The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hello, and welcome to another
great episode of Pure Choices.
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I'm your host, Xavier Morales.
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And I would now
introduce to my panel.
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Next to me is my
beautiful, wonderful wife,
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Brittany Hill-Morales.
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And over here,
we have Tim Lawson
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and Mrs. Myesha
Lawson and Jacques LaGuerre.
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Welcome, welcome.
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Today, we'll be
talking about dating traps.
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What are dating traps?
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And the title of
today's topic is,
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"You Thirsty?"
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Are you thirsty?
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Today, we will be
getting into these questions
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and really understanding
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what a dating trap is all about?
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But before we
begin, let us pray.
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Dear Heavenly Father God,
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we just wanna
thank you right now
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as we learn from your Word
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and learn what
dating traps are all about,
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in Jesus' name, Amen.
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Amen.
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Well, the first
obvious question is
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what is a dating trap?
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How would you define that?
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Tim?
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I think a dating
trap is anything that
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kind of entices
you to date a person,
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but then later on,
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you find out that that
thing was then important
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wasn't all as cracked up to be
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and now you're trapped as
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where you had to
deal with something
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you didn't really
want to deal with.
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You know, I
can't remember myself
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trying to be a
dating trap myself,
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you know, in the
beginning you're nice
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and you're cordial,
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but really
inside, I'm a 100% selfish
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and I only want,
you know, what I want,
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I really don't
care what you want,
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but I'll give you what you
want so I can get what I want.
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What I know the definition to be
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is like either
like a trick or a ploy
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that you try to use
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because you
perceive it to be essential
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to a successful relationship.
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But what it really
does? It leads to its demise.
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Jacques?
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I'd say, it's
any umbilical method
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that you try to use to
get into a relationship
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or a method that
is used against you
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that results in a
relationship being formed.
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That's right.
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Yeah, that's right, okay.
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Well, so what a
dating traps to is, you know,
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understanding what
the word "trap" means?
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You know, "dating," "trap"
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they just doesn't
seem to go together.
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You know what I mean,
so you're setting a trap.
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You're essentially setting...
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there is no end goal.
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You know, you're
just trying to, literally,
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trap the person into
getting what you want.
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I guess one of the
questions would be,
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what are some of the
most common dating traps?
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Most common dating
traps would be social media.
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Okay. Okay.
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I mean it's so easy
for me to post pictures,
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say little
comments about myself,
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basically
putting myself out there
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knowing that it will
attract another guy or woman
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and just
basically seeking attention
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for someone to, you know,
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message me back
or like my pictures
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or just trying to
get someone's interest
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or trying to get
someone's attention
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so he can, you know, contact me.
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I like that. Go ahead, Jacques?
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I'd say another dating
trap is what are we dating trap?
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That's where you start to
get physical with someone you...
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as a man, you start to
get physical with a young lady
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and then she
asked you the question,
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"What are we?"
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And you don't know what to say.
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And so since you guys
have been getting physical
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and you like what's going on,
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you just decide to
get into a relationship
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when you had no
intention originally
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and now you're dating someone
that you don't really like.
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Yeah, yes, I have that
one, I call it scarcity trap,
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you know, where
things are scarce,
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slim pickings,
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and I think, you know,
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that was a fairly
common one too where, you know,
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you kind of limit...
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you limit it to
what you can choose
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so you just go with whatever
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and make that person
fall into your gimmick
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like I like the marketing trap.
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Do you have anything to add?
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Yeah, the marketing trap,
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I think if one is at a whole way
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to cross the board,
that's probably one.
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You know, nice
looking or clothes are nice,
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car is nice, house is nice,
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everything on
the outside is nice,
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it looks all appealing,
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but inside, it can be
terrible and really horrible
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and so people market themselves,
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kind of like she
was saying on internet,
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some women market
themselves to appear sexy
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and to appear that they
will engage in this activity
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and men do the same thing,
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you know, some
people go to the gym
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not just to get in shape,
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but to market themselves
better, to look better.
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I was just thinking about
what you were saying about
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how the pickings are slim.
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You usually hear that
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like when I went to the college,
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they say, "Okay,
while you're here,
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make sure you get
your degree and your Mrs.
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because when you
got into the real world,
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the pickings are slim,
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there are not that many
good black men out there,
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so you really want
to get someone here,"
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because, you
know, the school I went,
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"You have to get
someone here as soon as you can
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because when you're out there,
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it's going to be a struggle,
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you're going to be
single for forever.
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So you might as
well find someone here."
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I like that 'cause that kind of
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leads into the
other dating trap,
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date to mate trap.
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We see that a
lot in our community,
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especially our
Christian community,
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the dating trap,
you know, I remember,
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you know, the
stories I would hear of...
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you know, you go
pray, give them Bible study,
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you know, go pray
with them a little bit,
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you know, take them to the Lord,
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but while
you're at it, you know,
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take them with you too.
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You know, I don't know
what are you guys think,
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the date to mate trap.
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I think... Yeah, go ahead.
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I was actually
talking with the young lady
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the other day
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and she was telling me that
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that's something
that happens a lot.
