The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Good day.
Welcome to Pure Choices.
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Yes, we have a
really good program
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for you today.
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And I have such an
amazing esteemed panel with me.
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Of course, my wonderful
husband Xavier Morales.
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Over here, we
have Jacques LaGuerre.
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We have Ms. Myesha Lawson
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and Mr. Timothy
Lawson, her husband.
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Today, we are talking
about having covenant eyes.
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Yes, pornography,
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before we jump
right into it, let's pray.
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Dear kind most Heavenly Father,
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I pray to Lord that you
will be with us as a panel
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and You also be
with the viewers at home,
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that you will bless our
time together, dear Lord,
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that we can be able
to make pure choices,
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in Jesus' name, Amen.
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Amen
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Pornography, what is it?
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Go ahead, Jacques.
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I say pornography
could be described
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as anything that you use
to get some sort of unlawful,
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unbiblical sexual expression
or any sort of sexual high.
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Anybody else?
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Any...
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Because there's different
degrees of pornography.
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There's, you know, hard porn,
soft porn, pictures, videos
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or I think it's any
type of sexual display
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that's used to arouse,
you know, another person.
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Good. And anybody else?
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I think it's also something,
you know, any type of,
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like Tim said, you
know, videos, pictures
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or anything that would
stimulate your pleasuredome,
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your pleasure
centre of your brain
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to find some sort
of, you know, release.
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So are they like
different forms of pornography?
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Yes, there is.
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In my experience of pornography,
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I was the one who took pictures.
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Different poses,
different backgrounds,
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different clothing
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if not wearing any at
all, was a form of pornography.
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I'm the one that
they're going to look at,
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I'm the one that is
going to arouse them.
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And then in other
form of pornography is
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when I was a dancer.
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I'm on stage
touching and feeling on myself
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and the guy is looking at me,
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so I'm doing live
porn or live pornography
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and those are the two different,
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you know, pornographies.
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Well, there are
different types of porn
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and different degrees of porn.
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And so obviously,
there's two main...
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the three main types
would be the pictures, movies
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or, you know, live shows.
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And in each one
of those categories,
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you have the two
categories of soft pornography
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and hard pornography.
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And so soft would be more
of showing people in the nude,
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maybe just kissing
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and heavy touching
and things like that
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and hardcore pornography
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is always heavy sexual positions
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showing every body part
and showing heavy penetration
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and so those are kind of
the categories it's been in.
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I think another
form of softcore porn
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that comes to mind
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and is very
prevalent on social media is,
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you know, I call it selfie porn,
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you know, where you have,
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you know, different people
taking pictures of themselves,
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you know, have
clothes or, you know, exposing
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and I have seen these,
you know, not just in males
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but you see in females
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where they expose themselves
so much in that picture
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that it pretty much leaves
nothing to the imagination
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and it's all over,
you know, the internet.
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And these are
pictures that they use too
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when they are sexting as well.
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Also I want to
interject something else.
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And also some
porn, softcore porn
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like he said with the pictures
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can be anything
that arouses you.
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There are certain things out
there maybe a lingerie picture
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or a lingerie magazine,
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now a woman might look at it
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because she's trying to
buy different bra and panties.
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But to a guy, that
could be a form of pornography
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that he could
stimulate himself off of to.
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So something that seems innocent
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can be perverted by the
devil used for other things to.
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Okay.
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And to talk about
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what Xavier was talking
about with a selfie porn,
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I was watching a
video of a young girl
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she was 14,
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and she was uploading
pictures to Facebook of herself
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in all these risky positions
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and, you know, her
cleavage is exposed
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and someone in the porn industry
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saw that picture and
began to run with it.
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And now her picture
is on like the sites
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and all these advertisement
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and all the banners
of thousands of websites.
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And they tried to
contact the police,
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there's a 14-year old girl,
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but because she
was not fully nude
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the police couldn't
do anything about it.
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And so she had
to change schools,
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she was getting death threats,
she was getting rape threats,
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all this stuff was going on.
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And one of the
things that she says
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at the end of the video is,
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"I don't know why
this happened to me
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because, all of my friends
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have pictures of the
same quality on Facebook,
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on social media."
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And so these are the things
that we have to be careful of
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not to post these
things on social media websites
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thinking that
nobody will see them.
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So you're kind of saying
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that there are
different levels of danger
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when it comes to pornography.
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Definitely. Oh,
yeah, most definitely.
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The dangers are, I mean,
it can become an addiction.
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You know, it's...
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I mean, I think it
became an addiction for me.
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I'm the one
that's maybe performing,
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you know, the pornography,
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but it became an addiction to me
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because I'm the
one that's giving it,
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you know, and I
like the attention.
