The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hello, and thank
you for joining us
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on another
episode of Pure Choices.
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I'll be your host for today,
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and my name is Jacques LaGuerre.
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My panel is
comprised of Timothy Lawson,
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Myesha Lawson, Xavier
Morales, and Brittany Morales.
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Our topic for today is
sexual images in the media,
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by beholding we become slaves.
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But before we get into
the meat of our discussion,
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I'm gonna ask that you bow
your heads with me as I pray.
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Dear heavenly Father,
as we talk about the media
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and its
influences on our sexuality.
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We ask that You
send Your Holy Spirit
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into this place to guide
us, so that we can be educated,
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and so that we can in
turn educate our viewers,
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in Jesus name I pray, amen.
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Amen. Amen.
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So sexual images in the media.
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I don't know if you've noticed,
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but I definitely have
how things in the media
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have been becoming
progressively more risky,
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becoming more sexually charged,
and becoming more provocative.
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So in this day and age,
my first question is this.
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What standards can I have
for myself or for my home,
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so that I'm not flooded
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by all this filth and
trash that's out there?
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Well, I think you
definitely need to...
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communication is the
key with your family,
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with your
children, and let them know
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what's acceptable to watch,
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what's not
acceptable to watch, and why.
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And now, you know,
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images in the
media that are not good,
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they really don't
hide anything now.
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Almost at the beginning
in every show or every movie,
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there is a rating on
what's gonna be in this show,
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and what's
gonna be in this film,
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you should really
pay attention to that.
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Because they put
those ratings up there,
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and then they actually
show those things in the,
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you know, in the
images in the media.
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And then you also
have to be cautious,
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because there are
commercials and other things
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that don't tell you that.
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And so and I think,
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one principle you can
do is to set boundaries
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on what you watch or
your family watch in time
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periods, when they can
watch them and to never...
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I like to say, leave
your kid unguarded by the TV,
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don't ever just
think, this is a kid show,
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I'm gonna put him in here.
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Know what they're watching
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and what's coming
through the screen.
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I think to setting
on time limits too.
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You know, lot of
parents even though
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they put the parental controls
and everything of that nature,
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they often, you know,
the kids sit there and watch
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countless amounts of television.
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You know, setting those
limits, because even though
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there might be
some kid's shows on TV,
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like regular, you know,
regular television kid shows.
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Lot of times those
things could still have
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some kind of subliminal message.
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So it's usual, also
limiting the amount of time
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that they spend
watching television too.
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So not only what
they're watching,
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but how long
they're watching it.
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You know, I'm pretty
sure we all know that
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the Bible says
in Philippians 4:8,
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Whatsoever things are pure,
whatsoever things are true,
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holy, just of good report...
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think on these things,
and so just using the Bible,
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we can use those verses
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just to get a
picture of what our family
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and what we should
expose to ourselves.
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Now these television shows,
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they might have
ratings and they say,
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"If you're 13,
you can watch this.
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If you're 17 plus,
you can watch this."
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But the Bible has
no such rating system,
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you know, we don't get to...
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and I know this is
something that I thought,
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I thought man I
can't wait till I'm 13,
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so I can watch PG 13 movies.
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As if I've now
graduated to where
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watching sin is now
acceptable, you know.
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Yeah.
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And so it's never acceptable
no matter what the age,
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but like Timothy said,
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they are not hiding
what they're showing you.
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You know, they say this
show contains graphic scenes,
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this show have nudity,
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this movie has
this, this movie has that.
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And so just looking
at what they're saying
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will be in their own
program, it can help a lot.
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Amen.
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So we've talked about
how there's a lot of images,
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and a lot of subliminal
messages as you were saying.
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How do you think
these images affect
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young men and young women?
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Well, the images for one
can affect a young woman.
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For one, it can, you know,
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she can watch
this reality shows,
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and they could
act in a certain way
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that she think is okay.
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She can be loud or she can show
that she is violent, you know,
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with her words or
her actions and just...
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or she can be very
provocative or seductive.
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You know, it will
put in this woman...
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a girl's mind that it's okay.
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So and it's really not.
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I think a lot of
times too, if you notice,
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even from young,
you know, like rated G,
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you know, it's okay,
lot of times they say,
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rated G is fine, but if
you notice the way it is,
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it's essentially
programming the kids
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to have the certain ideology
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of what love is
supposed to look like.
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You know, this strong strapping
prince charming is gonna come
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galloping down on a horse
and sweep you off your feet.
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That's the...
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I mean that's the
idea for many young girls.
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And then the guys, you know,
rescue the damsel in distress,
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but what you
don't realize is that
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you are creating this
fantasy that is not ideal.
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I mean, if you
look at the Bible,
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God did not
bring a prince charming
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into the picture, He
was already charming,
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he just brought
the queen into it,
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you know through the rib.
