The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hi, welcome to Pure Choices.
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I'm Brittany Hill-Morales,
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and I'm the host
for today's program.
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We have a really great topic
that we are discussing today.
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It is women and sexuality.
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Another title, silly
lady, sex is for men,
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but before we jump into
this discussion, let's pray.
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Dear kind and
most heavenly Father,
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dear Lord, I pray
that You will be with us
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as we are
having this discussion,
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that You also be
with the viewers at home
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that are still
listening and watching.
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We love You and
we praise Your name
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in Jesus' name, amen.
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Amen.
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So as we're
beginning this discussion,
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these two ladies are here
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to discuss with us
about women and sexuality.
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We have Miss Sabine Vatel
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and we also have
Mrs. Dajanae Anderson.
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Women and sexuality,
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that is a huge
topic for us as women,
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we're all women, we're
all leaders in our churches,
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we all are again women
and we are a sexual beings,
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so what...?
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Let's go back a
little bit, women sexuality.
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Why is it that,
it is easier for men
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to be considered sexual
beings but not for us women?
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What is that about?
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Why do we not feel comfortable
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or at ease talking about
sexuality amongst ourselves?
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It's often the case
that, you know, women,
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we're seen as
rather a sexual being,
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as a sexual object of the man,
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and she wasn't
considered has having any needs
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because her need were
attached to the male need.
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I mean in Bible
times even she...
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Most of the times
she was not even allowed
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to have a property,
because she was, again,
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her need was
attached to the man's need.
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And that's what's so
amazing about the gospel.
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You know, when the gospel comes,
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when Jesus
comes, He changes that.
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Paul explains
in 1 Corinthians 7,
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he talks about
the conjugal rights
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that the man has upon his wife.
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He says, you know,
your body belongs to him,
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but here he comes,
he says in next verse.
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Your body as a
man belongs to her,
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so that when you have
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a sexual
relationship is consensual,
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is something you both pleasing
your each other essentially.
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So he kind of restores
her as being a sexual being
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and so this...
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So your question
is an awesome one.
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Your mind, you know,
women that, you know what?
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And, you know, sex
also because in our...
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I'll say twisted.
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In our twisted mind,
sex is not seen as pure
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and nice and women as femininity
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is associated with
that, you know, be sweet,
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be nice but no
you can't possibly,
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you know, be messed
up with sexual things
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as if it's dirty,
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and that's another aspect
of our mind has been twisted.
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Right, I would definitely
agree with that and that we...
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That the women's sexuality
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is looked at as
something impure or perverted
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and that's just not as
you just stated in the Bible,
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that's just not accurate,
and I wouldn't agree with.
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I wouldn't agree with that
belief system that says that,
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if a woman is
comfortable with her sexuality,
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then she is some
kind of way perverted.
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That's right.
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And, now,
unfortunately the images
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that we are offered in as women
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being comfortable
with their sexuality
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is that of being
promiscuous and liberated,
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or like, oh, wow, I
can just gonna run around.
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See that's the image we're given
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as to women who is
comfortable with her sexuality,
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but the Bible gives
us a different model
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of what that means.
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Right.
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Definitely I was
completely going there.
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The part when we
think of sexuality,
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sometimes the only ideas
that come through our mind
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is the actual act of sex,
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but sexuality also includes
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the image of
ourselves, our bodies,
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different changes that we have.
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This is, you know,
we're sexual beings
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and just
thinking about the Bible
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regards were God says,
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you know, you're
fearfully and wonderfully made.
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That is true for us
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and we're not
able to actually see it
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because of how
that definitely tells
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about our sexuality is media.
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Media influence and
the media presents women
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as these, your
sexuality is so perverted,
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you have to
wear a certain attire
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and that's order
to be a sexual being,
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like if you're dressed properly,
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no that's not
sophisticated enough
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to be considered sexual
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because sexual is not
considered sophisticated.
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Sexual is
considered dirty, filthy,
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but that's not the case.
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Women are beautiful just
talking about our bodies,
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for sexuality.
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I love you bring up that
point in terms of the dress,
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which again highlights
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the physical
attribute of the women.
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It's like going back
rather than going forward
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in the sense is
definitely not going forward
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towards were God's will is.
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This idea of to
arouse the worst instinct
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may be in the opposite sex
rather than to arouse something
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that makes women be honored
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and respected
for the whole person
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that she is, not
just like a body part.
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Yes, I think that I
like what you're saying,
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there is a balance.
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I believe that
there's definitely a balance
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in that you can be comfortable
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and you're
sexuality be comfortable
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with how God has
created you to be.