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If a young woman
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who's not essentially sanctified
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is trying to trap a
young man, she might ask him,
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"Hey, let's have Bible studies."
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And then, after that happens,
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that's when she's
going to make her move
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and so that is
something that happens
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and you have to be careful
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that you're not putting
yourself in a risky situation,
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no matter what the activity is.
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Especially, especially,
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if you are
trying to seek the Lord
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with all your mind and heart
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and you're a guy
or you're a girl,
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once you do this
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and some might
knows what you're about,
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they know you spiritually,
they know you love the Lord,
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then you will meet this people
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who look like they have
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the greatest
relationship with the Lord,
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they walk with the Bible out,
they're in church all the time,
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they look really sanctified,
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but it's just a
act to catch you,
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you know, so you can date them
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because you're
"the type of person"
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that they want and so, you know,
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church is a wonderful place,
but everybody who's in there,
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not in there for Jesus.
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So you got to be careful.
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I think you're right about that
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because you see that a lot
in our Christian community,
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the date to mate trap where,
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you know, there's
pressure especially on people
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that are trying
to become pastors.
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There's a lot of
pressure on them to get married,
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you know, to be
hireable and there's...
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that is a trap
in itself, you know,
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you can't be
unequally yoked in the church.
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And yes, I want
to tell our viewers,
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you can't be
unequally yoked in the church.
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So this date to mate
trap is not an uncommon thing
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to see in our Christian circles,
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but that's why we
have God, you know,
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to get that discernment,
to get that understanding
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because the traps
come from the devil.
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Yeah.
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But salvation comes from God,
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so in
understanding Him and His Word
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and where he wants to take us,
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we, you know, kind
of, learn these traps
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and understand them
a little bit better.
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Yes?
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Another trap that I
was thinking about is,
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"Are we compatible?"
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And usually, how it goes is,
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"Okay, we have a
lot of fun together,
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we can go out, we can laugh,
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for like, I mean,
we talk for hours,
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so maybe we're good friends,
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so maybe this
would actually work."
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And they don't really sit
down and figure out, okay,
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will this really
make a good relationship?
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Will it really
make a good marriage?
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They're so much...
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They're so focused on the
fact that they had fun together.
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They don't think about, okay,
are they good with finances
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or are they
going to make me broke?
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They don't know how to...
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Does this person want children?
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They're just
like, "Oh, you know,
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we're just having so much fun.
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So because we're having
fun, it's going to work out.
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We're compatible in
this shape or form."
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I think another trap too
would be like the rescue trap,
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you know, where the guys,
you know, you like to rescue,
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you know, you're the,
rescue the damsel in distress.
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And you go in and, you
know, you see this girl,
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she's very attractive,
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now you know
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you're not
supposed to be with her,
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you know, you're not
supposed to talk to, you know,
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be around her like that,
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but yet you feel, you
want to be the rescuer.
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"God, I can fix her,
I can make her better."
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Same thing, women, you
know, they like that...
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and Christian women do this too.
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They like that bad boy
like, "I can make him better.
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I will make him
into that clean slick man
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he needs to be for Lord."
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What do you think about
that, Myesha, in that regard?
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No, you cannot
change a man, okay?
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Like you said, you
can't change a woman either,
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you know, you
just have to let God
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do the transformation
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because even though
you're trying to change them,
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you can change or...
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in the midst, you're going
to end up changing yourself.
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So I think that you should
stay more focused on letting God
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find you someone
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and not doing
things on your own behalf
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or to your own understanding.
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Let go and let God.
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What I... Go ahead, Jacques?
00:10:07.94\00:10:09.54
What I'd say is, you know,
if you're looking for a spouse,
00:10:09.57\00:10:12.77
you should focus on evangelism,
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not girlfriend or
boyfriend evangelism.
00:10:14.84\00:10:17.68
Now because if you want someone
who's serious about the Lord
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and you're serious
about the Lord yourself,
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you should be trying
to witness to other people
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and I believe
one of the purposes
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for
companionship and for marriage
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is to be useful,
more useful in ministry.
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And so getting into ministry
00:10:32.89\00:10:34.90
and separating
your ministerial life
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from your dating life
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'cause those
things should never mix.
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To pay back of what Jacques said
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and I think that's exactly
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what the Lord is
trying to show us in Genesis.
00:10:44.71\00:10:46.88
It was through Adam
fulfilling his work for the Lord
00:10:46.91\00:10:51.81
that he found the
need and the desire
00:10:51.85\00:10:55.42
to have a mate when
he was naming the animals
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and then he saw them two by two,
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then he began to wonder,
you know, "Where's my mate?"
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Through that experience,
God did put him to sleep
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and made his mate
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and then God
brought his mate to him.
00:11:07.30\00:11:10.47
Now Adam was focused on his work
00:11:10.50\00:11:12.03
and his relationship with God
00:11:12.07\00:11:13.67
and God let him
understand some things,
00:11:13.70\00:11:15.87
God created the woman
and brought it to him.
00:11:15.90\00:11:18.24
So Adam didn't have to seek,
and look, and change anybody.
00:11:18.27\00:11:22.84
I like that.
