The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Welcome to Pure Choices.
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My name is Brittany Hill-Morales
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and I am the host
for today's program.
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We are having a very,
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very excellent
conversation today.
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It is about birth control.
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But before we
start the conversation
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let's pray.
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There come in
us heavenly Father,
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dear Lord, as we are
about to begin this discussion
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I pray to Lord
you'll be with us here,
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and you'll also be
with the viewers at home.
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Thank you so
much for being our God
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and so much
more, in Jesus' name.
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Amen. Amen.
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So we have two wonderful
people here on the couch.
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We have Pastor
Keith Hackle from Iowa
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and we also have
Mrs. Dajanae Anderson,
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from Texas.
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So we are
discussing birth control.
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There is a mixed
feeling about birth control.
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Some people automatically say,
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"Duh, you should
use birth control,
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you're married.
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It just makes sense
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if you're not trying to
have children right now."
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Others say, "What you're doing?
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No, you don't use birth control,
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that's just not of God."
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Right.
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So before we dig all the way in,
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what do you
think birth control is?
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Or even based on
your own experience?
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Birth control is some method
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that one utilizes to prevent
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birth from occurring
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while engaging in
sexual intercourse.
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So that, yeah, there is...
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That's what I
think birth control is.
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There are different
methods that people use
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to prevent the
production of life,
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the product of life.
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Yeah.
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I mean, I can't
add too much to it,
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but just it's a
conscious decision
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that this is,
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"We don't want to
go this way right now.
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So what can we do to
maintain still our intimacy
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or interaction,
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but also prevent
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what may be some of the result?"
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It's like the person,
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the couple they realize
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that sex can produce children.
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Yes. Right.
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So they say,
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"We don't want
children right now,
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but we still want to be together
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in this way that
God has ordained for us
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to be together."
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So they're using
some sort of technique.
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And like we
said, it's kind of wide
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because there are so
many different techniques
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people have the home remedies,
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which we're not, you
know, pushing for but they have,
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you know, home
remedies, and you still have
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a lot of medical,
biological, scientific,
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all this
research has been put into
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these different types of things,
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IUDs,
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hormone pills,
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implants,
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doing all these
different things.
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Shots. Yeah.
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We have the shots
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to help
manipulate the woman's body
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so that she will
not have a child.
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And I think that's
probably why there is a lot
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of back and forth
tension about that, right?
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Yes.
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And then you have
to be aware, as well,
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that some of these things,
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so everything
might not be for you,
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for the woman.
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Because there
are some discomforts,
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there are some side effects.
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There are some things that
you have to be concerned about.
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So it's
important for individuals,
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as they're looking for
the method of birth control,
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to be conscious of the fact
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that there may be some issues,
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have that
conversation with your doctor,
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have that
conversation with your spouse.
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And to really know that
this is going to be the method
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and maybe you're
gonna try different ones,
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maybe there is one
that won't work for you,
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but may be there is another one.
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But just being cautious
of that fact is important
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because a lot of
people have gotten
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in difficult
situations because of it.
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Uh-huh. Because
of birth control.
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Yes. I would just agree.
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I would just agree and it...
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I think that many
times we have, as Christians,
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where we have spiritual reasons
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why to be on birth control
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or to not be on birth control.
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And which
methods of birth control
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are accepted by God
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and which birth control
methods are not accepted by God.
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And so then like what we said,
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the couple then has to decide
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based on the
light that they've been,
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they've been
given, they've been shown
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to make that educated,
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that information...
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That educated
decision based on information
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that everyone can
receive access to,
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and that
educated decision based on
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what God has revealed.
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And I think both of
those things together,
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is what drives the
Christian to make that decision.
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And I agree, as a scriptural
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and even on the guideline that
has provided by our churches,
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we have freedom to choose.
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God has given us
that freedom of choice
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to try to figure out
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exactly which method
or technique is for us
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or if we should be
using any method at all.
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Because we talked about
these more medical techniques
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but there is also
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what basically my
doctor has told me
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that we can also plan,
I mean, ovulation cycle.
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Ovulation.
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Or you can also
do the pull and pray.
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Where after your...
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in the moment and you say,
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"You know, what, I don't
want to ejaculate into my wife."
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Yes.
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So I pull out,
ejaculate somewhere else
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but then I've also
heard other people say,
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"That's not what
God would want you to do
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because you're
wasting the fruits."
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So there is like
a lot of controversy
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I'm going on with it,
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but based on scriptural guidance
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is not no hardcore.
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"No, do not use birth control,
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yes, you must
use birth control."
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And in my personal experience,
I do not use birth control.
