The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hello. Welcome to Pure Choices.
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My name is
Brittany Hill-Morales,
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and I am your host
for today's program.
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We are about to talk
about a very important topic.
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It's called "The Talk".
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Basically talking
about how do you go about
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having the
conversations about sex
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in our different levels
of cultures and communities,
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but before we jump
right into the conversation,
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let's pray.
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Dear kind and
most heavenly Father,
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I pray that,
Lord, that You will be
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with us right now
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as we are about to
have this conversation.
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I pray that You'll also
be with the viewers at home
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so that they can also be excited
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but also be informed.
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We love You and
we praise Your name,
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in Jesus' name, amen.
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Amen. Amen.
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Amen.
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So as we're about to
begin this conversation,
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I have some wonderful
guests with me right now.
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Sitting beside me is
Mrs. Dajanae Anderson.
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Thank you for being here.
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Over here at the couch,
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we have Keith
Hackle and Sabine Vatel.
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Thank you, guys, for being here.
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Good to be here.
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So sexuality, sex,
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talking about these two
things that are what most people
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will see as private
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or others might
feel as a bit dirty
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or whatever their
feelings might be,
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I'm not going to
jump into that too much,
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but it's like it's
taboo to talk about sex
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in our culture,
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especially in our
Christian culture.
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What has been your
experience about that?
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I've experienced
that it has been taboo
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and a lot of times
people don't want to talk
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to young people about it
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because they're
afraid that the things
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that they did may come
out and the kids may feel
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that they have a
license to do certain things
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because their parents did it.
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So let's say,
hypothetically speaking,
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if a mother got pregnant
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when she was 14
years old, right so,
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"Mom, how can you
tell me," the daughter,
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"How can you tell
me not to have sex
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when you had sex?"
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And being honest,
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it wasn't until
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I was driving
down the road one day
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and doing the math on
my mother's age and my age,
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and I was like,
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"Oh, my mother was
actually younger than I thought
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she was when she had me."
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But we've had conversations
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and so that makes
the thing a lot easier.
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When you can see my parents
haven't always been perfect,
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and actually I
began to trust them more
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because they've made mistakes
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and they've been
willing to voice the fact
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that they've made mistakes.
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Yes. A similar thing with me.
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My parents had
me in their teens,
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in their late teens,
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but in their teens
nonetheless and growing up,
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my mother always said...
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You know, I wasn't
necessarily raised.
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My mom has some
Christian values.
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I don't, you know,
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want to take
that from her at all,
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but we didn't necessarily
go to church together,
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we didn't
necessarily pray together
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in the family
and things like that,
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but she always said,
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"If you decide to
have sex and get pregnant
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and then you become
pregnant as a result of that,
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then you will be
taking care of your own child,
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that if you're old
enough to have sex,
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you're old enough
to raise the child
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because that is the product."
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And then later on
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when I...
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and then I took sex ed
and things like that in school
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before I had
actual real conversations
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about what sex was, I
learned about it in school,
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and then my mother brought
me, when I'm in high school now,
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I've already kind
of learned some things,
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showed me
pictures of STDs and STIs,
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and this is what
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dysfunctional
genitalia looks like
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is what my mother did with me,
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but then I also
have my grandmother
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who did that and telling me
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these are some
of the bad decisions
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that I made in my youth
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and these are the results of it.
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These are some of the
negative relationships
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that transpired,
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this is how my
children were affected
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by some of the
decisions that I was making.
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And so I was able to have
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that conversation
with my grandmother
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and you know I was able
to talk to my grandmother
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when I had the feelings
and the emotions of sexuality
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growing into a woman
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because she was so open with me
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but then told me the negatives,
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even though this is what I did,
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this is what I'm dealing
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with this negative
reality as a result.
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You know, I was shown pictures
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but they were
cartoons and I was way younger.
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And to me, it was
still like a mystery
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of about how they all worked.
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And I know that
I have some cousins
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who are as young
as, I don't know,
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six year olds, seven year olds
who know everything about sex.
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We talk about sex, yes,
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but I think we talk about
sex in terms of "don't do it,"
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maybe and so it's still...
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I know in society,
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I mean, you can't sell bread
without associated with sex.
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I mean, sex is
everywhere around you,
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so the fact that we
try to even avoid it
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is kind of weird, but
I think we talk about it
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as something that's
like "stay away from it,
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don't get into
trouble," basically.
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That's true.
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I completely agree.
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And I like how
everyone started talking
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about their family.
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It was either,
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you know, mom,
grandmother, cousins,
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and the family is
usually the first place
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that a child
starts understanding
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about sexuality and sex.
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That is their
first line of information
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about their bodies
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and what God has
designed and created
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and the reality is
most parents don't do it.
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They kind of wait
until somebody else does it.
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Society, could be the
media, as we said it's all over.
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It could be our
schools because we believe
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that they might be
more informed and educated.
