The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hello, my name
is Dajanae Anderson,
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and I will be your host
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for this
program of Pure Choices.
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Today's topic, we
will be discussing
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sexuality and pregnancy.
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But before we go into the topic,
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and I tell you
who my special guest
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is for today, let's
have a word of prayer.
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Dear Heavenly Father,
Lord God, I just want to invite
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and acknowledge Your
presence with us now.
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I just want to invite
and acknowledge Your presence
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with those that are
viewing this program.
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I pray that the things
that are discussed here
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will be pleasing
and acceptable to You
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and that it will ignite a
conversation for the viewers.
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I pray these things
in the precious name
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of Jesus Christ.
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Amen. Amen.
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Okay.
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So here we have my
friend and special guest,
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Brittany Morales.
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Brittany will be
discussing the topic
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of pregnancy and sexuality.
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She has an M.Div with
an emphasis on family life.
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So in my opinion, that
definitely qualifies her.
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And she is also
going into counseling,
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she is working on
her license currently.
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And so I'm newly
married, and I've not...
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I'm yet to have
children, newly...
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It's only been
about four months.
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And so, and that
Brittany has a child
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and has a nine-month-old,
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and she has both
some practical experience
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in terms of what she learned
as she is going through school
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and through and some experience
because she's had a child.
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And so with some...
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One of the
question that I've had
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and I've heard
other women have had is,
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is it safe or is it
okay, both on the medical side
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and the spiritual side
of having sexual intercourse
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with my husband
while being pregnant?
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When it comes to that
question, on the medical side,
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the first thing to definitely do
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is talk to your doctor about it.
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Because some women
do have medical concerns
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based on what might be going on
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if there is any
issues in the pregnancy.
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When it comes to
sexuality in our marriages
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and our relationship,
God doesn't want us to do
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anything that's
going to be harmful
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to not only ourselves
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but also to
that potential child.
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Right.
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So you want to make
sure that everything
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that is being done is
safe based on that premise.
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Right.
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Spiritually,
nowhere in the Bible
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is there anything
that says, "Do not engage."
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The one place where there
is some sort of regulation
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is based on after
you just had the child
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that used to be a
time period to refrain
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from having intercourse,
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and that's also
unsupported by medical.
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And it's in Leviticus to have...
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A couple of
weeks to just refrain
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so your body can heal
right after giving birth.
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Yes. Right.
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I definitely,
definitely agree with that
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that when it comes to
the physical intercourse
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on the medical side,
people are concerned...
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I've heard that
people are concerned that
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during intercourse,
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the husband may
accidentally harm the baby,
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but that there
is a embryonic sack
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that is covering the
child, and there is no way to go
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all the way there to
touch it or to pierce it.
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And then in the Levitical
law, when it talks about
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cleansing and what
things are clean and unclean,
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the woman is
unclean after pregnancy
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for a certain amount of time.
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If the Bible says nothing
about the women being unclean
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or not supposed to be touched
by her husband while pregnant,
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and so I think that
there are some things
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that we can draw from
what the Bible doesn't say
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but does emphasize when it comes
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to being clean and unclean.
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Another question
that I have is what...
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Is it true that
women do not want
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to have sex while pregnant?
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That they, in some kind of
way, her desire to have sex
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on a broad scale, most women,
is it true to say most women
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or all women would rather
not have sex while pregnant?
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That is a
difficult question for me
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to answer about all women.
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I can speak from my
personal experience.
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We talked about earlier,
the qualifications that I have,
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being a family
ministries leader.
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When I
discovered I was pregnant,
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some people might
automatically assume,
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"She knows exactly
what's going to happen,
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what to do, what to
expect, what to anticipate,"
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and I did not.
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I had no idea
what to anticipate.
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I...
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And part of me had almost
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no one to talk
to about it either,
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and that was a
very scary experience.
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Right.
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Before going too detailed
into that part of the story,
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we can probably
talk about it later.
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I had a rare
condition during my pregnancy
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called hyperemesis gravidarum.
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And I was
extremely sick during...
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Not only the first trimester,
but into the second trimester
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where even the
smell of my husband
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was making me nauseous.
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And it wasn't
hygiene on his end?
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And it wasn't...Yes, it
wasn't hygiene on his end,
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let's be honest...
