The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hello and welcome to
another wonderful episode
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of Pure Choices.
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I'm your host, Xavier
Morales, and next to me,
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I have my good
friend, Jacques LaGuerre.
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Over here, we have
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Tim Lawson, Mrs. Myesha Lawson,
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and my wonderful, beautiful,
astonishing, God-given wife,
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Brittany-Hill Morales.
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I like that, I like
that. I like that, I like that.
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But today's
topic is what men need.
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And, obviously,
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you people are going to
jump the gun and already think,
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you know, what we need.
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But we're gonna talk a
little bit more about it
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going depth into it.
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The title of today's topic is
"Wham, Bam, Thank you, Ma'am."
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So as we get into this...
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Before we get in it,
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we're going to
have a word of prayer,
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bow your heads with me, please.
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Dear Heavenly
Father, God, right now,
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as we get into this topic,
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Lord, let us express
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what it is that men
need in accordance to you.
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In Jesus' name, Amen.
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Amen. Amen.
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First question,
an obvious question,
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what role does society
play and what man needs?
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I say it plays,
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especially at
this point in time,
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one of the largest
roles and what men need,
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especially as you
have fatherless homes
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and people growing
up without fathers,
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as you have homes
that have fathers in them,
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and men not being good fathers
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or even fathers that
are good and their...
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Maybe their work
carries them away from home.
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That society in the
form of the coacher,
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you know,
television or video games
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or fashion and music
playing a role in telling men
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what they need
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or what type of men
they're supposed to be.
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And now we can go
through all the stereotypes,
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but I'll just touch on the one.
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Right now, in today's
culture, in today's society,
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you have a heavy, heavy movement
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to feminize men at
this point in time,
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whether it's coming
through the fashion,
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the type of jeans and the shirts
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and the type of clothing
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that men wear
right now a lot of times
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are actually unisex
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or kind of feminine in
the way their clothing looks.
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And also through the music,
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you know, they are...
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You know, sometimes they
call that empowering women,
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but to empower one sex,
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you don't have to put
down or demonize the other.
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And this is the kind of role,
and this is the kind of things
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that are happening right now.
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Mr. Jacques?
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I'd also say that if
you look at television,
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and what's coming
forward from all these studios.
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When you look at
most of these sitcoms,
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the father is just a child.
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He can't do anything right.
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He doesn't know
how to handle money.
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He needs his wife to
do everything for him.
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And his wife almost
treats him like a little child.
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And it's laughed at
and is seen as comedy.
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That's called the sitcom.
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And so a lot of
boys that are growing up
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without their
fathers, like Tim said,
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they're looking
at this behavior,
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and they're
thinking it's normal.
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And then they get caught
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in this cycle of
playing video games.
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I think they say
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that the average
video game player
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is not a teenage
boy, the man is 27.
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And so it's keeping a lot of men
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in a constant state of boyhood.
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And so society wants a
man to be one of two things,
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be a woman or be a child.
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But society is not really trying
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to help a man truly
become a God-fearing man.
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And I think that,
you know, that's true
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because, you know,
growing up, I was always,
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you know, my dad
always taught me,
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you know, this is what it takes
to be a man or what would not,
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but, you know,
society did play a big role in
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who I would become
because what I became...
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Before I became a Christian,
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what I became in the
world was not what my mother
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and father intended me to be.
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And understanding
that we, you know...
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I understand that, yes,
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society does play
a big role in what,
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you know, man
needs to be or who he...
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Or how he has to act.
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But I know
Brittany has something
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to say about that.
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I say, our society,
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the role that it plays
like it provides the handbook
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for what a man
is supposed to be.
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But the
handbook is so confusing,
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it makes me glad I'm a
woman because I'm hearing...
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You hear so
many different things
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in some medias as, you
know, Jacques was saying,
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you would see the
guy is like a baby,
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the wife has to do
everything, and he's just,
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you know, a
little bit did see...
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But at least he's
home and he's there.
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And other shows, you
see a guy who's like,
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"Okay, I have
baby mommas everywhere.
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I hear they're in everywhere.
This is what I do, I'm a man."
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Or you see, other guys are like,
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"I'm making money, I'm
doing, this is what I am."
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And then in the
other spectrum, you see...
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It might be a
different culture of men,
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but you see these
men, they're successful.
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They're walking around in suits.
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They're the attractive
men, the strong, powerful men.
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You have so much
different types of men
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that are being
portrayed, it's like,
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"Okay, should a
man be this powerful,
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successful guy who walks around
and can get a woman like that,
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should he be this guy
who has his pants sagging,
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and he can get
these type of women,
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should he be this,
should he beat that?"
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At the core,
it's so dysfunctional,
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I don't know how men do it.
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And that's interesting
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because, you know, we
need to talk a little more
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about that because...
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I mean, right now,
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if you don't have a
pen and paper ready,
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you need to have
that pen and paper ready
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'cause we're giving
all our secrets out here,
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you know, all
our secrets out here.
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I know there are
some ladies out there
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looking for a good man.
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I know, Jacques.
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Well, I got to promote
him one time, only one time.