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I remember when I asked my
mom a question about ovulation,
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she, I don't
know if maybe she felt
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that she didn't have the
wisdom enough to tell me,
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but she was like,
"Isn't there the internet now?"
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I was like 13 or 12.
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She was like, maybe you
should check the internet.
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And that's where she sent me
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because maybe
she didn't feel like
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she had enough
information, she gave me a book.
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And I believe most parents,
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they may have had the
relations of sexuality
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but they do not fully comprehend
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and they might
be nervous with it.
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We have our cousins
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who might tell us
a little something
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and you're trying to figure
out what they are telling you,
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but that means source
needs to be the parents.
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So how do parents
look at their children?
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You may go a little bit further.
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Your parents...
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You are pregnant...
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Your child is about
to come into this world,
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and for me,
having a nine month old,
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when do I even do
any source of reference
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to sex or sexuality with her.
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I think it will be young.
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I know with my granny,
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she was very aware
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that young
children would be molested
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and raped and things like that.
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And so at a young age,
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my granny told me
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what my private
areas were and she told me
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that no one should touch them.
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And so at a young age,
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that's the awareness
that I had of sexuality
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because in elementary school,
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the people that I went to
school with, kindergarten,
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first grade, second
grade, and all the way up
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were engaging
in sexual activity.
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Kindergarten, first grade,
like kindergarten, first grade,
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so you know there was
one of my very close friends
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in elementary school,
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she would give oral sex
to the other little boys,
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I mean, so I'll
go back in my mind
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and I wonder was she molested.
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You know, we are detest,
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I don't know, we're
not friends anymore,
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we don't communicate
anymore, that was years ago,
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but I look back and I think
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what would make a seven year old
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think about performing oral
sex on another seven year old.
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And once again, I
look back and I remember,
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she was much more
physically developed
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than the rest of us
in elementary school.
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So I'm putting things together,
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but I can't know
for sure what it was,
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but I knew that
she was talking to me
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about how she
was giving oral sex
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to the other young kids.
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And I'm pretty sure
some parents are listening
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and are alarmed by this.
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And you're
impressing on them essentially
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how important it is to...
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I think as early as possible,
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I mean,
age-appropriately, obviously.
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I love what you
said about pointing out,
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knowing what your
body parts are by its name,
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and being able to own
that and own your body
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and have that boundary
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I think as early,
and bless your mom,
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but not the internet.
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Forget the internet.
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I think it is
nerve-racking for parents.
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I could tell my mother,
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she might not
say she was nervous,
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I think, and I
appreciate the way,
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you know, her
want to educate me.
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It is a nerve-racking
thing but if you don't do it,
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somebody else is going to
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and do you really want that?
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That's absolutely right. Yeah.
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And the question of how young.
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It was mentioned,
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we're in a
different society right now,
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and one thing for me is
I think that the church,
00:10:00.96\00:10:03.93
we are often too lax, right?
00:10:03.97\00:10:07.80
So everyone who
comes into our doors,
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we believe is a Christian
00:10:09.84\00:10:11.44
and so when they come
in, we're embracing them.
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We're like, "Here,
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here are the keys to the church
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and if you want to stay
over, then you can stay over."
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And we need to understand
that there are some people
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who come in who
have bad intentions.
00:10:19.11\00:10:21.28
So even as you
have a nine year old...
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I mean, nine month
old daughter, right?
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Nine years, not yet.
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You got nine month old daughter,
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so as she gets older
when she's able to talk,
00:10:29.22\00:10:31.93
right, there are certain
things that you need to...
00:10:31.96\00:10:35.16
This is what we did.
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We taught our children,
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there are certain
things that you need to feel
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comfortable saying to us
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because there's
going to be individuals
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who are going to
come, you might be
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in your Sabbath
school classroom,
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you might be at AYS afterwards
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and we don't
want you to feel like
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when these things
happen, that you're by yourself.
00:10:48.28\00:10:51.08
You also need to use your words.
00:10:51.11\00:10:53.68
So if someone is
getting close to,
00:10:53.72\00:10:55.05
if someone's touching
you, we've role played.
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We say, "Hey, what would you do,
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you're sitting in a place
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and somebody puts
their hand on your knee
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that you don't
know, this is a stranger,
00:11:01.22\00:11:02.56
what do you do?"
00:11:02.59\00:11:03.93
And so some kids would just
sit there because it's awkward,
00:11:03.96\00:11:05.29
right?
00:11:05.33\00:11:06.66
What do I do? This
stranger is touching.
00:11:06.70\00:11:08.03
But, no, you use your words,
"Get your hands off of me."
00:11:08.06\00:11:10.97
And if they don't reply
or respond to the first,
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then you get louder.
00:11:13.64\00:11:14.97
You make the situation
awkward for that person
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because it's
already awkward for you
00:11:16.81\00:11:18.34
but we have to
give them that license
00:11:18.37\00:11:20.78
to be able to say this is wrong,
00:11:20.81\00:11:23.18
and this should not continue on.