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So I think it's just
creating a fantasy world
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for a lot of kids,
and as they grow older,
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they gravitate more to
fantasy rather than reality.
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I think off
just to piggyback off
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what Xavier is saying.
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Some of the worst movies
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to let your kids watch
are the G rated movies,
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because while they say
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they might not
show things explicitly,
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there's still sin in some
kind of message to your kid
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on how they
want your kid to act,
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and how they want
your kid to think.
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And there was two studies done,
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at least on young
girls, and one found out
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that the over sexualization
of women in the media
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cause depression
in teenage girls,
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because they
couldn't fit that image,
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they couldn't
look like that image,
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and it caused
them to be depressed
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about their own image
in what they look like.
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And then a second story,
that was done show that...
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because of the over
sexualization of girls
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and now it's been
targeted and marketed
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for money reasons
too to young girls now.
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The shows that are
G rated are targeted
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like Xavier
would say it earlier,
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the heroine in the
move that might be G rated,
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she might act in a real
seductive or sexual manner.
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It's also starting to make girls
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as young as
four to six year old,
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start to self sexualize.
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Which means that
these girls are now
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looking at
themselves with a thought
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process of how do guys see me?
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At that young age,
starting to see themselves as,
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to be accepted, I
need to, you know,
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look good to
guys, be sexy to guys.
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And a little
child or little girl
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that should not be the
first thought on her mind
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or on her mind at any time.
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Wow, that's crazy, as
young as four to six, you said.
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Young as four to six.
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And so with all this
going on in the media,
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should someone could be
asking themselves the question,
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"Should I even
watch a secular media?"
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Well, if I could chime in again,
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I think
especially for Christian,
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that entertainment television
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is a real
destructive to the mind
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and that's why, you
know, here on Dare to Dream,
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we like to put on programs
that teach you something
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instead of shows that's just
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strictly for your entertainment.
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There are studies that
scientifically it hurts
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and dismantles the frontal lobe.
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Not only does it do that,
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but as Christians we should
have our frontal lobe intact.
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The Holy Spirit
speaks to the mind,
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you know, Romans 9:1 says,
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He bears witness
with our conscience.
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And at all times, you
want to be able to hear
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the voice of God,
especially in the last days,
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when Satan is doing his
best to deceive the masses.
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And so some things, even
if they're not destructive,
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they kind of
just waste your time.
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That will be
best spent in prayer
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or study of God's word.
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And also with,
conjunction with that,
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you know, a lot of times,
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people have asked me
that question, you know,
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"How do I just stop watching TV,
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how do I just
stop, it's everywhere?"
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You know, some things
are easier said than done.
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But I...
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there is always the
beautiful thing about,
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you know,
different networks such as
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Dare to Dream Network, you know.
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You have...
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what I call
replacement programming.
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You know, you may have the same,
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you know, colors and butterflies
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and little
things here and there.
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But the message that's
behind it is always pure.
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You know, giving
you and edifying you,
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not programming you into
being some kind of impression
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that you are not
supposed to be for God.
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You know it's not necessarily
just about what you watch too,
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you know, in sense of...
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I'm flipping
through the channels
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and I happen to
ponder up on this and...
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You know, sometimes
it's hard to control that,
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sometimes it's
hard to, you know,
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switch and turn
off the television.
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But I think, if you just start
with taking the necessary steps
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to replace the programming
that you're watching,
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with programs
that are wholesome,
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you know, and
there's plenty ones.
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You have, like I said
Dare to Dream Network,
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and you have 3ABN
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and all that have
other wholesome shows
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that are able to really just...
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and I saw, I see it with myself
where it's kind of boring.
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You know, it's
kind of boring at first,
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but then once I
switch my mindset,
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it was really
entertaining to me.
00:10:39.97\00:10:42.14
Wow, that's amazing.
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And I definitely went
through that experience myself.
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I was addicted to some
of the streaming sources,
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where you could have
a whole entire season
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on your phone, on your laptop,
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and it's something that I
had to learn how to replace,
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because you are
spending hours, and hours,
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and hours a day watching
this entertainment television,
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this trash that's
filling your mind.
00:11:04.06\00:11:06.43
And now you feel
convicted to stop.
00:11:06.46\00:11:09.10
And so like Xavier was saying,
I had to replace all the stuff
00:11:09.13\00:11:13.07
with healthy,
wholesome programs.
00:11:13.10\00:11:16.10
Sermons, prophecy, you know,
00:11:16.14\00:11:19.37
doing Bible studies
from all the amazing
00:11:19.41\00:11:22.41
Adventist
ministries that are out there.
00:11:22.44\00:11:24.48
And as I started
to do all these things
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and I started to
focus on the word of God
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and everything
that it had to offer,
00:11:29.18\00:11:31.09
my life start to get better.