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And when I made that
statement to someone,
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that I do not use birth control,
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James was quickly quoted to me
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that God have given
us God-given wisdom,
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and God-given
wisdom is birth control.
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And if you don't
use birth control,
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you're gonna be
pregnant on your honeymoon,
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and nine months
after every single time
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you're going to be pregnant.
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Well, I've been
married over two years,
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I want to be pregnant once
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not when we're on our honeymoon.
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So...
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Right.
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And it was like almost close
to a year after being married
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when I actually got pregnant,
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but people have these
different philosophies,
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these hardcore so
there are any other scripture
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like guidelines for helping us
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make that decision?
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I would first like
kind of comment on that.
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I definitely have a problem
when people use scripture
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to support their opinion
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that James is not
talking about birth control.
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And so like that...
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That's not what James is
talking about in that passage.
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Now, I can
understand using wisdom
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but sometimes wisdom is not...
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Your wisdom,
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which was wise
in your situation,
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may not be
widthwise from my situation.
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So don't use
the Bible to tell me
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that I need to do,
which you think I should do.
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Don't do that.
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Don't do that,
I don't like that.
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But, yeah, that's
my comment for now.
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I think that's...
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No, I was gonna say
Proverbs 3:5-6 it says,
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"Trust in God, " right?
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"In everything
acknowledge Him," right?
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And He will
direct our path, right?
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And so if we trust in
Him to do or to guide us,
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we come to Him and we say,
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"Listen, God, what
do you want for us?"
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Right? "Should we
use birth control?"
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There was a time in which
my wife was using birth control
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and so there were
these ovarian cysts.
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I'm not a doctor so I
just hear what the doctor says
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and my wife is a nurse
and she explains it to me
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and breaks it
down to kid's level
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so I can understand it.
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But the birth
control that she was using
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was causing this complication.
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And so we weren't at a position
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where we wanted to
have more children.
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And so we're looking at options,
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pull and pray
became a possibility
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and so but you begin
to look it and you say,
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"God, what do you want?"
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Because what I
don't want to happen
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is for my wife to
go through this process
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of continually experiencing
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discomfort and things like that.
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So we now need
to make a decision,
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this is off the table.
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So now what else
are we going to do
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and so we come to God and say,
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"God, what do you
want for us to do?"
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And I believe that's a solid way
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to not abuse the scriptures
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but I also say, "Listen,
we're brining God into this,
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we're asking Him for direction."
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And at the end of the day
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He will make that
thing plain to you.
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And I think that's
the thing God needs to...
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We need to let God show us
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which scriptures to
use in our situation.
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Because like you said,
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you could be having
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a completely
different circumstance.
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In my family,
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my sister had problems
with her birth control.
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And when I saw
what she went through,
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I said, "I don't
want to go through that."
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And also weeding
that birth control
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it affects your sex drive,
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it alters your mood, and
all this different stuff.
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And you having to pick
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and still trying
to pick another one.
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I said to myself
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I want to take time
enjoying with my spouse.
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I don't want to be worrying
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about if something
wrong is going on in my body.
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I don't want to
be snapping at him,
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when we should be connecting
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and that's the decision we made.
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We sat down together
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and he also looked
at the side effects
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of the different birth controls
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and he said, "We are not
going to do this medical stuff."
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We sometimes use condoms,
but even then we don't like it.
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So we say,
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"This is for us,
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we know that when we got married
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this is what sexuality is,
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and what it
brings to the table."
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And we also say,
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"God, just because we're married
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it doesn't mean,
and we're having sex
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doesn't mean we're
gonna have children."
00:10:43.17\00:10:44.77
There is a lot of people
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who have been
having sex for 15, 20 years
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and they're asking God,
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"Why don't I have any kids?"
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They stop using birth control,
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they have done all
these different methods
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and techniques
trying to get pregnant
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and God says, "No."
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And there are some
people who God says,
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"One", and then
afterwards He says,
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"Your husband is
dried up, no more to come."
00:11:01.96\00:11:03.46
True.
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God determines when
children are supposed
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to enter this world.
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And we
wholeheartedly, we pray and say,
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"God, in this
moment, you determine for us
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what's going to
happen in this encounter.
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If you say it's
for us to get pregnant
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and have a child,
we humbly accept it.
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We present this
as an opportunity
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for you to take
complete control."
00:11:27.38\00:11:29.38
And I understand some people,
they are still feeling God out,
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and they may not
have that level of comfort
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where they are like,
"God, I'm trying to trust you
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and I know you're
Jesus and you're savior.
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But I'm not sure of that."
00:11:39.83\00:11:41.26
And that's okay.