00:11:23.21\00:11:25.78
So as soon as
she's able to talk.
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I want to kind of
say that it's very crazy
00:11:29.82\00:11:33.56
that we are living in a society
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where these things are a reality
00:11:35.99\00:11:39.73
and it is also sad that
most of us as Christians
00:11:39.76\00:11:45.23
are still living
in this fantasy world
00:11:45.27\00:11:48.04
that these things
are not happening,
00:11:48.07\00:11:50.37
and we do need to start
some sort of conversations.
00:11:50.41\00:11:52.87
We're not saying
to sit down with...
00:11:52.91\00:11:55.51
You know, my kid
is nine month old
00:11:55.54\00:11:57.31
and do a huge
spill on bodily changes
00:11:57.35\00:12:00.32
and adolescence and all of that,
00:12:00.35\00:12:02.02
not to have
in-depth conversation,
00:12:02.05\00:12:04.52
but to just to try
to help our viewers
00:12:04.55\00:12:07.39
actually have
some guidelines at...
00:12:07.42\00:12:10.53
may be not at nine months,
as she gets little bit older,
00:12:10.56\00:12:12.09
pinpointing at, you
know, this is your vagina.
00:12:12.13\00:12:15.03
Have it be the name
because molesters do not like
00:12:15.06\00:12:19.17
when you call it what it is
00:12:19.20\00:12:21.14
and it's sad that
I have to say this,
00:12:21.17\00:12:23.61
but this is the
reality that we live in,
00:12:23.64\00:12:26.51
and we have to
have conversations
00:12:26.54\00:12:28.41
about sex and sexuality.
00:12:28.44\00:12:30.75
There's a list of other
reasons but one of the reasons
00:12:30.78\00:12:32.91
and it's scary because it's sin
00:12:32.95\00:12:35.18
is we have to
protect our children
00:12:35.22\00:12:37.59
because sexuality
00:12:37.62\00:12:38.95
when it's
introduced too early to them,
00:12:38.99\00:12:42.09
and when I say introduce
00:12:42.12\00:12:43.46
as in this
negative way of someone
00:12:43.49\00:12:46.39
in fake their innocence,
it breaks and ruins them.
00:12:46.43\00:12:51.67
I know, for me, when
I was about five or six,
00:12:51.70\00:12:54.80
something happened to me.
00:12:54.84\00:12:56.74
I'm still not
fully comprehending
00:12:56.77\00:12:59.54
what took place,
00:12:59.57\00:13:01.51
and knowing that
kind of went with me,
00:13:01.54\00:13:04.85
I would want to say,
00:13:04.88\00:13:06.21
when I was
preadolescence, adolescence,
00:13:06.25\00:13:08.58
not fully
understanding my sexuality,
00:13:08.62\00:13:10.29
understanding what I'm feeling
because of what happened then,
00:13:10.32\00:13:13.79
and we have to
have the conversation.
00:13:13.82\00:13:16.69
And I know, most
individuals think,
00:13:16.73\00:13:19.19
"Okay, I'm going to
have the conversation
00:13:19.23\00:13:21.90
on the bridal shower
00:13:21.93\00:13:25.10
or I'm going to
have the conversation..."
00:13:25.13\00:13:28.37
And there's a
different level of conversation
00:13:28.40\00:13:30.37
that happens at bridal showers
00:13:30.41\00:13:31.77
but there needs to
be some sort of thing
00:13:31.81\00:13:34.21
that's going on now
saying, "This is a vagina"
00:13:34.24\00:13:37.58
so the child can be able to say,
00:13:37.61\00:13:38.95
"Don't touch this."
00:13:38.98\00:13:40.32
Like you were saying,
00:13:40.35\00:13:41.68
"You're touching
my knee, stop it.
00:13:41.72\00:13:43.05
It's making me uncomfortable,"
00:13:43.08\00:13:44.42
and then progressing slowly
00:13:44.45\00:13:46.49
and one article I
was reading saying,
00:13:46.52\00:13:48.89
also showing certain
levels of healthy affection
00:13:48.92\00:13:54.06
for your children to see
00:13:54.10\00:13:56.67
healthy pecks on the
cheeks, healthy kisses.
00:13:56.70\00:14:00.60
You don't want to go
over the top because again,
00:14:00.64\00:14:02.54
age-appropriate,
00:14:02.57\00:14:03.91
but as we're talking
about that early age group,
00:14:03.94\00:14:06.17
just to get those
guidance perspectives
00:14:06.21\00:14:08.38
of to healthy
displays of affection,
00:14:08.41\00:14:11.15
talk about how...
00:14:11.18\00:14:12.51
As parents.
00:14:12.55\00:14:13.88
As parents, that
is you are a woman,
00:14:13.92\00:14:16.42
not woman, you're a
girl, you have vagina.
00:14:16.45\00:14:18.35
You're a boy, you have a penis.
It's different, it's separate.