00:11:22.88\00:11:24.21
I'd like to, you
know, put a pen on that one
00:11:24.25\00:11:26.21
because it's
important to understand that
00:11:26.25\00:11:28.52
the Bible says that,
00:11:28.55\00:11:30.09
"Then God brought
the woman to the man."
00:11:30.12\00:11:32.85
You know, a lot of times in
our society and our culture,
00:11:32.89\00:11:35.29
the man have to go out
there seeking and looking
00:11:35.32\00:11:37.49
and that's a
trap from the devil.
00:11:37.53\00:11:39.46
It's not saying that you...
00:11:39.49\00:11:40.83
It's a sin to look
or anything like that,
00:11:40.86\00:11:43.06
but it's to say that,
00:11:43.10\00:11:44.50
your game, everything like that,
00:11:44.53\00:11:46.40
that means nothing,
if she is from the Lord,
00:11:46.43\00:11:48.24
He will bring her to you.
00:11:48.27\00:11:50.14
The issue is, will
you wait for her to come?
00:11:50.17\00:11:52.11
Same thing with the women.
00:11:52.14\00:11:53.91
Eve had to have enough
trust that God was leading her
00:11:53.94\00:11:56.34
to where she needed to go.
00:11:56.38\00:11:58.38
Do you trust?
00:11:58.41\00:11:59.75
You know, the women out there,
00:11:59.78\00:12:01.12
do you trust God is
leading you to the right man?
00:12:01.15\00:12:03.42
Which leads me
to another question
00:12:03.45\00:12:05.49
or another trap,
00:12:05.52\00:12:07.22
what about the attraction trap
00:12:07.26\00:12:08.59
where strong
physical attraction means
00:12:08.62\00:12:11.29
chemistry?
00:12:11.33\00:12:14.00
That's the worst one.
00:12:14.03\00:12:16.56
You know, that's the worst one
because you have these urges,
00:12:16.60\00:12:20.40
some people have
00:12:20.44\00:12:21.77
such a strong
physical attraction,
00:12:21.80\00:12:24.57
they can't even think
anything else, you know,
00:12:24.61\00:12:27.01
they love even just
staring at each other,
00:12:27.04\00:12:28.81
looking at each other and
it borderlines into almost,
00:12:28.84\00:12:33.68
you know, lust enough to
one another and they figure
00:12:33.72\00:12:36.12
because they desire each
other so much physically,
00:12:36.15\00:12:41.46
they try to implement
the mental and the spiritual.
00:12:41.49\00:12:45.96
"So because we
like each other so much
00:12:45.99\00:12:48.76
that I'm going to pray with her,
00:12:48.80\00:12:50.67
I'm going to try to bring
the spiritual element into here
00:12:50.70\00:12:53.64
that really probably
doesn't even exist at all."
00:12:53.67\00:12:57.51
What about the sex trap?
00:12:57.54\00:12:59.01
You know, the
chemistry underneath the sheets,
00:12:59.04\00:13:00.81
you know, what do
you think about that?
00:13:00.84\00:13:02.44
I switch, I think that's
the worst one in all of them.
00:13:02.48\00:13:04.55
That's the worst one, right?
00:13:04.58\00:13:06.65
That's the one.
00:13:06.68\00:13:08.02
I've had a few people
actually say, you know,
00:13:08.05\00:13:09.98
they're not going to get married
00:13:10.02\00:13:11.65
to the person
unless they tested out
00:13:11.69\00:13:13.76
to make sure
it's going to be good
00:13:13.79\00:13:16.36
and this is like Christians.
00:13:16.39\00:13:17.73
I'm like, "Seriously?"
00:13:17.76\00:13:19.09
Like, "Yeah, 'cause
you have to make sure
00:13:19.13\00:13:20.46
you have that chemistry
like what if you get married
00:13:20.50\00:13:21.83
and it doesn't work out?"
00:13:21.86\00:13:23.57
But I think some
people forget that
00:13:23.60\00:13:25.87
sex is more than just technique.
00:13:25.90\00:13:29.57
Do we do it good?
00:13:29.60\00:13:30.97
Sex is about that intimacy
00:13:31.01\00:13:32.87
and even if it's not
good that very first night
00:13:32.91\00:13:35.44
because of the relation
that you guys are building,
00:13:35.48\00:13:37.38
you guys can build on
it and make it better.
00:13:37.41\00:13:40.72
I'd like to just say,
you hit it right on the nail
00:13:40.75\00:13:44.35
because the physical attraction,
00:13:44.39\00:13:46.25
the world tells you,
00:13:46.29\00:13:47.62
almost you post
it test it out first
00:13:47.66\00:13:49.42
so you know what
you're working with
00:13:49.46\00:13:50.79
and that's because the
world doesn't understand
00:13:50.83\00:13:52.16
about holiness.
00:13:52.19\00:13:53.53
You know, the bible says that,
00:13:53.56\00:13:54.90
"As you grow and abound in love,
00:13:54.93\00:13:56.67
so will you in
holiness towards the love."
00:13:56.70\00:13:59.00
And sex is an
expression of the love
00:13:59.03\00:14:01.47
you have for one another.