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And it was hurtful to
him, and it was hurtful to me
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because I love my
husband, I care for him
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and that's the
reason why we got married
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because I love him.
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And when you are not able
to have that level of intimacy
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where not even
talking about the full,
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like sexual intercourse,
just having him being able
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to sleep next to
me, to able to cuddle,
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just to give a hug
or peck on the cheek,
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that questions a lot of
things when you're pregnant.
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And during that
period, I was not able to
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just have the simple elements
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of just connecting and touching.
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And so for me
during that period, no,
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but what the doctors have said
is and even what other women
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have told me, I mean,
only one women has told me,
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it does fluctuate, it goes up
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'cause when you're
in a second trimester,
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it did, it was okay.
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But during that period,
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that was the most
difficult timeframe
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of being extremely sick.
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I'm looking at my
spouse, and he's looking at me,
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and we know something
that he's doing that's bad,
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and it's not something
I was doing that was bad,
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it was just a
matter out of our control.
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Right. Right, right.
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That sounds like a
difficult place to be in,
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and I think that's
why this conversation
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is so important that we
are able to let women know
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that there are a
variety of issues
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that happened while
pregnant that effect sexuality.
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And some of them
may be spiritual, right?
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Some of them may be spiritual,
some of them may be medical,
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and so being able to go
to the doctor like you did
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and find out what the issue
was is definitely something
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that we encourage.
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And not just
automatically assume,
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"Oh, I'm having a
problem, so it must be that
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we're not
supposed to be engaging
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in this
activity while pregnant."
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But instead, maybe
something is actually going on
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with my physical that's stopping
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and something
abnormally is happening
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with my physical
body that's causing issue.
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I can
completely agree with that,
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wondering, questioning.
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Because sexuality is not
just, as I said it before,
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it's not just intercourse.
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It is our beings,
our bodily changes,
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the relationship
between a husband and wife.
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And one benefit in that moment
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is knowing who my husband is
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and knowing who I am
and having that confidence
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that we love each other.
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So when that moment is bringing
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all types of
questions into our relationship,
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is there
something more going on,
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being able to
talk to the doctor,
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and they were a
little bit uncertain
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about what was going on,
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but having that
conversation was great.
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One thing I will want
to say that I did not do,
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and as a Christian
woman, I should have done.
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Okay. I did not
go to God about it.
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I did not say, "Lord,
this is a burden on my heart.
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I'm trying to
figure out what to do."
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We talk about
bodies being a temple
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that God made us,
that God loves us,
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that He cherish that,
we are His precious beings.
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And during that moment,
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knowing that He
values marriages,
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He values the connectivity
between my husband and myself
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and sexuality, sex being
a form of that expression,
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I didn't say,
"Lord, what is going on?"
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And God says, "Cast
your burdens upon me.
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Talk to me."
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We didn't do it, I
don't think my husband did it,
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I don't think I did
do it during that time,
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and that is one thing
that is extremely important
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while being pregnant.
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Even knowing
you're not pregnant,
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going to God and saying,
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"Lord, this is
unknown territory.
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I'm not sure what my sexuality
is supposed to look like."
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I'm questioning all these
different things about me.
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And again... You
know, we might say,
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"Well, your family,
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you're doing
magic family therapy.
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You're a therapist...
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You should know all
this different stuff."
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But in that moment,
there was a lot of uncertainty.
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And I don't know why I didn't,
and now I'm looking back,
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I said, "I should
have spoke to God,
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cast those burdens onto Him.
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Let Him know what
was going on between us
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first couple of months."
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I didn't.
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That's, yeah...
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So the advice right out of that.
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So the advice for
those that are at home
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or is to actually pray about it.
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Because God cares. Right.
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God definitely cares.
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I would agree with
that 100% that God cares,
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and so we look at... If
we go to Genesis, right?
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If we go to Genesis
2, and we see that God
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has created human
beings, and then it begins
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to break down
what that looks like,
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the creation of human beings.
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In saying that, the
woman came out of the man,
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and it takes, and
we know biologically,
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it takes both the
female parts and the male parts
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to come together and
create life, and in this,
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God had just
completed creating life.
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And so for Adam and
Eve to come together,
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and for Eve to become
pregnant as a result of that
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that God is very much
so involved in that process
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because He gave
your body the ability
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to go through that process.
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And so I would definitely
agree that it will be necessary.
