The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Welcome to Pure Choices.
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My name is
Brittany Hill-Morales.
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And I am today's host.
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We have a very interesting topic
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that we're discussing today
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It is teenage
sexuality, our new reality.
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So before we jump into
the discussion, let's pray.
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Dear most
heavenly Father, dear Lord,
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you are Savior, our
friend, and so much more.
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As we are about
to have a discussion
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on teenage sexuality,
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I pray that
You'll be with us here
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as we're having the discussion
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and also with
the viewers at home.
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We love you so much
in Jesus' name, amen.
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Amen. Amen.
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So for today's program,
we have two wonderful guests.
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They're good friends of mine.
We have Mrs. Dajanae Anderson.
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She's a graduate
student in Texas.
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And we also have
Pastor Keith Hackle from Iowa.
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So teenage sexuality.
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Oh, my! Oh, my!
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That's a big one.
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It is. It's a big one.
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Every time we
think about teenagers,
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there's always
this nerve reckoning
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thing that happens.
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Doesn't matter if
they're in the church,
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not in the church,
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it's just in the community,
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people here are teenagers
should think about our youth,
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and they think trouble.
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Keith, you are a father
of almost two teenagers.
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True, true.
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One preteen and one a teen, yes.
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Yes, yes, yes.
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And I bet every time you
say you have two teenagers,
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people say,
we're praying for you.
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All the time.
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Thank you so
much. Thank you so much.
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People have this
philosophy about teenagers.
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They think that
they are hormone driven.
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They do not either
aren't responsible.
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They are the ones that
have all the sexual activity.
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They're getting
pregnant, having abortions,
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all this different stuff.
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Our teenagers just are mess.
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That's always the
initial philosophy.
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What do you guys
think as church leaders,
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youth mentors about
how people view teenagers?
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I think that it's,
there are partial truths.
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Those are partial truths
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because the reality is that
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it is during your teen years
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that you begin to
go through puberty
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and your hormones
are not balanced yet,
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they're new in how you respond
to different interactions,
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change from when you were
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in elementary
school to being a teenager.
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And so, and then within society,
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whether that's in the
church or outside of the church
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like you're saying,
there are a lot of interaction.
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That's when you begin
to think about sexuality
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is within those teenage years.
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So I think
there's some truth to it
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but it's not to say
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that all teenagers
are sexually active.
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That's true.
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Yeah, and it is a
difficult situation
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you have, parents, right?
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And hopefully,
you're in an environment
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where your parents...
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You've seen your mommy,
your dad hug before you,
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you've seen your
mommy and dad kiss before
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and so when you're younger,
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it's like, uh,
that's grose, right?
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And now you're going
through like you said,
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these emotional changes,
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and now you're
starting to feel certain ways,
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and maybe even
think certain things,
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and you begin to wonder
what's going on with me.
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You begin to wonder why
is this happening to me.
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And so the
children do ultimately
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become more acquisitive
during the teenage years
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and sometimes
even more experimental
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into what that, as
they're trying to figure out
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what's going on with their self.
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Right.
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And I think that things on TV,
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I was young which
wasn't that long ago,
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like when I was younger,
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there are certain things that...
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There are certain commercials
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that would not
even play on television
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unless it was
after 10 o'clock, 10 PM,
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then you might get the
raunchy kind of commercials,
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sexualized commercials
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and you're trying
to sell me deodorant.
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So but
nowadays, that's during...
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You're going to see that
at 1 o'clock in the afternoon
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or 4 o'clock in the afternoon
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when children are
getting out of school,
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whether that's
high school students
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or elementary students.
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And so sexuality
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has become more
prevalent in our society.
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And I think that does...
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It doesn't just
deal with the teens,
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but I think the
teens also get more curious
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sometimes at earlier ages
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because of what
goes in on a society.
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That's true, that's true.
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Well, there are some statistics
that I was able to get
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from the US
Department of Health and CDC.
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They said, "In 1991,
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54.1% of high
school students reported
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that they were
sexually active compared in 2013
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which was
somewhat a few years ago,
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46.8% of high school students.
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That's less.
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It's about maybe
almost close to 10%,
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maybe 8 to 10% less
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students are
engaging in sexual activity.
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And then when you get to
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teenage births or
teenage pregnancy,
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they were saying that
between 2011 and 2012,
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it dropped by 6%.
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And then between 2012 and 2013
it dropped by additional 10%.
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So teenagers are not,
you know, having babies
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as often as people
are assuming about them,
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but there is still a problem.
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Yes.
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For sexually
transmitted diseases
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for students that actually
are engaging in sexuality
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and it's not just only
amongst high school students,
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this is amongst
the entire spectrum
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for the United States.