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So those are the dangers to it
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and obviously if you're
getting attention that you want,
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you are going to
constantly keep doing it.
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And it became damaging to me
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for as myself worth,
my mind, my physical body
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because I wanted
to change my body
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to get more attention or
to get more money for it,
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and those were
the damaging things.
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Like can it go worse
than just being an addiction?
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Can it get more crazy
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when you start
doing pornography?
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Oh, yeah.
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That can get really crazy
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because the person can
start to get infatuated
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with whoever
they are looking at,
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whoever they're talking to,
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and all that stuff
and they can become a...
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you know, they
can stalk the person,
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they can potentially end up
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having an incorrect
fantasy about the person
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and actually
maybe want to hurt them.
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The thing is with pornography
like sex and other things,
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it targets the brain,
the chemicals in the brain.
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And with pornography
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because it's
unrealistic situation,
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it's not real,
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you trigger things in the brain,
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your chemical
synopsis, the chemistry,
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you completely alter
your brain to the point
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where it does increase.
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You know, you have
people that start off
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with softcore
porn or even magazines
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and increase from
there to hardcore,
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and then from there to bondage,
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and you have private forums
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that engage in
things like murder porn.
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Murder porn, such as, you know,
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people killing
other people literally
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and then engaging in necrophilia
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which is having
sex with a dead body.
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And these are private
forms to the point where,
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you know, a lot of
manpower has been devoted
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to catching these perps.
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But because of these
people, the way they do things,
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sometimes they're not caught
and so you have not just murder
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but you're also having,
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you know, engaging
in sex with their bodies
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and it all started
with softcore porn.
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I was thinking about it.
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People, they get
into the pornography
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for so many
different reasons like three
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that I can think
of is maybe stress.
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They're dealing with
high levels of stress
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so they go on like,
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"I'm just going to find
a little bit of release.
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I'm going to watch pornography
to help me decompress."
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Or if they have depression,
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they use it to help
with that depression
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to try to get them on
that different level where,
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"Okay, I'm not so hurry.
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Don't feel so bad about life.
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If I watch a little pornography,
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it'll make me feel better
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'cause somebody
else is having fun."
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Or even if it's fantasy,
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"I wouldn't want to
do this in real life
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but I can't really
do it in real life,
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so I'm going to watch
maybe some pornography.
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So at least in my mind,
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I can go to that place where
maybe I could pretend to be
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with these multiple
guys or these multiple girls
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and do these different things."
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There's also
some different reasons
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and I just wanted
remind our viewers,
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if you are a sex addict
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and you're watching pornography,
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you are not sober,
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you are still
continuing the cycle.
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You may think,
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"Okay, I'm not having
sex, that means I'm fine."
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But no, you're not fine,
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you are still feeding your mind
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and sex doesn't
just start physically,
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the sexual arousal
starts in your mind.
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Jacques?
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The interesting thing
about pornography is that
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it takes a natural
desire and it corrupts it.
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God made us as men with desire
to express ourselves sexually.
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God made women with the desire
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to want to be desired.
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And one sex I call
just to put it this way,
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He says that,
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"Well, men are
tempted to watch pornography
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because the way they're wired,
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women are tempted
to commit pornography."
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And He goes on to say that,
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"Whenever you act
or whenever you dress
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or whenever you talk in a way
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to try to seduce someone
or to sexualize yourself,
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you might not be
watching pornography
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but you are
committing pornography
00:11:04.39\00:11:05.73
with your very life.
00:11:05.76\00:11:07.10
Yeah.
00:11:07.13\00:11:08.46
And you were talking
about the mental aspects,
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something that
came up in my brain was,
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you know, the damaging parts
00:11:14.47\00:11:15.80
that there is some
scientific information
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that it affects
the brain in such a way
00:11:17.61\00:11:19.44
that it can cause shrinkage
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in some of the grey
matter or white matter,
00:11:21.18\00:11:23.85
but also, you know, scripture,
00:11:23.88\00:11:25.48
Matthew 5, I think
it's 28, that says,
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"If you look on a woman to lust,
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you've committed
it in your heart."
00:11:28.92\00:11:30.39
There's some new
scientific research
00:11:30.42\00:11:32.15
on something
called a mirror neuron,
00:11:32.19\00:11:35.39
and when you commit an act
00:11:35.42\00:11:38.19
as far as me reaching out
and grabbing her like this,
00:11:38.23\00:11:41.96
a particular
neuron fires in my brain.
00:11:42.00\00:11:44.60
But when I watch somebody
else commit the same act
00:11:44.63\00:11:47.40
that same neuron
fires in my brain
00:11:47.44\00:11:49.80
as if I would have did it.