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That's where you are right now,
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may be you'll
get there or may be
00:11:44.03\00:11:45.37
God is saying you need
to be on birth control,
00:11:45.40\00:11:47.47
maybe He sees 'cause some people
00:11:47.50\00:11:48.87
they do use birth control,
00:11:48.90\00:11:51.21
the medical kind to
cover other problems.
00:11:51.24\00:11:54.71
So maybe God might be like
00:11:54.74\00:11:56.08
"I don't want you
know what the problem is,
00:11:56.11\00:11:57.45
but I'm gonna tell
you choose birth controls
00:11:57.48\00:11:58.81
that recovers and heals it".
00:11:58.85\00:12:00.22
So there are different reasons,
00:12:00.25\00:12:02.78
and God will
instruct and tell you.
00:12:02.82\00:12:05.92
But the thing is you have
to go to Him in the prayer.
00:12:05.95\00:12:09.36
And as a couple,
00:12:09.39\00:12:11.79
you have to
have the conversation
00:12:11.83\00:12:14.03
of what to do.
00:12:14.06\00:12:15.40
And like you said,
00:12:15.43\00:12:16.77
other people
don't need to shame you
00:12:16.80\00:12:18.73
into not using it.
00:12:18.77\00:12:20.10
Right. Or shame
you into using it.
00:12:20.14\00:12:22.94
Right.
00:12:22.97\00:12:24.31
Because you have to be the
one who makes that decision
00:12:24.34\00:12:27.28
because you're the one
who knows what you can handle.
00:12:27.31\00:12:28.74
That's right. Right.
00:12:28.78\00:12:30.11
And so, I mean,
00:12:30.15\00:12:31.48
I have a little bit of
a different understanding
00:12:31.51\00:12:34.58
when it comes to martial
sex and producing children.
00:12:34.62\00:12:39.49
In that I believe
that there is a system
00:12:39.52\00:12:43.83
that God has in place.
00:12:43.86\00:12:45.69
And sometimes the Lord
intervenes in that system
00:12:45.73\00:12:49.56
to cause children
or to prevent children.
00:12:49.60\00:12:53.13
But I believe that,
sometimes or other times
00:12:53.17\00:12:55.54
that the Lord just has
this system set in place
00:12:55.57\00:12:59.04
and He is not always...
00:12:59.07\00:13:02.14
How do I, it's like,
00:13:02.18\00:13:03.51
God knows
what's going to happen,
00:13:03.55\00:13:05.81
but God does not always
seize control over the product.
00:13:05.85\00:13:10.42
And so what am I saying?
00:13:10.45\00:13:12.02
I believe that
there are some children
00:13:12.05\00:13:15.06
that are, that are...
00:13:15.09\00:13:16.59
There are some
women who get pregnant
00:13:16.62\00:13:18.69
and it's not
necessarily God's plan,
00:13:18.73\00:13:21.43
but God knew that
it was going to happen.
00:13:21.46\00:13:24.53
Because having sex,
whether you're married or not,
00:13:24.57\00:13:28.60
within the system that
God has put in to place,
00:13:28.64\00:13:31.87
having sex is to
produce children.
00:13:31.91\00:13:35.44
And, you know,
00:13:35.48\00:13:36.81
that's not the
only reason, right?
00:13:36.85\00:13:38.51
But that is one of the reasons,
00:13:38.55\00:13:40.65
that is the result of having sex
00:13:40.68\00:13:43.55
and ejaculating into a woman
00:13:43.59\00:13:46.19
or into a female that is...
00:13:46.22\00:13:49.02
It's there.
00:13:49.06\00:13:50.93
Another thing in
going to the Bible...
00:13:50.96\00:13:54.23
In going to the
Bible, in Genesis 38,
00:13:54.26\00:13:57.93
a lot of people use
that story of Onan to say
00:13:57.97\00:14:02.40
that you should not,
00:14:02.44\00:14:03.81
that if a man ejaculates,
00:14:03.84\00:14:08.11
it is sin for him to
ejaculate outside of the woman.
00:14:08.14\00:14:12.68
I think that, from
my theological training,
00:14:12.71\00:14:16.12
I believe that that is false.
00:14:16.15\00:14:18.69
That in the
story the sin was that,
00:14:18.72\00:14:22.09
in the context of Genesis 38,
00:14:22.12\00:14:25.83
he was instructed to ejaculate
00:14:25.86\00:14:29.83
into this woman and he did not.
00:14:29.86\00:14:32.97
He did not want
to produce children
00:14:33.00\00:14:35.00
because even
then it was understood
00:14:35.04\00:14:37.74
that if I ejaculate
there is a possibility
00:14:37.77\00:14:41.48
that I can have a
child with this woman.