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Each women is shaped
differently amongst cultures,
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amongst within cultures,
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you know, women are
shaped very differently
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and to be
comfortable with yourself
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'cause I think, what I found
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that some women
cover themselves up so much
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because they are
ashamed of their bodies.
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And so I don't in any way
want to make women feel okay,
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that they're not okay
with the shapes of their bodies
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because not every, you may...
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Many times if women
are shaped in a physically,
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extremely
physically attractive way,
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where you may be a
little bit busty here
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and other areas.
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On television, the
women that are busty
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and shapely are
the promiscuous women,
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and so then the
women who are in Christ or,
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you know, have
or growing in Christ
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try to overly
cover themselves up
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because there's a shame
associated with the fact
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that they may be
bustier than the sophisticated
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or Christ-like person
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that is portrayed on television.
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And so I would definitely
say that there is a balance
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with that they know,
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we're not gonna
present ourselves
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as promiscuous women
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and want everyone
to see the details
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that they can be
sexually attracted to us.
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But being able to...
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I just once
again having a balance
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between being comfortable
but also representing Christ.
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In being
modest. In being modest.
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You don't have to
wear like a sack of potato
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to be considered Christian.
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Right. You know what I mean?
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And something you go rude,
and I have to be very careful
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because I think
we ought to be modest
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and well dressed and covered up.
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But at the same
time, I think there's some
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who would give away
their responsibility,
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you know, they
have this extreme,
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I think it's wrong to
have the extreme of all women
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are either a jezebel or a saint,
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you know, you mean it.
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I can't think of a name
right now but Jezebel or Mary.
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Either Mary or Jezebel,
either one is not balanced.
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Let's put the blame on the women
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why they are taking self
responsibility as well too,
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you know, so.
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And I wanted to add what women
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and how we are,
how we carry ourselves,
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is believed that, when
we say women as sexual,
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that is the fact to
arouse a certain element
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in the spouse.
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Our intimate, where
the automatical factor is,
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I just want to take you to
bed and do things with you.
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But being sexual as women,
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when we're carrying ourselves
not just to arouse that,
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it's to arouse his need
to honor and respect you
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and to treasure you,
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that is part of
being the sexual being
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but we don't...
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We, because how
society has been,
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we don't talk about that,
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that is important in
intimacy for your spouse
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who want to
respect and honor you,
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to treasure you,
showing that intimate time,
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that should be
aroused in how you are,
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that is the
part of being sexual.
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It's important, it's crucial
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that your spouse
respects you in such a moment
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where you're knowing each other.
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You're knowing each other,
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you're good, you're
bad and still accepted.
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Yes.
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You know, I love for
a guy to be able to say,
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you know, or, you
know, I love your mind
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and I think, I think you're sexy
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because your mind is sexy.
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You know, what I mean?
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They're okay for
women to be sexy,
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I means, and of course
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it's about when
you speak for male
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because, you know, we,
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what attracts a woman
to man is so different,
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because men are actually,
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you know, they
see the physicality,
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but, you know, if hopefully
it's not just a physicality
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but like you say
it's the whole person
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that they fell in
love with and so sexuality
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then is in context of
what God meant it to be
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within a relationship.
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It's not just a thing
that you just picked up,
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but this is a whole person
you just wanted to treasure
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and sexuality is just
part of that within context.
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Right, and now
I'm just gonna go,
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kind of going back
a little to talk about
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what it means to be
beautiful in society as a women.
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May be not even
in a relationship,
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because not all
women are in relationships,
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not all women are married,
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not all women are
going to get married,
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but there is still a value
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that you have to have as a women
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in the sight of God in
terms of your sexuality
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and to know that
we are beautifully
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and wonderfully made.
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And to walk around with
that sense of confidence
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that Christ has made us
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and formed us is
something to treasure,
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is something to care for.
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It's just not
the exact same thing
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but something very similar
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and just as God
created the beautiful flowers
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and the beautiful
trees, and things of color,
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and things that are
shaped in differently.
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God had created the human
being both the male sexuality
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and the female sexuality
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but there, once again the beauty
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of a female sexuality in society
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does not have to be perverted
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but can be treasured
in a Christ-like way.
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And you bring in something
I didn't even think about,
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the idea that that beauty
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for beauty sake, in other words,
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you're dressing,
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you're carrying yourself
not for an audience of men
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but to please man but just
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because God
created you that way,
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and your gift back to
God is basically to be
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who you are
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and to just be the
beautiful person that you are.
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To be steward.
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It's to be
steward of your body...
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That's what I was
thinking, steward of your body,
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for our body is a temple...
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Oh, that's awesome, yeah.