00:11:49.84\00:11:51.17
So like when you say a person
00:11:51.21\00:11:52.81
who is struggling with
sex addiction not doing it
00:11:52.84\00:11:54.84
but they're watching it,
00:11:54.88\00:11:56.21
their brain is still
getting the same high
00:11:56.24\00:11:58.25
and feeding of the
same kind of emotion.
00:11:58.28\00:12:00.98
And I think, you know,
to jump off of that too,
00:12:01.02\00:12:03.79
I think people understand that,
00:12:03.82\00:12:05.15
you know, one method of
Holy Spirit communicating
00:12:05.19\00:12:07.06
is through your frontal lobe,
00:12:07.09\00:12:09.22
you know, and they did
studies on serial killers
00:12:09.26\00:12:13.06
that whose frontal
lobe was non functional,
00:12:13.09\00:12:15.33
it was dark,
there was no activity
00:12:15.36\00:12:17.83
because all the
synopsis were inhibited.
00:12:17.87\00:12:21.00
You know, so you have...
00:12:21.04\00:12:22.37
when you put before...
00:12:22.40\00:12:23.74
not just pornography
00:12:23.77\00:12:25.11
but anything that is not of God,
00:12:25.14\00:12:27.34
but mainly with pornography,
00:12:27.38\00:12:28.74
you know, you're inhibiting,
your brain receptors,
00:12:28.78\00:12:31.95
to the point where
you are essentially
00:12:31.98\00:12:33.38
you yourself are numbing out
00:12:33.42\00:12:34.85
your ability to
communicate with God.
00:12:34.88\00:12:37.49
So even if you are a Christian,
you know, sin knows no bounds.
00:12:37.52\00:12:41.62
Even if you are Christian,
00:12:41.66\00:12:42.99
you are inhibiting
that communication,
00:12:43.02\00:12:44.36
you are numbing out
your right from wrong.
00:12:44.39\00:12:46.53
You essentially now
00:12:46.56\00:12:48.36
cannot judge
between right from wrong
00:12:48.40\00:12:50.43
when it comes to sex.
00:12:50.47\00:12:51.87
Let alone when it comes
to normal everyday life.
00:12:51.90\00:12:55.37
So watching pornography
is kind of like being stoned.
00:12:55.40\00:13:00.48
So pornography
is mainly, you know,
00:13:00.51\00:13:04.75
that worldly
man's problem, right?
00:13:04.78\00:13:09.85
I wouldn't say.
00:13:09.88\00:13:12.59
I wouldn't go that far.
00:13:12.62\00:13:14.52
It's... Look...
00:13:14.56\00:13:16.49
There's a lot of
stigmas in the church
00:13:16.52\00:13:18.16
that people in the church
don't do this x, y, and z,
00:13:18.19\00:13:21.30
but the church is a sick
house for sick people to come.
00:13:21.33\00:13:23.77
And even though somebody
might have been in the church
00:13:23.80\00:13:25.50
or grew up in the
church, everybody has problems.
00:13:25.53\00:13:27.77
So it's looked as it's like
it's a worldly man's problems
00:13:27.80\00:13:30.37
but we are finding out
00:13:30.41\00:13:32.81
sin is humanity's
problem, you know.
00:13:32.84\00:13:37.35
And I went to
00:13:37.38\00:13:38.78
two Adventist
colleges or universities
00:13:38.81\00:13:43.08
and it was
something that I know that
00:13:43.12\00:13:46.09
I should have
lived while I was there
00:13:46.12\00:13:47.69
while I was
been fed spiritually,
00:13:47.72\00:13:49.29
I was still
struggling with this thing
00:13:49.32\00:13:50.93
and also, you know,
00:13:50.96\00:13:52.29
when you are using
your friend's computer
00:13:52.33\00:13:54.10
or when you're using your phone
'cause you don't have yours,
00:13:54.13\00:13:56.97
you know, you
might just see a link
00:13:57.00\00:13:59.23
or you would see the
last video he watched
00:13:59.27\00:14:03.44
or you would see the
last thing he texted,
00:14:03.47\00:14:05.94
and so I could say that
even among the young people
00:14:05.97\00:14:09.24
that were at our
Adventist institutions,
00:14:09.28\00:14:11.45
they were struggling as well.
00:14:11.48\00:14:14.42
I think to...
00:14:14.45\00:14:15.78
you know, like I'll
use myself as an example.
00:14:15.82\00:14:18.12
When I became a Christian,
00:14:18.15\00:14:19.49
I was struggling
with pornography still.
00:14:19.52\00:14:21.39
But because the common argument
00:14:21.42\00:14:23.49
is that the Bible
doesn't talk about masturbation.
00:14:23.53\00:14:26.70
That it's okay
00:14:26.73\00:14:28.16
because it
doesn't talk about it.