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Thirty percent of youth
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have new chlamydia cases,
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25 % new gonorrhea cases,
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21%, it's HIV.
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So it's not like
we're out of the clear,
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kids are not having sex no more,
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it's great, it's awesome,
there are still other problems.
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Is there anything else
maybe might have caused
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the decrease in the downtrend?
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One thing that
comes to my mind is,
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from within my family, right,
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my mother had me at a young age
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when she was in
her teen, late teens.
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And so I grew up
and I think that,
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that generation of my parents
kind of had children young,
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but now, but I, so I grew up
with don't have children young
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wait until you're older.
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And so I think
that may play a part
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into why more
young people are waiting
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because they're told.
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They see the
effects of what happened
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when you had a child young
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because you were
engaged in sexual activity.
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So that's my one
opinion that I have.
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Yeah, I agree with you.
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And another side of that is
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from what I've
learned from our young people
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is that they begin not
going all the way, right,
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but they may
partake in some other things
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that still allow
them to be considered.
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When they get
married, they can still say,
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"I'm a virgin," right?
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Now they may have
experience in other areas
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and that may be why we see
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some of the
diseases are still going up.
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But maybe they're individuals
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who are getting
pregnant may be going down
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or the full out sexual
exposure is going down.
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And so there's a lot
of, even with the numbers,
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a lot of areas in which
we still need to make sure
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we can say,
"Yes, we've done better
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but we're not
all the way there."
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And I'm so glad you said that.
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There still needs
to be some conversation
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and there still
needs to be some education.
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And there still
needs to be some concern
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as it relates to our children.
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Right, because
with that statistic,
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I would, as you said,
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you know, there were
mentors and church leaders,
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things like that so I
have a lot of interaction
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with young adults.
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And they are very open with me
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about what it is
that they're engaged in.
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And so some of the young adults
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that I know
that are not married,
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they are virgins
but there are different,
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there is oral sex
that they participate in,
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there is
masturbation and pornography
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that they participate in.
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And some young
people do not consider
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that sexual activity
because I'm not involved.
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When it comes
down to masturbation,
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I'm not involved
with somebody else.
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And so then my question
to this statistic would be,
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when the question was asked,
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does that include the
watching of pornography
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because as far as I
know, pornographic films
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and pornographic viewers have...
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the numbers have increased
since, let's say, 1991.
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That's true.
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So that would be
what I would say about it.
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I don't know if
there is another question
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about that particular...
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I think we're on the same page
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as in even though the
statistics are positive
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and you're like, "Yes.
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Great. Awesome."
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There're other factors
that might be the reason why.
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Even for lower numbers
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for teen birth
and teen pregnancy.
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Most people think, teenagers,
they're so ready to go,
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most of them on birth control
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or they are
practicing a lot safer sex.
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So for those who are practicing,
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they're making sure
they're taking their pill,
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they're doing
whatever they need to do,
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making sure
they're using condoms
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so they don't have to
have what their parents had,
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you know, raising a young child
and different stuff like that.
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Right and so there's...
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Go ahead.
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I think there's this thing in,
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especially within Christianity
and outside of Christianity
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as well where there
is, "I can engage in sex,
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but I'm going to cover myself
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in such a way
that there's no result,
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there's no fruit
that gives evidence
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that I've engaged in sex."
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So those things
that you just named,
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even though the
numbers are lower,
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they're still almost half.
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And so with almost half of
the population of young people,
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"Okay, like you
said, I'm having sex
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but I'm using a condom
or I'm using birth control,
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and so no one knows."
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So I think that's where
within Christianity we say,
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it's not just don't
produce the fruit of sexuality,
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but what are the effects
to the young teenage mind
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and
spirituality that takes place
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after engaging
in premarital sex.
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That's a good point
and we see our children.
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And this is, you mentioned
Christianity and as a pastor,
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there's some things
that we promote, right.
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There's some things that
we say that you shouldn't do
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and they're right
but at the same time
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we have to be careful
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that we're not teaching
our children to get to a point
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where they're able to
hide what they're doing, right,
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because there's a
lot of emotional stress
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that comes along with it,
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there's a lot of
frustrations that come up.
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Just everything
comes along with,
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even if you
don't go all the way,
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you've opened
yourself up in one way
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or another to this individual.
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And you trust this person,
you want maybe a relationship
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and it hurts when
that person dumps you
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or no longer wants
to be involved with you.
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It hurts when you see pictures
of yourself on Facebook,
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on Instagram.
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It hurts when you're
getting tweeted about.
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And so even though they
may not be getting pregnant,
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there's still an emotional
attachment to this thing
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that is messing our children up.