00:14:01.50\00:14:02.84
So as both of you
all get closer to God,
00:14:02.87\00:14:05.27
God's going to work in that area
00:14:05.31\00:14:06.94
to make it more
richer and more deeper
00:14:06.98\00:14:09.61
and the reason we have a
lot of these things in society,
00:14:09.64\00:14:12.88
you know, sex counselors
00:14:12.91\00:14:14.38
and couples having
problems with intimacy
00:14:14.42\00:14:17.05
is because they're
not growing in holiness
00:14:17.09\00:14:19.55
and a spiritual relationship
00:14:19.59\00:14:21.19
is the most
intimate relationship,
00:14:21.22\00:14:22.92
you know, on earth.
00:14:22.96\00:14:24.49
What about what they
call the lone ranger trap?
00:14:24.53\00:14:27.86
The lone ranger trap where,
you know, people tell you,
00:14:27.90\00:14:30.50
"You won't be happy
unless you get married."
00:14:30.53\00:14:32.70
You know, you need to be...
00:14:32.73\00:14:34.50
Being single is
almost sinful or against...
00:14:34.54\00:14:38.07
It's an anomaly, it's
against normal society.
00:14:38.11\00:14:41.08
What do you think, Jacques?
00:14:41.11\00:14:43.51
I think that is a
half truth in a way.
00:14:43.55\00:14:46.65
God made us with a hole in
our heart and he made us...
00:14:46.68\00:14:50.55
And he made the hole so
big that only he could fill it.
00:14:50.59\00:14:53.86
And so when you're single,
when you feel that loneliness,
00:14:53.89\00:14:57.79
it's not a call to a spouse,
00:14:57.83\00:15:01.43
it's a call to
get closer to Him.
00:15:01.46\00:15:04.27
And so to say that I'm
going to use a human being
00:15:04.30\00:15:07.94
to do in my life
what God should do,
00:15:07.97\00:15:10.87
that's idolatry.
00:15:10.91\00:15:13.24
And so when someone says that,
00:15:13.27\00:15:15.38
they don't truly understand that
00:15:15.41\00:15:17.01
peace and joy can
only come from God.
00:15:17.05\00:15:20.78
I like that. Do
you have something?
00:15:20.82\00:15:22.85
Real quickly, can I
mention like two of my trap,
00:15:22.88\00:15:25.15
favorite traps I'm
hearing so much among females?
00:15:25.19\00:15:29.26
The first trap is like this idea
00:15:29.29\00:15:31.39
that one is
just going to appear.
00:15:31.43\00:15:33.73
She's...
00:15:33.76\00:15:35.10
One of my friends is
like she's so quiet, so shy,
00:15:35.13\00:15:38.13
but for some
reason, she believes
00:15:38.17\00:15:40.60
her husband is going to just,
00:15:40.64\00:15:43.04
I don't know,
maybe appear in her room
00:15:43.07\00:15:45.54
and I that's how you're going
to just click and get married.
00:15:45.57\00:15:50.61
Or the other trap
that I've seen so much of,
00:15:50.65\00:15:55.28
especially, as a pastor is,
you get these text messages,
00:15:55.32\00:16:00.19
you get these emails saying,
00:16:00.22\00:16:01.82
"I just had a
dream and God told me,
00:16:01.86\00:16:04.76
I'm supposed to marry you."
00:16:04.79\00:16:06.26
God never told me this dream.
00:16:06.29\00:16:08.26
He never revealed it to me.
00:16:08.30\00:16:10.43
He didn't say anything,
but you have those prophets,
00:16:10.47\00:16:13.40
so prophets who are like,
00:16:13.44\00:16:15.20
"You're going to
be with this person,
00:16:15.24\00:16:16.87
that's the one for you."
00:16:16.91\00:16:18.31
"God didn't tell me that."
00:16:18.34\00:16:19.67
"He will, He will."
00:16:19.71\00:16:21.04
Years have passed but
God still hasn't told me.
00:16:21.08\00:16:24.51
Wow.
00:16:24.55\00:16:25.88
Now what do you
guys think about that?
00:16:25.91\00:16:27.42
You know, that's
just trying to use
00:16:27.45\00:16:31.12
spiritual things for
your own selfish purposes,
00:16:31.15\00:16:33.46
you know, God...
00:16:33.49\00:16:36.12
You know, there are
those instances I guess
00:16:36.16\00:16:38.09
where God tells this person like
00:16:38.13\00:16:39.86
He came to Joseph in a dream
00:16:39.89\00:16:41.36
and then told him about Mary,
00:16:41.40\00:16:43.20
but that's stretching the
Bible for your own purposes
00:16:43.23\00:16:45.47
and saying what you
want, God is telling you,
00:16:45.50\00:16:48.97
you know, you can
have what you want.
00:16:49.00\00:16:50.77
And that's deceptive.
00:16:50.81\00:16:53.14
And I think we see that
00:16:53.17\00:16:54.51
through a flip side in
the world of their way,
00:16:54.54\00:16:56.18
you know, the guy
throws a line to the girl that,
00:16:56.21\00:16:58.55
you know, "You've
been in my dreams,
00:16:58.58\00:17:00.62
I've been thinking about you."