00:14:28.20\00:14:30.07
I found that okay
because number one,
00:14:30.10\00:14:31.80
the Bible doesn't talk
about masturbation specifically.
00:14:31.83\00:14:34.84
It does talk
about self gratification
00:14:34.87\00:14:36.57
instead of self denial.
00:14:36.60\00:14:39.37
And it doesn't talk about...
00:14:39.41\00:14:40.74
you know, I am not
having sex with anybody,
00:14:40.78\00:14:42.14
I'm just looking at it.
00:14:42.18\00:14:43.81
So therefore, I'm
not doing anything wrong
00:14:43.85\00:14:45.55
so I justified my
own sinful behavior
00:14:45.58\00:14:49.22
and it carried me
through all the way
00:14:49.25\00:14:50.89
through my undergrad phase,
00:14:50.92\00:14:52.25
even into seminary
00:14:52.29\00:14:53.86
and it wasn't until
00:14:53.89\00:14:55.22
I came to a realization
through a support group
00:14:55.26\00:14:58.56
that this is dangerous.
00:14:58.59\00:15:01.53
It is a sin not
00:15:01.56\00:15:02.90
because the Bible
does not talk about it,
00:15:02.93\00:15:04.27
it is a sin in many levels
for many different reasons
00:15:04.30\00:15:06.50
and if you
study the Word of God,
00:15:06.53\00:15:08.00
you will see those reasons why.
00:15:08.04\00:15:11.07
And it's interesting
that you said like before,
00:15:11.11\00:15:13.94
you went through
your different studies.
00:15:13.98\00:15:16.48
Christianity, they did a survey
00:15:16.51\00:15:17.91
and they said 40%
of pastors do suffer,
00:15:17.95\00:15:21.28
struggle with pornography.
00:15:21.32\00:15:23.08
And this group of DGM,
00:15:23.12\00:15:25.42
they did a survey
on 700 Christian women
00:15:25.45\00:15:28.96
and they found out
that 40% of these women
00:15:28.99\00:15:31.76
have struggled with pornography.
00:15:31.79\00:15:33.90
And in another survey question,
00:15:33.93\00:15:35.40
it said that 60% of women stated
00:15:35.43\00:15:37.20
that they had
struggled with pornography.
00:15:37.23\00:15:39.90
So it's one of
those secrets things
00:15:39.93\00:15:41.30
that even though men
are talked about more,
00:15:41.34\00:15:43.54
women also do
struggle with pornography.
00:15:43.57\00:15:47.24
So when do I know
that I have a problem?
00:15:47.28\00:15:50.35
I think, you
know, you have a problem
00:15:50.38\00:15:54.45
as soon as you've
clicked on the button
00:15:54.48\00:15:59.75
and started watching the thing.
00:15:59.79\00:16:01.62
You know, if you
don't deal with the reasons
00:16:01.66\00:16:04.76
why you went to that site
or clicked on that button,
00:16:04.79\00:16:09.10
you might not do it all the time
00:16:09.13\00:16:10.87
but sooner or later,
it's going to come up again.
00:16:10.90\00:16:12.93
So as soon as you engage,
you have a problem, you know.
00:16:12.97\00:16:17.81
I'd have to agree with
Tim on this one as well
00:16:17.84\00:16:20.44
like there is no
healthy amount of pornography.
00:16:20.48\00:16:24.88
Right.
00:16:24.91\00:16:26.25
You know, that
just doesn't exist
00:16:26.28\00:16:28.42
until if you're
indulging once a week,
00:16:28.45\00:16:31.29
once a month, you
know, once a year,
00:16:31.32\00:16:33.02
there's a problem there.
00:16:33.05\00:16:34.76
You know, many times,
00:16:34.79\00:16:36.93
I know from the
male perspective,
00:16:36.96\00:16:38.29
there are a lot of men
00:16:38.33\00:16:39.66
who watch pornography is
'cause of low self-esteem.
00:16:39.69\00:16:41.76
You know, they feel like,
00:16:41.80\00:16:43.13
"This woman can
make me more of a man
00:16:43.16\00:16:44.77
and this woman
makes me feel good.
00:16:44.80\00:16:46.53
She never questions me,
00:16:46.57\00:16:47.90
she never asks me for anything."
00:16:47.94\00:16:50.81
You know, and so
00:16:50.84\00:16:52.87
if you are watching this at all,
00:16:52.91\00:16:54.54
you might be struggling
with your own self-esteem
00:16:54.58\00:16:56.95
and so you need to seek help.
00:16:56.98\00:16:58.91
When do you know that
you need professional help?
00:16:58.95\00:17:02.15
I think, you know,
for me, for example,
00:17:02.18\00:17:04.49
it got to the point
00:17:04.52\00:17:05.85
where it was like an automatic
reaction to many situations,
00:17:05.89\00:17:10.09
"Let's watch pornography."