00:11:31.12\00:11:33.72
I mean, to kind of
continue in this direction
00:11:33.76\00:11:37.29
of sexual images in the media.
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Do you guys believe
that sex in the media
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translates into sex at home
00:11:41.86\00:11:44.87
or is it just what
a lot of people say,
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it's a just entertainment.
00:11:47.80\00:11:50.31
It definitely
translates to understanding,
00:11:50.34\00:11:53.74
having understanding.
00:11:53.78\00:11:55.38
I thought of confusion
when it comes to the home.
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I think the term that
they call is sexualization,
00:11:58.75\00:12:01.98
where basically a
child is learning.
00:12:02.02\00:12:07.29
I've been a child,
a child or young adult
00:12:07.32\00:12:09.92
also is getting these images,
00:12:09.96\00:12:13.19
getting these sexual
access into their mind
00:12:13.23\00:12:15.96
before they're even able
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or even have the
ability to understand
00:12:17.97\00:12:21.64
what it is that it is
happening in each of their...
00:12:21.67\00:12:24.67
they're not able to, they're
not capable to understand it
00:12:24.71\00:12:27.38
emotionally,
mentally, or physically.
00:12:27.41\00:12:31.01
And it puts them
in a place where,
00:12:31.05\00:12:34.28
especially if parents
are not talking about sex.
00:12:34.32\00:12:37.82
They're not giving
them a better, a clear view.
00:12:37.85\00:12:40.69
So if a parent is
just saying, don't do it
00:12:40.72\00:12:43.83
or even when you go to church,
00:12:43.86\00:12:45.39
all the pastor says this
00:12:45.43\00:12:46.76
"Just don't do it,
wait till you're married."
00:12:46.80\00:12:48.80
Or if they have
all these different...
00:12:48.83\00:12:50.77
like look crisper,
but they're not really
00:12:50.80\00:12:52.27
giving any explanation.
00:12:52.30\00:12:54.64
Then you're
looking at these shows,
00:12:54.67\00:12:57.04
and you're seeing these things,
00:12:57.07\00:12:58.41
and they are going in your mind,
00:12:58.44\00:12:59.77
and you don't
even really even know
00:12:59.81\00:13:01.14
how to even begin
to figure it all out,
00:13:01.18\00:13:02.51
because there's no
one there to help you.
00:13:02.54\00:13:05.21
And you know, also and my wife
00:13:05.25\00:13:07.75
can probably
chime in about this.
00:13:07.78\00:13:09.95
You know, little
girls that are four or five,
00:13:09.98\00:13:12.52
they're all, most of them
don't go to like a dance class,
00:13:12.55\00:13:16.49
and just learn how to dance,
especially in a sexual manner.
00:13:16.52\00:13:20.30
But what they do, do is
watch these artists on TV,
00:13:20.33\00:13:24.63
dance and move their
body and behave this way,
00:13:24.67\00:13:27.07
and these kids begin to mimic
00:13:27.10\00:13:29.00
what they see exactly happening.
00:13:29.04\00:13:31.51
And so when you translate that,
00:13:31.54\00:13:32.97
it is older and
older that they get.
00:13:33.01\00:13:37.11
Fornication,
other sexual practices,
00:13:37.15\00:13:40.82
they will begin
to mimic or to think,
00:13:40.85\00:13:43.35
like if everybody is
getting the same program
00:13:43.39\00:13:45.15
like Xavier said, then
when everybody goes to school,
00:13:45.19\00:13:48.02
everybody is expecting
this behavior of each other.
00:13:48.06\00:13:50.63
The guys think, they pose
to act sexually in this way,
00:13:50.66\00:13:52.99
the girls think they pose
to act sexually in that way,
00:13:53.03\00:13:55.10
and there's pressure
and that will be acted out,
00:13:55.13\00:13:57.70
you know, in the life.
00:13:57.73\00:13:59.43
Yes, I agree with my husband.
00:13:59.47\00:14:02.47
Personally, from
personal experience,
00:14:02.50\00:14:05.24
I learned how to dance
off the television, okay.
00:14:05.27\00:14:10.51
I use to watch videos
from a child growing up,
00:14:10.55\00:14:15.15
not only I watched a movie.
00:14:15.18\00:14:20.42
It was a life of a
girl that was stripping,
00:14:20.46\00:14:24.26
and then she was
working inside of a club
00:14:24.29\00:14:26.13
with other
strippers, and I'm pretty sure
00:14:26.16\00:14:28.83
you guys know
what this movie is.
00:14:28.86\00:14:31.90
And it was appealing
to me at a young age,
00:14:31.93\00:14:36.30
so when the time came
00:14:36.34\00:14:39.37
that I was going
to become a stripper,
00:14:39.41\00:14:42.61
I act out just like
what I saw on television.
