The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hi, welcome to Pure Choices.
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I'm your host
today Myesha Lawson.
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Let me start with introducing
my wonderful panel today,
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Brittany
Morales, Jacques LaGuerre,
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Xavier Morales,
and Timothy Lawson.
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Today's topic is
Let's Make it Count.
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But let us start
with prayer first.
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Please bow your heads.
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Dear Heavenly Father, I
ask that You bless this topic
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today, Lord God.
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And I ask that You
speak to us as well
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and the viewers, Lord.
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And we thank You
in Jesus' name, amen.
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Amen.
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So today, we're
going to be talking about
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make-up and breakup sex.
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So, I know it's
going to be heavy duty,
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but I think it's very important
that it should be discussed.
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So the first question
is what is breakup sex?
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I would consider it
probably like the last hurrah.
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It's when a couple has decided
to terminate their relationship
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and they decide that, just to,
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before it's
completely done with,
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let's just have
sex one more time,
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something to
cherish each other with,
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even though we're not
going to be together anymore.
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Oh, okay.
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It also can be used as a
form to stop the breakup.
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Person can say, "Okay,
we're going to breakup,
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so let this be our last time."
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But they really have
hopes of enticing this person
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or keeping them or at
least during the breakup,
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they can still have
that little sex part.
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I'm glad said that
but hold that thought.
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Anyone else?
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Okay, well, what is make-up sex?
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Well, they just had an argument,
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they're in a relationship
and they just had an argument,
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and to kind of,
maybe they work things out,
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maybe not, but to
come back together
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and continue the
relationship, they have sex.
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Right, okay.
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So what is breakup?
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Is make-up and breakup
sex healthy for relationship?
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No. From a non-marital...
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No, it wouldn't be healthy
because, you know, number one,
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you're
non-marital, you're fornicating.
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Right. That's the obvious one.
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But the other part is,
you know, you're really not
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accomplishing anything.
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You're really just, you know,
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going after the
physical and pleasure,
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but you're not
really doing anything
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that will solidify or
improve your relationship.
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I think sex in any relationship
besides a marital one
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is destructive
and harmful, period.
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And so that's why the
Bible cautions us not to do it.
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But this even more so
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because it can make
the relationship feel like
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it's more important than it is
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and give you
blinders to the real problems.
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If you're about to breakup
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but you're
constantly sleeping together,
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then you're not
listening to the signs
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that are showing you
guys are not a good couple.
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And then if you are
constantly having arguments
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but you're
constantly are having,
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you know,
make-up sex afterwards,
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then you're not
seeing that these arguments
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are real red
flags and real problems
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that you guys
shouldn't be together.
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Also, with the
flag that you guys
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are fornicating
in the first place.
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Right.
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And also add that, it
limits the beauty of sex.
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As you stated earlier
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with the
definition of breakup sex,
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it's that thing that we do
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because we kind of want to
connect one more time or...
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So in some cases,
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the woman or the
man would be like,
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"I'm going to make
sure they remember me.
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So I'm going to make
it really, really great."
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So when it's all said
and done, and we're gone,
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the person said,
"Okay, I remember,
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our last time was
really, really great."
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It's like this
psychological malfunction.
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It's dysfunctional
just to think that,
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"Okay, we're going to use this
as our last moments together
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to cherish the relationship."
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Not only it is a fornication,
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which we clearly
know to be wrong,
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but I think that it can
kind of lead to some sort of
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deification of the other
person and let me explain that.
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If you're in a
relationship with someone
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and you guys know
you're about to break up
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and you say let's just
have sex one more time,
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you know, last hurrah,
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that last
experience in your mind,
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you'll probably
mentally fantasize about it
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in the future
more and more and more.
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And then, when you
do meet someone else,
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that person won't
be able to live up
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to that fantasy that you had
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because you knew it
would be your last time,
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and there was just all
these different emotions
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engaged that
really aren't healthy,
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and so it might ruin you
for a genuine sexual encounter.
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Okay, why do you think
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media supports this act?
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I think they
just make it enticing,
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like this element of,
when you have make-up sex,
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it's better than the regular sex
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or when you're
doing the breakup,
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it's really a, truly a
cherished moment to have.
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They felt in the
entire relationship
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that the sex was bad,
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but the last
hurrah just happened
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to be the most
wonderful, the most amazing,
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like they just
make it seem as if,
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I think it's dysfunction.
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The media doesn't know
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how to support beauty
in a marital relationship
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and how you stay together
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and you have just
encounters that worship God,
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they don't know how to do that.
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So instead of doing that,
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they're going to show
these dysfunctional methods of,
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"Okay, we're breaking
up, we're separating."