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And we've got to be cautious
of how we even present it.
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We can say, "Hey,
don't go this far."
00:12:12.19\00:12:15.53
Do exactly what we tell them to
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and still get messed up
so we have to be careful.
00:12:17.27\00:12:19.53
Yeah, that's true.
00:12:19.57\00:12:21.90
So the next question is,
00:12:21.94\00:12:24.24
what can teenagers do
to have this abstinence
00:12:24.27\00:12:27.48
where they're not only
voiding from having sex,
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or as we say, going all the way
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but not involving
in stuff like sexting,
00:12:33.28\00:12:35.92
and pornography, and
all this different stuff?
00:12:35.95\00:12:37.62
And what can
parents do to support this?
00:12:37.65\00:12:40.76
That's a good question.
00:12:40.79\00:12:42.52
What I've done with my son,
00:12:42.56\00:12:44.26
my son is 14 now
and he has a girlfriend.
00:12:44.29\00:12:49.70
And she's...
00:12:49.73\00:12:51.27
It was difficult at first,
just the idea of my son dating.
00:12:51.30\00:12:55.24
And I understand that
whatever door open for him,
00:12:55.27\00:12:57.77
my daughter's coming behind it,
00:12:57.81\00:12:59.14
she's watching and
she's going to be like,
00:12:59.17\00:13:00.51
"Hey, he was this old
00:13:00.54\00:13:01.88
when he got into
his first relationship."
00:13:01.91\00:13:03.28
But as a parent, me and
my wife talked about this,
00:13:03.31\00:13:05.61
we prayed about it.
00:13:05.65\00:13:06.98
And what I said, you know,
00:13:07.02\00:13:08.35
what we don't want
to do is get to a point
00:13:08.38\00:13:09.98
where he begins sneaking
behind our backs to do things.
00:13:10.02\00:13:13.36
So what we've done is we've...
00:13:13.39\00:13:14.72
I talked to the other parents.
00:13:14.76\00:13:16.09
We sat down, we
talked about this thing.
00:13:16.12\00:13:17.46
We prayed about it, we said,
00:13:17.49\00:13:18.83
"Hey, these kids, they're
interested in each other,
00:13:18.86\00:13:20.86
so let's do a
supervised relationship,"
00:13:20.90\00:13:23.87
where we allow
them the opportunity
00:13:23.90\00:13:25.87
to be in each other's space
to conversate with each other.
00:13:25.90\00:13:29.17
And that allows them to know
that we're giving them a trust,
00:13:29.20\00:13:32.61
right, but the
young lady's dad said,
00:13:32.64\00:13:35.34
"Listen, this is
what I'm expecting.
00:13:35.38\00:13:36.71
There are three rules you
can't go into any other place.
00:13:36.75\00:13:39.05
I don't want any touchy feely."
00:13:39.08\00:13:40.42
He gave him a list of
things that he had to do.
00:13:40.45\00:13:43.15
Another component was my
son had to go and ask this guy,
00:13:43.18\00:13:46.65
"Could he date his daughter
00:13:46.69\00:13:48.32
before he got into
that relationship?"
00:13:48.36\00:13:50.26
And so it was
tough for him at first.
00:13:50.29\00:13:52.19
He's like, "Well,
what am I going to say?"
00:13:52.23\00:13:53.93
He had to put the words
together and things like that.
00:13:53.96\00:13:56.36
And I was kind of nudging him
00:13:56.40\00:13:58.47
but I wanted him to
know that this thing here,
00:13:58.50\00:14:00.87
this relationship, first of all,
00:14:00.90\00:14:02.24
you're entering into a
relationship with someone
00:14:02.27\00:14:05.87
and you want to take
their emotion seriously, right?
00:14:05.91\00:14:07.78
And I want you to respect
her parents and respect her.
00:14:07.81\00:14:11.81
And I want them to know
that you're a stand up guy.
00:14:11.85\00:14:14.48
And there's just
certain things from our family
00:14:14.52\00:14:16.45
that you're not going to do.
00:14:16.48\00:14:18.02
This isn't just about you,
00:14:18.05\00:14:19.39
this is about
you're representing a name.
00:14:19.42\00:14:21.29
This is more than just yourself.
00:14:21.32\00:14:22.72
And so, as parents,
00:14:22.76\00:14:24.46
what I think what we
need to do is understand
00:14:24.49\00:14:26.73
that at a certain age,
00:14:26.76\00:14:28.10
our children
are thinking things,
00:14:28.13\00:14:29.90
they're wondering things,
they're feeling certain ways.