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But at the same time,
you know, in all seriousness,
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I know there's women out there
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that often have that
question of what men need
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'cause we say, and
Brittany touched base on that,
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you know, we don't
come with a manual,
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neither do women,
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but at the same time,
it's like what do we need?
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And I want to ask you...
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I want to ask the
ladies, how do you define...
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How do you see
what does a man need?
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How do you define that, Myesha?
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Well, for one...
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Nowadays, men need respect.
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You know, they're not
being respected as men.
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You know, with the
media, it plays a part in that.
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Because, I mean,
you see a lot of...
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Well, all types of women
are disrespecting their man.
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They don't know
how to talk to them.
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They don't even know
how to treat a man like,
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you know, like Britney said,
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there's no manual
how to even be a woman
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and how to even treat a man.
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You know, it is going
to go with experience,
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or it's going to go with,
you know, seeing another woman
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and how a man
really should be treated,
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or even the Word of God itself
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will tell you
how to treat a man.
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And clearly, it
says, you know, husbands...
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I mean, wives, you have
to respect your husbands.
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Brittany?
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I was just thinking about
even growing up with all women,
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so I didn't really see
men around until I got older.
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And I got to know my dad more.
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And then being in relationship
with Xavier, as you said,
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I was trying to figure
out, "How do I relate to him?"
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Because you see the
TV show, so I'm like,
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"Okay, maybe I'm
supposed to be the strong woman
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who tells him what to do."
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But other side,
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"I don't want to
be a strong woman
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that tells him what to do.
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I want to just to be
there to support him,
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to encourage him, to uplift him
when he needs that upliftment."
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So I think that's what men need,
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someone who supports
them as they continue to be
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what God has
designed them to be,
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to be that helpmate
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because that's what
they desire from their women
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to be that support,
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to be there whether
things are really, really great
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or really, really bad
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so that they can depend on her.
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And that's true.
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That help me, it's
an important factor.
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And also, man,
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I know it sounds
funny, but it's refreshing,
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and for the viewers out there,
it's refreshing to hear women,
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just as confused
about what we need,
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as men are confused
about what they need.
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So, yes, we need
God in all things
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to be able to
understand each other.
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But, Myesha, with
regards to respect,
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you mentioned that, and
I want this for everybody,
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why do you think respect ranks
so high in men, with males?
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I mean it's just
so much disrespect
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going on in the world.
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I mean, men are
being very belittled.
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And you know, you can say
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it's women
that's being belittled,
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but it started with men first.
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You know, and it
started in the Garden of Eden,
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you know.
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How Adam, you know,
didn't take responsibility,
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so it's basically,
you know, automatically,
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when that started, and then,
you know, what shows are being,
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you know, on
media or they're showing
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that they can't
take responsibility.
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They can't handle
things the right...
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In proper way, they
can't make proper decisions.
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And when that's
being pushed out there,
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our men are
indecisive, they're confused.
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And all these things,
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when it's been pushed out there,
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and you guys
are looking at this,
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you know, you're
really thinking to yourself,
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"Am I this type of guy?"
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Or it's being
put into your head.
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You know, you're
seeing this on TV.
00:10:05.23\00:10:07.70
So obviously, you
know, this is a whole image
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that's going to be
in your mind eventually.
00:10:09.87\00:10:12.17
And then you're
going to start acting out.
00:10:12.21\00:10:15.24
So I just...
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Basically, I think
that you should just get
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your counsel from God.
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Tim?
00:10:21.62\00:10:23.05
Going back to
the Garden of Eden,
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you know, when
sin entered the world,
00:10:25.52\00:10:26.92
it really messed everything up.
00:10:26.96\00:10:29.79
It seriously did a number on men
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and did a number on women,
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and what we're
dealing right now,
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as far society goes,
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are the effects, you
know, that have happened.
00:10:35.50\00:10:37.63
You know, God gave Adam,
00:10:37.67\00:10:39.50
you know, it was
his job tend the garden,
00:10:39.53\00:10:41.94
it was his job to keep it.
00:10:41.97\00:10:43.30
It was his job to protect
it, and when he gave Adam Eve,
00:10:43.34\00:10:47.14
this was his job as well.
00:10:47.18\00:10:49.34
So when sin
entered into the picture,
00:10:49.38\00:10:51.75
you found that
00:10:51.78\00:10:53.11
it was Adam's job
to protect the garden,
00:10:53.15\00:10:54.85
but he was unable to do
that because sin crept in.
00:10:54.88\00:10:59.05
And then, when God comes to
him and asks him what happened?
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Instead of him
taking responsibility,
00:11:03.49\00:11:06.53
instead of him
taking his leadership role,
00:11:06.56\00:11:08.70
which would have showed respect,
00:11:08.73\00:11:10.20
he cops out and
blames it on his wife now.
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And so now in front of
her, he gets demoted by God,
00:11:12.70\00:11:16.91
and in front of
the whole universe,
00:11:16.94\00:11:18.41
it looks like Adam,
00:11:18.44\00:11:19.77
you know, couldn't
handle his business.
00:11:19.81\00:11:21.48
And so now they've
created this yearning in men
00:11:21.51\00:11:24.25
to be able to be respected
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for being able to
handle their business,
00:11:26.18\00:11:29.68
to take care of the
things that God gave them.