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It is necessary, as a
Christian, to consult God.
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And so another question
that I have in terms of...
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From the male's perspective,
I know I've talked to a friend.
00:11:56.75\00:12:00.72
And he was telling me
00:12:00.75\00:12:02.52
that when his wife was pregnant,
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and she had two of his children
and when she was pregnant,
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he understands that for women...
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That for his wife and for women,
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we need to be affirmed,
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and that in the
marriage relationship,
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we need to be told
that we're beautiful.
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And so that did not...
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Not only did that not decrease
or become less of the case
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while she was pregnant,
but he sensed that his wife
00:12:31.15\00:12:34.22
needed more
affirmation from him.
00:12:34.25\00:12:37.79
And so, right,
when she was pregnant
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because there was
something happening on the out,
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especially with the
first child, he said,
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that she had never
been pregnant before,
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and there's all
these different affects
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that happen to the body.
00:12:49.26\00:12:51.67
And there is a lot of
things that's going on
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with the female body.
00:12:53.23\00:12:54.84
And again,
understanding sexuality,
00:12:54.87\00:12:57.47
we should know that
there are different things
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going on with your body.
00:12:59.14\00:13:00.48
Your libido
increasing, decreasing,
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your mood is increasing,
decreasing, and everything,
00:13:02.91\00:13:06.85
you're getting
bigger or in my case,
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I was getting smaller...
00:13:09.38\00:13:10.95
Oh, wow. Because
I was losing weight.
00:13:10.99\00:13:14.19
So knowing one form
of our sexual identity
00:13:14.22\00:13:17.66
that we have been
considered as women,
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you know, we are
mothers, we are the nurturers,
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we carry the baby,
that's our procreation purpose,
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to carry the child,
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that's one of the
elements in our sexual identity.
00:13:27.90\00:13:30.61
So, I, here as a mother
to be carrying my child.
00:13:30.64\00:13:34.74
I have this rare
condition that I feel
00:13:34.78\00:13:37.11
as if no one can
understand or realize,
00:13:37.15\00:13:40.15
but I know what my purpose
is by God is to carry this child
00:13:40.18\00:13:43.18
to full term.
00:13:43.22\00:13:44.85
And I'm wondering,
00:13:44.89\00:13:49.22
"Am I doing it right?"
00:13:49.26\00:13:53.13
Because I was losing...
00:13:53.16\00:13:54.50
I lost almost 10%
of my body weight.
00:13:54.53\00:13:57.27
And I still don't understand
why I didn't automatically
00:13:57.30\00:14:00.94
start praying and
talking to God about it.
00:14:00.97\00:14:03.94
But losing that body
weight, I was getting thin,
00:14:03.97\00:14:06.47
but I don't know
who told my husband
00:14:06.51\00:14:08.81
to keep on saying,
"Honey, you're beautiful.
00:14:08.84\00:14:12.31
I love you. You're glowing.
00:14:12.35\00:14:14.25
You're pregnant, it's
wonderful, it's great."
00:14:14.28\00:14:16.89
Being affirmed in
that, that is my purpose
00:14:16.92\00:14:20.72
to be carrying this child for me
00:14:20.76\00:14:22.92
'cause some women are
not able to carry children.
00:14:22.96\00:14:25.29
I don't want to insensitive
to that concern, but for me,
00:14:25.33\00:14:28.36
being able to carry this child.
00:14:28.40\00:14:29.90
And some people are
like, "Aren't you eating?
00:14:29.93\00:14:32.77
When I was five months pregnant,
00:14:32.80\00:14:34.14
someone thought I was
on a weight loss plan.
00:14:34.17\00:14:36.47
They didn't know I was pregnant,
00:14:36.50\00:14:37.84
they thought I was
on a weight loss plan,
00:14:37.87\00:14:39.21
I was losing weight.
00:14:39.24\00:14:40.58
That's hard. But I was pregnant.
00:14:40.61\00:14:42.28
And I'm supposed
to be this healthy...
00:14:42.31\00:14:45.85
Chunky. Chunky, you know.
00:14:45.88\00:14:47.45
Yes.
00:14:47.48\00:14:48.82
People should be
like, "Are you almost due?"
00:14:48.85\00:14:50.19
Those weren't the questions.