00:14:29.93\00:14:32.20
And if we just tell them
to stop feeling that way,
00:14:32.23\00:14:34.14
what they're going to do is
00:14:34.17\00:14:35.50
they're going to
take it to another level.
00:14:35.54\00:14:36.87
Right.
00:14:36.91\00:14:38.24
And so if we let
them know this is okay,
00:14:38.27\00:14:39.97
it's okay for
you to feel this way.
00:14:40.01\00:14:41.41
Now let me show
you how to control
00:14:41.44\00:14:44.78
how you feel by
providing for you parameters,
00:14:44.81\00:14:48.22
save a safe space
then it allows them to,
00:14:48.25\00:14:52.32
I believe, to
operate under the guidelines
00:14:52.35\00:14:55.09
that God has given us
00:14:55.12\00:14:56.49
and not sneak
around and do things,
00:14:56.52\00:14:57.93
and allow for the
adversary to come in
00:14:57.96\00:14:59.59
and start planning these seeds
00:14:59.63\00:15:01.60
that we don't want them to have.
00:15:01.63\00:15:03.37
You have so much of moral space.
00:15:03.40\00:15:05.97
I know that because I
wanted to add something
00:15:06.00\00:15:07.84
to what you're saying.
00:15:07.87\00:15:09.20
I think the number one thing
is you have to know your child.
00:15:09.24\00:15:13.07
Each child is
different, as you're saying,
00:15:13.11\00:15:15.31
your daughter, she's
going to think like that.
00:15:15.34\00:15:17.61
"He could do it,
I'm her little girl"
00:15:17.65\00:15:19.41
For her it's 30-35.
00:15:19.45\00:15:21.42
I know I'm little girl
00:15:21.45\00:15:22.78
but my brother
did this so and so."
00:15:22.82\00:15:24.22
You have to know your
child and know their timing.
00:15:24.25\00:15:27.32
And you have to
have the conversation.
00:15:27.36\00:15:29.79
You converse with
not only the parents
00:15:29.82\00:15:33.09
but you sat down with the son,
00:15:33.13\00:15:34.63
and I believe her
parents sat down with her,
00:15:34.66\00:15:36.80
and they had the conversation.
00:15:36.83\00:15:38.43
Yes.
00:15:38.47\00:15:39.80
And I think that is partially...
00:15:39.83\00:15:42.07
Not partially, but
I think that is mainly
00:15:42.10\00:15:43.94
the most
challenging element for parents.
00:15:43.97\00:15:48.38
I didn't really
have the conversation.
00:15:48.41\00:15:49.74
Right.
00:15:49.78\00:15:51.11
I'm not sure if you had
the conversation, Dajanae.
00:15:51.15\00:15:53.55
I'm not sure, Keith,
00:15:53.58\00:15:54.92
if your mommy or
daddy sat you down
00:15:54.95\00:15:56.28
and had the conversation.
00:15:56.32\00:15:58.22
But when you didn't
have the conversation
00:15:58.25\00:16:00.19
with your parents,
you look at your children,
00:16:00.22\00:16:03.09
and I know I want the
best for my little girl,
00:16:03.12\00:16:05.06
she's only, you
know, nine months.
00:16:05.09\00:16:07.03
I'm not trying to think
about when she gets to teenage,
00:16:07.06\00:16:10.83
please Lord, save us.
00:16:10.87\00:16:12.83
But we have to
have the conversation.
00:16:12.87\00:16:16.81
And I love that you
had the conversation.
00:16:16.84\00:16:18.44
And they're
like different things
00:16:18.47\00:16:19.81
just for parents out there
00:16:19.84\00:16:21.18
to have different
ideas of what to talk about.
00:16:21.21\00:16:23.08
Talk about the bodily
changes, you have to do it.
00:16:23.11\00:16:26.78
If you don't know there
are wonderful books like,
00:16:26.82\00:16:31.19
I'll say have resources,
that's what I want to say,
00:16:31.22\00:16:34.32
have resources
of where you can get
00:16:34.36\00:16:36.89
quality Christian information,
00:16:36.93\00:16:39.46
information that's not based
on some sort of crazy ideology
00:16:39.49\00:16:44.27
but solid information
to be able to say, "Okay,
00:16:44.30\00:16:46.53
this is what's happening
in your body right now,
00:16:46.57\00:16:48.87
and don't say it
in a weird manner."
00:16:48.90\00:16:50.31
I know it's hard
00:16:50.34\00:16:51.67
because our kids think
everything we say is weird.
00:16:51.71\00:16:53.84
Right.
00:16:53.88\00:16:55.21
Have the conversation
about bodily changes,
00:16:55.24\00:16:56.58
about sexual intercourse.
