- but I really wanted to
00:29:11.18\00:29:13.75
have a good marriage.
00:29:13.75\00:29:15.12
I wanted to do things, I wanted
00:29:15.12\00:29:16.28
to pick up these skills that
00:29:16.28\00:29:17.39
obviously I did not have.
00:29:17.39\00:29:18.85
So we worked at it and as wooden
00:29:18.85\00:29:20.49
as it was, over time it became
00:29:20.49\00:29:23.36
almost natural.
00:29:23.36\00:29:24.79
You see, God is trying to send a
00:29:26.63\00:29:29.80
message here in Deuteronomy.
00:29:29.80\00:29:31.93
He's trying to say God kept
00:29:31.93\00:29:33.90
those warriors home for a year
00:29:33.90\00:29:35.37
to teach them that spending
00:29:35.37\00:29:37.37
quality time with their spouse
00:29:37.37\00:29:39.21
was essential to a happy forever
00:29:39.21\00:29:42.28
marriage.
00:29:42.28\00:29:43.31
And practically speaking, one of
00:29:43.31\00:29:44.88
those things that it means is
00:29:44.88\00:29:46.31
just talking together, talking
00:29:46.31\00:29:48.48
about life, making time
00:29:48.48\00:29:50.29
each day.
00:29:50.29\00:29:50.89
This would be my counsel to you,
00:29:50.99\00:29:52.49
whether your marriage is soaring
00:29:52.49\00:29:53.89
on the wings of eagles or if
00:29:53.89\00:29:55.39
you're down in the pits of
00:29:55.39\00:29:56.66
despair, make a decision that
00:29:56.66\00:29:58.89
there will be time each day that
00:29:58.89\00:30:00.30
you will sit down and that you
00:30:00.30\00:30:01.43
will talk.
00:30:01.43\00:30:02.23
Now, if you're not in the habit
00:30:02.80\00:30:03.67
of doing this, you say, "What do
00:30:03.67\00:30:04.43
we talk about?"
00:30:04.43\00:30:05.17
Well, talk about the basic
00:30:05.17\00:30:06.47
things of life.
00:30:06.47\00:30:07.47
Talk about where you went, who
00:30:07.87\00:30:08.90
you saw, what they talked about.
00:30:08.90\00:30:10.67
Gentlemen, if you can remember
00:30:10.67\00:30:11.57
what they were wearing, share
00:30:11.57\00:30:12.44
that information.
00:30:12.44\00:30:13.11
My wife's face lights up when I
00:30:13.11\00:30:14.51
remember those things, you know,
00:30:14.51\00:30:16.01
these mundane things.
00:30:16.01\00:30:17.55
Here's the secret about this
00:30:17.55\00:30:19.35
type of conversation, when you
00:30:19.35\00:30:22.58
have this type of regular basic
00:30:22.58\00:30:25.92
day-to-day conversation with
00:30:25.92\00:30:27.76
your spouse, you not only get to
00:30:27.76\00:30:30.59
know them, you get to trust
00:30:30.59\00:30:33.60
them.
00:30:33.60\00:30:34.56
You say, "Well, wait a second.
00:30:37.27\00:30:38.20
We got married, we said "I do,"
00:30:38.20\00:30:39.57
I mean, don't we don't we trust
00:30:39.57\00:30:40.84
each other?
00:30:40.84\00:30:41.84
Nature abhors a vacuum.
00:30:44.11\00:30:45.81
If your spouse doesn't know what
00:30:46.74\00:30:47.98
you do each day, how can you
00:30:47.98\00:30:50.05
really say that they know you?
00:30:50.05\00:30:52.81
And so now when my wife asks me,
00:30:54.28\00:30:55.98
"How was your day?"
00:30:55.98\00:30:57.32
I know how to answer.
00:30:57.32\00:30:58.49
I know how to go through those
00:30:59.12\00:31:00.29
things.
00:31:00.29\00:31:01.02
And there is a genuine part of
00:31:01.02\00:31:02.19
me that enjoys doing those types
00:31:02.19\00:31:04.46
of things.
00:31:04.46\00:31:05.29
Husbands, wives, if you don't
00:31:05.86\00:31:07.03
yet have a time like this, make
00:31:07.03\00:31:08.23
it, make a schedule.
00:31:08.23\00:31:09.20
Just go ahead and be wooden and
00:31:09.20\00:31:10.67
say, "Well, Pastor Shane can
00:31:10.67\00:31:11.47
muddle through that, so can I,"
00:31:11.47\00:31:12.67
okay?
00:31:12.67\00:31:13.50
Make that time and talk to each
00:31:13.50\00:31:14.67
other.
00:31:14.67\00:31:15.50
Another way to spend quality
00:31:15.50\00:31:16.67
time together, consider making a
00:31:16.67\00:31:17.97
date night.
00:31:17.97\00:31:18.97
You can do this once a month, I
00:31:18.97\00:31:20.31
would encourage you, if you can,
00:31:20.31\00:31:21.21
to do it once a week.
00:31:21.21\00:31:22.71
It's a time when just you and
00:31:22.71\00:31:23.68
your spouse can get away.
00:31:23.68\00:31:24.91
It doesn't have to be fancy, you
00:31:24.91\00:31:25.98
don't even have to spend any
00:31:25.98\00:31:26.98
money.
00:31:26.98\00:31:27.62
You can go for a walk together,
00:31:27.68\00:31:28.72
you can spend time walking
00:31:28.72\00:31:31.15
through--
00:31:31.15\00:31:31.95
My wife and I, we used to go to
00:31:31.95\00:31:32.99
Home Depot and we would just
00:31:32.99\00:31:35.66
window shop, right?
00:31:35.66\00:31:37.56
"Well, what do you think about
00:31:37.56\00:31:38.49
that light over there?"
00:31:38.49\00:31:39.73
"Oh, that's pretty cool."
00:31:39.73\00:31:40.70
You know, "How about this shower
00:31:40.70\00:31:42.50
over here," you know.
00:31:42.50\00:31:43.23
Things-- we didn't have any
00:31:43.23\00:31:44.10
money, we couldn't have bought
00:31:44.10\00:31:45.07
these things, but it was just
00:31:45.07\00:31:46.00
window shopping, and it helped
00:31:46.00\00:31:47.24
to lead to day-to-day
00:31:47.24\00:31:48.10
conversations that were
00:31:48.10\00:31:49.17
excellent.
00:31:49.17\00:31:49.94
If you have children, find a
00:31:49.94\00:31:51.34
good babysitter.
00:31:51.34\00:31:52.54
They will be enriched in their
00:31:52.54\00:31:53.71
wallet and you will be enriched
00:31:53.71\00:31:55.18
in your souls.
00:31:55.18\00:31:56.34
Make that time and that way,
00:31:56.34\00:31:58.71
even if you don't get a
00:31:58.71\00:32:00.18
day-to-day time to talk about
00:32:00.18\00:32:02.15
this, you know, say it's a
00:32:02.15\00:32:03.25
really busy week, you know that
00:32:03.25\00:32:04.92
date night is coming.
00:32:04.92\00:32:06.05
It's a great backstop to keep
00:32:06.05\00:32:08.12
the lines of communication open.
00:32:08.12\00:32:10.26
Now, if you are serious about
00:32:10.89\00:32:12.26
this quality talking time, you
00:32:12.26\00:32:14.46
will quickly find that it is not
00:32:14.46\00:32:15.80
always easy to schedule.
00:32:15.80\00:32:17.10
Remember, we talked about the
00:32:17.10\00:32:18.03
world warring against your
00:32:18.03\00:32:18.97
marriage last week?
00:32:18.97\00:32:20.17
It is oh so true.
00:32:20.17\00:32:21.47
So I just wanna encourage you,
00:32:21.97\00:32:23.00
be brutal with your schedule, be
00:32:23.00\00:32:26.31
brutal with it.