00:14:50.22\00:14:52.45
But that's how I
felt like I should be
00:14:52.49\00:14:55.42
because we were
told over and over,
00:14:55.46\00:14:57.53
as women, when you're pregnant,
00:14:57.56\00:14:59.29
that is what
you're supposed to do.
00:14:59.33\00:15:01.00
And we also are hard
on ourselves as women.
00:15:01.03\00:15:03.77
Right.
00:15:03.80\00:15:05.13
During the pregnancy,
we are hard on ourselves,
00:15:05.17\00:15:06.90
and if you don't
have the right spouse,
00:15:06.94\00:15:08.94
he could also be
hard on you and say,
00:15:08.97\00:15:11.14
"Why aren't you eating?
00:15:11.17\00:15:12.51
Why aren't you doing
this? Why aren't you..."
00:15:12.54\00:15:14.08
And my husband
was not like that.
00:15:14.11\00:15:15.68
He was supportive, honest,
00:15:15.71\00:15:17.05
and I was having a
different level of change.
00:15:17.08\00:15:21.98
And that's how it should be
because we look to the Bible
00:15:22.02\00:15:25.89
and songs of Solomon
and all, the way he talks
00:15:25.92\00:15:28.46
about his love,
how beautiful she is,
00:15:28.49\00:15:33.06
how he cares for her.
00:15:33.09\00:15:35.00
Privacy should
also be that period
00:15:35.03\00:15:36.83
where you're
also talking about it
00:15:36.87\00:15:38.20
because again mood
changing, libido changing,
00:15:38.23\00:15:41.90
depression, wondering,
"Can I actually be a mother?
00:15:41.94\00:15:46.54
Will I be successful in this?"
00:15:46.57\00:15:49.04
It's important to
have that conversation.
00:15:49.08\00:15:52.55
I think I appreciate that.
00:15:52.58\00:15:54.48
I appreciate you
letting us all know
00:15:54.52\00:15:57.45
that it is not uncommon
for a woman to lose weight
00:15:57.49\00:16:03.63
because most people
think you gain weight
00:16:03.66\00:16:06.66
when you have a child.
00:16:06.70\00:16:08.03
And in some
cases, you know, you do.
00:16:08.06\00:16:10.43
But there are cases,
you're not the only person
00:16:10.47\00:16:13.34
that I know that has
actually lost weight.
00:16:13.37\00:16:16.87
And with your case,
it was a medical problem.
00:16:16.91\00:16:19.91
With her it
wasn't a medical problem,
00:16:19.94\00:16:21.74
it was just what happened.
00:16:21.78\00:16:23.51
And so she...
00:16:23.55\00:16:24.88
There are some other
things that she had to do,
00:16:24.91\00:16:26.25
so it didn't become medical,
00:16:26.28\00:16:28.25
but that's
something that happened.
00:16:28.28\00:16:30.39
So for all the
viewers out there,
00:16:30.42\00:16:33.32
for the husbands
or the husbands to be,
00:16:33.36\00:16:35.96
for the wives
or the wives to be,
00:16:35.99\00:16:37.59
for the mothers
or the mothers to be,
00:16:37.63\00:16:39.59
know that if you lose weight,
you should go to the doctor
00:16:39.63\00:16:42.53
but it's not uncommon.
00:16:42.56\00:16:43.90
Doesn't automatically mean
00:16:43.93\00:16:45.50
that you have a
medical condition,
00:16:45.53\00:16:46.90
but it may mean that you
have a medical condition.
00:16:46.94\00:16:50.11
So going to the doctor
is definitely something
00:16:50.14\00:16:53.01
would be a good choice.
00:16:53.04\00:16:54.38
It is.
00:16:54.41\00:16:55.74
And creating a
community that supports women
00:16:55.78\00:17:00.98
becoming mothers,
with that element,
00:17:01.02\00:17:03.89
just to talk to her
for a few seconds...
00:17:03.92\00:17:07.16
Talking about
making pure choices.
00:17:07.19\00:17:09.42
When I discovered
that I had hyperemesis,
00:17:09.46\00:17:11.96
I did what I
shouldn't have done,
00:17:11.99\00:17:13.40
I went online
and started searching
00:17:13.43\00:17:16.23
and understanding and learning
how rare my condition was.
00:17:16.26\00:17:19.83
And when I heard that only
less than 2% of women have it,
00:17:19.87\00:17:23.44
I started to separate myself,
00:17:23.47\00:17:27.61
where I
shouldn't have done that.