00:14:18.39\00:14:20.82
There's nothing
that needs to be going on
00:14:20.86\00:14:22.19
with you right now,
00:14:22.22\00:14:23.56
but as you
progress forward into it,
00:14:23.59\00:14:25.69
and even preadolescents,
00:14:25.73\00:14:27.06
how do we even
have that conversation
00:14:27.10\00:14:28.53
with preadolescents?
00:14:28.56\00:14:30.27
You just nailed
it. You just have it.
00:14:30.30\00:14:33.74
If people were listening to us,
00:14:33.77\00:14:35.10
if somebody is a
parent or knows a parent,
00:14:35.14\00:14:37.17
if one person as a result
of this conversation says,
00:14:37.21\00:14:38.84
"You know what?
00:14:38.87\00:14:40.21
I need to talk to my child."
00:14:40.24\00:14:41.58
I think this program
would have done amazing impact
00:14:41.61\00:14:45.05
because I think
what you just laid out,
00:14:45.08\00:14:46.45
the case you made
for it is so compelling.
00:14:46.48\00:14:49.68
I would say also, as
we speak to about sex
00:14:49.72\00:14:51.95
that we remind ourselves
00:14:51.99\00:14:54.32
and also our young
ones that sex is a gift.
00:14:54.36\00:14:56.86
I mean, this is
something God invented,
00:14:56.89\00:14:59.36
and the devil has mired
it with shame and mystery.
00:14:59.39\00:15:03.10
I mean, it should be a mystery.
00:15:03.13\00:15:04.47
I mean, it should be a mystery
00:15:04.50\00:15:05.83
because it is
something that is the gift...
00:15:05.87\00:15:08.77
That God reveals to everybody.
00:15:08.80\00:15:10.57
Yes, but the idea
that it is a gift,
00:15:10.61\00:15:13.48
that it is a
beautiful thing as well too,
00:15:13.51\00:15:14.84
I think, we should
highlight that as well.
00:15:14.88\00:15:16.64
Definitely so,
00:15:16.68\00:15:18.01
and I think what I'm hearing
00:15:18.05\00:15:21.48
and what I'm agreeing
00:15:21.52\00:15:22.85
with is that in
expressing to an adolescent,
00:15:22.88\00:15:28.72
at least, not even at least,
00:15:28.76\00:15:31.99
but 11, sometime you may want
00:15:32.03\00:15:35.96
to talk to your
child younger than 11.
00:15:36.00\00:15:38.17
But 11 like, middle school age,
00:15:38.20\00:15:41.04
you have a 11, 12, 13 year olds,
00:15:41.07\00:15:45.64
I remember once again,
00:15:45.67\00:15:47.78
being in middle school
00:15:47.81\00:15:49.38
and people going
to each other's houses
00:15:49.41\00:15:53.62
and because there's one house
00:15:53.65\00:15:55.08
where their
parents don't come home
00:15:55.12\00:15:56.45
until a certain time.
00:15:56.48\00:15:58.09
I had to take my behind home,
00:15:58.12\00:16:00.16
you know, I had to go home.
00:16:00.19\00:16:01.92
I could not go hang
out at someone's house
00:16:01.96\00:16:05.96
that my parents hadn't
talk to their parents first
00:16:05.99\00:16:08.40
to make sure
there are parents there.
00:16:08.43\00:16:10.83
I had to go home.
00:16:10.87\00:16:12.20
And so, but my
friends that went,
00:16:12.23\00:16:15.50
that were mature,
00:16:15.54\00:16:17.51
many of them did
very well in school,
00:16:17.54\00:16:20.48
you know, they
were on sports teams
00:16:20.51\00:16:23.31
and things like that,
00:16:23.35\00:16:25.41
they would participate
in sexual activities there,
00:16:25.45\00:16:31.52
and that's what everybody
knew what was going to happen
00:16:31.55\00:16:34.32
because my body is
starting to change.
00:16:34.36\00:16:38.76
At 11, 12, 13, my
body is starting to change
00:16:38.79\00:16:43.60
and I'm interested,
00:16:43.63\00:16:46.90
I have this
chemistry with this person,
00:16:46.94\00:16:48.90
so let's go explore.
00:16:48.94\00:16:50.61
And you go and
explore and you allow
00:16:50.64\00:16:53.61
that other child to
introduce your child
00:16:53.64\00:16:57.08
to what sexual intimacy is.
00:16:57.11\00:17:00.72
So why not let
them know they are,
00:17:00.75\00:17:03.49
you know, you're already,
00:17:03.52\00:17:04.99
I believe, sex ed
takes place in middle school,
00:17:05.02\00:17:08.06
and I think there
has been conversations
00:17:08.09\00:17:09.76
about sex ed taking place
00:17:09.79\00:17:11.63
even earlier than
that, and it's appropriate.
00:17:11.66\00:17:16.77
Once again, I remember,
00:17:16.80\00:17:18.53
I remember being in
daycare in elementary school
00:17:18.57\00:17:24.11
and looking over
into the window next to me
00:17:24.14\00:17:27.91
which had...