00:11:29.72\00:11:33.22
And this is why it
plays such a pivotal role.
00:11:33.25\00:11:35.22
And this is why
Satan has twisted society
00:11:35.26\00:11:37.76
into disrespecting
and belittling men,
00:11:37.79\00:11:41.10
so they won't step
00:11:41.13\00:11:42.70
and take charge as
God wants them to do,
00:11:42.73\00:11:45.77
in the way He wants them
to, not in a perverted way.
00:11:45.80\00:11:48.40
And I like what you're saying
00:11:48.44\00:11:49.77
because, you know, if
it's just God's saying
00:11:49.80\00:11:51.94
that men, you know, are
looking for that respect,
00:11:51.97\00:11:54.01
it's not just God,
it's also psychology,
00:11:54.04\00:11:56.64
you know, regular
psychology, regular science,
00:11:56.68\00:11:59.55
even they rank that respect
is one of the highest things
00:11:59.58\00:12:02.68
that a man looks for,
both in relationships,
00:12:02.72\00:12:06.15
from coworkers, from
friends, whatever they do,
00:12:06.19\00:12:08.89
they're always
looking for that respect.
00:12:08.92\00:12:11.83
And respect can actually get...
00:12:11.86\00:12:13.36
Not getting that
respect, you know, it really,
00:12:13.40\00:12:16.03
I guess, you know, it
hits your ego or hits,
00:12:16.06\00:12:17.70
you know, your male...
00:12:17.73\00:12:19.07
Or who you are as a man,
00:12:19.10\00:12:20.44
it kind of hits you
when they break you down.
00:12:20.47\00:12:23.47
I don't know, what
do you think, Jacques?
00:12:23.51\00:12:25.71
One of the
interesting things about that is
00:12:25.74\00:12:28.71
just how different God made us.
00:12:28.74\00:12:31.45
You know, a man wanting respect,
00:12:31.48\00:12:33.42
it makes so much sense to me,
00:12:33.45\00:12:35.75
you know, because
00:12:35.78\00:12:37.12
being in the
military for three years,
00:12:37.15\00:12:40.39
the military is...
00:12:40.42\00:12:42.12
The whole entire
culture is built on respect.
00:12:42.16\00:12:45.59
You literally wear
your rank on your chest.
00:12:45.63\00:12:48.40
And so when
you're talking to someone
00:12:48.43\00:12:50.13
who outranks you,
you speak a certain way.
00:12:50.17\00:12:54.14
If you're talking to a
non-commissioned officer,
00:12:54.17\00:12:56.14
you have your
hands behind your back.
00:12:56.17\00:12:57.57
If you're talking to
a commissioned officer,
00:12:57.61\00:13:00.31
you're standing at
the position of attention.
00:13:00.34\00:13:02.48
You know, even if
you're frustrated,
00:13:02.51\00:13:04.01
you watch your tone of voice.
00:13:04.05\00:13:05.91
And that makes so
much sense to men.
00:13:05.95\00:13:08.75
And so like growing up in
that culture, so to speak,
00:13:08.78\00:13:13.15
I fully can understand that.
00:13:13.19\00:13:15.22
But when I was talking
00:13:15.26\00:13:16.59
with my friend's
wife about respect,
00:13:16.62\00:13:20.16
she was telling me
00:13:20.20\00:13:21.53
how when she read
a relationship book,
00:13:21.56\00:13:23.13
she was so confused,
how the first pages said,
00:13:23.16\00:13:27.44
"Your love is not
enough. He needs your respect."
00:13:27.47\00:13:31.01
And so I think
that a lot of women,
00:13:31.04\00:13:32.37
they don't really
understand that their husbands,
00:13:32.41\00:13:35.68
they want their wives' respect
more than they want their love.
00:13:35.71\00:13:40.02
And I knew many men,
when I was in the military
00:13:40.05\00:13:42.35
that they would
spend so much time at work,
00:13:42.38\00:13:45.19
and they
wouldn't like to go home
00:13:45.22\00:13:47.42
because here you
are as an officer,
00:13:47.46\00:13:49.82
a non-commissioned officer,
00:13:49.86\00:13:51.36
everyone in the
company respects you,
00:13:51.39\00:13:53.56
and then you go home,
00:13:53.60\00:13:55.16
and your wife is trying
to treat you like a child.
00:13:55.20\00:13:57.37
And so those are
things that I saw
00:13:57.40\00:13:59.57
while I was in the military.
00:13:59.60\00:14:01.20
And I resonate with that,
00:14:01.24\00:14:02.57
but I want to give credit
to my wonderful wife over here,
00:14:02.60\00:14:04.71
she sure want to say
something, go ahead, go ahead.
00:14:04.74\00:14:06.68
I think respect
shows that you are valued.
00:14:06.71\00:14:10.51
When I'm thinking
about respecting someone,
00:14:10.55\00:14:13.05
I'm going to respect someone
00:14:13.08\00:14:14.42
who, like you said, higher rank.
00:14:14.45\00:14:16.85
They know what they're doing,
they know what they're about,
00:14:16.89\00:14:20.52
I trust this person,
00:14:20.56\00:14:22.32
and I think this person,
you know, is about something.