00:14:41.51\00:14:44.31
And he did not want to do that.
00:14:44.35\00:14:46.01
So he was disobeying
the instruction of God
00:14:46.05\00:14:49.95
through the Man of God,
00:14:49.98\00:14:51.89
as Judah gave
him that instruction,
00:14:51.92\00:14:53.66
he was God's mouthpiece.
00:14:53.69\00:14:55.26
And so that was the sin,
00:14:55.29\00:14:57.46
the sin was not the releasing
00:14:57.49\00:15:01.06
or the ejaculation on to
the floor in and of itself
00:15:01.10\00:15:04.40
but it was doing
that in disobedience.
00:15:04.43\00:15:08.50
That's a good point.
00:15:08.54\00:15:09.87
I absolutely agree,
I can't add anything.
00:15:09.90\00:15:12.71
No, it is important
and we keep bringing,
00:15:12.74\00:15:15.11
the question keeps
bringing why do people try
00:15:15.14\00:15:17.28
to abuse the
Bible and make it say,
00:15:17.31\00:15:19.25
what they wanted to
say. And it's important,
00:15:19.28\00:15:21.78
if we could just
give a Bible study key,
00:15:21.82\00:15:24.59
pay attention to the context.
00:15:24.62\00:15:26.32
It's not just one verse.
00:15:26.35\00:15:27.69
You can't take
one verse and run.
00:15:27.72\00:15:29.06
You got to look
here, little there, little,
00:15:29.09\00:15:30.49
and put it all together
00:15:30.53\00:15:31.86
and come up with
a sound theology.
00:15:31.89\00:15:34.46
And that's important.
00:15:34.50\00:15:35.83
It is important.
00:15:35.86\00:15:37.20
Because birth
control as we look at it,
00:15:37.23\00:15:41.90
it is not an easy conversation
00:15:41.94\00:15:43.94
because some people feel
00:15:43.97\00:15:46.14
it is human
intervention into a God design,
00:15:46.17\00:15:51.28
and are we preventing
00:15:51.31\00:15:54.15
what could have been.
00:15:54.18\00:15:56.32
And what if God
wanted this and we're saying,
00:15:56.35\00:15:59.29
"No, God, I don't want."
00:15:59.32\00:16:00.66
Like what she said. What
if it is being disobedient?
00:16:00.69\00:16:03.53
And that goes back to having
the conversation with God.
00:16:03.56\00:16:05.79
"God, do you want me on this?"
00:16:05.83\00:16:07.70
And God might be like,
00:16:07.73\00:16:09.06
"No, it's gonna be
okay. I will handle it."
00:16:09.10\00:16:11.53
And that's what it is for me.
00:16:11.57\00:16:14.17
And it's really hard
for me to trust and He says,
00:16:14.20\00:16:17.31
"I will handle it, I know
what I'm doing right now."
00:16:17.34\00:16:19.94
And who knows maybe
5, 10 years from now
00:16:19.97\00:16:22.81
I will get the reason for why
00:16:22.84\00:16:24.18
He didn't want
me on birth control.
00:16:24.21\00:16:26.25
For this maybe He'll tell me why
00:16:26.28\00:16:27.62
I didn't want you to
do the hormone pills,
00:16:27.65\00:16:28.98
why I didn't want you on IUD.
00:16:29.02\00:16:30.35
I knew it was gonna
happen that's why I told you no.
00:16:30.39\00:16:32.42
Right.
00:16:32.45\00:16:33.79
And that's what
it is, to be obedient
00:16:33.82\00:16:35.42
and truly ask God that question.
00:16:35.46\00:16:37.99
And for those who do
want to use birth control
00:16:38.03\00:16:40.50
or want to go to
that kind of flip.
00:16:40.53\00:16:43.10
The things to consider is
00:16:43.13\00:16:45.77
the physical and
the biological factors.
00:16:45.80\00:16:47.50
Yes. Talk to
your doctor about it.
00:16:47.54\00:16:50.24
Yes.
00:16:50.27\00:16:51.61
Based on your experience...
00:16:51.64\00:16:52.97
I know, I talked about
mood, was there anything else
00:16:53.01\00:16:54.44
that may be you kind
of experience with people?
00:16:54.48\00:16:57.71
I think that's one
of the biggest ones.
00:16:57.75\00:16:59.48
I know there are some
birth controls that exists,
00:16:59.51\00:17:01.85
that stop you from
having your period.
00:17:01.88\00:17:04.39
For others, it has
the opposite affect.