00:14:42.64\00:14:47.85
Even the way I danced,
even the way I carried myself,
00:14:47.88\00:14:51.15
even the way I
talked, all those,
00:14:51.19\00:14:53.99
everything that I
remembered on that movie
00:14:54.02\00:14:56.12
which I watched it
plenty of times by the way.
00:14:56.16\00:14:59.63
I act just like that movie.
00:14:59.66\00:15:02.73
Well, so you could see how media
00:15:02.76\00:15:04.97
and what you got to watch
them at early age affected you,
00:15:05.00\00:15:07.90
and brought you
into that career path.
00:15:07.94\00:15:10.37
Yes.
00:15:10.41\00:15:11.74
I mean, I can definitely
see that in my life as well.
00:15:11.77\00:15:14.18
Glad that I didn't
go in that direction,
00:15:14.21\00:15:16.24
but watching all these films
00:15:16.28\00:15:17.91
that tell you
that you are not a man
00:15:17.95\00:15:20.22
unless you have a lot of women.
00:15:20.25\00:15:22.15
No, you're not a man
unless you can perform in bed,
00:15:22.18\00:15:25.19
and sex isn't even portrait
as something that should be done
00:15:25.22\00:15:28.26
between a husband and a wife.
00:15:28.29\00:15:30.46
And after watching
that for hours, and hours,
00:15:30.49\00:15:32.96
and hours being programmed,
00:15:32.99\00:15:34.73
I became that person
that I'd been watching.
00:15:34.76\00:15:38.13
And so now
we're gonna segue into
00:15:38.17\00:15:40.57
watching even
more explicit material
00:15:40.60\00:15:42.84
such as pornography.
00:15:42.87\00:15:45.17
You know, they say
that by the age of 18,
00:15:45.21\00:15:47.54
98 percent of men
00:15:47.58\00:15:52.51
have been exposed to
internet pornography.
00:15:52.55\00:15:55.78
So it's something that's really
taking the world by storm.
00:15:55.82\00:16:00.16
And so when these
young men, they get married,
00:16:00.19\00:16:04.79
my question is how do
you think that this exposure
00:16:04.83\00:16:08.56
to pornography can
defile the marriage bed?
00:16:08.60\00:16:11.97
In fact I'll add something,
it may said 98 percent of men,
00:16:12.00\00:16:16.74
but we also need to remember
00:16:16.77\00:16:18.11
lot of women don't report
their exposure to pornography.
00:16:18.14\00:16:21.04
So it's not just
men, it's men and women
00:16:21.08\00:16:23.41
who have been exposed.
00:16:23.45\00:16:24.91
The women just
don't talk about it,
00:16:24.95\00:16:26.35
because it's not...
you're not supposed to,
00:16:26.38\00:16:29.35
it's only you keep...
you're not supposed to even
00:16:29.38\00:16:31.29
have a thought
about sex in your mind.
00:16:31.32\00:16:33.96
So when you're
exposed to it and you see it,
00:16:33.99\00:16:36.19
you kind of keep
it in the back burner,
00:16:36.22\00:16:38.33
and you feel like
you are the only women
00:16:38.36\00:16:40.80
and is only,
00:16:40.83\00:16:42.60
you know, probably
the men that are watching
00:16:42.63\00:16:44.47
you just are odd
factor, that odd person.
00:16:44.50\00:16:47.60
Wow.
00:16:47.64\00:16:48.97
And I think too
like, when you get married,
00:16:49.00\00:16:51.11
or you go to get
marred, you know,
00:16:51.14\00:16:52.67
speaking from experience,
00:16:52.71\00:16:54.44
is fact that you watch all this
pornography for so many years.
00:16:54.48\00:16:59.55
You know, you are expecting
your significant others,
00:16:59.58\00:17:03.15
be your wife, or, you
know, I've seen vise versa.
00:17:03.18\00:17:07.36
If you're women husband,
00:17:07.39\00:17:08.99
but you expect your significant
00:17:09.02\00:17:10.69
other to perform
in such a way like,
00:17:10.73\00:17:12.89
almost like they're a walking
hormone is what I call it,
00:17:12.93\00:17:16.50
like they're over sexualized,
00:17:16.53\00:17:17.87
and they're ready to
go at the drop of a hat.
00:17:17.90\00:17:21.44
And never take time, you
know, you remove the idea
00:17:21.47\00:17:25.31
of sanctifying your
bodies and replace it with,
00:17:25.34\00:17:29.71
you know, over
sexualizing your bodies for,
00:17:29.74\00:17:31.88
you know, reasons you
really lose that respect
00:17:31.91\00:17:34.38
for one and other as well.
00:17:34.42\00:17:35.75
You don't have that
respect they should have.
00:17:35.78\00:17:37.12
Wow.
00:17:37.15\00:17:38.79
You know what I also feel...
00:17:38.82\00:17:40.79
'cause you know, pornography
isn't an expression of love.
00:17:40.82\00:17:44.29
It's more like sex for sport.