00:14:22.36\00:14:26.96
It's like, when you see,
like, a vagrant on the street,
00:14:27.00\00:14:29.56
your automatic
response isn't to respect them,
00:14:29.60\00:14:31.80
because you're thinking
00:14:31.83\00:14:33.17
that what they're
doing with their lives.
00:14:33.20\00:14:34.54
They're not doing anything.
00:14:34.57\00:14:35.90
But yet, if a pastor walks
in, I'm going to respect him,
00:14:35.94\00:14:38.87
because he is doing this...
00:14:38.91\00:14:40.68
He's serving God, doing this.
00:14:40.71\00:14:42.04
It's like, because
you're about something
00:14:42.08\00:14:44.78
that makes me
want to respect you.
00:14:44.81\00:14:47.12
And I think when a guy is
being respected, it shows him,
00:14:47.15\00:14:50.59
"Okay, she realizes
that I am about something,
00:14:50.62\00:14:53.96
that I am doing
something with my life,
00:14:53.99\00:14:55.92
that I am of this great
value, that I can be trusted,
00:14:55.96\00:14:58.53
that she can depend,
that she can lean on me,
00:14:58.56\00:15:00.73
so she's going to respect
me because of these things.
00:15:00.76\00:15:05.00
And I want to
put in a disclaimer,
00:15:05.03\00:15:06.80
just in case
anybody watching things,
00:15:06.84\00:15:09.67
we're not saying that
men don't want to be loved
00:15:09.70\00:15:12.31
or that they
don't need to be loved,
00:15:12.34\00:15:14.71
what we're seeing is
how they identify the love
00:15:14.74\00:15:18.55
that comes from their wife
00:15:18.58\00:15:19.91
is through a
mechanism of respect in them
00:15:19.95\00:15:22.92
at the same time."
00:15:22.95\00:15:24.29
And I want to say
something about that.
00:15:24.32\00:15:25.99
I believe that when a
woman respects her man,
00:15:26.02\00:15:28.32
that is a form of loving him
00:15:28.36\00:15:30.96
or letting him know
that she does love him,
00:15:30.99\00:15:34.00
because you can't
automatically just yell
00:15:34.03\00:15:39.03
and say whatever
you want to this man,
00:15:39.07\00:15:41.77
and he's going to
think that you love him.
00:15:41.80\00:15:44.41
You have to show
that you love him,
00:15:44.44\00:15:45.97
you have to give
him that reassurance
00:15:46.01\00:15:47.68
that you love him.
00:15:47.71\00:15:50.08
And respect is
one of the main things
00:15:50.11\00:15:52.25
that will show him that.
00:15:52.28\00:15:53.65
So based on that,
you know, what men...
00:15:53.68\00:15:55.05
One of the things
that man need is respect.
00:15:55.08\00:15:57.05
But I'm also wondering,
00:15:57.09\00:15:58.42
you know, regards to
this whole concept of respect,
00:15:58.45\00:16:01.52
God, Christianity,
00:16:01.56\00:16:03.19
you know, I'm sure we
need a little more than
00:16:03.22\00:16:06.19
just respect or love, you know.
00:16:06.23\00:16:08.36
I want to know what
your thoughts are of
00:16:08.40\00:16:10.87
as what God says a man needs.
00:16:10.90\00:16:13.94
And I know, Tim, you
touched on that earlier.
00:16:13.97\00:16:16.24
You talked about the
Garden of Eden, Myesha,
00:16:16.27\00:16:17.74
you talked about the
Garden of Eden as well, help me.
00:16:17.77\00:16:19.84
So being that,
00:16:19.87\00:16:21.21
you know, we're talking
about that a little bit,
00:16:21.24\00:16:22.58
I want to know,
why does God feel
00:16:22.61\00:16:24.91
that a helpmate is
so important to a man?
00:16:24.95\00:16:28.28
Why is it exactly? What
mechanism does that play?
00:16:28.32\00:16:32.15
Well, for one, she has...
00:16:32.19\00:16:34.52
I've always been told that
a woman is a man's backbone,
00:16:34.56\00:16:37.86
you know, she always
has his back in anything,
00:16:37.89\00:16:41.33
you know, outside the home
as well as inside the home.
00:16:41.36\00:16:46.84
Clearly, God,
00:16:46.87\00:16:50.34
He is amazing the way
He made woman and man.
00:16:50.37\00:16:53.38
Okay, a rib wasn't
taken out of a woman,
00:16:53.41\00:16:57.31
you know, to make a man.
00:16:57.35\00:16:58.91
That's the other way around.
00:16:58.95\00:17:00.28
Let's speak
about the correction.
00:17:00.32\00:17:02.28
It was a man's
rib that was taken out
00:17:02.32\00:17:05.12
and given to a
woman to make woman.
00:17:05.15\00:17:08.76
Okay, so clearly we see
00:17:08.79\00:17:10.79
that the man is
an important role
00:17:10.83\00:17:13.60
as well as the woman,
they're both are equal,
00:17:13.63\00:17:16.13
but the man is the leader.