00:17:10.13\00:17:11.56
Or, "I'm just
going to put it out there
00:17:11.59\00:17:14.96
if I would go to
church and see some..."
00:17:15.00\00:17:18.13
Or the females, the
way they were dressed,
00:17:18.17\00:17:19.53
that would automatically
trigger certain things
00:17:19.57\00:17:22.94
that I had viewed in pornography
00:17:22.97\00:17:26.14
and they were wearing
00:17:26.17\00:17:27.51
that same style of
dress or that same look.
00:17:27.54\00:17:30.78
And that would trigger things
in my mind where essentially,
00:17:30.81\00:17:33.45
I was having pornographic images
00:17:33.48\00:17:35.78
in my head while in church
00:17:35.82\00:17:37.29
because of the way
00:17:37.32\00:17:38.65
these particular
women were dressed.
00:17:38.69\00:17:41.12
And I would go home and
I would have to sit there
00:17:41.16\00:17:45.26
and I'm like, "God, I
know I'm not supposed to do it
00:17:45.29\00:17:47.23
but my brain has
already been wired to react.
00:17:47.26\00:17:51.27
Not to just sit
there and pray about it,
00:17:51.30\00:17:53.64
my brain has already
went beyond that line of where
00:17:53.67\00:17:57.44
I can no longer
control those inhibitions."
00:17:57.47\00:18:01.14
One thing...
00:18:01.18\00:18:04.48
But first,
00:18:04.51\00:18:05.85
I'm going tell a story
of a news specialize scene
00:18:05.88\00:18:07.22
and then say something.
00:18:07.25\00:18:08.58
I was watching a news
special on pornography,
00:18:08.62\00:18:10.92
I forgot what channel it was on,
00:18:10.95\00:18:12.29
but it was a young man
and he was struggling with it.
00:18:12.32\00:18:15.02
And it had got so bad for him
that while they were driving,
00:18:15.06\00:18:19.13
him and the reporter,
00:18:19.16\00:18:20.50
while they were
driving in the car
00:18:20.53\00:18:22.63
and they passed a woman
00:18:22.66\00:18:24.47
who was dressed
really revealing,
00:18:24.50\00:18:27.64
the young man had to pull over
00:18:27.67\00:18:29.34
and go on a side
somewhere, going to bathroom
00:18:29.37\00:18:31.57
and take care of his
issues and he came back.
00:18:31.61\00:18:34.94
And the news reporter asks him,
00:18:34.98\00:18:36.31
"Did you, you know, did
you go in there masturbating?"
00:18:36.34\00:18:38.15
And he admitted, "Yeah I did".
00:18:38.18\00:18:40.78
That's how bad it had,
you know, gotten for him.
00:18:40.82\00:18:44.02
But I think you can know
you have exactly a problem
00:18:44.05\00:18:48.36
until you know it's
wrong for you to do it.
00:18:48.39\00:18:50.49
And once you know it's wrong,
00:18:50.53\00:18:51.86
you're trying to
stop it and you can't,
00:18:51.89\00:18:53.56
then I think you know
you have a problem then.
00:18:53.60\00:18:55.86
Okay, let me just go
ahead and say something.
00:18:55.90\00:18:59.70
I just realized...
00:18:59.73\00:19:02.90
Can I be honest
with you guys for now?
00:19:02.94\00:19:04.37
Can we be honest? Sure.
00:19:04.41\00:19:05.74
Okay, I didn't know
00:19:05.77\00:19:07.11
that I
struggled with pornography
00:19:07.14\00:19:09.41
until right now.
00:19:09.44\00:19:12.31
Right now, I didn't have...
00:19:12.35\00:19:15.35
I mean, the life that I lived,
the things that I have done,
00:19:15.38\00:19:19.49
I did not realize the struggle.
00:19:19.52\00:19:23.22
I didn't see it until
just now on this program.
00:19:23.26\00:19:27.36
That's crazy.
00:19:27.40\00:19:28.76
But it's still a blessing
00:19:28.80\00:19:30.13
because now you have
a better understanding
00:19:30.17\00:19:31.87
of who you are.
00:19:31.90\00:19:34.17
And there are going to be
some people who watching this,
00:19:34.20\00:19:36.10
you know, program and
they are going to say,
00:19:36.14\00:19:38.07
"Pornography
isn't a problem for us."
00:19:38.11\00:19:40.48
They probably have
their hands up like that too.
00:19:40.51\00:19:42.48
You know, "It's
an informative tool.
00:19:42.51\00:19:44.18
We use it to have better ideas
00:19:44.21\00:19:46.21
what we need to be doing
to enhance our sex life."