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And instead of sitting down
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and having a talk
about what was wrong
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or good in their relationship,
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what we're going to
do is have sex instead.
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I think we also have to remember
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that the Bible calls
Satan the prince of this world.
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And at all times,
there's a great controversy
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going on between him and Jesus.
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And when God decided
to create the human race
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and make them in His image,
He made a male and female.
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And so He used the beauty of sex
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inside a family structure
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so He could show the
whole universe His image.
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And what Satan wants to
do is take it and pervert it
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so he can use it
as a tool to destroy
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the image of God in this.
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So the media presents it,
so everybody can have sex,
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and so it's normal,
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and so you can pay
attention on the physical,
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but miss the mental
and the spiritual aspects
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because if you want
to take over the world,
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then you have to
take over the countries,
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but countries
are made of states,
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states are made of cities,
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and cities are
made of communities,
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and the foundation
of that is families.
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So Satan wants to
destroy the family structure.
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I agree, I agree.
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Yes, the media
has a huge influence
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on how things should be
or relationships, marriages,
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so I totally agree with that.
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So we know, in marriages,
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that these
practices are being performed.
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If so, what are the effects?
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Well, I think for
one, it's the fact that,
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again, it goes back to
the whole avoidance issue.
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You know, you're
having these issues
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and you're using
them to kind of cover up,
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you know,
what's really going on,
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and the make-up
and break, you know...
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I don't think you
really breakup per se,
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I mean, people get divorced
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and they do what they call,
you know, divorce sex, again,
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it has the same connotation
as makeup and breakup.
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But at the same time,
it's, you know, you're using...
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And I have to go
with what Tim said,
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you're using something
that God created to be beautiful
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in order to satisfy your needs,
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and the
detriments to that marriage
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are going to be great
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because you're
never really focusing
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on what the issue at hand,
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you're just
focusing on the self.
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It's almost borderline,
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lustful in a way you're
using sex to really use...
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to kind of use the situation
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to your benefit to get
your satisfaction out of it.
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If you're trying
to viable each other,
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and we're trying to
work out our problems,
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and we have a big disagreement
and we come back together,
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you know,
mentally and spiritually,
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then sometimes
there's that desire,
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you know, to want to be
near and close to that person
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in that special
way, and that's fine.
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But just like Xavier said,
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if you're just
having major problems,
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but you're kind of
using the sex to gloss over it
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and keep the marriage going,
then, you know, like he said,
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you're using
something God created
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to be beautiful as a handicap
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so everybody can stay together
and everybody can be cool.
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It's like delusional,
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our spiritual
relationship is bad,
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our social relationship is bad,
we can't connect emotionally,
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we can't connect
mentally, but you know what?
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Even though we just had a fight,
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at least we can
connect sexually.
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So it makes, it seem
that the relationship,
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you know, is somewhat successful
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because at least we can connect
on that external elements,
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when in reality,
when there is an argument,
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there needs to be
that moment to sit down
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and say, "Okay, what happened?
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Let's talk it out.
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How can we probably make
things better next time?"
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And because that
discussion happened...
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and if I may go
into the element of,
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"Okay, now we're
in a better place.
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We're closer now
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because we are
able to figure out
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that spiritual disagreement,"
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that emotional disagreement
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where probably the wife is upset
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and husband just
wasn't getting it,
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now he gets it, now we can
really be able to move forward,
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and both parties
understand it better.
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Okay.
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So is sex being used to cover
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and erase
conflicts in marriages?
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Yes.
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You know, most
definitely kind of
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like some
examples that you gave.
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A husband can do something and,
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you know, he
might know he's wrong,
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maybe he don't
want to apologize,
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maybe he don't want
to come clean with it,
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but he'd be like, you know what?
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I'm going to just, you know,
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"I'm going to
pour this bubble bath,"
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you know what I'm saying?
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"I'm going to
put roses in there,
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I'm going to give a massage,
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we're going to say
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and everything's
going to be all right.
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"And ain't got to talk about it,
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and I ain't got to
worry about it tomorrow,
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and I'm going to just,
you know, cover it up."
00:11:10.90\00:11:12.23
Not saying he
can't do that and still,
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you know, say, "You know,
dear, I was wrong x, y, and z."
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And it could be a
beautiful day with that.
00:11:18.17\00:11:19.74
So we don't want to get
to picture we're saying,
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you can't have an argument,
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and still sleep together,
and still workout your stuff.
00:11:23.41\00:11:27.05
But to do it so
you don't have to
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her mouth no more,
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you know, you just
want to do what is she likes
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or whatever the case may be,
00:11:32.25\00:11:33.82
is not a good way
to go about, you know.