00:17:27.64\00:17:29.58
I tried to
separate myself feeling
00:17:29.61\00:17:30.95
that I'm the only one.
00:17:30.98\00:17:32.31
You're saying that, you
know, you have a friend,
00:17:32.35\00:17:34.52
I wouldn't...
00:17:34.55\00:17:35.88
If I had not separated myself,
I probably would have heard
00:17:35.92\00:17:38.09
that there were other women.
00:17:38.12\00:17:39.45
It might be a rare case,
but there are other women
00:17:39.49\00:17:41.79
who are losing it,
I mean, losing weight.
00:17:41.82\00:17:44.39
Right. And God
created this community.
00:17:44.43\00:17:46.90
And I don't know
where in my mindset
00:17:46.93\00:17:51.13
I got this understanding
that I shouldn't talk
00:17:51.17\00:17:54.40
about pregnancy and sexuality
00:17:54.44\00:17:55.90
and what's
going on with my body,
00:17:55.94\00:17:57.31
what's going on, I
mean, my husband...
00:17:57.34\00:17:59.74
I don't know where I
got it, but I had this fear
00:17:59.77\00:18:02.44
that I can't talk to
anyone else about it.
00:18:02.48\00:18:04.88
I can't speak to
anyone else about this.
00:18:04.91\00:18:07.35
It's only me, I'm the only one,
I'm alone in this situation.
00:18:07.38\00:18:10.89
Yeah.
00:18:10.92\00:18:12.25
And I don't know
where that came from.
00:18:12.29\00:18:15.19
And I wish someone would
have just thought and said,
00:18:15.22\00:18:19.73
"Listen, I see you're pregnant.
00:18:19.76\00:18:22.50
How is your body
functions going on?
00:18:22.53\00:18:24.73
Are you able to still
be with your husband?"
00:18:24.77\00:18:27.70
And they don't
have to talk about
00:18:27.74\00:18:29.07
the whole intercourse element,
00:18:29.10\00:18:30.44
but just being
able to hold his hands
00:18:30.47\00:18:32.17
and be near him, to confer,
00:18:32.21\00:18:34.18
to still build a
relationship during that time.
00:18:34.21\00:18:36.54
That is a part of our sexuality,
00:18:36.58\00:18:38.71
in our religion, in our identity
00:18:38.75\00:18:40.52
as heterosexual married couples
to have that conversation.
00:18:40.55\00:18:44.72
Yes. And that was...
00:18:44.75\00:18:46.09
That's really
important having a conversation
00:18:46.12\00:18:49.19
with your spouse
about what's going on,
00:18:49.22\00:18:52.53
how you're
feeling the uncertainty
00:18:52.56\00:18:54.46
that's going on.
00:18:54.50\00:18:55.83
If you don't talk,
then how can you improve?
00:18:55.86\00:18:58.87
Yes, definitely.
00:18:58.90\00:19:00.24
Definitely, I
would agree with...
00:19:00.27\00:19:01.80
I mean, I don't think
that that would ever be
00:19:01.84\00:19:04.21
a false statement in
every aspect of marriage,
00:19:04.24\00:19:08.21
of any sort of relationship
for it to function properly,
00:19:08.24\00:19:11.31
you want to communicate.
00:19:11.35\00:19:13.75
Something that I've
heard that's a little...
00:19:13.78\00:19:19.52
It's this bit
extreme in my opinion.
00:19:19.55\00:19:21.79
It's a bit extreme is
that there was at least one man
00:19:21.82\00:19:26.90
out there that
had this question.
00:19:26.93\00:19:29.30
And this question
was or this statement was
00:19:29.33\00:19:32.97
that it is now appropriate
for him to participate
00:19:33.00\00:19:37.51
in either extramarital
affairs or in masturbation
00:19:37.54\00:19:42.48
since his wife is pregnant.
00:19:42.51\00:19:44.05
And so what would you have
00:19:44.08\00:19:48.52
to say to such a statement?
00:19:48.55\00:19:51.25
That sounds like blackmail sex
where he is telling his wife,
00:19:51.29\00:19:57.86
"You are not at ease with
us having sexual relationships.