00:19:46.25\00:19:49.78
What would you say about that?
00:19:49.82\00:19:53.96
Pornography being
an informative tool,
00:19:53.99\00:19:57.26
informing them kind of how?
00:19:57.29\00:19:59.73
Just informing people
00:19:59.76\00:20:01.16
on what to do
and things like that?
00:20:01.20\00:20:03.37
I would say,
00:20:03.40\00:20:05.13
whether they're
using that for information,
00:20:05.17\00:20:07.17
all of the bad things
00:20:07.20\00:20:08.54
that we still stated can happen,
00:20:08.57\00:20:10.44
can still happen to those people
00:20:10.47\00:20:13.94
if they're using it for that.
00:20:13.98\00:20:16.24
I think to understand that,
00:20:16.28\00:20:17.95
if you want an informative tool
00:20:17.98\00:20:19.85
about lovemaking,
go to Song of Solomon.
00:20:19.88\00:20:22.88
My question, is
God in your bedroom?
00:20:22.92\00:20:24.59
It's Song of Solomon.
00:20:24.62\00:20:25.95
It's got, I mean, I
thought I was reading out...
00:20:25.99\00:20:27.69
When I read it, I was like,
"This is in the Bible? Wow!"
00:20:27.72\00:20:30.59
You know, it was really...
00:20:30.63\00:20:32.79
it's not sex, you know,
God presented us lovemaking.
00:20:32.83\00:20:37.33
In the Song of
Solomon, presented as lovemaking
00:20:37.37\00:20:40.70
and it takes it to a
whole different level
00:20:40.74\00:20:42.20
rather than just pornographic,
00:20:42.24\00:20:44.47
you know, "Hey, let's have sex."
00:20:44.51\00:20:45.84
And that's it.
00:20:45.87\00:20:47.21
And going with that
element of lovemaking,
00:20:47.24\00:20:48.91
what about
Christian pornography?
00:20:48.94\00:20:50.71
The person was saying,
00:20:50.75\00:20:52.08
"You know,
Christian pornography,
00:20:52.11\00:20:53.45
it expresses the beauty of sex.
00:20:53.48\00:20:55.95
You know, it isn't like
bondage and those other things."
00:20:55.98\00:21:00.22
The interesting thing
about Christian pornography,
00:21:00.26\00:21:02.69
when I was in research on
this new genre of pornography
00:21:02.72\00:21:07.10
that I didn't even know existed,
00:21:07.13\00:21:09.03
they said that it
wasn't as dangerous
00:21:09.06\00:21:13.67
and it could be
used to transition
00:21:13.70\00:21:15.84
one off pornography
00:21:15.87\00:21:17.37
and the actors,
they're married couple
00:21:17.41\00:21:21.54
and they don't use profanity
and they don't add the violence
00:21:21.58\00:21:25.21
and all the other things.
00:21:25.25\00:21:26.72
And so this website in a way
00:21:26.75\00:21:28.85
it was trying to promote
it as a healthy alternative,
00:21:28.88\00:21:32.95
and I think that's
absolutely ludicrous
00:21:32.99\00:21:35.62
because it's a thing
that I can't watch two people
00:21:35.66\00:21:38.89
whether they're married or not,
00:21:38.93\00:21:40.46
engaged in something that
is supposed to be private,
00:21:40.50\00:21:43.20
and then I can
masturbate to that,
00:21:43.23\00:21:46.74
that is not pure
00:21:46.77\00:21:48.10
just because the people
on the screen are married,
00:21:48.14\00:21:50.91
that's just corrupt.
00:21:50.94\00:21:53.14
That's so true. It's corruption.
00:21:53.17\00:21:56.58
And that goes to the question
00:21:56.61\00:21:57.95
of how does pornography
affect one's sex life?
00:21:57.98\00:22:02.58
As a married, my ma'am, my wife,
00:22:02.62\00:22:06.19
I am, you know, I used to...
00:22:06.22\00:22:08.12
Because of the struggle
with pornography before,
00:22:08.16\00:22:11.19
it really took a lot of prayer
to understand my body again
00:22:11.23\00:22:16.33
because and I hate it,
00:22:16.36\00:22:18.73
I don't hate to say it like this
00:22:18.77\00:22:20.10
but it's true,
00:22:20.14\00:22:21.47
as how strong you are as man,
00:22:21.50\00:22:23.24
I got to the point
where I just didn't like sex
00:22:23.27\00:22:26.57
like it was just boring
like sex again, like really?
00:22:26.61\00:22:31.28
You know, it really
did mess up my brain.
00:22:31.31\00:22:33.82
But, you know, I
praise God for transformation.