00:17:16.16\00:17:19.23
Okay, but we live in a
progressive society though.
00:17:19.27\00:17:23.30
Can I find that...
00:17:23.34\00:17:24.67
Do I have to find a
helpmate in a woman?
00:17:24.71\00:17:26.17
Can't I just find a
helpmate in another man?
00:17:26.21\00:17:28.11
No.
00:17:28.14\00:17:29.48
Well, not in the
context of what God says,
00:17:29.51\00:17:32.18
like we were
talking about earlier.
00:17:32.21\00:17:34.25
I mean, we can
find whatever we want
00:17:34.28\00:17:35.92
if we want to do
whatever we want to do.
00:17:35.95\00:17:37.92
You know, but if we're going
00:17:37.95\00:17:39.39
to talk about
what the Bible says,
00:17:39.42\00:17:41.22
we see that God made
Adam and the way He made him,
00:17:41.26\00:17:44.99
He made him with this sense
to have a helpmate which...
00:17:45.03\00:17:49.30
And to be, you know,
validated by his wife.
00:17:49.33\00:17:52.30
Like Jacques was saying
earlier about the military,
00:17:52.33\00:17:54.40
you could be doing...
00:17:54.44\00:17:56.47
I mean, the world can tell you
00:17:56.50\00:17:58.27
that you're the
greatest guy on earth,
00:17:58.31\00:18:01.08
but when you come
home, if in your wife's eyes,
00:18:01.11\00:18:04.71
you know, you
don't have that support,
00:18:04.75\00:18:06.31
if she doesn't think
so, if she doesn't think
00:18:06.35\00:18:08.28
any of your
accomplishments or anything,
00:18:08.32\00:18:10.22
you might fake it,
00:18:10.25\00:18:11.95
but that will cut worse
00:18:11.99\00:18:13.36
than all the accolades
that the world could give you.
00:18:13.39\00:18:16.39
And so God knew
that men were built
00:18:16.42\00:18:18.96
with needing the support system
from a woman, supporting him,
00:18:18.99\00:18:24.77
encouraging him,
encouragement is big.
00:18:24.80\00:18:28.24
"Hey, you did a good job."
00:18:28.27\00:18:29.60
You know, "Hey,
you did a nice job,"
00:18:29.64\00:18:30.97
through both sexes,
00:18:31.01\00:18:32.34
but God knew that men
needed those things too.
00:18:32.37\00:18:34.91
Jacques, you
wanted to say something?
00:18:34.94\00:18:37.15
I was going to say that
00:18:37.18\00:18:38.51
another reason why
Adam needed a helpmate
00:18:38.55\00:18:40.48
is because one of
his major purposes
00:18:40.52\00:18:42.68
was to reflect the image of God.
00:18:42.72\00:18:45.05
You know, man was
made in God's image.
00:18:45.09\00:18:47.42
And God is triune,
you know, three in one.
00:18:47.46\00:18:52.23
And so there is no
way for a triune God
00:18:52.26\00:18:55.46
to be reflected in one person.
00:18:55.50\00:18:57.93
And so they're needed
00:18:57.97\00:18:59.30
to be some other characteristics
00:18:59.33\00:19:01.60
to be displayed for
the whole entire universe,
00:19:01.64\00:19:04.47
and that's where Eve came along.
00:19:04.51\00:19:06.27
She displayed some of the
other characteristics of God
00:19:06.31\00:19:09.31
while Adam had
some of the other ones.
00:19:09.34\00:19:11.21
And they came
perfectly together.
00:19:11.25\00:19:13.21
And before sin, it
was a perfect union
00:19:13.25\00:19:15.45
like God, the
Father, and His son.
00:19:15.48\00:19:18.05
After sin,
00:19:18.09\00:19:19.42
that's when the human
family started fighting.
00:19:19.45\00:19:21.96
And I think
that's all great points
00:19:21.99\00:19:23.76
because we often take the
Bible for granted, as a joke,
00:19:23.79\00:19:27.46
or a set of
rules and regulations
00:19:27.50\00:19:29.30
that are there
just to oppress us,
00:19:29.33\00:19:31.23
but what man need first is God.
00:19:31.27\00:19:34.54
You know, and God,
once he needed God,
00:19:34.57\00:19:36.47
he saw it fit
to put him to sleep
00:19:36.50\00:19:38.27
and make a woman out
of him, a better half,
00:19:38.31\00:19:40.71
if you so call that,
00:19:40.74\00:19:42.08
you know, somebody
that would complete him
00:19:42.11\00:19:44.01
aside from God.
00:19:44.05\00:19:45.48
You know, triune,
00:19:45.51\00:19:46.85
you know,
that's why the marriage
00:19:46.88\00:19:49.02
or, you know, what man
need is a woman, not a man,
00:19:49.05\00:19:53.46
a woman to replicate
00:19:53.49\00:19:55.42
or duplicate a
symbol of the Trinity,
00:19:55.46\00:19:58.73
you know, to bring this union
and bond together under God.
00:19:58.76\00:20:02.93
And I think it's
important to understand
00:20:02.96\00:20:04.47
the concept of a helpmate
00:20:04.50\00:20:05.83
'cause there's a
difference between
00:20:05.87\00:20:07.20
an anchor versus a helpmate.