00:17:04.42\00:17:06.89
Sometimes women have issues
00:17:06.92\00:17:08.49
with having
their periods regularly
00:17:08.52\00:17:11.26
and in that some
doctors recommend birth control
00:17:11.29\00:17:14.30
because it will give
the woman a regular period.
00:17:14.33\00:17:17.07
That's one of the reasons
for being on birth control.
00:17:17.10\00:17:22.70
But sometimes it can actually...
00:17:22.74\00:17:24.84
A woman who
regularly haves her periods,
00:17:24.87\00:17:28.24
it can stop the regularity
of the menstrual cycle
00:17:28.28\00:17:32.65
which is damaging
00:17:32.68\00:17:34.02
to the
reproductive system, right?
00:17:34.05\00:17:35.58
Because the woman's
body cleanses itself
00:17:35.62\00:17:39.09
and that's what your
period or menstruation,
00:17:39.12\00:17:43.93
that's what's happening.
00:17:43.96\00:17:45.29
And so that's one reason.
00:17:45.33\00:17:51.20
The hormone imbalance,
that, I think that's a big one.
00:17:51.23\00:17:54.87
I think that's a
really, really big one
00:17:54.90\00:17:57.24
to where you're snappy
and you don't realize it.
00:17:57.27\00:18:00.38
And some when you
read, you can go online
00:18:00.41\00:18:03.24
and see all these
different side effects
00:18:03.28\00:18:05.25
for different birth controls.
00:18:05.28\00:18:08.62
There one symptom is depression,
00:18:08.65\00:18:12.15
not just mood
swings but depression,
00:18:12.19\00:18:15.52
there are several symptoms.
00:18:15.56\00:18:18.63
And so being able like
you guys have already said
00:18:18.66\00:18:22.46
I would just
highlight and agree.
00:18:22.50\00:18:24.43
I don't personally
have any other ones.
00:18:24.47\00:18:27.57
I think that's where
00:18:27.60\00:18:29.80
in relationship
to the previous thing
00:18:29.84\00:18:32.27
that I said about Onan,
00:18:32.31\00:18:34.71
I believe that there
are times that God will say,
00:18:34.74\00:18:39.08
"Don't be on birth control."
00:18:39.11\00:18:41.62
And if you are disobedient
00:18:41.65\00:18:44.25
because your church,
00:18:44.29\00:18:47.19
your denomination does not
have a stance on birth control,
00:18:47.22\00:18:51.26
and it says,
00:18:51.29\00:18:52.63
"You can be on birth control
00:18:52.66\00:18:54.10
if you want to
be on birth control,
00:18:54.13\00:18:55.56
but God has told you
not to be on birth control,
00:18:55.60\00:18:58.77
then that's where
this passage is applicable
00:18:58.80\00:19:00.90
because now you're being
disobedient to God directly."
00:19:00.94\00:19:05.47
And so that would be my take.
00:19:05.51\00:19:09.51
Yeah, and I would also
probably add in addition
00:19:09.54\00:19:11.75
to factors to consider
is, the financial factor.
00:19:11.78\00:19:15.95
Birth control is not
something that's easily covered
00:19:15.98\00:19:18.35
by all insurances
based on what you wanted to.
00:19:18.39\00:19:21.22
And also considering how
it is administered to you,
00:19:21.26\00:19:25.26
if you're gonna take
the pill every single day,
00:19:25.29\00:19:27.66
if you going to have to say,
00:19:27.70\00:19:29.36
"Stop, honey, go find
the condoms and put one on."
00:19:29.40\00:19:32.47
I mean, timing out how
do you actually pull out
00:19:32.50\00:19:35.40
so you're not ejaculating,
00:19:35.44\00:19:36.77
all these little
things you have to figure out
00:19:36.81\00:19:39.14
what is actually
going to work for us
00:19:39.17\00:19:41.74
and be effective to do
00:19:41.78\00:19:44.55
what you are saying you want to.
00:19:44.58\00:19:46.28
If you don't want...
00:19:46.31\00:19:47.75
I think it will be
probably not horrible
00:19:47.78\00:19:51.69
but it's challenging to be
trying to not have children,
00:19:51.72\00:19:58.39
you are doing to
act to have children.
00:19:58.43\00:20:01.10
You're thinking that
this thing that you're using
00:20:01.13\00:20:03.03
is going to help
you not have children,
00:20:03.06\00:20:05.37
and then you'll
find yourself pregnant
00:20:05.40\00:20:07.60
with the child.
00:20:07.64\00:20:08.97
Yes. But it's possible.
00:20:09.00\00:20:10.34
It is possible.
00:20:10.37\00:20:11.71
It's very, it's
more than possible.
00:20:11.74\00:20:13.07
'Cause these
aren't 100 % effective.