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So you're carrying yourself
not basically for the fact
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that I'm trying to attract a man
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and trying to get a man.
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I'm carrying myself in
a sophisticated manner.
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I am a sexual
being who should...
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My body is a temple,
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that's just what
comes back to me,
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my body is a
temple, a form of worship,
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how I'm carrying myself says,
God, I know You created me,
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fearfully and wonderfully,
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and I accept the
fact that You created me.
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My curves here, may be I
have a little chunk, chunk here,
00:12:10.86\00:12:14.50
but God, I accept that
this is who you have created.
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And this is who
you want me to be.
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You love me,
you treasure me God.
00:12:20.67\00:12:24.91
Who I am is worshiped to you
00:12:24.94\00:12:28.04
and that is such
a beautiful thing
00:12:28.08\00:12:29.41
'cause so much,
so much we as women.
00:12:29.44\00:12:31.35
Who I am is worshiped
to you. That is awesome.
00:12:31.38\00:12:33.11
We as women, we
hurt ourselves so much,
00:12:33.15\00:12:38.09
constantly looking in
the mirror, comparing,
00:12:38.12\00:12:41.32
saying, I'm not
beautiful because I have this.
00:12:41.36\00:12:45.19
We compare ourselves so
much and break ourselves down
00:12:45.23\00:12:49.66
and we even
break each other down.
00:12:49.70\00:12:51.03
Yeah.
00:12:51.07\00:12:52.40
This what happens if
you are not confident
00:12:52.43\00:12:53.77
in God's
treasuring of you actually.
00:12:53.80\00:12:58.41
Yeah, that's when you
break down other women.
00:12:58.44\00:13:00.44
And that's when you
start yourself cheap
00:13:00.48\00:13:01.94
as well too to men when
you're not realizing that.
00:13:01.98\00:13:05.55
Right, and I think for the...
00:13:05.58\00:13:06.95
I mean I have brothers in Christ
00:13:06.98\00:13:09.28
and even before I was fully
in Christ, I had "Brothers".
00:13:09.32\00:13:13.46
That, you know, guys
that I went to school with,
00:13:13.49\00:13:15.26
then we all hung
out and so I would hear,
00:13:15.29\00:13:18.66
you know, and they would tell me
00:13:18.69\00:13:20.03
what their
opinions were of women.
00:13:20.06\00:13:23.37
That you can
tell, a man can tell
00:13:23.40\00:13:26.33
when a women is confident in
00:13:26.37\00:13:29.80
who she is and in
the way that she dresses
00:13:29.84\00:13:33.91
and the way that she...
00:13:33.94\00:13:36.14
In the way that she
interacts with a man,
00:13:36.18\00:13:39.01
am I being inappropriate
and there are many men...
00:13:39.05\00:13:44.32
There's some
men that you cannot,
00:13:44.35\00:13:45.69
no matter what you do,
00:13:45.72\00:13:47.06
they may be
disrespectful to the women
00:13:47.09\00:13:49.76
because of their own issues,
00:13:49.79\00:13:51.13
because of their own brokenness.
00:13:51.16\00:13:52.53
But then there
are some men that say,
00:13:52.56\00:13:56.73
you respect yourself
00:13:56.77\00:13:58.13
and I see that
you respect yourself
00:13:58.17\00:14:00.54
and you demand respect from me
00:14:00.57\00:14:03.20
and I will give that to you.
00:14:03.24\00:14:05.54
And then
unfortunately there are men
00:14:05.57\00:14:07.74
that I have come in contact
00:14:07.78\00:14:09.11
with who've
told me straight out,
00:14:09.14\00:14:10.61
"This woman does not respect
her body and that is why..."
00:14:10.65\00:14:14.72
These were men
outside of the church,
00:14:14.75\00:14:17.79
"She does not respect her
body the way that she dresses,
00:14:17.82\00:14:20.99
the activities that
she participates in,
00:14:21.02\00:14:23.09
so I don't respect her body
00:14:23.12\00:14:24.76
because she
doesn't respect her body."
00:14:24.79\00:14:26.66
And so, but in this conversation
00:14:26.70\00:14:30.27
this young man,
00:14:30.30\00:14:31.63
cause' we were
younger was telling me
00:14:31.67\00:14:33.00
"But Dajanae you,
00:14:33.03\00:14:34.37
you hold yourself different
that's why I don't call you
00:14:34.40\00:14:36.54
the names that I call her."
00:14:36.57\00:14:37.91
Because I was kind of like,
"Why are you calling her that,
00:14:37.94\00:14:40.48
that's disrespectful."
00:14:40.51\00:14:41.84
And he said, "She
doesn't have a problem with it."