00:16:56.61\00:16:58.55
I believe some parents feel...
00:16:58.58\00:17:00.48
I guess maybe that's how
my mom might have felt was,
00:17:00.52\00:17:03.59
if she talked about sex with me,
00:17:03.62\00:17:05.89
maybe I would want to have sex.
00:17:05.92\00:17:07.69
And I've kind of heard
parents kind of say that.
00:17:07.72\00:17:09.52
But if I tell
them that it's good,
00:17:09.56\00:17:11.83
they're going to want
to do it because it's good.
00:17:11.86\00:17:13.56
If I'm going to
say that it's bad,
00:17:13.60\00:17:15.16
and they're going
to not want to do it,
00:17:15.20\00:17:17.50
then they're afraid of...
00:17:17.53\00:17:18.87
No, that's a terrible idea.
00:17:18.90\00:17:20.24
That's a terrible idea.
00:17:20.27\00:17:23.64
Viewers, that's a terrible
idea because in today's...
00:17:23.67\00:17:28.68
Kids at a younger age
00:17:28.71\00:17:30.28
are getting more
information about sex.
00:17:30.31\00:17:33.01
And so, you can
live in a fantasy world
00:17:33.05\00:17:36.65
if you want to as a parent,
00:17:36.69\00:17:38.35
but I recommend
that you not do so
00:17:38.39\00:17:40.56
because our
children know about sex.
00:17:40.59\00:17:43.59
I remember I was born in
'92, right, so I'm 24 years old.
00:17:43.63\00:17:47.56
I was born in '92.
00:17:47.60\00:17:48.93
And I remember then the
kids that I went to school
00:17:48.96\00:17:53.20
were the first
people to tell me about sex.
00:17:53.23\00:17:56.17
In elementary school
like first grade, I remember.
00:17:56.20\00:18:01.81
So that, it's
unwise, it's very unwise
00:18:01.84\00:18:06.95
to not have the discussion
with your children about sex
00:18:06.98\00:18:10.19
because
something that you can do,
00:18:10.22\00:18:11.75
and I don't recommend that
you do is stop your children
00:18:11.79\00:18:14.86
from interacting
with other children
00:18:14.89\00:18:17.56
who have been
informed either in a proper way
00:18:17.59\00:18:20.80
or an improper way.
00:18:20.83\00:18:22.36
And so like my mentality,
don't have children yet,
00:18:22.40\00:18:25.10
but I have two younger siblings
and you know as the oldest,
00:18:25.13\00:18:27.84
they say the
oldest girl sometimes,
00:18:27.87\00:18:29.50
you know, parent, it's
kind of like the third parent.
00:18:29.54\00:18:32.17
And so I as an older sibling,
00:18:32.21\00:18:35.44
I talk to my
siblings about sexuality.
00:18:35.48\00:18:38.48
I talk to my
sibling, I told my little,
00:18:38.51\00:18:40.02
"Oh, your voice is getting deep.
00:18:40.05\00:18:41.48
Okay, so let's
have this conversation."
00:18:41.52\00:18:44.05
You know, I talk
to my younger sister,
00:18:44.09\00:18:46.65
who's 18 now about
sex and different things,
00:18:46.69\00:18:51.26
and I'm from California,
00:18:51.29\00:18:52.63
so sex is not a taboo topic
in public school especially.
00:18:52.66\00:18:57.47
And so I've had
the conversations
00:18:57.50\00:18:59.67
with my siblings.
00:18:59.70\00:19:01.04
And I recommend that the
parents have conversations
00:19:01.07\00:19:03.30
because when I
started the conversation
00:19:03.34\00:19:04.74
with my siblings,
00:19:04.77\00:19:06.11
they already knew things,
00:19:06.14\00:19:07.48
you know, I wasn't
introducing the topic,
00:19:07.51\00:19:11.31
I was introducing
the Christian way.
00:19:11.35\00:19:14.48
And so that's what
they weren't getting.
00:19:14.52\00:19:16.79
So to think that
00:19:16.82\00:19:18.15
because you're not
having the conversation
00:19:18.19\00:19:19.52
with your child,
they're not thinking about it,
00:19:19.55\00:19:20.96
it's false, it's a false truth.
00:19:20.99\00:19:23.96
It's definitely a false
truth that some people accept.
00:19:23.99\00:19:27.30
And so by going
to something else,
00:19:27.33\00:19:31.20
just talking about
proper interactions
00:19:31.23\00:19:33.50
that I think are
relevant with teenagers
00:19:33.54\00:19:36.30
and young adults
are understanding
00:19:36.34\00:19:39.67
that it is necessary to
be around the opposite sex.