00:20:13.11\00:20:14.44
Yeah.
00:20:14.48\00:20:15.81
They would tell you
that they don't say a 100%
00:20:15.84\00:20:17.18
but they leave
in that room for it.
00:20:17.21\00:20:19.31
And I had a cousin
called me one day...
00:20:19.35\00:20:21.05
He is like, "Man,
listen, have you gone
00:20:21.08\00:20:22.95
and got in the
vasectom," I'm like, "No, dude."
00:20:22.98\00:20:25.32
He's like, "Well,
until you do that,
00:20:25.35\00:20:26.69
you're not really serious
about not having children."
00:20:26.72\00:20:28.99
That's how far you have to
go to show that you're serious,
00:20:29.02\00:20:32.69
but then there is
even stories with that.
00:20:32.73\00:20:34.53
There are even
stories with that.
00:20:34.56\00:20:36.06
Where ladies are like,
00:20:36.10\00:20:37.43
"Hey, I went and
got my tubes done,
00:20:37.47\00:20:38.80
" and guys are like,
"Hey, I went and got snipped
00:20:38.83\00:20:40.17
and they come back"
00:20:40.20\00:20:41.54
and a couple of months of later.
00:20:41.57\00:20:42.90
Couple is pregnant. Yeah.
00:20:42.94\00:20:44.27
And so, and that make
sure you have to understand
00:20:44.31\00:20:48.24
that God is
involved in this thing.
00:20:48.28\00:20:49.91
Yes. Right?
00:20:49.94\00:20:51.28
It's not just some
medical calculation
00:20:51.31\00:20:54.18
that you can put together
00:20:54.22\00:20:55.55
but with that God is involved...
00:20:55.58\00:20:57.52
I mean, I know people
who watch their wife's cycle
00:20:57.55\00:21:00.82
and they've been
watching this thing for years
00:21:00.86\00:21:03.56
and it just never takes.
00:21:03.59\00:21:05.66
And so then when
prayer and God is involved,
00:21:05.69\00:21:09.20
then a couple who has
been trying to get pregnant
00:21:09.23\00:21:11.43
for five, six, seven
years, now she is pregnant,
00:21:11.47\00:21:13.90
you know what I'm saying.
00:21:13.94\00:21:15.27
And so we have to understand,
00:21:15.30\00:21:16.64
we cannot leave out
00:21:16.67\00:21:18.01
the importance of
God in the equation.
00:21:18.04\00:21:20.04
But we also have
to be responsible.
00:21:20.08\00:21:22.44
We also have to make
choices and decisions as well.
00:21:22.48\00:21:26.92
And that's why it's
important to consult Him
00:21:26.95\00:21:29.15
and ask Him to direct our path.
00:21:29.18\00:21:30.65
Definitely.
00:21:30.69\00:21:32.05
So I believe that
what we're saying thus far
00:21:32.09\00:21:33.86
whether you are
using or you're not using,
00:21:33.89\00:21:36.79
it is based on your
relationship with God
00:21:36.83\00:21:38.83
and how do you trust Him.
00:21:38.86\00:21:41.23
And going back to, again,
00:21:41.26\00:21:43.47
to if He told you
not to and you still are,
00:21:43.50\00:21:47.07
or if He said you must be on it,
00:21:47.10\00:21:49.04
and you're like, "No, God,
00:21:49.07\00:21:50.41
I want to have kids
now, I want to do this."
00:21:50.44\00:21:51.77
And He is like, "No,
I'm trying to help you
00:21:51.81\00:21:54.44
time this thing out."
00:21:54.48\00:21:56.58
And what we want the
viewers to understand
00:21:56.61\00:21:58.61
is you have to
actually be serious
00:21:58.65\00:22:02.52
about your relationship,
00:22:02.55\00:22:03.89
there are different things
in your marital relationship
00:22:03.92\00:22:05.25
where you really to
have to have conversations.
00:22:05.29\00:22:07.82
And sex is one of them
00:22:07.86\00:22:09.52
but also how are we
planning for children.
00:22:09.56\00:22:13.36
Children are not
something you can just,
00:22:13.40\00:22:15.60
"Oops, you're pregnant.
00:22:15.63\00:22:16.97
Oops, you're
pregnant again. Oops."
00:22:17.00\00:22:19.03
These are children
who need certain balances,
00:22:19.07\00:22:23.74
they need certain stability.
00:22:23.77\00:22:25.41
Yeah.
00:22:25.44\00:22:26.78
And if you're not
having the conversation,
00:22:26.81\00:22:29.58
you just woke up
one morning and say,
00:22:29.61\00:22:32.11
"Hey, let's get married
00:22:32.15\00:22:33.48
'cause I really
want to sleep with you,
00:22:33.52\00:22:34.92
because we wed somewhere."