00:17:00.65\00:17:02.62
And you just met this girl
00:17:02.65\00:17:04.45
and you're saying
all these things to her.
00:17:04.49\00:17:05.99
I call that stalking.
00:17:06.02\00:17:08.16
Well, let me give
another disclaimer,
00:17:08.19\00:17:10.23
say the person is not
lying and the dream is real.
00:17:10.26\00:17:12.99
Remember this,
there's a great controversy,
00:17:13.03\00:17:14.53
so there is a devil around
00:17:14.56\00:17:16.06
who can implant thoughts
and visions in your mind
00:17:16.10\00:17:18.80
so you got to be super careful.
00:17:18.83\00:17:20.60
You know, you
might have had a dream,
00:17:20.64\00:17:22.90
but you're not Nebuchadnezzar,
there ain't no guarantee
00:17:22.94\00:17:26.74
from the Lord, you know.
00:17:26.78\00:17:28.74
So you've got to check on that.
00:17:28.78\00:17:31.05
My husband told me I
was going to be his wife
00:17:31.08\00:17:33.01
and look at me now,
so the Lord is good.
00:17:33.05\00:17:36.12
See that's the importance again,
00:17:36.15\00:17:37.49
you guys, you
know, of waiting of...
00:17:37.52\00:17:39.42
I think you both have
to have that revelation.
00:17:39.45\00:17:42.09
It can't just be
only one person...
00:17:42.12\00:17:44.16
I agree.
00:17:44.19\00:17:45.53
...hearing and the other person
00:17:45.56\00:17:47.13
no matter how much
they pray, no matter...
00:17:47.16\00:17:49.20
it's like, God is like,
00:17:49.23\00:17:50.57
"No, no, you're not supposed
to be with that person."
00:17:50.60\00:17:52.87
And I think
00:17:52.90\00:17:54.24
if it's a young
girl or a young man,
00:17:54.27\00:17:56.20
if God is telling you no,
00:17:56.24\00:17:58.71
then don't doubt
your relationship with God
00:17:58.74\00:18:00.41
and believe that
that person is right.
00:18:00.44\00:18:02.24
If God has told you once,
00:18:02.28\00:18:03.98
if He has told
you twice, listen,
00:18:04.01\00:18:05.61
if He has told you three times,
00:18:05.65\00:18:06.98
why are you still
talking to that person?
00:18:07.02\00:18:08.48
Run. Right.
00:18:08.52\00:18:10.42
Run. Go, Joseph, run.
00:18:10.45\00:18:13.39
And I think that's
important to understand too
00:18:13.42\00:18:15.26
because that brings
a serious trap to mind
00:18:15.29\00:18:17.93
that is we...
00:18:17.96\00:18:19.73
it feels good, we're
together, we can make it work.
00:18:19.76\00:18:23.47
If we wanted it to work so bad
that every red flag, fireworks,
00:18:23.50\00:18:27.10
God is putting up billboard
saying, "Run, run, run."
00:18:27.14\00:18:29.50
They still want
it to work, you know,
00:18:29.54\00:18:31.87
what do you do in that situation
00:18:31.91\00:18:33.51
when, you know,
00:18:33.54\00:18:34.88
one of those dating
traps that you are, you know,
00:18:34.91\00:18:36.54
you wanted to work so
bad, even though you know
00:18:36.58\00:18:38.91
you're not
supposed to be together.
00:18:38.95\00:18:41.48
You need to just fast and pray
00:18:41.52\00:18:44.55
because it's something
that is keeping you there
00:18:44.59\00:18:47.66
and you know that it's not good.
00:18:47.69\00:18:50.43
You know it's not going to work.
00:18:50.46\00:18:52.89
I'm pretty sure...
00:18:52.93\00:18:54.36
I know for a fact,
00:18:54.40\00:18:55.73
the Lord is going
to send you red flags
00:18:55.76\00:18:58.13
and you still go ahead anyway,
there can be some consequences,
00:18:58.17\00:19:03.30
the marriage can end badly
00:19:03.34\00:19:05.54
or within the marriage
will be a lot of conflict.
00:19:05.57\00:19:09.24
So you just need
to really be mindful
00:19:09.28\00:19:14.25
and listen to the Holy Spirit
00:19:14.28\00:19:16.02
what He's exactly telling you?
00:19:16.05\00:19:17.72
Jacques?
00:19:17.75\00:19:19.55
Well, I've never been
in that situation myself.
00:19:19.59\00:19:21.62
I've talked to
many of my friends
00:19:21.66\00:19:23.12
that were in relationships
that have been going for years.
00:19:23.16\00:19:27.80
And so what I did
in that situation,
00:19:27.83\00:19:30.13
I tried to talk with them,
00:19:30.17\00:19:31.50
I tried to ask them
what the positive things were
00:19:31.53\00:19:34.34
and what the
negative things were.