00:19:39.71\00:19:44.15
It is how God
created us, to be around,
00:19:44.18\00:19:46.92
to be in the
presence of the opposite sex.
00:19:46.95\00:19:50.02
And sometimes
opposite gender is,
00:19:50.05\00:19:52.52
I'm using the term sex.
00:19:52.55\00:19:54.82
But being around
the opposite gender
00:19:54.86\00:19:57.26
is absolutely necessary.
00:19:57.29\00:19:58.63
And just because I have
an attraction as a teenager,
00:19:58.66\00:20:03.06
or I've an attraction as
a young adult does not mean
00:20:03.10\00:20:06.07
that we need to
be in a relationship,
00:20:06.10\00:20:07.87
does not mean that
00:20:07.90\00:20:09.24
it automatically is
supposed to be romantic.
00:20:09.27\00:20:12.11
We can have a...
00:20:12.14\00:20:15.51
We can get to know each other.
00:20:15.54\00:20:16.88
Let's all go to the mall
or let's all go to, you know,
00:20:16.91\00:20:20.32
go hang out in groups
00:20:20.35\00:20:22.98
and be able to
have that interaction.
00:20:23.02\00:20:24.85
And I think as we allow
that to happen as parents
00:20:24.89\00:20:29.59
and as leaders
in our communities,
00:20:29.62\00:20:32.16
then it creates
like you were saying,
00:20:32.19\00:20:34.33
a safe place for
the natural order
00:20:34.36\00:20:37.80
of how God created things to be
00:20:37.83\00:20:39.80
when it comes to male
and female interaction.
00:20:39.83\00:20:42.64
I completely agree with that,
that I loved how you said that,
00:20:42.67\00:20:48.01
it wasn't only your parents
00:20:48.04\00:20:49.38
who had to have a
conversation with your siblings.
00:20:49.41\00:20:52.11
Right. You had the conversation.
00:20:52.15\00:20:54.35
And it's not only parents that
have to have the conversation,
00:20:54.38\00:20:57.02
church leaders, others
need to have that conversation
00:20:57.05\00:21:00.22
with our youth and tell
them exactly what's happening.
00:21:00.26\00:21:03.93
Kissing doesn't produce babies,
00:21:03.96\00:21:05.73
tell them about the
reproduction process,
00:21:05.76\00:21:08.40
tell them exactly what happens
00:21:08.43\00:21:10.60
because not saying anything,
it hasn't been doing anything,
00:21:10.63\00:21:13.74
it hasn't been effective.
00:21:13.77\00:21:15.47
It hasn't produced
any miraculous results
00:21:15.50\00:21:18.64
where everybody's
waiting until they're married,
00:21:18.67\00:21:21.68
it's not happening.
00:21:21.71\00:21:23.04
We just need to bite the bullet
and just have the conversation
00:21:23.08\00:21:26.25
and talk about all the basics.
00:21:26.28\00:21:28.32
And before we keep on going,
00:21:28.35\00:21:30.52
I wanted to just talk
really quickly about young men.
00:21:30.55\00:21:34.52
How can we help our boys
to be a part of the abstinence
00:21:34.56\00:21:37.79
because we always hear
these things with girls,
00:21:37.83\00:21:40.73
but we don't hear enough things
to help our men feel like,
00:21:40.76\00:21:43.63
"Okay, it's okay
for me at 14 years old
00:21:43.67\00:21:46.10
to not to want to have sex."
00:21:46.13\00:21:48.50
That's an excellent question.
00:21:48.54\00:21:49.87
And there's a lot
that goes into that.
00:21:49.90\00:21:52.94
The reality is, as we say,
00:21:52.97\00:21:54.44
if we don't
have the conversation
00:21:54.48\00:21:55.81
with our young men
and our young girls,
00:21:55.84\00:21:58.55
someone else is going to have
that conversation with them.
00:21:58.58\00:22:01.55
And so for a lot of young men,
00:22:01.58\00:22:04.12
it's been guys
who've made mistakes,
00:22:04.15\00:22:06.99
guys who've gone in
the wrong direction,
00:22:07.02\00:22:10.03
guys who don't even
know where they want to go,
00:22:10.06\00:22:11.69
and in many ways our young
men are being led by individuals
00:22:11.73\00:22:14.86
who don't even know
where they're going.
00:22:14.90\00:22:16.30
So they're told, "Listen,
00:22:16.33\00:22:17.67
you should have
this amount of women.
00:22:17.70\00:22:21.14
You should have them
all over the United States,
00:22:21.17\00:22:24.21
all over the world if you can."