00:32:26.31\00:32:27.28
Don't let anything stand in the
00:32:27.28\00:32:28.71
way from this type of
00:32:28.71\00:32:30.08
connection.
00:32:30.08\00:32:31.08
So I wanna give you a little
00:32:33.95\00:32:34.72
challenge
00:32:34.72\00:32:35.65
on this key.
00:32:35.65\00:32:36.65
Be brave, ask your wife, ask
00:32:37.69\00:32:40.22
your husband, "Do you think we
00:32:40.22\00:32:42.12
are spending enough quality time
00:32:42.12\00:32:43.99
together?
00:32:43.99\00:32:45.29
Do you think we are talking
00:32:45.29\00:32:46.29
enough with each other?"
00:32:46.29\00:32:47.83
In fact, maybe ask them to
00:32:48.33\00:32:49.93
assign a number between one and
00:32:49.93\00:32:51.73
five, okay, to rate the level of
00:32:51.73\00:32:53.30
your quality time together.
00:32:53.30\00:32:54.94
A five means you're doing great.
00:32:54.94\00:32:56.47
You're like two starlings
00:32:56.47\00:32:57.74
sitting regularly on a power
00:32:57.74\00:32:58.71
pole, chatting away to both of
00:32:58.71\00:32:59.84
your heart's content, okay?
00:32:59.84\00:33:01.48
A one means that you're like two
00:33:01.91\00:33:03.48
monks that have taken a vow of
00:33:03.48\00:33:04.78
silence and something is
00:33:04.78\00:33:05.91
probably gonna have to change,
00:33:05.91\00:33:07.05
right?
00:33:07.05\00:33:08.05
Be honest, listen to each
00:33:08.05\00:33:09.32
other's answers, and then ask
00:33:09.32\00:33:11.15
God for the strength to make any
00:33:11.15\00:33:13.22
necessary changes and make them.
00:33:13.22\00:33:15.26
And guess what, guess what?
00:33:15.26\00:33:17.33
If you regularly spend quality
00:33:18.06\00:33:20.70
time with your spouse, for most
00:33:20.70\00:33:23.03
couples, at least two things
00:33:23.03\00:33:25.07
will sooner or later become true
00:33:25.07\00:33:26.50
for you.
00:33:26.50\00:33:27.10
Number one, you will begin to
00:33:27.20\00:33:28.87
experience the deep abiding
00:33:28.87\00:33:30.51
companionship that comes from
00:33:30.51\00:33:31.84
such regular interaction.
00:33:31.84\00:33:33.38
It may take some time, keep at
00:33:33.38\00:33:34.71
it, regular practice of sharing
00:33:34.71\00:33:36.78
your lives and quality time
00:33:36.78\00:33:38.45
together can work wonders for a
00:33:38.45\00:33:40.62
previously distant couple.
00:33:40.62\00:33:42.25
And second, if you regularly
00:33:43.18\00:33:45.45
spend quality time together,
00:33:45.45\00:33:47.29
then when something truly nasty
00:33:47.29\00:33:48.79
comes down the pike, a problem
00:33:48.79\00:33:50.63
that threatens to rock your
00:33:50.63\00:33:51.89
whole marriage, well, by then,
00:33:51.89\00:33:53.86
your communication level with
00:33:53.86\00:33:55.13
each-- will be such with each
00:33:55.13\00:33:56.46
other that you are on or nearly
00:33:56.46\00:33:58.43
on the same page, you're on the
00:33:58.43\00:34:00.10
same wavelength, and potential
00:34:00.10\00:34:02.40
disasters, many of them can be
00:34:02.40\00:34:04.37
reduced to mere bumps in the
00:34:04.37\00:34:06.17
marriage road.
00:34:06.17\00:34:07.41
If you have walked with each
00:34:08.04\00:34:08.98
other when the seas of life are
00:34:08.98\00:34:10.51
calm, it makes it that much
00:34:10.51\00:34:13.05
easier to tackle life when
00:34:13.05\00:34:14.78
things get stormy.
00:34:14.78\00:34:16.48
We'll talk more about
00:34:19.12\00:34:19.92
communication problems and
00:34:19.92\00:34:21.12
conflict resolution in part
00:34:21.12\00:34:22.29
three.
00:34:22.29\00:34:23.19
But until then, I want to
00:34:23.19\00:34:24.53
encourage you strongly, please
00:34:24.53\00:34:26.29
start this practice today.
00:34:26.29\00:34:28.16
It is so important to spend
00:34:28.16\00:34:29.76
quality time with your spouse.
00:34:29.76\00:34:33.23
That's the first key.
00:34:35.40\00:34:36.50
There is a second key to finding
00:34:37.77\00:34:41.71
happiness forever after you say
00:34:41.71\00:34:43.95
"I do."
00:34:43.95\00:34:44.75
Take a look at Matthew chapter
00:34:44.75\00:34:46.01
19, verse 3.
00:34:46.01\00:34:47.85
So on page 663 in your pew
00:34:48.32\00:34:50.42
Bible, 663.
00:34:50.42\00:34:52.42
Matthew Chapter 19,
00:34:52.42\00:34:54.42
beginning with verse 3.
00:34:54.42\00:34:56.62
Matthew, chapter 19, we find
00:34:59.86\00:35:01.13
Jesus here in what sadly was
00:35:01.13\00:35:03.00
kind of a common situation for
00:35:03.00\00:35:04.70
Him during the later part of His
00:35:04.70\00:35:05.83
ministry.
00:35:05.83\00:35:06.84
Jesus had His 12 disciples,
00:35:06.84\00:35:08.40
they, of course, were on His
00:35:08.40\00:35:09.70
side, big supporters, but in
00:35:09.70\00:35:11.94
public, often Jesus was opposed
00:35:11.94\00:35:14.41
by those that did not appreciate
00:35:14.41\00:35:15.88
what He was doing, including
00:35:15.88\00:35:18.05
opposition from a group called
00:35:18.05\00:35:19.11
the Pharisees.
00:35:19.11\00:35:20.48
The Pharisees were religious
00:35:20.48\00:35:21.35
leaders, they were experts in
00:35:21.35\00:35:22.95
the law, and many of them did
00:35:22.95\00:35:23.99
not appreciate Jesus or His
00:35:23.99\00:35:25.45
ministry so they would try to
00:35:25.45\00:35:26.76
publicly embarrass Him with
00:35:26.76\00:35:29.19
difficult, sometimes supposedly
00:35:29.19\00:35:31.39
"trick" questions.
00:35:31.39\00:35:33.03
And that's what's about to
00:35:33.03\00:35:33.76
happen here.
00:35:33.76\00:35:34.40
Verse 3, "So some Pharisees came
00:35:34.40\00:35:36.67
to Him," that is to Jesus, "to
00:35:36.67\00:35:37.90
test Him.
00:35:37.90\00:35:38.73
They asked, 'Is it lawful for a
00:35:38.73\00:35:40.90
man to divorce his wife for any
00:35:40.90\00:35:43.47
and every reason?'
00:35:43.47\00:35:44.97
'Haven't you read?' Jesus
00:35:45.87\00:35:47.11
replied, 'that at the beginning
00:35:47.11\00:35:49.08
the Creator made them male and
00:35:49.08\00:35:51.28
female and said, "For this
00:35:51.28\00:35:52.95
reason a man will leave his
00:35:52.95\00:35:54.45
father and mother and be united
00:35:54.45\00:35:55.92
to his wife and the two will
00:35:55.92\00:35:57.15
become one flesh?'"
00:35:57.15\00:35:58.49
So they are no longer two
00:35:59.02\00:36:01.06
but one.'
00:36:01.06\00:36:02.06
Therefore, what God has joined
00:36:02.59\00:36:04.93
together, let no one separate.'"
00:36:04.93\00:36:07.96
Now pause for just a moment.