00:19:34.37\00:19:36.17
And I tried to lead them to pray
00:19:36.20\00:19:38.87
because what I used to
do is just tell the person
00:19:38.91\00:19:40.88
'cause you're
looking at it objectively.
00:19:40.91\00:19:42.58
You know, just from
outside point of view,
00:19:42.61\00:19:45.88
this relationship is unhealthy.
00:19:45.91\00:19:47.82
But that person has
invested so much time
00:19:47.85\00:19:50.75
and money and energy
00:19:50.79\00:19:53.09
and maybe they're
physically involved
00:19:53.12\00:19:54.69
so that even closer
00:19:54.72\00:19:56.59
and so in that situation
if you're one of those people,
00:19:56.62\00:20:00.43
like Myesha said,
00:20:00.46\00:20:01.80
you really need to fast and pray
00:20:01.83\00:20:03.16
and ask God for strength
00:20:03.20\00:20:04.80
to do what you
already know you have to do.
00:20:04.83\00:20:08.87
And also let me
just add two things,
00:20:08.90\00:20:11.37
if you are feeling like
00:20:11.41\00:20:12.77
you're supposed to be
with this person so much,
00:20:12.81\00:20:15.88
if the two of you
have been physical,
00:20:15.91\00:20:17.65
then your vision
is already destroyed.
00:20:17.68\00:20:20.12
What you think is important
00:20:20.15\00:20:22.08
and what you think is so deep
00:20:22.12\00:20:23.69
has been amplified by
both of you being physical
00:20:23.72\00:20:26.79
and another safe thing
00:20:26.82\00:20:28.16
that most people
don't want to do,
00:20:28.19\00:20:29.69
especially most young people,
00:20:29.72\00:20:31.36
when they decide to
get with one another is,
00:20:31.39\00:20:34.76
the Bible says,
00:20:34.80\00:20:36.13
"In a multitude of
counselors, there is wisdom."
00:20:36.16\00:20:38.60
There's nothing wrong
with asking older people,
00:20:38.63\00:20:40.94
other people,
marriage counselors
00:20:40.97\00:20:42.54
about the relationship
and listening to advice.
00:20:42.57\00:20:45.37
I can remember, me
and my wife in particular,
00:20:45.41\00:20:48.08
we were going to get
married and we waited,
00:20:48.11\00:20:50.05
you know, a whole another year.
00:20:50.08\00:20:51.85
And, in that year, you know,
more things came out that we,
00:20:51.88\00:20:55.02
you know, still
needed to work on
00:20:55.05\00:20:56.69
and mature on and
things of that nature,
00:20:56.72\00:20:58.92
that we solved,
00:20:58.95\00:21:01.56
that we didn't have to
take into the marriage.
00:21:01.59\00:21:03.66
I like that. I like that.
00:21:03.69\00:21:05.03
For the viewers out there,
00:21:05.06\00:21:06.53
you know the truth is coming
00:21:06.56\00:21:07.90
when your spouse
looks at you like,
00:21:07.93\00:21:10.93
you're answering the truth
00:21:10.97\00:21:12.30
and I got to see that today,
I got to see that here today.
00:21:12.33\00:21:15.37
Yes, he did.
00:21:15.40\00:21:17.44
You know, as Christians,
00:21:17.47\00:21:19.14
we often look to
the Word of the God
00:21:19.17\00:21:21.34
for answers.
00:21:21.38\00:21:22.74
You know, we see the
negative things that happen
00:21:22.78\00:21:25.18
and then we see the
answers that God provides.
00:21:25.21\00:21:27.98
Can we see an
example of dating, you know,
00:21:28.02\00:21:31.49
what dating looks
like in the Bible?
00:21:31.52\00:21:33.39
Can we see an example of that?
00:21:33.42\00:21:34.76
What it looks like in...
00:21:34.79\00:21:36.12
Was it right or was it wrong?
00:21:36.16\00:21:37.66
Jacques?
00:21:37.69\00:21:39.03
Well, when it comes to
the dating traps of the Bible,
00:21:39.06\00:21:41.10
I think of the story of Dinah.
00:21:41.13\00:21:43.26
She was the only
daughter of Jacob
00:21:43.30\00:21:46.30
and the Bible says that
00:21:46.33\00:21:47.67
she went out to see
the daughters of the land.
00:21:47.70\00:21:51.51
And she was curious
00:21:51.54\00:21:53.24
and she went into a
place, Ellen White says,
00:21:53.27\00:21:57.15
she was in
association with ungodly.
00:21:57.18\00:22:01.22
And what
happened with Dinah was,
00:22:01.25\00:22:03.02
there was a man
by the name Shechem
00:22:03.05\00:22:05.42
and he forced himself upon her.
00:22:05.45\00:22:07.86
And so Dinah went into a place,
into a very ungodly setting,
00:22:07.89\00:22:13.43
not being fully aware of
the dangers that were there.
00:22:13.46\00:22:16.87
And I see that
happening a lot of times
00:22:16.90\00:22:18.87
with young women.
00:22:18.90\00:22:20.57
The statistics show that
00:22:20.60\00:22:22.37
one in four women of college age
00:22:22.40\00:22:26.04
will be sexually assaulted
by the time they leave college,
00:22:26.07\00:22:29.98
and many of them
involves alcohol,
00:22:30.01\00:22:32.31
it involves drugs, it
involves ungodly music.