00:22:24.24\00:22:25.57
If you watch the music videos,
00:22:25.61\00:22:26.94
it's all about women
dressed in a certain way
00:22:26.98\00:22:29.28
and guys
dressing in a certain way.
00:22:29.31\00:22:31.58
And so it goes
back to, first of all,
00:22:31.61\00:22:33.95
the young men
having to have a respect
00:22:33.98\00:22:36.08
for themselves to recognize,
00:22:36.12\00:22:37.89
listen, you have a role to play
00:22:37.92\00:22:41.06
and not just to make
our communities worse,
00:22:41.09\00:22:43.39
not to make our households,
not to make our churches worse
00:22:43.43\00:22:45.63
but you're actually
supposed to be a leader, right?
00:22:45.66\00:22:48.10
And so once they understand
00:22:48.13\00:22:49.73
that they have
that responsibility,
00:22:49.76\00:22:51.23
now, we need to
put them in situations
00:22:51.27\00:22:53.37
where they can be responsible.
00:22:53.40\00:22:54.74
I love what you said
about putting individuals
00:22:54.77\00:22:57.51
of different
sexes in the same place.
00:22:57.54\00:23:00.01
That's what AY
is really all about,
00:23:00.04\00:23:01.74
it's about our young people
being able to come together
00:23:01.78\00:23:03.75
and to have a good time, right,
00:23:03.78\00:23:05.25
but to also build friendships
00:23:05.28\00:23:07.85
and understand
that I can have a friend
00:23:07.88\00:23:09.95
that's of the opposite
sex without going too far,
00:23:09.98\00:23:12.75
right, without it
going somewhere else
00:23:12.79\00:23:14.69
and that's important.
00:23:14.72\00:23:16.06
But also outside of having
that conversation with them
00:23:16.09\00:23:18.69
and helping them understand
their responsibilities,
00:23:18.73\00:23:21.56
outside of just
putting them in places
00:23:21.60\00:23:23.10
where they can have
these opportunities to interact
00:23:23.13\00:23:25.17
with individuals
of the opposite sex.
00:23:25.20\00:23:27.50
They have to value themselves
00:23:27.54\00:23:30.44
and have
standards for themselves.
00:23:30.47\00:23:32.17
And a lot of times,
pushing it back to the Bible.
00:23:32.21\00:23:34.28
The Bible was
written as an example for us,
00:23:34.31\00:23:36.68
as direction for us
to know where to go.
00:23:36.71\00:23:40.35
And in many cases, we
don't go back to the source.
00:23:40.38\00:23:44.19
God has standards for us.
00:23:44.22\00:23:46.45
He has expectations for us.
00:23:46.49\00:23:48.29
And it's okay for me to
be 25 years old as a man
00:23:48.32\00:23:52.33
and be a virgin.
00:23:52.36\00:23:53.80
That's okay. That's okay.
00:23:53.83\00:23:56.10
I'm not a female
but I can only imagine
00:23:56.13\00:23:59.03
that being 25 years old
00:23:59.07\00:24:00.40
and still being a virgin
is noble, and appreciative,
00:24:00.44\00:24:03.27
and acceptable to a woman
00:24:03.30\00:24:05.11
who's thinking about
marrying this individual.
00:24:05.14\00:24:07.38
I mean, would you
rather have a virgin
00:24:07.41\00:24:08.81
or would you rather have someone
00:24:08.84\00:24:10.18
who's been with
30 different women.
00:24:10.21\00:24:12.25
You know what I mean? Yeah.
00:24:12.28\00:24:13.62
And so men need to understand
00:24:13.65\00:24:15.82
and that needs
to be promoted that,
00:24:15.85\00:24:17.19
"Listen, to maintain
your virginity to this point
00:24:17.22\00:24:22.32
is appreciated and
valued in our community."
00:24:22.36\00:24:25.43
And we need to hear that more
00:24:25.46\00:24:27.20
because all we're
hearing a lot of times is
00:24:27.23\00:24:29.03
that you're respected more
00:24:29.06\00:24:30.90
when you have the most women,
00:24:30.93\00:24:32.27
when you've
broke this many hearts,
00:24:32.30\00:24:34.10
when you have this many
names in your little black book
00:24:34.14\00:24:37.31
is what we had
back when I was younger,
00:24:37.34\00:24:39.64
what they called it
the little black book,
00:24:39.67\00:24:41.11
so that's what the conversation
that we really need to have.
00:24:41.14\00:24:45.35
And I think that will help
00:24:45.38\00:24:46.72
change the trajectory of
our young men in our society.
00:24:46.75\00:24:50.62
I agree.
00:24:50.65\00:24:51.99
I agree all the way, especially
with the point of there is...