00:19:57.89\00:20:03.23
So this is our two options,
00:20:03.26\00:20:04.63
either I cheat on you externally
00:20:04.67\00:20:07.67
or I cheat on you internally,
00:20:07.70\00:20:09.20
and I ruin our bond
and our connection."
00:20:09.24\00:20:11.81
And God has not
provided any provision
00:20:11.84\00:20:16.24
for that type of talk for us
00:20:16.28\00:20:18.51
to be sexual
immoral by having affairs.
00:20:18.55\00:20:23.08
God has not provided
any provisions for us
00:20:23.12\00:20:25.95
to be sexual
immoral by masturbating,
00:20:25.99\00:20:28.29
which would call for fantasizing
00:20:28.32\00:20:30.59
about someone else
who isn't your wife.
00:20:30.63\00:20:32.56
And even if you're
fantasizing about your wife,
00:20:32.59\00:20:35.33
you're making her
into a sexual object.
00:20:35.36\00:20:37.47
It's not a sexual
object, it's a sexual being
00:20:37.50\00:20:39.73
who is your spouse,
who is your partner,
00:20:39.77\00:20:42.40
who God has
designed to be your mate,
00:20:42.44\00:20:45.97
not only the mate but
the mother of your child.
00:20:46.01\00:20:48.91
And there is a level of respect
that you need to have for her.
00:20:48.94\00:20:53.88
If you do have the desire
to have sex, converse with her,
00:20:53.92\00:20:58.39
talk to her, "Okay,
what is your concern?
00:20:58.42\00:21:00.32
What is my concern?
Let's go to a doctor."
00:21:00.36\00:21:03.46
Or maybe he might need to
have other external activities
00:21:03.49\00:21:07.80
such as talking with his boys
and maybe playing basketball,
00:21:07.83\00:21:12.23
baseball... Going to the gym.
00:21:12.27\00:21:13.60
Going to the gym.
00:21:13.64\00:21:15.04
But sex should not be
needed during pregnancy.
00:21:15.07\00:21:19.87
I don't want to say it
as if sex and pregnancy
00:21:19.91\00:21:22.94
could not be
important or essential,
00:21:22.98\00:21:25.18
but it doesn't have to happen.
00:21:25.21\00:21:27.32
We do talk about period.
00:21:27.35\00:21:28.78
The Bible does talk
about periods where of fasting,
00:21:28.82\00:21:31.52
and that's the
only time where you know
00:21:31.55\00:21:32.89
you should not
have or it's safety
00:21:32.92\00:21:34.46
because the marriage
bed should not be defiled.
00:21:34.49\00:21:36.79
And part of defiling
is hurting your wife.
00:21:36.83\00:21:41.46
Nothing is worse than not
being connected to your spouse
00:21:41.50\00:21:46.94
and you are
engaging in intercourse.
00:21:46.97\00:21:49.10
That is rape.
00:21:49.14\00:21:50.57
If she is not there, she
doesn't want to be there,
00:21:50.61\00:21:53.17
and she is being
forced to be there,
00:21:53.21\00:21:54.68
she's being
blackmailed to be there,
00:21:54.71\00:21:56.75
especially during
that time on pregnancy,
00:21:56.78\00:21:58.81
you are so sensitive.
00:21:58.85\00:22:01.18
And you are told by
this person who should love
00:22:01.22\00:22:03.39
and encourage and support you.
00:22:03.42\00:22:04.95
If you don't do what I
think you're supposed to do,
00:22:04.99\00:22:07.66
and especially if they
use the Bible in certain ways
00:22:07.69\00:22:09.59
to be like, "The Bible
says you're not supposed
00:22:09.62\00:22:11.29
to refrain from me
except for fasting..."
00:22:11.33\00:22:14.20
There's a problem.
Right. That's pressure.
00:22:14.23\00:22:15.96
And I think that's, you
know, what you're saying,
00:22:16.00\00:22:18.80
what I hear you
saying in terms of rape.
00:22:18.83\00:22:21.40
It would be if you're trying
to pressure me, I'm pregnant,
00:22:21.44\00:22:24.47
and maybe I have some
things going on with me,
00:22:24.51\00:22:27.34
maybe they're medical,
00:22:27.38\00:22:28.71
like they were
in your condition.
00:22:28.74\00:22:30.08
Or maybe, I just don't
feel like having intercourse
00:22:30.11\00:22:34.22
with you, and I
happen to be pregnant.