00:22:32.35\00:22:35.58
And so we have
many Dinahs nowadays,
00:22:35.62\00:22:37.75
putting themselves in
very precarious situations,
00:22:37.79\00:22:40.62
very unsafe where
there are a lot ungodly men.
00:22:40.66\00:22:43.59
And a man who is not
controlled by the Spirit of God,
00:22:43.63\00:22:45.56
you have no clue
what he's going to do,
00:22:45.59\00:22:47.73
and so what
situation you put yourself in.
00:22:47.76\00:22:51.33
The bad situations,
00:22:51.37\00:22:53.17
those can be a trap
in and of themselves.
00:22:53.20\00:22:56.14
So then, I'm a Christian
or maybe I'm not a Christian,
00:22:56.17\00:23:00.94
either way, why
should a Christian date?
00:23:00.98\00:23:03.41
Like why should anybody date?
00:23:03.45\00:23:06.01
Well, I think dating in a way,
00:23:06.05\00:23:09.92
it's carried on
00:23:09.95\00:23:13.22
is not a Christian institution.
00:23:13.25\00:23:17.26
So I'm not sure
00:23:17.29\00:23:18.63
if dating in the way
the world wants you to date
00:23:18.66\00:23:20.93
and the way they conduct it
00:23:20.96\00:23:23.57
is the way that
Christians should go about
00:23:23.60\00:23:26.43
getting to know
the opposite sex.
00:23:26.47\00:23:28.37
I don't think if
you're Christian,
00:23:28.40\00:23:31.01
you should date,
00:23:31.04\00:23:32.37
especially the way
the world tells you to.
00:23:32.41\00:23:33.88
I think Christians should court.
00:23:33.91\00:23:36.18
And courtship is
that type of relationship
00:23:36.21\00:23:38.45
where both the man and the woman
00:23:38.48\00:23:40.38
are trying to
figure out or determine
00:23:40.42\00:23:42.88
what is God's
will in their lives.
00:23:42.92\00:23:44.99
As in for this relationship,
00:23:45.02\00:23:46.35
does God want us to come closer?
00:23:46.39\00:23:47.72
Does he want us to set apart?
00:23:47.76\00:23:49.62
And courting is so
much better, in dating,
00:23:49.66\00:23:52.33
you're just going about
and saying, "Okay, let me see,
00:23:52.36\00:23:55.40
this person's kind
of cute, they're nice."
00:23:55.43\00:23:57.47
But with courtship,
00:23:57.50\00:23:58.83
Christ is in the
centre from the beginning,
00:23:58.87\00:24:00.90
it doesn't just start because,
00:24:00.94\00:24:02.64
"Okay, we're
thinking about marriage now."
00:24:02.67\00:24:04.97
No, before they even
started thinking about marriage,
00:24:05.01\00:24:07.68
as they are
looking at each other,
00:24:07.71\00:24:09.38
they're focusing, "Okay, God,
00:24:09.41\00:24:11.15
what is it that
you want me to do?"
00:24:11.18\00:24:12.75
And that's the best place to be.
00:24:12.78\00:24:14.98
What do you guys think?
00:24:15.02\00:24:16.65
I think totally
that's the way to go.
00:24:16.69\00:24:18.69
I think dating is a trap itself,
00:24:18.72\00:24:22.76
you know, you're
giving affections
00:24:22.79\00:24:25.69
and another person
is taking affections
00:24:25.73\00:24:27.56
and there's no promise
00:24:27.60\00:24:28.93
that anything is going to happen
00:24:28.96\00:24:30.43
or going to have any
fruit even after this.
00:24:30.47\00:24:35.04
And to court with
00:24:35.07\00:24:39.77
as a responsible people
00:24:39.81\00:24:41.24
with other responsible people
00:24:41.28\00:24:42.81
knowing that you
guys are courting,
00:24:42.84\00:24:44.91
that can ask
questions that's almost like
00:24:44.95\00:24:46.61
accountability
partners, you know,
00:24:46.65\00:24:49.85
where you guys going,
00:24:49.88\00:24:51.49
if you guys going to be
alone, how late at night,
00:24:51.52\00:24:54.39
and things like that,
00:24:54.42\00:24:55.92
is the way that
God intended to be
00:24:55.96\00:24:58.39
that you guys are
getting to know each other
00:24:58.43\00:24:59.76
in the context of God watching
the Holy Spirit watching
00:24:59.79\00:25:03.33
and it's for the
purpose of marriage.
00:25:03.37\00:25:05.07
So you know if that...
00:25:05.10\00:25:07.20
I already know that
you're looking at marriage
00:25:07.24\00:25:10.21
and I'm looking at marriage,
00:25:10.24\00:25:11.57
so there's no dating
game about what you're about?
00:25:11.61\00:25:13.91
What you're going to do?
00:25:13.94\00:25:15.28
I know you're
seeking the Lord for marriage
00:25:15.31\00:25:17.05
and that's what
I'm trying to do.