00:20:07.24\00:20:10.57
You know, 'cause
there's a lot of men out there,
00:20:10.61\00:20:13.07
and they all say, "You
know, she's my helpmate."
00:20:13.11\00:20:15.14
And she's not a bad person,
but she's not the right person.
00:20:15.18\00:20:19.11
So what role do
you think that plays
00:20:19.15\00:20:21.58
into a man's
character and what a man needs,
00:20:21.62\00:20:24.02
you know, the fact
that you find somebody
00:20:24.05\00:20:27.19
that seems to be a "helpmate,"
00:20:27.22\00:20:28.56
but, in fact, they tend to
be more detrimental than good?
00:20:28.59\00:20:31.03
Yes, Jacques.
00:20:31.06\00:20:32.39
Well, I tell, when
looking for helpmate,
00:20:32.43\00:20:34.66
you should see, "Can
this person help me?"
00:20:34.70\00:20:39.73
There you go, there you go.
00:20:39.77\00:20:41.10
Because if you're in
the course of ministry
00:20:41.14\00:20:43.54
or if you're...
00:20:43.57\00:20:44.91
If you know the course or
the trajectory of your life,
00:20:44.94\00:20:51.51
you have to look
at this woman and say,
00:20:51.55\00:20:53.42
"Does she fit in with
God's plan for my life?"
00:20:53.45\00:20:56.28
She might be godly,
00:20:56.32\00:20:58.45
you know, she
might be a nice woman,
00:20:58.49\00:21:00.49
she might make a
good mother someday,
00:21:00.52\00:21:03.36
but that does not mean
that God has her for you,
00:21:03.39\00:21:06.03
because God might have her in,
00:21:06.06\00:21:08.43
let's say, the
field of health sciences,
00:21:08.46\00:21:10.97
while God has for
you something else,
00:21:11.00\00:21:14.14
maybe He wants you
to be a missionary.
00:21:14.17\00:21:16.07
And so both of your plans
00:21:16.10\00:21:17.64
are in
accordance with God's will,
00:21:17.67\00:21:19.94
but the God does not
want to mesh those two.
00:21:19.97\00:21:22.21
He wants you guys to
go your separate ways.
00:21:22.24\00:21:24.31
And so you have to make sure
00:21:24.35\00:21:25.68
that this person
can help you in the plan
00:21:25.71\00:21:28.48
that God has given for you
00:21:28.52\00:21:29.85
or else that
person isn't for you,
00:21:29.88\00:21:31.45
whether they're a
good Christian or not.
00:21:31.49\00:21:33.36
Praise the Lord.
00:21:33.39\00:21:34.72
You know, that's a
good man, right there.
00:21:34.76\00:21:36.09
You're a good man.
00:21:36.12\00:21:38.96
You know, we're praying
about you, we're praying,
00:21:38.99\00:21:40.33
we're praying.
00:21:40.36\00:21:41.70
Right.
00:21:41.73\00:21:43.06
And I just want to add that
00:21:43.10\00:21:46.00
both people need to
be ready for those roles.
00:21:46.03\00:21:48.84
It might be a good woman
00:21:48.87\00:21:50.27
or it might be
nothing wrong with her,
00:21:50.31\00:21:51.77
but right now,
where God has her,
00:21:51.81\00:21:54.51
He doesn't have her in a place
00:21:54.54\00:21:55.88
where she's
going to be a helpmate,
00:21:55.91\00:21:57.55
you know, whatever He
has going on in her life,
00:21:57.58\00:21:59.45
and maybe He doesn't have
the man in a place where he,
00:21:59.48\00:22:02.98
you know, and
essentially needs that support.
00:22:03.02\00:22:04.69
Going back to the Garden, Adam,
at first, he didn't need any,
00:22:04.72\00:22:08.86
you know, help
naming all the animals.
00:22:08.89\00:22:10.43
That was a job
that God gave him to do,
00:22:10.46\00:22:12.46
and he could do it.
00:22:12.49\00:22:13.83
But for the rest of his duties,
He saw fit to give him a wife,
00:22:13.86\00:22:17.43
and gave him Eve.
00:22:17.47\00:22:18.80
And so you might
be at different places
00:22:18.83\00:22:20.20
where God doesn't want
you to mesh like that yet
00:22:20.24\00:22:23.34
for whatever you're
doing, maybe in ministry,
00:22:23.37\00:22:25.81
it could be your
own character traits
00:22:25.84\00:22:28.14
because you'll find out
that once you get married,
00:22:28.18\00:22:31.55
you're a little bit more crazier
00:22:31.58\00:22:32.91
than you thought you were.
00:22:32.95\00:22:34.28
You know, and
there are some things
00:22:34.32\00:22:35.85
that you had to work out
00:22:35.88\00:22:37.22
that you just didn't see before,
00:22:37.25\00:22:38.59
but that other person is there
00:22:38.62\00:22:40.19
and these things
come out on the table
00:22:40.22\00:22:42.59
and, you know, God
fixes and solves things.