00:17:44.33\00:17:46.86
You know, who is the best.
00:17:46.90\00:17:48.90
And so for males and
females, at least for males
00:17:48.93\00:17:51.63
and I also know for me,
00:17:51.67\00:17:53.40
you grow up having
the stigma, if you're guy,
00:17:53.44\00:17:56.40
you're manhood is defined by,
00:17:56.44\00:17:57.77
if you can put
it down, you know.
00:17:57.81\00:17:59.64
And if you get married,
00:17:59.67\00:18:01.01
you got to be able to
put it down on your wife,
00:18:01.04\00:18:02.54
or maybe she might
leave you for another man
00:18:02.58\00:18:03.98
who could put it down.
00:18:04.01\00:18:05.35
But away, in reality,
00:18:05.38\00:18:07.72
a way a person enjoys
their marriage bed in one home,
00:18:07.75\00:18:10.89
isn't the same
in the other home.
00:18:10.92\00:18:12.52
But if you watch
this pornography,
00:18:12.55\00:18:13.96
everybody has this
stigma that you have to perform
00:18:13.99\00:18:16.69
like that person, and it can
mess with the man self worth,
00:18:16.73\00:18:19.93
if he can't
perform like that person.
00:18:19.96\00:18:22.20
And for the women,
00:18:22.23\00:18:23.93
what it can do to the male
is he can start to fantasize
00:18:23.97\00:18:27.87
often the women of
the pornography screen,
00:18:27.90\00:18:29.87
and start to want to implement
those thing in his marriage,
00:18:29.90\00:18:32.71
and turn his wife into
this fantasy that he is seeing,
00:18:32.74\00:18:36.31
and she can feel
degraded by this act
00:18:36.34\00:18:39.35
like she is not good enough.
00:18:39.38\00:18:40.72
So he can mess
with her self-worth,
00:18:40.75\00:18:42.75
it can mess with his self-worth,
00:18:42.78\00:18:44.12
it can put him
in a false fantasy
00:18:44.15\00:18:46.76
of what sex
means and what it is.
00:18:46.79\00:18:49.12
And it can also
expose them to things
00:18:49.16\00:18:51.39
that God never
wanted either of them to do.
00:18:51.43\00:18:53.86
And they can get
hooked on these practices,
00:18:53.90\00:18:56.23
and it can be very destructive
for the marriage as well.
00:18:56.26\00:18:59.43
I like to add with that.
00:18:59.47\00:19:01.80
Yes, for a women,
00:19:01.84\00:19:04.01
now that her husband
00:19:04.04\00:19:05.51
is introducing her
to these practices,
00:19:05.54\00:19:08.74
you know, in their bedroom,
00:19:08.78\00:19:11.05
it might even make her curious
00:19:11.08\00:19:13.72
to wonder where he
getting these things from.
00:19:13.75\00:19:16.89
It might even turn her into
watching pornography as well.
00:19:16.92\00:19:20.46
So she can bring
things into the bedroom
00:19:20.49\00:19:24.53
that just wasn't intend for God,
00:19:24.56\00:19:26.66
you know, for us to
do or for them to do.
00:19:26.70\00:19:31.13
So all this pornography
and all these things,
00:19:31.17\00:19:33.10
they are giving us ideas.
00:19:33.13\00:19:35.27
And they can cause us to bring
00:19:35.30\00:19:36.64
degrading sex
practices into our bedroom.
00:19:36.67\00:19:39.54
You know, and that's defiling
the marriage bed and like...
00:19:39.57\00:19:43.71
you were saying, your
wife may feel degraded,
00:19:43.75\00:19:45.91
you may feel degraded,
00:19:45.95\00:19:47.28
you may feel like
you are not enough.
00:19:47.32\00:19:48.98
But I know that it's
very common out there
00:19:49.02\00:19:51.32
for people to get these
instructional sex movies,
00:19:51.35\00:19:56.62
or these books that show
a lot of graphic sex scenes.
00:19:56.66\00:20:01.73
These books and these
movies are not to be confused
00:20:01.76\00:20:03.77
with healthy
information and instructions,
00:20:03.80\00:20:07.54
like you can find some
books by an Adventist author
00:20:07.57\00:20:10.27
by the name of Nancy Van Pelt.
00:20:10.31\00:20:12.24
And that's not
I'm talking about,
00:20:12.27\00:20:14.21
I'm talking about things
that are very graphic in nature
00:20:14.24\00:20:17.01
that are
showing full penetration
00:20:17.05\00:20:18.71
and almost
pornographic in nature.
00:20:18.75\00:20:20.75
Are these
instructional sex movies okay?
00:20:20.78\00:20:24.12
If you're married,
00:20:24.15\00:20:25.49
and you and your
wife want to watch them
00:20:25.52\00:20:26.86
just to get some tips
on how to spice things up?