00:17:27.94\00:17:29.48
So I was in elementary
school and there were...
00:17:29.51\00:17:32.78
Maybe I was like
in the fifth grade,
00:17:32.81\00:17:34.15
so I was in the
older kids' class,
00:17:34.18\00:17:36.65
looking over into
the younger kids' class,
00:17:36.69\00:17:38.52
maybe like three year
olds, the three, four year olds,
00:17:38.55\00:17:42.02
and there was one little girl
00:17:42.06\00:17:45.49
kind of...
00:17:45.53\00:17:50.40
"I'm too much." Yeah, too much.
00:17:50.43\00:17:52.50
I was trying to help you there.
00:17:52.53\00:17:54.14
I'm coming
back, I'm coming back.
00:17:54.17\00:17:55.70
So the point is
that it is important
00:17:55.74\00:17:59.71
to not only tell your
children about sexuality
00:17:59.74\00:18:03.65
from these are
the negative things
00:18:03.68\00:18:05.28
that can happen,
00:18:05.31\00:18:06.65
but talking to your children
00:18:06.68\00:18:08.25
about the natural things of life
00:18:08.28\00:18:11.15
and different emotions
that you're going to feel
00:18:11.19\00:18:14.12
and how to deal
with those emotions
00:18:14.16\00:18:16.83
and understanding
that as you get older
00:18:16.86\00:18:19.46
and when the Lord
allows you to get married,
00:18:19.49\00:18:22.76
then the coming together
00:18:22.80\00:18:25.33
of these emotions that you had,
00:18:25.37\00:18:28.87
you'll be able to fully express
00:18:28.90\00:18:30.67
and that it's a beautiful thing,
00:18:30.71\00:18:32.37
so to allow your children
00:18:32.41\00:18:33.84
to have something
to look forward to.
00:18:33.88\00:18:36.21
When I'm an adult,
00:18:36.24\00:18:37.58
this is something that
I get to participate in.
00:18:37.61\00:18:39.68
It's something
to look forward to.
00:18:39.71\00:18:42.58
And so yeah, that's...
00:18:42.62\00:18:44.42
I'm glad that we talked about
the parents' responsibility
00:18:44.45\00:18:46.82
when it comes to
engaging in sexual conversations
00:18:46.86\00:18:49.89
with their children.
00:18:49.92\00:18:51.26
It keeps on going
into teenage years.
00:18:51.29\00:18:55.06
It keeps on going
into when you are an adult,
00:18:55.10\00:18:58.87
young adult and even older.
00:18:58.90\00:19:00.60
This is something that parents
00:19:00.64\00:19:01.97
need to take the
responsibility for
00:19:02.00\00:19:04.07
and have that conversation.
00:19:04.11\00:19:05.77
But there's another area,
00:19:05.81\00:19:07.74
another society that
needs to take responsibility
00:19:07.78\00:19:10.41
and have conversation
and that is our churches.
00:19:10.45\00:19:12.11
Yes, yes.
00:19:12.15\00:19:13.48
Our churches need to
talk about sex and sexuality,
00:19:13.52\00:19:18.59
not to take over for the parents
00:19:18.62\00:19:20.89
but to complement the parents.
00:19:20.92\00:19:23.69
It needs to be
something that's preached
00:19:23.73\00:19:25.06
from the pulpit
00:19:25.09\00:19:26.49
in a sophisticated
and healthy fashion,
00:19:26.53\00:19:29.30
highlighting the
spiritual and the moral issues,
00:19:29.33\00:19:32.23
and the beauty, not
in a condemning way,
00:19:32.27\00:19:33.67
but highlighting
00:19:33.70\00:19:35.04
what is
beautiful about sexuality,
00:19:35.07\00:19:37.01
about what's
happening in our bodies,
00:19:37.04\00:19:39.41
about what's happening
00:19:39.44\00:19:40.84
different things
like reproductive process
00:19:40.88\00:19:42.74
and all these different things.
00:19:42.78\00:19:45.38
I remember a story
of one of my professor
00:19:45.41\00:19:48.88
saying at 14 years old,
she didn't understand that,
00:19:48.92\00:19:51.65
you know, sex led
to having children.
00:19:51.69\00:19:54.76
She thought it was kissing
and that's one of the things
00:19:54.79\00:19:57.56
that we're not addressing
in a sophisticated fashion,
00:19:57.59\00:20:01.06
so maybe just to
talk about a little bit,
00:20:01.10\00:20:02.93
how in our churches
should we talk about sexuality?
00:20:02.96\00:20:06.74
Because even in our church,
00:20:06.77\00:20:08.10
we don't even want
to read Song of Solomon,
00:20:08.14\00:20:10.07
how do we have that
conversation in churches?
00:20:10.11\00:20:12.91
Is it for only AY?