00:11:33.86\00:11:37.03
And sometimes, one of
my friends has told me,
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like, it's only
during the make-up,
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it's like the only time
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he really does
stuff that she likes.
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He's so sorrowful,
so he will do what ever,
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he will focus on her and
make sure she is satisfied,
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probably give her few massages,
00:11:52.57\00:11:54.81
before it was just like,
00:11:54.84\00:11:56.18
"You know, honey,
let's just get this done."
00:11:56.21\00:11:57.68
But because
he's still sorrowful,
00:11:57.71\00:12:00.35
he'll go that extra mile
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versus in the
regular lovemaking,
00:12:02.22\00:12:05.82
that is what should be
happening in the relationship
00:12:05.85\00:12:09.46
because you are married,
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you made that commitment
to each other and to God.
00:12:10.86\00:12:13.80
And again, sex is an
expression of intimacy,
00:12:13.83\00:12:16.77
it's part of intimacy,
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and it should be actually
done to be selfless during sex.
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I care about what you
need during this moment.
00:12:23.54\00:12:25.91
It's not just about
me, it's also about you.
00:12:25.94\00:12:28.38
And it shouldn't only happen
00:12:28.41\00:12:29.81
because you forgot
to pick up the kids,
00:12:29.84\00:12:33.25
the kids were stuck at
the place for half an hour,
00:12:33.28\00:12:35.58
you feel so sorry,
00:12:35.62\00:12:36.95
"Honey, I'll do
whatever you want me to do."
00:12:36.99\00:12:38.45
It shouldn't be that way. Right.
00:12:38.49\00:12:41.09
Well, you also
see it in the media,
00:12:41.12\00:12:43.43
that's what the
right thing to do is.
00:12:43.46\00:12:46.76
You know, to, even if you,
00:12:46.80\00:12:48.33
you know, when you're married,
00:12:48.36\00:12:49.70
you have an
argument, it's like...
00:12:49.73\00:12:51.33
And they show it on
movies and everything,
00:12:51.37\00:12:52.90
you're married,
you have an argument,
00:12:52.93\00:12:54.27
and like 10 seconds
later, everybody stripped down,
00:12:54.30\00:12:56.44
and, you know, having sex
00:12:56.47\00:12:58.47
and its like,
you know, and again,
00:12:58.51\00:13:01.01
it doesn't solve the issue.
00:13:01.04\00:13:03.85
It doesn't solve the issue.
00:13:03.88\00:13:05.21
It actually can
compound the issue further
00:13:05.25\00:13:07.88
and make it worse,
which can potentially...
00:13:07.92\00:13:09.82
And it's funny, it's ironic
00:13:09.85\00:13:11.52
because God created
sex for man to be married,
00:13:11.55\00:13:14.79
you know, men and women to...
00:13:14.82\00:13:16.22
when they're married,
00:13:16.26\00:13:17.66
but, you know,
sometimes using sex
00:13:17.69\00:13:21.43
in such a way as a tool
can often lead to divorce.
00:13:21.46\00:13:25.30
Right.
00:13:25.33\00:13:27.40
So you see,
viewers, you should not use
00:13:27.44\00:13:31.94
make-up and breakup
sex or just make-up sex,
00:13:31.97\00:13:35.14
I'm sorry, to erase
and cover the conflicts
00:13:35.18\00:13:39.28
that are in your marriage.
00:13:39.31\00:13:40.65
You should talk
them out, work them out,
00:13:40.68\00:13:43.42
however you see fit.
00:13:43.45\00:13:45.95
So my next question is
why do you feel make-up sex
00:13:45.99\00:13:50.33
is better than
regular lovemaking?
00:13:50.36\00:13:54.46
Well, I say is
that some people feel
00:13:54.50\00:13:55.96
that it's better the same way,
00:13:56.00\00:13:57.70
some people think that
sex was better with their wife
00:13:57.73\00:14:01.80
before they were married
00:14:01.84\00:14:03.17
because there's an
aspect of sin involved.
00:14:03.20\00:14:04.71
Right.
00:14:04.74\00:14:06.07
And many times people think
that they're in love with sex,
00:14:06.11\00:14:09.68
no, they're
really in love with sin.
00:14:09.71\00:14:11.45
And so they need that
argument, they need that anger,
00:14:11.48\00:14:14.98
they need that high degree
of like negative emotions.
00:14:15.02\00:14:20.12
So it's like perverted.
00:14:20.16\00:14:21.49
Yeah, it's some
sort of perverted,
00:14:21.52\00:14:23.46
kind of fetish in a way
that they need that anger there,
00:14:23.49\00:14:26.93
and I think that's
better than two people
00:14:26.96\00:14:29.00
who are just trying
to express their love
00:14:29.03\00:14:31.13
and they kind of
get addicted to it.