00:36:09.46\00:36:10.93
This is exactly what the
00:36:11.70\00:36:13.23
Pharisees had been hoping for,
00:36:13.23\00:36:15.24
because they have what they
00:36:15.24\00:36:16.77
think is a sure fire question to
00:36:16.77\00:36:19.24
come back at Him and get Him.
00:36:19.24\00:36:21.18
Verse 7, "'Why then,' they
00:36:22.14\00:36:24.15
asked, 'did Moses command that a
00:36:24.15\00:36:26.05
man give his wife a certificate
00:36:26.05\00:36:27.55
of divorce and send her away?'"
00:36:27.55\00:36:29.75
Now, let's notice carefully
00:36:29.75\00:36:30.55
here.
00:36:30.55\00:36:31.19
The Bible never commanded it.
00:36:31.25\00:36:32.99
It allowed it, but there's quite
00:36:32.99\00:36:33.72
a difference between an
00:36:33.72\00:36:35.49
allowance and a command,
00:36:35.49\00:36:36.39
is there not?
00:36:36.39\00:36:37.16
Jesus knows this, He replies,
00:36:38.03\00:36:39.46
verse 8, "Jesus replied, 'Moses
00:36:39.46\00:36:41.16
permitted you to divorce your
00:36:41.16\00:36:42.90
wives because your hearts were
00:36:42.90\00:36:44.83
hard, but it was not this way
00:36:44.83\00:36:47.00
from the beginning.
00:36:47.00\00:36:48.14
I tell you that anyone who
00:36:48.14\00:36:49.54
divorces his wife, except for
00:36:49.54\00:36:51.14
marital unfaithfulness and
00:36:51.14\00:36:52.51
marries another woman, commits
00:36:52.51\00:36:54.54
adultery.'"
00:36:54.54\00:36:55.48
And here comes the clincher,
00:36:56.11\00:36:57.25
verse 10.
00:36:57.25\00:36:58.25
"The disciples said to Him, 'If
00:36:58.61\00:37:01.22
this is the situation between a
00:37:01.22\00:37:02.95
husband and wife, it is better
00:37:02.95\00:37:04.82
not to marry.'"
00:37:04.82\00:37:06.02
I mean, Jesus, if I gotta stay
00:37:07.69\00:37:09.12
with the woman, forget it!
00:37:09.12\00:37:10.86
A second key to finding a
00:37:16.10\00:37:17.50
marriage that lasts happily and
00:37:17.50\00:37:19.77
forever is this: put the
00:37:19.77\00:37:22.90
scissors in your marriage.
00:37:22.90\00:37:26.04
Put the scissors in your
00:37:27.84\00:37:30.65
marriage.
00:37:30.65\00:37:31.28
You say, "What on earth does
00:37:31.28\00:37:32.55
that mean?"
00:37:32.55\00:37:33.55
So the disciples here cannot
00:37:34.52\00:37:36.32
believe, and actually, sadly,
00:37:36.32\00:37:38.05
the disciples were not alone,
00:37:38.05\00:37:39.55
they were all in disbelief at
00:37:39.55\00:37:40.52
what Jesus was saying here.
00:37:40.52\00:37:42.02
In those days, the value of
00:37:42.02\00:37:43.22
marriage had fallen way, way,
00:37:43.22\00:37:45.33
way low.
00:37:45.33\00:37:46.33
You see, it was heavily skewed
00:37:47.23\00:37:48.76
in favor of the husband.
00:37:48.76\00:37:50.00
The husband could indeed
00:37:50.00\00:37:51.10
divorce, according to local
00:37:51.10\00:37:52.27
tradition there that had been in
00:37:52.27\00:37:53.44
place for some time, actually,
00:37:53.44\00:37:55.14
they could divorce their wife
00:37:55.14\00:37:56.17
for any and every reason.
00:37:56.17\00:37:57.44
In fact, some collections of
00:37:57.44\00:37:59.01
these traditions actually name
00:37:59.01\00:38:00.78
"burning a meal."
00:38:00.78\00:38:02.41
So if the wife burnt food for
00:38:02.41\00:38:03.75
supper, the husband could
00:38:03.75\00:38:05.18
divorce her and she would be in
00:38:05.18\00:38:06.82
a terrible way because the law
00:38:06.82\00:38:08.58
did not allow any recourse
00:38:08.58\00:38:09.68
for her.
00:38:09.68\00:38:10.35
He could move on and do what he
00:38:10.35\00:38:11.92
wished to do.
00:38:11.92\00:38:13.02
Marriage was extremely
00:38:13.02\00:38:14.76
undervalued and the disciples
00:38:14.76\00:38:16.19
are just, they're, I mean,
00:38:16.19\00:38:16.96
they're a product of their
00:38:16.96\00:38:17.73
times in this regard.
00:38:17.73\00:38:18.96
Jesus, if you have to stay with
00:38:18.96\00:38:20.73
the same woman, forget it!
00:38:20.73\00:38:22.93
It's better not to get married!
00:38:22.93\00:38:24.57
And yet Jesus' command was
00:38:26.07\00:38:27.57
crystal clear.
00:38:27.57\00:38:28.24
"Jesus said, 'Therefore, what
00:38:28.24\00:38:29.97
God has joined together, let no
00:38:29.97\00:38:33.71
one separate.'"
00:38:33.71\00:38:36.11
In other words, again, put the
00:38:37.88\00:38:41.15
scissors in your marriage.
00:38:41.15\00:38:44.29
Now, as it just so happens I
00:38:45.22\00:38:46.35
have a pair of scissors here
00:38:46.35\00:38:47.52
with me.
00:38:47.52\00:38:48.39
And I also have a piece of paper
00:38:49.06\00:38:50.16
with me.
00:38:50.16\00:38:51.43
This is good planning on
00:38:51.43\00:38:52.26
someone's part, I assume.
00:38:52.26\00:38:53.29
Yes?
00:38:53.29\00:38:54.03
These scissors, I hope you never
00:38:55.03\00:38:56.10
look at a pair of scissors in
00:38:56.10\00:38:57.60
the same way again.
00:38:57.60\00:38:58.93
A pair of scissors is like a
00:38:59.80\00:39:02.44
husband and a wife.
00:39:02.44\00:39:04.41
And if the marriage is healthy,
00:39:05.57\00:39:08.11
the husband and the wife are
00:39:08.11\00:39:10.35
working together in tandem and
00:39:10.35\00:39:13.08
they are enabled to cut a strong
00:39:13.08\00:39:16.92
path through life.
00:39:16.92\00:39:18.82
And if troubles come their way,
00:39:19.69\00:39:21.36
if something attempts to come
00:39:21.36\00:39:23.29
between them, if they are
00:39:23.29\00:39:25.43
healthy and working together,
00:39:25.43\00:39:27.30
then they will cut right through
00:39:27.30\00:39:30.83
that problem or that obstacle
00:39:30.83\00:39:33.30
and that challenge.
00:39:33.30\00:39:34.37
That's what happens when in a
00:39:35.37\00:39:36.47
healthy where you put the
00:39:36.47\00:39:37.94
scissors in your marriage.
00:39:37.94\00:39:41.08
But when scissors aren't working
00:39:41.08\00:39:43.35
well, all manner of things can
00:39:43.35\00:39:46.92
go wrong.
00:39:46.92\00:39:47.92
Instead of the scissors being
00:39:47.92\00:39:49.22
able to cut through whatever the
00:39:49.22\00:39:50.89
obstacle is, they get stuck and
00:39:50.89\00:39:53.29
something comes between husband
00:39:53.29\00:39:55.16
and wife.
00:39:55.16\00:39:55.99
Sometimes it happens quickly.
00:39:55.99\00:39:57.13
Most of the time it happens
00:39:57.13\00:39:58.66
slowly.
00:39:58.66\00:39:59.66
An affair, for instance.
00:40:00.23\00:40:01.63
There's drifting apart.