00:20:12.94\00:20:14.28
Should it be in
the divine service?
00:20:14.31\00:20:16.01
How do we do it
for Sabbath school?
00:20:16.04\00:20:17.38
Well, you know,
you talk about churches
00:20:17.41\00:20:19.31
and the reality of the society
00:20:19.35\00:20:20.68
that we live in
is that of more than
00:20:20.72\00:20:23.49
any other time in our society,
00:20:23.52\00:20:26.76
more people are actually single
00:20:26.79\00:20:29.06
and more people are not married,
00:20:29.09\00:20:30.93
and when the
church speaks about sex,
00:20:30.96\00:20:34.20
it has to be in
that reality as well too,
00:20:34.23\00:20:36.97
recognizing that
not everybody's married.
00:20:37.00\00:20:39.07
And this idea of abstinence
00:20:39.10\00:20:41.80
and, of course,
abstinence refers
00:20:41.84\00:20:43.27
to abstinence of drink,
00:20:43.30\00:20:44.74
of anything that you're supposed
00:20:44.77\00:20:46.11
to stop doing...
00:20:46.14\00:20:48.04
And go a step further
and not just don't do it
00:20:48.08\00:20:50.88
but do it in the
context where it was meant for.
00:20:50.91\00:20:54.88
And there is a
very old fashion word
00:20:54.92\00:20:56.58
that we don't
hear about chastity.
00:20:56.62\00:20:58.19
You know, being chaste,
and which basically means
00:20:58.22\00:21:01.12
that you reserve
this act of sexuality
00:21:01.16\00:21:03.79
within the context of
what God has created it for,
00:21:03.83\00:21:06.66
and if we can talk about that
00:21:06.70\00:21:08.80
as part of the Christian life,
00:21:08.83\00:21:11.77
this idea of being chaste,
00:21:11.80\00:21:14.10
I think that's how we do it
00:21:14.14\00:21:15.50
that God has a bigger
plan for sex than even you do.
00:21:15.54\00:21:19.24
And so I think
it's all of the above,
00:21:19.27\00:21:21.84
Sabbath school,
divine work, and AY.
00:21:21.88\00:21:25.75
And so, and we've had
this talk at my church,
00:21:25.78\00:21:29.72
and sometimes it makes
the parents uncomfortable.
00:21:29.75\00:21:31.75
So what I'll do is
I'll send a message.
00:21:31.79\00:21:33.12
I'll say this is what
00:21:33.15\00:21:34.49
I'm talking about so be ready,
00:21:34.52\00:21:35.86
you may want to
have that conversation
00:21:35.89\00:21:37.23
with them before you get here
00:21:37.26\00:21:38.59
because they're
going to hear some things.
00:21:38.63\00:21:39.96
But I am of the mindset
00:21:40.00\00:21:43.23
that you're never too
early to have this talk.
00:21:43.26\00:21:47.14
I mean, a lot of times,
00:21:47.17\00:21:49.87
I think statistics show
00:21:49.90\00:21:51.31
that the
individuals who are molested
00:21:51.34\00:21:53.71
is not someone
that you don't know,
00:21:53.74\00:21:55.14
is not someone that
you've never met before,
00:21:55.18\00:21:57.55
it's individuals close to home.
00:21:57.58\00:21:59.28
So in my home,
00:21:59.31\00:22:00.65
what we did was we
started having this conversation
00:22:00.68\00:22:02.68
whenever our children were going
00:22:02.72\00:22:04.09
to be out of our line of sight,
00:22:04.12\00:22:06.62
whenever they were
going to be with someone,
00:22:06.65\00:22:08.29
so even when it comes
00:22:08.32\00:22:09.92
to someone changing your diaper
or taking you to the bathroom,
00:22:09.96\00:22:13.06
certain individuals were allowed
00:22:13.09\00:22:14.56
to take our
kids to the bathroom.
00:22:14.60\00:22:15.96
And so when they take
you, did they help you wipe?
00:22:16.00\00:22:20.20
I mean, we're
having these conversations
00:22:20.24\00:22:22.57
because it starts there.
00:22:22.60\00:22:24.74
And so we need to understand
that and really as a church,
00:22:24.77\00:22:27.88
be willing to
stand up there and say,
00:22:27.91\00:22:29.58
"Listen, we're
having this discussion
00:22:29.61\00:22:31.58
not because we're
trying to grose you out,
00:22:31.61\00:22:33.35
we're having this discussion
00:22:33.38\00:22:34.72
because we want
you to remain safe.
00:22:34.75\00:22:36.48
We want you to be educated.
00:22:36.52\00:22:38.55
We want you to know
what danger looks like,
00:22:38.59\00:22:40.26
and we want you
to feel comfortable
00:22:40.29\00:22:42.06
having this
conversation with us."
00:22:42.09\00:22:44.13
There's nothing like
having that conversation
00:22:44.16\00:22:46.70
on the backend and
then you're finding out
00:22:46.73\00:22:49.20
that this child has
been molested multiple times
00:22:49.23\00:22:51.73
because you haven't
had that conversation.