00:22:34.95\00:22:37.02
That, you know, it's
better to marry than to burn.
00:22:37.05\00:22:41.06
Right.
00:22:41.09\00:22:42.42
It's one of those
things that you seriously
00:22:42.46\00:22:43.79
have to sit down and talk about.
00:22:43.83\00:22:46.53
Yeah.
00:22:46.56\00:22:47.90
And figure out
which method or technique
00:22:47.93\00:22:51.13
is going to work for you.
00:22:51.17\00:22:53.37
There is a responsibility.
There is a responsibility.
00:22:53.40\00:22:55.60
And that's another thing that
our churches also talks about
00:22:55.64\00:22:58.44
and even in the Bible it talks
about responsible stewardship,
00:22:58.47\00:23:01.11
we are stewards.
00:23:01.14\00:23:02.71
We're stewards of
not only of this earth
00:23:02.74\00:23:04.91
but of our bodies,
00:23:04.95\00:23:06.65
our body is the temple...
00:23:06.68\00:23:08.02
That's right. Yes.
00:23:08.05\00:23:09.38
And we have to be responsible
00:23:09.42\00:23:10.75
for also this
other little bodies
00:23:10.79\00:23:12.59
that we can
bring into this world.
00:23:12.62\00:23:15.32
And we have to
say like, "Okay, God,
00:23:15.36\00:23:18.39
I'm not completely sure when."
00:23:18.43\00:23:21.76
Because there is no way
it's actually time, "the when".
00:23:21.80\00:23:24.33
That's true.
00:23:24.37\00:23:25.70
You could be saying,
I want to get pregnant
00:23:25.73\00:23:27.07
and like we said
tried for nine years
00:23:27.10\00:23:28.50
and still not gonna happen.
00:23:28.54\00:23:29.87
Right.
00:23:29.90\00:23:31.24
But we need to be
responsible stewards.
00:23:31.27\00:23:32.71
And I think another thing
is, first thing to understand...
00:23:32.74\00:23:35.44
We mentioned it before
the procreation purpose.
00:23:35.48\00:23:39.08
Sexuality creates children.
00:23:39.11\00:23:42.88
And I want to talk
about a small issue
00:23:42.92\00:23:45.55
that we've been having
00:23:45.59\00:23:46.92
with the
increase of birth control,
00:23:46.96\00:23:49.02
the increased success
rate of birth controls
00:23:49.06\00:23:51.93
is that now we have
non-marital sex increasing
00:23:51.96\00:23:57.27
and we, as
leaders can't tell people,
00:23:57.30\00:24:01.17
"No, you can't have
sex because of xyz."
00:24:01.20\00:24:05.17
"Well, I have birth control
so I'm gonna have sex with x,
00:24:05.21\00:24:07.71
whoever I want to
'cause I'm not..."
00:24:07.74\00:24:10.75
Let's have that conversation
for a little bit of that issue
00:24:10.78\00:24:12.81
that we have with the
increase of birth control.
00:24:12.85\00:24:14.18
Right.
00:24:14.22\00:24:15.55
I think that's always had,
00:24:15.58\00:24:17.29
I think that's
always been an issue
00:24:17.32\00:24:19.55
as far as reasoning
00:24:19.59\00:24:21.82
for why you should
not have premarital
00:24:21.86\00:24:27.23
or, like you
said, non-marital sex
00:24:27.26\00:24:30.47
is because there might
be fruits of your labor.
00:24:30.50\00:24:34.44
Because in the history of
our Christianity of churches
00:24:34.47\00:24:39.94
we see that,
that puts more shame
00:24:39.97\00:24:42.14
on the woman than
it does on the man
00:24:42.18\00:24:45.81
because the woman
has to walk around
00:24:45.85\00:24:47.95
with the fruit of
being pregnant, of evidence,
00:24:47.98\00:24:51.55
that she
participated in non-marital sex.
00:24:51.59\00:24:55.76
And so that's always
been an issue of morality
00:24:55.79\00:24:59.23
and the
responsibility of the male
00:24:59.26\00:25:02.03
that it takes two.
00:25:02.06\00:25:05.03
And unless there
was force involved,
00:25:05.07\00:25:08.00
both parties are
equally responsible.
00:25:08.04\00:25:10.61
And so I think it's a bad idea
00:25:10.64\00:25:14.18
to tell young
couples, older couples,
00:25:14.21\00:25:18.08
that you should
not engage in sex
00:25:18.11\00:25:20.55
because you may get pregnant.