00:14:41.88\00:14:45.11
So you're
sticking up for her is,
00:14:45.15\00:14:48.72
you know, good in everything
00:14:48.75\00:14:50.12
but she doesn't
have a problem with what
00:14:50.15\00:14:52.95
and how I'm treating her,
you have a problem with it.
00:14:52.99\00:14:55.19
And as women, we have
to have a problem with how,
00:14:55.22\00:14:57.93
if someone says
something negative about us,
00:14:57.96\00:15:00.46
we have to respect
and value ourselves
00:15:00.50\00:15:02.60
because we are created by God.
00:15:02.63\00:15:05.27
And another myth when it talks
about women and sexuality is,
00:15:05.30\00:15:09.20
girls don't want to
know about their bodies.
00:15:09.24\00:15:12.24
That's what people...
00:15:12.27\00:15:13.61
That's...
00:15:13.64\00:15:14.98
Wow.
00:15:15.01\00:15:16.34
Actually, I mean
women I think are,
00:15:16.38\00:15:18.51
because your body part is not,
00:15:18.55\00:15:20.58
I mean is not
dirty inherently bad
00:15:20.62\00:15:24.25
and I think it's
important for women to know that
00:15:24.29\00:15:25.75
and when you're growing up,
00:15:25.79\00:15:28.12
you discover, oh, you
know, it does the feelings in
00:15:28.16\00:15:31.39
who you are,
how God created you.
00:15:31.43\00:15:34.96
I think, well, obviously
I think it's the fallacy,
00:15:35.00\00:15:37.30
you know that
women are not interested.
00:15:37.33\00:15:39.23
Is that what you said that
we are not interested in sex.
00:15:39.27\00:15:41.50
But for me we
have to be interested
00:15:41.54\00:15:43.44
in knowing what's
going on with our bodies.
00:15:43.47\00:15:45.47
Why is that men are
interested but we're not.
00:15:45.51\00:15:47.34
Right.
00:15:47.38\00:15:48.71
There's so much
errors in thinking
00:15:48.74\00:15:50.91
and I was reading in the
Bible in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5,
00:15:50.95\00:15:55.22
"That each of you should
learn to control your own body
00:15:55.25\00:15:57.79
in a way that is
holy and honorable."
00:15:57.82\00:16:01.19
And how can we as
women control our own body
00:16:01.22\00:16:06.93
if we don't know our own body.
00:16:06.96\00:16:09.73
And we don't know what
the sexual immoralities
00:16:09.76\00:16:12.13
are when it
comes to our own body.
00:16:12.17\00:16:14.74
A young lady who
I was talking to,
00:16:14.77\00:16:16.91
she's been single for a while.
00:16:16.94\00:16:18.57
She's never had
sex and she feels that
00:16:18.61\00:16:20.44
she's gonna be single
for a little bit longer,
00:16:20.48\00:16:22.74
and she was wondering,
00:16:22.78\00:16:24.11
is masturbation okay
as a form of exploring
00:16:24.15\00:16:28.08
and understanding her body.
00:16:28.12\00:16:30.09
We know, the Bible doesn't speak
00:16:30.12\00:16:32.75
about masturbation directly,
00:16:32.79\00:16:34.86
it says, "Thou
shalt not masturbate."
00:16:34.89\00:16:36.56
I mean it doesn't say that,
00:16:36.59\00:16:37.93
but there're
some examples however.
00:16:37.96\00:16:41.30
You know,
there's a mention of Onan
00:16:41.33\00:16:45.70
who let's says "He
spilled his semen on the ground"
00:16:45.73\00:16:48.24
the Bible says, I
think it's in Genesis 38,
00:16:48.27\00:16:51.47
and God was not
pleased with that.
00:16:51.51\00:16:54.18
He was not pleased with that.
00:16:54.21\00:16:55.54
He was not pleased with
the fact that Onan was not,
00:16:55.58\00:16:57.15
was being selfish and didn't
want to reproduce children
00:16:57.18\00:17:01.95
for his widowed sister-in-law.
00:17:01.98\00:17:05.02
And so there
was a practice that,
00:17:05.05\00:17:06.55
that you had to
continue the generations,
00:17:06.59\00:17:09.06
so God was displeased with that.
00:17:09.09\00:17:10.43
So there's not really a
direct like, don't do it.
00:17:10.46\00:17:13.53
But there are principles.
00:17:13.56\00:17:14.90
But there are principles,
and the law is very clear,
00:17:14.93\00:17:16.63
the Lord says in
Matthew, is it Matthew 5,
00:17:16.67\00:17:19.97
he's talking about, "You
heard that adultery is wrong
00:17:20.00\00:17:22.97
but he expands the
meaning of what that means.