00:22:34.25\00:22:36.82
Whether I'm pregnant
or not, and I'm saying,
00:22:36.85\00:22:38.72
"I don't want to have
intercourse with you."
00:22:38.75\00:22:40.56
The solution
that or a possibility
00:22:40.59\00:22:43.63
that you give to
me, should not be okay
00:22:43.66\00:22:46.16
while I'm going to
take care of myself,
00:22:46.19\00:22:48.03
I'm going to serve
myself, which by masturbating
00:22:48.06\00:22:51.63
or I'm going to go
and find someone else
00:22:51.67\00:22:54.10
to fill this need that I have.
00:22:54.14\00:22:56.84
That's just not
appropriate in any sense.
00:22:56.87\00:22:59.67
When it comes
to the conversation
00:22:59.71\00:23:01.18
that you were saying
about having a community,
00:23:01.21\00:23:04.95
that is super essential.
00:23:04.98\00:23:08.62
There's a belief
that in Old Testament time
00:23:08.65\00:23:12.72
that the women, when
they were on their menstrual,
00:23:12.75\00:23:16.59
when they were on their periods
00:23:16.62\00:23:17.96
having gone
through menstruation,
00:23:17.99\00:23:20.00
and they were unclean,
they will be sent away,
00:23:20.03\00:23:22.80
and all the women
will be in a tent together.
00:23:22.83\00:23:25.47
And it was during that
time that the older women
00:23:25.50\00:23:28.14
will share with
the younger women
00:23:28.17\00:23:31.81
different
things about sexuality,
00:23:31.84\00:23:33.71
whether it'd be intercourse,
00:23:33.74\00:23:35.54
whether it'd be what to
do when you have children,
00:23:35.58\00:23:38.98
while you're
pregnant, all of those things
00:23:39.01\00:23:40.85
that encompass sexuality.
00:23:40.88\00:23:42.42
It was a space for
women to come together
00:23:42.45\00:23:45.05
and have the conversation
like you so eloquently said,
00:23:45.09\00:23:48.56
having the
conversation is necessary.
00:23:48.59\00:23:51.83
And even before,
even more recently,
00:23:51.86\00:23:56.67
should I say, that there was...
00:23:56.70\00:23:59.80
There has been a
dialogue between the older women
00:23:59.83\00:24:03.54
and the younger women and
saying this is what I did,
00:24:03.57\00:24:07.84
maybe this will work for you.
00:24:07.88\00:24:09.64
And between generations,
00:24:09.68\00:24:12.41
there has been
such a great divide
00:24:12.45\00:24:15.62
in where the
older and the younger
00:24:15.65\00:24:17.59
are not having those
conversations anymore.
00:24:17.62\00:24:20.16
And so just because
we have access to Google,
00:24:20.19\00:24:22.82
doesn't mean that
should be our only source,
00:24:22.86\00:24:26.76
having that interpersonal
relationship with someone
00:24:26.80\00:24:30.13
who came before me,
they're still great,
00:24:30.17\00:24:32.43
depth and strength, to
that level of conversation.
00:24:32.47\00:24:36.94
Definitely. Definitely.
00:24:36.97\00:24:38.84
Conversation, communication,
communication, communication.
00:24:38.87\00:24:42.24
Communicating and expressing
what's going on in your heart.
00:24:42.28\00:24:48.38
While being
pregnant, there was a period
00:24:48.42\00:24:51.05
of really uncertainty.
00:24:51.09\00:24:53.89
Like I said it before, I
did what I shouldn't have done,
00:24:53.92\00:24:56.49
and I went on Google
and did all this research
00:24:56.52\00:24:58.36
in trying to
figure out what to do,
00:24:58.39\00:25:01.10
and it talked
about getting so sick
00:25:01.13\00:25:06.33
that the doctors
might recommend aborting.
00:25:06.37\00:25:10.61
And that level
of fear and anxiety,
00:25:10.64\00:25:13.84
I had to do what...
00:25:13.88\00:25:15.94
I could say having
a prayer, and I said,
00:25:15.98\00:25:18.68
"Lord, I am tired of taking
these different medications
00:25:18.71\00:25:21.78
trying to control my nausea
and all this different stuff.