00:40:02.30\00:40:03.60
Someone meets someone else.
00:40:04.10\00:40:05.37
There's secrecy.
00:40:06.10\00:40:07.40
Damage for generations is done.
00:40:08.64\00:40:10.37
Workaholism comes in.
00:40:11.44\00:40:13.44
Classic case, you know, a
00:40:13.44\00:40:14.61
husband, a wife dedicated to
00:40:14.61\00:40:16.24
their career more than they are
00:40:16.24\00:40:17.28
to their spouse and the scissors
00:40:17.28\00:40:18.71
aren't working like they're
00:40:18.71\00:40:20.25
supposed to.
00:40:20.25\00:40:21.25
Sometimes it's a hobby,
00:40:22.05\00:40:23.55
sometimes other distraction.
00:40:23.55\00:40:25.19
Whatever it might be, there are
00:40:25.82\00:40:26.99
times when the scissors are not
00:40:26.99\00:40:28.52
in place, that something comes
00:40:28.52\00:40:30.99
between husband and wife.
00:40:30.99\00:40:33.16
And, again, the damage can go on
00:40:33.73\00:40:35.20
for years to come.
00:40:35.20\00:40:36.63
Let it be crystal clear...
00:40:39.67\00:40:41.04
...nothing but God takes
00:40:42.77\00:40:45.24
precedence over your marriage.
00:40:45.24\00:40:47.24
[AUDIENCE] Amen.
00:40:50.68\00:40:51.81
>> I thought maybe somebody had
00:40:52.75\00:40:53.72
turned off the sound and we'd
00:40:53.72\00:40:54.68
kind of magically
00:40:54.68\00:40:55.78
[unintelligible].
00:40:55.78\00:40:56.79
Nothing but God takes precedence
00:40:56.79\00:40:58.79
over your marriage.
00:40:58.79\00:41:00.82
After God, everything else.
00:41:00.82\00:41:02.76
As important as it may truly be,
00:41:02.76\00:41:04.39
must fall into its proper line
00:41:04.39\00:41:06.06
after the well-being of your
00:41:06.06\00:41:08.26
marriage.
00:41:08.26\00:41:09.43
Just to be very specific, when
00:41:10.77\00:41:12.53
it comes to putting the scissors
00:41:12.53\00:41:13.50
in marriage to removing
00:41:13.50\00:41:14.50
obstacles that are there, this
00:41:14.50\00:41:16.50
can mean some very specific
00:41:16.50\00:41:17.51
things.
00:41:17.51\00:41:18.01
For instance, no porn.
00:41:18.01\00:41:19.71
No pornography.
00:41:21.18\00:41:22.34
You know, most people know that
00:41:23.65\00:41:24.55
intuitively.
00:41:24.55\00:41:25.21
If you're listening right now
00:41:25.21\00:41:26.08
and you're not sure that
00:41:26.08\00:41:27.02
pornography is a bad thing, let
00:41:27.02\00:41:28.22
me just assure you, history is
00:41:28.22\00:41:29.92
replete with a bazillion
00:41:29.92\00:41:31.29
examples that show that
00:41:31.29\00:41:32.25
pornography only destroys, it
00:41:32.25\00:41:33.99
does not help, and it has no
00:41:33.99\00:41:36.36
place, soft or hard porn,
00:41:36.36\00:41:39.33
in your marriage relationship.
00:41:39.33\00:41:41.00
If you are stuck in the mire of
00:41:41.53\00:41:43.20
pornography and you want to get
00:41:43.20\00:41:44.77
out, you know there are-- there,
00:41:44.77\00:41:46.03
statistically speaking, there
00:41:46.03\00:41:46.70
are some women that are involved
00:41:46.70\00:41:47.57
with it, overwhelmingly,
00:41:47.57\00:41:49.00
generally it's guys.
00:41:49.00\00:41:50.34
And if you are stuck in
00:41:50.87\00:41:52.14
pornography and you want to get
00:41:52.14\00:41:53.31
out, I wanna give you very
00:41:53.31\00:41:54.58
briefly some resources,
00:41:54.58\00:41:56.28
gatewaytowholeness.com,
00:41:56.28\00:41:59.05
gatewaytowholeness.com.
00:41:59.05\00:42:00.98
That's W-H-O-L-E-N-E-S-S,
00:42:00.98\00:42:03.35
gatewaytowholeness.com.
00:42:03.35\00:42:04.82
What address did I say?
00:42:04.82\00:42:06.29
[AUDIENCE]
00:42:06.59\00:42:07.59
Gatewaytowholeness.com.
00:42:07.59\00:42:09.02
That is a General Conference of
00:42:09.02\00:42:10.29
Seventh-day Adventist website
00:42:10.29\00:42:11.73
and I am very pleased to say it
00:42:11.73\00:42:13.40
is excellent.
00:42:13.40\00:42:14.60
Not only is Gateway to
00:42:14.60\00:42:15.76
Wholeness, it is a course, and
00:42:15.76\00:42:16.83
an anonymous one, you don't have
00:42:16.83\00:42:18.13
to turn in any identifying
00:42:18.13\00:42:19.20
information to get into it.
00:42:19.20\00:42:20.97
If you go to the resource tab on
00:42:20.97\00:42:22.97
that website, on
00:42:22.97\00:42:24.11
gatewaytowholeness.com, you will
00:42:24.11\00:42:25.84
find a slew of things that can
00:42:25.84\00:42:27.61
help you.
00:42:27.61\00:42:28.48
Books, other programs, support
00:42:28.48\00:42:30.98
groups, other ways for you to be
00:42:30.98\00:42:32.35
able to get into counseling if
00:42:32.35\00:42:33.92
that's what you need.
00:42:33.92\00:42:35.08
It is an immense resource,
00:42:35.08\00:42:36.28
Gateway to Wholeness.
00:42:36.28\00:42:37.12
I am very proud to have this.
00:42:37.12\00:42:38.79
And by the way, if you're not a
00:42:38.79\00:42:39.82
member of the Seventh-day
00:42:39.82\00:42:40.86
Adventist Church, don't worry
00:42:40.86\00:42:42.16
about it.
00:42:42.16\00:42:42.76
This is for anyone that is
00:42:42.76\00:42:44.16
struggling with pornography.
00:42:44.16\00:42:45.46
Just two other books that I want
00:42:45.46\00:42:46.53
to give you, the titles for.
00:42:46.53\00:42:47.76
False Intimacy: Understanding
00:42:47.76\00:42:49.40
the Struggle of Sexual
00:42:49.40\00:42:50.60
Addiction.
00:42:50.60\00:42:51.60
False Intimacy: Understanding
00:42:51.60\00:42:52.47
the Struggle of Sexual
00:42:52.47\00:42:53.80
Addiction, and the second one is
00:42:53.80\00:42:55.24
called The Porn Trap, The Porn
00:42:55.24\00:42:57.87
Trap: The Essential Guide to
00:42:57.87\00:42:59.31
Overcoming Problems Caused By
00:42:59.31\00:43:01.14
Pornography.
00:43:01.14\00:43:01.91
Both of those are readily
00:43:01.91\00:43:02.71
available on Amazon, you can
00:43:02.71\00:43:04.15
pick these things up.
00:43:04.15\00:43:05.38
Don't let pornography destroy
00:43:05.38\00:43:08.42
your marriage.
00:43:08.42\00:43:09.55
You don't have to be a slave any
00:43:10.75\00:43:11.75
longer.
00:43:11.75\00:43:12.59
Second thing, if the scissors
00:43:13.82\00:43:15.66
are working in your marriage,
00:43:15.66\00:43:17.43
then your spouse has no
00:43:17.43\00:43:19.09
exclusive opposite-sex friends,
00:43:19.09\00:43:21.76
period.
00:43:21.76\00:43:22.76
Your spouse has no exclusive
00:43:23.67\00:43:25.37
opposite-sex friends.