00:17:23.00\00:17:26.54
He says, you know,
even if you think about it,
00:17:26.57\00:17:28.94
you lust, you sinned.
00:17:28.98\00:17:31.21
And this is the same
principle unto masturbation.
00:17:31.25\00:17:33.25
And if you, if your
mind is constantly there
00:17:33.28\00:17:36.52
and it's
addictive and you constantly
00:17:36.55\00:17:38.82
are concentrating on lusting,
00:17:38.85\00:17:42.12
again you're using sexuality
00:17:42.16\00:17:43.79
outside of what God's
purpose is by doing that.
00:17:43.83\00:17:45.89
Right, right,
because I mean, sexuality,
00:17:45.93\00:17:49.26
sexuality is to
be shared, right?
00:17:49.30\00:17:51.47
That's right.
00:17:51.50\00:17:52.83
Just as beauty is to be shared.
00:17:52.87\00:17:54.70
And so, of course, there
are limits and boundaries
00:17:54.74\00:17:57.67
in what form of sexuality
00:17:57.71\00:18:00.48
and what form of beauty
we're talking about, right?
00:18:00.51\00:18:03.71
But when it comes to
sex, intercourse, you are not,
00:18:03.75\00:18:09.88
you are
participating in the act,
00:18:09.92\00:18:12.09
that's supposed to
be serving each other.
00:18:12.12\00:18:14.69
Two people are
supposed to come together
00:18:14.72\00:18:16.09
and serve one another.
00:18:16.12\00:18:18.19
It is a beautiful, you
know, I say this often,
00:18:18.23\00:18:21.43
it is a unity that
represents the triune God,
00:18:21.46\00:18:25.53
the coming together,
God says, just as I am one,
00:18:25.57\00:18:27.97
I hope that I pray
that you may be one with me,
00:18:28.00\00:18:30.54
and so that
goes back to Genesis,
00:18:30.57\00:18:32.61
when God tells Adam
and Eve to come together
00:18:32.64\00:18:36.01
to know each
other and to be one,
00:18:36.04\00:18:38.81
and so to masturbate
is to be self pleasing.
00:18:38.85\00:18:44.05
To masturbate is
to self manipulate
00:18:44.09\00:18:47.72
because you have to do
something in your mind.
00:18:47.76\00:18:50.43
It's like not often are
we able to tickle ourselves.
00:18:50.46\00:18:54.96
You know, if I tried to
tickle the bottom of my feet,
00:18:55.00\00:18:56.83
is not going to have that affect
00:18:56.87\00:19:00.24
as much as maybe
if Brittany came over
00:19:00.27\00:19:02.00
and tickle my feet,
you know, kind of thing,
00:19:02.04\00:19:05.34
so there's in that same
way like you're not supposed...
00:19:05.37\00:19:09.48
There are some serious things
00:19:09.51\00:19:10.88
that you have
to do in your mind,
00:19:10.91\00:19:12.55
because you're not supposed
to be able to give yourself
00:19:12.58\00:19:15.42
that sort of satisfaction.
00:19:15.45\00:19:17.65
Now there, it's possible, right?
00:19:17.69\00:19:19.85
Because that's
what masturbation is,
00:19:19.89\00:19:22.36
but that's what I would,
00:19:22.39\00:19:23.73
that's what my
response would be to that.
00:19:23.76\00:19:25.83
And I always say to, you know,
00:19:25.86\00:19:27.83
and this is not to be flipping
00:19:27.86\00:19:29.33
or to minimize the
fact that it is difficult,
00:19:29.36\00:19:32.70
you've been
single for a long time.
00:19:32.73\00:19:34.47
But, you know, and I'm
gonna say this very carefully
00:19:34.50\00:19:36.77
when Jesus said, you
know, to carry your cross
00:19:36.81\00:19:39.14
and we have different
crosses we have to bear.
00:19:39.17\00:19:41.94
This life is, you know,
you gonna have suffering,
00:19:41.98\00:19:44.05
you gonna have difficulties,
00:19:44.08\00:19:46.21
and, you know,
let's just be real today,
00:19:46.25\00:19:47.58
it's not an easy thing to ask,
00:19:47.62\00:19:49.78
you know, an adult
with fully functioning parts
00:19:49.82\00:19:52.92
and hormones to
say, you know what,
00:19:52.95\00:19:55.22
you gonna have to
bring that under control,
00:19:55.26\00:19:57.73
under Christ
control and trust him
00:19:57.76\00:20:00.10
with that control.