00:22:33.85\00:22:39.52
Well, I think the affix
says, a woman, for example,
00:22:39.55\00:22:44.46
can watch
pornography right before
00:22:44.49\00:22:48.06
she perform
lovemaking with her husband
00:22:48.10\00:22:51.73
and if her
husband is not performing
00:22:51.77\00:22:56.81
which she just watched prior,
00:22:56.84\00:22:59.07
she might make
some suggestions like,
00:22:59.11\00:23:01.18
"No, husband,
could you pull my hair
00:23:01.21\00:23:04.45
or smack me or
give it to me rough.
00:23:04.48\00:23:10.25
"You know, all
these crazy things
00:23:10.29\00:23:14.19
and bringing it
forth into their marriage
00:23:14.22\00:23:16.59
and the husband is
like, "What's going on?"
00:23:16.62\00:23:19.43
So I think that can
have some effects on,
00:23:19.46\00:23:22.56
you know, within
the relationship.
00:23:22.60\00:23:25.93
What a lot of doctors and
councilors are now noticing
00:23:25.97\00:23:28.50
is something called
00:23:28.54\00:23:29.87
porn-induced
erectile dysfunction
00:23:29.90\00:23:32.67
and they having to prescribe
00:23:32.71\00:23:34.04
a lot of erectile
dysfunction medication
00:23:34.08\00:23:36.54
to men in their 20s
00:23:36.58\00:23:38.51
because they've been
watching so much pornography
00:23:38.55\00:23:40.65
that they really cannot perform,
00:23:40.68\00:23:44.12
if I can use that word,
00:23:44.15\00:23:45.72
when it comes to a
real life or live woman,
00:23:45.75\00:23:48.99
you know, they are
used to the over stimulation
00:23:49.02\00:23:51.79
and even in my own life I
started to see the effects.
00:23:51.83\00:23:54.90
You know, I would think that
00:23:54.93\00:23:56.56
there was something
wrong with the girl,
00:23:56.60\00:23:58.20
you know, "Maybe
she's not just pretty enough
00:23:58.23\00:23:59.83
or maybe x, y, and z."
00:23:59.87\00:24:01.20
But the problem was that
00:24:01.24\00:24:02.84
I was starting to
suffer from this condition.
00:24:02.87\00:24:06.54
Wow, pornography
00:24:06.57\00:24:07.91
is really a
dangerous thing and it affects,
00:24:07.94\00:24:10.21
you know, not only
you but also your partner.
00:24:10.25\00:24:12.08
Your partner might feel
like they have been cheated on,
00:24:12.11\00:24:14.38
they may not
fully understand it,
00:24:14.42\00:24:16.25
but they feel like you
are not there with them.
00:24:16.28\00:24:18.65
So now that we know all the risk
00:24:18.69\00:24:20.86
and cons of pornography,
00:24:20.89\00:24:22.22
how do I prevent,
00:24:22.26\00:24:23.63
you know, my loved one
from falling into this trap?
00:24:23.66\00:24:26.90
Well, from a
parental standpoint,
00:24:26.93\00:24:29.96
you have to have a,
00:24:30.00\00:24:32.23
you know, if you are
going to give you a kid tablets
00:24:32.27\00:24:34.20
and all these things
00:24:34.24\00:24:35.57
they make them
for kids and stuff
00:24:35.60\00:24:36.94
and you can get on the internet,
00:24:36.97\00:24:38.31
you have to have lock controls,
00:24:38.34\00:24:39.67
you have to know
what they're watching,
00:24:39.71\00:24:41.04
you need to be in the same room
when they're playing with this,
00:24:41.08\00:24:43.48
and know exactly
what they're seeing
00:24:43.51\00:24:45.38
so they don't
stumble on any sites
00:24:45.41\00:24:48.12
because things
just pop up nowadays
00:24:48.15\00:24:50.32
and so we have to
have communication open.
00:24:50.35\00:24:52.52
To ask them, you know,
00:24:52.55\00:24:53.96
did they see something at school
00:24:53.99\00:24:55.66
'cause nowadays, kids
got cell phones in school,
00:24:55.69\00:24:57.99
it's easy to pull anything up,
00:24:58.03\00:25:00.00
and if it's a family member,
00:25:00.03\00:25:01.83
you know, I think having
the communication lines open
00:25:01.86\00:25:05.37
to talk about it.
00:25:05.40\00:25:07.20
I think too this
over-sexualized society
00:25:07.24\00:25:09.57
we live in,
00:25:09.60\00:25:10.94
aside from, you know, tablets
and parental controls with,
00:25:10.97\00:25:14.28
with our loved ones,
00:25:14.31\00:25:16.85
it's also helping
them to understand,
00:25:16.88\00:25:18.21
you know, their bodies,
00:25:18.25\00:25:19.58
helping them to understand
their defects of certain things
00:25:19.61\00:25:22.98
because, you know, and
essentially, realistically,
00:25:23.02\00:25:26.25
pornography is everywhere
00:25:26.29\00:25:27.62
you look at them in billboards,
00:25:27.66\00:25:28.99
you look at outside.