00:14:31.17\00:14:35.44
You know, I want to just
piggyback of what Jacques said
00:14:35.47\00:14:38.51
and just agree.
00:14:38.54\00:14:40.24
I don't think it's better,
00:14:40.28\00:14:41.61
but people get
the idea its better.
00:14:41.64\00:14:43.98
And largely, you
know, like we've been
00:14:44.01\00:14:46.72
saying in this program,
00:14:46.75\00:14:49.48
you know, we're
taught or trained
00:14:49.52\00:14:50.92
this in the media that to,
00:14:50.95\00:14:52.95
you know, have it this way or,
00:14:52.99\00:14:54.72
you know, with this
anger and emotion involved
00:14:54.76\00:14:57.83
is actually going to
make you feel better.
00:14:57.86\00:14:59.96
And what you don't see is
two people who are together
00:15:00.00\00:15:05.67
and on one accord, you
know, he's in her mind,
00:15:05.70\00:15:08.34
she's in his mind,
00:15:08.37\00:15:09.70
and they're
together with one another,
00:15:09.74\00:15:11.41
and how beautiful that can be.
00:15:11.44\00:15:13.27
And so it's a
perversion that's taught
00:15:13.31\00:15:16.51
and, you know, like a fantasy
00:15:16.54\00:15:18.15
and a fetish that
people think they need to have
00:15:18.18\00:15:20.62
because they've seen it,
you know, somewhere before.
00:15:20.65\00:15:23.59
I think also to, you know,
00:15:23.62\00:15:25.72
speaking from a
psychological standpoint,
00:15:25.75\00:15:28.39
you know, make-up
will involve something
00:15:28.42\00:15:30.43
before that you were angry
that you had to makeup for.
00:15:30.46\00:15:33.46
So, you know, physiologically,
00:15:33.50\00:15:34.83
your body is already releasing
these chemicals in your brain
00:15:34.86\00:15:37.77
kind of like adrenaline
00:15:37.80\00:15:39.20
'cause you're
angry, you're upset,
00:15:39.23\00:15:41.00
and you're having this
euphoria from the anger,
00:15:41.04\00:15:44.47
and then you are using
that to, like we said earlier,
00:15:44.51\00:15:48.24
to kind of like taint
sex, you know, taint lovemaking
00:15:48.28\00:15:52.78
within the
marriage or using that to...
00:15:52.81\00:15:55.38
and people think, you
know, oftentimes they do it,
00:15:55.42\00:15:57.65
they think that it feels better,
00:15:57.69\00:15:59.59
it feel so much
greater, when in reality,
00:15:59.62\00:16:02.49
you're really just,
you know, what you're doing
00:16:02.52\00:16:05.03
is using the
anger and those feelings
00:16:05.06\00:16:08.30
that you're having to have sex,
00:16:08.33\00:16:11.07
but in reality, it's not better.
00:16:11.10\00:16:12.93
It's not better.
00:16:12.97\00:16:14.30
You're just
really masking the anger
00:16:14.34\00:16:16.34
that you're having inside.
00:16:16.37\00:16:17.87
So it's really,
there's no end result.
00:16:17.91\00:16:22.68
I would probably... I
like two different elements.
00:16:22.71\00:16:25.01
The first one is
they feel like it's better
00:16:25.05\00:16:29.08
because they
just had an argument.
00:16:29.12\00:16:31.55
There were really,
really angry with each other,
00:16:31.59\00:16:33.76
they thought the end was near,
00:16:33.79\00:16:36.26
the relationship
was going to end,
00:16:36.29\00:16:37.96
someone was going to
pack their bags and leave,
00:16:37.99\00:16:40.56
it was going to be done,
00:16:40.60\00:16:41.96
the world was coming to an end,
00:16:42.00\00:16:43.97
but then, no,
they're still here,
00:16:44.00\00:16:46.94
they still love me.
00:16:46.97\00:16:48.30
Despite the fact
that I just acted
00:16:48.34\00:16:49.67
completely stupid
right there and then,
00:16:49.70\00:16:51.84
they still want to be
here in this relationship,
00:16:51.87\00:16:54.61
in this marriage with me,
00:16:54.64\00:16:55.98
they still want to push forward.
00:16:56.01\00:17:00.02
And the act that when
they are about to have sex,
00:17:00.05\00:17:02.32
it feels better
00:17:02.35\00:17:04.02
because there is a different
mindset verses regular sex.
00:17:04.05\00:17:08.59
During regular sex it's like,
"Yeah, of course, she's here,
00:17:08.62\00:17:12.13
he's here, of
course, we're together."
00:17:12.16\00:17:14.03
But when it comes to make-up,
00:17:14.06\00:17:16.16
it was, "I
almost lost this person.