00:20:26.89\00:20:29.72
No, they are not
okay, simply because...
00:20:29.76\00:20:35.20
let me give examples.
00:20:35.23\00:20:37.30
You are sitting
down with your spouse,
00:20:37.33\00:20:39.53
and let's say I'm a
women and this is my...
00:20:39.57\00:20:41.54
you know I'm
sitting on my husband.
00:20:41.57\00:20:43.44
And as we're watching,
00:20:43.47\00:20:45.34
the women is doing
certain types of positions,
00:20:45.37\00:20:48.91
and my husband looks to me,
00:20:48.94\00:20:50.28
he's like, "Babe, look
at that, we should try that.
00:20:50.31\00:20:53.65
I'm not flexible, no honey,
00:20:53.68\00:20:56.22
we cannot do that
00:20:56.25\00:20:59.05
but because he is watching
00:20:59.09\00:21:00.42
and he is seeing
this person do that,
00:21:00.46\00:21:01.79
he start wanting,
but I really want you.
00:21:01.82\00:21:03.46
No, it's not happening,
I could break up my back.
00:21:03.49\00:21:06.90
Something wrong,
extremely wrong could happen.
00:21:06.93\00:21:10.37
Or if the flip, I'm looking
00:21:10.40\00:21:12.43
and I'm seeing the
guy do certain things,
00:21:12.47\00:21:14.64
and the girl is
getting certain responses,
00:21:14.67\00:21:17.07
and I'm saying,
"Babe, look at that,
00:21:17.11\00:21:19.71
how come we've
never had that experience,
00:21:19.74\00:21:22.18
why don't you do this?"
00:21:22.21\00:21:24.28
And all of a sudden,
we're having a disagreement,
00:21:24.31\00:21:28.25
'cause before maybe, you
know, our sex life was great,
00:21:28.28\00:21:31.12
but now because we're watching
00:21:31.15\00:21:32.49
and we're seeing
these different things,
00:21:32.52\00:21:34.16
we start questioning ourselves.
00:21:34.19\00:21:35.99
And now question
ourselves because we...
00:21:36.02\00:21:37.69
I guess could do
it, but the thing is,
00:21:37.73\00:21:40.96
as Tim said, our
bodies are different,
00:21:41.00\00:21:44.63
our sex life is different.
00:21:44.67\00:21:46.47
I can't compare
ours to someone else's,
00:21:46.50\00:21:48.67
because the girl in
that one was more flexible,
00:21:48.70\00:21:51.81
and the guy was
doing different things.
00:21:51.84\00:21:54.31
And you have to know that
00:21:54.34\00:21:56.31
if you're going to
watch these things,
00:21:56.34\00:21:58.61
you are creating that
animosity among each other,
00:21:58.65\00:22:02.08
because I'm feeling like
00:22:02.12\00:22:04.02
my husband is not doing
what he is supposed to do.
00:22:04.05\00:22:06.49
But he is,
00:22:06.52\00:22:07.86
he is just not doing
what somebody else's husband
00:22:07.89\00:22:09.69
is supposed to do to his wife.
00:22:09.72\00:22:12.63
And he might start feeling like,
00:22:12.66\00:22:14.40
he is not enough,
00:22:14.43\00:22:15.86
he is not doing what he's
supposed to do as a husband,
00:22:15.90\00:22:18.93
he is not fulfilling his wife.
00:22:18.97\00:22:20.30
So his ego, his self-worth,
his everything get shot,
00:22:20.34\00:22:23.74
because this guy
is doing these things,
00:22:23.77\00:22:25.87
in reality maybe my
body can't even accept
00:22:25.91\00:22:28.78
what her body could
accept from that man.
00:22:28.81\00:22:31.15
Xavier, you want
to chime in on that?
00:22:31.18\00:22:32.51
Yeah, I like to chime in,
because I completely agree,
00:22:32.55\00:22:34.72
not because she
is my wife, but...
00:22:34.75\00:22:37.39
but because I
agree what she's saying.
00:22:37.42\00:22:38.75
You know, the
Bible, Son of Solomon in,
00:22:38.79\00:22:42.09
you know, that's a book
near and dear to my heart,
00:22:42.12\00:22:44.49
not because of the
rated R features of it,
00:22:44.53\00:22:48.56
but because it paint some
beautiful picture, you know.
00:22:48.60\00:22:51.53
Sex is not about, you know,
00:22:51.57\00:22:54.17
in instructional videos
00:22:54.20\00:22:55.54
that's what they
show position, technique.
00:22:55.57\00:22:57.64
Sex is about making
love, it's about making love.
00:22:57.67\00:23:01.58
You know, the Bible
teaches a man to treat a woman
00:23:01.61\00:23:04.21
like a delicate flower.
00:23:04.25\00:23:05.81
The writings of Ellen White
talk about treating a woman
00:23:05.85\00:23:08.45
like a delicate flower.