00:25:17.08\00:25:18.61
And we're just trying to
see, we had the right people
00:25:18.65\00:25:20.18
or if we just need to
say, you know, see you later.
00:25:20.22\00:25:23.28
See with court, you...
00:25:23.32\00:25:26.62
there's boundaries, okay?
00:25:26.65\00:25:29.16
There are
boundaries and there are rules.
00:25:29.19\00:25:31.89
But with dating, anything goes.
00:25:31.93\00:25:36.23
And those are the
just the two different
00:25:36.26\00:25:37.93
and I will not date.
00:25:37.97\00:25:40.10
I'd rather not date
00:25:40.14\00:25:41.47
or I recommend anyone
else that are trying to,
00:25:41.50\00:25:44.31
you know, that are out
there, that are single,
00:25:44.34\00:25:46.44
they shouldn't just
date, they should court.
00:25:46.47\00:25:47.94
Well, you can't date, can you?
00:25:47.98\00:25:49.31
No, I can't. That's right.
00:25:49.34\00:25:51.78
Make sure to put that
disclaimer down there.
00:25:51.81\00:25:54.02
She's not single.
00:25:54.05\00:25:55.38
I know, I know. I'm not single.
00:25:55.42\00:25:56.75
We're making pure
choices here, pure choices.
00:25:56.79\00:25:58.39
Jacques?
00:25:58.42\00:25:59.75
I'd say the thing about dating
00:25:59.79\00:26:01.46
and the reason why
dating is so dangerous
00:26:01.49\00:26:03.63
is that it doesn't have
any intentions, you know,
00:26:03.66\00:26:06.59
you don't declare
intentions upfront.
00:26:06.63\00:26:09.00
And so when people
have different goals
00:26:09.03\00:26:12.90
for their relationship
and they're not talking,
00:26:12.93\00:26:15.10
they're not communicating,
that's when people get hurt.
00:26:15.14\00:26:17.41
But when you're courting or
you're dating intentionally,
00:26:17.44\00:26:20.41
then it is a man and a woman,
00:26:20.44\00:26:22.98
they come together
for the purpose of saying,
00:26:23.01\00:26:26.01
"Does God want me to
spend the rest of my life
00:26:26.05\00:26:28.22
with this person?
00:26:28.25\00:26:29.58
Can this person
draw me heavenward?
00:26:29.62\00:26:32.32
Will the world be
blessed because of our union?"
00:26:32.35\00:26:34.89
You know, "If we
would have children,
00:26:34.92\00:26:37.73
would this other person
raise them up in the fear
00:26:37.76\00:26:40.26
and administer of the Lord?"
00:26:40.30\00:26:42.06
Or and if you can't answer
yes to all those questions,
00:26:42.10\00:26:45.13
you politely
terminate the relationship.
00:26:45.17\00:26:48.97
And with that, you know,
00:26:49.00\00:26:51.47
dating traps is such
a crazy thing nowadays
00:26:51.51\00:26:55.21
and we need to
understand that, you know,
00:26:55.24\00:26:56.85
for the viewers out
here, that it's not a game.
00:26:56.88\00:26:59.91
You know, dating is
often taken as a game.
00:26:59.95\00:27:02.55
And avoiding these dating traps
through the method of courtship
00:27:02.58\00:27:05.35
which seems to be
old and, you know,
00:27:05.39\00:27:07.72
from ancient times,
00:27:07.76\00:27:09.12
it's actually
very popular today.
00:27:09.16\00:27:10.79
I can say that
to myself, you know,
00:27:10.83\00:27:12.76
I've dated before
I was a Christian.
00:27:12.79\00:27:14.30
I've dated...
00:27:14.33\00:27:15.66
I've done the
whole dating aspect.
00:27:15.70\00:27:17.03
But when God placed in
my heart to court my wife,
00:27:17.07\00:27:19.77
to really spend time with
her, to really get to know her,
00:27:19.80\00:27:22.90
I got to know the person
that I love and care for today.
00:27:22.94\00:27:26.27
You know, I got to, you
know, know my best friend,
00:27:26.31\00:27:29.61
know her who she was
and that's the importance.
00:27:29.64\00:27:31.81
If you want your
marriage to work,
00:27:31.85\00:27:33.18
if you want to be
able to bear fruit
00:27:33.21\00:27:36.25
through your
marriage, learn to court.
00:27:36.28\00:27:38.45
Avoid these
dating traps, you know,
00:27:38.49\00:27:40.12
spend time getting to
know your significant other.
00:27:40.16\00:27:42.32
And, guys, don't be
so quick with the game.
00:27:42.36\00:27:45.49
God said He's going
to bring you the women,
00:27:45.53\00:27:47.43
so just chill and just wait.
00:27:47.46\00:27:50.53
And I just want you to
know that God is always there.
00:27:50.57\00:27:52.47
He's always going to help us,
00:27:52.50\00:27:54.34
and always,
always, always remember
00:27:54.37\00:27:56.91
to make pure choices.
00:27:56.94\00:27:59.01
Thank you for tuning in.
00:27:59.04\00:28:00.38