00:17:16.20\00:17:19.17
This person was
almost out the door
00:17:19.20\00:17:21.44
but they're still here."
00:17:21.47\00:17:23.10
So it's almost feels like
00:17:23.14\00:17:25.34
a different level
of intimacy kind of
00:17:25.37\00:17:27.98
because it's like,
"Okay, I could have really,
00:17:28.01\00:17:30.28
truly lost you, but I didn't."
00:17:30.31\00:17:34.48
And then a second
element is which I will think
00:17:34.52\00:17:38.49
is more of a
Christian perspective
00:17:38.52\00:17:40.96
where you worked things out.
00:17:40.99\00:17:43.39
You understand
your spouse better
00:17:43.43\00:17:45.83
because even though
you had the argument,
00:17:45.86\00:17:48.16
you had the discussion,
I understand you better.
00:17:48.20\00:17:51.27
I understand
that when I do this,
00:17:51.30\00:17:53.54
it makes you feel this way.
00:17:53.57\00:17:55.47
And you understand
that when you do this,
00:17:55.50\00:17:57.77
it makes me feel
this way, reflected out,
00:17:57.81\00:18:00.18
we've made a
promise to move forward,
00:18:00.21\00:18:02.44
understanding that
we can't do these things
00:18:02.48\00:18:05.25
because we love each other,
and we can't hurt each other.
00:18:05.28\00:18:07.98
So the sex that falls after that
00:18:08.02\00:18:10.49
is not a matter of covering up,
00:18:10.52\00:18:12.25
it's a matter of we
have just grown closer.
00:18:12.29\00:18:15.29
We have just
understood each other more.
00:18:15.32\00:18:17.53
We're about to
make our marriage better
00:18:17.56\00:18:19.79
because we've
had that discussion.
00:18:19.83\00:18:24.43
So you see,
viewers, don't use sex as if,
00:18:24.47\00:18:30.81
you know, you can
connect with your spouse.
00:18:30.84\00:18:35.11
But you're connecting with
them through your arguments
00:18:35.14\00:18:37.25
because you guys are
getting to know each other.
00:18:37.28\00:18:39.81
So I want to also ask,
00:18:39.85\00:18:43.62
how does makeup and breakup sex
00:18:43.65\00:18:47.22
can be used as to
manipulate a person's decision?
00:18:47.26\00:18:52.79
You know, can it be
used to manipulate someone?
00:18:52.83\00:18:54.76
Most definitely.
00:18:54.80\00:18:56.13
You better believe it.
00:18:56.16\00:18:57.50
Please explain how.
00:18:57.53\00:18:58.87
So like, you know, if you guys
00:18:58.90\00:19:00.37
are getting in
argument about something
00:19:00.40\00:19:02.44
that the other
spouse doesn't want to do
00:19:02.47\00:19:05.17
or doesn't think is
positive for the marriage
00:19:05.21\00:19:08.91
or for the kids or
whatever the case may be,
00:19:08.94\00:19:11.98
and then, you know,
then the other person says,
00:19:12.01\00:19:16.08
"Okay," you know,
"And I know how I'm going
00:19:16.12\00:19:18.25
to get what I want."
00:19:18.29\00:19:19.62
You know, and they'll use it,
you know, they might even say
00:19:19.65\00:19:23.96
they're sorry for their part,
00:19:23.99\00:19:25.36
but really inside,
they're going to say,
00:19:25.39\00:19:27.33
I'm sorry, act humble,
00:19:27.36\00:19:28.96
use the sex to soften
the heart of the other person
00:19:29.00\00:19:31.97
so they can really get
what they want, you know.
00:19:32.00\00:19:34.47
And then with breakup,
00:19:34.50\00:19:37.01
as said earlier, a person
could really want to break up
00:19:37.04\00:19:40.08
with the other person
00:19:40.11\00:19:41.44
and think to leave,
but that person can say,
00:19:41.48\00:19:43.78
"No, let's just
sleep together again..."
00:19:43.81\00:19:45.78
And really try to have
the best sex with that person
00:19:45.81\00:19:49.88
in a way to keep them,
00:19:49.92\00:19:51.92
you know, to keep them
still in that relationship,
00:19:51.95\00:19:54.46
to make them think
it's still so important
00:19:54.49\00:19:57.19
because the sex was
so good or so important
00:19:57.23\00:19:59.66
and not look at
the other issues.
00:19:59.69\00:20:01.76
All right.
00:20:01.80\00:20:03.13
And as a form of manipulation,
I'm just remembering something
00:20:03.16\00:20:06.43
that I saw a few years ago,
00:20:06.47\00:20:08.17
where the woman knew
that if she told her husband
00:20:08.20\00:20:12.01
what just happened,
00:20:12.04\00:20:13.38
he would have been so upset.