00:43:25.37\00:43:26.80
Now, just in case that's a
00:43:27.37\00:43:28.34
little fuzzy, that when Darlene
00:43:28.34\00:43:29.87
and I got married, we had to do
00:43:29.87\00:43:31.41
some reshuffling of our friends
00:43:31.41\00:43:33.44
because there were some of those
00:43:33.44\00:43:34.31
friends that were just our
00:43:34.31\00:43:35.94
friends.
00:43:35.94\00:43:36.71
And there was, you know, for
00:43:36.71\00:43:37.85
whatever reason there was--
00:43:37.85\00:43:38.78
that was not gonna be also my
00:43:38.78\00:43:39.65
wife's friend or my friend.
00:43:39.65\00:43:41.45
Those friends went away.
00:43:41.82\00:43:43.52
Because if there are exclusive
00:43:45.39\00:43:46.82
friends that a husband has
00:43:46.82\00:43:48.46
that's female or wife has that's
00:43:48.46\00:43:49.59
male, the odds of their
00:43:49.59\00:43:51.19
developing an inappropriate
00:43:51.19\00:43:52.39
relationship can really go up
00:43:52.39\00:43:54.56
quite dramatically.
00:43:54.56\00:43:55.36
In fact, I would even add this
00:43:55.36\00:43:56.36
to this, don't even spend large
00:43:56.36\00:43:58.23
amounts of time with an opposite
00:43:58.23\00:44:00.37
sex acquaintance, even if
00:44:00.37\00:44:02.24
they're both of your friends.
00:44:02.24\00:44:03.77
You see, God wired us in a
00:44:04.54\00:44:05.71
certain way.
00:44:05.71\00:44:06.61
If we spend significant time
00:44:06.61\00:44:08.91
with someone of the opposite sex
00:44:08.91\00:44:10.71
and it's just the two of us and
00:44:10.71\00:44:11.75
it's important, whatever it is
00:44:11.75\00:44:12.98
that we're doing, the natural
00:44:12.98\00:44:14.48
response is for a relationship
00:44:14.48\00:44:16.72
to develop.
00:44:16.72\00:44:17.72
So let's just play this out.
00:44:17.72\00:44:18.75
Let's say that there's a guy who
00:44:18.75\00:44:19.95
has a job and there's a, you
00:44:19.95\00:44:21.09
know, there's a big project
00:44:21.09\00:44:22.26
that's come up and it requires
00:44:22.26\00:44:23.49
him to do some overtime.
00:44:23.49\00:44:24.69
So the boss says, "Well, I want
00:44:24.69\00:44:25.99
you and so-and-so," and she's
00:44:25.99\00:44:27.60
female, "to spend time after
00:44:27.60\00:44:29.43
work, you know, doing this type
00:44:29.43\00:44:30.70
of thing."
00:44:30.70\00:44:31.60
You know, on the face of it,
00:44:31.60\00:44:32.43
that's like, "Well, I mean, this
00:44:32.43\00:44:33.44
is professional world,
00:44:33.44\00:44:34.44
everything's gonna to go fine."
00:44:34.44\00:44:35.80
Be careful, be very careful and
00:44:36.74\00:44:40.54
do what you can to avoid those
00:44:40.54\00:44:41.94
situations.
00:44:41.94\00:44:43.18
You see, one of the surest ways
00:44:43.85\00:44:46.68
to end up in an affair is to
00:44:46.68\00:44:48.75
believe that you could never end
00:44:48.75\00:44:50.39
up in an affair.
00:44:50.39\00:44:51.89
Because then your guard is down
00:44:53.39\00:44:55.49
and you violate the rules.
00:44:55.49\00:44:57.03
Maybe you don't even-- maybe
00:44:57.03\00:44:58.23
you're not even aware that you
00:44:58.23\00:44:59.16
are violating them.
00:44:59.16\00:45:00.50
Moving on.
00:45:02.40\00:45:03.40
Some of you may also need to
00:45:03.77\00:45:04.67
adjust the way that your kids
00:45:04.67\00:45:05.93
are prioritized.
00:45:05.93\00:45:07.24
You know, a handful of marriages
00:45:07.24\00:45:08.77
over the years where I've seen
00:45:08.77\00:45:10.44
them put too much focus on their
00:45:10.44\00:45:12.21
marriage to the detriment of
00:45:12.21\00:45:13.41
their children.
00:45:13.41\00:45:14.51
Usually it's kind of the other
00:45:14.51\00:45:15.21
way around.
00:45:15.21\00:45:15.88
Now, part of that's unavoidable.
00:45:15.88\00:45:17.61
Those of you that have
00:45:17.61\00:45:18.38
youngsters that are toddlers
00:45:18.38\00:45:19.48
right now, they're moving
00:45:19.48\00:45:20.22
around.
00:45:20.22\00:45:20.98
Man, it is sometimes challenging
00:45:20.98\00:45:23.22
to keep your marriage
00:45:23.22\00:45:23.99
relationship healthy.
00:45:23.99\00:45:24.92
Do the best you can with what
00:45:24.92\00:45:25.95
the Lord sends your way, okay?
00:45:25.95\00:45:27.49
But if you begin to sense that
00:45:28.22\00:45:30.16
you are neglecting your marriage
00:45:30.16\00:45:31.93
over the long haul, that this is
00:45:31.93\00:45:33.26
really making a serious dent, I
00:45:33.26\00:45:34.76
would strongly encourage you to
00:45:34.76\00:45:36.33
stop and look at that.
00:45:36.33\00:45:37.47
Children need all that we can
00:45:38.07\00:45:39.80
give them, but they also need to
00:45:39.80\00:45:41.64
have a very healthy marriage
00:45:41.64\00:45:43.20
between mom and dad.
00:45:43.20\00:45:44.67
The stability that is there when
00:45:45.47\00:45:47.64
a strong marriage is present and
00:45:47.64\00:45:49.38
the instability when that
00:45:49.38\00:45:50.85
relationship is rocky.
00:45:50.85\00:45:52.25
Save yourself the pain.
00:45:53.31\00:45:55.02
Keep a tight understanding of
00:45:55.02\00:45:56.45
what's healthy in this balance
00:45:56.45\00:45:57.95
between children and your
00:45:57.95\00:45:59.29
marriage.
00:45:59.29\00:46:00.36
And of course, I couldn't leave
00:46:01.02\00:46:02.86
this idea of cutting things out
00:46:02.86\00:46:04.49
of your marriage that are
00:46:04.49\00:46:05.59
necessary to be cut out without
00:46:05.59\00:46:06.90
talking about hobbies and
00:46:06.90\00:46:08.53
pastimes.
00:46:08.53\00:46:09.53
You know, caveman golf.
00:46:10.07\00:46:11.23
I did a fair amount of that back
00:46:11.23\00:46:12.53
in the day.
00:46:12.53\00:46:13.40
I didn't have much money.
00:46:13.40\00:46:14.54
I was on denominational pay
00:46:14.54\00:46:15.57
scale, but I had friends that
00:46:15.57\00:46:16.77
smiled on me and so they would
00:46:16.77\00:46:18.21
take me out and we would go
00:46:18.21\00:46:18.91
golfing quite a bit.
00:46:18.91\00:46:19.94
And there were definitely times
00:46:20.28\00:46:21.88
when I had to scale back.
00:46:21.88\00:46:24.28
Because even a hobby, seemingly
00:46:24.95\00:46:26.72
harmless, can come between a
00:46:26.72\00:46:28.72
husband and a wife.
00:46:28.72\00:46:29.98
Again, I want to gently
00:46:33.96\00:46:34.79
challenge you, for those of you
00:46:34.79\00:46:36.46
that are married, ask each other
00:46:36.46\00:46:38.73
the questions, are the scissors
00:46:38.73\00:46:40.90
here in our relationship?
00:46:40.90\00:46:42.33
Are they sharp?