00:22:51.77\00:22:53.57
So this is
protection to parents.
00:22:53.60\00:22:55.37
They need to know this
is an opportunity to help
00:22:55.40\00:22:57.51
your kids remain safe.
00:22:57.54\00:22:59.37
And if that's your child,
00:22:59.41\00:23:01.11
there's nothing
wrong with telling them
00:23:01.14\00:23:03.48
to remain safe and
to know the limits up
00:23:03.51\00:23:06.72
to where someone
is able to go, so.
00:23:06.75\00:23:09.95
Yeah.
00:23:09.98\00:23:11.32
And, you know,
speaking to a friend
00:23:11.35\00:23:13.66
who's not churched
and, you know, in his mind,
00:23:13.69\00:23:17.69
you know, it's very
important for us to,
00:23:17.73\00:23:20.60
and I don't want to
deviate too much from the topic
00:23:20.63\00:23:21.96
that we don't
protect the perpetrator.
00:23:22.00\00:23:25.33
And again, I don't
think it's out of the realm
00:23:25.37\00:23:27.34
of our boundaries
00:23:27.37\00:23:28.70
to be able to
have those safety talk
00:23:28.74\00:23:31.01
and being safe as well too.
00:23:31.04\00:23:33.11
But you know, when
we talk about sexuality,
00:23:33.14\00:23:37.25
you know, my deep prayer is that
00:23:37.28\00:23:39.01
it would be within
context because sometimes,
00:23:39.05\00:23:41.28
you know, as preachers,
00:23:41.32\00:23:43.72
we'll talk about sex
but in isolation basically
00:23:43.75\00:23:46.32
and it can be
very salacious like,
00:23:46.35\00:23:48.32
"Oh! you know,"
and even in the title,
00:23:48.36\00:23:50.49
but I would hope
that it's part of,
00:23:50.53\00:23:51.86
as part of discipleship,
as part of a journey,
00:23:51.89\00:23:54.60
not just again
that sex is something
00:23:54.63\00:23:56.40
you don't do
because you're Christian
00:23:56.43\00:23:57.80
but as part of
being a follower of Jesus,
00:23:57.83\00:24:01.40
you know, being a believer,
00:24:01.44\00:24:03.27
this is part of the discipline
00:24:03.30\00:24:05.97
and the practice
of being a Christian
00:24:06.01\00:24:08.61
is this idea of, you know what?
00:24:08.64\00:24:09.98
I'm going to abstain and
honor marriage in that way.
00:24:10.01\00:24:14.65
Right, right.
00:24:14.68\00:24:16.02
And also on top of
talking about sexuality,
00:24:16.05\00:24:18.29
there are...
00:24:18.32\00:24:19.65
I think, we kind of
talked about it already
00:24:19.69\00:24:21.59
but in development,
00:24:21.62\00:24:23.26
and so my body
physically starts to change
00:24:23.29\00:24:27.76
as I get older and mom, dad,
00:24:27.80\00:24:30.87
grandma, grandpa, or guardian,
00:24:30.90\00:24:33.30
if you haven't told me about it,
00:24:33.34\00:24:35.50
then I'm naturally
going to be curious
00:24:35.54\00:24:37.97
or I'm going to think
something is wrong with me.
00:24:38.01\00:24:41.01
Maybe the other kids at
school are developing in ways
00:24:41.04\00:24:43.98
that I'm not developing.
00:24:44.01\00:24:46.01
You know, is
there something wrong?
00:24:46.05\00:24:48.15
And I may be afraid
to ask you the question.
00:24:48.18\00:24:52.42
And so like having, once
again having that conversation
00:24:52.45\00:24:55.82
about the beauty of the body
00:24:55.86\00:24:57.79
and how God made
the body and why,
00:24:57.83\00:25:00.36
you know, certain
things haven't developed yet.
00:25:00.40\00:25:02.23
Because they serve
a particular purpose
00:25:02.26\00:25:04.57
that you are not yet to fulfill,
00:25:04.60\00:25:06.77
and so definitely,
00:25:06.80\00:25:09.97
but looking forward to the time
00:25:10.01\00:25:12.07
when, you know,
those things will develop
00:25:12.11\00:25:15.08
and I will fulfill
00:25:15.11\00:25:16.64
and that's for
males and females,
00:25:16.68\00:25:18.71
there are some
physiological things
00:25:18.75\00:25:21.25
that change as a result
00:25:21.28\00:25:24.45
to when it's about
time to have children,
00:25:24.49\00:25:29.59
to get married, and
things like that so...
00:25:29.62\00:25:33.06
I would probably also
add that even for adults,
00:25:33.09\00:25:36.50
there are bodily
changes that are happening.
00:25:36.53\00:25:37.87
Yes, yes, yes.