00:25:20.58\00:25:23.05
Because, you
know, like you said,
00:25:23.08\00:25:24.82
well, I'm on birth
control so now I can.
00:25:24.85\00:25:27.72
So now what... it's
like what we must do
00:25:27.76\00:25:32.76
is state actual reasons
00:25:32.79\00:25:36.73
to not have sex
00:25:36.77\00:25:38.80
that are based on
their relationship with God.
00:25:38.83\00:25:42.57
We need to go in deeper.
00:25:42.60\00:25:44.31
We can't say,
00:25:44.34\00:25:45.91
"I remember
going to my mom like,
00:25:45.94\00:25:47.28
"Well, if you have sex,
you're gonna get pregnant
00:25:47.31\00:25:48.64
then I'm gonna chase
you all round Antigua."
00:25:48.68\00:25:52.11
If I was another type of child,
00:25:52.15\00:25:55.28
I could have been like "Mummy,
00:25:55.32\00:25:56.65
I can just get
on birth control."
00:25:56.69\00:25:58.02
And that's what happening.
00:25:58.05\00:25:59.39
We have to go deeper
into our conversation and say,
00:25:59.42\00:26:02.12
"Okay, this is why
you really shouldn't,"
00:26:02.16\00:26:05.79
or even some parents
using it as a safety net.
00:26:05.83\00:26:07.26
"You know what?
00:26:07.30\00:26:08.63
I can't prevent
you from having sex.
00:26:08.66\00:26:10.10
I'm just gonna
give you birth control."
00:26:10.13\00:26:11.93
No, we need to have
a deeper conversation.
00:26:11.97\00:26:13.77
You're absolutely, right.
00:26:13.80\00:26:15.14
And I use this
as a talking point.
00:26:15.17\00:26:18.94
There are certain things
00:26:18.97\00:26:20.31
that are only for
when you get married.
00:26:20.34\00:26:23.51
And our young people need
to understand that, right?
00:26:23.55\00:26:27.08
And so we always look at,
00:26:27.12\00:26:29.15
I often look at
the Ten Commandments
00:26:29.18\00:26:30.52
and I say, "Hey, God
didn't say don't fornicate."
00:26:30.55\00:26:33.66
He said do not commit
adultery. Why did he say that?
00:26:33.69\00:26:36.02
Because He has given us an
understanding that He values
00:26:36.06\00:26:40.20
the sanctity of marriage, right?
00:26:40.23\00:26:42.60
It's important
that you understand
00:26:42.63\00:26:44.33
there are certain things
00:26:44.37\00:26:45.70
that you do not do
unless you're married, right?
00:26:45.73\00:26:48.67
And so once you're married,
00:26:48.70\00:26:50.04
now we can start
having the conversation
00:26:50.07\00:26:52.04
of whether we're going to
use contraceptives or not.
00:26:52.07\00:26:54.71
But we must be firm on the point
00:26:54.74\00:26:58.35
that this thing
is after marriage,
00:26:58.38\00:27:01.75
we're not giving
you opportunities,
00:27:01.78\00:27:03.69
the world may be
given you opportunities
00:27:03.72\00:27:05.05
on what you can
use prior to marriage.
00:27:05.09\00:27:08.29
But we're always on the stance
00:27:08.32\00:27:10.03
of this is a
conversation you have
00:27:10.06\00:27:12.16
after you been married
and you're with your spouse.
00:27:12.19\00:27:16.26
Definitely.
00:27:16.30\00:27:17.63
I would also add
probably those months leading up
00:27:17.67\00:27:20.30
so that if you need to start
00:27:20.34\00:27:22.60
using a certain
form of birth control,
00:27:22.64\00:27:24.41
it can be
ineffective when you're married.
00:27:24.44\00:27:27.08
Oh, for the honeymoon.
Yeah, for the honeymoon.
00:27:27.11\00:27:29.51
So as we're finishing
this conversation here,
00:27:29.54\00:27:31.91
we want you to
keep on discussing.
00:27:31.95\00:27:34.95
What, should you and your
spouse be using birth control?
00:27:34.98\00:27:38.85
Are you being
obedient to God or not?
00:27:38.89\00:27:41.16
The scriptures
talk about the children
00:27:41.19\00:27:42.72
being a gift of the
Lord, they are reward from Him.
00:27:42.76\00:27:46.36
Children are a blessing.
00:27:46.39\00:27:48.40
And God determines whether
you should be pregnant or not.
00:27:48.43\00:27:51.93
Trust Him, ask Him,
and just make pure choices.
00:27:51.97\00:27:56.17
Thank you, guys. Thank you.
00:27:56.20\00:27:58.54