00:25:29.02\00:25:30.36
And eventually, say pornography
is even in our church today.
00:25:30.39\00:25:33.46
You know, in the way we dress
and the attire and everything,
00:25:33.50\00:25:35.80
so it's we are an
over-sexualized society
00:25:35.83\00:25:38.10
and I think just
educating ourselves
00:25:38.13\00:25:40.77
or educating our loved ones
00:25:40.80\00:25:42.17
and being a support
system for our loved ones.
00:25:42.20\00:25:44.61
And if we have children,
helping them to understand
00:25:44.64\00:25:47.21
before their world
helps them to understand.
00:25:47.24\00:25:50.48
Thank you so much
for saying that, Xavier.
00:25:50.51\00:25:52.78
And the Bible says
in the Psalm 101:3,
00:25:52.81\00:25:55.68
"I will set nothing
wicked before my eyes.
00:25:55.72\00:25:58.25
I hate the work of
those who fall away,
00:25:58.29\00:26:00.56
it shall not cling to me".
00:26:00.59\00:26:02.42
As I think about my own history,
00:26:02.46\00:26:04.33
my own testimony,
00:26:04.36\00:26:05.86
I was only four years old
00:26:05.89\00:26:07.50
when I first saw
something pornographic.
00:26:07.53\00:26:10.60
I had no idea what it was.
00:26:10.63\00:26:12.67
All I know is my body
started feeling a certain way
00:26:12.70\00:26:14.97
and I started having desires
00:26:15.00\00:26:17.21
and then it didn't
really make much sense to me.
00:26:17.24\00:26:19.34
And then as time progressed,
00:26:19.37\00:26:20.71
I started to see
stuff on my computer,
00:26:20.74\00:26:24.08
and as it even
progressed more by the time
00:26:24.11\00:26:26.11
I was 11 where I
actually had sexual education.
00:26:26.15\00:26:29.58
I was already hooked.
00:26:29.62\00:26:30.95
I had no idea why I
was hooked to this thing.
00:26:30.99\00:26:33.15
I just didn't
really understand it.
00:26:33.19\00:26:35.72
And that's why it's so important
00:26:35.76\00:26:38.63
to really teach
your children about sex.
00:26:38.66\00:26:42.83
Give them the proper
view, really be able to...
00:26:42.86\00:26:46.87
also be careful of
what they watch on TV
00:26:46.90\00:26:49.14
and what they're
watching on their computers.
00:26:49.17\00:26:51.57
And really be
part of that process
00:26:51.61\00:26:53.88
because as time progress,
00:26:53.91\00:26:56.78
things just got crazier
and crazier and crazier.
00:26:56.81\00:26:59.45
I did things
that I never thought
00:26:59.48\00:27:00.82
I would have done.
00:27:00.85\00:27:02.18
I saw things I never
thought I would have ever seen.
00:27:02.22\00:27:04.65
And in a long run,
00:27:04.69\00:27:06.65
it affected my
relationship with not only God
00:27:06.69\00:27:09.82
but also with my now spouse
00:27:09.86\00:27:12.69
because you have
thoughts and you have images
00:27:12.73\00:27:15.66
and it just coming to your mind
00:27:15.70\00:27:17.10
and it just
causes that disconnect.
00:27:17.13\00:27:19.43
So I don't know what
you are struggling with.
00:27:19.47\00:27:22.60
But if you are
struggling with pornography,
00:27:22.64\00:27:24.87
please, please
realize that there is hope.
00:27:24.91\00:27:29.18
And you are not
alone, you are not the first,
00:27:29.21\00:27:31.05
and probably won't be the last
00:27:31.08\00:27:32.71
but God can bring refuge to you,
00:27:32.75\00:27:35.68
He can set you free.
00:27:35.72\00:27:37.69
Think about it,
00:27:37.72\00:27:39.05
what forms of
pornography have you seen,
00:27:39.09\00:27:40.96
what are you indulging in,
why are you indulging in it?
00:27:40.99\00:27:45.09
When you focus on that
key factor and you say,
00:27:45.13\00:27:47.40
"God, take it, take it from me.
00:27:47.43\00:27:50.43
I'm doing it
00:27:50.47\00:27:51.80
because I'm
stressed or depressed.
00:27:51.83\00:27:53.17
Please, dear
Lord, take it from me."
00:27:53.20\00:27:54.60
He will take it from you.
00:27:54.64\00:27:57.11
So please remember
to make pure choices.
00:27:57.14\00:28:00.61