00:20:13.41\00:20:15.28
So when he
walked through the door,
00:20:15.31\00:20:16.64
she already knew what he
liked and she had the room set.
00:20:16.68\00:20:20.05
She was wearing
the special outfit
00:20:20.08\00:20:22.58
and the special
music was playing,
00:20:22.62\00:20:24.82
you know, regularly she probably
00:20:24.85\00:20:26.19
wouldn't have worn the outfit,
00:20:26.22\00:20:27.56
but she was wearing it that day,
00:20:27.59\00:20:28.92
you know, had the food set
out, so when he would come in...
00:20:28.96\00:20:31.76
His favorite.
00:20:31.79\00:20:33.13
Of course, his
favorite food set out.
00:20:33.16\00:20:35.06
So it will kind
of soften the blow
00:20:35.10\00:20:37.07
because he would
be so happy that she,
00:20:37.10\00:20:40.04
you know, is
trying to satisfy him,
00:20:40.07\00:20:42.64
that probably halfway
through, she might whisper,
00:20:42.67\00:20:45.27
"And, you know, this
kind of happened today."
00:20:45.31\00:20:47.41
So when he's about to be upset,
00:20:47.44\00:20:48.78
"Oh, hi, baby, don't worry,
baby, it's going to be okay."
00:20:48.81\00:20:51.25
Kind of like...
00:20:51.28\00:20:52.71
Have some more
food. Have some more food.
00:20:52.75\00:20:55.42
You know, you love
these mashed potatoes.
00:20:55.45\00:20:59.22
Deceitful. Right.
00:20:59.25\00:21:03.06
Well, that's just
something to think about, huh,
00:21:03.09\00:21:04.99
I have to use that.
00:21:05.03\00:21:07.76
"Oh, honey, I scraped the
car on the side, I'm sorry."
00:21:07.80\00:21:11.90
It won't work, it won't work.
00:21:11.93\00:21:13.87
Oh, I got to try
something else then, huh?
00:21:13.90\00:21:18.14
Okay, well, how does
make-up and breakup sex
00:21:18.17\00:21:21.18
scar a person or a relationship?
00:21:21.21\00:21:25.11
When you breakup, you know,
00:21:25.15\00:21:27.38
and you're having
as we said earlier,
00:21:27.42\00:21:29.15
we've been
saying the last hurrah,
00:21:29.18\00:21:31.55
you know, you're never
going to be really in...
00:21:31.59\00:21:34.99
and Jacques touched on it,
00:21:35.02\00:21:36.36
you're never
detached from that individual.
00:21:36.39\00:21:39.09
Somewhere along the line
00:21:39.13\00:21:40.46
you're still
going to carry that.
00:21:40.50\00:21:42.10
You know what,
you're doing something,
00:21:42.13\00:21:43.47
you know, maybe now,
you know, you were single,
00:21:43.50\00:21:45.37
you were in a relationship,
you were fornicating,
00:21:45.40\00:21:47.70
and, you know, you
had the last hurrah,
00:21:47.74\00:21:50.04
now then you
realized it everywhere,
00:21:50.07\00:21:52.11
and you got in a marriage.
00:21:52.14\00:21:53.58
Now when you're in a marriage,
00:21:53.61\00:21:55.18
that's going to be in
the back of your mind,
00:21:55.21\00:21:56.75
that's going to be
the predominant feeling,
00:21:56.78\00:21:58.81
and it's just not
fair to the other person.
00:21:58.85\00:22:01.82
And at the same time,
00:22:01.85\00:22:03.18
there's severe
scarring from both sides.
00:22:03.22\00:22:07.99
I think what can happen
is it can change your view
00:22:08.02\00:22:10.49
of what sex is intended for.
00:22:10.53\00:22:13.43
You know, if
you're always using sex
00:22:13.46\00:22:15.13
to fix a conflict
or you always use sex
00:22:15.16\00:22:20.70
when you're about
to end a relationship,
00:22:20.74\00:22:22.74
now you're married
00:22:22.77\00:22:24.11
and sex is
supposed to be a natural
00:22:24.14\00:22:26.24
and healthy expression of love,
00:22:26.27\00:22:29.21
you don't know how
to use it that way,
00:22:29.24\00:22:31.98
so you might only have
sex when you're fighting.