00:22:42.62\00:22:45.66
But, you know, you might be
at a certain place in your life
00:22:45.69\00:22:47.93
where it's just not
the right time for that.
00:22:47.96\00:22:50.53
That is true. That is true.
00:22:50.57\00:22:51.93
When you get married, you
know, speaking from experience,
00:22:51.97\00:22:53.67
my lovely wife, you
know, some things do come up,
00:22:53.70\00:22:56.37
and you actually start
seeing your own necessities,
00:22:56.40\00:22:58.67
needs that you
didn't even thought you had.
00:22:58.71\00:23:01.24
You see that reflected
upon your spouse, on your wife,
00:23:01.28\00:23:04.45
that you begin
to see those needs,
00:23:04.48\00:23:05.88
you know, come out,
00:23:05.91\00:23:07.25
you know, you
didn't think you needed...
00:23:07.28\00:23:08.62
You thought you
were patient enough,
00:23:08.65\00:23:11.22
you need a little more.
00:23:11.25\00:23:13.69
You thought, you know, "I
love my wife, I'm patient,
00:23:13.72\00:23:15.36
I'm patient, I'm
patient, I know that,"
00:23:15.39\00:23:16.73
I love my wife though.
00:23:16.76\00:23:18.09
She's not...
00:23:18.13\00:23:19.46
She's very patient
with me, I should say.
00:23:19.49\00:23:20.83
She's very patient with me.
00:23:20.86\00:23:22.20
But it's good, you know,
00:23:22.23\00:23:23.57
you need that
little bit of wisdom,
00:23:23.60\00:23:24.93
you can go to your spouse.
00:23:24.97\00:23:26.30
We're reading a devotional,
00:23:26.33\00:23:27.67
you know, the other day
about getting that wisdom
00:23:27.70\00:23:29.04
from your spouse.
00:23:29.07\00:23:30.41
So I think that need is there
for men to really, you know,
00:23:30.44\00:23:33.27
gear down and really
figure out what they want.
00:23:33.31\00:23:35.64
But one more
question I want to ask,
00:23:35.68\00:23:38.05
and I want to
ask our viewers too,
00:23:38.08\00:23:40.78
you know,
reflect on this question.
00:23:40.82\00:23:43.28
What and why does pornography
00:23:43.32\00:23:46.76
plays or seem to
play such a big necessity
00:23:46.79\00:23:50.06
in man's life today?
00:23:50.09\00:23:51.69
Why is pornography
such a big need for men?
00:23:51.73\00:23:54.40
And is this
something that men should want?
00:23:54.43\00:23:57.27
Well, I think it,
00:23:57.30\00:23:59.10
you know, goes a
little bit piggybacking off
00:23:59.13\00:24:00.90
the first question.
00:24:00.94\00:24:02.27
What society is telling
men what they should be,
00:24:02.30\00:24:05.84
that society, every time
00:24:05.87\00:24:08.54
they pose a man,
as she was saying,
00:24:08.58\00:24:10.31
they look like there
are men that's good sexually
00:24:10.35\00:24:15.48
and can get a lot of
women and things of that nature.
00:24:15.52\00:24:18.35
And so they feed to
men a lot of the physical
00:24:18.39\00:24:21.02
that they're supposed to have.
00:24:21.06\00:24:22.46
You're supposed to
have physical success
00:24:22.49\00:24:24.83
with money and cars,
00:24:24.86\00:24:26.19
you're supposed to have
physical fitness with the body,
00:24:26.23\00:24:28.60
and you're supposed to
be physically good in bed.
00:24:28.63\00:24:31.47
And so if you don't
get a lot of these girls,
00:24:31.50\00:24:34.40
if you don't get a
lot of these things,
00:24:34.44\00:24:35.77
or if you believe in society,
00:24:35.80\00:24:37.14
and they have
over-stimulated your sexuality,
00:24:37.17\00:24:40.04
now you can go to
pornography and get that release
00:24:40.08\00:24:42.78
or get that manly
feeling as it were
00:24:42.81\00:24:45.28
'cause you're a man
00:24:45.31\00:24:46.65
so this is what
you're supposed to do.
00:24:46.68\00:24:48.02
You're supposed to be a
sexual kind of creature,
00:24:48.05\00:24:50.49
animal, almost as it were.
00:24:50.52\00:24:52.85
Jacques?
00:24:52.89\00:24:54.22
I'd say that a lot of men
feel like they need pornography
00:24:54.26\00:24:57.09
because our natural
desire that God gave every man.
00:24:57.13\00:25:02.33
Every man wants to
feel like a woman wants him.
00:25:02.36\00:25:06.27
And deep down inside,
00:25:06.30\00:25:07.64
every man wants a
woman to want him.
00:25:07.67\00:25:09.64
You know, we
might not talk about it,
00:25:09.67\00:25:11.01
we might not express it,
00:25:11.04\00:25:12.47
but that's the
trap of pornography.
00:25:12.51\00:25:14.98
It's taking
something that God gave us
00:25:15.01\00:25:16.54
because that is
a desire from God,
00:25:16.58\00:25:18.78
to be wanted by a
person of the opposite sex.