00:20:00.13\00:20:02.00
And that's what it is
and that's what we mean.
00:20:02.03\00:20:04.40
Sometimes, you
know, we're asked to fast,
00:20:04.43\00:20:06.87
you know, from food.
00:20:06.90\00:20:08.40
We're asked to do
things that are difficult
00:20:08.44\00:20:10.74
and this is just
another thing and I don't say
00:20:10.77\00:20:13.38
'cause it's not important
00:20:13.41\00:20:14.74
but it's another
aspect of our Christian walk
00:20:14.78\00:20:16.44
in which the Lord
has said, you know what?
00:20:16.48\00:20:18.78
I choose for you
abstinence, chastity.
00:20:18.81\00:20:20.58
It don't always be easy
but I'm calling you to trust Me
00:20:20.62\00:20:24.42
and to walk that walk with Me.
00:20:24.45\00:20:26.55
Definitely, definitely.
00:20:26.59\00:20:28.22
I like what you're saying
when it comes to being single
00:20:28.26\00:20:31.53
and you do have all this
working parts and it's hard.
00:20:31.56\00:20:35.56
One of the first
things to do is pray about it,
00:20:35.60\00:20:38.50
submit to the
Lord and talk to Him
00:20:38.53\00:20:41.70
about the
challenges of this thing
00:20:41.74\00:20:44.41
because it is difficult to.
00:20:44.44\00:20:45.87
I remember being a single
woman before I got married,
00:20:45.91\00:20:48.94
I had my...
00:20:48.98\00:20:50.31
My parts were working
and they were working then.
00:20:50.35\00:20:52.41
So I'm trying to
interact with others
00:20:52.45\00:20:56.12
had to have that
conscious mentality
00:20:56.15\00:20:58.42
that I have to be
careful of my boundaries
00:20:58.45\00:21:01.02
that I set with these people
because I am a sexual being
00:21:01.06\00:21:03.79
and it is very easy
to go from 0 to 100.
00:21:03.83\00:21:07.16
So understanding and accepting
the fact that I am sexual,
00:21:07.20\00:21:10.50
I can't just be
hanging out at someone's house
00:21:10.53\00:21:13.70
at 2 am in the morning
00:21:13.74\00:21:15.87
and even if it's 2
pm in the afternoon,
00:21:15.90\00:21:17.87
because sex can happen
at any time during the day.
00:21:17.91\00:21:20.01
I have to be careful
00:21:20.04\00:21:22.84
how close are we
sitting next to each other.
00:21:22.88\00:21:25.91
Is he just holding my
hand or is he going...
00:21:25.95\00:21:27.82
Like you have to be set
these from boundaries like,
00:21:27.85\00:21:29.92
no, this can't
happen, that can't happen
00:21:29.95\00:21:31.62
because we have to
maintain our virtue
00:21:31.65\00:21:35.96
and not only for
women but also for men.
00:21:35.99\00:21:38.09
But right now we
are talking about women,
00:21:38.13\00:21:39.46
you have to maintain
your virtue and say no,
00:21:39.49\00:21:41.76
this cannot happen.
00:21:41.80\00:21:43.13
My body is a temple.
00:21:43.16\00:21:44.50
I understand that
I am a sexual being
00:21:44.53\00:21:46.60
and I have to tell you no.
00:21:46.63\00:21:49.44
Yeah, let me add something,
00:21:49.47\00:21:50.81
you also have a
compelling reason
00:21:50.84\00:21:52.54
and this extends beyond even
just sex in terms of sexuality.
00:21:52.57\00:21:58.68
It be, it
extended to who you are
00:21:58.71\00:22:00.72
and who you are called to
be and having compelling reason
00:22:00.75\00:22:03.62
that drives your whole life
00:22:03.65\00:22:04.99
including your sex life
or lack there of in a sense.
00:22:05.02\00:22:09.56
But this is not to do
is also a part of sexuality
00:22:09.59\00:22:12.39
as well too.
00:22:12.43\00:22:13.76
Yeah, kind of jump
into women being married,
00:22:13.80\00:22:18.67
the belief that
women do not have needs.
00:22:18.70\00:22:22.14
I was reading into a
devotional book that stated,
00:22:22.17\00:22:26.24
women do not really have as much
00:22:26.27\00:22:28.24
the need to have
an orgasm as men too.
00:22:28.28\00:22:30.88
So most women are
just happy to be there,
00:22:30.91\00:22:33.98
is kind of how it was stated
00:22:34.02\00:22:36.22
and I can stay as a
woman who is married,
00:22:36.25\00:22:40.02
the notion of just being
happy to be there is false.