00:24:52.02\00:24:57.89
Women are attracted to
a man that is a virgin.
00:24:57.93\00:25:03.50
I know insists
like when you're...
00:25:03.53\00:25:06.07
As you're going
through your hormonal changes,
00:25:06.10\00:25:08.64
and it seems like
everybody has participated
00:25:08.67\00:25:10.71
in sexual activity,
00:25:10.74\00:25:12.07
there's sometimes it's taboo
but when a woman gets older,
00:25:12.11\00:25:17.68
and it starts, she's starting
to think about marriage.
00:25:17.71\00:25:21.25
And she saved herself
00:25:21.28\00:25:24.09
but all the guys have
been around all of her friends
00:25:24.12\00:25:28.92
or a whole bunch of
women somewhere else,
00:25:28.96\00:25:32.13
it's like,
"Okay, I've saved myself
00:25:32.16\00:25:33.80
but you're
coming into this thing
00:25:33.83\00:25:35.86
with these expectations
00:25:35.90\00:25:37.73
that I'm not going
to be able to fulfill
00:25:37.77\00:25:39.63
because I'm brand new."
00:25:39.67\00:25:41.00
And so there is definitely
an attractiveness to a man
00:25:41.04\00:25:47.41
who is a virgin
like it is, if I can say,
00:25:47.44\00:25:53.25
my husband wasn't a virgin.
00:25:53.28\00:25:55.55
But in the eyes
of a new creation,
00:25:55.58\00:26:00.12
he was celibate for 10
years before we got married.
00:26:00.16\00:26:05.59
And so that was something to me
that was thoroughly attractive,
00:26:05.63\00:26:11.60
something that I
really, really appreciate it.
00:26:11.63\00:26:15.30
Completely, completely agree.
00:26:15.34\00:26:17.07
There's something about a man
00:26:17.11\00:26:18.87
who chose to
value his inner sense
00:26:18.91\00:26:22.68
when some women are trying
to value their inner sense
00:26:22.71\00:26:25.61
when they come
together as one...
00:26:25.65\00:26:26.98
Can I add something?
00:26:27.02\00:26:28.35
Can I... Please, I'm sorry.
00:26:28.38\00:26:29.72
Ten seconds.
00:26:29.75\00:26:31.09
Ten seconds, no, I just
wanted to give the other side,
00:26:31.12\00:26:32.79
for man to know that a
woman has saved herself
00:26:32.82\00:26:37.03
is also
something of value as well.
00:26:37.06\00:26:39.53
So I don't want the
guys to just think that
00:26:39.56\00:26:41.26
they should be the
only ones saving themselves
00:26:41.30\00:26:44.07
or the ladies as well.
00:26:44.10\00:26:45.80
As me and we look and we say,
00:26:45.83\00:26:47.17
you know what,
that's something special
00:26:47.20\00:26:49.30
when a woman
decides to do that as well.
00:26:49.34\00:26:52.21
As we're wrapping
up our discussion,
00:26:52.24\00:26:53.68
we want you to
be able to continue
00:26:53.71\00:26:55.31
having a discussion.
00:26:55.34\00:26:57.15
Asking the questions:
00:26:57.18\00:26:58.71
"What can we do to help
our teenagers be abstinent,
00:26:58.75\00:27:03.08
to stay away not
only from having sex
00:27:03.12\00:27:05.75
but also from masturbation,
pornography, sexting,
00:27:05.79\00:27:09.92
and all these other
forms of sexual activity?
00:27:09.96\00:27:13.06
One very
important thing is prayer.
00:27:13.09\00:27:16.73
Pray with your teenagers.
00:27:16.77\00:27:19.03
Teenagers, pray
amongst yourselves
00:27:19.07\00:27:21.10
that God will give you the grace
00:27:21.14\00:27:23.67
needed to be able to stay pure
00:27:23.71\00:27:27.28
until you are married.
00:27:27.31\00:27:29.98
You want to pray, you
cannot do it without prayer.
00:27:30.01\00:27:32.75
The Bible says in Psalms 37:23,
00:27:32.78\00:27:36.28
"The steps of a man
are established by the Lord
00:27:36.32\00:27:39.35
when He delights in his way.
00:27:39.39\00:27:41.09
Though he fall, he
shall not be cast headlong
00:27:41.12\00:27:43.66
for the Lord upholds his hand."
00:27:43.69\00:27:46.70
Prayer gives you that
connection with God, so do so.
00:27:46.73\00:27:50.93
And please remember
to make pure choices.
00:27:50.97\00:27:54.27
Thank you, guys.
00:27:54.30\00:27:55.64
Yay. Thanks.
00:27:55.67\00:27:57.01