00:22:32.01\00:22:35.08
And so people might
try to cause fights,
00:22:35.12\00:22:37.19
your husband might
even try to cause fights
00:22:37.22\00:22:38.55
'cause that's the only
time you want to have sex
00:22:38.59\00:22:40.82
is when she's upset
00:22:40.86\00:22:42.19
because she's conditioned
or he's conditioned himself
00:22:42.22\00:22:45.36
that the only time
that sex is supposed to be
00:22:45.39\00:22:48.46
shared between two people
00:22:48.50\00:22:50.50
is when there's
some sort of anger,
00:22:50.53\00:22:52.90
and you ruin what
sex is supposed to be,
00:22:52.93\00:22:54.84
and you won't even
really be able to enjoy it.
00:22:54.87\00:22:57.77
You know, and that might also
00:22:57.81\00:22:59.61
change the type of
people you're looking for.
00:22:59.64\00:23:02.01
You know, if you
think that a woman is nice
00:23:02.04\00:23:04.01
and she's safe, and she's holy,
00:23:04.05\00:23:06.88
then that might
just not do it for you
00:23:06.92\00:23:10.02
'cause, you know, we're not
going to have that many fights,
00:23:10.05\00:23:11.92
there's not going
to be that excitement,
00:23:11.95\00:23:13.49
and all these things.
00:23:13.52\00:23:15.06
And so I think that
the deep scarring happens
00:23:15.09\00:23:17.79
when we engage
in these practices
00:23:17.83\00:23:19.76
over and over and over.
00:23:19.79\00:23:21.80
Us being creatures of habit,
00:23:21.83\00:23:23.40
it just changes
the way we look at sex.
00:23:23.43\00:23:26.33
I think it's very
emotional scarring
00:23:26.37\00:23:29.07
as it deals with
some of the self-worth.
00:23:29.10\00:23:31.91
If you're
fornicating, that's already bad,
00:23:31.94\00:23:34.44
you know, on a physical,
mental, and spiritual level,
00:23:34.48\00:23:37.08
but in that relationship
or even in a marriage,
00:23:37.11\00:23:39.55
what it says is I'm
important enough to sleep with
00:23:39.58\00:23:43.75
or to meet that physical need,
00:23:43.79\00:23:46.05
but you don't care what I think,
00:23:46.09\00:23:47.92
you don't care what I feel.
00:23:47.96\00:23:50.86
I'm in pain, what
happened is hurting me,
00:23:50.89\00:23:53.46
but that doesn't
matter as long as,
00:23:53.50\00:23:55.53
you know, we can
physically connect,
00:23:55.56\00:23:57.43
that's as deep is
our relationship goes.
00:23:57.47\00:24:00.94
And I can only be
used for that aspect,
00:24:00.97\00:24:04.21
but I can't be used to
have my emotional needs met
00:24:04.24\00:24:08.18
and come together on that level.
00:24:08.21\00:24:11.41
And for a person who
starts to realize that,
00:24:11.45\00:24:14.85
their self-worth
will be wrapped up
00:24:14.88\00:24:16.72
and identify in
that physical trade.
00:24:16.75\00:24:19.22
And then like Jacques
said, it can get to that person
00:24:19.25\00:24:21.92
only
identifying their self-worth
00:24:21.96\00:24:23.73
with the physical,
00:24:23.76\00:24:25.09
and so they can start to see
00:24:25.13\00:24:26.96
that is the most
important part of their self
00:24:27.00\00:24:28.86
and go through
destructive relationships
00:24:28.90\00:24:31.33
based on the physical aspect
00:24:31.37\00:24:33.44
and miss totally what God has
00:24:33.47\00:24:36.34
intended for
relationships to be.
00:24:36.37\00:24:38.67
Yeah, I would
definitely add to that,
00:24:38.71\00:24:40.04
like in the non-marital segment,
00:24:40.08\00:24:41.54
like if you're
having make-up sex,
00:24:41.58\00:24:45.01
probably that argument
00:24:45.05\00:24:46.38
was supposed to
be a huge red flag
00:24:46.41\00:24:48.68
for you to end a relationship.
00:24:48.72\00:24:50.45
But because you included sex
into it, "Yes, we just fight.
00:24:50.49\00:24:53.96
We just had a big fight,
00:24:53.99\00:24:55.66
but because he did this with me,
00:24:55.69\00:24:57.73
maybe it's not that bad."
00:24:57.76\00:24:59.26
Maybe he cares.
00:24:59.29\00:25:00.63
Or, "Even though
she did x, y, and z,
00:25:00.66\00:25:02.90
well, you know,
she satisfied my needs.
00:25:02.93\00:25:04.93
So maybe I can just
forgive her and keep moving on
00:25:04.97\00:25:07.64
'cause who else is going
to give it to me like her?"
00:25:07.67\00:25:09.90
And it starts confusing you,
00:25:09.94\00:25:11.97
and it makes you stay
stuck in the relationship
00:25:12.01\00:25:14.88
where you weren't
supposed to be there.