00:22:40.06\00:22:43.69
Yeah, I think, you know what?
00:22:43.73\00:22:47.03
This idea that that a woman...
00:22:47.06\00:22:48.40
I mean, I have
spoken to enough women
00:22:48.43\00:22:49.86
who have come to confide
00:22:49.90\00:22:52.57
and who are frustrated
in every sense in the word
00:22:52.60\00:22:56.64
that they are not
completely fulfilled,
00:22:56.67\00:22:58.84
and you know what?
00:22:58.87\00:23:00.24
I think this is what marriage is
00:23:00.28\00:23:02.04
that you meet each other's needs
00:23:02.08\00:23:04.28
and to be able to
speak to your husband
00:23:04.31\00:23:07.22
and say, you know,
this is what's happening
00:23:07.25\00:23:08.78
and having that conversation
rather than deny it.
00:23:08.82\00:23:11.99
And by the way,
I'll go back a little bit
00:23:12.02\00:23:13.36
to single people
into in terms of,
00:23:13.39\00:23:14.89
and marry what, do not deny it.
00:23:14.92\00:23:18.23
We're not asking
you to suppress it.
00:23:18.26\00:23:20.43
We're not because then
you do some strange things,
00:23:20.46\00:23:23.10
or may be you do things
in hiding or in the dark,
00:23:23.13\00:23:25.83
in the deviancy
00:23:25.87\00:23:27.40
but just be
truthful about the needs
00:23:27.44\00:23:30.34
that you have as you
submit it to the Lord.
00:23:30.37\00:23:31.71
Right.
00:23:31.74\00:23:33.07
And I think for the
woman it's the same thing,
00:23:33.11\00:23:34.74
you need to be open about
it and to not settle, you know.
00:23:34.78\00:23:37.95
Right, and I think
it is very difficult.
00:23:37.98\00:23:40.62
I know, we need to
jump into marriage,
00:23:40.65\00:23:42.62
but I know it is
difficult for the single woman
00:23:42.65\00:23:45.09
especially nowadays
00:23:45.12\00:23:46.76
because more and
more women are waiting
00:23:46.79\00:23:48.76
to get married
later and later in life.
00:23:48.79\00:23:51.36
So that time they,
00:23:51.39\00:23:52.73
you're trying to
maintain your purity
00:23:52.76\00:23:55.26
and you're trying but
you're also comfortable
00:23:55.30\00:23:57.47
in your sexuality
00:23:57.50\00:23:58.93
but you're not
allowed to participate
00:23:58.97\00:24:01.00
in sexual
intercourse, it's just...
00:24:01.04\00:24:04.51
The gap is longer and longer.
00:24:04.54\00:24:05.87
Yeah, oh, no, I mean you wait,
all of this, I mean really...
00:24:05.91\00:24:08.34
I mean if you've been faithful
and then you come to that point
00:24:08.38\00:24:11.35
and be
disappointed, and I don't think
00:24:11.38\00:24:14.32
it's just my
personal preferences
00:24:14.35\00:24:16.25
but I don't think that's
what the Lord had in mind...
00:24:16.28\00:24:18.45
Right. From the married women.
00:24:18.49\00:24:19.82
And I did want to
mention that in Philippians 2:4,
00:24:19.85\00:24:23.19
"Each of you should be concerned
00:24:23.22\00:24:24.63
not only about
your own interest,
00:24:24.66\00:24:26.83
but also the
interest of others as well."
00:24:26.86\00:24:29.43
And I can say that
does apply to your intimacy
00:24:29.46\00:24:33.17
with your spouse is
not only to be selfish.
00:24:33.20\00:24:35.70
I only care about, not
that I'm having an orgasm,
00:24:35.74\00:24:39.01
he has to also be careful
to ensure that you also are.
00:24:39.04\00:24:42.38
I know they say that you
know, men have more concerns
00:24:42.41\00:24:45.65
if they don't but
that's not true we have,
00:24:45.68\00:24:48.55
all women also have concerns
if they don't have an orgasm.
00:24:48.58\00:24:51.65
And when you love each other,
00:24:51.69\00:24:53.02
when you know each other
your initial relationship,
00:24:53.05\00:24:55.79
marriage is a selfless thing
00:24:55.82\00:24:57.79
and you have to be
selfless also in your intimacy,
00:24:57.83\00:25:00.26
in your sexuality.
00:25:00.30\00:25:01.63
Yes, I would
definitely agree with that
00:25:01.66\00:25:03.10
and also in the Bible in
Songs, in Songs of Solomon 1:2,
00:25:03.13\00:25:09.04
it says, "Let him kiss me
with the kisses of his mouth!