00:23:08.48\00:23:10.02
These instructional videos
00:23:10.05\00:23:12.15
teach you how to
treat her like a branch,
00:23:12.19\00:23:15.02
how that you
pick up of the ground.
00:23:15.06\00:23:16.39
You know, you
just manhandling her,
00:23:16.42\00:23:18.59
you're not making love to her,
00:23:18.63\00:23:20.76
you're just having sex with her.
00:23:20.80\00:23:22.60
In instructional
videos put you in positions,
00:23:22.63\00:23:25.60
where subconsciously you start
to having these expectations,
00:23:25.63\00:23:28.40
which is what my wife said.
00:23:28.44\00:23:29.94
You start to have these
expectations of your spouse
00:23:29.97\00:23:33.61
that are unrealistic,
00:23:33.64\00:23:35.14
not because you
can set certain things.
00:23:35.18\00:23:36.85
You know, according to
the Bible and everything,
00:23:36.88\00:23:38.41
but because that
pertains to them in the video.
00:23:38.45\00:23:41.48
That doesn't pertain
to you and your wife,
00:23:41.52\00:23:43.02
you're not really
getting to know your wife,
00:23:43.05\00:23:44.85
you're not really
getting to know her, you just,
00:23:44.89\00:23:47.16
you know, knowing the
video and having sex with her.
00:23:47.19\00:23:49.42
You're not making love to her.
00:23:49.46\00:23:51.79
And nobody is gonna be satisfied
00:23:51.83\00:23:53.29
at the end of the day.
00:23:53.33\00:23:54.66
Get them to try
it and then failed.
00:23:54.70\00:23:56.03
Exactly.
00:23:56.06\00:23:57.40
And how accurate can these
instructional videos really be,
00:23:57.43\00:24:01.50
because if you're
making an instructional video,
00:24:01.54\00:24:03.61
of course you're
gonna tell the actors
00:24:03.64\00:24:06.64
to act in a certain way.
00:24:06.68\00:24:08.48
You're gonna tell them to look
please, you're gonna tell them,
00:24:08.51\00:24:10.65
you know, to make certain sounds
00:24:10.68\00:24:12.11
and all these different things.
00:24:12.15\00:24:13.48
And so what you're
seeing may not even be reality.
00:24:13.52\00:24:17.72
That person may
not even really enjoy
00:24:17.75\00:24:20.36
the act that's been
displayed on the screen,
00:24:20.39\00:24:23.16
but because they're trying
to sell an instructional video,
00:24:23.19\00:24:26.33
that's the faces you'll see
00:24:26.36\00:24:27.86
and that's the
reaction you'll get.
00:24:27.90\00:24:29.23
And like you said, you're not
even really learning your wife.
00:24:29.26\00:24:32.07
I was talking to one
man who came up to me,
00:24:32.10\00:24:34.50
and he told me
that he was struggling
00:24:34.54\00:24:36.24
with pornography.
00:24:36.27\00:24:37.61
And so we talked about it,
00:24:37.64\00:24:38.97
and I believe
we prayed together.
00:24:39.01\00:24:40.71
And I was asking him,
00:24:40.74\00:24:42.08
how's this stuff
affecting your sex life?
00:24:42.11\00:24:45.05
And he said, "Well,
my wife doesn't even like
00:24:45.08\00:24:48.58
what I'm doing in the bed,"
00:24:48.62\00:24:52.05
because he had been
watching other people have sex,
00:24:52.09\00:24:56.09
and he thought that
00:24:56.12\00:24:57.69
there was some sort
of one size fits all,
00:24:57.73\00:24:59.96
but every woman is different,
00:25:00.00\00:25:01.33
every woman wants
something different.
00:25:01.36\00:25:03.10
And he had been programmed
00:25:03.13\00:25:04.97
to think that women
liked what he was watching
00:25:05.00\00:25:07.60
from another woman.
00:25:07.64\00:25:09.14
And so that's
how it was affecting
00:25:09.17\00:25:11.11
even his marriage life.
00:25:11.14\00:25:12.57
Wow.
00:25:12.61\00:25:13.94
And so if you
are married couple,
00:25:13.98\00:25:16.44
and you want some
sort of instructions,
00:25:16.48\00:25:18.58
what are some healthy resources
that you can use to instruct
00:25:18.61\00:25:22.85
that will actually help
you get closer to your wife,
00:25:22.88\00:25:25.12
get closer to God
and won't pull you away.
00:25:25.15\00:25:28.72
I think, one of
the things is learning
00:25:28.76\00:25:30.16
the infamous
five love languages,
00:25:30.19\00:25:32.86
learn to love
languages, you know.
00:25:32.89\00:25:34.23
Language is a...