00:25:37.90\00:25:39.23
And we don't talk about
it as you're getting older
00:25:39.27\00:25:41.87
and you're becoming adults,
00:25:41.90\00:25:44.44
that kind of
goes into a question
00:25:44.47\00:25:45.81
like how do seniors
adults talk about sexuality
00:25:45.84\00:25:48.94
in a healthy way?
00:25:48.98\00:25:50.31
We're kind of modeling it right
00:25:50.35\00:25:51.68
now understanding
00:25:51.71\00:25:53.05
what is appropriate
and what's inappropriate,
00:25:53.08\00:25:55.98
basically focusing on
what main topic should be
00:25:56.02\00:25:59.12
but going into a
little bit deeper,
00:25:59.15\00:26:00.86
what should we discuss as adults
00:26:00.89\00:26:04.06
about sexuality?
00:26:04.09\00:26:05.43
What's inappropriate? Yeah.
00:26:05.46\00:26:06.80
Well, you know, I think...
00:26:06.83\00:26:08.66
You know, I think
the tendency is to think
00:26:08.70\00:26:10.60
that that subject is
dead after a certain age,
00:26:10.63\00:26:13.70
you know, something
or maybe we don't talk
00:26:13.74\00:26:15.07
about it because,
00:26:15.10\00:26:16.44
you know, my
grandmother when she was alive,
00:26:16.47\00:26:18.47
and the seniors that I've met,
00:26:18.51\00:26:20.14
you know, they've made me blush,
00:26:20.18\00:26:21.51
I mean, of sexuality.
00:26:21.54\00:26:23.85
But I think, our
mistake as the young ones,
00:26:23.88\00:26:26.85
is that somehow,
00:26:26.88\00:26:28.38
there's an expiration date
00:26:28.42\00:26:29.95
to they remain to be
sexual beings in life.
00:26:29.98\00:26:33.39
They probably could teach
us a few things out really.
00:26:33.42\00:26:35.32
Right. Yeah, absolutely right.
00:26:35.36\00:26:36.69
And that's what I
believe men's ministry
00:26:36.73\00:26:38.66
and women's ministry is for.
00:26:38.69\00:26:40.30
It's not just about events
00:26:40.33\00:26:41.66
but it's having
these conversations,
00:26:41.70\00:26:43.03
you know, and we've had
00:26:43.06\00:26:44.40
some difficult
conversations for men
00:26:44.43\00:26:46.40
in our men's group.
00:26:46.43\00:26:47.77
What do you do
00:26:47.80\00:26:49.14
when you're getting
older and things aren't working
00:26:49.17\00:26:50.51
the way they used to,
00:26:50.54\00:26:51.97
how do you deal with that thing?
00:26:52.01\00:26:53.34
And so it takes, again,
the church coming together,
00:26:53.38\00:26:58.11
us being honest
and being transparent,
00:26:58.15\00:27:00.58
and definitely parents
need to take that time out
00:27:00.62\00:27:03.95
to talk to your kids.
00:27:03.99\00:27:05.32
They may feel like
you're grossing them out
00:27:05.35\00:27:06.69
but if it makes
them, protects them,
00:27:06.72\00:27:08.92
I'm sure they'll
appreciate it in the long run.
00:27:08.96\00:27:10.99
Definitely, definitely.
00:27:11.03\00:27:12.89
I believe that we're all saying
00:27:12.93\00:27:14.26
that conversations
need to be taking place.
00:27:14.30\00:27:16.43
It shouldn't be
something that's not happening.
00:27:16.46\00:27:18.43
We need to have the conversation
00:27:18.47\00:27:20.67
because it is important.
00:27:20.70\00:27:22.77
No matter how awkward.
00:27:22.80\00:27:24.14
No matter how awkward it is,
it is essential for our safety,
00:27:24.17\00:27:27.21
and for us to also build
our relationship with God.
00:27:27.24\00:27:29.24
If we understand
00:27:29.28\00:27:30.61
what should be
happening from this body
00:27:30.65\00:27:32.81
that God has
created, how do we serve Him?
00:27:32.85\00:27:35.25
It helps.
00:27:35.28\00:27:36.62
And the scripture talks
about that it's God's will
00:27:36.65\00:27:38.25
that you should be sanctified,
00:27:38.29\00:27:39.95
that you should
avoid sexual immorality,
00:27:39.99\00:27:42.16
that each of you shall
learn to control your body
00:27:42.19\00:27:45.29
in a way that is
holy and honorable.
00:27:45.33\00:27:48.26
That happens with conversation,
not only with ourselves,
00:27:48.30\00:27:50.53
amongst ourselves
but also with God.
00:27:50.57\00:27:52.93
So as you go out
and you go forward
00:27:52.97\00:27:55.24
with your daily lives,
00:27:55.27\00:27:56.74
He wants you to
be able to remember
00:27:56.77\00:27:58.34
to make pure choices.
00:27:58.37\00:27:59.71
Yes.
00:27:59.74\00:28:01.14