00:46:42.33\00:46:43.43
Is there anything or anyone
00:46:43.43\00:46:44.53
right now that has stopped the
00:46:44.53\00:46:46.47
blades from cutting like they're
00:46:46.47\00:46:47.70
supposed to?
00:46:47.70\00:46:48.80
Do it or they need to be cut?
00:46:48.80\00:46:51.31
And if the answer is yes, then
00:46:51.31\00:46:52.94
go to it.
00:46:52.94\00:46:53.71
Cut that thing away.
00:46:53.71\00:46:55.28
It may be painful for a moment
00:46:55.78\00:46:57.21
because, after all, sometimes
00:46:57.21\00:46:58.45
it's your ego or your
00:46:58.45\00:46:59.45
selfishness that gets chopped.
00:46:59.45\00:47:01.18
But there are few better ways to
00:47:02.25\00:47:03.95
show your spouse that you truly
00:47:03.95\00:47:05.72
care for them than by cutting
00:47:05.72\00:47:07.56
away the obstacles that threaten
00:47:07.56\00:47:09.62
your intimacy.
00:47:09.62\00:47:10.76
Put the scissors in your
00:47:10.76\00:47:12.76
marriage.
00:47:12.76\00:47:13.56
What God has joined together,
00:47:13.56\00:47:15.63
let no man, no woman, no thing
00:47:15.63\00:47:18.90
separate.
00:47:18.90\00:47:19.90
That's the second key to having
00:47:22.17\00:47:24.37
a marriage that lasts happily
00:47:24.37\00:47:25.51
and forever after you say
00:47:25.51\00:47:26.94
"I do."
00:47:26.94\00:47:27.94
There is a third.
00:47:28.51\00:47:29.54
Take a look at Philippians
00:47:30.61\00:47:31.71
chapter 4, please.
00:47:31.71\00:47:32.95
Philippians 4, beginning with
00:47:32.95\00:47:34.85
verse 10.
00:47:34.85\00:47:35.58
It's on page 792 in your pew
00:47:35.58\00:47:38.19
Bible, page 792.
00:47:38.19\00:47:39.75
Philippians chapter 4, beginning
00:47:40.76\00:47:43.63
with verse 10.
00:47:43.63\00:47:44.69
A guy by the name of Paul,
00:47:44.69\00:47:45.76
sometimes referred to as the
00:47:45.76\00:47:46.66
Apostle Paul, he is the writer
00:47:46.66\00:47:47.86
of this letter.
00:47:47.86\00:47:48.83
This is a new church in the city
00:47:49.36\00:47:51.67
of Philippi, thus the name
00:47:51.67\00:47:53.20
"Philippians," and it is a happy
00:47:53.20\00:47:54.90
book.
00:47:54.90\00:47:55.90
If you're feeling depressed, you
00:47:55.90\00:47:57.11
know, come January, February,
00:47:57.11\00:47:58.27
when the sun do not shine on
00:47:58.27\00:47:59.84
southwest Michigan, pull open
00:47:59.84\00:48:01.54
the book of Philippians and it
00:48:01.54\00:48:02.58
will put a smile on your face.
00:48:02.58\00:48:03.81
It's just a happy rejoicing
00:48:03.81\00:48:04.98
book.
00:48:04.98\00:48:05.98
What makes that all the more
00:48:05.98\00:48:07.98
incredible is that Paul himself
00:48:07.98\00:48:11.22
is under serious duress from the
00:48:11.22\00:48:14.29
Roman government.
00:48:14.29\00:48:15.72
The Romans did not appreciate
00:48:15.72\00:48:16.69
Paul's preaching of the gospel,
00:48:16.69\00:48:18.59
at least not always, and right
00:48:18.59\00:48:20.20
now, when this is being written,
00:48:20.20\00:48:21.36
he is experiencing pretty
00:48:21.36\00:48:22.50
significant hardship and this is
00:48:22.50\00:48:24.33
what he nonetheless says, verse
00:48:24.33\00:48:26.30
10 of chapter 4, "I rejoice
00:48:26.30\00:48:29.04
greatly in the Lord that at last
00:48:29.04\00:48:31.87
You have renewed Your concern
00:48:31.87\00:48:33.21
for me," speaking to the
00:48:33.21\00:48:33.94
Philippian Church.
00:48:33.94\00:48:35.21
"Indeed, You have been
00:48:35.21\00:48:36.14
concerned, but You had no
00:48:36.14\00:48:37.05
opportunity to show it.
00:48:37.05\00:48:38.51
I am not saying this because I
00:48:38.51\00:48:40.65
am in need."
00:48:40.65\00:48:41.85
Wow.
00:48:41.85\00:48:42.48
"For I have learned to be
00:48:42.85\00:48:44.52
content, whatever the
00:48:44.52\00:48:46.42
circumstances.
00:48:46.42\00:48:47.49
I know what it is to be in need
00:48:48.02\00:48:49.79
and I know what it is to have
00:48:49.79\00:48:51.06
plenty.
00:48:51.06\00:48:51.83
I have learned the secret of
00:48:51.83\00:48:54.36
being content in any and every
00:48:54.36\00:48:56.46
situation, whether well-fed or
00:48:56.46\00:48:58.50
hungry, whether living in plenty
00:48:58.50\00:49:00.70
or in..." what?
00:49:00.70\00:49:01.50
And I'm thinking, well, what's
00:49:01.50\00:49:02.37
the secret, Paul?
00:49:02.37\00:49:03.17
Here it is, verse 13, "I can do
00:49:03.17\00:49:06.37
everything through Jesus Christ
00:49:06.37\00:49:09.41
who gives me strength."
00:49:09.41\00:49:11.68
Wow!
00:49:12.55\00:49:13.55
You know, for some people, the
00:49:16.28\00:49:17.62
smaller problems in marriage
00:49:17.62\00:49:19.39
stay smaller problems, and maybe
00:49:19.39\00:49:22.16
it's because of their
00:49:22.16\00:49:23.09
personality or their bent or
00:49:23.09\00:49:23.96
whatever, those things are
00:49:23.96\00:49:24.96
fairly easy to tackle.
00:49:24.96\00:49:26.70
They might be irritating for a
00:49:26.70\00:49:28.06
bit, but they're relatively
00:49:28.06\00:49:28.80
easy.
00:49:28.80\00:49:29.66
You know, I think of when my
00:49:29.66\00:49:31.80
wife was pregnant with my first
00:49:31.80\00:49:33.07
daughter, she was on bed rest
00:49:33.07\00:49:34.27
for 17 weeks.
00:49:34.27\00:49:35.64
It was terrible, wasn't it?
00:49:38.17\00:49:39.11
I don't even know if they
00:49:39.11\00:49:40.04
understand what that means.
00:49:40.04\00:49:41.34
That's-- like, in bed
00:49:41.34\00:49:42.31
for 17 weeks.
00:49:42.31\00:49:43.11
Everybody go, [gasps].
00:49:43.11\00:49:44.55
Okay, she feels better now.
00:49:45.05\00:49:46.05
Yeah, she was feeling a little
00:49:46.05\00:49:46.88
bit left out.
00:49:46.88\00:49:47.85
Seventeen weeks.
00:49:47.85\00:49:48.62
And unfortunately, to add insult
00:49:48.62\00:49:50.32
to injury, this was in our
00:49:50.32\00:49:51.82
little microscopic apartment.
00:49:51.82\00:49:54.29
I mean, even germs had to duck
00:49:54.29\00:49:55.79
in order to get into our house.
00:49:55.79\00:49:57.13
It was just small, okay?
00:49:57.13\00:49:58.96
And in the living room is where
00:49:58.96\00:50:00.33
we kind of set up shop for
00:50:00.33\00:50:01.50
Darlene so that she could be on
00:50:01.50\00:50:03.26
bed rest, but at least kind of
00:50:03.26\00:50:04.23
be, you know, have some society
00:50:04.23\00:50:06.10
of some sort.