00:25:21.82\00:25:25.49
I'm tired of all
of this, Dear Lord,
00:25:25.52\00:25:26.89
I'm tired of second
guessing myself and wondering
00:25:26.92\00:25:29.59
if I can be what
You're calling me
00:25:29.62\00:25:30.96
to be as a mother.
00:25:30.99\00:25:32.33
So I'm taking it to you."
00:25:32.36\00:25:33.83
And after I said that prayer,
00:25:33.86\00:25:35.90
I also sent out
a mass text message
00:25:35.93\00:25:37.33
to everyone saying,
"Pray for me right now
00:25:37.37\00:25:40.57
and what God is trying to do
in my life with this pregnancy
00:25:40.60\00:25:44.71
because I have a lot
of concern and confusion."
00:25:44.74\00:25:48.11
And things started
to get better after that
00:25:48.14\00:25:51.21
because God does answer prayer.
00:25:51.25\00:25:52.78
Yes, He does.
00:25:52.81\00:25:54.15
God does provide
support in the Bible
00:25:54.18\00:25:55.68
while you're pregnant
to help you understand
00:25:55.72\00:25:58.65
what is going on.
00:25:58.69\00:26:00.02
And again, having a great spouse
00:26:00.06\00:26:02.89
who understands
that we have to converse
00:26:02.92\00:26:06.90
about 'cause sex was different.
00:26:06.93\00:26:08.76
It wasn't the same like
it was before I was pregnant.
00:26:08.80\00:26:11.73
We had to have
that communication,
00:26:11.77\00:26:13.17
we had to converse about
what to do, how to change.
00:26:13.20\00:26:16.20
We did have to go
to my doctor and say,
00:26:16.24\00:26:17.77
"Okay, this
isn't, this is going on.
00:26:17.81\00:26:19.57
How do we go
about changing this?"
00:26:19.61\00:26:21.94
And that's okay.
00:26:21.98\00:26:23.41
As Christians we
don't need to be nervous
00:26:23.45\00:26:25.05
about having that conversation
because God would want us
00:26:25.08\00:26:27.92
to have that conversation
because He didn't want us
00:26:27.95\00:26:29.78
to be unhappy and to be ashamed
00:26:29.82\00:26:32.12
and to feel as if
He doesn't care for us
00:26:32.15\00:26:34.72
because He does care for us.
00:26:34.76\00:26:36.09
Yes.
00:26:36.12\00:26:37.46
I believe that God
cares for us very much.
00:26:37.49\00:26:40.06
I definitely agree that
God cares for us very much.
00:26:40.10\00:26:42.86
And that He wants us
to have that conversation
00:26:42.90\00:26:45.10
because once
again, God has built us
00:26:45.13\00:26:48.20
and made us to be
communal individuals.
00:26:48.24\00:26:51.14
We are individual
but we prosper and we...
00:26:51.17\00:26:57.08
Our purpose in
fulfillment and community
00:26:57.11\00:27:00.38
that my gifts are
expressed best in community.
00:27:00.42\00:27:03.59
And so being able to
what we're doing right now
00:27:03.62\00:27:07.72
and having this conversation
00:27:07.76\00:27:09.46
that you are
giving me information
00:27:09.49\00:27:11.86
for when I get
pregnant, God willing,
00:27:11.89\00:27:14.93
if that is a gift
that I'll be given.
00:27:14.96\00:27:17.20
And so something
for the viewers at home,
00:27:17.23\00:27:21.47
I would like for you
all to once again continue
00:27:21.50\00:27:24.04
the conversation,
whether you are pregnant
00:27:24.07\00:27:26.94
or you are looking
to become pregnant,
00:27:26.98\00:27:29.38
pray to God,
00:27:29.41\00:27:31.11
have a
conversation with God about it.
00:27:31.15\00:27:33.88
It is not something that God is
too above, too high and mighty,
00:27:33.92\00:27:38.89
I mean, even though
God is high and mighty,
00:27:38.92\00:27:40.96
God is not too high and mighty
00:27:40.99\00:27:43.29
to address the
concerns that you may have.
00:27:43.32\00:27:46.23
And talk to someone older,
00:27:46.26\00:27:47.83
talk to someone who
has come before you,
00:27:47.86\00:27:50.43
and to be able to make
00:27:50.47\00:27:53.00
that pure choice of
sexuality and pregnancy.
00:27:53.03\00:27:56.37