00:25:18.81\00:25:22.22
It takes that legitimate desire
00:25:22.25\00:25:24.52
and then it
gives us a false way,
00:25:24.55\00:25:27.36
an illegitimate way,
00:25:27.39\00:25:28.72
to fulfill that
legitimate desire.
00:25:28.76\00:25:30.96
What do you guys think though?
00:25:30.99\00:25:32.33
I want to ask the woman too
00:25:32.36\00:25:33.70
because it's been
testosterone time here.
00:25:33.73\00:25:35.23
We should ask the ladies too.
00:25:35.26\00:25:36.60
Why do you guys
think pornography plays
00:25:36.63\00:25:37.97
such a big role?
00:25:38.00\00:25:39.33
I think pornography
plays such a big role
00:25:39.37\00:25:40.70
because across the board when...
00:25:40.74\00:25:43.30
Earlier, I was talking about
00:25:43.34\00:25:44.67
how society has
those different concepts
00:25:44.71\00:25:46.74
for different men.
00:25:46.78\00:25:48.11
But one thing that
has been, I want to say,
00:25:48.14\00:25:52.45
straight in every single part,
00:25:52.48\00:25:55.52
whether he is a very
successful man, he has sex,
00:25:55.55\00:25:59.25
whether he is the wimp, yes,
00:25:59.29\00:26:02.19
he's going to get
sex from his wife.
00:26:02.22\00:26:04.36
No matter what it is,
00:26:04.39\00:26:05.86
sex plays such
a significant role
00:26:05.89\00:26:07.63
for every single
different type of guy.
00:26:07.66\00:26:10.17
And that probably
plays a part of it 'cause,
00:26:10.20\00:26:13.60
"Okay, I'm supposed to want it."
00:26:13.64\00:26:15.64
Even Christian woman
would say that's all men want.
00:26:15.67\00:26:18.77
And that's how men
are treated to be like,
00:26:18.81\00:26:22.81
if you don't have this problem,
you're not really a man,
00:26:22.84\00:26:26.21
maybe something's
wrong with your parts.
00:26:26.25\00:26:28.48
Wow.
00:26:28.52\00:26:29.85
What do you think, Myesha?
00:26:29.88\00:26:31.42
She said everything.
00:26:31.45\00:26:34.26
That's easier.
That's a good one.
00:26:34.29\00:26:35.62
Good one there.
00:26:35.66\00:26:36.99
Now woman got to
stick together, right?
00:26:37.03\00:26:39.79
But, you know,
in all seriousness,
00:26:39.83\00:26:41.56
what men need, you know,
00:26:41.60\00:26:43.50
aside from what
I'm going to say,
00:26:43.53\00:26:45.23
you know, they need Jesus,
00:26:45.27\00:26:47.37
aside from that,
they need that validation,
00:26:47.40\00:26:49.34
you know, from good friends,
from good godly friends.
00:26:49.37\00:26:53.58
They need that validation
from, you know, their coworkers,
00:26:53.61\00:26:56.14
a support group, you
know, really need to engage
00:26:56.18\00:26:59.01
because, as men,
00:26:59.05\00:27:00.38
we're not allowed
to share our emotions.
00:27:00.42\00:27:02.48
But that's where you
find that good support system
00:27:02.52\00:27:04.55
with your friends,
with your guy friends,
00:27:04.59\00:27:06.42
and with your spouse.
00:27:06.45\00:27:07.96
You know, open up
those lines of communication
00:27:07.99\00:27:09.79
with your wife.
00:27:09.82\00:27:11.16
Be able to, you know,
open up to her and speak to her
00:27:11.19\00:27:13.43
because society tells us
we can't share our emotions,
00:27:13.46\00:27:16.06
we can't share our feelings,
00:27:16.10\00:27:18.03
but God says, "You two are one."
00:27:18.07\00:27:20.87
So you need to communicate
as one, understand each other,
00:27:20.90\00:27:24.71
get to know each other.
00:27:24.74\00:27:26.07
If this is a
point in your marriage
00:27:26.11\00:27:27.44
where you're struggling
00:27:27.48\00:27:28.81
or maybe you're
single and you're struggling,
00:27:28.84\00:27:31.18
find a refuge in Christ,
00:27:31.21\00:27:33.05
find a refuge in
good godly friends,
00:27:33.08\00:27:34.92
find a refuge in
your local church.
00:27:34.95\00:27:37.65
Understand that what men
need is not what society says.
00:27:37.69\00:27:40.59
Men don't need just
sex, don't need just alcohol,
00:27:40.62\00:27:43.96
don't need just food,
or anything like that.
00:27:43.99\00:27:46.36
Men need a lot more
to find that fulfillment.
00:27:46.39\00:27:49.16
And that
fulfillment is not only found
00:27:49.20\00:27:51.43
in that rib that was once
taken in the Garden of Eden.
00:27:51.47\00:27:53.90
That fulfillment is also found
00:27:53.94\00:27:55.54
in the loving
arms of Jesus Christ.
00:27:55.57\00:27:57.87
We must understand that, as men,
00:27:57.91\00:28:00.24
we have a higher
calling what the world says.
00:28:00.28\00:28:02.71
But, as always,
remember to make pure choices.
00:28:02.74\00:28:06.41