00:50:06.10\00:50:07.27
And so it was a hide-a-bed in a
00:50:07.27\00:50:08.87
sofa and we opened that up into
00:50:08.87\00:50:10.54
the living room and it just
00:50:10.54\00:50:11.94
devoured the living room.
00:50:11.94\00:50:13.34
And so I would come in there to,
00:50:13.81\00:50:15.91
you know, go from this part of
00:50:15.91\00:50:18.25
the niche to the next part of
00:50:18.25\00:50:19.88
the niche where the kitchen was,
00:50:19.88\00:50:21.38
and I've got big feet and my big
00:50:21.38\00:50:23.82
feet would often hit the frame
00:50:23.82\00:50:27.66
of the bed of a woman who was
00:50:27.66\00:50:30.23
very interested in not being
00:50:30.23\00:50:32.03
jiggled at that point, okay?
00:50:32.03\00:50:33.90
Now in first service I mentioned
00:50:34.23\00:50:35.26
that I would very frequently do
00:50:35.26\00:50:36.50
it and she said, "That is not
00:50:36.50\00:50:37.57
true.
00:50:37.57\00:50:38.43
You did it all the time," okay?
00:50:38.43\00:50:40.40
But she never told me about
00:50:41.47\00:50:43.00
this.
00:50:43.00\00:50:43.81
She finally decided, "You know
00:50:44.31\00:50:45.51
what?
00:50:45.51\00:50:46.14
I've got bigger fish to fry
00:50:46.14\00:50:47.84
right now than worrying about my
00:50:47.84\00:50:49.64
husband's big feet, getting me
00:50:49.64\00:50:51.31
something more from the
00:50:51.31\00:50:52.31
kitchen."
00:50:52.31\00:50:53.05
So disaster averted.
00:50:53.52\00:50:55.75
I think of a friend of mine,
00:50:56.12\00:50:57.25
newly married, turns out his
00:50:57.25\00:50:59.05
wife chewed popcorn very loudly.
00:50:59.05\00:51:01.59
I didn't even know that was
00:51:03.06\00:51:03.79
possible, but apparently there
00:51:03.79\00:51:04.93
are some popcorns that can be
00:51:04.93\00:51:06.06
heard.
00:51:06.06\00:51:07.03
So they're sitting next to each
00:51:07.03\00:51:07.86
other watching a movie, she's
00:51:07.86\00:51:08.86
eating popcorn, crunch, crunch,
00:51:08.86\00:51:10.10
crunch, crunch, crunch, and he's
00:51:10.10\00:51:11.50
thinking, "Oh, this is driving
00:51:11.50\00:51:12.47
me crazy.
00:51:12.47\00:51:13.10
But you know what?
00:51:13.10\00:51:13.97
This is my problem.
00:51:13.97\00:51:15.20
I will just move."
00:51:15.20\00:51:16.44
Not quite realizing how awkward
00:51:17.67\00:51:19.04
that is when you're the only two
00:51:19.04\00:51:20.01
people in the room and you stand
00:51:20.01\00:51:20.88
up from your new spouse and sit
00:51:20.88\00:51:22.28
on the other side, another place
00:51:22.28\00:51:23.55
there.
00:51:23.55\00:51:24.28
But he solved the problem and
00:51:24.81\00:51:26.51
disaster was once again, it was
00:51:26.51\00:51:28.88
diverted.
00:51:28.88\00:51:29.88
These kinds of problems, many
00:51:31.29\00:51:32.85
couples can navigate them, but
00:51:32.85\00:51:34.26
the sad truth is that every one
00:51:34.26\00:51:38.06
of us has a selfishly inclined
00:51:38.06\00:51:41.13
heart.
00:51:41.13\00:51:42.13
Every one of us has an ego that
00:51:42.76\00:51:44.53
sooner or later will demand
00:51:44.53\00:51:46.47
recognition.
00:51:46.47\00:51:47.47
"I am right," we will say, "I
00:51:47.47\00:51:48.97
deserve to win this argument
00:51:48.97\00:51:50.37
with my spouse.
00:51:50.37\00:51:51.37
They are not being fair.
00:51:51.37\00:51:52.61
I must have satisfaction."
00:51:52.61\00:51:54.78
And for so many couples, the
00:51:56.08\00:51:58.45
disagreements, whether it's
00:51:58.45\00:52:00.12
popcorn or shoes hitting bed
00:52:00.12\00:52:01.55
frames, they can escalate beyond
00:52:01.55\00:52:04.49
those things and couples can
00:52:04.49\00:52:06.05
find themselves wanting to
00:52:06.05\00:52:07.59
scream or even to leave their
00:52:07.59\00:52:09.49
marriage to get relief.
00:52:09.49\00:52:10.73
And thousands have shouted,
00:52:10.73\00:52:12.06
actually or internally, "I can't
00:52:12.06\00:52:14.56
take this!
00:52:14.56\00:52:15.40
I can't do it anymore!"
00:52:15.40\00:52:17.37
And they are absolutely correct.
00:52:24.91\00:52:28.64
They can't do it anymore.
00:52:30.45\00:52:33.92
Not by themselves.
00:52:34.85\00:52:38.72
The third key to a successful
00:52:41.39\00:52:43.99
forever marriage relationship is
00:52:43.99\00:52:47.50
to let God fuel your marriage.
00:52:47.50\00:52:51.23
Let God fuel your marriage.
00:52:52.20\00:52:56.24
You know, if the only fuel for
00:52:58.11\00:52:59.14
your marriage is you, I'll be
00:52:59.14\00:53:01.18
honest, good luck.
00:53:01.18\00:53:02.31
Good luck to you.
00:53:03.71\00:53:04.81
Hope that works out.
00:53:04.81\00:53:05.81
I really do wish you the best,
00:53:05.81\00:53:07.15
okay?
00:53:07.15\00:53:07.92
Because when your ego kicks in
00:53:08.35\00:53:10.29
and it will kick in, then the
00:53:10.29\00:53:12.15
fuel level in your marriage
00:53:12.15\00:53:13.66
tank, if it's just you, that's
00:53:13.66\00:53:14.66
the fuel for it, that fuel level
00:53:14.66\00:53:16.42
will drop like a rock.
00:53:16.42\00:53:18.39
But when God is your fuel, your
00:53:19.96\00:53:22.63
tank never runs dry.
00:53:22.63\00:53:25.63
When God is your fuel, something
00:53:26.43\00:53:28.00
supernatural takes place in the
00:53:28.00\00:53:30.01
human heart.
00:53:30.01\00:53:30.91
It can't be measured in a lab,
00:53:30.91\00:53:32.21
you can't see it with a
00:53:32.21\00:53:33.04
microscope, but oh, what a
00:53:33.04\00:53:34.38
difference God makes.
00:53:34.38\00:53:36.14
And when we walk with God, His
00:53:36.75\00:53:38.25
specialty is taking selfishness
00:53:38.25\00:53:40.28
and turning it into generosity.
00:53:40.28\00:53:42.05
Now, I wanna be real clear about
00:53:42.05\00:53:43.02
this, I am not talking about a
00:53:43.02\00:53:44.75
natural event.
00:53:44.75\00:53:45.79
This is divine intervention, and
00:53:45.79\00:53:47.26
God specializes in these things,
00:53:47.26\00:53:49.26
He knows exactly how to do it.
00:53:49.26\00:53:50.96
You know, one of my mentors, he
00:53:52.13\00:53:54.36
passed away a number of years
00:53:54.36\00:53:55.36
ago, we were together for many
00:53:55.36\00:53:57.10
years and he had something that
00:53:57.10\00:53:58.87
he said so often that what I'm
00:53:58.87\00:54:00.80
gonna share with you next
00:54:00.80\00:54:01.97
essentially is a quote, probably
00:54:01.97\00:54:03.64
not exact for each time, but he
00:54:03.64\00:54:05.31
said it many times.