00:25:09.07\00:25:12.94
For your love is
better than wine."
00:25:12.97\00:25:15.58
Now, this is from
the female perspective,
00:25:15.61\00:25:17.85
and so as you can see here
00:25:17.88\00:25:19.28
women do have sexual
desires and sexuality
00:25:19.31\00:25:24.32
is acceptable
in the eyes of God,
00:25:24.35\00:25:26.32
so I definitely
recommend for anyone
00:25:26.35\00:25:28.09
who has questions
about sexuality in women,
00:25:28.12\00:25:31.36
having sexuality,
read the Songs of Solomon.
00:25:31.39\00:25:34.43
Read the imagery, the
poetry is extremely beautiful
00:25:34.46\00:25:39.93
and so that would
be my recommendation.
00:25:39.97\00:25:41.80
When we were doing
pre-marital counseling,
00:25:41.84\00:25:43.57
we learned that in
with the female body,
00:25:43.61\00:25:46.37
the female body goes up and down
00:25:46.41\00:25:48.18
throughout sexual intercourse,
and sometimes it takes a long,
00:25:48.21\00:25:52.48
sometimes it takes longer
00:25:52.51\00:25:53.98
for the women to have an orgasm.
00:25:54.02\00:25:56.35
Where as for the man, on
the graph, it's a straight,
00:25:56.38\00:25:59.59
it goes straight
up in terms of arousal
00:25:59.62\00:26:02.02
to the point of
climax or orgasm.
00:26:02.06\00:26:04.33
And so I can understand
why people may be confused
00:26:04.36\00:26:06.90
that women may not enjoy sex
00:26:06.93\00:26:09.46
because you may not
have an orgasm all the time,
00:26:09.50\00:26:11.67
it just takes a
little bit more work.
00:26:11.70\00:26:13.80
And so that, that
would be my response to that.
00:26:13.84\00:26:16.44
And also implied in...
00:26:16.47\00:26:19.34
I'll go back to 1 Corinthians
7 is that women do have needs
00:26:19.37\00:26:23.24
and the admonition is
not to deny each other
00:26:23.28\00:26:26.38
and to help each
other in feeling fulfilled.
00:26:26.41\00:26:31.62
Yeah, and I would probably
and I want to add with that,
00:26:31.65\00:26:35.32
just because it takes
small work doesn't mean it
00:26:35.36\00:26:38.99
should not be done.
00:26:39.03\00:26:40.83
You are married,
00:26:40.86\00:26:42.40
you are in a committed
relationship with each other.
00:26:42.43\00:26:44.03
You say, I love
you, I care for you
00:26:44.07\00:26:46.84
so put into work.
00:26:46.87\00:26:48.30
Because women do
have sexual needs.
00:26:48.34\00:26:50.24
Women do have sexual desires,
00:26:50.27\00:26:52.34
and it should be
met by our husbands.
00:26:52.37\00:26:56.08
That's just the end of
the story in that area.
00:26:56.11\00:26:58.35
It's just end of the story.
00:26:58.38\00:26:59.71
You have to do what is required.
00:26:59.75\00:27:02.05
So we want you to keep
on having the conversation
00:27:02.08\00:27:04.99
as women among women
about your sexuality.
00:27:05.02\00:27:08.39
Do you value it and
what it means in God?
00:27:08.42\00:27:12.16
What can you do
to help other women
00:27:12.19\00:27:14.16
to embrace their sexuality,
00:27:14.20\00:27:15.53
not only in our
communities but in our church?
00:27:15.56\00:27:17.50
To realize that they are,
00:27:17.53\00:27:19.27
their bodies are a temple of God
00:27:19.30\00:27:20.64
and that God has so
much in store for them.
00:27:20.67\00:27:24.91
And what is it?
00:27:24.94\00:27:26.27
What does it mean for
them to be sexual beings?
00:27:26.31\00:27:30.18
Proverbs 19:8 says,
00:27:30.21\00:27:31.55
"To acquire wisdom
is to love yourself."
00:27:31.58\00:27:35.25
Women, we must love ourselves
and embrace our sexuality
00:27:35.28\00:27:39.55
because God
loves us, He values us,
00:27:39.59\00:27:42.59
He treasures us, He
looks at us and says,
00:27:42.62\00:27:45.69
"You are My
daughter, you are My child.
00:27:45.73\00:27:48.36
There is no one that is
more important than you to Me."
00:27:48.40\00:27:52.43
So as you go forth,
00:27:52.47\00:27:53.84
I want you to
remember to make pure choices.
00:27:53.87\00:27:57.11