00:25:14.91\00:25:16.44
Yes, you weren't supposed
to fornicate to begin with,
00:25:16.48\00:25:18.28
but one of the
dangers of why we say,
00:25:18.31\00:25:20.32
why God said do not fornicate
00:25:20.35\00:25:22.45
is because He knows how
it can really mess you up
00:25:22.48\00:25:26.32
and confuse you and
make you stay in something
00:25:26.35\00:25:29.62
that He had never ever
desired for you to stay in
00:25:29.66\00:25:32.63
because you're
connecting on this level
00:25:32.66\00:25:35.30
when he didn't want you
to connect on that level.
00:25:35.33\00:25:37.80
I just want to stay that,
00:25:37.83\00:25:39.17
and especially,
viewers, if you watching,
00:25:39.20\00:25:41.20
you might even be in
one of these relationships.
00:25:41.24\00:25:43.00
There are a billion
relationships that only exist
00:25:43.04\00:25:46.88
because you guys are physical.
00:25:46.91\00:25:49.14
If you guys were not physical,
00:25:49.18\00:25:51.75
that relationship
would have been done.
00:25:51.78\00:25:54.08
It'd be done by the time
this program is finished,
00:25:54.12\00:25:58.45
you know, but
because you are physical,
00:25:58.49\00:26:01.89
it distorts your view
00:26:01.92\00:26:03.26
and really with
makeup and breakup sex,
00:26:03.29\00:26:05.03
just like she said,
it can just hold you,
00:26:05.06\00:26:07.26
I mean, it can be years
you can be in this relationship
00:26:07.30\00:26:09.50
and think it's important
because of that aspect.
00:26:09.53\00:26:13.64
Tim, I
definitely agree with that.
00:26:13.67\00:26:15.57
And another
thing that sex is for,
00:26:15.60\00:26:17.31
I think, God intended
for it, He created it.
00:26:17.34\00:26:21.01
You know, that's something
that we sometimes forget
00:26:21.04\00:26:23.81
that sex is a gift
from God to be enjoyed
00:26:23.85\00:26:28.42
and to be explored
within a marriage covenant
00:26:28.45\00:26:31.25
between two
people of opposite sex.
00:26:31.29\00:26:33.76
And so anything else that
does not bring glory to God,
00:26:33.79\00:26:37.19
like Tim said, and is not
a healthy expression of love,
00:26:37.23\00:26:41.00
it shouldn't be in the
marriage covenant at all.
00:26:41.03\00:26:42.70
You know, all these perversions,
00:26:42.73\00:26:44.30
you know, makeup and breakup,
00:26:44.33\00:26:46.07
I don't think it
brings glory to God,
00:26:46.10\00:26:47.74
and if it's not a
true expression of love
00:26:47.77\00:26:50.41
between a husband and wife,
00:26:50.44\00:26:51.77
then that's something that
they should keep to the side.
00:26:51.81\00:26:54.64
Right. Right, definitely.
00:26:54.68\00:26:57.25
Because as we've been
saying sex is about worship,
00:26:57.28\00:27:00.05
it's about worshipping God,
that's why He intended it for.
00:27:00.08\00:27:03.49
It's that moment
where a husband and a wife
00:27:03.52\00:27:06.15
come together
and they worship God.
00:27:06.19\00:27:08.49
And from that,
God might give them
00:27:08.52\00:27:09.86
that extra blessing
of a child or children.
00:27:09.89\00:27:13.60
And that's what
it really is for,
00:27:13.63\00:27:14.96
it's not just to
try to cover up issues
00:27:15.00\00:27:17.27
in a relationship or to,
00:27:17.30\00:27:19.87
you know, prolong
a bad relationship,
00:27:19.90\00:27:22.44
it's truly about
beauty in its essence.
00:27:22.47\00:27:26.74
So you see, viewers,
as we talked about make-up
00:27:26.78\00:27:30.61
and breakup sex, what
to do, what not to do,
00:27:30.65\00:27:34.52
what it's used for,
and what it's not used for.
00:27:34.55\00:27:38.42
Do not use sex to
manipulate a person's decision.
00:27:38.45\00:27:43.39
Do not use sex to cover
00:27:43.43\00:27:47.23
or erase
problems in your marriage.
00:27:47.26\00:27:50.80
Do not use sex as what
the secular media tells you.
00:27:50.83\00:27:55.70
Sex is a gift from God.
00:27:55.74\00:27:59.04
Sex is a form of
expression of love.
00:27:59.07\00:28:03.48
Sex is to be used to
glorify God and God alone.
00:28:03.51\00:28:07.65
Remember to make Pure Choices.
00:28:07.68\00:28:10.49