00:54:05.31\00:54:06.31
Here's what he said, quote,
00:54:06.31\00:54:08.04
"Marriage is like a mirror that
00:54:08.04\00:54:10.81
shows your greatest triumphs and
00:54:10.81\00:54:14.05
your most glaring flaws, but I
00:54:14.05\00:54:16.69
am so grateful for being shown
00:54:16.69\00:54:18.55
my flaws because it enables me
00:54:18.55\00:54:20.29
to acknowledge them, give them
00:54:20.29\00:54:21.89
to God, and become a better
00:54:21.89\00:54:23.56
person.
00:54:23.56\00:54:24.56
Sometimes when my marriage shows
00:54:25.09\00:54:27.13
me my flaws, it takes me several
00:54:27.13\00:54:29.03
hours in my woodshop before I am
00:54:29.03\00:54:30.83
sufficiently grateful.
00:54:30.83\00:54:32.30
But with God's help I am always
00:54:34.24\00:54:36.77
able to do it."
00:54:36.77\00:54:38.51
And a little secret about
00:54:40.38\00:54:41.21
marriage, some of you have
00:54:41.21\00:54:42.68
thought that marriage was about
00:54:42.68\00:54:45.01
you loving another person.
00:54:45.01\00:54:47.32
As it turns out, marriage may
00:54:48.58\00:54:50.52
actually be even more about God
00:54:50.52\00:54:52.75
preparing you for His kingdom.
00:54:52.75\00:54:55.06
It is a school unlike any other,
00:54:56.19\00:54:58.56
and those who are willing to
00:54:58.56\00:54:59.76
submit to its discipline, there
00:54:59.76\00:55:02.16
is no limit to where God can
00:55:02.16\00:55:04.43
take them.
00:55:04.43\00:55:05.43
So why not let God be the fuel
00:55:06.63\00:55:07.87
for your marriage?
00:55:07.87\00:55:08.74
You say, "How do you do that?"
00:55:08.74\00:55:09.77
Very simple, things like this,
00:55:09.77\00:55:11.24
pray, pray by yourself, ask for
00:55:11.24\00:55:13.44
God's blessing in your life.
00:55:13.44\00:55:15.04
Pray together, pray with your
00:55:15.04\00:55:16.04
spouse.
00:55:16.04\00:55:16.91
You know, sometimes guys in
00:55:16.91\00:55:17.88
particular, this can be
00:55:17.88\00:55:18.71
difficult for us, I just wanna
00:55:18.71\00:55:19.58
say grind it out, do it.
00:55:19.58\00:55:21.38
You will be blessed if you do.
00:55:21.38\00:55:23.25
Go to church together, go to
00:55:23.25\00:55:24.35
places like this where you can
00:55:24.35\00:55:26.22
hear what God is saying, how to
00:55:26.22\00:55:27.59
have God as fuel in your
00:55:27.59\00:55:28.79
marriage.
00:55:28.79\00:55:29.66
Make friends with godly people
00:55:29.66\00:55:31.09
that have good marriages,
00:55:31.09\00:55:32.49
surround yourself with people
00:55:32.49\00:55:33.73
that will encourage you in your
00:55:33.73\00:55:34.73
marriage relationship.
00:55:34.73\00:55:36.33
Read a Bible based book on
00:55:36.33\00:55:37.67
marriage together.
00:55:37.67\00:55:38.77
Some of the most fruitful times
00:55:38.77\00:55:39.80
in Darlene's and mine's
00:55:39.80\00:55:41.04
relationship has been when we
00:55:41.04\00:55:42.54
have sat down to listen to what
00:55:42.54\00:55:43.81
somebody else thinks about
00:55:43.81\00:55:45.24
marriage and God.
00:55:45.24\00:55:46.71
It's been a tremendous learning
00:55:46.71\00:55:47.78
experience.
00:55:47.78\00:55:48.78
Do whatever it takes to let God
00:55:48.78\00:55:51.01
be the fuel for your marriage.
00:55:51.01\00:55:53.25
And then when the impossible is
00:55:53.92\00:55:57.35
asked of you and your ego rises
00:55:57.35\00:56:01.22
up and your marriage faces
00:56:01.22\00:56:02.56
obstacles that you know you
00:56:02.56\00:56:04.19
cannot overcome by yourself, God
00:56:04.19\00:56:07.23
will be there just as He's
00:56:07.23\00:56:09.96
always been, and He will get you
00:56:09.96\00:56:12.37
through when you both put your
00:56:12.37\00:56:14.34
trust in Him and let Him fuel
00:56:14.34\00:56:17.01
your marriage.
00:56:17.01\00:56:18.37
So you want happiness to extend
00:56:20.28\00:56:21.58
beyond "I do?"
00:56:21.58\00:56:22.61
You wanna develop a marriage
00:56:23.85\00:56:24.88
that makes you crave for even
00:56:24.88\00:56:26.25
more years together?
00:56:26.25\00:56:27.82
Then do what God in His Word has
00:56:28.48\00:56:30.52
called us to do, spend regular
00:56:30.52\00:56:32.42
quality time together, put the
00:56:32.42\00:56:34.12
scissors into your marriage and
00:56:34.12\00:56:35.52
cut away anything or any person
00:56:35.52\00:56:36.86
that would rob you of a happy
00:56:36.86\00:56:38.56
marriage, and let God fuel your
00:56:38.56\00:56:42.10
marriage.
00:56:42.10\00:56:43.03
By the grace of God, it is a
00:56:43.03\00:56:45.27
great way after you say "I do"
00:56:45.27\00:56:47.87
to create a marriage that lasts
00:56:47.87\00:56:49.77
happily and forever.
00:56:49.77\00:56:51.64
[applause]
00:56:53.31\00:56:55.71
>> I'm Shane Anderson,
00:57:01.05\00:57:02.45
the lead pastor hear at Pioneer
00:57:02.45\00:57:04.25
Memorial Church.
00:57:04.25\00:57:05.92
At Pioneer Media, we have been
00:57:05.92\00:57:07.46
blessed by the financial support
00:57:07.46\00:57:09.46
that comes from our viewers
00:57:09.46\00:57:10.96
like you that enable us to
00:57:10.96\00:57:12.73
continue this ministry.
00:57:12.73\00:57:14.23
We've made a conscious decision
00:57:14.66\00:57:16.26
not to continually appeal to you
00:57:16.26\00:57:17.83
for that support.
00:57:17.83\00:57:19.47
However, keeping this ministry
00:57:19.47\00:57:20.64
going takes money to support our
00:57:20.64\00:57:22.54
staff and technology needs.
00:57:22.54\00:57:24.74
If God has blessed you and you
00:57:25.21\00:57:26.98
would like the further the work
00:57:26.98\00:57:28.18
of this ministry, we invite you
00:57:28.18\00:57:30.18
to partner with us.
00:57:30.18\00:57:31.98
You can donate on our website,
00:57:31.98\00:57:33.72
pmchurch.org, then click
00:57:33.72\00:57:36.15
"Giving" at the top, then select
00:57:36.15\00:57:38.89
"Media Ministry."
00:57:38.89\00:57:40.79
Or call the number 877-HIS-WILL.
00:57:40.79\00:57:44.99
Again that number is
00:57:44.99\00:57:45.93
877- the two words, HIS WILL.
00:57:45.93\00:57:49.33
My prayer is that the God who
00:57:49.83\00:57:52.03
has blessed you will continue to
00:57:52.03\00:57:53.84
pour into your life the gifts of
00:57:53.84\00:57:55.47
His joy and His hope.
00:57:55.47\00:57:57.21
Thank you, and I'm looking
00:57:57.71\00:57:59.41
forward to seeing you right here
00:57:59.41\00:58:01.18
again next time.
00:58:01.18\00:58:02.74
дд
00:58:08.32\00:58:13.86