00:25:34.26\00:25:35.60
love is a language, learning
the five love languages,
00:25:35.63\00:25:37.80
learning what they are,
and what your spouse needs.
00:25:37.83\00:25:40.54
Right.
00:25:40.57\00:25:41.90
I would like to 100
percent agree with Xavier,
00:25:41.94\00:25:45.61
because like we said earlier,
every woman is different
00:25:45.64\00:25:49.78
and every woman
has different things.
00:25:49.81\00:25:52.68
And God made
them unique like that,
00:25:52.71\00:25:54.58
because if you're her
Adam and she is your Eve,
00:25:54.62\00:25:57.35
and God made you
guys for each other.
00:25:57.39\00:25:59.29
So one of the best
things you can have
00:25:59.32\00:26:01.32
is to be comfortable
enough with each other
00:26:01.36\00:26:02.82
to have communication.
00:26:02.86\00:26:04.49
Instead of watching a
video tell you what to do,
00:26:04.53\00:26:07.20
you guys be your
own reality show,
00:26:07.23\00:26:10.20
which is you, God
and angels watching.
00:26:10.23\00:26:12.40
And you ask, you know,
what does your wife want,
00:26:12.43\00:26:15.64
and the wife, the same thing.
00:26:15.67\00:26:18.21
Practices that are good
for the marriage bed of course.
00:26:18.24\00:26:21.94
You know, and you guys
talk about it and grow in that
00:26:21.98\00:26:25.68
with one and other.
00:26:25.71\00:26:27.42
And, Brittany, you
were telling us earlier
00:26:27.45\00:26:30.22
how you had an
experience with wisdom
00:26:30.25\00:26:33.79
from older generations.
00:26:33.82\00:26:35.16
Will you mind
sharing that with us?
00:26:35.19\00:26:36.62
In Guyana, they
have this practice,
00:26:36.66\00:26:39.13
it's called Kwekwe,
00:26:39.16\00:26:40.66
where when the woman is about
to get married, a day before,
00:26:40.70\00:26:45.03
her mom sits down and
discuses with her sex.
00:26:45.07\00:26:49.10
And basically
what they call is like,
00:26:49.14\00:26:50.47
how do you make a baby.
00:26:50.51\00:26:51.84
And when I was
gonna get married,
00:26:51.87\00:26:53.54
even though I'm from
Antigua, we had a bridal shower
00:26:53.58\00:26:58.05
and even before
the bridal shower,
00:26:58.08\00:27:00.48
like some of my
siblings and close friends
00:27:00.52\00:27:01.88
were just giving
me words of wisdom,
00:27:01.92\00:27:03.52
words of guidance as in.
00:27:03.55\00:27:04.89
And make sure you pray before,
00:27:04.92\00:27:07.29
I even prayed during
somebody saying Holy Spirit,
00:27:07.32\00:27:09.82
come in and
teach us, and help us,
00:27:09.86\00:27:11.79
as we are going
through this process.
00:27:11.83\00:27:13.93
And of course my, you
know, family friends to give
00:27:13.96\00:27:16.40
little few extra tidbits,
and few words of wisdom,
00:27:16.43\00:27:19.90
and I've had a few extra
friends say few extra things.
00:27:19.93\00:27:22.24
But I also knew, by
praying and saying God,
00:27:22.27\00:27:25.34
give us that instruction
and know what to take,
00:27:25.37\00:27:27.31
what not to take.
00:27:27.34\00:27:28.68
Well, I was like, "No, that's
probably what you guys do,
00:27:28.71\00:27:30.55
I won't say,
it's happening for us.
00:27:30.58\00:27:32.31
And just simply,
you know, understanding
00:27:32.35\00:27:34.75
exactly what it is that
God has in store for you.
00:27:34.78\00:27:38.75
I think bridal showers
will really help with that.
00:27:38.79\00:27:41.69
Wow, wow, wow,
that's amazing you know.
00:27:41.72\00:27:43.96
At the end of the day, the
Bible says, "Trust in Lord,
00:27:43.99\00:27:46.43
lean not on your
own understanding,
00:27:46.46\00:27:48.43
acknowledge Him
in all your ways,
00:27:48.46\00:27:49.90
and He shall direct your path."
00:27:49.93\00:27:51.60
And of course if the Holy Spirit
00:27:51.63\00:27:52.97
is directing your life,
00:27:53.00\00:27:54.34
he will direct
your sex life as well.
00:27:54.37\00:27:57.37
Well, that's all the
time we have for today.
00:27:57.41\00:27:59.44
Thank you for joining us on
another episode of Pure Choices
00:27:59.47\00:28:02.71
where we got to talk
about the affects of media
00:28:02.74\00:28:05.51
on our perception of sex.
00:28:05.55\00:28:07.55
But sex is
something made from God,
00:28:07.58\00:28:10.22
and He always wants
us to make pure choices.
00:28:10.25\00:28:13.49